#we are given an evil at the start of the film

[vasira96]

can’t stop thinking about zoolander

[e-vay]

SONIC 3 REVIEW

I wanted to wait a few weeks to give many people the chance to see Sonic 3 before I wrote a review, but of course I'll keep it under the cut for those who still haven't seen it.

DISCLAIMERS!

I acknowledge that the Sonic Cinematic Universe is a SEPARATE interpretation of the Sonic franchise so I will never dock it points for doing things different than we've seen in the games. These movies are inspired by the Sonic the Hedgehog video games, they are not direct adaptations. I have no sympathy for anyone who complains these movies get things 'wrong' about the games.

I acknowledge that the Sonic movies are family films marketed towards children, so some of the writing and plot devices are simplified or toned down for younger audiences. However, that won't stop me from pointing out some plot holes.

My review is just my opinion. I'm not saying I'm right or that you're wrong if you disagree.

I'm so damn excited to finally talk about it and I have SO MUCH to say, so buckle up!

TL;DR: I give Sonic 3 a score of 9/10, just barely shy of being an absolutely perfect movie! There were some editing choices and some plot holes that made me dock minor points. These nitpicks are small and almost insignificant compared to the whole of the film, but they stood out enough to bother me and they're why I can't give it a perfect rating.

Let's start with the positives.

CAST & CHARACTERS - 10/10

TL;DR - With a star-studded cast, it's almost impossible to say any one actor/character outshined the others. Every single person was on their A-game for this movie and gave emotional, hilarious, all-out performances.

Jim Carrey as both Ivo and Gerald Robotnik is genius! He plays both characters so differently that you could almost believe they were being played by two different people -- minus the tongue-in-cheek way the movie reminds you that they're the same person.

This iteration of Gerald is unlike any we've seen before, which kept me on my toes the entire time I was watching. He comes onto the scene fully claiming that he's a villain, but still he manages to suckerpunch you (and Ivo) with the final reveal of his ultimate plan. You would think that the same old man who was just doing a choreographed dance performance 20 minutes ago couldn't tear your heart out without even the use of words when we see him mourning the loss of his granddaughter, and then fill you with spine-chilling terror as he uses his whole chest to exclaim he's going to 'burn it all down!', but damn did Jim Carrey do that and more! This movie (and Jim Carrey alike) managed to make Gerald both the major comic relief of the movie AND simultaneously made him one of the most despicable villains in the franchise so far. His utter lack of compassion for Shadow or Ivo, using both of them as his puppets, really shows you how little this man values even those who are supposed to be closest to him. I encourage you to rewatch the movie and really appreciate the dynamic range we were given of this character in under a 2 hour window.

Ivo is back and better than ever, baby (despite what Tails says)! Though I liked the initial, unexpected take on his character in Sonic 1, it has been beyond satisfying to see the evil doctor's descent into madness, all culminating into THE Eggman we recognize from the games! Seeing him in the iconic Eggman suit was like seeing my baby in her gown for prom. I was one proud mama! Sonic 3 sends Ivo on an emotional rollercoaster and we not only get to see him the silliest he's ever been, but your heart truly breaks for him by the end of the film. Honestly, I'm still gutted over Gerald's "Ivo, you're no Maria" line! One thing I particularly loved is that repeatedly throughout this franchise, Ivo has mentioned how society has always rejected him, he's had nobody who loves him (except Stone ofc) and he's repeatedly reminded he's a failure. Yet at the end of this film, he's given the chance to live up to his real potential and Team Sonic (and Shadow (and all of Earth while we're at it)) wouldn't have stood a chance without him. With Ivo seemingly dead, this was a heartfelt, tearjerking, beautiful sendoff for Eggman in a way that doesn't feel forced and gives Jim Carrey the chance to excuse himself should he decide he no longer wants to be a part of the future movies. BUT if he does decide to come back (and it's sounding like he does) -- c'mon, y'all don't really think Shadow would have just left Eggman to die, do you? He absolutely could have teleported them both outta there at the last minute.

SHADOW. 👏👏👏 This was without a doubt, the BEST depiction of Shadow I have ever seen! Keanu Reeves and the animators put everything into this rendition of Shadow and I was moved to tears on several occasions. This movie gave us an emotional, heartbroken Shadow who doesn't mask his feelings. Even before losing Maria, we see that Shadow is someone who struggles with understanding who he is, where he comes from and what his purpose is. He's subjected to constant testing and when he's not 'in use,' he's seemingly stowed away in the dark for later. It isn't until Maria shows up and befriends him that we get to see that he's just a regular person. He's curious about music and dancing, he enjoys play and stargazing, he's self-conscious. And then the transformation he takes after being betrayed and losing his loved ones, UGH! Keanu Reeves freaking NAILS it in every single scene! One of the moments that stood out the most to me and physically gave me goosebumps was when Shadow begins to question if destroying the planet is what Maria would have wanted and Gerald convinces him to focus on the pain that was left from her death. When Shadow's charging the Eclipse Cannon and reliving the most devastating moment of his life, you can hear his rage just in the way he's breathing! Keanu Reeves doesn't even speak any words in that scene but I could feel every drop of anger and regret and hatred in his performance. But also he delivered some very funny lines too and at least to me, it didn't feel forced. I also really liked that Keanu Reeves did research for this character and actually 'created' a voice for Shadow instead of using his normal voice. (I strongly recommend watching this clip where he talks about how he came up with 'the voice'. It's fascinating and such a delight). I think a lot of people might have initially thought having him voice Shadow was cool but kind of a joke, but he took the role very seriously and I feel he made an effort to separate himself from Shadow. His voice scratched my brain in the most satisfying way lol. I wish he could permanently voice Shadow from now on, but at least I can always imagine his voice whenever I read or play any Shadow content. Also, Shadow's character model was GOR-GEOUS. He was so handsome and badass and also I love, love, LOVE the amount of contrast between him and Sonic. EVEN DOWN TO THE DETAILS IN THE TEXTILES OF THEIR GLOVES. Sonic's gloves appear to be cotton so they're soft and warm and porous -- a fabric that comforts and lets things in. Shadow's gloves are leather -- a fabric that's firm, resistant, impenetrable. SO MUCH thought and detail went into designing Shadow. AND SUPER SHADOW OH MYGOOOODDDDDDDD. He looked like an angel! I have always loved Super Shadow's platinum design in the games, but giving him the extra detail of iridescent and rose gold quills in the movie was so freaking beautiful. I truly can't fault a single thing about him in this movie. A thousand kisses to Keanu Shadow.

TEAM SONIC. That's right, I'm addressing the group here because this movie really treated each member of Team Sonic as equals and I loved it. Sonic may be the leader, but Knuckles packed this movie full of action, heart and laughs. Idris Elba and the writers found a great balance for Knuckles in that he delivered what I thought were some of the funniest lines of the film, but it didn't lessen the impact of his more serious scenes. When Knuckles is arguing with Sonic about using the Chaos Emeralds, there is so much tension and I feel like they really nailed the gravity of that fight. Knuckles ultimately chooses not to battle Sonic, but I felt that him reminding Sonic of their oath and pointing out that Sonic is breaking it was actually MORE of a punishment than a punch to the face. We also really got to see Knuckles 'THE GUARDIAN" in this movie which I greatly appreciated. We see a lot of Knuckles "the fighter" where he's quick to throw fists, but there were many moments in Sonic 3 where he got to serve as a proper protector. I cried when he caught Sonic and Tails and even after they're safe he's just holding them, the three of them a battered mess in the cornfield! AH MY HEART!

Speaking of my heart-- Tails you good boy! Tails showed so much growth between Sonic 2 and Sonic 3 and I was so proud of him! He's still cute as can be and still has moments of childlike wonder, but he played a significantly larger role in this movie and showed a lot of maturity. He's quick to come up with plans but he is also actually in the action instead of shouting from the sidelines. I also really liked that during the bleakest part of the film, it's actually Tails who is trying to console Sonic about what's happened to Tom. You know things are bad when it's the baby sibling who attempts to be the emotionally strong one and comfort the older sibling. And I love that it's Tails and Knuckles who help Ivo to steer the Eclipse Cannon away from the Earth. It would have been easy to just sideline them and have them hope that Super Sonic and Super Shadow could handle things, but that diminishes the value of Team Sonic. The movie made it very clear that their teamwork is what made them so strong and it was through all of their combined efforts that the Earth was saved in the end. Sonic and Shadow could not have done it alone, even with the combined power of the Chaos Emeralds. I feel like a broken record by saying this but it has to be said: Colleen O'Shaughnessey killed it as Tails yet again. Go queen!

This might come as a surprise to some, but the Sonic in this movie is my favorite we've seen throughout the SCU franchise so far. I have heard people criticize that Sonic was a little 'boring' or 'underwhelming' during the first 2 acts of the movie, but I actually perceived that as intentional by design. At this point in Sonic's life, he's used to the whole hero thing. He's saved the world multiple times by now so it makes sense to me that he's become complacent and doesn't really take the time to consider how potentially dangerous a threat can be (I mean think about it, he nearly gets lasered-to-death via the forcefield at G.U.N. Headquarters just because he had to be a silly goof and do a tour of London NOW of all times! Yes it's funny and in-character and I still loved that scene ((and loved that it gave Tails a shining moment to save him)), but c'mon Sonic you almost fucked up the entire plan because you just had to do your goofy thing!). So when Shadow shows up and kicks his ass not once, but MULTIPLE times--and then he nearly loses his father figure TWICE--it serves as a rude awakening. He learns that there is a price to pay for being blasé, underestimating the gravity of a situation and not sticking to a plan, and that's where he dramatically overcompensates and goes on a vengeful arc. And vengeful Sonic is FUCKING. FANTASTIC. I think we as an audience can forget how lethal Sonic can be because he's normally so playful and silly, so to see him lock in and not hold back is actually pretty terrifying (but in a great way!). Ben Schwartz was AMAZING in this portion of the movie. I find him to be one of the funniest comedians on the planet, but I couldn't believe it was the same guy during this act. He dug deep and gave such a compelling performance full of anguish and hatred that I honestly didn't realize he was capable of. But most importantly--he was able to rein it in when it mattered most and Sonic didn't lose himself before it was too late. Sonic is not a perfect character, but one of the things that makes him such a great hero is that he always manages to hold on to the light that's inside of him. I always appreciate Sonic's motivational speeches and I loved that when he's having the heart-to-heart with Shadow, the emphasis is about who you are and the good that comes from the love you have for others. It's heavy and important but was delivered in a way that was easily digestible for younger viewers without diminishing the meaning of the message. However, what I found even more moving in this scene was the moment of silence that Sonic and Shadow share on the moon. It was so poignant and I'm glad they held that moment of stillness and quiet. By the end of the movie, we do get our loveable Sonic back but he acknowledges the mistakes he made and regrets putting everyone in danger because of his reckless decisions. Each movie builds up his character more and more and I think as long as they don't backpedal, Sonic's in store for some incredible things! ALSO! Just like I said with Shadow, I freaking LOVED Sonic's character model in this one! I love that we are seeing him physically growing up and maturing instead of being forever stuck in place (no shade to the games). This character model is SO much taller and stockier than the model in Sonic 1 and is evidence that not only is he emotionally maturing, but he's physically aging up as well. It's just so cool!

I absolutely adored Alyla Browne's portrayal of Maria in this movie! She was so charming and instantly loveable the moment she was onscreen. I've noticed many people highlighting the part where she draws the bunny face on Shadow (which I love) but even the seconds before that where she mocks his scowl INSTANTLY won me over. And she even gets Shadow to smile because of it! The smile is small and only visible for a few frames, but it's there! It was clear that this girl saw more to this alien than a menacing, dangerous little space demon and wasn't gonna put up with his charade. It's no wonder the two of them became fast friends. I don't know about you, but I have been STARVED of ARK Sibling content since Shadow's very first introduction so I was obsessed with every single scene we got of the two of them actually getting to spend time together. I do love drama but so far all we've seen is the ARK tragedy and rarely any of the highlights before that event. Yes the SCU is a different universe, but this filled a hole in my heart that I've been waiting on for years. It did not disappoint!

I also want to highlight Agent Stone. Listen, I've loved Lee Majdoub since Sonic 1, but his character is at his best in this movie. Agent Stone was proper badass in Sonic 3 and proved that he's far more than just a simple henchman. It's revealed that with Ivo sulking and remaining in hiding, Stone has stepped up and is constantly monitoring what's going on in the outside world and immediately jumps into action when he notices the doctor's tech being used by someone else. Eggman wasn't even aware of it and yet Stone is out there shutting it down and bringing back reinforcements to clear Eggman's name! That super suit?? And those MOTORCYCLE TRICKS?? And him dodging a freaking ROCKET like it ain't no thing??? Hell yeah, Stone! Lee Majdoub is so funny and I love how he can be so quiet and stoic around Eggman ( "Resourceful.") but he can also be so over the top like when he's mocking the hell out of Knuckles ("Įt'Ŝ 𝕋𝒽𝒆 ⓖ𝓸Ａ𝐓 𝔪𝕀ŁҜє𝓡!... Relax.") and both just work so well! I think it's further evidence of why he makes such a good partner for Eggman because they're both capable of some intense power but they're also both such weirdos. I loved the amount of emotion and vulnerability Stone had in this movie. He's always had an allegiance to Eggman and even in Sonic 2 we saw how much he missed the doctor while he was away and how enthusiastic he was when he learned he was alive, but it went a lot deeper in this film. We got to learn that there's a much stronger affinity there and Stone legitimately cares about Robotnik and supports him through thick and thin. Personally, I ship Stobotnik, so this movie gave me plenty of delicious food! But even if you don't ship it, I think it was so significant to show the depth to Stone and Robotnik's relationship and I believe that it was Stone's affection for the doctor (romantic or platonic) that ultimately made Eggman save the world in the end. Though I'm still hoping for Jim Carrey to come back, I think they set things up so Stone could take up the EggMantle in a seamless way and I sure wouldn't be mad about it!

[Allow me to pause for a deep inhale of breath...]

Ä̷͇̰̞́Ȁ̷̭̩̰̔͐Ấ̶̝̗̠A̴͉͗A̵̳̠̚ͅA̵̫̋Ḿ̴͕Y̴̨̯̆Y̷͖͍̜̓͝Ỹ̵͍̺͑̕Y̸̜̫̆͋͋Y̶��͕̫̱̐!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭💖💖💖💖💖💖😘😘😘😘😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 My beloved! My most darling angel! My reason for waking up in the morning! SHE MADE IT! Amy is my favorite character of all time and I told y'all I was gonna throw up if she wasn't in this movie, so you'd better believe I SCREAMED when her hammer appeared in the post-credits scene! When she walked up and pulled back the hood of her cloak I was in tears and I was TREMBLING! I'm sure they're going to make changes to her once they finalize her design for Sonic 4, but this reveal was so freaking good and got me so excited for the next movie. Her character model is already so beautiful and I love that they turned the tables and have her rescuing Sonic this time! I cannot wait to see what they have in store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Metal Sonic was cool too btw)

ACTION - 10/10

TL;DR - Highspeed fun that has you on the edge of your seat for every single minute of screen time!

This movie is NONSTOP. I wasn't bored for a single second and by the time we hit the credits I couldn't believe how much time had passed. Every fight scene was so perfectly choreographed and so RAMPED UP that it had me stunned. There's a joke early in the movie that Sonic/Tails/Knuckles' antics are capable of cataclysmic events but the movie delivers on that promise a multitude of times! From city-wide power outages to mini-black holes to volcanic eruptions, there's no shortage of chaos and action in this movie!

You guys. The first time I saw this movie, I was at a prescreening so I was among critics and people from the media instead of a group of fans. It took EVERYTHING WITHIN ME to contain my glee. I was PHYSICALLY BALLED UP, knees pulled to my chest, palms pressed to my face to try to stay quiet. My heart burst through the roof of my skull! Even when I went to go see it for a fourth time, my heart was still racing. I actually had my friend feel my pulse as proof. This movie just gets you so excited it's insane!

The fact that the movie BEGAN with Shadow's breakout... god bless it. God bless everyone who worked on it. It was so intense and heartpumping! And I loved the choice to have little-to-no music during Shadow's fight with the soldiers. It just added to the tension and didn't give you any hint of when and where Shadow was going to teleport next. This was basically a scene from a horror movie! It set the entire tone for the film and showed that Shadow was NOT to be messed with.

I seriously could describe how much I loved every action scene but I will be here forever so I won't, but I have to say-

THE ✨SUPER✨ SCENES. OH. MY. 🎶GO~~~~OD🎶!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had high hopes and expectations we were going to see Super Shadow in this one, but never in my lifetime did I think we were going to finally see Super Sonic VERSUS Super Shadow!!! Holy hell, what a fight! We get to finally see what two god-mode characters are capable of when they're out to kill each other and aren't showing any mercy. EACH PUNCH LAUNCHING THE OPPONENT ACROSS THE FREAKING PLANET?!??!?? That editing choice in particular is one of my absolute FAVORITE things about this movie. There's a million ways this fight could have been done but showing just how fast and how strong these two are--- even causing the earth to split open and erupt just from one of them pushing off the ground--really shows just how minuscule and inferior us humans are hahaha. We wouldn't stand a freaking CHANCE. AND SONIC PUNCHES SHADOW TO THE MOON?!

ALSO THEY EACH TOOK TURNS PUNCHING THE SUPER OUT OF EACH OTHER!???!!!

I'm having to pause as I'm writing this because even though I've seen this movie four times I'm still getting so worked up just thinking about these action scenes again that I'm struggling to breathe omg

Even better than Super Sonic VERSUS Super Shadow was that final team up. That CLAP and they both turn super had me WEAK. I just about fainted right then but thank god I didn't because that entire sequence was INCREDIBLE. That little exchange of Sonic saying "Ready to recycle some tin cans?" and Shadow rolling his shoulder and saying "Try to keep up" before launching into a flurry of attacks is TATTOOED ON MY BRAIN. It will never leave my mind. It gave us SA2 and MORE. The battle was a masterpiece and it's something that words truly can't describe, you just have to witness it in all it's glory. I will never be normal about that fight scene.

One more moment I want to highlight because it shows action in nontraditional ways -- I am infatuated with the way they depicted Eggman and Shadow's last moments of saving the earth from the Eclipse Cannon. There was just something in the slow, labored movements that Jim Carrey made to show him attempting to block the explosions with shields, and the quietness of Shadow pushing the exterior of the ship with his hands and the metal is just crushing under his palms from the force. It isn't a moment of fast punches or flashing lights but it was so damn powerful and I absolutely loved it.

VISUALS - 10/10

TL;DR - Stellar effects and cinematography not only make for a delightful experience for your eyes but further immerse us into this fictional world.

WOW! I already touched on this in my above notes but seriously this movie was just beautiful. The character models were so good and felt real despite being cartoons (which goes to show you don't need them to look hyper-realistic to convince me it's a living creature). The lighting and the framing of shots were not only visually appealing but helped further the emotions of the scenes. The neon lights bouncing off Shadow in the rain as he's slowly walking down the streets of Shibuya was a WORK OF ART. Even all the moments of chaos and destruction were portrayed so well and so crisp that not only were they beautiful to look at -- I could actually tell what was going on! I watch a lot of action films and it gets so frustrating when there's so many explosions, lens flares, camera whips, etc that I can't actually make out what's happening. I never had that problem in this movie!

FAN SERVICE - 10/10

TL;DR - No, not that kind of fan service. This was a film FOR the fans!

I already said that the cinematic universe is clearly separate from the game universe. However, there were so many delightful little treats for fans of the games that felt like all the creators of this movie reached out and hugged me and said "This is for you!" BLESS! I won't list out all the Easter eggs and scene-recreations because there are too many, but man the joy I felt in sitting there and thinking "I KNOW THAT REFERENCE!" was healing to my soul. I figured "Live and Learn" was going to show up in some way because we heard the tune in the trailer, but I didn't realize how often and in how many different ways it would play throughout the movie! Starting out the movie with a memory of Maria playing "Live and Learn" on the guitar had me clutching my chest and I knew I was gonna be emotionally wrecked by this film! I loved the orchestral version of the song during the final battle which took an already badass theme and made it even more epic, but I do love that they included a snippet with the original lyrics too.

I don't know why people get so upset with these movies not being 100% like the games when it's clear that the people who work on these movies care so much about the games and want to reward us fans who love the games, too. Think about the scene where Shadow goes to push the Eclipse Cannon and he removes his inhibitor rings. That was specifically for us fans. The movie never explains what his inhibitor rings are or what they do or why he's removing them. Not knowing what the inhibitor rings are doesn't detract from the movie--but if you play the games you KNOW the significance of that moment. That was written and animated FOR YOU to enjoy. What's not to love about that???

DRAMAAAA~

Again, I know these SCU movies are marketed as family films and are more aimed for children, but I love that the movies are evolving and 'maturing' over time instead of repeating the same simple formula of some children's movies. With each Sonic movie that comes out, the themes and story are getting deeper and heavier without losing it's whimsy and fun. It's done in a way that feels like a natural progression and growth and I don't think the heavier subject matter will deter anyone who watched the previous two movies.

⭐BONUS POINTS!⭐

This is a hot take and I know many people are gonna disagree, but I was so pleased with there being LESS focus on the humans in this story (minus the Robotniks+Stone, of course). I do not care about the Wachowskis. I do not care about the Whipples. I understand why they were initially in the movies and I understand that Sonic considers the Wachowskis as his parents now, but I don't go to these movies to see the humans attending weddings or doing other sideplot shenanigans. I'm here for the aliens, damn it! So to have the humans' appearances mostly diminished to scenes that specifically related to the main plot was a huge relief to me!

THANK YOU SONIC 3.

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I could talk endlessly about this movie and even though I've written what feels like an entire essay there's still tons I'm leaving out, but to try to move this review along I'm going to move on to the negatives. Again, none of these below items were enough to ruin the movie for me and individually they aren't even worth a full point as far as a review. But ultimately these are things that I couldn't shake after watching and it's why I felt I had to dock the movie a single point in total.

EDITING WHIPLASH

I've already complimented this movie by several of the editing choices that were made, but there's one moment in particular that totally took me out of it and I'm sure you can guess what I'm going to say... Yes, it was the frequent cutting between the Super Hedgehogs and the Robotniks. Don't get me wrong -- individually these scenes were great. Ivo versus Gerald was hilarious and I did enjoy it and yes it was important to the plot -- but how DARE you interrupt my Super Sonic and Super Shadow fight with mustache wrestling! Whiplash is the best word I can use to describe how I felt in this moment. Sonic and Shadow fighting all of the robots and lasers to get to the Cannon was so dynamic and so intense and so spectacular, that when it suddenly cut away to Eggman getting spanked by a giant mech hand, I felt like I just got slapped across the face. My heart had just been racing so fast and then you cut away? Then I'm starting to calm down and just enjoy the Robotnik fight for the silliness but then it cuts BACK to the epic power of Sonic and Shadow --- and you do it AGAIN?! It just killed me!

I saw an edit somebody made where they spliced all of the super fight scenes together and removed the Robotnik fight and as you can imagine, it was infinitely better. You actually had the time to be fully enraptured by the battle and get to absorb every awesome second of it.

The Robotnik fight was still necessary (and yes, even the way they killed Gerald was hilarious to me and I still laugh even now) but they really should have edited this part of the movie better in my opinion.

PLOT HOLE -- ARE WE MISSING PART OF THE SCRIPT?

Although I think the writing for this movie was overall great, I felt there were key elements missing from the G.U.N. plot line that was meant to drive the narrative. This led me to think... was there a deleted scene and the filmmakers thought nobody would care/question it? Here are the things that I felt the movie did not clearly address:

1: Why are Team Sonic and Commander Walters close allies now? G.U.N. and Walters were previously antagonists in these films. Yes, at the end of Sonic 2 Commander Walters gives up his goal of capturing Sonic, but surrendering isn't the same as forming a partnership. Why is Team Sonic on-call for G.U.N. missions at Walters' requests all of a sudden? Then there's the scene in the Chao Garden. Why do Team Sonic and Walters meet up without anyone else from G.U.N. knowing about it? Why does Sonic trust Walters more than the rest of G.U.N.? I understand Sonic is a hero and especially in these movies he likes to see the good in people, but throughout these movies Walters ALWAYS lies. In Sonic 2, not only does Walters/G.U.N. fabricate an entire wedding as a sting operation to capture Sonic, but Walters lies when he claims that G.U.N. was formed because of Sonic's misadventures in San Francisco. In Sonic 3 we learn that G.U.N. was around for Project Shadow in the 70s. Nobody calls him out on this. Even in the Chao Garden scene, Walters is lying to Sonic about Shadow's history! He tells Sonic that Maria was killed in a terrible accident and Gerald was blamed for it. It was no accident! Soldiers showed up with guns and when Walters tried to stop them, they said "We have our orders." Sure, shooting the canister of chaos energy was not the intention and so the explosion itself was an accident, but those soldiers had every intent on taking Maria and Gerald out (if not Shadow as well). I'm sure Walters left that detail out to keep Sonic from asking further questions, but that makes him all the more of an unreliable storyteller and someone Sonic should NOT trust.

2: Why doesn't Walters trust G.U.N.? When Walters is injured in the Chao Garden attack, he gives Sonic one of the keys to the Eclipse Cannon and tells him that Sonic's the only person he trusts to keep it safe. Walters is the commander of G.U.N. -- surely he would trust a member of his team to hold onto the key, right? And if he doesn't, WHY? If you watched the Knuckles series then you know that there are indeed rogue members of G.U.N., but people watching the movie don't know that. Walters telling Sonic to keep the key safe from everyone suddenly puts Sonic on heightened alert and makes him believe he can't trust anyone, but we aren't given a reason why. Even if Walters simply had a line saying "I worry there's corruption in G.U.N." then I would have been satisfied.

3: Why is Team Sonic stealing the second key? Once the Team learns that there is a second key to the Eclipse Cannon and that the Robotniks are planning to steal it, they devise a heist to steal the second key themselves. Why? Walters didn't tell Sonic about a second key or tell him to retrieve the second key. Doesn't that mean Walters believes the safest place for the second key is where it's currently stored: at G.U.N. headquarters? Team Sonic knew Robotnik was en route, so the wisest option would have been to alert G.U.N. so they could heighten security and be on the lookout (which turns out, they already were). Again, all of this would make sense if Sonic was given an explicit reason to not trust G.U.N. and was specifically told to keep the keyS away from them, but at this point he went from trusting them to suddenly trying to take both keys from them. I loved the heist scenes and I don't want them removed, I feel they just need justification.

4: What is Director Rockwell's problem? It's clear that Rockwell is not a fan of Team Sonic (some people just can't trust aliens) but it seemed her character was going a certain direction and then just... stopped. After Walters is killed, the first thing she does is check his pocket for the key. Surely Walters would have known that Director Rockwell would have checked his pockets, especially since she was in Tokyo at the time of his death, again going back to my question of why he wouldn't trust her to retrieve the key instead of handing it over to Sonic? I was fully expecting a reveal of her being a rogue agent, especially because Team Sonic was still trying to take the second key even after the Robotniks had been thwarted. Think about it -- G.U.N. has stopped the Robotniks (and Team Sonic) from stealing the second key. That was the whole point, right? So why is Tom now trying to take the key FROM Rockwell? Isn't the key safely where it belongs and the Robotniks are supposedly in custody? So again, was there a reason Rockwell wasn't meant to be trusted, but we just don't know? I really felt like she was being set up to be a villain, but it led nowhere.

Now a lot of the elements I just addressed can be inferred and we can use context clues to guess, but I think it's the writers' job (especially in a family film) to make it clear why characters are making the choices/decisions they're making, at least by the time you reach the end of the movie. I know some stories are more ambiguous than others, but to me it felt like something was missing. I guess we'll see if there's anything hidden in deleted scenes.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As a whole, I absolutely loved this movie and I am so thankful it exists. I can't wait for Sonic 4 and I hope it receives just as much hype, love and attention that this movie did! If you read my entire review, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it, even if you didn't agree with all of it :)

[kittykattysstuff]

When mom's away, it's time to play!

Warning: Stepcest.

Stepdad!Toji x fem!Reader

WC: 2.2K

Summary: Your mother won't be home during the weekend due to a business trip. With her gone and the entire house to yourselves, you and your stepdad Toji get to know each other in more intimate ways.

"Bye, dear. I'll be back Monday morning." Your mom gave you a kiss on the cheek as she left the house.

"Keep Toji some company, will you? This can be a great opportunity for you two to have some father-daughter bonding time."

She smiled, giving Toji a peck before she climbed into the driver's seat of her car. You gulped. Sometimes you wondered if your mother was either too oblivious to notice the furtive glances Toji threw your way whenever you were in the same room, or if she actually noticed them, and simply didn't care, confusing his inappropriate behavior for affection.

Well, it didn't matter what your mom thought. Her opinions wouldn't change the fact that you would be spending the whole weekend alone with Toji.

"Don't worry, love. I'm sure Y/N and I will have a lot of fun together."

You pretended not to notice the sexual innuendo behind your stepdad's words. God, this was going to be a long weekend. You and Toji waved as your mom started the car and drove away.

"Finally home alone. "Toji smirked, following you inside the house. You didn't need to turn to know he was shamelessly checking your ass. "Any plans for the weekend?"

He asked before you walked up the stairs to your room.

"Not really." You shrugged. You were more than ready to get this talk done and over with, but it seemed like Toji wouldn't let you off so easily.

"I intend to study for my upcoming exams."

That was a lie and Toji knew it. He knew you had already finished all your exams and didn't have any more classes until the next semester, since your mother had told him before you arrived from college at the beginning of the week.

"That's lame. Even Megumi's going to his friends' house. You should live a little, doll. How about we follow your mom's suggestion and have some father-daughter bonding?"

Toji's smile was so sweet, you could almost mistake him for an angel if you didn't know him. However, you did know him, and you knew that behind that sweet smile, were actually the most evil intentions. You felt yourself getting hot. You didn't want to admit it, but ever since you met Toji Fushiguro, you felt attracted to the man. His broad shoulders, thick thighs, and captivating emerald eyes made him look like a Greek god.

"Well, what do you have in mind?"

Against your better judgment, you indulged in his ideas.

"We could binge watch some of those rom-com movies that you like so much."

"You? Watching "girly" movies?" You asked, quoting the way he always complained about the films you and your mom liked to watch.

"Anything for you, doll."

Oh, you were definitely screwed. It took all your willpower not to jump him right then and there. Instead, you found yourself agreeing to his offer.

"Sure, why not."

Two hours later, the credits of "10 things I hate about you" appeared on the TV screen.

"This one wasn't so bad."

Your stepdad commented, stretching his huge arms, which were conveniently bare, given he was wearing a tight black tank top. You watched him put an arm on the back of the couch, getting dangerously close to you as he adjusted in a more comfortable position.

You were starting to seriously regret your choices today. You'd been doing a decent enough of a job trying to avoid Toji ever since he and your mom got married, almost one year ago. Because as soon as he stepped into your home in all his glory when they were still dating, two years ago, you knew you were in trouble.

The man was literally sex on legs, all your teenage dreams personified right in front of you, and the worst part is, he knew the effect he had on you. He knew it and he purposely took every chance he had to get closer to you; from accidental touches that started to linger more each time you both were in the same vicinity, to the hungry looks he sent you, not even trying to hide them.

You thought that once Toji and your mom got married, things would stop. But it was quite the opposite. Taking advantage of the fact you wouldn't be able to actively avoid him, since Toji and Megumi moved in with you and your mom after the wedding, Toji was everywhere. And he was driving you insane.

Your only solace was college. Your college was considerably far from your home, so as soon as you were accepted, you opted to live on campus rather than commute back home. The reprieve was great, especially because now you could be alone with your thoughts, without your step dad's presence everywhere you turned. If you didn't see nor think about Toji, then you were safe from the ever growing attraction between you.

However, now that the semester had finished and you wouldn't have classes for three weeks, your feelings were more and more difficult to ignore. Especially now that it was only the two of you in the house.

"What's next?"

Your step dad asked, though he didn't really seem interested in the answer whatsoever.

"Legally Blonde." You replied, selecting the next movie.

For the most part, things were going well. You were so concentrated on the film that you almost forgot about Toji's presence. That is, until his hand started to softly caress your shoulder. You held your breath as your step dad started rubbing circles on your skin delicately.

In hindsight, you know you should've stopped him instantly. But you were tired, Toji's touch was warm and honestly, you were craving some affection lately. So yeah, you let him touch you. After all, parents and their children touched all the time, that was normal, you rationalized. Except, there was nothing innocent in the way your step dad was getting closer to you.

His hand was now on your hips, massaging them expertly. You could feel his thigh pressed to yours. Before you noticed, a low moan fell from your lips. From your peripheral, you could see your step dad smirking.

"You're so far from me. Come closer, angel, I won't bite."

He didn't expect an answer from you, already pushing you to sit on his lap.

"This okay?"

Toji asked, his chin on your shoulder, his hot breath on your neck. You moaned again.

"Yes." You managed to say in a whisper.

"Y'know, this movie's getting boring, dontcha think?"

Toji said before sucking on your shoulder. Your breath caught in your throat.

"Toji, we shouldn't..."

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to touch you, doll."

Before you could protest, Toji captured your lips, giving you a bruising, passionate kiss. You opened your mouth, and he wasted no time to shove his tongue down your throat. He nibbled your lower lip with deliberate boldness, hearing a soft moan of pleasure in response, making his arousal sensually painful. As you kissed, Toji wanted to drink in your moans in sweet tremors of sinful pleasure.

Toji and you separated briefly, his sharp gaze locked on yours as you both struggled to regain you breath. Before things could get even more physical, he pressed his forehead to yours, inhaling deeply. You caressed his soft dak locks, reveling in the texture against your fingers. For a man as big as he was, Toji could be surprisingly endearing when he wanted to.

"Do you want this?" He finally asked, moving so that you'd be able to see each other in the dark room illuminated only by the dim light of the TV.

"If you say yes, I won't be able to hold back."

You knew that if you went further than this, there was no going back. You nodded, smiling. You had made your decision. You had wanted him for so long, you wouldn't miss the chance of having him all to yourself.

"I do, Toji. Fuck me."

"Damn. You're gonna drive me crazy."

Toji didn't waste time, ripping off your white buttoned shirt and your tight shorts to reveal your underwear.

"So perfect." He muttered as he unclasped your bra, immediately latching his mouth on your nipple, while he played with the other.

"All for me."

He said reverently, before sucking hardly, which elicited a gasp from you due to all the pleasure he was giving you. You kept your hands on his hair, in a tight grip. Toji's mouth and his finger kneading your tits felt magical.

"Yes, daddy, l'm all yours."

You didn't even notice what you had said until Toji stilled his movements, looking at you like a hawk. Instantly, you felt self-conscious, a blush on your cheeks as you mistook his sudden halt in his movements for rejection.

"Fuck."

Toji mumbled, licking his lips and watching you with a lust-filled gaze.

"Say that again."

Your shyness gave way to pure pleasure, the carnal desire consuming the two of you.

"Daddy."

You repeated, feeling his arousal as his dick twitched. Your step dad looked an animal, his expression was so filthy you almost came on the spot. He changed positions, laying you down on the couch, his firm, muscular chest pressing against your body.

You took his black tank top off, and kissed every inch of skin you could find. His shoulder blades, his abdomen, his chest, everywhere. Toji moaned, fueling you to continue.

"I know you're eager to play, baby, but I can't wait."

Toji took your hands off his body as gently as he could. Understanding what he meant, you moved your hands to his pants, ubuttoning his leather belt. Toji wriggled out of the fabric of clothing, throwing it away haphazardly. You could see the white patch of precum in his black boxers.

"I've dreamed about fucking your tight little pussy for so long, you've no idea."

Toji kept muttering as he got rid of the rest of yours and his underwear, the last remaining clothing between you two.

"Whenever I fuck your mom, I imagine you. I have to keep myself from moaning your name".

"Daddy, please, I need you."

"You want daddy's cock, little girl? Don't worry, daddy's gonna make you feel so good you won't want any other dick anymore."

"Yes, daddy, please, I need you so badly! Fuck, me daddy!"

Your stepdad kissed you again as he entered you without warning, giving you no time to adjust to his size. Toji sucked your mouth, bit your lips, swallowed your taste as if it were the last kiss he would give in his life. The kiss made you forget the slight discomfort you felt when he first penetrated you.

Toji buried himself to the hilt inside you, making you moan loudly. You wrapped your legs around his waist, so that he could reach even deeper.

"So tight. Perfect little pussy, was made for me."

"Only yours, daddy."

The position allowed him to explore all the curves of your body as he moved frenetically inside you. God, he was amazing. You couldn't fathom why you tried to resist your stepdad in the first place. Now that you had a taste, you would certainly become addicted.

You pressed your hands on his taut abdomen, feeling his strong chest, buffy arms and prominent collarbone. Holy shit, his body was a masterpiece. You moved in sync, lost in the pleasure of the skin to skin contact. Toji started rubbing his fingers over your clit, sending you over the edge.

"D-daddy, I'm close."

You mumbled, breathing heavily.

"Cum, baby. Let it all out for daddy."

You felt all the tension explode from your nerves, relaxing all your muscles at once and clouding your mind in the most genuine relieved ecstasy.

"Will you let daddy cum inside you baby?"

"Yes daddy, please! Cum inside me, need you!"

"Fuck!"

Your words made Toji cum inside you in full force, your insides creaming his cock deliciously. Toji pulled you to his side, letting you lay on top of him.

"That was amazing."

You smiled, turning your head and resting your chin on his chest. He smiled back at you, stroking your cheeks lovingly. You leaned on his touch, letting yourself enjoy this rare soft side of his, knowing that this could very well be the first and last time you two were so intimate.

"Well, I'm glad. Now stand up."

He urged you, leaning forward on his elbows and creating some distance between you. You tried to hide your disappointment with a fake smile. That was the problem. You held back so much because you knew that when you caved, you wouldn't wanna let him go. Swallowing, you reminded yourself that it was only natural. After all, he wasn't yours to begin with. He was your mother's. Putting on a brave face, you finally stood up, gathering your clothes and attempting to cover your body the best you could. Before you could stray too far, however, you felt a tug in your hand.

"What is it, Toji?"

You asked, feeling irritated. He told you to go, but still kept bothering you. Classic Toji.

"Hey, I thought it was daddy. And where do you think you're going? I was gonna ask you to take a bath. It's only the beginning of the weekend, darling, we still have lots of time for father-daughter bonding moments. And I intend to enjoy it as much as I can."

[misasimagines]

all your fault / reader x Ren (Tokyo Debunker)

included characters: just ren!

rating: sfw

warnings: tsundere. dreaded there was only one bed trope. reader is forced to watch shakma.

What started as an innocent, “My door is always open,” offer to a tired, gaming withdrawing Ren became a habit you had no desire to break. You walked him back to your place after his shift at the diner and after your classes let out. He would sneak out of Jabberwock to bring a new terrible horror movie to watch. You would find an excuse to back out of plans so you would be able to be home when he would likely stop by.

It was almost starting to feel like he lived there.

You hopped up on your bed next to him, leaning up against the wall and settling in. “What are we watching tonight?”

He so rarely looked excited, but there was a mischievous, almost manic enthusiasm in his eyes, “Shakma.”

You stared at him. 

He set his laptop up on his legs and opened up the movie site.

“The movie with the killer monkey?” You ventured.

“Yes. It’s so bad.” He was giddy. In his own way.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled your blanket over your legs and accepted your fate. It wouldn’t be the first horrible, no good, very bad movie he’d made you watch.

The movie was worse than bad. The movie was so bad that the weather outside went from a cloudless night to a rolling thunderstorm. You jumped once at a particularly loud thunder clap and he had mocked you, asking if you were actually scared of the killer monkey.

“I’m not scared of the killer monkey,” you scoffed, “I’m scared of my shitty cathedral room getting flooded by the storm.”

Ren was too invested in the evil baboon killing med students to react with much nuance, “That would suck.”

The rest of the movie passed (thankfully, it seemed like it would never end) and Ren enjoyed every second of the awful film. You could appreciate his excitement, it was cute to see him so focused and invested. The light of the laptop screen flashed against his face, illuminating his eyes and accentuating his handsome features. Honestly, most of the movie you were imagining snuggling up to him, maybe using his shoulder as a pillow, and that’s what kept you from going completely insane from the terrible direction of the “plot.” You knew if you actually tried to do anything like that, he’d complain about harassment and whine until you apologized and it might just ruin everything you had with him.

You respected his boundaries, anyway, and knew that your fantasies would go unfulfilled. You were happy enough just being friends with him, getting to know about his bad taste in movies, opening whatever links he sent you to replenish his game stamina, and even starting a game or two yourself because he wanted the referral credits. Ah, the lengths you went to for this ungrateful boy.

The credits rolled and he pulled out his phone immediately, logging in to one of his mobile games to collect dailies. It must have been past midnight already. He was like a living alarm for you. You knew what hour it was based on him opening up whatever game on his phone, they all had different reset times, and this one was midnight.

Stretching your legs, you climbed up on your knees and leaned over his legs, bracing yourself against the foot-board to look out your window. The storm hadn’t let up, and you watched a torrent of rain rage against your window. The trees bowed outside from the sheer force of the wind and as you watched, a flash of lighting touched down, turning your room almost white from the brightness.

“What are you doing?” He asked, distracting you from your inspection.

Still bent over on your knees, you answered, “I don’t think the rain is going to let up.” You pushed yourself back and sat back down next to him.

If the laptop had a brighter color than black on the screen, you would have seen him blushing. For once, he was lucky, and the credits had given away to a black pause screen that kept you in the dark about his reaction. “Great,” he complained instead. “I’ll have to walk home in the dark and during a storm.”

You frowned, “Maybe it’ll be really bad for now, and then lessen up in a bit if you want to wait?”

He was quiet, and you knew he wasn’t doing anything important in the game since he just opened up the character menu, checked their stats, and then swiped to another one. He knew all of that information already by heart, he was just distracting himself and trying to appear casual. “Don’t you have an early morning tomorrow?”

You did, actually, and it surprised you he remembered it. Your surprise must have shown on your face, because he scowled at you before you could answer.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t ignore everything you say…” He pouted.

You bit back a smile, “Just 90% of it?” You teased.

“...40%.” He answered.

“Aw, so everything about how you really should treat Haru more nicely you ignore?” You poked his shoulder.

He turned his head away, “Now I’m ignoring you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile and fell back onto your pillow, propping your knees up so you didn’t kick him. You were nice to him, even when he didn’t deserve it. “I do have an early morning tomorrow, but I don’t want you to drown out there or get struck by lightning or something, so I won’t kick you out.”

Ren set down his phone and steadied his laptop, more unnecessary movements to stall for time. 

“You don’t have to stay,” You promised him, softening your voice as to not startle him, “I have an umbrella somewhere around here if you’d be more comfortable going home.” It wasn’t your intention to push him or to try to break any boundaries he had very clearly set. Ren wasn’t a… touchy, emotional guy. He was stubborn, he was pessimistic, and he had a very small social battery. In the time you had known him, you knew he didn’t like casual touches, he didn’t respond well to verbal affection, and he could barely tolerate even calling you a friend. You understood these things and you would never want to put him in a situation where he felt obligated to put up with something that made him uncomfortable.

Another minute of silence passed, and you rolled to your side and prepared to search for that umbrella. He spoke up before you could stand fully, “You don’t expect me to sleep on the floor or something, do you?”

You bounced lightly back down on the bed. Did he really want to stay? “No…” but you only had the one bed.

He pushed his laptop further away from him, expression fully readable. He was uncertain, torn between the discomfort of walking home while the storm blew branches off of the trees and the discomfort of sleeping in a comparatively warm bed. With you. His friend who he couldn’t stop going to almost every day. Who he spent most of his time with, who didn’t run his social battery to empty, and who never tried to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. You had just watched a truly despicable movie with him, not complaining, not nagging him to pick something else. You never asked for any kind of payment for your company and care. 

Would it really be that bad?

His cheeks flushed again at his own line of thinking and he looked out the window to avoid you seeing it. Your room was dark, only a few candles lighting up small radiuses around the room. You wouldn’t have even really been able to see it if he had stayed facing you. 

You thought carefully. You really didn’t want to send him out in the rain, and you were worried that he was going to do just that if you didn’t fix the situation quickly. What was one night on your own cold, rickety, dusty floor? It would just be one of the many things you dealt with for him,  “I don’t mind sleeping on the floor-”

He groaned, “Don’t be a martyr. It’s fine, we always sit on your bed to watch movies anyway. How different can it be?”

~~~

You took some time snuffing out your candles, changing into your most normal, modest, and not embarrassing pajamas possible. He had left a bag in your room one day that had a pair of spare joggers and a t-shirt from when he had to change last minute for work, and you had generously thrown them in with your laundry after he forgot them. One win for Ren tonight not having to sleep in jeans!

You thought it might be the only win, given the absolutely devastated look he had on his face staring down at your narrow bed.

He was not small, despite the closed off way he carried himself. His shoulders were relatively broad and his legs were long. You imagined that alone he’d feel squished in your bed. With you as well? He would be channeling the experience of a sardine. You considered again offering to sleep on your floor, but your sock-clad feet could feel the cold seeping in from the floorboards and you shuddered to think of sleeping down there.

“Wall side or door side?” You offered, trying to lighten the mood.

He frowned, “Wall side, so you don’t push me off onto the floor.” He climbed in, pulling the covers over him and keeping his face pointed at the wall. He fit exactly, with no room at the top or bottom to stretch out any further. 

You climbed in after him, plugging in your phone and blowing out the last candle on your nightstand before pulling the covers up. It felt strange. The weight of his body dipped your mattress in a way that you weren’t used to. The normally cold chill of your room seemed lessened with his additional body heat under the covers. You imagined the sensation of an invisible barrier between you two, keeping you from settling fully on your bed. One of your shoulders was resting on air.

There was silence in your room, cut only by the constant of the rain outside, the wind making your old walls moan and crack, and the occasional distant boom of thunder. It went on so long, you weren’t sure if he was already asleep or just determined to pretend to be. You were about to accept the crick you’d have in your neck when he spoke up.

“I can’t move over anymore than I already am,” he sounded annoyed, but the kind of annoyed he was when you brought him lunch and he was upset about you bringing a rice bowl instead of noodles. The kind of annoyed where he would have said thank you and been grateful, if only he weren’t cursed to be so terribly bratty.

“It’s fine! I can scoot over more,” you assured, sliding over a few more inches until you had to flex your arm to keep it from falling limp over the side of the bed.

Ren raised up on his elbow to inspect you and scowled, “You’re gonna fall off, so just-” he reached across you and grabbed your arm to pull you back up on the bed and froze.

His face turned red and you assumed yours matched from the scorching heat you felt in your cheeks. Ren was leaning over you, holding your arm, in the process of pulling you closer to him, and his face was closer to you than it ever had been. He could have lowered a few more inches and kissed you- If, big on the if, this situation were romantic and not potentially traumatizing for him. You hoped if he ever got this close to you it would be without an expression of such embarrassment and terror.

He dropped you and flipped over immediately, pulling the covers up to his ears and facing the wall, “Whatever, you can fall off if you're so determined to. I can't stop you.” 

You took a slow, careful breath to calm your racing heart. The feeling of his hand on your arm lingered until the draft stole it away. You scooted over just enough to fit on your own bed and responded, “I’ll try not to.” 

A few beats passed and he did not try to talk to you.

“Goodnight, Ren,” you mumbled, turning away from him and closing your eyes.

“...night…” he mumbled right back.

Ah, what a pair.

~~~

You started shivering in the middle of the night. He flopped over onto his back and glared at you. How was he ever going to sleep when you were shaking like a Chihuahua mere inches away from him?

“Cut it out,” he grumbled quietly.

You didn't respond and the pathetic shivers didn't cease. 

He pushed himself up and squinted at you in the darkness. The curtains were too translucent to keep out much moonlight, and he could see that your eyes were shut tight and you took slow, even breaths in your sleep. Ren frowned. It was cold here, it was no wonder that you were shivering so much.

He laid back down and stared at your ceiling. Did you spend every night like this? Whenever he left you to go home to Jabberwock, did you climb up into your rickety bed and freeze yourself to sleep? What a martyr. You should have demanded to live anywhere but a dusty, moth eaten cathedral.

He turned to look at you again.

But if you lived anywhere else, would he ever have been able to be here with you? If you lived with those nepotism babies in Frostheim, for example, he'd probably have to deal with Kaito and Luka hanging around all the time. Or worse, Jin demanding your presence at all hours of the night. He couldn't stand watching you disappear into that rich bastard’s room.

If you lived in Vagastrom, you'd what? Live in the trunk of some car and he'd have to hope no one tried to use that car in a monster truck rally before you got out of it?  Sinostra, if you didn't get eaten by Taiga, who knows where Romeo would keep you? And those ghouls in Mortkranken, who's to say they wouldn't do some freaky experiments on you?

Of course, this was not to even consider if you lived in Jabberwock. Even with you so close by, he'd never have a chance to actually be alone with you. Haru and Towa would take up all your time and you'd help out so much you'd been too tired to hang out with him. Not…not that he needed to be alone with you or anything. 

God. He sounded like such a creep even thinking that. If thought crimes were a thing, he'd be in prison. 

You continued pitifully shivering next to him, your hands curled up into fists you held close to your chest.

He pulled the sheets up to cover your hands, his fingers brushing against yours as he did so. You felt like ice, so much that he risked carefully touching you again to confirm. Yep. Prison. But also, were you going to die of frostbite in bed next to him? He could just groan to imagine that dweeb Ritsu finding a way to implicate him in your death. Or worse, charging a ridiculous fee to defend him in court. 

There was no way around it then. He scooted closer. He was only doing this to avoid the court fees. He tugged his pillow closer to yours. And it's not like you hadn't touched before. He laid down, slowly, until his chest was against your back. You'd hugged him once- well, you hugged his arm. Because you fell and grabbed onto him for balance. But it counted. Whatever.

Ren’s heart raced as he slowly wrapped an arm around you and placed a hand over your curled fists. It didn't mean anything. There wasn’t anything significant in the way your hands felt in his or how you somehow smelled like the most comforting thing he could imagine. He rested his head on his pillow and felt you slowly relax, your shivering dissipating as he warmed you up. It was like you were melting, your curled up form unwinding delicately until you fit against him like you belonged there.

He shut his eyes tightly and tried to keep from breathing too heavily and waking you up. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale- without meaning to, he started matching your rhythm. However awake and grumpy he felt moments before, now he felt like he could pass out and never wake up again. Just as long as you stayed there in bed with him…

No, there was no way. He'd just have to wake up before you did and never let you know he did this and then it would be like nothing ever happened. It didn't matter how good it felt or how there was a little sliver of his heart that ached to do this every night. He bit back a groan of annoyance. 

This was obviously your fault.

~~~

Sunlight filtered through your curtains, illuminating your room in a soft but insistently bright glow. Your phone alarm went off a few seconds later and you reached up to turn it off.

After the rough and cold start to the night, you felt certain you'd sleep horribly, but as you rubbed your eyes and stretched your legs, you thought you got the best night of sleep you'd had in a long time. You sat up in bed, pleasantly cozy and unable to keep a small smile off of your lips.

Ren was already up, shoving his night clothes into his bag.

“Good morning,” you managed mid yawn.

He made a noise at you.

“Sleep okay?” You asked, “Sorry if you were uncomfortable.” He seemed… off and you felt guilty that he had such a bad night when you felt so invigorated.

“It was fine…” he responded noncommittally before straightening up and throwing his backpack over his shoulder. 

You nodded, your good mood hanging by a thread. 

He gave you a look you didn't see as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and pawed for your phone to check your texts. He wanted to tell you a number of things he couldn't even let himself think. So he just grabbed his things and made his way to the door as he checked his own phone. “I have a bunch of raids tonight back to back.” He announced.

“Hmm, okay,” You acknowledged.

He frowned. Invite him back.

You were too tired to get it.

“Ugh, I'll be back tonight. You're not busy, right?”

You shook your head.

He frowned again, opened the door, and stood in the doorway. There were so many ways to end this better. He turned to look at you, your covers puddled in your lap, your cheek baring the red crease mark of your pillow, your eyes still foggy with sleep. He could say anything, do anything better than just saying “bye” and closing the door behind him.

You smiled softly at him, “I'll see you tonight,”

His cheeks felt hot, “Yeah. Bye.” He stepped out and shut the door behind him, that picture of you sitting in bed and smiling at him burned in his brain. He'd be able to think of nothing else all day. Ren checked his weather app. More rain tonight.

He started off back towards Jabberwock. It would be too much of a hassle to grab an umbrella and you would freeze without him… he scowled at his own thoughts as he trudged home. This was really all your fault.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Been thinking about Puss in Boots: The Last Wish and what makes Death the Wolf such an effective villain, and like… character design and voice acting is certainly doing a lot there, don't get me wrong, but I think there's something else at play.

Death is the most terrifying character in Puss in Boots, because he's the only one playing the genre straight.

The premise of the Shrek films has always been that they're normal, modern people living in wacky fairytale land.

The evil king uses his magic mirror as a dating app. The fairy godmother uses business cards to contact her clients. Her workers consider unionising over their lack of dental plan.

Puss in Boots 1 kinda broke the mould in that— while there are plenty of modern elements to how the characters act and how their world works— it's more specifically intended to be characters from the world Zorro living in wacky fairytale land. But the point still stands.

The aim of the Shrek films and spin-offs is to subvert common fairytale tropes for comedic effect. What if the princess fell for the ogre? What if Prince Charming was an entitled dick? What if Goldilocks teamed up with the three bears and started a crime family?

But Death? Death, for the most part, isn't playing that game.

No character questions why he doesn't just kill Puss outright. There are no gags about him being inconvenienced by Jack Horner losing so many men. Nobody makes any self-aware fourth wall breaking jokes about why he bothers with the whole whistling thing.

We all know why he does the whistling thing. It's the same reason why Little Red Riding Hood has to go through the whole "what big eyes/ears/teeth you have, Grandma" rigamarole. The same reason why the wolf takes care to knock before blowing the little pigs' houses down.

The Wolf is scary because he's the only actual fairytale creature in this entire setting. He's not bound by rules of logic or common sense, or his own will, he's bound by the narrative.

And that's also why he backs down at the end.

The first time he and Puss fight, in the bar, Puss is arrogant. The second time, in the Cave, Puss is scared out of his wits. It's the third time, on the wishing star, that Puss learns his lesson. Of course the Wolf backs down after that! The rules say he has to.

But, on another level, there is also the issue of Puss realising that he wants more from his life than just to be a legend.

They say "legends never die", but the most famous part of any given legend tends to be the story of how the hero finally bites the dust.

And "he was such a great fighter that Death himself had to kill him off, personally!" is just the sort of ending that would fit the legend Puss has constructed around himself. In a sense, the Wolf is giving Puss exactly what he proclaims to want— the chance to go down in history.

Puss realising he doesn't want that anymore is the catalyst for sending the Wolf away. Through his own egotistical and reckless attitude, he turned himself into a story and thus summoned a narrative device. Only by choosing to value his life over the legend is he able to escape that trap.

The Wolf's defeat is both the natural ending of the story that he and Puss have been playing out since the film began, and a rejection of the natural ending to the story Puss has been telling about himself since he first became the hero of San Ricardo.

[creaman]

—BECAUSE KUNG FU PANDA 4 KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?

To preface, I watched this movie and I'm genuinely tweaking right now so I had to write down a very brief (lie) criticism on this film — which you should boycott, by the way.

Starting with the things I liked, before briefing my primary points of criticism:

Po's Character Regression

Po and Zhen's Dynamic

The Chameleon

I'd also yap about Lord Shen and the death of the art style and the entire narrative and pacing and use of the staff of wisdom but my therapist says being such a hater is 'unhealthy' or something. My heart is full of hatred.

SPOILERS for the entirety KFP4 for the 2 people who care.

KFP4 undermines and ignores the previous three movies — Unwriting character developments, outright removing the Furious Five, straying from the character design philosophies and is completely inconsistent with the established lore.

Things I Liked About Kung Fu Panda 4

The Chameleon's character design

Visual gag in the Tavern where Po uses a recently thrown axe as a hat rack (made me laugh)

When Mr. Ping did this:

so cute! the little heart!

Po — Character Writing

Po, as established in the previous movies, is confident in his abilities and identity — he’s learnt inner peace, he’s matured as a character. However, in KFP4, his character has completely regressed. He’s immature again (such as KFP1, possibly worse) and says verbatim, “only knows kicking butt and taking names” — UNLEARNING inner peace and insisting that “…being the Dragon Warrior is all I know.”

It’s childish, and sort of Hotel Transylvania-esque.

Which isn’t helped by the comedy, the dialogue — a large chunk of which are jokes in the style of:

Master Shifu says something philosophical

Po quips off of it / doesn’t get it (i.e. Whoa!! beat I don’t know what that means.)

Oh, it’s great, yeah, very tolerable. Po’s shenanigans are normally reeled in by the presence of the Furious Five who are generally more serious in nature, creating a much needed balance in the dynamic — So without them, it’s just Po becoming increasingly obnoxious and insufferable with every consecutive quip throughout the screenplay.

Po and Zhen — Character Dynamics

[No more graphics sorry I'm too angry]

As if it wasn’t obvious that Zhen was going to be the next Dragon Warrior the second she was introduced.

Zhen, as a character, has no depth besides being a quippy thief. She quips, she steals. This character has no motives — it can be assumed that the writers intended on a ‘change of heart’ thing, but she isn’t established as evil, her working for the Chameleon is written as a (albeit poor) twist reveal.

By which point, her taking either side wouldn’t make sense, given that she has shown no loyalty or attachment to either Po nor the Chameleon.

The movie artificially strengthens their bond by having Zhen start opening up about her backstory out of nowhere for no reason but they have done nothing to grow closer to each other.

Small tangent, her backstory is exactly what you’d expect it to be with no subversions or even emotional weight. Woe is me I was so small and hungry I had to steal to survive. Glossed over in about a minute.

The majority of the dialogue between Zhen and Po is spoken exposition — explaining how powerful and badass the Chameleon is, explaining how ‘we have to go here to do that’ and ‘this place was cool until the Chameleon did such and such’, and the rest of their time together is spent engaging in filler chase sequences and fight scenes.

The Chameleon

Where do I even start…

This is where it becomes apparent that the movie relies heavily on telling rather than showing —

She is the weakest villain by far, not only in universe but as a written character; which is particularly disheartening because I genuinely adore her character design and feel as though a shapeshifting character has great potential.

The movie artificially inflates her power by insisting through exposition that this is the most capable antagonist thus far (lie).

The audience is TOLD by Zhen and various restaurant patrons that the Chameleon is a powerful shapeshifting sorceress and that she 'dominates the city' whilst the film does nothing to showcase this.

'Dominating the city' meaning letting her henchpeople run amock and bully the civilians just like Lord Shen's wolves in KFP2... uninspired.

I just realised they didn't even give her a NAME what the FUCK is going on

She describes HERSELF as ruthless, clever and unsentimental when comparing Zhen to herself.

She says HERSELF that she’s “Stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced.”

Let’s see what vile reprehensible things she’s done, shall we?

Gently push someone down some stairs

Her first appearance is through Zhen’s exposition, as opposed to the dramatic and memorable entrances of the previous villains. Her motives or character aren’t established until the final third of the film. She doesn’t even FIGHT anybody until the final third of the film; and even then, her fight sequences are uninspired and she never really poses a real threat. (She goes down in two hits.)

That being said, WE CAN STILL SAVE HER GUYS WE CAN STILL GET HER OUTTA THERE I'M COMING FOR YOU CHAMELEON I'M GONNA DRAFT YOU A PROPER BACKSTORY AND MOTIVE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOST THREATENING VILLAIN THUS FAR

There's a scene after the climax of the film where all the kung fu masters and previous villains from the spirit realm bow to Po. I'm not going to provide my thoughts on this because I fear I may burst a blood vessel. Good day!

Closing Statements

To put it simply, Kung Fu Panda 4 was my Megamind 2.

The film rejects its predecessors in every way. It really feels as though they brought in somebody with no prior knowledge of the franchise to direct the movie.

It's a film that relies heavily on telling rather than showing — banking on the previous three movies to carry it through the box office.

It's just really disheartening to see studio execs turn one of the best franchises into a safe sequel cash grab and regress every character's development.

Nevertheless. I do adore the chameleon's character design so I might do my own take on her character.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no fairy godmother, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no kung fu panda 4.

[yuyusuyu]

birthday surprise!

pairing. idol! kim hongjoong x gn! non idol! reader

synopsis. hongjoong knows wooyoung is up to no good... which is a good thing because he sure is in for a pleasant surprise at midnight!

warnings. a few curse words (lolsies), pet names (it's just one i think), a little bit of violence (it's not bad i swear, but someone gets a lil physical IJFAIWJ), mentions of food, lovesick couple energy (ew), reader is a foreigner!

genres. fluff, romance, slight comedy?, established relationship

rating. sfw

wc. 1.6 k

a/n. birthday special for hongjoong ! (we are going to pretend like i posted this on his birthday and that it was posted in november okay 😻)

reblogs and comments are appreciated as it helps with not getting shadowbanned!

HONGJOONG knows something is going on. something evil is brewing right under his nose and he needs to find out right now because for the hundredth time now wooyoung has given him a knowing look accompanied by a smirk. why the hell is he smirking? he has to be plotting something against him. his downfall, maybe?

he taps his foot on the ground, checking the time on his phone every once in a while waiting for wooyoung to finish his shoot, having decided to wait for him to go back to their dorm together. the time is nearing midnight; hongjoong huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

“you look like you’re losing your mind, hyung.”

“shit, jongho! you scared me,” hongjoong jumps, glaring at the younger male out from the corner of his eyes. “what are you still doing here?”

“i just finished shooting,” jongho shrugs, “are you waiting for wooyoung hyung?”

with a nod, he presses his lips into a thin line. “yeah… so i can figure out what he’s up to.”

“i think you’re being paranoid—”

“see!” hongjoong points at wooyoung, gawking at him. “he did it again.”

“...did what again?” jongho glances at wooyoung, shooting him a glare and looks back at hongjoong quickly.

“he just winked at me!”

snorting, jongho pats his back. “hyung, wooyoung always winks at everyone.” a chime from his phone has him checking it once, turning away afterwards, “i’ll see you back home, hyung.” jongho leaves him after bidding goodbye to wooyoung with a wave of his hand. hongjoong goes back to patiently waiting for wooyoung to finish, entertaining himself on his phone.

hongjoong: hey there

yn: hi there stranger

hongjoong: you’re up?

yn: i think i should be asking YOU that. isn’t it nearing midnight for you, mister?

hongjoong: it is

yn: filming, i assume?

hongjoong: yeah

hongjoong: hey can you send me a voice memo? kinda want to hear you right now

yn: how about i call you instead?

your caller id flashes on his phone, his lips curling into a small smile when he answers. “hi,” he breathes out, walking out of the building. hongjoong leans against the wall next to the door, looking down at the screen when you hum out a greeting in return. “how are you?”

you laugh, “i’ve been better. how is my pretty boy doing?”

“doing just fine,” he answers, chuckling. “i miss you.”

“woah,” you gasp, “is the kim hongjoong being mushy with me right now?” your face is shrouded in darkness, only illuminated by the lighting from your phone—which, now that he thinks about it, is weird. it should be morning for you right now.

he shakes those thoughts away, thinking that you probably still have the curtains drawn in your room. “don't be a brat,” he huffs through his nose, amused. “or else i won’t be like this anymore.”

you apologize quickly, making his smile turn into a cheshire grin. “why are you still in bed, dear?” hongjoong drawls, his eyes twinkling when he watches you start to stutter. he isn't very affectionate, but he knows that you love it and cherish the moments when he is. pet names? they make you swoon. “you should get up now.”

when you're about to reply, you end up falling and disappearing from his sight. worriedly, he calls out your name. “i’m fine!” you pop up on his screen again, though it’s just your eye staring into the camera, blinking.

hongjoong raises a brow, “now what are you up to, y/n?”

“absolutely, no—” you pause, disappearing from his screen again and returning momentarily. “gotta cut the call short, joongie. i’ll call you later, okay?”

“y/n, wait—”

“i love you, hongjoong,” you sing.

baffled, hongjoong replies, “i love you, but what—” the call ends and he’s left staring at his text messages with you. shoving his phone into the back pocket of his pants, he straightens up when the doors to the building slam open, wooyoung walking from them.

“oh, hyung!” he says, “why are you out here?”

“i was on the phone,” hongjoong replies, leaning forwards to peer inside the building. “are you done?”

“yeah.”

humming, he excuses himself to thank the staff for all of their hard work and returns moments later. he’s motioned into a car along with wooyoung, their manager dropping him off at their apartment. they both walk in unison towards their home, the oldest’s steps are sluggish, sleepless nights finally catching up to him while the younger one’s are energetic, a bounce in each step he takes. but as soon as they reach the door, wooyoung shoves himself in front of hongjoong, shouting, “i’ll get the door!”

the little voice in the back of his head heightens his senses, telling hongjoong that, again, wooyoung is up to no good. so he leans back, watching with careful eyes as he fumbles around with his bag. “sorry,” wooyoung mumbles, “i’m looking for the keys.”

“wooyoung?”

he responds with a hum.

“we don’t have keys,” hongjoong stares at the back of his head, seeing how wooyoung freezes. “we have a passcode which i’ll put in.” he moves to step in front of wooyoung, only to end up in a fight over who gets to open the door.

“hyung, let me open the door!” wooyoung whines, trying to hook his foot behind hongjoong’s ankle in an attempt to trip him.

hongjoong tries kicking wooyoung’s legs in retaliation, attempting to shove him away from the door. “you’re being weird, wooyoung! let me—oof!” wooyoung successfully trips hongjoong; he lets out a triumphant noise of sorts, checks his phone and steps aside, smiling widely as the oldest stands up slowly.

“okay, you can open the door!”

gawking at him, hongjoong grumbles profanities and punches the passcode in. the door unlocks with a click and he takes a step inside, taking his shoes off and putting them neatly on the side before walking over to turn on the lights, only for wooyoung to jump on his back and clamp a hand over his eyes. hongjoong staggers forwards, quickly regaining balance. “what the hell, wooyoung? what are you doing?”

“it’s not midnight yet!” he hisses, yelping in surprise when hongjoong manages to shrug him off. 

glowering at him, hongjoong crosses his arms over his chest and taps on the ground with his foot. “now, what is going on—”

“surprise!”

the lights are turned on, blinding both males. however, the sound of familiar giggling has his heart beating faster. he slowly turns around, thinking to himself that there’s no possible way that you were here and—oh, but you are here. you, his beloved partner, standing amongst his members, squeezed between the tallest of them all, while holding a birthday cupcake with a singular candle on it, smiling widely at him.

“oh look at him,” gags jongho, “he looks lovesick!”

“i do not,” hongjoong retorts, shuffling forwards.

“i got you a cupcake,” you sing, holding it out to your boyfriend when he stands in front of you. “because i know wooyoung would have tried shoving your face in a cake like last time.”

“damn right i would have!”

“let’s give the couple some space, yeah?” seonghwa ushers everyone towards the kitchen with promises of letting everyone get the food out from the fridge.

when it’s just the two of you in the living room, you open your arms up and hongjoong dives straight into them, nuzzling his nose in the crook of your neck, his breath hitting your skin and causing goosebumps to appear. “miss me much, lover boy?” you tease, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.

all hongjoong does is nod, continuing to breathe in your scent for a few more moments before speaking, “you were here this whole time?”

“i actually got in after you left for filming to prepare the place,” you say, laughing softly. “you should thank wooyoung and jongho. they helped in buying my ticket and booking a hotel—.”

“and who said you’re going to stay in a hotel when you can just stay with me?” 

“um… no thank you.”

hongjoong pulls back, eyebrows pinched together and his lips pulled into an adorable pout. “and why not?”

“because i’ll start nagging at you,” at the sight of hongjoong’s shoulders drooping, you continue, “i’m just messing with you, silly.”

your boyfriend’s pout becomes a frown that soon turns into an amused smile. you had reached over to the cupcake with your arm that’s wrapped around his shoulder, taking a bit of the frosting from the small desert and smearing it across his cheek, giggling.

“well, aren’t you quite the mischievous individual today?” he grins, resting his hands on your waist.

you shrug, “only for the birthday boy.” 

“ew! they're kissing!” wooyoung screeches. you weren’t. he’s just exaggerating.

both you and hongjoong wince, hongjoong resorting to leaning over slightly—you cling onto him when you end up leaning backwards because of him, but he holds you easily—to grab a pillow from the couch to fling it at him. wooyoung dodges and the pillow hits jongho. with wooyoung laughing and jongho flinging the pillow at him, hongjoong watches you. he sees your eyes close from how hard you’re laughing at wooyoung running away from jongho chasing him around the apartment, he sees your lips start to tremble from how hard you're smiling, and he sees the way your eyes glimmer when you glance at him.

that evil thing brewing right under his nose was nothing of that sort; instead, it was a very nice and pleasant surprise that came in the form of his significant other flying out to celebrate his birthday at midnight with him… and the others as well.

perma taglist. @asjkdk @kodzukein @hrt4jeno @jeonride @lissiesykes @satsuri3su @atinytownclown @sanhwaism

[hazbinshusk]

Hi- I don’t know if you take requests so if you don’t please just ignore this lol- but todays my birthday and I was just wondering if I could request a blitz x reader where he spends times with them or something for their birthday? Maybe they’re not having a great day so far or like their other friends forgot about their bday so he comes over and cheers them up or something?

hi, I'm so sorry I didn't get this done on the day, but I hope you had a good birthday :) and I hope you'll still enjoy a bit of birthday comfort from our boy blitzø ❤️

You start as you suddenly hear a crash come from your bedroom, jerking up from where you were laying curled up on the couch as the sound is followed by a string of curses. You grab the remote and hit pause as you stand, making your way cautiously to the bedroom door. You jump as it swings open just as you reach for the knob.

“What kind of asshole keeps their CDs under their window?” Blitzø demands as he shakes splintered plastic from the sleeve of his jacket.

“Blitzø?!” you say in surprise. “The fuck are you—I have a door!”

He shrugs, and you try not to cringe at the broken rack and the CD cases now littering your floor. You wonder just how many of them are now broken. “Window was closer.”

“And locked.”

He just winks at you by way of response. You suppose you should just be happy he didn’t break that too.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was bored,” he tells you like it’s obvious, stepping around you and heading over to the couch. You watch him throw himself back onto it, slouching against the backrest in a comfortable position. He leans forward long enough to swipe the can of soda you’d left on the coffee table, gulping down what was left of it. Blitzø claps his hands, rubbing then together. “So, what are we watching?”

“I…” you stand there for a moment, blinking as your mind catches up with what just happened. Turning around, you run a hand through your hair before gesturing to the TV. “I, uh… I was just starting The Evil Dead.”

“Hah! That movie’s hilarious!” he turns his head to look at you as you come to a stop at the side of the couch. Raising a brow, he pats the cushion beside him. “So? We watching this thing or not?”

* * *

You’re halfway through Army of Darkness before you realize you’re not really paying attention to the television anymore. Blitzø has been boisterously enjoying every gory moment of the films, commenting on whether or not its at all realistic. He got up about an hour in to raid your fridge, and when he’d returned to sit splay-legged on the couch, he’d surprised you by taking hold of you arm and tugging you against him.

“What’re you doing?”

“It’s a fuckin’ horror movie, sweets.” he replies, again like its obvious. “How am I supposed to protect you from the zombies if you’re all the fuck way over there?”

You’d curled up obediently beside him despite your shock at the sudden change, resting your head against his chest hesitantly. “If you’re scared, B, you can just say that.”

He snickers, and now he has his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his tail twitching back and forth against your thigh. You can feel his chin resting against the crown of your head, his breath tickling your hair as you feel his chest rise and fall, slow and steady.

Your knees are tucked over his thigh, and Blitzø hums an exhale as you tentatively bring your hand up to slide over his stomach. You can swear it sounds like he’s smiling as your fingers curl around to rest against his hip. And after a while, barely audible over the sound of the film still playing on your TV, you can hear Blitzø start to purr.

* * *

You’re still wrapped up under his arm when you wake up hours later, the only light in the room given by the menu screen of Army of Darkness. Your hand had slipped from his waist to rest on his thigh, and you felt his hand covering yours.

He is still purring steadily, the low rumble sending a warmth into your chest. You shift slightly against him, and Blitzø lets out a soft whine as you move against him.

“Don’t…” he murmurs, and you raise your eyes to see that his are still closed, a light furrow between his brows. “Don’t move. ‘m sleepin’.”

A small smile touches your lips, and you squeeze his thigh gently. “Blitzø?”

He groans, turning his head from where it rests against the back of the couch to smoosh his cheek against your hair. “What?”

“…Why are you here?”

His eyes open, and he blinks unevenly down at you. He stiffens slightly, and you realize too late that he’s taken the wrong meaning from your question. You can already feel him sitting up, pushing you away. “You want me to go?”

“No!” you say quickly, straightening to meet his eye. “No, I don’t. I just… you broke into my house to watch a movie because you’re bored?”

He shrugs a shoulder, avoiding your eye.

“Blitzø…”

He sighs, almost irritated at being questioned. “Satan’s balls, alright already. I didn’t think you should be alone, okay? I mean, shit, you try to do a nice thing for someone’s birthday and they go and—”

“You remembered my birthday?” you interrupt, shocked.

Blitzø stops mid-rant, raising an eyebrow at you. “The fuck is that so surprising for?”

You breathe a laugh, still floored. “I really never know what to expect from you, B.”

His expression into a smile that mirrors you own, and you swear you can see color staining his scarred cheek. “Damn fuckin’ right you don’t.” he slumps back against the couch cushions again, holding out his arm to you and pointing to his chest. “So, you gonna get back over here or what?”

Your smile widens and your face warms, and Blitzø truly grins as you settle back into his arms.

“Thank you. For coming, I mean.”

Blitzø hums, and you could almost believe that you feel him press his lips against your hair. “Happy birthday, baby.”

[jesncin]

The potential of Ma'alefa'ak; a comics retrospective

Ma'alefa'ak J'onzz, Martian Manhunter's evil twin brother, is considered the most iconic villain of the martian's rogues gallery. Aside from the white martians (which are arguably more often used as Justice League rogues), Ma'alefa'ak is the most frequently revived and adapted rogue to go against J'onn. Readers tend to remember Ma'al as "the Darkseid cultist who genocide-d the entire martian race", and while that's true for his first iteration, I don't believe that's the reason he's persisted as long as he has.

As with much of Martian lore, Ma'al's character and origin has been reinvented many times in both comics and adapted media. I would like to take a retrospective look into how Ma'al has evolved and shifted from his initial origin story, what I find compelling, what works, what doesn't, and where I'd like to see this character moving forward. This post will cover the comics and a separate post will cover his film and tv adaptations.

As we go through these iterations, I want to dig into what the through line of Ma'alefa'ak's character is. What do writers decide to keep and reinvent about him? What makes Ma'al, Ma'al?

disclaimer: Ma'al is frequently coded and sometimes even explicitly written as a disabled martian. While it's not a one-to-one comparable marginalization to any human disability (it's more of a fantasy disability or thematic rather than true representation), I figured it's still important to disclose that I am not a disabled reader. These are observations from an outsider perspective with no personal authority. Additional content warning for discussions of sexual assault (not directly, more like an act likened to rape- with the exception of a brief analysis on Brightest Day), genocide, and ableism.

Let's start with Martian Manhunter's 1998 solo run, issue #0 Pilgrimage. In this storyline, Ma'al is introduced as "the only martian born without telepathy!", and is therefore the only martian immune to fire (famously the weakness to the martian race). He admits to creating the telepathic virus that caused the martians to combust into flames, thereby killing them. Notably Ma'al is described as a "priest / scientist", and he explains that his goal is to wipe out all telepathic martians so that he can no longer be "the freak". The twins fight, presumed they killed one another, and went on their separate paths: J'onn is teleported to Earth, while Ma'al just kind of. Takes the world's longest nap in martian rubble. J'onn takes a pilgrimage to Mars one day, which alerts Ma'al that his quest to eliminate all telepathic martians is not complete.

Ma'al continues to appear as an overarching villain on issues #3-9, infiltrating J'onn's human life as John Jones and eventually impersonating the Martian Manhunter to get the Justice League to turn against his twin. In the process, Ma'al also impersonates several League members, sporting a signature Joker-esque smile to let the reader know it's him. This act of impersonation and trickery becomes a popular staple in future incarnations of Ma'al, as is often the case for shapeshifting villains. Ma'al adopts the "human" name Malefic.

In issue #7 we're given a flashback to a once living Mars, where Ma'al is being tried for the crime of "mind rape". It isn't specified who the victim of his crime is, unlike other iterations would later elaborate on. The reveal here is that Ma'al wasn't born disabled: he was punished to be by the martian council. His memory was wiped to make him believe he was disabled by birth.

[I know I could share other more informative panels of this flashback but I have to share what I consider, as a twin, the funniest panel ever]

In issue #8, it is revealed that while Ma'al's memory was wiped, his hatred was so strong that even though he doesn't remember why he hates he knows that he just does. So he secretly orchestrates the genocide of telepathic martians. J'onn notably defends his brother from the martian council initially, telling them that Ma'al deserves a chance as a new person, only to be proven wrong. By issue #9, the twins have a final battle with each other in the present. J'onn reinstalls Ma'al's telepathic abilities and memories, reactivating Ma'al's weakness to fire and letting him burn in the sun.

And that's Ma'alefa'ak's first debut! A standard trickster evil-twin villain who dies in his very first story. He does show up later in this solo run, but it's with a rebooted origin. So they're kind of like two different Ma'al takes in the same run.

Let's talk about this first version! We're dealing with a very typical evil twin character; he's described as the evil parts of what was supposed to be a whole person, while J'onn is all the good parts. There's a semblance of themes surrounding disability and destined good/evil, but it's only touched upon in this first take. One of the core flaws to Martian Manhunter's longevity as a solo character is his underdeveloped moral code and themes. It's the reason why J'onn doesn't have a stable rogues gallery, because he just kills them. He will SAY he has the basic moral high ground of "killing is bad, life is sacred" but he has no problem tossing his villains into the sun before acting upset about it later. J'onn lets his brother burn, but the narrative feigns him to have concern afterwards over how he couldn't save his poor brother. It's an odd read.

J'onn's "killing is bad" moral code also doesn't bounce off against his evil brother in a meaningful way. Ma'al wants to kill all martians so he won't be the freak martian anymore, but then what? He could go to a planet like Earth with no telepathy where he'd be normal, but instead he just,,, buries himself under some rocks to sleep until he realizes J'onn is still alive- which gives him purpose again. It's funny in a petty way, but meaningless considering he is now 50% of the martian population. While I consider this iteration of Ma'al's motivations to be shallow ("focused hatred" as a core motivation is short lived and unideal for the longevity of a recurring rogue), I do find Ma'al's shenanigans impersonating both J'onn and League members very fun to read.

He's a true equal to J'onn and while his immunity to fire wasn't explored as much as it should have been, it's no wonder this first impression gave Ma'al his iconic status as Martian Manhunter's arch nemesis, there's a personal connection between them as brothers. It's a familial short-hand for a deep relationship between hero and villain, but it's something to work with. Because even after death, Ma'al is still a revisited character.

Honorable mention time! The "DCU Villains Secret Files and Origins" (1999), featured an exclusive short comic on Ma'al's section that foreshadows the shapeshifting shenanigans he's about to pull on the League. His character page describes him as being born without telepathy even though that's proven to be untrue. We'll discuss the ableist narrative of having a disabled martian seeking to destroy all able-bodied martians in detail after looking through more of his backstory. Also, in the Secret Files information, Ma'al's marital status is left ambiguous for some reason. In case any of you were wondering if he was single.

Up next, Ma'alefa'ak returns in the 3-part flashback arc, In My Life (issues #33-35)! This story contains the most extensive characterization of Ma'al in the comics. In this storyline, we get to see J'onn and Ma'al's twinly birth. Sha'sheen and M'yrnn (J'onn and Ma'al's mother and father respectively) give J'onn a blessed name, while Ma'al is given a cursed name that prophesized darkness within him. Great favoritism on the parents, there. As the two grow up, J'onn is treated better than Ma'al-who is ostracized as someone vaguely "difficult". Despite this, J'onn cares about his twin dearly, constantly defending and giving his brother the benefit of the doubt. J'onn confronts his precognitive mother, and asks why she gave his brother a name that alienates him from martian society. Sha'sheen avoids answering directly and instead explains that before J'onn was even born, she had visions of a terrible future where a martian champion who would "embody the very best aspects of our race" will be needed. "Ma'al's name serves as a warning", Sha'sheen says.

J'onn grows up to be a manhunter like his mom, while Ma'al becomes a theologian and quantum physicist. At a big council meeting, Ma'al opens a portal that allows the people of Apokolips to visit Mars. The Apokolips people are friendly at first- asking around for an anti-life equation- but then quickly attack with an army and kidnap a bunch of Martians! They've taken Ma'al and M'yrnn too! J'onn goes on a quest to rescue his friends and family from Apokolips.

In the next issue, J'onn traverses Apokolips to free the kidnapped Martians and meets his love interest: M'yri'ah. He finds a traumatized Ma'al, whose mind has been experimented on by the people of Apokolips. J'onn also finds M'yrnn, who has been so horrifically tampered with to the point he is beyond saving. J'onn manages to save a group of Martians and head back home to Mars.

In the last issue of this arc, it's revealed that Ma'al is feigning being messed up by Apokolips. He's actually working for Darkseid and is snooping around for the anti-life equation! Meanwhile J'onn gets happily married to M'yri'ah, but before they can get-funky-Martian-Style, M'yri'ah feels her mind is being intruded on and is traumatized. An emergency council meeting is called, where we learn several Martians have been telepathically violated. Sha'sheen asserts -because the narrative didn't set up any other suspects- that the perpetrator is Ma'al. J'onn continues to be defensive of his brother and tells his mom they need more evidence before they can accuse him. Meanwhile he orders the manhunters to do a mental patrol while everyone sleeps.

In a sequence that is cosmically funny, J'onn goes to his home where he has it Martian-funky-style with his wife only to hear a cry for help from his mother who turns out to be dead. As a funeral is had in her honor, Sha'sheen's ghost materializes to J'onn. She reveals that she intruded into Ma'al's mind and confirmed her suspicions; Ma'al is Darkseid's servant. Angry, J'onn confronts Ma'al on Venus where the two fight.

J'onn proposes to take some of Ma'al's darkness and offer some of his lightness to heal Ma'al (some sort of Martian fusion I guess?). Ma'al is disgusted at the prospect of being more like J'onn so the two battle it out. I respect an identical twin that wants individuality. Anyway Ma'al loses and is brought back to Mars where his telepathy and memory are wiped away as punishment. J'onn goes home to have it Martian-funky-style with his wife which results in his baby girl K'hym. The ending is very abrupt.

There is a lot to dissect with In My Life. This is personally my favorite Ma'alefa'ak comic because while it's silly, predictable, and really slows down in issue #34 on Apokolips, it has some compelling characterization moments for Ma'al.

"But what am I, dear brother, other than what our mother made me? And what she didn't do to me, Darkseid and Desaad surely did. Am I the villain or the victim in all this?"

Let's discuss! Ma'al is set up to be the dynamic opposite to J'onn. While J'onn is "the best aspects of the Martian race" and is a duty bound to the point he is a law enforcer, Ma'al is an authority-questioning, faith-doubting, anti-establishment, outsider. There's a scene where M'yrnn is teaching young martians the ethics of telepathy: while Martians can read each other's minds, they are still entitled to privacy. To this, Ma'al calls out a double standard: how come manhunters are allowed to break these rules? M'yrnn essentially responds "it's tradition, don't question it." Even J'onn challenged this notion later when the Martian council accuse Ma'al of being the perpetrator of Mind Rape: "in investigating a mind rapist, you propose we rape Ma'alefa'ak's mind as well?". Yet that's exactly what Sha'sheen does to confirm her suspicions. She's allowed to after all, she's a manhunter.

Ma'al's entire reason for opening a portal for people of Apokolips to visit is because he's lost faith in Martian gods- something considered blasphemous by the Martian council. J'onn tries desperately to get Ma'al to assimilate into a society Ma'al doesn't identify with, going out of his way to propose how he could infuse his brother with parts of himself so that Ma'al could be more like him.

"I will not be you! I will not give up who I am! If I am flawed, then I will be flawed! I am Ma'alefa'ak! I will not be you!"

We all yass'd in quick succession. After their fight, J'onn's rebuttal is "You are as you are. Perhaps the only way to change that is to take it all away from you." Absolutely wild that J'onn and the Martian society are the good guys here. There's a story in here about someone who has been Assigned Ostracized At Birth and then dares challenge society's double standards. It's a far from perfect story, Ma'al absolutely victimizes himself as having no agency in following Darkseid's orders- but he came to this point as a result of a society and religion that shunned him. His punishment is to have his rebellious tendencies and memory stripped of him, and in the words of the comic:

"he would be mamed. He would be crippled. He would be given a new identity so that he would become a useful member of our society again. But he would never be fully trusted and he would never know why."

Dystopian!! He's been Martian Unperson-ed like it's 1984 by George Orwell. Of course this doesn't work and continues the cycle of Ma'al feeling shunned by society, this time because he's disabled, causing the destruction of Mars through H'ronmeer's Curse. Maybe Sha'sheen should've just named him something nice.

Immediately I know what the criticism to this is- Ma'al is a Darkseid cultist and telapthic rapist (and eventual perpetrator of genocide), why is it a question whether he is a victim? To this I say, we need to look at the bigger picture: how often are we treated to narratives that frame a rebellious and marginalized character who Has A Point About How Unfair Society Is, but "their methods are just too extreme"? It's the classic MCU villain and respectable-hero dynamic. Villain challenges the status quo, Hero upholds it.

Within the context of In My Life and Ma'al's lore, none of Ma'al's worst actions make any sense. In his first appearance, Ma'al is tried for the crime of "mind rape". However we, as the reader, are not privy to why he did these things. M'yria'h wasn't even written as his victim yet at this point. As she's consoling J'onn over Ma'al's trial, she says "I know how hard this was for you" "he cannot hurt others again". In My Life is meant to show us why Ma'al did those crimes. Ma'al was looking for the anti-life equation for Darksied, which My'rnn explains earlier to the Apokolips guests that "neither me nor my people have any desire for them {the anti-life equation}". Yet Ma'al violates M'yri'ah's and several martians' minds to fruitlessly find the anti-life equation when Ma'al should know that no one on Mars is interested in it. M'yri'ah is re-written to be his victim in this story, because it sure would be messed up for Ma'al to hurt his own twin's wife! Ma'al is oddly unmotivated in his origin stories, was he collaborating with Darkseid all along before opening the portal? Or was he indoctrinated by Darkseid after he was on Apokolips? What about Darkseid's ideas does he find appealing as an outsider?

Then there's Ma'al creating H'ronmeer's curse to wipe out the Martian race so he wouldn't be a "freak" anymore. This is also unmotivated. He had his memory erased, and all that remained was that he may not know why he hates Martians, he just does. So the next logical step was genocide? His motivation is watered down to "vague hatred".

Let's look at the optics of a story about a disabled character seeking to destroy the able-bodied population. Although I don't think Ma'alefa'ak's origin story is as intentional in its implication as some MCU propaganda perpetuates in its "respectable hero" narratives, the story of Ma'al is still the result of something so ingrained and unquestioned. It's reflective of the privileged fear that fights for equality will only result in the oppressed group oppressing the privileged-by doing unto them the same kind of oppression the privileged are used to doing to the oppressed. The privileged cannot comprehend what making space for others looks like, all they know is what it looks like to have that taken away.

No disabled person would go to the lengths a fictional Martian does in their frustration against an ableist society. Historically, it is able-bodied people and ableist society that's sought to wipe out disabled people and their culture. Everything from enforcing laws that ban the use of sign language in schools, discouraging disabled people from marrying each other, and the forced sterilization of marginalized people among many things, all exist with the goal of erasing disabled people. You've heard of fantasy reverse-racism, now get ready for fantasy reverse-ableism.

So why did the writer choose to make Ma'al do these nonsensical things? It's simple; J'onn is the best parts of the Martian race, and Ma'al is the worst parts. In a blogpost, Martian Manhunter writer John Ostrander discuses what went into Martian worldbuilding:

"Tom and I decided we would investigate and explore Martian culture in our version. He [J'onn] was telepathic; his race was telepathic. What did that mean? What were the societal rules? Rape, for example, would not only be physical; it could be emotional and mental. On the flip side of the coin, sex would involve a melding of minds as well as a melding of bodies. With his race dead, J’onn would be forever denied that. He could never again experience physical love on so deep a level."

Yeah their first thought about Martian worldbuilding really was "dang what's sex like for Martians, I guess it's super personal for them". Ma'al telepathic violation of M'yri'ah is not meant to be a deep look at rape culture or how something so vile can happen, it's just a demonstration of what the worst thing someone in a telepathic society could do. It's not even a sexual violation, Ma'al did the equivalent of looking for a secret pie recipe in someone's head, but it's framed as sexual assault by the narrative. That's why it's so unmotivated. Genocide is the next worst thing a person can do, and so that's all Ma'al is known for to most people. These narratively unmotivated actions, detached from a story about marginalization and challenging an unfair society.

And despite all that, telepathic violation and genocide are not what end up being the things future writers keep about his character. So let's continue.

Honorable mention time! In the 2006 comic run: Martian Manhunter The Others Among Us, it is revealed that the Cay'an (a surviving green martian and villain of the story) hates J'onn for letting his brother live! She wishes he was harder on Ma'al so that Ma'al wouldn't have destroyed their home. Ma'al doesn't appear in this story at all, but his influence on Martian Manhunter lore is so strong he still gets a mention and inadvertently spawns another rogue for J'onn.

It sure is weird how the narrative keeps punishing J'onn for caring about his brother. I would understand if In My Life was a story about giving an abusive family member too many chances or how some people are a lost cause, but that doesn't work when Ma'al is marked as an alienated outcast since birth. J'onn caring about Ma'al isn't a flaw to me, it's the one thing no one else in Martian society would do for Ma'al.

Moving along we have 2007's JLA: Classified: The Ghosts of Mars (issues #42-46). So if Ma'al's debut story was about impersonating J'onn and Justice League members to get everyone to mistrust and eventually kill the Martian Manhunter, The Ghosts of Mars is about Ma'al doing all that again but this time he's a dream ghost. Ma'al just possesses J'onn now. The writer, Justin Gray, really did his homework on both Martian lore and Ma'alefa'ak's origin story as there are some very specific callbacks that I enjoyed reading in this run. Rick Leonardi and Sean Philips's art is so appealing too! I love that they committed to Ma'al's edgy design.

So the reason J'onn is seeing Ma'al's Force Ghost (essentially) is that back when J'onn and Ma'al were kids, they partook in the G'amal'Khul ritual- which bonded a portion of each other's souls within themselves. Ma'al has a bit of J'onn's soul within him, and vice versa. What's notable about this incarnation of Ma'al is that despite the fact it heavily calls back to Ma'al's history in the In My Life storyline, it makes one key difference: Ma'al is explicitly labeled as disabled.

Textually it's more like a late-bloomer situation, where Ma'al can't hear The Great Voice in the way J'onn naturally could, but I think it's telling that the writers were willing to label that as a disability. Whereas In My Life and Pilgrimage never even used the word "disability"- Ma'al was only coded that way. You'll notice a still continuing theme of Ma'al needing to "overcome" his "flaws" in order to become a "useful member of society" or "a complete family". This ableist mindset and language is never called out or explored as something flawed in Martian society. It's just a given, acceptable thing.

Ma'al does eventually develop Martian Telepathy enough to hear The Great Voice, and then In My Life events remain the same in their briefly summarized retelling. Except!! For when J'onn is having a ghost-argument with his brother and calls out Ma'al by listing his crimes, J'onn does not mention Ma'al's violation of M'yri'ah or any other Martians. Later on, the ghosts of K'hym and M'yri'ah don't bring it up either. Possibly implying a small but noticeable retcon. Contrast this with his original incarnation, where that was Ma'al's defining crime that led to him being mind-wiped.

[these are from 2 separate pages that I fused together to save up space but please appreciate Ma'al peeping over J'onn's shoulders twice]

However there are some choices in characterization for Ma'al in this arc that are at odds with Ma'al's core themes and origin as a marginalized martian. His goal in this mental-ghost-argument with J'onn is to convince his brother that the Justice League will never accept J'onn as one of them because of anti-alien xenophobia. And in doing so, Ma'al weirdly props up Martian Superiority talking points.

Ma'al talks about how humans can never be faithful to their partners because humans can't shapeshift to keep the relationship spicy and interesting (I'm not joking). Unlike Martians who can change it up every now and then. Ma'al even says that because they're not telepathically open to each other like in Martian cultures, their sense of family "pales in comparison to Martian sensibilities". Having Ma'al flex abilities Martians can do as superior because humans don't have those abilities, in the same arc that explicitly labels Ma'al as disabled, is a bizarre characterization choice. While this version of Ma'al appears to have kinder parents raising him, the larger story beats of In My Life play out just the same. And those story beats rely on Ma'al being ostracized from his family since birth. The entire premise in this arc is J'onn being ostracized from human beings, who judge his more alien-appearance compared to Superman. J'onn even calls this out as racism. Yet no introspection is given over how Martian society oppressed Ma'al as a disabled Martian. So there's a bit of a dissonance in themes here.

Overall while I did enjoy this iteration of Ma'al (his ghost-aura pettiness continues to amuse me), I felt that a better version of this story was told through Martian Manhunter's Brightest Day arc. J'onn is tricked into trapping himself in his mind where he fantasizes about the Justice League sequentially dying off and is given cryptic clues in order to wake himself up. This arc deserves a shoutout because it also continues this Martian ableism tradition, but it's vilified this time!

The villain of this storyline is D'kay D'razz, and she's some kind of Martian scientist who seeks to cure Martians whose minds can't be read but are able to still telepathically read the minds of others, or "cerebrally isolated Martians" as D'kay puts it. She even proposed purging disabled Martians, which the Manhunters didn't like so they imprisoned her for hundreds of years in isolation. We don't get any named disabled Martians, they're mostly props to D'kay's belief and desire to breed the perfect Martian race with J'onn. It's odd that this time ableism is something Martian society and the manhunters disapprove of, since it was something they enforced in Ma'al's origin.

The Brightest Day Martian Manhunter storyline is also another prominent recurrence of Martian telepathic assault. Only for D'kay, unlike Ma'al's telepathic violation that was framed as rape, her goal with J'onn is explicitly sexual. "Rape" by term isn't mentioned at all in D'kay's plot, yet it's absolutely what she did to J'onn: deviously tricking him into hopefully giving her a Martian child. Yet J'onn as a victim isn't something fully recognized by the narrative to the extent that M'yri'ah was for In My Life. There's a larger conversation over the treatment of male victims in DC (and mainstream at large), but I think it's particularly clear in the case of J'onn versus M'yri'ah's treatment.

So our next two versions of Ma'al are more Elseworld takes on his character and they're much shorter to dissect. While I believe Ma'al is at his thematically strongest in these previous comics, I think these are still worth looking into because they continue some interesting staples to his character that we'll see in future adaptations of him. Also this is a Ma'alefa'ak retrospective, we're being thorough.

Get a load of this guy! Ma'alefa'ak appears in 2010's Batman The Brave and the Bold: Invasion from Mars! (issue #18) In this story, Ma'al is reimagined as a white martian. That's right, contrary to popular belief, Young Justice was not the first to make Ma'al unrelated to J'onn and turn him into a White Martian. Oh no, no no. Batman Brave and the Bold paved the way, my friend.

In this version, General Ma'al is trying to bring Martians back by destroying humans on Earth. Even though it can be argued this character only shares a name with Ma'al and little much else, there's some semblance to his character here. Ma'al possesses Batman in the later half of the story, even sporting his Joker-esque smile as he tries to take over Batman's mind. That's just about it, though!

Ma'al being reimagined as an Alien Invader seeking to wipe out humans and replace them with an alien race is a really generic villain motivation (for Kryptonians but especially Martians) so it doesn't stick. This does already show writers trying to freshen up Ma'al as a rogue by changing his Martian race. This Ma'al is the cutest design in the world.

Our last prominent Ma'alefa'ak comic appearance takes us to the infamous New 52, which features a red Martian variant of Ma'al who is once again, not J'onn's twin brother. The New 52 is a reboot where the DC universe gets an overall edgy makeover. For Martian Manhunter, this meant the 12-issue solo Epiphany. While it's easy to write this take off as a dark Elseworld interpretation with no connection to the characters' history, the Epiphany run actually has a ton of call backs to Martian Manhunter history. I like to describe this series as taking all those references and throwing them in an evil, twisted blender. So let's discuss. Since this series relies on a lot of time skips and twists, I'll be describing the relevant plot points as they happen chronologically in the universe.

Long ago, Krypton-uh I mean-Mars, was a technologically advanced society whose people became so arrogant of their progress that they didn't realize their planet was hurting. So the cosmic Spirit of Mars itself decided to psychically send the Martians a vision; a cry for help. Instead, most Martians interpreted this vision as a threat. Many just saw the vision of a large cosmic monster coming for them. Martians like Ma'alefa'ak, weaponized the growing fear and paranoia for his own gain. He convinces the Martian council that they should make a Martian Manhunter; a fusion of all the best Martians to be their weaponized champion against the coming threat. J'onn volunteers to be the soul vessel of the weapon. At the last minute, Ma'al betrays the Martians by slaughtering some of them to perform "Ancient Long-Banned Black Martian Blood Magic" to turn J'onn into a monstrous hybrid.

J'onn is betrayed, but decides to make the most of it by challenging the cosmic monster to a fight. The Spirit of Mars takes the form of J'onn's son and shames Martiankind for responding to its cry for help with violence. It punishes Mars by sucking the planet dry and spitting J'onn off-planet. Ma'alefa'ak seemingly escapes with his troops.

As millions of years pass by, J'onn goes insane and out of loneliness, splits himself up into a bunch of Martians with consciousness of their own and spread them throughout the planet (and the universe I guess). Out of shame, J'onn hides from his past and convinces himself he's a hero with false memories. Eventually in the present day, all of the split parts of J'onn decide they want to return to him as "our god", and they do that through...a fake alien invasion.

The invasion consists of a fake Ma'alefa'ak (constructed by J'onn) and his team of fake White Martians (also constructed by J'onn) who seek to put J'onn into a giant magical beam that would supposedly bring Mars back. J'onn splits himself into 4 new identities to make himself harder to find, but he's found and brought to the beam regardless.

The magic spell goes wrong and instead sends him to a universe where Earth and a resurrected Mars are about to collide into each other. J'onn tries to save both the resurrected Martians and the people of Earth by taking the Martians through a portal back to before the spell happened. Which he does. But as he makes it back to normal Earth, he is treated to the plot twist that none of the Martians (neither the ones that attacked him nor the ones he was saving) were real. J'onn realized he orchestrated the whole thing. And before the reader can think too hard about all the innocent people J'onn killed in his weird roleplay game, the comic ends with a little girl basically telling him "well, at least you tried to do good." J'onn quickly flies away because- yeah I don't think he was convinced by what she said either.

And that's a very brief summary of the New 52 Martian Manhunter arc. I'll go into more detail in the analysis since the story is so overloaded and convoluted that it would take forever to explain every plot point as its presented to us in the comic. So let's talk about themes and how Ma'alefa'ak fits into this story.

One of the other foundational flaws of Martian Manhunter as a superhero character is that he is in many ways, a creatively redundant variation of Superman. Whenever writers try to flesh out the world of Mars, they often end up accidentally re-creating Krypton. In J'onn's limited Rebirth solo run Identity, he's basically a more corrupt Jor-El figure. When both Superman and Martian Manhunter are the last of their kind and powerful, an exciting villain means bringing out another Martian or Kryptonian that seeks to take over Earth to bring their lost planet back. What Epiphany tries to do to differentiate J'onn from Superman is to dip into the cosmic horror idea that J'onn is not who he always thought he was. He's not a hero, he's a weapon designed to attack the Spirit of Mars. The new identities J'onn split himself into are convinced they have fully lived lives and are horrified to learn they're a part of something else. The full horror comes around when J'onn realizes he's constructed all this alien-invasion destruction himself. It's a very unnecessarily edgy end to a story with potential. But how does Ma'alefa'ak fit into it?

Outside of the origin story, the Ma'al we see in this arc is mostly a fabrication of J'onn's mind. Sure he has his own consciousness and we can only assume he's an accurate re-enactment of what the real (probably dead) Ma'al was like, but he's still an extension of J'onn at the end. Ma'al is characterized as a paranoid, violent egomaniac. He casually uses forbidden Martian magic to fuse Martians against their will, and his ultimate goal is to recreate Mars in his image. I highly doubt the writer of this run was referencing Ma'al's more generic re-imagined motivations from the Batman Brave and the Bold comic, but it's interesting that making Ma'al into discount General Zod is a thing that happened twice. So how does this fit into older takes on Ma'al outside of being overly edgy? It's all in the details.

The first time J'onn (as one of his new human identities) meets Ma'alefa'ak in the story, Ma'al and the many White Martians have disguised themselves as humans on Earth. Ma'al takes the form of Leo Chandler, a disabled, wheelchair-using boy paralyzed through motor neuron disease. Out of all the throwbacks to Ma'alefa'ak's disability, this one is the wildest. Leo is introduced as having been kidnapped by his own mother before murdering her himself.

But eventually J'onn learns that Leo is not who he seems. He is Ma'alefa'ak in disguise, and Leo's human "mother" was another Martian in disguise. Ma'alefa'ak's "mother" grew to like humans and decided she didn't want to go through with the invasion. She paralyzed Ma'alefa'ak with her powerful telekinesis into a form he finds disgusting and inferior. Once J'onn's many identities get close to the magic beam, Ma'alefa'ak regains his true form again. This is a surprising mix of many things from Martian Manhunter lore. Ma'alefa'ak being disabled by another Martian, finding humans inferior to Martians, even the part where he kills his own mother, are all callbacks to his original iterations. The missing thematic piece is that Ma'al is not marginalized by the Martians or humans in any way, so we're left with only the cartoonishly evil and generic "bring Mars back in my image" through genocide ritual sacrifice.

This is further contrasted against how J'onn is reimagined in this run. Remember how when J'onn's mother tells him she foresaw how he would become a martian champion who would "embody the very best aspects of our race" way back in In My Life? Well in Epiphany, J'onn is now the ultimate able-bodied best Martian. He is a magic-made mix of the greatest warriors and intellects Mars has to offer. Part of the themes of this run is the way J'onn's unique existence dehumanizes him. After witnessing Ma'alefa'ak slaughter Martians with forbidden magic to complete J'onn's transformation, J'onn tells Ma'alefa'ak "You murdered me!". His new identities have personal crises upon finding out their lives are fabricated. So even though J'onn is Mars' ideal champion, the transformation is a burden on him.

In terms of J'onn and Ma'al's dynamic, we're not given a lot to work with. They're basically council associates until J'onn is betrayed by Ma'al turning him into a hybrid fusion monster. The fabricated-by-J'onn's-mind-version of Ma'al hates J'onn for resisting his destiny as a weapon to bring Mars back. There's something about how Ma'al's hatred of J'onn is characterized in this series that feels strangely familiar. Sure, Ma'al is defined by paranoia and ego, but the hatred almost feels like classic Ma'al's vague and petty hatred. It leads to amazing instances of dialogue like "COME DOWN, MANHUNTER! AND MA'ALEFA'AK WILL RIP OUT YOUR TRAITOR'S HEART AND EAT IT AS HATE FUEL FOR BLACK BLOOD MAGIC!" along with the classic "I HAVE HATED YOU SO MUCH I THINK I LOVE YOU, J'ONN." A real tsundere moment for Ma'al.

There's many other nods to Martian Manhunter lore- but to keep it Ma'alefa'ak centric, I have to point out that the series does end with J'onn talking to Ma'alefa'ak's force ghost. And I find that so amusing as an arguably intentional reference to their JLA: Classified, the Ghosts of Mars arc.

So that's New 52 Ma'alefa'ak. My main criticism for Epiphany as a Martian Manhunter take is that it feels less like a story with a unique voice and more like an amalgamation of annotations, references and citations to other Martian Manhunter stories. There's a great premise at the center of Epiphany; the cosmic horror of realizing you're not who you thought you were, that your existence is fabricated and fake, but it's bogged down with an edgy convoluted story that loses what it wants to say. This is reflected in their take of Ma'al. If you remove all the strange quirky references, he's just discount general Zod of Krypton.

Epiphany is a symptom to a larger core flaw to Martian Manhunter's as a superhero character. If Superman is an allegorical immigrant that symbolizes hope and Batman is vengeance initially motivated by grief that eventually evolves into hope, then what grounds J'onn J'onzz as a character? He may be an alien, but stories exist to describe human experiences. DC recognizes J'onn is a survivor from planet-wide destruction, but its writers don't know what to do with him after the fact. What is heroism motivated by? Why does he choose to protect his new home?

Because they're unable to answer this, we get story after story of J'onn grieving Mars like he's your best friend who can't get over their ex. It's why they constantly revisit his origin story, because they don't have anything else to say about J'onn outside of his grief. This affects his villains too, most of them reverting to just tempting him to bring back Mars. Testing nothing else about his character. This isn't a bad plot to have, but it's J'onn's ONLY plot most of the time. So unless Martian Manhunter gets a major revitalization of his entire character, he can't grow into a self sustaining property. Speaking of revisiting his origin-

It's time for our last honorable mention! With the Rebirth reboot across the DC Universe, we get yet another Martian Manhunter origin retelling. This time, in the form of a limited 12 issue solo series Martian Manhunter; Identity (2019) written by Steve Orlando with art by Riley Rossmo.

Ma'al gets but a single mention in this series, but it's crucial to point out for many reasons. For one, Ma'al is revealed to be a slut. And while I'd love to stick to that one point alone, it's the broader implications of this reimagining that are important to consider in terms of how Ma'alefa'ak has evolved as a character. As of writing, Identity is the most thorough characterization of J'onn's wife and daughter in all of comics canon. It is the first time M'yri'ah and K'hym are fleshed out to have personalities, motivations, occupations and lives. Before this, they were props for J'onn to love and feel sad about. Yes, these two are what Jor El and Lara are to Superman and what Thomas and Martha Wayne are to Batman, but they only got fleshed out all the way in 2019.

In Identity, M'yri'ah works as a nurse who has suspicions about the growing fire virus infecting Martians. After learning J'onn is a corrupt cop who tried to sneak her and their daughter K'hym off-planet before the fire consumed them all, she dies by opening her mind to K'hym's and getting infected. So how does this come back to Ma'alefa'ak? The true origins of the fire virus remain a mystery in this interpretation, so we don't know if Ma'al is still responsible for burning all the Martians through Hr'onmeer's curse. But what we do know is that he's no longer involved with M'yri'ah in any way. Sure she knows who he is, but there's certainly no hint of a violation that occurred between the two. Much like with the JLA Classified: Ghosts of Mars comic, we're seeing the more controversial parts of Ma'al be removed in newer iterations of the character. Because it was never integral to either his character or J'onn's origin story.

I'd love to do a thorough analysis of Identity, since it is both an earnest attempt at revitalizing Martian Manhunter into a solo character while also being a showcase of common pitfalls writers run into when developing his character and world. BUT since this is a Ma'alefa'ak essay, that would be a huge tangent. So that concludes all of Ma'al's current comic appearances, time of writing. Just know that all the stuff we mentioned before about J'onn's lore accidentally recreating Krypton, Superman and Jor El are in this limited run as well.

Earlier in this essay I posed a question about Ma'al as a character; "what is the through-line of Ma'alefa'ak? What do writers decide to keep and re-invent about him? What makes Ma'al, Ma'al?" With the way Martian Manhunter struggles to get a footing in DC comics, it may look like we have an unsatisfying or incomplete answer to that question. When you look at the timeline of Ma'al's comic appearances, it's basically his initial origins, one revisit in a JLA comic, some mentions in other comics, and 2 Elseworld takes. That's not a lot of substantial iterations to see the character properly evolve past a reference. So what now?

This is where we must head into adapted media, because Ma'alefa'ak's story doesn't end with the comics. I think it's crucial to examine the way Ma'al has been adapted because we get to see writers look at the source material and decide which parts of him resonate with the stories they want to tell. It's where we can truly see what aspects of Ma'al endure with time. So join me as we look into the 3 cross-media adaptations of Ma'alefa'ak to finally figure out what is it about J'onn J'onzz's evil twin character that keeps him coming back. In another post!

[ninelivesastrology]

SATURN & MARS: The Astrology of Horror

Scream (1996), directed by Wes Craven

The horror genre is my favorite genre in media and within it are some of the best and honestly, extreme examples of the significations of Saturn, the Greater Malefic and Mars, the Lesser Malefic.

Saturn is the Greater Malefic, its nature is cold and dry. It joys in the 12th House. Saturn is the signifier of darkness and dark places, enclosed spaces, restriction, control, secrecy, isolation, illness and death, taboo...

Mars is the Lesser Malefic, it's nature being hot and dry. It joys in the 6th House, a cadent house. It rules aggression, fighting, conflict, injuries, blood, deception, lying, weapons but especially sharp objects...

Starting off with the Slasher who walked while everyone else ran, I'll start with Halloween (1978).

Michael Myers moves slow, a Saturnian signification, but he gets things done. Michael spends a lot of this movie stalking Laurie, a 12th House signification.

Halloween (1978), directed by John Carpenter

I also find that very act of masking to be Saturnian in nature because of Saturn's signification of secrecy and mystery, which is given to the 12th House.

Moving onto my favorite Slasher.

Scream is the ultimate Martian movie to me. The Scream franchise itself is a masterclass in homage to so many horror films before it, but also in the concept of betrayal, something Mars rules. Its tagline is, "It's always someone you know." And in the history of this franchise, the audience had so much anticipation in finding out who Ghostface was in each entry, a true Saturn-Mars mix of mystery and bloodshed.

Scream (2022), directed by Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Ghostface, like many other Slashers, wields a knife, but isn't exempt to using other weapons, such as guns. Mars rules all weapons.

One of my favorite creature features is Alien (1979). I have not seen Romulus! The tagline, "In space, no one can hear you scream."

One of the lesser known significations of the 12th House is travel, so get this, you're on a ship, isolated from everyone, in the middle of deep space while you and your crew members are being hunted by a large creature. Usually, the 12th House rules large animals and I would like to gently debate that the 12th House rules large, foreign creatures as well.

The Xenomorph is the ultimate monster, Saturnian by its appearance: Black. In addition, the 12th House is before birth and I find it funny how the Xenomorph impregnates it's prey, only for it to burst out in the most Martian way.

Alien (1979), directed by Ridley Scott

Found footage itself is especially Saturnian, since the 12th House rules missing people. I would go even farther to say that the 12th House rules the unseen. So the Paranormal is especially Saturnian in nature, given its cold and dry nature. Saturn is the absence of life and what persists beyond it.

The Blair Witch Project (1999), directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez

Onto another subgenre, one of my favorites, pestilence and death.

Saturn rules death and Mars signifies pestilence and the survival of said pestilence. Most famously, two of my favorite survival horror franchises are Resident Evil and The Last of Us. Resident Evil's entire premise of infection is centered around bioterrorism, starting with the corrupt Saturnian company named Umbrella.

Resident Evil is infamous for its body horror. In this instance, Mars rules body horror due to the painful injuries sustained from the transformation.

Resident Evil 4 Remake (2023)

In The Last of Us, we follow a man who survived the Outbreak, Joel Miller and a young girl named Ellie Williams who survived being bitten and is found to be immune. I find immunity to be Saturnian because your body is suppressing or resisting the infection. The infection itself is Martian as the 6th House rules illnesses.

The Last of Us Part I (2022)

The Cordyceps virus is very Saturn-Mars, given that the fungus attaches itself to the brain and controls it, causing the Infected to sustain its survival aggressively.

The Last of Us Part II (2020)

Survival itself is Martian in nature. Scarcity, a notable Saturnian feature of the Last of Us' intense and highest difficulty, GROUNDED, makes this a unique entry into the survival horror genre across all media. If you know, you know, the Last of Us has a theme of betrayal running through it and with that betrayal eventually comes consequences. Saturn and Mars.

I wanna talk about the Final Girls for a second. We love them. We root for them. We are them. I consider Final Girls to be obviously Venusian, given that the two domiciles of Venus, Taurus and Libra, are the detriment of Mars. Venus finds herself in trouble in the signs Mars rules, Scorpio and Aries.

In traditional astrology, detriment is considered to be the toughest placement for a planet considering it is the opposite of its home, facing conditions it is not equipped for. Certainly, the worst place and the worst time which is a Final Girl thing. Despite this, they still persevere.

Jennifer's Body (2009), directed by Karyn Kusama

If you loved this post and would like to support me as I am a Saturn Return Mommy, you can reblog this post and/or send me a tip on CashApp or purchase a $20 horary reading if you want to know about your life, click this for more details!

Happy Halloween and be safe!

Oh and what's your favorite scary movie? *wink wink*

—Nine

[dropoutconfessions]

I wanna start off by saying that I agree with the fans who say that the rep of trans women and transmisogyny affected comedians on dropout isn't enough (because it is orders of magnitude less than the rep of cis people and less than 1/10 the rep of transmisogyny excluded trans comedians iirc).

But I have to disagree with some folks I see calling Sam and Brennan greedy rich assholes as an explanation for why they don't wanna platform transfemmes. Because when we talk about class, it's very important to separate specific levels of "rich" between comfortable and ultra wealthy.

Robert Reich of all politicians is not going to hoard wealth, but he probably did make Sam's life growing up more comfortable than most people and gave him some financial grace to pursue comedy. But Dropout as it used to be was bleeding money in 2020. They have less than a million paid subscribers, and they share profits with the cast AND they're paying the wages of the crew. However much money Sam and Brennan are making, it is nothing compared to a billion dollars. It's not clear how much they make, but say Sam is worth $50 million (a high random number that I think is still way too high for what he'd have). That's still only 5% of $1 billion. We are all closer to Sam's level of wealth than he is to, say, Jeff Bezos. Any kids he and his wife may have are going to have a comfortable life, and he is probably going to have a good retirement, but I think you still have to look at the scale of things. And Brennan is likely making less than Sam while still being financially stable, but he clearly knows what it's like to be broke and starving and is still heavily affected by that past to this day.

Is it possible that Sam and the folks in charge of hiring casting at Dropout think TMA folks are less likely to bring profit and that's why they don't hire them? I don't know. I'm not psychic. But the image of them some people push in regards to their class is straight up wrong.

DEFINITELY more TMA comedians besides Persephone (I love her and I would actually want to see more of her in addition to other new cast members) should be hired as cast for Dropout shows in general. I think Sam should/could also pass off hosting duties of Game Changer at the very least and possibly Make Some Noise, too, bc the amount of cis men representation from him and Brennan alone in comparison to any trans people but especially TMA people is insane. They're always going to have the seasons they ran, and they can still be cast once in a while.

But I really think this lack of representation started as a blind spot rather than evil intent to squeeze as much profit out of Dropout as possible the way some people think it is. If it continues after all this conversation about it (they film like a year in advance, so maybe some grace can be given), yeah, I'm going to be upset. I already canceled my subscription, though, tbh just because the statistics of rep in terms of cis men/women and transmascs/transfemmes is extremely disproportionate for the kind of work they do.

I haven't personally seen people make it a "greedy white cis men" thing, but yk, I'm not omniscient, could be a part of tumblr doing that. I personally don't think it's an intentional thing, that's the vicious part of normalized bigotry/lack of diversity, you don't notice it until you do.

I will say though, I don't think Sam needs to stop hosting either Game Changer or Make Some Noise, he's addressed them being his dream projects and like, a love letter to game shows, I don't think either would be as good without him.

But like, they're creating a lot of new shows, there's clearly space for new regulars on Dropout. There's space for us to be included, just gotta wait for them to answer our ask for an invite and all that.

[poppykreslina]

Robert Hawkins info Post :

He was a big music fan, here’s a list of artists Rob liked.

1. MushroomHead

2. HIM band

3. BlackStreet

4. Misfits

5. Dr Dre

6. DMX

7. Lil wyte

8. Judas Priest

9. Dope

10.Wall

Anything besides country music

His close Friend he was living with at the time told me about the time when he seen Rob return to school after being sent away. He said “ So a couple years go by and l'm in computer class and he's just like heyyyy what's up man and I go holy shit Robby what's up like where have you been. And I remember him telling me he was like man I got sent away like I tried to kill my step mom because she was being a bitch I sprayed raid on her food. And to me at the time I was like kind of laughing like are you serious and just it sounded so stupid it was kind of funny and l'm just like wth hell but we started talking again just immediately picked up right where we left off we were laughing like hyenas never laughed so hard in my life”

“ We would tell jokes and stories and make fun of people and this time it was like we were best friends I'd see him in the halls and say hi but we never hung out out side of class”

His friend also told me about Kaci. The girl he cheated on like twice

“ I knew Kaci and we were talking and they met then rob asked me if Kaci could come over and yeah they hooked up in my basement lol

I could hear it and it was the funniest thing ever”

“ I remember when he got her too like I was jealous because I had a crush on her for the longest and she was hot she liked me but as soon as she met Rob she was just like omg he's the sexiest person I ever seen and I'm like who rob and you look at him and he's all feeble and like ohhh h-h-heyyyy”

“ My friends were there too and yeah... He put the work in on that poor girl

She was screaming his name and you just heard this smacking noise we were like damn rob”

The girl Rob threatened

“ So the girl that he threatened or whatever was his ex girlfriend and I don't know what they were arguing about but I think it was because he wanted to go back to his girlfriend Kaci he cheated on her with that girl and then he apologized to Kacie said he loved her and didn't want to be with the other girl and she flipped out or something and he just said like leave me alone or l'm gonna k*ll you

He”

About Robs mom Molly

“ That's what really pissed him off too is his mom didn't want anything to do with him at all until she found out he was living with us and he even told me like man my mom's being all nice I think his mom was just jealous or she thought we had money or something but she tricked him into letting her back in his life and she let him borrow that jeep and he was so happy he's like man I finally got wheels my mom is talking to me then she did what she always did she turned in him told him how pathetic he was and that she wanted all her stuff back and that what did it. He couldn't handle it anymore and he snapped

Idk what that lady's problem is but shes evil”

Friend telling me what it was like when living with him

“ I just remembered like sitting down at the dinner table with him and my parents and we would be eating steak like regularly my dad always got good beef and grilled all the time he would always say how good everything was

And he like our dogs was always petting them”

Fake Fight Scene Vids

“We did like fake fight scenes and off roading four-wheeling we go to gun range film us shooting stuff we made a manikin and threw at people from inside the woods

I had this crappy purple truck but I cut the exhaust off it and put mud tires on it and we like tricked it out we put big huge stereo speakers in the back and black lights“

1. He was 5’7 (I asked a family member so don’t question it 😐)

2. He taught his sisters how to do the “blood” sign

3. His friends grandma made him a blanket and Rob said it was the best thing ever given to him. When the grandma passed away he even cried.

4. He had a stonery type voice lol

5. He would smoke a pack of cigarettes in one day

6. He worked at McDonald’s and Runza

7. Day before the shooting his friend tested out his gun while Rob was at work because he thought they were going to the shooting range the next day . When Rob found out about it he was furious telling his friend “you’re not supposed to touch that” going off on him.

Concerts Rob Went to

MushroomHead (2004)

Kottonmouth (2006-7??) Rob and His friend got kicked out of the venue because they were both caught smoking pot

All info found out by me

[pinkeoni]

Will Byers' Coming of Age Horror Story

Today I wanna predict Will's storyline in season 5 using horror genre tropes.

What's interesting about Will is that he often falls under tropes that are typically associated with female characters.

In season one he's the dead girl. He's Laura Palmer. He's the face of innocence that goes missing/dies and kicks off the story.

In season two, he's the possessed girl. He's Regan MacNeil. It's the irony of evil inside of the face of innocence.

Now, in season three he isn't given as much attention, so pinpointing what kind of trope he follows is hard to do. However, with season four we are given insight into what that trope is. Season four is a little different because he actually takes on a teen drama/romcom trope instead of a horror one. He's the girl next door, he's Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek.

He's the childhood best friend who get's involved in the love triangle between the Main Guy and the Cool Girl. We see glimmers of this in season three, but it doesn't become especially clear that this is what they were going for until they lean into Will's feelings in season four.

So then, what does this mean for Will's arc moving forward? Will season five follow the pattern of female tropes? If so, which trope will they go with?

Some important information we are already given about season five is that this is going to be Will's coming of age. We've had this confirmed a few times by the Duffer Brothers.

Given the nature of the show, it wouldn't be out there to assume that his coming of age is going to be explored through a supernatural element. In fact, supernatural coming of age horrors are actually pretty common, especially female supernatural coming of horrors.

These types of films typically explore coming of age through some kind of supernatural and/or horrific element, usually in quite the gruesome and violent way. While these films will explore a broad spectrum of different subject matter regarding coming of age, sexuality and sexual awakening is usually a point of discussion. Sexuality and either supernatural and/or horror elements run adjacent to each other, and sex is typically associated with violence. IE lycanthropy in Ginger Snaps, cannibalism in Raw, demonic possession in Jennifer's Body, Nina’s transformation in Black Swan etc.

The reason for this is because female sexuality is usually demonized. It's seen as something as horrific and monstrous, and as such this trope is often associated with queerness. Films that follow this formula are typically seen as queer coded, or even include blatant queerness (see Jennifer's Body or Black Swan)

So now we have a character like Will, whose sexuality is already demonized in universe, going through his own coming of age narrative in a supernatural horror show.

What would be an effective and streamlined way to showcase coming of age and queerness in a way that also coincides with the nature of the show and even goes along with the lore?

I know that with the limited number of episodes, there comes the reasonable concern of being able to squeeze in so many different storylines and themes in such a short amount of time. I get it, it's my main problem with season 3. How are they going to find the time to adequately explore themes relating to Will's sexuality, while also having to wrap up all of the loose ends regarding the supernatural plot?

Easy, you do what the above examples did, and make Will's sexuality and his connection to the supernatural the same plot.

It's not like they would have to reinvent the story in order to do this, they've already been setting up clues for this exact storyline.

In season one, Will's rumors of Will's queerness is pretty widespread among the town, it's one of the suspected reasons for why he went missing. His queerness is already being correlated with supernatural from the very start.

As I've said before, coming of age horrors usually explore sexuality through of lens of something supernatural. It’s not that the supernatural plot takes the place of Will’s sexuality, but rather these two plotlines run together to aid each other, and the supernatural plot can express ideas relating to his sexuality in a more metaphorical way.

So then, how could Will’s burgeoning sexuality be explored in a supernatural way, that fits within the universe of the show?

His powers

@therainscene already has a great post discussing how Will’s powers are his queerness, I reccomend reading it because they explain a lot of the same points that I’m going to but in a much better way than I ever could. Although I wanna point out this point they make at the end—

I would go as far to say that this is what the show bas been building toward the entire time. Think about how many elements of Will’s storyline matches up with both his sexuality AND powers:

Being taken in season one (the town believed it was because of his sexuality, when really Vecna could have taken him for his powers)

Bullied by his peers (being called Zombie Boy for his experience in the UD and other slurs for his sexuality)

Powers/sexuality being seen as mental illness (his true sight visions being misinterpreted as flashbacks)

Repression of both powers and sexuality

Castration (Soteria effectively being a conversion tactic for powers)

Stigmatization (the town sees both the supernatural and homosexuality as satanic)

And finally, acceptance (neither Will’s powers nor his sexuality are horrific, but a beautiful thing to be embraced)

Here’s what Will’s storyline looks like written out:

Will is initially targeted for his sexuality/powers (season one) and he is to be judged by his peers for his sexuality/supernatural experience, and his sexuality/powers are thought of to be a mental illness (season two). His sexuality/powers remain repressed (season three) until they are slowly revealed to the audience (season four) and he finally accepts and embraces his sexuality/powers in the end (season five).

If we follow a typical storyline from a coming of age horror along with what we know about the show, here’s my rough prediction for Will’s s5 arc:

Post time skip, Will is beginning to come into his sexuality more and more but it’s difficult given the external environment

Will has an awakening of powers emblematic of his sexual awakening

Owens + the government tries to “cure” Will of his powers by getting rid of them (I’m going to make a post in the future elaborating more on just this point)

In the beginning, the powers bring a lot of complications and strife (he would likely be targeted for having them, and may not like having them himself)

In the end though, Will comes to embrace the powers he was given as a wonderful, beautiful thing, and they are what helps save the day

Now, some may notice a discrepancy between Will’s storyline and the coming of age horrors I talked about prior, and that’s the idea that Will will have a much more positive end than the female protagonists I discussed. Although, the show has a much different tone and different message than the films above. While those films usually go for the tragic angle, I don’t think the show about uplifting outcasts and wierdos is going to end with the gay kid dying.

I also don’t think that the show is going to try to portray Will as a villain. I think it’s possible that other characters may see him as a villain, but once again, given the shows message, I don’t think the gay kid is going to turn evil. Like I said before, I think Will is going to learn that his powers are actually quite a beautiful thing, just like his sexuality, and learn to embrace it.

tagging: @downbytheriversside

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Josephine Baker (The Siren of the Tropics, ZouZou)— Josephine Baker was an American born actress, singer, and utter icon of the period, creating the 1920s banana skirt look. She was the first black woman to star in a major motion film. She fought in the French resistance in WWII, given a Legion of Honour, as well as refusing to perform in segregated theatres in the US. She was bisexual, a fighter, and overall an absolutely incredible woman as well as being extremely attractive.

Anne Baxter (The Ten Commandments, All About Eve)—her soft, gentle voice in "all about eve", those gentle eyes with something odd behind them, the way she flips from Sweet Innocent to Viper on a dime......there was something Built Different about anne baxter, man, and it makes her so good for playing people who are Built Wrong. also one of my favorite batmen villains (her joint episode w vincent price is a delight) and of course I'm obsessed with her columbo episode where she bosses around edith head and does fabulous movie star things for no good reason. and i would be REMISS if i didn't mention her slink—oh the slink—in the ten commandments...................pardon me i must go think of sinning again

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Josephine Baker:

Black, American-born, French dancer and singer. Phenomenal sensation, took music-halls by storm. Famous in the silent film era.

Let's talk La Revue Negre, Shuffle Along. The iconique banana outfit? But also getting a Croix de Guerre and full military honors at burial in Paris due to working with the Resistance.

She exuded sex, was a beautiful dancer, vivacious, and her silliness and humor added to her attractiveness. She looked just as good in drag too.

So I know she was more famous for other stuff than movies and her movies weren’t Hollywood but my first exposure to her was in her films so I’ve always thought of her as a film actress first and foremost. Also she was the first black woman to star in a major motion picture so I think that warrants an entry

Iconic! Just look up anything about her life. She was a fascinating woman.

Anne Baxter:

The prettiest murderer in that film. Just so beautifully evil as Nefertari.

Anne Baxter was part of my Bisexual Awakening. My family has a tradition that every Palm Sunday we watch The ten commandments on TV together... And starting from a very young age, I essentially developed a crushes on Anne Baxter's Nefertiri & Yul Brynner's Ramses. Dude, the woman was HOT! They both were! My crush definitely wasn't helped by the fact that Anne Baxter's costumes were a bit on the sheer side. She had a way of capturing you with her eyes, and I never understood why Charlton heston's Moses didn't just have a threesome with Nefertiri and Ramses. LOL

Her Nefertiri in The Ten Commandments was FORMATIVE TO ME. If not the hottest old movie lady, then she definitely played the hottest old movie character. if that makes sense.

Look. Listen. I only *just* discovered her on a post from the Have You Seen This Romcom poll blog. Saw she had the same last name as me and went OOH hi hello. Went to her IMdB and saw she was born in Indiana like moi. I am now even more intrigued. Been eagerly telling my partner this, and he was like "maybe you guys are distantly related?" And after 2 hrs of going down the tumblr tag + her imdb photos, I'm In Deep(tm) and I can't stop looking at her like 😍 When I go to my grandma's house, bet your ass I'm gonna check my grandpa's genealogy and see if we're somehow related. Sorry that's not really propaganda I just got real excited, esp when I saw that the submission deadline was extended (bless your soul). Narrowing down the movies where she's hottest in was Hell tyvm. I've only just discovered her, she looks gorgeous to me in every movie still I see of her gdi lol.

[liquidorcard]

Okay, part two. Let's go girls, gays and theys, Papa Polarity ain't saved yet.

[Part 1] [Part3]

Lily Commits Elder Gay Mutant Abuse, feat. "Eldritch Lily" (Part 2)

Everything gets worse . . .

4:13: Lily mischaracterizes Charles Xavier, throws up a Martin Luthor King quote she either doesn't understand or didn't read carefully enough, going full whyte. (Never go full whyte.)

How much do I need to dignify this by explaining why this is fucking asinine? Charles is a pacifist for the most part. A recognized and respected form of activism and protest. Like, the least charitable interpretation of what Lily's trying to say here is that figures like Gahndi, Abbie Hoffman, and dear old MLK himself are posers complicit in the oppression two of them lost their fucking life to.

That quote is referring to white people passively complicit in racism that just want black people to shut the fuck up Lily-- not passive forms of activism.

You know, it's one thing to be profoundly fucking wrong about cartoons, it's an entirely different beast when you're profoundly wrong about shit like this. Absolutely fucking ghoulish.

It feels weird pivoting back to the costumed vigilantes with funky genes, but we gotta keep going. Ironically for how much Lily is focusing on the movies here-- one of my issues with the way Charles is portrayed is he keeps casually threatening people/doing shady shit and getting away with it. Makes you question why it's framed as okay when he does it and not when it's Erik. Charles isn't a saint, he shouldn't be portrayed as one, and there's a lot of thematic dissonance when the films feel the need to lampshade the shit he gets up to less he lose the moral high ground.

4:50: OH HERE WE GO.

5:00: Lily goes on a long rant about the "activists who GO TOO FAR" trope in media.

I technically agree with her, but I can tell by the examples she's giving that she's parroting things Hbomberguy said in his RWBY video, just in a less charitable tone. So, really I agree with Hbomberguy.

She's not wrong that the BoM and Magneto sometimes wanders into this territory (I mean, they were originally 'The Brotherhood of Evil Mutant' and all that) unfortunately, but she hasn't supported that position at all. I have to assume she's heard this brought up somewhere else, this isn't exactly a unique take by any means. I doubt she's actually familiar enough with the content to create an original cohesive argument.

Lily doesn't like moral ambiguity in her media. That would be fine if she wasn't this butthurt that other people feel very differently.

6:05: "And yes, you knew we were getting to it! [ . . .] Almost all of Legend of Korras main villians start at a good through line. But then some twist comes up that makes everything they said before completely pointless."

THESE TWO, "START AT A GOOD THROUGH LINE!?"

LILLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

6:15: "Season one's Amon is a socialist activist who cares about the oppression of non-benders by benders-- until it turns out that he doesn't."

I know this is a popular interpretation of the equalitists, especially given that their name is 'the equalists,' but actually the show never gives us enough information about the sociopolitical dynamics of benders and non-benders to say for sure. I'm not going to get into it here, if you want my full breakdown and analysis on the social politics of Avatar, let me know. In summary, it's tempting to assume benders would be the dominant class as they have literal powers, but that's not really how systemic power works. There's conflicting inference on what the dynamics are, and it may be different depending on the nation. The equalists are schrodinger's activists. They could be the Black Panthers, they could be the Proud Boys. That is not me making a false equivalency between those two groups, it's just never established if their perceived systemic persecution is real or imagined.

This isn't really a criticism of Lily. That it is so ambiguous is a flaw in the show. The interpretation Amon is supposed to be a socialist is as valid as any. Well. . . It's an extremely reductive interpretation of a socialist, and I know Lily doesn't know what a socialist actually is, but I'm trying to be charitable when possible here.

I do LIKE Korra myself, to be clear. But, yeah. There's problems.

6:31: "Season four's Kuvira wants to stitch the Earth Kingdom back together but doesn't want to restore an oppressive monarchy like everyone else does. And then declares that she is the dictator of the Earth Kingdom."

Yeah, that is just a thing that has happened in history, Lily. When there's a power vacuum left by a sudden or violent upheaval of a tyrant, unfortunately often another tyrant at least attempts to take their place. This is one of the reasons why former colonies struggle to cultivate stability-- societies and communities can get fucked in the ass by this kind of shit. This isn't a pro-monarchy message Lily-- consider maybe trying to learn things now and again.

This is why people call you a fake leftist Lily. Doing (relatively) minor gestures of good will like handing out food for a short period then pulling the rug out from under the people once they're complicit is right out of the facist playbook. You are virtually doing the exact thing you accused Rebecca Sugar of, but for real.

You're being outfoxed by a kid's show again.

6:44: "Season two's Unalaq [you get the idea.]"

Lily is pro gentrification until you involve demon kites I guess. I'm confused why she thinks he ever had any good intentions, it's telegraphed immediately he's a bad dude. He's also by far the worst villain-- as in, the worst written.

7:10: "All of them go 'the status quo is bad therefore commence genocide' like they got their political theory from fucking Vaush."

By your line of thinking so did Firelord Sozin:

"I had my own vision for a brighter future . . ."

I don't like Vaush either, but-- this isn't even the pot calling the kettle black. This is the blackened grime on the pot calling the kettle black.

GOD THIS VIDEO IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT MAGNETO. WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT KORRA FOR ALMOST THIS WHOLE POST.

7:19: "The entire show you're watching Korra become a stooge for the status quo every single time. 'The problem isn't that the system is bad, it's that the wrong people are in charge.' And then they inevitably change the status like bringing democracy to the Earth Kingdom and you're left wondering-- wait, why wasn't the other person doing this!?"

I did not edit those two statements together. That is, in fact, Lily pointing out why her own arguments are stupid in the very next breath. Thanks for saving me the effort, I guess.

7:45: "Why weren't the characters you set up to do these things . . . Doing the things?!"

Because they weren't set up to do these things Lily. They're the antagonists. They ideologically were designed to be foils for Korra to overcome.

Korra's political messages aren't even that deep, and yet you're this incapable from telling even obvious totalitarian right-wing ideology and mild liberalism apart.

8:10: "It's so nakedly obvious how protective of the status quo these stories are."

This is, in a very abstract way, a valid criticism of Korra. This is a common problem in a lot of media, and Korra is far from the worst offender. I think it does breach past this to some extent, just not as much as I would have personally liked with all its seasons.

But make no mistake this is Lily again, taking something Lily has seen someone else say and putting that opinion through a blender.

Let's not beat around the bush here, Lily just wanted to bitch about Korra again. It's almost like she thinks if she repeats her idiotic media analysis enough, maybe THIS time people will realize how brilliant she is.

8:27: "A victim of abuse, torture or r@pe trying to kill her [only 'her,' huh?] abuser in vengeance is right to do so."

Okay, that's enough of this for now. Part 3 coming soon.

[fartlovingblkguy69]

The Little Men’s Toilet Slave Part 2

And with that he turned around and I got to see the most magnificent ass. It was big and round, muscular with a nice layer of fat and hairy as fuck! I’ve never seen an ass so hairy before! This is the type of ass that I ordinarily would have wanted to bury my face deep in and rim for hours but given what I knew was about to happen I wanted to throw up! This was made worse by the fact that when he bent over teasingly, I was assaulted by a smell akin to hot sewage mixed with garlic and there were stains and dingleberries all throughout his filthy forest of a crack. As he backed up to my face he reached back and further spread his cheeks allowing me to see his hole underneath a thick ring of fur and his hole opened and pushed out, releasing a nasty sbd before slamming his hole down on my nose. Fssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh “Ah, I need to get rid of some more gas before I open the flood gates or else I’ll drown our new toilet bitch and then he’ll be no use to anyone! Let me see the footage we’ve shot so far while I relieve myself!” he said rubbing his aching, bloated stomach. He sat there farting away with his filthy hair hole sucking my nose in and constantly dripping a sample of the sludge that was about to fill my mouth into my nostrils. It was getting harder with each fart for him not shit all over me. I could tell, but he wanted to drag this out as long as possible and to be quite frank I was in no hurry to get to the main even myself. Finally after half an hour he slowly stood up and groaned “Open your mouth toilet! It’s time! I really can’t hold it anymore! If I smell or spill any of this I swear to God I’m gonna vomit all over your cute face and i don’t want that so after I make you swallow I’ll let Josh (the hot asf blond guy from earlier) and his boys stomp the fuck out of you! This can go easy or it can be extremely painful! Your choice!” He gently patted my stomach and started to sit back down. I reluctantly opened my mouth and watched in horror as before he was even seated his hole seemed to spasm and out pushed the biggest pile of slop I’ve ever seen! It was soft, lumpy shit, not quite liquid, but definitely nowhere near solid and it stunk like rotten eggs that had been left under the burning sun for days! It quickly filled my mouth and with much effort Kyle managed to pull his hairy hole shut. “Hurry up and swallow that! There’s so much more inside me and I will let it out all over your face if I have to! Don’t chew, just swallow! You can savor my shit another time! I’m in too much pain right now!” I struggled to swallow, my throat burning and closing, gagging and trying not explosively throw up the toxic waste that was in my mouth and nostrils and felt like it was penetrating every part of my being. He slapped my stomach and said “Round 2! Here it comes in 5 seconds and remember what happens if it doesn’t end up in your mouth!” I hurriedly swallowed and opened my mouth right as the next blast came bursting out. This continued for 6 mouthfuls over the course of the next 40 minutes with many wet farts in between each torrent of loose, sludgy shit. Finally he exclaimed “Damn that felt great to let out! I can’t believe how much better I feel! You can’t imagine how much pain I was in! Now lick me clean!” as I sat there and thought to myself, You were in pain? What about me you piece of shit! You narcissistic asshole! What the hell is wrong with you? But I knew better than to say any of that so I just lay there licking his entire crack clean in silence before moving to his disgusting hole. He smiled down at me and affectionately rubbed my very full, very bloated belly. “I think you deserve a reward for being such a good helper! I can’t wait to give it to you later! I think you’ll like it! In the meantime I gotta get back to filming! Anyone else need a bathroom break with the new toilet?” Of course there stood Josh with an evil smirk on his face. Here we go again! (To Be Continued)