#uncle barty

[until-the-house-shakes]

In every universe where Regulus helps raise Harry (or Teddy) this interaction has happened at least once

Regulus: barty? Why are you he-

Barty: where is he?

Regulus: who?

Barty: my best friend. Where is he?

Regulus: evan isn’t her-

Barty: no!! My BEST friend.

*Harry and/or Teddy enters*: BATTY!!!

Barty: MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Uncle Bee and uncle Evy with baby luna- a canon interaction Barty: Okay Luna, there are 206 bones in the body, but! I’m gonna teach you how to dislocated someone’s body in 230 ways-

Pandora: Barty, She’s a child

Luna:

Barty: Oh yeah! You’re right.

*turns around for a few moments before turning back with puppets over his hands*

Barty, in somewhat a kermit voice: Hi kids! We're going to show you how to dislocate someone's body! Let's start with the Clavicle region. Do you know where that is?

Pandora: Oh my god

———*after a while*———

Evan: Wait what did you teach her?

Barty: There are 206 bones in the human body...

Evan: Barty! She is a CHILD!

Evan: If you are fighting an opponent your age Luna, there may be up to 270 bones in the human body. Children's bones ares still fusing together. Here is how you can use that....

[billsbae]

the main reason i was (and i am) so obsessed with the idea of jegulus raising harry and pandalily raising luna is that in this au we could have crazy and immature uncles barty and evan for both of them. we could just have rosekiller with luna, which is awesome, but i can't stop imagining how feral harry would be if barty and evan took part in raising him

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Luna: singing her ABC’s out of order

Barty: yes girl, remix!!

[moonlit-sirius]

Shoot him!

Rosekiller babysitting Luna! 1.1k words!

“That game, Barty? Again?” Evan murmurs sleepily, lifting his head from the pillow and rubbing his eye. His blonde hair is all messy and theres pillow marks on his cheek, and honestly Barty almost threw his computer away to snog him silly.

“What? I like it.” Barty shrugs, ruffling Evan’s hair as he moved closer, curled up on Bartys side.

“At this point i’m hearing the soundtrack in my dreams from how much you play it.” Evan grumbled, his cold hands sneaking under Barty’s hoodie, making him yelp.

“Are your hands made of bloody fucking icicles?” Barty complains but doesn't push Evan’s hands away, letting him wrap his arms around his waist.

“...Cookie.” A tiny sleepy voice murmured next to Barty.

Evan and Barty looked over at the tiny blanket cocoon in which little Luna was currently wrapped in, sleeping soundly next to Barty who was in the middle of the bed, Evan on his other side.They smiled and sent a picture of Luna to Pandora, letting her know they had not forgotten to make sure Luna naps after lunch.

Luna’s tiny hand was tightly gripping Barty’ hoodie, as if making sure he wasn't gonna leave while she napped.

Barty’s expression softened, gently caressing her cheek and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling his heart swell with affection when she snuggled closer to him.

A hand gently caressed Barty’s cheek, making him turn to look at Evan again, computer forgotten in his lap and the same catchy soundtrack playing quietly. Evan looked up at him, expression soft as he leaned in to kiss his lips for a brief second before laying back down next to Barty.

Thats how they spent their afternoons whenever Luna was there. Barty sandwiched between Evan and Luna, both heavy sleepers, while Barty scrolled on his phone or used his laptop. Now, one of Barty’ latest obsessions has been playing Buckshot Roulette.

At first it had been just a catchy beat he had heard while watching a streamer play the game. He wasn't paying too much attention to the stream, simply letting it fill the silence one lonely afternoon Evan was at work.

Curiosity made him want to try out the game and soon enough he was playing it often enough Evan was hearing the soundtrack in his dreams along with images of blank and live shotgun shells.

“What game is that?” Luna asked, suddenly perched up next to Barty on the bed and looking very much awake, her blond hair a mess.

“Fuck- Luna, dont startle like that…” Barty, who had almost jumped off the bed and sent the computer flying, said while Evan chuckled. Evan had seen Luna slowly wake up and look curiously at the screen while Barty had been too busy staring at Evan to notice.

“What game is that?” Luna said again, nothing was going to stop her curiosity now. Barty looked at her, her hair sticking up in all directions and one sock missing, before sighing and nodding.

“Its called Buckshot Roulette.” Barty explained, both him and Evan looking at Luna’s expressions curiously, “You and this lovely dude take turns shooting at each other until one loses all their lives.”

“Can i play? I want to shoot the thing!” Luna said excited, getting closer to the screen as if she could enter the game through the screen.

“Alright, do you want me to explain to you the rules and what each object does or do you want to go in blind?” Barty offers after starting a new game, placing the computer on Luna’s lap and turning up the brightness slightly so she could see better, he had been playing with low brightness to not bother them while asleep.

“Hmm…” Luna taps her chin thoughtfully for a moment and then nods, “Explain it to me, Uncle Barty!” She says excitedly, clicking and tapping on the keyboard and mouse pad.

“Okay, so see those lightning bolts? Those are the lives you have left. You and the scary looking dude take turns shooting each other. However, you can choose to shoot yourself, and if it's a blank, you get another turn!” Barty explains animatedly, mimicking with his hands the motions of the game, making Luna giggle.

“What are the red and blue things?” Luna asks, pointing at the screen when the animation plays, showing 3 blue shells and 3 red shells which are then put in the shotgun by the scary looking creature.

“The red shells are ‘live’, meaning if you shoot it kills, while the blue shells are ‘blank�� so they don't do damage. You have three each so its a 50% chance… whats your choice? Shoot the creepy dude or yourself?” Barty asks, watching Luna think really hard about her choice, too young to understand percentages yet.

“Shoot… myself!” She decides and proceeds to shoot her character in the game, firing a blank and gaining another turn. “Good job! You got another turn, Lulu!” Barty says enthusiastically, ruffling her hair.

They continue playing until all shells are shot, only losing one life in the process. They scream in excitement when the creepy guy gets shot and Barty curses for both of them whenever they lose a life.

Evan finds it impossibly endearing whenever something happens that makes Luna upset or frustrated she just grabs Barty’ hand and he curses for her until she feels better.

“See that? That's a hand saw you can use to cut the barrel and do double damage. I always save that one for when the dude has 2 lives left.” Barty suggests as he watches Luna slowly get ahold of the game and getting more and more concentrated, tapping her fingers to the rhythm of the soundtrack as she schemed her next move.

“Why does a cigarette pack make you gain a life?” Evan asks sleepily, having dozed off and woken up by Barty’s and Luna’s cheers a few times and now simply observing them play.

“Rosie, you look at this game where you literally survive being shot by yourself or whatever that thing is and you're worried about inaccuracies?” Barty says, tapping the screen to suggest one of the objects the Luna can use to win the last round. 

“I won, I won! Look, i won!” Luna squeals in delight, pushing the computer off her lap and getting off the bed to run around, happy energy needing some sort of outlet.

“I have a feeling im gonna hear that fucking soundtrack twice as much now…” Evan groans and hides his face in the pillow, his arm firmly wrapped around Barty’s waist.

Barty wraps his arms around Evan, holding him close and kissing the top of his head. “Oh, Rosie…” He murmurs, chuckling and peppering kisses all over Evans face despite the blonde’s grumbling. Luna jumps on top of them, giggling and out of breath from running. Barty can see the little smile Evan tries to hide in favor of acting annoyed at Barty. Barty has never felt this happy in quite a while.

[y0url0verb0y]

I need a fic of just Barty and Evan interacting with baby Luna. Idc if it's short or long, if they're raising her entirely, or they're just silly uncles or whatever the fact I just need it.

[reine-de-la-lune]

Uncle Barty taking care of baby luna and baby harry and teaching them how to swear

Barty: Fa

Baby Harry/Luna: fa

Barty: k

Baby Harry/Luna: k

Barty: Fak

Baby harry/Luna: Fak Fak!

Remus: *Aghast*

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Baby Luna: [sings ABCs out of order] Barty: Yes girl, remix!

[theprongspotter]

*rosekiller babysitting*

Barty, holding Harry up by his leg: Hey, I like this thing. Let’s get one.

Evan, in horror: Oh, Merlin, put him down!

-

c: @prompts-in-a-barrel

[mooncello]

my favorite marauders fics are those that imagine these messy gay wizards raising harry. like...james and reg as harry's parents. yes. barty babysitting harry and having no fucking clue how to entertain a five year old. yes. remus affectionally sharing with harry his extensive vinyl collection. hell yes. sirius taking an angsty harry to get his first piercing (and, later, provide teenage harry's first joint - hand-rolled obv). yessss.

throw out everything effing jkr created in canon and remake it better, gayer, happier. these wizards don't die tragic deaths. they live.

i'd read seven books of that.

[lilyystarr]

uncle barty

[gayliketheancients]

3-We Who Remain When The Price Was Paid now out on ao3

Here ✨️

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Uncle Bee and uncle Evy with baby luna- another canon interaction Pandora: Where's Luna?

Evan: Barty's playing dress-up with her

Pandora: He is?

Evan: *shrugs* She was upset about some kid in kindergarten calling her names

Pandora: That's sweet of him, distracting her like that

Evan:

Evan: Sure. That's what he's doing

Meanwhile

Barty: *going through Luna's closet* Now these shoes have a reinforced sole, meaning your kick's gonna be twice as painful

[billsbae]

Grimmauld Palace, 1993

barty: nice onesie. Does it come in men?

harry, annoyed 13-year-old: oh I think you come in men enough for all of us

sirius:

evan:

james:

pandora:

marlene:

lily:

regulus: oh i'm so proud of you <3

[theriddiculustwins]

THIS IS AMAZING?!? Uncle barty is everything to me ngl

Fav uncle 🤞

[managone16]

Marauders playing never have I ever part 3: Pandora: Never have I ever...cried over food! *Sirius, James and Barty all drinking* Sirius, to Remus: Don't look at me like that, you will cry when you taste Effie's homemade chocolate cake!. *Regulus also drinking* James: Regulus?! You cried over food before?! Regulus, rolling his eyes: Yeah, a few days ago. James: Why?? Regulus, shrugging: I found out I was pregnant. The whole room: Sirius: You're pregnant?! James: We're having a baby?! Marlene: What the fuck?! Peter: Tell me first when you have the second one. Barty,: Wait, they didn't know? Sirius: YOU TOLD BARTY BEFORE YOU TOLD ME, YOUR BROTHER- James: I'm your husband, Regulus! Regulus, scoffing: Gryffindors.