#vent but also feel free to reblog if you feel this

[strongintherealgay]

I'm gonna be so fucking real when I say that I'm tired of the narrative that many of the disabled community is pushing that most disabled people don't want to be cured and wouldn't choose to not be disabled if the opportunity arose. I have a chronic illness that is going to just get worse over the years and has made my recovery from a recent injury more complicated than it should be. I've had to pass on career opportunities because there is no possible way for me to take them up even with accommodations. I am unable to do physical activities that I have wanted to do my entire life because the risk of permanent injury for me is so high. Because it is genetic, I have seen how it manifests in old age via my paternal grandmother and I do not want that for myself. It is not ableist for me to not want this condition. It's me simply not wanting to be in pain, to be injured, and to be unable to do things I want to do.

I have been that person who tried so hard to not just want to be able-bodied, but fuck it I want to be able-bodied! I know it is still possible for many people to live a fulfilling life with my illness and disability, but I don't want to have to work harder for that life. If I was given the chance to live my life without pain and constant injury, I would. It will never happen because it is in my DNA, and I hate it.

And before anyone accuses me of internalized ableism, I am proud of how far I have come while having a lifelong disability. Despite the constant pain, I have survived horrible circumstances outside my disability that nobody should have to endure. The fact I have lived independently until my most recent injury has been impressive. It shouldn't be impressive, being that I'm 25, but it is. I'm proud of myself and every disabled person who has managed to live in an ableist society. Unfortunately, it isn't the ableism that makes me wish I wasn't disabled. It's my actual disability.

[mischiefmanifold]

in general I feel that my treatment has come to a standstill, I think mostly because I'm scared to start trauma therapy again. last time I did trauma therapy I had a flood of flashbacks and repressed trauma memory flashes that terrified me and caused me to quit, and I'm scared that the same thing will happen if I start again.

I've been thinking about trying EMDR or at least bringing it up to my therapist, but I'm worried that my problems with dissociation will prevent me from being able to do it effectively. I'd also like to start journaling again at least a few times a week, but the whole concept feels overwhelming to me despite having done it in the past (not sure why). I'm thinking journal prompts may be helpful for this but I'm not sure how it'll pan out.

I don't know. my brain feels like mush and I can't seem to bring any of this up to my therapist. even trauma memories and flashbacks I have I can't bring up, it feels like there's a brick wall in my brain when I go into therapy and I physically can't talk about those topics.

[toothworxx]

you wake up, you look in the mirror, the face you see is not yours- your hair is the wrong color, your limbs feel all wrong- but you recognize yourself in those eyes- "this isnt real" everyone tells you- "thats not you" you look at the self in your mind and its oh so clear- thats you, youve been here, thats always been you "youre not acting yourself" but are you not another self than the one they last met? that wasnt you- thatll never be you- their voice sounds like "you" their face looks like "you" but that wasnt you- this body is wrong this body is wrong this body is wrong- your life is different- different world different friends different people different place and time and rules- you know who you were you know you know but its "wrong"- you try to change you try to be seen in a way where others will understand you but it always falls short- you fall back into old habits- the way you speak is so uniquely your own and not that of the others... the way you act speaks of a self youve long since tried to look past- the way you are- you will always be yourself- always always always no matter who believes you, you will always be you- and thats not "wrong", is it?

[indi-glo-archive]

me still being on tumblr is like. i think i got so used to suffering that i just do it for no reason now

The kinds of things the Heartstopper and Young Royals fandoms put me through as a child were genuinely so fucked, and the only reason I didn't bat an eye was because I'd already developed dissociative disorders from my other child abuse (shoutout to the person who told me it was obvious I'd never been bullied bc I sympathized with a fictional fellow victim!).

People called me woke trash, racist, and repeatedly accused me of being an abuse/rape apologist for pointing out flaws and being able to put myself in characters' shoes (AKA write good analysis?). I got hate asks on a regular basis, people coming into my inbox just to tell me how much they hated characters I related to, trying to convince me that these characters, that people like me, are the scum of the earth because our trauma responses aren't palatable enough for them.

These are people who straight up do not give a fuck about child abuse if the child doesn't respond to it in a way they're comfortable with. These are people who will demonize abuse victims and make joking death threats about teenagers whose lives are implied to be in active danger. These are people who dismissed every one of my attempts to bring up racism and ableism in these shows because they were so fucking fragile and terrified of acknowledging their own imperfections. They attacked me for noticing and added to the racism and ableism I had to deal with instead of sucking it up and learning something.

And I know that this had a real impact on people who weren't me and didn't have my kind of armor because I also had people in my inbox who related to them like I did. I had adults agreeing that if they'd encountered these fandoms when they were younger, it would've made them suicidal. I had teenagers who related to the characters saying that they had been similarly abused. I'm really glad I was able to be a safe person for them, and I'm disappointed that I was one of the only ones there to do it when there are so many so-called "allies" here.

There is something seriously fucking wrong with these fandoms, and you all should be ashamed of yourself for cyberbullying teenagers off the internet. You need to reflect on that shit and fix it if you want to consider yourself any kind of ally or empath or cool gay teacher or any kind of positive influence in the spaces you’re in

(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)

[chestersbraincell]

tfw you unlock more lore to relate to songs on your playlists with

[coffee-keith]

Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.

[silviawinterart]

I find myself stuck in a dark hole

It feels like I am covered in dirt, which makes me feel like dirt

My thoughts spiral, like I'm in an endless despair

I look up, the hole itself is not really that deep, I could easily climb out if I tried

and yet, I find comfort down here.

It is warm, and I feel protected by the walls around me

I might just lay down here a while longer, surely where's the harm...

...Save for my own sanity.

[wander-wren]

sometimes i do get scared that i’m going to completely destroy my own life out of, essentially, bullheadedness. and all anyone can tell me to do is exactly the thing i’m so opposed to, so the odds don’t seem all that great??

[advisorsage]

Bye

I died last year

They've buried me by now

I died last year

I'll never tell you how

I died last year

And lost now is my name

I died last year

all my efforts were in vain

I died last year

no one saw the signs

I died last year

I hid them where no one would find

I died last year

they think I was their daughter

I died last year

But that girl I did slaughter

I died last year

I will not tell you why

I died last year

No one said goodbye

I died last year

And the world is still the same

I died last year

My candle lost its flame

I died last year

No one tried to stop me

I died last year

But they couldn't see

I died last year

I didn't have a soul

I died last year

And now I've made hole

I died last year

No God could stop it

I died last year

I saw the flaws in his ordained Profit

I died last year

Told my parent I should revere

I died last year

But my cries they wouldn't hear

I died last year

Still full of trauma

I died last year

Missing memories still a plethora

I died last year

Do not say I'm wrong

I died last year

I shouldn't have lived that long

I died last year

I didn't cry for help

I died last year

Gone without a yelp

I died last year

But don't be sad

I died last year

You should be mad

I died last year

This could have been prevented

I died last year

But life was no incentive

I died last year

You cannot bring me back

I died last year

That power you lack

I died last year

My fate I made my own

I died last year

Father threw the first stone

I died last year

A corpse nonbinary

I died last year

But not buried as me

I died last year

But if you miss me well

I died last year

Come visit me in Hell

[not-in-the-bible]

Whenever don't attention, mood gets depressive. don't indicates emotional , 't really . social isn't , . obsessive dejection realize aren't attention. probably dad therapist , admit ( specifically, 13,000+ anyone). someone ( knows ), 'm usually . 'm : anyone ? feels attention, 'm repost .

Whenever my posts don't seem to get attention, my mood gets sour and depressive. I don't think that indicates emotional stability on my part, but I can't really help it. I think this is proof that social media isn't great for me, honestly. I seem to feel some sort of obsessive dejection when I realize that my posts aren't getting attention. I probably should talk to my dad and therapist about this, but that would require me to admit to having that account (and more specifically, to having made 13,000+ posts and never telling anyone). But until i work up the courage to tell someone about all this (and who knows if i ever even will), I'm just going to do what I usually do. I'm going to ask: did anyone seen my posts? Because it feels like some of them have had next to no attention, and i'm beginning to want to repost them.

[nachobsns]

Hello - I was impressed and extremely relieved by what you wrote in the post about the cult mentality of the Left RE Israel and accusations of genocide. You mentioned that you bought into the mindset until recently. If it's all right for me to ask, what was it that helped you break out of it? (Please feel free to delete/ignore if you'd rather not answer!)

thank you!! and no worries about asking— i think i put something in my pinned post about how people are welcome to send asks about this stuff, although my story isn’t super interesting. i fell down the typical online rabbithole, a couple weeks after october 7; i knew what had happened, at least vaguely, but the posts trickling onto my dash were all about the (undeniably tragic) loss of life in gaza, with little to no acknowledgment of the hamas atrocities that had started the war, so my narrative was pretty one-sided from the beginning. it just continued to snowball as the months went on and people became more radicalized, calling into question the reality of the 10/7 attacks and the humanity of all israelis. i never went all the way down the pipeline to full-on endorsing hamas or justifying their attacks, at least on a personal level, thank god, but i would reblog other people’s posts referring to hamas as a “resistance movement” and calls to boycott starbucks and mcdonald’s and condemnation of the “zionist media” etc etc etc. what pulled me out of it wasn’t any one thing— if someone had directly called me on my flawed logic and antisemitic biases while i was in this mindset, i doubt it would have done much, just reinforced my belief that i was on the “right side of history” and zionists were aggressors who couldn’t be reasoned with. it was mostly just passive observance and a slow exposure to other perspectives. i’m pretty sure the first post that led me to question my thinking was an ask on jewish-vents, which popped up on my dash in like, late july. this led me down another rabbithole, first scouring every single post on jewish-vents, then moving on to more popular jewish blogs that i had seen on “zionist blocklists” (applesauce42069, xclowniex, and spacelazarwolf were probably some of the blogs that influenced me the most, though i told myself i was just hate-scrolling at first, lol). i felt incredibly guilty seeing all the harm the movement i was a part of had caused to random jews and israelis just trying to live their lives and i realized how it went against everything i believed about how minority groups should be treated. from there, the aspect of actually undoing my thinking and changing my behavior for the better still took several weeks. denial of jewish indigenity to the levant in the face of tantamount archeological and cultural evidence was the first to go, as well as any ambiguity in my feelings about hamas. after that, it’s mostly been a slow process of redefining the idf’s actions from a “genocide” to a “war.” i still believe that what’s happening in gaza is unconscionable and horrific, and that too many innocent civilians have died, but i also understand how difficult it is to fight against a terrorist group that systematically embeds itself in civilian populations, and that the ratio of militant to civilian deaths is incredibly low compared to most urban warfare. i quietly deleted my old blog in early august— if i had directly engaged in harassment against jews, i likely would have kept it to make amends to the harmed parties and put a face to my actions, but as was, i had just contributed to the larger atmosphere of antisemitism on this site, and i felt uncomfortable knowing that i had a blog full of sentiments that no longer matched my values and beliefs. i decided i would be better if i took my endorsement out of the equation entirely, because when you’re looking through the notes of a post, it obviously doesn’t matter if someone who’s reblogged it no longer agrees with what was said— their notes still count as tacit approval, and i did not want approval of this “activism” attached to my online presence. i still have unwanted kneejerk reactions that crop up sometimes, particularly around the fundraiser posts from people “in gaza”; even though i know logically that they have all the markers of scams, there is still a part of me that really wants to believe i could help.

[kiyomitakada]

i know its a classic. possibly cliche already. but i do wonder about Tumblr In The Death Note Universe probably more than i should

2 notes

💅 toxicbff Follow

if i see one more post attributing kira's powers to ~supernatural powers~ instead of the obvious fact that the cia is doing a coup I'm going to start giving You the heart attacks

💅 toxicbff

of course i saw the news how does that not prove my point further

the idea that all the police around the world could be mobilized by one single person is ridiculous (just look at this list of how many civilian militia there are globally)

heart attack victims don't seize the way "lind l tailor" did

i don't know how to tell you that You Can't Kill People Just By Knowing Their Name And Face because this is Real Life and not the newest grimdark marvel villain

people need to stop being scared of the ~bogeyman in the closet~ and wake up to the fact that usamerica is trying to take over the goddamned world

💅 toxicbff

im going to kill you all and nuke this website

#sayonara you weeaboo shits

2,925 notes

👾 lets-go-geeks Follow

DO TRUMP NEXT

🕵🏾‍♀️ penny-penelope Follow

LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST

16,375 notes

❤️‍🔥 lovesickened Follow

i know its stupid but im so fucking scared for my brother i heard that seven people died this week at the prison he's in and iinjust dont kenow what to do ihate him for ehat he did to mom but i never wanted him to die

#vent tw #delete later

0 notes

🏎 fastandyurious Follow

if i get a single more comment about why i don't tag "genderbend" on my kiratective fics i'm going to blow up the entire building. we don't know EITHER of their genders. why don't YOU tag your mediocre yaoi genderbend instead

🔆 sparkling-world Follow

…OP, you realize the news reports all consistently use "he," right?

🏎 fastandyurious

of course i do???? just because you see something on the news doesn't mean you have to believe it?????? they don't have any information on kira yet but i'm supposed to believe the fbi knows their gender already??????? also kira is literally a fucking girl's name my classmate in elementary school was called kira

🔆 sparkling-world

Kira comes from the Japanese romanization for "killer," it isn't gendered whatsoever.

Also, evidence shows the majority of serial killers are male, so I'd argue that the statistics favor the fujoshis here.

🏎 fastandyurious

well evidence shows that female serial killers are just more fun to write about and I'd argue that you're ignoring my fucking POINT which is that we DON'T KNOW KIRA'S GENDER and if people don't want to read lesbian kiratective they can FUCK OFF MY BLOG

🥚 i-offer-eggman Follow

I offer you an Eggman in these trying times.

🔮 I-stands-for-le-gay Follow

@lashitpostcalligrapher yo can i get "the statistics favor the fujoshis" on my tombstone

#fandom: kira rpf #ship: kiral #never heard it called kiratective before… #also uh. prayer circle for op's classmate lmaoooo

2,107 notes

💃🏻 modelingmadness Follow

BOYCOTT EIGHTEEN MAGAZINE

THEY ALLOW KIRA-SUPPORTING MODELS AND ARE COMPLICIT IN THIS MASSACRE

SOURCES HERE AND HERE (TRIGGER WARNING: KIRA DISCUSSION)

PUSH BACK AGAINST HEART ATTACKS

🧚🏽‍♂️ harubaru Follow

golly gee ^_^ suddenly i feel like taking to the high seas in a way that the eighteen company cant get profit from. oh no ! who left this link here

🐦‍⬛ kuro--misa Follow

thanks for the link but jesus fucking christ man what happened to free speech. misa-misa's parents were killed by a burglar who kira punished. did you all expect her to just sit there, look pretty, and say nothing about it?

you people only like models when they're nice pictures for you to consume. you only like them two-dimensional and smiling and hot. the second a woman actually speaks her mind she's thrown to the wolves

💃🏻 modelingmadness

DID YOU NOT SEE MY BANNER YOU PIECE OF SHIT

#BLOCKED

140 notes

🐦���⬛ kuro--misa Follow

lol. lmao even

#they blocked me but whatever #official eighteen site just said misamisa wont be in the next issue #(eighteen sucks but i kind of want to use it more out of spite now) #so much for apologism huh? #god. i feel sick. #hasn't she been through enough.

1 note

🥷🏻 kira-imagines Follow

Imagine you're going home after a long day. Suddenly there's a sound. "Huh? Whose there" you ask, dropping your keys on the floor. Then you feel it. A knife pressing in your neck.

"Don't move kitten" Kira purrs behind you. "You're all mine now…"

#kiraxreader #kiraxoc #kira #kira rpf #kira investigation #kira fucker #kira fudger #kira lover #kira haters dont touch #kira haters please touch #kira supporters please touch #l

5,733 notes

asahi-the-student-deactivated201

Hello, everyone! My little sister told me about this microblogging platform (I admit, I'm a Twitter refugee) and that many of you are discussing the Kira investigation on here. I'm really interested in hearing what your thoughts are!

💋 sunny-sayu Follow

let the record show he lasted like. a day

#i think it was the imagines that did him in #bro is so sensitive :p

15 notes

kiyomitakada

the world could be beautiful

[ @deathnotetober day 14: trigger ]

[sim-berry]

I'm Tired.

I totally get why many simblrs don't want to name and shame and want to avoid drama, but I'm not one of those simblrs. If I see some bs I'm going to call it out. I only have a few followers (who are lovely and sweet) anyway, so it's not like I'll get a crusade against me. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do, because I'm pissed right now.

I know I don't have a big blog so it's unlikely many will see this, but if you do, please reblog it. Spread the word about creators who have stolen content so that people can stop downloading their cc and supporting them.

One of my favorite creators, Toys of Dukeness, has just deleted all their poses from Patreon and stated that they are leaving the Sims community. Their poses have been STOLEN by other "creators" who have locked them behind paywalls. Keep in mind Toys gives their poses out FOR FREE and they've been STOLEN and put behind paywalls! They're making money off of shit that isn't even theirs! How disgusting is that?? And now they don't even feel welcome in the community that they've given so much to.

And it's funny because I just saw a post from the amazing @simmireen (who makes many of my favorite poses) calling out THE SAME CREATOR for stealing their poses!! Simmireen's poses are stunning and she is kind enough to give them out for free, and she's had her hard work ripped off by an early access paywaller. The same one who drove Toys out of this community: simsulani.

This is a screenshot taken from Toys of Dukeness's post (read the whole thing here) that specifically calls out two of the thieves:

If this keeps happening, more of our wonderful cc creators are going to leave simblr. And I don't blame them one bit. Why put hours, sometimes days, of work into creating content when it's just going to be stolen and profited off of by someone else?

And when those creators do eventually leave, do you know what we'll be left with? Scummy perma-paywallers and early access creators who use minority groups to make money. (As a member of the LGBT I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of seeing "Pride Month Collection- Available to the public on June 30th🥰")

We can't let that happen. We need to support and show love to the creators who allow us to have beautiful cc and amazing poses in our games. I can tell you right now my stories would be nothing without simmireen's and Toys' poses. And they aren't the only creators who have had their cc stolen. We're on here about AI stealing art all the time (which is a totally valid argument, don't get me wrong), meanwhile actual humans, fellow simmers, are stealing content right under our noses, right this moment.

I am TIRED of this. Our content creators are being driven off this site and out of the community entirely because their work is being stolen. Storytellers, including myself, have also had their storylines stolen. I once saw someone take my entire NSB Gen 2 storyline, with even the quotes being copied and pasted! If you don't have creativity, then don't make content, that's okay. What's not okay is STEALING from people who have worked hard on their craft, ESPECIALLY if you're making money off of the stuff you stole.

Again, please reblog if you can. And feel free to share some REPUTABLE creators so simmers know who to download from rather than the thieves. They're the ones who need to be driven out, not the hardworking creators. And anyone who is afraid to vent about this on main can come into my anon and rant all they want. We as a community need to stop this.

-Coco xoxo

[enemylv1]

Trying one of those note things going only to 500, mainly for projects that I need motivation to try . Feel free to ignore. Also if you do comments say something no just random letters, please. 10 empty reblogs per blog, infinite reblogs if it says something

50 notes done - I made some headcanons about anything

100 notes done - label my notebooks

150 notes done- share some old drawings

200 notes i am working on it - do an actual charactersheet for myself

250 notes almost done- remade the full intro (on dungeonLV1)

300 notes done (they lack color but design is there) - start designing humanish form for at least 4 of my spaceverse blogs (no conting beroe that is already in the making)

350 notes - make silles with those designs

400 notes - make subtittles for at least the firts video of the sedna tapes

450 notes - release at least a bit of the magic system I been working for the last years

500 notes - finally made the vent comic I have planned for 3 years

[notapradagurl7]

Christmas Slump.

Black Fem! Reader x Lando Johnson.

Tv Show: All-American Homecoming.

Summary: You were spending Christmas with your friends, Cam, Simone and J.R. in your house, you had seasonal depression, they decided to help you and your boyfriend Lando wanted to see you.

Taglist: @lavnderluv @soft-persephone @harmshake @westside-rot @siqueth @liatreads @thecookiebratz @thecapodomme @mypointlessdays @keyera-jackson @satoruya @planetblaque @hxneyclouds @hoodbarbiesims @glitterperms @amplifiedmoan @avoidthings @judymfmoody @justhornyyme @life-in-the-slut-house @sageispunk @megamindsecretlair @sweettea-and-honeybutter @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @slippinninque @galaxybam2 @briathecreator @babybratzmaraj

A/N: happy holidays! currently going through some seasonal depression and decided to write it away, don't forget to leave a like, comment & reblog to support, feel free to ask for a request! ❤️

Warnings: +18, dirty talk, fluff, praise,( male receiving) mention of seasonal depression, protected sex, voyeurism, comfort, the reader being sad but was comforted, soft Lando, submissive Lando, AU where Lando and Simone never dated but remained friends,

—————

The tall green Christmas tree shone brightly of red, green, blue, white lights with the smell of warm Christmas sugar cookies wafting through the air while you sat on the light green suede couch, a mug of warm cocoa in your hand. Taking a sip from it and allowing the chocolate to seep into your tastebuds. The four walls surrounding you are painted in chocolate brown decorated with pictures of you and your friends.

Simone stood by the Christmas tree while decorating it, smiling at the decor. Until her eyes landed on you, a distant look in your dark brown eyes. She walked over and sat beside you.

Cam and J.R. were speaking to each other about his position in baseball and Cam with his music club.

Unfortunately, you were currently going through seasonal depression with classes expecting more of your effort, and the stress overwhelmed you.

Honestly, you couldn't wait for the New Year to arrive already.

Your knotless ginger box braids tied back in a ponytail with your melanated skin shone brightly under the recessed circle snapped lights, dressed in a toffee-colored sweater and black sweatpants, white socks and slippers on your feet.

Thankfully, Simone started a club where black women on campus could have a safe space, to vent about their problems and find solutions. They can feel safe and secure in it.

In the space of your house giving you solace, you were equable and had no problem telling your trustworthy friends about your problems. You were tired of putting on a brave face.

If you could immure the emotions completely and throw away the key, you would do it in a heartbeat.

Your emotions were important, as was your mental health and well-being, not only to you but also to your friends, including your boyfriend Lando, with whom you've been in a relationship for three years.

“Hey, are you okay, girl?” Simone asked softly, her face softened in concern while lips fell into a frown.

You shook your head, your face resting in your palm as you turned around to face her, she gently plopped on the couch beside you.

“The holidays haven't been so merry for me Simone, It's the classes, the stress and expectations of being perfect.." you admitted softly, your voice trailing off.

“I felt the exact same way when I was going through my treatment, tennis and trying to keep it together, as a black women we can have a safe space. Y/N”

You smiled at her words of encouragement, you stood up and hugged her tightly and she reciprocated the warm gesture. “Thank you, Simone,”

“Anytime, that's what I'm here for,” Simone reassured softly, her hand rubbing your back.

With the help of your friends, you danced to music, baked cookies, and binge-watched classic Christmas movies.

But a special someone else was missing in the picture, Orlando. He noticed that

A knock on the door caught your attention, taking a bite of the pink Christmas tree cookie in your hand before swallowing and folding it in a napkin. “I'll get it!” you hollered,

You hurried your way toward the door, when you opened it. There stood your boyfriend Orlando, with a warm smile and bags of gifts in his hand.

“Orlando! I missed you!” you exclaimed, pulling him into a hug just as tightly as he held the gifts.

“Surprise!” Lando exclaimed, stepping inside and wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace.

Orlando hugged you back, as the gifts were taken by Simone, J.R. and Cam with gentle smiles toward you and your boyfriend hugging each other.

Hey beautiful, I missed you more,” Orlando smiled, kissing your forehead.

“Lando, you didn’t have to come all this way,” you said, your voice muffled against his chest. Your head lifted and looked up at him.

“Of course I did. I know you’ve been feeling down, and I wanted to be here for you,” he replied, pulling back slightly to look into your eyes.

The familiar scent of his cologne enveloped you, offering a sense of comfort that you hadn’t realized you missed so much. He closed the door behind himself and kissed your forehead sweetly.

You smiled at his words, feeling a flutter in your stomach. “You’re the best Christmas gift I could ask for,” you said, your heart warming at his thoughtfulness.

“Speaking of gifts I figured we could make this a little more festive,” Lando declared, winking playfully as his hand hold yours.

Simone, Cam, and J.R. peeked from the living room, their expressions shifting from surprise to delight. Giving their friend some dap and pats on the back.

“Lando! You made it!” Simone cheered, rushing over to give him a hug.

“Good to see you, man,” J.R. added, giving him some dap.

“Merry Christmas, brother,” Cam chimed in with a smile.

You resumed to watch movies, laughing and playing games in the company of your friends and boyfriend. Making the gloom fade away.

Afterward, you bid farewell to your friends and classmates, they walked out of your house, heading toward Cam’s car and drove away.

Finally leaving you alone with Orlando. He sat beside you with the gift he brought for you in his hand. “And this is for you,” He spoke warmly, handing you the present.

You raised an eyebrow, curiosity piquing as you accepted the beautifully wrapped gift adorned with a shiny red bow. "You really didn't have to, Lando. Just being here is enough," you said, your heart swelling with affection.

"Just open it," he urged, a playful smile spreading across his face. You grinned back, the warmth of his presence making the holiday gloom fade again.

With a flick of your wrist, you tore into the wrapping paper, revealing a sleek, simple necklace that sparkled under the lights. "Oh my gosh, Lando, it's beautiful!" you gasped, holding it up to admire the intricate design.

“I saw it and immediately thought of you, it reminds me of beauty and I want you to wear it and remember you're not alone, during times like these,” He

“Thank you,” you whispered, blinking back tears.

You felt a warmth radiate from your chest, and as you leaned in closer, your lips brushed against his.

The kiss was sweet at first, a gentle exploration that quickly ignited into something more passionate.

His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened. Your hands rested against his back. “Let’s head into my room,” you announced boldly.

The both of you stood up from the couch, made your way to your bedroom. You've been trying to become bold when it came to your desires.

Gently pushing him, his back touched the soft sheets of your bed, his breath hitched. “Someone’s getting bold,” he teased, his eyes on you hovering over him making his dick harden in his sweatpants.

“You good with this?”

“Let’s make this night all about us,” he promised, his hand trailing down your body. You could feel the tension melting away, replaced by a warmth in the room.

You undressed him carefully, he did the same for you, clothes littered across the floor. Reaching over the bedside dresser, grabbing the small box of condoms. You picked one up, as you looked back at Lando.

With a teasing glance, you let your hand trail down his thigh. You wrapped your fingers around him, feeling him grow even harder beneath your touch. “I'm gonna take care of you,” you moaned softly, moving your hand up and down his dick with a firm yet gentle grip.

His groans, muffled grunts filled the room, “Y/N, that feels so fucking good..” he groaned again,

Encouraged by his reaction, you picked up the pace, using your thumb to roll around his sensitive tip. “You’re so good to me, so handsome, so

Your eyes locked onto his, watching his face contorted in pleasure from your precise touch. “Right there, baby,” he praised, Every sigh, every mention of your name spurring you on, his hips pushing into your hand.

After teasing him, his thick jets of cum spurted out and poured down his dick and your hand, your tongue lick his dick clean and your hand. you gently slide the condom on his dick and hover over him again.

His hands gripped your hips and aimed his length at your entrance, sliding yourself down on his thick dick. Every inch filled you completely.

“Oh fuck..baby,”

Your hips moved at gradual pace, your hands rested on his chest, pleasure flowing through every part of your body. Your walls choked his dick tightly, his teeth dug into his bottom lips.

The room was filled with the sounds of your breaths mingling, the soft slapping of skin against skin, and the little gasps and moans escaping your lips. You could feel the pressure building inside you, the familiar knot of pleasure tightening.

As you picked up the pace, Lando's hands moved to your thighs, pushing you down harder against him. "That's it, just like that, You're taking this dick so well." he encouraged, his voice a mix of praise and raw need.

You leaned down, capturing his lips again, the heat between you two radiating off the bed as it creaked. Lando's fingers dug into your skin, guiding you as you found that sweet spot, the one that made your head spin. “Oh..fuckkk! Lando!”

He watched your cum ooze down onto his, your ass clapped against his pelvis,“I love it when you mess on my dick,” he moaned raspily, his eyes rolling back.

“Baby, I'm close,” he warned, his voice strained.

“M-me too,” you admitted breathlessly, the tension reached its peak. You could feel that familiar wave crash over, and you wanted to take him with you.

His thumb rolled your clit in circles, you screamed out his name, your body shaking underneath him and fell onto his lean body, your nipple brushed across his, his lip trailing along your neck.

“I love you,” he groaned in your ear.

“I love you too,” you panted heavily with a smirk.

You collapsed onto him, rolling beside his body. Both of you panting heavily as the room falls into a peaceful silence. Lando brushed a braids from your face.

“You okay?” he asked in concern, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

“Better than okay, Thank you for being here for me, knowing how to make me feel loved” you replied, a grin spreading across your pretty face.

Lando picked you up in his arms, carrying you to the bathroom, and settled in the warm water with soapy foam, cleaning the both of you clean.

Lando helped you out, changed into some comfortable attire for sleep, he changed the sheets and blankets, he laid by your side with blankets warm from the dryer. The lemon scent aired the fabric, Kissing your forehead lovingly.

Your heart lifting at the sight of him, his dark curls framing his face perfectly, his warm brown eyes sparkling like the lights on the tree behind you.

————-

[scarfacemarston]

Natasha Romanoff A-Z Fluff Alphabet

As requested! Please think about "liking" and reblogging! These posts take time. Feel free to request anything else.

A - Affection (how do they show affection to their s/o)

Natasha is more subtle in her affection - but not always! She tends to be more jovial and more likely to grin, one that reaches her eyes, when she's with you. She might playfully punch you on the shoulder, lean on you, or pull on your wrist. Sometimes, it's whispering sweet things in your ear, showing up with your favorite takeout after a long day, or a snuggle session, but in general, she gives love through acts of service for you.

B - Best Friend (what are they like as a best friend?)

She doesn't have many friends, which is by choice. However, she doesn't expect people to give her a chance to be a friend. It's why she's so touched that Steve reveals he trusts her in Winter Soldier. She has proven to be ride or die. Even when she disagrees, she would rather value the person and their relationship over being right, as seen with Clint in Civil War. She's the type that you can vent to at any hour of the day, or if you're hurt, she'll ask who she has to kill. She has contingency plans upon contingency plans, so if you need help with an issue, she is almost guaranteed to have a solution.

C - Cuddling (do they like to cuddle? And how would they do it?)

Cuddling is unusual for her because it rarely happened to her growing up, but also, as an adult, she was always "taught" that cuddling could lead to sex with a target. Cuddling for the sake of intimacy and comfort wasn't on her radar. She's not exactly touch-starved, but she does enjoy cuddling once she gets used to it. She loves to spoon, with her being the big spoon, regardless of your height.

D - Domestic (do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning)

I will go into this in more detail later, but commitment is new to her. The idea of someone wanting her for HER despite everything she has done is new to her, but she does find herself craving stability and domesticity. Her time in Ohio was the best time of her life, and she'd love to have that again. Nat can do the "stereotypical" cleaning and cooking. She was taught it in the Red Room as it was part of the perfect housewife image. However, she does not like that this role is always assigned to her. She thinks it's entirely sexist for people to assume she's going to do all the domestic tasks because she's a woman. In a relationship, this is very much so different. She doesn't make special meals on her own unless it's her choice to share with the Avengers. For her, it's usually something quick and easy. She doesn't care other than that, but she does try with you. She is also very tidy; again, things are utilitarian in her apartment, but she appreciates that you are livening up the place. 

E - Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

This….is not Natasha's best moment; honestly, it would likely hurt quite a bit.

She is the most likely to be very businesslike and more like speaking to a co-worker than a former lover. However, it is also possible that she simply disappears or leaves a note. It is not a happy headcanon but a possible and realistic one. Now, if you were dating her later in her life, like around the time of Infinity War, she is far less likely to do this.

F - Fiancé (how do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Natasha is very much a novice to love. She knows how it works and how to get people to fall in love with her, and she believes she's been in love before. However, putting this all into practice in a "normal" relationship is difficult for her, but once you've earned her trust, she is a very committed partner, and she would put her entire heart into it. She doesn't think she'll ever be married, even if she dreams of it. She thinks it's a pipe dream, but the more you talk about it with her, the more likely she is to hope.

G - Gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Natasha is capable of great gentleness, but the problem is feeling secure enough to show this as she tends to spook. She struggles greatly with emotional availability. Her gentleness is very subtle and more likely reserved for privacy with you. This is for both emotional and physical gentleness. 

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) 

She's not really a hugger, no. Physical affection was deeply discouraged for her growing up, and even being undercover in Ohio, she struggled with hugs and "normal" affection. (Of course, that never stopped Yelena from giving her tackle hugs.) She is the type to give a hug when she believes it's truly needed and will be useful. It is a very thoughtful and deliberate gesture from her. Ex: Hugging Steve after Peggy's funeral or hugging Clint in I.W. With a romantic partner, her first inclination is not to give a hug, but she would try to anticipate your needs and affection style. She's likely to hold you from behind or something similar rather than give you a hug.  Her hugs are very tender and gentle but almost protective.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It would take months, but more likely a year or more before she says it. She will show it in other ways, but to say it would take a long time. She's had very few actual relationships, so she is admittedly new to love. 

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Natasha would appear completely neutral. You wouldn't be able to tell unless you really were looking for a sign, and even then? Good luck with that. However, she may make a teasing comment or two, but she's not the type to actually entertain jealousy. She's very secure that way because she knows what she's worth and the work the two of you put into your relationship. However, she might still sneak an arm around the waist or give a "reminder" kiss. 

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you?)

Kissing the Black Widow is as magical and enigmatic as you can imagine. She knows what she's doing, but the difference is she cares whereas before, they were all marks. The cheek and lips are her main targets, but she knows about all your secret sensitive areas and is not afraid to use those against you in public. 

L: Little Ones (How are they with kids?)

Natasha loves children and is lovely with them, as seen with the Bartons, but she still feels as though she's too cold and too robotic. She would love to have a family of her own to give them the life she never experienced. She's happy to be an aunt, but having her own children would be extremely meaningful.

M: Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

Natasha is up early as hell. She has always been this way, thanks to the Red Room. She gets up early, grabs a coffee, trains, and reads reports for the day. She's usually up at 6:00 am. However, she will often make you breakfast and place leftovers in the fridge for you to enjoy later. Occasionally, she'll pack a snack to help you through your day. Expect a sticky note with a good morning message if you aren't awake for her to give you a proper goodbye.  When dating you, she doesn't exactly sleep in more, but she will stay in bed to cuddle a bit later while working on her phone. 

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nat tends to struggle with insomnia, most of it stems from an overactive mind. It's not anxiety, per se, but her mind is always in overdrive, thinking of contingency plans, other Avengers business, her 'real family,' or her life with you. She will usually settle down with tea and a book before sleeping. Sometimes, you have to take the book from her and turn off the lights for her to get the hint. She swings between preferring her space to sleep or cuddling. It depends on her mood. 

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

This is Natasha Romanoff we're talking about. She is incredibly slow to reveal anything about herself. She doesn't lie about her past, per se, but she gives half-truths or very vague answers before eventually letting you in to reveal more about her life. She will never tell you everything; you must be okay with that. That's simply part of her rules. To pry would be disrespectful and would be a turn-off for her. She can be encouraged to share things but not be pried.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Nat has the patience of a saint in most areas. Yes, she has things she won't tolerate, but for someone to actually anger her would be quite difficult. Someone would have to be blatantly cruel or foolish for her to get angry, and even then, her anger is biting and cold, not raging. This woman handled the downfall of SHIELD, the Accords, and Thanos' snap fall out and held herself together quite well for all of it, even when there were times she would be in the right to be beyond angry. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail in passing, or do they kind of forget? )

Natasha was trained to remember things. Her memory might as well be photographic. It doesn't matter if it's a band you mentioned liking once or off-handedly mentioned disliking cilantro in passing; she will remember. That can be a negative, though, if there is an argument because she will remember exactly what you said. HOWEVER, she hates to fight, so she will put conflict resolution above all else.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When you accepted Natasha for who she was after telling you some of her darkest stories one night after suffering nightmares. She had told you about Budapest and some of the early missions she completed for Russia - memories that still haunted her with events that she wasn't proud of. Instead of spurning her, you had soothed her instead. You didn't pity her or try to say that "everything was going to be fine." You acknowledged her and told her she was worthy anyhow. That meant everything to her, as she had expected the worst. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) 

Nat's protectiveness can be almost startling. She is practically paranoid about your safety. In fact, you might have to talk to her about toning it down if you can ever find out the extent of her protection, which is unlikely. She is more likely to be overprotective when she's out of town. 

Natasha doesn't need protection, and she would prefer that you don't think that way toward her, either. However, she does appreciate that you look out for her by reminding her to eat, get enough sleep, slow down on work, etc. 

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, and gifts?)

Natsha's thoughtfulness is off the charts. It's one thing that makes her such a good friend and partner. She will spend weeks planning something for you, whether it's getting the highest-quality ingredients to cook you something or finding the best way to whisk you away to a nice weekend away somewhere. If you collect something, you know she's been on eBay or using other channels to get you something nice to add to the collection.

U: Ugly (What would be a bad habit of theirs?)

Nat sits or lays down in horrible positions, which causes her bone and joint pain later on in the evening. Her flexibility is her friend and foe. 

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Natasha is well aware that she's stunning. She knows she doesn't have to do anything to have people admire her or envy her. However, on average, she spends far less on her looks than Yelena. She knows what she likes to wear, and that is usually a mix of sleek and utilitarian. She doesn't spend a lot of time on fashion, but she understands trends. She tends to wear what she wants and applies light makeup, but this is not a priority for her.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes, but she would acknowledge that something would be missing without your presence. However, she's been alone for longer.She is used to being alone or playing second fiddle to someone else. That doesn't mean she enjoys it, but she is used to it.

X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

Nat is a secret, cozy game fanatic. She loves Animal Crossing the most and will play it with Yelena and a few of the other Avengers who have it. (Steve, Bucky, and the Bartons, mainly.) Scott Lang tried to friend her, and she left him on read.

She's not as interested in the farming games, but she'll play them. She likes the ones with a unique premise. 

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

She tends to wear a T-shirt or tank top and shorts to bed, but she does have the occasional weakness for silk pajamas.