#trans women are women. trans men are men. they have different experiences than cis women and men.

[glimblshanks]

Alright, some of y'all have GOT to stop getting your feminist theory from internet discourse and start actually reading some theory books.

The whole POINT of feminist socialization theory is to talk about power dynamics.

If little Susy always gets punished by authority figures for not taking care of her younger siblings she will learn to take on a care taker role out of necessity, and by the time she's an adult being a care taker will be the primary skill and role she knows how to fulfill.

If little Johnny is always punished by authority figures for trying to be a care taker to his younger siblings then he'll learn not to do that, and by the time he's an adult he may even be actively adverse to doing anything care taker related.

If every little girl gets treated like Susy and every little boy gets treated like Johnny then you end up with a society where women grow up to be in care taker roles and men grow up to avoid them.

That is is. That is the basic premise of feminist socialization theory. That the power dynamics you experience around your gender inform how you interact with the world.

And critically, socialization does not end at childhood! You are experiencing socialization your entire life! So a trans woman is socialized as a woman as soon as they start identifying as a woman. And that socialization probably will look different than a cis woman's socialization, because having intersecting identities always changes what female socialization looks like. Black women and white women do not experience the same type of female socialization. Disabled women and abled women do not experience the same type of female socialization. Etc, etc

It's okay to acknowledge that trans women experience a distinct and unique form of female socialization. That doesn't mean trans women aren't women, it actually means they share a common experience with most women who are part of minority groups.

Like Jesus Christ, I need y'all to stop railing against socialization theory because we need it today more than ever! Feminist socialization theory was created as an alternative to bio essentialism and you do not want us to go back to the alternative I promise.

Just because bio essentialists have tried to pick up and co-opt the language of socialization theory doesn't mean we can discard it. Please read an actual theory book instead of throwing the baby out with the bathwater!!!

a lot of behaviors that get attributed to "female socialization" can be so much more easily and accurately understood as a person recognizing the power differential surrounding them and behaving sensibly in response to that.

like. does a woman politely listen to a man monologue at her because of some experience she had when she was twelve that magically cursed her to behave that way forever, or does she do it because the man has the power to hurt her and she knows it?

does a woman do all the dishes in her household because she is less capable of breaking out of a long-ago conditioned response than, like, your average trained dog, or is she doing that because she knows that all the men in the house will blame her if she doesnt and will make life worse for her if she speaks up?

maybe a lot of sexist patterns of behavior that are widely observed in society arent caused by women like, lacking willpower or backbone? maybe it is super fucking weird for supposedly feminist movements to imply this is the case when they talk about female socialization as the end all, be all of predicting human behavior?

isnt it both more useful and more respectful toward women to consider that they are perceiving their present circumstances accurately, and recognize when power is already being wielded against them, and take logical measures to deescalate and protect themselves because it works? is it not fucking clear to everybody that trans women in particular have to do this all the fucking time?

[velvetvexations]

"Women do traditionally feminine stuff because they are afraid of the men in their lives." Hilarious, because for me growing up all of the worst misogyny I faced was at the hands of other women, usually family and friends, and whenever I caved into the pressure to do feminine things I didn't want to it was specifically because I was seeking the approval of other women. None of the men in my life have ever forced femininity on me the way the cis women have. The people who made fun of me for dressing "badly" and not shaving and spread rumors I was secretly a boy were all girls. I kept trying to get into makeup, not because I wanted boys to think I was cute(all the guys who've shown interest in me have actually liked me just fine the way I am), but because I wanted the women around me to see me as one of them and I never felt like I was.

Even when women aren't pressuring me to do girly things I still feel the pressure because I'm the only woman I know who doesn't and it makes me feel like a freak. I don't care what the men around me think, a guy getting weird about my not shaving or wearing makeup would be instantly disqualified from my dating pool without a second thought, being raised a feminist very quickly inoculated me against giving a shit what men think, but the women? My whole life I have been trying so hard to be one of them and it's still hard work to ignore the annoying internalized patriarchal cisheteronormative bullshit in my head making me think I need to be more like them and less like me. And I genuinely don't know if there will ever come a day when I can hang out in a group of women and not feel like an imposter just waiting to be discovered and killed.

And I know that my experiences aren't universal any more than the person who originally said that's are, but like. It's just wild to me that trans people especially will chalk all of the pressure to conform to gender roles up to shitty men and completely ignore how heavily the patriarchy incentivizes women to not only violently police each other's femininity but also destroy ourselves seeking the approval of the very women who are violently policing our femininity.

EXACTLY.

I love cis women who our allies with all my heart and soul, but we need to stop being desperate for their approval. The cis women who DO care about us would be the first to admit they as a category need to do a lot better, so why do we pussyfoot around them being just as horrible to us as cis men can be?

With trans women it feels like we're just trying to link arms under the exact same oppressive patriarchy because it feels like that's what being a woman is, haha yeah, men hate us, I mean they hate us in different ways and you hate us too but what matters above all else is that we're the exact same thing right? Oh, sorry, like seventy percent of you don't believe that and are violently disgusted by the thought of coming anywhere near me? But I also fear men!

And trans men...

"Women are soooo scared of me, yeah you better cover your drink around trans men too, I mean not that I would do anything personally, but I could, because I'm a man, and that means I could oppress and hurt you, theoretically!"

Listen, bro, most cis women aren't scared of you, they're laughing at you, and frankly so am I, not because it's impossible for a trans man to be a person who's intimidating, but because you're so needy for validation that you've developed a patriarchy fetish you can't turn off.

None of this is to say we should ignore the crimes of cis men or that cis women aren't also another marginalized class, and again, I love cis women who're trans allies, they're amazing, wonderful people and I would never want to leave them behind or seem ungrateful.

[arsenenicholas]

As much as i am glad that people have been talking about transandrophobia and how its a real thing, i don't love how a lot of these conversation seem to be saying "trans men are viewed and socialized as female* so they deal with misogyny too, but in a different way that intersects with them being trans" and not "trans men deal with complex gender-based discrimination that is unique to them".

Because not all the discrimination we face is tied to mysogyny. Not all of us are going to be assumed to be women, not all of us were socialised as women. We also get treated like failed men. We are said to be predators/violent because of testosterone. We are also told to "man up" and not wear make-up, skirts, other "feminine" things and be a real man, because if we don't try to fit into the worlds narrow view of masculinity, we're not real men. These things affect trans men in a unique way and aren't tied to misogyny, and the people who are quick to tie our oppression to "being viewed as women" often sound transphobic. What is your obsession with finding a way we are like women?

Obviously im not saying that tras men cant have to deal with misogyny. But its not the only fucking thing we deal with and it sure as hell isnt what transandrobia is.

*also, to anyone making this kind of statement, please know you are being transphobic. Making the assumption that trans men are viewed as women is transphobic. So is the fucking female socialisation thing. Though gendered socialisation is a thing, it doesn't work the way people seem to thing it works. Trans and gnc ppl are socialised in a different way than gc cis ppl, usually with violence towards our perceived non-comformity, and trans people will often internalise the gender we were taught to be differently to cis ppl (if at all. In my experience i was far more impacted by how i was told boys acted (eg boys dont cry, men work to support their wife and kids, men are only supposed to feel anger) than how i was taught that i, "as a girl" should act).

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

[velvetvexations]

People will treat things like a millionaire cishet White woman having privilege over a dirt poor cishet White man simply shouldn't count, but just because millionaires in general are a much smaller portion of the population doesn't mean it's not a good example of how mutable these dynamics are across a vast array of experiences. We literally have the acronym WASP because it used to be that you had to be that specific combination of three different things to be at the tip top of societal preference even before getting into gender or relative income.

Sometimes they'll say trans men have privilage over trans women "all else equal," but this is meaningless. What does that mean? Can someone tell me what situation counts as "all things equal"? The queer community doesn't prefer trans men. Trans men are hate crimed just as often as trans women. What sort of people are giving trans men privilege in this hypothetical perfectly neutral environment? And at what point does trans men reporting that they had a bias used against them become enough to not be dismissed as anomalous or even lying? Because I've never seen a transmasc person argue anything other than that transmascs are EQUALLY as oppressed by cis people and that in queer spaces there CAN be a bias against transmasculinity that favors trans women just like there CAN be a bias that favors them instead.

i think the truth is male privilege isn't even universal for cisgender men, but terfs and radfems and trfs don't want y'all to know about how extremely conditional privilege actually can be, because then they couldn't weaponize it unilaterally against trans men and mascs just trying to talk about their lived experiences. tbh.

[bisexualseraphim]

Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.

My cis followers, listen up:

Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.

Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.

Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.

Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.

There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.

I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.

I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.

[squidong]

should I remake my discourse vent blog lmao

[genuflecting]

conflating sexual orientation with genital preference is just so weird to me. I told someone I was gay last night and they asked if I was into dick or pussy, and it completely short circuited my brain as I tried to explain that it's about gender, not genitals. It feels like if instead of asking someone if they liked coffee or tea, asking if they liked opaque or clear hot beverages. Like, I like tea with milk and also without, and I like coffee with cream but also espresso, but not black coffee? And in that same way, if someone is just squicked out by tea with milk that's completely valid for them, but to then extrapolate their own experience outward and define a tea drinker as someone who doesn't like milk is both a logical fallacy and reductive of the human experience. Gender and sex is so much more complex than that and I can't fathom trying to reduce it down to such a false binary.

[beanthebugboi]

Huh, interesting. I think that might be our individual experiences then.. when I think of spokespeople for the trans community, my first thought is actually a trans man- an author/youtuber/activist named Jamie Raines. Generally I'd say that within the community, representation is pretty balanced. But for people outside the trans community, I can absolutely see how some voices would get more attention than others, depending on the issue at hand.

As for the bathroom conversation, I believe that trying to bar trans women from women's bathrooms creates more problems than it solves. The issue of cis men pretending to be trans women for access to women's spaces is almost nonexistent, while enforcing the birth-sex bathroom rule can lead to forced inspections (creepy and intrusive), people calling the police even on cis women who look more "masculine" (pushes beauty standards), and forcing trans men- including fully transitioned ones who could easily pass as cis men- into the women's bathroom (uncomfortable for everyone and completely defeats the purpose).

I find the 4b movement really interesting because from what I've seen it's very separatism-focused, which I don't think will lead to equality in the long run, but I also recognize that I have the privilege of living in a relatively safe area and I'm glad women who don't have as much safety are creating movements to protect themselves. However, the issue is that trans women- who are also victims of violence, check out this study for some stats- are generally excluded, putting them at higher risk.

Just to be clear: I do not expect you to be attracted to trans women :) Having a sexual preference is totally valid, and it is definitely unfair when people treat that as transphobia. The problem is when people push the idea that lesbians who are attracted to trans women aren't valid- that pushes both the idea that trans women aren't women and the "gold star lesbian" ideology.

I 100% agree with your last point, that's really well said! We should absolutely be able to discuss things from a biological standpoint without using it to contradict/invalidate identity, I think you and I just have different approaches to that :)

Tysm for your reply, it gave me a lot to think about! I put some resources under the cut

This article includes the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria (being trans is, thankfully, no longer considered a mental illness. This diagnosis just helps people access the resources and care they need)

This study (full text here) focuses on structural differences in the brain. In short, trans people do have distinct "sex-atypical" phenotypes, but there are a few more points in the Discussion section that you might find interesting

For info about mental health, I'd recommend checking out the sources I linked in the last reply of this post, which basically just sums up how trans-related mental health issues are primarily caused by external factors, and gender-affirming care + societal acceptance are proven to help.

I'll let you know if I think of anything else :D I can also try to explain my own experience with being genderfluid, if you'd like to hear some firsthand perspectives /nf

my thing w trans people is i really don’t care what they do with their bodies, gender, pronouns wtv. that’s ur business.

i only really care when males attempt to insert themselves into females’ business. you are not a biological female and will never experience what it is like to like your entire life as one. and the problem is so many trans women (at least from what i’ve seen) are afraid to just… admit that?? you are, biologically, a male, accept it and move along.

and i also dont like how trans women are like the spokespeople for the community?? no offense but it’s literally males dominating over females’ voices

i don’t care what one does with their identity. personally, i’ve been trying to look into the psychology of being transgender to understand it a bit better. but like at the end of the day, your biology still plays a huge part, no??

hopefully others give some insight cuz i’m interested in hearing other takes. this is definitely a conversation i do not mind having.

[ur-stepdad]

internalized transphobia is fucked up. i started transitioning 6 years ago and there's still shit i'm only now starting to accept about myself

[dootznbootz]

There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.

"You're not thinking of the ___!"

"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."

[busket]

the biggest tip i can say about trans inclusive language when discussing anatomy is to just say what you mean without trying to find a euphemism, and to be specific to the conversation that you're having. if you're having a conversation about childbirth, say "people who can give birth". not everyone who can give birth is a woman and not every woman can give birth (both trans and cis), so don't say "women" or "mothers" or "females", you don't even have to say like "womb haver" or whatever. "person who can give birth" is specific and clear if you're talking about childbirth.

if you're talking about penis and testes, just say that. "men" in that context is cis-centric. "amab genitals" means nothing, since trans women can have bottom surgery, and intersex people exist in all kinds of physical expressions of sex.

avoid sexualized terms like tits/boobs (use breasts) or dick, balls, etc. those terms take on a context that can make folks feel uncomfortable about their anatomy due to the sexual context. I feel uncomfortable when people try to be inclusive and say shit like "pussy haver" but if I'm reading a medical article about vaginas I'd much rather it be addressed to "people with vaginas" rather than "women"

the more we separate language of body parts from gender identities and actually start speaking frankly and respectfully about anatomy without acting like its some taboo, the better it will be for trans and intersex people. it can help cis people too. you can be a cis woman who doesn't have a womb, you can be a cis man who doesn't have penis or testes. imo this kind of language is inclusive not only for gender non-conforming people but everyone with a physical difference in their sex characteristics, due either to genetics or a lived experience!

[velvetvexations]

I'm a trans woman who's dealt with extremely intense "social murder" and years of ongoing harassment when I was a teenager and young adult, so consider that as I explain why literally everything you've just said is whinging nonsense.

As much as people claim that transmisogny and other internal prejudices are just the domain of the terminally online

No one claims that.

I've seen trans women be abused and socially annihilated by trans guys on a whim

Can you care a bit more about trans women being Actual Murdered and not just obsess over bad breakups?

The idea that trans women hold any amount of power over trans men

No one is positing that idea.

and he undermined me at every turn, determined to keep gender as this ineffable essence precisely because it benefits people like him if it's kept that way.

I hope you've fully recovered from the time that horrible monster basically hate crimed you by having a different perspective on if gender is objectively real or not. <3

(it isn't, by the way, I hope me saying that doesn't make you drop to your knees in sobbing terror)

I came to university expecting revolutionary action

Why?

Yet, despite how self-evident this all is, I still see people online making the insane argument that transmisogny isn't real

You're either lying or have the poorest reading comprehension it's possible to have because nooooooooo one is saying that.

Maybe it's uncharitable, but I see no difference between this male exceptionalism and any other attempt to elevate the comparatively minor inconveniences that men suffer from Patriarchy to the very real and deadly violence that women suffer from it.

Trans men have the highest rate of sexual assault and suicide among trans people, and yes, it's bad for trans women too, I never think arguing about who has it worse is a good or productive thing to do, but genuinely fuck you, you are literally evil for calling what trans men deal with "comparatively minor inconveniences."

Trans guys will degrade themselves by invoking some essence of womanly victimhood in order to undermine and revoke the womanhood of trans women.

No, they don't.

They do it because they know that being a woman is better than being a freak and by pretending to be the former they can force trans women into the latter, thus exposing them to much worse violence.

Why, Karen? Are they all just fucking sadists?

All they had left was quiet communities.

Are you writing a fucking poem? You don't have to put this much English on it.

These brothers betrayed their sisters and became accomplices in their systemic social murder.

This is literally all you people ever fucking complain about because you know spreading gossip is the extent of what societal harm any trans person can do to another and you care more about powerjacketing people within your community to paint yourself as an innocent victim of those just as marginalized as you than you care about, again, Actual Murder. There is a g e n o c i d e against all trans people occurring? Do you care about that at all?

Despite my anger and grief, I still love trans men.

No, you don't.

Because like it or not, trans men are the men of trans people

No, you're simply obsessed with having the Wymbyn experience 1:1 and don't find the hellish oppression cis men and women alike put us through enough so you need someone to be the cis men to your cis woman because you can't conceptualize being a woman any other way.

If you want our trust

You don't have to worry about that, your absence from people's social circles is net positive everyone else is very grateful for.

As much as people claim that transmisogny and other internal prejudices are just the domain of the terminally online, the reality is just so much worse. As a poor trans woman, nothing will radicalise you more than going to university and seeing how tme people treat tma people when they have no community to protect them.

I've seen trans women be abused and socially annihilated by trans guys on a whim, because even if a trans guy doesn't pass well enough to access male privilege he can always leverage the instability of a trans woman's womanhood to paint her as a monster, no matter the circumstances. A trans woman is the only type of woman you can easily sexually abuse and then smear as a rapist when she speaks out about it.

The idea that trans women hold any amount of power over trans men is infuriating precisely because it flies in the very face of everything you can see happening to your sisters day by day. I've tried discussing materialist transfeminist theory with a trans guy -- the same one who abused and alienated that women -- and he undermined me at every turn, determined to keep gender as this ineffable essence precisely because it benefits people like him if it's kept that way.

I came to university expecting revolutionary action and what I got was a bunch of misogynists rebranding ancient sexist tropes to me and dismissing my every attempt to organise. The reality is that privileged queer people will fight you at every turn when you do anything which upsets the power balance that allows them to exploit those beneath them without consequences.

Yet, despite how self-evident this all is, I still see people online making the insane argument that transmisogny isn't real or that it's equal to "transandrobrobia" or "transmisandry". Maybe it's uncharitable, but I see no difference between this male exceptionalism and any other attempt to elevate the comparatively minor inconveniences that men suffer from Patriarchy to the very real and deadly violence that women suffer from it.

Trans guys will degrade themselves by invoking some essence of womanly victimhood in order to undermine and revoke the womanhood of trans women. This isn't internalised transphobia, it's a deliberate act of violence. They do it because they know that being a woman is better than being a freak and by pretending to be the former they can force trans women into the latter, thus exposing them to much worse violence.

Trans women are women, that means they are the intended targets of misogyny. Nothing about it is accidental. Trans men are men, that means they are just as capable of wielding Patriarchy against women. This includes trans women.

I've lost sisters in my community. They were good women who never hurt anyone and they were systemically torn apart limb by limb from every possible support system. All they had left was quiet communities. Communities which these men weaponised against them. These brothers betrayed their sisters and became accomplices in their systemic social murder.

Despite my anger and grief, I still love trans men. Just as I love men in general, no matter how naive it may feel at times. But I will always be afraid of what they can do to my sisters and I. We will never be safe in our own community unless trans men learn to listen to us and call out this behaviour when it happens.

Because like it or not, trans men are the men of trans people and they do have power over trans women. If you want our trust then you have to earn it. We want to trust our brothers, we really do. So, don't be another reason why we don't.

[genderqueerdykes]

there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.

it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.

when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)

i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.

i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.

people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.

i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.

it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.

it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.

[xmimikyuusx]

Thinking of this post again in terms of how wildly people just cannot understand intersectionality and like. Im boggled every time I get a notif and peek and see More People have come along to say "how can a cis woman have privilege??? Cis women are not privileged" which like. You're totally right. Cis women aren't privileged, they have privilege, which is the privilege of being cisgender. No one IS privileged in terms of their identity, because identities have more layers than just "is privileged" "is oppressed". A trans woman can still have white privilege. An intersex person can still have able-bodied privilege. This should be baby steps here but apparently we need to go back because people can't fathom that a group that they see "as privileged" (men) might also experience oppression (being trans, a MOC, disabled, intersex, Jewish, a million different things that could intersect here)

I think it's a huge huge issue that people use privilege as a weapon to beat people with in leftist spaces to the point of abandoning reason. To wrap this around to the thing Im always talking about; Trans men don't have Cis male privilege because we are not cis. You cannot slot any and all men into "privileged" if you believe in the existence of intersectionality.

And using this perceived privilege to power jacket trans men and beat us into silence is the exact same thing terfs do to trans women constantly. You are perpetuating this violence with a borrowed weapon. This is not new. "You're a dangerous man exerting your privilege to invade women's spaces, you're not oppressed, you're pretending to be so you can speak over the real victims here." is rhetoric that should not be coming out of the mouth of any trans person with an iota of understanding of where this sentiment stemmed from.

[skys-archive]

I think in honor of pride month and also in general forever we should stop trying fit queer people into the identities we think they should call themselves.

And I know no one is going to see this because no one ever does but I'm going to talk about it anyway because this is important.

Bisexual doesn't mean you don't date trans people, it doesn't mean you like men and women, it doesn't mean you can't have a preference. Someone can identify as polysexual or bisexual or omnisexual and have no preference and you don't get to say that that means they're pansexual. Because no, if they don't identify as pansexual then they're not pansexual.

Transmasc doesn't mean you use he/him pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a man. Transfem doesn't mean you use she/her pronouns. It doesn't mean you identify as a woman. You can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or any gender that isn't binary and not use they/them pronouns. You can use any of those labels and still identify as a man or a woman. You can use different pronouns than is typically used for your birth sex and not consider yourself transgender. People can be gender non conforming and not he trans. People can be trans and not gender non conforming.

A trans man can be fem. A trans woman can be masc. Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people don't owe you androgyny. Intersex people are people, they deserve way more attention than a way to one up transphobes. Intersex people face discrimination and body altering surgeries without their consent and then are only ever talked about to say "some cis women have penises" or "some people have an extra x chromosome" and then we never talk about the struggle they face as part of the queer community.

Asexuality and aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aces like sex, some aces are repulsed, some aces only experience sexual attraction to one person or once in their life, some aces need a deep emotional bond, some aces their attraction changes. Some aros change identities. Some aros are repulsed by romance unless it's a fictional character. Some aros have romantic feelings until they get to know someone. Some aros crave a romantic relationship but never have romantic feelings. You don't get to say someone isn't asexual or aromantic enough.

Asexuality and aromanticism is having a unique relationship with romance or sexual feelings and impulses. Someone who is transgender has a unique experience with gender. You don't get to decide that they don't have a unique experience. But guess what? You don't get to decide if they do either. Someone can have a unique experience and still not identify as asexual aromantic or transgender. You can cross dress and still fully feel like a man. You can use he/him pronouns as a cis women. You can have trauma around sex and not identify as asexual. You can never have a romantic relationship and not identify as aromantic.

You can have "contradicting" labels. I don't know as many of these because I don't personally identify as any but please fell welcome to add in reblogs. There are trans men lesbians and gay women. There are sex loving asexuals. I know there are others I just genuinely am not educated enough.

YOU DONT GET TO CHOOSE SOMEONES LABELS

ANYONE CAN EITHER IDENTIFY OR NOT IDENTIFY AS QUEER

Please feel welcome to add anything in reblogs. I'm sure there's things I've missed. I haven't talked about neopronouns I haven't talked enough about "contradicting" labels. I haven't talked about queer platonic relationships or kink or polyamory or enough about intersex people or pronouns vs gender. There's so much important things but at the end of the day it's just so important to not choose other people's labels.