#transformer martial artists
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Windblade in Transformers: Cyberverse is so good at fighting that she defeated sword wielding Slipstream by using her two turbine fans as melee/throwing weapons.
Obviously there is a comparison/nod to be made to the martial arts/historical warfare use of Japanese éć (ăŚăŁăă, romanized: tessen, meaning iron fan) because theyâre fans and because Windbladeâs design is inspired by onna musha (Japan has quite a history of pre-Meiji period women warriors, we actually wrote about this for a paper years ago back in undergrad on women warrior groups and individuals prior to the Cold War but anyway). From what little we know of tessenjutsu (definitely not something familiar, when it comes to hand-to-hand we are more familiar with e.g. taekwondo and longswords, so if anyone wants to comment please do) the fighting techniques of an iron fan are rather different due to being able to use the fan folded for e.g. stabbing and the fact they arenât round when unfolded... so this is also Windblade using her transforming robot plane anatomy to fight in a way human bodied people donât (do you have a return to thrower buckler shield at home that also is an engine for flying and can blow away opponents when attached to your wings?).Â
This is a long way of saying that in martial arts terms; Windblade is extremely badass.
We wanna see her and jetpack using dual wielding sword Arcee spar in a duel it would be so beautifully gay equivalent...
ID: an image from Transformers: Cyberverse Season 1 Episode 14, âSiloed,â of a combat focused Windblade from the chest up with wings out, in a duel with Slipstream, who isnât visible in this shot, only the pink curved energy sword Stormfall (Windbladeâs) that Slipstream stole is visible, clashing against one of Windbladeâs turbine fans sheâs holding in her right hand, just as she is holding one in her left. The background is dramatically streaking lines of green, which started earlier in the fight when the two were running in parallel, waiting for someone to make the next move. End ID.
#transformers#maccadam#Windblade#slipstream#tf slipstream#transformers cyberverse#cyberverse#martial arts#transformer martial arts#robot martial arts#transformer martial artists#robot martial artists#turbine fans#stormfall#stormfall sword#queer sword#queer robots#because you know cyberverse had gay intent#ROBOTS AND GENDER#robot gals#robot gals. <3#transformer gals
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Females in media (Guilty franchises, Tropes vs Women)
We can create a list of women-actors trying to carry and make their characters interesting and fight for their characterisation (in other worse cases: franchises feeding to that progressive-now-feminism presentation (females showing strength, authority, being active and logical and **!!HAVING/showing AGENCY!!**, badassery, mechanic, crafts(wo)man, DIYer) only to steal that away with bringing back harmful and disappointing strawman tropes and ideas, like, later immediately making them sexy slaves; erase them or only just get them married and no further development or dreams from their part, past that.)
#women doing a good job while their female character has a lackluster portrayal.
#violence against women#who are guilty of this trope#BTW#femfreq#tropes vs#let me say:#Indiana Jones#Wendnesday#Transformers#films#Spider-man#Star Wars#there are many#if anyone is reading#please add your own list#of franchises mistreating women or/and minorities#fictional women#oh#Naruto#why Naruto#because I've read complaints about its females having huge dreams of becoming great martial artists and fighting for a fair word#only them to forget all of that and then simply becoming stay-at-home moms#they can be both#but women there had high hopes and promise but they didn't reach or get to anything besides all of them just getting that âhappy endingâ#shtick marriage#and why âactorâ is only assumed netural-male; âactressâ-female-only#why âmanâ is a male-netural word; âwomenâ is only just for women#can't have fluidity in linguistics; like; who do you think you are#making up stuff like linguistics; and while being there strawmanning#who do you think you are
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Astrology Observations: No.20
*just based on my opinions, only take what resonates
I feel like 2nd house overlays can make you overly forgiving towards the person with planets in your 2nd house. Itâs a Venusian house and that can bring a sort of desire to see the best in that person (7th can have this effect to a lesser degree imo bc Libra is focused on balance, so thereâs affection there but itâs less likely to skew into being overly forgiving)
Chiron in the first can be a very beautiful person when theyâve really healed their wounds. A person who has a sort of glow from their inner light.
Earth moons in general like to receive and give gifts and Capricorn moons tend to be hyper fixated on giving the right gifts to the people theyâre close to
5th house Venus could make you more creative in a relationship
7th house venus/Taurus/Libra definitely creates more in a healthy relationship
Mars conjunct MC could mean being known for a career in violence, like martial artist or action star
Lilith MC could mean success in a taboo career, like s*x work or just some alternative field (Iâm a tattoo artist :0)
People with planets conjunct your south node are definitely tied to your past life and may be destined to do certain actions towards/with you
North Node overlays can also be tied to past life but theyâre usually here to make sure you grow in some capacity/move towards your destiny.
Your Venus sign could show the most beloved features of your body (Sagittarius Venus- a lot of people may notice your legs, Libra Venus- a lot of people may notice your butt, Virgo Venus- a lot of people may notice your hands, etc)
Moon conjunct Jupiter could make you very empathetic, could also make people see your emotions as big whenever you express them
Imo Virgo shows where you are a minimalist (Virgo Asc usually has a minimalist approach to fashion/accessories/tattoos/etc, Virgo Venus or Virgo in 11th could point to having a circle of only a few friends, Virgo in 4th could show a minimally decorated home, etc)
Aries risings tend to have big heads/foreheads or their heads are the first things people notice about them (my mom used to get called tweety bird bc she had a big head and a little body which was mean, but so is she soâŚ..)
Pisces moons tend have this look like they could cry at any time (like their eyes always look wet and sad if that makes sense lol)
Wherever Pluto aspects (trine, Sextile) your personal planets shows where you can be the most transformative (or obsessive/possessive lowkey, especially for harsh aspects like square/oppositionsâ conjunct feels the intensity of both). Moon can show that your emotions push you to transform, Venus is this for your personal/romantic relationships, Saturn is how you use the lessons it teaches and how it affects your self discipline, etc
Leo in 6th could point to dealing with performance anxiety
Cancer in 8th could point to trauma around family (Scorpio over 4th could point to this too)
Gemini in 8th could point to trauma with neighbors/siblings/cousins/the education system or communication in general (Scorpio over 3rd could point to this too)
Sagittarius in 8th can point to having religious trauma or having intense/taboo experience with religion (Scorpio over 9th could point to this too)
Capricorn can show where you start to lose yourself and canât go through with when your stressed (I have Capricorn in 3rd and I literally lose my voice when I internalize stress, itâll start cracking so fast itâs spooky. Capricorn in 5th could mean you absolutely cannot relax when your stressed. In 6th your health starts to act up immediately and you catch colds. In 1st you may have issues with your skin/breakouts when youâre stressed out.)
Mercury in 12th could stay up all night overthinking or experiencing intrusive thoughts
Virgo moons that oversimplify are underdeveloped
The mother of a Capricorn moon views love as super transactional (like if you donât give them a hug you donât love them, instead of the child being a person who deserves their own autonomy)(I was watching Beef and I got frickin triggered when Ali Wongâs character said her daughter was âsupposed to love her foreverâ but wouldnât give her a hug when Ali wanted her to, so she thought her daughterâs love was conditionalâ I was like holy sh*t Iâve heard that before!! Lol Saturn moon gang lol)
#astro observations#astro notes#astroblr#astro community#lilith astrology#2nd house#chiron#capricorn#capricorn moon#5th house#7th house#Venus#mars#mc#midheaven#south node#north node#moon#Jupiter#Virgo#Aries#aries ascendant#Pisces moon#Pluto#Leo#Sagittarius#cancer#Gemini#Virgo moon#Mercury
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the Nerima Wrecker Crews' Guide to Ranma Fandom for Newcomers
With the release this month of a brand new anime adaptation of the eighties manga Ranma ½, a lot of new fans are joining an older fandom that may leave them...confused about some details.
See, when the Ranma manga began in 1987, series creator Rumiko Takahashi was already solidly-established from her success with the runaway hit Urusei Yatsura. It only took two years for an anime adaptation to begin airing....for a mere eighteen episodes, before being canceled. If you go back to the '89 anime, you will almost certainly notice some drastic shifts in art style and tone from the first eighteen episodes to the remainder, and that's because only a single season was produced by Studio DEEN before production shifted to a new directorial crew, who dubbed the following season Ranma ½ NettĹhen (Fierce/Hot Battle Chapter).
The thing is, between the original eighteen episodes being made while the manga was still relatively early in its nine-year run, attempts to draw in better ratings by heavily promoting fan-favorite characters, a need for filler episodes to let the manga catch up to the pace of the anime's releases, and even the biases and friendships of the respective directors and writers...some things wound up being different.
And as a result, the Ranma ½ of the Eighties and Nineties is very different from what we're going to get with the 2024 anime. The 2024 series is based on a manga that had been finished for decades, and between the official releases so far and some unfortunate early leaks, it shows plenty of signs of being far more faithful to the original manga.
So, we of the Nerima Wreckers' Crew are here to introduce you to a few of the things you might run into as a new Ranma ½ fan exploring the existing fan content that has accrued over the past few decades!
Be aware: you're about to read spoilers for a four decades old manga. Questions about something that we don't cover in this post? Leave a comment asking for more, after the jump!
Something to get out of the way first: we're the NWC as an in-joke: as both Transformers and Ranma fans (and in some cases, fictive introjects), we wanted to combine the 'Wreckers' group name from Transformers with the English-language Ranma ½ fandom's nickname for the group of martial artists, students, teachers, monsters, and other characters who populate the series:
The Nerima Wrecking Crew.
The principal setting of Ranma ½ is Nerima, a ward of the metropolis of Tokyo. There are 23 special wards, and Nerima is a real-life one that is found in the northwest of Tokyoâin fact, it was the 23rd and final ward! In English-language communications, the local government identifies the ward as Nerima City, so that's how we'll speak of it here.
Nerima is a large city that still retains a very suburban, even exurban character stretching back to its history of farming. There are even still farms within the city limits, including at least one dairy farm last we checked! It's part of Tokyo, but it has a kid of old-fashioned peaceful character...that makes it the perfect place for anime characters to disrupt. That kind of disruption led the English-speaking fandom to dub our favorite crew of violent martial artists the "Wrecking Crew", presumably after their propensity to bust down walls and buildings.
A lot of anime and manga take place in Nerima. Takahashi's previous hit series Urusei Yatsura, the cat-robot classic All-Purpose Cultural Cat-Girl Nuku-Nuku, the anime adaptation of Stop!! Hibari-Kun, even Tokyo Ghoul...okay, some of these are not quite the same genre as the others.
This is often attributed to the large number of anime studios based in the city, but Ranma's adventures in Nerima have a special bond with the environment that seems to go beyond, stretching back to the original manga. Ranma is often seen walking along (or falling from) fencetops above canals just like the above image from Wikimedia, and scenes set in nearby parks map fairly well to specific ones in Nerima City, so we can generally assume that the neighborhood where the TendĹ Dojo is found is roughly in the Ĺizumi area along the Shirako River seen above.
More specifically, it's in an imaginary neighborhood somewhere nebulously within those boundaries, a neighborhood that parts of the older fandom know as Furinkan-chĹ, AKA "Furinkan Town", after the Furinkan High School that Ranma and Akane attendâdrawing a connection to the more official identification of the cast of Urusei Yatsura as living in Tomobiki-chĹ and attending Tomobiki High School.
A sober, dignified edifice to education...populated by a bunch of martial arts lunatics.
Some of whom are probably going to be pretty different in the new anime!
Meet the principal of Furinkan High School. Yes, this is a native Japanese man. Yes, he has problems.
Principal, Headmaster, or in Japanese KunĹ-kĹchĹ (no given name provided) is, unfortunately, the unfortunate father of the equally unfortunate series mainstay Tatewaki KunĹ. The Principal here visited the USA for a while in order to learn from our education methods and came back an even worse problem than he'd left, becoming obsessed with the trappings of Hawai'ian tourism and the English language. In the original Japanese, his dialogue is heavily peppered with random English words and phrases (and an obnoxious Woody Woodpecker-style laugh).
The thing is, it's hard to translate a character randomly speaking English...into English. So, the official English translations of the original manga and anime had the Principal badly pepper his speech with Hawai'ian Pidgin phrases. It's going to be a little while before he shows up in the new anime, so it's hard to say for sure how he'll be translated...but it probably won't be that. So, new fans: you're probably going to encounter a few fanworks where there's a random fake-Hawai'ian man threatening teenagers with bad haircuts.
Teenagers like Hikaru Gosunkugi.
This is Gosunkugi. You'll probably see him next season, because we're going to perform acts of supervillainy if they don't make a second season. He shows up pretty early on in the manga, and has an important role to play in a major storyline...but he didn't show up in the original anime for 94 episodes after he was supposed to appear.
What we got instead was Sasuke Sarugakure. There's some debate about exactly why the anime-only character Sasuke was added: a diminutive ninja with thick eyebrows, prominent whiskers, buck teeth, and a miserable lot in life as the KunĹ family servant. Seemingly...the only servant. Sasuke's role in the original anime seemed to have been not only to fill in for Gosunkugi in an early storyline, but to act as a comedic foil to the overblown antics of the KunĹ familyâespecially absurd since the anime took the already comical wealth of the KunĹs from the manga, and exaggerated it to an absurd degree that seems all the more ridiculous when you learn that Sasuke sleeps in the crawlspace and gets by on fewer than three meals a day.
Oddly, this characterization as a comically impoverished ninja is a recurring bit in Takahashi's stories: Urusei Yatsura featured the job-hunting missing-nin Kaede, and the last few volumes of the Ranma ½ manga introduced the threadbare kunoichi Konatsu.
Get used to this image. It's probably all you're going to see of Konatsu for a good few seasons...because the original anime never got to that part of the manga.
Konatsu is a thorny topic in the fandom due to matters of gender that aren't helped by the original anime never getting to those stories, and the original manga chapters taking forever to be available in English. What can definitely be said is that Konatsu A: identifies as a kunoichi, specifically a title for female ninja, and B: is AMAB.
But this is a series that's all about playing with gender.
For example...
The Girl. An anime-only episode of NettĹhen presented a story of Ranma taking a blow to the head, waking up not long after and insisting on actually being a girlâidentifying her life as a boy as being something akin to a bad dream. This version of Ranma knows she was assigned male and turns back into a male body when splashed with hot water, but she demonstrates a visceral dysphoria about it that is painfully relatable. The episode's plot is concluded and the status quo is restored when the pacifistic girl is struck once more in the head at the end, restoring the Ranma who is a confident martial artist and self-identified man among men...but an increasing number of highly-rated fanworks reference this single-episode anime-only story.
This isn't the only time an anime-only episode touches on the idea of Ranma who is solely identified as a girl:
Ranma and the Evil Within starts off with Ranma joking about staying a girl forever, only for it to be taken seriously by the recurring problematic antagonist HappĹsai (seriously, he's just the worst, and for some reason the original anime production team decided to make lots of anime-only episodes featuring him). A magic incense is brought into play, splitting off all the femnine 'yin' from Ranma's masculine 'yang'.
This split-off half is characterized as unbalanced, magically powerful, and a threat to Ranma's life. So of course, she looks sick as fuck. But just like The Girl, she's a one-off character. Don't worry: if the anime runs long enough to cover all the manga storylines, we'll still get a story about a female-only duplicate of Ranma. But it's going to be a little while.
Speaking of girls in Ranma ½, let's touch on Akane's female friends!
Mostly going unnamed in the manga, Akane has several female classmates and friends who received more prominent roles in the old anime.
(gif by @roseillith)
The two most notable of these are Yuka (lighter brown hair), and Sayuri (darker brown, often in a ponytail). These names do get called out in the old version of the anime, though they don't seem to have much personality beyond "girls who are friends with each other and Akane".
This role is sometimes filled by others in the old anime. It's much harder to find episodes where any other girls in the class are named, but due to two of them recurring, fanworks often bring them up as Akane's other friends:
Meet Asami (wavy shoulder-length hair) and Hiroko (short hair and freckles)...or is that Makoto and Shikako? Sources vary on these names, and English language websites disagree on which are the 'official' names. If anyone can track down an episode where either one is named on-screen, we'd appreciate it!
Akane isn't the only one with school friends: Ranma's got a few recurring acquaintances among the male students, as well.
In the old anime, these two are specifically named as Hiroshi (lighter colored hair and wider eyes) and Daisuke (dark hair and narrow eyes). They're often treated by both the source material and fanworks as Ranma's sole "normal" guy friends, and in general behave like stereotypical high school boys...including openly lusting after Ranma's girl form, even after they learn that she and the male Ranma are one and the same.
Hiroshi and Daisuke show up more consistently as a pair than Akane's friends in both the manga and the original anime, and fanworks often pair them romantically with Yuka and Sayuri. But even with how common Hiroshi, Daisuke, Yuka, and Sayuri are (down to their incredibly average names), they deserve mentioning for new fans...
...Because the new anime renamed them all! "Hiroshi" is now "Shingo" (ăăă), "Daisuke" is now "Kiichi" (ăăăĄ), "Yuka" is now "Noriko" (ăŽăă), and "Sayuri" is now "Tomoyo" (ă¨ăă).
That's it for now, because there's a brand new episode out that we haven't had a chance to watch while we wrap up this post on our lunch break. Until next time, this is the Nerima Wrecker Crew, signing off!
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Okay I wasn't going to post anything about this since haters exist everywhere but I can't take any more disrespect.........
People are being so disrespectful towards Mary Mouser in other social networks, even telling the producers they should fire her and this MUST STOP
They call her fat and lazy because "she says she trains so hard but then can't stop putting on weight"
BRO, SHE HAS DIABETES!
And even if she hadn't have it or if she had never told us anything about her condition that doesn't give you ANY RIGHT to disrespect other people's bodies or assume they aren't "trying their best"
Plus, no every martial artist looks the same. Ones get more muscular, others skinnier but fitter... It depends on SO MANY physical factors!!!
Argh, I know I shouldn't let them get to my nerves like this but I've already seen like 10 comments only on X messing with Mary and I'm really pissed right now....
Let's transform this into a Mary Mouser appreciation post:
#respect every actor or actress#if you don't like it then don't watch them#let's see if you could be a real Badass Black Belt as Mary is#people should really get a life of their own#cobra kai#mary mouser#sam larusso#stop the hate
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Gods and Goddesses from Wakfu
Goddess Cra, her followers are archers (read "Cra" backwards and you get "Arc", French for "Bow")
God Ecaflip, his followers are gamblers (read "Ecaflip" backwards and you get "Pilface", French "Pile ou face" means "Heads or Tails")
God Eliotrope, God-King Yugo. His followers use portals. His followers are not actual people, they are his mirror images created through incident, through time warp during his fight (read "Eliotrop" backwards and you get "Portoile", French for "The Portal")
Goddess Eniripsa, her followers are healers (read "Eniripsa" backwards and you get "Aspirine", French for "Aspirin")
God Enutrof, his followers are obsessed with treasures and gold (read "Enutrof" backwards and you get "Fortune")
Goddess Feca, her followers are great "tanks" ("Feca" is an anagram for "CafĂŠ", French for "Coffee". She was named after 1 of 3 favorite snacks of creators. Another version is that battles of Feca goes for so long that you need several coffee not to fall asleep during it)
God/Goddess Huppermage, its followers are mages who can use all 4 elements, plus Light (it's a not an actual God/Goddess, but some mysterious and invisible force called Krosmic Balance)
God Iop, his followers are warriors/brawlers ("Iop" is a reference to "Yop", brand of yogurt drink from Yoplait, 2nd of 3 favorite snacks of creators)
God Osamodas, his followers capture and summon creatures, they use whips, and can transform in semi-dragons (read "Osamodas" backwards and you get "Sadomaso", an acronym for "sadistic masochist")
God Ouginak, his followers can transform into werewolf-like dogs ("Ouginak" is a reference to dog food brand)
Goddess Pandawa, her followers are martial artists who love to drink ("Pandawa" is an anagram for "Padawan", Jedi apprentice in the Star Wars. Another version - short for "Panda Warrior")
God Sram, his followers are stealthy assassins (read "Sram" backwards and you get "Mars", a reference to 3rd of 3 favorite snacks of creators)
God Eugor, his followers are bandits who use guns and bombs (read "Eugor" backwards and you get "Rogue". He is Sram in disguise)
Goddess Sacrier, her followers are brawlers/berserkers ("Sacrier" is a reference to "Sacrieur", French combination of "sacrifice" and "crieur" - "a person that shouts", they used their own blood for attacks in Dofus and some of their attacks damage them back)
God Sadida, his followers are tree people, who use dolls (read "Sadida" backwards and you get "Adidas", a reference to shoe and sportwear brand. Full name of class is "Sadida's Shoe", but funny thing is that Sadida followers don't wear any shoes)
God Foggernaut, his followers in Dofus are humans, in Wakfu they are robots with human souls. But it is speculated that only part of them are robots and they are atheists, while some of them are still humans and worship the God (its name is derived from Phileas Fogg and The Nautilus)
God Xelor, his followers use time magic (read "Xelor" backwards and you get "Rolex", famous expensive watch brand)
God Masqueraider, his followers use various masks (their name comes from "bal masquĂŠ" (masquerade ball), which participants attend wearing a mask, like Masqueraiders do)
#wakfu#god#goddess#game#cra#ecaflip#eliotrope#eniripsa#enutrof#feca#huppermage#iop#osamodas#ouginak#pandawa#sram#rogue#sacrier#sadida#foggrenaut#xelor#masqueraider#eugor
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Concept: cartoon about an underground duelling club at a vaguely aristocratic college, except every club member is from a different genre. You've got the transforming magical girl; the monster tamer with the adorable little pet killing machine; the apparently mundane but freakishly competent martial artist; the angsty gunslinging vampire who makes the show's art style go all post-modern whenever they power up; and, of course, the protagonist, whose determination to join the club isn't initially taken seriously because her native genre has no obvious duelling applications, but who will soon Show Them All.
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So⌠I finally made a One piece OC.
All due to the idea I've been imagining today. A what if Luffy and the crew met someone who, very uncanny, looks and sounds like Ace.
Thus⌠Jean was made. âď¸âď¸âď¸
Info at read more ( it is a messy ramble format so beware. )
He was born as a slave to the celestial dragons, after his parents was caught while his mother was pregnant to him.
He grew up with an isolated understanding that he really was just that. A slave, until he died. his parents would die just a few years in from the torture done to them. While Jean still lives on. He would meet Boa and the others who was like him telling him that there was more to the world than their servitude. But he was way too unmovable with his mentality that he will die like that, that he thinks they're just being dumb he would get depressed as time passed, so when the freeing of slaves at Mary Geoise by fisher tiger came, he was too weak to even move and being mistaken as already dead, he was left there.
but he is still alive and would later then be dumped on auction houses by his current owner. where he would, surprisingly be given better treatment by his fellow slaves as well as taken care of.
he would meet different kinds of people in the auction houses. where he would learn about the world and eventually wanting to be free.
Jean is at the auction house at sabaody, the place where luffy destroyed and punched a celestial dragon. he's in his cat form. and thats the moment he finally achieved freedom.
he hears about the man who freed them and made it his missiong to thank him. maybe even join the adventures of his savior if allowed the two years he spent wandering around, would be the time he would stumble upon the graphite graphite fruit, which what would also help him get stronger, learning to fight on his own as well.
once he deems himself strong enough, he would seek out luffy and his crew to finally and hopefully thank him and ask to join him. hoping to be able to create drawings of the landscape in the places they would visit.
how he met the crew:
after punk hazard. on the way to dressrosa ( they arrived at a small island where Jean is currently in, to restock ). Jean saw their ship, transformed into his cat/tiger form and went into the ship.
once the crew left the island. he's already there. and when everyone saw him. they just though he was some cat.
chopper was the first who was talking to him and chopper thought he was a stray and Jean just went with it for a while.
everyone treated him like some pet. until one morning where he poofed back to his human form.
everyone was in panic. but when he showed that he was their pet. ( he was VERY PROUD to be called the pet of the strawhats ) everyone was a bit freaked not because of that but he looks and sounds like ace.
everyone is very shaken especially luffy and thught he was some evil guy using ace's face
jean explained that they saved him at sabaody, that he was one of the slaves at the auction house.
he would always use his cat form after seeing how shaken luffy is with him. not minding being in cat from one bit. so long as he lets him join them.
luffy does eventually let him join. at first only referring to him as 'pet cat' to finally calling him by name 'jean'
Jean is part of the mature group of the crew.
he does have similar personality as Ace but he likes to tease the younger ones a lot. especially making Zoro feel jelly by being too close to Luffy
yes this is ZoLuccentric
Jean is pushing Zoro and Luffy to realize their 'feelings' for one another.
JEAN BITS
Jean is 28
Jean loves hot chocolate as it reminds him of his mother. the only thing that his mother ever made him.
Jean's weapon of choice is his foot. making his battle style a bit similar to Sanji ( careful not to harm his hands anymore, wanting to paint )
but he does still use his hands when he uses his devil fruit. he fighs like a martial artist'
Jean's devil fruit is a good conductor of fire so he always have a lighter with him. he sets fire to his graphite which creates the illusion that he uses fire. ( another thing that makes him unsettling for Luffy and the crew.
his devil fruit is logia type. his graphite can be sand like crocodile and or liquid ish like candle and or can be solid as well.
Jean would most likely always be found at high places in places they visit, to paint / draw
jean is 6'5"
he and usopp get along well because of their artistic side.
he can do recon missions well because of his ability to transform to a cat
#crezztellations#one piece#one piece oc#this is zoluccentric oc#ppl at X already inquiring if he has a girlfriend#dears pls#ahahahahahahahaha
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Asian dramas and Love tropes
There are my favorite characters and their love stories as a list. Enemies to lovers
Drama: Her Royal Highness/éżĺ
Źä¸ťĺ¨ä¸ Characters: Gu Xuanqing x Li Yunzhen Screentime: Main A boy is sent to be a servant in the unruly princess`s palace in order to find some dirt about her and to help his master to overthrown her, but something goes wrong... The HE is attached.
Drama: The Legends/ćć Characters: Li Chenlan x Lu Zhaoyao Screentime: Main A leader of a demonic sect died trying to get demonic sword. Her soul returns to the world full of wish to get revenge on the current leader of her sect, who, as she thinks, killed her in the past. Found the way to be close to him, she learns that he wasn't the reason of her death and, moreover, desperately in love with her for many-many years. This is an adaptation of the novel "Ostentatious Zhaoyao", which I love more than a drama, but it's a good story in both variants. The HE is attached (although it`s a little bit obscure in the drama).
Drama: Till the End of the Moon/ éżćçŹć Characters: Tantai Jin x Li Susu Screentime: Main A boy who is destined to become a Demon God and to destroy the World tries to fight his doom. In a process, he falls in love with a transmigrator, who was sent 500 years back in the past to prevent his transformation into a Demon God. The irony is,making him falling in love is the only way to kill him for good... It`s an adaptation of the novel "Black Moonlight Holds the BE Script", which I like way-way-way more than the drama, not the least because the drama has BE and the novel has HE. I just watched it as a visually beautiful fanfic to the novel.
Drama: Love Between Fairy and Devil /čĺ
°čŻ Characters: Dongfang Qingcang x Xiao Lanhua Screentime: Main My favorite drama of all times! Trying to save her love, a girl accidently falls into a secret prison for immortal criminals, revives the most fearsome demon of all times and heals his ability to feel. Later, forced to spend his time together with the girl from the enemy camp, the demon finds out that he actually likes her... The HE is attached. I wrote A LOT about them and made recap of the whole drama from the point of their relationship development in these posts: one, two, three, four, five and six.
Drama: My Journey to You /äşäšçž˝ Characters: Gong Shangjue x Shangguan Qian Screentime: Secondary In order to destroy the martial artist's clan, a female assassin was sent in there. While she is trying to seduce one of clan's young masters, he tries to expose her lies, but, eventually, falls in love with her. Unrequited. Maybe. This story has an open ending. My analysis of their relationship is here.
Drama: Butterflied lover /éŁćĺ Characters: Ling Changjin x Bao Zhu Screentime: Secondary A wicked nobleman marries a princess because of her miraculous blood: it`s able to bring his zombie sister back to life. The princess allows him to treat her bad because she has been in love with him for a long time and believes he is a good person. Bit by bit he starts believe in it himself and begins to cherish his wife more... The ending is obscure (in a traditional Chinese way).
Drama: The Blue Whisper /ä¸ĺĺç¸čŻ Characters: Li Shu x Xue Sanyue Screentime: Minor A cat demon prince infiltrates the valley of demon hunters in order to set free the great demoness, but falls in love with one of demon hunters. Mutually. The ending is traditionally Chinese - they met again in another life. Т_Т
Drama: Immortal Samsara / ć˛éŚĺŚĺą Characters: Xuan Ye x Ran Qing Screentime: Minor An Asura king infiltrates the Heavenly Realm in order to steal the artifact that can help him conquering the world. The keeper of this artefact is a brave and honest goddess and he can't help but fall in love with her. After, he needs to choose: to be with his lover or to rule the world. He wants all at once, but there is no way to get it all. No HE for this pair. Pride and Prejudice
Drama: Lighter and Princess / çšçć Characters: Li Xun x Zhu Yun Screentime: Main A girl from a rich family with an anxious type of attachment falls in love with her classmate from a poor family with an avoidant type of attachment and tries to win his heart. It`s a problematic ship in a full meaning of these words and I like it this way. Yummy! The HE is attached.
Drama: Derailment /čąč˝¨ Characters: Qi Lian x Jiang Xiaoyuan Screentime: Main A boy accidently meets his school sweetheart after many years of radio silence and understands that something is wrong with her. It turns out that her body is occupied by a transmigrator from a parallel world. At first he hates transmigrator for replacing his lover, but bit by bit he learns, that a transmigrator has not only the same appearance but the same habits and way of thinking, and falls in love with this new personality again... The story ends with HE but not in a way that you may think it would.
Drama: The Love by Hypnotic /ććç
§ćĺż Characters: Li Qian x Li Mingyue Screentime: Main In order to build relationship between two countries an emperor arranges marriage for his son. His fiancĂŠe is from a barbaric tribe: she is good at horse riding and archery, but knows nothing about palace etiquette and ladies stuff. It`s a light and sweet story about finding a path to each other's heart. The HE is attached.
Drama: The Long Ballad /éżćčĄ Characters: Hao Du x Li Leyan Screentime: Secondary A tsundere of a low background with a poker face does his ruthless job in a court, that's why a young princess thinks he is an awful man and is scared of him. But in reality he is a loyal servant and son and, moreover, secretly in love with the princess, who can't stand him... The HE is attached.
Drama: Miss the Dragon /ééž Characters: Xue Qianxun x Qingqing Screentime: Secondary A very naĂŻve bird demon girl accidently meets a tsundere god of netherworld and turns his well ordered life into havoc. He starts liking it, though. The HE is attached. Forbidden love
Drama: A Frozen Flower /ěíě Characters: Hong Rim x No Guk Screentime: Main A gay king needs a heir, so he forces his lover to conceive a child with a queen. In a process, a boy, who was groomed as a king's lover from his childhood, finds out that he likes women much more than men. A traditional Korean tragedy. Very beautiful and full of feelings, though. (No GIFs because they all would be erotic ones).
Drama: 100 Days My Prince /ë°ąěźě ëęľ°ë Characters: Moo-yeon x Kim So-hye Screentime: Secondary An assassin who is working for a wicked court official is secretly in love with a wife of a crown prince, who happens to be a daughter of the killer of his parents. Forbidden love doubles! But it's mutual, unfortunately for him. It's a very beautiful and full of desperation and feelings story. No HE, we die like Koreans. More detailed story of their relationship is available here, here and here.
Drama: The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity/ć´é
é Characters: He Shouye x Zhang Ping Screentime: Secondary A woman, who is destined to restrain the undying evil within her body for eternity in solitude, falls in love with Yin-Yang master. Her love is mutual, but her lover can't be with her forever, so he leaves with her his guardian demon to brighten her loneliness. Protecting her for ever starts being the only goal of demon's life... A tragedy, but a beautiful one.
Drama: The Legends/ćć Characters: Gu Hanguang x Shen Qianjin Screentime: Minor "The Legends" once more! The main doctor of a demonic sect is in love with a leader of a righteous sect. A girl is not allowed to love anyone, otherwise she will suffer from the poison, so he anonymously sends her packages of medicinal herbs. She is curious about anonymous sender, too. But nothing can be kept in secret forever... Unfortunately, no HE for these two. In the novel he is safe and sound, but he has no love plotline at all. So is a price of love Т_Т.
I will talk about my other favorite characters and tropes in the next post.
#cdrama#kdrama#love#tropes#movie tropes#enemies to lovers#rivals to lovers#pride and prejudice#forbidden love#SDabouttropes#my journey to you#till the end of the moon#100 days my prince#her royal highness#love between fairy and devil#the legends#butterflied lover#immortal samsara#the blue whisper#miss the dragon#the long ballad#derailment drama#lighter and princess#the love by hypnotic#yin yang master#a frozen flower#period drama#costume drama#xianxia#wuxia
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I love the Doctor, Missy, and Clara but they don't have shit on the Paternoster Gang like yeah they have two immortal fucks and one school teacher BUT do they have a reptilian detective, her cool ass wife who is literally a martial artist, and a grumpy ex-incel alien that they transformed into their bff and butler/nurse??? I think not !
#doctor who#twelfth doctor#missy doctor who#the mistress#clara oswald#the paternoster gang#madame vastra#jenny flint#strax
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Exploring Mars in the 12 Houses
Mars, the red planet, holds a prominent position in Vedic astrology. Known as Mangal or Kuja in Sanskrit, Mars is revered as the planet of action, energy, and vitality. Its dynamic and assertive nature imparts a fiery intensity to our lives, shaping our ambitions, desires, and endeavors.
It signifies courage, strength, and determination, urging us to rise above challenges and pursue our goals with unwavering resolve. Mars inspires us to embrace our inner warrior, empowering us to confront obstacles head-on and emerge victorious in the battlefield of life.
Mars governs various aspects of our existence, from our physical vitality and sexual prowess to our ability to assert ourselves and take decisive action. It rules over attributes like ambition, passion, and competitiveness, fueling our drive for success and achievement.
Mars, with its fiery temperament, resonates with the color red, symbolizing passion, power, and vitality. Its corresponding gemstone, the red coral, is believed to enhance Mars' positive influences and mitigate its malefic effects.
Mars is associated with the divine archetype of Kartikeya, the courageous and valorous son of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati. Kartikeya embodies the martial spirit and represents the triumph of righteousness over evil, serving as a potent symbol of courage, leadership, and protection.
1/ Mars in the 1st House: Mars in the 1st house embodies dynamic energy. Individuals are natural leaders, exuding confidence and assertiveness. Devotion is expressed through self-expression, taking bold initiatives, and leading with passion.
2/ Mars in the 2nd House: Mars in the 2nd house infuses vigor into financial matters. Individuals express devotion by actively managing resources, taking action to secure financial stability, and asserting themselves in matters of values and possessions.
3/ Mars in the 3rd House: Mars in the 3rd house fuels communicative prowess. Devotion is shown through assertive communication, taking initiative in relationships with siblings, and being proactive in intellectual pursuits.
4/ Mars in the 4th House: Mars in the 4th house brings dynamism to the home. Devotion is expressed through protective instincts, taking action to create a secure home environment, and passionately caring for family matters.
5/ Mars in the 5th House: Mars in the 5th house ignites creative pursuits. Devotion is shown through passionate self-expression, taking risks in artistic endeavors, and actively engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
6/ Mars in the 6th House: Mars in the 6th house channels energy into service. Devotion is expressed through taking action to help others, actively participating in routines, and asserting oneself to overcome challenges.
7/ Mars in the 7th House: Mars in the 7th house emphasizes relationship dynamics. Devotion is shown through assertiveness in partnerships, taking initiative to maintain balance, and actively working together to achieve shared goals.
8/ Mars in the 8th House: Mars in the 8th house dives into transformative experiences. Devotion is expressed through deep emotional connections, taking action to explore the mysteries of life, and facing challenges with courage.
9/ Mars in the 9th House: Mars in the 9th house fuels adventurous pursuits. Devotion is shown through taking action in spiritual exploration, passionately pursuing higher knowledge, and actively participating in philosophical discussions.
10/ Mars in the 10th House: Mars in the 10th house energizes career endeavors. Devotion is expressed through ambitious pursuits, taking bold steps in the professional realm, and asserting oneself to achieve recognition and success.
11/ Mars in the 11th House: Mars in the 11th house energizes social connections. Devotion is shown through actively participating in group activities, taking action to achieve shared objectives, and passionately supporting friends.
12/ Mars in the 12th House: Mars in the 12th house navigates spiritual realms. Devotion is expressed through inner strength, taking action in solitary pursuits, and actively engaging in practices that foster spiritual growth.
#mars#astrology#vedic astrology#sidereal astrology#sidereal#vedic#jyotish#desi#vedic astro notes#vedic astro observations#vedic chart#vedic literature#zodiac signs
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Anime Horse Tournament Round 1 Match 3
Propaganda:
Fuunsaiki -
"Fuunsaiki is the horse of Master Asia, the DBZ style martial artist mentor of the protagonist of G Gundam. Fuunsaiki pilots a horse shaped mobile fighter, confusingly also named Fuunsaiki. To do this, Fuunsaiki goes through the hilariously horny G Gundam mobile trace system, which covers the pilot in a thin membrane of nanomachine goo to directly translate their movements to the mobile fighter. Fuunsaiki (the mobile fighter) works only in a support capacity as a giant robot horse by being ridden by other mobile fighters. It can transform into a platform mode that can be stood upon by other mobile fighters."
"Not only is he a beautiful horse, but he's intelligent (can sense his allies in danger), has saved his master's live many times, and he (a horse) has his own mech (which also looks like a horse). He's a horse but a Gundam pilot. Fuunsaiki is amazing, please vote for Fuunsaiki."
Mini Horse(s) -
"The greatest unsolved mystery of Steel Ball Run, are they alive? toys? Steven Steel's stand? the world may never know."
#tumblr polls#anime horse tournament#fuunsaiki#mobile fighter g gundam#mobile suit gundam#gundam#jjba#mini horses#jojo's bizarre adventure#steel ball run#jojo part 7#original poll
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The Black Karate Federation (BKF)
The Black Karate Federation (BKF) emerged as a response to the events surrounding a pivotal tournament held in 1969, which featured a match between two prominent martial artists, Joe Lewis and Sijo Muhammad, who was then known as Steve Sanders. The establishment of the BKF was motivated by a desire to address issues of unequal opportunity and representation within the tournament circuit, particularly for African-Americans, Hispanics, and other minorities.
The BKF aimed to level the playing field by providing a platform that offered equal opportunities for martial artists from underrepresented backgrounds to showcase their skills and compete on a fair and inclusive basis. In doing so, it sought to break down the barriers and biases that had historically hindered the progress of minority practitioners in the martial arts community.
One of the significant contributions of the BKF was its commitment to fostering the growth and development of young people through martial arts. Recognizing the transformative power of martial arts training, the organization offered karate lessons to young individuals who may not have had the financial means to afford such opportunities. This initiative not only provided access to valuable self-defense skills but also promoted discipline, self-confidence, and personal growth among the youth, particularly in underserved communities.
"Our mission is to create a greater sense of awareness of both physical and mental health, to assist individuals, including at risk youth, in reaching their potential and expanding their social consciousness by establishing goals, building confidence and developing a strong self concept."
youtube
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Preview:
Choi Han fucked up.
If you were to point out his two major character flaws, the first would be that he couldnât act. The second would be that he had a short fuse.
He was not a brute, thank you. He knew how to use words. But if words didnât work the first time, Choi Han wasnât the type to bother with a second attempt.
When words failed, he issued a warning.
After that, it was a âfuck around and find outâ situation.
⌠and thatâs how Choi Han ended up rubbing his temples and cursing in the middle of an alley after beating up two professional athletes.
Truth be told, he hadnât expected them to be so weak, so now it looked as if the whole thing had been premeditated on his end.
âYoungest korean gold medallist secures win by dishonorable means,â the oh-so-predictable articles would say. His relatives would never let him live down this one, either; they would bring up this story every damn family gathering, teasing him for making this kind of mistake at twenty-five. He just knew it.
But more importantly, Choi Han could get suspended or banned from tournaments if this situation came to light, so he had to clean up this mess before he got caught.
As the martial artist thought thisâ
Creak.
One of the back doors leading to the alley opened.
The light hurt Choi Hanâs eyes momentarily, but they quickly adjusted and a third person appeared in his field of vision.
⌠so much for not being found out.
â...â
â...â
He stared at the stranger in despair, silently torn between knocking him unconscious âno, what the hell, Choi Han?â or pleading his case before the other man reported him to the police.
The other person seemed to swear at Choi Han with his eyes.
#og cale henituse#original cale henituse#choi han#original choi han#lcf fanfiction#tcf fanfic#guys i was laughing so hard while writing this#my way of writing these two interacting is just 'and suddenly they were partners in crime' HAHAHA
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beware the full moon! | drabble masterlist
Pairing: Song Mingi x werewolf!Reader AU: non-idol | martial artist | arranged marriage Genre:fluff, humor Summary: You never though your life would be like this: stuck in a century long feud, an arranged marriage to the son of your family's sworn rival--and on top of it all, your own curse of turning into a werewolf every full moon! Warnings: none, probably just descriptions of werewolf transformation shenanigans
introduction â the engagement
#song mingi#ateez mingi#mingi x reader#martial artist au#arranged marriage au#ateez#mingi fluff#mingi x you#ateez fic#mingi drabble#kpop masterlist
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2013 vs 2024
tbh, this is incredibly difficult for me. as a trans woman, there are certain expectations for posts like these. some gruff but sad looking man who was transformed into a happy beautiful girl via hormones. so you might think that nothing has changed. or perhaps i have gone backwards, gotten hairier, bigger, becoming even more of a man than i started off as.
this might be hard to read, so i'll put the rest under a read more. CW for homelessness, starvation, transmisogyny, and probably a few things i'm missing.
my transition has been messy. in some ways, you might say that i spent the first 25 years of my life transitioning. as a child i was efemminate, loved to play dress up and dolls, but my father was so against this that he filed a lawsuit against my mother, getting a court order forbidding her from "forcing me to crossdress." this set the tone for the rest of my childhood, which is a story i will not get into here because it is much worse than the story i'm trying to tell.
growing up in a christian fundamentalist home meant that it wasn't until much later, after my mother gained custody and i had gone on to experience even further ruination of my life, that i even learned that trans people exist. that this was a thing you could do, could be. a brief flash, something hiding behind my eyes, and i had locked it away. of course i wasn't trans. i was an athlete, a martial artist, a musician, why would i need to think about gender?
when i was 16, i joined tumblr. i saw a blooming transgender community, got to see the inner thoughts and conversations that trans people were having, couldn't avoid certain things any longer. i started to identify as nonbinary, eventually even coming out to my mother, who certainly TRIED to be supportive. it was exciting, made my heart race a little, made me scared. i had no idea what i was doing, or how my world was about to turn upside down and inside out.
the summer i turned 18, i was severely injured in a martial arts tournament. my right knee had caved in, the bone at the site of the joint crushed by a man i had thought was my friend. i didn't realize what had happened, and so didn't go to a doctor until two weeks later, at which point the damage was considered irreversible. everything i was disappeared. i lost all will to live. i stopped drawing, stopped playing music. i started drinking heavily. my family knew i was struggling but any efforts to fix the situation just made it worse. my mother and older brother had been putting more and more pressure on me to get a job and get out of the house, even though i could barely walk. my older brother told me that my mother was going to kick me out if i couldn't start contibuting. i still couldn't. i became homeless for the first time at the age of 19.
when you're homeless, it's like every single day is drawn out into countless hours, and you either have nothing to do, or far too much to do, and nothing in between. i had an online partner at the time, someone who turned out to be a chaser targeting suspiciously egg shaped men and nonbinary people, who spent the entire time getting more and more frustrated that i didn't have the time to be a fucktoy. i ended up insitutionalized for a month, after which i was kicked to the curb and left with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on my back. any journey of self discovery i may have been having was on hold until i wasn't fighting for survival.
my rescue came from a nonbinary lesbian who reached out to me. i was offered a room, a place to stay for no cost. they helped me break up with my partner. i found myself in a new sort of situationship, but at a confusing cost. why was this lesbian interested in me? was that even okay? eventually we had a conversation. they revealed to me that they had thought i was a trans woman. the fact that i had been seen as a woman hit me like a truck in a blindzone i didn't know i had.
after a difficult few days of arguing with myself, i couldn't hide from it. i was a woman. maybe i had always been a woman. a thought more terrifying than it had any right to be.
i grew my hair out. i started shaving. after a few months, i was even able to book my first HRT appointment (thank you state of washington trans healthcare laws). i came out to my mother a second time, and her reaction was much different this time. maybe due to the distance that had grown between us, the past hostility that left scars still bleeding, but i suspect it was because telling her that her firstborn son was actually a woman was much scarier to her than telling her that i didn't really care about gender.
this photo is from the day that i had my first HRT appointment. my soft chin, once a weakness, could be bared proudly, the ambiguity in my face becoming something that i cherished.
a year later, i had the longest hair of my life. if i shaved and wore makeup, and dressed right, i could get gendered correctly so long as i didn't speak. in that regard, i was truly getting the full experience of womanhood. my relationship with my partner was going strong. i thought that i had found my forever.
things got messy. you will probably hear me say this again. you won't find many better ways to describe my life, other than messy. my partner had always been polyamorous, but i was not, and had not ever pretended that this was not the case. so when one of my partners friends confessed her love to them, they went into panic mode. suddenly they were pushing everyone away, reverting to old bad habits and anxieties, and our relationship began to fall apart.
the friend, we'll call her A, pretended to move on, started dating someone else. my own friendship with A was strained by the situation, and her new partner, a butch lesbian named rowan, seemed to be suffering for it. i realized that the only way our relationships could survive was if we tried to work out an agreement to polyamory. in the end that wasn't enough, but i was desperate. i was starting to see the cracks, realizing that if this fell apart, i would be homeless again. my leg injury had already been so badly worsened from my first experience with homelessness, i knew that going through it again would be the end of me.
since my partner and A were now seeing each other, i began to get ignored. the only time either of them spent talking to me was talking about each other, either joyous or trying to fix some new problem. at this point, i started getting to know rowan. we had a lot in common, i had never talked to a butch before, let alone known one, and seeing the way that they navigated gender made me jealous. i didn't know why.
more and more, rowan and i were separated from the broader relationship, and as we talked more, something developed. i had already felt it the first time we spoke, on some level, but it had grown and grown, from respect, to admiration, to desire and love. we were in a polyamorous relationship after all, so it made sense to me. but shortly after, when i told my partner what i was feeling, they freaked out. this wasn't the agreement, they had only agreed to them being able to date other people, didn't think that it would need to be specified because i wasn't polyamorous.
the entire relationship falls apart and we go back to being two separate couples, and the end of that came swiftly after. they cheated on me with A, and when i found out, that was it. my now ex partner told me that i could stay at the apartment until the lease ran out, and they would move back in with their parents. they took all the furniture, i was left with an ancient computer, a blanket, some clothes, and two pillows. my depression came back with a vengeance, and i stopped eating. by the time the lease ran out, i had lost a dangerous amount of weight. i became homeless for the second time at age 22.
this time, after only six months, i found a thin sliver of hope. i was given a place to stay. a single-wide trailer that i would share with three other trans women and a hairy nonbinary lesbian. you've probably heard the stories of similar situations. it's impossible to have healthy boundaries in a space the size of a can of sardines. or healthy anything really. i got involved in an incredibly toxic relationship with one of the other trans women, who i found out was dating nearly a dozen other people.
the only thing i could do was try to feel wanted. desired. i began experimenting with my image.
i re-established contact with rowan, but there was so much there that i couldn't bring myself to face yet. as i began to experiment with more masculine presentation, those around me took a greater interest in me. i was an object of desire. it was the most worth i had felt i ever had.
i wasn't eating again. so my weight kept dropping. in the three-odd years since my first encounter with homelessness, i had lost 30% of my entire bodyweight. this only made my physical issues get worse and worse.
i wasn't done with experimentation though. what could i do with this newfound territory?
the time came. i couldn't stay anymore. the relationship had fallen apart, and my connection to the household had been sent away in exile. the irony of this is not lost on me. i was lucky enough to be able to couch surf for a few months this time.
i lost weight again.
and again.
my knee got worse and worse. my iliotibial band tore. my birthday came and went, nobody celebrated except for rowan, now my only friend.
a week after my birthday, a lesbian couple contacted me. told me that they had a spare bedroom, and that if i could cover the costs of my own food, could stay for as long as i liked.
i started HRT again. rowan and i had managed to work through all the shit and scum of our past and started a relationship anew. it felt like this could be real.
i started to look a lot like my mom. kind of uncomfortably like my mom. rowan was butch, so i had thought i should be a femme. i didn't understand what that meant, but whatever it was i attempted, it wavered dramatically.
i began to switch, every month or so, between masculine and feminine presentation. my chest had grown enough that it was visible now, and i experienced an equal amount of joy and fear when i was gendered correctly in public, having learned to fear people finding out that i was a trans woman.
the weight didn't come back. it was like my body had burned itself so far down that it could not regrow. i had no energy, and my physical condition continued to deteriorate. but i was allowed to be myself. and i was in love with a butch. maybe that would be enough.
i began to develop a fashion sense of my own. the butch label was starting to appeal to me. and my roommates seemed to agree, since they both shifted towards butchness and masculinity alongside me. but it wasn't to last. one of my roommates, a TME lesbian i'm gonna call M, suddenly went off on a transmisogynistic rant to me. M's partner was a trans woman, and hearing this caused me to suddenly re-evaluate everything. did this happen because M viewed me as more masculine now, a more acceptable target? would this happen to G, M's partner?
i hardcore shifted gears back to feminine presentation. it felt safer. i stopped eating again. things weren't okay, but they were bearable this way. but then, one day, we got locked out of our apartment. a stupid, played out thing that happens to everyone at least once. while my roommate G went to see if the apartment manager was in with a spare key, i attempted to climb our balcony and get in through the unlocked back door. when i was up on the railing of our balcony, it gave way, and i fell to the asphalt below, breaking my back. following a trend that i set half a decade ago, i didn't realize it had happened. my back hurt, but i thought it would go away. it did, replaced by a vast numbness through the middle of my back. i began to collapse any time i tried to exhert myself physically at all. i would only find out why years later. the fact that i couldn't contribute to chores anymore, and nobody knew why, made the situation with M deteriorate much faster.
at my lowest point in years. my relationship with rowan was the only thing that kept me from giving up, but after the third time M decided to spew vileness at me i just spent months locked away in my room, terrified that any time i saw M was going to be another lecture about how i was disrespectful, loud, obtrusive, intimidating, too quiet, too lazy, whatever incoherent train of thought i would have to face next.
it was too much to handle in combination with the events of 2020, the lockdowns, the illness, the forest fires, things ended up coming to a head. at age 25, i became homeless for the third time, during the pandemic and a wildfire that filled the air with plastic fumes so thick you couldn't see ten feet in front of you.
i got in contact with my mother and had her take my cat, because i knew i couldn't take care of her like this. that was the last time i saw my cat in person before she died. rowan was frantically trying anything and everything possible to help me. i thought that this might be the end.
three and a half years ago today i got the best news of my life. there was a way out. it would be a long and tricky road, involving moving my whole life to a new country. but we could do it. not only could we do it, but we actually did it. in a months time, i was in rowan's arms. for the first time in our years of knowing each other, there was nothing keeping us apart any longer.
i was finally able to rest. able to eat. i started to regain weight for the first time in nearly a decade. i felt my energy come back, slowly at first, and then more and more until i was capable of functioning, even if at a low level. it's around then that i find out the truth of what happened to my back. it still hasn't properly healed.
in my gratefullness for life and love, i briefly forgot my identity crisis. i was happy to just exist without fear and pain. it wasn't until about a year ago, when a miracle occurred, that this changed.
i woke up one morning, feeling more energetic than usual. i think to myself, maybe i can do some light exercise, for old times sake.
my knee doesn't hurt.
my knee doesn't hurt.
MY KNEE DOESN'T HURT.
a wound that i thought would dictate my life forever, given actual time to rest and food to fuel the process, had healed. everything that i had ever given up on came rushing back into my head, ideas about who i could be, what i could become, what other injuries i might be able to recover from if i treat them right and rebuild myself. ten months ago i began to work out consistently. my back is slowly healing. i am stronger than i ever was before.
i have had to rebuild myself so many times. did i ever discover the secret of butchness in the process? no, that's something that i think will take the rest of my life. for now, my butchness is an enduring pillar, the only part of myself that never fully burnt away. standing up for myself, being my own person, loving another butch, refusing to lose the kindness i so desperately clung to my whole life, refusing to limit myself and my dreams, this is who i am. i am friends with other butches. i am not alone anymore. for now, this is butch. this is me.
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