#ugh I need to go to sleep
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am I just overthinking things or is this guy like .. a hallucination of Ed's father. something about the ropes hanging off of him
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Ed treatment centers: “one size fits all” is a very bad philosophy and should not exist. We don’t believe in that.
Also Ed treatment centers: our program is designed for textbook anorexia and bulimia and literally nothing else. We can’t make accommodations when the program doesn’t fit your needs. No we’ve never heard of ARFID
Me: …have you heard of hypocrisy?
#ugh I need to go to sleep#but those places traumatized me#so now I have random thoughts like this#arfid#arfid awareness#actually arfid#tw: arfid mention#tw: treatment centers#tw: ed mention#tw: ed#tw: trauma
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thinking of a new steddie fic/au hmmm.
It’s just the classic, Steve buys weed from Eddie in season 1 era, he and Tommy meet him at the bench in the woods behind school. Steve and Eddie have some playful banter and clearly get along, but it’s dismissed as just a drug deal and they go on about their lives.
Next time they meet is when a frantic Steve comes and finds Eddie after he’s just fought off the demogorgon for the first time. He’s rattled, and skittish, wearing a nasty black bruise on his eye, and just overall not acting like himself. He snaps at Eddie multiple times to just ‘hurry up’ and ‘get him his stuff’, and sure he’s being an asshole, but more than anything Eddie is just concerned. He has never seen The King Steve Harrington lose his cool like this. So Eddie cautiously gives him the weed, making sure not to give too much, and lets him go about his day, but not before asking if he’s alright. Steve clearly wasn’t expecting this and brushes it off defensively, but that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it for the rest of his week. How the hell did Eddie Munson notice something was wrong, when his own parents didn’t? Nor his “friends”?
They cross paths again a year later, the beginning of season two. Steve is still with Nancy and has freshly dumped his old douchebag crew of superficial friends. He is still sitting quite comfortably on the higher ranks of popularity, but there is no denying his status is not what it used to be. He comes to buy weed from Eddie in the first week back at school, and it’s a casual interaction. He’s still as charmingly stuck up as he ever was, but now without Tommy there to judge his every move, he seems a little more at ease when making casual conversation with Eddie. Eddie doesn’t mention the year before and Steve is so glad for it, secretly very embarrassed that he went to Eddie for some refuge after arguably his most traumatic experience to date. He gets his stuff, giving Eddie a smirk when he notices he’s dropped the price significantly for Steve when it’s just him alone. Eddie gives him a challenging smile back, almost daring him to call it out, but he doesn’t. They both just laugh and part ways.
The next run in is tina’s halloween party. They notice eachother when Steve first arrives, making eye contact and giving a polite nod. Maybe Eddie lifts his drink up to Steve in a silly salute. They don’t speak at all or make any effort to hang around eachother. That is, until Steve storms down the stairs in a rage after he’d gone up there with Nancy Wheeler. But then are those- tears? Eddie was standing on the front porch smoking a cigarette, trying to discreetly hide from one Billy Hargrove to avoid having to sell him anything, but staying visible enough that he won’t lose all chances of making any money tonight. Steve storms right past him and hits his shoulder. Eddie whips around and is about to call him a dick before he sees who it is.
Steve tries to quickly wipe his face, he won’t make eye contact with Eddie, and he’s clearly trying to get out as fast as he can. Eddie doesn’t let him, though, since he’s obviously not thinking very clearly and is most likely about to do something emotional and stupid. He asks if Steve’s alright, and his answers are all short and rushed, so he’s definitely not. They’re not really friends, but Eddie’s not an asshole.
— “Did you drive?” Eddie asks
“Yeah”
“Well, you’re drunk, Steve. You can’t get behind a wheel right now. And if I knowingly let you, then that makes me an accomplice. I’ll take you home.”
Steve tries to protest, attempting to push past him, but Eddie interjects. “Yeah, yeah, alright! Don’t thank me yet, Steve’o. This is not for you, see, I’m not trying to get a criminal record, here. I cant go to prison, Steve. Do you know what they’d do to a pretty guy like me in prison? Nope, let’s go hot stuff.” —
Eddie takes Steve home. They don’t talk much. By the time they reach Steve’s drive way and Eddie has put his van in park, Steve is making no attempt to exit the vehicle just yet. Eddie doesn’t know what to do, he didn’t really plan this far, so he’s just tapping away awkwardly at his steering wheel while Harrington stares down the dashboard so clearly lost in thought Eddie fears his head might explode. Steve tells Eddie what happened, says it’s ‘relationship troubles’, and he’s not quite sure what compelled him into being so honest with Eddie Munson, but he’s blaming the alcohol. Eddie wasn’t expecting that. They chat for a bit, Eddie makes Steve laugh and considers the whole night a success after that. Then they start cracking jokes about their shared hatred for Hargrove, and Steve looks and sounds a bit more ok to go inside. He thanks Eddie, quite sincerely actually, and it throws him a bit. He stutters a ‘yeah, for sure. It’s no problem.’ And Steve goes home.
After that, it’s a little different. Steve, doesn’t actually really have anyone, anymore. When they go back to school he’s now greeting Eddie here and there in the hallways, making conversation when they find themselves alone together, in the lunch line or at the bathroom sink. He doesn’t approach Eddie when there’s too many people around, though. As much as he’s grown, Steve Harrington still carry’s some prejudice in him about how certain things may make him look. But it doesn’t bother Eddie too much. It’s not like they are really friends, they’re just like, strange acquaintances. And Steve would never deny that they get along, that really Eddie’s ‘not so bad’. So that’s a win.
Steve finds Eddie again not long after the party to buy some more weed, a plan that sparked purely out of boredom. Eddie says yes, of course, but tells him if he wants it today he will need to wait till after school and meet Eddie at his place, since he was busy. So Steve takes a trip to the Munson trailer to make his deal. Eddie invites him inside and they sit together on the couch as he gets Steve’s bag ready. They end up making quite pleasant conversation, joking around and ultimately finding they are really enjoying each other’s company. They enjoy it so much so, that Steve ends up smoking there, with Eddie. So now they are kind of like, hanging out? And it’s fun, so they do it again. Still they’re not, friends friends, they just get along. Eddie just sells Steve weed sometimes and they keep it civil.
He doesn’t hear from Steve for a while, and the next time he sees him it’s from a distance, in passing. The man has the most roughed up face Eddie has ever seen, bruised and swollen in multiple areas, stitches and bandages all over. It’s really, concerning? completely metal, but alarming. This is the second time Eddie has seen the guy all beaten up like that. He knew that boys fight, but surely not that bad? As worried as he was, Eddie doesn’t approach him to ask questions, because they don’t know eachother like that. So he goes on about his day, and he doesn’t see Steve again after that for quite some time.
Then it’s summer, Eddie isn’t graduating again, and he’s not really sure what to do with himself over the break. The new mall has just opened up, and there’s a cool music store up on the second floor that he likes to visit sometimes with his band friends. And wouldn’t you know, working at the Scoops Ahoy located directly across from his favourite store, is Steve Harrington. The guy hasn’t come to Eddie for any weed since last year, and then there was that sighting where he looked like he’d just fallen face first into a flying fist or two, so it’s been a minute since Eddie’s seen him. And he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a nice surprise. He only goes into scoops once. He’s curious, okay? Sue him. And, he knows the girl who works with him, Robin. So he plays it off like he had no idea he’d see Steve there. And to his surprise, Steve actually acknowledges him. He doesn’t act like Eddie is a total stranger just because they’re not in school anymore. The interaction is quick, they make very casual conversation, Eddie says hi to Robin, grabs his milkshake and goes home. That’s all. He doesn’t go back, and he doesn’t really plan to. Steve’s nice, and he knows Eddie’s around if he needs to buy from him again, and that’s really as far as their relationship goes. That’s all it ever was. It’s been fun getting to know Steve Harrington a little bit better, even if it was just for a short time. Eddie liked having the chance to see in past the quaffed hair and pressed polo shirts to learn that Steve was really just a person under it all. He never thought he’d say it, but Harrington wasn’t so bad. It was a nice little eye opening experience for Eddie.
Eddie was ready to write off his little blips of interaction with Steve Harrington as a thing of the past, no hard feelings, and move on with his life. That is, until he gets a knock at his front door in the middle of the night afew days after the big mall fire. And it’s Steve on the other side. And he looks awful, his face is the worst Eddie’s ever seen it. And he wasn’t really knocking, more like pounding. He says he needs Eddie’s help.
What the fuck?
#and then he#he asks eddie for help getting really strong drugs oit of your system#and if he knows if there’s anything out there that can have long lasting affects on your system#and if he can please have some weed too actually so he can sleep because maybe that will help#because please give me more paranoid steve not just moving on right away from being fuckinh drugged non consensually !!!#i need to see season 3 steve going to eddie for help after the russians because he doesn’t know anywhere else#and eddie is just like what the actual fuck is this man on about ????#what the hell goes on in the harrington household that causes him to get a black eye annually#and now be rambling about getting drugged????#eddie getting so curious about what is actually going on with him#ugh#anyways might write this proper oooh what do we think#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie#robin buckley#st3#stranger things 2#stranger things 3#steve and eddie#steddie fic#steddie au
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another wip, that i wont be able to finish for a while
#guys send help and motivation for the next week i have 3 tests and a homework to finish rip#star wars#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#codywan#my art#wip#uni is kicking my ass so badly 😭#trying my best not get back to the mindset i was in the past few months#but its hard like this ugh#at least only a week and exam mont left of this semester#sorry for rambling here 🤣#you guys should watch the vampire gay show#thats what keeps me going its so good#im obsessed with it#i made a typo *month#thise drawing was also inspired by that show#its great show#i think i need sleep why im still rambling here#okay sorry if you are still reading the tags#made another typo *this#*screams silently*
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[Image description: a digital drawing of sklonda and pok gukgak from fantasy high, two goblins with shoulder length straight hair and short curly hair, respectively. they're touching foreheads and embracing, both of sklonda's hands in pok's hair, while one of pok's hands is moving sklonda's bangs off her foreheads and the other is clutching at her waist. we only see sklonda's face and the look of silent grief on it. in the background on pok's half is a stylized dragon's mouth with teeth digging into his shoulder, and on sklonda's side are sheets of paper. over the background on the left is text that reads, it's okay, and then on the right side in brackets it says, (it'll be ok). End image description]
#sklonda gukgak#pok gukgak#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#eyestrain tw#just in case#sklonpok#fhsy#a huge thank u to other artists on my dash who also indulge in making art that is truly for all of 5 people#and most of all for themselves#it reminds me i can just draw whatever i want and my own enjoyment is merit enough#mwah mwah#also hi. i don't know what to caption this so it'll stay captionless#there was a version of this drawing where sklonda was crying but this 'silent grief' is just. more potent#that kind of like. sadness but also acceptance#i miss you but i wont forever clutch onto you. ugh#i like the little space between them because. is one of them pulling away? both? we need to let go for now (i will keep holding on)#(how can i ever fully let go. do i have to?)#its 2 am and i need to sleep but man. grief is a Beast
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i really like this hair on him
#need to catch up . doin it this weekend!!#got tagged for the whats in my sims bag thing i'm gonna work on that too#ugh i dont want to sleep but i'm up at 5am tmrw 🫠#jesus christ i just realised thats in 4hrs time#where does the time go#i hate thursdays#ts4#sims 4#/daithí
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Get in besties, we're sexualizing ourselves on the internet to avoid the crushing weight and sadness of being the perpetually single friend ✌🏽
#i was scrolling tiktok for the first time in weeks#and i swear every other video#was about being a late bloomer in terms of relationships#or being the friend that's always watching their other friends be in relationships#or being the person that's never really been pursued romantically#and like...i already know that's me#i dont need tiktok shoving it down my throat with constant “relatable” videos#ugh ignore me i'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight#i need to go to sleep#princess thoughts
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think i'm actually going to put in my two weeks tomorrow. im gonna DIEEEEE
#personal#like i genuinely want/need to leave but its soooo scary...ugh#<- mainly just bc i dont have a back up Yet#but im optimistic ill find something thats at the very least#more consistent than where im working now. and maybe#wont have cartoonishy evil upper management but idk#like ok. you wont give me an answer on if youre making me work the night before i have intense surgery#(the answer is yes bc of availability but they just wont admit it)#then dont even worry about it man <3 dont worry about it ever agaiN#gonna sleep on it. but its gotta happen. uuuufdklhgkdfgh#and i dont wanna spend all of post op worrying abt having to go back there#during the holiday rush. like this was already Gonna Happen#anyways. hello if you made it all the way down here. i hope you all are well
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(x)
mccoy, fatally injured, absolutely unable to keep any real sort of lid on his internal emotional state, and spock, a touch telepath, reaching out to try to comfort mccoy, and getting absolutely flooded with mccoy's absolute and steadfast love for him and kirk
touching someone who is dying because they saved you, and feeling their utter, unshakeable conviction that they did the right thing, that they'd do it again right now.
look at him. mccoy is bleeding stubborn, unrepentant love out of his pores, and spock chooses to place his hand on the side of mccoy's face, and face those emotions head-on, in an attempt to bring him some sort of comfort
and mccoy knowing what spock must be feeling, knowing how helpless spock must be feeling, and immediately offering him the comfort of saying he's helping. nice bedside manner, spock. i'm grateful you're here with me.
no wonder spock looks like that, tbh.
#star trek#star trek tos#leonard mccoy#spock#st:tos#it's always the empath hours in my house#i do actually need to go to bed tho. i need to catch up on my sleep ugh.
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quick ivy for morale...... gnn
#i need to learn to balance my life better....#studies.. drawing#being with other people. going outside#eating... sleeping#id rather spend one day on one thing instead of doing everything everyday........ ugh#i wanna change. bring myself out more or something#whatever that means.... rn im too sleepy#i also wanna stop taking my studies so seriously without failing everythign ksdmfksm#but its really hard for me to do anything if i dont focus my 100% at it. immediately#whatever... better 2 act than think. and i think im sleepy#gnnn#diary#milk#take care of yourselvesv
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Boysssszzzzz i swear im havin hallucinations again...old moots will remember. Ugh...im seeing things close...like cats running, people walking, smelling things that >perhaps< doesn't exist... oh dear god not again lmaooo
#sleepycore#ill always remember that one time where i've seen my phone literally SPINNING in front of me HAHAHAHAA#it was literally just spinning round and round HAHAHAHAHAHA#UGH#actually hallucinating#am i hallucinating#hallucinations#tw hallucinations#cw hallucinations#mental illness#aw shit here we go again#shit here we go again#here we go again#i'm so sleepy#sleepy#i need sleep#not again#moots#shitpost#txt post#mental health#actually mentally ill#mental issues#mental instability#vent post#vent#vent posting#silly
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Forest time!
#wish I could go on these hikes more often#I really wanna try to go out tenting with remi but that has to wait until warmer weeathers again#and I would also need to get a tent first#and a sleeping bag#ugh#pretty boy remi#8 months#english toy terrier#puppy#puppies#terrier#terriers#dogs of tumblr#dogs#dogblr#dog#forest#video#videos
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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#sighs dreamily#good lord. guh. UGH#khadgar#warcraft#excuse the swooning. cant help myself#i need. To Gush or I will Go Nuts#need someone to gush abt my faves with. Miss those days of doing that#havent done that in years oof#anyway i should have been in bed like an hour and a half ago but oh well. gnight#ALSO IS IT ME or is his cloak/robe FINALLY 3d#the 'feathers' on the cloak part look 3d to me omfg#Blizz really turned the cinematics up to 11 in dragonflight. art-wise#the exrepssions were amazing anyway GOOD NIGHT FOR REALZ. FOR GOOD THIS TIME LOL i dont wanna sleep
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i have a screening call for a job prospect and i’m so fucking nervous i feel like throwing up
#i got 5 hours of sleep last night and need to read up more on the company#i don’t have a time window for the call so i’m going to be fretting until i get it#trying to move into a new place#unpack efficiently#and do research about a role is HARD#hence my struggle yesterday#and my insane nerves today#ugh#tw personal#tbd
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it's not that i think i shouldn't have to work it's just that i want more time in the day for me to do other shit
#like unless i wanna lose sleep my current schedule offers me like 4 hours of free time#and that's just part time. if i went to full time then i would have like maybe 1#i need days to be longer so i can have more time to myself#that or my family has to finish watching ds9 so i can stop watching shows with them as much#idk i just feel like the only time i have to do anything hobby related is late at night when i should be in bed#and that makes me unhappy#not to mention if i wanna do any chores or important life stuff those also take up my free time#leaving me with even less#ugh whatever i gotta go to work now. you get the idea
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