#but it gives me a chance to celebrate all that jjong was

[tulsa24]

the moon is so bright where i live right now 🥹

(the tags mention jjong’s passing, please don’t read if it’ll be triggering for you)

[ohmuqueen]

A good source of background info about Jongtae’s performance of “Internet War” from the SHINee reddit

transcript below:

[comment by user @/xiola_azuthra on reddit]:

The following is mainly copypasted from my comment in a thread here from 2 years ago, so please don't think any of my generalizations about fans-in-general is directed specifically at you or your own assumptions (I don't know what your assumptions are and whatever they are they're totally okay!). Some references are below as well.

I just always like to take the chance to bring this up since much of the fandom (especially the international fandom who haven't read the lyrics) has a tendency to always frame the discussion of this performance on the fanservice and homoeroticism elements, when it's actually MANY more layers than that (and the deeper layers are arguably the more interesting an important ones IMO); IMO Internet War is actually the opposite of "pure" fanervice; the fanservice is just the medium they used, but the piece actually has a strong message and some pretty clear symbolism once you check out the lyrics. This is my own interpretation from my own understanding of Jonghyun, the industry, and the lyrics, but YMMV:

--------------------

As much as it's definitely a great performance, everyone seems to laud it as "homoeroticism and fanservice" without reading the lyrics and thinking about what it could mean - which, to me, is the more important and interesting part, and I think central to why Jonghyun defended it, why they kept performing it, and why the handcuffed moment at the end is the iconic part for him (the image he chose to post on his twitter during the backlash).

I've linked the lyrics below, they're by Seo Taiji and very, very non-idol like. They're extremely harsh/rude/angry and largely to do with toxic netizen culture; I think you could apply it to both internet trolls and chronically online netizens vs. each other as well as idols-vs-fans or celebrities-vs-the-public... how they are trapped in this cycle of mutually influencing each other, often in toxic ways. I definitely love me some fanservice as much as the next girl (I've been a BL fan for over half my life) and Jonghyun is a king of bi energy and I love him for it, but honestly after reading the lyrics and looking at the symbolism in the performance, I feel like the 2 most notorious parts of this performance are actually far less about the "edgy homoeroticism" and far more of a pretty *direct metaphor* acknowledging the often toxic bondage between idols and fans/netizens/public opinion.

If you add up the lyrics, the words of Jjong's fake tattoos with the names of his fansites, the symbolism in the fact that he's stripped down (vulnerable) while Taemin is fully-clothed (holds the balance of power), then you get this:

Jonghyun is the idol (the fake tattoos say "ideal boy/one in a million/many (all?) of them are the names of his fansites; his job is to seduce the public with an idealized image), and Taemin is the "public" who now wants everything he can give, can't be sated, wants to take ownership of him (cue Taemin feeling him up)... which makes the handcuffs at the end a very literal symbol; I feel like this performance acknowledges a lot of conflicts they are all aware of, but perhaps specifically Jonghyun... anger at all the toxicity they see online, awareness of how they know that they're selling a falsely idealized image, awareness of how a lot of this system is broken for both sides in many ways (ever-deepening parasocial relationships and everything good/bad that that entails), acknowledgement of how the idol/fan relationship changes both of us...

Which is to say, in the end, (IMO) the handcuffs are acknowledgement of the fact that he is quite literally *giving (or selling) his body to the fans (and the public) as a part of this cycle and and is beholden to this metaphorical bondage of idol-and-public-opinion.* And that obviously this is... neither an easy nor a purely "good" thing, despite how idols normally have to present themselves.

I just feel like this gets ignored because "omg Jjong is hot" and "omg JongTae" but... I think it's far more serious than that. It's actually incredibly ironic that there was so much netizen backlash over this at the time, since that's kind of exactly what it's about. >_>

----------

Lyrics: https://kpopchanted.wordpress.com/2012/09/21/internet-war-%EC%9D%B8%ED%84%B0%EB%84%B7-%EC%A0%84%EC%9F%81-seo-taiji/

---------

Jonghyun's response to backlash (two translations; he posted this comment + changed his profile image to the back shot of their handcuffed hands) http://www.twitlonger.com/show/itpphd / http://www.twitlonger.com/show/itpqqj

---------

(P.S. In retrospect it's a little amusing that Jonghyun got backlash for "corrupting" Taemin and pulling his hair, since the Taemin we know now leads me to believe that he totally suggested that bit himself ^^;;;

P.P.S. To address another concern I have seen before - in case anyone is concerned about Taemin's neck; note that there are stage-fight ways to do this sort of thing and they did it for a whole tour with no injury so it was clearly very choreographed. Jonghyun always pulls straight back, not at an angle (angles are less safe for the neck), and in order to make this move look dramatic in a safe way, the person having their hair pulled can throw their *own* head back, with the other person's grip much looser than it looks; if you time it correctly it looks the same.)

[taeminscoconuthead]

I just had a dream where me, jonghyun, sulli and minho are judges in korea got talent and this one girl auditioned sang Dont cha in a dead pan manner, jjong, me and sulli laughed so damn hard while minho was like there trying not to laugh.

The second was like a guy tried singing and Minho said "Sorry but you sounded like you are being strangled" and the guy said "thank you" and we all like looked at each other

"That wasn't a compliment" Jjong giggled

Just from what I'm seeing, Minho is definitely Simon Cowell. I could see him roasting the bad contestants whilst y'all were trying to give him a chance. Plus, he'd probably be the first guy to press the red button in almost all of the acts and if he could, would stand up and leave if it was so rubbish to the point where he could feel his ears bleeding.

Jonghyun and Sulli are those judges that are the nicest out of all of them. They're also usually the ones that may be those ones that comes as a special guest like a celebrity or something. If they were to come to BGT for example, I could hear Jonghyun or Sulli's names being called alongside with Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, Ed Sheeran, etc. They're also the main reason why the contestants even come to audition in the first place, which is why it's such a good marketing tactic to include celebrities in this business. I'm pretty sure if they were to be sent home, they would be happy that they were able to speak with their idol, even though they did make a fool of themselves right in front of them.

You're definitely the judge that is here to have a laugh and enjoy the moment in hand. You're basically Louis or Piers from BGT. You enjoy this show for as it is. You're also pretty nice too, but if you gotta laugh, you gotta laugh. If you see Jonghyun or Sulli laughing, chances is you're gonna laugh too. You really don't have a filter when it comes to your reaction, but you could have a filter for when you want to speak about how they did depending on the person whether they are young, have a disability, etc.

Overall, I'd watch it if I had the chance. I haven't watched BGT or X Factor in years ever since I saw their exposed videos of people talking about their experiences, but I'd love to watch it again in old times sake due to nostalgia. Maybe this Christmas with my mom and my little brother. Maybe my boyfriend too if he's able to come over.

[dubububbles]

SHINee scenario: How you met | Jonghyun

I struggled a bit with this one and I just really hope it turned out okay in the end, or I might change it later & I’m sorry for being a bit slow with these but I only have Onew left now, so almost done!

For our Jjong I used one of my favourite songs as inspiration, “Cocktail”, so feel free to listen to it while reading~

Jonghyun | Cocktail 

Jonghyun didn’t go clubbing very often, mostly due to his celebrity status, but he would make an exception for a close friend of his, who wanted to celebrate his birthday in a grand manner. It was meant to be a fun and enjoyable night out with some friends but would ultimately result in something entirely different. 

The club in question was a popular one, so there would be a private table reserved for everyone. Jonghyun would stay seated for the most part and catch up with friends of his whom he hadn’t met or spoken to in a while. Further into the night, more people would join in and among them he spotted you. The two of you had never actually met in person but recognized each other through your professions. Jonghyun was a singer and songwriter, while you were a music producer and you were both fans of each other. 

You spent the whole night talking and getting to know each other, which felt a bit intimidating at first but you then quickly learned that Jonghyun was very gentle and charming by nature. It was hard not to grow fond of him.

Your first encounter was brief but enough to spark a small friendship which grew as you kept in touch. It was mostly over social media and through text messages but soon you would also meet up and even work on music together. Jonghyun would then start to view you in a different light and think there was a chance at something more. There was something about you that intrigued him and being around you made him feel joyful and tipsy, as the sip of a cocktail would. 

He definitely wanted to know more but didn’t want to rush, so he would give it time and take things slow. But once he subconsciously met you again at a gathering with your common friends at the same club as your first encounter, he couldn’t hold himself back. Like the first time, you would spend a lot of time talking that evening and also enjoy a cocktail or two. 

When Jonghyun was on the tipsy side, he would suddenly open up about his growing feelings. It wouldn’t come as a surprise, since you had also felt that there was something between you. Only you had been a bit hesitant to bring it up or act on it. When you told him you shared the same feelings, it would make him smile. At the same time, you could tell he was a bit out of it so you decided to bring him to the roof in order to get some fresh air and sober up. You could need it too, since your heart was literally pounding in your chest at that moment.

It wasn’t an easy task to make your way through the packed club in your tipsy state and you eventually got caught up along the way because a sleazy guy closed up on you. He was obviously intoxicated and ignored your objection to dance with him. It aggravated Jonghyun, who didn’t hesitate to push the guy aside and then grab your hand tightly to lead you the rest of the way to the roof.

It was a calmer area where you could both sit down and sober up for a bit. You thanked him for his intervention and also realized you still held on to his hand, which made you feel shy but you also didn’t really want to let go of it. Jonghyun noticed and would then smile and pull you a bit closer to close the gap between you and connect your lips. It was a gentle but passionate kiss and honestly something he had yearned to do for weeks. Only he had held himself back since he didn’t want to come on too strong.

However, none of that mattered now when he was already out of it. So were you but you definetly didn’t complain, and responded to the kiss with the same passion. It excited you and made you blush at the same, especially as you pulled apart and you lowered your head a bit.

”Don’t do that y/n. Don’t avoid my eyes.” He said, while taking your hand and bringing it to his lips. It was a small but sweet gesture to gain your attention and then gaze into your eyes. ”I really like you.” 

It was the second time he was confessing to you in one night but it seemed somewhat more meaningful after your kiss and you didn’t waste a beat to tell him you liked him too. You spent the rest of the night right there, in the same spot, to watch the night sky and enjoy each other's company. You couldn’t help but ask if he was always this romantic with girls and when he gave you some sort of smug remark in response, you would jokingly call him a pervert. 

”What? Pervert? Me?” Jonghyun would point to himself in question and then scoff playfully. ”I saved you before, you know, from the actual pervert, and this is what I get for trying to be a gentleman? Really?” 

His words would make you laugh, since he was right after all, and you would then assure him that you were joking with a sweet hug. 

Those first encounters of yours, and especially your first kiss, were all fond memories that you would both look back on with a smile. Neither of you knew it then but your relationship would take off quickly after that and reach a point where you were certain you were really it for each other. But you wouldn’t have it any other way, as you were each other’s one and only cocktail.

[noona-clock]

Noir ♠️ Kingdom

A B.A.P holiday songfic series by Admin B! Enjoy!

Genre: 1940′s AU

Pairing: Youngjae x You

By Admin B

Le Noir ♠️ Skydive ♠️ Ribbon in the Sky ♠️ Killer ♠️ Fermata ♠️ Confession ♠️ I Guess I Need U ♠️ Chiquita ♠️ Walk ♠️ Now ♠️ Kingdom

Power, wisdom, Patience and innovation Do you possess all these? Thou who wishes to wear the crown, Shall bear its burden This is our kingdom

Honestly, it really hadn’t taken Youngjae long to get used to living here.

After that last job, he knew his career as a hitman was finished. He never wanted to experience that again - I mean, getting hired to kill your own girlfriend? Who was also an assassin and had been hired to kill you?

It was rough.

So he’d packed up his life and got the heck out of dodge. He left behind the dark, crime-ridden streets of the city and had moved half-way across the world.

Your favorite Christmas song had recently become “Christmas Island” by the Andrews Sisters, so in your honor, Youngjae had decided Christmas Island would be his new home.

And, honestly, the low-stress environment of island living made him feel like a King. He had hardly any worries, and he quickly realized that’s how he liked it.

The world you’ve been thinking of, let it go Take off the crooked eyes Listen, it’s a mysterious world you’ve never heard about Listen, in this place that we’ve made We make the kingdom A place we wanted so much A place we hoped for so earnestly, paradise I’ll show you a new paradigm Follow me, make you high

Of course, you had come with him.

That night in the alleyway had changed everything, obviously, and you’d both decided right then and there your love was too strong to go on like this anymore. And you needed a fresh start.

You had immigrated to Christmas Island the next month, even though neither of you knew anything about the place, you figured it was better to take a chance than stay here and risk getting caught by angry clients.

And now, almost a year later... your relationship was stronger than ever. Life on Christmas Island was completely different than anything either of you had ever known. It changed your way of living, it changed your perspectives, it changed your mindsets.

Youngjae could focus on treating you the way you deserved to be treated - like a Queen, of course - instead of worrying about letting his truth slip. And it was the same for you, honestly.

Your relationship was freed from the lies and deception and sneaking around.

This fallen world, give it up  The star of my life is me

The light that wakes me up falls I hear a voice in the darkness

This world is a monster, I’ll stand up and fight This song is for the new world

With everything which had been going on in the world in the last several years, Youngjae truly couldn’t think of a more appealing life than the one he was living right now with you.

Of course, The Cold War had just been declared between the US and the Soviet Union, but... he didn’t really have to worry about that now, did he?

Sure, he would join whatever army he could and fight if it came down to another World War or something, but...

Being surrounded by water just made it feel like nothing in the world could affect him. It would be extremely easy to pretend war wasn’t happening. Extremely easy to just stay here with you in your little house on the beach.

Kingdom has come Raise your banners Gotta be a master face your monster Can’t contain me Don’t stop freedom is mine Higher than the sun My way (my way) I can’t stop

When he got home from work, you were out back hanging up the laundry on the line. He took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie, rolling up his sleeves to try and cool off. He still wasn’t used to being this warm in December, but he was actually learning he’d never liked the snow.

He stood in the back doorway, leaning against the frame as he watched you clipping up some towels to dry.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked with a slight smirk on his lips.

You glanced over your shoulder, and he could see your cheeks blushing from here. “How was work?” you asked.

He pushed off from the doorframe and shuffled up behind you, sliding his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“It was work,” he answered. He placed a kiss on your cheek, smiling against your skin when you let out a soft giggle. “I missed you.”

“Hey, did you hear? The locals say the crabs will coming soon.”

“Say what?”

“Apparently, a whole bunch of crabs collect on the beaches here every December.” 

“Huh,” Youngjae chuckled. “Interesting. Guess they want to celebrate Christmas on Christmas Island, too.”

You simply hummed in response and continued on hanging up the laundry.

“Hey... you like living here, right?”

“Of course, I do,” you assured him. “The weather is nice. I have so much more freedom. And I don’t have to worry about being hired to kill my boyfriend.”

“So, you’re glad you decided to trust me and follow me halfway across the world? Even though this world we live in is crazy and could change at any moment?”

“Absolutely,” you said, turning around to face him. You slid your arms around his neck and pressed the tip of your nose to his. “I’m more than glad. I don’t regret one single thing.

A smile appeared on Youngjae’s lips, and he held you closer, tilting his head to press his lips to yours.

No matter what happened in the coming months or years - if the US went to war again, if people started blowing each other up - he knew he would always have you.

And he trusted you more than he trusted anything else.

Feel it, trust me, follow me Follow me

Tagging @cramelot , @brie02 , @pegacorn24 , @jjong-dae77  , @baekfanapleintemps , @sun-shinee-world , @aidachyan , @shinrin-yokeu , @babybee05 to let them know this has been posted! This is the final part, so I would like to say ‘thank you’ to everyone who has read, liked, commented, or reblogged!! It truly means so much to me!

Master list // RULES // Submit a Request! // Read About the Admins

[billionaire-prince]

Although I had most of my attention on other things and responsibilities, I still thought of Jonghyun during the whole day. I always do. Even if it’s just a couple of lyrics, a melody, a phrase or a funny moment, I think about him every single day of my life. And he still brings me comfort. Despite the longing and the ache, Jonghyun is still my home, my happiness and my blanket after a tough day. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the same for you, Jjong. I know it’s no one’s fault, and I, as someone who didn’t know you personally, couldn’t do anything else, but I still wonder if things could have been different. Probably yes. But punishing ourselves with that way of thinking is counter-productive. 

I remember the first time I ever listened to SHINee. I loved your voice, and I thought you were really cute. I didn’t give enough attention to the group during that time and I regret it, because otherwise I would have even more memories with you. 

I also remember when I received the news. When my best friend woke me up with a short text, because she was broken inside. I remember the hard time I had processing all of that information. I saw your name, and your photo, and I said to myself that all of that was a mistake. Until I saw the pictures of the funeral by accident, and my heart finally broke. I remember the nights I spent crying for you, because you were nice, and gentle, and you deserved another chance so why didn’t you get it? Sometimes I still cry, but most of the time I just feel a dull ache inside of my chest. I’m finally able to think about you on a happy note, but sometimes I think about how you should be here with your family, with your members, and then the pain becomes unbearable. 

You deserved to heal. You deserved to grow old. 

I’ll always be grateful for your mom and your sister, for the way they chose to remember you: with love, with kindness. They have every right to mourn you, but still they celebrated your life and existence in this world, even if it was short. And I’m grateful for your members, because they’re the strongest group of people I’ve ever known. 

You’re more than your illness, more than your death. You’re a young man that had a dream and wanted to change the world in every way you could. And you did. You were enough, Jonghyun. You are enough. 

I love you, my moon. Thank you. 

[messagestomylove]

april 18th, 2018

dear you,

      i’m so tired jjong, so so so tired right now. but you’ve been through worse, you’ve experienced worse. you probably tired all the time so i can make it through this day. honestly, i’ve just been trying to find a way to live without you. of course life will never be the same, but i have to keep moving. i just have to. if i can’t keep going then what’s the whole point? you wouldn’t have wanted me to stop moving just because you did. and that’s what keeps me going, knowing that you wouldn’t want me to.

      sm wants to take down your memorial you know. i don’t know why, so many of us haven’t had a chance to visit you and say goodbye yet. i need to see you. i need to give you love in person. i need to give you my letters and finally tell you how you changed my life for the better. god, it’s so hard trying to live without you jjong. i miss seeing updates about you, i miss you creeping on kibum’s posts, i miss you randomly doing an instagram live, i miss you appearing in selfies and updates. i just miss you.

     this month has been a little easier, i will admit. it’s a busy month for me. my parents are visiting me at school and i have a performance in a couple days. i’m finding my passions slowly but surely and wishing i had your guidance every stape of the way. you’ve helped me so much. you did what you had to do to be able to take care of your dreams and also help your family and i’m just trying to do the same.

     i was looking forward to your birthday so much this month and it was such a pleasant day. everyone celebrated regardless of how they felt. we gave you all the love we could and then some. you’ve impacted so many people jjong, you’ve made so many people fall in love with you and your quietly intense and cute and intelligent and thoughtful ways. god, honestly there could ever be another you in my life. i don’t think i’ll ever find someone as amazing as you. and i don’t think i’m meant to. my god, do i miss you. i’m sorry for how messy this is…i just really really fucking miss you babe. my life is considerably darker now that you’re gone and i’m just trying to deal.

i’ll love you forever,

                                me

[bun-writes-things]

Click [Chp8] Bullet Proof

AFF Link 

“Of course,” He says staying low, eyes closed. It was hard...so hard but the demon was smart and would sniff out the lie in an instant if he messed up.

“However I do hope that next time you won’t go above me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir…”

The mere sight of a cocky young female made him frown. From her blonde hair and sharp hawklike eyes to the full of her pouty red lips, the young woman seemed almost  green around the gills for Ace, but he knew not to underestimate. “Who are you?” “See that’s none of your concern. My concern is of the two fugitives you are hiding. The hit is off, it’s mine now,” She purrs, a gun pulled out. Minho took no chances to let her shoot, bringing out his own pistol and letting off six consecutive rounds, to which the female only dodges, returning her own rounds of fire while avoiding the bullets from the red haired pretty boy. “Who are you?” Ace asked, eyes narrowed as he lands a shot, the female growling when the left leg gives out. With the other down Minho moved to restrain her, arms pinned and his tail wrapped tightly around the oozing mass of blood pooling from the bullet wound. “Ji…” She says finally. “I was hired by Chun –Yan to oversee that you don’t kill the targets. They are not yours anymore and we will take them,” was the hissed threat. At that moment a shorter male enters, mixed by the looks of it… “Oh Xiumin there you are, a little help?” BANG. For a few seconds there was a deafening silence as the body slumped forward, brain matter splattering the floor. By now cops had been called, and Minho knew they had to escape. They couldn’t be caught. “You have twenty seconds for us to all escape before the cops show up. Here’s the deal: Come with us, bring the fugitives, we’ll provide you safety back to Seoul and erase the data captured on the security feed. In exchange we will take the Lee twins and house them until further notice. As far as Ravi would be concerned: You two succeeded. We can talk about where the disk is with all the research later. Do we have deal? We have ten seconds left now.” From the bedroom Eunsook listened, the door cracked open at the sound of gun fire. At first she wanted to go out, but a light touch to her back stopped her and so along with her brother she listened, took in the words. The hit was off? It seemed too good to be true for the twins and Jinki just couldn’t help but frown at the whole conversation. Chun Yan helping them? Why? What reason could she have? “Should we go out?” Jinki asked. “Five seconds…” came Xiumin’s voice. “Choose Ace and Choi. Four seconds…three…” “Fine. You better hold your words,” Growled the fox. “Perfect. Follow me,” He smirks before moving to the balcony, giving a shot of his gun. From the distance a koud sound could be heard a small chopper came closer.  “All aboard~” He laughs, climbing onto the rope ladder that lowered while the other’s followed.

Almost immediately as soon as they were all in the chopper Xiumin smiled at them, positively beaming because ho ho ho he managed to convince two of the hardest assassins to his cause for the moment. This, in itself he feels, was a victory to be celebrated however it seemed he alone was the one grinning, for Taemin was currently stone faced and anxious. He didn’t like how warm the other’s smile seemed, made him feel things he didn’t want to think of at the moment. Reminded him of what Minho’s warmth felt like, how he was so triumphant like a cat who got the bird. A feeling of normalcy as if proud and it made Taemin freak out. Apparently he was not alone, at least in the feeling of being annoyed. Minho was as well but unlike the other Minho felt more concerned than anything. Without much thinking the fox’s thick, luxurious tail laid across the younger’s lap, said boy immediately began to stroke it, the action not unnoticed by either Eunsook or Jinki. In fact it solidified on Eunsook’s end her annoyance and contempt for Key for even bringing the younger into all this.

It felt as if an eternity had passed before Jimin’s sweet voice filtered through:

“We’re almost there. Anyway hopefully if things go well Ms. Chun-Yan will have it all taken care of. You get your live’s, we get the info and you don’t worry about death for failing~~”

“Exactly what does she have in mind, Xiumin?” Jinki asked softly, drawing Taemin from his anxious state. God he loved that honey voice.

“Suga, my boss, has been eyeing up Ravi’s spot for awhile and Chun-Yan has a vendetta against him. In exchange for your lives and information, Ravi get’s displaced, Suga get’s in and again you get to go free. No death. No hit. Simple yeah?”

Good as it sounded Eunsook couldn’t quite stop the nagging doubt in the back of her mind. How could Ravi give up his power easily? As if reading her thought’s the pilot chuckled.

“Chun-Yan knows how to dismantle from the inside out, why else would she and Tao be in cahoots with eachother? He’s the one who sent us, Chun-Yan is the one whose working with that pretty little incubus Key and the little pupper Jonghyun~”

“Mmhm, Nammi is right, as of right now if things go to plan then you, my little captives, will be perfectly safe for the rest of your days. After all you all owe a debt to Chunnie and Tao and as long as things go well you will never need or worry~ so trust in us.”

Taemin snorts, rolling his eyes as his fingers moved more fanatically through the silver fur. This wasn’t right. This couldn’t be happening. Live without fear? The hit was off? No consequence for failing? To much. This had to be a bad joke right?

“Lies. We’ll be killed regardless. No one does anything for the good of others. Who's to say Suga wouldn’t just want us to disappear once he has the seat of power? You expect us to believe we will be safe???”

He felt cheated, as if suddenly his whole life and way of being was a joke. Out of concern for the younger Jinki shifted, moved to the other and placed a gentle hand to his knee, under the tail. The touch calmed him and he wandered exactly what happened to him, what happened to minho for him to be so protective. Something in their past...he felt it. Something needed to be found out, but for now his life and his twin’s life were in the hands of others.

“For now, regardless if this will work or not we need to have faith...as it is I rather enjoy being alive...and not dead,” Jinki quips, eyes trained to the redhaired assassin who still held his life in their hands. After all who's to say even if they are safe the other doesnt follow through? It would ensure the greedy child wouldn’t have to share him…

Still though Jinki couldn’t quite figure out what Taemin was. It was as if the other could make him do whatever he pleased, as if his emotions and thoughts were not his own, but he also worried for his sister, who has seem to taken the Fox’s attention in more than a prey and predator.

“See? Even the cute one gets it. Now then we’re almost to the safe building so enjoy the ride!”

----

Ravi felt a slight annoyance when he saw Key in his office. First his boytoy vampire is taken and now this incubus is here.

“This better be good.”

Moments seemed to stretch on forever as he breathes in deep through the nose. It was never a simple thing to just waltz into the office of the Demon but regardless he had to play his part. With Jjong taking Leo out it was easier to seduce the other, to use him for the Chinese bitch. He didn’t like her, never did but this was for Eunsook and he would do anything. It’s funny the prospect of actually loosing her made him remember why he wanted to get to Leo’s spot: To protect her.

“The two have found the targets. Last I heard of them they were going in for the kill. No word has been recieved. As I trusted Leo,” A lie, “to keep Jjong in place,” another lie. “I asked if he could accompany Jonghyun to Shanghai where the targets were. To report back as the two have gone silent and have not contacted me. I realize of course I should have asked you, however I grew worried after all we need that information and they were not answering.”

The lie was rehersed an easy slip of the tongue as he bows low in respect...in forgiveness for not getting permission. He expected a harsh voice and instead was treated to a softer one...an appraising tone.

“This is true, you should have come to me right away, however your quick thinking should be rewarded. There is a reason I assigned you to this. After all given your history with Eunsook and her brother, it was easy enough to make the decision. You of all people know the importance of protecting the humans from things beyond their control through any means needed.”

“Of course,” He says staying low, eyes closed. It was hard...so hard but the demon was smart and would sniff out the lie in an instant if he messed up.

“However I do hope that next time you won’t go above me. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir…”

He had to act now, had to do it. As he stands the brown eyes fade into an ice blue, black hair becoming a shocking pink. A glance at the camera and he knew...he knew the other was watching.

“Hmn?”

“I hope that you will forgive me, but I have to do this...for Eunsook… SUGA NOW!” From behind a door is blasted apart and Ravi narrows his eyes.

“What is this?”

“Your end. It’s about time I take back my rightful place. Let’s go Ravi...you and me.”

“Bring it wolf.”

---

“Tao…”

“Yeah chun?”

“Promise me Mei will be safe?”

“I give you my word. She will become an excellent huntress. After all the north will never turn down such raw talent. Consider our deal closed. The rest I leave to you. Bye  bye my dear Chun-Yan~”

[p-assionlove]

Now i’m so scared to go into news site… i still cant believe jjong has leave this world… this makes me thought of going to see them in real life. As an international fan, we have limited chances to see them real life… i saw some comments that they cried and regret themselves that they wait for a good chance to watch a concert of all OT5… but… 🙁🙁😔

Those people who leave hateful comments to the news article (not alot, but i’m shocked to see there are still some of them.. wtf) should really think for themselves if they still have heart anot.

As shcj, I was waiting for next year’s 20th anniversary and this really make me think whether should i wait again (as it was on march, i will be in school since i have midterms on that month 😣 plus nearing to finals) or just go for it…

Also, this make me worried about all idol’s mental health and as oppayam’s fan (bias), some of his actions/expression make me recall back how he feel so sad and depressed sometimes.

Also to rest of the members, eric who is under alot of stress and critism from those idiotic netizens/anti (no idea why they want to waste their time on hating ppl), minwoo,andy,jinnie,hyesung (from their scandals etc… )

I hope all celebrities (not only singers,but actor/actresses etc) open up about seeking help and society can accept that this is a normal illness (not becoming a stigma). As someone who gotten mild depression before, i know how it feels when the whole world feels shitty and nobody could understand you... and sometimes even when you know u did well, the sad emotion is still there and you dont know why... ) but i'm not in a position that really can talk about depression in deep..

In jjong's case.. there are alot of 'what if' as to what if he's just a normal person, what if there was someone who can understand him and give him a positive energy to tell him one reason for him to live everyday... He may not meet this person in this life, but i hope in heaven, he can let go of this life's tiredness and watch over his lovely fans, those real fans who really supported him throughout his life. As well his 4 brothers, sisters, mother and his close friends. Or maybe next life, if he were to reincarinate, he can live his life happily, not passing away with sorrow feelings.

Sorry jonghyun, that we have failed you, but please remember in this life, there are many people who still love you.

Just a heartfelt thoughts when i try to read his articles... honestly, it still break my heart and i try to hold back my tears (since i'm in hostel, i cant be crying since there are other ppl around)...

[mizubelle]

Super Late SHINee In LA Stuff (that I need to get out of my system)

thoughtspam and unleashing of feelings that i’ve clearly been bottling up and wrestling with

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I LOVE SHINEE

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I REALLY LOVE JONGHYUN

LIKE THAT BOY TOOK MY BREATH AWAY MULTIPLE TIMES

LIKE I WAS TRYING TO SING AND JAM WITH MY LIGHT STICK BUT THEN THE CAMERA WOULD DO A CLOSE-UP OF HIM AND I WOULD STOP BREATHING FOR A SEC AND THEN HAVE TO DO A BIG INHALE

like i’ve never gotten anywhere remotely close to being in love with someone but he’s the biggest celebrity crush i’ve ever had and that’s probably the closest i’ve ever gotten to love (the very sad life of an anxious potato lmao)

FUCKING CHOI MINHO

LIKE WOW I LOVE HIM

SAVIOR IS LIT AS FUCK

SO IS READY OR NOT

I DON’T EVEN THINK I WAS EXPECTING TO JAM HELLA HARD WITH SHINEE BUT THEY DID THAT! THE WHOLE AUDITORIUM DID THAT!

idk maybe i haven’t listened to savior enough (time to remedy that) but somehow i did not realize that it was such a fuxking bop

aw they were so fricking cute spinning and playing around during ready or not

lmao i didn’t jump even though shinee told me to...i’m too boobilicious and jiggly to be about that jumping life

i can’t believe that i just wrote that asdfghjkl

i let the girl on my left borrow my shinee world iv light stick which i had taped up just before the concert started because it had broken at kcon before i got the chance to even properly use it. i taped it up to stay permanently on.

i think the cap at the tip came off sometime during the show

i had the shinee world v light stick i bought off of ebay

dude i should have tried to buy a bunch of them off ebay and sell them the day of the show (here’s where the stupid theme of regret begins)

anyway back to my assorted thoughts and observations

freaking choi minho dude

like i think he only spoke english to the crowd and holy crap he’s really good and i love that he worked it even in a language that’s not native to him and he’s so freaking cute

i’m sure the other members looked up at the balcony too but the only one that i really caught was minho. i don’t remember when (like during an earlier ment or the last one or even a slow song)

but holy crap his eyes were so soft and he looked like he was really taking in the balcony view instead of just the floor level and he looked so happy and thankful

shit shinee is really really funny

like highlights: 

taemin trying to copy something he’s heard key say before (asking the crowd if they’re having fun tonight) and getting so embarrassed before that he turned around to face away from the audience and after finally asking us and turning back to face us, he was hiding in his red hood

key and minho!: minho talking about the clippers and key dismissing him and asking about food (lmao key and i are one and the same), key trying to sing from La La Land (which i haven’t seen) and minho asking him if he was okay, Minho whipping out the dab and it turning into La La Land poster posing, minho and his freaking $300 clippers jersey (shhh it’s secret lmao) which he supposedly held up to the crowd when they exited after the show LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, talking about the Power Rangers and how there’s five of them but they’re the SHINee Five

Like damn I really appreciate Key. And I know the members were looking to him to help address the audience.

EDIT: THE JONGTAE HUG! THE JONGTAE HUG! LOOK IT UP BRUH! like jonghyun threw something like paper at taemin and like immediately scooped him into a hug after hitting him

FEEL GOOD FUCKING FEEL GOOD

IT’S HONESTLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE FRICKING SHINEE SONGS (EVEN THOUGH THEY LIKE ALL ARE BUT I REALLY LOVE IT)

AND HOLY SHIRT IT WAS SO GOOD

COLORFUL LIGHTS, SHINEE STANDING IN A SMOKEY MIST, GORGEOUS VOICE AND MOVES

LIKE I WAS LEGIT BOUNCING IN MY SEAT AND DOING THE DANCING HAND MOVEMENTS JUST BEFORE THE CHORUS

I NEED TO START COMPILING LIKE ALL THE FANCAMS FOR IT FROM THE TOUR OR SOMETHING

also i have zero fancams for once. i never got an answer from subk after aeg sent an email saying cameras were allowed but subk said they weren’t in their FAQ so maybe it was an SM thing. but anyways i was in the balcony so the screen and shinee got super washed out so it wasn’t worth focus on filming instead of them for extra blah footage. but a lot of people around me where filming on phones and someone might have been livestreaming? lmao if they were hoping you couldn’t hear my screeches (also dang where they getting good footage? what type of phone do they have??? lol lol lol)

Prism butt rolls! especially from key! you know i screamed!

dude singing replay with them was so nice and Onew looked so proud and like happy at the MVP part cuz we were singing along and especially cheered at that iconic line

taemin’s solo!!! Get it boy!!! and then his next outfit was the freaking red hoodie that wasn’t zipped all the way up (like i see you bro. i see you.)

beautiful space background for beautiful jongyu duet. breathtaking vocals. long gazes from them at the end. wow.

before they sang Selene 6.23, I think key was the one to introduce it and told us to sing along if we knew the words and told us that jonghyun wrote it, giving him a little shout out and jonghyun freaking giggled

awwwwwwww jonghyun asking to see the 1of1 fan project again when they stopped performing

onew (or key?) talking about coming to LA more or something like that and (definitely onew) saying it was only a 13 hour flight

not all the fan projects went 100% smooth like the time that we were instructed to show the other side of the 1of1 banner for jonghyun’s birthday project, the curtain was literally going on down and idk if jjong noticed it but key did. and he was ducking to say goodbye to us when he said “oh right. it’s your birthday soon” which means he noticed the banners and also lmao i think that was the last thing we heard them say

jonghyun in his ending ment talking about how people were apparently blowing kisses so he was imitating them and sent loud MWAH kisses to the crowd (this kills the man)

it was so CUTE

like UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

JESUS CHRIST HE’S REALLY BEAUTIFUL

LIKE REALLY BEAUTIFUL

THEY ALL ARE TBH

they say that they’ll come back to LA soon and I freaking hope so!

like pls pls pls pls. 

i know in a couple of years their futures together might shift and change. 

plus also i’ve been really beating myself up because I was like I should have gone closer to the stage instead of in the balcony but tbh i spent the amount I was comfortable with and made sure to buy a ticket from day 1 because i didn’t want to miss this and i could not predict that later on the more expensive tickets would be selling under face value on stubhub (and by people on twitter and stuff but i wouldn’t really trust that method of selling)

idk about the pricing for this tour either, like if it was maybe more expensive (for whatever reason like venue, production costs etc. and also there are more members so maybe that factors into it to???) but back in 2013 the TVXQ tickets i had that were like 30 rows in at the (now) microsoft theater were about $90 with fees and the comparable seating areas were more than double that for this tour

anyway i’ve been letting the whole i-wasn’t-that-close to-the-front-and-center thing bother me a lot these past couple of days and color my experiences in a negative light which is absolutely freaking ridiculous 

I got the chance to see my favorite group live in a full concert close to home and I know that I had so much fun like singing and screaming and waving my light stick and bouncing in my seat and laughing and everything and I’m grateful. Not everyone that wanted to catch SHINee on tour had the opportunity to do so and it was just a great experience being in the room no matter what and I could feel all the love and good energy going around, with SHINee putting on a great show for their fans across the world from where most of the action happens and all of us in the audience there to support SHINee and send all the love we have for them right back at them and not just through our computer and phone screens. I know that they had a good time and appreciated us and I know I had a good time and love and appreciate them so much like every damn day. maybe i wasn’t like right up in the front catching their eye but i was freaking there having a grand ol’ time. and i’ll always remember it. Like I always randomly think back to concerts I’ve been too and I was laughing so much looking back at my TVXQ fan accounts earlier and I have a folder of TVXQ in LA stuff actually lmao so I’ll probably try to make a SHINee one too. Like hell there are fancams and stuff of SHINee I can catch to help take me back even more and I appreciate that the internet and the k-pop community allows us to transport ourselves to different places and performances and times through the snapshots and videos we share.

anyway i feel a lot better writing all of this out. and i got to make sure that i saved some more of my shinee memories. like holy shit i got the chance to see them 3 times in a year??? like from the first time seeing them live to a full concert experience in less than a year. damnnnnnnn.

tl;dr SHINEE WORLD V IN LA WAS FREAKING AWESOME AND YUP, SHINEE FUCKING DID THAT

[messagestomylove]

may 18th, 2018

dear you,

     hello my love, my man in the moon, my comfort, my everything. how are you lately? i’m doing alright when i’m busy and only doing okay when thinking of you. i finished with my first year of college and now the long stretch of summer is just ahead, full of sunny days and humidity. i was always quite the opposite of you when it came to my feelings on the sun. i love it, crave it even. it’s the long, dark nights of winter that wear me down and make me feel empty, but in the summer, it’s the long days and hot nights that make my skin prickle with delight. this summer will be a little different as i’m spending it without my closest friends, but it will give me a chance to focus on myself and my writing and to think of you.

i’m starting to grab my passions and hold them close to me. they’re really the only productive things that give me joy. school burns me out to the point where i don’t even want to look at a keyboard, let alone a book, but now i have all the time in the world to write and read and write. just how music freed you, writing frees me. it lets me tap into hidden emotions and put them somewhere useful. it lets me take my pain and my sadness and my anger and place it in someone else’s arms who isn’t too much like me, but just enough so that i can let my feelings go. i just want to be happy all the time, i really do. i hate second guessing myself and others, i hate feeling sad or angry or disappointed. if i could put myself in a bubble of permanent happiness i would. and i would put you in there with me too.

to be quite honest with you jonghyun-ah…i’m tired of crying. i hate it so much. i hate the stares and the pity and the heaving of my chest. there’s nothing wrong with it, but i always feel so pathetic. i accidentally cried in front of my new friends for you. i saw a video of shinee in the early days, 2008, and you were all so little and small. you in particular tugged at my heart because in the video, you were this bright eyed young boy who was growing into a man. you had just reached one of your dreams and the only direction you could go was up. my heart felt like it burst into a million little pieces and i just started crying. i tried to stop, but i just couldn’t and i felt so awful. i miss you so much, so so so much. it’s so hard not having you in my life. i hate knowing that soon, your voice will no longer be heard on any new songs, that there will no longer be any new content specifically for you, there will be no concerts, no photoshoots, no instagram posts, no selfies, no more blue night, no more anything and i hate hate hate knowing that. i just want you to be around all the time.

as you already know, the boys have decided to have a comeback. i’m so proud of them just like i was for the shinee world concerts in japan and sm town in dubai. them continuing on like this when they know damn well that they don’t have to is so strengthening and i just want to give them all hugs and kisses for it. the fact that they’re coming back and celebrating the 10th anniversary is amazing and i’m so proud. but (there always is a but, isn’t there) even though i’m proud, i guess i’m sad too. i didn’t think i’d be, but a teaser picture was released yesterday and i nearly cried looking at an empty space that belonged to you. i also nearly cried the day before that too, listening to older shinee songs and hearing your piercing 18 year old voice come through my headphones was entirely too much. i might cry listening to the new songs, my head making me hear your voice in places it’s not.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that i miss you so much, especially during this time where you should be here, right next to the boys, but you’re not. it’s going to be hard looking at the 4 of them and seeing a spot just for you and then realizing that you’re not there to fill it.

oh god jjong, i hope to see you soon. i miss you so so so much. and the fact that poet | artist is the last thing i’ll ever have of you is breaking my heart right now. i have to go.

i promise to love you forever, with my whole heart,

                                                                                  me