#im lactose intolerant

[th3run]

I feel that …. Literally 😩

[meshaamem-li]

happy Shavuot to all the lactose intolerant people of Jumblr!!! may your digestive system's memory be a blessing 😔🙏

[fartlovingblkguy69]

A Flight to Be Remembered (Part 2). “You better not try anything! I don’t get fucked! I do the fucking! And I hope you’re ready to take this big dick up that sexy ass of yours! I’ll up your tip to $10 if you let me cum in that sweet Georgia peach!” This really sealed the deal for Tim. Logan wanted to get ridden, huh? He was about to get the ride of his life! Tim dipped his face back down between the musty cheeks and quietly grabbed Logan’s belt as well as his own. He quickly grabbed the 35 year old’s arms and tied them behind his back with his own belt before flipping him over. “I’m gonna ride you so good sir! But you’re gonna have to be a good boy to get this action! Get your tongue in there and find out how sweet this peach is!” Tim exclaimed as he backed his ass up to Josh’s entitled face. As Josh began to very half-assedly lick the outer rim of Tim’s hole he began to hump the air, demanding that Tim sit down on him and start riding or he’d kick him out and give him nothing! So Tim did just as requested! He sat down! But not on Josh’s dick like he wanted! No, he sat hard on his nose and squirmed until he could feel his hole being penetrated. He sat there for a minute and then decided to give Josh some air and let him have one more chance to stop being a dick before things proceed. As soon as he got up though, Josh began yelling expletives, telling him to get the fuck out and that this is why he doesn’t bother with worthless faggots, etc. and so Tim wrapped the second belt around Josh’s legs and then rocked back and once again buried that nose in his hole. This time however, he began to push and out came a long, loud fart! Bbbbbbrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttt “Ah! Been holding that one in for a while! Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how this is going to go. My stomach hurts and I’m full of gas and I’m going to let it all out up your nose. If you’re good, I’ll take my $5 and call it even. If you’re not…well in a little bit gas won’t be the only thing assaulting my hole and your face! Sound fair?” he said as he lifted slightly for Josh to answer. “Hell no! I don’t have to put up with this! I’m going to get you fired! Then I’m gonna press charges and have you thrown in jail! Then I’m gonna get your family fired from their jobs and take their house in punitive damages!” Well that was enough! Tim knew what had to be done! He plopped his ass back down, jiggling his cheeks and rubbing his aching stomach.

Sssssssppppppppprrrrrrtttttt bbbbbbrrrrrrrttttt

Ffffffsssssssshhhhhh

pppffffpfFFRRAAAAAPPPpppppfffssss

BRUUUUUUUMMMMPPPRRRRTTTTzzzzzzz

PrRRrrRRRFFfffumppppbroooumppttt

PHHHRUUUUMMMMMTTTTTSSS

Tim began to empty his stomach with fart after fart, rubbing his belly and sighing in relief while Josh struggled for air. The struggling beneath him was getting him hard and he started to stroke his 8 inches while he let loose! He also called down to the front desk and ordered room service: a pizza with extra cheese, a vanilla milkshake, and chocolate milk to be exact. When the food came, he took Josh’s own dirty undies, brought them to his hole, dug inside and let out a long silent fart before shoving them in Josh’s mouth as a gag. He sat back on Josh’s face and wolfed down his food and milk and watched tv while he waited, ripping ass whenever he needed for the next 30 minutes. Suddenly he felt a huge pain in his stomach, sharp and churning and he knew it was time!

He leaned forward just enough to pull the nasty undies out of Josh’s mouth and said, “Had enough? You done being an asshole to people now? Cause we can keep going all night if you want, but it’s about to get real nasty for you!” “Fuck you! I’ll do whatever I want to whoever I want! I’m gonna be your conjugal visit in prison! I can’t wait to bend you over and fuck you raw with no lube! Then I’m gonna pay the biggest, baddest prisoners to have their way with you all day long at least once a week and to beat the stuffing out of your weak, gay ass!” He went on and on, ranting and raving for 5 minutes. And then he noticed the big smile on Tim’s face. “That’s about what I was hoping you’d say. This is gonna feel great, therapeutic even! So thank you in advance! You just volunteered to be my human toilet! And just in the nick of time! I am so bloated! It’s time for all that food and gas to come out! Open wide for me now!” He quipped while backing his hairy dirty hole up to his mouth with his cheeks spread while his pucker pulsed with anticipation. He sat down with his ass lips meeting Josh’s mouth lips and then began to slap Josh’s stomach and dick, lightly at first to get him hard and then harder to make him scream. When he felt satisfied he began to push.

Brrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttt

Ppppppffffffffffffffftttttttttt

Ssssssshhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Fffffffssssssssssssshhhhhhh

Sssssppppppprrrrrrrreeeeeeeettttttttt

The farts got wetter and wetter until finally his hole opened real wide and out pushed a thick 10 inch log into Josh’s mouth which was being pried open by the giant turd itself. Tim sat there rubbing his stomach in relief and practically smothered Josh saying “There’s a lot more up there! You’re taking it all, just a matter of whether it’ll be the easy way or the hard way! My stomach still hurts so it’s about to get real wet too!” And with that, he pushed out another thick, 8 inch long log that forced the first one down and stretched Josh’s mouth open once again. Then cutting the end off the chocolate milk he made a makeshift funnel which he shoved in Josh’s mouth, wrapping the dirty underwear around it and then pushing his hole against the other end. Tim knew this was gonna be bad! His stomach was still churning so this wouldn’t be a small amount! He began to push.

Ssssssssssppppppppllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrtttttttttttt

He released his nasty diarrhea, chunky mush that wasn’t quite liquid, but definitely not solid and filled the bottle to the brim. He held it steady and plugged Josh’s nose forcing him to swallow in order to take in any air and then repeated this exercise 5 more times! By the time he completed the last one, his hole and his dick were both dripping with wetness and he managed to cum on top of the stinking pile that fillled the makeshift funnel in his victim’s mouth before sliding forward. He slowly pumped Josh’s dick until it reached his full 7 1/2 inches and then using his shit as lune slid down on the dick, gripping and riding it making the jerk gasp with pleasure and at the same time swallow his nasty shit. He let him cum in his tight hole before he got up, sat down once again on the funnel, and let out one more very wet blast. Watery cum/shit mixture flew down Josh’s throat as he passed out from the whole ordeal and Tim quietly slipped $100 from his wallet and headed out in to the night.

[shopfrombox]

On my shop

[ajdapigeon]

Some old art I made of myself with a shadow person idk man

[punk-goblin]

I feel like being goblincore and liking garlic bread go hand in hand. Garlic bread is the romeo to my juliet.

Yes i did use that analogy because i die slightly if i eat too much cheesy garlic bread

Where’s my lactose intolerant goblins at

[andromedaspark]

Reading tea leaves but it's me looking at the chocolate powder left at the bottom of my glass after a good ol glass of chocolate milk

[iced-american0]

milk

[snazzy-mushroom]

To my fellow lactose intolerant people

If you ever look at a dairy product and think “oh I’m only a little lactose intolerant, I’ll be fine”

DO NOT EAT IT. THAT IS THE DAIRY DEVIL WHISPERING TO YOU SAVORY LITTLE LIES

DO NOT CONSUME THE FORBIDDEN ARTISAN GOOD LEST YOU FALL VICTIM TO THE WORST TUMMY ACHE IMAGINABLE

[outsideyourhousewithaknife]

Guess whose phone just BLARED katya zamalodchikova saying "I just had sex" in the middle of a crowded waiting room because someone made the mistake of trusting their earbuds????

[cant-get-worse-than-this]

As a lactose intolerant person I know when I've pushed my limits and IT IS HAPPENING NOW. I AM FEELING IT IN MY STOMACH TOMORROW WILL NOT BE EASY ON ME HELP

[fartlovingblkguy69]

Aromatherapy (Continuing a Story from Nifty.org)

A link to the story I'm continuing: https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/urination/aromatherapy

Part 1

I waited 10 minutes before leaving. I was shaking with anticipation. i had never been so excited in my whole life. He was already pulled around waiting in a 2018 GMC Sierra Crew Cab. "Get in. This isn't a free ride by the way. You can either give me gas money or get down there and sniff my gas. It's a 30 minute drive, maybe longer since it's about to be rush hour. Your choice". There wasn't even a question. I quickly climbed in the passenger side and laid down while he rose up and lowered his basketball shorts. He was wearing stained gray boxer briefs with a wet stain on the back and a big golden brown streak going up the crack. They smelled like a sweaty toilet seat. He quickly sat down and ground his fat ass around my face until my nose was right in the middle of his crack. He reached back, spreading his cheeks and pressing down until my nose was pushing the dirty undies into his hole and his ass enveloped my face. "Ah, that's it. Your nose feels great in my nasty hole. I'm still sweaty from that sauna and I just took the most massive shit so your nose is going to have to scratch that itch." He ground his ass on my face some more as we pulled out of the parking lot. We stopped at every red light on the way to the highway. It took 45 minutes to get to his place. I could smell the fresh shit around his hairy hole and he kept letting out the worst SBDs the whole way laughing each time and rubbing it in on my nose. Finally we got there and he pulled up his shorts and got out. I sat up and made my way out as well. The house was huge and there were 3 other vehicles in the driveway, 2 SUVs and another pickup. We made our way inside and he took me straight to the living room. "I'm hungry so I'm going to make myself something to eat. Get down on the floor with your head in that seat over there and I'll be back" pointing to the comfy chair in the corner. I quickly obeyed and was waiting quietly in the dark when suddenly this handsome young man walked in texting on his iPhone Xr. He had on only a jockstrap that was bulging. He looked to be about 25 maybe and he had a perfect amount of muscle, nice arms, legs, firm pecs, with a little bit of a chiseled but bloated belly and a nice happy trail. He launched himself ass first into the chair I had my face waiting in and oh boy was it a nice one. Nice smooth golden cheeks with a very hairy crack that smelled like a long day with several unshowered before it. Once he had sat down he quickly realized there was something under him but instead of getting up he just farted loudly and wetly. PRRRBBBBBBTTTTTT. "Ah. That felt good. I don't smell a thing. Pops must have gotten a new fart cushion. Awesome! Especially after all those burritos had for lunch. The cheese and beans is really fucking my stomach up." He sat on my face for 10 minutes letting let out several sbds and loud wet releases while rubbing his sexy belly and really ground his wet hole into my face before spreading his cheeks to let out a huge shart. SSSSSSRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT. My nose was sprayed with hot air and speckles of shit "Whew that was nasty. Think I felt a little shit come out on that one. Pops will have a fit if I stained his favorite chair! He might even make me his fart cushion again! Definitely don't need that torture!" He shot up and turned around bending down to make sure he hadn't made a mess of the seat. While he did I got to see more of his handsome face. He had a perfect chiseled jaw, beautiful mischievous eyes, and a thin, long nose (think Daniel Croix with green eyes). I licked my lips as he finally got to inspecting me. "Nice. It all went on you huh, cutie? Well plenty more where that came from" He said with a chuckle. He let out a bubbling fart into the air and sniffed. "Damn that's ripe. Why don't you open that pretty mouth for me this time just to be safe. I'll try not to take a dump in it". I shuddered at the thought as I'm not into that at all. He kindly wiped my face off looking down at me with a glint in his eye. I did as he said as he turned around and spread that perfect ass open.

[roygbivsystem]

ALRIGHT WHO DID IT WHO DRANK THE MILK AGAIN?

Im looking at you Milo -.-

[listerbirdloml]

for my "give me a word, ill write an IWBFT short on it" the first one we have is Cheese from @0s3manv3rse !! tyvm for commenting :))

theres no real content warning apart from maybe excessive wealth, strong language, angry rowan, and Bradley Walsh. wrote this in twenty minutes pls enjoy. 729 words.

Cheese 

“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?”

“What?”

As Jimmy looks up from his phone and sees the positively miffed look on Rowans face, he can’t help but feel the need to laugh at him. He’s got a pink sheet face mask on with, honest to god, cucumbers under his eyes. But beyond the hydrating sheet, Jimmy can see the creases of his eyebrows and the frown distorting the mouth of the mask.

“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?” He’s holding up an empty container and waving it around. “I got it ordered yesterday. Jimmy, this cheese cost me, I shit you not, five hundred quid.” Jimmy gawks and Rowan ignores him. “I just wanted to try it, and now it’s gone.”

"No, Rowan. I didn’t eat your ridiculously overpriced mouldy cheese.” Jimmy puts his phone down. “You spent five hundred quid on cheese?”

“We all make bad decisions after wine, Jimmy.”

“Heard.” 

They both look at the new addition to the room, a grinning Lister Bird who props himself up on the counter, crossing his legs. He too has a face mask on, blue, with a ridiculous headband pushing his hair out of his face. It has comically large white bunny ears on top, and Jimmy truly doesn’t care to know where or when he got it. but unhelpfully, his brain reminds him of his Halloween costume from the year before.

“Hah hah, very funny.” Rowans tone is dry and rolls his eyes as he continues digging around in the fridge in the hopes that his cheese has simply been misplaced. Jimmy stands next to Lister, so they can both watch him.

“What’s he doing?” Lister asks as he crosses his arms. Jimmy sighs and leans slightly closer to him, his eyes never leaving Rowan.

"He's trying to find his cheese. He thinks I ate it.” Jimmy doesn’t necessarily whisper it, but he doesn’t speak loud enough to alert the occupied rowan. 

Lister has other plans. In a loud, chirpy tone, he happily informs them:

“Oh that? Dude, that reaked! It was all mouldy, so I threw it out.” Jimmy closes his eyes and counts to ten. He misses how Rowan's hands freeze in their shuffling of refrigerated items. His back is tense, and his eyes are also closed. Perhaps he too is counting to ten.

“You what?”

“I threw it out." Lister, as per usual, seems unbothered by the shift in tension. He looks genuinely confused. Jimmy almost feels bad for him. Almost.

“You threw it out?”

“Yeah? Dude, it was rancid. There was lit-“

Rowan peels off the cucumbers one at a time. Objectively, it’s hilarious to watch. But Jimmy is more concerned at the maiming Lister is about to receive to find it in him to audibly laugh. He does, however, have to cover his laugh behind a cough when Rowan also peels off the sheet mask and flings it onto the linoleum floor. His face is shiny with the serum of the mask, but still murderous looking.

Lister now seems to catch onto the tension as he laughs nervously and hops down from the counter. He has his hands out placatingly, and it’s not lost on Jimmy that he’s got them flat palmed. 

“Allister. That cheese was five hundred pounds.” Listers gulps, loudly. He laughs again but it has no humour, only fear. “I bought that five hundred pound cheese to enjoy with my relaxing face mask. I was supposed to be relaxing. We have Celebrity Chase tomorrow, and I intend to win. And to win, I need to relax tonight. Do I look relaxed, Allister? There was three steps to my relaxation. Fancy cheese, fancy wine, and a lovely calming face mask. And now two of those things are ruined. So, I ask again. Do I look relaxed?"

“You look great.” Lister is backing away from them now. “Gorgeous. Definitely the world's second sexiest man. You're glowing, really. I love what you've done with the eyebags. That cucumber worked a treat.” He trips over the bin but ignores it as he keeps making his way to the kitchen door. Rowan is advancing on him.

“Just run.” Lister doesn’t need to hear it from Jimmy twice before he’s turning and bolting down the corridor and up the stairs. Rowan follows him, hot on his heels.

“No murdering; we need him alive!” There is no answer to his call, but a second later, he hears a ridiculously high-pitched scream from Lister. Jimmy just sighs, opens Safari, and looks for replacements for Rowan's cheese.

[hyperfixated-on-hensper]

I'd just like to take a moment of silence for all those suffering from food restrictions this Thanksgiving.

[theartsyghost]

I’m officially coming out as lactose intolerant

also I’m bisexual