#we share our lives and our minds
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you know that it’s gonna send you into the deepest most desperate throes of devastation when the siblings are literally always gold by radical face
#on siblings#fleabag#narnia#edmund pevensie#the bear#carmy berzatto#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#something about the no matter what happens#ill still choose to be by your side#i promise ill be here#always gold is full of love and restlessness and desperation and faith#this is mostly about the verse where you’re standing in the door all beat and tired#but also something about home being a place of shame#sisters#brothers#on family#siblinghood feels inherently entwined with each other#we share our lives and our minds#we share the violence and the blood#(is it mine or is it yours?)
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before october 7th this blog was a meme page btw.
#don't you think it's so odd how so many palestinians on tumblr were just minding their own business and having fun#and all of a sudden the genocide started and we started dedicating all our time#to helping and start educating people#only for people to start questioning us and harassing us in the most parasocial ways#and now about half of us are deciding not to share about our personal lives or our interests anymore#because we can't be granted the opportunity to actually have personalities outside of our suffering.#a look into our personal lives is a privilege and all of you abused it#all of this is due to the fact that none of you consider us as actual human beings#even if you're “allies” to the palestinian cause. you still dehumanize us to hell and back#i wish you all could see me as someone who is just like you.
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please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it
If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them
#IM NOT GONNA GET TO MAKE IT FOR LIKE A YEAR...#well.#hmmm...#9 months#BUT it won't launch for like a year#so no one will get to SEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm shooting for pride month next year#pri(demon)th#LMAO#please pleae spleaple pla psl eaplse plaese#also when I say I want to talk about them I dont mean like let me ramble I mean... its hard to explain#but I want to be able to be like omg this meme is soooo zagan#and stuff like that#like I want them to Exist for me and for other people#so that they can be like a part of our lives#I mean. I also want to talk about it#but the story is still technically at that point where anything I make right now is still possible to change#cause. like. yknow.#the way writing works#especially for webcomics#ESPECIALLY for long form webcomics#and ESPECIALLY for me#is that until I get to actually see it as thumbnails#I dont know wtf is actually gonna happen.#like. stuff I've had planned for YEARS isn't making it in the furhter I'm getting into development#and I had always had it in my mind as a canon event but it's just sorta not anymore??#so. yeah I dont want to share too much outside of just art of them#cause I don't want there to be like Wrong information out there....#anyways.#we were legion
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this IS a political post so if you need to scroll, feel free💜
for the most part I think I'm definitely preaching to the choir on this but like..I just wanna type things out.
so many of the people I know who voted for him didn't expect him to win. they seem disappointed even. I think they knew that they didn't agree with him but couldn't admit it and saw that at WORST their lives would mostly be unchanged under a dem president so they were quietly relying on her to win while maintaining face(if you can call it that) by staying on the trump ship. it obviously emboldened hatred and vitriol and we've known that since last time, but now there are so many /we can disagree and still be friends/ posts amidst SO many filings for divorce because that is true and this isn't that. it's not "disagreement" to erase a person's humanity and strip away human rights more easily. it's not "disagreement" to think no one's life should be marginally easier if yours isn't also getting easier. it isn't "disagreement" to openly and loudly say you're happy that people are frightened and upset and hurt. it isn't "disagreement" to say everyone should have to live according to your own religious beliefs (which may or may not be aligned with what is explicitly written in your religion's scripture). we can disagree about if pineapple belongs on pizza. we can disagree about which lotr movie is the best. we could even disagree about whether the dress is black and blue or white and yellow. it feels asinine to think that everything would be fine when at the time it mattered most to someone you call a friend or family, you could look at them and choose to send the very clear message that you do not see them as a person worthy of living a good life and having hope for the future. when it came down to it, you chose someone who will never EVER see you as respectable or look out for you over people who gave you chance after chance after chance and finally chose peace.
anyway, I love you to everyone who feels uneasy and apprehensive about the future. I hope the next 4 years and some change is boring as hell.
#hi#us politics#politics#I'm trying to make sure the tags make sure it won't reach people trying to avoid reading but damn my brain is friend#also I'll get back to selfies later so don't worry I'm not all serious now but I feel like I deserve to say what's on my mind#and I'd like to be clear about where I stand???#we are pro Palestine in this house#we are pro choice we are pro women and women's right to know themselves#we support people who do not look like us and do not share our lives experiences#we want everyone to have a chance at a beautiful and wonderful and abundant future#to see the end of price gouging and food deserts#to see land back#to see science values#there's a lot but anyway#i love yall
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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Sorry about the theater of emotions going on my face from across the room. I'm trying to resolve an argument that I made up between two fictional characters.
#personal#sorry i didnt tell you that your brother was killed and replaced by a robot#it seemed pretty insignificant to me in the grand scheme of things#more then that id known for so long my mind defaulted to assuming#that it was universal knowledge for everyone#and in that reality that i learned the truth you were unaffected#if it means anything to the both of us i never used that knowledge to grow closer to you#i used that i knew you were a good man to want to know you#where you would be to find you#who you chose to align yourself to be worthy of standing at your side#we shared a bed for rest#and each other for comfort#we could have built a home and were taking all the careful steps to grow closer without scaring the other away#without scaring our own selves away#and were amazed by the ease in which we fell into each other#you look me in the face and say you understand how i could make this mistake#and we both understand why this can no longer be#but this world is indifferent and in you and in i and in each other we have found someone kind#is it selfish of yourself to yourself if you choose to not only allow us to continue but want it to?#what i have done by not doing may remain unforgivable#i will never ask of you any different#but it does not make us impossible#even if every law of societal standard should say otherwise#society is not you it is not i#it shapes us and frame out lives#but our willingness to act for or against it is our own decision#however unconscious
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philosophers are always so obsessed with separating the reality from the simulacra and whether meaning can ever truly be shared and how qualia poses an inherent obstacle to perfect communication. and yet none of that matters when i point to a bird and say "oh shit look at that bird" and a friend replies "holy shit. a bird."
#i'm being overly flippant about this on purpose#but basically i think we get too bogged down with the subjectivity of experience#and the question of whether we can ever fully understand one another#to the detriment of making real connections and bridging the gaps in our lived experiences#by acknowledging that which we share#plus there's always the ability to go well how do YOU see the bird#and then you get to open your mind to different ways of experiencing Bird
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yall how people don't know how to live in apartments/densely packed areas is beyond me. like ma'am why are you clompin around with high heels on and moving furniture in ur 2nd floor apartment at 2am when you KNOW that someone's bedroom is right below yours????
#as someone whos lived in apartments my whole life this absolutely BAFFLES me#or like when i first went to college and there were kids who were SUPRISED i could hear them through the shared walls of our dorms#and id be like yeah??? we share a wall?? thats like 3 inches thick and probably 100 years old of course i can hear you#peoples lack of compassion reaaaally comes out in close range living lmao#westy's shit#dont mind me ranting
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I don't want to get off my phone I don't want to stay on my phone I don't want to pump gas I don't want to do deliveries I don't want to get ready for bed I don't want to write anything of substance I don't want to create I don't want to not create I don't want to be here I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to move I don't want to stay still my brain and body seem to simply want to sit here and Yearn
#is this like a shutdown i think we're having a shutdown#cuz like#we're not experiencing the pain of the overwhelm#but that's because we're dissociating really bad#like am i blitz are we blurry have we been in this parking lot for hours#why can't i just do anything but type#we're just sitting here numb and unmotivated#vent#i guess#tagging in case as always#idk man#“get a hobby” we have several#“get a life” we have. one but we have to share#“get a job” 2 jobs going on possibly 3 next month ok im starting to understand#we are indeed having to face a future and have no solid Plans yet#i thought getting our biggest worry out of the way now that my cat is w a trusted friend would help#but everything else is at the Forefront of our mind now whoops!!#ironically it would be better if we just. cane up w a plan#but noooo sensory overload from our own fucking chatter#allllll dayyyyyy#fuckkkkk#we're probably gonna go to bed lol i can try again tomorrow#we're ok just. we “shouldn't be” if that makes sense lol#if we're going to be a wreck i wish i could at least provess it#like it's worse than emotional denial i straight-up don't have access to said emotions rn#“don't underestimate my capacity to not wanna” type shit sjfhhshsh#oh also we need to eat dude come on#dont want to do that either but alas we need nutrients to live#at least we like living!#usually lmao also i did it (apparently) i reached 30 tags. thank u tumblr i love yapping
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you’re not the only one who has spent the past days thinking about olliallu kisses 😩 but aaaaaaaaa tipsy kisses 😭🥺💕 and some hotel room cuddles after a show 💗🥺 and them trying not to get caught in the tour bus 👀
and I gotta admit I also thought about them sharing some secret kisses in the Aleksi’s home studio while his partner is home (but it wasn’t their intention!! it just happened)
oh god these two are just made to share cute, loveydovey kisses with each other aren't they 😩
hhmmhmhmmhmhmhmhmh yesyesyes this is so very mhmhmhmhm 👀👀👀👀 alsooooooo can we discuss the turmoil of finally realising you've fallen for a bandmate, like, they've spent weeks, maybe months just trying to ignore this stupid feeling they may or may not have (or, alternatively, trying to understand it, but they can't quite grasp it) and trying to rationalize and come up with other explanations for it, and then they have a hot, spur-of-the-moment making-out session while ever-so-slightly wine drunk and they're like oh shit oh fuck oh shit am I ACTUALLY falling for him oh no this is terrible 😭
'friends falling in love when they shouldn't' my most beloved angsty trope <3
#this is starting to feel like some sorta olli/allu support group 😂💗#on tuesdays we share our thoughts about them making out ✍️#(i don't mind in the slightest btw!! hell knows i need some place to let all this out 😩)#(and idk it's nice to know i'm not the only one who's like this 😂)#your last addition reminds me of this one hockey rpf fic i once read (and may have re-read a bunch of times)#in which two hockey guys who live in the same building get together to play video games#but actually end up wrapped around each other making out on the couch with the game forgotten#and the other has a gf waiting at home 💀#i am NOT pro-cheating of course but you gotta admit these kinds of situations make interesting stories#they don't MEAN to cheat okay?? it just happens they can't help what their heart wants 😭#...because LOVE happens 🥺 and sometimes love happens with a bandmate or a teammate 🥺 unintentionally and unexpected 🥺#obviously cheating is not any more acceptable even when there's actual love involved etc. blabla#it's all hypthetical talk anyway 😅#ollixallu#answered asks#sparfloxacin
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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry#like#i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating''#so i KNOW i have no right to be angry#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc#but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this#i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?''#and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored#but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go#i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that#and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress''#it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her)#i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH#and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo#i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something#i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs#which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore#(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure)#and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can#so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo#and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon#but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm#(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that)#anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown#it's not this random girls fault#she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days#(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)
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Putting it in the tags cuz it’s long, also Dec 18 tw
#bro every single time I listen to I will fight#especially on this day#I cannot BELIEVE it is a real song#I’m sure I’ve said it before but when u have the depression like I do it is so cathartic to hear songs that express the feeling of#being sad in spite of everything and wanting to die etc#but I will fight…..like…dude….#saying maybe I want to die too but I’m choosing not to - I’m going to keep living because I want to honor your life#I’m going to survive to ensure that your memory doesn’t hold any pain#to say my entire life is for you because I will love you and miss you for the rest of it#to take desperation in the face of tragedy and turn it into that vibrant will to live#it’s insanity#and I know it was like therapeutic for him to create that song because the feelings are so genuine#but sometimes I can’t believe that he wrote and released it#like u tear your heart open for who? your fans? just so hell hear you? if enough people listen to it#will he hear our hearts cfying out that we want to live for him#that we don’t mind growing older as he lingers in the past#because we are all keeping him alive with the beat of our hearts#to say that every night and every darkness you look for the shining remnants of his life?!?!?!?#and he just let us share it#it’s so#you know
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the moon is so bright where i live right now 🥹
(the tags mention jjong’s passing, please don’t read if it’ll be triggering for you)
#i firmly believe that jjong is the moon (metaphorically speaking)#and that when he passed he went to go live on the moon#that’s his version of heaven bc he’s at peace but he still gets to perform at night and can be a part of everyone’s lives#at least i feel like that’s what he would want#but anywho#when i see the moon#i either take a moment to write to jjong (either physically or mentally)#or if i’m able to#i like to listen to either his music/SHINee or a playlist i have for him#but it gives me a chance to celebrate all that jjong was#and it serves as a reminder that he’s never really gone if we keep things like this in our minds and hearts#so tonight i don’t really want to share my thoughts too much (i prefer to keep my conversations to jjong with just him and i)#but my precious moon i love you infinitely and i am so grateful to have your influence in my life#my moon 💛🌙#5 shining stars 💎
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Yeah, kinda.
I want a relationship where I can cuddle, love, cook for, basically just do what people would consider couple stuff with a person, but it's completely platonic. Like I love you, we hug we love, but there's no romantic attraction involved. Pls tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way.
#i personally would not mind romance buuuuuut...#i would like to belive i can have a life partner even if i never menage to fall in love#it would be so great not needing to stress about romancing people#yeah we are friends and we live together and we cook together and we share our finanses and maybe even fall asleep in each others arms#and thats totally fine with us#aromantic#aroace
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we dont need more video games we need executive function
#bloodletting#poppet wanted to say something but its gross so never mind post canceled#anyway aside from that we have more switch games than we know what to do with#and our father has his library shared as an avid probably near double decade steam user#and we juuust bought like five things#someone watch us play its the only way#we have to do bad voice acting to live i guess#spite is still mad that we could not manage to show taldun
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