#tw exotrauma

[hazyaltcare]

TW: POSSIBLE TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, ED, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, RELIGION, SPECIES DYSPHORIA, ABUSE AND EXOTRAUMA (ONLY MENTIONED NO DETAILS), BLAMING OURSELF FOR PAST EVENTS, AND VENT

HEY Y'ALL XD. COULD WE GET POSITIVITY TO OUR SYSTEM? WE'RE DEALING WITH A LOT OF SHIT RN AND JUST NEED SOME KIND WORDS TO HELP CHEER US UP AND YOU GUYS ALWAYS HELP A BIT :3. ANYWAYS.

WE GOT BROKEN UP WITH A FEW MONTHS AGO AND JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET OVER IT AND ALSO WE'VE COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT THE RELATIONSHIP MAY HAVE BEEN TOXIC XD. WE RECENTLY RELAPSED WITH OUR ED AFTER NOT HAVING ISSUES FOR PROBABLY A YEAR. OUR SYSTEM IS UNSTABLE AND KEEPS MAKING US SWITCH HOSTS WHICH IS GETTING VERY TIRING AS WE NORMALLY ONLY SWITCH HOSTS EVERY FEW MONTHS. OUR DEPRESSION HAS GOTTEN A LOT WORSE LATELY AND MAKING US WANNA GIVE UP ON LIFE (WE'RE SEEING A DOCTOR ABOUT OUR DEPRESSION :3). WE'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SEVERE SPECIES DYSPHORIA OVER WINGS AND OTHER THINGS. WE'VE BEEN MISSING OUR PAST LIFE AS AN ANGEL AS IT WAS SIMPLER (WE CONSIDER OURSELVES COLLECTIVELY FALLEN ANGEL KIN NOW SINCE WE WERE THROWN OUT OF HEAVEN). BUT ALSO WE FEEL KINDA BAD FOR MISSING IT AS THE DEITY MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABUSIVE, AND WE SORTA FEEL AT BLAME FOR CERTAIN THINGS AND MAYBE THE ABUSE. AND WE'RE ALSO DEALING WITH A LOT OF CONFUSION AROUND A BUNCH OF OUR SYSTEM LATELY XD.

SORRY THIS IS VERY ALL OVER THE PLACE AND FOR MY TYPING QUIRK AND FOR THE LENGTH AND FOR THE POOR WRITING XD. TY FOR ANY POSITIVITY OR ADVICE OR ANYTHING AT ALL. WE UNDERSTAND IF YOU CAN'T ADDRESS MOST OF THESE ISSUES AS A LOT OF THEM WEREN'T KIN OR SYSTEM THINGS.

-MANGLE🏓 :3 FROM ⛏️🏳️‍🌈 (WE WOULD PREFER IF YOU REFER TO US WITH YOU& OR OTHER PLURAL TERMS) TYTY AGAIN AND SORRY FOR THE VENT.

Hello Mangle🏓 and all else from ⛏️🏳️‍🌈,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your& relationship. That is hard enough to deal with on your& own even without adding on the complexities of possible toxicity in said relationship. I want you& to know that it's okay to be upset, and to take all the time you& may need to heal. You& can't rush the grieving process, and the grief over the loss of a relationship is as real as any other kind of grief.

I can understand how all of this happening would make you& think back to a former life where you& felt happier and more sure of your& place in the universe. Even if the deity who ruled you was toxic, you're& still allowed to yearn for what felt like a safe space at the time. A lot of us here who have alternate and/or past lives feel similarly about them, even if they were in unhealthy situations in these aforementioned lives.

Even under waves of traumatic exomemories, there can still be those jewels; those pockets in time and space where everything, at least for a moment, seemed okay. There's nothing wrong with treasuring those memories.

I'm also sorry to hear you& are struggling with a flare-up of your& eating disorder. Relapsing isn't a moral failing on your& part. Don't blame yourself& or your& body for your& own stress response. Maybe you& could find an online support group to help you& get through this? While my situation is different, I have found support groups to be very helpful when it comes to some of the mental illnesses I have been struggling with, and you& deserve recovery.

Never apologize for being yourself&, btw, because who you& are is a wonderful soul& who is deserving of love and kindness. Your typing quirk doesn't change that, a toxic relationship doesn't change that, and reaching out for support certainly doesn't change that either.

We all wish you& Light and healing,

Mod Haze (☀️Sol)

[toastskinpics]

Made some traumacore based on my Nagito fictionkin mems, its under the cut

[manylittleguys]

ok how the hell am I supposed to cope with the fact that the girl I:

had known the majority of my life

had decided I was going to marry at a young age

wanted to spend the rest of my life with (before everything), and

trusted with the whole of my self

manipulated me not only the whole time we were dating but the whole time we were friends (since the age of 5-6) for her plans to take over the fucking world. She never loved me, did she? She never cared about me, never wanted me, never enjoyed my company. Never wanted a kid, never wanted to raise the child who was supposed to be our daughter as a proper kid rather than a pawn to use to take over the world, never actually cared about what happened to our daughter, never cared beyond the fact that child survived long enough to get her what she wanted, never really loved my daughter. Neither of us were actually wanted except as tools for her own ends. She didn't care for either of us as people, did she? Only as objects to be used. Good fuck, and I thought I was a bad parent to that poor girl.

[blue-box-man-10]

A meme I made while having some pretty strong kin feels relating to ✨exotrauma✨

[leviafin]

Exotrauma

Having exotrauma from a "cringe" or "silly" source sucks. It feels like you're taken infinitely less seriously than those who have trauma from grittier, adult-geared and/or "acceptable" sources. Which in and of itself just isolates you and makes it worse.

I'm not just a silly little thing from your silly little Roblox game that could never show signs of trauma because it's 'just a kids game'--and I'm not your blorbo either. It feels like there's 2 common options for how people treat fictionkind with exotrauma:

Oh my poor little scrunkly, my little cardboard box meow meow.... Going to hold you because I love babying you and treating you like you're not even a person because I see you only as my favourite character. (Mind you, this is distinctly SEPARATE from actual friendly support, you can tell the difference.)

You're not a fictional character, get over it lmao. Yeah I know you are them but like you didn't ACTUALLY live through that, stop claiming it, it's disrespectful. Why are you upset at my memes about your death lol. Get a life.

So like... Maybe fictionkind are people. Maybe I don't want to think about the worse parts of my source. Maybe I don't want my trauma shoved in my face as a little funny joke, even if the context is changed. Maybe, just maybe... Leave alterhumans with fictional sources alone. Even if their source is lighthearted, even if it's for kids, even if it's the most "cringe" media you can think of.

Sonic the Hedgehog might've seemed fine in-source but maybe he's fucked up from all that he's been through. That warrior cat alterhuman isn't just being edgy, maybe they're suffering from the memories of fighting to survive day in and day out. Bluey is allowed to be not okay, and their source shouldn't dictate their experiences. Do you ever think that some Pokemon or trainers don't have amazing, adventurous lives travelling around with their best friends? Mario might have nightmares and flashbacks from his source. Mickey Mouse is allowed to be hurt, and allowed to express that. That MLP alterhuman isn't always going to be just a happy colourful magic pony with no issues whatsoever.

We are PEOPLE, and our sources being "happy", "for kids", "light-hearted", "fun" or anything of the sort should NOT dictate how we are treated here, what our experiences are "allowed" to be, or how we are expected to act. Treat fictionkind--of all sorts--like PEOPLE.

[the-alarm-system]

Hey to all those headmates with exotrauma who feel the need to use a fucked label like transtrauma, don't fucking do that to yourself. Your trauma was real, you don't need to transition it into this reality for it to be real. We endured what we had to endure, it's gone, it's over now, let yourself heal. You don't need it again, you're still just hurting. Going by transtrauma isn't going to make the flashbacks easier

[exotrauma-vents]

incoming transmission . . .

this is a blog for survivors of exotrauma or introjects/alterhumans/otherkin who have memories of trauma which their body did not physically experience. i wanted a space where i could freely vent and begin to process my own exotrauma with other people who understand. having found no space like this, i decided to make my own blog.

anyone can vent here about any kind of exotrauma. you can also vent about what life is like for you as someone with exotrauma. i am a member of a system, but you don’t have to be plural in order to interact. sometimes otherkin, fictionkin, therians, and other alterhumans may have exotrauma, and they are welcome here too. please try to include potential triggers to your vents so i can add adequate trigger tags. but if you don’t i’ll do my best to add my own.

if it affects you, it affects you. i understand that exotrauma is not the same as physical trauma, and exotrauma can often be rooted in real-world trauma. but simply acknowledging this fact doesn’t mean that these memories and experiences don’t affect me. we with exotrauma deserve spaces where we can open up about our experiences in judgement-free environments.

i will post vents as they arrive in my inbox. if i start getting more asks, i will likely set up a queue in the future. the queue will post once or twice per day.

dni: if you can’t be respectful to introjects, therians, soulbonds, otherkin, or alterhumans, dni. if you think that people don’t deserve to talk about and heal from their exotrauma, dni. if you think that introjects (including factives, faitives, songtives, conceptives, octives, etc.) are cringe, dni.

[cambriancrew]

Something we wrote elsewhere on the topic of exotrauma and this-world trauma: (tw for vague mentions of trauma)

Most of our non-Willows are fictives, and their trauma from their source came with them. In our system, most of that trauma is what we refer to as "body-bounded" - trauma that we experienced in this body here has trauma effects on this body here, but trauma that happened, say, to Jas's body in the innerworld doesn't affect our body here. The first time she got a hug from a guy friend here in our body here and didn't freak out or have an anxiety or panic attack, she cried because it was the first time she could do that in years. Similarly, she in her body doesn't have the trauma trigger we have related to nausea and vomiting. However, if she fronts in the body when it's nauseous, the body doesn't have a panic attack like it would if we Willows were in it. We'd say that particular trauma is only partially body-bounded.

Just sharing here in case the terminology we use internally is helpful to anyone else. :)

[wilted-astraea]

I had doubted it previously, but I definitely experience exotrauma related to my ID.

I keep having gruesome intrusive thoughts involving a sword and being.... I can't say it... but then i put 2 and 2 together and realized it stems from watching Marcy get s*****d. It feels like I'm still reliving the witnessing of it.

Not to mention, it's not too different from those intrusive thoughts I had in the shower taking me back to my fight with Darcy... iykyk, i don't wanna say it.

I might be shifted into Sasha right now. I don't even know yet. I've been missing Marcy more lately and clinging onto him, too. (Maybe partially due to the journal I got lolll)

[lil-toastie-boi]

Just some vent art about my fictionkin mems under the cut

[lostfur]

One of the weirdest things now is that I have two/three kin who are/have been an experiment (Or the result of). Then there's another who would do every kind of malpractice possible for fun on anyone and everyone he meets (read: stole a whole ass skeleton that is now kept in the med bay, and has swapped minds on accident and on purpose).

On one hand, I have multiple exotraumas relating to being experimented on and the results afterward. Just a few examples include: being terrified of needles going into my inner arm, no matter how painless it is, I also feel ill if anyone, even myself touches my inner wrist.

And on the other, I want to do a live dissection and see how the heart works while still beating. It confuses me so much, and also has given me a headache :/

[hazyaltcare]

okay this is pretty. dark. but i cant help these memories and i just. i dont know. need some positivity/reassurance that im not a bad person ig? tw for school shootings.

basically i recently uncovered a memory of my timeline which. involved me being in a relationship with a school shooter (i dont know who it was, i dont even think he was necessarily a fact/fiction type, he actually probably wasnt? i dont know its fuzzy) and. basically. i think because i was so in love with him i helped him and his friend in taking the school hostage and. after that its all blurry. but its really fucking me up. i know i cant help kin memories/exomemories but. its so dark and idk. controversial isnt the right word but yk what i mean. its scary and i dont like it.

anyway. hope this didnt make you guys too uncomfortable. thank you for your presence.

Hey anon,

You're not a bad person for remembering an alternate life you now have no control over. While that person who did those awful things is you in the most technical sense, they aren't really you at the same time. Your actions in this timeline matter far more than they do in any other, as this timeline is the one you have actual influence over. Alternate versions of yourself are exactly what you'd expect: alternate. Your kins have no authority over your morality and worth as a person in the here and now.

I understand that it may be hard to accept these memories. I've done things in my kin timelines that were frankly unacceptable, and I still struggle to come to terms with them. Still, that doesn't mean i'm a bad person. The fact that i'm able to acknowledge how fucked up the things I did in other timelines were actually have helped me grow as a person and have shown me the person I don't want to be. I hope that someday these awful memories can be a gift to you in that sense too. No matter how grisly or repulsive these memories may be, they at least show perspective that may have been impossible to garner otherwise.

That kind of goes into one of my theories about kintypes; particularly the "bad" or "abusive" ones that some people-- a lot of them being perfectly kind and normal-- wind up with: I believe that oftentimes your kin memories come from the universe (or whatever powers there may be) trying to give you lessons or a message for your current life. They aren't supposed to be testimonies to your character, because (in my opinion), most people probably have had super fucked up alternate timelines where they've been godawful people. They just don't remember them for one reason or another. The fact that you remember them just means that it's somehow relevant to your current life.

Don't punish yourself over a life you remember when it's one that's completely outside of your influence. You can't change what happened, just like you can't change that kintype or who you are.

Be kind to yourself. You don't need to justify yourself or your kintypes. Literally the fact that you know what you did in that timeline was wrong is enough.

Remembering bad things in other timelines doesn't mean you are going to enact them in this one. Just like intrusive thoughts, exomemories are not indicative of your future actions.

Hope you are well,

Mod Haze (🫁Rob)

[horrorcrew-diary]

PSEUDOMEMORIES FUCKING SUCK. THIS SHIT IS SO STUPID. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I REMEMBER EXPERIENCING ONE OF THE MOST HEINOUS FORMS OF EXTENDED ABUSE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR OUR REAL TRAUMAS. H. HUH? WHY?

[yellow-sky-system-stuff]

[burning-alliums]

It’s always “If you want to be a hero, die like one” until I actually want to. Then they decide to care all of a sudden.

[addict-for-poison]

Exotrauma and insystem trauma is just so weird cause really you could never talk anywhere without it sounding crazy.

Like. Who the fuck am I supposed to tell about some guy that manipulated me into working for him years and abused me during the whole thing? What about all that other exotrauma? Like being kidnapped and forced to join a circus? All the shit I had to deal with him from the circus. And so many other events.

And what about the many times I was kidnapped in our system and dealt with so much random bullshit? Like. There's something I refuse to mention publicly, but it'll sound so fucking absurd so I can't even if I wanted to. But I can remember what happened and especially one guy from it Too well.

All of this shit I can remember. And I have trauma responses frequently related to it. To me it feels as real as the body/our collective trauma. But it'll never be as acceptable as it.

To me our system will never feel fully safe, as more insystem trauma could happen at anytime.

(I know some bitch is going to comment "Go to therapy" under this or whatever. We. Can't. Right now. It's not always possible for everyone)