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spacedikut · 4 years ago

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“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #mine #garcia is watching everything through the security cameras btw #you think she'd do all this and NOT watch her hard work flourish?#think AGAIN

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 years ago

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Hi so my question is kinda weird and tmi but here goes: ever since I started masturbating when I was like 12, I can never just come once or twice and then stop like its probably closer to 10 times and I want to stop and tell myself "ok last one" but I cant until it almost hurts.. is that just the "normal" female experience? Im too awkward to ask my friends lol

hi anon,

don't worry. we don't do "tmi" here.

I'd first and foremost like to gently dissuade you of the notion that there's any such thing as a "normal female experience." "female" is a vast category that means wildly different things to different people, and "normal" means almost nothing at all, particularly in the context of gender and sexuality. here in my little internet bog, I prefer to chuck "normal" out the window and focus more on "statistically average" and "healthy."

so, let's unpack your question through those slightly more helpful lenses!

is this statistically average? probably not, but being a numerical outlier doesn't make something inherently bad. I'm going to be extremely presumptuous and read between the lines here to assume that you're a cisgender person with a vagina; please feel free to message me with a correction if I'm wrong. if this is the case, what you're experiencing may be a higher number of orgasms than average but not strictly surprising. people with clits and vulvas tend to (tend to, this is not universal!) have a much easier time being multi-orgasmic than people with penises, owing to a much shorter refractory period.

tl;dr, many people with vaginas are able to become sexually aroused and have another orgasm again quickly after the first climax. 12 orgasms is probably more than most people have on average, but it's also not implausible.

now - is it healthy and safe? it certainly could be, but the situation you're describing - continuing to masturbate until you feel like it can't stop and it actually starts to hurt - doesn't sound like it's particularly good for you. what it sounds like is that early in puberty you found a form of physical stimulation that felt nice, and then developed a compulsive repetitive behavior seeking to keep feeling the physical benefits of that stimuli even when you're no longer actually enjoying it.

talking about the negative side effects of masturbation always makes me feel like an unhinged puritanical preacher, but let's be real: it's as easy to learn unhealthy habits around masturbation as it as anything else. your body finds one (1) way to get free physical pleasure and goes "oh! cool, we're going it that way forever," and next thing you know you're locked in a repetitive pattern that you may or may not actually like or want to keep doing.

unlearning those patterns isn't easy, but you absolutely can if you put in the work. right now your mind and body are primed to expect multiple orgasms to the point of pain when you masturbate; you need to do anything in your power to break that association. when you've finished your first or second orgasm, physically roll yourself back out of bed and go get a snack, take a lap around the block, enjoy a particularly freezing shower, or anything else that jars your brain straight out of sexytime. sorry, no more orgasms today! we're actually not going to do this until it hurts, but nice try!

will that be annoying? god, yes. that's the whole point. but disrupting your current thought processes and subconscious expectations with sex is really the only way to go here. there's a REASON that I trained myself to drop everything and go for 20 minute walks any time my depression started to feel overwhelming, you know?

it may also be helpful to jerk it less frequently than you do now, however often that is, especially since you'll need to plan accordingly for your post-masturbation unsexy activity. I wouldn't necessarily recommend setting aside specific amounts of time for yourself, since that creates a negative pressure and could quickly create one bad pattern with another, but picking designated days when you know you'll have time for a post-sex wind down could also help shake up your current rut - and, of course, it doesn't have to be forever. hopefully, once we've disrupted this, you'll be able to transition to a more organic and less rigid relationship with masturbation.

"but Makenzie this sounds hard and annoying" yeah probably! but it's cheaper than a sex therapist, which is the only other option I have for you.

#sex edventures 2021

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tigerdrop · 4 years ago

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dogboy gordon rutting against benreys leg in the same way that benrey did it in the reverse. benrey encouraging him and also making fun of him in the same breath. yummy brain thoughts. i am rotating this

jesus christ i started thinking about dogboy gordon and have not stopped thinking. theres 7k words of dogboy stuff under here im going insane

how in the. help. Help. dog boy. how does he become dogboy. i cant keep giving these idiots potions but i guess thats what ive been reduced to

gman turns him into a dog boy. walks thru a portal and comes out in nintendogs but hes the dog and when he comes back out again hes still a little bit dogy. this is fucking stupid

THE TAIL WAGGING im going to pass away

> i think he would have such fucking issues with the fact that his tail and ears are expressing his emotions so much

trying to act angry towards benrey but hes given away by his tail wagging like crazy......and he never even knows its happening until somebody points it out

it would be cool if. um. he got a little more into roughhousing and rough play afterward. you know. like a . hes already really handsy......physical. . .. .

> okay like the anger turning into somewhat-serious jostling and pushing which turns into roughhousing

its not even horny at first it just gives him the weirdest fucking endorphins. like. its fucking fun man

> and by the time theyre roughhousing his tail is wagging furiously and like thumping on the floor when he gets pinned haha

> YES its about the exhilaration ......he gets this rush from flipping benrey over after he's pinning him, baring his teeth triumphantly

benrey pinning him by his wrists and half-laughing at him like "what the fuck is wrong with you??" and the rest of the science team chimes in like YEAH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS WHAT WAS THAT

> gordon comes back to himself and turns red immediately and splutters like "i dont know! what - im just - benrey started it!” so like he refuses to do it again but then benrey pushes his buttons and he gets in his face, ears pinned back a bit and shoves him and benreys like oh...so its this again huh...

GOD......PUSHING HIS BUTTONS.......its sooo much fun now that gordons so physically reactive too

> what if he manages to get an honest to god growl out of gordon at one point and it makes something ugly twist in benrey's gut and he wants to make it happen again

and its probably really gratifying for him to see just how often gordons tail wags when gordon looks at him or snorts at one of his jokes

TWO SIDES

> the duality of their relationship....gordons tail wagging just a bit when hes looking at benrey though im

> im thinking about the growling though like...benrey gets fixated on how he fucking sounds, all deep and rumbly and this intensity just focused on benrey only....makes him think about how that would look in other contexts....

> benrey riling him up while their roughousing so he can feel that growl travel through his chest and like...getting gordon to that point makes him SO determined to win the "fight" over benrey hes almost a bit out of his mind with it......pins benrey and subconsciously ruts against him a bit as a sign of dominance....please stop me now goodbye....

NO LITERALLY THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE MOMENT I STARTED TYPING

prodding gordon further and further and riling him up until gordon pins him to the floor, hard, an arm jammed behind his back and his HEV suit jammed up against benreys ass and rutting subconsciously as gordon. h. gordon. clamps down on the back of his neck and growls

benrey sucks in a rattling gasp and is like "what? ow" in a weirdly shocked yet distanced way

he cant feel where gordons hard b/c of the HEV suit but he can feel the metal awkwardly bumping against his ass Like That. and inwardly benreys on a loop of "what the fuck what the fuck" but not in a bad way in the slightest. just utterly cannot believe this is whats happening, right now, gordon freeman dry humping his ass behind a bunch of crates, not 100 feet from the rest of the science team

> gordon snapping out of it and being like...what the fuck am i doing... or....maybe the gasp makes gordon bite down harder in response...not sure

> gordon not even realizing hes doing it until that moment is so great....i dont know but....maybe he lets go and pushes off benrey, panting and wild eyed, and the image of benrey on his stomach, his bite mark in his neck, is burned into his brain

> he just doesnt say fucking anything and just dips to get jacked off by the suit maybe.... cant stop thinking about how it felt to see benrey with his teeth marks....hates himself for feeling that sick satisfaction in his chest

benrey......touching the back of his neck afterwrds, kind of dream-like, both consciously and subconsciously.......

i like making gordon freeman suffer so i want him to just angrily try to rut against his arm in private later trying desperately to get off thru this stupid busted HEV suit that he cant get out of. pathetic. gordon freeman humping his own fucking arm in a bathroom stall. like a dog

and he thinks about how benrey smelled when he had his teeth clamped on the back of benreys neck, his nose buried right against benreys jaw and neck, smelling the sweat and the hormones and feeling benreys rapid heartbeat, and his whole fucking head throbs with how bad he wants to get off

> and he just cant get off....has to deal with going back the team tense and a bit sweaty and just move on when they ask what happened. benrey doesnt say anything just stares at him and gordon cant meet his eyes. gordon tries not to fucking let benrey get under his skin cause i think hes probably mad upset and embarassed that he reverted to his like,,,more base instincts because of BENREY of all people.....

> but he still thinks about it sometimes and....he tries to distance himself from him but hes still a pretty touchy guy and he find himself around benrey still....laughing at his jokes and getting in his space once in a while. always pulls himself away when he notices but not before he takes in a deep breath of benrey's scent...

> meanwhile benreys trying to think of how to make gordon do that shit again LOL

ohmy god. oh my god.....before this.....before he tries to stop getting in benreys business and before he even recognizes what hes doing.......he like.....hes so touchy feely that he subconsciously tries to mark benrey a lot. like just doing everything in his power to rub the inside of his wrists somewhere on him. even if its barely gonna do anything b/c of the suit. its just instinct

> NOW HE ...now he realizes that he was doing that the whole time..jesus,...

> AUGH....in the buildup before this he didnt realize that he was doing it........but now he realizes he fucking misses doing that shit and kind of berates himself for doing it in the first place....like what the fuck....be Normal gordon...you cant want to fuck him....do you..?

i want him to. grrgohg i dont even know how or why this would happen but i want gordon freeman to lie supine on the ground with his hands up like paws like hes a big pupy looking for tummy rubs OKAY! BYE. I HAVE TO GO. im going to fucking sob why am i like this why is this the cutest possible thing for a man to do. i cant even think of a fucking reason why he would do this so im so fucking embarrassed

i want to fucking. i want to rub his fucking tumy and make him pop a boner from it im literally so sick of this earth

> i was literally Just typing: i just think it would be cool . To pet his tummy and keep telling him "good boy" in a Certain kind of Tone that just totally fucks him up about it . maybe flushed and tongue starting to wanna hang out of his mouth as he goes from laying flat on his back to kinda twisted to one side, breathing heavy, tail thumping hard against the floor cause hes a big dog so that thing is like a lethal weapon

> petting the fuzzy lower belly while hes already hard & needy just to make him whine Very high pitched and desperate-sounding bc its so close to what he wants but that just makes it worse 8)

> What if. Benrey pinning Gordon, maybe scritches behind his ear, as a "joke", he's a dog haha good boy wants ear scritches?? And Gordon immediately squirming and whining. Maybe even kicking his leg just a little bit

> i think it would be cool for a post-black mesa puby gordon pinned benrey to the floor with his whole body weight and humped the life out of benrey's leg while panting and drooling in benrey's ear. a total lack of regard for benrey, (of course he's into it tho) just using him like an object that's conveniently there for him to furiously get off on

> i'm thinking.... this happening after a period of prolonged teasing, like you said. rubbing his tummy and ignoring his dick

> Man ok combined with the suit edging huh? I love that, but i also kinda want gordon to sneak off to get off and discover his uh. k. kn. knot

> he sneaks off and if in this situation he can. idk. get at his dick in a bathroom or whatever. and well, he gets caught up so easily in his 'head empty' instincts mode that when he cums he's kneading that thang for like 2 minutes before he even becomes cognizant enough to notice. and then immediately panic. so idk maybe he cant get at himself for a while, right, so he didnt notice this

> i just think gordon being in the suit would not let him get at his dick and he would only be able to get off in really convoluted ways so like...he wouldnt fucking Know he had a knot he would just feel a weird pressure at the base that he doesnt know what its about. but he starts getting these fantasies of holding benrey down and staying in him when he comes and he doesnt know where the hell thats coming from.....yet. until after everything is over and he can get out of it, and the first time he jacks off again he realizes HOLY FUCK? like what the hell....but it makes sense in retrospect where those fantasies came from. but hes just super embarassed about those fantasies and pushes them down until benrey comes back into his life and activates him again

> in addition to embarassment i think he has a lot of complicated feelings about benrey and definitely feels a guilty about wanting to fuck him into the ground and fill him with cum....but GOD if benrey doesnt get to him just as much as he did in black mesa

> i think that something like this would be so unplanned and shit but like......theyve probably hung out a few times before this or more like maybe benrey has dropped into his house just to annoy him and gordon finds his ears pricking when he hears heavy footsteps around his house cause he recognizes them as benrey's...

> little rush of exhilaration maybe. cause it means they'll spend some time together and he has just all these emotions under his skin when they do. i dont know how this would happen but maybe gordon forgets to keep himself in check when benrey makes him laugh so hard he's snorting and his tail is wagging furiously.benrey tries to touch/catch his tail cause he's kinda curious about it and it never got to mess with it in black mesa. but it turns into roughhousing as gordon shoves him away a little bit but benrey keeps trying to get at it and then get at his ears

> "cmon man just let me touch them whats the big deal-" "NO!" but like hes still laughing a bit until they start really getting into it and he gets breathless and a little irritated at having to roll around and try to pin benrey's hands to the floor

hell on earth......the way his tails wagging and hes grinning and drooling a little once he gets benrey pinned.......

> little triumphant smile when he finally does.....got benrey on his stomach and he's subconsciously rutting against benrey's ass like in black mesa but hes just not noticing while he's berating benrey for losing

> talking right into his ear, and benrey lets out a little gasp when he does a particularly hard thrust and then hes like oh. fuck. he takes in a deep breath and can smell benrey's sweat and realizes hes just as horny about this as he is. cant help but bury his face in the back of his neck and lick. and benrey starts pushing back into him and talking the worst dirty talk and it makes him growl right against his neck and put his teeth there again as a warning not to move but benrey doesnt still, he just keeps talking. so gordon bites down, hard, cutting him off mid sentence with a yelp

f. fucking. benrey......arching his back into it.......pressing his hips up as high as theyll go......the angles bro.....the angles

> also: gordon popping boners more easily, even when he's just platonically excited w/ benrey..... yeah... :)

> like the thing about this is just that he got so excited from the wrasslin that he popped a boner....wasnt even thinking of horny.....

> not until benrey started gasping and arching back into him. then hes immediately aware of how this looks...like hes already basically in the position in his fantasies hes just rutting against him in the imitation of fucking

> gordon getting more frenzied by the little sounds benrey is making as he clamps down on his neck, drool dripping down his chin. benrey braces himself with one hand and gets the other to pull his pants down and then tug on the leg of gordon's down a bit because gordon is kind of. not thinking straight right now. gordon gets the message and fumbles with the buttons to get it down and like. haha i thinnk it would be fun if benrey prepped himself before this and gordon notices like. you really managed to prep urself this time? god, you really wanted this to happen. but maybe benrey had been doing it the last few times cause gordon would get in his space again sometimes and things were tense

NO GOD THIS IS GOOD. LIKE. oh my god gordon just like bitching at him and getting up in his face and Growling a couple times before while his pants are all tented from the inadvertent excitement boners that he doesnt even realize hes having.....and benrey might not be smart but hes not stupid

theres like a 50% chance theyre gonna fuck at any given time he realizes so like. why not......

even if it doesnt work out in the moment benrey still spends the whole time hopped up on the knowledge that they could have, that he was the little fucking pervert who got himself all prepped just in case gordon decided todays the day hes just gonna mount him, and honestly the way he beats his meat and fucks himself afterwards might be nearly as good as the real deal, just from that little bit of self-inflicted degradation

like u said...........he really wanted it to happen

> hhh.... maybe gordon ruts a bit against his ass and benrey guides him in and. he makes a deep growling rumble when he bottoms out. benrey feels it through his chest and gets a full body shiver as he's filled. i dont think hes fully developed his knot yet but its a tight fit. he starts fucking hard and fast into him while open mouthed panting, he cant keep his face away from the benrey's neck, licking up the sweat and burying his face there to breathe in his scent

the fucking . the desperation......every instinct in his body has been telling him to fuck benrey - yes, that benrey, fucking benrey - into the ground for......weeks now? months??

dudes probably tried everything he can think of to overcome it and to think about literally anything else when he gets off but nobody he fucks even comes close to smelling as good as benrey did when gordon had him pinned and gasping and sweating and he could smell the want rolling off him in waves.....and it sucks massive dick and he hates it

> hes been driven crazy by this thought for so long.....cant fucking control himself. wh. what if gordon managed to get a hold of a piece of benrey's clothes that he left and held it up to his face when he let himself jack off to this particular thought so he could get the scent but it jsut wasnt the same without his warm, panting body below him . he always nuts the hardest when he has it though

huffing benreys undershirt and desperately rutting into a pillow on his hands and knees with his ass fully up and hes just utterly debased right now

sad and pathetic gordon freeman humping his pillow like a dog and whining thinking about fucking benrey. if his past self could see himself like this right now he would be disgusted

> !!!!!!!!1 HIM GETTING INTO THE MOUNTING POSITION ON INSTINCT WHEN HE DOES IT...YOUR BRAIN ! i think that gordon would definitely give everything hes got to benrey when he finally gets to fuck him.

> now that hes actually doing it he's just out of his goddamn mind. benrey already being ready for him, slick and hot, just letting him push in .....i think he would definitely go insane

dudes never fucked so hard or so mindlessly in his life......for once all the neuroses just fly out the window. overcome by instinct

> letting out all these whines and moans, not even caring for how loud hes being... benrey's wanted this so fucking bad hes just eating it up, pushing back on him like an animal and getting a power trip that he made gordon this unhinged

thinking about him just being utterly shocked when benrey guides him in and he can just bury himself all the way to the hilt so easily and it makes something in his brain snap

> gordon doesnt even tell benrey when hes close, benrey can just start to feel his knot swell inside him and how it stretches him a bit past what he prepared for...but he wants it in him so fucking bad, he just lets gordon keep fucking into him

like. oh my god. does benrey even know about the knot or is this a brand new and fun surprise for him

> I DONT KNOW......I JUST REALLY LIKE THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING A BIT CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY IT....

> being caught off guard by it but being so turned on by the feeling of it filling him that he lets out this really high, needy sound. which goes straight to gordon's dick and he just pushes into him harder and jolts his whole body with it. maybe he h....he bites down on the other side of his neck again and thrusts in one more time before coming deep in him. just shuddering from it, eyes squeezed shut and jaw locked around benrey

benrey just fuckin. face down ass up and arching his back as high as he can

(mumbling very quietly) it might be cool also if. gordon maybe.....started growling some things as he got close. a certain something. a word

you know......just......bent over benreys back......arms wrapped around benreys chest and fingers digging into the soft flesh (maybe even his titties, if youre feeling spicy).......pistoning his hips in staccato bursts while he growls.........u bh hhhhh......"mine". over and over not even realizing hes doing it b/c his brain is so fogged out on the sheer delight of rawing benrey after having thought about it non-stop

(mumbling so quietly im speaking at a pitch below the human hearing threshold) benrey hoarsely saying "'m yours, 'm yours" while hes got one hand jammed underneath himself to tug at his dick is the thing that sets gordon off and makes him come, perhaps. perhaps

and gordon just.....slumps over him, leaning his full body weight on him, panting weakly into his ear while his hips subconsciously rut just a little bit, arms still wrapped around benrey but otherwise as useless as a bump on a log while benreys jerking himself off to the wild new feeling of having that knot stretch him open and tug at him every time gordon shifts his hips

gordon nuts and becomes utterly useless but at least his knots still fat as hell so benreys still got something to work with

(sobbing) i just want to see men acting like animals leave me olone..... its about the submission to instinct......the degradation and dehumanization......and also the scent kink its all about the fucking scent kink. its about wanting to huff a guy you pretend you hate like hes a fucking magic marker and its about wanting to make him smell like u

> for scent kink, Gordon's boners due to sweaty benrey hehehehe. this is narsty -> Benrey is like "yeesh that was a lot of exertion" after their first almost-sex wrasslin match, and gets embarassed, so next time he like, wears a bunch of old spice.... but gordon doesn't get as excited. like yeah he can feel him against his back and yeah he's not soft but.. he's not panting or as hard. benrey thinks real hard when he gets home

> CLEAN SWEAT OK ITS A COMBATIBILITY THING OK. IT IS. LOOK UP THE SCIENCE OK I ...walks away. clown shoez

YOU ARE SO FUCKING CORRECT THANK U

> Maybe next time He doesn't bother with the old spice at all, and he gets real into the wrasslin... hell maybe he even uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gets gordon's head under his arm im just saying

I DIDNT WANNA BE THE ONE TO SAY IT BUT NO YEAH THATS COOL. ITS A VERY COOL THOUGHT

think about......dogboy gordon roughhousing and getting pinned down himself and snapping his teeth up at benrey like joking but not joking. you know

they both start just getting really into roughhousing b/c sometimes gordons brain gets Stressed The Fuck Out by all the added stimulation to the senses of being pupy......theres too many sounds and smells sometimes and it makes him even more neurotic and makes him start acting up and getting irritable and trying to start shit until he exerts himself enough to tire his brain out and make it shut up

maybe even like.....in the interim after black mesa but before he runs into benrey again, gordon becomes a fucking hot mess b/c he doesnt know how to deal with it all and the only way he got thru black mesa without his brainstem snapping in half was b/c he and benrey would start shit and start fighting and wrestling and the rest of the science team eventually shrugged and accepted this as a (very weird) part of their life now. he looks like hes one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack and its so sad

any kind of physical exercise would help (he takes up jogging when hes feeling stressed out, which is a lot, and hes gotten some really nice legs by this point) but theres just something different about the roughhousing. its a mental exercise as well as a physical one, so it exhausts his brain more, and unbeknownst to him, he just gets fucking endorphins from the way benrey smells and from being able to mark him with all the up-close physical contact theyre getting. so. hence the wrestling and roughhousing and gordons occasional tendency to just pounce the guy in public and start fighting him with his tail wagging and thumping like crazy

it might be even better if gordon attempts to roughhouse with just about the whole science crew at some point, just for a point of comparison

like.....its usually good, its satisfying, and it wears him out and lets him function like a human being......but theres just something about roughhousing with benrey thats really satisfying and he doesnt have the emotional intelligence to figure out what it is

gordon freeman is an idiot, is what im saying

> tommy indulges him and probably lets him win a few times, coomer soundly wins out every time and bubby probably...loses some before getting pissy LOL. i think that its fun for him to get the most Good Feelings out of roughhousing with benrey.....

AUUUUGHHH WHAT IF HE LICKED BENREYS FACE THO

g gbfbhhh god im obsessed with the way benrey laughs at him and asks "what the fuck is wrong with you?" in the act 3 commentary and thats the exact kind of vibe im feeling from him about like. everything gordon does in pupymode

> Okay, before I go to bed, I shall leave you with a Dog Thought™. Gordon probably wouldn’t be the “best trained” dog in the world because, well, he doesn’t have anyone to make him listen or obey. Heck, given his need to be in control, he probably thinks he’s the leader of the proverbial pack and nobody can tell him what to do. He’d probably slip and do quite a few “rude” and obnoxious dog things, including but not limited to being all over Benrey.

> Trying to goad him into roughhousing. Licking his face. Being in his space to the point that it even starts to make Benrey raise an eyebrow. Inappropriate marking and whatnot. [cough] And what if Benrey--in a weird reversal of the roles we usually give--is stuck with the task of… training Gordon… to behave…

> YOU KNOOOOW. Because pitting alpha dog Gordon against Benrey, who is trying to get him to be “good”...

> … Well, that could be interesting.

> Imagine if you will: Benrey realizing he needs to get Gordon under control. As much as he likes the attention, it's becoming too much. Relentless. Tables have been turned and now he's the one that's a little overwhelmed by the situation because, well, Gordon is running on pure instinct half the time. Making it hard to do things. Making it hard to live his life. Always in his bubble which was, like, fine at first but now he can't do anything without feeling a wet tongue on his face or having Gordon trying to goad him into rough housing.

> He needs so much attention. Has so much energy. It's too much.

> So, he decides he's going to try to "train" Gordon to not... do that. Benrey trying to assert dominance over Gordon, as if he were just a normal dog. Gordon, who has already marked Benrey and decided that Benrey belongs to him does not take to this very well. This is not how the chain of command works. This isn't how the chain of command works at all.

> Benrey, struggling to curb him through praise and admonitions--"good boy," "bad boy," tossing him ~treats~ if he does something right--is now facing off with Gordon, who is both enamored with the attention he's getting but utterly pissed off by the fact Benrey is trying to stop him from doing what he wants.

losing it at the tables being turned and now gordons the annoying fucker getting up in benreys business all the time and never leaving him alone. he deserves this

> They're basically both unmovable objects and unstoppable forces. Benrey is stubborn and isn't going to give up all his sweet PS3 time because Gordon won't stop humping his leg, and Gordon is not going to give up his God given right to make Benrey his property. But Benrey isn't completely averse to the idea of being Gordon's bitch. He just wants to be his bitch on his own terms.

> So, in a surprising show of... well, intelligence on Benrey's behalf, he starts redirecting Gordon's energy towards what HE wants Gordon to do.

> That's how you handle misbehaving dogs anyway. You redirect their energy. That's what all the books on dog training says anyway, and Benrey's inclined to believe it because he's read it in all two books on the subject he casually flipped through.

> So, when Gordon starts getting in his space, he starts redirecting him to touch where he wants touched. "Good boy." When Gordon starts getting a little rough, he purposefully positions himself so he gets the most out of it. "Good boy." When Gordon's licking his face, he starts trying to guide that tongue down to his neck. Feels better there. "Good boy."

> Because he's not a complete idiot. Him and Gordon both know this is sexually charged at this point. And Gordon... Gordon can bend his behaviors a little bit as he's being directed if he still gets to do what he wants (in a way), and Benrey still gets to be fondled by the nerd.

> "But part of the problem is that he is in Benrey's space all the time!" Yeah, but Benrey figured that out, too. You know what shuts up Gordon real fast? Pushing him back down on the other end of the couch and telling him to stay. And if he listens, he slowly, carefully hand feeds Gordon a treat as a reward. Pushing it into his mouth, making sure it goes all the way in. Letting Gordon lick the last bits of taste off of his fingers. He usually sits still after that. "Good boy."

i have a thought thats almost unrelated but im so desperate to give this scenario the proper context

thinking about......gordon getting out of black mesa and hes still dogboy.....and hes attempting to go back to life as normal now that benreys out of his hair for ever but one day his pupy nose catches That Fucking Smell on the air and he realizes that benreys not fucking dead. he thought benrey was fucking dead, b/c he killed him

gordon freeman losing his mind for a solid week or two trying to hunt that smell down (why?? to prove a point?? to try to kill benrey again??? uh huh.) and then when he does hunt benrey down, its like.....well, what was the plan, bud? you found him, and now youre having a staredown outside a 7/11 while benreys frozen halfway through his big gulp

i literally forgot what i was typing b/c dogy gordon tum y rub b gtfhgbb ggfabgbbg

and.....well......he doesnt know exactly what his game plan was, but he does know that benrey cant be trusted as far as u can throw him, and hes not about to let benrey wreak havoc on new mexico if he can help it, so now his new hobby is......tracking benrey across the city to keep an eye on him

and thats how they keep ending up in close proximity

and thats how u start looping in the whole role reversal thing.....suddenly gordons the one that benrey cant shake......hes a bloodhound and hes got the scent

SORRY im SORRY i crave context with the same ferocity that i crave, like, air

and then they start roughhousing when gordon tackles him to the ground one day to stop him from doing.....something......and gordon snaps being to being a normal person so quickly afterwards that its dizzying. turns out a solid 80% of what he really wanted was a sparring buddy

> good afternoon everyone this is not horny in the slightest but i just wanted to say- you know that thing dogs do where they get REALLY excited and playful when you come home from a long day at work? well i’m just thinking about. y’know how benrey has a tendency to just, vanish for a while and come back like nothing happened? think it’d be cute if he were gone for a particularly long stretch of time b4 catching up with the science team again and gordon RESPONDS in his typical annoyed, bratty fashion while his body language is saying something completely different (he still hasn’t mastered the art of puby)

> like, u know, tail wagging a hundred miles a minute, ears perked up and attentive, subconsciously getting all up in benrey’s space

Im going to Cry thats so fucking cute wtf wtf wt ff

still going insane thinking about the “good boy” thing......like...... its all fun and games until hes grappling his best friend benrey and hes got benrey in a headlock and hes plastered against benreys back from head to toe and his tails thumping excitedly against the floor and hes panting hot and harsh right against benreys ear and benrey takes that moment, right there, to choke out "good boy"

its half outright horny and half power play b/c benreys banking that either theyre gonna fuck or gordons gonna let go and be like "what the fuck, man" and then benrey can get the drop on him again

the way gordon just goes stiff after he says it.....breath getting shaky.....dick twitching once against benreys ass and the guy can fucking feel it clear as day......Augh

his tail slows.....and then fires right back up again when he tentatively rocks his hips against benreys ass and feels the sound benrey makes more than he hears it......and like for fucks sake theyve been dancing around how horny their roughhousing sessions are for weeks, this guy deserves to finally get his rocks off by dry humping benreys ass while benreys getting spots in his vision from how tightly gordons got his arm wrapped around his neck. he deserves this

gordons free hand slowly opening up and pressing flat against benreys shirt, then crawling under it so that he can feel the bare skin of his stomach......rocking his hips against the dip between benreys cheeks and whimpering when benrey says it again, breathless and hoarse. "good boy." his tongue poking out to lick a broad, wet stripe up the side of benreys neck to taste the salt and sweat and the hormones, jesus christ, hes never been able to taste if somebodys horny before but its rolling off of him in waves.......and gordons breath comes out so loud and harsh and desperate when benreys leg lifts up a little bit for him to slot his own between them more easily

just mumbling stupid horny shit like "fuck benrey, you taste so good" while his tongue lolls out of his mouth and he licks the curve of benreys ear and rolls benrey onto his stomach b/c something in the back of his brain is whispering to him that it would be a really, really good idea, and hes originally got benrey just crushed flat against the floor with his full body weight but benrey takes a rattling breath and tells him to ease up, get up offa him.....

and gordons confused at this point b/c he was pretty sure this was where this was going, he was being a good boy, but that thought doesnt last very long b/c benreys shuffling into position under him, raising his hips and pushing gordons up with him while his face and torso are flat against the floor, and, Oh. hes. hes doing that. this is what theyre fucking doing now

> gordon taking the collar of benrey’s shirt in his mouth in an crude imitation of scruffing him

every fucking bone in gordons body is telling him to move his hips, fuck benrey stupid, bury himself to the hilt, but he cant do that when theyre both still clothed so he does the next best thing and ruts against benrey like he fucking means it and like if he just tries hard enough, gets enough friction, itll be just like fucking him for real......

hes so dizzied by looping thoughts of he wants this, he wants you to mount him, like youre a filthy fucking animal, arent you? you sick fuck, you wanna mark him and breed him and hed let you, hed beg you for it, look, hes doing it right now and when he comes back down to earth, yeah, benrey is begging right now, isnt he. while hes palming at the front of his sweatpants and whimpering and calling gordon a good boy, attempting to tug his pants down to his knees so gordon can rut against bare flesh, and gordon slows down just enough to let him do it and to fumble open his own zipper to ease some of the agonizing pressure

gordon fumbling his dick out of his underwear to line it up between benreys fat cheeks and god, the feeling of skin against skin is so much fucking better than chafing against his jeans that it makes him growl against benreys neck and benrey cant pump his fucking dick fast enough. hes so encouraging, what with all those little sounds hes making and the way hes arching his back and pressing his hips up as high as theyll go, groaning into the crook of his arm "fuckin, fuck me, bro, j-just like that"

> thinking...... they both get so lost in it, they both can’t hold back long enough to fuck for real. this is too hot, benrey feels something hot and wet on his ass and gordon is curling into him. benrey’s never felt so simultaneous turned on and frustrated that he’s still empty, he’s still gonna have to wait, snd ironically that denial pushes him over too

GOD yes fuckin. coming on his ass b/c gordons so frantic and desperate that he cant wait...... but seeing his cum all over benreys ass is deeply satisfying in its own way. he smears it deep into benreys skin to mark him like that

> oh hey imma be nasty sorry but Gordon all cum-high just sort of manouvering Benrey until he can start licking his cock clean bc he likes to uh. i mean benrey's all wet and you know. he likes it. and benrey comes from that, before he can even think about sucking him off properly

> he doesnt have a thought left in his head at the moment... and can u blame him? so he just uh follows he nose....... and benrey's brain is deleted except for "GORDON FREEMAN ON MY DICK????????" bouncing around like a screensaver yes

> yeah he's not even trying to suck him off really, hes not gotten that far yet cuz hes so cumbrained, gone stupid, etc

im gonna be gross here too okay......and like. fucking. huffing and burying his nose into the crook of benreys thighs b/c he smells so intensely like sex and sweat and it makes gordon lightheaded

> YEAAH maybe he starts licking there before he gets up to his dick. it's not like he's dragging it out really so it's not long but benrey's gaping like a fish. he's trying to say something sorta but he can't get any words out and isn't even sure what he himself is trying to say

maybe he cant help himself and he just starts licking and biting on impulse b/c its your resident fuckin thigh guy here and i think benrey deserves to get em chomped like a drumstick

> and then that's gordon's tongue on his dick, bro and this neurotic mf looking so pleased and blissed out as he sloppily licks him all over is a sight he couldn't have even cooked up in his imagination before now

> benrey not coherently enough to warn him he’s like right there, his babbling incoherently at the tease of gordon’s nose and lips is gonna make him- and then his Tounge darts out and it’s over, the start of the end and he’s spurting all over gordon’s completely surprised face without even being jerked or licked through it

> maybe since gordon's been so stressed and keyed up for so long that benrey coming is a surprise but still doesn't shock him enough to clear the cumbrain, so he licks ben clean after that too, while he's twitching and whimpering etc

> think that benrey massive meat being useless and barely even touched is hip and rad even in the context of him technically being in the higher position of power

> then rests his head on beny's belly for a while, feeling very accomplished and tired. he'll panic later, don't worry

god im still thinking about. pillow humping/voyeurism

gordon freemans a bad fucking dog and sometimes he cant help himself and just starts rutting into a pillow with his ass up and his face buried in one of benreys undershirts while hes just panting and mumbling shit the whole time about benrey, benrey, benrey, why is he so fucking obsessed with benrey and with thinking about mounting him just like hes doing to his poor abused pillow every week

and. you know. maybe one day......benrey kind of.....catches him in the act. i think that would be cool. just coming home one day and cracking open his bedroom door and seeing gordon freeman on all fours, his teeth sunk deep into one pillow and another pillow between his thighs, desperately fucking it while hes groaning benreys name b/c he sure as shit was not expecting him back that early, which is why his cumbrain made him feel confident enough to crawl into benreys bed and roll around in it and mainline benreys scent from his clothes and nut on his pillow (and then feel fucking bad about it and frantically try to clean it off)

and benrey just slooowly steps back with his heart pounding out of his chest for possibly the first time in his whole life b/c he did not think gordon freeman ever wanted to fuck him, but here he is, using benreys pillow as an imitation of the real thing and jerking off in his bed

just turns right the fuck back around and goes into the bathroom and splashes some water on his face and stares down at his sudden boner

THANKS FOR READING ALL OF THIS B/C THIS ISNT EVEN GETTING INTO THE PISS STUFF THAT WEVE OBVIOUSLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT. SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

#asky #writin stuff

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babysizedfics · 4 years ago

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ok i have two (2) asks and i will send them separately but number one (1) do u think roman uses humor to cope with things when big because like. i relate to roman too much in general but also i really really relate to ur roman in this and i do that way too much because its easier so i was just wondering if that was a thing he did? and if it were to be a thing he did how do u think the others would react? like im self deprecating but is roman? idk sorry rambling 🐝

this turned into a long post exploring romans characterisation so thank u bee anon!!

i think Roman uses humour sometimes but mainly i think its can just be described as acting out? like acting proud and big

i keep saying when roman feels small he acts big and that has nothing to do with being little - when roman feels inadequate and embarrassed and sorrowful (small) he acts loud and proud and confident (big) and stands taller and puffs out his chest - this doesnt mean everytime he is proud he's hiding insecurities, he does it when hes actually happy too. its just like he's trying to force happy on himself by acting like this when hes sad

i think the times he makes jokes are more when he feels awkward. i said before when theyre big and roman wants to support virgil he holds his hand, but he blurts something random or makes a loud joke as he does it to try to distract from the action because its obviously a vulnerable move and he doesnt want anyone to dwell on that

i really don't think my roman is very self deprecating, he acts very proud but most of that is real, he really is pretty full of himself. and he actually has never talked down about himself, he feels bad when hes frightened and he can sometimes think hes stupid but its not that intense and he never voices these things and definitely never makes jokes abt them

he just hates feeling anything less than regal and strong so if he feels scared he feels weak and he pretends to be bigger and more confident because he hopes it will chase away the inadequate feelings, and it does help him a little bit - sure he needs to talk through these feeings to work through them but actually standing taller and being extra big brotherly and protective of vee to distract from his bad feelings does make him feel better in himself and reminds him that even if he feels sad and not very glittery he's still the same brave prince roman

its actually a pretty healthy thing for him i think, since he does talk about his feelings if theyre really bothering him - take chapter 5 of LABD where he sighs dramatically and virgil asks what wrong and roman immediately rants about how he wants to do a valiant act for vee. or in chapter 8 where patton asks him whats wrong and again he sighs dramatically then immediately admits that he's scared the family will split up. he might act out to try not to look weak and sad but he doesnt actually hide his feelings

also it makes him feel safer to know that the others still see him as strong and brave even when he feels down and small

the others do all notice, romans not exactly subtle.

big virgil tends to scoff and fondly calls roman a dumbass or a sap and accepts his hand holds or suggests they do something fun if roman clearly needs a distraction - it's also to make sure roman isnt around logan when he's like this (i'll talk more abt that in a bit)

and baby vee doesnt really notice he just likes that his big brother is babying him more and will subconsciously latch onto him at these times (i think without knowin, vee actually picks up on the fact that roman needs to baby vee to feel better and vee gives him all his attention)

patton thinks its kind of cute that roman preens like a peacock and gets more flamboyant and loud and confident, though he also makes sure to give ro a lot of attention since he clearly needs it - he tends to big roman up like if he's little he'll say things like 'you're such a brave little prince' 'what a big boy you are' 'you're a really great role model for your baby brother roman!' - he highlights the fact that roman is the bigger older brother because that makes little roman feel proud and happy

logan is the one who doesnt take too fondly to it tbh - he doesn't hate it, and he would never ever judge someone for their coping mechanism, but the two tend to clash most when roman acts more cocky (don't tell them but it's because theyre both full of themselves and neither likes to feel threatened by someone else acting more important)

logan also doesnt have much of a filter and will outright state that roman is clearly acting out due to feelings of inadequacy, and that only makes roman lash out with nicknames and mocking logan because sure he loves attention almost always, but when the attention is on how he is messing up he cant stand it - this tends to result in arguments between lo and ro

virgil hates it whenever anyone argues - including himself, he gets shaky from fear of confrontation - it sets of his anxiety and he will actively keep logan and roman away from each other if he notices roman is overcompensating with his ego and pride. he is of course hypervigilant and clocks onto romans weird moods pretty quickly and either gets roman to hang out with him or, if roman is busy or doesnt feel like it, he'll keep logan preoccupied

roman and logans relationship is an interesting one, it's very turbulent. little roman looks up to mom logan a LOT and is a little bit intimidated by him because he thinks his mom is really cool and clever. he can sometimes feel almost scared of logan, though not a lot, just in the sense that he knows logan has a lot of say in what is good for vee's regression and he's scared one day logan will decide roman is one of the things that is not good for vee and will split them up (this is a recurring fear of roman's that's consistent throughout all of the fics: he's scared he will lose his brother - because he already experienced that once)

and when roman forst became a little, logan was actually a bit confused and sceptical, he didn't know that you could be a little without mentally regressing and couldnt figure out why roman did it. it obviously gets resolved before LABD since he treats roman like a kid then, but their relationship is still a little bumpy. they really get into their roles and love playing together and logan does treat the boys as equally 'real' littles, roman still gets bedtime and affection and rules and stuff, but sometimes the facade breaks a little and they both remember that theyre still just adults, theyre still logan and roman who otherwise would never act like this together.

theres a moment in LABD chapter 8 where logan is tickling roman, its very joyful and cute, then a bit later theyve stopped, ro is on his moms lap and vee says he wants to play with roman. roman is reluctant and strokes his fingers along logans arm which is hugging him - he doesnt want to give up this special time with mom because mom is almost never this physically affectionate with him. but logan immediately gets roman off his lap and leaves and its because he suddenly realised 'oh this isnt a child, this is roman, adult roman who is very aware of the fact that i just tickled him and pulled him into my lap'

so logan gets self conscious that adult roman is fully aware of how different and affectionate logan acts as mama logan.

anyway yeah i REALLY went off track im sorry 😳😳

#little/big insights #little/big concepts #asks #🐝 anon #long post

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theseerasures · 5 years ago

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Ur really good at deep character diving. Got any advice at this and writing? Cus i feel like i dont know how characterize properly, or if i could i feel like i take things to extreme idk. How to know if im on the right track? Or how to write in general? Thanks 🙏🏼

well, first of all, thank you! i’m not really sure if i have any concrete advice to give about characterization and/or writing, but here are some things i thought about when i read your question:

i think a lot of advice from creatives boil down to something like: go out there! do as many things as possible! experience as much of *insert media of choice* as you can! i’ve always found this kind of suggestion extremely noble, even as i continue to blithely ignore it. i like to obsessively revisit my favorite stories over and over again. part of this might come from that for me, creation has ALWAYS been inextricable from critique–i love to understand WHY i love the things i love, and why i hate the things i hate, and to do that, you have to read and reread closely. it never feels like wasting time for me to go back to something i’m already familiar with, be it movie or book or fanfiction, because i always end up noticing different things and thinking about new concepts. reverse-engineering the things i like in other people’s work into my own work feels natural from there.

i spend a lot of time just kind of spacing out. i think this stems from being pretty susceptible to carsickness as a kid, and the fact that i didn’t get a smartphone until fairly late in the game, but it’s a non-activity that i still very much enjoy–i spend a lot of my commutes just staring out the window, i like to do things that require some kind of physical engagement like working out or cooking, and so on. my head is rarely silent, but the low volume static that happens when i’m spacing out is nice. a lot of times story/character ideas pop in my head when i’m like this–just letting myself free associate for a bit. like a few weeks ago when i was making spicy green beans my brain went “bing! after it sinks in for Elsa that she’s gonna have to cook for herself now she probably devours every recipe book she can find and the result is that whenever she cooks she makes something that tastes like it came out of the Nutro-Matic machine in Hitchhiker’s Guide–technically exactly perfect but also somehow the worst thing in the world” and then i started thinking about if other characters are good cooks and if Anna likes Northuldra cuisine and then Anna was saying “of course Kristoff likes this he’ll put anything in his mouth” while Honeymaren’s eyebrows Did the Dance of Sexual Innuendo, and that was a lot of fun! or the other day when i was in the shower my brain went “bing! for the first few years after Iduna left the Forest she didn’t really feel anything for Agnar except resentment and a weird sense of propriety” and i was like “thanks what am i supposed to do with this” and my brain was like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he was probably ~drawn to that tho” and that was also…fine. point is: this doesn’t ALWAYS happen, and i don’t zone out with the direct purpose of subconsciously finding The Character Headcanons™, but sometimes it does! the important thing i think is to let your brain have those moments.

i’m a pretty new but fervent convert to the Shitty First Draft. i even write my first drafts out in longhand now, with a fountain pen in a very nice notebook, which is just about the most insufferable thing anyone can do, but it does work. again, i think this is because of my very specific upbringing, but there is something about writing things out by hand that lets me be more imaginative (this might be connected to point #2–something about physical interfacing? who knows). i’ve also always been INCORRIGIBLE when it comes to editing as i write, and writing by hand tamps that urge down somewhat, because getting to the end feels much more important. shifting from pen and paper to laptop also frees me up to do more substantive edits on the second draft–if i have to type it all out anyway, then i might as well change more stuff.

i really don’t think there’s any way to KNOW if you’re on the right track when it comes to characterization, but it is important to let yourself be wrong before you throw in the towel. particularly if you write multiple drafts–don’t worry about if there’s some kind of OBJECTIVE truth to your characterization. if it’s something YOU’D like to see re: that character, then write it! worry about if it rings true/if it’s too extreme/if it can hold up under an imaginary audience’s scrutiny later. nowadays i try to write a little bit every day, which means that i write plenty of self-indulgent things that’ll never see the light of day. and that’s fine! that’s also productive, because i’m blowing off some steam, and because i’m doing more of it, which hopefully means i’m getting better, however infinitesimally. you don’t always have to write with an audience (who’s not you) in mind.

i’m gonna end with something that I’M still struggling with as a writer: a few years back i was at an event with Hua Hsu, and one of the things he said what helped him as a writer was knowing that “not every sentence has to be the most exciting one in the world.” i pretty much always come into whatever i’m writing (be it fic or essay) with a surplus of ideas, and learning to pare those down so i’m not trying to compact the entire universe into one thing is a skill i’m currently trying to learn. obsessively polishing and re-polishing every sentence is exhausting for the writer, and oftentimes it’s exhausting for the reader to read, too. it’s okay to let some words just be the exit ramp to the next exciting thing.

overall, i’d say: if writing is not your job, if you’re doing it as a hobby, then it shouldn’t feel like a chore. even if you ARE doing it for a job, there are ways to make the experience less miserable. give yourself the space to let ideas percolate, and give yourself the space to practice and improve.

#Anonymous

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kopikokun · 4 years ago

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also omg besides the dy ask maybe u could do a ship 😣 with nct i'm an estp, really loud and open, i like making new friends but its hard for me to be close to people. i love physical affection and cookinh for other people. i am really smart, and quite good at languages doh im majoring in bio-engineering. im not sporty but im quite active (my balance is bad so im quite clumsy) i draw a lot and its one of my charms, i still watch adventure time everyday like a kid but 😛

— :: 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃.

Wow babe, bio-engineering? So, you smartsmart, huh? And you still watch Adventure Time? What do you mean, like a kid? You mean like an absolute ICON! Right? Honestly, I didn’t watch Adventure Time a lot as a kid, but I know that I went NUTS for Marshall Lee. Like absolutely INSANE. Anyway, enough about my weird childhood crushes (because I could go on for ages about that), I think you and Winwin would be amazing for each other!

»» ──────　[*:. ☁︎ .:*]　────── ««

— GETTING TO KNOW DONG SICHENG.

Unlike you, Sicheng isn’t someone who’d like to be the center of attention.

At a party, he’s more the type to teeter along the edge of the room, sticking close to those he’s already familiar with.

You, however, are a completely different story.

Being an ESTP, you’ve just got a natural charm which people gravitate towards.

Wherever you go, there’ll always be at least a few people surrounding you, finding themselves drawn in by your witty humour and eccentricity.

So when Sicheng first meets you, he’s quick to try and distance himself from you.

Honestly, at the beginning, he thought you were just way more than he could ever handle.

You start to gradually integrate yourself into Sicheng’s friend group.

You start to especially click with Ten, since he’s so similar to you.

Despite what Sicheng had first thought, even Kun seems to warm up to you.

He had been the most reluctant to open up to you, but you’d been persistent, whether you had realised it or not, which you probably had.

There were times where he’d be irritated by you.

But once he finally gave you a chance, just like everyone else, he was absolutely enamoured.

You just had this undeniable air about you, and Sicheng was weak against you, like a moth to a dancing flame.

He grew fonder and fonder of your personality, your wit, your personality, your vibe.

He finds you to actually be someone with depth.

You’re smart, like really smart.

He thinks it’s impressive that you know such a wide range of languages since he knows first-hand how challenging learning a foreign language is.

He didn’t think he’d fall for you.

You two are complete opposites.

You’re a free soul, unbound by traditional rules, wings spread as far as the eye can see, while Sicheng is grounded, a fish in a bucket, unable and unwilling to adventure any further than the confines of his plastic home.

He knows that he’s fallen for you.

He won’t try to convince himself he hasn’t.

But he is hesitant to tell you about it since you two are polar opposites and Sicheng feels like he’d only hold you back (aww poor baby).

At first, he thought you and Ten maybe had something, so one day he pulls Ten to the side, face tense and asks him if you two are a thing.

Ten laughs at him, saying that no, you two could never be into each other like that, you’re just too alike for that. He’ll smilefondly and tell Sicheng something along the lines of, “Go get her.”

Sicheng will confess by buying you something you’d like, (courtesy of Ten after he’d badgered him about it for ages) a resolute edge in his eyes but a shy lilt in his voice. He’ll bring you out for a picnic, basking in the sight of you enjoying the view and smiling to himself.

— DATING DONG SICHENG.

Ten is the only person who’s caught on so far (and Kun has a gut feeling) since Sicheng isn’t very obvious about his feelings towards you.

So when the two of you show up, Sicheng holding your hand in his, a timid smile playing at his lips, the rest of the members are shocked.

Actually, shocked is an understatement.

Lucas is very obnoxious about it, letting out exaggerated gasps and, “What????????”

Hendery is all smug, acting like he’s known from the very start although he had practically no idea.

Xiaojun is patting Sicheng on the back and happy that you two are together.

Yangyang is so soft for you guys, like “Aww, that’s so cute.”

Kun is just a whole ass proud dad, yet he still is a bit protective over you and warns Sicheng that if he does anything stupid, he’s gonna get it. Though, Kun knows that Sicheng could never do anything to hurt you, not on purpose anyway.

Ten’s just smirking slyly in the background, teasing Sicheng about the way he was so serious the other day.

Sicheng is just so happy you accepted and reciprocated his feelings for you.

Once you two start dating, his favouritist thing ever will be your cooking.

If you cook him a little meal, he’ll be so happy.

He’ll get that signature Winwin smile, as his eyes glimmer in pure adoration for you.

He’ll pass out if you pack him a cute little lunch/bento box for practice.

He’ll lowkey show off to his friends, but he won’t be loud about it. That’s not who he is.

He’ll just munch on what you’ve made for him, feeling his chest bubble with warmth as he imagines you over the stove, humming softly or grinning toothily as you cut his sandwich into cute shapes.

Is very much teased about it, especially when you make he food in the shape of little animals or a heart.

Makes him feel like a little kid, but also really appreciated.

He’s the type to just subconsciously be the sweetest boyfriend ever.

He doesn’t even think about it, it just happens.

When you try to steal his food, he’ll just feed you it instead.

Holds your hand as you cross the road and wipes off your makeup if you accidentally fall asleep in it.

Isn’t into PDA, he doesn’t like flaunting you too much and he’s a private person, so he prefers to be intimate behind closed doors without any prying eyes.

He doesn’t mind if you initiate contact, but he’s not shy to do it first either. He likes to kiss or nibble your ears. He thinks it’s cute when you squirm.

But it’s not like he doesn’t get shy either. If you find his sweet spot, he’ll definitely crumble and give into you easily.

Since he’s not an extroverted person, he won’t be keen on going out in a large group too often, so he doesn’t mind if you’re out with your friends for long.

He trusts you, and why should it bother him? You’re not doing anything wrong and he doesn’t want you to feel like you’re being trapped in a cage.

Which relates back to that initial fear of his that he’s holding you back.

So, make sure to reassure him that he’s not.

Thinks it’s really cool that you’re studying bio-engineering (though he doesn’t know a single thing about it).

He understands your schedule can be hectic and he respects that sometimes you need time to yourself.

Sicheng is not a clingy boyfriend. He respects your space and hopes you respect his too.

Since he’s quite active, he’s glad you are too. If you’re down, he’ll invite you to work out together.

Likes to look at you draw, though once again, he doesn’t know much about it.

Is glad that you and Ten can vibe over that since he can’t, so he likes when you invite Ten over since Sicheng can talk to him too. Overall, just glad that you get along well with his friends.

Honestly, Sicheng’s a little rigid around your friends at first, but he tries his best to warm up to them.

His favourite routine with you is watching you study or draw as you nibble on the small bowl of fresh fruits and nuts he got for you and cuddling until you two fall asleep while you watch Adventure Time together.

He will subconsciously murmur the songs :)

»» ──────　[*:. ☁︎ .:*]　────── ««

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧. | 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬.

#toaster asks #toaster ships #nct ships #winwin ships #sicheng ships #tHIS GOT SO LONG AHHHHHHHHHH #IM SO SO SORRY #can u tell i really like wayv

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nyanyanolio · 4 years ago

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[Destiny 2] The great thing about SotW

Season of the Worthy has been a weird one. Many people are saying that this could be the weakest season we've ever had and they're probably not wrong. However; I absolutely loved this season because I never felt guilty about taking time off to catch up on other games, even restarting my FF14 sub. I think that the Seraph Towers at their core were a really cool activity and I thought it was really cool when they got updated to be harder in the middle of Guardian Games. I thought the Daily Bunker Busters were a great way to start any play session and the rotation from planet to planet kept the game play as fresh as possible all season.

The only seasonal content that did not evolve in some way over time were the Legendary Lost Sectors. Ever Since the start of the season, they have rotated through the same three lost sectors per planet, and I'm fairly confident that Bungie is looking to revamp what Lost Sectors are/can be in future content releases. Given how LSS's came out (especially the Moon Ones) I think we are on track to get better and better Lost Sectors or solo oriented challenging content as time goes on.

All that being said, I think that Season of the Worthy might actually be my favorite Season of the year so far! The TL;DR is that I just loved having a bunch of smaller solo content pieces that actually fit really well into a well paced grind I could enjoy every day. More than any other season, I think that SotW was just… MORE Destiny… just not the bits of content that I think most veteran players still expect in a content drop for Destiny. Perhaps it's arbitrary, but Spring is notorious for having the lowest numbers during a year in the world of Destiny, so when paired with content focused on passive/daily game play things should be expected to get a little stale.

Like I mentioned earlier, I've restarted my FF14 subscription (I've been meaning to get back into the story for a while now, very excited) as well as I've done a lot of work with my WoW UI and geared up my Monk. All the while I never felt guilty about not playing Destiny 2 not because there was nothing to do, but because I knew that when I felt the urge to progress again I could hop back into it at a moment's notice. I hit the 1000 power cap the day before the IO bunker opened and finished the Season Pass multiple weeks before the Guardian Games even started.

I think that more people need to accept that it's okay to take breaks. The FF14 community celebrates the fact that they can take breaks, but Square is more than okay delaying patches until they are ready for the public. WoW players don;t celebrate much of anything, but they do at least always wonder if it's a good time to return, which means they've subconsciously accepted that they have to take breaks (assuming they aren't already taking one). And any MMO player knows well that droughts happen and that MMOs don't always occupy as much time as fully as we would like. Truly tragic.

Whether people take breaks or not, I do want to highlight something I haven't heard about a whole lot this season that I actually really appreciated; the Seasonal Artifact. I’m sure I cant be the only one who has been in love with some of the mods available but especially when the season first started, the expedited leveling from the artifact itself was actually really helpful in reaching 980 as fast as possible. I have seen some people gripe about the increased amount of leveling this season, but between the 6 powerful drops we could get from Rasputin, the weekly powerful drops from towers and bunkers, and the artifact; I think leveling was very well paced. I understand that some people were upset towers were scaled a bit higher than expected, but with the normal power cap only going up 40 for most players I think it's a really good use of the pinnacle system to shorten the seasonal grind by 10 levels for most players.

As I've mentioned in my last post, I have absolutely loved the Warmind cells and having such a large variety of cool mechanics to play with is amazing. Combined with some artifact mods, I've crafted a great play style for myself and I'll be sad to see Inferno Whip go next season. I'm really interested to see how next season feels when our Worthy armor gives us access to both Dawn and Redacted mods.

To close things out, I would like to seed in you a question. Does Destiny seem like the type of game to allow breaks? Personally, I think it does even if seasons need to become fewer and longer. Thank you for reading my ramblings and I hope you've enjoyed this season or are as hyped for next season as I am.

----------

I ended up trashing my RiP, Im accepting it was a bit too aspiration and moving on to my new idea for next season! I think I'm going to try to make a video showing off my favorite aspects of the seasonal artifact before the season is over, but don't quote me on that.

You can def quote me on this tho: I’m a better writer than speaker and ill be continuing to get better at posting here consistently, I really like having a spot to put my thoughts and trying to make videos was stressing me out.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 shadowkeep #destiny 2 seasons #season of the worthy

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fairycosmos · 5 years ago

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babes you always give such good advice and i just need to vent. ive never had any sort of romantic relationship with anyone. like never even talked to a guy while all my friends are in relationships or seeing someone and i can’t help but feel like im unlovable and that im gonna be alone forever even though i know im still young (19) i cant help the feeling that im never gonna have anyone :(( xx

hey angel. honestly i know it's an extremely isolating experience and i can definitely relate to an extent. i think it's really common to feel this way, people just don't like to talk about it bc we all want to be loveable. but you have to try and remember that so much depends on good timing and coincidence, among other things. it's not necessarily a 'you' problem. when you have low self esteem you'll always be inclined to think otherwise, but ultimately romantic validation from others means nothing if it's not based on an actual fulfilling relationship. and those take time to foster and find. you're the same age as me, and it's a weird panicky place to be. but the positive is there's so many people waiting in your future, so much my inevitable change ahead. point is there's too much nuance to truly believe that it's somehow your fault that you're single, as if that's even something to feel guilty about in the first place. of course, it's completely natural to crave intimacy and love. and it's actually really beautiful to be so willing to embrace it, but there's genuinely no rush. i get that relationships are really pushed as the be all end all, we're taught from a young age that everything is leading up to finding your soulmate. but there is so much beyond that. it's way healthier to develop yourself and your own life because then when you do find the right person, you'll be capable of creating a healthy dynamic. you'll be who you need to be in order to fall in love in a sustainable way. look, it just seems like everyone else is dating right now because they settle for shallow connections out of insecurity and fear. a lot of it won't work out. and sure, maybe you just want even the opportunity to meet someone, but again that often depends on factors that are beyond your control. unless you like, get on tindr and actively seek it, though im not sure that would fulfill you in the way you want...... anyway you're allowed to process hurt and disappointment, especially in periods of isolation. but trying to cope in a healthy way, and understanding that self blame (in this context) is a total illusion, will make a difference. you're a bright, warm beautiful person regardless of whether or not anyone's witnessing it in this moment. you are loveable, you have been loved by so many definitions, you are more than you realize. and just because a very specific type of romance is not happening right now, doesn't mean it never will. it's probably hard to truly apply that mindset to your own life if you've spent so long thinking there's something wrong with you because of lack of dating experience, but im telling you straight up that it's normal. it's okay. it doesn't indicate anything about your future, your personality or your worth. it may take some time before you're able to come to terms, and that's alright. there's no rule book and for most people, learning to find assurance from within is a process. but you can work on it every single day, even in little subconscious ways. this is just a moment in your life, and not necessarily a bad one. at some point you may long for the days you were 19, and learning and free. you're always going to be deserving of love and connection regardless of the arbitrary standards you judge yourself by, ok? i hope you feel a bit better about it all soon and that you're able to work on finding confidence and companionship through numerous avenues. let me know if you need a friend or if you want to talk ever. i'll be rooting for you babes 💌 Xx

#💕 it's all so temporary 💘 also thank u for saying i give good advice?? lov u??#anon

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zekhromss · 5 years ago

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I’ve had a lot of time lately to like...think about myself and what I’m like and I think it’s been doing some good so I’m, in a true Tumblr Dot Com fashion, going to share my results with the class.

I don’t think whatsoever I’m a particularly bad person, I think out of necessity I had to develop the tools in order to handle situations that happened to me. I think a lot of my abrasive, rude nature comes from a place of “You had to rough it out” for whatever reason and while it began as a coping mechanism it no longer serves a purpose for me. And it’s true, I act very aggressive upfront but have nothing behind it; I’m rude in passing but when you actually speak to me I’m not like that. I flip between that and “im so nervous lmao wow why am i so weird onkgero”, and it’s annoying. It’s very annoying, because I’m neither of those “two people” and I’m not sure why I don’t understand that I can just be one whole person who’s rude when it’s necessary but also is like, normal.

I also think it has been technically true what people have pointed out about me as a kid; I find excuses to not do things, and the new surge of “ur just mentally ill sweetie it’s ok (:” has done nothing but enable me to behave like this. Whether or not I have something that prevents me from behaving “normally”, it’s not an excuse to drop all my responsibility for the sake of comfort. There’s absolutely no reason that I, as a 25 year old, need to be hiding behind excuses and not doing things that actually like..matter. It’s fine to enjoy things, it’s fine to want things to be easy, but nothing gets easier when you hide behind other people or other circumstances and never actually accomplish anything. I think the way the information was given to me as a kid was wrong, but I don’t think the correct action was to just continue doing it.

It’s like I think everyone is capable of understanding my internal monologue, or everyone else has one that’s all-consuming where they can just space out for 5 straight hours and be completely unaware of the world around them. It’s like I think I’m so volatile that any changes to my behavior are immediate and visible, but that doesn’t make sense because I once prided myself on being so difficult to read. But that’s not the case, I know rationally that’s not the case, so I need to fix either one or the other. Either I actively display and speak out on how I’m feeling, or I need to stop putting the responsibility on everyone else when I myself do not ever consider how someone else is feeling because I get stuck in a brain wormhole.

Anyway I guess what they say is true in that you always hate behaviors in other people when they’re traits you subconsciously know you have but refuse to think into.

#personal #this isnt a vent im just considering things and ideas #anyway its thoughtful thursday again

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gg-astrology · 6 years ago

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As a fellow 'I eat out of nutella jars too' I would like to tell u HOW WHOLESOME YOUR BLOG IS uwu. Can I know what you think about my Aqua sun and libra moon? thank/love u bye

ksdjnfksn OOOF thank u so much!!! 💕💕💕 I finished that nutella jar btw, i snacked on it for like 3 hours a tiny bit at a time (it was mostly empty anyways so i was scrapping off the sides skdfndk) 💕

[Below Cut: Aquarius Sun - Libra Moon ♎️ ]

I say this a lot for decans, but these people are one of the most well-balanced one out of their group of friends, internally and externally

Like yeah they have their own Shit too, but in terms of Dealing with their actual problems– people really admire them for it (bc most other people are like, weird with ‘woe is me’ kind of thing or not realizing themselves)

They rarely open up to others surprisingly, tend to have a few good close friends who they do (maybe 1-2 that they trust enough to tell their problems to)

Most of the time they just— if people are concerned about their personal/private shit they kind of just shrugs it off like ‘its cool, well not cool but you know its ok– i’ll deal with it’

Doesn’t want to get messy, for some reason they think venting is being Messy

It’s mostly because ‘venting’ implies letting out feelings that doesn’t do anything productive/go nowhere, like yeah it helps others who needs to do it to move on (mostly their fire sign friends). They understand that, so that’s why they’re there for them (with a tissue and calm soulful eyes to be the ‘stability’ in all this). But when it comes to themselves? It’s like they think they won’t gain anything out of venting their frustration bc ‘emotions arent supposed to work that way’ (if it’s not productive)

Thus why they find themselves being the person other people go to to vent to. Because they’re like ‘shrug, this is taking nothing from me im just here to be support’ they might look to saying yes alright to others.

People might used to think of them as push-overs, but they’re not. It’s because they know they can offer tolerance, acceptance, understanding and support for others. Coupled with gentle reprimanding/encouragement, their advice are productive. But they do so gently like ‘you know what I mean right? I think it’s both of your problem, not just one of you is wrong. This is your responsibility, not mine.’

Aquarius is ruled by Saturn after all, they have a keen eye on their friends. Often pulling them in with a quick ‘do you need help? are you ok?’ offering it privately. If the friend doesn’t want to expose their problems in public, they leave it alone (bc they respect that). If their friend bursts out crying, they reel them in and tell the public that they’re ‘taking them away for a bit to calm down and see what the problem is’

They have tact tho like, they understand personal problem is a private thing. They aren’t going to come back and tell the rest of the world what the problem is because they themselves is a rather private person despite being a public personality. They aren’t of the mindset that sharing the problem with the friend-group/majority is going to help the person in question, unless it’s getting really serious/dire and they really do need outside intervention.

See, beneath all the romanticism and ‘sigh i wish things like that happen to me’ — they have so much experience with helping others that they may tend to forget about themselves. They forget to delve deeper into their subconscious and the lessons they’ve emotionally picked up for others.

This leads them to maybe subconsciously denying certain emotions they may also feel, certain things become catalogued as ‘messy’ without them realizing it. They think they don’t have/need to go to others for their problems, mostly because they’re used to being the one people go to for help.

If they lose their ‘stability’ then that would affect the group’s dynamic right? What if others who has proved to be ‘less stable’ than them started breaking down too? The overall mayhem and consciousness of the group emotionality/dynamic is what stops them from reaching out to people or letting others help them. They’re afraid to ‘break’ the type-cast of their strong emotional character (fixed sign remember) and thus they tend to underestimate their own emotional needs (’its fine i’ll deal with it)

Some may even have an aversive view to letting themselves show/go through their actual emotions because of this. Learning how to give equal emotionality in their relationships will be important to them, I know they might not like getting ‘vulnerable’ in front of people– but it will help them drastically with their own progression/development.

Aqua/Libra people (who are still youngings) might even think crying is messy. But this depends on them honestly. The thing is, they might be afraid to show old friends (who they haven’t seen in a while) that they’ve grown and develop, and thus being quite a passive character or trying to reach back into who they were before in order to connect with them (which they will immediately regret later)

These people are optimistic tho, like they have a general positivity about them that they exude consciously. They’re one of those people who’ve probably read ‘the secret’ book by Rhonda Burne back in the days ( a self-help book, actually they read a lot of self-help books)

They believe in the Law of Attraction– that if they exude positivity, then positivity will come back to them.

This is a teaching they demonstrate to their friends, those who may be feeling down, they do it to help others as well as themselves. They try to remain positive and have a positive influence with people– but in this case, that’s why they don’t expose themselves to others a lot of the time.

The people they open up to though, are people who are quite chill and personal. Like they’re as much of an individual as them, maybe kind of a trail blazer/admirable to them. They understand them, so they trust them to give good solid advice.

Most of the time, it’s understanding and practical answers. Like how they give to other people, these people become their close friends and ones they keep for life– they trust them and depend on them.

Love their friends to bist, I know this is like cheesy BUT its in the WAY they love/show their love for their friend that’s really the 👌 of Aqua/Libra

Did you know they have sparkly eyes when they are happy/supportive of people? Sometimes it’s like, teasing– soft and gushy (and if you tell them this they’ll try to ‘cure’ it somehow sdknf)

It’s their facial expression that really does people in, they also tend to use like a calming voice for others. Not that they do it consciously, their calming voice is usually panic ridden for stressful situation (exerted consciously) but their normal voice is calming itself is what I mean.

Another thing is, ahh they may be attracted to those who are more ‘active’ – because they have such a strong sense of perception and inner peace. Those who are abit more cardinal (Aries/Capricorn/Cancer) or those with stress tensions (squares) tends to attract them towards those people.

That’s it for now!! 💕💕 This is quite long but I hope it’s good for you!! ;; 💕💕💕💕 Thank u for dropping by and being so sweet to me aaaah 💕💕💕

#aquarius sun #libra moon #aquarius-libra #anon #asks

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years ago

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this is a weird question but what's it like being aroace? I'm writing a story and i'm hoping to include more diversity but as I've had no experience w these kinda things I'm trying to ask around to get more knowledge (I've been doing the same thing w my trans/nb friends! Sorry!)

Hey no worries, feel free to ask away, it’s really awesome that you want to include more diversity in your writing! If you ever want to IM me here or on discord or wherever if that makes it easier then go ahead.

Uhh as for what it’s like, obviously it’s going to be different for every person so be sure to ask around, but in my experience it sometimes feels like people are being very arbitrary with their actions? Things like flirting or actively trying to pursue someone romantically, to me it feels a bit like “...okay but why though??” I don’t even dislike romance, it’s just that sometimes it seems kinda... random I guess.

It does make listening to most pop songs unrelatable, though, and even though I sometimes like romance in fiction I seem to have a lower tolerance for it than most people I know. (And I can’t even tolerate smut at all. There’s the ace part for ya!) And as you get older you’re reminded how different things are for you, with people constantly talking about their SO’s and asking you when you’ll get one. I’ve seen other people mention an analogy - a world where everyone keeps going on and on about a certain perfume but you just can’t smell anything unusual at all and wonder what they’re on about or what’s wrong with you - yeah, I’d say it’s kinda like that.

OH, and ever since I was little, I always kept latching onto characters and deciding that they’re uninterested in romance and sex (well before I even knew what being aromantic and asexual was). You know Treasure Planet? At first I was heartbroken that they cancelled the sequel, until I found out they’d been planning to give Jim a love interest in the sequel, and suddenly I was quite jarringly relieved, because why?? would he need or want a love interest?? he’s Jim Hawkins!! Why would you ruin his personality with a love interest??? that’s so unnecessary??? (See? Aroace headcanon right there, lol)

And I thought I had crushes in school, but I picked them. Like, if someone asked me then I would just pick the most good-looking person I knew. Or if a friend said they had a crush on someone, and I didn’t think the person looked totally awful, then I would say I had a crush on them too. Honestly, I thought it was normal to do that, I thought having a crush was thinking someone was cute-looking, and that people were making up the romantic/sexual attraction bits to sound more grown-up ;_;

Also, I think non-aroaces don’t really see this side of things, but people get really aggressive with the amatonormativity, it’s that ingrained. I mean, my parents literally outright told me they’d rather I was gay than aroace when I explained things to them. And “friends” have harassed me when I came out as ace, I’ve been told basically everything on those “what NOT to say to aro/ace people” lists right to my face, been pressured into lying about things because people won’t take no for an answer, my family don’t believe me at all and constantly try to convince me I’m wrong. (Except my brother, you rock dude!) It’s not something that non-aroaces are aware of because it doesn’t directly affect them, so it’s easy to understate the amount of overall abuse, gaslighting and erasure that’s faced by aros/aces. Unfortunate but true ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And on top of all that, you know that when people say “of course I consider friendship just as highly as romance!” deep down, they probably don’t actually mean it, lol. Subconsciously most people do indeed place a higher value on romance than friendship. It’s much easier to notice when you’re aro.

One last thing... I hate soulmate AUs. There, I said it! They rub me the wrong way, even when you’re including the whole “but soulmates can be platonic too!” thing. It just feels... iffy.

Okay that was all probably an incoherent wall of text, sorry about that! If you’ve got other questions or more specific questions I’m happy to answer those to the best of my ability! I hope things go well! (And I hate to shamelessly plug my own fic, but I was writing No Romo for Aro/Ace August and it’s not done yet but it’s the most aroace thing I’ve written, hehe, it’s probably a better glimpse into The Life Of An AroAce than this will ever be)

#random stuff #aro stuff #ace stuff #Anonymous #aish answers stuff

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ego-centrick-moved · 6 years ago

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EGO MAYHEM THEORIES: II

THIS IS PART II. CLICK HERE FOR PART I.

OK FUCKERS LET’S FIRST COVER SOME STUFF:

Jack posted a photo to his instagram with red lights shining on his face as he wore chases shirt and marvin's mask was spotted in the back

he livestreamed some fortnight and @lisasepticsuperplier spotted marvin’s mask hanging on the whiteboard. @maggiemaemoo also noticed and pointed out when he went on a “pee break” the mask went missing. this same mask was on the whiteboard in his new “am i colorblind” video.

it’s important to note that the red lights were in every video between chapter one and the colorblind video.

RGB lights/lens flares in most thumbnails.

he wore a black shirt in every video up until today (5/9) where he switched it out for chases shirt in “try to fall asleep” and a fairly normal tee in “am i colorblind”

i don't think “am i colorblind” is important to our theories at all, i actually think for once we got a normal video? besides the mask, nothing off happens the whole video and there’s no red lights. did jack go back to sleep?

CHAPTER 4: “IT WAS ALL CONNECTED”

"you see a man in front of you. this man looks strange, not like any man you have seen before. suddenly, you realize you were looking in a mirror..."

by this point we know all of the intros are connected/parallel events having to do with jack/the egos. this intro doesn’t end with “stories untold.” it’s likely the case because in game, we learn what the characters “untold” story is- and we start to uncover jacks.

all of his egos have a similar likeness to jack, so he could be referring to coming face to face with any of them. i think, however, this is more of a “i don’t recognize myself” statement. jack has lost his memories, he hasn’t been himself and his subconscious knows. that’s why he doesn’t recognize the man in the mirror, why it looks strange to him. mirrors have been a common theme over time regarding anti/broken!jack, and mirrors were also involved in the second video this day.

i really think jack did a good job choosing stories untold to be The Game(tm) where all this shit goes down. there’s a lot of very obvious connections you can make with jack/the ego’s stories and this game, and i enjoy it a lot. i took some notes while watching the video, it would take to long to expand on them individually so i'll just share this screenshot. it’s a lil messy:

now let’s jump to that ending. i’m still reeling from it; wig evaporated.

i still have NO SOLID IDEA what he could’ve been referring to. does he remember everything or just some things? does he blame schneep or anti? does he remember who everyone is again? SO MANY QUESTIONS! gif credit

@fear-is-nameless pointed out he looks directly at the camera, not through it. almost as if he's talking to someone. i think he’s either talking to us, or talking to schneep/chase considering (i think) they were the ones trying to get him to wake up to begin with.

@no-strings-puppet pulled together the whispers that you can listen to slowed here, slowed and reversed here.

@damienisverygood made a transcript of the whispers, i have a hard time hearing it so i cant rly confirm for 100% that this is accurate, but definitely worth noting.

@monochromemedic had a really interesting theory about schneeps involvement in it all, it’s definitely worth taking a peek at.

@booperdoopcr has a theory that really got me thinking as well.

i really do think someone has been “pulling the strings,” choosing what jack can remember and locking away whatever memories either a, hurt him or b, doesn’t serve their agenda. it’s hard to tell if it’s anti who’s in control of what jack knows or if it’s our doctor.

i don’t think schneep is evil or malevolent. if he’s keeping jack from remembering it’s for jacks health or the well-being of the other egos/himself. it’s an outdated theory that anti thrives off of attention (i can’t remember but i think jack said that wasn’t quite the case) so it would make sense for henrick to lock away memories that involved anti, it would also explain why jack doesn’t remember him (considering he was corrupted last time we saw him). the thing that doesn’t quite add up with this theory is why schneep was so frazzled to see jack playing his role, when he knew jack didn’t remember him or really know what he was doing. schneep looked scared when confronting jack, he knew something was wrong. overnightwatch happened after schneep left for “vacation,” yet jack seems to forget about that too. i don’t dismiss this theory completely, it just leaves a lot of questions.

anti, however, would benefit from jack having amnesia about him. if he doesn’t know who anti is and doesn’t know there’s something fishy going on, he can’t stop it. it would make sense for anti to make jack forget schneep, considering he tried to save him. it also could’ve just been a casualty of trying to get jack to forget everything regarding the glitch demon himself. it would also make sense for schneep to be frazzled in this case when confronting jack, because he likely didn’t know who he was talking to. he recognized jack, but he didn’t know jack. if that makes any sense.

i stand strongly by my theory that memory-lacking jack is just a puppet of antis, being controlled by him without really knowing. schneep has experience with anti, he was likely afraid of the unknown possibilities that stirred around confronting an unstable, unknowing puppet!jack. i honestly believe schneep came back to try to save jack. after he confronted puppet!jack, i think he started some sort of therapy to get him to remember, and had chases help. (like a parallel to the dr. alex/mom and james in the game ya feel?)

@chronically-illustrated pointed out that all of the endings could be a bit of interpretation of what happened to jack over the years. James Ation had a hard time interpreting reality so the truth manifested in complicated and symbolic ways. the outros could’ve symbolized jack’s memories coming back to him/events that have been actively happening.

we see jack “wake up” periodically (i think the jack that remembers is conscious, just locked away, being tortured and watching everything unfold) , leaving hints and cries for help littered here and there. they almost ALWAYS get removed though, seemingly by anti trying to get things back under control. the tags on the DDLC playthroughs that got deleted (canyouhearme, i remember what happened), the entire overnightwatch stream getting deleted (seemingly from memory as well), the random tags showing up on posts only to get deleted later (the sos in morse code). anti doesn’t want jack catching on, he deletes all signs of him he can and all of jacks cries for help while simultaneously taunting us and fucking with us (like overnightwatch as whole). thanks to @fear-is-nameless for reminding me about the tags on DDLC.

no traditional outro or intro

CHECK PLEASE

this video just seemed very off. i don’t have a lot to say about it, but i’ll let my notes sum it up:

i don’t really know what to make of it, other than it’s suspicious as all hell. the red light was in this video as well.

he mentioned magic 6 times, made a blood/knife/threatening comment about 5 times, and got injured/burned twice.

that mirror speech was all fine until he said “you got this- we got this.” i just don't trust like that.

if anything, i think this just helps solidify the idea that memory vacant jack is just a puppet of antis. it might also reveal that anti’s whole plan is to become one with jack and be the foreman (host).

“papa” sounds a lot like anti in the closing scene lmao. i don’t think there’s much to read into, its just something funny. if he is a puppet i wonder if he sees anti as dad?

there IS a traditional outro/intro

TRY TO FALL ASLEEP

i hate this man. i absolutely despise him. im kidding i love him and his creativity and torture knows no bounds. this mother fuck really did this to us.

before even watching the video, i knew we were NOT in the clear, after jack seemingly “waking up” yesterday and then this video? i love hate him.

here are my general notes on the video. i added lines to make it easier to read cos this was a Lot:

i take the notes during my first watch through so i'm sorry for the meaningless comments/reactions throughout.

let’s break this down a lil bit. the video starts off weird. there’s no normal intro, and the red lights are there- just dim (this was brought to my attention from this post by @markired), “jack” fades in through static.

@lizziebirb made this gif where you can see marvins mask show through the static:

then that creepy grin is back as he introduces the game. he stares directly at us as he makes his “speech” about going to sleep. when he makes the comment “when you drift off, that’s when the fun begins,” i half expected to hear anti’s laugh. bone-chilling to say the least.

the character in the game is someone who just went through an accident of some kind, and memory loss is mentioned (another parallel?). jack glosses over that, and instead focuses on brain damage. now hear me out; what if jack doesn’t want to remember? what if he wants to stay asleep because he’s afraid? i feel like due to the theme of the last game egos aside, he normally would’ve pointed it out or made a connection? i could be wrong, im just thinking out loud.

he also, out of place, brought up “why are all these people in my house” which reminded me a lot of a post he reblogged a few days ago.

he says “i don't know if i need a mask” (referring to gas masks in game) but that line stuck out to me, due to the fact two egos have masks and one of them even popped up in this video. the other ego (jbm) we haven't heard almost anything from since this all started.

i found a lot in the TV snow. we see marvin, JJ, and a hidden message. ill link the post with all the pictures here, but i would like to highlight a few screenshots in specific.

in this one, jack’s webcam seems to glitch out when marvin pops up. i don't know if that was something that messed up in the rendering of the video, but it honestly reminds me a lot like the glitches that popped up during the antipocalypse days. with the way the color fades and there seems to be hints of color over his face. i wonder if there’s a second image there we just can’t see?

and then there was this:

i traced over the words, but that’s all i saw. i’ve seen people claim it says “you need to wake up” but i just... don’t see that. it would make sense, but i never see the end of this sentence and i very clearly see an “A” in the 3rd word, so it doesn’t say “need”. it could say “you have to flee,” considering that is the next word we see after this. if that’s the case, who is he fleeing from and why?

it could ALSO be someone telling jack he HAS to wake up. like they’re telling him he doesn’t have a choice, he can't just keep acting like things didn’t happen and put off confronting his memories/his egos. after waking up yesterday, and then this video today, i wouldn’t be surprised if he’s deliberately trying to fall back asleep.

we also see JJ. but why? this is the only time i see him, and as far as i know jack doesn’t even reference him in this video, unlike how he referenced marvin with the abundance of magic-related comments. what’s the significance of JJ being in this video/making an appearance?

he also makes a face worth mentioning after reading the phrase “loose lips spit sekrits.” (i’m p sure it’s spelt that way because in dreams it’s common for things to be a little off, especially words. it wasn’t a typo by the developers, it was deliberate). this face goes entirely full screen and only lasts for about a second. it could be for comedic effect because he thought it was a typo, but it could also be a certain someone throwing some shade, yanno? someone's been slipping us hints, “spitting sekrits,” and another someone is probably not very thrilled about it.

he then makes a comment about “revive” due to the word being on a podium. he picks up a fuse and says, “can the doctor revive me after this” (as JJ pops up on screen) which could be a direct reference to schneep “reviving” jack- or at least his attempts to.

fear was a big theme in this video, he repeated that he “wasn’t afraid” many times even though he was very obviously afraid. i wonder who he was trying to convince he wasn’t afraid? who are we even watching in this video, and who are they trying to prove something to? he breaks the fourth wall towards the end and tells us “no fear, im repeating it so you guys remember it.” does he want us to have no fear, is it important that we aren’t afraid? or is he trying to convince us/whoever he really isn’t afraid, just cautious for our sake?

there were about 5 mentions of magic i caught throughout this video.

no traditional outro/intro

i’ll add more as the days go on, but in another two days (if there’s still ego stuff goin on) i’ll make another one. :D if you have any theories to add lmk by tagging me, messaging them to me, or just replying here ! i’ll throw them in where/if they fit and tag you. thanks for all the positive responses on my first theory post, i hope this one is as helpful. :D

Tags (im sorry): @jacksoopticboop @jacksepticeye-protection-squad @lum1natrix @puppet-master-anti @kasper-the-ghost @septicjacks @mrcamillaa @hufflepufftrax @rogue-of-broken-time @marielgum @markired

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #overnightwatch #marvin the magnificent #jse theories #jse community #stories untold #mo theorizes #mo squeaks #long post #*100

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