#tw!! intrusive thoughts

[spiralstereo]

ー Looking in the mirror, this isn't who I want to be.

⚠️ tw!! gender dysphoria, self harm, blood, intrusive thoughts, cursing, verbal abuse, etc.

He She had been thinking about things for awhile.

How he she viewed himself herself, how others must perceive him her, how he she wanted to be perceived. The perfect image, if you will.

He She was uncertain.

He She was standing in the mirror, viewing himself. Scanning himself herself up & down. Just as he she always looked. Long, neat & slightly wavy hair swept to one side & let down. A white long sleeved & collared dress shirt with a little neat black bow tied in the front of his her shirt collar, a long black a-line skirt with some tall black socks with some perfectly matching dress shoes with cute little buckles.

His Her horns were neat, well taken care of. A golden, glowing halo sat between them, hovering above them. His Her wings were preened, folded behind his her back & well kept aswell. A pair of rounded, golden glasses sat on his her face, highlighting his her golden eyes.

He She was a well put together & pretty little thing, fair & tall, with anything a deity could want. Wings, a respectable status & title, & a gear that could kill. Yet, he she looked at himself herself & could only feel...

Sorrow.

He She didn't like how he she looked, at all. Infact, he she despised it.

He She brought a clawed hand up to his her face, tearing into the flesh. Disgusting, scarlet blood leaked out. Not golden, luscious & of power- but scarlet. As if the deity of death were a mere mortal.

He She dug in more, his her flesh ripping apart like butter, & his her claws were spreading it apart. He She wanted to reshape his her face into something better, something he she could be happy with, something-

Something that made him her look like the man he she really was.

She He paused. No... wait.

Had suddenly everything she he had felt before become invalid? She He or was he always this way, & she he didn't know it? Another fear, what would her his siblings think?

"You're a girl, Ghostwalker, & you always will be. Stop tryna say you're different!"

"Are you seriously going to betray me, just like that? What about girls sticking together? I was fine with Illumina transitioning, but you? I'm disappointed."

She He was terrified. They wouldn't accept her him. They would hate her him- they would throw him away & make someone take her his place, because she he wasn't good enough.

She He caught another glimpse of herself himself in the mirror. How disgustingly feminine she he looked.

Her His hair, her his clothes, her his-

Her His hair.

She He tugged & pulled, yanking on her his hair. Yanking on the hair that took her him years, maybe even over a decade to grow out. She He hated it. She He hated it so much.

There was a pair of scissors on a desk beside the mirror. Her His eyes trailed over, locking onto them.

She He scrambled, her his clawed hands desperately grabbing them, bringing them to her his long, white locks &-

Cutting it all off.

It didn't look the greatest, but it looked alot better then before. Well, to him atleast.

He was shaking, staring at himself in the mirror. At his shortened hair, at his torn up & cut up skirt. He... was definitely going to need to start wearing something else.

Maybe he'd find himself in the process too. Who knows what he would discover, he'd shunned himself & been up in the air for eons... he was excited to learn, excited to figure things out!

But not right now. He wasn't ready to come out of come out of his room yet.

[sleepzsharkz]

Last hope.

[vixensofdeath]

I really need a fucking break, or a gun

[sunderingstars]

ocd is literally just having a guy in your head that torments you with false prophecies & visions

[dreamdripdistance]

goodbye, goodbye. our time together has been cut short.

[sunlit-mess]

[velsatelier]

giving in

[jellyfishhhhhhhhhhh]

nobody:

me: *likes a post*

my ocd: was that post you liked actually good? what if that person is secretly bad and people find out and then you're a bad person by association because you liked their post? what if this post has secret dogwhistles that you don't know about? and by liking it that means you agree with it! reread it 30 times until all the words don't even seem like words anymore and the meaning is mush! what? you can't tell if it is a bad™ post? see, you actually are a bad person because a good person would be able to tell. you are going to hell now! you need to think at least 5 'good' things so you can counteract your eternal damnation!!! now now now now NOW NOW NOW!!!!

[hamoodmood]

Albert Camus core

[sleepis4theweak]

A couple days ago I zoned out and only zoned back in when I realized I was seconds away from biting my own finger off like a carrot... idk why I did that but I thought it fit Raph lmao <3

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[ohitslen]

Intrusive thoughts

[bluepr1ntyy]

Raven brainrot,,,

My human Raven and @yeloenk’s human raven + credits/tagging under the cut,, TW because showing wound

Characters;;

Lux by AlainaPrana

Raven by @echoiarts

PaperJam by @7goodangel

Palette by @lasseutblogo

Shino-Hana by @blue-kohina

the rest (-Hino, who belongs to a deactivated account) belong to @pepper-mint

Tags;;

@doodlesphxre @clownray1 @lushciqqs

[interruptedsblog]

I feel empty, I feel a hole in my chest while sadness and anguish are invading me. I don't have enough strength to get up, move, concentrate and eat.

[bog-bitch]

consider: intrusive thoughts described like shitty Buzzfeed articles

“Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Actually a Pedophile”

“People Are Sharing the Best Slurs to Scream at the Top of Your Lungs and Honestly I Am So Here For It”

“Tell Me Your Favorite Color and I’ll Tell You You Can Jump In Front of A Moving Train Right Now”

“You’ve Heard of [Normal Activity], But Have You Heard of All the Horrible Ways You Can Die While Doing It???!!”

“This Quiz Will RevealWhich Hand You Could Hypothetically Stick in a Blender!”

[feelingreallysadandmyvanisaboat]

I would like to say, as someone who experiences pretty awful intrusive thoughts, and has now seen some takes from other fans saying Donny Urges was poor representation of intrusive thoughts because he “just wanted cake” or “wasn’t violent enough”

1. Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts. Literally all people. The incredibly awful violent ones are not that common, but they are not the only kind of intrusive thought. Again I say this as someone who suffers from severely violent intrusive thoughts.

2. Donny WAS violent. He punched a guy out of nowhere

3. Donny didn’t just want cake, he wanted to STEAL cake. That’s the operative word here. That’s the intrusive part. Your brain saying “hey fuckin stick your fingers in someone else’s cake” something super uncool and potentially dangerous to keeping his job, is a perfectly legitimate intrusive thought, it’s upsetting, it’s not something Elias would ever do, that’s what an intrusive thought is. That’s why after The Fix scared Donny, he became a regular urge to just eat cake under normal circumstances. The eating cake wasn’t the intrusive part, the stealing was.

Anyway I don’t mean this to antagonize the people making those posts, I get what y’all mean. But just keep in mind that just because something isn’t the experience you know, doesn’t mean it’s “poor representation” or “ignorant.” Also! This was the first episode! Presumably Elias was doing alright, and is going to get worse, there’s every possibility intrusive thoughts will pop up again, and be more of a genuine threat.