#may you all be well rested bc lord knows im not

[josecariohca]

.

[sabh0]

"If you want me to talk solely about the manga vs anime skk"

I do, actually.

Please.

Pretty please with a cherry on top.

PART 1.

Aight!! I will be just pointing out some differences/stuff that was deleted from the anime.

Under the cut

THE DUNGEON SCENE:

-When they first meet again in the manga, they throw some silly jokes at each other (like Dazai asking Chuuya if he's hiding a bald spot. And Chuuya just taking his hat off to show him he's, in fact, not balding)

-In the manga when Chuuya calls Dazai the youngest mafia executive, in his mind Dazai is wearing his ADA clothes but keeps the black coat and the bandaged eye. I think it's a very silly detail

-In the anime, in anger Chuuya actually cuts Dazai's cheek with his knife. In the manga, the moment he starts getting angry he jumps away from Dazai and then throws the knife to the floor, not touching him at all

-Manga Chuuya falls to his knees (basically standing on all 4s), having a lil crisis after realizing Dazai only stayed in the dunegon to meet him. He gets up in a while, just to yet again squat on the floor after Dazai yapps more

-Obviously the pigeon-stand scene: in the manga Dazai is laughing to tears at this, while in the anime he stays silent. (Tho i must say i find it funny that Chuuya gets angry over Dazai not laughing,, like he tried so hard and this guy just :| him)

LOVECRAFT FIGHT:

-This is not about skk but lord yall know that panel where Chuuya ie standing on all these Guild ppl being all like im gonna beat ur ass next. He's just standing normally on the floor in the anime. Aughhhhh this panel is so good aughhhh. Ok anyway back to skk

-When Dazai nullifies John's ability, in the anime Chuuya just kicks Steinbeck from behind. In the manga, skk perform that silly move where Chuuya jumps from behind Dazai. It just shows how even after 4 years of not working with each other, they instantly work together as well as before

-Skk arguing about who's walking next to who like some preschoolers ('dont walk next to me' 'its you who's standing next to me' typa thing) then deciding that they're gonna stay at least 2 metres away from each other

-The manga clearly shows Chuuya's expression when he's talking about 'being happy when Dazai left'. He definitely doesn't look very happy. (In the anime we just get some background drawings)

-Manga Chuuya's lil blush when Dazai compliments his taste in shoes 😭😭

-When Dazai asks for Chuuya's knife, in the manga Chuuya just goes 'oh sure lemme find it' and is actually ready to give him the knife. In the anime? Chuuya doesn't search for the knife, instead he just gets annoyed

-Anime deleted the scene where Dazai talks to Chuuya about recording Kunikida while he was cursed with Q's ability. Chuuya going bruh he also annoys ppl in the agency

-those two idiots calling each other stupid nicknames for half of a page

-Chuuya mentioning keeping a track of women Dazai made cry and threatening him with sending them Dazai's address????

-Dazai telling Chuuya that his intelligence will be consumed by his hat (im currently looking at my polish version of the manga so the translation may be a bit off but anyway)

-Before activating Corruption, they yet again call each other a bunch of stupid nicknames (ahah consider this a silly form of goodbye if anything happens)

-Remember my post about Dazai keeping his eyes on Chuuya at all times during Corruption in the manga? In the anime he looks either at John or at Lovecraft, no puppy eyed loser

-Just a mention that in the manga we see Chuuya sleeping while he's sitting, he doesn't flop passed out to the ground (until later)

Well i will stop there for now bc it's past midnight and umm this is gonna be long af if i continue with the rest so,, i will add the differences in the next skk interactions tomorrow or something muah

[kisstuals]

if blue could be happiness

PAIRING. na jaemin x female!reader WORD COUNT. 2.4k CONTAINS. angst, romance, actor!au WARNINGS. implied smut, just the reader being sad and in her head a lot, pretty reflective and retrospective, not much plot more emotions and vibes PLAYLIST. if blue could be happiness - florist | never goodbye - nct dream | liability - lorde NOTE. turns out i love complex female characters and depressing stories and men who fall harder… who is sensing a theme in my works? also im kinda back hahahaha hope everyone has been well xx. i’d say i’ll be more active now but i have a bad track record. that being said, please do give this some love and interact and let me know ur thoughts bc that will motivate me to be more active and post more things!!! would love to chat with you all <3

All you have ever known is being alone, so you can’t help but pull away when Jaemin comes into your life. Too bad he’s here to stay.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TRAVELING, there is a wave of relief that hits you when the plane finally makes its descent in New York City. The tall buildings shimmer against the twilight sky, and even from so far away, you can sense the hustle and bustle of the always-busy city. You can imagine people getting off work after staying late, going into bars for happy hour. They laugh and giggle with their friends with a drink in their hands. New York City is always alive, and that’s why you love being there, as the fervor and excitement almost allows you to forget about how empty you feel all the time.

Despite that, there is a blue stillness around. A cloud of comfort, broken by a brief anticipation.

Your fingers curl around your seatbelt, waiting for the indication that you could finally take it off and leave the plane. It had been a month since you were last home, as you had been in Paris for the shoot of your upcoming movie. There is no doubt that your time there had been lovely, for you participated in every cliche there was for a Parisian tourist… eating too many croissants every day, visiting the Eiffel Tower, getting lost in the Louvre. The actual work you had gone to Paris for also concluded smoothly, but film shoots were never a problem for someone like you who actually enjoys their job.

None of that mattered though. You were aching to finally be home. It’s difficult to ignore your heart that is practically beating out of your chest, but that may be for reasons other than simply arriving back in your favorite city.

Reasons that are called Na Jaemin.

You wonder if he thought about you nearly as much as you did over the past month. And why would you, consider that you were the one who pushed him away. But you keep on wondering this as you leave the plane. He plagues your mind at the baggage claim, when you get into the car waiting for you, and the entire ride home. The buzz of your phone on the leather seat next to you is the only thing that pulls you out of your daze, eyes blindly following whatever buildings you could see in the distance. It was getting late, but New York never slept.

It buzzes again, and you finally blink before reaching for your phone. It’s a text from your sister, who had been house-sitting for you (or, more of an excuse to hang out in the city).

sister: he just showed up.

Your eyebrows furrow. The texts keep coming in

sister: (name). sister: JAEMIN IS HERE sister: when are you getting back?

Movements growing frantic, you quickly look outside for a landmark, realizing you were still pretty far from your apartment. And with the city traffic, it would at least be another hour.

you: WDYM HE’S HERE? you: i won’t be home for a while you: tell him to go wait in my room

She sends you a thumbs up and you sigh, leaning back into your seat to close your eyes in hopes of getting some rest. Your efforts prove to be futile, of course, because he’s all you can think about.

The first time you met him, you were drunk out of your mind. It was Ryujin’s party for actors to gather and mingle if you remembered correctly, but truthfully your memories of that night were pretty foggy. Everyone was dressed nicely and there was expensive liquor lining the countertops, but you ungracefully stumbled into Jaemin, a new and rising actor whose name was everywhere on the tabloids, in a corner somewhere. See, you were normally always on your best behavior, with perfectly styled hair, manicured nails, and hands folded politely. You never tripped over your own feet. You never spoke out of turn. You never did what you weren’t supposed to do, which was a long list considering you were an A-list actress with an image pristine like glass. People looked up to you.

So you had really no explanation for how Jaemin’s hands ended up around your waist, his lips chasing your own. Your body was hot against his, aching for his touch, and when you finally gave in, there was no stopping either of you. His lips moved ferociously against yours, lighting your skin on fire wherever they touched you.

It was no surprise you ended up in his bed later that night, but it was equally less of a surprise that you left the next morning before he could even wake up.

Yet, that was only the beginning. You seemed to run into him everywhere. At parties of mutual friends, you didn’t even realize you shared. At dress fittings, because the stylist for your next movie also happened to be his personal stylist. At the new coffee shop you decided to try out, and then realized was his favorite.

Suddenly, you couldn’t run away anymore. He was going to be in your life, whether you willed for it or not, so you entertained it for a brief minute. So you kissed him at parties and showed up at dress fittings with your hand in his. Every Sunday, you went to his favorite coffee shop together. You went to sleep in his bed and woke up in his arms. His name was linked to yours, and everyone talked about it, but you didn’t care. You had relinquished all control of your life.  

It was great, until it wasn’t. Until he got too close, and you went too far.

That night, there was a downpour in New York City and you retreated back into the comforts of your home. Of the perfect, orderly life you built for yourself.

And the next morning, you left for Paris.

There is a tremble in your fingers as you enter the code to your apartment. Why was he here? You pushed him away, and then he was meant to stay away. People don’t usually try so hard to remain in your life. Probably because of how distant you keep your heart from them. Or maybe that’s why you began doing it in the first place. It’s been so long, you cannot even remember what came first.

Your sister greets you with a worried smile as you enter. She takes your coat from you and you take a moment to set down your belongings, including the large suitcase you had been hauling behind you. The longer you take to go into your room, the longer you have to prepare for whatever is about to happen.

“(Name). He’s been waiting.” Your sister says, looking pointedly at your room door. You’ve dug your toes so far into black boots that you are afraid they may appear at the other end. There is a fleeting touch of comfort on your shoulder before she walks away. With a sigh, you take off your shoes and arrange them neatly on the shoe rack.

In an apartment as big as yours, the walk to your room is shorter than you remember, but you know you cannot delay this any further. Jaemin is definitely aware of your presence, no matter how softly your clothed feet hit the wooden floor of your apartment, so you finally open the door.  

Your heart stills when you see him. He’s sitting at the foot of your bed, wearing a fluffy brown jacket and a hat to match. It’s pretty obvious how he looks out of place against your cold, blue walls.

“Hi.” His smile is cautious like you might run away upon seeing him. His worries are not entirely absurd though, as you do consider backing away. But his eyes are warm, and you remember how much you are aching for his touch. You can’t help but take another step towards him.

“Hi.” Your voice cracks and he notices, but you both choose to ignore it.

“How was Paris?”

“It was good.” The temperature of your room must be near freezing, but somehow your words are colder. Jaemin winces, subtle yet noticeable, and stands up, rubbing his hands on his jeans. You pray that he doesn’t move any closer to you, as then you might actually run away, and somehow, he listens.

The heart is a silly little thing, because you find yourself disappointed at the distance between Jaemin and you, even though this ruin was your doing.

“(Name)...” You’re not sure what he’s going to say, but the deep breath he takes before speaking lets you know that you are not ready to hear it. Not yet.

“Sorry for making you wait. Got stuck in traffic.” You begin moving around the room to straighten up a few things that suddenly looked out of order, even though no one had entered your room while you were gone.

“Oh, uh, it’s okay.” His gaze follows your every move. “I hope your sister wasn’t uncomfortable with me just showing up.”

“No, not uncomfortable. Just surprised that you’re here.” Arranging your lipsticks from the darkest red to the lightest nude seemed like the perfect task at this moment, so you stand in the corner of your room farthest from Jaemin, hovering over your vanity.

He sighs. “Me too.”

This makes you glance back at him, eyebrows raised. “You are… also surprised that you’re here?”

“Yeah, considering how you just left me, why would I want to be here?” Jaemin is always honest, and you appreciate him for that, but you can’t ignore the guilt that pools in your stomach as you finally meet his eyes.

Your lips purse, and if you’re feeling anything, you don’t let it show. “Why are you here, then?”

This is the question that ultimately pushes him over the edge. Jaemin’s expression darkens as he finally closes the distance between you two, stopping just close enough so you could feel his breath against yours.

“You’re seriously asking me this? After everything?” He asks incredulously, his eyes searching for answers in your own

“I told you it was over.”

“Okay, but why?” You don’t answer, but you also don’t step away. “What are you afraid of?” Your lip quivers.

“Stop,” you whisper, as you feel your resolve starting to break. Jaemin takes a step back but keeps going.

“That I’ll break your heart? That I’ll leave you and go away?” He lets out an empty, pained laugh. “Well, isn’t that what you’ve done?”

“Jaemin, I–” You begin to speak, but now it’s his turn to cut you off.

“But despite all that, I still love you.” Your eyes widen, and an unknown, indescribable feeling overtakes your entire being. A single tear escapes you, of guilt, and fear, of love and longing.

The room is silent for a minute, and then another.

You are unsure of what the proper response to his confession should be, but whatever it is, you have messed it up already by waiting so long. You owe him an answer, because of everything you’ve put him through. Because you walked into his life, and then walked out, doing it first as you were afraid he would soon enough. But above all, because you loved him too, despite everything you had tried to convince yourself of.

“I’m sorry.” You aren’t sure how to put all your thoughts in words, so you decide to apologize first, instead. And even though it may be a deflection, you hope he realizes that it’s sincere.

But there’s disbelief in his eyes, and you hate that he doubts you, even though you’ve given him every reason to. “That’s it?”

“You’re right. I left because I wanted to do it before you could.” You continue, providing him with the honesty he deserved from day one. “I was so sure you would, because people always leave anyway, you know? They come into my life, I get used to them, then they leave, and I have to get used to life without them. There’s only so many times you can do that before you simply cannot anymore.”

Jaemin’s expression is unreadable as he considers what you said. “So, the solution was to push me away, even though I told you I wasn’t going anywhere that night?” Now his tone is neutral, and you are unable to figure out if he is mad, upset, or disappointed by your explanation.

“Do you know how many times I’ve been told that?”

You had always known that the film world was a lonely one. Your dad was a producer and your mom was an actress. They fell in love when they were twenty and fell out of love when they were twenty-five, with affairs and scandals galore. That left you and your sister, mere toddlers, stuck in the middle, as they threatened to leave each other. Eventually, they just left you. Despite all that, you chose to go down the same path, as the film world was the only world you knew. And then you went through it all over it again, as friends, boyfriends, managers, and mentors all came into your life, only to leave again. The only person who had stuck around was your sister, but because she had to.

Jaemin was the first person who ever wanted to be in your life, by choice.

“I should’ve been more clear then. If I had told you I loved you that night, would you have stayed?” He asks, his voice breaking.

“I don’t think anything would’ve stopped me that night,” you say quietly, remembering how quickly you booked a flight to Paris, and leaving one week earlier than you were originally supposed to for your shoot.

“And how about now?”

You look into Jaemin’s eyes and see only a love for yourself, despite everything, just as he said. And in that moment, the heaviness that you had been carrying around in your heart for as long as you can remember finally settles.

“I want to stay.” You admit.

“So what’s stopping you?”

The question that has plagued you forever now rises to your lips, in a bout of vulnerability you never saw for yourself. “Please don’t leave me.”

At that, Jaemin is immediately reaching for you, the touch that you had yearned for finally engulfing you. He gently cups your face, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’m here, aren’t I? And, I always will be. I won’t give up on us.” You nod, and return his touch, tugging on the collar of his jacket to pull him closer. “And if you leave, I’ll come after you, again and again, like I did today. I just needed to know that you want this as much as I do.”

“I love you.”

And then you kiss him like you never have before, like blue water in the forests of love. Because if blue could be happiness, that is all you ever want.

© kisstuals, 2023

[dehydrated-turtle]

alright this is me over analyzing my tears ricochet and jason todd & bruce wayne :D (every single one of the lyrics included bc im insane) i got some of this stuff from genius so it may not be the exact meaning of the lyrics but art is subjective and meant to be interpreted differently so suck it

"we gather here we line up weeping in a sunlit room / and if i'm on fire you'll be made of ashes too"

ok so we are obviously setting the scene for a funeral, pretty self explanatory while talking about jason, he's dead. now the second part of this line means that like 'if i go down youre coming too', in relation to jason i think this would mean how bruce like spiraled so far when he died OR this could be the kind of ultimatum he gave bruce in UTRH saying 'you either kill him or kill me before i kill him' like im going down youre coming with me yk?

"even on my worst day did i deserve babe all the hell you gave me? / 'cause i loved you i swear i loved you, till my dying day"

jason's worst days could be like coming back and being a crime lord and bruce giving him shit for it but it could also be just him making a mistake as robin when he was younger and bruce going apeshit. and yes he loved him, but only until his dying day? WOAHHHHH i hope he still loves him though but i can see that line being a kind of outburst of emotions like "i dont love you anymore!!" but only because he's angry and doesnt actually mean it

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace" (im only gonna do the chorus lines once lol)

well i feel like this is self explanitory, he didn't have it in him to go with grace, dying of like 3 things and so brutally, or he fought until the end and even tried to save his mother who betrayed him, OR he didnt even have it in him to stay dead lol

"and you're the hero flying around saving face"

I LOVE THIS LINE I LOVE IT I LOVE IT UGH anyway you can see this as bruce being a hero, because he is batman after all, but he's only saving face, keeping up appearances, not caring about what jason feels and has to keep up his "morals". it also could just be a stab at bruce being "narcissistic"

"and if i'm dead to you why are you at the wake"

I've struggled to understand this line sometimes but i've come to the conclusion it means like if im dead to you why are you still around like why do you keep bothering me if im dead to you. applying this to jason, he's asking bruce "if i'm dead to you, if you disown me because i killed people, why do you keep bothering me, leave me be old man." also the double meaning because he did actually die.

"cursing my name, wishing i stayed"

this would mean like bruce "cursing his name" and wishing he stayed or at least stayed the same, saying he was better before he came back and what happened to that little boy and things like that.

"look at how my tears ricochet"

on genius it says that ricochet means to like bounce off of something but its usually used with things like bullets or other projectile weapons and such. i think this is so FITTING UGH. some people have also said that they ricochet off of the intended target, this being bruce, because they are unaffected by the emotional distress. some others had said that it could mean that sometimes when a bullet ricochets it causes more damage and not to the intended target. this could be just the rest of the batfamily like dick because he was affected too or just going back on himself

"we gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean / some to throw some to make a diamond ring"

I SAW SOMETHING SO INTERESTING ON THIS LINE ON GENIUS someone said that the stones could be in reference to secrets or little things about a person, some to throw or like use as blackmail, some to make a diamond ring like some to cherish and just have little things about someone you love and make the relationship stronger. I LOVE THE DUALITY BECAUSE ITS SO JASON AND BRUCE they love each other and have their own little things about each other but either would use them against the other

"you know i didn't want to haunt you / but what a ghostly scene"

yeah this is self explanatory ALSO JASON HAUNTING DICK AHHHH anyway

"You wear the same jewels that i gave you / as you bury me"

I've seen some people say that this means like i can see you trying to look like you cared, wearing something i gave you while you put me in this coffin but i dont really see a connection to jason and bruce in this. you could take it however as like keeping his suit on display or something, this is definitely one of the weaker links

"'cause when i'd fight you used to tell me i was brave" (see above for the rest of the chorus)

I LOVE THIS LINE TOO so many bangers anyway, i feel like this one is self explanatory as well, bruce used to tell jason when he was robin that he was brave when he faught but not so much anymore. he's not proud of him anymore

"and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home"

now he's free from bruce and being in the confines of his rules and someone else's name, he can go anywhere he wants and do anything he wants but he can never go home because of it, im gonna go cry for a sec hold on

"and you can aim for my heart go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones"

I LOVE LYRICS LIKE THIS, lemme just take a sec to appreciate the fact that theres a double meaning in there, going for blood but missing and missing someone so much, i love it. anyway, i would connect this to the end of UTRH when bruce accidentally kills jason, oops spoilers, but he comes back agian with the same purple shit that brought him back in the first place (superboy prime puching reality making it so jason cant die??) but he MISSED HAHA LOSER bc obviously jason is still alive. and bruce would still miss jay no matter what he does because thats his son and jason knows it.

"and i still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) / and when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies) "

he only ever really talks to bruce when he's screaming in anguish or cursing his name for just being generally mad at him or when he misses him perchance. and when bruce can't sleep at night he knows its because of him, bit of a dry line in terms of jason and bruce but i love it nonetheless

"and so the battle ships will sink beneath the waves / you had to kill me but it killed you just the same"

these lines are another weak link because there really isnt any way i can think of to connect them to jason other than the last line saying but it killed you just the same, being like bruce almost killed himself every night going out full of rage when jason died but thats all i can think of rn

"you turned into your worst fears"

I LOVE THIS WHEN TALKING ABOUT BRUCE BC HE LITERALLY DID he turned into a bat, his biggest fear but from jason's perspective it would be more something along the lines of what he's doing isnt justice anymore and letting joker run free is an act of injustice because he knows hed cause less death and destruction if he were dead instead of locked up AGIAN for like 3 seconds

"and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain / crossing out the good years"

tossing out blame like bruce telling himself that he's responsible for jasons death or just generally tossing around blame for things to others because he doenst want to deal with the consequences, i feel like jason would think he does that yk? and obviously hes drunk on the pain of losing his son like damn but he's crossing out the good years still when he sees jason now, not acknowledging the fact that they really did have good times and that jason isn't just a criminal, he is his one and hes the same person as when he died he just grew up

ok thats all of the lyrics, this song is so them its actually insane i think taylor just wrote it about them atp

[generational-atrophy]

this may be a weird request and feel free to ignore this if you're not comfortable doing it for whatever reason but I saw the request with a British S/O and I thought how about main 8 with a Jewish S/O? Being Jewish myself I just wanna see some S/O representation cuz there's almost 0 in the hetalia fandom and it'd make my week ❤️ ty in advance 😭 (this was longer than I meant it to be ahh sorryyy)

(Hetalia Main 8 x Reader) Jewish S/O!

(Gender Neutral) Scenario ~ A/N omg this is not a weird request at all!!! Im very happy to do this one!!!! Recently i have been seriously considering converting but idk wher to start fjkhjf sorry for taking so long!! PLS LET ME KNOW IF I SAID ANYTHING INACCURATE DEAR LORD

Trigger Warning: Religious stuff obviously, other than that just Fluff!

Alfred supports and loves you completely! His country was supposed to be a land of religious freedom, and he will defend that right to his death, goddamnit!

He has some basic knowledge of the Jewish faith, but most of the information he’s been told is horribly Christianized. A lot of is inaccurate, but rarely downright offensive. So when you correct him, he’ll end up asking a million follow-up questions. Maybe just bring him next time along you go to synagogue…

Now, anyone whose friends with him, is gonna know just as much as he does. If any religious thing gets brought up, he’s immediately trying to educate the rest of them on Judaism. It’s cute but… he’s also maybe a bit too enthusiastic. It’s like trivia night but the trivia is just things you’ve told him about your faith.

As happy as he is to spend time relaxing during Shabbat, he may get a little antsy… and a little annoying. It’s probably all that capitalist wiring messing up his brain, he’ll get used to it eventually.

Arthur has never delved deep into any religion since… well… not since the BCs. So your religion plays no part in his feelings towards you, he’d love you the same no matter what.

Even if he develops some affection for your faith, it’s unlikely he’ll be open to converting. Nothing personal, he supports you completely, it’s just… he’s just found that being religious leads to much more conflict than he prefers. 

But… if you want a wedding soon, he’s all in from the start. His country is known for their weddings, remember? And now the two of you will have to somehow throw the biggest Jewish wedding in the whole of Europe. Under your guidance, of course. Really, it’s just that Arthur wants to prove something about the two of you. But at least your family will have fun. Maybe.

Most of the holidays you celebrate, he won’t join in on unless you beg. He tells you it’s because he’s a protestant (he’s not,) but really he just feels like he’s intruding on your culture. But the days spent deliberately relaxing, doing nothing but eating traditional food? He can get behind those pretty easily.

Francis sees your Jewishness as nothing more than another fascinating piece in the painting that you are. If something is important to you, it’ll become important to him too!

Depending on your devotion level, he’ll try to support you as much as possible. But if your life revolves around your faith, he may get a little concerned. I mean,  being devoted is great! But your health and safety should come first as well. At least, that’s what he believes.

He himself, subscribes to no religion. Throughout the centuries, he’s passed from one to another, even being Jewish for a decade or two! But… that was also in the 200s… and he didn’t really commit. But if you want him to commit this time, he is absolutely ready to.

Oh, and the holidays? He would love to join you in observing them. Even the one which involve worship, he’ll happily do it as well, if you would want him to. He’ll even make a bunch of food to bring! Having such a strong community is something that’s really important to him, so he’d love to share that with you.

Whatever you believe in, it makes no difference to Yao. As long as you don’t think he’s going to hell, he’s cool with it… oh, you don’t believe there is a hell? Even better then!

He has seen many different belief systems rise and fall, so he’s never been that religious himself. The only thing he’s ever truly believed in were the things taught to him at birth, and even then he questions. But whatever makes sense to you, he’ll go along with it as well.

If you’re uber-devoted, it’s one of the main things he admires about you. It shows your courage and the strength of your ethics. Both traits he shares with you! Just… about different things. But if you’re not super into your faith, that’s totally fine too. That just means he doesn’t have to do as much.

As much as he loves taking things slow and enjoying the little things in life, he’s  quite the workaholic at heart. After a few Shabbat weekends, he’s itching to just spend time working on his home projects. All of which are…  pretty intense.

This is absolutely wonderful! Ivan would love a Jewish S/O, as he really respects the religion and culture surrounding it. 

Surprisingly, for an Orthodox Christian, he’s very familiar with the faith. Especially its history with his own religion. He rationalizes the differences between you as simply different ways to worship the same thing. Whether or not that’s accurate is up for debate, but either way, he supports you fully.

He’d love to observe Shabbat with you! Setting aside time, specifically just to enjoy the peaceful, domestic beauties of life… he completely understands why this would be a holy practice. He’s a little upset his own people haven’t caught onto that yet… why doesn’t everyone do that?

He’s… very enthusiastic about the concept of marrying you. Regardless of whether his church approves or your synagogue, he believes you two can mix traditions and have the most wonderful wedding. After all, nothing about the two of you is conventional in the first place!

While Feliciano may be devout himself to another religion, he has nothing but love in his heart for yours. Your differences only bring you two closer!

Always the romantic, he’s already planning your wedding in his head. And he wants it to completely align with your faith’s traditions! He’s had plenty of his own weddings before now, so he’d love to make it special for you and your family. He’s been saving just for a grand wedding like that!

Considering how strongly Catholic he is, he knows quite a lot about Jewish history. Religion has always been one of his little fascinations… so he’s very enthusiastic about learning about your faith. He’ll be a little awkward at first, not knowing which questions are ok to ask, but eventually, he’ll figure it out.

If you ask him to, he’ll observe some holidays with you, but most of the time he goes out of his way not to. Just in the same way that he tries not to involve you in his own practices. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s overwriting your faith, and he’s careful not to intrude. He’s a bit overly sensitive in that way, but it means well.

While Ludwig himself does not care for religion, he respects your devotion greatly! Your beliefs harm no one, so he’ll happily support you in any way you ask of him.

Frankly, he’d probably be the most likely person on this list to convert. It reminds him of the faith his rulers have tried to instil in him, but in a more peaceful and traditional way that appeals to him. It wouldn’t take much of a push to get him all in-

Even if he doesn’t convert, he’s still nothing but happy to come along with anything you bring him to. He’ll be a little awkward, feeling out of place, at the start. But as long as you’re inviting him, he might as well get as much experience as he can!

Regardless of his current convictions, he’s unlikely to join you in observing any of the less vital holidays and practices. He’s still young for a nation and he’s quite the workaholic, so he’s always running from one place to the next. But if you get him to settle down and connect with himself more spiritually, it’d probably do him some good.

Kiku trusts you completely, so whatever religion you believe in, he’ll be right there beside you. Not in converting, per se, but he’ll gladly join you in any open celebrations or gatherings!

He shows his support for your beliefs in a… very Kiku way. He won’t bring it up often, but he’ll do a ton of research on his own time. You never have to remind him when an important holiday is coming up! He knows. And don’t worry, he’s got everything you need already. But will he come to synagogue with you? Well… maybe.

Frankly, I can’t imagine him being a marriage person. If that’s what you want, he’s totally up for it, but don’t expect him to do much planning himself. The one gripe he might have is just that he wants a small wedding… so hopefully, you do too.

[darkicedragon]

darkicedragon supernatural dogsitting/delivery au oh no muzaka pawing at the door and m just like 'do you need the toilet or a run?' bc muzaka wants to go meet up w frankenstein azure yesss and to Muzaka's horror he gets both a harness/leash and a muzzle not bc M thinks he'll bite someone bc he knows he'll eat something darkicedragon but also unsure abt taking muzaka out for a walk bc muzaka might take HIM for a walk instead XD azure "If you don't behave, we are not going anywhere' =^= Muzaka is like >^>""" "and you are also getting a bath" o^o!!"" darkicedragon m ends up wetter than muzaka XDD and spends the rest of the night drying up the bathroom

darkicedragon taos amused bc m is Prepping to dogsit 'youd think he was your dog w how much youre buying' 'im being paid a lot for this and he goes thru EVERYTHING so i may as well buy some extra stuff' azure ahahahaha thankfully he knows the butcher (they're a very nice minotaur) so he gets a lot of bones for free darkicedragon m finding the scars across muzakas body and wondering if hes a rescue fighting dog azure "Well that explains your behaviour," M muttering as he brushes his coat darkicedragon oh god m starts talking abt muzaka doesnt mention hes a dog the other supernaturals know muzakas a ww neither of them realise the other has a different mental picture of muzaka hahaha azure OH MY GOD XDD ahahhahah "Uh, he got his head stuck in a jar. Again." and the other supernatural is like 😱 bc u mean lord Muzaka???? also bonus points if Muzaka is MASSIVE an absolute UNIT of a doggo standing almost up to M's chest but M's like "Yeah, he's on the bigger side. Prolly a cross breed with a wolf." darkicedragon 'when hes on my lap, he wont fucking move' and supernaturals are like >-> 'is lord muzaka also with this human as well?' and m talking abt spending hrs brushing out muzakas hair darkicedragon frankenstein hears abt the misunderstanding and gets it immediately, but also plays along muzaka also adds to it wo realising how it sounds 'oh yeh, i spent the entire night w m last night' tho i guess some would realise it was bc muzaka transformed, but even then, thats a Big Trust, even if muzaka is the lord also, muzaka howling and m just |-ó seeing the bunch of wws outside 'why are they acting like youre in heat??' darkicedragon m keeps going w his life until hes talking w someone and then theyre just like o/ 'lord muzaka!' o/ 'yo' 'huh, i know a dog w the same name as u. ........hes got similar scars as u too....?' 'yeh, thats me' ^--^ 'thanks for lookin after me' '................uh' and ms just panicking, bc shit. hes just been talking shit abt muzaka this entire time azure OH MY GOOOOD XDDD and M is absolutely deadpan like "yeah, that makes a lot of sense" darkicedragon '....frankenstein just said it was dogsitting?' 'well. i was a wolf at the time, yeh?' and m just internally >/////< over all the belly rubs and grooming he did w muzaka and putting on the bandana and making muzaka wearing the harness and- '.......lord?' 'yeh, im the lord of all the wws' hes going to fucking DIE azure AHAHAHHAA XDDD M's like ಠ_ಠ 'and you need dogsitting?" darkicedragon next time m gets a request for dogsitting, its actually just a dinner w frankenstein and humanoid muzaka, as a thank you/apology for not being completely clear 'yeh! im still instinctual durinf the full moon and frankensteins busy to keep an eye on me' azure M like =^= while eating the food bc hey, free food "hard to find ppl to look after you and well, you kinda dealt with lots of supernaturals. figured you'd handle it. darkicedragon 'and you wouldnt take advantage of the situation' 'take advantage that hes a dog???' m still doesnt know abt frankenstein XD azure what did Franken dooo XDDD darkicedragon the whole mad scientist stuff aha so they trusted m wouldnt go poking for research, bc he doesnt even know it exists or that its imp azure ah, fair XD

[variousincorrectxreader]

hii ! i hope i'm not disturbing you or anything but i was wondering if i could get a male aot & arcane matchup ?? if you're not taking any requests or so, please disregard this hehe

i'm 19 ( turning 20 in a few months ew ), an architecture student, pansexual with a more male preference, libra, and my mbti is enfj if you need all that jazz ! hehe

appearance-wise, i have dark brown eyes, long layered wavy-curly hair that's dyed kinda like a golden-brown ( though my original dark brown hair is showing since i haven't dyed my hair in months hekhok ). i am short ( 4'11 - 5'0 😭 ), i have tanned skin, and long black nails as of the moment ! i also wear these transparent-rimmed glasses, though they're mainly used when i use gadgets or read.

for hobbies, i like to create art ( mainly sketch and paint using watercolor now bc of my major ), watch anime, do makeup, play video games, and read books ! i love anything horror, stephen king and junji ito are my favorites in the genre. i also love true crime and psychology ( would've prob taken political science or criminology if i didn't take architecture ) !

personality-wise, people would say i am very sociable, outspoken, and friendly. they also say that i'm funny and very loud ( in a good way! ). i join a lot of organizations in my school and my friends and classmates would always joke about me being the next president or vice-president of our organizations. i call everyone 'babes' or 'babe' and i can easily make friends or joining in the crowd/bond with someone because i am bond to have at least one similarity with the person, may it be from our likes, dislikes, or experiences. my friends also say that i am a 'motherly' type of person; someone who loves love, who is protective, who tries to help in anyway they can, and who will love someone with all of their heart.

ig my type would be nerdy people who can be your best friend HDKSJDKD i don't specifically have a type bc i tend to go from the soft and cute people to the shy or quiet mysterious people HDJAJDKDKS. though, i like the idea of someone balancing me out, so probably a mix of both where like they're my best friend who teases me but they're more quiet and less sociable than me with other people. behind closed doors or when there aren't that much people around, they're romantic and clingy though HEHEHEH

that's all ig HAHHAHA i'm sorry if this is long but i hope you have a great day, babes ! mwah 💋

- 📐 anon

Hi! First off sorry it took so long, I just put off writing shit bc im just so tired. Anyways, im so sorry but I sort of fell out of AOT so I just wrote the arcane one out :( your arcane match up... I pair you with....

VIKTOR

Hes a nerd as well dw.

bro whenever you’re watching a crime show, or anything actually he figures out the plot and he’ll ask you if you want to know all the plot twists 💀💀. Wont tell you if you say no. I feel like he would love watching romance animes with you, he thinks they’re neat.

wont ask you to draw him but will be really pleased if you do, loves watching you play around with water colors, he finds it relaxing.

when hes really busy with hex tech he’ll invite you into his office and let you sit in silence with your head resting on his lap.

you help him socialize, lord knows he needs more friends. Appreciates your outgoing personality bc that means he won’t have to talk much around people at social functions 💀.

wouldn’t mind if you called other people babe or babes but you have to give him a nickname that you call him and only him.

You make sure he isn’t overworking himself and makes sure he’s getting enough rest, specially with his illness :(

since Jayce mainly covers the public appearances he doesnt mind you being clingy since he doesn’t have as high a reputation to hold so he lets you cling to him

you two cuddle up and read your favourite books ranging from fantasy and science based ones (his choice) or horror books (yours)

[milksnake-tea]

━━ scritchy scratchy .

❀ ˎˊ- prompt: about their less human traits and what it's like to pet them ❀ ˎˊ- characters: jiaoqiu, dan feng, sunday ❀ ˎˊ- warnings: none ❀ ˎˊ- a/n: this is so self indulgent GOODBYE 🙈🙈🙈 i just want to. pet them. majorly inspired by the neuron activation i had when i saw jiaoqiu's tail. also this is my therapy/break writing bc LORD THIS ONESHOT IS SAPPING MY BRAINCELLS. long hcs incoming. like really long. except for like dan feng maybe. im sorry i got carried away LMAO yapping is my specialty. also uhm. ignore the title. i literally could not come up with anything else if theres one thing im bad at. its titles ❀ ˎˊ- taglist: @sh0jun , @themoderatelyawesomeninja, @xphantasmagoriax, @rainswept, @lucensei, @akutasoda , @naraven , @scribs-dibs , @apathicace , @flurrina , @iceunhie (bc jiaoqiu is here)

Jiaoqiu's ears aren't that particularly sensitive, to be honest. He doesn't mind allowing close friends or family to touch them, and, truth be told, he finds your fascination with them amusing.

The fur on his ears is relatively short, with the real fluff being on the inside rather than on the outside. That isn't to say that you should reach for those tuffs of fluffier fur; it's rather uncomfortable and you'll be heading towards a fan to the face and a temporary revoking of ear privileges. It isn't much of a loss though, because despite the shorter fur, Jiaoqiu's ears are still soft and pleasant to touch.

Now, you didn't know this until you came by it by accident, but Jiaoqiu has a ticklish(?) spot at the base of his ears that instantly placates him, as embarrassing as it is. If you reach your fingers and scratch at where there's a little more firmness at the base, Jiaoqiu's silver tongue is suddenly quiet and he can't stop himself from keening into the touch. If you look closely enough, you'll see his fingers or his shoes tapping, speeding up the longer you scratch. It's one of his biggest weaknesses, no doubt, which is why he'll get whiny if you scratch it for too long in public, lightly smacking your hand away with a flush on his cheeks as he scrapes together what's left of his dignity. His pout is just adorable though, with slightly puffed cheeks behind that fan of his and an agitated tail, but for his sake, it's best if you keep it in private.

Because in private, Jiaoqiu is the exact opposite. Once doors are closed and prying eyes are no more, he's all too eager to get your hands on him. Of course, Jiaoqiu wouldn't be Jiaoqiu if he didn't beat around the bush and try to nudge you into petting him in his own way.

He starts after dinner, when you're lounging in the living room or cuddling in bed, unwinding just before you go to rest. His hand will start to creep to hold yours as he leans against you, before wordlessly lifting it and bringing it to his ears. At the same time, his tail will drape over both of your laps. Not a word is spoken during this, because his pride can't take it, but you know him well enough to follow suit.

Once your hands are looped around his head and at that sweet spot at the base of his ears, Jiaoqiu practically melts into you. Maybe once or twice a brief murmur of content may slip past his lips, but other than that, he's pretty much set for the night. A few minutes will pass, and you'll look back to him again, only to realize that your beloved healer has already fallen asleep, a smile on his lips.

Also, one last thing because I didn't know where to put it. But Jiaoqiu's tail is warm - incredibly warm, and he'll let you snuggle and cuddle it during the colder months of the Yaoqing. It honestly feels like you're hugging a cloud with just how fluffy it is. Like the base of his ears, it's a no-go for in public, but once you're in the comfort of your home, feel free to hug and ruffle it as much as you like. Just be careful if it wagging suddenly and smacking your hand in the process. And don't mess it up too much, because then you're going to be the one who has to brush it out (you don't mind though, and honestly neither does Jiaoqiu).

Being Dan Feng's significant other can mean a lot of things, but there's one aspect that for sure comes with the package - that being, he drags you around via his tail a lot. That thing will wrap around you like a vine, tugging you to his side in crowded areas and even when in places where he doesn't need to keep you close, his tail will still be resting around your waist or arm, protective and honestly kind of possessive.

Coupled with the fact that he can apparently desummon and summon his tail at will, this makes his choice to cling onto you - no matter how subtle it may be - intentional. His friends from the High Cloud Quintet have definitely pointed this out numerous time, but each time he waves them off with a huff and a "my personal life is none of your business". He says, as he does it in public.

Dan Feng's tail is cold - unnaturally so. It's smooth and actually kind of squishy, and it feels like river water. This is especially useful in the hotter months, where it serves as a welcomed escape from the heat. Knowing this, Dan Feng takes advantage of the temperatures by using it as an excuse to cling onto you even more. Whenever he gets questioned about it, he just shrugs and says that he's saving you from a potential heatstroke.

Now, neither Dan Feng's tail nor his horns are sensitive. They're just like any part of his body - in fact, Dan Feng's horns are less receptive to touch; he can barely feel that you're touching them, and he describes it akin to static - kind of tingly, a little ticklish, but overall ignorable.

He does like it when you play with the small tuff at the end of his tail though, a pleased hum escaping him whenever you toy with it and his tail squeezes you a little tighter. Sometimes, when he feels a little needy or lonely and wants cuddles, he'll tickle your face with this tuff of fur(? even he doesn't know what it is, honestly) before wrapping it around your arm and dragging you to wherever he needs you.

Dan Feng personally doesn't really understand what your fascination is with his horns, but it's certainly not unwelcome. If anything, he welcomes it a little too much, smugness tugging at his lips every time you ask to touch them. Sometime he'll hold it over your head, dangling it like a treat, but in the end he'll give in, because he loves the smiles on your face when allowed to indulge in what is, in his eyes, a silly thing (he would never allow anyone else to touch him so brazenly, so know this and be grateful, knowing that this is a privilege allotted to just you).

If Sunday trusts you enough to let you touch his wings, congratulations. Be honored. Because this man has trust issue after trust issue and has so many walls that Qlipoth would be jealous.

Halovians in general don't let many touch their wings, as that right is reserved to family for the primary set of wings, and to lovers for the secondary set at their nape. The reason for this is simple - Halovian wings are delicate, frail, and sensitive; one wrong move and they could be crushed without remorse. You have to treat them like glass, because they basically are glass - beautiful, yet frail.

Coupled with the fact that their secondary pair of wings is so close to their face, it's a rather intimate act to touch them. Sunday himself, inexperienced in the ways of intimacy, had to close his eyes when you first pet them, unable to handle such close proximity (this man has kissed you before).

Sunday's secondary pair of wings are particularly well-taken of, since they're, as said before, right next to his face and seen a lot due to his public image. Now, it's a common headcanon of mine that Sunday expresses himself a lot via his wings, with them fluttering when he's happy, flaring up when he's threatened, and puffing up when he's startled. I personally think that most of the time, his wings are relatively stagnant since he has that persona he has to keep up all the time, but at the same time, he's usually unprepared for those times he does feel genuine joy that his wings just start fluttering without him noticing.

This is how you found out he liked you, by the way. His wings wouldn't stop fluttering around you until you pointed them out, and instead of giving you a straight answer he just changed the subject, to which you had to ask Robin (she was ecstatic that Sunday actually had finally made a friend outside of work and found someone he liked enough to this point).

Now, let's actually talk about petting the wings themselves. Again, they're very sensitive, which is why they are a private thing only. If you did it in public, Sunday would not be happy and would probably ignore you for a day. So hold it in. I know it's hard. You can do it.

Don't worry though, because the rewards are definitely worth it. Once Sunday has given you the go-ahead to touch his wings, you're met with a very rare sight - which is Sunday with his guard completely down. His eyes are always closed when you tend to his wings, as if he's asleep. The only indicators you have that he isn't is the flush of his cheeks, the occasional breath of laughter when you rub against certain spots, and the rumbling in his chest that comes after a few minutes of petting. Yes. Sunday purrs. Birds can purr, and so can Sunday. Look it up, it's adorable.

You're not allowed to touch his halo, purely because it's almost painful to do so - although the correct term would be overstimulating. Sunday's halo is crucial to how he perceives the world around him, and such it's always receiving signals and sending them to his brain. Touching it is akin to poking his eyes, and while it usually isn't too bad, it's jarring and disorienting enough where it's a no-no.

The same can't be said for his primary set of wings - that being the larger, darker set that lies under his coat. He doesn't use nor stretch these nearly as much as his secondary set, which is why they're also more frail. You'll have to help him stretch them out from time to time, and just the wingspan enough is impressive. Sometimes, on the once-in-a-blue-moon chance that he has them out, he'll use them as your shield, covering you from the sunlight or the rain when you go outside.

There's a spot at the base of his primary wings, just in-between where the two sprout from his back, that is particularly sensitive. When you were in the middle of helping him to stretch his wings, your fingers had accidentally brushed against it, which had yanked a very uncharacteristic yelp from him. He still gets embarrassed when you mention it, but he's now grown used to the feeling of your hand against his back. Now, the most you'll get out of him is a shuddered sigh, and a faint shivering of his wings, which tells you all you need to know.

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[hausofmamadas]

WOOF, again another super overdue reblog but well worth the wait bc this shit is actually golden/magic/fire in a way I totally didn’t expect from this pair specifically??? So, fucj it, let’s get into it:

═

✷ A certain someone had given him enough experiences to develop a quite accurate instinct for this sort of thing.

SKSKSKS already dying at the way that Pacho just haunts Amado’s entire psyche

✷ Their bodies intertwined in complete darkness, surprisingly easy, both knowing exactly what to do, and Amado couldn’t help but wonder where Mayo got his experiences from.

I love love love this so much bc idk what it is about Mayo, possibly just the fact that he literally gives not a single fuck, but I don’t have to suspend a n y disbelief at the prospect that he’s touched tips with a gentleman, in his day, a time or two mayhaps this is why Benjamin was making eyes at him all flirty at Dina’s wedding hmmm??? Someday I will write that fic.... but I digress

✷ “How did you sleep?” That could mean two very different things, but either way his answer was the same. “Pretty good.”

NOSKSK I SLAPPED MY KEYBOARD SO HARD JUST NOW, i knocked my laptop off my lap bc Amado’s literally like, “sorry, did you mean, how did I 😴😴sleep? Or how did I 🥴🥴 sleeeeep?”

✷ But then Mayo just shrugged. “Gracias compa! If you ever need a favor, or a friend…you know where to find me.” He heard the meticulous way “friend” was pronounced, and he didn’t miss the suggestive gaze, right on the fine line between being flirtatious and blunt.

Idk why but something about Mayo being like calculated but flirty, is like a) such a hot flex and I can’t even articulate why, and b) such a mirror for Pacho bc I feel like even though they’re VERY different people, that meticulousness is something Mayo would share with Pacho y’know, like they’re both crafty mfs in business and love

✷ Those times gave him a brief illusion that the Colombian was his.

UGH OKYASISJSKSKSJSJJSSN ALREAYD KNOW IM GONNA BE SCREAMING THIS FOR THE REST OF THIS REBLOG BUT THE LONGING AND THE LOSS HERE, ALL THE ALLUSIONS TO PACHO ARE REALLY JUST— LIKE HE CANT ESCAPE IT, HE CANT HELP MAKING COMPARISONS I TRULY JUST AKSOSIW/&/8:2!

✷ In a way, that was the worst part, because he couldn’t even find a reason to be mad. How could he be mad at Pacho for not staying for a drink, when Pacho helped him to get half of the US market?

NO FORREAAAALLL THO I remmeber feeling the exact same way watching S3 and being so bummed for Amado at Pacho not wanting to go out and celebrate the big win and being so disappointed that like his homie was kinda checked out of the business by that point. It was such a bummer to watch and I’m not even in love with the man sksks maybe that’s why Amado latched onto May— er uhhhh, I mean Marta. Sorry getting my fic and my canon mixed up, which is like pretty par for the course with your writing

✷ This dark, enclosed space is perfect for sex, but terrible for smoking.

When I tell you I snorted so loud at this, like so loud my neighbors probably heard it bc how many times have we talked in the Discord about the glossy on-screen vs smelly reality of how much everyone fucking chain-smokes on this show sksk

✷ That makes perfect sense, but almost too much sense for people like them. It feels too effortless, too authentic. “Also, what other options do I have? El Señor de Los Cielos sounds cool, but lord of the sea just sounds like some dirty pirate with golden teeth.”

PFFFFFFFFTTTTJDJDJDJD NO BC IM NOW JUST PICTURING ALBERTO GUERRA AS A REGULAR FUCKIN JACK SPARROW and like I gotta be honest, the picture I have in my head is .... like I really don’t hate it? Like I weirdly feel like he could rock it being a sexy asf pirate?

✷ Mayo apparently doesn’t mind as he lights one for himself, the little spark shines on his face...

WOOOOOF god, I love this detail so much, SO gotdamn cinematic. I can see it as though I filmed it myself. Just *muah* fucking excellent prose

✷ Amado bursts out laughing at that ridiculous mental image, and the best part is that it doesn’t even look bad. Mayo as a dirty pirate? Hilarious, but not bad.

SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK NO BUT I SWEAR I DIDNT READ THIS AHEAD OF TIME, I almost always comment as I read, so the fact that literallyskkdkdkdkee Amado and I had the same exact thought of like “wow, Mayo as a pirate, what a hilarious thou— well..... y’know actually.... the more I think about it, like oh actually I’d still totally hop on that dick this is kind of working for me”

✷ But this is different; it’s lighthearted and simple, even contagious, like smiling doesn’t need a reason. It makes him want to smile too.

*bangs gavel repeatedly despite the fact that the courtroom is empty except for 2 sleeping cats* OH SURE???????? LIKE SMILING DOESNT NEED A REASON ???????? SSKOSSKWJWHAODOFJWBWOQOWJQJWJ GOTDAMN imjustsofuckingsorry but i am— that is such a fucking BANGER of a line. And here, yes. You guessed it folks, we come to a scrrrrreeeeeeeching halt at our first stop, one I like to call, “So Fucking Good, I’m Mad I Didn’t Write It/My Friends Are All So Talented”

✷ There isn’t a fixed schedule, of course, that would be fucking weird, but they can always find out when is a good time for the other person, meaning business is going smoothly and no one’s trying to kill them at the moment.

I love how pencilling in a date? fuck sesh? is contingent on like whether or not other cartels are actively trying to blow them to pieces or burn their boats down, or turn them into swish cheese with a machine gun as they’re trying to make their escape boarding a plane on a private runway. And like I can tooooootally relate me, who can’t be bothered to get together with a friend for coffee if I didn’t get enough sleep the night before so yeah, pretty much exactly the same Fuckships? Relationships really are hard work.

✷ One, they literally have never fucked on dry land. Two, he’s always the one running around. Mayo has never been to Juárez, at least not for this matter.

PFFFFFFTTTTTTJDJDJD not me talking about relationships being hard work and Amado seconds later just, “y’know Mayo, why am I always the one who comes to you. Like are you even committed to this fuckship relationship? Bc I really don’t see you putting in the work.”

✷ Mayo snorts, “on these boats?! What made you think that?”

“I don’t know, man. You’re here every time.”

NOOOOO I AMSKSKSKS S DYING bc ngl, I have never given a single fucking thought to where Mayo might actually live bc I think I also thought he lowkey just lived in a houseboat or something djdjdjdje

✷ ... because boats are the perfect place to do what they do. They can just sail out, park anywhere and all of a sudden, it’s like the whole world disappears. Whatever they do stays in the middle of nowhere ...

OH WHY IS THIS SO UNEXPECTEDLY ROMANTIC THO???????

✷ A strong sense of deja vu suddenly hits him. The first time Pacho came to his new house, in this exact same living room, whispering in his ear, “now pick a bedroom.”

okay, first off.... now pick a bedroom FUCKINF HOTTTTTTT And secondly, once agaaaaiiinnnn, the way you’ve woven little echoes of Pacho all throughout this as like Amado’s entire reference point for fuckships relationships with other men, bc Pacho was his first. Like it makes so much sense but also really does up the emotional anti and adds tension in way that I think is really clever, just bc Amado and Mayo are both like so terminally chill it’d be hard to manufacture otherwise? Idk if that makes any sense sksksksksks but i guess what im trying to say is just imlovingit

✷ Interestingly, he has been thinking about Pacho less frequently, at least less intensely. What just happened used to be a regular occurrence, but just now it took him by surprise.

JESUSSSS NO BC EVERYONE SJSJSJS SHUT UP THIS IS THE MOST REEAALL STATE OF MIND, POST-BREAKUP. It’s that moment where you remember you’d been feeling a lot of emotional pain, but the thing that reminds you of it is more the absence of the pain? Which is like a relief and also the fucking worst sjsjs bc it’s fully, “don’t think of the purple elephant,” except it’s like, “oh damn, I haven’t thought about So-And-So for 2 days, what progress! that’s so aweso— AW FUCKINN GREAT. I was thinking about how I haven’t been thinking about So-And-So, and now I’m just thinking about them again”

✷ Mayo is leaning sideways on the marble table, head slightly tilted to the side, patiently waiting. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by the unexpected silence. If anything, he looks curious.

Okayokayokay so I LOVE the idea that Mayo is one of those ppl that’s like so comfortable with silence, that he rarely says anything, but like it’s not awkward really unless you make it awkward? And bc i have be insufferable to draw comparisons to my blorbo and make everything about me it’s not the kind of like shy, introverted, silent-for-survival’s sake quietness of Barrón, it’s like waaywaywayyyyy more laid back which is so on brand for him

✷ He doesn’t care. If he looks up, he can see eye to eye with Jesus. For a brief moment he doesn’t care about that either. Why should he? They’re both going to hell anyway.

OH YOU BROUGHT THE CATHOLIC GUILT INTO THIS MF AND I AM ACTHALLY ???? FUCKIGNSJDJDJDJDJD HYPERVENTILATING ??? AT HOW STEAMY THIS IS????? AND THEN YOU OPTED FOR THE KILLSHOT RIGHT BTWN MY EYES WITH “Why should he? They’re both going to hell anyway” ???? I MEAN— HOW VERY DARE YOU???

✷ For some reason Mayo always woke up before him in their previous encounters, so this is actually the first time Amado sees him asleep.

It’s really so true how different ppl look when they’re asleep I for the record look like an actual slob goblin so this doesn’t at all apply to me like more childlike and innocent than when they’re awake and seeing that facet of Mayo would be absolutely faaaaaaaascinating, like I too would be creepin, watching this mf sleep sksksks

✷ Sometimes he forgets that he doesn’t have to hide her existence anymore. No one can hurt her now.

Oh friend..... uhhhhhh WHY??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????? HOW HAVE I WRONGED YOU??? WHY WOULD YOU DROP THIS 10 TON ANVIL ON MY HEAD AND THEN RUN AWAY LAUGHING ??? THIS IS SO ... YOUVE JUST FILLETED MY HEART WITH A GINSU KNIFE AND IM ACTUALLY TRYING TO KEEP THE SHREDDED PIECES TOGETHER WITH SCOTCH TAPE AND IM FEELING FINE ABOUT IT

✷ Amado understands that. Really, he does. But what about him? Hasn’t he always treated Pacho with utmost respect, trust and adoration? Hasn’t he been the best business partner, a good friend and more? What about them?

JYEEEEEEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST DUDE THIS IS JUST THE MOST GUTTING THING “what about them” I’m fine! It’s FINEEEEEEEEEE

✷ But respect does nothing to ease the pain, so he does the only thing he knows whenever he’s in a bad place these days. He dials the familiar number.

WOOOOF okay there’s this song called Brutal Hearts by Bedouin Soundclash, and it’s all about like two lovers who are clearly using each other but one is a little more attached than the other and it goes:

Are you the brutal heart? Are you the brutal heart that I’ve been looking for? ‘Cause if you’re looking for love, you can look for that door.

And this other part that goes:

I don’t mind at all. I don’t mind that you only call me when you want. And I’m just glad you want me at all.

And this is just!!!!! It’s giving me those viiiibes dude

✷ He just desperately needs to let out his frustration in someone, someone who doesn’t mind.

NOOOOOOSTOOOOPPTPPPPP WHY IS THIS SUCH JUST THE FUCKING HOTTTTTEEEEST THING THO

✷ Amado knows he’s not talking about the sex. That was never bad. That’s never the bad part with anyone.

Idk what it is about this particular fic, like maybe it’s the fact that you haven’t written this pairing before, but you’re really tapping into an internal monologue for Amado with these little observations, “That’s never the bad part with anyone,” that I am LIVING FOR, like that shit is my absolute kryptonite, it really puts me so in his head and in the moment

✷ But Mayo has always been on his own. Maybe he’s more of a lone wolf than any of them. Maybe that’s why Amado keeps coming back.

UGGGGHHHSJSJSJSJDJDOAKYAYYYY IM PRETTY SURE THIS JUST DETONATED A BOMB INSIDE MY HEAD bc I just realized it’s such a another subtle allusion to Pacho like it would make so much sense that Amado would find it comforting that Mayo’s such an independent spirit bc it means he can never lose him to found-family, the way he did with Pacho, but it also means he’s less likely to get as invested in Mayo bc he’ll always sort of be at arms length and GODDDDD ITSNJUST SNSODKDKSNE IM FLIPPING MY DAMN DESK OVER BC ITS SO GOOD, ITS SUCH PROSE, ITS SO SHOW-DONT-TELL

✷ … the kind of plan that only Mayo can pull off, because the asshole knows everyone and somehow always gets what he wants from these connections.

Idk why but the undertone of admiration and butthurt-ness in this is sending me skskssksks as though Amado hasn’t been super skilled at working his own connections like mans is the biggest trafficker in the world at that point, and he’s still like “ugh, that Mayo. He’s so much cooler than me. Why’s he so cool. Ugh, I hate him. But I love him but I hate him.”

✷ The nonchalance and casual cruelty send an exciting chill down his spine, rushing blood to somewhere that it absolutely shouldn’t go right now.

PFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTKDDJJDJDJDJ THIS SWITCH THO from sentimentality, lfondly remembering the good ole days when everyone used to play nicely in the sandbox, to just ferally turned on about how much Mayo doesn’t give a single fuck about anyoennaksksks I cannot, at all, in any way, relate -> this is what a pack of falsehoods looks like in case you were curious

✷ “When you…wait, they tried to burn the ship while you were on the ship?”

OKYA IM SCREAMINFKDKD bc this is always something I’d wondered on the show, liek at first I assumed bc of the way it was shot, that they just torched his favorite boat, but it makes WAAAAAYYYY more sense, given how pissed and generally savage and ruthless Dina was, that she’d actually probably try to literally roast this man alive god, what a woman on his favorite boat

✷ He’s had friends killed. He has killed friends. Mayo is right, because a burn on the arm is nothing with their standard. He shouldn’t care this much. He doesn’t know when he started to.

Sorryyyytjfjdjdjd I know casually murdering your friends for business purposes is like Not Funny but that first sentence is so like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you win some, you lose some!” is really making me cackle. BUT THEN ALSO THE REALIZATION THAT HE ACTUALLY CARES WHAT HAPPENS TO MAYO IS JUDT— I AM SCRWAMING, CRYING, PUNCHING WALLS

✷ “But try to do it quietly. We don’t want to end up like Benjamín.”

“Please Amado, we both know how to keep things quiet pretty well.”

SKSKSKSKSKKKSKSJSJSNSBS I HAVE NOTHING COHERENT TO SAY EXCEPT THIS IS MY FUCKINT FACE RN

✷ Turns out things can only be so quiet when you’re torturing and killing people daily. Mayo even burned a bunch of people alive. Of course he did.

THINGS CAN ONLY BE SO QUIET WHEN YOURE TORTURING AND KILLING PEOPLE DAILY. Everything about this whole ass fuckinskskskskn paragraph is straight tf up, pure, unadulterated, neon, white lightning comedic gold. I love the way it’s phrased almsot like a voiceover in a movie, like in my head, I’m seeing that scene where Mayo’s leaning back in that lawn chair, just calming sipping his beer, smoking his cigarette while he watches these men barbecue to death a few feet in front of him, and hearing Amado’s voice, narrating over it like, “Resulta que cosas solo pueden ser tan tranquilas cuando estas torturando y matando a gente a diario ...”

✷ He will miss this, he knows, every bit of it.

AGAIN, FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, ALL OF THIS BEING IN THE SHADOW OF PACHO LEAVING THE BUSINESS AND SEEING HIM FORNTHEBLAST TOME LIKE IVE ACTUALLY FULLY MELTED INTO A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR AND PEOPLE ARE STEPPING ON ME, LOOKING AT THEIR SHOE WITH DISGUST AND THEN SCRAPING ME OFF AS THEY WALK AWAY

✷ The old times are slipping away, faster everyday and he can’t stop it. He wants Pacho, needs Pacho to be here, to remind him that it’s possible to have something actually good come out of this business, besides money he can’t spend in ten life times ... not even Pacho can give him what he craves for … The way Pacho is willing to risk everything for his Cali family, the way Acosta was willing to die for Mimi, that is what he wants. And he hasn’t felt that since he lost his daughter.

I don’t even have anything articulate to say about this except that like fuck, Amado really does end up so alone at the end of it all. Like yes, in the show, he ends up with Marta but he’s lost so many others along the way, and you can just tell the money isn’t even worth it and has never really been the draw for him in the first place. It reminds me of that conversation he has with Acosta when he’s like “I like people more than money” and Amado agrees. Like I think that is the god’s honest truth but he forgets about it until it’s too late

✷ “You will find your way out too, and you will find someone to do it with. You know that, right?”

UGHHHSHSKSKSKEJWJWBWBWHEJN OKAY JUST TAKE A SEARING HOT KNIFE AND JAM IT STRAIGHT THROUGH MY STERNUM INTO MY HEART WHY DONT YOU, BC I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND SAID, “YKNOW WHAT’S MISSING FROM MY LIFE???! MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL EVISCERATION. YES THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!! ILL HAVE SOME OF THAT WITH A GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE AND A SIDE OF SCRAMBLED EGGS THANKS”

✷ He doesn’t know how Pacho read his mind, and also doesn’t know the answer to that question, but he smiles and says yes, because both of them deserve to hear it.

BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM DESERVE TO HEAR IT INCAAAAAAAAAANT EVENSODJSJD FUCKING HANDLE THESE HITS, JUST BACK TO BACK, ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER, BY THE END OF THIS FIC IM GONNA BE IN A FUCKING VEGETATIVE STATE

✷ ... and just like that, the air is again filled with a relaxed atmosphere. “They’re your supply, and right now my supply is you, so I need to know if that’s true.”

I love Mayo’s cluelessness at Amado getting all butthurt about the term “relationship.” Like I feel like someone could put a gun to Mayo’s head and he would just casually smirk and sip from his beer, cool as can be

✷ Mayo silently holds his gaze, completely chill like he has nothing to hide, and if Amado knows anything about the man, is that he can maintain that pretense for as long as he wants.

Re: the above comment sksks I get the feeling that Mayo is actually the worst person to get into an argument with bc he’s so That Guy. The One that you’ll be screaming at and instead of fighting back like you want him to, he’ll just fuckin laff in your face and refuse to play ball a trait that I don’t find to be sexy, or attractive, or infuriatingly endearing at all. Nopenopenope, no siree bub

✷ “Maybe? I thought it would be fancier, you know, like your house.”

Amado snorts, “I’m sure the DEA would love that too.”

Not me and Mayo just being the same person here, like just based on Amado’s house and the way he dresses, I would also expect the planes to be a little more impressive than those piece of shit tiny Cessnas that literally look like they’re being held together by fuckinfkdk barbed wire and staples

✷ Mayo nods, not in a casual, dismissive way, but like he truly understands, and maybe he does. Maybe Mayo also bought his first boat on a payment plan, and kept it running as long as he could.

Dang, why do I get the feeling that the boat the Arellanos set on fire, was Mayo’s first boatsksksk just to add insult to injury bc Dina was going full scorched earth policy once again, what a woman

✷ Mayo climbs into the co-pilot seat, not hiding his curiosity as he observes the hundreds of buttons on the control panel, and even touches a few without asking. Amado’s pretty sure Mayo did that just to push his buttons. “Yeah, this is too fucking complicated.”

SPFFDFFFTTT NOT THIS MF JUST PURPOSELY PRESSING THE BUTTONS BC HE KNOWS ITLL BUG THE SHIT OUT OF AMADOSKSKSKS I LOVE THE WAY YOUVE WRITTEN HIM SO MUCH HERE. And then, once again, “this is too fucking complicated,” Mayo taking the words right outta my mouth although based on a number of historical documentaries I’ve seen, boats, especially sailboats can be equally confounding and hard to learn how to pilot sksks there’s just fewer buttons

✷ He sees rage, raw and uncontrolled, natural. If Amado weren’t still controlling the plane, he would definitely be punched in the face now.

Ooooooo so interesting that Amado rejects Mayo bc it’s like already too hard to let go, he’s enjoying his company too much. And it would make complete and total sense given that he’d just lost Pacho and knows that he’s about to bounce from the business for good and basically never see him again.

✷ It’s just a walk, probably a regular occurance for Mayo, walking away from someone, forgetting everything they offered and didn’t offer, and just like that, simply onto the next journey.

Always better to be my own boss.

He’s a man of his words, and Amado respects that.

Ngl, I like furiously scrolled down to see how much more of the fic there was bc even though this would’ve been a fuckint banger of an ending and super on-brand, based on your ability to shatter my heart and psyche with tragedy I was about to be in full fucking fisticuffs, just fighting strangers in the street, bc that’s how mad I would’ve been if that’s the way this ended sksksk

✷ Ironically, that reminds him of their first few encounters, always in the darkness that hides them from everyone else, as well as themselves.

Okay, once again???????? Heart wrenching???? and beautiful??! And romantic ???! and tragic bc there’s no fucking way this shit is going to end well?????

✷ But why should Mayo understand? It’s not like he knows much about Mayo either. Amado looks at the artworks and books on the shelf behind the desk. Are they just decorations or do they have more meanings? He doesn’t know, does he?

I do like this acknowledgment of the fact that even though he and Mayo clearly have a connection and in a way, they know each other, they still don’t like know know each other. Like it’s always been about business or sex, they haven’t ever had the, “so what’s your favorite color” conversations they’d normally have if they were together or even just friends. And it really emphasizes really how lonely Amado is, almost like he’s regretting keepin Mayo at arm’s length bc there’s this gulf of communication between them, but that’s sort of by design built into their whole arrangement

✷ Right below where the girl is standing, on the side of the boat, it writes Anna.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHKAAAAAAY WHAT THE ACTUAL EVER LOVING FUCKING JESUS CHRIST FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS, IM NOT EVEN— I CANT EVEN COMPUTE??????? RIGHT NOW???? THIS IS SO THOUGHTFUL AND UNEXPECTED YET DOESNT FEEL OUT OF CHARACTER AS A THING MAYO WOULD GET FOR HIM?????!??? ITS— LIKE— LIKE IM IN A BALL, CATATONIC, DERANGED, LAUGHING LIKE THE JOKER, LYING ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR BC YOUVE FULLY UNRAVELED ME LIKE A SPOOL OF YARN

✷ “At first I wanted to make a plane that takes her to heaven, but then I figured it might be too modern for God … I mean, the ark was a boat, right?”

Ohhdaaaaaaaaamn gorrrrlllllll I see you out here with these biblical references, i see you and I salute you but for the realism, not bc I’m like esp “yay! Jesus”

✷ *You will find someone.* He already has, when he wasn’t even looking.

AND RHEN SSKSKSOWOWOZIANA THIS CALLBACK TO PACHO, IM FULLY FUCKING DERANGED RN

✷ “I’m not laying low for a while. I’m leaving, forever, in two days.”

“Oh! Ok…that’s…”

Skskskksskskkdkdksks sorry, I just spit out my chocolate milk reading this bc Mayo is never caught off guard but I can like see and hear his confusion, here, so clearly in my mind’s eye, it’s sending me

✷ “You think I don’t know that?”

“You know, but no one really wants that, not even you.” Amado leans forward and puts both of his hands on the desk. “For the longest time I also thought I was fine with it, but no one wants to be alone.”

Oh this just got me thinking like I wonder how much older Amado is. Only bc this very much sounds like something someone a few years older would say, but then again, Amado’s been in the business for longer than Mayo, at least according to the show, so it could also just be like sksksks career advice from someone who’s further along if said career is A Life Of Doing Crimes

✷ “The government was onto you, you lost your supply and your Colombian boyfriend dumped you. So you came up with an escape plan, which was a pretty good idea. But when the 48 hour count down began, you had some kind of…fucking existential crisis, so you came here to grab the first person you could think of, to bring them like a bag of cash.”

OOOOOFFFFFF okay, so I take it back when I said that Mayo’s that person who only laughs at you when you fight with him. Like 95% of the time, I think that’s the case, except for that rare 5% of the time when he’s like this ^^ just slinging hard truths at you and it hits even harder by the very fact that he refuses to sling shit most of the time

✷ “Tell me again, when are you leaving?”

“In two days?”

“How long did it take for you to prepare?”

“…Several months.”

“And how long have we known each other?”

He looks up to meet Mayo’s eyes again, and he sees it, the thick layer of pain shadowing all the anger.

Okay, I love you, Amado and I have no doubt you had the best of intentions, but our homie here is making some good pointskskskk like this isn’t the best or most well-thought-out way to finally tell someone “I’m into you for more than that disco stick”

✷ “I hope you can get away, and I’m not telling this to anyone.” Mayo takes out a cigarette and lights it, taking a long drag. “But get the fuck out of my house.”

I’m like.... gaaaaaaah l so conflicted bc I’m such a sucker for a happy ending but I’m also kind of like “fair, Mayo. Fair.”

✷ He already knows everything that needs to be done, so he just does them, but it feels more like accomplishing a preassigned task rather than going to his freedom. He doesn’t know what happens after, and he barely made sense of what happened before, so he is simply going to execute the plan. It’s his only option now.

OHHHHHHH NOOOI AMADO, TODO VA A ESTAR BIEN, POBRECITO ~~EXCEPTO QUE EN REALIDAD NO LO SÉ PORQUE NO SÉ C��MO ESTO TERMINA PERO NECESITO QUE ESTA MIERDA ESTE BIEN

✷ “You’re not here to shoot me, right?” It’s meant to be a joke, but he can’t rule that out completely based on their last meeting.

“Honestly? I considered it.”

Skskskksksksksksjs “based on their last meeting” like, Amado, buddy. You can’t rule that out ever, just by the very nature of the fact that you’re all a bunch of duplicitous, murderous cartel bosses, but it’s fine sksksks

✷ This isn’t luck. Mayo *knows* him, more than either of them is willing to admit.

UH YEAAAAHHHH I FEEL LIKE THE MOST TOUCHING, SWEET, SENTIMENTAL, WELL THOUGHT OUT GIFT OF ALL TIME MEANS HE KNOWS YOU

✷ “I thought about what you said. Most of it was fucking bullshit, but you did have one good point.”

SORRYSJSJSJS i just snorted so fucking loud bc this is so something I’d actually say

✷ “So…you’re basically using me.” There’s a subtle sourness in his chest, but he knows he’s smiling.

“Well, you used me first for a fucking long time, so now it’s my turn.”

CUE ME FUCKING JUMPING UP AND DOWN SCREAMING LIEK IVE JUST WON THE PUBLISHER’S CLEARINGHOUSE SWEEPSTAKES AND YOUVE HANDED ME A GIANT CHECK BC I GOT MY FUCKIGN HAPPY ENDING AND I SWEAR TO GOD, I TRULY DID NOT SEE HOW IT WAS GONNA BE POSSIBLE, I DID THINK I WAS GONNA GET IT BUT YOU MADE IT HAPPEN ANYWAY

Call It Even

(My rare pair writing challenge for myself that somehow turned into a 9k words novel…)

Rating: Mature

Paring: Amado/Mayo, Amado/Pacho

Words: 9,542

The first time it happened, it was more like a stress relief than anything else. The process of restructuring the entire operation of Juárez wasn’t going as smoothly as Amado had hoped. He was living in a shitty house while his new mansion was under construction. On top of all that, he still hadn’t summoned enough courage to visit his daughter’s grave.

Mayo was asking for a favor, something about moving his boats through the port in Peñasco, which technically didn’t belong to Juárez, but he was planning to expand his operation there. He didn’t know how exactly Mayo got that information, but it didn’t matter that much. People like them always had their own ways.

They were acquaintances at best, never even met alone before, but somehow Amado just knew the other man wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of a little fun time. A certain someone had given him enough experiences to develop a quite accurate instinct for this sort of thing.

They parked the boat in the middle of open water. Below the deck, even moonlight couldn’t shine through the closed door. Their bodies intertwined in complete darkness, surprisingly easy, both knowing exactly what to do, and Amado couldn’t help but wonder where Mayo got his experiences from. But then the waves must have gotten higher, because the boat started to rock back and forth, matching their increasingly intense rhythm, and all other thoughts were pushed out of his brain.

He woke up naked the next morning, under a soft blanket that smelt like sea. The boat was already moving, so he quickly got dressed and went up the deck. Mayo waved at him behind the steering wheel, or whatever that wheel was called on boats.

“How did you sleep?”

That could mean two very different things, but either way his answer was the same. “Pretty good.”

“Good.” Mayo smiled, adjusting the wheel to a fixed position, and then loosely leaned on it. “We didn’t talk about tax yesterday. How much do you want?”

“How much are you moving?”

Mayo nodded at a container in the corner, “five times that much.”

Amado walked over and took off the lid, “every week? Month?”

“Twice per month.”

He did some quick math in his head. “That’s fine, you can just move them through the port.”

Mayo lifted his eyebrows in surprise, and he wished he could take back what he said. It sounded more like an insult than a nice gesture, in more ways than one.

But then Mayo just shrugged. “Gracias compa! If you ever need a favor, or a friend…you know where to find me.”

He heard the meticulous way “friend” was pronounced, and he didn’t miss the suggestive gaze, right on the fine line between being flirtatious and blunt.

*

They didn’t see each other for a long time after that. Mayo kept his promise, moving their agreed amount and nothing more, so Amado kept his word as well, never asking for a tax. Frankly, that amount of money would mean nothing to him if he could make this new deal with Cali.

Then he wouldn’t just be moving the products. He would be selling them.

It felt weird to meet with Pacho in the presence of others. He was so used to it being just them. It was easier that way, more relaxing. They always did other things besides talking business. Those times gave him a brief illusion that the Colombian was his.

The meeting went well, and he felt nothing but gratefulness towards Pacho, knowing that Cali would never share their US territory with a Mexican if Pacho didn’t vouch for him.

In a way, that was the worst part, because he couldn’t even find a reason to be mad. How could he be mad at Pacho for not staying for a drink, when Pacho helped him to get half of the US market?

He flew back to Mexico that night and had no sleep, and the next afternoon he went to Mazatlán.

That’s why he’s standing by the port again right now, looking at the same boat. Or maybe it was a different one, just similar. He couldn’t really tell, just like others couldn’t tell his planes apart too.

*

The sun is just beginning to set, painting the sky a shade of dark orange, tainting all reflections on the water with golden sparkles. Mayo is sitting on the deck, enjoying a bottle of beer, his baseball cap placed on a chair right next to him.

He looks at Amado, and then tells his guys to leave.

“I guess you don’t need a favor.”

Amado takes off his sunglasses. He doesn’t need them under the dim sunlight. “No.”

Mayo smiles and takes the baseball cap off the chair, casually tossing it on a pile of nets nearby. “Then come aboard.”

It’s still dark below the deck, but he has just enough light to see the person right in front of him, and everything else in the background is blurred out. Their clothes are scattered on the floor. Their lips are on each other’s body so they don’t need to talk. The blankets and sheets still smell like the sea, but it’s not a bad odor— it’s fresh and natural.

It reminds him of a nice cool breeze in the midst of summer heat.

They lay side by side catching their breath, letting their heartbeats slow down after the overwhelming raw pleasure. Then the awkwardness suddenly hits him, and he doesn’t know what to say or do. That never happened before, not with women because they always wanted to cuddle, and not with Pacho either. They were already friends before anything else.

But Mayo’s not his friend, and certainly not a woman, but that thought makes him break into a smile, and Mayo spots it immediately.

“Something funny?”

There’s no point in denying it, but he’s not going to share the details. “A little.”

Mayo reaches for his pants on the floor, and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the pockets. “Good funny?”

“If you say so.” He waves it off when Mayo offers him the pack. This dark, enclosed space is perfect for sex, but terrible for smoking.

Mayo apparently doesn’t mind as he lights one for himself, the little spark shines on his face, casting a shadow of the nicely shaped nose.

“Did you come up with El Mayo yourself?” Amado doesn’t know where that question came from, probably just a random thought his brain made up on its own to alleviate the uneasiness.

“Yeah, why?”

“Just the month of May?”

“Why not?” Mayo blows out a puff of smoke. “It’s a good time of the year. Not too hot, not too rainy, great for sailing.”

That makes perfect sense, but almost too much sense for people like them. It feels too effortless, too authentic.

“Also, what other options do I have? El Señor de Los Cielos sounds cool, but lord of the sea just sounds like some dirty pirate with golden teeth.”

Amado bursts out laughing at that ridiculous mental image, and the best part is that it doesn’t even look bad. Mayo as a dirty pirate? Hilarious, but not bad.

Mayo laughs with him, and then doesn’t say more. Silence falls upon them again, but the awkwardness is miraculously gone.

Mayo finishes the cigarette and takes his watch from a tiny table next to the bed, which might or might not count as a nightstand. Amado sits up straight, taking it as his cue to leave.

“You want something to eat?” Mayo takes a look at time, and then starts putting on his pants. “There’s a pretty nice seafood place around here.”

“What?”

Mayo shrugs, buckling up the belt. “It’s dinner time, unless you want to drive straight back.”

*

The restaurant is small and vibrant, full of regular civilians, half look like fishermen or sailors, or maybe they’re also criminals pretending to be normal, like them.

The owner comes out to greet Mayo, not with a handshake but an earnest hug, the kind of hug that only belongs to people who have known each other for a long time.

“I give José free shrimp all the time, so he lets me eat here free for life.” Mayo suddenly says, after the owner brought them their third round of free drinks.

Amado drinks a large gulp of cold beer. “Well, does he know why you never ask to be paid?”

Mayo just looks at him and smiles. There’s something special with that smile, by now Amado has noticed. He’s no stranger to nice smiles. He’s seen it on Pacho a thousand times, seductive and irresistible. But this is different; it’s lighthearted and simple, even contagious, like smiling doesn’t need a reason.

It makes him want to smile too.

*

They have developed into a routine since then. There isn’t a fixed schedule, of course, that would be fucking weird, but they can always find out when is a good time for the other person, meaning business is going smoothly and no one’s trying to kill them at the moment.

Again, people like them always have their ways.

He’s been to most of Mayo’s boats, if not all. He even ranked them based on their comfort levels in his head. It’s actually how he can tell them apart to a large extent, not that he’s ever going to tell Mayo that. He has also learned what restaurants in Mazatlán have the freshest seafood, and that has completely ruined all seafood restaurants in Juárez. Now they all taste like shit, even the most expensive ones.

His favorite is still José’s place. The oysters are to die for, and the shrimp too, but that doesn’t surprise him. José never lets him pay, even when he’s not going with Mayo, but he always leaves a generous tip.

One day, when Amado arrives at the port as usual, he’s suddenly hit with two realizations. One, they literally have never fucked on dry land. Two, he’s always the one running around. Mayo has never been to Juárez, at least not for this matter.

“You don’t live on your boats, right?” He asks, just to make sure.

Mayo snorts, “on these boats?! What made you think that?”

“I don’t know, man. You’re here every time.” Amado shrugs, looking around at the now familiar surroundings. A random mechanic recognizes him and nods.

Mayo gives him a thoughtful look. “You never asked to go anywhere else.”

That’s true, because boats are the perfect place to do what they do. They can just sail out, park anywhere and all of a sudden, it’s like the whole world disappears. Whatever they do stays in the middle of nowhere, and at this point, they have done a lot.

However, if he’s being completely honest with himself, boats are not yachts, and he’s not twenty years old anymore. It doesn’t hurt to fuck on a nice soft king-sized bed once in a while.

“You know, if you want a change of scenery, you don’t have to come here.” Mayo leans forward a little, staring right into his eyes like he’s reading his mind. “I’m sure it’d be a lot more comfortable in your new house, or more exciting on a plane.”

Amado’s genuinely impressed at how Mayo effortlessly turned the table, kicking the ball right back to him, even making it sound a bit like his fault.

“You never offered to make the trip.” He responds, intentionally mimicking what the other man said earlier.

“I’m offering now.”

He swallows, not sure how he’s so aroused by that simple sentence, maybe it has something to do with that unfazed attitude. “The house or the plane?”

“Your place, your call.”

*

Mayo whistles when they walk into one of the large living rooms. “How long did they take to build this again?”

“Too long if you ask me.”

Outside of the floor-to-ceiling window, a few gardeners are working on the lawn. Amado walks over and closes the curtains.

Mayo runs his fingertips along the large dining table, “is this marble?”

“I think so.”

Mayo smirks, and without asking for his permission, picks up the crystal vase at the center of the table and gently sets it on the floor. “Ever tried it?”

A strong sense of deja vu suddenly hits him. The first time Pacho came to his new house, in this exact same living room, whispering in his ear, “now pick a bedroom.”

He blinks and shakes that memory out of his mind. Interestingly, he has been thinking about Pacho less frequently, at least less intensely. What just happened used to be a regular occurrence, but just now it took him by surprise.

Mayo is leaning sideways on the marble table, head slightly tilted to the side, patiently waiting. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by the unexpected silence. If anything, he looks curious.

Amado shakes his head a bit frustratedly. “You just hate regular nice beds, don’t you?”

“I like them for sleeping.”

He rolls his eyes. “This is an open area. People can walk in anytime.” Not only that, there is a big sculpture of The Last Supper on the shelf directly facing this table.

“They all work for you, just tell them to stay away. We can be quiet.” Mayo glances at the sculpture, and then gives him a smirk, outright sinful. “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

He gives in. He can never resist. Sometimes he wonders how he hasn’t developed a coke addiction with his crappy self control. Maybe sex is the only thing he’s drawn to.

Despite his vindictive efforts to make it difficult, Mayo does manage to stay quiet, but he can tell the tension and excitement from the grip on his shoulders, hard enough to leave bruises. He doesn’t care. If he looks up, he can see eye to eye with Jesus. For a brief moment he doesn’t care about that either. Why should he? They’re both going to hell anyway.

*

Amado wakes up in the morning next to another warm naked body. Right, they did it again last night, finally on a bed like normal people. Sunlight shines through the small slit between heavy curtains. The room looks peaceful at this time, and so does the person. For some reason Mayo always woke up before him in their previous encounters, so this is actually the first time Amado sees him asleep.

He doesn’t realize he’s leaning in until their faces are inches apart from each other. Then Mayo opens his eyes.

It could be some sixth sense that they all eventually develop in their world. The sleepiness in Mayo’s light brown eyes turns into alert immediately. Amado jumps back just in time to avoid being hit in the face.

The air is filled with awkward tension as they stare at each other from their own side of bed, both still naked under the cover.

“Shit man,” Mayo laughs and runs a hand down his face, “don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry.” He mutters, turning away to get out of bed.

“What time is it?” Mayo asks, although there is a large clock right there on the wall.

“Around 8:40.” Amado answers as he walks to the closet, putting on a black bathrobe.

“Great, I should be back by noon.” Mayo takes the identical robe right next to it and wraps it around himself.

“Something going on?”

“There’s always something going on.” Mayo brushes off the question and walks towards the bathroom, but stops in front of the nightstand as something catches his eye.

“Huh, is this the one you flew to Mazatlán last time?” He picks it up, and Amado’s heart drops as he sees what’s in the other man’s hands.

“Put that down!”

“Sí, tranquilo!” Mayo immediately sets it back down on the nightstand, and then puts up both hands. “Sorry.”

Amado pinches the bridge of his nose. He didn’t realize how dramatic his tone was, but he’s not going to apologize. Mayo shouldn’t be touching his stuff without asking, but he also didn’t set that rule straight yesterday with the vase.

Mayo crosses his arms and fixes him with an inquisitive stare, not at all offended or demanding, just simply curious about his sudden outburst, and somehow that enrages him even more. He knows it’s not the best way to deal with the situation, but at this moment, he just wants to tell Mayo to go take a shower, get dressed and get out of his house.

“My bad, I should have known.” Mayo breaks the silence with another apology. “Of course you would have some strong attachments to planes, even if it’s a model.”

If it came from anyone else, it would sound like they were making fun of him, saying he was like a little boy holding onto his toys. But Mayo somehow always manages to make the teasing remarks sound harmless and fun, like there are no other hidden meanings.

Amado sighs, “it was my daughter’s.”

Sometimes he forgets that he doesn’t have to hide her existence anymore. No one can hurt her now.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a daughter.” Mayo lifts his eyebrows in surprise. “How old is she?”

“Six.” He walks towards the nightstand and adjusts the toy plane to the exact same location and angle as before. “She was six.”

He knows Mayo will catch the specific choice of word, so he doesn’t bother to meet him in the eye. He remembers how Pacho looked at him after hearing the news: shock, pity, pain… As heartwarming as it was to know someone else cared, he doesn’t want to see any of that again.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.”

Amado remains quiet, because he doesn’t want to say it’s ok. It’s fucking not.

“What was her name?”

“Anna.”

“Sounds very pretty.”

She is. She’s the prettiest little girl he’s ever seen.

He hears a gentle sigh, and then footsteps walking away. The bathroom door closes, and water starts running.

*

Nothing prepared Amado for the news Pacho brought. Cali is getting out of the business, for good. But why? How? What is he going to do? Where else can he get this amount of supply? “Gilberto and Miguel have always treated me as family. I’m going to join them.”

Amado understands that. Really, he does. But what about him? Hasn’t he always treated Pacho with utmost respect, trust and adoration? Hasn’t he been the best business partner, a good friend and more?

What about them?

Once Pacho has made up his mind, there’s no way to change it. Amado knows. That’s one of the reasons he respects him so much. But respect does nothing to ease the pain, so he does the only thing he knows whenever he’s in a bad place these days. He dials the familiar number.

*

Mayo opens the door when he arrives at the house in a suburban area. Amado hasn’t been here before, but it looks like a nice house, just not the house. It’s well decorated, both comfortable and aesthetic, but he just doesn’t feel like this is a place Mayo would call home. Why he feels that way, he doesn’t know, and he’s also not in the mood to think about.

They waste no time getting into bed, pieces of clothing scattered all over the expensive carpet. They’ve done it both ways, and both have been highly enjoyable, but tonight he’s not here for fun. He just desperately needs to let out his frustration in someone, someone who doesn’t mind.

When he shoves the other man into the mattress, Mayo shoots him a suspicious glance but doesn’t protest, which he really appreciates. He enters the warm body with little preparation, feeling the muscles clenching around his length. He forces himself to take a deep breath and slow down, so he doesn’t actually hurt him. Causing pain to whomever he sleeps with is never a turn-on.

Underneath him Mayo silently grabs the silky sheet, and he covers it with his own hand, intertwining their fingers tightly until their knuckles turn white.

The orgasm is satisfying and cathartic as usual, but physical pleasure can only do so much. They sit on their own sides of bed, the only thing floating in silent air is the smoke from two cigarettes.

Finally Mayo turns to him first, intentionally blowing a puff of smoke next to his face. “That bad?”

Amado knows he’s not talking about the sex. That was never bad.

That’s never the bad part with anyone.

“Have you ever had partners?” He asks, although he doesn’t even know why that question came to mind, or how that’s relevant in any way.

“Partners? No.” Mayo chuckles, “things change, people change, and once you have a disagreement…”

He pauses and turns to look Amado in the eye. It’s probably not a special or intense look to anyone else, but Amado knows all about it now: the teasing suggestiveness that’s always followed by something provocative, for better or worse.

“When things don’t work out, you will have to betray them, or kill them, right?”

Amado frowns, suddenly realizes how audacious Mayo has become with him, but what’s worse is that he doesn’t feel offended or threatened when he should.

“Hey, no judgment here. You do what you have to do. That’s the business.” Mayo pats him playfully on the naked shoulder. “I’m just saying that’s too much trouble for me. Always better to be my own boss.”

Is it? Maybe. Amado agrees, but he wouldn’t have agreed a decade ago. He thinks about Acosta, and even Miguel. He used to see them as partners. Maybe he doesn’t call them families like how Pacho calls the other Cali godfathers, but he cared about them at some point.

But Mayo has always been on his own. Maybe he’s more of a lone wolf than any of them.

Maybe that’s why Amado keeps coming back.

*

He thought losing his supply would be the biggest problem, but he should have known the golden rule in their business: when one thing goes to shit, everything goes to shit.

He just got off the plane an hour ago, hadn’t even had something to eat yet, and the fucking Arellanos shot up his favorite restaurant. He lost two bodyguards, but everyone else got out of there safely. He’s unscratched.

Amado rushes back home, asks his men to do a thorough security evaluation, and pours himself a generous glass of whiskey. When his phone rings, he has barely finished one third of the glass.

Mayo doesn’t bother to say hello. “Did they make a move on you too?”

It’s a vague question, doesn’t even specify who they are. Amado can play oblivious if he wants, but a shootout in a public restaurant is no secret, so there’s no point in denying.

“Why are you asking?”

He hears a sigh. “Well, they burned my ship. Just trying to figure out if I’m the only one they’re pissed at.”

Amado almost wants to tell him he got off easy. Having a ship burned sounds much better than being shot at. But this is not the time for jokes.

“You want to meet tomorrow? For business.” Now that he thinks about it, the last two words really aren’t necessary.

“Sure, Juárez or Mazatlán?”

“I’ll fly there first thing in the morning. Meet by the port?”

“Sounds good. I’ll show you the wreckage.”

Mayo makes it sound like something good, which he doesn’t understand, but now he’s curious. Which ship was burned? The biggest one? How many times have they done it in that one?

“So…see you tomorrow?” Mayo asks tentatively, snapping him out of his roaming thoughts. He must have been quiet for a while.

He quickly confirms and hangs up the phone. It’s been a long day, and he needs to get up early tomorrow. Time for some sleep.

*

Amado has never been to this port in the morning, and the beautiful scene makes him wonder why he hasn’t. Morning sunlight is bright but gentle, without the burning afternoon heat, just a hopeful glow on the tranquil water. It contrasts the ship wreckage perfectly, almost in an artistic way.

“Shit, the biggest one?” Amado shakes his head looking at the ruins. “Always come for what we love, right?”

“It’s a shame. She was my favorite one. Still had a few good years to go.” Mayo touches the burned metal frame. “But it’s fine. We managed to put it out before it could spread to other boats.”

“I assume you’re here to talk about a plan.” Mayo leads him to another boat, takes out two bottles of beers from a freezer and throws him one.

He catches it. “And I assume you already have one.”

Mayo smirks behind the beer bottle, and then goes on to explain how he plans to use Sinaloan’s manpower to move products through Tijuana. It’s a unique plan, the kind of plan that only Mayo can pull off, because the asshole knows everyone and somehow always gets what he wants from these connections.

That means Mayo wants something from him too.

“What do you need from me?”

“Chapo already has men, so we just need products to get going. The numbers you’re doing? I’m sure you don’t mind sparing a little.” Mayo raises the half empty bottle to him, “and I’ll take care of the rest.”

“What rest?”

“What else?” Mayo shrugs, “the Arellanos tried to kill you. Surely the Lord of the Skies won’t let that slide.”

The sun is rising higher, and he puts on his sunglasses. “I don’t know. The Arellanos helped me to take down Félix.”

Mayo simply takes another sip of beer. “So?”

The nonchalance and casual cruelty send an exciting chill down his spine, rushing blood to somewhere that it absolutely shouldn’t go right now.

“I’ll advance your products.” He says, a bit hurriedly. It’s a good thing that he has his sunglasses on.

“Great. Then it’s a deal.”

Usually this is when they shake hands, but at this point, they both know they’re closer than that.

“It’s a deal.” Amado nods, and claps Mayo’s shoulder, giving it a firm shake.

The other man immediately tenses up under his touch, almost like a held-back flinch. The beer bottle drops on the deck and shatters.

“What…” Startled, Amado removes his hand. “What the hell was that?”

“Nothing. The bottle just got slippery.”

“No, what happened to your left arm?”

Mayo waves it off with the other arm. “It’s fine, man. Not a big deal.”

“Don’t give me that shit.” He meant to use a stern tone, but it comes out more annoyed than anything. “What the fuck’s going on?”

Mayo lets out a frustrated sigh, acting like Amado is the unreasonable one here. “Just a burn I got last night, when I got off the ship.”

“When you…wait, they tried to burn the ship while you were on the ship?”

“You know how it is. We’ve all done it.” Mayo says that casually, and Amado truly doesn’t understand how he’s so calm about it. People fuck over and kill each other in this business. That’s no news. But almost being burned alive?!

“They fucked up their chance, and now it’s our turn. It’s that simple.” Mayo explains, like he’s the one trying to calm Amado down, which is quite funny since Amado is usually the calm one.

Then it hits him. He is usually calmer than this. He’s had friends killed. He has killed friends. Mayo is right, because a burn on the arm is nothing with their standard. He shouldn’t care this much.

He doesn’t know when he started to.

“We’ll get back at them, right?” Mayo pulls him out of his thoughts again. “That’s what we’re talking about here.”

“Yeah.” Amado adjusts his sunglasses, trying to get his brain back to business mode, and when he speaks, the viciousness in his voice matches perfectly with the rage inside. “They need to die.”

“I’ll make sure of that.”

“But try to do it quietly. We don’t want to end up like Benjamín.”

Mayo gives him a smile, the kind of smile that’s only reserved for when they’re alone, often naked. “Please Amado, we both know how to keep things quiet pretty well.”

*

Turns out things can only be so quiet when you’re torturing and killing people daily. Mayo even burned a bunch of people alive. Of course he did.

The violence doesn’t surprise him, but Hank’s reaction does. It starts to make more sense when he puts more thoughts into the situation. Hank is a politician, and with politicians, it’s all about appearances, about what everything looks like on the outside. At the end of the day, they don’t care how many people in the drug business die, as long as it doesn’t get traced back to them. That’s why Hank is threatening to cut all ties.

Again, when one thing goes to shit, everything goes to shit.

Pacho visits him again to talk about a final deal with Cali, but they both know that’s just an excuse for them to see each other one last time.

They drink, they talk, they laugh at each other’s jokes. Everything feels natural and relaxing, because by one in a million chance, they actually enjoy each other’s company. They like each other, a lot, and that fucking destroys him.

When they finally move to the bedroom, Amado wishes time would pause so he can imprint every detail of this experience in his brain, remember every little sound Pacho makes when he’s touched, the way each muscle tenses with arousal, and how those beautiful brown eyes stare right into his when pleasure takes them both over the edge.

He will miss this, he knows, every bit of it.

“Stay.” He says hopefully, desperately. “We can start something on our own. It’ll be good, just like the old times.”

The old times are slipping away, faster everyday and he can’t stop it. He wants Pacho, needs Pacho to be here, to remind him that it’s possible to have something actually good come out of this business, besides money he can’t spend in ten life times.

“I can’t. You know I would if I could.” Pacho’s smooth voice sounds even deeper, almost like a sigh, and there’s nothing other than honesty and sorrow in his words. “Gilberto, Miguel and Chepe are my family. I love them. I can’t leave them when they need me the most.”

Amado feels a lump in his throat, and he has to blink away the burning sensation behind his eyes. He will miss Pacho, but that’s not even the worst part.

The worst part is he sees it now: not even Pacho can give him what he craves for.

It’s not sex, and even a good friendship isn’t enough. The way Pacho is willing to risk everything for his Cali family, the way Acosta was willing to die for Mimi, that is what he wants. And he hasn’t felt that since he lost his daughter.

He wants someone. What’s the fucking point to get on top of the world only to end up dying alone in a ditch or a small cell?

“Hey, Amado…” Pacho touches his cheek, uncharacteristically gentle, eyes filled with genuine care and empathy. “You will find your way out too, and you will find someone to do it with. You know that, right?”

He doesn’t know how Pacho read his mind, and also doesn’t know the answer to that question, but he smiles and says yes, because both of them deserve to hear it. They should end on a hopeful note, just like how they started, believing they were building the biggest collaborative empire in narcos history. Now, they need to believe they will get out of it.

*

Preparing for a grand escape plan is not easy, especially for someone like him: the number one target on everyone’s list, since he’s doing the biggest numbers.

There are several times when Amado’s having too much stress and not enough sleep, he has an almost unstoppable desire to call Mayo. It’s like a habit now, the perfect person to have an hour of good time with just to chase some temporary release before he has to get back to reality. At least that’s what he’s telling himself. It’s just the sex, and the good food, and the occasional entertaining conversations, and… He shakes himself out of it. This is not a good time for that. There won’t ever be a good time again.

Surprisingly, Mayo ends up contacting him first, saying they have business to discuss. Honestly, they do. Things in Tijuana are getting too loud, which can’t be good for his already challenging escape plan. And speaking of that, he should at least have the decency to let Mayo know, not about his plan of course, but just the fact that their deal, cooperation and whatever else is over.

Amado should have reached out first, but he has been delaying it because he’s been busy, because there are a hundred more important things to take care of, because Mayo probably doesn’t even need it — such a gesture is never expected from people like them.

All these are true, but none of them is the most crucial reason.

He doesn’t want to.

*

This is the most silent conversation they’ve had, even tenser than the first time they met, or the first time they fucked. He used to think it was impossible to have an awkward interaction with Mayo. The man has many talents, but the most of them all is his forever easygoing demeanor. It has always been comfortable to be around him, until now.

“So, is the rumor true?” Mayo takes a small sip of beer and sets the bottle neatly on the coaster.

“What rumor?” It’s not a rhetorical question. There are ten new rumors every hour these days.

“You know, about Cali.” Mayo smiles and tilts his head suggestively, and the air is filled with a dangerous sense of provocation, dancing on the edge of offensiveness. “People have been talking, but who knows better than you? You are the one with the relationship.”

The words are spoken in a gentle, teasing tone, almost warm, yet Amado feels himself freeze, muscles tensing up instinctively like he’s about to enter a shootout.

He bites out the word in a flat tone. “Relationship?”

“Yeah? I mean, we’re all transporting their products, but you are the only one they have a close relationship with. Everyone knows that.”

Amado slowly leans closer, usually that would be a gesture of intimacy between them, but now it only carries threat and pressure. “What are you trying to say, Mayo?”

“That they’re getting out of the business?” Mayo shrugs and picks up the beer bottle again, casually taking another sip, and just like that, the air is again filled with a relaxed atmosphere. “They’re your supply, and right now my supply is you, so I need to know if that’s true.”

Amado stares into Mayo’s eyes, hoping to see something in the other man’s eyes that can give him away: nervousness, challenge or even smugness, but there’s nothing besides curiosity, as if that provocative stare earlier only existed in Amado’s imaginations.

Mayo silently holds his gaze, completely chill like he has nothing to hide, and if Amado knows anything about the man, is that he can maintain that pretense for as long as he wants.

Amado sighs and leans back into his chair. “It’s true.”

“I see.” Mayo nods, seemingly not surprised at all. “Things are changing fast these days, huh?”

“They are.”

“Well, guess I’ll get going then, a lot to take care of.” Mayo finishes the beer, grabs his cowboy hat and starts walking away, but then he stops, turning back to Amado again.

“Hey you know what? Why don’t you fly me back to Mazatlán?”

“…What?”

“You’ve been on all my boats, but I’ve never been on one of your planes.” Mayo leans sideways on a wall, a pretty clear gesture to show he’s not leaving until he gets what he wants. “That doesn’t sound fair, does it?”

It’s a silly question. Since when is fairness ever a consideration in their business? But this isn’t a business request.

This entire meeting has little to do with business.

*

Mayo doesn’t hide his surprise and confusion when they get out of the car at the end of a dirt road, surrounded by sparse desert plants.

“What, didn’t meet your expectations?” Amado feels the corners of his mouth curving up as he leads them through a narrow path into an open area covered by bushes and large stones, where a few small but efficient planes are hidden. If he has a choice, he rather spends more time here, out in an open field with his planes. He can fly away anytime, get up there in the sky and let everything fade away. How nice would that be?

“Maybe? I thought it would be fancier, you know, like your house.”

Amado snorts, “I’m sure the DEA would love that too.”

“Fair enough, so which one’s your favorite?”

“None of them. My favorite one, she is a bit too old to fly now.” Amado answers truthfully. There’s no need for tests and games now. This is the last time.

“I get it. It’s like your first love, never easy to let go.” Mayo nods, not in a casual, dismissive way, but like he truly understands, and maybe he does. Maybe Mayo also bought his first boat on a payment plan, and kept it running as long as he could.

Amado doesn’t know if that’s really the case because he never asked, and it’s too late to ask now. So he simply walks to a plane and unlocks the door.

Mayo climbs into the co-pilot seat, not hiding his curiosity as he observes the hundreds of buttons on the control panel, and even touches a few without asking. Amado’s pretty sure Mayo did that just to push his buttons.

“Yeah, this is too fucking complicated.”

“They’re pretty intuitive once you understand them.” Amado quickly completes the checklist before taking off. It’s like muscle memory to him now. “I like it more than driving.”

“Oh I’m sure! At least there’s no traffic up there.” Mayo laughs, and it sounds no different than their countless previous encounters. Amado swallows down the uncomfortable sourness in his chest, silently moving the plane to the runway.

“Put your headset on.”

“Yes sir.” The teasing voice comes out of his own headset and it makes his neck tingle. It sounds too close, like a whisper right into his ear.

The runway looks unimpressive but it’s very well maintained. Within a minute, they’re smoothly going up in the air.

Once they reach a stable attitude, he immediately hears Mayo’s voice coming from the headset again. “So how good of a pilot are you?”

Amado scoffs, “what do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe you’ve gotten rusty? It’s not like you need to transport your own cargo these days.”

Amado rolls his eyes. “If you’re challenging me to do tricks in the air, it’s not fucking happening.”

“What? No! Why would I…” Mayo bursts out laughing, “I have something else in mind.”

“No.” Amado hears the word coming out of his own mouth before Mayo’s hand reaches his thigh.

“Why not?”

“Do you want to die?”

“I thought you were a good pilot.” The hand slowly moves closer, skillful fingers closing around his belt buckle, “a very good one.”

“Stop it.”

“Calm down. We won’t be landing in a while, right? I’m not a pilot but I know this is the easy part.” His belt buckle opens with a click. He didn’t actually hear it with his headset on, but somehow he felt the sound.

Mayo was right. There’s not much to do until he starts the landing process. Sure, it’s still reckless to get a handjob while flying, but that’s not why he can’t do it.

He’s already enjoying everything too much as it is.

“Mayo, stop it right now.” He says that in the most threatening tone he can manage at the moment, but even he can hear the subtle shakiness.

He hears a scoff, and then his zipper opens. “I don’t think you mean that.”

Soft fingertips meet his growing desire, and there’s no way to explain, nowhere to hide.

No. This is not happening.

He grabs Mayo’s hand, yanks it out of his pants and throws it to the other side of the cockpit like a piece of hot metal.

Amado hears a loud bang, and from the side vision, he sees Mayo’s body tense up at the impact. He expects a painful groan, but no sound is coming through his headset.

He sighs and turns to look. Mayo’s balling his left hand into a fist. It looks red with a few small cuts. Maybe it hit an uneven surface on the control panel.

Mayo silently looks up and meets his gaze, and for the first time, he sees a crack of that seemingly undisturbable front. He sees rage, raw and uncontrolled, natural. If Amado weren’t still controlling the plane, he would definitely be punched in the face now.

“Did anything break?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

He wants to say more, maybe even apologize, but then decides against it. He wishes he could do something without much talking, like offering an ice pack. Then he remembers he can actually do that.

“There’s a first aid box at the back if you need it.”

“Ok.” Mayo says, but doesn’t go get it.

They spend the rest of the flight in complete silence. When they’re approaching Mazatlán, Amado nearly makes a comment on how beautiful the sea is, just a natural reaction, but then he bites his lips and swallows the words back.

The landing is as smooth as the take off. Amado turns off the engine, and suddenly all background noise disappears.

Mayo gives him one last look, neither hostile or friendly, just acknowledging his existence.

“It was a good ride, for as long as it lasted.”

Then he opens the door and steps off. Amado watches him walk away. He thought it would feel different, more significant in a way, but it’s not. It’s just a walk, probably a regular occurance for Mayo, walking away from someone, forgetting everything they offered and didn’t offer, and just like that, simply onto the next journey.

Always better to be my own boss.

He’s a man of his words, and Amado respects that.

*

It takes another three weeks to get everything ready: house, money, securities, the exact plane he needs to fly. He thought about every possible way that things could go wrong and how to counter each scenario. It’s the best plan he could come up with, and if that doesn’t work…well, there’s an end to everything.

It’s 6 pm in the evening. Amado sits alone on the grand staircase, looking down at the luxurious living room. He once overheard a maid telling a gardener the sunset looked gorgeous from the floor to ceiling window in this living room. He didn’t pay much attention, pretty much forgot about it right after. But just earlier today it suddenly came back to him, because he wanted to watch the beautiful sunset from his home at least once.

In two days, he will be gone.

He slowly sips a glass of whiskey, watching the sky get darker. Maybe he’s supposed to feel some kind of tranquility. Things might not go as planned tomorrow, he knows that and has made peace with it more or less. Whatever happens, he’s had an exciting life, more exciting than most.

Still, he can’t shake the restless feeling in his chest, and deep down he knows why. It’s been there since his last trip to Mazatlán.

Mayo might have gotten the closure he wanted, but Amado hasn’t.

He’s been telling himself it doesn’t matter either way, but that’s a lie. He’s never been someone to leave a loose end of any kind. He’s never been a coward since he got into this business, and he’s certainly not going to be one at the end of it.

Amado gets up from the stairs, grabs a jacket and walks out of the door.

*

It’s already pitch dark when he gets to Mazatlán, completely alone. Ironically, that reminds him of their first few encounters, always in the darkness that hides them from everyone else, as well as themselves.

He knows where Mayo lives. He’s known it for a very long time, but never had a reason to visit without an invitation, until now.

The guards by the door look equally perplexed and scared, and Amado wonders if their patrón ever informed them of this possibility, if Mayo ever expected him to intrude.

The door opens after several minutes, and through some complicated corridors, he’s led to a cozy room that looks like a study. The light is dim and intimate, the armchair feels soft. Everything here is screaming for something to happen, except the owner himself.

“What a big surprise.” Mayo gives him a smile across from the large wooden desk, appropriate and polite.

“I hope you don’t mind.”

“Does it matter if I do?”

Amado looks away for a second. “Maybe not.” It’s true. Once he’s gone it wouldn’t matter.

“So? This must be something important.”

“No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just…I didn’t make it clear last time.” He takes a deep breath, and then slowly exhales. “I told you about the supply, but…”

He stops mid-sentence. He’s practiced this over a hundred times in his head on the way here, but there is no other way to say I’m disappearing for good without actually saying it.

“You won’t see or hear from me again,” he ends up saying. It’s the closest to truth he can afford to share, “for quite a while.”

“I see.” There’s a second of surprise on Mayo’s face, but he immediately looks away to hide it. Then it’s completely gone when their eyes meet again. “Maybe laying low for a while isn’t a bad idea, considering all that’s happening.”

Part of Amado wishes Mayo to say something else, to give a hint that he knows what’s really happening, so there is at least one person in the world that understands.

But why should Mayo understand? It’s not like he knows much about Mayo either. Amado looks at the artworks and books on the shelf behind the desk. Are they just decorations or do they have more meanings? He doesn’t know, does he?

“You’re gonna be ok? With supply and everything?”

Mayo chuckles, relaxed and genuine just like the good old times. “You know me, Amado.”

“Yeah. Always been your own boss, right?”

He feels the smile on his own face as they look at each other. There is no tension or sorrow, just a peacefulness that makes his stomach warm.

“Oh, I almost forgot! Since you’re here…” Mayo opens a drawer and takes out a small box. “I wanted to give it to you last time when you flew me back, but you know, plans change.”

It’s not wrapped or decorated in any way, just a plain black box. He gives Mayo a questioning look, but the other man just shrugs, so he opens it.

It’s a small sculpture of a boat, not like the ones Mayo uses to transport shrimp and coke, but a dreamy sailboat with exquisite pink and golden patterns, like something that belongs to a princess in fairy tales. Under the boat, white waves are curling on the crystal blue ocean, but they also look like sky and clouds.

And on the boat is a dark-haired little girl in a long white dress. Her eyes are closed and her lips are tilted up into a sweet smile. She’s holding a bible to her chest, a cross dangling from her neck.

Right below where the girl is standing, on the side of the boat, it writes Anna.

Amado opens his mouth to say something, but he feels his throat close up. Suddenly it’s hard to make a sound or even breathe.

“At first I wanted to make a plane that takes her to heaven, but then I figured it might be too modern for God.” He hears Mayo speaking again. Maybe he’s been silent for too long, but his brain can’t even register the words he’s hearing. “I mean, the ark was a boat, right?”

“I…” He tries to speak again, and his voice comes out hoarse and strained. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Hey, it’s ok, really!” Now somehow Mayo also seems to be panicking a little, which is almost a miracle. “It’s not like I made it myself. I just paid someone to do it and it’s not even expensive.”

Amado traces the word Anna with his fingertips, feeling the delicate design. All of a sudden a trigger in his brain is flipped, releasing a piece of memory, with Pacho’s voice echoing in his ears.

You will find someone.

He already has, when he wasn’t even looking.

He was just fucking blind.

He reaches over and grabs Mayo’s hand.

“Come with me.”

“…What? To where?”

“I’m not laying low for a while. I’m leaving, forever, in two days.”

“Oh! Ok…that’s…” So many turbulent emotions flash through Mayo’s face, and Amado has never seen something more vivid, more real. “And you said…What are you asking exactly?!”

“I know I should have said something sooner, way sooner, but it’s now or never.” Amado feels the hand under his palm tense up, so he rubs circles on the skin soothingly. “And I don’t want it to be never.”

“You…” Mayo stares at him completely dumbfounded, speechless. Maybe he deserves some kind of award just for that. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am. Look, just think about it. How long are you gonna keep doing this? And what’s your end goal? To make bigger numbers than me? Than Cali? Escobar?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I know, I’m not…” He feels Mayo trying to pull the hand away, so he lets it go out of respect. “You’re right. That’s none of my business, but I know one thing.”

He looks around the room at the tasteful decorations representing their owner’s wealth. “All these… They’ll be gone when the end catches up, one way or another.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“You know, but no one really wants that, not even you.” Amado leans forward and puts both of his hands on the desk. “For the longest time I also thought I was fine with it, but no one wants to be alone.”

Mayo remains quiet and expressionless for a while, and Amado waits patiently, more than willing to give him the time. But then his entire figure hardens. “So that’s what this is all about.”

Amado senses something is terribly wrong, but he doesn’t know what. “What do you mean?”

“Well let’s see, where do I begin? The government was onto you, you lost your supply and your Colombian boyfriend dumped you. So you came up with an escape plan, which was a pretty good idea. But when the 48 hour count down began, you had some kind of…fucking existential crisis, so you came here to grab the first person you could think of, to bring them like a bag of cash.”

“What?! No! How did you even…”

“No? Really?!” Mayo abruptly stands up and bangs on the desk with both hands, so hard that he feels the floor vibrate a little.

Amado leans back into his chair out of sheer instinct. He’s not frightened by the outburst, but he is genuinely, wholeheartedly in shock.

Mayo glances at the door and lowers his voice, but the menace it carries only increases. “Tell me again, when are you leaving?”

“In two days?”

“How long did it take for you to prepare?”

“…Several months.”

“And how long have we known each other?”

He looks up to meet Mayo’s eyes again, and he sees it, the thick layer of pain shadowing all the anger.

Mayo balls both hands into fists, slightly trembling with tension. Under the table, Amado holds the sculpture tightly, its hard edges digging into his palm. It hurts.

Maybe Mayo should have just punched him last time on the plane after they landed. He would have deserved it, and Mayo could have saved himself some trouble.

But nothing happens, just like nothing happened last time. Eventually Mayo lets out a long sigh and sits back down.

“I hope you can get away, and I’m not telling this to anyone.” Mayo takes out a cigarette and lights it, taking a long drag. “But get the fuck out of my house.”

Amado feels his body burning, but there’s also a scary numbness, like his brain literally just overheated his entire body because it couldn’t handle everything that was going on.

He swallows and puts his hands on the armrests, bracing himself to stand up, then turns around to walk away.

“I’m sorry.” He says, when he reaches the door. The words came out on their own, surprising himself. He turns around, truly one last time.

“I’m sorry. I mean it.”

“I said get out.”

*

Amado spends the next two days in autopilot mode. He already knows everything that needs to be done, so he just does them, but it feels more like accomplishing a preassigned task rather than going to his freedom. He doesn’t know what happens after, and he barely made sense of what happened before, so he is simply going to execute the plan. It’s his only option now.

He hugs his brother one last time when they get to the deserted secret airport, watching the car drive away. Then he just stands there by himself for a few minutes, registering the fact that this is really happening. Then he starts to move his luggage into the plane. There are quite a few bags, understandably, so it will take him several trips.

When he’s about to walk out of the plane to grab the last two duffel bags, he hears a car coming. Silently cursing, Amado takes out his gun and takes cover inside the plane, peeking out of a window.

The person walks out of the car.

His breath hitches.

Amado slowly walks down the air stair, pistol pointing at the ground. “You’re not here to shoot me, right?” It’s meant to be a joke, but he can’t rule that out completely based on their last meeting.

“Honestly? I considered it.” Mayo leans back on the car and crosses his arm, “but that doesn’t fit my best interest.”

“How did you even find me?”

“You brought me here once. Did you forget that too?”

He doesn’t respond, and doesn’t need to. They both know that doesn’t answer the question.

“I saw the news for the last two days. They’ve been seizing your large hangers, thinking they’ve got you pinned down. But I thought hey, maybe that was the plan, a well timed distraction.” Mayo shrugs, “Believe it or not, it was a blind guess, just good luck.”

Amado turns the safety back on and tucks the gun away. This isn’t luck. Mayo knows him, more than either of them is willing to admit.

“Alright, say I believe that.” He takes a few steps closer tentatively. “Why are you here?”

“I thought about what you said. Most of it was fucking bullshit, but you did have one good point.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” Amado adjusts his jacket. All of a sudden he’s feeling the chilliness of the evening breeze, like his body is coming out of the robotic state.

“I don’t want to wait for the end to catch up, and if I’m being honest, with how things are going these days? When the time comes for me I might not have a plan better than this one that you spent months working on, whatever it is.”

Mayo walks to the back of the car and opens the truck, revealing several large bags.

“So I’m taking advantage of this good chance right now.”

“So…you’re basically using me.” There’s a subtle sourness in his chest, but he knows he’s smiling.

“Well, you used me first for a fucking long time, so now it’s my turn.”

Amado walks over and helps him take out two bags. His own luggage on the ground can wait a little.

“Then let’s call it even?”

“I don’t know, depends on where we’re going.”

“Chile.”

Mayo thinks about it, and then smiles.

“Deal.”

*

“We also need to hide your car.” Amado says, after they moved everything into the plane.

“Don’t worry about it, José will take care of it later.” Mayo waves him off, “I do have some plans, you know?”

“Wait…José? José the restaurant guy?!”

Mayo pauses for several seconds, and then bursts out laughing. “Right, I never told you!”

“Never told me what?”

Mayo pats him on the shoulder, with that exact same casual playfulness as before. The only difference is this time Mayo lets the touch linger there.

“I’ll tell you everything later. We’ve got time.”

@ashlingiswriting @hausofmamadas @mandaloria314 @drabbles-mc @cherixrosa @cositapreciosa @criatividad-e @anunhealthydoseofangst @narcolini @artemiseamoon @alreadywritten @sikkui @dashavau

[mukamibabe]

Hi!

I saw you write for Karlheinz and wanted to ask if you can write a one-shot on Karlheinz overstimulating his wife as a punishment who tried to escape him,like she was forced by Karl to marry him.

So maybe a lemon of him catching her and the "aftermath"?

I CAN'T ON HOW AMAZING YOUR BLOG IS!!! 💜💜💜

hi! thanks for asking!! <3 and thank you for saying that about my blog!! 

onto content warnings, uhh. usual diabolik lovers stuff with like. horrible relationships and such. 

also, with the nature of this request, i think this would probably be considered dubious consent? the relationship isn’t entirely clear, i wanted it to be somewhat ambiguous but to sum it up, i guess you could say the reader? s/o? is attracted to karlheinz but has extremely mixed feelings regarding him? or even like.. a one sided relationship but the wife is not as.. infatuated with karl as he is with her, if that makes sense? honestly it might even be seen as hate sex??  it gets more dubcon-ish near the end.

and omg bc i can’t stop talking lmao i also made it so it’s unclear whether or not his wife was a human or not. just for more.. like. oc-insert/ self-insert purposes? idk . and because i still can’t shut up, does anyone wanna like?? let me know if these are too long?? i feel like everything is just long and it’s like. .ok?? i mean it is my personal preference when reading stuff like this but like? ? idk ok anywyas

don’t read if any of this may make you uncomfortable, and also please don’t read this if you shouldn’t be because there will be nsfw content under the cut. 

oh,,, and like the last scenario/drabble i wrote,, i still feel like my writing is kind of all over the place so i hope this is ok 😳 idk why im always changing povs and whatnot but i don’t think i did for this one? um anyways go easy on me im insecure ok lmao

A game. That’s all this relationship seemed to be. To Karlheinz, at least.

Like the snake the vampire lord was, he would strike at his prey without any warning, and that is exactly what he had done to the new woman he had called his wife. 

It was bold of her, honestly- to escape the way she did. Karlheinz could almost laugh at the audacity, or the fact that she actually believed she could get away from him.

Being the sadistic vampire he was, seemingly something his sons had inherited from him, he found amusement in playing with his food, so to speak. While his prey, in this instance, wasn’t entirely just a meal, holding more importance than that considering he has already chosen to be wedded to her. He wished he could say he knew she wasn’t stupid, but considering her choice to run from him, he wasn’t so sure.

So, he allowed her to run. Like a wolf, testing it’s prey. He tailed her discreetly, and, both to his disappointment as well as satisfaction, she was completely unaware. So, when she finally let her guard down? Karlheinz went in for the kill.

It was silent, and his wife breathed heavily, slouched over as she finally got the opportunity to rest, at least for a bit. She couldn’t deny that it was almost suspicious that her husband seemed to have not trailed her at all, but the thought of being free of him outweighed anything else. 

“What brings you here, my love?”

Upon hearing his voice, she looked up immediately, blinking rapidly to confirm whether or not what she was seeing was real. 

Her mouth had dropped open, after seeing that, and after a couple more blinks, he was not gone, and was instead, getting closer.

“Worry not, my dear. I know this might be a surprise but I assure you, it’s alright. Lets just get you back to where you belong and we can discuss this later.”

Not allowing room for any protests or excuses, Karlheinz, after stopping within an arm’s length, quickly grabbed her wrist, pulling her closer to him before whisking her away. 

Despite her having many moments with Karlheinz, including teleportation, it was still something she could never get used to. Hell, she was barely processing the fact that she had been utterly fooled by Karlheinz, thinking she was safe. It didn’t really help that she was already exhausted from constantly being on the move, as well as her own shock at the situation. Really, she couldn’t even think about defying him, as all she really sought was a rest.

After a quick second, within a flash, both were back at the place Karlheinz called home. For his wife, she would never call it her home, but alas, it mattered little to Karl. 

Setting the woman down on their large, plush bed, truly fit for a king like Karl, he fixed his hair, letting the locks fall down after pulling it from his bun. His wife only sat on their bed, refusing to look at her so-called husband, tears gathering from the corners of her eyes. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her tears. Unfortunately for her, Karl noticed immediately, stepping closer to her before cupping her cheek with a gloved hand. 

“Shhh, shh, you’re alright. I’m not going to harm you, darling.”

Lies.

Sure, the woman could agree that he had never physically harmed her, but she knew who he was. She knew how easy it was for him to slither his way into your mind, to have you bend under his will. Perhaps that was why she felt complied to apologize, but it would be a lie. Escaping from him, albeit temporarily, was one of the best feelings she’d felt since being married to the man. 

Regardless, she had to stop herself from moving away from him, or pushing his hand away. Or maybe both.

“Go ahead and get some rest. You’ll be safe here, I assure you.” Karlheinz spoke up once again, looking at his wife with a look of faux concern, but she didn’t know that. The woman only stared at him in response, just hoping he’d leave her alone, at least for a moment. Maybe she’d be lucky enough to get some shut eye before facing the consequences of running away from a vampire lord. The lack of trust was clear here, but what else could she do? Surely he had used some sort of magic to prevent her from escaping once more. The windows, that revealed a shining night sky, were nearly impossible to escape from, at least without causing a complete mess. Accepting defeat, for now at least, the woman let herself relax onto the mattress, though not entirely. Not long after, her so called husband left the room after gathering some scrolls that sat on his desk, allowing her to finally drift off to sleep, after fighting it for a moment- being on the run is definitely exhausting, more so than she would’ve thought.

About an hour or two had passed until Karlheinz returned once more. His wife still slept soundly, unaware of his presence. He had no plans of sleeping, really, but had stripped himself of his heavier clothes, leaving him in a loose, thin dress shirt and a simple pair of breeches. Unusual for him, sure, but he quite literally was trying to climb into bed and start showing his affections for his wife. 

Before Karlheinz could actually get settled into their bed, his wife’s eyes opened upon feeling the shift in the mattress. Groggy, she squinted, looking up at the pale man though not having the energy to shrink away from him. Instead, she averted her gaze, laying her head back against the pillow. She really did want to go back to sleep, or at least her body did, but doing so wouldn’t be the easiest thing to do, per se. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t have at least a slight fear of how Karlheinz was going to treat her after escaping.

As Karl made himself more comfortable, inching closer to the woman who had given up on worrying and once again found herself trying to fall back asleep, turning around, her back facing the man. This was cut short, however, instantaneously upon feeling an icicle for a hand graze lightly against her neck, making her stiffen immediately. Karlheinz definitely noticed the way she had to prevent herself from recoiling, but only hushed her, his cold body only getting closer to her, chest pressed up against her back. His lips moved towards her neck after pushing away any obstacles, peppering her neck with delicate kisses. It didn’t surprise either of them that this only made her stiffen up more, but the man did not stop, only speaking quietly after kissing her neck for a bit longer.

“Forgive me for waking you, but can you blame me after all? Chasing after you has made me parched, my dear little wife.” He spoke, before going back to attacking her neck.

The woman felt no need to speak. He was going to bite her anyways, and not putting up a fight would only make it worse for herself. Besides, she had literally just woken from her slumber only moments ago. The vampire took his wife’s silence as permission, not that he needed it anyways, and bit down into her skin, sucking up the sanguine liquid that he’d craved since his wife’s little escapade. As he drank from her, he nudged his knee gently in-between the woman’s bare legs. Which, once she thought about it, she had no recalling of ever changing out of her clothes, but didn’t feel like feeding into that trail of thought. She knew the culprit, regardless of whether or not he did it directly. Letting out a shaky exhale, she squeezed her legs together, to which Karl only pressed his hips against her own. It was to her relief she hadn’t felt anything yet, but knowing him, it wouldn’t be for much longer. To add, Karl had also snaked his arm around her, fingertips playing with the hem of her shirt. 

“Karl..” The woman mumbled, eyes clasped shut as she, to her dismay, leaned into his touch, focusing on the movement of his tongue, lapping up her blood, to the cold calf that rested against her own, intertwining their legs, not to mention the icy hand that slivered slowly up and down her waist. That hand was quick to start moving downwards, tickling at her hips before she stopped him, pulling her arm from underneath her to grasp his own. She was thankful that doing so made him pause, at least from getting any lower. It was bad enough his bites already made her feel some type of way, and his other affectionate touches did not help the conflict she felt from actually enjoying the feeling of his fangs biting into her. 

Luckily, or at least she wanted to think so, Karlheinz pulled away from her neck, to which the woman then shifted, laying on her back looking at Karl, who was currently licking up the remnant off of his lips. 

“Don’t deny yourself, darling. You know you want me to make you feel good.” He said, almost teasingly- and it was true. Partially. It wouldn’t be her first time getting intimate with the man, and even just thinking about the mind-blowing orgasms he’s brought her to makes her shiver, as much as she hated it. Letting out a slight whine, the woman huffed in denial, watching, and feeling, his every move. “But-”, is what escaped her lips before Karlheinz moved in for a kiss, prodding his tongue into her mouth, allowing her to get a faint taste of her own blood. Her hand moved to push against Karl’s chest, but both of them knew it really wouldn’t have an effect. In fact, she was barely pushing at all, slowly succumbing to all of his touch, which seemed to make her body melt. 

Karlheinz pulled away from the kiss, leaving a few marks against her collarbone before scooting himself lower.

“I know you’re still tired. Let me take care of you, and just relax in the meantime.” The vampire said softly, moving her shirt upwards to reveal her stomach, allowing him to plant a gentle kiss against the soft skin. She did not at all anticipate the feeling of his fangs pierce into her once more, in such a sensitive place, no less. Truth be told, the king wasn’t even thirsty any more- he saw pain as a fair enough punishment for her actions, despite it being mixed with pleasure as well. After biting her again, his lips then moved downwards as her blood dripped down her stomach. He lapped it up, stopping at the hem of her undergarments and looking up at his wife, who shivered at the touch of his fingers that attempted to pull the underwear down. Raising her hand, she impulsively pushed his head away as she stuttered a protest. He only looked up at her for a few seconds, savoring the conflicted look smeared on her face. Ignoring her words, Karl removed the pair, with her hesitant assistance to shimmy out of them and kicking them off so they could get lost somewhere within the comforter.

A primal glint flashed in the man’s honey colored eyes, smirking at the sight of her, wet and clenching around nothing, again, to her dismay. He wasted no time, sitting up as he ran one finger along her folds, getting his fingertip wet with her slick. 

“Please,” his wife cried out, though she really didn’t know what specifically she was pleading for. She wished nothing more for him to both leave her alone as well as to fill her up. This confusion was exactly what Karlheinz loved most. 

Letting out a quiet chuckle, Karlheinz, without warning, pushed two fingers into her hole, curving them upwards, thumb lightly pressing against her clit. 

“Ah, you’re so spoiled, my dear. Even after running away from me, you still get treated like a queen.. You have it lucky, don’t you think?”

“Fuck you.” Was her response, squirming a bit as she tried to block out the feeling his fingers were making her feel. In retort of her hostile reply, the man inserted a third digit, admittedly getting a bit rougher with her, pressing harder onto her clit. As he thrusted his fingers into her, she felt his fangs graze the flat of her thigh for a second before he bit her. Again. Though the vampire had never mentioned anything about ‘punishing’ his wife, it was starting to become clear that the bites were intentional. Then, after marking her once again, he moved his body back up, still fingering her as he claimed her lips for a second time. His fingers continued to work her up, using his thumb to play with her clit the way he recalled. Although both of them were caught in each other’s mouths, he could hear her breaths growing heavier, trying so hard to not let out any sound. 

Abruptly, his fingers came to a halt after he pulled away from her lips, to which she let out an audible whine. Looking at the woman intently, he slid back down giving a tiny nip against her thigh before moving his mouth towards her pubis, biting down there as well. It was quick, and no blood had spilled, but it only added to her theory that this was indeed her consequence for running. Then, he moved down to her cunt and with no hesitation, started to eat her out, lapping up every bit of her juices, nose pressed against her sensitive clit. 

Biting back a moan, his wife intertwined her fingers in Karl’s hair, tugging at it slightly but it was no use. 

“Enough..!” She spat, though unable to help the way her hips raised against his mouth that continued to explore her entirety, occasionally moving upwards to suck at her clit. As she could have expected, Karlheinz showed no resistance and was completely ignorant against her words as well as the slight tug at his scalp. Bringing her closer to the edge, the pull on his hair only got tighter, hearing a string of curses come from his wife who was eagerly awaiting that sweet release. Following that shortly after was a loud moan of his name, chasing that release like a starved animal. 

“Hah...! Karl, I’m close,” 

Her words came out breathy, almost like a whisper, and Karlheinz’ mouth only got more and more relentless until she came undone beneath his mouth. Back arched, the woman cried out as Karl continued to lap up everything flowing from her.

“Nngh..! Please, it hurts..!” Letting out a choked cry, she tried to squirm away from the mouth that still attacked at her folds, but he had only held her down, bringing tears to her eyes just at the feeling of the overwhelming sensitivity, to the point where it was uncomfortable.

The vampire did not stop, though continued for only a little longer, savoring every cry and squirm, and every little touch she did against him, trying to push him away and struggling to shove him, fists balled. He let go of her hips, letting her fall back down against the bed, legs shaking slightly as she squeezed her eyes shut, doing her best to catch her breath. 

At that point, her mind felt almost blank, not even noticing that Karlheinz had swiftly pulled down his pants, releasing his strained length that throbbed at the sight of his wife who had been brought to tears. 

Unfortunately for his poor little wife, her so called punishment wasn’t over with yet. Karl had interrupted her time in which she tried to recover, lifting her up effortlessly, pulling him onto his lap. His hardened cock brushed against her, and before she could even manage to protest, both physically and verbally, he thrusted into her sensitive, sopping core, making her cry out, tears falling from the corner of her eyes that remained tightly shut. A few thrusts into her, the vampire laid her back down against the bed, pressing his forehead against her own as he harshly ground his hips against her. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t get any words out of her mouth. The only thing she could focus on was her husband pounding into her, his pace growing faster with every second. Any words that she was actually managing to form only came out slurred, and were then interrupted by Karl’s lips that resorted to kissing her as fondly as before. 

His hips began to stutter after a while, feeling her cunt contract around him, moans and cries being muffled by one another’s mouths. The woman turned her head to the side, pulling away from the kiss as she felt that familiar buildup at her core, squeezing her thighs together but it was no use. Karlheinz was ramming into her roughly, making her toes curl and fingers holding onto the sheets for dear life. Just before Karlheinz was chasing his high, the woman gushed against him, and as she came down, her squeezing walls only encouraging the man’s growingly erratic pace, to which he came inside of her not long after. 

He stayed inside of her for a short while before pulling out, watching his seed seep out onto the blankets, from her hole. Karlheinz was quick to catch his breath, at least in comparison of the girl who’s tears continued to fall, mouth agape. 

“Hah.. There you go, my love.. Let it all out.” Karlheinz cooed, placing a chaste kiss against her cheek.

“Perhaps this will make you reconsider even thinking about running from me again.”

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part 17 - zuko x fem!reader

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

part 16 | masterlist | part 18

a/n: finally getting into zuko's redemption arc as well as reuniting yn with sokka!! im so happy bc i really missed writing her with him, their relationship is so special to me. writing 3 chapters straight of prison feels kinda brings the mood down lol so at least its coming back up w/ suki and sokka

this was all gonna be one chapter but it started getting way too long so im splitting it in two. next chapter is their escape from the boiling rock baby !

wc: 6.5k

warning(s): some more angst but a fair amount of fluff as well (yn and sokka reunion!!<3) but mostly angst tbh. yn is very mad at zuko as she should be and sokka kinda gives it to him as well

chapter title comes from 'this is me trying' by taylor swift

“I can’t believe they’re keeping us inside all week,” Suki muttered, dragging the mop across the floor with more irritation than usual. “The only bearable part of this place, and they just take it away.” 

“The warden certainly knows how to keep his prisoners miserable,” Y/N said, wiping at a stubborn patch of grease on the side of the wall with a wet cloth. 

It had been a few weeks since Y/N had found her new home in the loveliest place in all the Fire Nation, and she was beginning to accept her situation. After what Suki pulled, defending her in front of their entire block, no one had messed with her since. And having Suki by her side in the first place, it made being stuck in the Boiling Rock a lot more bearable. They practically became attached at the hip — they were lucky enough to be in the same block in the first place, so during courtyard time, mandated chores, and any other time they weren’t confined to their cells, Y/N and Suki were always together.

It made a world of difference, having someone like Suki by her side after being on her own for so long. They talked constantly, Suki telling her what it was like to grow up on Kyoshi Island and her subsequent journey as a Kyoshi Warrior, and Y/N revealing the story of her upbringing to somebody else in full for the first time. It was the number one source of her shame, the amount of pain and suffering she’d caused both herself and her mother by trusting Zuko, but Suki offered nothing but support. 

One thing, at least, had become clear: they may have gotten into this separately, but they were going to get out of it together. 

“I mean, it’s the middle of the summer!” Suki complained, taking her out of her thoughts. “It’s hot outside, but it’s even worse in here. I would kill for some windows.” 

Y/N’s eyes suddenly widened, and she looked at Suki. “The middle of the summer— I think I know why we’re stuck inside.”

She frowned. “Why?”  

“When I was still with Aang and the rest of the group, we visited this secret underground library with all the knowledge you could ever want. Sokka discovered a Fire Nation secret, some kind of eclipse where all firebending is useless for a short period. It’s called the Day of Black Sun, and,” she lowered her voice, “we were going to invade the Fire Nation that day so Aang could take out the Fire Lord. I think the reason we’re stuck in here is because the eclipse is coming up. It’ll be easier to keep everything together inside than outside, especially if a riot breaks out.”

Suki huffed a laugh as she shook her head. “We’re guarded by a bunch of cowards, then. Can they really be the ‘greatest prison in the Fire Nation’ if they can’t do their job without bending?” 

Y/N managed to stifle her laugh just as a guard walked past them, and she ducked her head as she quickly returned to cleaning the walls. 

“Is something funny, girl?” His voice was gruff and demanding, but while it would’ve made her cower in her shell when she first arrived here, she had since become skilled in the art of keeping her head low. 

“Not at all, sir,” she said, “I apologize for the delay.” 

He stared at her for a moment before huffing in approval and walking away, and Suki just rolled her eyes. 

“I can’t wait until we’re out of here and we don’t have to grovel at their feet anymore.” She shoved her mop back into the bucket of water and sighed. “Just one good punch to the face of every guard in here before we get out, and I think I’d be satisfied.” 

Y/N grinned. “Throw one in there for me and you’ve got a deal.” 

“I think I can manage that,” Suki said, smiling as she played along. 

She laughed again, the mischievous twinkle in Suki’s eye lightening up the atmosphere effortlessly. 

“About this comet though,” Suki said, her expression turning slightly thoughtful, “you’re telling me Sokka’s the one who discovered all of it?” 

Y/N smiled knowingly as she turned away from the wall. “Yeah. You should’ve seen him in action, Suki — the whole library was about to collapse underground, a whole “we’re doomed” situation with no way to get both the information we went there for and get out alive. But then Sokka just jumps into action, he figures out when the eclipse is, and we manage to make it out by the skin of our teeth. If it wasn’t for Sokka, I think we would’ve died about… twenty times before I even had the chance to get here.” She elbowed Suki playfully. “He’s pretty smart, right?” 

The pink flush to her cheeks faded as Suki turned away, a sheepish smile of her own blooming. “We can talk about that later. What I’m curious about is this: if all the guards don’t have their firebending for a period of time, doesn’t that mean it would be the best time to escape this place?” 

“Theoretically, but it would never actually work.” She dipped the rag back into the bucket of water and continued scrubbing at the walls. “We’d never be able to get off the island; the gondola’s the only way out, and we’d be spotted immediately.” 

Suki hummed, but Y/N noticed the gleam in her eye. “What are you thinking about?” she asked. 

“I’m thinking about an escape route.

Y/N raised her eyebrows. “You’re thinking of an escape route out of the inescapable prison?” 

“Obviously.” She turned to Y/N with a smile. “I don’t know how, and it won’t happen this week, but we’re gonna get off of this damn rock. And we’re gonna do it together.” 

Suki’s words, somehow still earnest despite everything they’d been through, brought out a smile of her own. “You really think?” 

“I know,” she clarified, and she took Y/N’s hand in her own and squeezed hard. “The Fire Nation only got us in our weakest moments. But with the two of us, working together? They won’t know what hit ‘em.” 

Y/N bit her lip to hold back her growing amusement, and she nodded as she squeezed back. “Damn right.” 

-

“Zuko?” 

What had started as his attempt at an introduction quickly went south, and his eyes widened as he held up his hands and took a step backwards. It only took a second for the Avatar and his friends to get into their attack stances, and he gulped. He’d been on the other end of their wrath far too many times to underestimate them.

“I promise, I don’t want any trouble.” 

“Then you made a mistake coming here,” Katara retorted, water hovering just above her hands. “What, did you decide you wanted a rematch? I’m happy to help.” 

“No!” he exclaimed, taking another step back. Spirits— she was younger than him, how was she so scary? “No, I’m not here to hurt any of you!” 

“That’s what you said last time,” she scoffed. “Y’know, before you tried to kill us all?” 

“What are you doing here, Zuko?” Aang asked. “How did you even find us?” 

“I know it has to be a surprise—” 

“Not really,” Sokka muttered. 

“—to see me here,” Zuko finished, trying not to let the interruption bother him, “but I swear, it’s for a good reason! I’m— I’m good now, and I think you should let me join your group. I left the Fire Nation, and I’m good now, and I can also teach firebending,” he looked at Aang, “to you.” 

Aang’s eyes widened slightly at the consideration but Katara just laughed mirthlessly. “Do you honestly think any of us are stupid to trust you after all you’ve done? We’ll always have another option than you, Zuko. We’ll never be that desperate.” 

“Where’s your firebending teacher then?” he asked. “If you have other options, then fine. But I don’t think you have any.” 

Katara set her jaw. “We’ll find someone. Anyone but you.” 

Aang looked at him for a good, long moment, and Zuko actually grew hopeful for a second, but it was all dashed when he glanced away and shook his head. “There’s no way we can trust you after all you’ve done. You should leave.” 

Zuko visibly deflated at Aang’s words. “At least… tell Y/N that I was here. I need her to know I’ve changed.” 

The mood noticeably changed at the mention of her, the steeliness to Katara’s eyes and the slight clench of Sokka’s fists the most obvious. They were angry at him, and rightfully so, for what he’d done to her. If only they knew how much turmoil Zuko had gone through over it all. 

“She’s not here,” Katara spat. “I figured you would know that, seeing as you’re the one that got her thrown in jail.” 

His eyes widened. “What?” 

“Are you deaf?” He looked down when he heard the aggressive voice, and was shocked to see it coming from such a small girl. Toph, if he remembered correctly. “She’s not here, and it’s your fault. You should know better than any of us, seeing as she’s still in the Fire Nation.” 

“If you cared so much, you should’ve broken her out,” Sokka said bitterly. 

“I— I tried,” Zuko insisted, and he was quickly realizing how hard it was going to be to get these people to trust him. “Believe me, I tried to get her out, but when I went to her cell she wasn’t there. 

It was somehow still possible as Katara’s glare turned even sharper, and when she took a step forward, he moved back on instinct. “What do you mean, she wasn’t there?”

“She wasn’t there,” he repeated, his eyes slightly wide as he held up his hands. “I— I asked a guard, and he said she was transferred to another prison by my sister, but I haven’t been able to find out where.”

“You know what the Fire Nation does to powerful benders.” Katara’s voice wavered, her blue eyes glimmering with tears. ”How could you let them take her?”

“I tried—” he started, but he didn’t get far.

“You didn’t try at all!” Katara shouted, her voice finally breaking as her hands clenched into fists at her side. “You are the one who did this to her! You are the one who did this to her because she refused to give up on you, and now she could be— she could be dead!”

Katara took a step back as her chest rose and fall with shaky breaths, and the glare she pinned him with was truly murderous. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave and never come back.”

She wiped at the tears streaming down her face and stormed off in the opposite direction, leaving Zuko standing there speechless, unable to do anything but stare with wide eyes.

“Katara!” Aang instantly ran off after her, and Toph took over. 

“You heard her,” she said, her blank gaze not meeting his eyes but somehow able to carry the same steeliness in her tone as Katara. “Leave.”

And as she went off after Aang and Katara, Zuko was left with him and a tension that could be cut with a knife.

“I never wanted this to happen,” Zuko whispered.

“It doesn’t matter,” Sokka said coldly. “It still did.”

And he was right. 

-

It was… strange, to say the least. Being here, with the Avatar and his friends.  

Zuko had only managed to earn himself a spot in the group by near death bravery, but even his fight against the assassin was barely enough to secure it, what with how effortlessly Zuko was able to do the wrong thing in every single situation. 

Telling them he sent the assassin after them in the first place, burning Toph’s feet, offering himself up as a prisoner, even just standing too close to Katara— he was constantly on thin ice with all of them, but especially her. Sokka was a frontrunner as well, but it wasn’t really a surprise. He remembered the way Y/N had spoken about them, how close they were — they had every right to hate him, but it still hurt. All he could do was hope to repair it. 

And he was trying his hardest to do so. He regained his bending with Aang and the two of them came back stronger than ever in terms of firebending. Toph never really had a grudge against him — even though she ragged on him as much as he deserved for burning her feet — so she was mostly fine with him, and he gave Katara her space. He was going to fix that situation, but after the way she threatened him, Zuko figured a lot of time was needed before he even tried. 

As far as Sokka, he didn’t know where he stood with the Water Tribe boy. He knew it would take some time, but what he didn’t know was that this was where he was going to end up not even a day after Sokka asked him about Fire Nation prisons. 

“Pretty clouds,” Sokka observed. 

On a war balloon. Alone, with only Sokka for company, and a deadly mission ahead of them. 

“Yeah… fluffy.” 

…It was certainly his most interesting vacation.

Zuko’s head jerked up when Sokka murmured something and his brows creased. “What?” 

Sokka glanced up at him, that iciness back once again. “You know this doesn’t mean I like you now.” 

“Yeah,” he said. “I… I figured.” 

“I’m just doing this with you because you wouldn’t leave me alone and I needed your war balloon.” He crossed his arms and set his jaw. “I haven’t forgiven you for anything that you’ve done.” 

“I know,” Zuko sighed, and for a moment the only thing that filled the air was the sound of his firebending. “At least I can help with this.” 

“I know how to work a war balloon,” Sokka said, and he rapped his knuckles against the side of the wood. “My friend designed these things. I would’ve figured out how to make the fire if you weren’t here.” 

Zuko raised his eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “No kidding. One of your friends designed these war balloons?” 

Sokka looked up at him, his gaze calculating as if he was trying to gauge the truth of his interest. 

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “I helped him polish it up, figure out how to control the hot air. It’s just a balloon, but for war.” 

“Well, If there’s one thing my dad’s good at, it’s war,” Zuko muttered.  

“Yeah, it seems to run in the family.”

Zuko frowned and his tone turned defensive. “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that.” 

“I know, I know.” Sokka gestured with his hand. “You’ve changed.” 

“I meant my uncle,” Zuko said. “He was more of a father to me, and I really let him down.” 

“Well… I think your uncle would be proud of you.” Sokka crossed his arms yet again and he looked out at the sky, not wanting to meet Zuko’s eyes as he actually said something nice.  “Leaving your home to come help us? That’s hard.” 

“It wasn’t that hard.” 

“Really? You didn’t leave anyone behind you cared about?”

Zuko shrugged. “There was one girl, Mai. We were dating, but… it felt more like something forged out of expectations rather than love. It felt like we were putting on a front for the approval of our parents rather than being together for ourselves. I still care about her as a friend, though. Enough that I didn’t want to get her caught up in this mess.” 

“And…” he swallowed the lump in his throat as his expression turned downcast. “There was Y/N. She was— she still is— the only girl I’ve ever loved, the way I love her. Ever since I was a child. But I ruined anything we could’ve possibly had together, and now… now, I have no idea where she is, and wherever she is, she hates me.” 

Sokka hummed. “She has every right to.” 

Zuko glared at him. “You’re really not good at this making people feel better thing.” 

“I’m not trying to make you feel better,” he said. “I know you’re trying to become a good guy or whatever, but you deserve to feel bad for what you did. For a pretty long time, too.” 

Zuko braced his hand against his forehead as he turned away. “I know. I just can’t stop thinking about her— about how I treated her, and that the last thing I said to her was that…” 

He trailed off, and Sokka raised his eyebrows. “What?” 

Zuko sighed again and let his hands hang off the side of the boat. “I said that I never loved her.”

“Tui’s gills, man!” Sokka exclaimed. “Yeah, of course she’s gonna hate you for saying something like that. Geez, you go all in when you’re upset, huh?” 

“I didn’t mean it!” Zuko defended as he whirled around. “I— I was just angry at everything, and I wanted to forget her, and I thought that if I said it then it would become true and I would finally be able to move on. But,” he heaved a weary sigh as he sat down, his gaze downcast, “I don’t want to move on. I just want to see her again and apologize for everything. I don’t know if it’ll ever be enough, but I have to try.”

The silence weighed heavily between them yet again, with Zuko staring at the ground and Sokka’s gaze softening ever so slightly as he looked at him. 

“I think you still have a chance,” he said, and Zuko’s eyes widened slightly.

“What?”

“I think you still have a chance,” he repeated. “As much as I hate to say it, Y/N cared about you. A lot. Like, she talked about you constantly when we were all together, a lot. It was honestly kind of annoying.”

“So what’s your point?” he grumbled. 

Sokka sighed. “My point is that you two had a bond— the kind of bond where she risked everything just because of how she felt about you. That kind of bond… it doesn’t just go away.”

“Do you think she’ll even care?” Zuko asked. “After all I’ve done, how can you know she’ll even want to listen to me? How do you know I haven’t completely lost her?”

Sokka was quiet for a moment before he asked a single question. “Do you still love her?”

Zuko answered without hesitation. “With all my heart.”

“Then there’s still time. You haven’t lost her yet.”

He gave him a rare smile and nodded. “Thanks, Sokka. That actually helped.”

He shrugged and looked away. “I mean, it could always be worse. My first girlfriend turned into the moon.”

“…That’s rough, buddy.”

-

Their mission was going about as well as one would think. They had crashed their war balloon leaving them with no way out, nearly gotten discovered seconds after stealing uniforms, and got caught up in a fight in the courtyard, but in the scheme of things they were still on track. 

After dropping off a prisoner they had reunited on one of the balconies overlooking the courtyard, where Sokka was diligently scanning the entire field for any sign of his father. 

“Sokka,” Zuko whispered, managing to grab his attention. “Listen, I asked around the lounge, and they said that there’s one Water Tribe prisoner here — a waterbender transferred here personally by my sister. Does that sound like it could be your dad?” 

He shook his head anxiously. “No, my dad’s not a waterbender. Are— are you sure that’s the only one? Did you double-check?”

“Yeah,” Zuko confirmed. “I’m sure.”

“No,” Sokka muttered, turning away dejectedly. He banged his fists against the wall out of anger. “No! We came all this way for nothing. I failed again.” 

“Um, what would Uncle say?” Zuko thought aloud as he stroked his chin. “Sometimes, clouds have two sides; a dark and a light, and a silver lining in between. So… when life seems hard, take a bite out of the silver sandwich!” 

Sokka looked wholly disinterested during his whole monologue, but when he directed his gaze back to the courtyard he gasped, his grip tightening on the railing. “Maybe we haven’t failed after all.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Zuko grinned. “I can’t believe that worked; I didn’t even know what I was saying.” 

“No, what you said made no sense at all— but look!”

Zuko craned his head to see where Sokka was pointing and his eyes widened when he saw what was talking about it.

It was her.

Standing slightly off to the side idly chatting with another girl, a little worse for wear with a black eye, but alive. 

“She’s here,” Zuko muttered, equal parts awestruck, relieved, and terrified.

“Y/N is the waterbender you heard about! And do you see who she’s with?” Sokka questioned excitedly. “She’s with Suki! Our girls are here, Zuko. They’re okay!”

As Sokka started to spout off his plan, Zuko listened dimly, unable to take his eyes off of Y/N. 

Her eye looked like it was healing, but he gauged that at its initial stage it was something nasty. Seeing her in the red prison jumpsuit was strange — he wondered why she had been transferred here instead of somewhere more resistant to waterbenders, but he pushed logic aside and allowed himself to revel in the temporary relief. 

She was here, and she was alive.

Zuko could only hope she was willing to try again with him. 

-

Y/N heaved another sigh as she rolled onto her back, unable to get comfortable on the slab she called a bed. It was near impossible to fall asleep without the familiar presence of her friends; the soft sounds of their breaths, just the knowledge that they were there with her, was something sorely missed during her prison days. It didn’t help that her cell had been modified to constantly be pumping in dry air so she couldn’t bend — it was a constant reminder of what she lacked, but she suspected it was just in case it magically came back.

Princess Azula truly despised her. 

She sat up and rubbed her eyes, resigning herself to the fact that sleep wasn’t going to come, when her cell door was pushed open. As a guard stepped in, every one of her senses flared up in alert and she immediately darted up from her bed. This couldn’t be anything good.

“I didn’t do anything,” Y/N declared immediately, her voice carrying a bitter edge. She angled herself in such a way that if he did try something, she would hold the advantage. “Nothing that Pao says is ever true, and if you lay a hand on me—”

“What? No, I—“ He paused, and she swore she knew his voice. “Y/N, it’s me!” The guard took off his mask, and she felt her heart stop.

“Zuko?” She hated the way his appearance sent that familiar flutter through her chest but she forced her feelings down, instead focusing on the venom coursing through her veins.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Zuko winced at her harsh tone, his momentarily smile gone as quickly as it appeared. “Spirits, I can’t even get away from you in prison— what, did you come here to gloat?”

“No!” he exclaimed, raising his hands in an effort at placation. “Why would I do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know!” By now she was yelling, unable to contain her rage. “I guess anything is possible with the guy who completely betrayed me!”

“Y/N, quiet down!” he cautioned, casting an instinctive glance to the door. “Someone is going to hear you!”

“Oh?” By now her eyes were blazing, and she raised her arms up as if to challenge him. “Well, maybe I should just get even louder! Think everyone can hear me yet?”

“What are you doing?!” Zuko hissed, heat beginning to emanate off of him as his eyes darted back to the door once more. 

“GUAR—“ she began to shout but Zuko lunged forward and clamped his hand over her mouth, an action that confused her into cooperation. 

“We’re here to get you out!” he whispered frantically. “Now will you please calm down?”

The fire in her eyes died down slightly but she still batted his hand away and stood a step back. “‘We’?”

“Sokka and I.”

“You brought Sokka here?” she accused before mentally backing up. “Wait, how are you even with Sokka in the first place?”

“No— spirits, could you let me explain before you get on my case?” He took her silence as a sign to continue. “I left the Fire Nation, and Aang accepted me as his firebending teacher. Sokka thinks his dad is in here because he got captured during the invasion, so he wanted to come here to try and break him out. I came with him because I didn’t want him going on a suicide mission. We haven’t been able to find him, but we did find you and Suki. Sokka’s guarding the door right now while we talk, then we’re gonna find her and talk her through the plan as well.” 

“If Sokka’s out there, why am I not talking to him?” She crossed her arms and Zuko sighed, averting eye contact. 

“Because I wanted to talk to you,” he admitted quietly. “Y/N, no amount of apologies will be able to get across how sorry I am for what I did to you. There are so many horrible things that I’ve done, but I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I did to you. I—” he swallowed the lump in his throat, “I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And I’m so, so sorry that I ever made you think differently.”  

Her fingers unconsciously found their way to the small scar on her forearm and her gaze turned downcast. 

How long had she waited to hear those words from him? How many times, on her journey through the Earth Kingdom to the Northern Tribe, had she imagined him saying those words to her? Spirits, at some of her lowest points, the thought of seeing him again, the thought of hearing those words, was the only thing that got her up and moving again. 

And here she was, four years later. Zuko standing in front of her, baring his heart for the first time since they were children. Saying that he loved her, that he had always loved her. 

But despite his earnesty, Y/N could only think of what happened in the catacombs. What happened in the Fire Nation.

Why she was here in the first place. The things he said to her. 

Y/N swallowed thickly as she took a step back, her arms wrapping tightly around her midsection. “Send Sokka in right now, or I will call the guards.” Her voice had lost all the fierceness it possessed moments ago, her words instead carved in a cold, unforgiving anger. 

“Y/N—”

“Now.” 

With one last desperate glance back at her, Zuko obeyed her wishes, closing the door quietly behind him where he met a concerned Sokka.

“That didn’t sound like it went well.” 

Zuko shook his head, his attempt at stoicism failing as he took his place at the wall. “She won’t listen to me. She wants to talk to you, but we have to make it quick so we can make it to Suki before we get caught.” 

Sokka swallowed and nodded, trying to prepare himself to go in. He was overjoyed that she was alive within their reach, obviously, but he had a feeling it would hurt a lot more to see what the past couple months at the mercy of the Fire Nation had done to her. 

“It’s okay,” Zuko murmured, noticing his apprehension. “She’ll be happy to see you. I know it.”

Sokka nodded once more, and before he could question himself he pushed open the cell door and walked in. 

Her eyes flicked up from the ground, her arms falling from their protective positions as a relieved smile tugged at her lips. 

“You really are here,” he whispered, his voice a mix of disbelief and pure happiness. “You’re—” 

He wasn’t granted the chance to finish his sentence as she tore across the room and enveloped him in the tightest hug possible. Though it got a grunt out of Sokka, he immediately reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her with the same vigor. 

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes. “But this is the stupidest thing that you have ever done.” 

Sokka laughed as he squeezed her tighter, and she had almost forgotten how much she missed that dumb little laugh after every bad joke he made, and the way that he always hugged her a little too tight. 

(She didn’t think that would be a problem anymore — Sokka’s hugs always felt like a safety blanket, but now she felt like she could cry with how needed that comfort was. She was pretty sure she would annoy him, hugging him over every little thing, just to make sure she never forgot that feeling.) 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he muttered, taking a step back to look over her with concerned eyes. “Are you okay? What happened to your eye?” 

“Neither can I,” she chuckled mirthlessly. “I’m as good as I can be, I guess. Still alive, which is all I can really ask for here.” She gestured to her eye lazily and sighed. “Let’s just say that people here don’t take too kindly to outsiders, especially when they work with the Avatar.” 

“I’m so sorry that this happened to you,” Sokka said quietly. “I— I wish that I had been down there that night. Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten caught up in this whole mess.” 

“It’s not your fault, Sokka. You can’t blame yourself for something you weren’t involved in.” She smiled weakly. “And besides, I’m still here. I’m okay.” 

“Of course you are.” Sokka’s hands hovered over her shoulders, like he didn’t know how fragile she was. Like if he even looked at her the wrong way, she would break like glass. “The Fire Nation’s never been able to take you down.” 

“I mean… I am in an inescapable Fire Nation prison. I think they got me there,” she said dryly. 

Sokka snapped his fingers and took a step back. “Right! Except it’s not inescapable, because we’re gonna bust you out of here..” 

“You— you are?” she asked, surprised. “How long have you been here?” 

He shrugged. “Half a day, give or take.” 

And for some reason, that was the thing that got her. Her eyes filled with tears and she pulled him back into a hug so tight she was sure he couldn’t breathe, but right now Y/N didn’t really care. 

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, a watery laugh breaking through. 

“I missed you too,” he said back, just as softly, and she didn’t even have to look at him to know he was on the brink of tears as well. “Azula— she used you against me. I thought you were dead, Y/N. I don’t know what I would’ve done if she… if it was true.”

She frowned as she pulled away. “She used— what do you mean?” 

Sokka swallowed thickly. “She said you were a prisoner. That— that you were tortured, and through it all you called out my name. Like I should’ve been there, and— and I should have. I should have been there to protect you, but I wasn’t, and now you’ve been through all of this…” 

Sokka shook his head again. “I am so sorry, Y/N. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”  

She smiled and laughed, a bit breathless. “No complaints here.” 

“But I have been wondering,” Sokka said suddenly, “why did Azula put you here? It’s either really cocky or really stupid to put a waterbender in a prison surrounded by water, no matter how many guards there are. Have you tried to escape yourself?” 

Y/N’s expression sobered and she turned away a bit. Her bending was still the sorest of subjects — every day, when she would be out in the courtyard, she would feel even more useless about not being able to do anything but stare out at the water. 

“It’s… it’s gone.” She saw Sokka’s eyes widen out of her peripherals and she wrapped her arms around her midsection. “My bending is gone, and Azula put me here as one last way to rub salt in the wound that keeps growing.” 

“What?” There was real concern in both his gaze and his voice, but Y/N couldn’t even stand to look at him. Not when she was incapable of even the most basic things. “Your bending— it’s gone?” 

“I don’t know,” she said with a mirthless chuckle. “I— I don’t know. It happened after I was imprisoned in the Fire Nation— maybe it’s because I’m so weak, or maybe it’s because I haven’t practiced it in so long, or maybe it’s a million other things, but all I do know is that I can’t bend anything. So I can’t help you with that.” 

“Y/N.” Sokka reached for her hand and she let him take it, a comforting warmth in it. “Zuko… he lost his bending when he first joined us. I know you don’t want anything to do with him, but maybe he could help you get it back.”

She scoffed as she pulled her hand away. “Sokka, I’d rather lose my bending forever than work with him. I don’t want to be around him— not after what he did.” 

He sighed and gave her a look that could only be described as brotherly, the same one he gave Katara whenever she wanted to do something stupid. 

“You’re hurting, Y/N, I know. And— and you’re allowed to be angry, and to hate Zuko, and to want absolutely nothing to do with him, but I won’t let you hurt yourself because of it.” At her silence, Sokka continued. “You need to get out of here, and you need to get your bending back. You’re gonna have to work with Zuko to do both of those things, and then you can go back to hating him. But just— hold out for a few more days.” 

“He burned me in the catacombs,” Y/N whispered, and she held out her arm for him to see the scar from the attack. “He burned me just to get the upper hand, just like he did in the Earth Kingdom. I’m in here because of him. I’ve never mattered to him, not if he could just throw me away like this. So why should I give him even a second of my time?” 

“Because hurting yourself will do nothing for you,” he said decisively. “If you want to get back at Zuko, then you have to get out of here first. And as much as I hate to say it…” Sokka sighed and shook his head, “my plan won’t work without him. So let him help me get you and Suki out of here, figure out a way to get your bending back, and then you can bring down all your fury on him.” 

She glanced away, her gaze pointed towards the floor for a good long moment before she finally spoke. 

“You really have a way to get out of here?” 

Sokka nodded. “I just need maybe a little longer to work out the kinks, but it’ll be solid. It’ll get us all out of here; the two of us and you and Suki.” 

Y/N sighed and looked back at Sokka. “Okay. I’ll work with him to get out of here, but nothing more.” 

“I’m not asking you for anything more,” Sokka said. But then he smiled, and he chuckled a bit. “It’s so good to see you again. It’s… it’s been hard without you.” 

She frowned. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s really taken a toll on Katara. She blames herself for what happened because she was down in the catacombs with you.” His voice got quieter. “We both do.” 

“It’s not either of your faults,” she said. “It’s the Fire Nation’s fault. It’s Zuko’s fault.” 

“I’m just glad we found you,” he said. “You and Suki.” Sokka smiled a bit. “Has she been keeping you on track?” 

Y/N laughed. “I’d say so. She’s the reason this,” she pointed at her eye, “isn’t a whole lot worse. I owe a lot to her.” 

“We’re gonna get you both out of here,” he said again. “And as much as I don’t want to leave—” 

“You have to,” she nodded. “Go talk to her. I’ll be okay. I don’t really have anywhere else to go.” 

Sokka chuckled again and nodded. “I know.” 

He pulled Y/N into one last hug before he left, and she caught a glimpse of Zuko on the other side as Sokka closed the door softly behind himself. 

Her cell felt a lot quieter, lonelier, colder without Sokka. She knew he would be coming back, but she missed him already. She’d always hated being alone, but it hurt more now than ever before. 

But it gave her the chance to let her walls down. She collapsed onto her bed as the tears quietly wracked her body, forcing herself to stay silent as they trailed down her face. It was one thing to be heard yelling, it was another thing to be seen showing this much weakness. 

Weeks, months of pent up emotions began to show themselves, greedy after finally being granted an outlet. Seeing Sokka on its own was emotional enough, but Zuko was a whole different situation. 

Y/N thought that finally getting to yell at him would’ve made her feel better in some way, but it only succeeded in making it all worse. She didn’t feel happy, cleansed, righteous. 

She felt nothing. 

The hours blended together until the wells in her eyes ran dry, and somewhere along the path she managed to fall into a restless sleep. Some part of her was angry that he hadn’t fought back the way she did, that he hadn’t yelled back — she wanted something physical to hold against him, something to make it easier to hate him than the abstract betrayal. Maybe that was stupid. It was even more stupid of him to think he had any chance of a civil conversation with her after what he did. 

Maybe she would have to work with him to get out of this place, band together under a temporary truce in order to officially cleanse herself of the prisoner brand. She could put herself through that if the reward at the end of it all was getting her life back. 

But not anything more. 

Y/N had vowed to never let Zuko in again. 

And she never broke her vows. 

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator

ehfar tags: @chandies-sideblog @zacatecanaaaa @anzanity @randomthingssss @escapingthoughtsandsecrets @shanksfav @shephard17895 @ilovespideyyy @carisi-sonny @selfship-mishaps @ilistentotayswifttocope @i-make-questionable-choices @3leni @thatobsessedreader @lostgreekgod @oriontingz @zerode-unhinged @badpvn @mimi-sanisanidiot @adhdhufflepuff @aquaamethyst96 @hollyismentallyillhelp @holypoetrygarden @islandgayneery

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

hi so you know the nanami headcanons with him being a momma boy and his upbringing, well what would happen if you know…him bringing chubby reader to meet them and his family loves her. all fluff up here

OMG PLEASE im crying, im fucking sobbing good lord, gimme a minute—

CW: chubby fem reader, fluff so much fluff omg, not beta read bc my two brain cells are at full capacity and can't do it sksksk

Okok hold on ok—

Let's backtrack

Nanami may be a momma's boy, but he doesn't really talk about his family

Tbh you thought he was an orphan until you walked in on the end of his phone conversation with his mom (you asked who he was talking to and when he said it was his mom, your jaw DROPPED like?? Were you ever gonna tell me tf sksksk)

It's not that he doesn't want to talk about his family: he just doesn't necessarily find himself exciting or interesting like he'd much rather focus on you

But he wants to take the next step

Kento adores you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, so he wants his family to meet you

He brings up the idea of spending the weekend at his parents' place and meeting his whole family and you're so excited!! Yes! Let me meet your family jesus christ Ken it's been like six months of dating wtf

You pack up your things and start your mini roadtrip on Friday: Nanami only worked a half day, so the two of you ate lunch and then got on the road

His parents lived a couple hours away in the country, so you had plenty of time to ask him questions about his family

What are his parents like? Does he have siblings? Oh, he has two older sisters: what are they like? What was his childhood like? Did he have any pets when he was little??

Nanami finds your curiosity adorable and humors you by answering your questions as best as he can

The two of you arrive at his parents' house around dinnertime!!

You're met with a pleasant little cottage surrounded by farms and woods, like it's so cozy and cute and you're elated

You're bouncing with excitement as Nanami takes your suitcases out of the car, leading you to the house

"Fair warning: they can be a bit... clingy." KENTO PLEASE WE HAVE BEEN DRIVING FOR HOURS AND I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR MONTHS, I DON'T FUCKING CARE

Nanami knocks on the door and it opens soon after

"There's my little Kenny!"

Cue a tiny woman greeting Nanami with open arms, pulling him down to her level for a hug, making him chuckle

You're standing back, a bit cautious. Your nerves are starting to get the better of you, making you worry that his mother won't like you

"Hello, Mom. How are you?"

"I'm overjoyed!" She let's him go after a minute or so. "Now where's this Y/N that I've heard so little about? I have to catch up with my future daughter in law while I have the chance!"

Oh ok, she's excited to meet you so there's nothing to worry about 🥰

Nanami steps aside to introduce the two of you, but his mother pretty much barges past him

"Oh my stars, look at you! My goodness, aren't you just the prettiest thing? C'mere, lemme get a look at you."

His mother proceeds to twirl you around and compliment your outfit, telling you how you're so lucky to have a figure that fills clothes so well ("I would kill for hips like yours")

Nanami has to stop his mother from talking your ear off, convincing her to continue the conversation inside so he can put down your suitcases

The three of you head inside, Mrs. Nanami taking you into the living room while Kento takes your things to your room

She starts asking dozens of questions sksksk

When did yall meet? Where was it? Was Kenny awkward when he asked you out, he's always been a shy kid so it wouldn't surprise her—

Suddenly yall are talking about how Nanami was as a kid and she's pulled out a photo album with all his baby pictures 🥺

Nanami was the cutest baby! So sweet! So chubby! Just had the roundest cheek imaginable and they were so pinchable!!

Mrs. Nanami is reminiscing a lot sksksk

Once Kento returns to the living room, Mrs. Nanami has reached his teenage emo phase and is complaining about how her sweet baby boy wouldn't let her love on him the way he used to and how she didn't have many pictures because he hated being photographed—

Bruh, Nanami is so fucking embarrassed wth sksksk

His neck and ears are turning red as he suggests moving to the kitchen so he can help his mother make dinner, but Mama Nanami ain't havin it and just wants to show you how cute her wittle bubbaloo was when he was younger 💕

You're just sitting back and enjoying the playful banter between mother and son when the door opens and Mr. Nanami arrives home from work

Kento greets his dad in a professional manner (like "hello sir, it's good to see you. Are you well?" It's just v awkward tbh sksksk) and introduces you to him

His father is respectful and kind, but not as friendly as Ken's mom, so it's a little jarring ^^;

You move to the kitchen where Kento and his mama start dinner, and his father goes off to get changed, eventually going back to the living room to reading a newspaper

You're not sure where to go like should you stand awkwardly in the kitchen or sit awkwardly in the living room with his dad, but before you can decide, Kento lifts you up and sits you on the counter

"Stay here," he says in a calm almost demanding tone before he turns back to the stove with his mother

They're kinda in their own little bubble, catching up on certain topics while you just 🧎‍♀️ sit at the counter not knowing how to contribute sksksk

But once they start cooking, Ken starts bringing small bites over to you so you can taste test dinner

Like he's still talking with his momma but he's also focused on you and tells you to open up and listens carefully when you tell him your thoughts and he's just 🥺💕 such a sweet man!!

Yall eventually have dinner and retire to bed

You and Ken gotta squeeze into this fullsized bed from his childhood but it's not so bad having to sleep on your big strong man 🥴

You wake up the next morning to Nanami cooking french toast for everyone with fresh berries from his mom's garden and it's sooooooo good and his mama is so proud of him and his cooking skills

His mom planned a whole day for the four of you!! You go to the local market for groceries and after lunch you go on a hike to a pretty lake and it's just a really nice day where his parents get to know you 🥰

It's about an hour before dinner when you hear the front door open

"Alright, alright, calm down! Go find your grandma!"

Cue two little boys running into the living room cheering as they almost tackle Mr and Mrs Nanami

Who's here? It's Nanami's sisters and their families!!

His sisters, Momoko and Mitsuki, are literally so pretty wtf

They don't have blond hair?? They have straight, brown hair that goes down past their shoulders and hazel eyes and they're tall and thin and stunning—

"Oh my god, is this Y/N? Kento, you didn't tell me she was so pretty!"

Wait what?? 🥺

His big sisters fawn over you, talking about how they've wanted to meet you for so long and how they can't believe their little brother found someone as pretty as you and are you sure you really like him bc you seem way too good for their lil dumby dumb brother—

"Alright, that's enough," Kento interrupts the conversation, his two nephews hanging off of his body

ALSO KEN WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL US YOU HAVE NEPHEWS?? HUH??

"I also have a niece" WHATTTTT?????

Cue Mitsuki's husband coming in with a little girl 🥺💕 she's so cute, she's in a little dress and she's got precious chubby cheeks and a little cap—

Mitsuki asks if you wanna hold her

UHHHHH YEA I WANNA HOLD THE CUTE LITTLE BABY, PLS GIVE HER TO ME 🥺😭💕

You get to hold Nanami's wittle niece and she's cute and precious and you love her 💕

Holding a cute baby almost makes you forget that you boyfriend has been keeping information away from you

Don't worry Ken, we're gonna have a talk about that later 😒

The energy has COMPLETELY changed from what it was just an hour ago

There's so much energy and life in the little house, but somehow it's just as intimidating as Kento's dead silent dad

Kento and his mama make dinner, there's a shitload of small talk while they cook, and you all sit down to share a meal

You are bombarded with questions from the Nanami sisters

Similar questions to what his mama asked, but they don't hold back on roasting their younger brother

"So how did a pretty girl like you ever end up with a dweeb like Kento?"

"Was it a blind date? I bet it was a blind date."

"Did he have to bribe you to go out with him?"

"Let me guess: he took you to an expensive restaurant on your first date? Since food is the only real personality trait he has—"

"Alright, we get it—"

"Quit yelling, Kento, your girlfriend's gonna break up with you."

"I wasn't—"

"Look at him! He's getting all red!"

"Please stop—"

"Kento always gets soooo embarrassed when we talk about him! No clue why"

Dinner is just entertainment at this point, with you barely answering questions as the sisters bounce off each other's statements as Kento tries to cut them off and get them to stop, as well as their mother chiming in with her own comments

Their husbands seem to be used to this, quietly eating and tending to the children

You're just 🧍‍♀️ not sure what to do! Do you say something or stay quiet or???

Dinner is over before you know it but the conversation doesn't die down after the dishes, and suddenly you're all moving outside to the back porch where the sun is setting and Mr. Nanami is bent over by the firepit while the kids are running around and everyone is catching up

You're still a bit stand-offish unsure if you fit in. I mean, their family is so lively and beautiful! You just feel out of place—

"Darling." Kento interrupts your thoughts, his hand on your elbow. You meet his gaze and feel your face burn when you see the loving look he's giving you. "Would you like a smore?" Suspend your disbelief and pretend it's normal to make smores in Japan

You don't feel so nervous after that 🥺💕

Kento is a gentleman and toasts a marshmallow for you so you don't have to sit near the fire smoke and when the sun goes down and it gets chilly he gets a blanket for the both of you to share and he's so sweet literally perfect 🥺💕💕💕

"Are you lovebirds gonna stare into each others' eyes all night or are we gonna have a real conversation?" OMG NOW HIS SISTERS ARE ROASTING YOU WTF SKSKSKKS

It's a good thing tho: they're roasting you bc they're comfortable with you and see you as family 💕

You start talking with his sisters about your job and your own life while Ken goes to help his dad tend to the fire

Kento is shocked when he feels his dad pat his shoulder

"She's a very nice girl, Kento. You did well."

Nanami rarely hears praise from his father so he's a bit taken aback.

"... Thank you sir." It goes quiet for a bit. "When... when did you know that you wanted to marry mom?"

"Hmm... probably our third date." His father leans back in his chair, sighing loudly, folding his hands over his stomach and looking up at the stars. "We went to a movie. I can't remember what it was called. All I can remember is that you mother found the movie hilarious and was laughing so loudly that people shushed us several times... I can't explain it, but every time she laughed beside me, I just kept thinking 'I want to spend the rest of my life with her'." Damn dad, didn't know you were such a romantic at heart 🤧

Nanami goes quiet, staring at the fire before he looks over his shoulder at you.

His younger nephew has fallen asleep on your lap, wrapped up in the blanket with you, your chubby cheek resting against his head

You look tired, but when you look up at meet Kento's gaze, you smile, making his heart pound.

For a moment, he thinks about the small box sitting at the bottom of his luggage, hidden away from you, and he knows deep down that he won't have to return it.

[forgottenvalentina]

ok so just to record what we said in the replies real quick:

margueritedemarigny Feb 21 *ooooooh* omg i looooove that idea cue all the eye emojis honestly lkasjdfkljsdf margueritedemarigny Feb 21 yeah like cassimir was gonna be the heir on paper but the person w full control was gonna be eithne, kinda thing maybe? margueritedemarigny Feb 21 and all valetntina had to do was tear away that part of the page and bing bang boom cassimir's got it all lksadjfkljsdf forgottenaoife Feb 21 @margueritedemarigny @lizzydobbs I figured that Lord M probably realized Cassimir *actually* cared about Eithne and thought that, because of that, he would agree (and hopefully honor) that sort of agreement? Though I also imagine he was 100% NOTP about them getting together, unlike Cassimir haha Original Poster forgottenvalentina Feb 21 @forgottenaoife now im just picturing this: https://imgflip.com/i/8gmwop Original Poster forgottenvalentina Feb 21 no but honestly i love that and i think it totally fits! forgottenaoife Feb 21 @forgottenvalentina HAH omg. I think i've said this before but I was thinking Lord M was cool with Eithne going to be a lady for Eilia for awhile because he noticed Cassimir was starting to get the feels and was hoping that would put an end to it so... something similar might have happened between them lolololol Original Poster forgottenvalentina Feb 21 @forgottenaoife ooooh yessss now that you mention i do remember you saying that, and that's actually really interesting if such an interaction ~did occur, or at least if his rationale for sending her to the castle was known, esp if any of the rest of the family is aware that this went down bc, like, i know rosie, anyway, would be all the MORE gungho against it if she knows her dad was too, yknow? forgottenaoife Feb 21 @forgottenvalentina @forgottencassimir Definitely a possibility? I wonder if Lord M would say much to the whole family-- i feel like he'd maybe want to spare cassimir's feelings?-- but they might have all figured it out. I do kinda imagine at some point he may have spoken to Eithne directly and just said "you are no under no obligation to marry your step brother... just FYI" Original Poster forgottenvalentina Feb 21 @forgottenaoife SOB imagine ur dad having to tell you that!!!! but good on him for saying it lajksfjkdsfj but also like...the literary irony bc now she feels that she ~is bc of circumstances created directly ~by her father's death like...the self-fulfilling prophecy vibes of it...klsdjfkljsdf i love that in a v tragic way forgottenaoife Feb 21 @forgottenvalentina THE DRAMA! We love to see it ;) lizzydobbs Feb 24 @forgottenvalentina my god cassimir is an anakin meme ;DDD lizzydobbs Feb 24 @forgotteneithne @forgottenvalentina I do love the idea that Lord M put down a Plan B to try to keep his girls as well provided for as they could be in the event of a roderick win!!! and yeah it was probably easier to remove the eithne part completely for valentina's plot!!

dlskjfalksdjf ok so imma say its canon, given we've all weighed in, that lord m ~did actually write up a cassimir-inherits document but page two which laid out how all of that would work and how eithne would still have full control basically mysteriously vanished (valentina burned that sucker -- unless aoife saved that one, too?) and tho lord m -- following his argument w cassimir before the battle -- decided ~not to sign it, valentina forged his signature and thus things are how they are. however, aoife stole the real document that lord m really ~did sign that states that eithne is his one true heiress, etc, and has that in safe keeping. does this all look right to everyone? gonna tag @forgottencassimir

dsfadf kjldsf omg rosie for sure hates aoife leaning into that! even if she ~does understand the reasons, she'd still hate it honestly bc she'd be like 'its not worth it! ~they're not worth it!' basically bc she wants only good things for aoife and hates seeing her get treated like that and just...putting up w it! even embracing it in a way! its v upsetting to rosie! but ironically enough, a lot of achoices rosie has made have ~also been shaped by things her dad said to her in their last meeting and yeahhh its sad but also really interesting imo to see how those twin interactions put them on v different trajectories re: all of this!! <3

valentina on the other hands loves it!! she's like 'good, finally one of these girls understands her place' #stepmomgoals laksjdfklsjdfjdsf and yeah she deffff sees aoife as the 'good child' and the rest as highstrung ingrate rebels basically despite 'all valentina does for them!' [footage not found]

omg aoife ~still taking care of valentina even after she's been evicted bc her dad asked her to!! rosie's right valentina doesn't deserve aoife -- no one does! <3333 SOB but yeah there'll def be a period before valentina jumps to that! she doesn't really ~want them burned at the stake, but she ~will risk it if cornered, basically bc ultimately cash money (aka how she defines whether or not she and her whole life has any value basically) means more to her tbqh and yeah so she'd literally burn them on the pyre of her own ambitions for legacy/worth as embodied by the future she wants for cassimir but it would def be a last resort...she did literally already risk her life to save brigit from that fate once -- she ~does care abt her stepdaughters on some level just uhhhh not as much as she cares abt many many others things unfortunately lkajsdfkljkdsjf

i do think, unless aoife's come out w the real will already when this happens (and thus 'betrayed' valentina, like all her sisters have, in valentina's mind), she might try to save aoife, but even if aoife ~hasn't 'betrayed' her yet, if it was the cost of getting what she wants, she'd let her got to the pyre too lkdsjfajklsdfjdf she'd just feel even worse abt her than she already would abt her 'guilty' sisters aklsdjfkjsdf #stepmomgoals

also worth noting...if/when cassimir chooses eithne over valentina, i believe that valentina ~will convince herself that the malconaires ~really are~ witches and yeahhh so she's in the 'right' and her boy never turned on her!! he was just bewitched!! and she only feels guilty bc of the residual witchcraft placed on ~herself, but really they were all evil the whole time!!! and valentina was just performing a public service ending their reign of witchy terror!!! lakjdflkjsdf if valentina's able to prevent aoife from being accused w her sisters, then aoife was the only good one, but if she isn't able to prevent that (again, even if aoife hasn't 'betrayed' her atp), then aoife actually had it coming too bc the important thing is that valentina did the right thing, the hard thing, and that was really v brave of her and ppl ought to admire her for it and she, under no circumstances should ever, ever feel bad abt it, ever!!! laksdjfkljsdfjklsd what a great lady she is alskdjfaklsdjfaksdf /sarcasm aklsdjfkljsdfklsdklf

OOC | Valentina & Aoife

omg its valentina's favorite stepdaughter!!!!!! tragically, this is ~not a fortunate position bc she's mainly valentina's fav bc she can get the most out of her w/o having to fight for it too much alkjfkljflkjsd since valentina is...the worST and frankly im so sorry in advance

[anauro]

Hii so this is an ask about your other ask lol. I read somewhere that maintaining a heroine addiction costs around 60€ a day. Obviously this is different per person and depends on where you are, but since the marauders are with 4 people and are also paying for a hostel/food (hopefully), im wondering hoe much money did reg give them every month? Bc it sound like theyre making my boy broke 🥲

Sounds like something DaSS sirius would do tho he might be redeemed later but he sure as hell isnt right now

Also i realize this is a fic so dw about the technicalities i just think its fun to think about this kinda stuff 😄

Hello!

I see I have acquired an educated anon 😃!

Before I answer, can we just take a moment to appreciate how surreal it is to talk about Marauders —our beautiful boys that we all love so much— as some sort of drug lords and drugs masterminds. Absolutely bloody mental, ain’t it?

Now re the actual ask, this is a topic I could probably go on and on about, but I think at the stage the Marauders are at the minute, 60€ is way too little. I think realistically it’s “smoke/inject as much as you can get hold of” and it would vary from day to day. Sirius was definitely an expert at milking Regulus for money —and Regulus wasn’t completely oblivious to it either— and other than the rent money (which was 400£), he also paid for his phone bills, his clothes etc. Or at least that was what Sirius told him. And likely any money he got would be gone almost instantly.

Now the rest is below the cut as tw for criminal activity and sex work

If we’re talking realistic, then drug addicts do literally anything to get the money for the drugs. They will sell anything, they will lie to their families and loved ones and friends to obtain money, they will commit petty crimes as well as more serious ones. And of course sex works, which is how most women fund their habit.

Now I’m not gonna lie —this was something I considered for DaSS too. But in the end, I think it would create all sorts of problems and I think the fic is sad enough without turning James into a sex worker.

So how do they get their money?

I think they’re all brilliant manipulators. We already know that about Sirius, but also let’s not forget how Remus managed to guilt trip Regulus into taking James in. And I mentioned it before that Peter was the best at getting drugs and I think he’s just got a baby face and is just chubby and adorable and he can persuade pretty much anyone to give him money. And of course James, who’s got the power over the Map. Nobody really wants to piss off James. He may be the sweetest drug addict ever, but he knows how to get what he wants.

So in summary/tldr: Regulus contributed a lot to their habit, although it hasn’t really affected him much personally. Man is loaded af, Sirius was right about that part. And what they can’t get from Regulus, they will manipulate out of others.

[beifongsss]

Being Zuko’s S/O

Pairing: Zuko x reader

Requested?: Yes! By an amazing anon! “being zuko’s s/o would include hcs ?”

let’s jump right in.

i didn’t really like this :( but i hope y’all enjoy it. i might go back and write another similar hc down the line.

.masterlist.

~

y’all meet for the first time in ba sing se

it’s sort of like a jin situation where you come in to the tea shop constantly

iroh totally knows you have a crush on his nephew

he always makes him serve your table

you flirt but poor baby doesn’t know what flirting is

you try to be straightforward and tell him that he’s cute or that he looks nice that day

zuko lee doesn’t know how to reply and you always leave him a stuttering mess

you stop coming in for some days and zuko finds himself being sad

he totally misses you

unbeknownst to him you have been helping out the avatar while the gaang is in ba sing se

sorry i’m a sucker for the lovers on opposite sides of the issue trope

a few days later you walk in and you’re sort of bruised up from a mishap that occurred

no surprise there

zuko is low key worried and tries to find a subtle way to ask if you’re okay

“are you worried about me lee?”

“n-no why would i be worried about you?”

he totally is

after a few days you stop showing up again

but zuko doesn’t have time to worry about it because that’s when he gets captured by azula

you aren’t there for the battle in the catacombs, too busy making sure that Sokka and Toph aren’t doing anything dumb

of course, they are

but y’all save the earth king and bosco and mai lets you go so it’s all good

you and lee, who you later find out is zuko, don’t fully start to bond until ember island

feelings start to emerge but you’re all a little worried about sozin’s comet

before leaving to fight azula, he kisses you

“what was that for?”

“i just needed you to know that i kinda like you.”

“well i kinda like you too lee.”

you pull him into another kiss before telling him that he owes you a date when the whole thing is over

he does indeed take you on a date to the jasmine dragon

iroh is so proud of his nephew for finally getting the balls to ask you out

he asks you to be his girlfriend that same night, not wanting to waste any more time being without you

y’all are the cutest couple hands down

he’s protective of course, but he knows you can take care of yourself

(he still makes sure the palace guards follow you everywhere)

((and yes, i mean everywhere))

both sokka and suki flirt with you

they like to get a rise out of the new fire lord

you always chastise them but make sure to throw a few flirty remarks back

zuko gets jealous way too easily

but it’s because he really loves you and he’s afraid of losing you because he’s made so many mistakes and how did he ever get you to go out with him??

he’s also pretty insecure, especially about his scar

but you love him and you always reminds him that his scar isn’t ugly

if anything, it shows just how much he grew and prospered and chose his own destiny in life

and you love it

you’re the only one who can convince him to take a break from his fire lord duties

so the gaang relies on you a lot to make sure zuko is staying healthy

you make sure he isn’t overworking himself

when you notice him getting real tired you try to distract him

“zuko come cuddle me!”

“I’m busy (Y/N)”

you break out the puppy dog eyes

he gives in way too quickly

he doesn’t want to upset you

little does he know you’re only doing that because you wanna make sure he’s getting enough rest

zuko takes you out on a lot of dates

but your favorites are the ones spent by the palace garden’s pond

y’all feed the turtle ducks

he’s so soft when it’s just you and him, telling you stories of his childhood

he likes to stare at you a lot too

“zuko stop staring at me”

“i can’t”

he then swoops in for a kiss and you can’t help but blush because wow

zuko’s a great kisser. fight me.

he holds on to you super tight because as stated before, he’s afraid of losing you

you don’t mind because you just love being in his arms

as the time goes on he becomes so much better at flirting

his favorite past time is making you blush

he succeeds 89% of the time

you’re also zuko’s number one advisor

he gets a lot of criticism bc his s/o is his advisor

your suggestions work 99% of the time

that shuts everyone up

zuko rarely ever lets you sleep in your own room

he loves sleeping with you in his arms

or he loves sleeping wrapped up in your arms

he’s not picky

overall, you’re the person that makes him the happiest

and he never lets you forget it

because he just loves you that much

~

i forgot i had a taglist omg im sorry

@mywigglybaby​, @bubblebars​, @musicalkeys

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s son (Part 2)

Tony Stark x son!reader

warnings:

a/n: had to split it into 2 parts bc i hit the text limit dhshaggags

prompt: continued

part 1

~sokovia was ur first big mission~

“why is y/n here, stark?” -cap

“the first mistake was letting me become a father”

“good god, tony...”

you having the time of your life crushing robots

“WHEEEEEE”

also proving useful by saving avengers a handful of times

“thanks for the assist, stark clone” -clint

rip pietro

rhodey was actually the most worried about you if we’re being honest, he didn’t understand why they let you in this one???

“y/n? y/n, talk to me! are you alive?”

“yes, uncle rhodey! i’m perfect, stop worrying!”

“i love you, kid! be safe!”

✨a good family you’ve got✨

soon the avengers broke up bc your dad cant get along with steve and it was just really awkward

but you chose your dad’s side

“sorry, steve! he pays my allowance!”

peter was actually a little okay, you know!! spazzy at first, but he was cool

“dude, you’re y/n stark! you’re tony stark’s very own son! i’m talking to mr. stark’s only child!”

“yep, that’s me. i’m what earned tony the title of ‘DILF’”

teenage teamup? ofc

“am i doing alright?”

“looking a-okay, pete!”

tony was worried fighting steve would traumatize you so he made you wait at the hotel with happy and peter

“don’t do anything to embarrass me, y/n. i dont want to see you on the news for something stupid”

you and peter ended up hanging out in your room and watching tv and ordering room service

“how do you do that so smoothly? i’d just freak out and go get it myself”

“years of experience as a spoiled rich brat”

absolutely positively being up all night and trying to fight your exhaustion

“you two seem to be getting along well. couldn’t be me” -happy

“for someone named happy, you never seem to be happy”

“not around teenagers, no”

“i remember when you loved me, ‘uncle happy’”

peter texted you every day after that

whenever flash picked on peter for “never meeting tony stark” he’d show a picture of you and him taking selfies in the lab together yes you invite him over much to the dismay of everyone else around you

plus tony was out of town and you were finally trusted enough to be left alone unchecked so like, happy would just leave at the first sign of peter

“that’s not real!”

“jealous?”

you actually showed up for homecoming on a dare (but in disguise)

didn’t wanna attract all the attention, you just wanted a high school experience

but you got called into avengers tower to help move early on :/ bad timing too cuz peter had to fight his first villain and u missed it

“dude, how do you feel?”

“bruh sound effect number two”

“oh my god”

FRIDAY heard him and pulled up the sound and you were WEAK you couldn’t stop laughing

“please....i think i broke a few ribs. cant laugh until tomorrow”

tony offered peter the avengers gig and peter said no, you were very disappointed but u understood that not everyone wanted to be in the spotlight like that

but you and peter obviously still hung out

oh, tony proposed! they interviewed you on sight!

“y/n, how does it feel to know that you’re going to have a stepmom soon?”

“you guys are aware that pepper helped raise me, right? right?!”

moving on, life was smooth for a while, there was some wedding planning, talk of you being a best man (which rhodey fought you on)

“no, i’ve known your dad longer!”

“i’m his son!”

i n v a s i o n

oh boy that was rough

bruce was surprised that you had fucking grown so much in the past 3 years good lord

“y/n...your VOICE”

“puberty, i know. when’s it gonna happen to you?”

“it hurts more when it’s from a teenager”

“uh, did you forget my birthday?”

peter’s back! peter’s back!

finally, man

“spider-kid, i could use an assist!”

“on the way!”

“aliens, why did it have to be aliens?”

up up and away for tony and peter, leaving you on the ground with all the earthly chaos and fear

“you two are the absolute worst, you know that? DAD, PETER, GET BACK DOWN HERE”

“no can do, kid. i—” *cuts off*

“oh great, no service on the space donut, huh? find a damn wifi password and call me back you asshole”

pepper was probably having a heart attack bc the news stations were having a field day but you were one of the only active avengers left, meaning you had to help clean this up

“bruce, we gotta get going”

“what? where?”

“upstate”

patching up the avengers as best as you could to take care of the threat

but you guys always win, this should be a cake walk, right?

wrong.

this was bad, very bad

after a lengthy battle with thanos in wakanda, you had failed. thanos got the stones, he snapped. the world was in ruins. but you didn’t get to see that part

you dusted away

“tell dad i’m sorry and i love him”

tony finally came back to earth hoping to see you, but upon seeing pepper’s face, he knew you were gone

“he did everything he could, tony! he didn’t deserve it!”

she was extremely upset, she saw you like a son of her own

soon, her and tony restarted their life and had a daughter, dad always wondered what it’d be like to have a little girl. it was different, it really was

she was eager to meet you

morgan stole pictures of you to hang up in her room

“when i meet y/n, im gonna give him a big hug! then we’ll have a tea party!”

tony has a picture of you and peter in the kitchen, he misses the two of you, but found comfort in the fact that you may be with each other

an ounce of hope, he had to try something

save his only son, and his other son

when he got to 2012, he was disappointed that he hadn’t let you become an avenger yet because he couldn’t see you here

yada yada he fucked up now he’s in the 70s and he fixed the fuck up and now hes in 2023

and bruce snapped

and you were all brought back and the way you kicked ass was inspiring

tony had to see his son now. right now.

“y/n, dear god! you’re okay! oh, man. i love you so much, kid. i missed you”

“i love you too. and i can’t believe you went to space without me, meanie”

“get over it”

ah, back to old times

peter and you obviously had to team up for this one! come on, what a story to tell!

and then, a snap and the warriors began to fade. you turned around and saw him on his knees

“no...”

you rushed over to where peter already was and tried to hold back tears, to be strong for him

“hey, dad. i’m here. no more missed goodbyes, okay? i’m here.”

you sat beside him and held his hand while the rest of your family made their peace with him and he finally slipped away

“y/n...are you okay?” -peter

“not even a little”

peter was worried about you, but you were worried about peter

mutual worry

meeting morgan was...surprising

pepper forgot to tell you they had a daughter while you were gone

she was so sweet and for the first month you lived at the cabin, she slept in your room

you got NO space

“i love you y/n”

“love you too” *thinking about dad bc she just reminds you of him so much*

“i love you y/n”

“love you too, morgan”

over and over

peter and you had sleepovers a lot, usually at his house bc you were the only one besides ned allowed over bc of all the spider-stuff

ned fanboyed over you

also sleepovers at peter’s were a nice break from being at tony’s cabin where you were constantly reminded that he wasn’t there

“y/n, i’m going to europe for a field trip! it’s gonna be awesome!”

“dude, you’re gonna love it. are you bringing your suit?”

“no, this is my offical vacation. no spider-manning”

“good for you, man!”

peter sent you all the pictures he took on his phone

all of them

Peter-Man: And this one is me and Ned in our crappy hotel room. And here’s the river. And here’s MJ covered in birds, and here’s the airplane, Mr. Harrington fell asleep on me

you had to come to europe once you heard what was going on

happy and you picked up peter and he was a mess

“you gave away dad’s glasses?”

“i think we’re past the point that i am not smart”

“jesus, peter. you should have called me about them. i would have taken them off your hands if you weren’t ready for them”

having to make sure that you guys didn’t get hurt bc this was honestly your guy’s first solo pair-up

there wasnt much backup here

finally, you defeated the evil (who apparently held a very large grudge against you. sorry mister beck) and were able to go back home

“call me if you need anything, pete”

“i will. i promise.”

and the next thing you know...peter’s identity was exposed

“i left him alone for one day!”

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