#waking up at 5:30 was worth it!!!!!!

[yuigadokson]

2018, found out about hakone ekiden for the first time, not getting that much into it until 2020... becoming even more obsessed around may 2022 when i realized i might get to see it in person, and finally 3rd jan 2023,to witness the ekiden in all its glory and all the excitement.... i feel i am still dreaming

Sure i stood in the cold 2 hrs waiting at otemachi , few regrets at my net dying and not getting to see the last leg but!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the end i did see it and it really is as heart moving & anxiety filled as it seems to be!

Sadly i cant put it to words all thats in my head, the joy, the やった！！！ついに見えた！！feeling 😭😭😭😭 but hoefully i wont forget this day!

Anyways, onto the 100th ekiden!!!!!

[britneyshakespeare]

screw whatever else i've said; the most important thing you can do in this lifetime is watch tv

[chaoticacademicrubberduck]

It is 5:45 A.M and you will already not believe the morning I've been having

[josecariohca]

.

[pucksandpower]

Newsflash

Charles Leclerc x reporter!Reader

Summary: after two years as a paddock correspondent, you’re convinced that Charles Leclerc hates your guts for no apparent reason … but maybe everything is not what it seems

“Wake up, Y/N. It’s race day!”

Your colleague, Natalie, bursts into your hotel room without knocking, as usual. You groan and pull the covers over your head, not ready to face the chaos that is sure to ensue in the paddock.

“Come on, sleepyhead! We have to be at the track by seven this morning for pre-race meetings,” Natalie says, yanking the duvet off you.

“Alright, alright, I’m up!” You grumble, slowly swinging your legs over the side of the bed. “What time is it anyway?”

“5:30. Which reminds me, I need coffee,” Natalie says, already headed for the door. “Meet me in the lobby in 20!”

You spend the next 19 minutes hastily getting ready — putting on minimal makeup, throwing on your favorite jumpsuit, and frantically gathering up notes and gear for the day. You take one last glance in the mirror, trying to smooth down your bedhead, before resigning to just throw a cap on over the mess.

Hustling down to the lobby, there’s a rush of personnel all around — mechanics, engineers, PR reps, and media darting about with coffees and laptops and headsets already in place. You spot Natalie nursing a large black coffee and beeline over.

“Ready to do this?” She asks with a grin.

“As I’ll ever be,” you reply with a shrug. The truth is, the nerves are already bubbling up in your stomach. You love your job as an F1 reporter for Sky Sports, but the pressure and scrutiny is immense.

The two of you pile into a car with the rest of the broadcast crew and head to the track. On the ride, you glance over your meticulous notes on the teams and drivers one more time, paying special attention to Ferrari.

Ever since you started covering F1 two years ago, one driver has basically refused to give you the time of day — Charles Leclerc.

For some reason, whenever you are around, he bolts in the opposite direction. When you have attempted interviews, he literally turns and speedwalks away without a word. Other drivers will chat with you, joke around, and give thoughtful answers to questions.

But Charles? Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

You can’t figure out why he hates you so much. You’ve scoured your past comments and coverage looking for anything that could have offended him, but come up empty.

Is it something personal against you? Were you mean to him in a past life or something? It hurts, to be honest. You try to stay professional, but his obvious disdain for you still stings.

Sighing, you put your notes away as the car pulls into the paddock. It’s going to be a long day.

After hair, makeup, mic checks, and a final meeting, it’s nearly time for the broadcast to go live as cars start lining up on the grid. Nerves buzzing, you watch Charles warm up with his performance coach across the pit lane, headphones in and clearly in the zone. As always, he walks right past you without a flicker of acknowledgment.

Your heart twinges, but you swiftly push the hurt aside. It’s showtime.

The next few hours are a blur of rushed interviews, sound bites, stats flashing across screens, and organized chaos. After the race finally ends, there are more interviews, podium ceremonies, and press conferences to wade through before you can take a breath.

“Man, that was brutal!” Natalie huffs as the two of you finally plop down in chairs in the media room later that afternoon. She cracks open a Red Bull and takes a long drink. “You hanging in there?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” you reply half-heartedly. The truth is, you’re drained — physically and mentally. And of course, the interaction with Charles, or lack thereof, is weighing heavy.

“Why do you let that pompous twerp get under your skin so much?” Natalie says with a frown, seeming to read your mind. “He’s a rude, stuck up jerk who isn’t worth the energy. Forget about him.”

You shake your head with a sigh. “You’re right, you’re right. I just … I don’t know, I never did anything to the guy, and it still stings.”

Just then, the door to the media room swings open, and Charles himself strides in. You inadvertently tense up as he approaches the couch, looking calm and confident in his usual Ferrari polo, and folds himself down between Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton, who rounded out the rest of the podium.

Here we go again, you think with an internal eye roll. Just gotta get this over with.

“Hello,” Charles says with an easy grin as he settles into his seat, “What have you got for us today?” Various reporters immediately start firing off questions, undoubtedly looking to get a headline from the race winner.

You gather your courage, take a breath, and call out “Charles, Y/N with Sky Sports here. Can you walk me through your thought process behind that daring pass on Lando in Turn 12?”

To your shock, the second Charles hears your voice, his whole demeanor shifts. He seems to freeze, shoulders hunching slightly, grin dropping from his face as his cheeks instantly flush deep red. He looks panicked almost, eyes darting around the room, before landing briefly on you.

“Uhh … b-bathroom. Need to go. Bye.”

And with that, he leaps up from the couch and practically sprints out of the room.

A stunned silence falls over the space as everyone stares, stunned, at the empty space he left. You feel your stomach drop through the floor, tears of embarrassment and humiliation prickling at your eyes.

What did you do wrong? Now he’s made a total spectacle, running away from you in front of your peers. Mortified, you shakily stand up, chair clanging backwards, and rush from the room as well. Needing air, you bolt outside until you find a secluded spot out back of the paddock, leaning against a wall as the tears flow freely.

“Hey, hey … what’s going on? Are you okay?”

The soft, concerned male voice startles you, and you gasp looking up. There stands Charles, looking alarmed and guilty.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out like that. Please don’t cry!” He moves closer, though still keeps his distance.

You blink rapidly, beyond confused. “What … what are you doing out here? I’m clearly the last person you want to be around.”

He sighs heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. “This is really hard for me to admit but … I like you. As in, I have the biggest crush on you. That’s why I get so flustered and basically black out anytime you talk to me. It’s pathetic, I know.”

Your jaw actually drops open in disbelief. “You … what? You like me? Is this a joke?”

“No! No, I swear, it’s the truth,” he says, face turning red again. “I know I come across like a total jerk, I just freeze up around you because honestly? You’re just so stunning and brilliant, and I get unbelievably shy and nervous. The words won’t come out. It’s like an out of body experience! I chicken out and run away like an idiot every time.”

You stare at him, trying to process this. All this time, all the hurt and embarrassment … it was just because he developed a crush?

“I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you. I know it must seem like I despise you. The truth is, you make me feel like a stuttering teenager with my first crush again,” Charles continues, looking at you beseechingly. “I understand if you think I’m a total tool, and I have a lot of work to do to make this up to you. But I swear, I really do like you, Y/N.”

At this, his face splits into a sheepish grin, eyes twinkling with mirth. You feel a laugh bubble up in your chest as relief washes over you.

He doesn’t hate you. In fact, it’s quite the opposite! You appraise him, really looking at him for the first time. From his twinkling green eyes to his adorable dimples to the lock of chestnut hair falling across his forehead, he’s unbelievably charming.

You shake your head, smile growing. “So this whole time, you’ve just been acting like an awkward schoolboy instead of giving me any indication of your true feelings?”

Charles laughs self-consciously. “Embarrassing, I know. Look, I promise I’ll do better-”

“Yeah, you’ve got a lot to make up for,” you say, crossing your arms and giving Charles a playful but pointed look. “All the grief and heartache you’ve put me through the last two years? This calls for serious groveling, mister.”

Charles immediately drops to one knee dramatically. “Y/N Y/L/N, light of my life, apple of my eye. I am but a humble driver, unworthy of your affection. But if you would do me the extraordinary honor of allowing me to court you properly, I vow to spend every day showing you how enchanted I am by your wit, your beauty, and your strength.”

You can’t help but giggle at his over-the-top chivalrous display. “Oh get up, you goofball!” You grab his hand and pull him back to his feet. “I’m just teasing. Well, partially teasing. I do expect you to apologize to me properly. Take me to dinner or something.”

Charles visibly brightens. “Dinner? Really? Yes, absolutely! In fact, let me take you right now. We’ll go to that little trattoria down the road. You deserve to be wined and dined for putting up with me.”

You consider this for a moment, taking in his eager, handsome face. The truth is, despite his past behavior, you find yourself captivated by Charles now that you understand what was really going on. His confidence, talent, and intensity are wildly attractive. And the way he’s looking at you now, with softness and admiration in his eyes .... it sends tingles down your spine.

“Alright, lead the way, hot shot,” you say with a wink.

Charles’ grin stretches even wider, if possible. “After you,” he gestures forward with a flourish, then falls into step beside you as you head towards the exit.

“I really am sorry for being such an idiot around you,” Charles says quietly after a moment of walking in comfortable silence. “The way I’ve acted was totally unacceptable. You deserve so much better.”

You glance over at his earnest expression and feel a little pang in your chest. “It’s okay, really. I get it now. Just think how close we could have been this whole time though if you’d just … I don’t know, talked to me like a normal human being!”

Charles chuckles ruefully. “Oof, so true. Honestly, I’m impressed you didn’t write me off ages ago as a complete lost cause. Clearly you’re far more patient and forgiving than I deserve.”

“Yes, I really am,” you agree teasingly, giving his arm a playful shove. You both laugh as you reach the paddock exit and emerge out onto the bustling street, taking in the energy of the crowd.

You jokingly elbow Charles’ side. “Still though, as dashingly handsome as you may be, don’t think you’re completely off the hook! I expect to be wooed and romanced properly going forward. No more running off scared like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“It’s a deal,” Charles says easily, looking thrilled. “Romance and wooing, coming right up.”

Reaching the charming little restaurant, Charles opens the door for you with a sweeping bow. You grin and step inside. Somehow, you have the feeling this is going to be the start of a wonderful evening.

No more misunderstandings. Just the two of you, getting to know each other properly over a delicious meal with the slight chill of the evening settling in around you.

And you can’t wait.

***

The next few race weekends are a whirlwind as Charles seems to do a complete 180 in his behavior towards you.

Gone is the shy, nervous wreck who could barely look you in the eye. Instead, he goes full-steam in the opposite direction, seeking you out constantly and showering you with attention.

It starts the following week after Friday practice. You’re standing in the paddock scribbling notes when you sense someone approaching. Looking up, you see Charles striding over, helmet in hand, usual calm confidence exuding from him.

“Ah, Y/N, just the reporter I was looking for,” he says with a warm grin, sidling up beside you. “Walk with me?”

Flustered by his forwardness but flattered, you quickly nod. “Uh, sure!”

Charles immediately links his arm casually through yours and starts leading you away down the paddock, journalists and crew members glancing over with raised eyebrows. You catch Natalie’s eye and she mouths “WTF?” at you with a stunned look. You just give a tiny shrug, feeling your face heat up.

“So tell me, what did you think of my lap times today?” Charles asks once you’re a few paces away from the crowd.

You blink, surprised he’s looking for actual feedback. You decide to give an honest assessment. “Well, I think you were sliding the rear end quite a bit too much through Sector 2 and losing time. The car didn’t look fully settled-”

“Brilliant analysis as always, Y/N. I knew I could count on you to give it to me straight,” Charles interrupts with a respectful nod. You feel yourself preen slightly at his praise. “Some changes to differential settings should sort that out, I think.”

He then launches into a surprisingly technical explanation of his plans to adjust the setup. You find yourself nodding along, captivated, as he outlines the various weight transfer issues and how he aims to mitigate them.

He’s speaking to you like a true engineer, not just a reporter. You realize with a jolt that he’s never gone into this level of detail with you before in any interviews.

“Sorry, I’m rambling a bit here, aren’t I?” Charles says sheepishly when he pauses. “I don’t want to bore you with too much technical detail. But you just have such a good eye and ask such insightful questions, I find myself wanting to really dive into this side of racing with you.”

He gives your arm a soft squeeze. “Anyway, let me know if you have any other observations or advice. I trust your analysis completely.”

Before you can properly respond, the two of you round a corner only to nearly walk directly into Sergio Perez, who’s heading the opposite direction. He does a comical double take at seeing the two of you arm-in-arm together.

“Ah, hello Checo!” Charles says breezily, not releasing you or missing a beat. Sergio looks hilariously confused.

“Uh … hello?” is all he manages before Charles is steering you onwards.

“See you around, mate,” he tosses over his shoulder with a wink.

You glance back to see Sergio frozen in place, staring after you both looking utterly bewildered.

The weekend continues in this vein, with Charles constantly pulling you aside to chat at length about setups, strategies, even asking your opinion on development directions for next year’s car.

He treats you with the utmost seriousness and respect, like you’re one of his most trusted advisors. It’s shocking and flattering after the cold-shoulder treatment for so long.

Whenever the broadcast crew has a break, Charles inevitably finds you and whisks you off to look at telemetry data together (which sends a poor PR officer chasing after the two of you with an NDA after the first time Charles decides to pull you into the garage) or watch video, going into painstaking detail to get your thoughts.

By Sunday, it’s become a bit of a running joke among the team, with people exchanging amused glances whenever Charles appears to disappear with you once again.

“There goes Loverboy Sharl, dragging poor Y/N off yet again to pore over spreadsheets and onboard footage,” Natalie jokes with an eye roll during a break, making the crew laugh. “How does that man ever find time to, you know, actually race?”

You shoot her a heatless glare, though you have to admit — as sweet as it is having Charles’ undivided attention, as a reporter the over-accessibility is becoming a touch much.

When the race concludes later that afternoon, Charles immediately finds you amid the chaos of the media scrum.

“Y/N!” He beams down at you, still sweaty and in his racing suit with the top half unzipped. “Come take a look at the race data with me? I want to walk through my lap times and tire deg, see if we can spot any areas to improve ...”

“Actually, I’m sort of totally swamped right now,” you gesture at the sea of people around you. “But maybe later?”

His face falls slightly. “Oh. Well I suppose I did already monopolize a lot of your time this weekend. No rest for the media?”

He gives you a lopsided smile but there’s a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. You feel a little stab of guilt.

“Tell you what though,” he continues, brightening again. “Come find me later before we fly out. I’ll have a surprise waiting for you.”

“A surprise?” You ask with a raised brow. “What does that mean?”

“Ah ah ah, no hints!” Charles laughs, wagging a finger. “Just trust me. Don’t leave without seeing me first, okay?”

With that, he leans in and unexpectedly gives you a swift peck on the cheek. You freeze, eyes going wide, feeling your face flame. Pulling back, Charles winks cheekily at you before turning and sauntering off.

Dazed, you lift a hand to touch the spot he kissed, feeling the heat radiating from your cheek. Did he really just … right out in the open like that … with the cameras recording live?

Glancing around, you see Natalie and a few other crew members staring with mouths agape. Toto Wolff is even giving you an amused look as he walks past, one eyebrow arched knowingly. Utterly mortified, you duck your head down and hurry off to find a quiet corner to collect yourself.

The next race sees the flirting and PDA ramp up even higher. Charles can’t seem to resist finding any excuse to drape an arm around your waist, stroke your arm, or playfully tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Every interaction has an undercurrent of flirtation and innuendo. And the cheek kisses become almost routine, pressed on you in front of other drivers, team bosses, cameramen, you name it.

“I can’t take you anywhere, can I?” You finally say in flustered exasperation after he ambushes you with a very public, lingering kiss on the cheek in the paddock one day. You struggle to sound annoyed, but a pleased grin tugs at the corners of your mouth as you say it.

“Sorry, ma chérie, I just can’t seem to resist around you,” Charles replies, absolutely zero shame in his voice or demeanor. “You’re lucky I have more self-control than to start making out right here in front of everyone!”

You gasp and slap his arm, scandalized, as he just throws his head back and laughs heartily.

Meanwhile, the double-takes and stunned looks from everyone around just keep coming. Even the normally straight-faced Fred Vasseur can’t seem to hold back smug grins whenever he sees the two of you getting cozy.

“Go on and get a room already, you two!” He finally chuckles one day as Charles passes by in the paddock with his usual arm draped around your waist.

“Don’t tempt me!” Charles quips back without missing a beat, giving you a roguish wink.

Soon, literally everyone in the paddock and broadcast team is aware of and commenting on the developing romance between you and Charles.

He makes no attempt to hide it whatsoever.

“Honestly, I think they’re the most nauseatingly adorable couple I’ve ever seen,” Jenson Button jokes to the rest of the broadcast team one evening as they all watch Charles throw his arm around you yet again and plant a smacking kiss on your temple.

“The honeymoon phase never ends with those two,” Natalie agrees in a wry tone, rolling her eyes. “It’s like they’re a pair of horny teenagers making out behind the bleachers.”

You just shake your head with a bashful smile and accept the good-natured ribbing. The truth is, despite Charles’ very public displays of affection causing some embarrassment and teasing from your colleagues, you find it hard to truly mind.

There’s an earnestness and joy in his demeanor whenever he’s with you that makes your heart swell. You’ve never seen him so openly happy and carefree as these past few weeks. Gone is the tightly wound, intense competitor. In his place is a warm, playful soul who can’t help but let his delight in your company shine through.

And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find his romantic attentions flattering and thrilling. The way his gaze smolders when his eyes meet yours, the tingle of electricity you feel whenever his hand brushes yours, the butterflies that erupt in your stomach when his lips graze your cheek — it all makes you deliriously giddy, like a lovesick teenager yourself.

So you endure the good-natured eye rolls from Natalie and jokes from the broadcast crew with an easy smile. Because the truth is, you’ve realized how deeply you’ve fallen for Charles in return.

“You’ve got me utterly love drunk, you charming fool,” you murmur against his chest one evening.

The two of you are tucked away in a quiet corner, Charles’ back against the wall with his arms wrapped around you as you stand embraced, soaking in a few stolen moments of intimacy together.

“The feeling is mutual,” Charles replies easily, resting his chin on your head. “I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this madness.” He pauses, absentmindedly stroking your back. “Honestly, I half expected you to get sick of me hanging around all the time by now.”

You pull back to meet his warm green eyes. “Are you kidding? I love having you around. I still have to pinch myself that you actually want to be with me after the way you treated me for so long!”

A flicker of regret passes across Charles’ features. “I truly am sorry for being such an ass before, Y/N. I hope with time you can forgive me.”

“Already forgiven,” you assure him softly. “We’re here now. That’s what matters.”

Relief blossoms on his face and he leans in to nuzzle his nose against yours. “Thank you, ma belle. For being the most patient and kind woman on earth.”

You grin, eyes fluttering closed as his breath tickles your skin. “Mmm, I wouldn’t go that far. But I guess I do possess some super-human tolerance for broody and aloof superstar drivers with commitment issues.”

Charles chuckles at that and you can feel the rumble of it against your body. “Lucky for me then, or I would still be utterly lost.”

His mouth finds yours then, soft and intoxicating. You melt into the kiss, savoring his warmth, his scent, the gentle stroke of his fingertips along your jaw. All semblance of poise escapes you when you’re pressed against Charles like this. He never fails to make your head spin and body thrum with want.

A polite cough from nearby causes you to break apart abruptly. You blink, dazed, to see Natalie standing with an eyebrow arched sky high.

“Hey lovebirds,” she says in a wry tone. “Sorry to disturb the sunset groping, but they’re calling for final broadcast checks in 10.”

Face flaming, you duck your head and extract yourself from Charles’ embrace. He just shoots Natalie a cheeky grin, entirely unabashed.

“Better get going then,” Charles says cheerfully, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. “Wouldn’t want you to be late because of me … again.” He winks.

Natalie rolls her eyes hard. “Oh I’m sure that would be a first. See you in 10, Y/N.”

With that, she turns on her heel and heads back towards the pits. You glance up at Charles shyly.

“I should … uh ...” You gesture vaguely.

“Yes, yes of course,” Charles says, squeezing your hands affectionately. “Work calls. Don’t worry, I’ll be waiting around the next corner to steal more kisses as soon as you’re free.”

You laugh and give him a playful shove. “Go on then, you impossible man! I’ll see you in a bit.”

Heart fluttering, you watch him saunter off before heading for the pits yourself, still feeling delightfully dazed.

This is really your life now. Surrounded by racing, the thrill of competition, the roar of engines … and consumed by budding love every time Charles Leclerc is near.

As far as dream jobs go, you think with a lovestruck smile, you’ve really hit the jackpot.

[avelona]

Eyes hurty, eyes owie

[daffodil-hill]

(tags by @deovious)

this year was actually our third year saying it! we love stupid things like that. another highlight of this last week was “what the fart” lol

another three bullet points for another week at camp

the lifeguard lowkey bullying us (it's okay we're her favorites! we made her art and she gossiped with us!)

"smokey has worms" "what the fortnite"

riding literally everywhere. like we genuinely only walked to/from the barn for one day

[snoopyracing]

8 & 16 from the fluff list with lando please? 🥹

hi! here you go 😊

lando + having a tender moment in the early morning + "how are you so comfy?"

it was too early to be up and the fact that you knew you had to be up early had you waking up every little bit to make sure you didn't oversleep. and when your alarm finally went off it felt like you had just gone to bed.

it was lando's fault that you guys had to be up at 3:30 in the morning. when he told you the other day that your flight to belgium was at 6 a.m. you wanted to strangle him. and the groan coming from him at the sound of the alarm put a told you so look on your face.

"oh my god why did we book this early of a flight?"

"we? you did that all on your own norris." you stated as you started to get out of bed, but your actions were halted by his hand gripping your arm, pulling you back into the bed.

"no stay and cuddle for a little bit please."

you knew you shouldn't. you had a flight to catch and if you allowed yourself to succumb to his pleas you knew you guys would be missing that flight. but even in the darkness of your shared bedroom you couldn't resist the desire to be held by the man you love. "5 minutes lando. that's all we have to spare." you stated, full knowing you'll both fall back asleep.

"well it will be the best five minutes of my life then."

your head rested on his chest as his arms wrapped around you and if there was one place you felt the most secure and loved- it was in lando's arms.

it had definitely been past five minutes, but neither of you budged on being the first to get up. in fact you thought lando had fallen back asleep until he spoke.

"i love you. i hope you know that. with every fiber of my being i love you."

it was still dark in the room, but you lifted your head to look at him. your cheeks hot over his words even after being together for some time.

"i know you do. you tell me all the time lan, but for what it's worth i'd say i love you more."

a small laugh came from him as one of his hands cupped your face. "baby, we are not having this competition again because i will win everytime."

"you just think you do."

he was thankful that it was dark in the room as he playfully rolled his eyes at you before leaning in to kiss you. the action catching you off guard but you quickly kissed him back. his kisses were addictive and once you had one you needed at least five more to suffice.

but before it turned into something else you pulled away, reclaiming your spot in his arms. and as you laid your head back down on his chest you couldn't help but ask "how are you so comfy?"

"i'm just filled with so much love." he stated. and you could sense the smirk on his face as he said it.

"oh my god quit."

come chat it's sleepover saturday!!

[soleilapproves]

Imagine forcing Toji to kiss you through the phone.

Note: reader is referred to as girl at one point.

You know he hates corny relationship cliches but you were lucky enough to have him wrapped around your finger. You knew you could use the fact that he would do anything to keep you happy to your advantage.

Masterlist

-•-

It was just another night after work where you’d wind down by calling your boyfriend before going to bed. Most of it was just about future dates and stuff your coworkers did to annoy you. One thing you liked about him was that he would never be distracted while talking to you.

His reactions when you’d tell him about all the things that happen in your day were the best. The subtle gasp when you’d talk about your friend being cheated on or the little ‘ew’ he’d say when you’d talk about accidentally stepping on a worm would be the highlights of your call. He would always listen intently whether it was a huge news or something boring and mundane.

“So-“ yawn “-I decided to buy the blouse after all.” You said to your boyfriend. “You sound tired, honey. What time did you wake up this morning?” He asked on the other side of the line.

“Uh, I think 5 am. I’ve been trying to work out in the morning.”

“Babe, you don’t need to wake up that early to work out. It’s all about how effective it’s gonna be. You should’ve asked me to help you out.”

“Tojiii, you’re so sweet but I couldn’t get you to wake up that early just to come to my place.” Your heart melted at your boyfriend’s words. How did you manage to score someone like him?

“Wait, before I say anything, can you say my name like that again?” You knew he wanted you to whine his name. He really liked it when you sounded desperate (take that as you will).

“Ugh, you’re so weird, Tojiiii.” You said as you rolled your eyes. “Atta girl, now, get to bed. I’ll be at your place by 6:30 so you can get an extra hour of sleep, alright?”

“Thank you, babe.” You could hear his deep voice hum through the phone as a reply.

“We should hang up since we’re gonna wake up early.”

“Alright, good night, honey.” He said. “I’ll wait for you to hang up fir-“

“Wait!” You decided to test his patience one last time before turning in for the night. “Kiss me through the phone.”

“What the- what are you talking about?” You could only imagine your boyfriend’s bewildered face as you snickered to yourself. “I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?” You tried to sound as sad as possible to convince him. “Because, well, I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Loving me is weird?” You then changed your tone to sound offended. “No, no, no, I’m not saying that. It’s just- kissing you through the phone? Come on, babe, we aren’t 13.”

“Yeah, you’re right, good night, Toji. I… love you.” You went back to sounding sad. It killed you to take advantage of your boyfriend’s soft spot for you but you couldn’t help yourself. It was fun to tease him.

“Wait, babe don’t hang up!”

“What?”

“Muah”

There were a few minutes of silence after you had just heard your boyfriend kiss you through the phone. “Y/N?”

You burst out laughing. “That was so worth it, I should record it next time.” You pretended to wipe a tear. You knew Toji was probably seething.

“Don’t you dare!”

-•-

May or may not have used a conversation I had as inspiration for this.

[ultimate-chickennougat]

| Your Salaryman Husband | (Vol 2)

Vol 1 (not required) Vol 3 Vol 4 Vol 5 Vol 6 Vol 7 Vol 8 Vol 9

Salaryman!Kento x Housewife!Reader;

Waking up with Kento Nanami...

Word Count: 1.2k

CW: SFW, domestic fluff, fem!Reader, Nanami's shirtless (nondescriptive)

A/n: I hope to make a 3rd volume soon... this was so fun to write!

There was something so peaceful about the morning. Since marriage, life was full of excitement and pleasures big and small. Former causes of stress had been lifted off your shoulders, all by the love of your life, your dear husband Nanami - something that you would always be grateful for. 

To say that the provided comfort was reciprocated, was certainly believed by Nanami. His disposition on work remained unchanged since you first met, and you had remained his most precious thought, making every troublesome day worth it and fade away. 

Instead, it was only time that still lingered, the tick of a clock and rise and fall of the sun being your constant reminders. In the end, life is short, something that both you and Nanami understood and dreaded. 

That was the reason for sleeping in that morning, in Nanami’s eyes. He knew you were both sore and tired from the day before, and it was only right that the two of you got some much needed time together, as newlyweds. 

Sunlight had started to pour into the room through the large windows, decorating the dressers and chairs away from the bed. It was a sight to behold, the precious space that the two of you decorated together, and of course the face of you, sleeping softly in his arms. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the thought that crossed his mind, closing his eyes. Though he could spend hours listing everything he loved about you, there was one that was particularly apparent at that moment.

Your heat. 

The warm radiating heat of your body, covered in blankets after long hours of sleeping. It was such a wonderful contrast to the coolness from the night before, after you took a quick shower and hopped into bed, clean as you preferred. Feeling cold as usual, you had snuggled in close to his arms as he spooned you, hand resting on your stomach as you drifted off to sleep. 

Now, you were the warm one, and Nanami wouldn’t have it any other way. It was addictive, having your heated squishy form pressed against him when he woke up. In fact, he woke up early every day, just to enjoy that without missing work. 

To get started on the day's tasks, you had to wake up early as well. Nanami left for work promptly at 8:30 AM each morning, and his breakfast and lunch had to be prepared, as well as his outfit and things. Now, this didn’t take nearly as much time as was provided by waking up at 5:30, and the intention of course was so he could sleep in, but that didn’t happen, and in fact it never did.

Something about it being important for Nanami to wake his wife up, with kisses of course, was still floating around in his brain after two months of sleeping in the same bed. He got a good 7 hours of sleep anyway, and dreaming of you still wasn’t as good as the real thing. 

Moving even closer to you, he started his little routine. His arms wrapped around your torso, as he gripped the pink nightgown you had on. Placing his head near your shoulder, he carefully kissed your ear, hearing small murmurs from you.

“Good morning, my cute little wife,” he smiled, kissing your jaw next as you stirred. His breathing got heavier as he felt your hands move to his. “Have I ever told you how much I love you, Y/n?” his head moved down to kiss your shoulder, and then your nose as you held onto his wrist.

You were so perfect, laying with him on your side. Surely you were tired, waking up early every morning when you could sleep in. That was why he had to do it, to wake you up himself and make it as enjoyable as possible. To have his voice be the first thing you hear every day, and to get to inform you of his love, even before you got to work. Of course he enjoyed this as well, another sight that only he has ever seen. 

“Kento…” you murmured, finally awake. This time he pulled you closer to him, lazily throwing his leg over yours and turning your face to make eye contact. “Yes dear?” he whispered back, kissing your forehead. “I love you…” you mumbled incoherently, still half asleep, as you started kicking the blankets off, overheating.

He kissed the top of your head, next. “You’re so warm…” he replied, squeezing you tighter. “I love it,” he couldn’t help but let out a laugh as you squirmed, his words making you feel butterflies. “It’s too early in the morning for that…” you whined, trying to turn away from him, but he stopped you with another kiss. This time, to your lips. 

It was sweet and short, only a few moments passing before he pulled away. “You’re right, my apologies,” he gave you another kiss on the nose. “I’ll save the compliments for later.” You blushed, silently enjoying his groggy voice. It was deep and rough, his tiredness was evident with every word - and you loved the sound. 

“Darling, I should get up now.” You stated, starting to untangle yourself from his grip, but in response it only got tighter. Your eyes were wide, starting to feel awake. “Is it that late already?” He asked, rubbing your stomach lightly, as if he wasn’t the one with the watch. 

He pulled you over to face him, holding you in a hug. Your face pressed against his bare chest, an evident blush covering your face as he kissed your head again. The lack of clothing kept him cool, making it incredibly comfortable in the morning.

He tilted your head up, meeting your eyes. “Just a few more minutes, I’m tired,” he chuckled, feeling as you pushed him away. “Okay just a few more… or else your breakfast won’t be ready,” you groaned at the thought. His lunch could be put together with leftovers in the fridge, and of course he wouldn’t complain, but all the fresh fruit you had picked up the store would go to waste if it wasn’t used up. 

It felt like eternity wrapped in his arms, hearing his deep and slow breaths, the sound of his heart beating, and feeling the rise and fall of his chest as you laid your head on it. 

So much so that you didn’t realize it had only been thirty minutes by the time you worked up the will to ask. 

“Darling?” You spoke softly, reaching up to give him a kiss yourself. “It’s 6:08, if you’re curious.” He responded, seeing you stare at his wrist. “Thank you, for this.” He pressed his lips onto yours, still just briefly, finally allowing you to get up. The downside to this morning arrangement, in Nanami’s opinion, was that he was awake. You took care of everything he needed to do in the morning, brewing his much needed cup of coffee and picking out his clothing, so that all he had to do was get up and move around, saving his energy for work. But what was the point of being laying in bed when you were gone? 

You pushed the covers off your legs, quickly standing up off the bed as to not get drawn back in. Nanami sat up as well, resting against the headboard. Luckily, he still had the view of you rummaging through his closet, still all tired and in your nightgown, asking him sweetly about his activities for that day to choose the perfect tie. 

Now he was definitely not going back to sleep. 

[celaenaeiln]

On note of the Blockbuster thing and Dick’s over working himself, I can recall a time when after the first time Blockbuster got taken out, Dick was so lost emotionally and mentally, he went for months on end getting the absolute hardest cases and capers imaginable, getting more illnesses and injuries so much and frequently. It got so bad Bruce and Alfred had to drag him to the Batcave and Bruce had to get some tough love across.

He let Dick know that he was upset at him for failing to take care of himself and self forgive for what happened to Blockbuster. He forgives Dick for the latter case but will not tolerate Dick losing the value of his own life in self pity and guilt

Thoughts on this?

YES!!!

Dick overworks himself so hard that he kinda passes out and dreams so vivid that they're almost hallucinogenic but when he wakes up-

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

Bruce is PISSED. Ofcourse it's gotta be because Dick let Blockbuster die right? He just stepped aside and let Catalina take the shot despite the no kill. He broke the OATH the two of them had forged. That's why Bruce is mad right?!

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!

Nightwing (2016) Issue #117

"You have no right to expect me to excuse you - for losing sight of the value of yours."

CMON BRUCE!!

He basically said "I don't care if you killed someone. If you want me to forgive you fine. But don't you dare fucking think for one second that I'll forgive you for almost dying."

Bruce is crazy about Dick. I've already talked before how he has control issues regarding Dick life but I want to reiterate that Bruce wants control of Dick's everything. His life, his relationships, his death.

You can see the visible rage in Bruce's body. You can see how hard he grips Dick's chin. He's furious that Dick would put his life below anyone's.

This isn't the only time Bruce gets furious at Dick almost dying either. Remember Forever Evil?

Nightwing (2011) Issue #30

His sole reason for beating Dick is LITERALLY beat his frustrations and fear that Dick almost died!! He's the one that died Bruce!! Why are YOU mad?!

The thing about Dick and Bruce's relationship or rather Bruce's relationship with Dick is that Dick could literally be standing in a room of blood and corpses and the first thing Bruce would do is rush over to him and check if he's okay. And then scold him because "what if they're blood accidentally got into you, Dick? Haven't I told you the dangers of bloodborne pathogens and other transmittable viruses? How dare you let them hurt you!"

Bruce has a no kill rule but sometimes when Dick's life is in danger he definitely looks the other way. No punishment if Dick does something to someone else but he travels at the speed of light when Dick lets something bad happen to him.

Not only that, he doesn't mind other people dying if it means saving Dick's life. Between the world surviving and Dick, he will always choose Dick. And how do I know that? Because he's done it before.

Forever Evil Issue #5

"No, this is a search and rescue mission first--"

"Richard Grayson?"

"Yes, Luthor. Once Nightwing's safe, we can take down the syndicate."

The world is in SHAMBLES.

Central City

Forever Evil Issue #3

Metropolis

Forever Evil Issue #3

The justice league is gone.

The villains who actually wanted the end of the world are so shocked by the state it's in now that they've decided to become heroes. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter to Bruce that half the population is gone, people are killing, stealing, and dying. As long as Dick is alive - it's okay.

In fact an entire world could be corrupted beyond saying but as long as Dick isn't then it's a world worth saving.

Forever Evil Issue #3

Do you realize what this means? It means that Bruce's scale of measurement for evaluating the quality of a whole fucking planet IS Dick Grayson.

Even an hyper-intelligent construction questions what happens if his favorite, Dick, dies.

Infinite Crisis Issue #3

What happened after Blockbuster, where Bruce completely ignored the death of him. Ah-I said ignored but the reality is created an excuse for - is completely in line with his relationship with Dick and more importantly highlights two things.

Breaking the no-kill rule is acceptable if it's Dick Grayson or relates to Dick Grayson.

Bruce is crazy about Dick and he will go crazy for him.

[being-addie]

Sunday Resets

Setting aside time for yourself is so important. I don't think people understand how vital it is to pay attention to your body and just take a day to let your body r-e-l-a-x. We're all so busy fighting to reach the top, that while climbing the corporate ladder, we lose ourselves somewhere along the way. Burnout, depression, and monotony come into play when we don't listen to our bodies telling us they need a break.

Once every two weeks or so, on a Sunday, I turn off all my notifications and have a day dedicated to me. Giving my body some TLC, resting and preparing for the next week. If I have plans on a Sunday, such as brunch or a meeting, I shift that day to Saturday, or at the very least, a day where I have at least 4-5 hours to spend leisurely.

Things I like to do on my Sunday resets:

Wake up early/sleep in: Depending on my mood, and how much sleep I've had during the week, I'll either be up at the crack of dawn or still in bed till it's nearly noon. There's no shame in staying in bed till 11:30 if you're particularly exhausted, but I recommend waking up at least before 11 AM because then you'll feel tired and groggy (of course, this doesn't apply to everyone)

Clean my room: I always make my bed without fail, and if my room is messy, then I'll clean it. Clean the vanity table, my desk, closet, art cupboard and bookshelf, and then the bathroom. If my mom needs help around the house, I do that too.

Food: I make myself a good breakfast, taking time to move around the kitchen and just breathe. I'm getting to eat good food, the sun is shining and I'm alive. It's great. Sometimes my dad cooks for the whole family and we just sit and eat together.

The Everything Shower: I take my Everything Shower on Sundays, where I wash my hair, deep condition, use a hair and face mask, exfoliate and do a face massage. I don't shave because I get my waxing done in a salon. I then slather myself in cocoa butter lotion and apply lip balm. Then do my hair routine (curly hair). It takes a few hours, but it's worth it.

The Next Week: I prep for the next week by cooking something I can take to my classes, like granola bars or homemade pita chips. I also sit down and plan my schedule (any dinners, meetings, parties, etc) and make a rough plan of my goals for the week, like assignments and deadlines.

Errands: I usually make a list of things I need to do during the week, like any specific separate groceries that I use, art supplies I'm low on, or needing to top up the air in my tyres. Then I go complete all of those in the afternoon.

Walks: In the evening, I take a walk around the block with a friend. I usually am too busy to do this during the week, so getting some fresh air is always a treat.

Relax: The rest of the evening is spent relaxing. I watch Netflix with my family, chat with my younger sister, read a novel/play the piano/write poetry. We have dinner together and then either watch a movie or just spend the time talking about our week, or the news. It's fun.

Double-check: Before I go to sleep, I make sure to double-check that my work is done, my bag is packed, clothes are folded and all my devices are charged. I'm in bed by 10:30 PM.

Remember that not all Sundays will be like this. Sometimes I'm extremely drained, so I'll sleep in, order food and just lay in bed recuperating. It's okay to take a rest day. This guide is if you want to be more productive, and it helps the week go smoother. Be the person who has their life in charge. You've got this.

<3

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.2 K Warnings: None Prompt: It's a snow day! This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely: @aremuslupinsimp

THIS CHAPTER CAN ALSO BE READ AS A ONESHOT

Chapter 35: Chill of Desire

Tuesday, December, 14th, 1976

“It’s snowing!” you heard Mary squeal, her excited tone waking you up instantly, and causing you to smile as you looked through the window. Mary had propped the window open and extended her hand as she stared outside.

It wasn’t only snowing then, in fact, it had been snowing all night, all the towers, the fields and the valley were covered by a thick layer of snow. The trees stood tall, their branches delicately coated, creating a magical-looking scene, more magical than Hogwarts already was, anyway. 

You had the view of the forest from your window, and you could see the Whomping Willow shaking off the layers of snow that had fallen over him at night, which made you smile, the memory of the devious night having been replaced by so many cuddles with the boys that the looking at the Willow was not as stressful as it had been at some point, you didn’t think of how Remus had gotten hurt by it, but rather you thought of how you had kissed Sirius under it. And how you might be going to meet Moony later that month, as Vixen this time around. 

The courtyards and pathways were like winding paths through a snowy maze, and the usually bustling grounds were hushed under the soft blanket of snow, you could see a few students outside enjoying the white fields –especially the younger ones– you still had hours before you had to get to class, you realised when you eyed the small cuckoo clock your mom had given you at the beginning of the year.  It wasn’t even time for you to go on your morning flight yet, but you thought perhaps it would be a good idea to skip flying in favour of playing in the snow, even if it was just for a day, you were sure you’d be able to convince James if you managed to recruit Remus and Sirius first. 

The world outside seemed to have taken a pause, wrapped in the serene beauty of winter, with barely a few students playing in the snow and trying to get from one spot of the castle to the other without making much noise. Of course, that wouldn’t last long, not as long as you could help it. You stood up and changed into something warm, putting on Remus’ sweater. You had taken the habit of wearing a lot more often since you wanted to test a theory that had cemented itself in your brain since the day of the Slytherin sweater incident. 

Once you were ready you turned to the girls “Come outside in like…” You pondered for a second, 5 minutes to wake up Sirius, another 5 for the two of you to convince Remus to join your shenanigans. Like 10 minutes to convince Prongs and about 4 for them all to get ready. Peter would be coming the minute you convinced Potter, so you didn’t worry much about that, “30 minutes,” you said, adding a few minutes to spare  “It’ll be fun.” 

“How fun?” Lily asked, a look of worry on her face that made you laugh. 

“It’s a snow day Lils, it’ll be brilliant, I promise!” you said with a smile plastered on your face as you put on a pair of boots and disappeared from their sight. Returning just a second later to take the invisibility cloak you had borrowed from James the previous night. You had it on a ball, and neither of the girls asked about it since they had assumed it was just a blanket you borrowed from Sirius or something. The minute you stepped out, you turned over a corner and put it on, walking straight towards the boy’s dormitories. 

Once outside their door you took a deep breath and leaned your ear close to the door, just wanting to make sure they were all still asleep. Which, as you predicted, they had been. You smiled and used your wand to open their door with a tweak on the classic “alohomora” that Remus has taught you. 

They had charmed their door, obviously, they had, but Remus –who often left his keys since he rushed in the mornings– had found a way around their own charm and taught it to you since you had been sneaking in to cuddle him and Padfoot, as Vixen of course. It hadn’t been every day, but you had all agreed that you’d have to do it a lot more often closer to the moon, to make sure the smell of the pack was well rubbed. 

You thought you already smelled like them enough, but neither of them seemed convinced. Or rather, neither of them wanted to stop cuddling each other, and you didn’t either. Padfoot was fluffy and Remus was always warm, which was especially nice on colder nights, the kind that were already much more common because of the time of the year you were in. And, sometimes, rather often, Sirius would turn back into himself and cuddle both you and Remus, only to turn back into Pads in the morning. If either Pete or James knew, they didn’t say a thing. Remus had always been asleep, or at least pretended, so neither you nor Sirius noticed, and you, who would lay half a top of Remus half a top of Sirius who had now learned exactly how to pet you, weren’t about to complain either. 

Once inside you looked at the boys and opened one of the windows with a swish of your wand, bringing a small blizzard inside the room and leaning in over Sirius’ bed, letting the snow fall slowly over his delicate features. He had his mouth slightly parted, and his hair sprawled all around him. He was the loveliest thing to look at; he looked like a princess, like Snow White, you thought, especially when a small snowflake got stuck on his thick black lashes. No wonder Prince Charming wanted to kiss the girl awake. You too felt tempted to kiss him.

“Sirius,” you whispered. 

He groaned, and you whispered his name again, giving in and giving him the kiss you wanted, a quick peck over one of his eyes, feeling how the snowflake over his lash melted away with the warmth of your mouth. He opened his eyes and looked at you, and then around, there was snow all over, coating you, himself and his bed as you leaned over him with a sneaky little smile on your face. The smile that oh so clearly stated, you were up to something. 

You were looking at him in such a way that he forced himself to clear his throat, trying to think of anything other than his morning discomfort. On days like this, he would get a shower and release himself of those thoughts, and something else. But clearly, that wasn’t an option at that particular moment, let alone with you leaning on top of him like that. You licked your lips and he almost cursed. 

“Sirius,” you said again “It’s snowing!” 

“I can tell Starshine,” he said as he picked a small snowflake that had gotten stuck in your hair, watching it dissolve in his fingers before he turned back to you. Well done, Sirius, she hasn’t noticed, he applauded for himself. 

You smiled and leaned in closer to him, his breath hitched in his throat, you had no fucking idea what you were doing to him. You leaned enough to whisper in his ear. “Help me convince Prongs to play in the snow instead of practice.” 

He almost frowned, turning to get a better look at you. “You’ve never had a snow day?” 

“I’ve had…” you said, “but never with you.” 

He sighed at your words but turned to you with a warm smile. “Fine, let’s go,” He said as he sat on the bed, still thinking of ways to get rid of his problem, his covers falling discreetly over it. If only there was a spell for that. 

“No, first we must convince Remus.” 

“Remus, why?” 

“If Remus is in, there’s no way Prongs will  say no, even if we’re skipping practice.” 

Sirius seemed to be processing what you said but nodded. “Go ahead, I’ll go change,” he said, motioning for you to move as he leaned over to find his shirt “bet he’ll like it if you wake him up with snow too,” he said with a devious smile and you rolled your eyes, giving him a soft peck in the mouth before walking over to Remus, bringing the small blizzard along with you. 

Had it been a few weeks ago, you might have been hesitant to do exactly what you were about to do, but you had climbed onto Remus’ bed so often in the past few days, either for cuddling as Vixen or just for chilling, that it was almost more natural than it was to climb onto your own. It was like climbing onto Sirius’ bed even, although, lately the two of you spend a lot more time on Remus’ bed than his own, because of the scent thing.

You leaned over and watched the small snowflakes fall over Remus’ face, he looked just as handsome as Sirius had. Or perhaps, the way to describe Sirius correctly would be ethereal, Remus was handsome. 

“Hey Rem,” you said softly, placing his hand over his shoulder. This time around, you decided to be softer, and more careful, not forgetting that one time he had pinned you on his bed. He stirred, brows furrowed lightly and nose almost imperceptibly scrunched up. 

“Sirius?”  he asked, not opening his eyes, you smelled like Sirius, and you and him. Your scents had been so mixed at this point, he just assumed it was Sirius since it would make more sense for it to be him, especially to be bothering him so early in the morning, not that he minded, not as long as it was him.

“Try again,” you said with a smile. 

Remus hummed content, “Little Witch.” 

You eyed him cautiously, his eyes were still closed and you leaned a little closer, shaking his shoulder lightly. Then he all but grabbed you by the waist and pushed you to him, Remus was still way too asleep to process what he was doing, and you fell over his torso as he tightened his grip. When Sirius walked out of the bathroom he spotted the two of you and thought it was the most adorable thing he’d seen, even if you had a small frown as you tried to fight your way out of the werewolf’s grip. But Remus was way too fucking strong. 

You huffed and turned to Sirius “Mind a little help?” you mouthed, he smirked in response. In seconds he turned into Padfoot and walked over to the two of you, leaning his head into yours for a second before jumping so his paws were on the bed and then, he leaned over and started licking Remus’ face. 

You barely managed to see Remus scrunch his face before he opened his eyes, looking rather startled. First, there was snow; second, Sirius had woken him by licking his fucking face; and third, you were laying horizontally across his torso, your head tilting slightly to the side with a rather amused expression, and he was holding you there. 

“What the fuck?” 

“You’re very grabby in the mornings,” Sirius said, now back in his human form and staring at Remus with his face laid over his crossed arms, which were leaning on the same spot Padfoot’s paws had been on, smile plastered on his lips.

 Fucking hell he looks adorable, Remus thought. 

And so did you, calmly lying there as you waited for him to loosen his grip. You didn’t mind waiting all that much either, Remus was comfortable. And then Sirius turned to you, placing one of his hands over your hair and letting it gently slide out, causing your head to turn towards the two of them in his action “Look at the poor thing, waiting there patiently for you to let her go Moony.”

You frowned, condescending. You were about to argue, but there was something about the way both boys looked at you that also made you want to shut up, as if you didn’t want to break whatever spell had been cast over the three. And it wasn’t the first time either. You blinked a couple of times. “Poor thing my ass,” you managed to say to Sirius, even if you let him play with your hair still. 

Remus almost reached to do the same, his hand twitched, but you didn’t notice, you had closed your eyes as Sirius continued to play with your hair. Looking rather content in the position. A small spark of rage came to Remus and he tightened his grip around you, only for a second until he realised that he was way out of line and let you go. You didn’t move, just enjoyed Sirius’ hand for a few more seconds and Remus wished he could be the one to make you feel like that. Eventually, you took a deep breath and opened your eyes again, biting your lip as you looked at Remus “It’s snowing.” 

He looked around and raised his eyebrows at you, his face clearly stating “no shit Sherlock”. 

“Starshine here wants to go play out there in the snow with us,” Sirius said. 

You were about to swat him for being so haughty with you, but you realised by the way the corner in his mouth lifted forward, he was just doing it to piss you off. You didn’t even realise the way Remus had gulped with how intensely you were glaring at Sirius. 

“Or we could just stay and cuddle,” you said with a sneaky little smile, you knew Sirius was already eager to go out there and play with the snow. Two people could play his little game. But both boys liked the idea just as much as the prospect of going out in the snow with you. 

“Let’s go,” Remus said as he patted you on the leg casually, a signal for you to get off him. If Sirius noticed his gesture, he didn’t seem to care much that he had done it, and you didn’t seem to notice either. It was almost as if the three of you had special concessions with each other that wouldn’t be allowed to many others. For example, Sirius would surely be pissed if you had been cuddling Tom, or even Peter, but with Remus, he didn’t seem to mind, heck he even encouraged it sometimes. Not that any of the three noticed these little things, but some people did. 

“Get changed,” You told Rem with a bit of a smile, “We’ll go wake James.” 

Remus nodded and both you and Sirius stood up. You walked over to James’ bed, and Sirius was about to jump over him to wake him up with a thud, but you stopped him, bringing in your small blizzard over his friend. Sirius smiled and took his wand out, making more snow come inside, and having relatively strong –and cold– winds blow over Prongs. 

Neither of you was being half as gentle as you had been with Remus, was it because you knew Moony’s short temper or… something else? Perhaps it was part of those special concessions you allowed one another. 

James started to shiver, pulling his covers higher up only for Sirius to slide them down again with a swish of your wand. Only then did you realise Prongs had been shirtless under the covers. You gasped silently at the sight, covering your mouth and staring. Prongs was fucking ripped, not as much as Remus but certainly ripped. You did not remember him being so fit back when you had been him.

Sirius nudged you with his shoulder when he noticed you were staring “Stop ogling him, will you?” he said slightly annoyed, he tried to hide it, and it slipped pass you. 

You shook your head, still amazed. “Do you have a camera? Lily should know.” 

Ah… so that’s why she’s staring at Prongs, fair enough, Sirius thought. He stared too, also thinking that while Prongs was ripped, Remus was much better. The snow became thicker around Prongs as Sirius’ thoughts focused on his other friend, the wind became even stronger, blowing on James’ hair, and making it even messier than usual. You were about to tell Sirius to hold back a little when James woke up, sitting on his bed fast and in panic. 

“Wakey-wakey Rudolf!” You said with a smile. 

Remus, who was just stepping out of the bedroom, looked at the two of you, wicked smiles on your faces while James stared, almost horrified, and he smiled. His two naughty little crushes. He wondered if you’d reach in to cuddle him and Sirius tonight, he wanted you to do it, he wanted you to do it really bad. 

“What in the bIoody–“ 

You were about to speak, but Sirius stole your line “It’s snowing!” 

“It’s freezing, that's what is!” he said as he pulled the covers, but you took them from him and dangled them in the air. 

“No-uh Prongs, it’s time to get up!” He gave you a reproachful look, “Come on! It’s a snow day, we must play in the snow a little before it melts away… and class starts.” 

The blizzard you and Sirius had caused was already dissipating, leaving the beds of the boys, and their floor, just a little slippery. But James peered to the window. “I highly doubt the snow’s gonna melt away anytime soon, luv… Besides, what about flying?” 

“No flying today mate,” Remus intervened from behind the two, gently placing his hands on both yours and Sirius’ shoulders, “It’s snow day, and the first one of the season.” 

“But…” 

You sighed. “Lily will be there,” you added. 

James’ eyes pretty much beamed after you said that and he ran up to his trunk, throwing a pillow towards Peter’s bed who woke up completely confused, “Why am I being attacked?” he asked with a frown. 

“It’s a snow day Pete, we’re all coming out to play!” You said excitedly, Peter blinked as if wondering why the hell you were in his room before remembering you had been over more often than not lately, and because of his idea, that is.

“Morning Vix,” he said politely. “Fancy seeing you here,” he added as a joke.

“Oh.. piss off and change before you start teasing us all over again,” Sirius responded.

And he had been teasing you rather often. Since you started cuddling Remus together, he wouldn’t stop with the canine jokes. Either Puppy cuddles, lovable howlers, or whatever the hell came into his mind at that moment. He found it hilarious that the three of you were so close and that the three of you were a variant of the canine family. Something about being meant to be or whatever. 

Peter just snickered and walked into the bathroom with clothes in hand, James didn’t even care, he straight up turned around and took off his pants right there in front of you, which had Sirius pull you to look at him and Remus cover your eyes with his hands. You laughed at their silly reactions. “Yo, Rem, when I said I would let you blindfold me, I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it.” 

“Sly little fox, promising things without meaning them, are we?” He teased. 

You laughed again, letting your head shake. Remus was eyeing Sirius then, and Sirius returned the stare, the two of them stayed like that, almost frozen as they looked at each other, your laughter almost fading into the background as Sirius turned his gaze towards Remus’ diverted smile. Remus has a pretty smile, pretty like Starshine’s, he thought. 

“Is he done?” You asked, pulling on Moony’s hand to try and see a little bit better. That broke their trance and the two of them turned back to look at you, Sirius’ eyes flickering to your lips for a second, thinking he might actually be going insane. 

“Yeah, I’m done,” James said as he leaned over and placed an arm around your shoulders. “Why are we hogging Vixen?” 

“She came to wake us up with a fucking snowfall, now she must suffer,” Remus said as if it were the most natural thing. You nudged him lightly, about to say something when Peter stepped out, several layers of sweaters over him. 

You smiled “You get cold easy, Wormy?” 

“He’s got no tolerance,” James said, “and he always forgets the warming spell.”

“I could help you with it,” you offered.

“Thanks,” he said with a genuine smile, “but I’ve come prepared,” he added as he pulled a small piece of parchment from the pocket of his coat, showing it off in between his index and ring finger. “Annie gave it to me and charmed it so I wouldn’t lose it,” he explained, “It always reappears in my pockets now.” 

“What? That’s brilliant!” you said reaching for the parchment and taking it from Peter’s hand for a second, looking at the symbols in the back. Remus approached you from behind to take a look.

 “It’s complicated magic,” he said. 

“It looks like an altered version of Homunculus,” Sirius said, he too had approached you and stared at the back of the small paper. 

“Mixed with a clinging spell and a respawn one,” you added perplexed, “It’s incredible…” you said breathily, disbelief lacing your tone.

“Indeed.” Peter proudly raised his head. “Annie is insanely clever.” 

You smiled and gave the paper back to him, before frowning and turning to the boys. “Do you guys think the Homunculus charm could help with the map?” you asked with a frown. 

Remus bit his lip as he thought about it and then turned to you, “Vixen, that’s it! If we take the homunculus cham and somehow connect it to Hogwarts Magic–” 

“And then bind it to the core of the map then��� we could have absolutely every single student, teacher and visitor to the castle tagged at once!” 

Remus nodded, “No more sneaking charms in their robes and backpacks! Fucking hell, we’ve cracked it!” 

You and Remus were staring at each other with such sheer excitement over it, so hyped up that the boy almost reached out to kiss you, managing to stop, and clenched his fist by his side. 

“Nerds,” Peter teased, dragging out the e slightly. 

“But hot ones,” Sirius added inadvertently, giving a small shrug as he did.

Remus turned to Sirius with a frown, but you just placed your hand over one of his shoulders and nodded. “Indeed we are,” you said and sent a wink his way. You then spun on your heel back to the rest of the marauders “Shall we? The girls must be waiting for us by now,” you said, standing on your toes to look over Sirius’ shoulders, at the clock. 

 A few seconds later, and due to James’ idea, you were all running down the stairs and through the halls, in an attempt to get to the orchards as fast as possible. 

“Do not run in the halls!” you heard a couple of scandalised paintings scream, and you just giggled as Sirius threw a silencing spell their way. The portraits looking at him enraged as you all kept running. By the time you reached the doors to the grounds, you were all panting, cheeks burning and grinning like fools.

You were bent down trying to catch your breath when you felt a snowball that came from the outside straight to your face. The boys gasped and started laughing as you dusted off the remnants of snow and looked up and tried to spot where it had come from. You continued to scan the field, only to find Lily Evans, smiling and waving at you with the most guilty expression you had ever seen in a person. 

Now it was your turn to gasp. “That’s what you get for waking us all up early,” She shouted from a few metres in the distance. 

“Mary woke us up!” You argued, “I only made arrangements.” 

“No, no,” James said, a wicked smile on his face. “You did wake us up early,” he added as he pointed at all the marauders. “And with a fucking blizzard,” the boy was already walking towards the redhead, “I say it’s time for payback.” 

You were about to say something when you received another snowball in the face, you looked at the boy with an expression of absolute betrayal as the leftover snow fell over your coat. “James Potter you little shit!” you said. He gave you a daring look in return. And you scoffed amused. Then you leaned down and made a small ball, packing the snow gently before throwing it his way. James easily veered out of the way, which you should have expected, since he was so used to dodging bludgers. 

“That all you got? You’d make a terrible beater, luv!” he teased, taking the ball Lily gave him and launching it your way, this time around you managed to dodge, but the ball fell right on the side of Sirius’ head. 

“Prongs, my hair!” he whined. Both you and Remus snickered, the taller boy was now the one passing you a snowball, allowing his hand to linger just for a second too long, as he did, not that anyone noticed, Sirius was too busy taking snow out of his hair and Peter had run off somewhere earlier. You smiled and brought the ball up to your face.

Using what you learned from charms to perform a small, wandless spell, over the projectile, you smiled wickedly and threw it his way again. James dodged to the side but the snowball turned with him and landed square on his face. You laughed as James looked at you with absolute shock, trying to remember if you had –at any point– taken your wand out. When he realised you hadn’t, he was half impressed, and just as he was pushing his glasses back on his face, he received another ball on the side of his head, his hair getting filled with snow as he gasped. 

Sirius –who had thrown the ball– was waving at him with a smile. Until seconds later he too received a snowball on his face, a laugh from Marlene as she nudged Mary echoed in the distance. 

Remus was about to pass you another snowball when he too got hit, square on his chest –the lucky bastard– by none other than Beth Doxon. She smiled, her bright red hair being covered by a warm Gryffindor cap. “Come on Professor Lupin! Stop passing balls and start throwing them!” she taunted, Remus took the ball in his hands and threw it her way. 

“Kind of fits you,” you said with a smile as you leaned down for another ball and moved it to your mouth to charm it again, “Professor Lupin, it’s got a ring to it.” 

“I much prefer the sound of Professor Moony,” Sirius teased from behind, “encapsulates his personality better.”

“Sod off, Pads!” Remus said, also crouching down to get more snowballs, when he stood up, and another ball came your way, you quickly moved behind him. He turned to you in disbelief. “What am I? Your human shield?” he asked, just as a snowball fell on the side of his face. 

“And an effective one, isn’t he Kit?” 

“Very,” you responded with a light giggle. “It’s about his broad shoulders,” you said as you placed both hands on them, Remus tensed, looking at Sirius, thinking he might be angry, or jealous, or something. But neither of those things happened, instead, he joined your praising. 

“And he’s tall too,” Sirius added, walking right behind you, and placing his hands over your shoulders, really close to your neck, in fact, close enough so his cold fingers crashed against your warm skin, which caused you to hiss and step away from him, crashing onto Remus. 

“Shit Sirius!” You complained as you attempted to tighten the scarf around your neck “You’re cold as fuck.” 

“But you warm my heart baby,” he teased, an overly gooey tone in his voice as he extended his hands towards you again, you knew exactly what he was about to do and you scurried out of his grasp and ran towards the snow, even if you got a few snowballs thrown your way as you tried to cross the field. You found a statue and with a quick confringo, melted the snow at the top to make a dent and take cover.

You quickly made a ball from the snow at your side and threw it on Sirius’ hair, leaning your head just enough time for him to notice it had been you. He eyed you, diverted and then you felt a snowball hit the back of your head, you turned around just enough to find Remus with another snowball in his hand.  

“Scoot over, will you?” He said as he leaned down, as if ready to enter your improvised trench. 

“No, you threw a snowball in my head,” you responded, feigning annoyance. 

Remus chuckled and placed one of his legs inside your trench either way, “And you used me as your shield, we’re even.” 

You shook your head in amusement but scooted over either way. Remus swished his wand and suddenly a pile of snowballs appeared behind you. You smiled and took your own wand out, whispering the same locating spell over all of them. Remus raised his eyebrow at you as if he was impressed, and you shot him a wink as you took a ball and leaned over to throw it towards Lily, meanwhile, Remus was throwing some Beth’s way. 

“You’ve abandoned me for a sexy werewolf I see,” Sirius whispered in your ear, he had apparated just behind the two of you. He had been practising since your last class when Professor Dumbledore allowed you all to try doing it for the first time by yourselves, and he was insufferably good at it. 

“The werewolf doesn’t want to bury his freezing cold hands on my neck,” you said –if only you knew where he wanted to bury them– without even turning to look at your boyfriend, if you had, you’d probably go soft at the sight of his eyes. He often got what he wanted from you with just a look, and he fucking knew it all too well. Not that you didn’t have the same effect on him, hence, you two were absolutely chaotic together. 

Your small trench was barely enough for the three of you to fit in together, and it’s not that either of you was a stranger to touching each other, but Remus was feeling the heat rise up to his cheeks as your shoulders brushed against his, but much more worse when his back brushed against Sirius’ smaller chest. It was like the Halloween party all over again, but this time Remus didn’t want to run away. 

Well, perhaps a part of him did, but the rest of him, the part that had thoroughly enjoyed cuddling Vixen and Padfoot, wanted to do the exact same to you and Sirius. He wanted the two of you to be his, to slather you with his scent so much that the entire world knew who you belonged to. 

Of course, that was ridiculous, Remus knew, but he was hungry, Moony was hungry, the problem is he didn’t want food, he wanted his two best friends. 

A nudge in his stomach pulled him out of his thoughts. “Mind teaching me how to make so many balls at once Professor Lupin?” 

“It’s Professor Moony,” Sirius insisted, he had to duck as a ball flew towards his head in that instant. 

You rolled your eyes “Rem?” 

He was still a little shaken by the thought, almost hazy with how thrilled being so close to the two of you made him feel. “Yeah sure, just… whisper pila nix,” he said as he showed you what he did. “It’s a simple swish and curl.” 

You did as told and in seconds there was another pile of snowballs ready for you to use. Sirius looked at Remus surprised. “You’re a great teacher mate,” he said, “should try helping her with transfiguration.” 

You groaned at that “You know I’m a lost cause,” you said as you ducked, the small ball falling straight on Sirius’ face. He tugged your hair lightly “Oi, what was that for?” you complained, turning to look up at him.

“So you warn me next time.” 

You looked at him amused, and grabbed some snow from the side of your trench, “Hey Puppy, there’s a snowball coming your way,” he looked around, as if trying to find the offender, only to receive one right from where you were crouching. 

He turned to look back at you shocked and smiled as he shook his head, “Oh you little Minx!” he said as he bit his lip, “I was letting you go scot-free earlier.” 

“Not my fault you didn’t see the ball,” you said, unconsciously etching closer to Remus. 

“Aww darling…” Sirius said as he crouched next to you, and pulled you into a hug. 

“Sirius, what– what are you, fuck…” you said springing up from the spot you were on, his hand –his freezing cold hand– that he had slipped under both your shirt and sweater had landed on your bare back. You stood behind Remus again, using him to shield yourself from Sirius. “Treason!” you said dramatically. 

“You don’t want another hug from your boyfriend?” he asked with a playful pout. 

You shook your head, still feeling the cold of his hand. If the snow fight was still going, neither of you was paying too much attention to it. Let alone Remus, who was really struggling not to let the feeling of you pressed against his back get the best of him. Only made worse by the way Sirius’ wrapped his arms around him and pressed himself to the boy as he tried to reach you either way.

Do they not fucking know about personal space?, he thought. But of course, you didn’t, not when the two of you had been cuddling him every other night. Needless to say, it was different for him, he was just cuddling two fluffy animals when he fell asleep –except in those rare occasions Sirius would turn back– meanwhile, both you and Sirius were just cuddling good old Remus. This wasn’t any closer to him than you’d been already. 

Remus didn’t speak, he was holding his breath. Sirius kept fucking pressing against him and you kept squirming behind his back. The golden specks of his eyes were so golden they looked like a different colour altogether, more like Moony’s than his own. The chocolaty brown shifting into dangerous and shimmering aureate. 

“Moony! Moony help!” you called out in between laughs.

“Don’t you dare, Moons!” Sirius warned. 

Sirius pressed harder as you tried to squirm away and it was enough for him to feel bIood run south. He had to stop this before either of you noticed what was happening to him, so he turned around and grabbed both of your shoulders, digging his hands in between your necks and the back of your heads, enough force to get your attention, but not enough to hurt either of the two. 

Sirius seemed to be shocked at how much warmer Remus’ hands were in comparison to his, to yours. You were not, you knew Remus tended to run on the warmer side. Hence, cuddling him on cold nights was so useful. “Enough,” he said, flashing his golden eyes at the two of you, the colour slowly sinking back into brown as the two of you looked at him as if his eyes had been those of a basilisk instead of his own, frozen. 

And then, you eyed Sirius, a small smirk playing on the corner of your lips as you sank your hands back in the snow. He smirked in return, sinking his hands as well. By the time Remus noticed your intentions, your hands –icy and freezing– were on his neck and Sirius had slid his hand under Remus’ shirt. 

Merlin knew who had been more startled after that. You, who had tumbled as you pulled on Remus and had him fall on top of you. Remus who had been shocked at the way Sirius had gone straight for his stomach –which in truth, had been a lot more shocking than the cold– and had his breath hitch in his throat. Or Sirius Black, who was only now contemplating his actions, realizing how awkward it must have been for his friend, and having a mini panic attack over the fact that digging his hands under Remus’ sweater felt as fucking thrilling as it did. 

Remus was a lot less soft and a lot more firm than you were. And he adored your softness, but fuck, Remus’ harder frame felt impious under his hands. It felt lurid, licentious, beguiling… and it placed some rather salacious thoughts in his head. 

Thoughts that… would be worthy of a muggle rock star. Of Freddie and Bowie, and perhaps even Elton. But Sirius was not– he wasn’t because if he had been… he’d know, right?

As you still had Remus pulled by the neck, you received yet another ball on the head, the leftover even splashing onto Remus whose head was so close to you that you could smell his hair, and then, you started laughing. So hard that you weren’t even feeling the cold against your back, the snow slowly sinking in your robes and soaking them. 

Sirius was the next one to laugh, taking his hands off of Remus’ stomach and letting himself fall next to the two of you as he continued to cackle. And lastly, Remus joined, you still hadn’t let go of his neck, almost using it as a personal heater at that point, he didn’t seem to mind, and eventually he just sort of relaxed into you, if you felt the shift in weight as he let go, you didn’t seem to mind at all either. 

“Well, well, well, would you look at the love puppies all cosied up while we continue the snowball fight.” 

Sirius grabbed a snowball from the side and threw it his way without even looking, and since they all had the missile spell it landed straight onto Peter’s face. “Shut it Wormtail,” he said, borderline rudely. 

While Sirius had never minded being called “Love Puppy” or whatever other joke Peter came up with, that was before he started doubting himself about whatever the hell was happening to him whenever he spotted Remus. Especially after exactly what he was feeling after he placed his hands under the other boy’s shirt, especially because it had been so fucking similar to the feeling he got when he did it to you. 

“We’re off for breakfast. You are not planning to stay all tangled in your little love trench, are you?” Peter asked again, whipping his face off the snow and paying no mind to Sirius and how rude he’d been. 

“We might be,” you joked, your hands had unconsciously travelled to Remus’ head after he laid down and you were now toying with his hair. He had silky hair, a little thicker in comparison to Sirius’ curls. Remus hummed in agreement, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the way your hands felt on his scalp. If Sirius thought it was weird, it had been his fault he ended up on top of you anyway. A part of him was telling him how bad of an argument that was, but it was easy enough to ignore it when Sirius didn’t seem to mind, and your hands felt heavenly. 

“Suit yourselves, I heard there was going to be an assortment of Christmas pies today,” he said with a shrug. 

Your head snapped his way. “Christmas pies, you said?” you asked, eyes shining and mouth watering at the thought. Your soft touch on Remus’ head switched to an unintended pull of his hair as you turned.

“Ouch!” He complained. 

You winced, “Sorry Rem,” you said, not even turning to him as you patted him on the shoulder and wriggled your way out of the sandwich he had trapped you in with the snow. He tried not to look disappointed as he stood back on the small trench. By then you were already standing outside of it, and looking at Peter as if you wanted him to elaborate. 

“The elves mentioned something,” he said simply. “Apple, pecan, peach, chocolate, some savoury ones too I assume.”

If you were a cartoon, you’d be drooling. “Well boys, pleasure messing with you and all that, but it’s pie time,” you said as you turned to walk behind Peter and the rest. 

“Who’s the traitor now?” Sirius shouted with a smile. 

“I’ll save you boys a seat,” was your only reply as you started sprinting towards the Great Hall, determined to be among the first to arrive so you could choose from the assortment of pies available. 

The boys caught up with you as you were taking a seat, already having walked through the length of the table and picked out the pies that you’d be eating. When they sat down, Remus at one side of you and Sirius purposely taking the other side to keep some distance from himself and the source of his thoughts. You picked two pies from your plate and placed them in front of each of the boys. 

“What’s this?” Remus asked as he picked it up. 

You were about to give a bite to one of the tarts you’d picked and said “Pie,” with a shrug, taking a bite right after and moaning at how good it was. 

Sirius’ whose head had already been messy that day, had to adjust his pants uncomfortably. First, you woke him up and he couldn’t complete his morning routine, then there was the whole confusing thing whatever the hell was going on in his brain when he was close to Moony and lastly, you moaning shamelessly as you ate. 

“No shit Sherlock,” Remus said as he pushed you lightly, shoving you against Sirius whose breath hitched as you laid your cheek on his shoulder and pressed a light kiss. “I mean, what’s it made of?” You sat straight and pushed Remus in return. 

“Try it, I know you’ll like it!” you said with a smile and gave another bite to yours. He gave you a distrusting look. “Oh come on, Moony! I wouldn’t give you something you don’t like! You’d get all pissy and Pissy Moony is no fun.” 

“Pissy Moony?” he asked, almost offended. “You have a term for that?” 

You left your pie on the table and raised his up to his mouth. “Sirius told me about it,” you said, “Now eat up, I promise you’ll like it.” 

He gave you one last side eye and then gave it a bite, missing your hands the moment you brought them back to your plate to take a bite of yours. 

“Cherries and chocolate,” Remus said with a smile as he turned to you. “I love it. How did you know?” 

You shrugged, “I’m just that brilliant.” 

“Will you also mouth-feed your boyfriend or is that only reserved for dear Moony?” Sirius flirted, trying to regain some sort of control of the dire situation he found himself in. 

Sirius didn’t mean anything by it, but the way he’d said “your boyfriend” straight up felt like a jab on Remus’ heart. Sirius was right, the two of you were dating and he seemed to be intruding more and more lately. But then again, the only times Sirius seemed upset about how close you all were, were when he was teasing. 

You rolled your eyes, but decided to take his pie in your hands either way “Close your eyes,” you instructed. Sirius gave you a weary look but did as told. “Try and guess what it is, deal?” you asked as you leaned it closer to his mouth. He leaned enough to give it a bite and then turned to you surprised “Is that…? Does it have firewhiskey?” 

You smiled and pulled out a small bottle from your pocket, “Thought you’d like something a little different,” you said with a smile “peaches and firewhiskey.” Sirius took the pie from your hands, his discomfort almost fading in the background as he took a look at the pie you’d given him. 

“But how?” 

You shrugged “Added the firewhiskey and then did a small warming spell so it cooked a bit. I’m sure it would be better if they were cooked together from the start but I thought you’d appreciate a little spice…”

“I do, wanna taste it?” he asked as he passed it over, you gave it a small bite and all but moaned again, even closing your eyes and letting your head fall back just a little, exposing your neck to both boys, who could barely keep their eyes away from it, especially Remus. “Fuck I’m an incredible cook, Moons taste this out too!” you said as you, for the second time that day, shove a pie close to his face. When he gave a bite he couldn’t help but taste both you and Sirius in it. It really was fucking delicious. 

He nodded as Sirius leaned over you to take the pie from Moony, their hands brushing against each other and giving both boys an electric-like feel, not because of actual electrical shock, but rather because of what they felt for each other. Sirius reclined back on his seat and placed his hand on your leg, seeking the hem of your skirt before sliding it over your skin. 

Same fucking feeling. 

You looked at his hand and nudged him lightly, he gave you a flirty wink in return that made you laugh and Remus tried to avert his gaze from both Sirius’ hand and the way your skirt had ridden up a good deal. 

You gave another bite of your pie and turned to Remus, as casually as you could muster –even if you were a bit nervous to ask, which you shouldn’t be because he was your friend– “Wanna come to Slughorn’s Christmas Party with me?”  No better time than now, right?

Remus wasn’t so sure about that, he almost choked on his own pie, he wiped his mouth with the back of his sweater before turning to yours with a frown “I’m sorry, what?” 

Sirius started drawing circles on your leg, the way your skirt moved with each of his strokes didn’t escape Remus’ nervous gaze on you. “The Christmas Party from the Slug Club, I’m supposed to bring someone with me” –you tilted your face with a smile– “Want to come?” 

Remus turned to Sirius, giving him a look, the other boy just shrugged with a nod but that wasn’t enough. “What about Sirius? Your boyfriend?” The words almost hurt to say. 

“He doesn't want to come,” you said. “Right, Siri?” 

“That’s more your kind of nerd stuff,” he said after he nodded, and pointed at the two of you. 

“Slughorn has never invited me, he doesn’t want me there,” he said, not sure if he was supposed to feel dejected because you were his second choice or fucking delighted because you’d want to take him and not Sirius, thought he had to remind himself that you probably did want to take Sirius. 

Remus didn’t stop to think that you would have, had you actually wanted to, easily convinced Sirius to come along. Let alone, would he have imagined that you had asked Sirius if you could take him instead. 

“That’s exactly why I want to take you”– you said as you placed his hands around his arm– “I want to show that old snake how freakin’ clever my best friend is. You deserved an invitation much more than I did anyway.” Remus gave you a reproachful look when he heard the last thing. “You’re coming, yeah? It’s always fun to prove the snakes how wrong they are with you.” 

Sirius smiled. “Come on mate, don’t make her beg,” Sirius said, flicking his finger on your thigh and letting them rest closer to the inner side, still at a prudent distance, and while you did feel the shift, you played it cool and tried not to even look. “Girl might end up taking Pete if you reject her,” he teased. 

You elbowed him softly, not because you didn’t want to take Peter, but because he was implying it would be such a terrible choice.  Of course, you’d much rather take Remus or even some of your other friends, like Tom or Minho (he was already invited) but that was because you were pretty certain Annie Doxon would hex you if you took her boyfriend. James was going with Lily, so he was completely out of the question. 

“Okay,” Remus said with a shrug, trying to seem as natural as possible. “I’ll come but… what about the date though, you know near the end of December it’s the…” 

“Moon’s on the 22nd, party is on the 21st. I know it’s just a day before and I’ll totally get it if you’re not feeling up for it by then. I wouldn’t want to make you into a Pissy Moony.” 

He pushed you with his shoulder again, “Sod off!” he said jokingly and both you and Sirius started to laugh.

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

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A/N: Some people were asking for a snow day chapter, and this felt about the perfect time for it. Love playing in the snow with the boys &lt;3 Upon some requests, we have a DISCORD server now and you can all join in and chat about marauders and/or GC with other lovely people. If you wanna discuss a new oneshot or even the new chapters of GC this is your place to go. The announcement for it is here and I'll leave links to it on a reblog of this post ad in the comments.

Read more Marauders Fiction

[unforgettwble-sumii]

SOFT SPOT

[Wednesday Addams x Fem!reader oneshot]

> characters are already in a established relationship, Wednesday lowkey having a soft spot for the reader <33 and ofcourse, characters are aged up.

> Wednesday has been known for showing sadistic tendencies and a dark personality. However, to you she shows another side that other people didn't even know she had.

—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·–—·—

"Wednesdayyyyyyyyy, c'mon plsssss" you whined, tugging on her black and white knitted sweater.

"For the last time mi amor, I am not gonna cuddle with you, let alone let you sleep on me." She said as she typed on her typewriter. Mentally rolling her eyes.

You're lucky she loves you, otherwise she would've chopped your fingers off the moment you started tugging on her sweater.

"why notttttt? Don't you love me anymoreeee?" You dramatically asked as you wiped your fake tears away.

"You know that I spend at least an hour devoting to my novel." Wednesday said, eyes still glued on the typewriter infront of her.

She typed quietly and the clicking noise that the typewriter made was calming.

She looked so pretty when she was focused. Ofcourse she looked pretty all the time, but there's something much more when she's focused. She looked really attractive.

"And I didn't say that I don't love you anymore, Cariño." She added. Her cheeks were (very) lightly coated with blush as she said that.

"Then plsssss cuddle with meeeee, I'm really sleepy :(" you said. Your lips forming a little pout.

Wednesday glanced at you, 'Adorable. so adorable that it's actually pathetic.' she thought, still having a deadpanned expression.

"I'm almost done. Just wait a little longer, querida." She said looking at you. Eyes scanning over your face, watching your expression falter.

"but- but- wednesdayyyyy you said that 30 minutes agoooo?!!!" You whined once more as your mouth formed an even bigger pout.

"You didn't have a problem with waiting awhile ago, why throw a fit now?" Wednesday said, shooting you a glare.

"becauseeeee, I didn't feel tired thennn" you said grabbing on to the side of the chair that she was sitting on.

Yes, you were acting a little much like a toddler but at this point you were getting frustrated. All you wanted was to cuddle, was that too much to ask?

"You're capable of sleeping on your own. You don't need to have me beside you to sleep." she said, Her eyes boring holes into your soul.

"If you're really that tired you're welcome to sleep on my bed. But it won't be comfortable though. So don't blame me if you wake up with a stiff neck." She turned to her typewriter to continue her unfinished novel.

You sighed. "welp, it was worth a shot...." You said. Your shoulders dropped a little.

You stood up, head still facing the ground. Your eyes unexpectedly started to form tears. Real tears.

You went ahead and wiped some of your tears as you tried to stifle yourself from crying. 'why am I even crying? I'm acting like such a big baby.' you thought, eyes proceeding to create more tears.

Wednesday turned around to see what you were doing since you had stopped whining and begging.

Wednesday's eyes widened a little. She didn't expect you to cry.

'shit.' She thought. She didn't mean to make you cry. She thought of a way to try and make you stop crying.

"Fine." she said.

"huh?" You said glancing her way. Hurriedly wiping wiping your tears away (or at least trying to) "Wednesday what do you mean?"

"I'll cuddle with you. I'll even let you sleep on me." She said as she sighed. Her cheeks were coated with blush, but unlike last time, the blush was actually a little more visible.

"Really?!!!?" You excitedly exclaimed.

"Yes. Now, stop crying before I change my mind." she visibly rolled her eyes.

Wednesday borrowed some of Enid's pillows. 'She won't mind.' she thought, before putting them on her own bed.

5 minutes later and you're already soundly asleep in the arms of your one and only love, Wednesday Addams.

Wednesday glanced at you, making sure that you were actually asleep. '.... You're lucky that I have a soft spot for you.' she thought, lips curling up a little to form a small smile.

She gently kissed the top of your head and hugged you closer. "Sleep well, mi amor." She whispered before she herself slowly dozed off to sleep.

a/n:

I deeply apologize if there are any spelling mistakes. I know I haven't posted for literally a long time, I am really sorry.

Oh, and I'm sorry if the oneshot doesn't make sense ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

I'll try even harder to post even more oneshots/imagines. :')

That's all, Thankyou <33

©unforgettwble-sumii's work. Pls do not repost, steal modify, or translate.

[luvknow]

sanguine satellite | lee minho

Summary: The last time you saw Minho was five years ago when you rejected him to live out the rest of your twenties in the city. The next time you see him is on your birthday with another woman in his arms, and it sparked everything that was good, bad, and ugly. Now, after years of not being in each other’s lives, Minho tries to repair the friendship he broke while you fight your changing feelings. As you struggle navigating your friendship with him, you struggle more to navigate being single in this next stage of your life. Characters: Lee Minho x fem!Reader, feat. other idols Genre: friends-to-strangers-to-lovers, romance, angst, emotional hurt with comfort, happy ending, slice of life Additional warnings: cheating, alcohol consumption, food, aged up a bit and in turn age insecurity, a lot of mentions of a best friend with another idol WC: 18.1k

Today was a pivotal day in the office. Quarter two earnings were released to the public and other divisions of the company and, well, let’s just say with the increasing rise in inflation and the impending recession that everyone refuses to acknowledge, no one wants to buy anything. As a result, the earnings reported negative and stocks dipped, morale was low, and to top it off, it was only Monday.

In a way, this was a metaphor for your life; a tumbleweed of all things that could go wrong did go wrong and formed into an amalgamation of nothing to show for. Some people found value in the mundane, but this was supposed to be the peak of your career, your magnum opus, before progress plateaued and you couldn’t stand the idea of not feeling enriched. To wake up, leave, work, and go home was the reason you wanted to leave your home in the first place for something richer in the heart of the city. But you felt defeated after clocking out at 8:30 PM and slumped on the seat in an empty train cart.

The view of the lively apartment high rises and the warm light of slow brick-and-mortars made the late night train rides worth the twenty minutes. Work wasn’t always this draining, but after climbing the corporate ladder, more money meant more responsibilities and it quickly drained the light from your eyes as it did with many of your peers and friends. Youth was fleeting and today you felt like Ponce de Leon searching for the fountain to no avail, but at least the train would take you as close to it as it possibly could.

After packing up your life from home five years ago to move with your friends, the only plans twenty-something-year-olds ever had in place were reservations at 9:00 PM because you called the hottest spot the day-of and drinks at the bar next door after clocking out at 5:00 PM. You were young, excited, and hungry for life, barely sober most days and experiencing what it meant to be young; but what must be given, something must also be taken. Now, rent was rising, salary increases were few and far in between, and instead of deciding what martini you should be ordering, you were stuck wondering if being a worker bee individual contributor was worth the lull schedule or if taking the path to management and telling whiny subordinates what to do was worth the salary bump.

You and your friends once joked that stuff like this was what people in their thirties worry about. Today is your thirtieth birthday.

You didn’t have time for dinner and once again thanked the real estate Gods who put a restaurant so greasy at the corner of your block that you practically slid on a snail trail to the front door of your loft. So, here you were; eating under-salted french fries, chugging a crispy diet cola, with oil stains on your white button-up, ready to spend the rest of your birthday and probably the rest of your life alone on your overpriced and uncomfortable couch watching the latest drama you’d sob your eyes out to. All you needed now was a pet as your companion and you’d be the whole single-in-your-thirties package. Maybe you’d use that as leverage in your dating apps: looking for a partner, a pet, or both.

After fumbling with the keys, you sighed into your dark, cavernous home and dropped your bag at the door. When you turned on the lights, you saw the ghost of your soul leave your mouth in a loud gasp.

“Surprise!!”

You were greeted with streamers, glitter, balloons, and your closest friends wearing little party hats with their beautiful smiles. You never doubted they remembered, and most wished you happy birthday at midnight, but you should have sensed something was wrong when Chaeryoung asked for your door passcode because she ‘forgot her chapstick on your coffee table.’

She was the first to tackle you in a tight hug. “Happy birthday, mi amor!”

“Let the woman take her shoes off first, damn,” Jisung scolded.

“Wow, there’s certainly a lot of you,” you giggled after prying her off. “You guys shouldn’t have. Really! It’s Monday.”

“All the more to celebrate something worthwhile,” Chan grinned, handing you a glass of wine. “Welcome to the club.”

“Ugh, thanks.” Chaeryoung yanked away the oily bag of fries while you were distracted with the happy juice. “Hey, I’m hungry!”

“Don’t fret! We are having a dinner party because that’s what thirty-year-olds do.”

“Except we ate already because we thought you were coming home well before 9:00 PM,” Hyunjin grinned sheepishly.

“No, yeah, I love when my friends watch me stuff my face.”

The dining table was decorated with burgundy candle sticks, red roses, and black bows. It was definitely a step-up from your twenty-first bubblegum pink and pastel confetti birthday, but this almost seemed… meek? Romantic, sure, but a little dark for a birthday. As Chaeryoung scrambled to fill your plate with take-out and prepare the cake, everyone took their place back at the table. The lights dimmed and out came a jet black cake with a toy knife and red frosting that read, ‘Happy Deathday to Your 20s!’

“A bit dark, but accurate,” you mused.

“Make a wish-!” A knock came at the door. “Shit.”

Everyone looked at each other awkwardly. Chaeryoung, Chan, Hyunjin, Jisung, and their partners were present and those were the only people you regularly hung out with. Who could be left?

“Are people still coming?” you asked.

The boys collectively shot a look at a wide-eyed and frozen Chaeryoung, none of them willing to break the news or catch a stray. “Um…”

“What did you do?” you accused. “You didn’t invite that one guy I told you about last month, did you?”

“No, but I wish I had.” Another knock. “Coming!”

“It’s not a coworker, is it?”

“Worse,” Jisung mumbled. “For you, at least.”

“Minho!” Chaeryoung exclaimed happily. “You’re just in time!”

“What -” you hissed at the boys, “- the hell?!”

They all held their hands up in defense. Minho passed the threshold and your twenties flashed before your eyes. The once blondish short and styled middle part now hung loose in soft chocolate strands; eyes that once held the universe were dark and doe-like; and arms that once moved freely in his sleeves now tightened around them. He was a completely different man who you hadn’t seen in five years and here he was at a pivotal moment of your life, about to celebrate you and the life you’ve lived without him for the better half of the last decade. It took all your might to lift your sore legs to walk over to greet your guest and restrain from strangling your best friend. He wore clothes appropriate for a casual dinner party that didn’t spill into the blues of corporate-wear, clearly aware of this occasion, and a small gift bag. His appearance was intentional, not upon happenstance, which made this whole ordeal a lot weirder.

Following him in, hand-in-hand, was a woman. A stranger. Two strangers in your home.

He pulled away from Chaeryoung’s death grip and you locked eyes. It’s awkward, to put it politely; to put it rudely, it was horrifying. Your nervous system certainly felt nervous, firing fight-or-flight responses the way he drank you in like the first sip of a bitter negroni. How someone could evolve and change to the point of being unrecognizable should be studied by Darwin.

He’s the first to break with a small smile to ease the tension. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you breathed.

“Happy birthday, _____.”

The bag is small and neatly wrapped with care in your favorite colors. The woman behind him smiled sweetly. “Thank you. You really shouldn’t have. And thank you…?”

“Oh, right. This is Karina, my girlfriend of two years.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you. And happy birthday!”

You brain buffered when she bowed. How awkward, because you haven’t heard anything about her other than her existence. You never thought he’d have someone so beautiful. Minho blocked you on social media a long time ago, so you wouldn’t have recognized her. Chaeryoung had to kick you back to life. “Ah, it’s nice to meet you, too! Welcome to my home.”

“There’s wax on the cake!” Jisung warned.

“Oh, hurry in! _____ was about to make a wish!” Chaeryoung pushed the three of you to the dining area.

There’s a bitter taste on your tongue watching him dap up the boys and watching her hug them so warmly. You never faulted them for being neutral. They were just as much as his friends as they were yours but having him here created a thick glass wall on your side of the table, like he was icing you out in your own home; that you paid with your own hard-earned money, mind you! This was as close to a defense mechanism you could build.

Nine people were watching you, all of whom were paired with another in the room except Chaeryoung, in your home. There’s a heavy shroud of dread that’s draped over your makeshift invisible box you struggled to keep upright. This was supposed to feel like a celebration of you, but it quickly turned rotten when you realized you were the only single person on your own side of the table, being made a spectacle as the couples moved closer and watched more intently. It was like they were watching a ghost of singles-past, feeling more appreciative of the life they procured together as you watched their hold on each other tighten ever so slightly.

“Make a wish,” Jisung sang.

You stared blankly at the three sparkling candles. What was there to wish for? You had a good career, a warm home, food on the table, and loved ones who kept you up on your feet. You supposed a better work-life balance would be feasible, but that was something within reach and in your control. To wish is to pray and to pray is to beg, and you weren’t one to beg for anything except for the pickles Chaeryoung picked out of her sandwiches. What was something that even you couldn’t control, something you had to ask some spirit dwelling in the ether for?

A flash of Minho’s eyes boring into yours made your face hot. Maybe you’d just let this wish go to waste instead.

You blew out the candles and applause erupted with Chan eager to cut into the cake. It was your favorite flavor from your favorite local baker whom you trusted every birthday and holiday to deliver the finest treats. At least this part of your birthday was perfect.

“So, what does thirty feel like?” Hyunjin asked. “Do you want the number of the senior home down the street from me?”

“Ha ha,” you drawled. “Aren’t you next, Hwang?”

“Actually, Minho’s next – ow!”

Chaeryong didn’t hide how she elbowed his ribs. She then gave a wide smile and her fingers danced. “Do you feel more mature?”

“As mature as a dry-age steak.”

“Well, you pair well with red wine, at least.” Chan raised his glass. “Here’s to you and to all of us, our priceless friendship!”

Most of us, you wanted to correct, but decided against being uncouth. “Cheers!”

When you were all in the younger halves of the twenties, conversations were about memes, pop culture, and the new hottest bar that just opened. Now, as you were ranting about quarter one earnings and the Windows 11 update, the others doubled down on the corporate jargon. Even Karina, who revealed she was a consultant in tech, participated in the conversations. Minho was the only one who remained quiet, but he was simply enjoying the company, leaning back in the chair with his arm around his woman. For someone who had never visited or even wished well on past birthdays, he was making himself quite at home.

Your birthday dinner lasted long enough to finish off three bottles of wine between everyone and for all the food to disappear, making clean-up much easier. As everyone scrambled around your home clouded in buzzed-up nonsense, Jisung was the one to tour your apartment with Minho and Karina, telling the tale of every picture you hung on a wall or framed on a credenza.

“This was when we went to London one summer after my graduation,” he said. “I’m the youngest, so I was the last one and we decided to make it a big celebration. I think this was the day Minho and _____ got lost and almost hopped on a train to Edinburgh by accident. This one was from Chaeryoung’s twenty-fourth birthday. I think Minho took this picture, actually.”

“Where are you in these pictures, Minho?” Karina wondered innocently.

There’s a breath of silence in the loft aside from you who didn’t pay any mind to his girlfriend’s ignorance. Not like you expect your fallout to be a topic of conversation over a candle-lit dinner date, anyway. You also didn’t expect that look on Minho’s face when he realized that to be true.

“He’s usually the one behind the camera!” Jisung answered, not exactly lying. “You’ve seen his Instagram and how he composes his cat pictures.”

Minho didn’t try to correct him, and they quickly moved on.

As it was the first day of the working week, Chan, Hyunjin, Jisung, and their partners were the first to leave. For whatever reason, Minho and Karina decided to stay back. Karina’s motive was unclear; either she was really bad at reading the room or the effort to be friends was genuine, but even when Minho asked if she wanted to leave with everyone, she decided against it.

“Let me help you take the garbage out,” she offered Chaeryoung.

“I can do it,” you and Minho said in unison.

“Nonsense! It’s your birthday and this one had a little too much to drink before coming here and when we got here.”

Chaeryoung gave you a sympathetic look as they carried several bags out to the ground floor. What a convenient day for the chute to be broken! They’d take the five-to-ten minutes of traveling to the ground floor out to the back where the bins were.

And then there were two, standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island, unable to look each other in the eyes after five years of abandonment.

“Hi,” he greeted again, lips flat-lined and unsure of how to move this conversation forward.

You beat around the bush. “What are you doing here?”

His tongue poked his cheek. “I ran into Chaeryoung last weekend at the bar I work at and asked what she was doing for your birthday.”

“Why would you ask that?” you asked coldly.

“I… just knew she'd be doing something for you. Maybe she took it as me asking to get invited, but that wasn’t my intention. I think she panicked, invited me anyway, and here I am.”

“You could’ve said no.”

“I could’ve,” he agreed, and there’s a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that asked, ‘but why would I?’

You looked away. “Isn’t this a far drive for you?”

“I live here now. Well, not here; on the other side, closer to downtown and near that bar.”

“Oh. How long have you been a city dweller?”

“About two years now.”

That lined up with his relationship status. It was a fact that it was easier to find partners in the metropolitan, yet somehow you were the only one to remain alone after being one of the first to move here. How was it that Minho managed that in under a month? And if he’s been here for two years, how have you not realized that?

You swallowed the rest of the wine in your glass. “How do you like it?”

“I love it.” He ran a hand through his tired head of hair, creating a split down the middle. The redness on his face had spread from his nose to his cheeks, as it always did when alcohol invaded his bloodstream. “I see why you wanted to move here.”

He, too, must have seen how time was of the essence, and with what little time you have in your young lives, the highest quality of life would be to live where your peers were thriving. If only he understood this years ago.

You nodded sourly, feeling the loneliness resurface after having to repress it for so long. “I’m happy for you.”

“Your mother once told us, ‘mean what you say and say what you mean.’ You don’t have to lie.”

“Don’t tell me what my mother says.”

Tension as thick as jell-o separated you from him. There’s a brief stare down after your threat, or what sounded like a threat, and you swear there’s hurt behind those big eyes of his, but he wouldn’t be the victim here; not when he was the one who left your life and blocked you out of his. He didn’t have the right to be offended by your unwelcoming attitude when he was never welcome to begin with. On your birthday, at that.

Chaeryoung saved the evening and rushed back inside, afraid of the damage you’d tell her later.

“Ready?” Karina asked, squeezing Minho’s bicep.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, being the first to break contact. You didn’t help him see his way out, but he said over his shoulder once more, “Happy birthday, _____.”

“Thank you for coming,” you called out sharply.

“It was nice meeting you!” Karina said cheerfully.

“You, too.”

Chaeryoung, the kind woman and hostess as she is, hugged them both and hastened to lock the door. She rushed back, clinging to you and holding your arms inside, likely afraid that you’d break something or chug the rest of the fourth bottle.

“I’m so~o sorry!”

“He told me how it happened. Tell me why I’m not surprised?”

“It was at the bar near your work that I told you about. You didn’t come because you had some reports to submit before midnight. And who do I see behind the bar? Minho, of all people! He was running that shit like the navy! It was hard to talk long over the music, but we said our hellos and he quickly brought up the fact you were turning thirty and asked what I was doing because he knows how much I love you and I’m the bestest friend ever – Anyway, I told him about the surprise, and he looked so damn sad! Jesus Christ, so you know me, an empath, I had to at least offer him an invite. I didn’t think he’d take it, nor did I think he’d ask to bring a plus one, like, yesterday!”

In the midst of her ramblings, you squirmed free from her grip and pulled the poor pouty girl into a tight hug. “I will not let him ruin what you’ve done for me. I love you and appreciate you.”

“It was so hard!” she whined. “The boys are so unreliable! I ask them to buy something for decorations, they don’t answer, and when I ask a few days later they’re like, ‘I got it a while ago,’ and I’m like, ‘why didn’t you say something?!’ and they’re like, ‘I didn’t think I’d need to as long as I brought it the day-of.’ Can you believe that?!”

“After over ten years of friendship, yes, yes I can.”

After cleaning up the remaining crumbs and dishes, Chaeryoung found the gift that Minho and Karina left on one of the chairs. “Did you open it?”

“No. What if it’s a bomb? Can you do it?”

She tossed out the tissue paper and peered inside fearlessly. “Oh!”

“What is it?”

“A gift card and a perfume bottle; a pricey one. Ooh, it smells good!”

The gift card was to a new bar that was opening on the same block as your office. Your boss was excited to finally have a happy hour location so close that you haven’t gone a day without hearing about it since its announcement. The name on the card said ‘DAHLIA’ and the amount it held was five hundred dollars.

“Huh,” Chaeryoung mused, “isn’t this address very close to where you work? And you like dahlias. Scary coincidence.”

“Do you think he’s stalking me?”

“Maybe it’s Karina.”

The perfume was in a sleek clear bottle with a white face and gold cap. It smelled of marshmallows, orange blossoms, and neroli. It would be the most expensive thing you’d own, cosmetics wise.

“They open on Friday,” she said giddily. “We should go!”

The projected menu on their social media did look really good… and they had variations of your favorite drink and ones you’ve never heard of.

“Think of it as a ‘celebration’ to the start of a new quarter! Since it’ll be slower now, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, accepting that poor-quality reasoning for a twenty dollar cocktail. “Ok, let’s go!”

Your best friend squealed happily and dug through your closet, plucking out the shortest skirt in your wardrobe.

--

On Thursday, Chaeryoung canceled on you to go on a third date with the guy she’s been seriously interested in. She was hoping to finally become an exclusive dating couple; not exactly boyfriend-and-girlfriend, but they’re not allowed to see other people since they’re exclusive, so it’s a label-without-the-label situation that you struggled too hard to grasp. If the majority of your peers thought that way about dating, maybe it was a good thing you remained single.

When you exited your office’s high-rise that day, on your way to the train, you passed by an alley in between the Italian place and the coffee shop you and your co-workers frequented. There was an inconspicuous red ‘OPEN’ light at the end above a black door that caught your attention. In a small serif font, the letters ‘DAHLIA’ was stamped on the door. Friday was supposed to be the official opening day according to their social media pages, but there was no mistake it was open as indicated by the bouncer standing guard.

You did have the gift card in your wallet, and you were craving that crispy green tea highball they had in one of their posts. It was only 6:00 PM, maybe they’d have some happy hour deals going on and you could report back to Chaeryoung with your findings.

You walked up to the doorman. “Hi, are you open –”

“I.D.”

Well, that answers that. He allowed you to pass into the low-lit glowing bar. It wasn’t busy like a Friday evening, but almost all of the tufted couches and chairs were filled, leaving a semi-vacant bar up for grabs. The aura of the bar is what one might describe as ‘vibey and chill’, as the low hum of the bass from the hip-hop song in the background vibrated your heart. This was as soft as a soft-opening could get.

On the menu, there was a special on the drink you were looking forward to and a snack pairing: rice paper and seaweed chips with a salt and togarashi seasoning. You knew all those words separately but couldn’t comprehend them together.

“I.D., please,” the bartender asked.

You fumbled for your wallet and mumbled, “Why bother carding at the door if you’re just –”

You dropped your wallet when you saw Minho at the other side of the bar in a white button-down that was buttoned barely half-way. His lips curled teasingly.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” you gasped, popping your head up after picking up your wallet. “What are you doing here?”

“Is that the only way you’ll greet me from now on?”

You felt your face burn even before any alcohol entered your system. “Chaeryoung mentioned you worked at the other bar nearby.”

“I own that one, too. This one I just opened.”

“Oh, well, that makes more sense. Wait, ‘own’?” He nodded sheepishly. “But that bar has been there forever. I thought that old guy owned it?”

“He was looking to retire, so I jumped the gun and bought it. Kept it mostly the same, added some things I thought would pick up a trend, and it did so well that I was able to open ‘DAHLIA’.”

“That’s incredible,” you congratulated. “I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad that the gift card is so expensive.”

He smiled, but it didn’t translate to his eyes. “Do you work nearby?”

“At the tall building down the street.”

He’s just as taken back as you are. Maybe he wasn’t stalking you. “Crazy coincidence. But it’s late already. Long day?”

You sighed. “Most days are this long.”

“Yikes. Can I get you a drink?”

“The green tea highball looks good.”

“Coming right up.”

Minho rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and did his witchcraft. In a highball glass, a ludicrously elongated ice cube was placed. Then, two shots of Japanese whiskey from the mid-shelf (never mind the overpour), an ounce of cold brew jasmine green tea, and what little space was left was topped with club soda. Using a long bar spoon, Minho mixed its contents and offered it to you with a stainless steel straw.

You hummed happily. “Whoa.”

“I agree.”

“Where was this on my twenty-first?”

“I dare you to Google the whiskey I used and see if you think we could have afforded that at twenty-one.”

“I see your point.”

There’s a long pause of waiting for the other to say what they mean and to mean what they say. You thought about how coldly you displayed yourself to Minho and it ate up your thoughts the whole week. Even when he was the one who wanted you out of his life, he was the one to find you and it seemed he was here to stay, to be next to where you worked, and to be a part of your everyday life as you’d think about him every time you passed this alley between the office and the train. Was this a gift or a curse?

The wound was still fresh, but he was not the only one to blame.

You cleared your throat. “Listen, I –”

“I think –”

You both paused again. After all these years, your wavelengths were still in sync.

“Go ahead,” you offered.

“I think…” …We shouldn’t talk when we see each other? I shouldn’t have given you a gift? We should unpack the trauma we gave each other over coffee some time? “You should try the snack pairing.”

Possibly the best words to leave his lips. “Please.”

“One sec,” he said before running to the kitchen.

Your palms were sweaty, but if anyone asked, you’d feign it was from the condensation on the glass. Your first real conversation with Minho in five years was more stressful than presenting to upper management. Any courage of apologizing had fizzled and the fear of being vulnerable was chilling. You hoped the rest of the drink would give you that push.

Minho came back slightly breathless with a bowl of curly seaweed and rice chips with red seasoning. He stared at the glass that was almost full just a second ago.

“Would you like another one?”

Your vision was already swirly. “No, thank you. But these look delicious.”

The crunch from the fried rice paper was loud enough to make some heads turn. It was salty and the seaweed flavor shined through. The punch from the togarashi made you wish you had taken up the offer on another drink.

You let out another happy hum, and your sinuses cleared. “Wasabi!”

“Really sobers you up, huh?”

“I can smell colors.”

He let out a genuine laugh and you got a glance of his little bunny teeth. You wondered if he’d still have them when he was sixty.

The shy bartender fiddled with the kitchen towel. “You were going to say something?”

“Right. I’m –”

“Excuse me!” a customer approached the bar. “Can I have an espresso martini?”

“Absolutely!” Minho said in his customer service voice.

Espresso martinis were all the craze these days, especially with the ladies. You understood why, they were delicious and reminded everyone of a sweet little treat before the work day. You watched as Minho threw in his Boston shaker ice, vodka, coffee liqueur, and cold brew, and shook with all his might. The muscles you noticed on your birthday shined through, as the veins on his forearms and biceps were put to work. Your eyes traveled shamefully to his open chest, focusing on the groove in between. He poured the creamy drink into a martini glass and added it to her tab.

You drank the complimentary ice-cold water before he returned.

“Sorry about that.”

“No, no, I’m the one interrupting your work.” Despite drinking a multitude of fluids, your throat was dry and sharp, like the words were scraping skin on their way out. Just say it, dammit! “I’m sorry how I treated you on Monday.”

He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that after so long.”

“Yeah, you really shouldn’t have.”

“For that, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for attending.”

“You should have chosen another time to meet.”

“Your thirtieth birthday is important. It’s a huge milestone. I couldn’t dream of missing it.”

“I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

He hung his head in a way that a puppy would when being punished. “I know.”

“You –” you choked. “I don’t know. I don’t know what or how to feel.”

“Maybe we could start over.”

“Start over?”

“Hi,” he held out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Minho, I’m a bartender and chef, and we met when we were nineteen.”

“Minho –”

“Would you like to get coffee next door some time?”

“You are ridiculous.”

The rush of after-work over timers hit the bar like a thirsty school of fish. Two other bartenders jumped in, but they needed Minho to keep up a good speed. From his navy pants pocket, he pulled out his business card and slid it over.

“My number’s on the card.”

It was different from the one you had saved on your phone and he knew that. “Wait, I need to close out my tab.”

“It’s on me. Let me make up for Monday.”

He didn’t allow you to get a word in before taking the next customer. His mannerisms made every customer smile or blush. ‘Come closer’ he’d gesture with his finger, leaning in to hear their order, and winking after handing off the final product; rinse and repeat.

You left a hefty tip under your glass and slipped away from the crowd. At home, you spent half an hour rubbing your cheeks, unaware of how sore they were after the train ride.

--

The business card hung on your fridge under a London magnet. Every day, you’d wake up, stare at it while filling your water bottle, leave for work, come home, and stare at it some more as you prepared dinner. In the same serif font in black ink, in the center of the card was his full name. Under it said ‘Restauranteur’, followed by ‘DAHLIA’, the Japanese flavors-inspired bar, and ‘RED LIGHT’, the one with American flavors. His phone number and email were in small print, all information embossed on an off-white business card. ‘Classy’ was the most appropriate description of such a card, while yours was so plain in comparison. Technology products didn’t need that kind of pizazz, to be fair.

The next time you saw Chaeryoung was for a girls’ night-in on a Wednesday to gush about her new exclusive not-boyfriend. She noticed the business card while putting the dishes in the sink and plucked it from the fridge, already aware of what transpired on Thursday before.

“‘Restauranteur’,” she scoffed. “Ok, Minho.”

“I know, right? Can you believe he bought out that sleazy old man?”

“I always wondered why the quality went up all of a sudden. I can’t believe he hid that from everyone else, too! We’ve all been meeting around that area for months! Why did he give you this, though?”

“I guess he changed his number.”

“What? He’s had this number for a while now.” You shot her a deadpanned look. “Oh, right. You wouldn’t have known whether he changed it or not. Did you hit him up?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I? It feels… too soon.”

“Five years feels too soon?”

“No,” you sighed, unable to form the words in the right sentence. “We’re already on awkward footing after my birthday. And seeing and talking to him made my blood pressure spike to an unhealthy degree.”

“So, you’re nervous?”

Nervous wasn’t right. It felt much deeper than that. “Afraid.”

If anyone knew the degree of pain and confusion you held for Minho, it was Chaeryoung. She always did her best to understand, but there are some things one must experience to understand, and this was one of them. She held you firm by the shoulders and knitted her brows.

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

The music streaming on your phone paused as your best friend moved swiftly to the couch, already propping her feet up on the chaise before you could register what happened. The clicking of your phone keyboard over the bluetooth speaker snapped you back and you ran to join her.

“Wait, don’t!” you warned.

“‘Hey, bro’,” she said as she typed, “Too casual?”

“I’m thirty. I don’t say ‘bro’.”

“All right, jeez. ‘Hello, Minho. I hope this text finds you well. Per our last meeting – ’”

“Now you’re just being a dick.”

“I’m kidding, relax! ‘Hi, it’s _____. It was nice seeing you on Thursday.’”

“I wouldn’t say it was a ‘nice’ meeting.”

“Oh, my God, shut up. ‘Good to see you on Thursday,’ happy? ‘Would you like to get coffee some time?’ And send. This is fun, it’s like when we used to project our dating app DMs on the TV! Oh, wow he’s typing already. Asshole, he never answers any of us in the group chats until the next day.”

Texting a boy and sweating, waiting for his response… Were you thirteen again? The notification ding made your heart jump.

Your brows furrowed, matching Chaeryoung’s. “‘Hey! Of course I would. Just tell me when.’ Um. Tell him sometime next week?”

“‘Tomorrow at 11:00AM?’”

“Chaer!”

“‘See you then.’ You’re welcome!” she cheered, tossing your phone on your lap.

“Now he’ll think I’m excited…”

“Whether you are nervous, excited, or afraid, shouldn’t that mean something? That maybe you still have him in your cold, dead heart somewhere?”

“It took years of therapy to heal what was wounded. I don’t know if this will feel like closure or if I’m opening up my stitches.”

“And I’ll be here to help suture if it comes to it; again and again!” she encouraged, leaning her head on your shoulder. “I just want our friend group back together, you know? This is a start, sort of.”

“I know. Don’t get your hopes up, though.”

“Too late.”

--

The day it happened, the clouds were grey, and they cried and cried, pouring down the heaviest rain of the year. It rattled Minho’s windows like bullets made from hail, drowning the silence and filling the room with nothing but sorrow.

Tonight, you were celebrating your new job and the big move. After the plates were emptied, the music that played over his speakers slowed, and filled with wine and tenderness, you two swayed to the rhythm in each other’s arms. First, he had your hand in his and lightly hovered over your waist, leading the waltz across the living room with ease. As the songs progressed, his hold on you tightened. He laced his fingers with yours, traveled his hand to your lower back, then placed the other there, too, after wrapping your arm around his neck. He pressed his forehead to yours, the tips of your noses touching and nuzzling so sweetly it made your heart soar.

He sighed happily, shoulders relaxing under your arms. “Should we be doing this?”

“Hm, I don’t know,” you replied light heartedly, “you are just a friend, after all.”

“Do friends do this? Should we ask Chaeryoung and Jisung?”

“Not if you want to hear them gagging all night.”

His breathy laughs hit your lips and his eyes fluttered closed. “I want to kiss you.”

You’ve wanted to kiss him for five years. “Then kiss me.”

“And I want you to stay.”

“Stay?” You took a step back, hating the cold air that replaced his space. “What do you mean ‘stay’?”

“Don’t leave,” he begged.

“Minho –”

“Stay here with me.”

“No,” you said firmly. “This is the biggest thing to happen to my career, and I’m not throwing away this grand opportunity. Won’t you come with me instead?”

“You know I can’t leave my family right now.”

“Then,” you sighed, “do I wait for you?”

“Wait? We have options; what about long distance?”

“You know how vigorous my career is. I work long days and long nights. I can’t call you or text you the way that other people do.”

“So what?” he argued, throwing his hands up in frustration.

This was the first time you were having this talk. Never before had either of you revealed the feelings that mingled in the air whenever you were in the same room together. For years, you repressed them, too scared to cross the thin line that separated friendship from lovers and unwilling to feel vulnerable and reveal the true feelings of your heart. Because truthfully, you wouldn’t have time. You wouldn’t have time to drain and pour your heart into something – someone – that wasn’t the projects that laid out on your office desk, and how was that fair to someone you loved so dearly? As much as you wanted to love and to give, you couldn’t.

“I can’t,” you repeated. “That’s not fair to either of us. We deserve one hundred percent of each other, not fifty, or even ninety.”

“You’re not even willing to try?” he mumbled.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. “How could you spring this on me the weekend before I leave?”

“This was my only chance –”

“No, it wasn’t. You had five years. Five years! And you know how important my career is to me!”

“What about me? Aren’t I important to you, too?”

“Don’t,” you stuttered.

“No, it’s not that I’m not important, it’s that your career is more important. Is that it?” When you couldn’t answer, he nodded his head, accepting the poor answer. “All I wanted was for us to try.”

“I can’t give you one hundred percent of me.”

“Then I’ll give more! One hundred ten percent; one hundred fifty!”

“How long can you last like that when you don’t know when we’ll be together again?”

“I won’t know unless we try.”

“I don’t want to try. Trying means uncertainty. For five years, I have been certain about you. But I’m certain it won’t work when we are not present.”

“We’re going in circles.” Minho turned and ran a hand through his fluffy, light bronze hair. This color on him, you remembered, made him look so young.

“I can wait,” you whispered. “We can be friends still, and –”

“I don’t want to be friends.”

You couldn’t decide if your mouth should hang open or sew it shut forever. Still, you managed to slip out, “What?”

“It’s all or nothing for me, _____.” His eyes mirrored your glossy ones and the tip of his nose that was just on yours a second ago was reddening. “I don’t want friendship with you. I want love and passion, and I want you to tell me you want it, too. We aren’t friends; we never were really just friends, you know that, don’t you?”

“I know.”

He closed the gap and his hands found yours, squeezing so tightly it was almost painful. “Then show me that you know! Tell me you want this! Tell me you don’t want to be just friends! Tell me you want me, desire me, that you can’t go a day without having me, the way I would for you!”

You shook your head. Long distance relationships never worked. You witnessed it through your coworkers, through friends, and bosses, and even old classmates who had deleted every existence of their past love and left no digital footprint on their timeline. Every relationship you ever knew to be long distance had never worked out, and you knew this one wouldn’t be any different.

He let go and stepped away. “I wish you a fulfilling life in the city –”

“Don’t do this.”

“– and I’m sorry, but I can’t be friends with you –”

“Minho, please…”

“– I can’t be just friends with someone who has my heart and doesn’t know what to do with it.”

Instead of rescinding, instead of apologizing and taking the leap of faith, taking the risk that came with being vulnerable and open and raw so you could see what it meant to be loved and cherished by someone who wanted to love and cherish, you decided to lock your heart away and to never reveal it to anyone ever again.

That was the last time you saw Minho. On your thirtieth birthday, he broke every layer you built to protect yourself in a matter of seconds.

--

“Earth to _____!”

In between ‘DAHLIA’ and your office, there was a coffee shop with outside seating. As you waited at one of the tables, the record player in your head had recalled that night, and once it started, it wouldn’t stop until it finished. Just as you finished, Minho arrived and waved a hand in front of your face and you wondered how long it took for you to notice.

“Sorry! Daydreaming.”

“About work?”

Did he truly think your mind was entirely consumed about work? “Yeah. Work.”

“Well, you keep daydreaming, and I’ll get us coffee. What would you like?”

“No, it’s my turn to get you something!”

“Nonsense! You also tipped me way too much. You still order the usual?”

If you were one thing, you were consistent. “The usual.”

Minho would do this finger-gun thing when he was feeling awkward, and he did so as he walked to the counter. His outfit wasn’t as formal as the night you saw him at the bar. His jeans were black and his sweater a bright cobalt; a color that allowed him to be the center of attention when he wasn’t asking for it.

You were the one to ask him to meet - or rather Chaeryoung was - but you didn’t consider what you’d talk about.

He came back with your usual and his usual, which was an iced americano. At least he, too, was consistent, and that hadn’t changed.

“Busy at work?” he asked, clearly not sure what to talk about, either.

“Yeah. Always busy, sadly.”

“You weren’t kidding when you said your hours would be long.”

“No,” you confirmed, “I wasn’t. What about you? What’s your work day like as the city’s coolest restaurateur?”

“You flatter me. I work at ‘RED LIGHT’ during the day, and head to ‘DAHLIA’ at night.”

You tried to estimate his work hours in your head. “Back-to-back?”

“Yup.”

“Everyday?”

“Kind of. If it’s slow on like, a Monday or Tuesday, I’ll head out early and let the closers handle it. Otherwise, my day off is whenever I feel like it, but it’s not a real day-off. I use those days to answer emails and organize the budget or the inventory. Takes every waking moment to run a restaurant or bar, you know?”

“I don’t know. How do you balance everything?”

“Well, I love my job. It’s hard, but I don’t find it draining. I guess that helps. I don’t mind waking up at five in the morning, working, and going to sleep, at least not yet. I’m sure I’ll hit a wall someday, but I’m doing my best to not let that happen.”

You’re afraid to ask the next question. “How do you balance your relationship with Karina when you’re so busy?”

“Phone calls, Facetime, designated nights for dates, surprise visits, little gifts and flowers here and there,” he nodded, looking at the table. “It’s hard, but we’re trying. That’s what’s important.”

Your coffee’s bitter and you didn’t want to bother with it after a couple of sips, but you keep at it to keep your lips occupied and to hide the way your teeth grit at the underlying accusation. “That takes a lot of patience. Some people struggle with that.”

He caught your drift and it appeared he realized he deserved that. “And you? Seeing anyone?”

“No.”

“Not even casually?”

“No. Some dates here and there, but they never stick.”

“Why is that?”

“Either they’re boring, too intimidated by a strong female corporate supplicant, or I’m the problem.”

“Isn’t it -” he began but stopped himself. “Never mind.”

“Say what you mean,” you pushed light heartedly.

“Isn’t it lonely?”

It’s true that it seemed like Cupid made his way around your friend group and you were the last to get hit. When your friends came home at night, they’d be welcomed into open arms and warm bodies. You came home to snacks and warmth was in the form of a fuzzy blanket you kept on the couch. At the height of your career, you once believed that love could wait, that it would find you at the right time and you’d know right then you were ready. As Minho sat across from you picking your brain about the emptiness that came with climbing the corporate ladder, the fear of feeling incomplete was imminent.

You wouldn’t let him see that part of you.

“I like my alone time.”

“But you have so much love in your heart.” He cleared his throat, regretting the arrangement of those words when he saw how your face twisted. What would he know about what’s in your heart? “Who do you give your affections to?”

“Must it be romantic?” you retorted. “My love is given to those you saw on my birthday.”

“I guess not. You’ve always been a romantic, though.”

“Five years is more than enough time to change who I was the last time you saw me.”

“Is that change good?” he asked nervously.

‘Is the result of feeling loveless from rejection and isolation a good change? Are you an idiot?’ you wanted to ask. But that would put the blame on him and blaming him meant acknowledging how much he affected you after all these years.

“Is that change good,” you repeated thoughtfully. “Neutral.”

“Neutral?”

“I think the decision we made five years ago put us where we are today; we’re both successful young adults thriving in a beautiful city. But I lost you as a result. So, the good must come with some bad. That’s neutral, no?”

His lips formed a smile, but again, it did not travel to his eyes. “You know, I was scared to come here today.”

“I’m not that terrifying, am I?”

“At first I thought, ‘wow, Chaeryoung did not try hard to pretend to be you at all.’”

You giggled. “No; no, she didn’t.”

“And then I thought, ‘we’ll be in public. She won’t kill me in front of people, right?’”

“Kill you!”

“But I know that wouldn’t have stopped you either way,” he grinned. “You haven’t killed me yet. Is it crazy of me to think of this as a good sign?”

“A sign! Is there something you’re looking to gain out of this meeting?” you teased.

“Yes,” he admitted, “a friend.”

Your mouth hung open slightly, unsure of what to say, but your face twisted in a way that mimicked your thoughts. “A friend?”

“I know you and I have said and done some unkind things back then that we may not be able to forgive each other for, but after seeing you on your birthday, I couldn’t stop thinking of you. You may not believe me, but I miss you.”

Your head and your heart were in conflict. You had spent all this time trying not to miss him. Your mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, unwilling to say the truth. “I… I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you all of a sudden. But… do you think it’s possible? That we could be friends again?”

How quickly would you lose him a second time? “I think we shouldn’t force it.”

“Friendships bloom naturally, of course.”

A flash of pink blurred your peripherals before it became the center of your attention. Karina held a finger to her lips as she approached Minho from behind, covering his eyes with her slender fingers. He took her hand and kissed it, leaning back to look at his glittering diamond with hearts in his eyes. They were a beautiful couple and it was as clear as day how much they adored each other. Witnessing love was supposed to be like looking at a garden of roses, but as you sat across in a front-row seat, you thought to yourself how much you disliked the smell of roses, anyway.

“Hi!” she greeted happily. “Sorry to interrupt, but we have lunch plans.”

You shook your head, dismissing the tightness in your gut. “No, please interrupt. I’m sorry for keeping him.”

“Would you like to join?”

You would rather jump off the roof of your fifty-floor office building. “Thank you, but I made plans with my co-workers already.”

“Then, we’ll have to get dinner some time!”

It pained you how much you disliked her. She didn’t deserve it. “Dinner some time sounds great.”

As Minho got up to leave, he leaned over the table and in a hushed tone said, “I just want you to know that you still cannot hide your feelings on your face.”

“My boss thinks it’s my killing charm.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Minho’s wink was like a button that set off every alarm in your body. As he walked away, hand-in-hand with the love of his life, you tortured yourself watching them recede until they rounded the corner.

–

Unfortunately, it was common workplace etiquette to have drinks with your coworkers after hours now that your schedules had slowed down. How convenient it was that ‘DAHLIA’ was open and even more so that your coworkers were eager to go. Initially, you tried to wiggle out of going, but your close comrade Choi San wouldn’t allow it.

He slammed his veiny hand on your desk, and you jumped. “Jesus -”

“_____ _____,” he boomed, loudly announcing your government name.

“No.”

“Come on! You haven’t joined us in, like, forever!”

“Forever will continue.”

“And if I bribe you with free drinks?”

You paused typing. “I’m listening.”

“You, me, and the forty-fifth floor at ‘DAHLIA’ in ten minutes.”

“‘DAHLIA’?” you repeated. “Does it have to be that bar?”

“Mingi already called the place to reserve. Why, is it not good?”

“No, quite the opposite.”

“Then make haste, my lady!”

The whole way across the street, San had his arm around your shoulder in a tight grip, too afraid to let you slip at the slightest chance of hesitancy. The smooth skin of his forearms touched your neck and it was close enough to smell the cologne he dabbed just minutes before leaving the building, which you now realized to be on purpose.

Inside, a bunch of young corporate acolytes gathered all throughout the bar, all of whom you worked and were familiar with. Minho, though busy taking their orders, saw you and San come in. He did a double take, eyebrow twitching upwards at the arm suffocating your neck. Your lips formed the words, ‘kill me’, as San guided you forward to the line to order.

Small talk with San was never small when he easily filled you in on his latest interests and hobbies. The other women in the office who were nearby engaged with him enthusiastically. Admittedly, there were a multitude of reasons why San was popular around the office. He was intelligent, always willing to lend a helping hand, had a positive attitude even when days were long and tough, and most importantly, he was so hot that your boss had to jokingly warn him several times to tone it down. His argument was it wasn’t his fault that button-downs were tight on his back and arms.

Minho was the one to usher you forward with his index and middle fingers. 

San wrapped his arm around your shoulder again for no apparent reason. “Hello!” he greeted enthusiastically.

“Hi. _____,” he addressed to you informally.

“‘Sup, Minho,” you sighed.

“You two know each other?” San inquired. “Is that why you didn’t want to come?”

San’s only flaw was that he talked too much. Your jaw ticked. “Old friends. And no, that’s not why.”

“Oh!”

“What can I get you two?” You thought you heard ice in Minho’s voice, but you must be mistaken.

You needed something strong. “A negroni, please.”

“Double that,” San said.

Minho neither confirmed nor denied hearing the order before starting on it. Finally, you’re able to breathe easier when the weight of San’s muscly arm lets you go, confident that you wouldn’t book it out the bar. He instead turned his body to you, creating a wall and making you feel like you were under a microscope.

“Your presentation to the team yesterday was, um, amazing,” he stuttered.

Calling a weekly work presentation amazing was odd; he’s heard you lead them probably a hundred times by now. “Yeah? Thanks.”

“And the way you were able to answer all of the questions Boss Man fired at you? It’s no wonder you’re his favorite.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m his favorite.”

“Well, you’re my favorite.” As soon as those words left his lips, he pursed them together and shut his eyes. “I-I mean the team’s favorite.”

You nearly snorted, though your smile was hard to hide. “That’s… certainly an honor -”

“Two negronis,” Minho interrupted as he pushed the glasses forward.

“I got it,” San reiterated.

“Thanks. I’ll get the next one. I’ll meet you over in a bit; gonna talk to my good ol’ friend here,” you forced a grin. Like an obedient dog, San joined the others at the reserved tables.

“Wow, he’s…” Minho trailed off. “A lot.”

“Mother always said not to say mean things.”

“That was me being nice. Don’t tell me that’s your type.”

“Minho! That would be highly inappropriate workplace behavior,” you teased, though he didn’t seem amused. “Besides, what do you know about my type?”

He smirked. “I think I would know better than anyone.”

The twinge in your chest was crushing. Had Cupid returned with sturdier arrows? “Remember, things can change.”

“Did they, though?”

Why did that matter? “I’ll see you later, Minho.”

The whole night, San hovered over you like a shadow, more than he ever had before. Maybe he saw Minho as competition after your coworkers prodded for the story behind you and the hot bartender. He wouldn’t have to worry, though, as he was highly mistaken about both Minho and having interest in someone you worked with.

You would thank San in the morning for dragging you out that night because he reminded you the importance of camaraderie. It was nice to be surrounded by people who shared the same professional struggles as you and it was freeing for everyone to let their walls down. Many of your co-workers were also single and struggling, filling the bar with chatter about failed dates and competing to see who had the worst one as of late. This was the first night in a long while that you had fun, and even though the man that haunted your thoughts was less than twenty feet away, you wouldn’t let him ruin this one night out of many.

But you felt it; that burn in the back of your head like twin cigarettes had bore themselves into your skull; the piercing eyes of an onlooker who couldn’t look away from you and the buff man next to you all night. Each time you tried to catch him in the act, he had anticipated it, busying himself with a customer or peeling orange twists, and when you looked away, you’d feel it again.

Like a worm eating its way through an apple, the fire in Minho’s eyes consumed you.

–

‘Wya?’

On a random weeknight, Minho texted you this just as you were leaving the office. You looked around outside looking for a sniper or an inconspicuous spy but did not see anything suspicious or sensed any danger. To that, you replied with, ‘Leaving the office. Why?’

‘Don’t move.’

If you weren’t panicking before, you were now. Then, from around the alley where ‘DAHLIA’ was, Minho popped up with a tote bag on his arm and an apron slung over his shoulder. He waved and flashed his feline smile, unaware of how cryptic his texts were.

“You didn’t literally have to not move,” he teased.

“Maybe you should normalize giving context.”

“Context is: do you have dinner plans tonight?”

Your plan was to pick up grocery store sushi and binge watch TV, if you’d call that a plan. “Not really. Why?”

He gestured to his tote bag. “I was going to my test kitchen. Do you want to be my guinea pig?”

You considered saying no, but free food was involved. Plus, this is what friends would do, right? “Where’s this test kitchen of yours?”

“In my townhome. ‘Test kitchen’ just sounds cooler.”

The train ride to Minho’s place was the same distance as yours, just in the opposite direction. There wasn’t a ‘nice’ or a ‘bad’ side of the city, but you definitely wouldn’t classify this as the ‘bad’ side. Rows and rows of townhomes occupied endless streets in this neighborhood and each one had its own charm. Minho’s was right in the middle and the reddest, brickiest one on the block while the others had conformed to a more modern grey stucco-style.

The inside was anything but traditional though, with touches of modern style and technology. The first floor was similar to your loft, with an open floor plan combining the kitchen and living room meant for a true host and entertainer. The kitchen, of course, was the most updated, with a fancy six-burner stove, a magnetic display of different knives, and a giant white-granite island.

Soonie, Doongie, and Dori greeted Minho first by rubbing up against his calves and then greeted you second, unaware of the time that passed and recognizing your scent like you were only gone on a short trip.

You gasped happily, scratching their little heads and ears. “My fat ‘n furry step-children!”

“Looks like they missed you,” Minho chuckled.

“Oh, I missed you, too!” you cooed. “Can I help with any prep?”

“Can you help wash the produce?”

“Yes, chef.”

You tried not to stare too long at Minho while he tied the apron around his waist and rolled up his sleeves. There were vegetables in his tote bag you’ve never seen before, like the bulbous onion-like thing that smelled of licorice and a variation of a mushroom that looked like it would turn you into a zombie.

“Everything’s a vegetable or a fruit,” you noted.

“I’m attempting some vegetarian and vegan options outside of a salad and some dessert. If it doesn’t work out, the Thai place down the street is really good.”

Minho instructed you to cut vegetables in ways that you didn’t even know had a name to the technique. You had to tell him to talk to you like a five-year-old because you were not someone who knew what it meant to julienne a carrot or prepare the mise en place.

The first dish was a seared cabbage wedge. Cut the head into wedges; sear on the pan; make a soy-sugar-rice-vinegar saucy thing; shave a potato and toast it like a breadcrumb; retrieve the soy-and-smoke-cured egg yolk and… shave it?

“What do you mean ‘shave it’?” you muttered, holding the hardened yellow orb of congealed something in one hand and a sharp sword-like thingamabob in the other. “Isn’t it going to burst?”

Minho, bless his heart, stood behind you and guided your hands together. His hands, despite going through hundreds of washes and touching all things hot and cold, were soft and warm on top of yours. He had you shave one quarter of the solid egg yolk over the dressed cabbage wedge.

“The yolk is cured, so it’s solid all the way through,” he said.

His breath tickled the shell of your ear and it turned hot. Was the oven set to a thousand degrees? “O-Oh! Wow, that’s cool. Is it done?”

It was only then that Minho released his hold. “Yup. Try it.”

Cooking was a hidden form of sorcery. It was one of the most complex and delicious dishes you’ve ever eaten. Salty from the potato breadcrumb, savory from the egg yolk, and sweet from the soy sauce, feeling different textures and flavors so good you had to stop yourself from moaning.

“Good?” he asked. All you could do was nod vigorously with eyes wide and glittering. He smiled genuinely and his eyes sparkled, too. He opened his mouth and said, “Ah~”

That was your cue to feed him a bite. You gathered the perfect amount of everything onto a fork for him. As he chewed, his brows knitted together thoughtfully and you’re unsure of what that expression meant. From his pocket, he took out a small field notes book and scribbled something quickly.

“You don’t like it?”

He shook his head. “No, I like it a lot.”

“Why is your face like that?”

“What’s wrong with my face?”

“You look so angry.”

“That’s just how my face looks.”

Next was a vegetarian bone marrow. Nothing about bones or marrows sounded remotely vegetarian, but Minho handed you two fat king oyster mushrooms to halve and remove the centers while he sautéed a medley of other mushrooms in salted butter, garlic, and thyme. There was a comfortable silence in the kitchen as you both worked. Nothing felt awkward, or forced, or as bitter as your last meetings were.

As you waited for Minho’s further instructions, you toured the living space and observed all the pictures. You were in about half of them. Most were of your entire friend group, but many were significant moments in your lives, like graduation, birthdays, talent shows, or candid solo pictures. After all these years, when you kept any evidence of him hidden in a shoe box in your closet, he displayed you loud and proud. You glossed over the number of pictures of Karina for your own sake but seeing her face that many times made you stop looking.

When you turned back, Minho was staring at you so intently, he forgot to pretend he wasn’t watching.

“What is it?” you asked.

“Nothing,” he cleared his throat. “Um, the next step is ready.”

Under an immersive blender (“Immersion blender, silly.”) was the sautéed medley and the guts of the king oyster mushroom, softened cream cheese, and olive oil. The paste was bagged and piped back into the charred and seasoned center of the cut-out king oyster mushroom. With a flame torch, Minho darkened the paste, creating a bruleed outer layer, and topped it off with pink peppercorns, pecorino, and chives. Triangles of buttered toast were the vehicle.

Minho took a spoon and scooped out the center. “A little bit of ‘marrow’ and voila. And the ‘bone’ is edible, too, obviously.”

Your eyes teared up at the fireworks of umami. “Will you cater for my next birthday?”

“For you, I will.”

After course upon course of seared and leafy bites of savory and salty goodness, you greenlit practically all of them to Minho’s dismay (“Guinea pig means to critique, not suck up to.”). Dessert was the final leg of courses. From preserved lemon sorbets to chocolatey bites of flourless cake, you would fall into a deep sleep tonight on a cloud of spun sugar.

“I’m drunk on life,” you sighed happily.

“I like you best that way.”

“Seriously, Minho, you have something really good here. I’m no expert, but I think –”

“Wait!” he interrupted. “Chocolate on your lip.”

“Huh? Here?” you licked once.

“Not even close.”

“Here?”

“No.”

“Where’s a napkin?”

“Hold still, will you?”

Minho held your chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted up. Like a surgeon, he meticulously wiped away all evidence of your inner chocolate-devouring goblin with his other thumb. For a moment, he lowered his hand to wipe it on his apron, but he caught you looking at his lips.

“Th-Thanks,” you whispered.

He took the chocolate-covered thumb and sucked it clean, maintaining his gaze before it lowered. “My pleasure.”

The kitchen felt hot and it was hard to breathe. The alarms in your head went off again; the longer you stayed, the faster you’d fall. “I-I should go.”

“Wait –”

“This was great by the way!” you called as you backed up towards the door. “S-So good! And thank you, I will pay you back for any groceries!”

“That’s not necessary, I invited you here.”

“Let me know what you decide to add to the menu, and I’ll-I’ll stop by some time, yeah?”

You didn’t give him the opportunity to answer before running out the door.

–

The following weeks after your inappropriately intimate tasting, you avoided Minho as long as you could. It hadn’t even been a month since you saw him for the first time and you already crossed the thin line that was never meant to be crossed. You couldn’t even be strong for that long before you fell back into the routine of desiring the one man you weren’t allowed to have.

This was the curse of Cupid. He had successfully shot and landed an arrow into every friend you loved, pairing them up with their person and the match-up was so right it was scary. Somehow, at the perfect time under the correct circumstances, your friends found the ones that completed their other half, or so they said, and you witnessed love in full bloom every time it happened and everyday since. When it was shoved in your face like that, how could you not think about what you were missing out on every single day of your life?

You used to think considering a couple as two halves was a disservice to humanity. Halves implied that part of you was missing; it suggested that one could never be whole alone, that they spend their whole lives finding someone who fit the two-piece puzzle. A two piece puzzle was supposed to be the easiest puzzle in the world, but in a box filled with over eight billion pieces, it would take forever for Cupid to pair the pieces. At twenty-five, after that stormy night, you once believed that you could survive as one single piece among the eight billion for the rest of your life at the bottom of the pieces pile, if it came to it; but now that you’re the last of the friend group to yet find your match - at thirty, at that - maybe Cupid had a point to the whole two halves make a whole argument.

Because admittedly, as much as you tried to convince yourself on your thirtieth birthday, you didn’t feel whole. Hell, you barely felt like half; and every time you saw Minho, bits of you were being chipped off to the point that you were scared of losing your half of the puzzle.

To distract yourself from thinking about Minho licking chocolate from your lips, you finally jumped the gun and downloaded dating apps for the first time. Well, Chaeryoung and Jisung did.

“Put on your bathing suit,” she ordered.

“Excuse you.”

“What? All your selfies are so normal!”

“Normal is a good thing, Chaer.”

“But it’s not,” Jisung piped in. “Dating is not what it used to be. Before, it was as simple as looking pretty, saying your favorite song or movie, and naming the restaurant you want your first date to be at. Now, you have to get personal. Name a niche hobby, what character from a TV show represents you the most, what childhood trauma affected your frontal lobe development -”

“Ok, I get it.”

Jisung and Chaeryoung sandwiched you tightly on the couch even though the view of the tablet was easily seen. Chaeryoung filled in all the prompts for you a little too enthusiastically while Jisung was there to judge through the lens of the male gaze and snacks.

The woman beside you cackled evilly. “This is so much fun! I can’t believe you’re finally doing this. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment?”

“Seriously. What man made you do this?” Jisung teased.

You yanked the tablet back. “No one.”

“Liar.”

“Who do you think, Han?” Chaeryoung stated bluntly. “Who else could have brought this blessing upon us?”

“Oh,” he mused, “duh.”

“Shut up, both of you! No one made me do this. Am I not worthy of finding love?”

“Of course you are. Just not this way.”

“Why not this way?”

“Just watch.”

The second someone completes their profile, it’s like the app forces it at the top of everyone’s algorithm. You received a lot of interest and private messages in the first five minutes, many of which were… bold…

“Men are so uncouth,” you groaned. “Is sex all you think about?”

“Yeah,” Jisung shrugged, pointing to his head and then his groin. “Two heads, two brains.”

“Ugh, gross.”

Chaeryoung swiped left at lightning speed. “Too young, too old, too short, too tall, too smart –”

“I like smart,” you pouted.

“The key to a healthy relationship is to be smarter than them.” Jisung didn’t argue, as he was happily committed to his intelligent partner (a mystery to all, as no one knew how he bagged a research fellow).

There’s a knock on your door. The three of you look at each other in confusion.

“You two need to stop secretly inviting strange men to my home,” you accused before getting up.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Jisung defended, “did you?” Chaeryoung denied.

When you opened the door, a disheveled Minho stood there with an oily bag in his hands. He raised a brow. “Am I that strange?”

Just as you were trying to trust in the dating app algorithm, the Gods and Cupid said, ‘let there be chaos!’ “You, specifically? A little bit.”

“Ha ha,” he drawled. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yeah!” Jisung called from the couch. “This is girl time, Min!”

“Shut up!” Chaeryoung pulled Jisung up from the couch and they both patted your head before rushing out the door. “We’ll see you later, _____!”

“Y-You don’t have to leave!” you practically begged.

“Honey, it’s past-nine on a weekday, yes we do!”

“I didn’t realize the time,” Minho frowned, looking at his watch. “I was nearby with Hyunjin and thought I’d stop by with some fries to make up for Chaeryoung tossing them out on your birthday.”

You don’t even remember that happening. “That’s so nice of you.”

“I can come back another time.”

“No!” you said an octave too high. “No, please come in!”

Minho’s outfit was more casual than ‘DAHLIA’s typical button down and tight slacks and you deduced he was working at ‘RED LIGHT’ today. There were multiple oil and/or beer stains on his shirt and his hair was parted and pointing in different directions, evidence of his hand having to go through it several dozen times out of stress.

“You look…”

“I know,” he sighed, plopping the bag on the table. “There was a work-lunch event today that turned into dinner for some corporate slugs. Then, Hyunjin was looking at a location for his coffee excursion and asked for my help. Four hours later, I’m starving and thought of you.”

He was thinking of you a lot lately, it seemed, and it was hard to deny that you reciprocated. “This is wonderful, thank you. I owe you two dinners now.”

“You don’t ‘owe’ me anything. Friends don’t owe; they treat.”

“My treat next time, then.”

“And the next,” he reminded with a smirk. “What were you girlies doing just now?”

“Um,” you hesitated, cheeks stuffed with potato. “Making me a dating profile.”

He raised a brow in the same way when he saw you walking in with San: questioning and dissatisfied. “You never had one before?”

“I was on-and-off when I first moved here, but I couldn’t stand to open the apps after a couple days of usage.”

He does the thing with his fingers when he gestures to come close. You noticed his hands were veinier now than when you were younger.

“Let me see.”

“Let you see my dating profile?” He nodded. “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, I’ll give you an opinion through the male gaze.”

“Why do you think Jisung was here?”

“Certainly not that.”

Defeated, you handed him your phone with the app open. There’s a twinkle of curiosity wondering how he’d react, but you wanted to tame that fire quickly. He scrolled and swiped, then scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled.

His face was stern when he said, “You already have a lot of admirers.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

He didn’t answer and continued to scroll. “What about that guy you work with?”

“San? What about him?”

“Nothing came of it?”

“Didn’t I tell you that would be inappropriate?”

“Is that the only reason stopping you?”

You squint your eyes at your all too curious friend who hadn’t looked up from your phone since taking it. He popped fries in his mouth rhythmically like a metronome until he caught the heat from your gaze. He looked up and did a double take.

“Hm?” he asked.

“Why are you so curious?”

“So, there’s another reason stopping you?”

“And if there is?”

“And if there is…” he repeated, fiddling with your phone charm. “Would you tell me?”

The inkling of assumption tickled annoyingly at the corners of your mind. Was he asking to let you know that he knew he was the reason for your desires? Or was he asking to tease you, to prove to you that if you had made the right decision all those years ago, you could have been in Karina’s position? That all this time you spent away from him, your journey for companionship started too late. And sure, your bank account was as filled as your stomach, but was it worth it when you had no one to share it with?

He waited patiently for your answer, but you heard his foot tapping rapidly on the wood. Your mouth opened, then closed, and you finally shook your head in shame, because your lips were cursed to speak the truth or nothing at all and you would rather deny than to admit.

He licked his lips, and that gesture alone sparked something in your core. Then he nodded in a way that expressed sourness, as if this confirmation was exactly what he expected but not what he was hoping in both the nonverbal response and the underlying tone that trailed behind it.

You broke the silence. “How’s Karina?”

“Good.” He was quick to shake his head. “Actually, I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since lunch a month ago.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve… been too busy.”

Shameful and embarrassed, was what you gathered from his response. As he should; to criticize your decision only to repeat the cycle when he found fulfillment in his career was so… Hypocritical was not a strong enough word. Betrayal, perhaps, was the most correct, but that didn’t satisfy you, either.

You wouldn’t get satisfaction from any angle, though. No matter how you viewed it, it was selfish to consider yourself relevant here. Minho was hurting; everything you feared about relationships had flowered before him and crushed the idea that perfection could be achieved as long as both people tried. But it seemed that although he tried, it wasn’t enough, and maybe his ideals were more out of the ordinary than he anticipated.

“It’s put a bit of a strain on our relationship. She wants to settle down and I… I thought I did, too, but… you know, my places have been growing so much, and…”

As he trailed off and off through a list of excuses, it took you all the way back to the night that it rained. You also spat excuses from your pockets and got nowhere. Now, Minho was on your side, but it didn’t feel great, either.

“What’s more important to you?” you asked.

That was the age-old dilemma, wasn’t it? What was most important to someone as an adult who spent most of their life getting educated and preparing for the professional world to milk money from consumers; the career they adored and earned or the love they found along the way? One could argue they could live without love, but could one live with themselves if they gave up their dream? How many rom-coms have you and Minho laughed at where the world that movie was set in was in a vacuum and the couple always chose each other? Though the plot was fake, the dilemma was real, and the choices they made in the movies were just not realistic.

“Important,” he chuckled, understanding what you were getting at. “Why can’t both be important to me?”

“They can, but it’s clear your efforts are imbalanced in one direction. Otherwise, we would not be having this conversation.”

The fries were long gone. Minho stood up and tossed the bag in the trash before grabbing the unfinished bottle of wine leftover from your birthday and two glasses. You supposed tonight would be the most appropriate night to finish it off. Plus, Minho needed it, apparently.

“I tried, you know,” he sighed, “I really did. I text every night; I send her flowers to her office; I cook for her, shower her with gifts, and tell her regularly that I-I…”

Minho didn’t complete his thought, but you knew what he meant to say. Why would he not, for your sake? “That you love her?”

“Yeah. That I loved her.” Your glasses raised in sync. “I get it. I’m not as present, and I get her love language is quality time, but when did the thought stop counting?”

“Have you considered you two aren’t compatible?”

“Anyone can be compatible, no? Where’s the effort?”

Now you were feeling annoyed. Were these digs subconsciously at you? “Effort can only go so far. You said her love language is quality time. You could do everything in between, but you’re not there to hold her, to kiss her, to tangle under the bed sheets as much as she wants, then guess what? She’s never going to feel the love that she wants and deserves.”

“What about me? What about what I want?”

“I don’t know what you want. Does she? Do you?”

Minho chugged the rest of the cabernet in his glass, nose wrinkling, before pouring in more with a heavy hand. You ignored how cute his nose looked. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Ok, so you can’t complain is what I’m hearing.”

A chuckle huffed through his nose, annoyed that someone who he confided in didn’t feed into his fantasy that his ideology was gospel.

“Ahh!” he groaned loudly to the ceiling. “Fucking hell. I thought this was supposed to get easier when we were older?”

“What? Love?” you scoffed. “Look at us; I’m stuck on the apps and you’re stuck in your ways. You think this gets easier just because we have more ‘life experience’?” Your air quotes were overly exaggerated. “No, dude. People are dumb at every age.”

“I’m not dumb,” he pouted.

“You’re a little dumb.”

He giggled a bit and it traveled down his belly to a full laugh. You couldn’t help but smile, too, which grew into your own fit of laughs, and the condo was filled with ugly laughs and tears of joy, pain, and all that was locked inside your’s and Minho’s souls since inception. These nights were the ones you once looked forward to.

When the giggles died down, he stared blankly at the swirling wine in the glass and asked, “Do you think we could have worked out?”

You felt your cheeks and nose flare brightly. “Worked out? Like if we tried?”

In some other tangential timeline, Minho moved to the city. Maybe he still bought out ‘RED LIGHT’, and you would visit him everyday after work and bring your coworkers in to show off your hot bartender boyfriend. Then, you’d take the train home together. You’d wind down on the couch watching a couple episodes of something light and crawl into bed in each other’s arms. Your lips would never leave his unless it was to come up for air, arms wrapped around his naked torso as he crawled on top, and mumbling praises and poems of how much you adored him.

Like an asteroid that orbits a planet, you revolve your life around him and his happiness. If you tried long distance or if you gave up your career, it would be a difficult feat, and happiness would not be found in that desert. Leaving for the city was for the best. He eventually found his oasis, and you were still on the long journey of finding yours in between the infinite dunes.

Before you realized, your nose burned some more and your vision blurred. “I think it still would have been really hard.”

“Would it have been worth it?”

“I think…” you hesitated, but the wine in your veins was overtaking, “it would only have been worth it if it was with you.”

“Then, why?” he begged. “What happened to ‘it’s better to have loved and lost’?”

“After all this time, you still can’t see what I see. I never want to risk something where I would lose you. So, I didn’t think I’d lose you if I said no.”

“This is… so stupid…”

“Don’t insult me in my home.”

“No, I… I…” he stuttered, and it’s just now you see his eyes were glossy, too. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s so fucking stupid.”

It was stupid; you moved out to move on, and here he was at your door bringing you french fries and opening bars across from where you work, invading your life like a decade-old infectious disease with no ailment known to man-kind. It was stupid; he was taken, spitting out confessions of his failing love story to the one he ended, telling you he still thinks of you before he sleeps. It was very stupid, and it pained you not to fall for it.

You shook your head. “Don’t.”

“______ -”

“You can’t think of me.”

He reached out across the table to take your hands. You allowed it, because you were a weak, weak woman, starving for touch and hungry for him. His skin was rough and tired from the dehydrating soaps of the service industry, but they felt so right.

“Tell me you don’t think of me,” he demanded. “Tell me, and I’ll leave.”

“What does it mean for you to leave? You will leave my home, and then what? Will you try to be better for her? You’ll stay in my life and we can be friends? Or will you leave permanently and change the dynamic of our friend group forever for the second time?” By now, the tears were falling and words choked as they came out, but your grip on him betrayed you and you held on like he was hanging off a cliff.

“I… The… The former…”

“Then, no. No, I don’t think of you. I’m not tormented by you, I’m not in ruins when I see you, I don’t smell you on my clothes, I don’t see you when I close my eyes, or in stranger’s faces when they pass, I don’t dream of you, and I definitely don’t think of you every second of everyday!”

“You can’t even convince yourself anymore. Why won’t you be vulnerable with me?”

“Vulnerability is weakness, Minho! I have been strong for so long; without you, at that!” your voice was shrill and loud and you couldn't be bothered to sit. You were up from your chair, leaning over the table, and he winced as you kept going. “You come here, turn my life upside down, and ask me to be vulnerable? To lower my guard around you? After you abandoned me all because the circumstances weren’t right at that moment? Fuck you.”

He got up from the table to get to you and towered over you, torso much wider than you remembered. He was too close, and you could feel him feel you. Your body hadn’t turned to face him, too scared to face your biggest fear, so he forced it upon you by holding your shoulders. His eyes, so big and brown that it was easy to drown in them, dug deep into yours and pleaded with everything he had in his heart.

“Fine, don’t be vulnerable, but show yourself some mercy, for fuck’s sake.”

“Mercy? I want someone I can’t have. How does that merit mercy?”

He faltered a bit and you regretted the moment you invited him in. His eyebrows furrowed in what you thought was pity. Your head dropped in shame; that was the last thing you needed. His hands moved to hold your face as if he never wanted you to drop something so precious to him ever again.

“Don’t,” you repeated.

His forehead connected with yours and suddenly, you felt young again. It’s what you needed, what you wanted, but…

“I want to kiss you.”

The rush from five years ago hit you like a truck. “I want to kiss you, too.”

Every emotion, every desire, collided into the kiss. His hands swiftly moved to your waist and pulled you in until every millimeter of you touched some part of him and soon your hands were lost in his hair. His lips were soft, and you always imagined them to feel like petals of a tulip, but he was earnest and there was some pain in the amount of pressure he pressed into you. The pain felt good, the feeling of being wanted made your heart soar, and you two exchanged gasps and moans as your lips moved fervently, hungry for indulgence after being teased with temptation. But his tongue tasted sour, and bitter, and nothing like the coffee and chocolate you once dreamed of, because this circumstance was yet again not right. He tasted like rotting fruit because stolen fruit was never sweet.

You broke away, gasping and sniffling and it was so hard to breathe. “You’re not mine,” you cried.

“But you have always been mine,” he whispered, with his breath ghosting your lips.

You shook your head, over and over until you freed yourself from his grip, wishing you’d be free of him forever. You turned your back to him, unable to show your face as you said, “I think you should leave.”

Back then, you wished he fought for you as much as he wished you to do the same. You wished he’d followed you, or waited for you until the time was right, but of course time didn’t wait for anyone. Deep down, as you broke into pieces in your dining room, you hoped he’d fight for you then, too, and proclaim that his heart belonged to only you. You were fooled twice, and as the saying goes, shame on you.

The failure of reciprocity would weigh you down just as much. You never fought for him the way you wished he would for you for the simple fact that you weren’t allowed to. He was a taken man, a man who said not too long ago how he told her he loved her every single night, and it would destroy you how he’d go home later and still say those words.

You believed everyone was worthy of love, including you. The love you wanted wasn’t supposed to feel tainted or spoiled. No matter how much you wanted him, how much he claimed he wanted you from the very start, you wouldn’t be that kind of woman who stole someone’s man, and therefore you would not confess to anything else that lay hidden away in your heart.

Minho left quietly. The battle was over, and you broke down on the floor.

Heavy and loud sobs escaped your quivering lips in a poor attempt to dissipate the pain that expanded in your chest. Your cries echoed into the open loft until you couldn’t stand the sound of your voice and wasting tissues, but your body wouldn’t let up. So, you transferred yourself to the bathroom, running a hot shower and curling up on the tile until the water ran cold. Here, your cries were muffled by the artificial rain, just as you had cried into the storm that ugly night long ago.

You called in sick the following day.

–

For the next quarter, you were happy you were swamped with work, for once. That meant waking up early, taking the train when the sun had barely risen, and leaving when it had long gone to sleep. It was the same for most people in the office and you were blessed with not having to conjure up a lie to get away from San’s advances to get you to happy hour.

In sum, you hoped it meant you’d be too busy to think of him, but when you had only a single moment, a single second of freedom, he invaded every bit of you. He was a virus, a parasite, sucking the life out of you like he was reminding you what you desired that once was within arms reach was now lost forever. Like Icarus, you fell from the ether into despair, surrounded by darkness from the absence of the sun in your only moments outside of the office. On days when you were off, you had begged your boss to let you come in, to distract you with some enrichment of any stupid task even if it meant gluing together inadvertently shredded proprietary documents for sixteen hours, but HR would catch on too quickly, was what he said.

You hoped to fall hopelessly in this troposphere of purgatory forever, operating through the days on autopilot, but your heart had sunk to your gut and it ached to land on the earth to end the pain. Just as you were getting the hang of flowing with the wind, Minho called once. Then, he called twice. On the third, you almost answered, but when your eyes welled and you struggled to breathe, you figured it was your body’s reaction to falling faster and further beneath the clouds. You spent those nights he called curled up in some corner of your home under a multitude of blankets waiting for the headache and heartache to subside, but by then the night turned to dawn and time was limited.

Chaeryoung would call, too; she’d text; she’d send you food, coffee, and chocolates, and much of it went cold because any sight of food made you nauseous. Lately, you moved so slow that sustenance wasn’t a necessity anymore, nor was it a pleasure. She was always quite the worrywart, so you tried to answer as much and as vaguely as you could, but at one point it was too exhausting to keep up the lie and you gave up, leaving her with one-worded answers that didn’t satisfy either party.

And so you continued to fall; continued to cry, rot, and falter when all you had done was taste forbidden fruit.

His birthday approached faster than you could get over him.

For a while, no one seemed to mind your absence besides Chaeryoung and Minho, who had called to see if you were attending any of the last-minute get-togethers or planned reservations in the recent month. The one big one you regretted missing was Chan’s birthday, who was rightfully miffed, but you hoped the gift you shipped would make up for it. You kept up with social media, though, and liked all the pictures that came from those nights. 

Each post, you’d look for him. You’d admire what he was wearing; you’d wonder what cologne he was wearing; you’d imagine the way his eyes lit up when Karina walked in the room. But she wasn’t in any of the photos.

You didn’t tell anyone what transpired the second time with Minho. It was too embarrassing to have fallen for him twice, which sent feminism back at least a decade. You were going to conjure up some work-related lie to get out of his birthday celebration, but Chaeryoung wouldn’t allow it and even went as far as messaging San for confirmation about your work schedule.

In a huff, she busted through to your home before you could reject her kindness. Normally, your girl was all smiles and full of expressions, but tonight she was strict and stern, which meant she was mad. Very mad.

“I need you to not message my coworkers, please,” you said as she filtered through your closet. “I don’t want a meeting with HR on Monday.”

She didn’t turn to face you when she snapped, “It felt like you were lying, so I had to double check.”

“I wasn’t lying. It was busy, but we just lightened up after the deadline yesterday.”

“So, why couldn’t you tell me that?”

“I needed an excuse to not go tonight.”

She shook her head, clearly frustrated with how insufferable you were being. She turned to you with glossy eyes and you regretted avoiding her lately. “Aren’t I your friend?”

Her having to ask really stung. “You’re my best friend.”

“Then can’t you tell me why you disappeared for three months?”

“I… it’s hard, Chaer…”

“For God’s sake, _____, you’re thirty. Act like it, and use your words!”

“I can’t,” your voice cracked, “I can’t see Minho.”

Her face softened, realizing maybe that night when she left you with someone you saw as a stranger was not what a best friend did. You watched her scan through your slumped posture and sunken eyes before she lunged and hugged you tightly. Tears burned, the feeling of gentle humanity fulfilling your highest hierarchy of needs overflowing all your emotions.

“What happened?” she whispered.

“We kissed,” you whispered back.

“And?”

“I kissed back.”

“But?”

“He’s not mine.”

She pushed you to arms length, eyes knitting sternly. “I think you should go tonight.”

“Chaer -”

“Trust me. You might regret it. It’s his thirtieth, after all.” She pushed away the hairs that cling to your forehead before running to grab some make up. “Let me do your make-up! It’ll be like your twenty-first all over again.”

She sat you down on your bed and began to dab away at the color-correcting pallet. A box of tissues lay next to her so she could catch the tears before they fell. She created a large pile in the end.

“Do you want him to be yours?” she asked after a long moment of silence.

You wanted to smell him on your clothes, adore him in your dreams, and wake up next to him. You want him to be yours, only yours, and to not have to share him with someone who he also chose. Under this sanguine circumstance, still, you smiled at this very thought, because of course the answer was, “Yes.”

And she, too smiled, her own tears forming while she dabbed yours with another fist full of tissues. “Then, go to him.”

“But -”

“_____,” she breathed sternly, sniffling a bit. “You stupid, stupid people-pleaser. Fight for yourself, for once.”

When you thought the battle was long over, little did you know you were still fighting all this time.

Despite trying not to think of him, as his birthday approached, the calendar terrorized you to get him a gift. Just in case, you know? It was a fancy Nakiri knife whose steel was decorated in waves. The Internet told you that a chef’s knife was similar to that of a samurai’s sword, so only the highest quality of Damascus steel was preferred. As you held the box in your hand at his front steps, your mind and heart kept battling with each other and debated whether or not getting a personal gift was too intimate versus a gift card to some generic restaurant to establish a boundary.

But wasn’t the boundary already too blurry, anyways?

Chaeryoung pushed you inside the already-unlocked door. All the boys and their partners and Chaeryoung’s now-official real man were already there surrounding the island. Minho, who just had a grin on, dropped it quickly upon seeing you come in and straightened his back. It’s like deja vu from your birthday.

Karina wasn't present.

Your body’s instinct was to turn and run out the door, but Chaeryoung anticipated your every move and was quick to block you. She squeezed your hand and tugged you further inside. You greeted the boys and their partners first, who all said a variation of, ‘long time, no see,’ before reaching Minho. His expression was still starstruck and confused. He didn’t appear angry. Perhaps it was a feeling worse than that, which could not be translated through his face.

With sweaty hands, you handed him the small rectangular box. “Happy birthday.”

He was hesitant to take it, as if to question the possibility of diffusion of poison through the skin. His hesitancy allowed you to get a whiff of his bourbon vanilla cologne. “Thank you.”

“Oh, so you’ll come for Minho’s birthday, but not mine?” Chan pouted.

“Some things are worth coming out for,” you retorted.

The night went on and you played your role as an onlooker in the background, hoping to blend in with the walls and remain unnoticed so as to not ruin the night. You watched him and the boys shove each other playfully and inhale any and all food Minho made. Who’s to say that thirty was old when the epitome of youth was in the souls of a group of hungry boys? Conversations and debates picked up from when they last saw each other. Some of them filled you in and others forced you to answer without knowing the majority opinion. Laughs and giggles filled the kitchen and even when it seemed that Minho didn’t want to whenever you answered, he couldn’t help himself from smiling at your ridiculous answers, though he stopped when he’d catch you watching him.

As the clock ticked forward, your anticipation for Karina to pop in at any moment dwindled. Maybe she was also having a rough quarter three and taking a late night at the office, but to miss her boyfriend’s thirtieth was… a choice, even if they were fighting or some other strange reason. But then four hours turned to six hours and then it was, ‘damn, it’s already 2:00 AM?’ and she never came.

“Are you ready to go?” Chaeryoung asked at the front door.

Minho was now alone in the kitchen and there were a lot of dishes left to wash. You should help him.

“No,” you said. “I’ll call you later.”

She had a hard time hiding her grin as she left.

You approached him slowly like how you’d approach an angry cat because he was scrubbing the dishes a little too furiously. He didn’t look up despite knowing what you were up to.

“Can I help?” you asked.

Still, he refused to look at you, but he handed you the sponge. Well, that was progress, right?

Dishes and clean up were completed in silence. No chit-chat, no music, just the sound of running water and dishes clinking in the cupboards. The task was finished in good time, and just before you decided that your stay was long overdue, he pulled another deja vu card.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbled to the floor.

“It’s your thirtieth birthday. Chaeryoung told me to come.”

“You could’ve said no.”

“I could’ve.”

A salty laugh - or perhaps a scoff - was uttered. He was tired, you were tired, and the air was cold and stale. The topics orbited like a satellite, coming ‘round for another turn for a different thirtieth celebration, if either of you would even call it that.

Minho let out a big sigh. “Only you can disappear for three months and come back into open arms.”

The words arranged sounded like a compliment, but it was clearly the opposite. “I don’t expect to be forgiven.”

“No, you shouldn’t. I tried calling you.”

“I know.”

“Texting. E-mailing. Fuck, even snail mailing!”

“I know…”

He threw his hands in the air, as he did whenever he was frustrated, and turned to take a breather from your nonchalance. You were supposed to be fighting for him, not letting him slip away like this, but why was this so hard when loving him came easily?

“I shouldn’t have come over that night,” he said after returning. “I was trying too hard to be friends again and I crossed a point where I couldn’t return from.”

“Isn’t that the story of our friendship?”

“Is that how you feel?”

“We were never really just friends, were we?” you teased.

“No,” he admitted softly, “we never were.”

Your eyes met for the first time that night. His were red and puffy, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in three months.

You swallowed the rock in your throat. “Where’s Karina?”

“I don’t know. I broke up with her a while ago.”

Your chest felt tight and your voice bubbled out a garbled, “Why?”

And his mirrored, to the point where he had to clear his throat. “I don’t love her anymore.”

“So, is it true? Is it better to have loved and lost?”

“I wouldn’t exchange my days with her for anything.”

It didn’t make sense; it just didn’t. When someone loved that deeply, how could they throw that person away so easily?

“I’m sorry,” was all you could say.

“I’m not.” He cleared his throat. “I loved her and she loved me. It was fulfilling, and now it’s not. It’s just how it is.”

“Isn’t that painful?”

“If it means I get to feel like I’m flying, I think I can handle it.”

The concept, the idea of that, was just too hard to grasp. It took your wax wings melting to realize that the journey upwards was worth the descent.

“Enough about my failures,” he said hoarsely, “What about you? How… how are you doing?”

How were you supposed to admit that tonight was the first night you had a proper meal? That sleep only came under the influence of some generic-brand silver liquor? That you plucked a fist full of grey hairs the day before? Would admitting to vulnerability prove that you were fighting for this? For him? Or would it make you look pathetic?

“I’ve been doing fine.”

The centers of his brows scrunched together and his lips pursed. He inhaled heavily, his sniffles echoing through his quiet home.

“Are you?” he stuttered, voice distorted and desperate. “Really?”

No, of course not, and that much was clear when you started to cry.

“Because,” he continued, “if you can’t tell, I’m… dying on the inside.”

“Because of me?” you whispered, feeling the weight of your actions collapsing.

“Because of you. It’s always because of you. Everyday for the past ten years. It’s always been you.”

“Why couldn’t you forget me? Why? When you were the one to throw me away?”

“How!” he cried out. “How could I forget about you, when all I wanted was you?”

“You wanted to change me! You wanted me to abandon my career.” “I wanted you to try!”

“And you were right!” Sobs choked in your chest. “You were right. If I loved you, I should have fought for you. I should have tried harder. And I really shouldn’t have admitted those feelings to you when you were not mine. For everything that I’ve done, I’m so, so sorry.”

“You should be. You are so mean,” he hissed, pointing harshly. “You torture me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Even when I close my eyes, I see you.”

“I’m sorry -”

“I named my fucking bar after your favorite flower! And now you stand here in my home asking me to forget about you? How am I supposed to even begin doing that, hm? How, when everything around me reminds me of you?”

Your sobs were visceral and messy, and you buried your face in your hands. Maybe tears held the youth Ponce de Leon searched his whole life for the way yours could fill the fountain in minutes and how wiping them took away two decades of your life.

“I’m going to ask you once more,” he whispered. “One last time, and I’ll leave it be forever because I’m fucking tired. Do you think of me as often as I think of you?”

You caved in when all else went wrong and there was nothing else to hide. “Everyday.”

“Do you want me as much as I want you?”

“No,” you replied, “Because I need you. Now, let me ask you: do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?”

His lips quivered before he laughed and you do, too, because that was the cringiest thing you’ve ever said. He held your face, that precious face of yours that he adored so much, dabbing away your tears. His eyes fluttered to your lips, a habit he couldn’t shake off after all these years.

“I need you to kiss me,” he demanded.

He tasted like honey and his lips fit yours like the second half of a two-piece puzzle. This was slow and deliberate, no longer going at the crushing speed of fervent passion because you had all the time in the world together now, and Minho was always the type of man to take his time. You couldn’t stand to leave his lips even for air and they ghosted his only for a few seconds before you tip-toed and pressed yourself deeper against him. Your hands were occupied with gripping his shirt at his waist to keep him in place. When you felt his smile on your lips, you grinned back and held him by his beautiful face.

“I need you to stay,” he formed on your lips.

“All I need is you,” you answered.

Even while traveling to his bedroom, both of you refused to separate as you bumped into furniture.

“We should take this slow,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

“Get acquainted with each other, or whatever,” you concurred after removing his belt.

“Maybe get coffee some time?” he asked into the crook of your neck.

“Or a drink? I know this really cute bar called ‘DAHLIA’.”

He threw you onto his bed. After removing his shirt, he crawled on top. “I think I’ve heard it.”

“Oh yeah?” You undid his pants zipper. “I know the bartender. A little narcissistic, though; he thinks he’s so hot.”

He trailed kisses down your lips, to your neck, to your sternum, to your stomach, until the top of your panties where his fingers hooked. “I know he is.”

You called Chaeryoung the next afternoon. At first, she scolded you for not texting her when you got home, but when she checked your location during the call, she screamed so loud that Minho dropped the spatula while making your breakfast.

The sanguine satellite would continue to orbit her world and revolve her life around his happiness; and he would continue to do the same.

[serejae]

WE CANT BE FRIENDS | 23. SO FOR NOW ITS ONLY ME

(written + smau at the end)

prev | next

pairing : myungjae x fem!reader | genre : angst fluff | w.c 1309

a/n: cause if one day u wake up and find that ur missing me and ur heart starts to wonder where on this earth i could be thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet and you'll see me waiting for u on he corner of the street (if u understand kiss me).

10 things i hate about you + the notebook references

wrote this while i was sick so if u hate u hate sick ppl | @onedoornet

mstl

taglist @lilriswife4life @cherrytaesan @tubatu-lovie @woonsbot @guiltysungho @taylorluvation @kage-yaa @lionhanie @dearly-somber @nicholasluvbot @nujeskz @unhakki @lblossom21 @kirbyyluvs @seunghancore @nctrawberries @i03jae @icewons @miidorei @hanbinniesmango @dongminz @helpsplease @sol3chu @letwiiparkjay @woorcve @brachioswrld

riwoo and taesan laid on jaehyuns bed watching him spin on his chair

“i dont know what to do…do i just give up?? she already has jeong-“

“gosh please dont say his name.” taesan grumbled

“i cant stand hearing him one more time without seeinf his feet in my face.” taesan looked up at the ceiling. riwoo sat up looking at jaehyun

“sorry, but theres no point in chasing after yn anymore” jaehyun put his head in his hands

“what do you mean theres no point? you did all this work just to end up back at no where?” riwoo stood up and walked towards jaehyun

“maybe this was just some dumb lesson that this will be a mistake ill have to live with for the rest of my life”

riwoo saw the tears start to form in jaehyuns eyes and sighed

“jaehyun do like yn or not?”

jaehyun nodded

“and was she worth all this trouble?”

“she is but jaehyun-“

“STOP IT!” taesan yelled

“jeong jaehyun” riwoo started

“STOP” they both looked over at the black haired boy sprawled out on the bed

“he isnt half the man you are and he certainly isnt the man for yn. go.

go get your girl.”

jaehyun jumped to his feet and ran out the house

“is he gonna run to her house…?” taesan propped himself up

“love is love taesan”

-

the whole day moved in slow motion. between your thoughts on the date tonight, to the night with jaehyun. suddenly the clock fast forward and now it was 6:30. you were already ready, but not dressed as you were currently walking back and forth debating on going to the bathroom and washing your face and just going to bed and canceling the date.

just then the doorbell rings, mentally cursing yourself, the clock reads 6:37. why was jeong jaehyun so early? making your way to the door you peer it open slightly

"give me 5-"

"yn."

myung jaehyun stood out there and he seemed stressed, widening your door he walked in.

closing the door behind you, you stared at his back as he turned away.

"i knew you were debating on going on the date, yn...

go on the date.

go on the date with him"

you stayed silent and jaehyun turned around to you, walking up to you he grabbed your hand into his.

"do you miss me?" he asked staring into your eyes hoping for a clear answer

"i'm not sure how i feel...

i feel like that i like you but i dont know jaehyun"

he nodded and smiled slightly

"go with him"

"but you didnt-" you said eyebrows furrowed not wanting to betray jaehyun as he didn't go on his date

"i knew what i wanted yn, i wanted you, it's always been you. go on the date and if tomorrow, one day, one month, one year

fuck, just anytime if you even feel it in your bones that you miss me, come back to the place where we met and I'll be there. you don't have to know what you want. you don't have to feel like you want to forgive me or a relationship, but as long as you want me I'll be there for you to come back to. i'm not going anywhere

I'll wait as long as i need until you want me again."

the bell rang making you look over at the clock, 7:01. you turn back to jaehyun and see him nod. running back to your room you quickly get dressed and grab your things.

"i'll leave after you, i promise to lock your door"

smiling at him you open the door away from myung jaehyun.

-

it wasn't that the date was unenjoyable, it wasn't for you. jeong jaehyun didn't prioritize you. he didn't prioritize your opinions, feelings, or wants. he constantly talked about himself, his goodlooks, his trophies, his life, he just wasn't who you saw yourself waking up to every day. tapping the glass cup that was in front of you you ignored everything he said

while he was talking you heard something from the other table that made you dilute whatever jeong had to say.

"i think we should end things"

"what? are you serious?! after everything we've worked through and done together? youre just gonna throw it away?"

"its not that its just me. i just think this relationship will distract me from my job"

"hey...i'll be there for you, through the good and the bad. we never know until we try."

"i have no doubt youre going to be there for me, your that kind of person and that's why i love you, but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you."

"and you think ending things won't hurt me? even if its on good terms it might as well end on bad terms...

can you live without me?"

you see the other person shake their head

"then if you break up with me you're going to miss me either way. and come back, so why make it harder for yourself and mess up now when you don't even know? maybe we can work through it, i want this to be something that makes our relationship stronger, not harder.

cause thats what love is

and i love you, so much."

"yn?" jeong jaehyun asked

"yeah?" you said being knocked out of lalaland

"did you even listen to me talk about the history of football?"

"i- uh....

i need to go."

good thing you hadnt ordered anything yet because you took off running ignoring your name being called from jeong, you knew you had one place to go and one place to be

home

"wow shes a fast runner" jeong jaehyun said as he watched you run

-

"can you get out of my house"

woonhak groaned for the 47th time as jaehyun paced back and forth in his living room as he edited the new clips.

"so you told yn to go on the date with the other jaehyun and then you ran here just to walk around ?” woonhak asked resting his head on the couch pillow and staring at jaehyun peeking from the window

"i'm waiting for some...one" he said as he fixed the blinds trying to find the perfect angle "why are your blinds so stiff?" jaehyun complained

"i never open my blinds" woonhak shruged "so why are you waiting for yn at MY house?"

jaehyun looked over at woonak and spoke "we met here, when you introduced her to me that day."

"okay so why do you have to meet her here NOW?"

"you dont get true love do you?"

"i dont get maniacs"

"if she changes her mind this is the first place she will go-"

thats when woonhaks door gets banged on

jaehyun runs to the door and opens it, you jump to wrap your arms around him to which he wraps his arms around you

"can you live without me?" you asked as you look up at jaehyun

he shook his head

"good, cause i want you. and we're going to have to work though this together if you want me too...

i want this whole breakup thing to make our relationship stronger, i want us to last and I'm willing to fight for us because i want you and me to be the ideal image for romance, even during times when it gets hard for us. i just need you to not leave when it does..."

he nodded and smiled a bit

"i wont leave you anymore...

have you been listening to my music?" jaehyun called you out recognizing the lyrics

you let out a laugh "way to ruin the moment but maybe..."

"perfect."

you both turn to see woonhak filming with his phone

"oh i'm so passing this class!

okay i'm serious get out, both of you. also lock the door on your way out."