#what can I say im full of myself as I should be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

youngpettyqueen · 1 year ago

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

aaaaa ty Sarah!! boy lets see what are some of my favs...

a matter of the heart is currently like. my top favourite thing at the moment. months went into 16k of Charleshawk, Charles and Hawkeye character study, gratuitous amounts of hurt/comfort... it is everything To Me (shamelessly gonna use a second to promote this one to anyone who hasn't read it yet PLEASE read my Charleshawk mania)

like a dog because its just so fucking funny. I would say "not to toot my own horn" but this game is about tooting your own horn so ill say it I wrote this one in such a way where I can literally picture it as a canon scene in my head. I reread it whenever im in a bad mood and it always cheers me up

leave your roles at the door I maintain is my most underrated fic. I love it a lot, I think Margaret and Radar's dynamic is criminally under explored both in canon and in fanfic, I do really need to write like a 10k fic about the dynamic I envision for them in my head their friendship could be sooooooo good

a welcome awakening is one I wrote for a request but I want to expand on it tbh. it as a scene works FANTASTICALLY imo I love it a lot I love the moment I captured but I love it so much I want to like, write a fully-fledged fic about the entire scenario + the aftermath. maybe when I get through a bit more of my insane WIP backlog

and miles to go before i sleep while there are parts of this fic I wouldnt mind revisiting at some point, I still love it very dearly for being my first multi-chapter work since I was a teenager. I still love my take on Hawkeye/BJ here, I really like the way I went about a getting together fic for them, so while I do at some point want to go back and do some edits, overall this fic still holds up as one of my favs

also hope we dont mind some honourable mentions here cause some just barely didnt make the cut-

a very important question listen this one didnt do as well as like a dog but it makes me laugh till I cant breathe

what do you do with a drunken major? my first Charleshawk fic and still a fav just cause it uses my fav canon Charleshawk thing which is Charles using Hawkeye as a teddy bear when he's drunk

and then a tricky one cause its still a WIP but I already know its a fav. here's a preview for an upcoming Houlihawk fic-

But when she turns to tell him all of that, the words stick hard in her throat. Because Hawkeye just meets her teary glare with a quiet, sympathetic frown. He doesn’t say a thing, and he doesn’t have to. Her resolve crumbles like sand and so does her glare, falling away as she presses her lips in a thin line in a last ditch effort to save face. She can’t throw him out. He knows, he understands. She needs that. Needs him. “Hawkeye…” She mumbles. Hawkeye sets the flowers down on her bed. He opens his arms to her. “C’mere.” He invites. She’s not proud about how she throws herself into his arms. But she doesn’t care much about her pride right now. She’s not a Major right now. She just wants to be held. She just wants to cry.

#fic bitching #thanks again Sarah!!#couldnt help but add a bit more skdjfhkdsjfsdkj #what can I say im full of myself as I should be

11 notes · View notes

thebirdandhersong · 1 month ago

Text

Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

21 notes · View notes

tamagotchikgs · 3 months ago

Text

realizing that for the first time ever being w my bf has given me the chance to actually just , kinda be myself without it feeling So wrong. like i am a nervous lil freak n me not being anything else is somehow ok. and not just used as a joke or like yeah thats the freak dont talk to them dont worry about them like my friends irl always did w me. even my therapist likes to ignore core parts of me, whenever i try to bring it up she always shuts me down with the "im sorry u feel that way" and changes the subject. and like i still want to be better n i still have support for changing n growing but it's like for the first time i can actually plant myself down in the ground instead of stretch myself thin trying to fit into everything im not. so maybe i do have a chance. maybe this is where i was always going wrong maybe this is what i could never reach

#being able to talk n it come naturally n not be scolded or punished has truly changed me #ive never been able to be comfortable w anyone ive always had to plan every word i say w such intensity most of the time everyone would hav #moved on by the time i was ready #but i can actually just Speak #i can just let it go w/o thinking #without scolding myself #without spending every moment deep in daydreams of what i should be #and then getting so disappointed when i dont live up to them in the moment #because that isnt me #no matter how many times i watch it over in my head it isnt real n i have 2 be ok w that #at least for now #unless i have something to actually build upon i will always just fall back down to my quiet terrified self #for the first time ever in my life im allowed 2 b the autistic lil freak i am and treated w full love #not like a nuisance everyone is forced to deal with and ashamed of #& that is fucking wild 2 me i am still not used to it #but i am so thankful #n i will cry 10000 days for it #i love my bf so much for everything they are on their own but also how they treat me #every bit of love they give me is tripled n shared back

11 notes · View notes

enhanced-operatives-division · 7 months ago

Text

Improvement :3

#turns out practice does work....who would have thought .. apparently not me...#im very proud I've stayed with it #me??? actually liking ny art??? and seeing myself improve more than i have in a year within a couple months??????????#what a good hyperfixation/special interest does to you/silly #alas i need to keep branching out to the other ieytd characters because i wanna work on my fabby design #i have a hard time with costume and um she is literally THE fashion girlie so. i gotta work on that #because she DESERVES IT DAMNIT #also still working on a mental image for zor...sigh #im really into the vitti as zor theory and that 'zor' is a role/title that's kinna passed on....idk...i have thoughts.....#but yeah zor is so painfully human to me but also is trying to not be drives me up the WALL #THAT'S ANOTHER POSTS RANT how did i get here #alas #ieytd #[agent moose's art]#THAT'S IT not individually tagging these doodles? drawings? are not good enough for that #i don't have. the urge to draw in full colour rn <- so so so so busy <- leaves secondary education in less than 2 months #alas. I'm surviving. and very excited about next steps. just gotta get through. via ieytd. it's becoming my mantra #i keep saying i should make designs for solaris and redo my fabby so i can have triple threat explaining science to me on my flashcards #im. coping in my own special way

18 notes · View notes

toytulini · 6 months ago

Text

if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.

#toy txt post #or maybe i am just sameface syndrome #but also different face syndrome #two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao #the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her #her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime #birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept #but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features #you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet #to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that #knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime #im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps #happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be #and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also #no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy #part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy #on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that #feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller #headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure #and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height #but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes #the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights #are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye

17 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

Text

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

31 notes · View notes

shesmore-shoebill · 9 months ago

Text

unfortunately i think there is legit fic potential in a character based amangela fic diving into what happens after todays games ep. Specifically Matilda and Channing reconciling after the show over the fact that Colden really was Awful, enough to come onto the show as well! And talk about how Matilda shit her pants! Devastating. Channing really truly trying to get away and recover... Matilda helping this random poor girl out of the Goodness Of Her Heart Or Whatever since Channing has had a tough time...... except..... is it just that......

#smosh #sorry folks gay brain full steam. was i supposed to see an amanda and angela char dynamic with vague plot and not take it #everyone say thank you to shayne for his big brain play at the end #amanda lehan canto #angela giarratana #shayne topp #does this count as amangela? its not NOT about them but the actual meat here is actually in these ridic throwaway characters for once. hmm.#im not writing fic atm but. you know. im just saying.#there of course can and should also be fics about brayden and colden with their onlyfans endeavor. and maybe we can get ian and courts #characters in there too. i havent thought about it too deeply just yet im just laughing to myself bc. dammit. Channing and Matilda and #Colden really have the start of a full and proper plot on their hands #what a great vid. comedic banger.

16 notes · View notes

deus-ex-mona · 1 month ago

Text

up next on chapter 36 of idol sengen… _(:3 」∠)_

#(my toxic trait is that i’ll complain about my work endlessly but still end up doing it anyway… eventually.)#there’s rant 1 (ft. a need to deduce what asuna is saying in full) and rant 2 (which is available in full but still…)#there’s also another mona-rambling session in chapter 38… that im not touching with a 50 foot pole #(all you need to know for that mona-rambling [about frusu] is that mona’s frusu oshi is all of them)#(and that she thinks miyu is like *the* pinnacle of centres in idol groups)#(also someone won a junior dance competition but idk who bc it’s obscured lmao)#can i outsource these panels for a corn chip lmaoooo #m. maybe i should’ve actually worked on this while i was still unemployed last month huh…#bc excuse me company wdymmmmmm im starting work next monday?? the interview was just this monday hello?#ig the interviewer was legit when she said ‘so if i asked you if you can start work next monday—’ huh…#sigh… maybe ch 36 next month then… i’ll do my best over the weekend thoughhhhh #seriously though why is this volume so text heavy l m a o i really wanna get to chapter 40 but…#and then there’s the hard to clean text boxes which… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #…though i guess i should just count myself lucky that the chapters are still short enough to fit into a single post (with the image limits)#but dang. i just realised that my manga sengen thing has a page on manga updates lmao #who put it there lmaooooo and why is it only up till vol 2? wait. no. what. why does it link to manga.dex #bc dang. someone really had the time to dl the thing image by image? no wonder why they stopped after vol 2…#guess i might as well say why i dont want people to reupload my tls… since we’re in the final stretch and all #so. aside from the obvious ‘idw the creators to find out about it’… i probably made a ton of mistakes while tling it. esp in the early chaps #so i’d like to. y’know. have the chance to update the tls where possible. i’ve done that a couple of times already tbh.#like with rippei’s name post-vol 4 release. and some of the typesetting is p. gross in the early chaps tbvh #i swear tling idol sengen has made me incredibly conscious of grammar and typesetting like you wouldnt believe #esp with official tls… fan tls will always be perfect to me no matter how wonky the wording bc it’s hard but honest work yk #official tls (esp a.i tls) get no concessions from me bc it’s their job that they’re getting paid to do yk.#in any case (if you’ve read this far) if you see any mistakes in the tl please lemme know~~~ please dont hold back on your criticisms ok~~~?#just sound ‘em out in dms here or sth. don’t worry~~~ i won’t eat y’all if you try to correct me~~~~~ unless you’re the md reuploader (jk)#and ik i disabled comments on the other blog (or tried to at least) but that’s bc idw bots to flood the comments bc that’s annoying as he—#anyways sorry for the idol sengen wait (if anyone was waiting for it…) i’ll improve on my work ethic… tomorrow. maybe.

6 notes · View notes

gayabeilles · 4 months ago

Text

my house is STINKY send post

#it’s my own fault I got really excited about 3D printing some stuff and the resin smells awful #I can feel it killing off brain cells as I write this #no I have the windows and door open and fan going and these stupid tiny air filters I have for some reason so it’s fine but also just bleghh #tbh it smells more like isopropyl alcohol than resin #I changed out the wash bc it was full of semicured bits but I spilled a bunch bc I am bad at physically existing #it’s fine I have been wearing my p100 mask all day bc I was painting stuff so I will just keep wearing it #today was for printing and painting and tomorrow will be for sanding and filing the 20 things I printed 🙃#I am in a hell of my own creation tbh #it is taking every fiber of restraint to not yell about the things I printed #I am very bad at surprises #secrets okay but when it’s a surprise for someone I’m like IM GIVIGN IT TO THEM ANYWAY I CAN JUST TELL THEM ITS FINE #no SHUSH it’s a SURPRISE shhh have self control for ONE SECOND jeez #reminding myself that people can read my tags so I can’t just say everything in my brain currently #but I am super excited at how things are turning out hehe #pissed that the gloves aren’t identical though. why can’t I just be perfectly ambidextrous to better facilitate painting both hands #it’s fine though it’s fine that’s what touching up with a brush afterward is for #and so so so many q tips lol #water soluble paint is a blessing and a curse #debating how I want to paint the [redacted] and [also redacted] tomorrow hmmmmmmmm #I should see if I have any shiny clear coat :> for reasons :>#we’ll see!!!! I should stop writing stuff bc I WILL give away the surprise if I don’t shut the hell up lol #anyway I love making stuff!!!! I love making stuff for my friends!!!!!!!!

2 notes · View notes

hecksupremechips · 7 months ago

Text

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰