#we adore syd man

[pigeons-with-jello]

Love the silt verses bc they rlly got brand mascots as deities and ppl are really out here devoting themselves to it

[thegirlwhowatchedeverything]

Pete Appreciation Post

Pete and Nat:

As her partner, he not only handles but actually and actively loves her family.

He goes to Al-Anon meetings WITH her (1x2).

He doesn't show up to Christmas empty handed (to steal Carmy's words that'd make him an asshole). He continues to be joyful and make small talk while being ripped to shreds for his attempt at a funny, genuinely considerate tuna casserole (2x6).

One of Nat's biggest traumas (flashback to 2x6 of Donna grabbing her by the face while threatening to kill herself) is juxtaposed with her greatest joy - ending the day with Pete on the couch watching TV (2x8).

Everything Pete does and says in 2x10. I don't even know where to start. Him so beyond proud and supportive and excited and happy for Nat. Him trying to convince Donna to come inside by playing to their shared pride of Nat (and Carm). His reaction after the conversation with Donna. Chris Witaske you talented actor and Pete you beautiful, patient, loving, understanding, forgiving man.

Pete and Carmy:

Pete makes such an effort with him (to steal Mikey's words he gives like the biggest fuck). He genuinely embraces Carmy and wants so desperately to be embraced by Carmy in return:

He brushes/laughs off an unexplained past incident involving Carmy (and presumably Michael) that sent him to urgent care. Very bro siblings roughhousing behavior (1x2).

He lets Carmy use his and Nat's freezer even though he knows she'll be mad at him for it. Very brothers ganging up on their sister/two siblings scheming against the third (which I imagine happened between the Berzatto siblings so much and in so many combinations) (1x5).

He was so hype and adorably complimentary about Carmy's homemade ecto cooler and ugh I wish Carm had given more credit there because they are clearly just both big nerds at heart (1x4).

He defends Carmy for being called a loser at the catered party by bringing up his career as one of the most lauded chefs (as I've said before, he and Syd were the two members of the Chef Carmy club). And he does so in front of a large and intimidating assortment of friends and family (to paraphrase Carmy paraphrasing Marcus we see that Pete can throw down huh). Very protective big brother vibes (1x4).

He then individually compliments Carmy's courage for leaving home and making an incredible career for himself. He also makes a point to tell him that Nat is proud of him. Emotionally supportive brother behavior (1x4).

He thanks Carmy for letting him be a part of his family! It's beyond sweet to say that to your in laws, but when your in laws are the Berzattos (1x4)?!

Pete And The Berzattos:

He still gets ribbed more than not, but at the end of the day he's accepted.

Carmy saying I kind of like Pete now (1x5).

Stevie saying his heart was in the right place after the tuna faux pas (2x5).

Fak saying he'll be a great daddy (2x10).

Donna congratulating Pete about the baby thus signaling her approval (2x10).

Pete Is An Only Child:

I've been convinced since S1 and S2 only confirmed.

The genuine love and effort he puts into each family member (blood, extended, and honorary) of the Berzattos not only shows Pete is truly a nice guy, but it speaks to his deep desire to be a part of a family - to belong (see all examples above).

We learned Richie and Sydney are only children (It must have been nice to have Nat and Carm. Yeah, now you do too. *sobs*) so another proof point that all partners to the Berzatto siblings are onlys.

Stevie. In his speech, he says You guys have been so kind to me. You let me hang out with your every holiday. I don't have a family like this and I'm really grateful you make space for me at this table and you make time for me on the holidays. You can imagine an exact speech coming from Pete. And like Pete, Stevie genuinely loves and gets along with each of the Berzattos (2x6). A last parallel between these two: Donna speculates if he's gay and that is totally something I can imagine her, Mikey or Richie saying about Pete at first meeting.

Something about not knowing Pete's last name or anything about him outside of his relationships with the Berzattos signals to me he's not from a big family and/or is not close to them and really just exists in the Berzatto cinematic universe.

Takeaways:

Pete is the MVP of The Bear. We better get more of him in S3.

The Berzattos attract only children and strays like moths to a flame.

[sydmarch]

other thoughts bcus I dont feel like continuing to make a bunch of separate posts:

-it's not talked about enough how fucked up levine's idea is regardless of the whole "locking someone up & filming them as they die" part just like the actual concept/goal itself. adoring fans of hannah who are currently grieving & experiencing an "uncomfortable narrative gap between her life and funeral" don't you want the gory details? watch this man writhe on the floor and vomit up blood & think about how much your idol must have suffered. you, fan who was interviewed at the funeral saying your love for hannah pulled you out of depression and saved your life! watch this footage & think about the woman who saved you probably died hallucinating and afraid.

like yeah of course there probably would actually be a market for that bcus even in real life a non insignificant amount of people LOVE the gruesome details & even just the truly dedicated who'd be better off not knowing & probably prefer not to would still find themselves compelled to not look away out of devotion. fucked up & insane!!

-wild how not only does Hannah The Image replace the actual hannah but how hannah's literal body ends up becoming nothing but an accessory to the Image

-still obsessed w when arvid shoves syd against the wall & just goes "drop it. drop it" like he's a bad dog

-i always have in my mind this hard to explain concept that there's a more True To Character edward that exists if we take the deleted scene as canon which I personally do & the edward we see in the intro is distinct from that specifically for narrative purposes. like deleted scene edward, had all her viruses except the last one head of her fan club famous enough from being a fan to become a celebrity partnered with lucas himself, would've thought about which side he wanted it on & would've come in asking for a specific bug. but that's obviously not what that beginning scene required hence them feeling distinct. probably part of why it's him I chose to write a fucked up character study on.

[sydcarmyfan]

Love at First Fight

I am a big LANY fan and their song ‘Love at first fight’ makes me think of Carmy in season 1 after Sydney quits.

Part of the lyrics are:

‘’We were under the moonlight, clenching your jaw

And that's when I saw the fire in your eyes

Clothes on the floor, you stormed out the door

And that's when I knew that I can't live without you

It was sparks at first sight

But it was love at first fight’’

Throughout season 1, we saw Carmy have fights with Richie and others, but the fight in episode 7 which made Syd quit was huge and the consequences left Carmy pretty sad as we see in episode 8. Remember, Fak asking the machine, ‘’do you ever feel sad?’’ and the robot/machine says, ‘’Of course, I do, Neil. But I don’t talk about it.’’ Then it cuts to Carm and Tina in the kitchen and Tina asks, ‘’what time is Syd coming in?’’ That man is sad, but he doesn’t talk about it, then in an earlier scene in episode 8, Tina said, ‘’you are not annoying like usual.’’ In the same scene, he looked at Tina and said,’’ you’re dressed like Syd’’, which kind of told us why he looked like a wounded puppy all episode. He was thinking about the fight and the fact that Syd broke up with him. Broke up? They were not dating, you say. I know that they were not dating but Syd’s resignation definitely felt like she was dumping him, it was not simply quitting. Also, Carmy finding Syd’s notebook was like an ex boyfriend finding an item his ex girlfriend left behind after she dumps him and walks out of their shared apartment. It is the way Carmy turns the pages with so much care that makes it even more adorable.

The last episode shows Carmy causing a fire. That man was ready to let it burn (in Usher’s voice) because Carmy didn’t know what to do without his boo thing; that man was teary in the walk-in and looked like he could not breath. Anyway, going back to the lyrics above, it hit Carmy that he couldn’t do it without Sydney (which he confirms in season 2 under the table scene) after their first fight and that’s why he texts her to apologise talking about ‘no acid’ like boy, you better say the words ( in Mikey’s voice). Also, Carmy giggling like a school girl with a crush when Syd texts ‘shove it up your ass’ was beautiful. Carmy may have felt the sparks at first sight, but he surely was in love at first fight!!!

I thought that the moment Carmy had feelings was when he said, ‘’family style? Two tops? booths?’’, but after everyone’s reply in this post, I am thinking that every moment with Syd, Carmy falls a little bit more, which explains why he runs away to Claire in season 2; he was trying to avoid falling more in love with Syd because ‘’who doesn’t want easy?’’( in Nat’s voice) and because he is with Claire, a woman he used to draw in his sketchbook, Carmy probably first thinks that because of the drawings and familiarity with Claire that things will be easy which is wrong because Carm is not satisfied (and probably feels shitty) as we see after his ‘intimate’ scene with Claire as this man had his eyes wide open and stressed after an intimate act. We keep thinking that Carm is avoiding fun, but who is he avoiding having fun with because it sure ain’t Claire. That man is avoiding having fun with Sydney because he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[blackjack-15]

sydcarmy breakdown 2X03!

opening with a futility montage for syd -- tight shots for her as well, but centered on her rather than to the side like carmy's? predicts evasion for carmy and head-on tackling of anxieties by syd. business as usual for these two

the BEAUTIFUL widening of the frame from carmy blitizing the crap outta some nuts with his knife, alone in a kitchen, grey sweater blending in with the rest of the background, to show syd in bold tints -- carmy's black and white, note, while he's in a "muddied" version of his colors -- is insane. establishing the lone man, the stress, and then to widen it to show syd and have typical banter start? i see you i see you

"you know what most restaurants suck at?" "how much time do i have to answer that question?" carmy is so, so dry, and i adore it.

THE COPENHAGEN CHEKOV'S GUN. VINDICATION.

them finishing each other's thoughts and sentences is so beautiful here, the way that he can follow her train of thought without missing a beat, the way that he doesn't find copenhagen a "wild" suggestion at all...it's beautiful. these two really are at their best in a small space, alone, with nothing directly hanging over them

"happy?" ohhhhh that's a loaded bit of dialogue. happy with the food? happy with the agreement on sending marcus to copenhagen? happy being there in his kitchen? syd of course takes the most literal interpretation, but bless her, she always does

"you marinated it for too long, but it's okay, though" "i mean it's not, it's twice in a row" "that's why we're doing this" carmy's best aspect by far is his ability to never make the exact same mistake twice, and to incorporate what he learns from others into his important relationships (especially syd). he knows he futzed up by not telling her what her risotto/cola ribs recipe was missing, so he comes out of the gate here with it. he feels bad for yelling at her after a mistake, so he offers support and a way to move past it, to normalize it as part of the learning process.

oh. okay this is breathtakingly vulnerable for syd in a way we really haven't seen yet.

syd is kinda thirsty for praise, especially from carmy -- not a bad thing at all, it's a very neutral character trait. but here, instead of staring wide-eyed at him and pretending she doesn't care (like when he doesn't eat when she preps family in s1), she voices it -- "you're sending me home?" you can almost hear the implied "did i do that badly?". it's a very vulnerable thing to say for syd, who tends to attack things head-on

look at her face there. she is honestly worried, but she's willing to speak up, she's more comfortable and confident in her and carmy's relationship than she was in s1

"no, i'm not sending you home, i'm sending us out for...inspiration" first. just tell your pretty friend that you like her and wanna go geek out about food together, carmy. i know it's not Repression Chic, but. honestly.

second, he's demonstrating that he knows how syd will take this -- how she does end up taking it, by the irritation at herself that she displays here. he knows she's impatient -- with everything and everyone, including herself -- so he tries to show her that this isn't a fault thing, it's just what they've gotta do

and when she doesn't get it and he knows she's mad at herself? "and syd?" "...yeah?" "this really was almost perfect." again, he's learned from the cola ribs and risotto. this conversation is a great mirror to that one, where he starts with praise (it's tremendous) and then tells her "i didn't say it was perfect" as a follow up. he starts with the critique, assures her that it's alright, and then, knowing she's unhappy with herself, praises her.

It doesn't take, but he's doing it right. which means, since carmy opens the episode in Repression Town, things are about to go to pot

[futuregws]

Here's my unwanted final opinion on the bear:

Whoever wrote the script or honestly the people that made the show in general actually, they deserve all the fucking awards, it's so well written and what I love the most is the character development in every single character even the smaller ones, it was beautiful, it was refreshing the way they wrote women on this show even though I'm a little confused over Claire and why they thought it was a good idea to include her, I know what people think she was "used" for, but idk if that's actually what they were going for, but anyway other than that all the other women?? Perfect, Natalie and Sydney and the little bond they developed, fucking adorable. This last episode was really good but I was expecting it to end a little less sad and maybe this is just me being way to hopeful (probably) the shit Carmy said to Claire without knowing he was saying it to her at the time was so mean, and that to me just makes it veryyyy clear that he still needs a shit ton of therapy, bc he could totally have dated Claire and still done a brilliant job at the restaurant, I don't love Claire and I've said it before she needed to chill with some stuff but my heart broke a little for her having to hear that, but what REALLY destroyed my heart was that nasty fight between Richie and Carmy they were both so mean to each other but Carmy just reached a level that I don't think we have ever seen his character at before, anyway I started the show not really liking Richie but by the end of season 2 I gotta say I do like him he can really be a sweetheart and he showed that in the last two episodes, and I'm very proud of him not gonna lie, and Tina?? Ugh that woman where she was and where she is now, the character development/growth wow. About the scene of Carmy and his panic attack and people basically ignoring the fact that he was a having a panic attack for shipping purposes (bc that's what it felt like to me) bc you know "he started thinking about Syd and he calmed down" blah blah blah, I saw a gif set of this with someone saying that and I was like, oh interesting, but knowing how shippers in general are I was like, okay but is that the full context?? And no it really wasn't, what they showed was very surface level and people saw the images and were like omg they are in love but completely chose to forget the images before and the context of what day it was, like yeah he calmed down remembering her bc just like Jeremy has said he knows that Syd is there for him, he started this with her and now he's opening it, they both share the same passion and knowledge and they know they can rely on each other so yeah obviously he calmed down I have severe anxiety and I can't tell you the amount of times that at school I would think about people around me that made me feel even a little bit comfortable just so I could calm down and get something done and why was I thinking about those people it's not bc I was in love hell no, it's bc I knew I could trust them in a way and could count on them, if I needed anything they are there I'm not doing it alone, and thats the whole ass point that is being missed and I think is so upsetting honestly. Finishing this show and now having the scene of Carmy stuck in the walk in freezer and basically every way he acted with his feelings towards Claire (which in my opinion weren't that strong but okay) tells me that Carmy does not need a romantic partner that man needs a new therapist and that's what makes sense for his character. Let me try to make this last part short bc it's already huge, Marcus needs to learn how to deal with rejection goddamn why did he have to yell at Syd, anyway I have my own thoughts on Syd's "romantic" life but this is already too long so I'm gonna end it here lol

[itsseohannbin]

thank you for the tag Pookie!! @feelbokkie

Get To Know Me!

❣ Who is your favorite Kpop group?

Stray Kids is my main group, but I'm also dabbling in some others, like Ateez, Big Bang, iKon, Enhypen, Astro, The Boyz, NewJeans, BlackPink, BTS/Jungkook. (One OK Rock & The Rose are also heavily loved but idk if they qualify as Kpop or not?)

❣ Which member sparked your interest first?

I think my answer is the same as nearly every other Stay out there.... Lee Felix Yongbok.

he's just such a sweet lil cinnamon roll with the voice of a devil. his smile got me first, cause hello? look at it and tell me you aren't melting!!?? (being considered the embodiment of sunshine by all my close friends/family of course only heightened the adoration I had for him). I truly and utterly adore him sm 😊

❣ Who was your first bias?

Han Jisung, obviously 🙄🙄 smooth lil bitch that he is..

I mean, look at this smol bean :(

He is absolutely adorable, and he held my heart for such a long period of time before Binnie came along out of nowhere and shut that shit down LOL

it's almost like I convinced myself Han was my bias and Changbin was my number 1 bias wrecker, when in reality, it was the complete opposite. Bin has always been #1 with Han fighting for his chance in #2.

❣ Who is your current bias?

I think I've made it abundantly clear over the last few days 6 months lmao help who my heart truly belongs to, and it's this fucking dude right here omg.

juST LOOK AT HIM!! Boba eyes, curly hair, plushy lips 🥺🥺

I just wanna hold him😭😭

I denied it for so so SO LONGGGGG and I'm so ashamed that I did because the moment I was like "fuck, yeah, this is the one," I felt like I could breathe properly for the first time since becoming a STAY LOL.

I had a little dramatic moment with a Chan Bias Friend of mine about the whole ordeal (thank you again for Syd for holding me through that crisis bc lord it was a big one!), and told her that I feel like I've been wearing beer goggles for my entire journey as a STAY and I just now took them off, and the world seems so much clearer now.. everything makes so much more sense LOL. We always talk about how your bias is most like you and your wrecker is what you look for most in a partner, but it's the complete opposite for me. Changbin truly has my entire heart and I could not be happier knowing it's him that's protecting it

❣ What makes them your bias?

This is a loaded question, but I'll try to explain it as clear and concise as possible.

I fucking adore this man.

So so fucking much.

It's so true that you don't find Stray Kids in your time of need, they find you. Changbin found me. 6 months or so ago, I had an "oh shit" moment where I kind of realized that it's been Binnie all along, but I wanted to deny it and stay loyal to Han because he was my first and I was determined to keep him as my #1.. but after my Binnie moment, I started going HARD. I watched everything. interviews, skz-codes, live performances, tiktoks, vlogs, skz-talkers, the entirety of Kingdom LW then all the way back to music videos and the bts for the mv's. I became obsessed, not just with all of the members, but with Binnie. His personality is so so sweet and so genuine and so raw that I couldn't help but gravitate towards him. His duality, his personality, his stage presence. It was overwhelming in the best way possible. He's become such a safe space for me over the course of the last year and a half that I've been apart of the STAY community and been a fan of the group. His encouraging words, his gentle and loving presence, his loud and confident personality. All of it.

He's unknowingly helped me come to terms with my eating disorder and helped me stay on a healthy and positive path in my journey to self-love. He taught me the importance of our bodies and how to properly take care of the body you were born with. He taught me how to stick to my principles and never stray from my own beliefs, no matter what people around me have to say/do about it. He taught me how to appreciate the family I was blessed with, and that yes, sometimes it is nice to just dance with them in snow. He taught me confidence and self-acceptance in ways no trainer or therapist ever could. He's helped me accept myself, helped me realize that life is not about the journey, but who you spend the journey with. He's taught me to Never let the fear of being myself, stop me from being myself (this one is so fucking huge and so fucking important to me, you'll never understand). He is such a huge inspiration for me. I can't get over how much I love him and how much I owe to him and his existence. I see posts and tiktoks all the time about how Changbin is like everyones own personal happy pill, and he truly is.

I could go into very specific details with video timestamps, specific lyrics, tiktoks and moments where my love for him was solidified more and more, but I feel like we would be here all day and I want to keep this post short and sweet.

So yes, I adore Changbin and his presence in my life. He is truly an inspiration in so many aspects and I just cannot imagine a life without him, or the rest of SKZ, in it.

❣ Who is your bias wrecker?

For the longest time possible, it was a Seungmin. The little menace he is. It was him, and then I had a moment where I slowly starting veering off towards Minho, cause he's like, the king of menaces and Seungmin is just his little menace-in-training. Then it went back to Seungmin after watching most of Kingdom: Legendary War and seeing his performance in I'll Be Your Man and Love Poem.

THEN as of the most recent two comebacks, Hyunjin shows up and is like "hello I'm here too. I also require your attention". But truthfully, I think I've come to accept the fact that I'm a Changbin bias, but OT7 wrecked on the daily, because each and every member wrecks me in different ways.

Bangchan with his astounding hardwork and adoring personality. Lee Know as the king of menaces/ultimate butt hunter. Hyunjinnie with his passion and love for all the art and beauty in the world. Han with his dedication and lyrics that always hit so close to home. Felix for his rays of sunshine, demonic voice and heart of gold. Seungmin for his shy and guarded personality but the prince following in the King's foot steps. and INNIE?? BABY BREAD??? No baby bread ain't a baby bread anymore, he's a freakin' Daddy Toast and I'm uNWELL

Hannie definitely holds the top spot for bias wrecker (hello he was demoted from #1 so it only makes sense for him to fall to #2), but the remaining 6 are fighting for the title on a daily basis. It's very concerning LOL

❣ Which member(s) are you currently obsessing over that aren't your bias/bias wrecker?

As of right now, I cannot for the life of me get Channie out of my fucking head. Idk what it is lately, but there's just something about Chan that takes up all my attention. Maybe it's the excessive amounts of fics I've been reading and writing for him, but he's just someone who captivates your attention and absolutely requires you to keep it on him. It's frustrating but I'm also not complaining.

❣ When did you first discover this group?

I first heard of SKZ by the boyfies little sister who is a die hard kpop fan. When I first met her when she was 11 or 12, she was a big fan of BTS, and I tried to bond with her over Kpop, although it was something I never thought I'd ever get into, and she was like "well, BTS isn't for everyone. Have you listened to SKZ?" and she showed me Gods Menu and like one of their early SKZ Codes, and I was like "alright, they're pretty cool. Demonic voice sunshine boi, fast rapper #1, fast rapper #2, maniacal little puppy, ethearal fairie who likes to touch butts, best leader, tiny baby with large hands and pretty artist." but after that I didn't really give them a second thought.

Then, in January of 2023, I started a new job with my lifelong best friend who I hadn't caught up with in a long time, and she was obsessed.. she had already been apart of Stayville since maxident, and she got our other friend into them as well, so when we spent every break and lunch hour together scrolling through tiktoks and listening to her gush about how amazing these men were, I was like, alright. I'll give them a shot. If my best friend adored something so much, who am I to not give them a shot and see what all the fuss was about.

She showed me the MAMA 2022 performance and from there, I was hooked.

Thank you Kennie for bringing these losers into my life.

❣ Have you ever been to one of their concerts?

I have not. I've seen so many concert videos and tiktoks of others living out the ultimate dream and I am so so jealous. I really hope they come to Canada on their next tour. I will be absolutely devastated if they don't, but I am fully willing to road trip down to any state at any time to see them live. I will not miss another concert. I will not.

❣ What are some of your favorite songs by the group?

oh fuck.

okay uhm, lets see...

DLMLU

Case 143

Scars

Doodle

Alien

Chill

Give Me Your TMI

3Racha

Taste

Circus

Thunderous (definitely getting a Thunderous tattoo)

Volcano

Sorry, I love you

Venom/Maniac (First performance I watched)

Charmer

Waiting For Us

Gods Menu (first song I heard)

EASY ??!!!!??

TOP (holy fuck incredible song 10/10)

Back Door (first choreo I learned)

Miroh

SuperBowl

Get Lit

Butterflies

Hello STRANGER

Comflex

LOL it's really hard to pick favorites when their entire discography is played on repeat 24/7. There is not one song I skip while listening to my SKZ playlist. Not one!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No presh tags :) || @moonlightndaydreams @channieandhisgoonsquad @bethanysnow @noellllslut @queenmea604

[drabbles-mc]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Oh boy I don't even know the answer to this anymore 😂😂 But! I will try haha

Just One Week (Narcos, Carrillo x F!Reader)- This will always get a shout-out whenever someone asks me what my favorite stories of mine are. It's got just about everything that I love to write in it, and I feel like from top to bottom the story flowed really well. Romantic relationships, platonic relationships, familial relationships, we got it all. Plus fake dating. I swoon.

All Good Here (The Bear, Syd x Richie)- While I have an immense love and soft spot for all of my fics for The Bear, as someone who WILL be a SydRichie girlie till I die, this fic is everything to me and more hahaha

Good Things (Mayans, EZ x F!Reader)- If you know me you know the soft spot I've got for EZ is a country mile wide. And I like a lot of the fics that I've written for him over the last couple years, but there is something about the lingering tension and sadness in this one that just!!!!!!! Gets me

When You Love It (SOA, Happy & OC Diedra Lowman)- I love all of my ocs. I would take a bullet for pretty much all of them. But I really just adore Diedra and such an intense way. I have so many plans for her that one day i swear I will get to. But her dynamic with Happy just does something for my soul. Thinking about her and the whole family of Lowman's I've created every day 😌

Really That Simple (Narcos, Carrillo x Steve)- The way I had like four of my Steve Murphy fics all vying for this last spot because I'm actually unwell about that man. 😂 But I've always said that this fic is like my top shelf, grey goose Narcos fic. Is it going to be for everyone? No. But the people who get it, GET IT. I will never be able to write something like that again and I say that in a very loving way because I really just fucking loved that fic from the first to the last word.

I'm sure that when I think back on this ask in a couple hours I will think that I should've swapped one of these out for a different thing lmao. That being said, I'm super fortunate that I really have a lot of love for almost everything that I've written. Nothing like putting guys in situations!!!!

Thank you for this! 🥰💕

[dykeyote]

syd+jeddie chnt

ok im assuming ur doing this for the ask game but tbh even if ur NOT i still win bc i got to talk about my favs forever despite being wrong

SYDNEY SARGENT

sexuality hc: dunno ...... itd really help if he had a canon sexuality (hes gay .)

gender hc: oh idk ..... its not like hes a canon trans guy or anything .... who knows

a ship i like: im a seddie girl til either i die or they do but i also quite like him w soren and juniper :3

a friendship i like: i think his friendship w marisol shouuld be explored more tbh its really interesting to me (:

a ship i dont like: i moderately dislike elijah x sydney <- holding back the burning rage of a thousand suns

a random hc: i think he has a bizarre talent for understanding lyrics first time in songs to the degree that people suspect the bonfire may be providing them to him . which is STRANGE because he has auditory processing disorder but somehow he can listen to one of those really edited drawly goth songs where the lyrics are intentionally incomprehensible and immediately hear all the lyrics right the first time around but will not understand simple sentences you say to him at times

general opinion: hes literally my best friend i love him so much hes so dear to me and so fascinating and i want to kiss him and i love him so much that it actually is killing me i adore his silly little self

JEDIDIAH MARTIN

sexuality hc: doesnt label it . if he thought abt it for long enough and really cared to label it theyd probably identify as bi gay but he isnt planning on ever doing that so

gender hc: cisgender man who has very normal emotions about gender and experienced very reasonable and rational amounts of jealousy from the moment sydney transitioned onwards (worlds most closested transfem nonbinary 2 exist bc they were so fucking christian all of their life and the second they left christianity they were dealing with fucking debilitating guilt for the sydney thing so not really thinking abt "hey am i a girl")

a ship i like: again i heart seddie but i also like jed w soren and marie ann :3

a friendship i like: i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about yvonne and jedidiah . i am NORMAL about y <- lying

a ship i dont like: i dont see a lot of jed ships that arent seddie and that i didnt like . make up lol

random hc: really really likes good smelling things . like VERY sensory seeking in that regard if they find a good smelling candle theyre keeping it w them forever . its why syd made their sheets peppermint scented thats a thing they do for them a lot to cheer him up

general opinion: my opinions on jedidiah martin are so complex and multifaceted and borderline deranged that if i attempted to synopsize them we would be here all week it would never end

[thevillainswhore]

Syd I’m in love with this fic!! 😭 you knew I loved the heart sweater anyway but then to turn it into this sweet, gorgeous little story about a scary man looking all soft covered in hearts makes me all jelly 🥹

First of all, plum is just adorable, such a cute little character I adore her! When she almost falls into Bucky’s office I laughed so hard! 🤣

The ocean blue orbs glistening when his lips curl up into a soft smile — one he reserves only for you and your little girl.

But then we see Bucky’s attentiveness straight away to his girls! Making sure his daughter is okay and checking up on his wife 😭 ugh I love this man with my whole soul ❤️

… he makes sure you’re okay and that you can be without a kiss for a few minutes while he focuses on his baby girl.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! How perfect is this man?! 😭I need him right now thank you very much. I certainly do know how easy it is to fall in love with Bucky 🥹

He doesn’t care how he’s going to be perceived while he takes his girls out, it’s literally the last thing on his mind. All he wants is to spoil his family and that just hit me right in heart. And then he thanks his wife for the clothing, the necklace (THAT SHE BOUGHT HIM!!) and the wedding band, I’m dead 😭

What a beautiful fic, I adore this little family so much and I’m so happy you wrote this my love 🥹🩷

Heart sweater | B.B

Your daughter got a present for his daddy and Bucky isn’t afraid to show everyone what his little girl got for him.

Pairing: Mob!Dad!Husband!Bucky Barnes x Mom!Wife!Reader

Wordcount: 2.033 Words

Warnings: none, just lots of fluff

Authors Note: I couldn’t help myself. This sweater is just so adorable and imagine Bucky’s little girl getting it for him. So yes, soft spot, feeling soft right now. Hope you enjoy!

Events: Winds of autumn challenge | Candy corn 🍬 a sweet surprise, Balance ⚖️ as the equinox approaches, the day and night balance out. Write about finding peace | @the-slumberparty

Seasonal Delights Bingo: fall vibes | Row One-One | soft kisses | @seasonaldelightsbingo | Fairytale Bingo | Row One-Three | Goddess of marriage | @fairytalebingo

Masterlist | Bucky Barnes Masterlist

“Daddyyyy! We gots you a present!" A childish voice echoes through the hallway of the building. Your and your little — big — families home. Others may say that you, Bucky, and your daughter are family, but there are so many more; they aren’t from the same blood but with the same big hearts.

Bucky’s men, who not only needed to earn his trust but also needed to earn their place in the family, are more than just his men. They are Bucky’s friends, your friends, and your daughter's uncles. None of them would let anything happen to you or the little girl — not just because Bucky told them to take care, but because you’re a family.

Your little daughter runs further through the hallway until she finally reaches her dad's office door. The second floor of the building is just an office — for Bucky and his men. And since he had an important meeting, he suggested that you could go out with her to get some new toys and clothes.

Of course, your little baby girl didn’t go to the toy store first. She loves it, but you’re shopping? She has to get a present for her daddy. She kind of gives herself a treat after finding the perfect present for Bucky — and then she uses all the money she can to get a lot of toys and stuff for herself.

You watch the toddler with amused eyes whenever you’re shopping without Bucky. Mostly Steve comes with you, keeping the two of you safe and just giving you a helping hand so you don’t have to carry all of these bags yourself.

“Sweetheart,” you chuckle while she already jumps to reach the handle and almost falls into her dad's office. You laugh softly, shaking your head — she is just as stubborn as her daddy when it comes to letting someone help or listen once they get excited.

Bucky’s head shoots up the moment the door swings open. He smiles at his little girl, then his eyes wander further toward you. The ocean blue orbs glistening when his lips curl up into a soft smile — one he reserves only for you and your little girl.

“Take care, my sweet little plum. Don’t want ya to get hurt, do we?” He asks, his voice soft but still a bit firm, so the little girl will listen to him. Her eyes — which are just as blue as Bucky’s — roam over her daddy’s body, from his legs up to his face, before she smirks with the widest grin ever.

“We gots you something’, daddy!” She says, excitedly. Bucky crouches down, resting his arms on his knees while he waits for his little girl to continue talking. “Mommy! Daddy waits fo’ you!”

You chuckle, looking for the bag in your hand she wants to have before placing all the others down and handing her the one she put her daddy’s present into. Bucky’s eyes move toward you; without any words, he makes sure you’re okay and that you can be without a kiss for a few more minutes while he focuses on his baby girl.

Once he’s sure you’re fine — after you settle down on the couch in his office and sigh softly — he mouths, ‘I love you, my pretty girl’ to you. And oh damn, you know why you fell in love with that man. He may be a big, feared mafia boss, but around you he is the sweetest, most loving, caring, and perfect husband — and father for your daughter — you could have wished for.

Bucky may be mad because of work sometimes; he may be annoyed, but he never lets it out on you. He would rather punch himself than make you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you or that you’re a burden for him. For your husband, you’re the most precious woman, and he will do everything to keep you safe and loved. He does the same for your little girl.

Luckily, Bucky discovered immediately that whenever he's mad, he just needs you, and everything is perfect. Preferably when he can keep you on his lap. His arms are tightly wrapped around your waist and pull you as close as possible while he presses his face into your chest. You will run your fingers through his hair, and he knows he’s safe — no reason for anger or annoyance, just love and affection, so he calms down without needing anything but you.

“So what do you have for me, my little plum?” Bucky asks, looking with amusement and curiosity at the little girl in front of him. She giggles, her tiny hands grasping his cheeks, and she runs her small fingers over his stubbles.

“Sc’atchy,” she mumbles and squeezes his cheeks together. Bucky lets out a low chuckle, letting her play with his scratchy stubbles. He knows how much his sweet little girl likes his stubbles; she is just like her mommy loving his metal arm and his stubbles — even though you have other intentions when it comes to his metal arm or his stubbles. But those are secrets that stay in the bedroom.

“Sweetheart, you wanted to show Daddy what you got for him,” you remind her when you notice that she got lost in her little game to play with her daddies cheek. But she was so excited to get him his present, plus you know that Bucky’s curious as well.

She removes her small hands and grasps the paper bag again, opening it before hiding her face almost inside of it. You would never leave her with a bag without anyone else around her, but as long as you and Bucky are there, you don’t feel scared if she puts her head slightly into it to tease her daddy a bit.

“Yeah, my little plum. What do you got Daddy, huh?” He asks, bringing his big hands to her small sides to poke his fingers into her soft flesh. The little girl laughs, throwing her head back while she wiggles in his grip.

She pulls her tiny hands out of the bag and holds a big, white sweater with hearts on it in front of her. Her smile grows and her eyes sparkle as she shows it to Bucky. And the big, most feared mafia boss has the sweetest expression on his face.

His eyes shine, and it looks like the sun is brightening them. His smile reaches almost his ears as he stares at the fabric in his daughter's hands. Bucky’s eyes wander to you for a second, then back to his little girl.

“Thank you, my little plum,” he coos, taking the sweater out of her hands to admire it a moment longer. Your daughter watches Bucky intensely — the same intense stare Bucky has if he wants to find out how you think about something. “You want me to take it on right now?”

She nods, letting herself fall backward into her butt while she holds his gaze. He nods, smirking softly. Bucky leans forward, his big hand placed at the back of her head, and he brings her closer to press his plump lips against her forehead.

“Then I will do that,” he says, getting up from the stop he was kneeling. His eyes land on you, and before he leaves the room to change into the new sweater, he makes his way over to you.

He towers over you, both of his hands finding their way to your thighs, and he leans closer. His lips almost brush yours when he grins at you. “She chose the sweater all by herself, but you allowed her to buy it, didn’t you?”

You shiver under his intense stare and his rough voice. “S-she’s just really convincing. I know you said you don’t want presents, but I guess— I guess she got that from you,” you giggle and Lena closer to chase his lips for a soft kiss. Bucky chuckles, kissing you once again before he pushes himself up and makes his way out of the room to change into the sweater you and your daughter got him.

Your daughter gets one of her new toys out of the bag and shows it to you. It’s not like you don’t know what she bought, but she loves to show you and explain everything about it anyway.

“Mommy, wants book or wants dolly?” She asks, lifting her small arms and holding both up to let you decide which of these she should show and explain to you.

“Do you want me to tell you more about the book you got?” You ask. She nods and puts the doll down, walking with the book in her hands toward you. The little girl places the book on the couch next to you, her small fingers digging into your thighs, and she tries to push herself up onto the couch. “Do you want me to help you, sweetheart?”

“Nuuu, ‘m big girl!” She nods, underlining her words. You chuckle; let her climb up without help. Your hand is still behind her back just in case she falls backwards, but she doesn’t.

Once she is on top and next to you, she wiggles a bit and takes the book, placing it in your lap. She just wants to explain why she got the book, who’s on the cover, and what she knows about her favorite series — the book is about it — when Bucky walks back into the room.

Her eyes widen, and she giggles as she sees her big daddy in this pretty sweater she got him. You smile softly at him, reaching your hands out for him to come closer. “You’re pretty, Bucky,” you say and run your fingers over the back of his flash hand, then over the fabric of the sweater.

“Didn’t know I would look that good in that sweater,” he jokes. Stroking one of his hands over the fabric. And he really does look adorable with his middle long hair, his broad chest, and his big arms — the feared mafia boss — wearing a sweater with a lot of hearts on it because his sweet little plum got it just for him. “So, my little plum, what do you think?”

Bucky gets down on his knees in front of the couch, looking at the little girl. Her ocean blue eyes roam over him a little longer before she giggles. “Looks pwetty, daddy! Now we can go back to work!”

He laughs, shaking his head. “I thought I could take out my girls for dinner.” Bucky tilts his head. His fleshy hand holds yours tightly while he watches the little girl, considering if she wants to work or prefers to have dinner with the two of you.

“Do we gets my favorite food?” She asks, taking her book and making grabby hands, waiting for Bucky to pick her up. He nods, wrapping his arms around her to lift her onto his waist before he holds a hand out for you to grasp and let him pull you up.

Bucky doesn’t care that people could look weird at him for wearing a sweater with hearts on it. His sweet girl got it for him, and he knows that no one will disrespect him — not even when he looks like a sweet puppy with an adorable sweater.

“You know, babydoll,” Bucky says, looking at you as he wraps his free hand around your waist to pull you into his side. His nose brushes over your cheek until his lips press against your temple. “Thank you for letting out sweet plum to buy me such a pretty sweater. Now I’m wearing your necklace, our wedding band, and my little girl's sweater. I love you, my babydoll, pretty momma.”

Bucky’s voice is low, and he smirks against your skin as you shiver. You knew he would love the sweater — he loves everything you or your daughter get him. “I love you too, Buck,” you mumble before you make your way to the restaurant — letting Bucky show his sweater around to let everyone see how proud he is to have his family, how much he loves you and his little plum, and how much he appreciates you and your love.

Taglist -> @kandis-mom @sergeantbarnessdoll @identity2212 @km-ffluv @lunaalovesyouu @armystay89 @suz7days @etherealdisneyvillainness @pono-pura-vida @somnorvos @meowmeowyoongles @randomawesomeperson102 @rogersbarber @sebastianstanisahotmf @loki-laufeyson68 @winterschildren8 @bxtchboy69 @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @im-alestan @felicitylemon @cjand10 @bookishtheaterlover7 @lives-in-midgard @casa-boiardi @futurequeen2018-blog @flstrawberry @nervouseden @jiyascepter @princesscore-angel @mrs-katelyn-barnes @sasha-writing @blackhawkfanatic @fanfictionreaderfan @multiversefanfics @angelbabyyy99 @looking1016 @aphrodite-xoxo @fanfictionreaderfan @iris-xoxo-juhu @holylulusworld @bucks-babe @whatever-lmaoo @thevillainswhore

[bloomingpresent]

Hello. I have read your blog and I really like what you share. I would like you to update Ferro Rosso, I love that story. But I am writing to you for something else. The content you share about Chris Evans. The icon you have now on is beautiful by the way. About Chris, I feel like I'm safe writing to you about my point of view on his current situation. I liked many of his movies and I have been part of his fandom for many years (I am almost 40 years old, almost like him). This sentimental situation that should not matter to any of us. The man decided to get married, whether it's real or not, it doesn't matter. It's what he decided to share with the world. I'm not surprised that he has lost his "spontaneity" in public, he can't lift a finger without being judged. Maybe his partner is a piece of shit, we won't really know, but he chose her for whatever they're doing. And who's to say he's not a piece of shit as a person too? Maybe he lied to us all (I doubt it) for years, that's not the point, the point that the part of him that is public is his work as an actor, his dog and his online social/political platform. The rest is pure speculation. On the other hand, it's very difficult for me to see why he chose that her as his partner. Publicly she has not shown us to be or have anything in common with him, she frequents the same places and people as him, but who knows? We will never know. She doesn't have to show/prove to us anything. I love Chris and his movies… and Dodger! And I really feel sorry to see how he has changed publicly, his instagram and his twitter were adorable to see and read. I wish this fandom had not become something so toxic, attacking others…I've read the asks sent you when you decided you were going to stop following blogs that you liked because of how toxic they are now…they had no need to say unpleasant things about you. We will only see what he wants us to see, how he wants us to see it and when he wants us to see it… Anyway, feel free to post my ask. And please update the stories!

This is lovely to read!

Annon, please let me know who you are in private if you want...

I agree with you! and I'm sorry to say that I havent been writing lately and I don't know when I'm going to pick it up again. My life is current going on another direction.

But yes! The only part we really know is what he had showed us in public and that's the part we use and love for all our FICTIONAL STORIES. Long live Steve Rogers, Andy Barber, Frank Levinson, Frank Adler, Ransom Drysdale, Nick Vaughan, Lloyd Hansen, Syd....all the rest of them fictional men Chris brought to life....always my go to...the rest, we will never know. Unless he wants us to know!

[dramasauce]

it really was! glad the thumbnail on viki got me curious to check it out 🤣

& yessss i do love me some men in glasses i will not lie 😂 i don't mind sad dramas i quite enjoy a tragedy/sad ending when it's written right 😅

that's totally valid!! i definitely have done that too i won't lie 💀

yeah you're not wrong there 😂 i just wish we got something more, i do wonder what the drama would've looked like if they didn't have to pass review/censorship & cut things out/change things 🥹 & i'm very easy to please when it comes to my drama watching so i really don't mind what the drama is i just need them to reunite 😂

since the year is slowly coming to an end what was your favourites from this year? (doesn't have to be just dramas can be characters or ships) — userdramas secret santa 🎄

I saw him and the fact that we had to do some figuring out in the drama and have romance. And that got me locked in!

LOL I don't think I hear/see that often people like men in glasses. I like! I cannot take tragedy. Unless its like horror genre.

I think I'm less critical on cdramas and harder on kdramas. Which is why I watch more cdramas in a year because I don't expect wowing as much.

HMMM

Favs have been: Lu Zheng An the ML of My Fated Boy. I actually gave this drama another shot this year and HE (and him alone) was THE PERFECT man. Call it obsessed IDC lol

Joseph Zeng. I watched Hi Venus and Romance on the Farm and I am lowkey in love with him.

Gaseum Electronics was such a cute little show! I dont usually watch office ensemble shows but I really liked this. And how they managed to not make the minority inclusion cringey.

Bi Wen Jun has earned my attention and love. I think he's super attractive and Warm on Cold Night leads were super cute but I'd prefer a more ROMANCE heavy drama.

Definitely Not Today. It's such a deep cut low budget but serious toned drama. Its so underrated and I adore it. It would win awards at indie movie ceremonies I think.

Back From the Brink leads deserved more. Chem was so good.

Don't get me started on Destined With You.... I love those babies. They were prob my fav ship of the year

Natalie and August from Unfortunately Yours by Tessa Bailey were SO CUTE.

Janine and Greggory from Abbot Elementary has been shipping so hard in my head lately. I don't want the creators to put them together just yet cuz I think its too early. But I love them.

CARMY AND SYD FROM THE BEAR. I NEED THEM TOGETHER. NEEEED IT NOW. *SLAMS FIST*

Halle and Jonah.... yes the real life two. LOL I'm sorry lol. Their chemistry is undeniable in the little mermaid and in real life. T_T

[ancestorsofjudah]

1 Kings 9: 10-14. "The Widest Island."

Solomon’s Other Activities

10 At the end of twenty years, during which Solomon built these two buildings—the temple of the Lord and the royal palace— 11 King Solomon gave twenty towns in Galilee to Hiram king of Tyre, because Hiram had supplied him with all the cedar and juniper and gold he wanted. 

12 But when Hiram went from Tyre to see the towns that Solomon had given him, he was not pleased with them. 

13 “What kind of towns are these you have given me, my brother?” he asked. And he called them the Land of Kabul,[d] a name they have to this day. 14 Now Hiram had sent to the king 120 talents[e] of gold.

What is a year in Jewish time?

One year is 681 or "ha" = "the approach of one who sees", to find the essential nature of a thing, "is this not of itself?"

Twenty such objects of seeing=2121, באבא‎‎, baba, ba= "clear" + ba=clearification. If we now ask what is it Solomon was supposed to see with the utmost of clarity within his palace and temple, and how did his apparent failure impact the quality of the 20 tribute towns he owed Hiram for the materials and skilled workers used to build them?

To imagine Solomon falling short of his tribute is a frightening loss of innocence about the man but let's examine the scenario first:

The Palace= the house of Chabad, of sound reasoning within a tamed, toned mind. One this is toned down and toned up when needed.

The Temple= where ritual offerings are made to ensure the Palace houses a king an court who are ceremonially clean.

Chabad, Chochmah, "theory", Binah, "rationale", Da'at, "behavioral evidence of fact" will not work for a person who has bad habits or unsound theories about the workings of the world. To put a crown on a king who lacks Chabad is a sign of a deconsecrated temple, one that is failing to keep the people ceremonially clean, ie. in good spirits for good reasons.

Towns are 1090 expressed as 10+ 90= י‎ץ Yitzh, the root of the word Isaac, which means "adoration of God is performed through laughter."

If one town is humor, twenty must be positively hilarious.

20 Towns= 1180, 11+80= יאף, yup, "time to dance." One cannot dance alone, so 20 towns are the accumulation of one happy town coming together.

20 towns in Galilee given to the Rival King of Foreign Gods= 9369, טגו‎ט, tagot, "to mark the letters."

The introduction of the letters of the Rival King Who Worshipped Other Gods changed Hebrew and the ways the Israelites viewed the world. Galilee means "to scroll". So Solomon added to the scroll used by the people in order to comprehend the world around them.

What was Hiram's objection? He called them Kabul, 354, which means gehed, geh=the border of ed or eid "what can be witnessed."

What did Hiram expect instead just a fringe of what could be done? 120 talents, which = 493, syd, a "wider island."

What is the widest island of them all, then?

= 1385, א‎גחה‎, agaha, "ag-gaha" a gathering of all the nations.

Hiram expected the young king of Israel to be an Emperor not just an owner of pasture. Hiram understood without Federation, Confederation, Egypt would be the result. History has proven him right- we fall under one or the other. A place where men agree to be intelligent and good and Godly and entertain each other in appropriate ways, or a decadent, despotic, spoiled, ruined place where men are forced into a humorless way of life to say the least.

Hiram's warning to the wisest king of all in his disappointment- do not stop, do not hold back.

[etherealising]

ugh. even though it was a “tame” chapter you still ripped my heart out and all the groundwork you laid here has me sweating in anticipation.

i literally can’t even write a non angsty chapter if i try. i too am sweating in anticipation because what am i even writing

i also randomly remembered that this masterpiece wasn’t always going to be a full fic with fleshed out lore and i’m grateful to be in the timeline where you continue to bless us with more barby (even if it’s angsty as hell) ((i love the angst))

i genuinely forgot about that and honestly maybe it shouldn’t be because i immediately forget what I write after posting but i am enjoying this journey. but oh well barby thrives!!!!

okay so this is so beautiful in that her mom gave her the advice that she would need to hear regarding her present situation with carmy before it was relevant and before she died - it’s like she’s speaking to her from the grave. mother baby was giving her the tools before baby even knew she what she would need them for.

right mama b was like lemme give it to you straight

god FUCKING damnit, how did you know that relationships with a clock/expiration date are my weakness? i hate to love the angst but god do i love the angst

ohhh i love this!!! the expiration date is definitely curtesy of mr. carmen

yeah no baby is so much stronger than i, i feel like i would be embarrassed to go grocery shopping in front of any of them - let alone cook for them

*sigh* life is easy when you’re the main character

this is so sweet!! i love the brother bear nods they are so adorable to me

i have not watched this movie in years so idk where all these brother bear call backs came from but giving mikey that nickname was an opportunity i could not pass up.

he just like me fr (socially inept)

he really said we’re so in love she’ll just automatically know what i’m asking

i just had the most disgustingly sweet thought of nat’s pregnancy cravings consisting of Baby’s Desserts™️ and nothing else

oh bestie it’s canon

omg hes so jealous

the jealousy is through the roof with this little dummy

carmy is the king of standing in his own way - this is such a major roadblock he’s going to have to get over before him and baby can have any chance at a happy ending

definitely heavy on the ‘friends-strangers-friends-lovers trope’

this is so traumatic to live with, and this whole speech of hers was so impactful and raw.

i cry during at every chapter i write

i love that the only real identifier in his apartment of who he is is of him and baby, that’s just really tugging at my heartstrings. i am a slut for the man who hates everything but his partner trope. ANNNNDDDDDD now we get to see wingwoman sydney blossom!!

syd’s just like y’all sure ain’t acquaintances in this picture chef…

carmy is so lucky that baby has a thing for emotionally unavailable men because otherwise he would have no chance up against our golden boy hayden. also i think i’m back to imagining hayden as bradley bradshaw bc he gives the strongest divorcee energy to me lol

so damn lucky cause hayden would’ve had me bent over in the frozen food aisle. also def understand the bradley bradshaw divorcee energy when i look at him all i see is divorced middle aged white man

YES LET THE JEALOUSY BEGIN!!!!!!!!!! oh my god i’m so excited about this it’s embarrassing

jealousy jealousy 🎶 these two are abouta be cock fighting *wink wink*

than the TWO OF YOU?? allowed?? my boy really thinks that nothing more transpiring was a mutual decision?? his head is so full yet so empty at the same time

bestie just wait till you catch up with the next chapter this boy is so stupid!!

fuck i forgot that it would more likely be a love square than it would be a love triangle. stupid boy knows nothing but how to be a stupid boy.

is it a square if carmy doesn’t actually care for Claire romantically anymore….idk just a thought

chapter five | we keep this love in a photograph

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x f!reader | f!reader x the bear crew | male!oc x f!reader | carmy x claire | carmy x wingwoman!sydney |

summary: as plans are set in motion and renovations move forward, carmy finds himself entangled with the thought of you.

warning(s): guilt | grief | language | mentions of death | mentions of suicide | substance abuse | recovering addict | idiots in love | self-sabotage | insinuation of sex | semi-edited | please let me know if i missed anything

wc: 7.1k

It was 4 am, and the heat from your oven warmed the kitchen. The biscuits lined up nicely on the cooling rack, You hadn’t given much thought to the task at hand, too busy trying to remove yourself from the guilt-ridden thoughts that plagued your mind most nights.

Peach juice coated your hands, the rhythmic act of peeling them helped you to silence the foreboding thoughts fighting their way to the forefront of your brain.

The handwritten recipe card was placed strategically out of the way to not get ruined while you worked around the kitchen. You were no chef that much was obvious, but your mom taught you the art of cooking from a very young age. Instilled in you a sense of independence.

Standing in your kitchen as the night began its metamorphosis into day, you couldn’t help but reminisce about the role your mom played in your life. As a single parent, your mom was adamant about you knowing how to live life without having to depend on the goodwill of others. And even when the Berzattos entered your life, she made sure that you were never too comfortable.

You were allowed to spend as much time with the family as your heart desired, your mom wanted you to understand and enjoy human connection. But she’d always make sure you knew how easy it was for a person to walk out of your life. She liked to remind you that you couldn’t control other people’s actions, and just because you were important to someone today, didn’t mean those same feelings would transcend into tomorrow. To take a little, but never too much, to allow a certain level of comfort but always remember your role in other people’s lives is never as important as you may think.

All the peeled peaches sat atop the cutting board, awaiting the moment they would be pitted and cut into symmetrical slices.

Parents, either unknowingly or not, pass down their own beliefs and ideas to their children. Children who were essentially sponges waiting to soak up whatever knowledge and information was thrown their way. You knew this first hand, your mom’s need for independence is the same flaw that now afflicted you even into adulthood.

The independence that was so far from what you craved growing up, so drilled into you by your mother, that you instead hid behind your dependency on the Berzatto family.

That same need for independence that you had finally given in to and had almost killed you five months ago.

While your mom saw her life lessons as a teaching moment to never overstay your welcome. You easily disregarded it growing up, how could she not expect you to live in your vulnerability, to depend on people she had so easily allowed to love you and take up space in your life?

You didn’t blame your mom for allowing you to know the Berzattos but you blamed her for the part of you that would always remember her words. Always make you second guess if your actions affected people the way theirs did you.

Her words once again made an appearance when Carmy first distanced himself from you and finally made a permanent home in your head when Mikey passed away.

A shrill beep alerted you, the oven was ready. The peaches are pristinely cut, along with the previously made peach simple syrup both awaiting use.

Gingerly adding all the ingredients to your Dutch oven, you placed the lilac pot into the oven before beginning to clean up the mess you made.

You knew your mom did her best raising you with the hand she was dealt. Your father, a shadow you’d never know. Her own life experiences an excuse to protect you from the world, from yourself.

As her health deteriorated, you watched your mom's outlook on life become less skewed. But what good would that do you? The little girl you once were absorbed her constant message and stored it in the back of your mind for safekeeping, awaiting the day such a pessimistic ideal system might one day be put to use.

The timer on your oven was ticking down, the hoard of minutes left until the peach cobbler was done brought on a feeling of despair. Watching the timer dwindle minute after minute felt like a metaphor for your life at the moment.

Time was running out, and maybe that wasn’t true but you sure as hell did feel that way. The time you had left to confess your shortcomings to Richie quickly passed by. The expiration date for whatever the fuck was going on between you and Carmy fastly approaching.

You couldn’t allow these things to continue festering in your life. The weight of them exhausting you, you couldn’t keep pushing on like everything was okay like nothing had changed between any of you.

Choices you made inadvertently affected them just as much as they affected you. You didn’t want this wall between you and them anymore, and even if the wall was nonexistent to them; it was very much real to you.

You would figure things out, you had to. There was no time like the present to commit yourself to fixing the lives you had messed up.

It was easy though walking through life as if you hadn’t ruined anyone else’s. It was almost like you hadn’t, if they weren’t privy to your vices, was there any point in coming clean? Any point in apologizing to them?

Those thoughts were wrong and you knew it. You had to admit your wrongdoings to yourself, to understand why the people you loved the most in life were deserving of an apology, because if you didn’t you would constantly spend the rest of your days justifying why your actions were okay.

Justifying the fact that because you didn’t mean to overdose, that made everything you did okay. That, because you were just going through a mentally tough time in your life, turning to stimulants to aid your grief, was fine. That you were trying to forget for all the right reasons.

Reality was though, there was no right reason for the choices you had been making this whole time. And that was something you still had to come to terms with.

Closing your eyes, your head fell back, face pointed towards the kitchen ceiling. A tired sigh escaped your lips, the exhaustion of recovery taking its toll on you. Tired of standing in the kitchen and being berated by your mind you decided to begin outlining the exposè you were hoping to write on The Bear.

Busying your mind was the easiest option right now, too much unnecessary thinking put you back into the mindset that got you into this mess. Silencing any unwanted thoughts was no longer an option for you, but focusing on something else was proving to work for the time being.

You had made a colossal mistake. Who did you think you were to bring people who cooked for a living a sweet and savory cobbler? That wasn’t your initial plan when you couldn’t sleep this morning and decided to bake. But after removing the dish from your oven allowing the aromas to swim through the foundation of your house, you couldn’t bring yourself to keep it.

A dish that was introduced to you through your mom and the lineage the both of you carried. A dish that Mikey would always want for, but never expect when you did make it for him. A dish that you had spent countless times baking with Carmy by your side the two of you messing up the recipe more than once.

A dish that you once loved so much, but after your mom's death it always tasted like something was missing. And now baking it for the first time since Mikey’s passing you couldn’t even stomach the sickly sweet smell of it.

Walking through the lot to the back door, you were unsurprised to find it unlocked. Entering, you began walking through the kitchen making your way to the counter to place the pastel Dutch oven, the tote bag with vanilla ice cream you picked up on your way there following quickly after.

You weren’t sure who was already here at this time but thought it’d be a nice thing to do by offering them a bowl of the diabetes-inducing dessert. The chunky knit cardigan you were wearing was relegated to the stool next to you, the kitchen felt unusually warm, or maybe that was just your body's natural reaction to being in the restaurant.

Since Carmy had taken over the joint you couldn’t pretend you knew where anything was located. You knew Carmy to be the type of person to run a tight ship, expecting a certain standard from his co-workers.

Searching through the various storage spaces lining the kitchen, you unconsciously bobbed your head to the music singing through your headphones lost to the angelic voice streaming into your ears.

Locating a stack of clear containers you grabbed them before searching for any utensils to eat with, trying four drawers before finding and pulling out a mix of forks and spoons. Finally making your way back to the counter you began ripping the plastic from the store-bought ice cream.

The noise in the kitchen alerted Carmy, the time on his phone signifying that it must’ve been Syd. Inching toward the kitchen he stopped for a moment to check the monthly timelines that were hanging in the front. Every day was filled with a new task, it would be do or die from here on out to even think about opening in six months.

Making his way into the kitchen he stopped the body taking up space notably not Sydney. Your head bobbed up and down to whatever was playing through your headphones. The quiet hum of your voice easily met his ears in the silent kitchen.

He watched as you raised a spoon into your mouth, confused as to why you were in his kitchen this early in the morning. The closed-off kitchen setup didn’t allow him to see what's taking up your attention.

Quietly maneuvering around to get a better view of you, the sudden thought that this may have been an invasion of privacy quickly crossed his mind. He was moments away from leaving you to your own devices before he spotted the scars painted down your right arm. The deepest one tracing from the top of your tricep to your elbow.

Small cuts littered around the larger one, almost like the smaller ones were put there as accent pieces to the main scar. Carmy couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck happened to you after you left his apartment that night, looking from afar it looked as though someone had gone at you with a broken beer bottle or something.

The movement of your arm drew his attention to the reflection of light off of the tape-like bandage above your elbow. His eyes found two bears he would know fucking anywhere, the amount of times you forced him to watch that movie with you and Mikey drove him fucking insane.

Seeing you in this kitchen reminded him of when you were teenagers. It was hard to come to terms with it but he resented you for working at The Beef, resented Mikey even more for allowing you to. It wasn’t fair to you, the more he thought about it the more he realized a lot of the shit he did and felt wasn’t fair to you when you were both younger.

Carmy made his way around the counter you were working at, stopping in front of you the only thing separating the two of you was the steel slab of metal. He wasn’t sure how to get your attention, not wanting to startle you. Standing there watching you shovel what he now knew to be peach cobbler, the nutmeg and cinnamon aroma delicately caressing his nostrils.

The scent easily transported him back to all the moments the two of you spent in borrowed kitchens making this exact dessert.

You were so caught up in the music blaring through your headphones that you hadn’t realized the presence standing in front of you. You jumped spoon clanging against the table as a tattooed hand reached out for the no longer empty container housing the contents of your homemade cobbler and store-bought ice cream.

“Jesus fuck Carmen!” A hand raised to clutch at your chest, you understood how Tina felt yesterday after you snuck up on her. You quickly pulled the headphones off dropping them onto the counter, “Why the fuck are you sneaking around and shit?”

Carmy stared at you blankly, eyebrows raised before his head nodded toward the bowl he was aiming to grab. You rolled your eyes before nodding, “Sure Carmen, almost give me a heart attack in this shit hole kitchen, oh and while you’re at it don’t forget to try my peach cobbler.”

“Heard.” A small nod was sent your way before he shoveled a spoon full of the dessert into his mouth.

A scoff escaped your lips, you picked up your discarded spoon before taking another bite of the ice cream. The atmosphere between the two of you became awkward real quick, neither of you willing to break the silence, neither of you knowing what to say to break the silence.

“So uh, what’s with the cobbler?” You eyed Carmy surprised he was the first to break the silence, you shrugged distracting yourself by putting the lid back on the Dutch oven to persevere the content's warmth.

“Dunno, couldn’t sleep,” it's not like you were lying to him, but standing in his presence acting as though everything was okay made you feel guilty.

“You uh still bake when you can’t sleep?” The sigh you let out was an indication of how this small talk was the last thing you wanted to be doing.

“Obviously Carmen,” your hand shot out to gesture to the pastel pot between the two of you.

“Right…right.” The drumming of Carmy’s finger’s against the steel caused a slight irritation in you. Nodding you wiped the non-existent grime from your hand on your pants.

“Right, well I need to finish my proposal.” You walked the spoon you’d been using to the dishwashing area before joining Carmy one more time, “I’ll be in the dining area if you need anything.”

“You said uh, that you were writing about Mikey and The Beef.” You nodded, waiting for him to finish his sentence, it didn’t sound like much of a question so you weren’t sure what form of response he was expecting.

The silence stretched around the kitchen, an unwavering stare down between you two filling the air with even more tension. You expected things to be stilted between the two of you, but things felt like they were on a whole other level now.

“Well, this is for everybody,” finger quickly pointing at the treats you bought. “It’s kind of a thank you for letting me be a part of this, even if you guys don’t sign off on the article.”

“No, yeah um awesome.” The blank stare you aimed in Carmy’s direction bordered on disgust, leave it to him to make an awkward situation even more awkward, it sure was a talent of his.

You picked up your tote bag and cardigan before heading to the dining area, hoping there was still a table and chair you could occupy. If working here with Carmen meant every interaction would be like pulling teeth, you’d make sure to ignore him like the plague.

“Is that peach fucking cobbler I smell?” Richie’s voice carried through to the dining area where you had sat staring at your finished outline.

You finished a bit ago but didn’t want to chance running into Carmy while it was still just the two of you here. Hearing Richie’s voice and the slight noise as you slipped your headphones off proved that you were no longer alone with one of your oldest friends.

“Baby! Where’s Baby?” You laughed maneuvering out of your seat to head back into the kitchen, unsurprised to find Richie and the rest of the crew gathered around containers of ice cream and cobbler in their hands.

It seemed too early in the day to attack your tastebuds with such a sweet confection, but it was kind of your fault for bringing it in in the first place. You made your way to Sugar’s side with a small smile on your lips as she ate her portion.

In the month after your release, before your house was ready you stayed with Nat and Pete. Your restless energy was channeled into your mom’s dessert recipes, a way to keep your mind occupied and the only way you knew to thank the two adults who hadn’t given up on you.

Nat constantly made it obvious that she missed the constant sweets you would bake just for her.

The two of you made your way to where everyone else was gathered around, you couldn’t lie seeing the empty pot caused a sigh of relief to leave you. You weren’t sure if you could handle being ridiculed by chefs for your poor-tasting dessert.

“This don’t taste like moms baby, you do somethin’ different this time?” Richie eyed you as he raised the spoon to his mouth, it may have tasted a bit different but that didn’t deter him from finishing his serving.

“Uh yeah, a friend of mine taught me how to make this peach simple syrup. It like helps the biscuits stay moist or something. Chef talk isn’t my strong suit.”

Carmy wasted no time before looking in your direction, he was situated across from you, and no matter how hard he thought about it, he couldn’t remember ever teaching you how to make a peach simple syrup. He watched as Marcus began talking your ear off about the dessert, the two of you falling into quiet conversation as you found a connection in sweet confectionery.

It was hard to watch as you so easily integrated yourself into the crew, Syd raptly listening to yours and Marcus’ conversation as if you were some award-winning chef and not just some journalist who knew how to bake. As he stood there watching everyone in the kitchen, he couldn’t pinpoint why his thoughts surrounding you seemed so bitter, he didn’t hate you, didn’t think he ever could.

But as he focused on you more, he realized that you were a part of Mikey he never really got to know. Of course, you were Carmy’s best friend but when things between the two of you fizzled out, Mikey’s role in your life became larger, even if you were separated by states and time zones.

Carmy knew he didn’t hate you, but it was hard for him to look at you and not see the relationship he wanted with his brother. He didn’t blame you, but he resented the way it seemed so easy for Mikey to love you, to be open with you.

Catching your eye he nodded his head in the direction of the dining area curious to hear about this article you were thinking about writing and maybe learning more about how it all connected back to Mikey and The Beef.

He made his way to exit the kitchen assuming you would be following behind him. Carmy stopped before turning around, he couldn’t make this decision by himself or at least that was his excuse as he called for Sugar and Sydney to join the two of you. It was probably all for nothing though as he knew the two women were already on board.

The four of you took seats at the table, the arrangement was oddly reminiscent of the meeting yesterday, this conversation taking place at the same table. You sat lonely on one side of the table while the other three occupied the other side.

You glanced down at your laptop in front of you realizing it might be better to join the others, the graphics would have been all for nothing if they couldn’t see them. Quickly grabbing your laptop you wandered over to the three individuals before plopping it in front of them on the table, you walked to grab the closest chair scooting it next to Carmy. You were too worried about the response to your proposal to be worried about being in such close contact with Carmy.

Sitting down you tried not to let the brush of Carmy’s leg against yours bother you, adjusting yourself in your seat before clearing your throat.

“Uhh, I made a PowerPoint,” the time you spent hiding from Carmy this morning allotted you the opportunity to do so. “It’s pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll walk you through it.”

You began clicking through the slides, the nervousness you were feeling earlier taking a backseat as you so easily settled into your element. Time flew by as you grew more passionate about the article with each slide going into even more depth than the information in the presentation did.

“The reach this article will have might just be the difference in The Bear’s success or the lot of us paying back a loan in 18 months.” The smile on your face was enough to show how excited you were at the prospect of being able to go forth with your project.

“Or you know, the food might actually play a part in The Bear’s success,” you looked in Sydney’s direction, confidence shot before noticing the small uptick at the corner of her lips.

You nodded a small chuckle leaving your lips, “I guess the food might play a part.”

Two smiles directed towards you helped to make you feel infinitely better about the whole situation, you were doing your best to disregard the figure sitting next to you. Not doing a very good job as his leg continued to brush against yours which felt like every millisecond, you didn’t want to assume he was doing it on purpose but it did disrupt your focus while explaining your presentation.

“I think it’s a great idea. We’re going to need the exposure,” your eyes shot to Nat as she began speaking. “I mean, there’s really no cons to going through with this.” The encouraging smile Nat sent you reciprocated on your lips.

When nobody spoke up Syd began nodding along, “Yeah, I-I think it’s a great idea, though my opinion may be a little biased.” Her words drifted off into a soft mumble as she realized her previous reading of your work may have influenced her answer.

The two women’s agreement seemed like all you needed, no sign of Carmy itching to chime in. The lull in conversation created an opportunity for everyone to take their respective leave and work on their tasks for the day. You gathered your laptop in your hands and moved the chair you were using back to its original spot.

Making your way to your bag and cardigan you began putting your laptop away and making sure all your belongings were in there so you didn’t leave any valuables behind. You tried to ignore the presence that stayed in the room with you, not in any mood to deal with Carmy’s hot and cold attitude.

“Why is this article so important to you?” Carmy hadn’t said a word doing your entire explanation. It would've been easy to believe he wasn’t in the room if it wasn’t for his warm leg constantly pressing against yours. His arms crossed over his chest, it was hard to pretend you didn’t know what was hiding under the knit crew neck he was wearing.

You found his eyes, the exhaustion in them a mirror to your own. For a minute it was easy to imagine the two of you were teenagers again, the urge to find a seat next to him again and pour your heart out scratching at the back of your mind.

“Can I be honest with you?” You took a glance in Carmy’s direction watching as he relaxed his arms almost like he was opening himself up to whatever you had to get off your chest.

“I uh,” a sardonic chuckle passed through your lips. “I told Mikey I’d write about him one day and…and by the time I finally made it far enough into my career he…he left us.” Carmy’s face didn’t give much away about his feelings making it a little easier to continue your train of thought.

“It's just something I need to do I guess,” you shrugged your shoulders as you faced Carmy once more. The want to be near him won over, taking a few steps to the middle of the table before leaning against it, the once large gap between the two of you now lessened.

“He uh, called me that night. I was at a screening for a friend’s documentary so I just let the call go to voicemail. Texted him after that I’d call him in the morning.” It was weird, Natalie had seen you at your lowest and you had yet to tell her the whole story behind the infamous voicemail that kept you up that night. But standing here with Carmy at this moment gave you a sense of safety you had been lacking.

“I remember waking up in the middle of the night with so many missed calls from Nat and Richie, your mom even called me once,” a humorless laugh escaped your lips, the confidence you had earlier to tell this story dwindling with each word.

“I finally answered Sug’s next call and I remember before she even said anything, I felt like this ache in my chest.” Your hand had subconsciously moved to your chest pressing against it as though you were trying to relieve a bout of heartburn. “And I just…I could feel that something was wrong and you know my first thought was you, tha-that something happened and we never got a chance to fix us.”

“But then Sugar lets out this heart-wrenching sob, like this bone-chilling cry that just like freezes your blood and I’m sitting there listening to her cry and then I’m crying and I don’t even know why yet. And it feels like…like we’ve been on the phone for hours just crying with each other before Pete calms her down enough,” the shakiness not only evident in your voice but your hand that was still resting on the table by your hip. “And it's silent for a moment but I know, the moment the first syllable passes her lips it's like I lose all of my senses and I’m just sitting up in bed, numb to what she’s saying. And it can’t be real, you know because Mikey just called me only a couple of hours ago.”

“As soon as I’m off the phone with Nat I immediately call Richie, and the first thing he says to me is ‘Baby I’m sorry’ he apologizes to me like his best friend that he probably spent his whole day with didn’t just blow his brains out.” The lump in your throat was begging to be free, something you wouldn’t allow to happen. “And Richie is sitting there fucking consoling me because I’m too goddamn selfish to take one fucking breath and make sure he is okay.”

You finally meet Carmy’s eyes again, waterline wet with the tears you won’t allow to fall. “I guess I say all of this to say I owe this article to Mikey, maybe if I had just picked up the fucking phone he’d still be here with us.”

Carmy has no idea how to respond to anything you’d just told him at a loss for words as he allows your emotions to sink into him. He gently reaches his hand out, not knowing if a comforting touch would help, but wanting to do his best to let you know he was there with you. The two of you sat in each other’s presence, the weight of your confession weighing heavy in the room. Carmy knows nothing he says will change anything, it won’t bring Mikey back and it won’t lessen your grief, so for a while, he doesn’t, the two of you sit there connected by your hands.

“Uh, I’m not sure how much Sug told you, but there are these Al-Anon meetings for uh family members of addicts and I’ve been going for a while now,” he gave your hand a small squeeze to make sure you were still listening. “It helps to understand what Mikey was going through.”

You looked down at the man below you, a blank look on your face. You gave him a soft smile as your thumb caressed his knuckles, “Yeah I uh I’ll look into it.” You had wanted to laugh, the irony of the situation not lost on you but you appreciated the help Carmy was trying to offer.

The approaching footsteps easily forced you back to your side of the table, quickly occupying yourself to look busy so you wouldn’t have to explain why you were alone with Carmy. You listened quietly as he and Syd began conversing about something that was none of your business.

“I’m just gonna hang around here before I’ve gotta be at work if that’s cool with you guys?” You looked at the two chefs more so telling rather than asking but still wanting to be polite.

Syd nodded “The more hands the better I guess.” You sent a small smile in her direction before heading to the door hoping to make yourself useful and occupy your mind from the guilty thoughts.

Avoiding Carmy’s eyes as you not going unnoticed by him, though neither of you expected the conversation to take the turn it did. He was relieved that you still felt comfortable enough with him to have a conversation of that nature.

Sydney was doing her best to focus on the chaos menu with Carmy. But with it being the first time in a space so personal to him, she couldn’t help but take in the small details around his apartment that gave a look into who he was.

It was surprising to her really, the whole apartment was bare, lackluster of any interpersonal items besides Carmy’s belongings that one would expect to see. Syd tried not to come across as nosy, or too interested in the small things her eyes did catch onto, but it was hard.

Like the group picture stuck to his fridge with a random cheap banana magnet that no one ever knew they had but it just appeared in their kitchen one day. Or the aesthetic-looking knife set that Syd would equate to something a suburban mom might have in her kitchen and not the gritty anxiety-riddled chef she was cooking with.

What really prickled her curiosity though, was a picture of the two of you strategically placed above the stove. Syd was awarded a glance as Carmy removed his closet from the oven, she couldn’t tell how recent it was from the few seconds she saw it, but it did make her question what Carmy’s idea of an ‘old acquaintance’ was.

It was probably her third pass by the stove before she was finally able to take in a clear understanding of the Polaroid. She would admit she was surprised, the content of the picture far from anything she would ever equate to Carmen Berzatto.

It was of you and Carmy. The two of you were lying next to each other, whether on a bed or the floor, Sydney couldn’t tell. One of your arms was raised, presumably holding the camera in your hand. Even though the moment was captured in time, Syd could feel the intimacy through the photo, almost making her feel too uncomfortable to even be so intrigued by it.

Syd had seen the smile gracing Carmy’s face once or twice in real-time, something he usually kept to himself. He looked happy lying there next to you, like your being there eased him. She focused on you to find you were focusing on him, your head tilted up a little, eyes gleaming full of love.

You looked at Carmy the way Syd’s dad talked about her mom. Like your entire life was destined to be entangled with Carmy’s.

As Sydney focused on the picture once more, she finally noticed the number written on the white space of the Polaroid. Her only assumption that it must’ve been yours.

Her curiosity had finally gotten the best of her. From the way you two interacted, to the Polaroid she was sure she had taken in every detail of , there was history between you and Carmy.

“Hey uh, can I ask you a question?” She moved to sit at the table where Carmy was prepping pasta. She wasn’t sure whether she should beat around the bush or just outright ask her question.

Carmy raised his head, eyes catching hers before giving a slight nod, Syd took a deep breath. She would consider her and Carmy friends, but she didn’t want him to think she was crossing some line. “Uh what’s the deal between you two,” she said your name for clarification, not yet sure if she was allowed to call you by the nickname so many others did, and not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

Carmy froze for a minute, but his recovery was so quick if Syd wasn’t paying attention she wouldn’t have caught it. “It’s just uh, you called her an acquaintance, but I don’t think anybody gets those vibes from you two,” she trailed off not wanting to make Carmy feel pressured.

“I mean you have a shrine to her above your stove.” Carmy’s head snapped up to Syd before looking at the picture above his stove, Syd’s soft laugh signifying her quip as a joke.

“Fuck off,” he chuckled along with her, the weight on his shoulder at the idea of talking about you lessening a bit. “She uh, we were best friends growing up, she lived across the street from us.”

Syd nodded her head waiting for any more details, she wasn’t normally one to pry but Carmy’s explanation sounded like such bullshit compared to the way you two acted around each other. “So you guys like never dated or anything?” Syd’s curiosity caused the question to come across as less casual than she hoped.

“No, no. Just friends,” Carmy nodded eyes still on the pasta doing his best to distract his mind from Sydney’s line of questioning.

“Did you ever like, I dunno want more with her?” Carmy stopped eyes finally meeting Syd’s, he stood there for a moment just taking in her question. Although you once admitted your desire for something more with him, he still hadn’t. And he wasn’t sure if now in his kitchen with Sydney was the right time or place to do it.

But Syd didn’t need him to verbally answer, the look in his eyes told her more than what she had even asked. The two of them were only speaking about you and the longing in Carmy’s soft blue eyes was enough for Sydney to feel like she interrupted a sudden declaration of love.

Sydney cleared her throat, averting her eyes not at all meaning to get into anything too personal. Just a bit curious about the nature of the relationship between you two. “So any ideas on how to make this chaos menu…thoughtful?”

Carmy was grateful for Syd’s diversion of topics. If she had picked up on the tension between the two of you, he was sure the rest of the crew had. And if that meant everyone was privy to the unfinished history between the two of you then neither of you were as sly as you thought.

You lost Hayden somewhere between first entering the store and him wandering off for his necessities. You didn’t mind though, he was nice enough to offer you a ride home and stop by the store as the two of you brainstormed about your respective dinners for the night.

Wandering around on your own in a store you had never been to probably wasn’t the smartest decision you made. Case in point is the fact that you were standing in the alcoholic beverage section trying to fight the urge to peruse through the variety and pick your favorite form of poison.

The sound of your name caught your attention, eyes shooting to Hayden’s impeccably dressed form. You’d be the first to admit maturity had done him good, the sleeves of his button-up shirt rolled up to show off his toned forearms. The top three buttons were undone, his chest giving a preview of what he had to offer.

His lips wrapped around your name again, a slight frown to his brows. He looked around the aisle before his eyes landed back on you with a small smile decorating his lips, “You okay?” You watched as he checked you over, the action irritated you a bit. Was he expecting you to go batshit crazy in the middle of the grocery store and just start hammering away at the countless bottles?

“Fine, just got distracted. I um, I just need some açaí and I’ll be good.” You gave him your best smile hoping it would reassure him, the one he returned ensured just that.

The two of you made your way to the frozen food section, meaningless small talk passing between the two of you.

“I can’t believe you still eat this shit,” you scoffed, quickly grabbing the bag of frozen açaí from the freezer. Closing the door as you made your way back to Hayden the two of you ready to make your leave.

“If I recall, you had no problem eating this in my dorm all those years ago,” the boisterous laugh that escaped Hayden caused a similar one to leave you, neither of you having brought up this topic of conversation since reuniting.

“Had to replenish all that lost stamina somehow,” your eyes widened slightly Hayden’s smirk did nothing to quell the heated feeling spreading through you.

He walked past you, grabbing your hand so you would follow behind him. “What’s got you quiet all of a sudden?” You knew he was teasing you, the tone in his voice bringing a chuckle out of you.

“Just wasn’t sure how well you remembered our college shenanigans.” The shrug of your shoulders was supposed to feign nonchalance, but the wide grin on your face proved the opposite.

The two of you had lost any rush to leave the grocery store, casually walking around hands entwined together. “To forget a girl like you would be criminal,” you faced Hayden nose scrunching up at his words a laugh bubbling out of your lips.

“Didn’t you get married?” Hayden laughed, throwing his arm around your shoulder as the two of you continued around the store aimlessly just enjoying the company of an old friend.

“You didn’t want me the way I wanted you. Had to move on at some point.” The melancholy tone in his voice caused a feeling of guilt to shoot through your heart. You nodded a sad smile gracing your lips, the squeeze on your shoulder helping to alleviate your remorse.

“Listen, Hayden, I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything,” you sighed as you moved to stand in front of him. “It just wasn’t fair of me to commit to a long-term relationship with you when my heart wasn’t in it.” He nodded a smile sent in your direction.

“No, I uh I appreciate it, wouldn’t have married Marlene if you didn’t set me straight,” you smiled happy there was a bright side to this whole situation. “Probably wouldn’t have divorced her either. Hey, should I send you my lawyer fees or.” Hayden trailed off, grin returning to his face as you laughed swatting at his bicep.

All he saw in his head was you. As dramatic as it sounds it felt like the thought of you was keeping him alive, from the way you had all but disappeared when they opened Mikey’s locker. To the photo above his stove that was seared into his brain. So preoccupied with thoughts of you he had missed the aisle he intended to go down three times.

Finding his destination Carmy made his way down the aisle, stopping as he saw you laughing with a man he didn’t recognize. His mind going back to the conversation he had earlier with Sydney, Carmy did want more with you. He wanted a lot more than what the two of you allowed to transpire all these years.

Carmy wanted a life with you, a life where he was the one making you laugh in the grocery store. Where his apartment wasn’t just filled with a, year old photograph of the two of you, but filled with your presence.

He envisioned a life with you, and he wasn’t sure why he had sabotaged every chance you had given him to make that a reality. Carmy continued his journey through the store, thoughts of you played heavily on his mind. It didn’t matter what he wanted though if he never gained the courage to tell you. There was a lot unsaid between the two of you, but you had made your feelings clear. Tried to reconcile whatever relationship the two of you still had left. And the ball was in his court, had been since your impromptu visit last year.

Even when reunited with the girl he had crushed on once upon a time, you were still at the forefront of his mind. The woman in front of him is a cruel reminder of all the ways he messed up with you.

Carmy’s thoughts ran so wild with you as he entertained Claire’s conversation, that he didn’t think twice before giving her a number that had been left on a Polaroid a year ago and now decorated the space above his stove; but not the contact book in his phone.

a/n: it’s here!!! i think this chapter is pretty tame which is kind of out of character lol. thankful to be done with this chapter so i can explore some ideas i’ve been having! thank you all so much for your love and support! please support me in whatever way feels comfortable!!! 💜

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[cosmicbrowniefan]

Okay but what About Platonic Stobin and the shenanigans they do, if you have any headcannons for them ofc

platonic stobin my beloveds. of course i have headcanons for them anon <3

let me just off by saying that robin and steve getting brand new jobs frequently is a thing

idk if you ever watch austin and ally but the one character trish has a new job every episode and that's basically them, it's like a sitcom

not to mention that if a job doesn't want both of them, they won't get either of them

it's a package deal

after scoops ahoy and family video, i think they work at 7/11, target, gap, mcdonald's, and plenty more

all of these jobs end in comical disaster, from accidentally knocking over displays to purposely yelling at asshole customers

nancy jokingly says "maybe if you guys worked at victoria's secret you'd be motivated to try harder and keep a job for a while"

steve and robin laugh this off but they're both beet red at the thought

i really do adore the idea of them being each other's wingman btw

i think robin is genuinely helpful

like she'll see a girl that steve is interested in and she'll start with some jokes and anecdotes and then end the conversation with giving the girl steve's number

how well steve maintains that relationship is up to him but robin has a great set-up going for him

steve is. a wingman

he tries so hard but doesn't know how

he'll go up to a girl and lean against the wall awkwardly and be like. so. titties. whaddya think

this definitely scares off more girls than anything

but hey it's the thought that counts right

steve is robin's number one fan in marching band

he comes to every football and basketball game with homemade banners and scream for her

everyone around him is like ???? who just comes to see the band? but he doesn't care, he's gotta support his bestie

i think they have sleepovers every friday night after football/basketball games

they just have wonderful nights of soul healing

robin teaches steve how to do makeup, they talk about their crushes, watch disney channel original movies, and eat way too much junk food

but who cares, it's time to heal their inner child

robin and steve have the best halloween costumes btw

they go as mack and brady from teen beach movie (steve as mack and robin as brady), syd and stan from i am not okay with this, iron man and cap from marvel, etc.

whatever they choose, it's always pretty iconic

when robin is ready to come out to her family, steve helps her do it

robin is pretty confident that her parents will be okay with it, but she's still nervous

so steve comes up with a lighthearted way to come out to her parents

they walk in to her living room holding hands and robin goes "mom. dad. i have something to tell you"

and they look at her and steve's hands like "oh boy here we go"

and then they drop hands and give each other a fist bump and robin goes "i'm a lesbian lmao"

it goes over pretty well ngl

steve's proud of himself for that one he thinks it's pretty funny

i hope you enjoyed these!! i love them sm

[gingerylangylang1979]

Why I’m Not Feelin’ a Sydney Love Triangle

While I can respect fans seeing possibilities for our ingenue having potential with several men on The Bear I just really hope that doesn’t happen. I’m not one of those people that is against ANY romance on the show but having a love triangle does seem a bit soapy and honestly I just don’t think Sydney is that flaky. 

I’m not saying I’ve never loved shows that have a love triangle, I just usually love those shows IN SPITE of there being one. I find it usually makes me not like the person at the center as much even if I previously adored them. Plus, I hate seeing female characters look that indecisive and not self-aware. Something about it just comes across as immature. Maybe it’s just because while I have personally been capable of liking two people at the same time I’ve never been in a Bachelor A or B scenario. It just seems unrealistic that any competent person would be struggling over something like that in pursuit of a deep relationship. Just choose one or choose none. I never walk away from those plot lines viewing the woman as super empowered or desirable, I think she just ends up looking childish.

Now there is poor embattled, repressed Carmy. First, I just don’t want Carmy having to compete with anybody. Boy has enough suffering and doesn’t probably catch feelings easily. It would be nice to see him navigate romance without feeling like he needs to smoke a motherfucker. Second, Carmy needs friends, male friends. He lost a brother who seems to have been more like a stand-in dad. He seems to have been a loner most of his life. As dysfunctional as last season was he did establish bonds with Marcus and Richie and I think he needs camaraderie, not a challenge and bad vibes. There is a male friendship crisis. Let Carmy have guy friends!

Then, we get to the options. Carmy versus Marcus and Carmy versus Richie. 

As much as people harp on a power imbalance between Carmy and Sydney, the greater one exists between Carmy and Marcus (plus Sydney is technically Marcus’ boss, too). Now I can see Carmy maybe getting jealous of the friendship between Sydney and Marcus, I don’t think it will go beyond him mistakenly thinking something is up. And as much as people claim Carmy and Sydney have a strictly friends/mentor vibe that’s the vibe I get from Sydney and Marcus. Yes, they bonded fast but almost too fast like they are family. I see them as the two young Black professionals that are like, hey we in this together. I don’t see any sexual tension, like at all. No longing looks, no stolen glances, no touches that stand out. It’s more like I got your back, let’s giggle and talk shit. Them in a relationship also serves no narrative purpose. There is no challenge. Would either of them grow in a vital way? Would it add to any existing plot lines? No, it would be the definition of having a relationship just to have one, IMO. I also think Chester and Marcus could be a couple. 

Now, Richie. Granted, Richie and Sydney (also his boss) have an intense vibe that could be sexual tension, but this would be the messiest and most disappointing move. Like, serious broken relationships over what would just be merely a lusty hookup. And let’s not forget how disrespectful Richie has been to her. Like, at any other job he would be fired and have a potential lawsuit on his hands. The misogyny and harassment is kind of over the top. Even if the sex was explosive it just would not be enough to redeem how he treated this precious young Black woman just trying to be excellent. It just kind of grosses me out as a young Black woman. I could never be with a white man that treated me like that. We could get to cool, but never lover. Sorry. Richie also is kind of a loser. People say Syd is too good for Carmy (which I balk at, he just needs to heal), so no way in hell Richie is on her level. Richie has some good qualities but we have a man that is just kind of content with mediocre and lives in the past. What is the appeal for our fair lady? Carmy may be struggling emotionally but he has a maturity Richie doesn’t and has accomplished a lot and has a vision... that he shares with Sydney. Plus, Carmy and Richie would never be the same. Carmy is all Cousin got and Cousin is as close to Mikey as he will ever be again. 

So yeah, I know some people may really ship Sydney with more than one person or may just like maximal drama but I’m just not here for that kind of crazy on a show that already has enough crazy. Carmy deserves better, Sydney deserves better. Let the slow burn simmer. 

Bonus: Nobody looks at Sydney like Carmy looks at Sydney. The fucking end.