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savagewildnerness · 1 month ago

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The Vampire Lestat notes...

OK, so I am taking part in a The Vampire Lestat read along on Discord (organised by @old-long-john& @inkyblotposts!)

Don’t expect me to be this in detail every week as I absolutely cannot… but I realised I went SO in detail with my notes/thoughts on my read of the first part that I can’t share it all on Discord! Hahaha! So, instead, I’ll post it here, link it there and maybe you’d like to discuss here too? Look, I don't do things by halves, OK!? So did I write nearly as many notes as there likely are words in this part of the book? Maybe... And...?!?!?!?! But this is my Tumblr and so I can post the notes in full here and what's more, I WILL!

Introduction:

I enjoy how out-of-touch with 'the youth' of the 1980's Lestat sounds and I hope that the TV show retains this in some way. Lestat, of course, would be pretty out of place in the modern era in some ways in how he speaks, particularly given that it seems the majority of the last century he's been hibernating with a plank piano and an iPad..?

Lestat says that "there was a romance" to modern music and I'm so curious if that's how he'll feel about some kind of modern music now, or, whether Lestat’s rock star career will just be 100% about Louis on the TV show?

"the way electricity could stretch a single note forever; the way harmony could be layered upon harmony until you felt yourself dissolving in the sound. So eloquent of dread it was, this music." - This reads to me like a musical description of vampirism?!

It makes me laugh when we juxtapose how Louis and Lestat describe how broken and scared of everything he is in his wilderness years in the books... yet Lestat here is like "Yeah, I was a bit scared... but in THREE DAYS I was roaring around on a motorbike...!" hahahah... I don't know whether to believe you or not, Lestat?! I also note here that it's impossible for Lestat's strength to have increased like it has here in the book on TV as he's already too strong on the show for that!

Quote I thought might be used on the show - "All people had a right to love and to luxury and to graceful things.”

Potential episode title - "Pure evil has no real place."

Surely this quote will be on tv… “It was enough to make an Old World monster go back into the earth, this stunning irrelevance to the mighty scheme of things, enough to make him lie down and weep. Or enough to make him become a rock singer, when you think about it…”

I was interested how Lestat describes how he jams with the musicians. Will The Vampire Lestat's music incorporate old French songs and brutal rhythms - eerie and disjointed music, as Lestat describes his playing?

"When I Iose my confidence, my powers drain." Found that interesting…

We'd better see Lestat standing stock still beneath a street light, whipping through IWTV at an insane speed till he exasperatedly tears it to shreds on TV!

Lestat dreams of "unprecedented rebellion, a great and horrific change to my kind all over the world." !!!

Lestat had better use the phrase "A velvet-lined motor coach" on telly! MAKE IT SO ROLIN! Please!

The ache for Louis Lestat has - for “his romantic illusions”, “his gentlemanly malice and his physical presence, the deceptively soft sound of his voice.”

There's a self-destructive excitement to how Lestat talks of being hunted and known "as no mythic monster has ever been fought by man before.”

Lestat's psychology… “How could I not love it, the mere idea of it? How could it not be worth the greatest danger, the greatest and most ghastly defeat? Even at the moment of destruction, I would be alive as I have never been.”

Lelio Rising.

So first of all… I noted the timeline as I went this time:

Lestat kills the wolves aged 20 (he specifically states that he is 20 on p38 if you have the new UK paperback version of the book… “The Winter of my 21st year” - your first year you are aged 0… when you turn 1 that is your second year. So Lestat’s 21st year is from the day he turns 20 until the day before he turns 21.

As far as I can tell, all of Lelio Rising takes place when Lestat is 20 (apart from the flashbacks when he is younger.) Lestat meets Nicolas and they begin their conversation as Winter turns to Spring in the year he is 20…. He first performs as Lelio in late-August of the year he is 20… and he talks of seeing Magnus in October of that year… soon after which, he is made a vampire. Thus, I think Lestat will have been made a vampire weeks/days before he turns 21. I’d personally like to imagine it happens on Halloween.

Regarding Lestat’s family… Gabrielle has 8 children. The oldest boy is Augustin… there is one girl, but we don’t even know where she came in the birth order. Lestat is the youngest boy. Only one more boy survives… a boy whom for whatever reason, Lestat doesn’t mention by name even once!!?!

How Lestat self-describes: The dreamer, the angry one, the complainer, the hunter, unhappy, ferocious, a wild creature, bitter (haha, I typed BUTTER first!)

OK… on to the chapter!

The book starts describing the Winter and I was struck by how later in the chronicles, Lestat will often dream of this snow and how this bitter Winter is the opposite of death for a vampire - who die in fire or The Sun…

“In the winter of my twenty-first year, I went out alone on horseback to kill a pack of wolves.” Wouldn’t that have been magnificent as the actual first line of the novel?! Just saying…! I mean, it kind of *is* the first line! I wonder if Anne wrote the introduction first, or this?

Lestat being brought back with his wings broken made me see Nicolas’ mind-bird in my mind.

“White-wigged Parisians in high-heeled satin slippers” was so redolent of Louis and Lestat at the Mardis Gras ball in S1 to me.

“Though I speak of them as dogs now, they were known only by their names to me then.” What a beautiful, sideways way of expressing what the dogs meant to Lestat.

I love how hunter-Lestat is described almost like a beast himself and it makes me so excited to see this on screen. I also love the way he understands the wolves’ strategy - thinking like the wolves think. We’re gonna see a FLAIL, folks!

Lestat’s horse’s death is the first truly gothic description…. It always makes me wonder too whether that Lestat found it in himself to kill his horse in mercy for her suffering isn’t as much a reason for Magnus to pay attention to him as the fact that he killed the wolves? Also I’ve begun to notice Anne Rice loves to compare things to insects…

When Augustin says Lestat didn’t kill the wolves, then retracts it & Lestat says the next thing he knew he was lying alone in his room… I mean… it can be read at face value, but I also wonder - is there something that happened here that Lestat doesn’t write? And if so, might the TV show go there?

Breaking the bullet points up as tumblr won't let me post...

I noticed a lot of what Lestat will later seek in his relationships and how he is in relationships in his relationship with Gabrielle. Gabrielle is not a touching-person, but the moments she allows a tiny bit of conversation… it leans into me thinking of Lestat and Nicolas’ conversation… the way she gives him gifts and *things* when he struggles… it creates Lestat the gift-giver, it seems to me…? This is how he is shown love and so this is how he learns to give love. The way withdraws surely creates Lestat’s sense of being “too much” as much as his Father and brother telling him his is ‘wrong’ does?

“I wanted to be enclosed forever with people who believed I could be good if I wanted to be.” - I wonder if the TV show will go down the route of Lestat’s quest for goodness? I hope so! At this time, I think 12-year-old Lestat found goodness in the order of the monastery versus the chaos he felt in the family castle (haha, the family castle!) And I also feel like he felt goodness in being made “ordered” rather than “chaotic” himself. However, I don’t think Lestat would have been happy in the end in so restrictive a place, much as I am sure he would have loved learning.

Gabrielle buys Lestat his first mastiff puppies, a good horse and a rifle when he is 12. She creates Lestat-the-hunter. She later will say she feels Lestat is the man in her, the man she cannot be in this era. And she literally chooses what Lestat will be. She doesn’t teach him to read, even though she knows his curiosity to learn, even from the way he talks. No, she decides the boy will become a hunter and so Lestat does. Becoming a hunter is also something that will bond him more tightly to his home. It’s not something that’s ever going to lead to a route to escape for him. Teaching Lestat to read might have led to Lestat fleeing for Paris far sooner…. I don’t know. Gabrielle will later say she kept Lestat prisoner as surely as his Father and brothers and I really felt that on this re-read…. Even when Lestat runs away with the theatre at 16 and so Gabrielle truly then knows how Lestat wants to escape… what does she buy him? A fancier rifle. A thing to keep him more tightly where he is, hunting here for the family. She begins to talk to Lestat in conversation. But it’s like she’s placating on both sides - so Lestat will stop getting beaten (to keep him here) and so he’ll have just-enough mental stimulation to keep him where he is too: here with her…? I understand it from her perspective. Imagine how alone she’d be otherwise. But it’s interesting to me.

“The silent ebb and flow of life felt deadly to me.” - surely Lestat will say this on TV?

I got annoyed thinking about Lestat playing Harlequin as I read the Commedia Dell’ Arte talking about how an actor plays a single role for life… although… metaphorically, could we say Lestat truly *is* kind of playing Lelio for life once he is immortal?!

After Lestat returns from the theatre, this is when he really begins to despair and to believe he will never be free. I was struck by how he says he becomes more useful in this time. Isn’t it often the way - with no hope for his own future, he sinks into the role of provider and caregiver and the only way he can ‘be good’…. It also makes me think how in the future, when in despair, Lestat will rush to *do* some mad scheme or other.

Hahaha at Lestat valuing his Mother’s physical beauty as having inherent value, the vain little irritant!

I did wonder, when Lestat tells Gabrielle how he dreams of killing his family… given how they have made all the characters worse on the show, I really HOPE they don’t make Lestat LITERALLY kill his family. It crossed my mind that they *could*… PLEASE DO NOT. I don’t think they will as it counters the ensuing conversation, but I had a sudden flash of FEAR!

This conversation though, Gabrielle takes Lestat seriously. She always takes Lestat seriously, which I love her for. Much as I believe Gabrielle doesn’t love Lestat enough… I think it’s probably pretty rare and a very special thing for a parent to take the thoughts of their child and who they are so seriously and not to dismiss them?

Gabrielle seems to love Lestat more now he’s 20 as she can see him as a man rather than as her son. She likes to talk to him as if he were not her son. She hates to be called Mother. She seems to love to feel him as a comrade. And I will say here that if I feel Lestat isn’t loved enough by Gabrielle… his brothers… she literally despises them. I know they seem awful, but imagine not receiving even one iota of love in your entire life from your mother, which must be their experience.

“You don’t have to take upon yourself the burden of murder or madness to be free of this place. Surely there must be other ways.” - This is the spark that makes Lestat first believe he might not have to be obedient in order to be “good”.

I love Gabrielle’s quote “I am purely myself. I belong to no one.”

I love too that even in this introduction we get Lestat the hunter, the killer juxtaposed with Lestat the aesthete and Lestat the thinker, feeler and (he wishes!) learner…

Little break, because my favourite time is now starting - it’s Nicolas time!

Lestat describes Nicolas (at different times) as: a vision, witty, dismissive, sneering, excited, sarcastic, intelligent, melancholy, cynical, bitter, full of energy, passionate, handsome, ironical, sad, scornful, mocking, miserable, weary, dejected.

Will Nicolas say “I too am impossible, Monsieur. Only the impossible can do the impossible.” Surely he will, and surely “Only the impossible can do the impossible” will be the title of the episode where Lestat kills the wolves?

Lovely foreshadowing that Gabrielle says Nicolas was inspired to play violin by watching a virtuoso so impressive people said he sold his soul to the devil and then suggests that maybe Nicki can do the same. “I laughed a little uneasily. It sounded tragic.” Oh Lestat, you have NO IDEA!!!!!

Will Mozart be in S3? I HOPE SO (& think so!!?!). And Marie Antoinette, too! Surely!

Obviously we’ll hear Nicki’s Father was threatening to break his hands for the foreshadowing too!

“I think I loved him already, doing what he wanted like that.” A few pages later… “I think I loved him.” Lestat falls hard and fast, like love at first sight.

I just want to add here that it’s an absolutely ridiculous concept that Nicolas STARTS playing the violin aged 20 and immediately is able to be as good as he gets! He might feel he can never be good enough… but he must be literally a genius if he’s become even that good at the violin when he’d never even picked one up a year ago! How do you think playing an instrument works, Anne?!?!?!?! You just pick it up and instantly - BAM you not only can just do it, but you’re great! If only! And Mozart is willing to take on a complete beginner as a pupil, too?!

In Lestat and Nicolas’ first conversation, it feels to me as though Lestat is infecting Nicolas with his light and optimism and it really made me understand how much Nicolas truly did need Lestat - like he is Nicolas’ hope. Until…. (We’ll return here later in the book!)

I wonder how the fact that Lestat is born in The Enlightenment - a new age of Reason will impact how he is portrayed on the show? Obviously we’ve seen already how it’ll affect Armand!

When Nicolas brings up The Witches’ Place, Lestat doesn’t immediately remember - as if he has repressed the memory as it is traumatic. I need The Witches Place on TV, but I can’t imagine how we can get to it? Nicolas would have either not yet been born or have been a baby when this happened, so he cannot remind Lestat; Gabrielle would absolutely never bring up such a story in retrospect… and Lestat has repressed the memory… so how can we now get to The Witches’ Place? Also, I find it interesting that Lestat says Nicki studies him as they talk about this… to ascertain how Lestat feels about it now?

I spoke of Lestat’s love for Nicolas, but when Nicolas is saying “Ah, you are a dreamer! My lord, the wolfkiller.” It feels Nicolas loves Lestat as well. And of course, Nicolas also says “I love you” to Lestat, in Paris. I love how, in this first conversation they both discover what it is to be truly known by another being - in how they share their lives and their longings and their dissatisfactions and they truly listen to and empathise with each other. It definitely feels like (beyond his Mother, who really was more sporadic in her attention), this is Lestat’s first experience of truly being seen by another being.

“I think I was happier than I had ever been in my life.” Lestat is so joyous here. When he hears Nicolas play for the first time, he kisses Nicolas on both cheeks and then the violin! You can just imagine the infectious joy! And it’s such a contrast to how Lestat is afraid to touch his Mother

Lestat then (of course!) promptly cries! (Is Sam’s Lestat going to burst into tears as often as Lestat describes it, because get him ten thousand gallons of water to drink - he’ll need them!!!! Lestat also cries at the most random moments… but we know Sam is up to the task!) Nicolas seems deeply moved too that his music had this effect. Perhaps Nicolas initially expected to find a kindred spirit in ferocity and rebellion in Lestat? And he did! But he found a match in sensitivity too.

As conversations go on, Lestat and Nicolas find their differences with opposing worldviews and interestingly they often clash about the goodness inherent in art… and yet they then come together in art (for example as Nicki plays violin and Lestat dances…)

The idea to go to Paris actually comes from Nicolas - he is the instigator. And it feels like they are both, at this point trying to escape the meaninglessness of life.

Lestat’s “Oh, oh, oh!” crisis moment really reminds me of… *warning - slight spoiler for first time readers* what Lestat will later see in Nicolas’ mind… and it gives a different vibe to things to know that Nicolas is Lestat’s comforter in this moment and tries to relieve Lestat’s pain, but basically this is Nicolas’ mind 100% of the time.

“It was not better in the morning.” In fact this existential crisis, his malady of mortality becomes Lestat’s eternal yearning ache of questioning than can never be fully assuaged (maybe on the TV show, the answer will be - Louis’ love.) It never goes away, and any time someone describes Lestat as just FUN, I think back to this - because at the core of Lestat (and as I see it, at the core of The Vampire Chronicles) is this terror that existence is meaningless and that no life has any meaning at all. That there are no answers we’ll ever receive, not even when we die. That there will be no retribution or reward or even knowledge in any way. That all there is is existence and non-existence. This will obviously only be heightened once Lestat becomes a vampire, so must take life in order to survive and force countless souls into non-existence…. In in fact, Lestat’s focus on death and chaos has this nihilistic hint to it which is so the opposite to how Lestat is generally perceived.. and, admittedly how he tries to come across, too! Lestat says he doesn’t believe in presentiments, but narratively this all is a presentiment and literally it is to be Lestat’s eternal malady of immortality as well.

I had some very personal thoughts at this point, when Lestat goes about questioning everyone… which perhaps I won’t share…. Well just to say that sometimes when something big happens in your life, you literally see the world in a different way. I am thinking on a time when all of a sudden I began to look at people & it felt like I could *see* the weariness of their souls and internal fragilities, just looking at strangers’ faces and it was really unnerving and overwhelming, especially going about in crowds…

“Drew me as strongly as it scared me.” Isn’t this always the way? I hope the writers always have this quote in mind throughout the entire show’s creation!

It’s interesting that before Lestat heads to Paris he is now toning down how much he tells Gabrielle and instead it is Nicki he will fully open up with.

I love the part where Lestat hugs Gabrielle and she gives herself over to him and he witnesses her cry for the first time and loves it. I had a very similar experience with my Dad once when I was a child, heading into being a teen and I can still conjure the scene and how it felt… and I felt similarly about it too…

At the end of chapter 6 it seems Gabrielle is saying she’s always lived vicariously through Lestat & now in sending him away as she’s dong, she hopes to continue to live vicariously through him still in some way as she approaches what she thinks will be her death? Reading this time gave me big Magnus vibes in how he perceives Lestat too… weird! Like somehow, both seem to desire to live vicariously through Lestat? Could we even say it of Nicolas too, in a way? He needs Lestat, to feed on his capacity for joy… hmm… I don’t know… I’m thinking as I type…

I love the feeling of freedom and optimism when Lestat and Nicolas first arrive in Paris - the true start of living life!

And yet, Lestat still talks of his trembling, terrifying existential dread that settles upon him every night and which Nicolas tries to encourage him to let go.

Vampires have preternatural ability to mimic, but as described, Lestat already learned in this way it seems, in the theatre. I love how he describes his fear evaporating and how he loved being on stage. I love his determination and how convinced he is he will be a great actor. I love how Lestat and Nicolas are described here and there’s a tantalising feeling of how their future might be…

The Autumn arrives with it’s personification of Dread.

Malady of mortality surely has to be an episode title?

When Lestat wraps he and Nicki together in his cloak against the show and rain, it feels simultaneously real and metaphorically poignant.

Lestat genuinely thinks if he could just get Nicki to understand the truth Lestat feels certain of (goodness in art and making others happy through your art), all would be well, but Nicolas still believes goodness can only come from obedience and self-sacrifice and denial and, thus, he knows himself to be evil.

“Light and beauty come together in you in a thousand different patterns” is such a beautiful thing Lestat says to Nicolas.

Nicki’s final words to mortal Lestat are a soft “Let’s go to bed.” (Do you think show-Lestat will be ripped out of post-coital Nicolas’ arms..?)

Finally: Questions:

At the start of TVL, Lestat has been In The Earth. Do you think he will have been In The Earth in this era on the TV show? (As Louis has seen him pretty recently, which makes it seem like perhaps he won’t have been?)

The ‘spirit’ of 1984 reminds Lestat of the 1700’s. Will there be anything about the 2020’s that Lestat will associate with/that will remind him of the late eighteenth century?

“I did a lot of thinking about this sinless, secular morality, this optimism” - will this be a driving force for modern day Lestat? What will he think about in relation to right now?

What music will Lestat listen to? He listens to a lot of Bach when he first rises in the book (while driving his Harley-Davidson. Is there a security both in the structure of Bach and in the fact his music is from an era predating even mortal Lestat that makes Lestat feel safer entering the modern era?

Lestat talks about coming back after killing the wolves and feeling that he was ‘not-Lestat’, so I thought we could discuss - did killing the wolves change Lestat, and if so: how?

When Lestat goes into a depression post-killing-the-wolves, is this essentially a human version of “Going into The Earth” as Lestat will do numerous times as a vampire?

How will the French Revolution impact the TV telling?

When Lestat talks of how he could have poisoned meat to kill the wolves, but meat was too scarce… is he in a veiled way saying that his life has less value than a piece of meat?

“I don’t think I felt the slightest fear then. But I felt something, and it caused the hair to rise up on the back of my arms.” What exactly is the “something” Lestat feels when he sets out to kill the wolves? And why is he not afraid? Bravery? His hunting spirit? His impulsive, adventurous nature? Stupidity? Naivety? Only feeling truly alive in moments that contain the potential for death? A lack of care whether he lives or dies (borne of despair}?

Reading the wolves section, with the dying animals and even after this too when Lestat talks of his ignored/thwarted farming plans for his family’s land… It made me wonder, just a curious ponder - if Sam might have had any experiences in real life connected to any of this stuff, given his family’s line of work…?

Is performing with the theatre troupe at 16 the first time Lestat truly feels pure joy - he describes it as ecstasy?

How can we now get to The Witches’ Place if Nicki can’t have witnessed child-Lestat there, Gabrielle would never tell the story and Lestat has repressed the memory…?

#interview with the vampire #anne rice #amc interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire lestat #amc iwtv #iwtv amc #iwtv lestat #iwtv louis #louis de pointe du lac #gabrielle de lioncourt #wolfkiller #lelio #lelio rising #malady of mortality #lestatcore

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periwinkle-musings · 1 year ago

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Did Taylor Swift write "Sweet Nothing" about Paul McCartney and his wife's summer in Wicklow in 1971?

The song "Sweet Nothing" on Taylor Swift's Midnights has always stood out to me as a bit of an anomaly. Until this intriguing quote by Paul McCartney caught my eye:

In a 2001 ABC interview about his wife Linda, who passed away in 1998, Paul McCartney said:

"I would go out for a run, think of some words, get home from the run, write them down, and make a cup a tea for Linda," said McCartney, who would bring it to her for breakfast. "I'd make a little tray, and go up, and then I'd say, 'Hey, by the way, do you want to hear some poetry?' She'd always … she'd say, 'Yeah.' And so I wrote that poem." 'Blessed.' I would come back from a run. With lines of poetry to tell. And having listened, she would say "What a mind."

This is a direct quote and exact same storyline as in "Sweet Nothing." There is NO WAY that is a coincidence. So I wanted to see if Paul and Linda had any connection to Wicklow - the place mentioned in the song.

I think the McCartney family vacationed at the Luggala Estate in Co. Wicklow, Ireland in the summer of 1971 as an escape from the aftermath of the Beatles breakup.

A sweet Wicklow love story:

Paul McCartney has connections to Luggala going back to 1965-1966 when he partied at the estate with Guinness Brewing heir Tara Browne who was killed in a car accident a few months after his raucous 21st birthday, and inspired the Beatles song "A Day in the Life." Paul was close to Tara and his death deeply impacted him. This Rolling Stone article details their relationship and mentions that Paul has visited Luggala to visit Tara's gravesite since then on "numerous occasions." Paul had not met his wife Linda yet while Tara was alive, but this proves Paul's deep and personal ties to the family and their 5,000 acre private estate in the Wicklow Mountains, which continued to be a private retreat for celebrity guests until it was sold in 2019.

Paul McCartney has posted multiple family photos taken by his wife in the summer of 1971 that appear to be taken near the Luggala Estate in Co. Wicklow. He tweeted this photo on St. Patricks day in 2017 which a previous Reddit thread links to Wicklow in 1971. And recently on March 2022 he tweeted this photo which appears to be taken the same day judging by his shirt and his dog, and credits the photo as being taken by his wife (she was a professional photographer) in Ireland in 1971. Here you have a better view of the surrounding mountains and rocky streams (full of pebbles I'd imagine...) It's notable that the second photo was posted March 2022 around the time when Taylor would be writing and recording the Midnights album.

If you look at the aerial view of Luggala Estate (Now showing on Google Maps as Luggala Lodge), I believe that these photos were taken in one of the rocky streams that feed into the private lake...which is named Lough Tay. (I like to think it's an extra little wink from Taylor that this investigation literally led me to a lake named Lough Tay.)

This area is completely private and the closest public access is from a hiking overlook. This seems like a great place for one of the most famous musicians in the world to hide out with his two young children, 2 dogs, and Linda, who would have been pregnant with Stella McCartney (born Sept 13, 1971).

We know that the family and their dogs were in Ireland in the summer of 1971 from this newspaper article where they were photographed at an airport in August leaving Ireland, which means it's possible that they were in Wicklow a few weeks earlier in July.

Even though The Beatles broke up in 1969, it continued to be messy between members of the band and the financials involved for the next few years. During the summer of 1971 Paul McCartney and John Lennon were embroiled in a very public fight. There were lawsuits and scathing letters (dated 1971) and it's all very complicated so I won't go into it here, but this article has a good overview.

The lyric, "Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors and smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other" could reference these incidents. I could see Taylor relating to Paul going through this public turmoil surrounding business with former friends, because it is similar to what she's going through with her masters.

The lyric "You're in the kitchen humming" could reference Linda's passion for cooking and vegetarian activism. She literally founded a food company and wrote a cookbook. This darling photo on her website shows her cooking at the family home in Scotland in the 1970s. Linda was also a singer and recorded many songs with Paul, so the idea that she could be "humming" makes sense.

Taylor Swift has been friends with the McCartney family for a while. She first met Paul in 2010. She collaborated with Stella McCartney in 2019 for a clothing line as part of the Lover era, and Stella also dressed her for the Evermore album cover in 2020.

Taylor and Paul McCartney famously interviewed each other for Rolling Stone's "Musicians on Musicians" in 2020. In this article they mention how they both like writing under pseudonyms.

But the most surprising thing I learned is that Paul actually wrote a song dedicated to Taylor and her relationship with her fans called "Who Cares."

youtube

Notably, the music video also features Taylor's longtime friend Emma Stone wearing rainbow makeup in an otherwise black-and-white world full of cartoonish bullies. It's notable that the music video was released Dec 2018, right before the Lover era would kick off a few months later. Perhaps Paul was showing a bit of preemptive support for Taylor as she embarked on what many of us believe was intended to be her coming out era?

Now to the William Bowery of it all:

Taylor clearly wants us to think Sweet Nothing is about Joe because of the Wicklow name drop, where Joe was papped in July 2021, which looks staged to me.

Interestingly, I can't find any photos of Taylor being seen anywhere near Wicklow, but for some reason she staged a whole photoshoot in Northern Ireland in July, where locals said she "arrived and left by helicopter in a fleeting visit."

She was also seen in several different locations in Belfast in fan photos. This article also says part of Red TV was recorded in Belfast.

Clearly she wanted to be seen and linked to Northern Ireland, and the lyric easily could have been "Does it ever miss Belfast sometimes?" (same number of syllables) but it's not.

"Sweet Nothing" does have a William Bowery co-writing credit. Would Sir Paul McCartney agree to a secret writing credit? Maybe.

I read an interesting twitter thread from a lawyer (who is a Gaylor) that discusses how William Bowery could be a name under which Taylor commissions writing "for hire." Meaning it could be Joe or multiple other people writing under that pseudonym, as opposed to the "Willam Bowery" (spelled different) which is listed as a U.S. Citizen.

Even if Paul wasn't involved in writing the song, I believe he inspired "Sweet Nothing."

---

Note: This theory was originally posted on the R/GaylorSwift subreddit Dec 22, 2022 which is currently set to private. I am the original author of the Reddit post (u/-periwinkle), and am reblogging it on my Tumblr because this theory has been gaining traction and I wanted to create a public version. This version has been slightly expanded and updated with better images. Also, I was not the first person to uncover the "what a mind" quote, and the original person who found it is tagged on Reddit.

#taylor swift #gaylor theory #gaylor #sweet nothing #paul mccartney #the beatles #william bowery

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skambigbang · 5 months ago

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Switching gears, we're featuring the second of our collaborations this Bang, our OG/WTFock special crossover story The Cure written by viola_player1 aka @paralleluniversesfan and Anna_Driesen2121 aka @annadriesen2121, with art by monikachaarabi, and beta support from the amazing Avignonscat! A rollercoaster of a ride, with mystery, spies, exotic locations, and cameos from the SKAM multiverse.

Anna_Driesen2121 & viola_player1 what inspired you: It was more of an organic process this year. We started with wanting four characters that did not know each other being brought together to resolve something. To that we added intrigue, subterfuge, and mystery. And the glue that holds it together is their growing attractions.

MonikaCharaabi what inspired your art: The meeting of EVAK and SOBBE, love, respect and great tenderness of the boys. Support for mental illness. An international crime story, a great mystery. A lot of interesting information about international organizations

Avignonscat what inspired you to beta: I was a beta for last years’s Big Bang. It was my first bang and it was fun to be involved in the event. It’s interesting to see the writing process and being involved means helping keep the fandom alive.

The SKAM Big Bang starts June 21st! Follow us for more sneak peeks and share!

#skam #skamnorway #wtfock #druck #skamfrance #skamitalia #skamespaña #skamnl #skambigbang #skamfanart #skamfanfic #skam art #skam fanfiction #skambigbang24 #skambigbang2024 #skam big bang 2024

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just-some-castaways · 24 days ago

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Twenty Three Years

I lay awake, the phone light illuminating my face and blankets. The clock reads 1:29am, mocking me for staying up and reminiscing…

Somewhere in a tiny room surrounded by nurses and doctors, a baby boy was born, roughly 23 years ago. The doctors said he would be “mentally impaired” when they saw his ultrasounds. They warned his mother he would struggle his whole life with disabilities, suggesting he would need assistance well into adulthood because of mental deformities.

Then on October 21st 2001, long before he was due, the baby was born.

He grew up quiet, fascinated by people but shy when addressed. He followed directions perfectly, earning compliments to his parents for raising such an obedient and polite child. He rarely raised his voice, rarely displayed anger.

As he grew, he quickly exceeded his expected developmental progress, reading and writing several grades above his age. Art and creativity came naturally to him, as did imagining up worlds that never existed and realms that only he could see. His friends were often older than him, and he found it easy to converse with adults even from a young age. Despite the doctors predictions of mental deformity, his intelligence was regularly commented on by those around him, saying he would grow up to do great things.

Then he turned 18.

Suddenly the world was cruel and depressing, college coming as a far cry from his homeschooled childhood. Sudden death claimed the lives of his uncle and several friends within months of each other. His family grew incredibly careful with their finances as his father was laid off. He was fired from his first job for crumpling under the weight of filling not only his own position but two others as well. Friends turned their backs on him despite promises to the contrary as the novelty of college community claimed their time.

By the end of his 18th year on this earth, he was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, chronic stress disorder, and put on medication.

By the end of his 19th year, he could hardly recall what the year had held, what had happened over the last 12 months, and continued a slow spiral down, dropping out of college in a desperate attempt to save his own life from depression.

By 20, he was carrying the weight of the world, holding up friends above water when he himself was drowning.

Then came August 19th, 2023. Over the next several months, his girlfriend of three years would leave him for another man, his grandfather would slowly be consumed by cancer and forget his own family’s faces, his dad would be gone for work trips every few weeks, his dog would pass away, his sister whom he was closer to than many friends would move out, and yet another life long friend would turn their back on him in favor of other less troublesome relationships.

April, 2024. He was put on medical leave from work because of a mental break so severe he was non verbal, curled in HR office for 2 hours. He was shoved out of his adopted sister’s life for being too much of a burden. He lost full days to disassociation, stuck in the backseat as he watched someone else live his life for him. He would be diagnosed with BPD, experience traumatic flashbacks from childhood for the first time, and learn his mind was broken far beyond what he would have ever thought possible.

August, 2024. He quit his job because the stress had become paralyzing. He found a counselor who was supportive but lacked the skills to truly help. He lost track of time and reality. Nothing seemed real, the people in his mind were suddenly alive, and everything he thought he knew was filmed through a foggy lens. He would make the first real attempt on his own life, followed by a handful of others in the following weeks.

October, 2024.

This is my story. I am the boy the doctors said would never amount to anything. I am the boy who saw the world differently than everyone around him. I am the boy that drowned beneath the waves of mental agony too complex to put into words.

And I am the boy that still draws breath because he knows that there’s so much more in life he has yet to see, closing the book now would be the choice of a fool.

I am the boy of 23 years, fighting to keep a grasp on reality, clinging to hope, and dreaming of a better tomorrow.

I am the boy who says to those who he sees his own eyes reflected back at him,

Do not give up. Prove the doctors who said you would be a failure wrong. Prove to depression it doesn’t control your life. Prove to all those who said you weren’t worth it that you are so much more than they assumed.

If I can close my eyes on the night before my birthday, satisfied I made it another year, and resolve to make it through the next, you can too. Join me in looking death in the eye and saying “not today.”

-Nate, 2024

#spilled ink #spilled thoughts #long reads #long post #reflection #life story #tw depressing stuff #tw sui talk #tw sui #resolve for hope #journal #birthday thoughts #life reflections

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xbludlust · 11 days ago

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𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟⧸𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑒 : tatiana petrovdottir ›› doppleganger/unknown ›› nina dobrev

❛❛ aesthetic. ❜❜ ⸻ ◜ ❏ . ⸻ the calming sound of rain against pavement , the gods smiling on brave women like the valkyries whose furies men fear and desire, an exquisite beauty in silk and laces . ⸻ ◜ ❏ . ⸻ →

🇦🇵🇵🇱🇮🇨🇦🇹🇮🇴🇳 ››

* ⸻ ◜ ❏ . ⸻ &. tvdu. nina dobrev. cis woman. she/her. ― i saw tatia petrovsdottir on the streets, you know? the 1000+ years old doppleganger/unknown, i think they been around beacon hills for a week, but i can be wrong… not like they can leave now, anyway. i heard a rumor that they want to stop breaking the seals of lucifer’s cage. ⸻ ◜ ❏ . ⸻

🇧🇦🇸🇮🇨🇸 ››

full name : tatiana petrovsdottir .

age : 1000+ .

date of birth : june 21st .

occupation : shield-maiden / farmer (when alive ) .

species : doppelganger / unknown .

language(s) spoken : english , old norse , german , icelandic , bulgarian .

hair color : brown .

eye color : hazel brown .

notable scars : a werewolf scratch on her upper thigh .

🇮🇳🇹🇪🇷🇮🇴🇷 ››

positive : passionate , resourceful .

negative : brutal , blunt .

moral alignment : chaotic neutral .

deadly sin : lust + pride .

hogwarts house : ravenclaw .

element : fire .

emotional stability : it’s there .

alcohol use : socially .

prone to violence? : when provoked .

habits : n/a .

drives / motivations : the people she loves .

🇫🇦🇲🇮🇱🇾 ››

father : petrov ‘the black’ lothbrok † .

mother : gyda lothbrok † .

siblings : ubbe petrovsson † , floki petrovsson † .

children : asbjorn ( unknown ) , aethelwulf (unknown) .

🇧🇮🇴 ››

― Being born and raised a warrior if she has to kill she will kill and will do so without mercy. she is vicious to those whom she deems enemies and has no problem in form of torture. ( Whenever information of an enemy was needed her people would always look for her to get the information out . ) she doesn’t always use her powers but will do so against her enemies .

― Having two older brothers who finds joy and often laughs during their plunders, whether they are killing or discovering new things in the land they visit in their time alive.

― Still despite her warrior side and her flaws she can be gentle especially towards children considering she has a great love for them. ( especially her twin boys) She’s a woman of considerable courage and resolution with a fierce determination and isn’t afraid to speak her own mind and stand up for what she believes in.

― While she loved both elijah and klaus she was only ever in love with one but never picked between them . that night tatia was going to meet who her heart picked but never got there because esther kidnapped and forced tatia for her blood. it was tatia’s blood used to turn the mikaelsons into vampires and bounded klaus’ werewolf side . Esther was the one who killed her .

― yet death didn't officially come for tatia. esther, unfortunately, sought to it that she would never be seen . cursing her yet trapping her away . tatia had been watching from the otherside. watching klaus , empires rise and fall , being never heard or seen . her people no longer in the world . So when she was pulled from the otherside , her body still preserved and found by ( wanted connection ) . not wanting to be used as esther did , tatia escaped. She stayed in beacon hill in the woods, its the closest to home she'll ever be . thus being back now , tatia hates it but likes it at the same time . She feels lost and feels like this isn’t her place . Still , the girl wants to live her life but knows her time is long gone.

#crhq.intro

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oraclememehacker · 2 months ago

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[Isshiki Detective Blog #1: An Introduction]

If you're reading this, welcome! I'm Isshiki Futaba, a junior detective at the Isshiki Detective Agency, and I am the founder of the Detective club in Shujin Academy. You may be wondering why I am making a blog, and the reason is simple. As someone who is going to be taking up the mantle for my family's agency in the near future, I want to bring things into the 21st century and have a blog about the going on's in my life along with the agency.

For those who don't know, the Isshiki Detective Agency is a long running private detective agency that was founded by my great grandparents. They were inspired by the Sherlock Holmes books that made their way here from the United Kingdom. One of their first cases was to deal with the "Phantom Thieves", aka the Amamiya family.

My parents have been trying to bring them to justice for over 100 years now, and I am the next generation to do so. Given the audacity of the crimes committed over the years, it is my belief that the only thing that will make them realize the errors of their ways is a long stint in prison. For the ones who are currently alive anyways.

However, they have been pretty quiet the past few years other than some minor things. I'm hoping that they have moved on at long last and my family can continue to serve the community by solving cases that nobody else can. That is the purpose of our agency, is to help out anyone with the cases that have stumped the police and other agencies.

Ever since I helped out a friend when I was a kid, I realized that's what I wanted to do, to make sure nobody ever suffers like she did. So I will be continuing my family's legacy, but bringing it to the 21st century. I fancy myself as pretty good with technology and can find things that others will miss. I will be working along with my family to make sure that there will be no more cold cases, ever.

There's a bunch more that I could explain, but for the time being this is just a brief introduction. I will be going into depth about past cases that my family has dealt with, including those that dealt with the Phantom Thieves, aka the Amamiya family. Some of it gets pretty outrageous and hard to believe if I didn't know my family are pretty bad at lying. I hope this was a sufficient introduction. I can't wait to make more blog posts!

#Hacking and Memes (Futaba Sakura Musing)#The Oracle Navi (Futaba Sakura IC)#The Isshiki Detective Agency (Persona 5 AU)#Short Stories (Drabbles)

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year ago

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So, I’ve been going through FFXVI a second time on NG+ in Final Fantasy mode (and, in case anyone is wondering, FFXVI is the same as literally every other FF in the sense that, once you’ve figured out how the combat system actually works, you can break the game, and it really doesn’t matter how artificially difficult they try to make it. FF mode feels easier than Action Focused mode to me, because this time through, I have a broken as fuck build).

What I’ve decided to do this time around is to just mainline the story. I have skipped every single sidequest and only done the main campaign.

This game is very, very different when you do that. This game’s sidequests work against it in a big way.

I didn’t realize just how quickly the plot moves from Cid rescuing Clive and Jill to the five-year timeskip. It’s really fucking fast. Part of the reason why I was so critical about the plot just moving on from the tragedy of Rosaria and Clive’s trauma about Joshua’s murder was because, the first time I went through this game, I did every single sidequest, and I did them as soon as they became available -- so I stewed in Clive’s misery far longer than the main story, I think, intended.

For reference, I played this game from 9PM PST on Wednesday the 21st and beat it at like 2am PST on Monday the 26th. All of Wednesday night and most of Thursday was spent with Clive still in his Imperial armor; I hadn’t even made it to Eastpool yet and gotten the new outfit from Lady Hanna. That’s how long I sat with him and his trauma.

I spent nearly a full day and a half with the version of Clive that stopped in the center of a bridge and looked over the side of it, contemplating whether he should throw himself off -- the version of Clive who breaks down crying and wondering why he hasn’t killed himself yet.

So -- yeah, it was really jarring to me to sit with guilt-ridden, traumatized Clive for that long and then, out of nowhere, have Joshua just fucking... show up again and everything is fine, don’t worry about it shut up.

Skipping those sidequests and going straight through the story makes that transition far less baffling and upsetting. It’s still not great; it’s still not handled very well; but it’s way better.

The biggest issue is that there’s never a conversation about it. The timeskip happens, and then Clive is sitting at his desk and Jill’s like “Joshua gave us a second chance” as though it’s just a normal fucking thing to casually say “your dead brother was there with us” to someone --

but, for her, by this point in her life, it is normal for her to say that -- because she and Clive have already had a conversation about it. Multiple, probably. She already helped Clive work through his confusion and his distress and his having to come to terms with his brother still being alive.

But we didn’t get to see that.

We had a whole big gameplay and story sequence dedicated to Clive accepting that he was Joshua’s murderer, but then we got absolutely nothing about how the truth that he’d been forced to accept was still a fucking lie. It was still a lie! It still wasn’t true! And the game just ignores that!

And I get why the timeskip happened where it happened -- why the game didn’t linger on for an extra sequence of Clive and Jill returning to the Hideaway and finding everyone dead and then having to deal with that paired with the shocking reveal of Joshua’s continued survival. I get it. I get that, from a cinematic standpoint, it makes for a better transition to go from Joshua trapping Ultima in his chest to five years later.

But the game also never goes back to it. And that’s the real issue. For the game to go as hard as it did with “You have to accept the truth of what you did” and then... not follow it up with the fact that he didn’t do the thing he accepted that he did is... really bad and lazy.

But by not doing the sidequests, you can see better how short the Cid arc actually was, and so the whole thing does sort of feel like it’s less of a big deal that way than it does when you go through every single sidequest.

That doesn’t excuse it. It doesn’t absolve it. But it does give you a better idea of what the writers’ actual intentions for the story were.

I almost wonder if this game wouldn’t have been better off being structured like FFVII and having the game give us a Nibelheim flashback instead of opening with the Night of Flames -- because, I’ll tell you something else. In NG+, you can still skip the opening if you played the demo. So, for this playthrough of XVI, my game started at the Shiva vs Titan battle. That also helped the transition in the story feel more natural, because you were never there watching this horrible fucking thing happen in real-time.

All you have to go off of are Clive’s stories, and Cid only half-believes him, and Jill doesn’t know what to think -- so it already sets the audience up to doubt that things unfolded exactly as Clive’s insisting they did. It actually builds the framework of the story around “this might not actually be true” instead of opening with the Night of Flames and later finding out LOL JK WE FOOLED YOU.

And instead of having an entire sequence dedicated to Clive accepting that he murdered Joshua, just have him accept the fact that he’s Ifrit and maybe ease up on the murder aspect of it. Because what isn’t done in that sequence is Clive snapping back out of it and going “but wait -- there’s still a second Dominant of fire running around, though. Gav saw him. Benedikta said she had him. I saw the fires he started at Caer Norvent. But, if I’m Ifrit, how can that be? Could Joshua... have lived?”

Because what actually happens is Clive snaps out of it and goes “yep I’m the killer” and “I definitely did that murder” and “I need to atone for the horrible murder that I absolutely did” and never once gives a SINGLE FUCKING THOUGHT to anything else that was actually going on during his search for the truth.

And -- again, I get it. I get that his desire to atone is what brought him back to Cid in the first place. But, like. He still killed everyone fucking else at Phoenix Gate; he can fucking atone for that while still wondering if Joshua himself is still alive. Like, the removal of the one murder doesn’t negate all of the other ones that he actually really, truly did for real. Clive is the reason why Rosaria no longer exists as an independent nation. If he hadn’t awakened as Ifrit that night, Anabella couldn’t have successfully pulled off her coup. So, like... yeah, all of that is still on his head.

It’s just a very simple, easy thing to have included in the story -- and the absence of it really does make me believe that the only reason why the whole concept of Joshua’s murder even existed in the first place was purely for the game’s marketing. And that fucking SUCKS to think about LMAO

#final fantasy xvi #ffxvi spoilers #THIS GAME HAS SO MANY FUCKING PROBLEMS MAN #WHY DO I LIKE IT SO MUCH IT'S SO GARBAGE

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snowflakechallenge · 2 years ago

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INTRODUCING 2023 FANDOM SNOWFLAKE CHALLENGE!

Hello!

Welcome to Fandom Snowflake Challenge 2023!

For long-time Snowflakers, welcome back, we’ve missed you and can’t wait to catch up! For the new and the curious, come on in, we’re all going to have a good time.

What is Fandom Snowflake Challenge? Well, I’ll tell you what it is not. It is not to do with winter, or snowflakes really. The snowflake in the title is a metaphor, an image of unique and beautiful, of swirling and bone-deep. A single snowflake is all of us individually; unique and beautiful. But as a group, a snowflake can blanket, can blind against the dark and ugly, can still the world of the mundane.

That’s what we’re going to do in January. We’re going to start the new year reflecting on what makes us rare and beautiful and what makes us as a community mighty and life-altering.

And that’s it for the metaphor. Now on to what is going to happen. On the odd days of January, we will be dropping challenges, some new, some old, some about creating, some about consuming, some about being a great big geek and others about being alive in the 21st century. You can do what you want, and don’t do what you don’t. There are no points, no keeping score, no way of doing this wrong. There is just you, doing this momentous thing, and us cheering you on.

Not doing fandom on LJ/DW anymore? That’s okay, we’re here too:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SnowflakeDW

Tumblr: https://snowflakechallenge.tumblr.com/

We’ll be here tomorrow with some more introductions and whatnot, and then the first challenge will be posted on the first. Remember, we’re all over the world, so there’s no telling what time of each day the posts will go up, but they will happen every other day.

Can’t wait to read and get to know you all again!

#introduction post #modpost #snowflakechallenge2023

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stoportotouch · 1 year ago

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PLEASE tell me about the lieutenantcules kids

ohoho i would Love to

they end up having two, james frederick (little and hodgson) and katherine "kate" alexandria (irving and hodgson). (obviously hodge is transmasc here.) james is born in january 1849 and kate is born in july 1850. They Were Busy, is what i'm suggesting here. (behold my lovely spreadsheet, because i can't keep track of these people otherwise.)

since this is The One Where Doctor MacDonald Survives, he is also the one to deliver both of them. (which is great because hodgson doesn't fancy explaining all that whatnot to a new doctor.) this later becomes a great advantage in that it prevents hodgson from Fucking Dying having kate.

lots of Stuff below the cut, because i have a lot to say about these childen as it turns out.

james is named after fitzjames and fairholme (and also edward's older brother james cornelius) and also after fred hornby. after he's born, hodgson (slightly high on Fun Victorian Narcotics, as was the fashion at the time) suggests calling him "james james". this is not necessarily unfitting considering that he is named after the man so james that they called him it twice but get Vetoed.

james is one of those "started talking late but once he started he never stopped again" neurodivergent kids, and his Personality is basically the same as hodgson's. (this includes The Neurodivergence. he would be diagnosed with autism and adhd if this was the 21st century.) this eventually leads him to join the diplomatic corps, for some reason.

he is basically hodgson's software on little's hardware in that he looks and physically acts basically exactly like little but with some of hodgson's pointy features. he... is short. (just barely taller than little when he's full grown.) partly because, as you can see, april of 1848 isn't that long after they were rescued.

but also little is short and in a short family, and hodgson is alone in his immediate family in being tall. (or rather, he was objectively tall pre-transition. he got bumped down to Just Below Average Height by the simple expedient of cutting his hair.)

james was also The World's Most Difficult Baby, again because he was born to somebody who was still kind of recovering from scurvy and definitely recovering from lead poisoning. this is literally just because the "thank god we're alive" came back LONG before the... actual intelligence did. (it also fucked hodgson's hip up for the rest of his life.)

for the first year or so james does Not like not being held, wakes up at just about every noise or External Stimulus and has colic. then around his first birthday he suddenly just goes like "hm, no more of that, thanks" and starts walking. which completely fixes all the other problems. (he still doesn't start talking until quite a while after kate.)

the not talking does give his Dads pause until james cornelius mentions when he visits that edward didn't talk until he was about seven. thus when james starts talking when he's about five or six this seems to explain everything. (one difference: when edward started talking he seemed to do so unwillingly and never talked much. james starts and then never stops for the rest of his life. this is presumably hodgson's genetics kicking in.)

as i mentioned earlier. katherine (or kate) is hodgson and irving's kid, which is just... a fascinating combination of personalities to cross-pollinate. she's named after katherine irving, who is irving's sister-in-law (and also one of his best friends), and also after alexander macdonald.

katherine irving is an obvious person to name her after, especially since irving is a bit glum about not being able to tell his family about Having Kids, on account of The Circumstances. but naming his kid after her is the next best thing (especially when he had always promised her Godmother Rights if he had kids). alexandria is, obviously, after doctor macdonald. it seems like the least they can do since he stops hodgson from dying. (kate is completely fine.)

kate is like. the world's most chill baby, and also the pregnancy is far physically/psychologically easier on hodgson than james was. most of the issue the first time was the combination of "the unknown" and like. Gender Stuff. the latter of these still gets to him from time to time with kate but far more mildly and he feels more able to talk about it. (because he was pregnant with james while little was recovering from a brain injury and irving was recovering from being stabbed. as i said, they were not especially bright in this regard.)

as i said earlier, having james when he was still recovering fucks up hodgson's hip for the rest of his life. this actually doesn't lead to what happens with kate but it probably doesn't help. (kate is also a far larger baby, since irving is tall and quite broad when he isn't malnourished, and from quite a tall family.) long story short doctor macdonald figures out that hodgson isn't just sore/tired and a bit high and hodgson gets an emergency hysterectomy out of it.

hodgson later suggests, once everybody has recovered from the shock of "partner/other father of our kids/friend just nearly bled to death", that they call her stephanie. you know, because of doctor stanley (who in fairness he did get on really well with. world's oddest friendship, or not really considering that when we see doctor stanley make attempts at Bedside Manner it's basically hodgson through a filter of irony poisoning).

little and irving haven't even talked about it and irving is kind of... avoiding it all (he does with both births but hodgson only particularly wants little with him. not for any particularly Personal reason irving's energy is just too jumpy for a sick-room). hodgson does suggest that he be there when kate is born because he knows what to expect now and they're All a bit further out from The Initial Arctic Trauma. irving says no, which turns out to be the right decision because he spends about a week having a panic attack.

they decide on a full name for her very quickly. (both of them have hodgson's surname, just to avoid any questions. this doesn't actually avoid questions with james because he looks like little.)

kate looks basically exactly like hodgson did as a kid, which is really weird for him (and also makes him a bit more protective of her than he was expecting to be). it's doubly weird that she also acts exactly like he did. as an adult she ends up looking like hodgson but a girl/with irving's tone of voice and way of speaking. (she's also about six foot tall fully grown.) basically she looks like this leyendecker painting.

she basically acts like hodgson would if he didn't have... The Problems. which can be extremely annoying but also it's great for her; she's assertive in a way that neither of her Dads could ever manage in addition to being at least book-intelligent. (she isn't people-intelligent.) she fortunately doesn't pick up irving's anxiety (or his compulsions) but she does get his Maths Brain.

she and hodgson still bond over music but she's very into like. Finding The Right Answer so he gets her into bach. this works excellently. she eventually ends up with his ancient copy of gradus ad parnassum that he's scribbled in over the course of a few decades. she is far better at bach chorale harmonisations than he is. (or rather, she picks it up far quicker.)

-----

on the subject of their families: some of little's family know but this is limited to james cornelius (Gay Uncle, beloved by both james and kate for all their lives), and little's sister margaret anne (and her husband, john). margaret and john don't particularly get it but also "aw, nieces and nephews" (and margaret likes hodgson). they look after james when kate is born.

hodgson... basically does not talk at all to his family, honestly. his dad died in 1844 (literally right before he met irving. like he was going through all that while they were having a really complicated Situationship that ended with irving trying to ghost him but not being emotionally able to) and while he used to get on with his mother... not so much any more.

if he hadn't had kids then he would probably have gritted his teeth with at least two of his siblings (beilby porteus and mary) and at least tried to have more of a relationship with them. but then as soon as he has james he's just like, "yeah my family are never getting near our kids", and kate being born (and everything around that) cements that in his mind.

he uh. i have so much to say about his relationship with his oldest sister, henrietta mildred. but the summary as it pertains to this is "he is still stuck at the level of a very scared seven-year-old where she is concerned and she is stuck at the level of a very miserable nineteen-year-old where he is concerned." they could probably talk it out. it would actually be beneficial. but they literally never will.

-----

further on Family Dynamics (and also a bit about Victorian Class Dynamics):

hodgson is a good amount younger than his siblings (or than his surviving siblings). he's one of five that survived to adulthood and he's ten years younger than the next one up which means that he was basically an only child but that his parents had forgotten everything about babies and toddlers. so like, Victorian Ideas About The Child, Multiplied By Ten Thousand.

he was also completely unexpected and while not quite unwanted he was far more handed off to nurse and then nanny than his older siblings as a kid. and then he went away to a boarding school aged thirteen, joined the navy at the age of fifteen, and basically never came back again. (until post-franklin-expedition.)

so he thinks that little, whose family mostly still live together and see each other as often as they can, has a really weird relationship with his parents and siblings. little is not going to argue this because he's sure he'll find something awful if he scratches the surface. also hodgson isn't going to press the issue because uh. little came home to discover that his mother had died a couple of months before they were rescued. so he doesn't want to cause any further Hurt.

little does, though, feel really weird about handing the kids off to nannies and nurses and governesses. (he's one of twelve from a family which was upwardly mobile but still working-ish class. they could not afford all that whatnot.) he still ends up getting on very well with the nurse they find, who they keep employing after james is born. this turns out to be a good thing when kate is born, because of The Circumstances.

#what is your song o?#teenagegothintegrity #ollie writes #dear god this got away from me #ollie considers

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 years ago

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reading update

what's up gamers, the odds are very slim that I'll be finishing another book before November is over, so let's do a roundup! I've you've been following me literally at all you probably saw me reblog my public shame TBR list at some point, and now we get the #reviews.

what have I been reading?

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, 2018) - this book is a really incredible piece of historical research, exploring the existence of transgender and gender non-conforming children in the first half of the 21st century. Gill-Peterson threads a great needle of both laying out ways in which trans identity and specifically trans youth were understood in the early decades of trans healthcare, establishing that young transgender people are in no way a modern phenomenon, while also making the strong case that trans youth have been able to exist without complication or medical intervention throughout American history. It's an engrossing medical history, and I would say intensely valuable to anyone who has a vested interest in protecting trans kids' right to autonomy and joy.

Batman: Bruce Wayne - Murderer? (Greg Rucka et al, 2002) - this, to me, is peak Batfamily content. everyone is miserable and nobody is communicating about it because they're all too depressed and bitchy. Bruce gets accused of murder and sent to prison and he decides the only reasonable thing to do is break out and never be Bruce Wayne again, with seemingly no concern about how horrific the consequences will be for his family as long as he gets to keep being Batman. the dysfunction is... fucking delicious. cannot WAIT to read Bruce Wayne: Fugitive, I must know how Brucie baby gets himself out of this one. also, hey, have I mentioned that I miss Babs as Oracle every single day? god, she's just... she's so much cooler as Oracle.

Alive at the End of the World (Saeed Jones, 2022) - Jones is so so so so so so SO good at writing layers of pain and hurt into his poetry. the imagery of apocalypse and protest is infinitely striking, and I was particularly shaken by the recurring series within the book that ended each segment, in which Jones finds himself in his apartment after a reading speaking with a doppelganger who turns out to be his own personified pain. chills!!!! CHILLS!!!!

Elatsoe (Darcie Little Badger, 2020) - I wanted to make a point of reading something a little lighter, because we've been a little #heavy lately, and Little Badger's debut YA novel was perfect for that. while Elatsoe isn't what I'd call flawless - in particular, I have to say that the main characters seem VERY young for 17 year olds, feeling more like middle readers protagonists in most ways - it's an extremely charming book with a lot of really cool ideas. the world is one very like ours but suffused with mythology; ghosts, vampires, and fairies are well-known facts of life integrated seamlessly into the story. it's very cool to see an urban fantasy where the protagonist's parents are totally in on the supernatural and fully supportive of the teen sleuthing without any sketchy ulterior motivations, and I think the tidbit that Lipan folks are able to banish vampires for coming into their home - the entirety of their ancestral lands - without an invitation is one of the coolest twists on vampire lore I've ever seen.

Nature Poem (Tommy Pico, 2017) - I LOVE Tommy Pico's epic poetry (that's a literary term, not an outdated compliment), and I read Nature Poem in what I believe is the way that was intended: all in one evening, still wearing a cute little bodycon dress, glitter, and fishnets after a Halloween party, a little tipsy. as always Pico's voice is impeccable, dry and witty and observant and so, so tired of so much bullshit. the preoccupation of this poem is the idea of nature, specifically writing a poem about it, and Pico's railing against the idea that white poets can write countless poems about nature and only be seen as writing a poem, while he, as a Kumeyaay man, can't write a poem about nature without it being seen as a woo woo magical Native American thing. but it's not just that; no Pico poem is every just one thing, but a smart and circling conversation to drive a point home. I still don't know if I'm liking poetry right but man I know I love Tommy Pico.

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999) - full disclosure: I ordered this book in a feverish haze after it was recommended at a conference by a speaker who was so stupid hot that I nearly had a panic attack about it. we don't have time to unpack all that, but I will say that this was as eye-opening a read as nearly all historical queer texts are. the two things that jumped out at me most were 1.) Warner's well-written argument against the concept of marriage as a whole, with the then-ongoing fight for gay marriage necessarily included, and 2.) the scathing critiques of gay individuals who throw ~weird sexual deviant~ gays under the bus to further their own social standing. INSANE that that's still topical in 2022; can't wait to be quoting a 20+ year old book at people when the kink @ pride discourse starts in 2023.

A Dowry of Blood (S.T. Gibson, 2021) - that's right, it's the TikTok book about Dracula's brides being in a polycule! I figured with a description like that this was either going to be pretty good or bad in fun and interesting ways, and I wasn't disappointed at all. Dowry was a fast, fun read, with a heavy gothy ambiance all the way through. it carries more weight than expected by depicting Dracula himself as a surprisingly realistic abusive partner, a boyfriend from hell who keeps his partners on short leashes with a thinly-veiled threat of death if they ever displease him. if you like your vampires depressed, horny, and wrapped up in deeply unhealthy psychosexual mindgames you will LOVE this.

Into the Riverlands (Nghi Vo, 2022) - this is the latest novella in Vo's Singing Hills Cycle, which I cannot recommend enough to anyone. I didn't initially adore this entry quite as much as When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain or Empress of Salt and Fortune, I think because it felt less immersive. the Singing Hills Cycle tells stories within stories, framed by a cleric named Chih travelling to gather stories across the fictional kingdom in which they live. the first two novellas were much more immersive in their storytelling, and I think I missed having that in Into the Riverlands, but there was a certain reveal near the end that cast the whole thing in a very different light and made me like the setup a lot more. it's also worth noting that given the way this novella deals with larger-than-life martial artists and the way their legends are distorted across time, it reminded me VERY much of The Girl Who Kept Winter - a spectacularly fun read, one that I can't recommend enough.

The World We Make (N.K. Jemisin, 2022) - god DAMN, N.K. Jemisin! I was a little unsure about The City We Became, willing to rank it as my least favorite of Jemisin's books, but the sequel really knocked by socks off. I could hardly put it down, and I'm sad to see the duology ended already - if I'm being totally honest I think this book could easily have been fleshed into two for a trilogy, given how much capital-p-Plot is introduced, but I also really respect how much story Jemisin was able to so slicky introduce and resolve in under 400 pages here. on the whole this is a thriving, fast, fist-pumping love letter to New York City and the power of community in the face of all kinds of evil, and one of the few sequels I feel completely confident calling better than the original.

#bookblr #reading updates

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pain-suffering-even · 2 years ago

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headcanons: Lennart Niermann

content warning for religion, and mentions of manipulation and gaslighting

Quick headcanons -

Name: Lennart Niermann

Age: 27

Gender: Male

DOB/Place: April 14th, 2033, in Schwerin, Germany

Rank/Type: S Rank Mage

Guild/Occupation: Richter Guild Leader

Past Occupation(s): Wismar Guild

Skills: Charge

Weapons: Mana-powered gauntlets

Family: Ida Richter (mom) (alive)

Karl Niermann (dad) (alive)

Ella Niermann (younger sister) (alive)

Juliane Niermann (younger sister) (alive)

Karlotta Niermann (younger sister) (alive)

Winola Niermann (younger sister) (alive)

Gisela Braun (grandma) (alive)

Core Headcanons -

Hidden talent: Good with styling hair

Favorite food: His mothers vegetable soup

What motivates them: Setting the standard by making a comfortable work environment, making money in order to donate to groups and charities, helping civilians by taking care of these gates for them

Treasured possession: The pocket knife his mother gave him before he left

Deepest secret: He helped recruit people into a very cult-y church and was gaslit and brainwashed by them

Best/Worst thing to happen to them: His mother raising him right/his dad scrambling his brain

Random memories: His mom showing him the proper way to carve wood and letting him keep her pocket knife as long as he used it right from now on, picking berries with his sisters in the nearby woods and scolding them for getting their dresses dirty with blackberry juice and cleaning them as best he could before going home, seeing the stained glass windows in the church for the first time, confiding in another boy about his pocket knife and getting scolded for it by his father in front of everyone and giving it over, naming his guild after his mothers maiden name,

Best friend/Worst enemy: Thomas Andre/Karl Niermann

Good/Bad traits: Reliable, charismatic, altruistic, caring, passionate/Intense, paranoid, anxious,

Things they’ve done/like to do: Visit his mom and sisters back in Schwerin, whittle wood with his knife whenever he gets stressed, practice making his own blackberry jam that doesn’t taste quite like his moms,

Personality type: “Protagonist” ENFJ-T (70% extraverted, 30% introverted; 81% intuitive, 19% observant; 11% thinking, 89% feeling; 83% judging, 17% prospecting; 42% assertive, 58% turbulent)

Nervous habit: Playing with his knife, humming various disney songs under his breath,

Things they’re afraid of: Closed spaces, being taken advantage of again,

Things they want to accomplish: Officially becoming an international hunter, becoming the top guild in all of Europe, throwing his youngest sister the best 21st birthday party ever,

Additional Headcanons -

Has watched a lot of Disney/Pixar and knows a lot of the songs

He's traveled a lot and knows a handful of languages. Russian, Romanian, English, a bit of Chinese and Italian as well

He desperately wants to get into baking after seeing the great British bake off but alas he simply isn't meant to be in the kitchen. burns/under cooks everything

Really good at dancing. It may or may not be from watching K-Pop videos in his spare time

Sometimes he wears his hair in a ponytail or clips it back with barrettes. The media has a field day with the look, plastering his face on all the covers

He's really good at styling hair, since he had to learn to braid all of his sisters hair and do it just the way they wanted it

While he technically was born in Schwein, him and his sisters grew up in a cabin far out in the woods quite a distance away from Schwein

Their Timeline -

Age 8: taken by his dad to work for the church

9 years pass (the views of the church are pushed onto Lennart as a result from gaslighting and manipulation)

Age 17: gains his original C rank + leaves to defeat gates for the Wismar Church

2 years pass (as he is away from the guild, the manipulation tactics begin to wear off)

Age 19: gets his reawakening to S rank + creates the Richter Guild

Age 20: meets Thomas Andre and Christopher Reed

Age 21: America's West Coast Kamish Incident

6 years pass

Age 27: now

#tw // religion #solo leveling #only i level up #lennart niermann #head canons #mentions of other characters #thomas andre #christopher reed solo leveling #christopher reed #long post

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faerywhimsy · 2 years ago

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My heart is full today and I just gotta do a quick shout out to all the fan artists (I've loved before): @le-cabinet-du-garei @xxhellonursexx @nasnyys @sheepskeleton. Special mentions for @cup-of-lixx for that short ficlet about Daniel hitting his head on the coffin lid, and @eosphoroz for that throw away comment about vampires who don't know themselves enough to love in healthy ways.

This piece is basically my little love letter to you all and the angst great feels you inspire. <3

~*~*~

They got just one full good year together, Daniel and Armand.

Almost a decade of Daniel’s begging, pleading and threats over being turned into a vampire like Armand, the two of them got one good year after Armand actually did it.

And then, it all went to hell.

When Armand told him outright they’d be together in hell, Daniel just didn’t imagine it being like this. Maybe that was his stupid fault for being so naïve. But Daniel honestly couldn’t say Armand hadn’t told him so, hadn’t warned him what awaited the two of them.

The shit of it was, it really was great for a minute there. The best time of Daniel’s whole life.

His body felt alive and new in a way he could barely remember, and certainly never remembered without drugs in his system. Alcohol had become a downer for longer than Daniel had been willing to admit. And yet, it had remained what he reached for, like after Armand filmed his hair growing back on VHS, then suggested they watched it. (Only, they both knew it wasn’t a ‘suggestion’, it was their activity of the night in place of going out to watch the opera.)

Or, after it had already been established that Armand chose Daniel’s clothes each night, Armand suddenly decided that it was the 80s, and that necessitated a complete rehaul of his existing wardrobe in favour of a different look. (“I actually change with every era, Daniel. Keep up.” “… an ‘era’ is not the same as a decade… babe.”)

Daniel thought it was great, because he already knew so much about Armand (that he hates his name and the age he was turned, the style in which he best prefers Daniel to cut his hair, the way he doesn’t like to talk much, the way he has a type and Daniel knows full well he’s the least high maintenance out of himself, Lestat and Marius. But also how sometimes Armand likes to wear stockings under his clothes, even if no one but Daniel knows about it. And other times especially when no one but Daniel knows about it).

But what Daniel didn’t consider (didn’t know to consider) was that just becoming a vampire would be a learning curve too.

It wasn’t just about becoming the same as Armand. It was about Daniel having to learn himself all over again. A second fucking puberty. Allowing himself to see himself through the lens of really making the decision of being queer in the ‘70s and all that would entail for the first time again.

Only, this time it came without that tantalising option of simply… opting out in favour of a simpler life.

Because Daniel had asked for this, begged for it and, ultimately, completely consented to it regardless of all of Armand’s prior warnings.

For the most part, Daniel still didn’t regret it. Not when the reality of no longer hearing Armand’s voice in his head began to sunk in. He said to himself it was more than worth the price to pay for the privacy of his own thoughts and opinions that he was granted back. And he meant it! (At least that first two months.)

Hitting his head on the edge of the coffin at the end of every night was… less than ideal. Beds weren’t supposed to have lids. And he’d been so excited to go out shopping with Armand for his very first coffin It was part of the ritual, a rite of passage. But, ultimately, Daniel hadn’t complained when—a few months in—Armand very casually informed Daniel that they were moving an actual bed into the basement. (“Coffins are so very 19th century anyway, beloved. And we’re nearing the beginning of the 21st now.”)

Daniel very much liked when Armand was the first one of them to wake up each evening, and relished in every time when he woke up to find Armand staring at is blinking return from repose with that particular expression of quiet adoration on his features that only Daniel ever got from him. (“I love you too, boss.”)

The way Armand informed him of things was different too, after Daniel became a vampire. While he could (and did!) still make the ultimate decision over Daniel’s wardrobe, Daniel’s human food decisions were no longer on the table. Daniel sometimes got the feeling that Armand wanted them to be more like equals now that he was Armand’s child in the Blood, but then Armand would turn around and announce he had the final say and Daniel would be left scrambling as to where he stood all over again.

Sometimes he thought Armand was still trying to figure this out as well, given he’d never had another fledgling before.

And because of Daniel’s own devotion to Armand, he didn’t want to add the things he was trying to figure out onto Armand’s plate.

Like, when it started to seem overwhelming out on the street at nights because the juxtaposition of car headlights was too much for his eyes to process against the backdrop of the night. Or when Daniel downplayed times he lost himself so much in a vinyl playing on his record player that he’d be left sitting in front of it for he had no idea how long after it had stopped playing, until Armand came in to ask him what he was up to.

That was just the first six months.

By the second half of that first year, Daniel started to realise that he couldn’t easily remember the last time Armand had worn those stockings under his own clothing (and honestly Daniel wasn’t sure if it was that his memory was wonky, or Armand had actually stopped, and either way he didn’t want to ask and implicate himself or start another argument).

Not being able to hear Armand’s thoughts in his head meant that, more and more of the time, Daniel began to struggle with knowing what Armand was actually thinking given it wasn’t like he started speaking a whole lot more than he once did. Daniel found himself floundering and reaching for the things that he knew about Armand from before he’d been turned, but that started to feel stagnant. Like, shouldn’t he keep learning new things about the guy he loved?

Because, in the meantime, Armand kept noticing things about Daniel, like the way he preferred to feed. Daniel wasn’t interested in completely abstaining from blood like Louis, but neither did he want to kill humans now that he no longer was one. Maybe that would change over time, but for the beginning of his life as a vampire, Daniel only wanted to indulge in what he learned was called the Little Drink. He didn’t ask or expect for Armand to change his feeding habits to suit, and Armand didn’t ask him to help dispose of his victims.

Daniel wondered if Armand also happened to notice how Daniel was beginning to lose himself in things (time and memory mostly). There were patches in that second half of the first year where Daniel actively had to strive now to remain in the present. He was sure it would pass, otherwise Armand would have obviously said something.

Or… maybe not.

Because there was a definite communication problem between them. The two of them had spent over a decade before Daniel was turned where the mind gift made up such a large part of Armand and Daniel’s every day conversation and relationship. There wasn’t a switch after the veil of silence fell down between them where the habit of speaking that way was also broken. It wasn’t as though Armand suddenly enjoyed talking all the time.

Daniel recognised the issue and started trying to reverse their trajectory, to undo some of that damage. But he felt the heavy despondency, like it was too late even at the start doing much about it. And Daniel was already trying to balance too much; adjusting to being a vampire, staying present in the moment and now attempting to heal their fractured conversation skills. It was too much at one time.

He and Armand fought with one another, unable to meet in the middle because their life together up till then had been structured in a way where they both felt like they were already doing so much for the other. Daniel started wondering—in the constant privacy of his own mind—if there was too much separation between a 500 year old vampire and a 30 year old man-just-turned-fledgling. What if they couldn’t bridge that gap between them?

What if they just... couldn’t bridge it?

Somehow, it had all seemed smaller when Daniel was Armand’s mortal minion, almost as though that was more the natural way it ought to go between someone like Armand and someone like Daniel. As though, with his endless demands for something more, Daniel had taken them against the natural order of things.

Did he really believe that vampires had a place in the natural order of the world, to be able to go against it?

That was far too philosophical for Daniel in those last few months; not a thought he could hold onto without falling into another worrying spiral.

Finally, Daniel pushed himself to be the one to start the hard conversation.

“This isn’t working.”

Armand looked up at him from between long, uncut, auburn strands. He’d known this was coming, he must have. They couldn’t keep going like this, and it had become clear that Armand wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation.

They got one good year, Daniel and Armand, before it all went to hell.

“I think... it’s not a good fit right now. Like, I need to figure out how to be a vampire, and how to be with you as a vampire… separately.”

Armand’s nose crinkled under his curls even as he looked down to the floor. Still, he didn’t say anything out loud.

Daniel imagined he was thinking plenty, and silently he damned Armand for not being willing—or able?—to say any of it where Daniel could hear.

It left Daniel with the onus to be the only one speaking his thoughts. Yeah, he definitely resented Armand in that moment for that. He took his time, trying hard to find words that wouldn’t betray feelings of bitterness, but would still keep clear the things he’d been thinking in his head. Alone, always alone in his head now. Forever.

“We have a lot of time stretching out in front of us now, right? None of this, us, is in a hurry anymore. We just… need to get through this rough part.”

“You don’t… want to be with me.” Armand’s voice hitched, and that was the first sign Daniel had that Armand had started crying.

“No, babe… No, that’s not it. I do want to be with you. That’s why I’m doing this. I think… it’s gonna break us if we keep pushing through like this the way we are. What we’re doing isn’t working. I’m not working. I need to… to… figure out myself before we can be…” Was that right? Had Daniel really known so much about himself when he’d been drinking himself to oblivion? Taking uppers just to keep up with Armand?

Was that really what the problem was? Or was he just second guessing himself now so he’d get to stay? Stay…

Daniel was kneeling in front of Armand before he could stop himself, wiping away those stray tears that escaped past Armand’s resolve. Damnit, he couldn’t stand to see his boss cry.

“Please don’t,” Daniel whispered, only to then call himself a fool, cause this was real feeling Armand was showing Daniel right now. Showing in maybe the only way left Armand felt comfortable sharing.

What did Daniel know anymore?

~*~*~

from:

#fandom experience #fanfic #vc #the vampire chronicles #daniel/armand #the devil's minion

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