#vent but also feel free to reblog if you feel this

[strongintherealgay]

I'm gonna be so fucking real when I say that I'm tired of the narrative that many of the disabled community is pushing that most disabled people don't want to be cured and wouldn't choose to not be disabled if the opportunity arose. I have a chronic illness that is going to just get worse over the years and has made my recovery from a recent injury more complicated than it should be. I've had to pass on career opportunities because there is no possible way for me to take them up even with accommodations. I am unable to do physical activities that I have wanted to do my entire life because the risk of permanent injury for me is so high. Because it is genetic, I have seen how it manifests in old age via my paternal grandmother and I do not want that for myself. It is not ableist for me to not want this condition. It's me simply not wanting to be in pain, to be injured, and to be unable to do things I want to do.

I have been that person who tried so hard to not just want to be able-bodied, but fuck it I want to be able-bodied! I know it is still possible for many people to live a fulfilling life with my illness and disability, but I don't want to have to work harder for that life. If I was given the chance to live my life without pain and constant injury, I would. It will never happen because it is in my DNA, and I hate it.

And before anyone accuses me of internalized ableism, I am proud of how far I have come while having a lifelong disability. Despite the constant pain, I have survived horrible circumstances outside my disability that nobody should have to endure. The fact I have lived independently until my most recent injury has been impressive. It shouldn't be impressive, being that I'm 25, but it is. I'm proud of myself and every disabled person who has managed to live in an ableist society. Unfortunately, it isn't the ableism that makes me wish I wasn't disabled. It's my actual disability.

[fanby-fckry]

Well, now I’m thinking about how my sense of self is just… vastly, thoroughly strange compared to what I’ve been taught a “self” is.

“Just be yourself”

Which one?

Every mask is a face. It’s me, it’s all me, all the way down. And yet at the same time, “me” is a vague, shifting construct that can be toppled with a slight breeze. I am an amalgamation of my trauma and my joy and every healing wound combined into something that almost resembles a person. I am a monument to my sins. I’m not the same person I was when I woke up this morning. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I will be a million different versions of myself before I die, but I’ll never settle on just one.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[transmascpetewentz]

why is it so hard for ppl to understand that non orthodox ≠ reform and reform ≠ secular. i mean i get it on a sociological level. "reform" is being used as an insult for "not observant in the specific way i am". but still non orthodox jews are not a monolith????? we have 3 wholeass major denominations. one of them even agrees that halacha is binding. we need to stop acting like hashkafa and observance level are correlated with r²>0.8.

[mischiefmanifold]

in general I feel that my treatment has come to a standstill, I think mostly because I'm scared to start trauma therapy again. last time I did trauma therapy I had a flood of flashbacks and repressed trauma memory flashes that terrified me and caused me to quit, and I'm scared that the same thing will happen if I start again.

I've been thinking about trying EMDR or at least bringing it up to my therapist, but I'm worried that my problems with dissociation will prevent me from being able to do it effectively. I'd also like to start journaling again at least a few times a week, but the whole concept feels overwhelming to me despite having done it in the past (not sure why). I'm thinking journal prompts may be helpful for this but I'm not sure how it'll pan out.

I don't know. my brain feels like mush and I can't seem to bring any of this up to my therapist. even trauma memories and flashbacks I have I can't bring up, it feels like there's a brick wall in my brain when I go into therapy and I physically can't talk about those topics.

[indi-glo-archive]

me still being on tumblr is like. i think i got so used to suffering that i just do it for no reason now

The kinds of things the Heartstopper and Young Royals fandoms put me through as a child were genuinely so fucked, and the only reason I didn't bat an eye was because I'd already developed dissociative disorders from my other child abuse (shoutout to the person who told me it was obvious I'd never been bullied bc I sympathized with a fictional fellow victim!).

People called me woke trash, racist, and repeatedly accused me of being an abuse/rape apologist for pointing out flaws and being able to put myself in characters' shoes (AKA write good analysis?). I got hate asks on a regular basis, people coming into my inbox just to tell me how much they hated characters I related to, trying to convince me that these characters, that people like me, are the scum of the earth because our trauma responses aren't palatable enough for them.

These are people who straight up do not give a fuck about child abuse if the child doesn't respond to it in a way they're comfortable with. These are people who will demonize abuse victims and make joking death threats about teenagers whose lives are implied to be in active danger. These are people who dismissed every one of my attempts to bring up racism and ableism in these shows because they were so fucking fragile and terrified of acknowledging their own imperfections. They attacked me for noticing and added to the racism and ableism I had to deal with instead of sucking it up and learning something.

And I know that this had a real impact on people who weren't me and didn't have my kind of armor because I also had people in my inbox who related to them like I did. I had adults agreeing that if they'd encountered these fandoms when they were younger, it would've made them suicidal. I had teenagers who related to the characters saying that they had been similarly abused. I'm really glad I was able to be a safe person for them, and I'm disappointed that I was one of the only ones there to do it when there are so many so-called "allies" here.

There is something seriously fucking wrong with these fandoms, and you all should be ashamed of yourself for cyberbullying teenagers off the internet. You need to reflect on that shit and fix it if you want to consider yourself any kind of ally or empath or cool gay teacher or any kind of positive influence in the spaces you’re in

(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)

[ashersbraincell]

tfw you unlock more lore to relate to songs on your playlists with

[coffee-keith]

Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.

[furrysmp]

hi everyone, this is my disclaimer telling yall I live in israel so please stop following me if you happen to be in that group of people in this fandom who think everyone who lives here is evil, I already had to remove 10 of my followers who are reblogging stuff that casually mentions how 7/10 was israels fault and that we should all be happy that people I know personally died or lost limbs for being born in a country. thanks

[the-one-and-only-bibliography]

wailing like a fax machine thats slightly broken such that it whines with even more pain and suffering than normal

[im2tired4usernames]

you’re in a cult?

Arguably, H I G H control evangelical Church the H O R R O R STORIES I COULD TELL YOU also quiverfull I do not believe in any of their teachings anymore and try not to allow it to control me anymore and I'm working on unlearning and re-educating myself, my friends and partner have helped a lot (as well as Tumblr tbh lol probs not the best thing) but it still effects me daily and I have not been able to completely cut ties yet because my family and most of my friends fully believe in it.

[silviawinterart]

I find myself stuck in a dark hole

It feels like I am covered in dirt, which makes me feel like dirt

My thoughts spiral, like I'm in an endless despair

I look up, the hole itself is not really that deep, I could easily climb out if I tried

and yet, I find comfort down here.

It is warm, and I feel protected by the walls around me

I might just lay down here a while longer, surely where's the harm...

...Save for my own sanity.

[wander-wren]

sometimes i do get scared that i’m going to completely destroy my own life out of, essentially, bullheadedness. and all anyone can tell me to do is exactly the thing i’m so opposed to, so the odds don’t seem all that great??

[advisorsage]

Bye

I died last year

They've buried me by now

I died last year

I'll never tell you how

I died last year

And lost now is my name

I died last year

all my efforts were in vain

I died last year

no one saw the signs

I died last year

I hid them where no one would find

I died last year

they think I was their daughter

I died last year

But that girl I did slaughter

I died last year

I will not tell you why

I died last year

No one said goodbye

I died last year

And the world is still the same

I died last year

My candle lost its flame

I died last year

No one tried to stop me

I died last year

But they couldn't see

I died last year

I didn't have a soul

I died last year

And now I've made hole

I died last year

No God could stop it

I died last year

I saw the flaws in his ordained Profit

I died last year

Told my parent I should revere

I died last year

But my cries they wouldn't hear

I died last year

Still full of trauma

I died last year

Missing memories still a plethora

I died last year

Do not say I'm wrong

I died last year

I shouldn't have lived that long

I died last year

I didn't cry for help

I died last year

Gone without a yelp

I died last year

But don't be sad

I died last year

You should be mad

I died last year

This could have been prevented

I died last year

But life was no incentive

I died last year

You cannot bring me back

I died last year

That power you lack

I died last year

My fate I made my own

I died last year

Father threw the first stone

I died last year

A corpse nonbinary

I died last year

But not buried as me

I died last year

But if you miss me well

I died last year

Come visit me in Hell

[not-in-the-bible]

Whenever don't attention, mood gets depressive. don't indicates emotional , 't really . social isn't , . obsessive dejection realize aren't attention. probably dad therapist , admit ( specifically, 13,000+ anyone). someone ( knows ), 'm usually . 'm : anyone ? feels attention, 'm repost .

Whenever my posts don't seem to get attention, my mood gets sour and depressive. I don't think that indicates emotional stability on my part, but I can't really help it. I think this is proof that social media isn't great for me, honestly. I seem to feel some sort of obsessive dejection when I realize that my posts aren't getting attention. I probably should talk to my dad and therapist about this, but that would require me to admit to having that account (and more specifically, to having made 13,000+ posts and never telling anyone). But until i work up the courage to tell someone about all this (and who knows if i ever even will), I'm just going to do what I usually do. I'm going to ask: did anyone seen my posts? Because it feels like some of them have had next to no attention, and i'm beginning to want to repost them.

[nachobsns]

Hello - I was impressed and extremely relieved by what you wrote in the post about the cult mentality of the Left RE Israel and accusations of genocide. You mentioned that you bought into the mindset until recently. If it's all right for me to ask, what was it that helped you break out of it? (Please feel free to delete/ignore if you'd rather not answer!)

thank you!! and no worries about asking— i think i put something in my pinned post about how people are welcome to send asks about this stuff, although my story isn’t super interesting. i fell down the typical online rabbithole, a couple weeks after october 7; i knew what had happened, at least vaguely, but the posts trickling onto my dash were all about the (undeniably tragic) loss of life in gaza, with little to no acknowledgment of the hamas atrocities that had started the war, so my narrative was pretty one-sided from the beginning. it just continued to snowball as the months went on and people became more radicalized, calling into question the reality of the 10/7 attacks and the humanity of all israelis. i never went all the way down the pipeline to full-on endorsing hamas or justifying their attacks, at least on a personal level, thank god, but i would reblog other people’s posts referring to hamas as a “resistance movement” and calls to boycott starbucks and mcdonald’s and condemnation of the “zionist media” etc etc etc. what pulled me out of it wasn’t any one thing— if someone had directly called me on my flawed logic and antisemitic biases while i was in this mindset, i doubt it would have done much, just reinforced my belief that i was on the “right side of history” and zionists were aggressors who couldn’t be reasoned with. it was mostly just passive observance and a slow exposure to other perspectives. i’m pretty sure the first post that led me to question my thinking was an ask on jewish-vents, which popped up on my dash in like, late july. this led me down another rabbithole, first scouring every single post on jewish-vents, then moving on to more popular jewish blogs that i had seen on “zionist blocklists” (applesauce42069, xclowniex, and spacelazarwolf were probably some of the blogs that influenced me the most, though i told myself i was just hate-scrolling at first, lol). i felt incredibly guilty seeing all the harm the movement i was a part of had caused to random jews and israelis just trying to live their lives and i realized how it went against everything i believed about how minority groups should be treated. from there, the aspect of actually undoing my thinking and changing my behavior for the better still took several weeks. denial of jewish indigenity to the levant in the face of tantamount archeological and cultural evidence was the first to go, as well as any ambiguity in my feelings about hamas. after that, it’s mostly been a slow process of redefining the idf’s actions from a “genocide” to a “war.” i still believe that what’s happening in gaza is unconscionable and horrific, and that too many innocent civilians have died, but i also understand how difficult it is to fight against a terrorist group that systematically embeds itself in civilian populations, and that the ratio of militant to civilian deaths is incredibly low compared to most urban warfare. i quietly deleted my old blog in early august— if i had directly engaged in harassment against jews, i likely would have kept it to make amends to the harmed parties and put a face to my actions, but as was, i had just contributed to the larger atmosphere of antisemitism on this site, and i felt uncomfortable knowing that i had a blog full of sentiments that no longer matched my values and beliefs. i decided i would be better if i took my endorsement out of the equation entirely, because when you’re looking through the notes of a post, it obviously doesn’t matter if someone who’s reblogged it no longer agrees with what was said— their notes still count as tacit approval, and i did not want approval of this “activism” attached to my online presence. i still have unwanted kneejerk reactions that crop up sometimes, particularly around the fundraiser posts from people “in gaza”; even though i know logically that they have all the markers of scams, there is still a part of me that really wants to believe i could help.

[sim-berry]

I'm Tired.

I totally get why many simblrs don't want to name and shame and want to avoid drama, but I'm not one of those simblrs. If I see some bs I'm going to call it out. I only have a few followers (who are lovely and sweet) anyway, so it's not like I'll get a crusade against me. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do, because I'm pissed right now.

I know I don't have a big blog so it's unlikely many will see this, but if you do, please reblog it. Spread the word about creators who have stolen content so that people can stop downloading their cc and supporting them.

One of my favorite creators, Toys of Dukeness, has just deleted all their poses from Patreon and stated that they are leaving the Sims community. Their poses have been STOLEN by other "creators" who have locked them behind paywalls. Keep in mind Toys gives their poses out FOR FREE and they've been STOLEN and put behind paywalls! They're making money off of shit that isn't even theirs! How disgusting is that?? And now they don't even feel welcome in the community that they've given so much to.

And it's funny because I just saw a post from the amazing @simmireen (who makes many of my favorite poses) calling out THE SAME CREATOR for stealing their poses!! Simmireen's poses are stunning and she is kind enough to give them out for free, and she's had her hard work ripped off by an early access paywaller. The same one who drove Toys out of this community: simsulani.

This is a screenshot taken from Toys of Dukeness's post (read the whole thing here) that specifically calls out two of the thieves:

If this keeps happening, more of our wonderful cc creators are going to leave simblr. And I don't blame them one bit. Why put hours, sometimes days, of work into creating content when it's just going to be stolen and profited off of by someone else?

And when those creators do eventually leave, do you know what we'll be left with? Scummy perma-paywallers and early access creators who use minority groups to make money. (As a member of the LGBT I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of seeing "Pride Month Collection- Available to the public on June 30th🥰")

We can't let that happen. We need to support and show love to the creators who allow us to have beautiful cc and amazing poses in our games. I can tell you right now my stories would be nothing without simmireen's and Toys' poses. And they aren't the only creators who have had their cc stolen. We're on here about AI stealing art all the time (which is a totally valid argument, don't get me wrong), meanwhile actual humans, fellow simmers, are stealing content right under our noses, right this moment.

I am TIRED of this. Our content creators are being driven off this site and out of the community entirely because their work is being stolen. Storytellers, including myself, have also had their storylines stolen. I once saw someone take my entire NSB Gen 2 storyline, with even the quotes being copied and pasted! If you don't have creativity, then don't make content, that's okay. What's not okay is STEALING from people who have worked hard on their craft, ESPECIALLY if you're making money off of the stuff you stole.

Again, please reblog if you can. And feel free to share some REPUTABLE creators so simmers know who to download from rather than the thieves. They're the ones who need to be driven out, not the hardworking creators. And anyone who is afraid to vent about this on main can come into my anon and rant all they want. We as a community need to stop this.

-Coco xoxo