#vent but also feel free to reblog if you feel this

[enemylv1]

Trying one of those note things going only to 500, mainly for projects that I need motivation to try . Feel free to ignore. Also if you do comments say something no just random letters, please. 10 empty reblogs per blog, infinite reblogs if it says something

50 notes done - I made some headcanons about anything

100 notes done - label my notebooks

150 notes - share some old drawings

200 notes - do an actual charactersheet for myself

250 notes - remade the full intro (on dungeonLV1)

300 notes - start designing humanish form for at least 4 of my spaceverse blogs (no conting beroe that is already in the making)

350 notes - make silles with those designs

400 notes - make subtittles for at least the firts video of the sedna tapes

450 notes - release at least a bit of the magic system I been working for the last years

500 notes - finally made the vent comic I have planned for 3 years

[strongintherealgay]

I'm gonna be so fucking real when I say that I'm tired of the narrative that many of the disabled community is pushing that most disabled people don't want to be cured and wouldn't choose to not be disabled if the opportunity arose. I have a chronic illness that is going to just get worse over the years and has made my recovery from a recent injury more complicated than it should be. I've had to pass on career opportunities because there is no possible way for me to take them up even with accommodations. I am unable to do physical activities that I have wanted to do my entire life because the risk of permanent injury for me is so high. Because it is genetic, I have seen how it manifests in old age via my paternal grandmother and I do not want that for myself. It is not ableist for me to not want this condition. It's me simply not wanting to be in pain, to be injured, and to be unable to do things I want to do.

I have been that person who tried so hard to not just want to be able-bodied, but fuck it I want to be able-bodied! I know it is still possible for many people to live a fulfilling life with my illness and disability, but I don't want to have to work harder for that life. If I was given the chance to live my life without pain and constant injury, I would. It will never happen because it is in my DNA, and I hate it.

And before anyone accuses me of internalized ableism, I am proud of how far I have come while having a lifelong disability. Despite the constant pain, I have survived horrible circumstances outside my disability that nobody should have to endure. The fact I have lived independently until my most recent injury has been impressive. It shouldn't be impressive, being that I'm 25, but it is. I'm proud of myself and every disabled person who has managed to live in an ableist society. Unfortunately, it isn't the ableism that makes me wish I wasn't disabled. It's my actual disability.

[mischiefmanifold]

in general I feel that my treatment has come to a standstill, I think mostly because I'm scared to start trauma therapy again. last time I did trauma therapy I had a flood of flashbacks and repressed trauma memory flashes that terrified me and caused me to quit, and I'm scared that the same thing will happen if I start again.

I've been thinking about trying EMDR or at least bringing it up to my therapist, but I'm worried that my problems with dissociation will prevent me from being able to do it effectively. I'd also like to start journaling again at least a few times a week, but the whole concept feels overwhelming to me despite having done it in the past (not sure why). I'm thinking journal prompts may be helpful for this but I'm not sure how it'll pan out.

I don't know. my brain feels like mush and I can't seem to bring any of this up to my therapist. even trauma memories and flashbacks I have I can't bring up, it feels like there's a brick wall in my brain when I go into therapy and I physically can't talk about those topics.

[scp-69]

your 20s is for being deeply and constantly mad at your parents and having nowhere to put it

[hellohellopumpkin]

Sometimes I want to get even

But to stoop to your level would mean losing a part of myself

I would lose who I am

I would turn into you

And I can't have that

So I won't get even

And you'll feel like you won

And though that stings

I'll know who you really are, and who I am

And just know

I'll never be you

[coffee-keith]

Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.

[s-talking]

⌘ 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 & 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄!

first thing's first, i want to kindly thank everyone who shared their tips in regards to my queue because i felt honestly so lost but now my mind is all clear & set, & it's all thanks to you guys. thank you. i really appreciate it.

now, just so i can get this out of the way, i'll be doing a little spring-cleaning to my followers list & aside from removing the obvious ( like archived / abandoned blogs ), i will be also removing some of the active ones, so if i've approached you in the past to interact & we still don't have any threads going on, i highly suggest that you shoot me a message by tomorrow unless you wanna silently break mutuals.

i just honestly prefer to have 5 semi-active people who take countless breaks & hiatuses but are actually interested in interacting with me, than 40 super active people that forget me within 3 days of inactivity or just keep liking my posts but refuse to interact no matter what i do lmao i think that most of you feel the same, as there's nothing more sucky than being brushed aside for literally no reason.

as such, i'm doing this for me, & i'm giving a little heads-up before proceeding with the clean-up. again, if we don't have ANY threads going on ( no matter how old or new ), i highly suggest that you approach me or even just shoot an ask by tomorrow so we can get something started. i just don't wanna be chasing people up if they don't wanna interact or if they've lost interest, if that makes sense? we're all here to have fun & it shouldn't be forced. as such, if you wanna silently break mutuals, i won't be upset with you at all.

now, that said, here's a little notice about my queue! as suggested, my queue is now set to run from tomorrow & post 4 - 6 in a day. considering the large amount of answered threads, asks, & aesthetics, i figured that would work the best without flooding anyone.

anyways, thank you so much for reading!

[nibwhipdragon]

Ok actually. After tonight's events I am completely done with suicide baiting jokes. I don't care if they're directed at yourself (ie. "Oh I suck so bad at this I'm gonna kms") or if the other person is ok with them literally don't do them at all. Stop normalising it. Because you're gonna end up eventually saying that sort of stuff to someone who's not fine with it and that will cause Issues. Or it will straight up make your own mental health worse bc you're putting yourself down in the worst way possible. It's not good as a whole. Stop completely. Jesus Christ.

[furrysmp]

hi everyone, this is my disclaimer telling yall I live in israel so please stop following me if you happen to be in that group of people in this fandom who think everyone who lives here is evil, I already had to remove 10 of my followers who are reblogging stuff that casually mentions how 7/10 was israels fault and that we should all be happy that people I know personally died or lost limbs for being born in a country. thanks

[the-one-and-only-bibliography]

wailing like a fax machine thats slightly broken such that it whines with even more pain and suffering than normal

[im2tired4usernames]

you’re in a cult?

Arguably, H I G H control evangelical Church the H O R R O R STORIES I COULD TELL YOU also quiverfull I do not believe in any of their teachings anymore and try not to allow it to control me anymore and I'm working on unlearning and re-educating myself, my friends and partner have helped a lot (as well as Tumblr tbh lol probs not the best thing) but it still effects me daily and I have not been able to completely cut ties yet because my family and most of my friends fully believe in it.

[silviawinterart]

I find myself stuck in a dark hole

It feels like I am covered in dirt, which makes me feel like dirt

My thoughts spiral, like I'm in an endless despair

I look up, the hole itself is not really that deep, I could easily climb out if I tried

and yet, I find comfort down here.

It is warm, and I feel protected by the walls around me

I might just lay down here a while longer, surely where's the harm...

...Save for my own sanity.

[wander-wren]

sometimes i do get scared that i’m going to completely destroy my own life out of, essentially, bullheadedness. and all anyone can tell me to do is exactly the thing i’m so opposed to, so the odds don’t seem all that great??

[advisorsage]

Bye

I died last year

They've buried me by now

I died last year

I'll never tell you how

I died last year

And lost now is my name

I died last year

all my efforts were in vain

I died last year

no one saw the signs

I died last year

I hid them where no one would find

I died last year

they think I was their daughter

I died last year

But that girl I did slaughter

I died last year

I will not tell you why

I died last year

No one said goodbye

I died last year

And the world is still the same

I died last year

My candle lost its flame

I died last year

No one tried to stop me

I died last year

But they couldn't see

I died last year

I didn't have a soul

I died last year

And now I've made hole

I died last year

No God could stop it

I died last year

I saw the flaws in his ordained Profit

I died last year

Told my parent I should revere

I died last year

But my cries they wouldn't hear

I died last year

Still full of trauma

I died last year

Missing memories still a plethora

I died last year

Do not say I'm wrong

I died last year

I shouldn't have lived that long

I died last year

I didn't cry for help

I died last year

Gone without a yelp

I died last year

But don't be sad

I died last year

You should be mad

I died last year

This could have been prevented

I died last year

But life was no incentive

I died last year

You cannot bring me back

I died last year

That power you lack

I died last year

My fate I made my own

I died last year

Father threw the first stone

I died last year

A corpse nonbinary

I died last year

But not buried as me

I died last year

But if you miss me well

I died last year

Come visit me in Hell

[not-in-the-bible]

Whenever don't attention, mood gets depressive. don't indicates emotional , 't really . social isn't , . obsessive dejection realize aren't attention. probably dad therapist , admit ( specifically, 13,000+ anyone). someone ( knows ), 'm usually . 'm : anyone ? feels attention, 'm repost .

Whenever my posts don't seem to get attention, my mood gets sour and depressive. I don't think that indicates emotional stability on my part, but I can't really help it. I think this is proof that social media isn't great for me, honestly. I seem to feel some sort of obsessive dejection when I realize that my posts aren't getting attention. I probably should talk to my dad and therapist about this, but that would require me to admit to having that account (and more specifically, to having made 13,000+ posts and never telling anyone). But until i work up the courage to tell someone about all this (and who knows if i ever even will), I'm just going to do what I usually do. I'm going to ask: did anyone seen my posts? Because it feels like some of them have had next to no attention, and i'm beginning to want to repost them.

[nachobsns]

Hello - I was impressed and extremely relieved by what you wrote in the post about the cult mentality of the Left RE Israel and accusations of genocide. You mentioned that you bought into the mindset until recently. If it's all right for me to ask, what was it that helped you break out of it? (Please feel free to delete/ignore if you'd rather not answer!)

thank you!! and no worries about asking— i think i put something in my pinned post about how people are welcome to send asks about this stuff, although my story isn’t super interesting. i fell down the typical online rabbithole, a couple weeks after october 7; i knew what had happened, at least vaguely, but the posts trickling onto my dash were all about the (undeniably tragic) loss of life in gaza, with little to no acknowledgment of the hamas atrocities that had started the war, so my narrative was pretty one-sided from the beginning. it just continued to snowball as the months went on and people became more radicalized, calling into question the reality of the 10/7 attacks and the humanity of all israelis. i never went all the way down the pipeline to full-on endorsing hamas or justifying their attacks, at least on a personal level, thank god, but i would reblog other people’s posts referring to hamas as a “resistance movement” and calls to boycott starbucks and mcdonald’s and condemnation of the “zionist media” etc etc etc. what pulled me out of it wasn’t any one thing— if someone had directly called me on my flawed logic and antisemitic biases while i was in this mindset, i doubt it would have done much, just reinforced my belief that i was on the “right side of history” and zionists were aggressors who couldn’t be reasoned with. it was mostly just passive observance and a slow exposure to other perspectives. i’m pretty sure the first post that led me to question my thinking was an ask on jewish-vents, which popped up on my dash in like, late july. this led me down another rabbithole, first scouring every single post on jewish-vents, then moving on to more popular jewish blogs that i had seen on “zionist blocklists” (applesauce42069, xclowniex, and spacelazarwolf were probably some of the blogs that influenced me the most, though i told myself i was just hate-scrolling at first, lol). i felt incredibly guilty seeing all the harm the movement i was a part of had caused to random jews and israelis just trying to live their lives and i realized how it went against everything i believed about how minority groups should be treated. from there, the aspect of actually undoing my thinking and changing my behavior for the better still took several weeks. denial of jewish indigenity to the levant in the face of tantamount archeological and cultural evidence was the first to go, as well as any ambiguity in my feelings about hamas. after that, it’s mostly been a slow process of redefining the idf’s actions from a “genocide” to a “war.” i still believe that what’s happening in gaza is unconscionable and horrific, and that too many innocent civilians have died, but i also understand how difficult it is to fight against a terrorist group that systematically embeds itself in civilian populations, and that the ratio of militant to civilian deaths is incredibly low compared to most urban warfare. i quietly deleted my old blog in early august— if i had directly engaged in harassment against jews, i likely would have kept it to make amends to the harmed parties and put a face to my actions, but as was, i had just contributed to the larger atmosphere of antisemitism on this site, and i felt uncomfortable knowing that i had a blog full of sentiments that no longer matched my values and beliefs. i decided i would be better if i took my endorsement out of the equation entirely, because when you’re looking through the notes of a post, it obviously doesn’t matter if someone who’s reblogged it no longer agrees with what was said— their notes still count as tacit approval, and i did not want approval of this “activism” attached to my online presence. i still have unwanted kneejerk reactions that crop up sometimes, particularly around the fundraiser posts from people “in gaza”; even though i know logically that they have all the markers of scams, there is still a part of me that really wants to believe i could help.