#we wouldn’t be here without them
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I was out in public today talking to a friend about the book I’m writing and the girls walking behind me were giggling to themselves about how it was probably bad and I’d never make any money off it. Who the hell thinks that it’s okay to say that about someone’s dream? So what if I never make money off it? People spend tons of time and money on their kids and get very little in return. How is my story I’ve treasured and grown over 7 or 8 years that much different from your womb nugget? “But you get to see your children grow up and they can love you back!” I see my story and the characters within it grow and change every day and one day it’ll be published and someone will love it like I have. So what if it can’t love me back? I’ll find the love in the people that stay up past midnight reading it under the covers. I’ll find it in its pages that are worn from being read over and over. I’ll find it even if only one person ever reads it.
#Rant#no disrespect to mothers#we wouldn’t be here without them#But can’t people keep their opinions to THEMSELVES#They weren’t even trying to hide it#We wouldn’t have the hobbit or harry potter (trans rights) if someone hadn’t decided#Hey#I’m going to write down this idea and see where it takes me#jkr (trans rights) has made millions off her books#Tolkien redefined fantasy as we know it#They started as a bedtime story and an idea while working in a coffee shop#I’m mad if you couldn’t tell#Books#writing#writblr#why are some people like this
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go you emo bitches go!
Cull Poll 68
@black-parade-daily
“they were the first album daily blog + they are dedicated”
@i-make-things-glitched-out
(no propaganda submitted)
#not daily#TBP#!!#also some other stuff#tbp inspired tna to do a daily blog and that kind of kicked off things soooooo#we wouldn’t be here without them#VOTE TBP
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yesterday my parents brought home a new dog without telling me first, knowing that i’m not ready for another dog yet after the death of my last one 🙃
#i know i won’t live here forever but unfortunately im here now and its just drudging up grief seeing a different dog in the house#a week or two ago they went to look at dogs without telling me and i told them i was upset about that#because they knew i didn’t want a dog yet#and they were like ‘sorry we thought you meant you didn’t want one at all so there was no point in telling you (??)’#‘we’ll have to talk about it’#there was no talking 🙃#i would’ve considered it even tho i didn’t feel ready if i was at least talked to first! and got to meet him at the shelter#instead of in my home!#literally two nights before they went to the shelter the first time i had a nightmare they brought a dog home without telling me#and then the night before they actually did i had that nightmare again#and thought ‘that’s a ridiculous dream obviously they wouldn’t do that without talking to me’#lol.#they said i ‘move too slow’#sorry i’ll grieve faster next time i guess!#i wouldn’t have done that to them if roles were reversed…#he’s technically here on a three night test period first but let’s be real they’re not gonna send him back to the shelter#and i’d be the villain if i suggested it#i don’t have the heart to send a dog back to the shelter but i feel like i was manipulated into this
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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So now that we know the marriage market/schemes of the ton are not Benedict‘s cup of tea & he spends the better part of s3 running away from debutantes who want to marry him… I need Sophie (or whoever is going to be his love interest in his season) to be the incarnation of the word no. I need this lovely lady to be absolutely uninterested in this jokester puppy of a Bridgerton so that he HE has to run after HER. And she’s just like no thanks & completely uninterested & pragmatic/down-to-earth all the time until he like…cries & begs her to marry her I guess?
#bonus if she has like a clear life goal that she is working towards achieving all the time bc honestly I need someone who has their shit#together for Benedict bc I feel like this loser is just floating through society without any plans whatsoever and it’s getting annoying#we don’t even see him draw as a background scene and not even a throwaway line said abt one of his sketches or smth?????#I really LIKED Benedict as an artist in s1 & 2 and NOW he’s just whoring around???? I am so confused by you puppy boy WHAT DO YOU WANT WHERE#DID ALL OF YOUR HOBBIES AND PASSIONS GO#but. like. on another note he did a rly good job hanging out *cough cough* with that widow bc I could tell she’s a badass so I can’t really#fault him for that one. but WHERE SRE HIS HOBBIES#which is also why I wouldn’t mind making his love interest older than him? bc maybe with an older women we can get someone who knows what#they want & who can give him a bit of direction in life????#benedict bridgerton#bridgerton#ignore me pls I’m just rambling and saving my thoughts here on tumblr so I can go back to them and see whether or not my predictions/wishes#came true:)#minee
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Sighs so incredibly loudly
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#okay listen here’s the thing. I’ve been trying very hard to make the whole ‘me and my longtime partner broke up’ thing stay private#because 1.) it doesn’t have much place in the public eye and 2.) I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea and start harassing my ex#but eh… I’ll vent about it a little just this once#something I didn’t realize I’d take for granted was how my ex had basically the same taste as me#well. not down to a T but we had a lot of mutual interests and they’d be really supportive of my new crushes no matter how weird#now all of THAT is out the window I’m a bit too scared to talk about my more out-there F/Os#I know realistically you guys wouldn’t actually make fun of me but I am perpetually scared of scaring the hoes#so uh. Sorry#I realize this is kind of a milquetoast thing to whine about considering I’m talking about a fucking BREAK UP#but let’s be real if I ACTUALLY went on about the ‘oh no I miss them so much I’m nothing without them I’m a horrible person’#> shtick I’ve been thinking about for days now you guys would be sick and tired of me by now#anyways. good morning nothing like venting to start your day right
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Never ever EVER buy household appliances with ai in them. Most ridiculous things I’ve ever encountered
#to be clear i did not buy one but had to use one to do a load of laundry (who needs ai in a laundry machine??) and let me tell you it was#useless.#first the thing apparently ‘senses the dirty ness of your clothes to calculate the wash cycle’ which then would only ever decide to do a#cycle that took 4. freaking. hours. never have i encountered a washer that takes longer than an hour to wash your clothes.#and without the ability to manually say you want it to be a specific time? makes no sense. who has that kind of time in their day.#NEXT we go to dry the clothes and it also wants to run it for an insane amount of time. so we click it anyways (horrible decision)#and think oh we’ll just open it halfway through#well. upon stopping the cycle halfway through the damn thing says that the door is locked because it’s ‘too hot.’#never have i seen something that thinks i’m going to burn myself on my hot clothes. like cmon#also cause opening the door would be a surefire way to cool the clothes down you’d think??#so we try all sorts of troubleshooting things and even unplugging it and it STILL WOULDNT UNLOCK.#the damn thing is still locked btw. dunno if ill ever get those clothes back#so glad this at least isn’t actually a dryer we spent money on and just one that was here while we’re traveling and need to do laundry#but like. cmon#there’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to decide how long to wash our clothes for and instead let a ‘smart’ (hint: it’s not smart) machine#do it for us#(hint part 2: this isn’t just about the clothes)#soni rambles#more like soni RANTS#i was already angry about the idea of ai in appliances but experiencing first hand how bad they are makes me even more angry#and a little scared for the future#now it’s 2am and the laundry is still stuck and im too upset to go to sleep. gah#and i don’t get mad easily.#oh and did i mention that to dry your clothes it wouldn’t let you select a temperature?? that it only said it would sense it itself??#see i like to dry all my clothes on low heat cause ive had a history of them shrinking#so not only are they trapped in the machine but it’s ‘too hot’ because it wouldn’t let us select a lower temperature.#luckily i didn’t put anything in that’s a material that usually shrinks
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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leaving the hospital in the morning & i finally get to go back to wales & i can’t wait i rly can’t - the belgians i’ve met have been wonderful [for the most part] but the rape has me panicking even seeing the roads and the buildings
#diary#literally everyone else was wonderful except for the HOTEL EMPLOYEES THAT REFUSED TO HELP ME FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE HOSTEL & THE GUY THAT#DENIED HAVING A PHONE TO SHOW ME A MAP AFTER THE RAPE#shoutout to school children love yall so much they’re so polite & also the amazing older DJ that was talking to us at the irish pub prior to#us going back to the hostel & me leaving w the tall friendly man - i’ve his number & i told him i was going to text him bc he was going to#host an underground rave at an abbey but couldn’t make it bc i’ve been in the hospital since monday#i’ll come back to ghent sometime - i just need to. get over the trauma lol#i still have his number ! he rolled a j w me - he’s such a saint#i’m just a chatter i love talking to people despite being introverted#i wouldn’t go OUT OF MY WAY TO SPEAK but if they come up to ME i’m WELL OPEN#which he did he’s so sweet & also the old homosexuals i was smoking w & gave me info on the drug culture here bc i was curious & also the#tall belgian that took me to those few bars & we chatted abt belgium and how ghent is changing#i wish i were able to actually continue w the rest of our group for the site visit but honestly it#it just wasn’t going to happen#i can’t even go back to the hostel without shaking and panicking#my darlings kp & omar know everything & everything is ok i love them so much - the group we are w have all been wonderful bar like the 4#that made their own clique but they’re all boring anyway so they can fuck off lol#THE OTHER 9 ….. STAN#well 7 bc omar & kp i alrdy stan & they know#i’m just telling everyone it was an assault and robbery bc everyone knows something is up bc i walked into the hostel at 9a & nobody knew#where i was bc my phone was dead & i couldn’t tell anyone & also i was probably drugged honestly#i don’t even know my guess is rohypnol#god fuck that guy fuck that guy so much oh my god i swear if i see him again …. bro ur not living im not afraid of european prison in the#fuckin slightest i don’t give a shit
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I’m super duper excited because my rp mother is coming back to their blog after a long hiatus and I’m just elated.
#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . AUTHOR OF THE STARS ❝ ooc. ❞#MY INTERNET MOMMMM!!#We’ve known each other for years at this point#we started rping with each other when I was maybe 16?? And they rlly took me under their wing and showed me the ropes#I likely wouldn’t have the blog I have today without them#AND TO SEE THEM COMING BACK HERE IM SO HAPPYYYY
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don’t reblog my tti posts if you think that bringing up capitalism in the argument against their existence “cheapens your trauma”! that is goofy bullshit and i’m not engaging with today!
#‘it’s actually bc of homophobia and christofascism and sanism and anti youth rights and’ THOSE FHINGS ARE ENCOURAGED IN CAPITALISM#THE POINT IS THAT THE WHOLE SUSTEM WOULD COLLAPSE IF THEY WERE NOT TURNING PROFIT#they also said that most programs are ‘not nice but not abusive’ so shouldn’t be shut down#where do you find these just ‘not nice’ programs? cause we got physically beaten and put thru conversion therapy over here!!!#and yeah actually i think that if our system wasn’t run by profit you wouldn’t have the tti. BECAUSE HOW WOULD IT FUNCTION WITHOUT PROFIT!!#that’s not cheapening anything that’s giving us an out. giving us a world view where this isn’t normal!!#it’s an answer to the question ‘why do these places exist’ not cure all for being hurt by them obviously
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feeling emotional bc I never wrote Clara before bc I was so scared of how she would be received and it turns out you guys are Really Fucking Nice actually
#this is a shout out to fightwing and batcaller especially bc they have been SO welcoming#and I was so scared abt interacting w canon characters bc I don’t like overstepping#and they have had nothing but enthusiasm and kindness and I appreciate them sm for that#and all the spidey blogs 💕💕💕 who I was not expecting to fall in with but here we are (I blame Leah)#speaking of Leah I wouldn’t have even come back to rp without her so thank u beloved#and thank u also to dollie who is an angel and lets me spam her on discord and ask for help with photoshop stuff#and thank u to amber and kylie who welcomed me back on cress and here which means so much#bc I didn’t think anyone would care at all#ily all and I’m going to bed now. kisses for all of u. goodnight#ooc.
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not the two dudes who peaked on grownish laughing abt and mocking the writers strike
#i’m sorry the brother and that performative activist guy zoey dates????show kinda fell off anyway since zoe left#without those writers you wouldn’t have jobs you idiots why are you upset at the idea of them paid fairly?????#i’m sorry nooooo one was was watching for y’all we were here for luca and zoe and the twins
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Without comparing, I honestly prepare Max Mayfield’s character from Stranger Things anytime than in-game Maxine from LIS first game.
Life is Strange Season 2 looks good
#not anti Maxine ‘Max’ Caulfield post#I’m only raising my opinion that actually wouldn’t#purposely draw diehard fan’s ‘attention’ while we can still simply#either to ignore without come and get them at their blog#or neutrally respond without shoving misleading or arguments here on Internet#still no hate towards Maxine Caulfield’s fans if they’ve witness my reblogged post#bit Easter Egg from two fandoms in one post#life is strange/lis easter egg#stranger things opinion#unpopular opinion#reblogged#stranger things 2#first appearance#max mayfield#maxine mayfield#maxine ‘max’ mayfield#netflix#stranger things
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I’m so glad my exams are finally over bc I can at last cut my long term friends off since I have so much free time now.
#people think that I will ALWAYS be there simply because I tolerate how much they use me for their therapy and never even ask if I’m ok when#it’s sooooo obvious I somehow seem to always get progressively worse in terms of physical and mental health#and so ! because of my MH I haven’t been able to talk to most people at all#like I’d get a panic attack at the thought and I’d just have to close the app and just calm myself down#and my heart … it would hurt so bad from how my anxiety which already makes me gag uncontrollable and jolt awake from how violently I’m#trembling somehow my heart started to hurt so bad to the point I felt I was going to die soon#so I genuinelyyyyy couldn’t even talk to anyone#I’ve always wondered that if I stopped texting first if people would even notice#these past six months proved that no they wouldn’t#even the person I’ve been friends with for 8 years btw didn’t care#we used to talk daily#when she was in hospital I always checked up on her more than anyone even tho I couldn’t visit the hospital I’d always send her messages and#try to yk help to my capacity and stuff#but she had replaced me by another girl kinda and she stopped talking to me after I stopped talking first bc of my health issues#and the saddest part is that barely anyone out of all the people I’ve tried to befriend ever spoke to me anymore#this has been one of the loneliest periods of my life-the fact that I am useless apart from temporary entertainment and a person to waste#time with ? in fact I’m barely considered for these options in general#anyways so !!! I just gave up ! beforeeven the thought of cutting someone off I’d need to genuinely be held at gun point for someone to make#me cut off a bad person but now although I’m quite stressed still I’m lowkey ok with cutting off ppl#just bc of how absolutely horribly I’ve been abused and treated by all of them#sorry for being annoying I just needed somewhere to note this down I HATE being negative but all my life is negativity no matter how much I#distract myself with the very very few things I like (I only kinda like on thing here now … and even that I’m forcing myself to like it a#little …) so yeah I always feel guilty for saying these things and making these posts nobody has any idea how bad the guilt is but what else#can I do ? I don’t know …#like I have only ever confronted people TWICE my whole life not bc I’ve not been abused I’ve actually been really badly taken advantage of#consistently and without fail at every stage of my life but I don’t say anything bc I’m worried they’ll get upset#the reasons I ever said anything at the end is bc those ppl made me so suicidal more than usual and yeah … I Can cut them off right?#whatever whatever it doesn’t matter now my existence amongst them isn’t liked it seems anyways so why would they care if I left ?
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does anyone else have mutuals who vaguepost about their posts all the time. or is it just me
#like bro why are you still following me atp 😭#it’s a bit annoying too bc it’s always posts I made spur-of-the-moment#and like. often they make good points but it just makes me feel fucking stupid#and like I can’t post anything on my own blog without triple-checking it to hell and back first#I unfollowed them for a while so I wouldn’t have to see it and then refollowed recently and here we are again#I should probably just block them but it sucks bc like. they do have good takes#and I enjoy reading them#but that actually makes them worse. like oh this person whose opinion I respect thinks I’m a fucking idiot 👍#thanks for the reminder. I’m gonna go ******************
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