#two nonbinary dudes being gay

[desiredcaramellatte]

Hello, sorry for disturbing you, I just wanted to request some fluff with Ananas x Pitaya, if this is possible. Really love them, but can’t find any sweet soft things(. Thank you very much in advance even if you won’t fulfill this request.

Hello, you haven’t disturbed me at all!

Thank you for the request as well, this ship is one that’s had me in like a gentle chokehold for the longest time. They really do need some fluffies.

AKA bitches in love.

Ananas Dragon x Pitaya Dragon

Just fluffs!

Romantic

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ These two are just the definition of an old married couple. They’re both literally hundreds to thousands of years old, and they have that love-hate sort of relationship except it’s more ‘I hate you/pos’ and ‘I will kill you three times over/affectionate.’

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ A lot of banter. A lot. With Pitaya being- well- Pitaya, and Ananas not taking any of the shit the red dragon throws their way, the two often get into squabbles about the smallest of things. They have physically fought more than once, though they rarely ever hurt each other due to them both being dragons and, you know, having tough scales/armor.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ These two also do spar quite a lot as practice, so they aren’t even arguing half the time when they’re fighting. Pitaya and Ananas enjoy sparring against one another- fighting a dragon that could quite easily match you in strength is more exiting than a cookie, and very good practice for when Pitaya gets into their next fight.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Despite how the two squabble and fight, they do love each other. They don’t show it much in public, but they have little sort moments in private. They’ll cuddle up together on a cold night or Pitaya will help Ananas survey their island.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Ananas helps Pitaya manage their savings. Pitaya still has an instinct to hoard gold, being a dragon, but they aren’t nearly as good at managing it as Ananas is nor is their tendency of gold-hoarding as strong as the golden dragon’s is. Ananas has basically become Pitaya’s bank account manager.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ They have been divorced and remarried several times. For them its literally just a meme at this point. They’ll divorce each other at the smallest of things and then come back a month later like ‘hey let’s get married again’ and the other will just be like ‘ok.’ They once got divorced because Ananas refused to help Pitaya open a pickle jar. Plot twist, Pitaya was twisting the wrong way.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ They’ll do each other’s hair every once in a while. Pitaya always has a small streak of yellow hidden deep within his fluff from whenever Ananas decided to dye it. Pitaya keeps up with it pretty nicely, making sure it doesn’t fade or anything. Ananas was surprised to see the yellow streak under his hair intact after a few years.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ When Pitaya visited Ananas one night and Ananas noticed them missing the end of their tail they were like wtf??? Where’s your tail?. Cue Pitaya explaining what happened and Ananas just sighing in that way that you know you’re being called an idiot non verbally.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Whenever Pitaya wants to get Ananas’ attention but they’re busy or tired they just go into their dragon form and start romping around their islands. Every time Ananas appears and just gives that same sigh as above again. Pitaya helps their mate repair any damage they did, but afterwards they will not leave Ananas alone in their pursuit of affection for at least a week.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ They don’t do a lot of PDA (mainly because they’re annoyed at each other 80% of the time), but they’ll always hold hands whenever they’re together. Just these two big, menacing dragons with their palms and claws hooked together. Ananas says it’s just so Pitaya won’t run off while they aren’t looking, but they do love holding their mate’s hand.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ They’re both literally immortal or close to it, so they have all of eternity to spend together. Sometimes they’ll go their separate ways for a few years, but they always gravitate back to one another.

[trans-estinien]

i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

[lakesbian]

here's every way wildbow accidentally made pre-meiosis "russel" thorburn transgender that i can remember. if you can think of any reasons i forgot please add on

his parents named his younger sister "ivy," as if the obvious grandmother-pandering name "rose" had already been used up. blake theorizes that they used a male version of "rose" for PMT, but this is nonsensical--there is no male form of the name rose, and everything he comes up with as a possible option (in other words, everything wildbow came up with as a possible option) is a major stretch. most don't sound even tangentially like the name "rose." it makes far more sense to assume that PMT was afab and had the deadname rose. (this also makes sense on a thematic level wrt how rose thorburn jr is supposed to be the Real heir that grandmother is forcing blake to die for, but that's getting besides the point)

rose has memories of being harassed over the inheritance by her female cousins, and the idea of these memories just being wholly pulled out of thin air when basically everything else involves memories either being split btwn blake and rose or erased altogether is weird

blake is friends with, like. a lot of gay people. textually runs in poor gay artist circles. the idea of them adopting this weirdly cool cis straight guy is funny but it makes a lot more sense if PMT was trans + gay and only got turned into a straight guy (and a straight girl) yesterday, due to the homophobia demon

PMT literally thinks "Besides, why devote any more attention to your son, when you could just start over?  Have that beautiful baby girl you wanted, right?" which is also like one of the only pieces of internal narration we get from PMT in the entire story. first girl they named rose ran away and did some shit with their gender so now they have a second girl they can't name rose but can still try to raise to go for the inheritance

in the same chapter as when pmt says that, callan is like ohhh you think youre going to worm your way in-, implied sentence ending being "-to the inheritance," which is, like. the family knows it's going To A Girl. so.

PMT was childhood friends with paige, who is The Gay Cousin. it is deeply sensible to imagine them bonding over this, regardless of whether or not PMT (or even paige) knew at the time

it is, like, fully possible for a cishet dude to get sick of living with his shitty toxic abusive family and abscond at the age of 17, but also homelessness is an extremely prevalent issue among transgender kids in abusive families. the narrative of a transmasc kid growing up in an abusive, catholic extended family where girls are pressured to compete for a very gendered inheritance + leaving at the age of 17 & finding a new home among a bunch of gay artists is Significantly more compelling than the cis dude alternative. it just is.

okay i think im running out of, like, logical errors that make sense only if pmt was trans prior to the Obliteration, so as for the thematic stuff. like i said, rose being the half grammy decided was supposed to be "real" and blake being the half that's supposed 2 die for her 2 exist, rose just being unhappy and disconnected by nature of existence while blake is the parts of pmt that escaped from the constraints of the family + found happiness, so on and so forth. "catholic grandmother literally obliterated her transmasc nonbinary grandchild by splitting them into two binary gendered halves & expecting that the man they could've been die to allow the acceptable woman--literally forced to dress in grandmother's clothes--live on and do as grandmother wished" is Everything, doing the same thing but to a cis man grandchild is significantly less compelling

Others who r very old/operating on what are explicitly stated to be oppressive and antiquated gender roles as per the book's themes about inherited/traditional forms of harm keep mistakenly calling blake she/her and rose lmao

??? probably some other thangs im forgetting

[gaytommykinard]

*deep breath*

the thing is. the fucking thing is.

it's not unrealistic for someone to not dig deeper into their queer identity beyond what they know to be true, which might be "yeah i might be attracted to people of the same gender but i dont have time to get into that right now 'cause life is complicated and i'm in a relationship/i'm not interested in dating right now anyway so what does it matter"

(same goes for figuring out your gender identity. exhibit A:

[image description: a tweet by shaka (@/ScaredAsian) that says, “im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rn”. In plain text, it says, “I’m probably nonbinary but I have a job so I don’t really care about that right now.” /end id])

but this doesn't work for evan buckley

who had his little freakout on his first date with tommy and went to talk to his sister who literally told him "now you're more than an ally" and that maybe he's not sure of his feelings but he'll figure them out. (sidenote: she should have said identity instead of feelings. but whatever.)

who has been in a relationship with his boyfriend for six months

who has been known to go on research binges because he has a curious mind and loves learning. tommy's sarcastic "oh good, you found a substack" tells us everything we need to know, y'all.

who has at least one very close queer friend and co-worker, hen fucking wilson; and one friend/acquaintance who is a queer man (we don't know how much he sees josh outside of visiting maddie at dispatch, and like, that one time he hang out with him and maddie and chimney, so it's a little bit up to fanon to decide if they're friend-friends but at the end of the day it is a trusted person and an openly gay man. i mean, we saw how josh stood up for tommy, and schooled the fuck out of buck. finally, a conversation about being queer between two canonically queer characters! only took 8 seasons, huh! i digress.)

and have i mentioned he's been dating his boyfriend for six months? like, if he was ever to have a conversation about being queer... tommy is right there. tommy opened up about his own experience figuring out his sexuality and coming out on their very first date and moreover reassured buck it's okay if he's feeling a little tense about them being out on a date in a public place.

point being: there are people in his life who would be more than happy to talk to him about his newfound identity outside of his relationship with tommy.

taking all of these things into consideration: it's not only inconsistent with the character they have established, but the timeline of it is also really fucking messed up.

and more than that: any faith i may have had in this show to handle a delicate matter like a character exploring their newfound sexuality has flown out the window. they broke the audience's trust with 8x06. i'm not interested in seeing how they're going to move this story forward, because 8x06 was such a particular fuck up, beginning to end, wrt the bucktommy storyline.

and honestly? knowing the format 911 follows, as a network procedural: this is not the right medium to tell this story, at this point in the timeline, because it has become way more complicated than it would have been in s7, immediately following buck's bisexual awakening.

tldr: the premise is sound but the execution is so bad it's practically unsalvageable within the scope of the show (but very manageable in fanfiction, where you can dwell in the character's headspace and dig into what goes on beyond the things they say and do. godspeed, everyone <3)

partly inspired by @firehose118's tags on their post and partly like, being queer. source: dude trust me

[lowkeyrobin]

Mcyt bbut a Karen makes their S/O cry? :0

It's the readers first ever encounter with one in the wild and at first Y/N just,,, tries to ignore the woman/leave but the Karen does the usual of not letting em leave and then Y/N gets overwhelmed and starts crying?-

BAHAHHAAB I LOVE FUCKING WRITINF ABOUT KARENS I CANNOT LMFAOOOOOO ; thank you for the request lol ; I got a random strike of writers block halfway through and its very obvious I'm sorry

MCYT ; wild karen encounter

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, nihachu, quackity, & foolish gamers

warnings ; language, iterations of homophobia/transphobia & fatphobia, Karen activity, reader is described as nonbinary

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

you two went different ways while clothes shopping and you were looking at more fem/masc (whichever doesn't conform with your sex) clothing

you felt someone glaring daggers at you so you glanced up and saw some random ass woman staring at you, accompanied by her 13ish year old son

she started making remarks about how you shouldn't be looking at those clothes and it's not "modest" for a little young man/woman like you

like mf you're nonbinary huh

you try to ignore her, meanwhile her son looks SO uncomfortable and wants to very obviously leave

she starts recording you out of no where to call you slurs and the sons just like "mom stop" and of course she doesn't

you end up crying and trying to hide it while you defend yourself but you get quickly overstimulated and flustered

the yelling caught Tommy's attention so he quickly walks over like "woah, woah, woah, what's going on?"

and she starts SCREAMING at poor Tommy about you

he looks at you literally wiping your tears while she's STILL recording it and he just peacefully flames her ass

"it doesn't matter what the hell they wear, clothes don't have gender and I could care less about what my partner buys and wears and how they express themselves. go post that to Facebook and look like a fuckin' idiot."

he pulls you away to the changing rooms so you can talk in private and eventually try on the clothes you were looking for

while he was going that he got a hold of a nearby security officer and told them about the situation since you'd both been illegally recorded on the premises of the store

he didn't wanna press charges for you or anything but at least wanted the woman escorted out to look more like a dumbass, considering the security guard had to call the police because what she did was a crime

couple days later you found the video and bodycam footage of the woman being detained and arrested for resisting arrest and recording someone without consent on private property, which is marked as a felony where you live

live laugh love Tommy bc everyone in the video description was hyping him up and saying how bad they felt for you and even the son 🫶

RANBOO

dude you can't even go grocery shopping without people bitching about you guys

you were just trying to pick out some chips and this lady walks past with a scoff

ran quickly turns around like, "Sorry, can we help you?"

she quickly starts yelling about how you gay people are all going to hell and shit

ranboo quickly spits back but you get overstimulated and really take it to heart and you tear up a bit

the lady notices and points it out

she then follows you around the store, yelling at you and shit while they're on the phone dialing the non emergency police line because wtf is wrong w this lady???

before you're questioned and after she's detained, you guys stand alone and try to calm yourself down because you were just getting really stressed about it because wtf do you even do in that situation

gives you a big hug and reassures you that it's okay to cry

he's generally just proud of you in general for being able to hold yourself together for the most part

FREDDIE BADLINU

you two were going out for a little movie date, and dressed in tuxedos to watch Saw X

some dumbass dude was making snarky comments to his wife about you two considering you were holding hands while ordering snacks

Freddie turns around, having heard the guy talking about you thinking he dropped something "can I help you?" He asks in the nicest tone possible

the man and his wife both start making nasty comments about "this generation going to hell" and how you're brainwashing Freddie or something???

you almost immediately start crying because you're trying to ignore it and talk to the girl behind the counter filling your popcorn bucket who doesn't know what to do

she quickly pushes the security button under the counter because she can see your distress and how Freddie was just like stunned as he looked between the couple and you cause like wth

once they're escorted out you're the first in the theater so you guys sit there and talk it all out because you got really overwhelmed

he gives you a hug and reassures you that you did nothing wrong and you're gonna enjoy the movie

the dude had a warrant out for his arrest for not paying child support anyways L

NIKI NIHACHU

you two were out on a walk in a park holding hands and shit and passed this little family down by the creek

the mom just goes full fucking demon mode and starts recording you guys and shouting at you

niki quickly retaliated with a "leave us alone!" before walking off

you were visibly pretty shaken but she reassures you everything is okay and she probably wasn't even recording

she ends up finding the video a few days later

thankfully all the comments were supporting you two and flaming the lady's ass lmao

QUACKITY

you guys were out doing stuff (getting shit at home depot for quackitys new house and peojects) and some Karen was judging your abilities to handy-man basically

"actually, my partner is the best handyman I know! so shut the fuck up"

the Karen immediately goes to the front to get a manager or some shit

meanwhile yall quickly checkout and leave

while leaving you see her getting detained for resisting an officer with violence and threatening an officer 🥰

that becomes a story you tell at every single "family reunion" (meetup with friends)

he still boasts about yelling at someone like that

FOOLISH GAMERS

you guys were out getting snacks for a movie night with friends that were staying over

some Karen made a comment how you needed to go on a diet or some shit since you were the one carrying the basket full of unhealthy snacks

foolish quickly whips around and flames her ass

you just kinda stand there like "wtf"

foolish slings an arm around your shoulders and leads you away since she wouldn't stop blabbering and was threatening to call the cops for some reason

back in the car he reassures you that you do not need to go on a diet and you don't need to listen to the lady whatsoever

movie night was 10/10 you watched Barbie & roasted Saltburn bc that movie wasn't good like at all

[jimmyscocopuff]

Me after reading your scenarios about Curly and Jimmy both being assholes: I'm so glad they died destitute and penniless <3 AJDKJHGJ But seriously it's really really funny!!! Two sides of the same awful coin...

Did Curly ever grow out of that mindset, or can he just hide it way better? Additionally, what other categories does Jimmy place people in? Do dudes get like 5 or 6 different ones while women get two and nonbinary people aren't even a thought to him?

All I can picture is Jimmy philosophizing like an ancient Roman poet on the nature of men and masculinity, crafting his thoughts like Michelangelo chisels marble... while the concept of women and nonbinary people are the mental equivalent of a poorly drawn stick figure… Kinda like that one Unfinished Horse Drawing meme, if that makes sense!

LMFAOO tbh in a weird way i don’t actually think jimmy is like… (maybe this will be confusing) i don’t see him as the kind of guy to unironically dick ride andrew tate or elon musk or something. i dont even think he would unironically believe all women should be housewives and should be servants to their husband… he probably just fucks up his own relationships with women so often and doesn’t realize it’s his own fault so he acts like women are just so stingy and act so high and mighty now. he’s the kind of guy to say he has a crazy ex and meanwhile he was gaslighting her and manipulating her the whole time and her acting ‘crazy’ was just a fair reaction to abuse

i don’t think curly ever grew out of the mindset if he’s still close to jimmy tbh! i think when it comes to dudes i might struggle with explaining because im not a guy so i don’t fully know their brains but i think with dudes its a tie between seeing himself in camaraderie with them and competition with them (even his own friends, see curly), he definitely sees some dudes as below him (i don’t think he would unironically use the terms alpha and beta but basically ‘beta’ dudes) idk how to explain this but he also just is more capable of seeing men as nuanced in a way that he usually can’t with women

i think when it comes to lgbt people jimmy probably doesn’t care, obviously he doesn’t want to be around gay dudes but i don’t think he’d care that much if there’s a gay guy around if he’s actually chill and maybe even presents more masculinely (he’s just got that mindset of “it’s fine that you’re gay just don’t look at me when we’re showering”) but yeah to be completely honest he would absolutely not see nonbinary people as nonbinary DJFJDJFJCJBDF

[carmillas-vampiric-rage]

Random Bi-Han Headcanons MK1

this man has consumed my thoughts omfg i tried to fight it why am i always shocked when this happens

anyway, here's like a random selection of headcanons i have about this little bitch

warnings: none. my tomfoolery. bi-han being a gay loser.

bi-han x black biracial reader (gn)

he nearly cried when kung lao sliced him with that round blade (he did). boy was legit so upset and surprised he managed to get that blow in despite him being GRANDMASTER and kung lao being INCOMPETENT. picture that scrunch face you make when you trying not to cry and you keep blinking and your eyes burning- that's what he did (canon event)

he is the definition of Mean and Angry Bisexual™. boy is what i like to call a homophobic homosexual. he notices a hot dude or nonbinary person and immediately looks away and says via voice over "no. that is gay."

saw this on another random bi-han headcanon post and i absolutely agree: bi-han loves women of color. i think he primarily dates woc too hehe. let's say hypothetically he hates white people because of tomas. i didn't say that you did. we love tomas in this house btw. and like that same headcanon post; he has a preference for black and black biracial folks. i do not take criticism hehe. this is canon and a fact (he's dating me after all)

absolutely loves when you wear your hair naturally, in any style, he loves when you embrace your culture and family history. he'd never mention or talk about your hair to you, as it seems rude and disrespectful to him, but he thinks it. and he also thinks whenever you wear your hair in a full afro, he's never seen anyone so beautiful. each and every time it astounds him that he's still awestruck.

big cuddler. idc what anyone says, he loves to cuddle. he's literally the most clingy lil guy. after finally finding his person and being able to be vulnerable for the first time since his mother died, he just melts, and becomes inseparable from you. after a hard day, or when he's enraged (a rare occurrence), nothing calms his mind down or relaxes his tense muscles like wrapping an arm around you and pulling you flush to him, your back to him as you sleep soundly. he listens to your soft breathing (or snoring lets be real) and tries to calm himself from the day's frustrations. if you awaken from his entrance, and unsurprising cuddles, you'll touch his hand and squeeze, snuggling closer to him -as if he's not already melted into your skin- and smile as he kisses your jawline and the back of your neck. most of the time, you'll turn over to him, his arm not removing from your waist, and grab his face, kissing his face and lips. the two of you will remain as close, foreheads resting against the other, sometimes talking, sometimes enjoying the sweet silence until you both fall asleep.

like so many others have stated; he was way closer with his mother than his father. when he was a child, being around her was the only time he could actually put his guard down, and be vulnerable. she would protect him. spending time with his mother, were some of the few times he would laugh or smile, as she told him funny stories from her childhood, or tickle him to get a confession out of him, if he'd been the one to steal the last cookie. she was his everything. his closest person. his best friend besides his brothers. and her death broke him. he closed off even more than he already did, vowing never to let anyone besides his mother see his unguarded side. but if he was being honest -and not constantly pushing the thought from his mind- he broke down the night she died, sobbing uncontrollably alone in his room as he clung to the soft baby blue sweater she always wore.

I don't care what anyone says, I don't care what we see in the game or if official heights come out... bi-han is s h o r t. my headcanon is 5'9. that may seem short for him but he just radiates 5'9 energy i do not take criticism. my man is stout so it only makes sense that he a short king.

bi-han used to be inseparable from his brothers when they were kids, their father taking in tomas at such a young age, bi-han always remembers him being there. there isn't a single memory from his childhood that both his brothers aren't in. he'd never tell either kuai liang or tomas, but he cherishes those memories of when they were kids, when they'd play outside every single day, look for creepy and interesting bugs, practice combat, aka, someone ended up with a black eye and sobbing. whenever those memories pop into his head, his permanent frown softens a bit, though he tries not to let anything show on his face. part of him does wish he could be close to them like they were as kids, but he's too stubborn and full of himself to actually try and repair the relationship he's mostly stilted over the years.

~~~~~~~

just a few super random headcanons of my babygirl. may come back to some of these or write another part if i think of more. feel free to add onto these i crave bi-han headcanons!!!!!!!

[maria-ruta]

Im back!!

Here was the link!

https://www.tumblr.com/sadwrncupid/762924626225528832/vtm-oc-ask-game-hello-ive-decided-to-make-a?source=share

3,5,6 and 49!

Thank you very much for sharing(op changed username so the ask game is now here) and for your asks!

Let's all dive into some of the Veronica's backstory!

And thank you for your patience hahaha, here are my answers:

3. Are they more “traditional” or do they break barriers?

no she isnt much of either traditional vampire nor toreador...

she is very humane and she likes people and she goes along with the technology update and people's fashion/habbits changes

she kinda looks pretty much typical for toreador but she isnt as full of herself and high art/high society as you'd expect typical toreador to be...

here i made little chart that i found for her

she actually never was accepted kindly by most of toreador clan in the city, she was embrased in (Chicago), halfly bc her Sire waslone wolf among toreadors, halfly bc she herself didn't fit their standarts and she didn't like their mean attitude

and after that and so on she kind of didn't get to join any other toreador group from other cities too

she has lots of friends and allies from different clans though! lots of gangrels and brujas among them for some reason XD

she also has friends in camarilia and anarchs, been there and there too, kind of playing in both feilds i guess

5. Who is their sire?

William Moore (he/him lesbian) in the past, changed to nowdays Kellen Moore (they/them nonbinary)

they used to be harpy of Chicago, they were looking after masqarade maintenance and getting rid of witnesses etc

you can read more about them if you go through my older posts, tagged as "moore"

6. What was their relationship to their sire? Were they close in any way or mere strangers?

First Veronica didn't like him much bc he dragged her into hell of being vampire, but overtime she grown softer and softer to him

then they became a couple, you could say they were close yeah... 😏

Veronica's humanity went lower from becoming vampire and learning how to hunt and be vampire and such, but over time when she learned that she wants to still know and understand humans well, her humanity went back up

Veronica and William were together for few dacades, untill the incedent around 60s

the incedent was when Veronica charmed some dude to feed on him in his apartment (charming humans for food didn't count as cheating for Veronica and William, as long as it is not long term relationship), and she drank his blood but he didn't forget as much, and whats worse, he turned out to be conspiracy and monsters entusiast, and he realized she is a vampire and he was so excited and over his head about it and wanted to call his friends entusiasts, Veronica panicked and didn't know what else to do but bite him again and drank him out to death

scared and shocked from what she did she called William to come and help clean this mess (especially since its his feild of expertese). William and his two ghouls arrived(he has old gay couple as ghouls btw... well they look young-ish but in modern days they are pretty old...) ghouls were cleaning the evidance and getting rid of the body, while William was trying to calm Veronica down and support her, bc she was pretty psyched that she killed an inocent man

William tried to convince her that she did the right thing, that saving the masqarade was more important, Veronica was still hysterical and said something about that it is easy for him to say, considering how many people he killed after embracing her (more of that here). William never told her about it but she found out herself... He said "I did this for you" and she answered "no. you did it for yourself." anddd... that was a break point in their relationship, they broke up

Both were mad at each other for a while

Veronica couldnt find a porpose for herself and was drowning into apathy and depression and was just slouching about for some time, then she met a group of anarchs who were passing by and stayed in the city for couple of days. One of them flirted with her, they talked a bit and he jokingly offered her to join them, she said she needs to think about it, and next night she really decided to put everything behind and run away with anarchs bc she was sick of camarilia anyway, and so she did

her Sir sure did get in some trouble for the fact that his childie joined anarchs, he was partly upset but partly thinking that maybe it is for the better, and considering if it wasn't fair to hold her on the leesh

after some traveling and more life experience Veronica still was thinking about William and experience that she had, and at some point she decided to write him a letter, to ask how is he doing and confess that now, after time passed she understands that he was partly right on that horrible night, about saving masqarade and all that, tho she wishes she could find a better way to resolve the situation back then etc

and so they slowly started talking again, little by little fixing their relationship into friendly

later on in 80s William helps her rejoin camarilia, when she asked for shalter from sabat in New Orleans. William called toreodor premogen of New Orleans - Adzone, and asked him if he'd accept Veronica in the city. After looking at Veronica up and down Adzone smiled and confirmed to other heads of New Orleans that she's worthy of joining (who know what he saw, or what thought he read! he is an ancient ass vampire who diablored A LOT of vampires in his past c: )

in 90s after apocalipsis almost happened, Veronica felt especially need to go see people she loves, so she visited Moore in Chicago - at this point after almost the end of the world, he quit his harpy job and was having existential crisis. They caought up pretty well (but only as friends) and Veronica brought them a gift - a computer! she started teaching them how to use it and convinced them that using new technologies is a great thing, also introduced them to some new gender terms she learned from newer generations of people

nowdays they are still friends and chat online more or less frequently

Veronica still feels romantic longing for her Sire, but she thinks that it is her bloodbound, and she is always conflicted about her feelings towards them, bc she doesnt like the thought of blodbound dictating her emotions and feelings and she worries about it not being sincere

She doesn't know that her bloodbound is gone long ago. she just still has aching heart for them, and probably alwyas will, but oh well 🤷‍♀️

49. Detail your OC’s backstory!

like... like ALL OF IT???? oh for fucks sake thats A LOT X'D

ok maybe someday I will do some major Veronica's backstory post, will put all the previous posts together or something, and add drawings idk...

but that day is not today ahahah.....

maybe if i do it in drafts slowly, little part each day, ill be able to, maybe... wait for the updates, i guess X)

[reverieaudios]

If this question is too personal you are welcome to ignore it but, what was it like figuring out your identity and telling friends and family? I'm always interested in other's stories about that kind of thing

Nah it's fine, it was kind of a... journey? Which is pretty typical I think lol. As far as figuring out my identity, I realized I wasn't straight way before I realized the whole nonbinary thing, and I repressed the sexuality realization so well (and multiple times lol) that I actually forgot about it. Like I procrastinated my own "gay panic" moment until it was totally undeniable lmao

So yeah if you ignore the time I accidentally came out to my dad when I was like 8 I came out to my oldest sister first (and she totally already knew because I was not subtle and she had kept bringing up her friends who weren't straight like "yeah my good friend from college and his husband. With whom he is in a very loving and happy gay marriage) and then one by one I came out to my immediate family members. I got pretty lucky because they're all pretty laid back so they were pretty indifferent to it. Good indifferent though, like "cool, do you wanna play Mario kart?"

(As we got older my two closest brothers decided that we're only a trio of dudes (semi-gender neutral) though, so my younger brother has declared that if I bring a guy home he needs to fight us to the death and take the place of the loser and he seems intent on it being me who loses lmao)

Then when I figured out I wasn't cis I pretty much just repeated the process, but it came much easier because I'd already done it once. Is it bad that the music video for Tous les mêmes by Stromae was the thing that made me go "uh-oh I'm discovering things again" lol

I... don't think I've ever actually officially/formally come out to any friends? It's more like I just don't hide it and let things come up in conversation, and most of the people I'm friends with are in the lgbtq+ community anyway so they can smell it on me lol

[kharmii]

You’re an incredibly stupid person, who thinks that feeling strongly about your uneducated, uninformed opinions makes them true.

Grow the fuck up.

This is in response to my comments about the possible Two Dude Matchup during women's boxing at the Paris Olympics. Participants Imane Khelif and Yang Liu -both sporting Adam's apples and male levels of strength- smoked all the clearly biological women to go for gold and silver.

It's possible I'm wrong and all the other people suspecting they are males posing as females -or intersex whatever- are wrong. Maybe that Russian boxing organization made them do genetic tests proving they have XX chromosomes. Maybe one or the other has a functioning womb and ovaries. Nobody knows because the information about what criteria got them disqualified in the past is not being released.

I tend to be skeptical about them being biological females just because of all the nonsense surrounding them. If they were proven biological women, then the information about their XX chromosomes would have been released right away, and it would be spread far and wide. Instead, we have the usual leftwing posturing about "you are just questioning them because you are RACIST!!"

Side note: I think it's reasonable to assume a country generally not winning a dick of a dog in the Olympics might be capable of pulling a 'man posing as a woman' scam. To avoid being labeled as a sucker by the worst elements of humanity, it's safe to assume there will always be third world shit farmers taking advantage of the kindness and tolerance of people from first world nations. Case in point....all the gay agenda obsessed girlies willing to harass people on the internet over this issue.

-Or I'm sorry, all you 'nonbinary trans masc' individuals who act just like biological women do at their worst.

Another stupid thing I'm seeing everywhere is the 'women can have XY chromosomes!' (wrong), intersex people exist! (True but they are usually one or the other at the chromosomal level. Anything other than XX, -even XXY or XXXY- should get a person disqualified from women's sports). It's extra stupid intersex people are getting all worked up and offended over this, as if society owes them something for being born with a defect that less than one percent of people are afflicted with. Nobody owes you anything. I personally don't owe you anything.

Wait a minute.....according to Google, "The IBA said that these tests revealed that Khelif has XY chromosomes, which are most commonly found in males." (Wrong: Always found in males)

Instead of trying to argue why it's fair to consider a male with XY chromosomes a 'female' they instead discredit the Russian boxing organization accusing them of only disqualifying the men boxing against women because they are offended that the men beat their Russian women with their testosterone boosted man strength. It doesn't matter if a man spends his life being socialized as a women due to a birth defect or because he's intersex (or because a scam is being pulled), a man is a man. Someone with an XY chromosome is a man.

[smilepilled]

Answering prompts from the @radiomogai experiences event (link) ♥︎

[Plain Text: Answering prompts from the @radiomogai experiences event (link) ♥︎ /End of Plain Text]

【 O3 】 — Talk about either your favourite identity term of yours, or a random one that applies to you! Why is it a part of your identity, how does it apply to you?

i don't think i could ever possibly choose a single favorite, or otherwise miss the opportunity to talk about important aspects of my life and how a label has helped me, so i will cite a couple. i hope its no issue..! they're gonna be in a somewhat chronological order ^,.,^ hopefully it makes sense?

NIJUXERA — the combination of "juxera" (link) and "nixera" (link); nijuxera (link) is one of the many labels that posed as hefty progress unlockersin my journey of self understanding.

nixera was the one i found first, and it perfectly described my experience with feminity/womanhood, and the lack of it. id always have to say "im a girl, but im not a girl, but im still a girl, but also not at all, but also yeah the shoe fits, only on sundays, but once every seven blue moons" -- now i can just say im nixera, and its WAY easier for my internal cataloguing of myself.

i discovered juxera not long after nixera, and i suppose these were the terms that got me into MOGAI identities. juxera easily described my experience with feminity/girlness, in the sense that it was so detached from the average lass' experience with being a gal. it hasn't a good connection (similarly to wifi when a storm approaches) to womanhood/girlhood in usual ways, and its so far away, like a exoplanet light years far from our earth. and that sentiment was perfectly captured by this label, i believe.

(i would also say i also identify with pronixvir (link), but thats assimilation ever since i discovered im ambi-binary/binary-bigender. it wasnt as big as a label attachment)

FUTCH — unironically speaking, this label saved my gender. for the longest time of my life i had sensations and experiences that i knew not how to label, describe, or perceive; ive felt like a vridge between two extremes from the early years of my life, being tossed between "boy" and "girl", "masculine" and "feminine", "big" and "small", "this" and "that". i had one of my feet in both extremes, always, and i still do.

this label greatly helped me realize that i did not have to just pick one, i did not have to constantly be one, i did not have to force myself into a spot i didn't want to be in all the time (albeit wanting it sometimes). it helped me realize i wasn't just a girl, i was a dude too, despite my gender being a mere mirage-- and that genuinely helped me understand myself, and accept myself, and love myself.

SAPPHILLEAN && GAYBIAN — beware of the pipeline! i started identifying as pansexual, then bisexual, then sapphillean (link) — this one namely throughout my time as a "exclus"/covert inclus, and began feeling more and more comfortable with gaybian. this has been a label ive been fascinated with for the longest time, and from the start something about it spoke to me, even if i couldnt quite tell what exactly was the deal. i am still bisexual and omnisexual, those labels are kept close to my heart, but i also am gaybian, velaurian (link) and jaustenian (link)!

i am gay for men, and lesbian for women. i am also a gay girlypop and a lesbian dudebro -- and if the gender nonconformity/perceival allows it, i am lesbian for dudes and veldian (gay) for lasses. i am all of the above and something else (diamoric [link], enbian [link]) when it comes to nonbinary folks, and im also double-hetero sometimes when the stars align for such.

my orientation has inherent ties to queerness and genderfuckage/gender nonconformity, so it should be no surprise its confusing and caught in multiple crossfires. and ive come to love it all the same as ive come to love other things about myself; embracing it as it is, instead of making myself easy in the meet of prying eyes at the expense of my authentic existing self.

its a two-in-one package, but its not just two. when you open the box, ripping theough the "DO NOT SEPARATE" warnings, you realize its so much more than just two. the one isn't even one, either! its a complicated maze where sometimes im the pathetic little guy, or the femme fatale, or the aroace voyeur watching myself fall in love

additionally; its all for my beloved wife, of course -- there could be no other. they don't do labels, and his mannerisms + appearance[s] make me crash out in ways that i can't even begin to be called slurs for. her mystery and multiple ways of being have stolen my heart, and this machine of flesh and bone cannot have me tweak any harder than i already do for it.

i am not normal about my partner. they're gnc. he has no gender. she's transgenders. pronouns? never met 'em. he's transfem. they're full of gender. she's transmasc. he's a femme fatale. she's a cowboy from brokeback mountain. they're nothing, and everything, both at once. all of this makes my attraction fucking explode and rise from the ashes and explode and rise fr-- you get the sentiment.

FAGDYKE + TRANNY — this one will be short and sweet; reclaimal, defiance, love. i am a dyke in fancy boots and ouji fashion, im a faggot with casual and eccentric attire, im a tranny that you wont clock as anything because i can break your jaw. these slurs, albeit having a obvious connection to queer hatred and villification (if not dehumanization), have found a place in my heart upon seeing them used in reclaimable contexts.

the "cocksuckers for muffdivers" image (link) is one of the many great examples, but so is that one hundred-answer list with the many ways queer people identified and identify as to this day. it genuinely saved me.

INTERSEX — you can argue that this isn't solely a label-- and you're right, its not just a label, it has to do with one's natural body characteristics. but intersex isnt just the new term to replace the outdated, inhumane term of "disorder of sexual development"/"DSD", its also walking toward including other conditions that indirectly affect the big 3 sexual characteristic sections: organs (not just genitals!!!), chromossomes, and hormones.

needless to say; i have hyperandrogenism, caused by PCOS. while PCOS has ties to digestive issues, it also indirectly affects a person's production of testosterone-- too complicated to explain further, so take this as a dumbified explanation. anyways, i grew up experiencing intersexism (and other attached forms of hatred, such as transmisoginy, andro-villification, transvestigating, etc.) — but that's not the point.

finding the meaning and related experiences surrounding this word, this label, and this community of people who grew up with experiences like mine (or worse, since i did not experience medical abuse) gave me a sense of hope. i always felt bodily broken, like a body that didnt come out right, but the intersex community made me see so much about myself that i didnt appreciate out of internalized dichotomies and binaries.

the intersex label && community helped me find myself in ways i cant even explain to you as they are to me. i feel proud to be a maned lioness, an antlered doe, a girl of which a droplet of their own blood would save diabetics and transmascs alike (high testosterone and insulin)-- i finally am myself, within my body. i feel full, whole, i feel meant, i feel planned, and that's a feeling i cannot ever describe as anything other than paradisiac.

regardless of how my hormones have calmed down with the help of an IUD (which i decided to get alongside my guardians because of a six-month long period. yes, thats right, six months with no pause), i still love my hairy and macho-y self. when my voice drops deep down as i wake up, when i have to shave my pits two days after shaving (autism preference), or when i rub my legs/arms and feel all the hairs going up and down-- it all comes to me.

maybe in previous lives i alternated between perisex male/female, then intersex somewhere between the two, and so on... its all so familiar, warm, and welcoming. i was, and am, finally all of me. i am all i am.

heavens above, that was a lot. i'd add more labels, but they're more "micro" and i feel like these already sum it up pretty well. anyways, have a good one!

[forgottenspring]

A whole new level to being the supposedly "closeted" gay cousin at Thanksgiving. I know this may not get notes/views, but I was reminded of this today. So I wanted to share a wild "Me the Gay Cousin at Thanksgiving" story from two years ago that felt right out of a 90s sit com special episode.

Since I'm spending this Thanksgiving chilling with a friend instead, I realized yall might like to hear this story.

In my family my sister and I are the only two of our age. The rest of the cousins are MUCH young than us. Us being young adults and our cousins being lil gremlin preteen boys. We're talking like 10 boys overall and our two lil bros, and two newly not toddler girls at the time.

So bc of this my sister and I always sit at the kids table bc our uncles and aunts didn't want us excluded and feeling we couldn't be kids. (I am now 25 turning 26 for context, so I was about 23).

So, I know my family is highly religious and horribly homophobic/transphobic. So lil pagan nonbinary lesbian cupio aroace me has been squeaking by bc I've been holding my tongue and refusing to date in Utah around family for years in the past. Unless it was a group date with friends and the guy asked me out.

So imagine my shock when me and my lil bros and dude cousins are chilling on the floor playing a board game (my sister was at a friend's house that year) bc I don't want to hear the adults say anything that will rile me up bc I really don't want to be outed this year.

And right after I finish my turn, my kid cousin slides over a whiteboard and I look down and freeze in shock. It says "R U Gay?" And I'm knowing his parents are especially homophobic. And what I was afraid of AKA I'm out of the closet and tired, I wrote "Yes" and turned back to the game. He froze and squeaked out a "What!?" And he whispers back to me asking if it's true, as if I just admitted I was insane. And I shrug, trying to play it cool as I realize suddenly the ramifications of it and freaking out now bc he's a blabbermouth. I see both my brothers make eye contact to make sure I'm okay, which I nod to them. I then whisper back to my cousin and go "Yeah" and he tells me that's wrong bc nobody's gay and if they are they're evil, it's a joke you ask ppl in school. And I realize I have to walk this back immediately before my aunt and uncle are told and I'm outed on Thanksgiving and I haven't even come out to my dad yet.

So I shrug tell him I know a lot of people at school who are gay and they're really sweet people. And lie and tell him I'm not gay that I was just playing into the joke. He seems shocked that gay people exist and I know them. But finally after a bit he nods thinking nothing of it, but at least he's cooler about the gay topic I guess and I just survived.

I go downstairs where the adults are hanging bc the boys are running around in the snow and I'm wanting to try being with the adults, since I am one, for a minute. And to nobody's shock after a bit of joking around and stuff, my dad, aunts, uncles, and grandma are raving about "These people nowadays pushing their politics and gay agenda." I don't know how to react, so after a few minutes, I turn around and go back upstairs realizing what could have happened that night.

Luckily I came out later on to my dad and my siblings have already known for years so I felt less bad. But overall it really felt odd when I was put on the spot like that and then hearing my family talk like that. Like-... It felt like something you hear about on TV shows and go "That's such a contrived scene that doesn't happen in real life." And in that moment I was processing the whole scenario and less if I wanted to come out or not.

So anyways probs going to avoid Thanksgiving moving forward for multiple reasons, but mainly for the fact that I can't stay in the closet anymore bc I've been out for too long and I WILL get into arguments over gay/trans rights without thinking bc I'm tired and bad at staying in the closet. And the few ppl in my family who know other than my sibs have reacted oddly to horribly. And I really would prefer not being ostracized from the family whose already pretty sure I'm somehow gay bc I didn't pray enough or something rn bc I'm tired and in an unstable place that if I need to stay with a relative I'd like not for it to be being hate crimed 24/7. But I live in a different state than my family now and much better for it.

I have a good group of friends that are family to me now and I know I'll be okay. And I'm happy and living my best life rn and enjoy every day I'm being myself around ppl who accept and love me. But it still hurts to think about some days y'know.

TLDR: My preteen cousin asked on a whiteboard "R U GAY?" two years ago and I nearly outed myself on Thanksgiving to my religious homophobic family, bc I didn't realize he was doing a middle school prank.

[humsbugs]

Hello! You once mentioned that Serbia would be okay with Russia transitioning for reasons. Can we know a bit more about their relationship? 👁

Hehehehe, of course!!! :333

I guess this is technically spoiler for when he shows up in the story proper so idk under the cut if you want to wait for a proper introduction <3 but its probably going to take really long soooo shrugs do what you wanttttt

Ok so at first I'm gonna talk main story and then go to the AU hehe

Basically there are two phases to their relationship here - because, surprise, Serbia is a trans guy himself!

In the before his transition, their relationship mostly boiled down to Serbia is still in a bit of a honeymoon phase when it comes to Russia. He thinks the guy is cool (although that's most about his politics than anything else), and relishes in the fact that they're allies. In his side though, Russia doesn't really care about Serbia. He finds the other's insistence of being around him kind of annoying, actually. But hey. You have to remember, at this point, Serbia is still presenting as a woman.

So their relationship was a sort of "yeah we sleep together sometimes but if Serbia asks me to commit I'm going to say no". Not ideal, so I do think Serbia's opinion of Russia goes a little bit down overtime because, well, he's not stupid. He knows that all Russia wants from him is "have sex with cute girl that defends me in front of other people". Yet its not like he doesn't like Russia, they're still aquainteces and have great moments. Even then I think they would've been drinking and talking politics buddies.

And after Serbia transitions, the relationship does shift. That's more referent to how Russia treats the guy than anything else. This might sound strange but, although Russia is as bigoted as he is, there is a point in which he recognizes trans (not the nonbinary ones though, that he thinks is just silly) people as their actual gender. Magnitude of cunt severity, etc etc; He sees Serbia's voice starting to deepen and for facial hair to grow and goes "oh I can't fuck Serbia anymore that's just straight up a Guy and I'm not gay". Trans inclusive homophobia? Like don't get me wrong he still is transphobic, its just that there's a point if you deny it you just look insane.

They still remain drinking buddies because one 1. Countries are allied and 2. Technically Serbia's personality didn't change, he's just a dude now. Afraid to say that I do think Serbia would fall in line with the misogyny in that sausage party. He doesn't really like having lost that physical intimacy with Russia but I mean, he is a man and he would rather be sexless as a man than having sex as a woman. Serbia is a little more self aware of how little Russia really cares about him, but he's still hanging onto hope.

Basically Russia could tell a joke and Serbia would be right there going "haha good one, man!". Serbia is the nicotine addiction to Russia's alcoholism <3

And now for the trans AU part! To be quite honest I think one of the main contributions to Russia realizing stuff would've been talking with Serbia about the whole thing. Because they would've both been people who realized """later in life""" (because ok they were like young adults when they figured out so not old but ya know what I mean), and didn't have the signs you're "suppposed" to have. So they would definetely get along a little bit better here, althought not without their issues. I've seen this sort of thing where young transmascs and transfems just can't understand each other (mainly transmascs if I were to be honest) because why would you want to be that gender!!! And Serbia would be put off by Russia's 4tran ideas but just like main story, stands by her side anyway.

I do think he propositions her at some point because hey they're opposite genders again, but quite honestly she wouldn't accept. Want you or not, she still doesn't like the thought of having sex with a man. Serbia does back off but he's never outrunning the chaser allegations afterward because she WOULD make fun of him.

And that's about it!!! Sorry for the wall of text lol :333

[spot-the-antisemitism]

Xan’s complete breakdown over losing Anniemay, Anon’s transphobic crusade against Xan

completely agree so far Xan babe you have an AU based of the works of a dude (Alan Moore) who wrote a CP parody of beloved children’s characters for the shock value. you are the cringe tenderqueer tankie leftists who think raping Jews qualifies as “be gay, do crime”

Sorry your new besties are terror simps wjo spread blood libel. shouldn’t have alienated flowers and me from the goth lit fandom with your constant hamas circlejerk. Fuck around and find out babe!

Oh no the tenderqueer who got called on being racist to other Asians and blacks and Jews is seething, coping and projecting

Ugh gross anon is thinking about the genitals of a trans person (Xan is nonbinary)!

Fuck off anon with the “I can smell their cum from here”. You can call out virtue signalling and making up stories for clout without fixating on someone’s genitals

also you sent 5 asks, two of which I deleted for being too graphic which means you probably have a parasocial hatred of Xan

Come recieve your prize anon!!!!! Oh wait you can’t. How sad it must have been to log in to see if Cecil-senpai gave you a little headpat for hating their old friend more than Cecil themself and got a “ghost blog!” Instead.

I hope both of you are seething to this day!!!!!

[rypory]

Adjagender

Ok so I've been digging and I haven't found a gender identity that exactly describes how I feel, so I decided to coin one. I'm not super familiar with the culture of MOGAI so if I commit a major faux pas just let me know and I'll try my best to fix it.

Adjagender is a descriptive umbrella term to describe the feeling of being adjacent to a gender in a way that is neither wholly binary nor non-binary.

[More flags/descriptions under the break. Image IDs in alt text]

While this term may overlap with demigender, paragender, perigender, offgender, sortagender, and similar terms for some, adjagender describes the grey area in between identifying entirely as a binary or nonbinary version of that gender.

The following terms are examples of how this can be used:

adjabinary- being neither wholly binary nor nonbinary

[the general adjagender flag at the top of the post can be used as an adjabinary flag too!]

adjaboy/adjaman- having a miaspec gender that is neither wholly binary nor nonbinary

[left: adjaboy flag. right: adjaman flag]

adjagirl/adjawoman- having a fiaspec gender that is neither wholly binary nor nonbinary

[left: adjagirl flag. right: adjawoman flag]

The colors of the main part of the flag represent the wide range of genders that can feel binary-adjacent, the black bar represents a feeling of separation, and the rightmost bar represents a binary gender.

You can append the adja- prefix to any gender identity to show that your identity is adjacent to the binary understanding of that gender. You can also add the black stripe/color stripe to any flag to denote that it's an adjagender (assuming there isn't anything important over there).

As an example, here's what an adjacatboygender flag would look like:

[flag source here.]

The color of the stripe on the right can be anything that you think represents the most binary version of that gender.

(Sorry, but I can't help you figure out if you're adjagender. If you vibe with the term, use it. I'm also not accepting requests to make adjagender versions of preexisting flags. If you want to make your own, the rightmost stripe should be the same width as the main stripes and the black stripe should be half that width. In flags with vertical stripes, feel free to make the two added stripes horizontal)

Alright thanks for reading, I hope this is helpful for somebody out there :)

-DNI-

TERFs/gender critical DNI: I am a grown adult reflecting on my own gender. I'm thinking critically about my own identity.

Anti-MOGAI/anti-neos/anti-xenos DNI: See above.

"Men DNI"/"mspec gays DNI" DNI: I'm a dude. I'm in a gay relationship, and I'm usually attracted to other dudes. Even though I can be attracted to any gender, gay is a pretty good descriptive term for me (in my book at least).

Otherwise, go ham :) You're allowed to make color edits or different versions of the flag (as long as they're not mean towards a group of people). Just don't sell it as merch or anything without asking me first :)

[transenbyconfessions]

Tw // Queer infighting, slur mention, suicide bait

I’m so sick and tired of how people treat trans guys. Just guys in general.

I have a classmate who, when I first met them, was still closeted so a gay “guy” (they’re nonbinary). I was out as transmasc, still nervous about it. They hadn’t known very many trans people, but they did really well about it. We chatted occasionally, they apologized and corrected whenever they misgendered me, they put effort into not calling me ‘girl’ bc it was a filler word for them like how I use dude, gushed over my top surgery. Early on it was a lot of “ohymgosh I’m soo sorry I don’t want to offend you!!” And me going “nbd, it takes a bit to get used to! Thanks for putting effort into it :)”

And then they came out as non-binary. I was really happy for them at first, but the way they act towards me (and honestly also everyone else) has just.... gotten so much worse since then. They call people - people they’ve been friends with!! Other trans people!! - transphobic for accidentally misgendering them even when the person immediately apologizes and corrects themselves. Like I totally get being sensitive about it, but when you’ve been out for less than a month.... there’s an adjustment period. It sucks, I know, but they’re not doing it on purpose. One time I disagreed with them, I don’t even remember what it was over, it didn’t even have anything to do with gender, and they got huffy and said “I’ll post on Twitter that you’re nonbinaryphobic!” Like???? My good person I am Also Non-binary. And they always pass these things off as jokes when people call them out but like. It’s really obvious that they’re not.

Even worse, they’ve completely fallen down the “kam” hole. They talk about how “all men are shit/need to die” just.... in front of everybody!! They’ll say it straight to the faces of the guys in the department, especially the ones they know won’t say shit back. They’ve been particularly targeting one of the freshmen (a cishet guy) they’re constantly saying shit about him being “stupid worthless man” and even called him a faggot???? Like Hello what the Actual Fuck do you think you’re doing????? They’ve said shit like that to him and one of my best friends, both cishet guys, both some of the most respectful people about me being trans that I’ve ever met. It makes me so furious that I start physically shaking.

And on top of all that, whenever I try to steer the conversation or defend the guys, they start talking shit to me too. It got to the point they looked me dead in the eye and said “all men should die, and you’re a shitty man too.” Which is especially fucked because I’m not!!! Even a man!!!! And they know that!!! But transmasc is close enough to tell me to die with the rest of the men, I guess. It was such a slap in the face that I couldn’t even respond, I stare. But they went on later, chatting and acting friendly as if they hadn’t told me straight to my face they think I should be dead.

We’re going on a school trip soon, and I got roomed with them, presumably because we’re the only two trans people going. Just thinking about it makes me so nauseous, I’ve already had a panic attack over being alone with them for that much time. But I don’t feel like I can intrude on asking to switch with anybody, because I’m trans and I could make them uncomfortable. and I just can’t make myself prioritize my comfort over others. Anybody else who rooms with them will get shit too, and as another trans person, I can defend myself against the bullshit they say better because it’s all amateur radfem-lite rhetoric. And I‘m probably the only other student who knows enough about queer theory and infighting to fire back. So i guess I’m just.... the sturdiest punching bag. After everything they said about being excited to talk to me about being trans!!! After all the effort I’ve put into being the first to come out in the department and help my professors and peers not be uncomfortable and tip-toe around me being trans!!!! I feel angry and betrayed and sad and scared and it’s so, so fucked up. I can tell they’re doing this because they’re scared and angry but it’s making things so much worse. And now I’m stuck playing both damage control and emotional meatshield. I hate this, but I can’t stand by and just watch either. I’m so tired.

Submitted July 13, 2023