#to be clear I am also gay 4 all these women

[elliesgaymachete]

I wanted to make this meme actually relevant to POI and also call out my girlfriend in the process for being gay 4 all these women

[tossawary]

I finished Volume 3 of SVSSS, which encompasses the main story, and currently have my bookmark sitting at the first chapter of the Airplane Extras in Volume 4. I took a bunch of quote pics but have yet to review them and add thoughts.

Every time I read SVSSS, I forget how... incredible... the inside of Shen Yuan's head is. He's fascinating.

Like, he's misogynistic (even while criticizing Airplane's own misogynistic writing), he's homophobic, AND he's transphobic. Not in a way where I think he thinks anyone deserves fewer rights than anyone else (I think he's generally a nice person, although, holy shit, I would not trust this man to craft policy of any kind) or would prevent anyone from living however they chose to live, a lot of his problematic bullshit stays inside his own head as he tries to understand the world around him using the stallion novel formulas he was given, but he's carrying around SO MUCH unexamined bias that supports his refusal to examine himself and his own desires.

Some of it reads (presumably intentionally) a LOT like the kind of conflicting, problematic bullshit a lot of queer people carry around inside their heads as they struggle to untangle themselves and their beliefs.

And while I do wish that Shen Yuan had been forced to confront and address his misogyny and transmisogyny even further than it does come up (in part because it is DEFINITELY affecting the way he thinks about gay men as well, including and especially Binghe), I do kind of... appreciate on some level that he thinks this way? From a character standpoint? Because I think it's probably realistic for a privileged young man spending a lot of time on the internet reading shit like PIDW to look at the world this way. And it's clear even through his own narration that his blindness in certain areas is causing him a lot of trouble. While I do have criticisms and personal wishes, I do appreciate the depiction of personal character development that is just... a cringeworthy mess of internalized bullshit the whole fucking time.

Also, it's SO funny to me that he reads as SO aro-ace-spectrum to me (probably gay, but generally detached from sexuality and possibly also partially from gender) AND he actually knows... the word asexual, I don't think he has a very broad understanding of asexuality... but he knows the word and yet doesn't personally identify that way. He mentally accuses both Luo Binghe (main story, before finding out Binghe is into him) and Liu Qingge (Succubus Extra) of being asexual for showing no interest in women, only to fail to reflect on how he ALSO demonstrably has no lasting personal interest in the women around them, which doesn't read as very genuine to me.

(EDIT: Again, I am not against a bisexual Shen Yuan interpretation either! I am willing to be persuaded by any author who wishes to tell a particular story. But Shen Yuan's attraction towards women often reads personally to me as very shallow and possibly insincere.)

"I willingly read PIDW, that proves I'm straight!" he sincerely thinks to himself, even though his favorite wife is the one without explicit sex scenes and he also admits to skipping over a lot of them.

"I'm able to tell when women are beautiful, that makes me straight!" thinks the guy who mentally censors nudity whenever demon women lose their clothes, and keeps telling us how "the average reader" of PIDW would react to these beautiful women instead of conveying his own attracted reactions. His actual reactions are generally centered on a woman's narrative significance. The only people he personally seems to find attractive are Luo Binghe and maybe Liu Qingge.

Though my interpretation was that he does probably experience sexual arousal and have a sex drive (see his username), which probably helps with his conviction of straightness, I'm not sure that there's any mention of Shen Yuan even masturbating at all in the entire main story of SVSSS? He never tried to hook up with anyone. Sex is apparently not a priority for him.

(EDIT: He does seem to enjoy sex with Binghe in the "Bing-mei vs. Bing-ge" Extra. He loves Binghe and likes the closeness and the physical pleasure. I appreciate the indication that they're working on moving on from the AWFUL intercourse pushed by Xin Mo's possession and possibly also the System's Scenario Pusher.)

And Shen Yuan seems to view women as being and behaving Fundamentally Differently from men and gay men as behaving Fundamentally Differently from straight men (as soon as he learns Binghe is into him, he thinks about how Binghe isn't behaving like the characters in his sister's gay, non-con, BDSM erotica novels), seeing everything through the lens of novel tropes, such that he seems to view sex and sexuality and gender as being deeply mixed with a person's personality. So he can't be a gay man, because he's too "Normal", in his mind at first, because he doesn't behave like his own mental image of "How Gay Men Behave" (or "How Women Behave / A PIDW Wife Behaves"), while also demonstrably not being anything like "the average reader" of PIDW and also apparently not caring too much about his own masculinity? Like, I do think he likes being the gentleman scholar of Qing Jing Peak, he does like appearing dignified and strong and cool, he doesn't like losing, he doesn't really like playing "damsel in distress" roles, and I do think he likes being gallant towards women, but he's not too concerned about seriously competing with figures like Luo Binghe or Liu Qingge? He's happy enough to back down and let someone else take the lead if necessary. He puts up with being put into the roles of female leads even if it embarrasses him and he rolls with the punches to his pride easily enough. He seems to have decided his Sexuality By Default, so it does make me have a lot of thoughts about whether or not he's potentially going with Gender By Default / Convenience as well.

Someone get this man some amateur and academic literature on gender and sexuality (and a lot of other stuff), stat, so he can ignore it, probably.

[bylrlve]

Warning! Spoilers for Stranger Things 5 mentioned,

Rewatching episode 2, and I’m genuinely staggered by how many times Mike peeks at Will. It’s very clear his mind is on Will, in fact. I am also staggered by just how many small byler details are in here.

His whole face drops after no. 4 too, as @starbylers observed here.

I also want to include these @chirpsythismorning gifs from the roller rink scene, as they’re brilliant:

Mike watching Will get out of the van, and seemingly offering a hand to him.

Mike openly watching Will as they take their skates.

(X) (X)

These are very deliberate acting choices from Finn Wolfhard, and he was certainly doing it on instruction.

Some other notes on 402:

The transition from Mike and El being fake -> Murray looking up looking like he’s experiencing his Seeing Clearly -> Robin talking about Vickie laughing ‘and not like a cheap, fake laugh, but a real, genuine laugh’, right after we saw Mike hiding his genuine disgust at burritos for breakfast behind a tone of fake laughter.

Mike’s whole face just drops into an unhappy, spaced-out espression when it zooms in on El - this is after Will ignored his sock joke (video here by @buckybxarnes)

As many have observed, Mike and El look genuinely miserable when viewed from Angela’s perspective, as opposed to the shot of them skating with Will miserable behind them

It’s occurred to me that in s2, 3, and 4, the byler plot really takes off in episode 2. I’m wondering if that’s also the case with s5 - I’ve reconsidered my theory that the Mike + El rooftop scene takes place after the hospital plot in ep 2, as I’ve heard that the paparazzi at the filming site were told it was in episode 1.

The door slam/open transition between Joyce going to the bank to get the 40k random for Hopper, utterly singleminded, and Mike barging into the womens’ bathroom, being kicked out, and subsequently starting an argy-bargy with Will as opposed to continuing to prioritise El… well!

The disparity in time is so interesting. El counts off 185 days since she last saw Mike - which is roughly six months, as is canon within the show (Sept-Oct 1985-March 1986). And here Mike is, saying ‘you knew she was having trouble for, like, a year’ and Will saying ‘it’s been a year, Mike’ and, in 404, Mike saying ‘the last year has been weird.’ It’s pretty obvious the last one is Mike referring to their fight nine months earlier, plus the time prior that Mike had spent pulling away from the rest of the Party to focus on El. The second one is Will potentially referencing the time that elapsed since their fight - even if it’s moreso subtext from the writers. What, then, to make of Mike saying Will knew El was having trouble for, like, a year? What subtext could be meant by this? I’d love to hear your guys’ thoughts because u can’t quite deduce this.

Mike listing off everything Will did is so hilarious given the surveillance he carried out all day on the boy, and given the fact that poor El being humiliated publicly and assaulted with liquid before she skated off bawling did not, apparently, ruin the day. On second thoughts, I understand what Will meant… she’s in trouble having Mike’s gay ass for a boyfriend.

What’s striking me now is that this fight + El’s iconic roller skate moment, are the real emotional climaxes of this episode’s M/E/W plot. It could have been Mike finding El and comforting her before she lashed out at Angela. It could have been him talking to her afterwards. It could have been at the house - him following her up to her room and silently comforting her until she fell asleep. No, no. Mike and Will airing out their grievances (and Mike betraying which of the two truly emotionally affects him more) + El handling her own shit, while Mike thoroughly disapproves.

The way that Will just wants to be Mike’s friend, but it’s Mike making it so deeply weird.

The way, also, that they stick together at the rink even after the fight, and Mike openly is more preoccupied by Will in the van. I’ve seen it observed before: the parallel between El and Will staring out the same window in the van crying: Mike looks at Will in the shot. He does not look at El in the shot.

I think it’s hilarious that Mike ends the fight by feigning concern for El - he offered her no comfort whatsoever, actively stood away from her when she was waiting for Jonathan and Argyle to arrive, ignored her crying in the van, and of course:

She didn’t look fine.

Mike and Will are blocked together, not Mike and El

The sincerity of Mike’s concern over El juxtaposed with the rank falseness of ‘no, that’s…that’s not true, maybe I was a little upset in the moment’ etc really sticks out - the defensiveness is reminiscent of the tone he took with Will during the fight, but even then he was more sincere-sounding because he was more emotionally affected.

Bylers don’t talk enough about the insanity of ‘who… who said that I didn’t?’ In context, thinking logically, Mike is very likely referring to Will here (the bullies were shouting at her, he could hear what they were saying)- and why would his mind immediately go to ‘Will thinks I don’t love El, and has told her his suspicions?’ Why would he take a defensive tone?

Seriously, 402-403 M/W/E may well be the plot that (potentially) spells out byler endgame the most.

[grocerystoredean]

season 7 dash simulator

edlundite

so do we think these latest winchester murder sprees are gonna be in the next books or nah

dickromananti

My Taylor Double Theory

disclaimer: first of all i want to be clear. i would never call for violence against someone, and do not want anyone to act on this information. I also do not believe in stereotyping and I am not trying to "put down" famous women.

gaylors dni!

Read More

biggersons-official

kids these days are all just turslucking and turfucking. whatever happened to turducken you used to love turducken

couldtransitionsaveher

catgirlkeyboard

richard roman enterprises slack simulator

coworker one: whoever is getting rid of my bottles of borax is so fucking annoying i literally need to clean things

coworker two: did anyone see the turducken is back in the cafeteria again

coworker three: who all stoned on that job

coworker four: last night we got a shipment of an animal bone. who locked up the warehouse after we need to have a conversation. this is important please reach out immediately

coworker five: Hi guys! This weekend is my bi-annual LARPing festival. The set up in the park is really awesome and if you want to check it out feel free to ask for the Queen of Moondoor! :DDDD

tiktaalic

peach simulator Mutual 1: why tf are borox stocks plummeting…….. Sorry for job posting again but ive been looking at these numbers for 30 minutes

Mutual 2: Anybodyy been keeping up with the taylor swift double (dswift) theoury. Ithink it might hold a lot of weight to be honest

Mutual 2: Like ive watched a lot of theory videos and i dont believe she’s weird because she’s gay and I dont believe she’s weird because she’s autistic I think she’s weird because she got replaced by a double whodoesnt know how to be human

Mutual 3: the other day when i was processing my mice spleens i read the shipping label and it literally goes to roman enterprises? lol what?

Mutual 4: people complaining about my chemical romance selling out. acting different. um i think i know more about gerard ways sleep habits than you do genius.

Mutual 5: was at knitting night when literally half the group brought up turduckens again? not to have food aversion but what are we talking about

Mutual 6: I love to hear my american friends talk. Turducken. Ford. Dick Roman. You are living in a hollywood movie. thank god you unserious country nothing better than cultural exchange

Mutual 6: Though to be clear Merlin has had a much more impactful effect on the Australian psyche than any of this politics you people have on the news.

Mutual 7: did anybody want to watch that the horrifying documentary about yellow cedar trees going extinct because of the emissions from the poultry farms

Mutual 8 : i love our beautiful world :)

reginamillsofficial I think the worst part of the true crime fandom is the ppl who want to fuck Sam winchester. The sideburns alone

Biggersons-official Everyone come in to try our new Turducken™️ today! It’s a real hoot! Only a .03 percent chance of hyperadrenal cannibalism!

pizza biggersons-official coming for Denny’s crown omg

glowcloudstyle AND NOW THE WEATHER

#wtnv #i ship it #dennys x biggersons

biggersmons when you get paid biweekly. Week one. Turducken. Week two. Ice soup

calamitysong Biggersons again Biggersons again Biggersons again

eduardosaverin7 Eat a vegetable!

calamitysong I keep forgetting :(

[marengogo]

Rambling in INFJese - Part 10: Queerful In South Korea

SGMB and RPWP focused playlist

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Gurls, Bois and Enbies … Hellooooooooooo 📢 Yes, I’m finally, officially, back from my travels.

Am I feeling relaxed and refreshed?

NO.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m more tired than when I left 😬. You see, there was more excitement than I thought, or even budgeted for, but, lowkey highkey I knew it was going to turn out like that, so, it was what it was and it was unforgettable 😊💜. 

Now, on to the topic of today!

As the title kinda spoils, I would like to bring forth the topic of queerness in present day Korea, touching upon specific sub-subjects within this main-theme, which you will discover as you keep reading.

In order to provide more context and understanding, I’ll have to bring up a bit of Geography, a tad of Politics and a lot of History, and let me make this clear, even though I have been out of politics for quite some time I used to be very invested in world politics … I am presently indeed somewhat annoyed, because there seems to be a lot of misinformation that has been going around with regards to what it might mean to be gay/queer person in South Korea, in the big year of 2024, which is why I’d also like to encourage us to be proactive and do some research, on our own, with the available resources that are out there. I know it sounds heavy, but I promise I’ll try and make it as least cumbersome, and as much relatable to what might concern all Queer people, and JK and JM of course, as possible ✌🏾.

Let’s start with some Geography.

Asia … is a big ass continent. Because it is so big, amongst the people who make these kind of decisions, it was decided that this continent would have to be divided into 5 regions: Central, East, South, Southeast and West. The regions we are going to be concerned with are East and Southeast also known as ASEAN. The East has a total of 8 countries, out of which we are going to focus on 4 being; China, Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, while the Southeast has a total of 11, out of which we are only going to concentrate on 1, being Thailand … aaand that was all for Geography; painless right?

Great. So now it is time for some of History. We are now going to be talking about the history of the BL genre and the Queer art genre within two particular cultures; Eastern and Western.

BL, otherwise known as Boy’s Love, is a genre that was born in Japan in the 1970s. To properly discuss the world of BL it would take way too many blogs, so I’m afraid I won’t delve too deep into it, but in order to proceed with our discourse I need for everyone to at least understand the substantial difference between, for example, a series like The Eight Sense and Heartstopper. The first is a BL and the other is a Queer Coming-of-Age Drama. These two series are the I most point out very positive outcome of a lot of struggle and progress within both the BL and Queer art genre through the years.

The East and BLs - BL was created by women to be consumed by other women in Japan. It had nothing to do with creating content for gay/queer people, and this is very fundamental for everyone to understand. The thing is that it doesn’t matter where in the world you are, if you are or were a girl/woman you know the struggles are real. Different parts of the world deal with this frustration in different ways, and Japan and eventually the other 4 Asian countries I listed above found this to be one of them. The BL genre is basically having two men in a forbidden relationship, driven by mad passion, and who would always choose each other over the rest of the world. Star crossed-lovers where one of them would always be the Seme/Top or male-male and the other the Uke/Bottom or female-male. At the core of it all, BL was intended to be escapism, which eventually turned into fetishism and now can be all the above and something else entirely; evolution aye?

Mainly Asian women perhaps used BL to feel like their opinions and emotions could matter, in an environment where like also many other countries in Africa men are the ones that have the last say, or just any say at all. So they fulfilled their fantasy of being heard, and having power, while at the same time having the “strongest/most ideal” of men fall desperately in love with this male version of themselves. It is obviously much more complex than my two line sentence explanation, but for now, kindly keep this image in your mind.

Moving on!

The West and Queer Art - The queer genre in the West for the longest time was almost always a guaranteed tragedy. Interestingly enough, even though the first movie that mentioned homosexuality was in the 1960, the beginning of Queer culture in movies was, also for the West, in the 1970s. I can’t tell you the amount of books and films I have read and seen in my day says the woman in her thirties LOL and, despite the heart-wrenching looming tragedy, I would still enjoy finding comfort during those few chapters/scenes when the couple/pairing was happy, even though I knew for a fact that either one of them or both would die, or be eternally separated, or some other kind of tragedy.

The funny thing is that I would just accept it, because why not? Is not like my reality showed any different. It wasn’t like I was aware of happy and successful queer people around me, so why would I expect to read or watch anything else? Also I am a nasty ass angsty person so really I have no excuse. 

… are y’all following me thus far?

Now, let’s take a bit of a leap into the 2000s where money-makers finally clocked in on the fact that there is mad-money that can be made with BL in the East and Queerness in the West. In the East we start adopting fanservice within boybands and Asian-Dramas, we start printing thousands of BL mangas, and producing as many animes to match. In the West we keep having the token queer comedian appear on every show as well as making movies of historic queer figures who have impacted the world somehow, so that the queers can feel represented, even though all the actors are for the most part straight, because at this point in time, even though we acknowledge that Queer people exist, coming out is still very meh.

As the 2000s progress and we enter the 2010s thanks to actual progress within some western countries, the interweb and social media it becomes increasingly easier for an Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin (Bl lover girl/boy/enby) to find themselves in say the UK, which has areas that breathe queerness and queer history and for a Western Queer to find themselves in say Japan where they can easily buy a manga about “queers” in happy relationship or, somewhere in South Korea, can easily see two very attractive boys/girls from a random kpop band openly kiss.

And then, in the midst of this “cultural” exchange, and awakening, something happens.

The Eastern Fujoshi/Fudanshi/Fujin realise that there are actual real queer people in the world sounds stupid, but believe me, it is not. That queer people are not just characters in a book, or anime, and that in fact there really are people in the world who are for example of the same sex and truly wanna be together and, if gay, for example, can also be both very masculine and still want to be together. At the same time the Western Queer realise that they actually can be happy, and that they deserves a happy ending, because some of this BLs aren’t half as bad and they sometimes make valid points and then you find out that actual queer people are now also writing BLs so things start to make some sense. 

As I mentioned, society was also changing, Queer people in the West started gaining a few rights, such as being able to get married in America and some European countries, and as a consequence, in the following decade, we now have series and movies that have Queer protagonist, with happy endings to boot! In the East, things are either not moving at all or moving a bit differently, or kinda slowly, but still it is movement. Within the countries that are moving differently, talking about Queerness is still heavy but has finally become something that they “don’t mind” just talking about and the gay neighbour is actually seen as the gay neighbour, whether they will talk to them is debatable, but at least they are recognised as such and not absurdly explained away or their existence ignored.

Now back to geography. The reason why I mentioned those 5 countries (China, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan and Thailand) is because at some point in the 2010s they were the main producers, and consumers, of BL within the Asian continent, and yes, while still being hella homophobic and, but let’s be real for a second, queer people have been around since the beginning of time, so even though BL was made and intended for women, our Queer Eastern Siblings would find a way to secretly also consume BL, being the closest thing to reading about a queer relationship, so added to the westerner consumption as well, it is no surprise that these 5 countries suddenly had a boom, despite having been being homophobic. 

Hence, it can be said that these 5 countries were on the same wavelength in the early 2010s, but what about now? With the considerable change in behaviour and thought with regards to Queer people in these countries in the early 2020s where do these 5 countries stand with regards to their Queer people and politics? Well, China has now banned BLs entirely, and I will not delve into their further lack of queer rights. Taiwan and Thailand have legalised Queer marriage. Then there is Japan which is making progress towards trying to legalise Queer marriage with to my greatest joy a successful ruling that happened this year in March related to same-sex unions … so, what about South Korea?

Well … SK is so close 🥹 … Yet so far 😫

It’s like they are taking 4 steps forward and 3 steps backwards, constantly. They are well far from China-levels which is a fucking relief I tell you! but they are dragging their feet to be at Japan-levels (and Japan is very close to Thailand and Taiwan Queer status currently). Yet, it is not as negative as it seems, or as some people try to portray it. You look around social media and they depict SK as if it were China. SK is currently facing a situation where it notices that things are changing and change is scary y’all. Resistance is the usual reaction to change, and the older generations, mainly those led by the Christian groups are not really where is at. SK’s youth and older liberal generations hold the answer to the Queer Korea questions.

So what exactly makes SK look hopeful? Well, time to get back to some History again 😘

The first Queer organisation in SK was formed in 1993 by 3 gay men and 3 lesbian women. The following year the 6 separated into 2 groups and formed the first gay organisation and the first lesbian one respectively. In 1997 we have the first demonstration for gay and lesbian rights, which then lead into 2000, the year of the first Pride Parade, which is one of the events of the very first Seol Queer Culture Festival Daegu Queer Culture Festival will be created in 2009, do keep this in mind … but another major event happened in the year 2000.

Y’all know that saying X walked so that Y could run? Well Hong Seok Cheon was basically forced to walk so that Queer Korean could learn how to properly train to run.

Though Seok-cheon is presently back to being somewhat popular again, his coming out was pretty traumatic. His career as comedian/actor started in 1994 and he was quite popular which landed him a good number of acting roles, and a lot of placements in comedy shows, as well as a kids show. In 2000 he was asked about his sexuality and he had no qualms in replying that he was gay. The show editors decided to cut out that part but a journalist gotta love them 🙃 got a hold of the footage and forced him to “elaborate”. Upon confirming, Seok-cheon lost all his jobs and was shunned verbally abused, discrimination and the lot, oh yes … by his own country. 

Not surprisingly, given that nobody in his own country wanted to interact with him, he at first thought of moving to the US to start afresh, but then decided against it. Seok-cheon decided to stay and prove to everyone in his country that he could make it and be successful again. And that he did. In 2002 he opened the first of what now is a high end chain of 9 restaurants in Itaewon. 2004 he joined the Democratic Labor Party and was selected by Time magazine as the Asian Hero of that year and in the following years Seok-cheon will keep racking up achievements  🎶🎵Did you see my bag? Did you see my bag? 🎶🎵 Namean?! (I’m not gonna list them all but you should definitely look him up and learn a bit about him, if you are interested).

But how does that connect to today? In 2008 he started his own talk show Coming Out and though there was a bit of resistance at the beginning as expected, the youth came in force and he started gaining audiences and boom! He was back on TV and slowly he’d get also a few cameos on prominent media, such as the Netflix drama Itaewon Class. Now let’s leave the lime-light for a second and let's look at the military 😬. It is vitally important that people understand that being gay is not illegal in any of the 5 countries we’ve been talking about yes, even China, but the public opinion and beliefs of each country greatly influence how their queer communities are thought of and treated.

Now, SK Military has become pretty infamous within the queer community for conducting witch-hunts in order to find out and humiliate gay soldiers, so much so that organisations such as Amnesty eventually had to step in. That being said, let's be real real real for a second. Though it is appalling what they have done to the queer soldiers, the SK military was also very famous for hazing, assaulting, causing cadets regardless of sexuality to want to unalive themselves and what more. All of the aforementioned, which put SK’s military on the map in a not so positive light globally, added to the increase in suicides, made the government address the situation, and they eventually came up with solutions such as the buddy system, which was first implemented in 2003. But, back to the gays. The most popular witch-hunt happened in 2017 where two soldiers amongst others were outed, but these particular two were found guilty of having sex off-base, during off hours.

In 2022 this conviction was overturned, the soldiers were no longer guilty and it is now no longer illegal, for queer soldiers, to have sex off-base during off-hours. You know what else happened in 2022? SK aired their first Queer reality shows, one being To Me(a)rry Queer and and the other being His Man. In 2023, His Man 2 will give us our first successful real-life queer couple, who are our beloved couple Junseong and Seongho (together known as Junseongho). They are the first queer couple to ever appear on Dazed magazine and we are all familiar with Dazed, it is not the front page like our boys get, but we all know how big of a deal this is, right?

You know what else happened in 2023? Remember that Daegu Queer Culture Festival I was talking about? The Mayor of Daegu (big Christian sympathiser) tried to stop this festival which includes the Parade and many other events, even though the Court ruled it was okay for the Festival to be carried out. The Mayor gathered other supporters and pulled up to the group, but the Daegu Police protected the Festival and removed the mayor and his “friends” from the premises. This was big and made news worldwide. 

In fact, Daegu’s Queer Culture Festival is the second largest one in the country, after Seoul’s. This is mainly possible because the Local Authorities (such as the police) are quite independent in belief from their present Mayor and the Christian factions. In contrast, for example, Busan’s Queer Culture Festival had a two year run but was then cancelled in 2019. Unfortunately, in Busan, The Mayor, the Local Authorities and the Christian factions are buddy-buddies making it much harder to get protection and permissions, aaaaaand things like that, kids, is why it is super important to vote for your local administration as well.

Even though these are all very important stepping stones, SK is nowhere close to being the UK, obviously. The LGBTQ community still has to get all their core rights being legalised, and queer people can still be subject to random ass attacks, such as the singer Holland had in 2022, which, by the way, also still occasionally does happen in the UK and everywhere else in the Queer World. Which is a general minority reality I’m afraid.

Furthermore, it is still illegal to have sex on base, which the country maintains that they are upholding because they are trying to prevent possible sexual assaults not too mad about this tbh, which is a valid concern, but most importantly they now know that the world is watching and why is that important? Because, for example, even though they are now separated, one of the boys from the Me(a)rry Queer couples enlisted around the same time with JK & JM and from his posts and photo-booth pictures that other soldiers posted of him, he seems to be making friends and to be comfy as comfy as you can get while serving, kinda like Joonie and most likely JM & JK

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A post shared by 박보성 (@park_bosung)

Not quite the attitude of someone fearing a witch-hunt, right? But then again, there isn’t much to hunt when you are already out, it is afterall illegal to hunt people and the world is now aware; is there? …

Now back to the general people of SK. According to a survey conducted in 2023 last year, 56% of South Koreans still oppose same-sex marriage (in comparison with only 26% of Japanese). 56% is not bad but then 72% don’t want queer people in their neighbourhoods and  workplace, though 81% think that it is not right to terminate people because of their sexual orientation 4 steps ➡️3 steps ⬅️… … … Basically it’s okay to be queer here as in SK, but not here-here, perhaps over there like a queer only neighbourhood or something which at the moment is the Itaewon district. 

So yes, 2024 Queer SK is still struggling though they are not going to be overtly nasty about it, because the world is watching. I mean, don’t get me wrong, progress is progress and we love to see that, it is actually amazing, but there still needs to be a general environment where LGBTQ rights in SK need to be recognised and for queer Koreans to not be discriminated against in their social/work/family life. It is also great that Queer media is trying to transition more and more from only BL to actual Queer Drama, for example I am really looking forward to watching Love In The Big City which btw also stars Kim Go Eun.

There is still work to be done, but I think Jung Cueri, a lesbian woman who helps with the Seoul Queer Culture Festival, says it best (here is the full article https://www.dw.com/en/why-are-south-koreans-less-welcoming-of-lgbtq-neighbors/a-68698268 ):

“I think the attitudes of younger generations of Koreans are getting better," she said, pointing out that young LGBTQ+ individuals "tend to come out sooner to their families, in their workplaces and schools than my generation because they are more aware of their sexuality through social media and exposure to various discussions that are more tolerant of LGBTQ+ people." And the cultural festival can help to be a catalyst to change further, she believes. "It will get better," she said. "And that is why the organizers and everyone else involved in the festival are working so hard; they know that Korean society will get better, and they want to contribute to that.

From where I stand it seems Hopeful, Queerful, if you may.

So, Fighting!, Queer South Korea!

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo. 

[orphee-aux-enfers]

I. Don’t understand how being against homophobia and misogyny and informational suppression is cultural relativism? Yeah I have a #USAmerican raised Christian bias but I think not being bioessentialist and anti-intellectual is. Normal???? Genuinely don’t understand

Okay so. My guess from how this was written is that you are either a child or just into your 20s. I'd expect much different wording and approach if you were older. So. I'm going to try and be as gentle and clear cut as possible.

1) Orthodox Judaism is actually quite diverse and also different from Christianity, even fundamentalist Christianity .

2) What you're witnessing is not necessarily indicative of the actual community values; you are interpreting without insider perspective, or seemingly any actual knowledge. You're also ascribing motive to actions that may or may not be there.

3) many orthodox Jews, myself included, are queer and trans and embraced by our community. Every person of authority I've spoken to on the matter says that my incredibly queer, t4t marriage that gets read as gay no matter what, still gets the mitzvah of sex on erev Shabbos, and that includes my main community of Chabad.

4) many books are screened before being given to children by all people everywhere for a variety of reasons. Just because you don't fully understand the reasons as you are not yourself Orthodox Jewish doesn't mean that they are automatically something to be hated due to your preconceived notions.

5) Assuming a group is inherently homophobic, misogynistic, etc. Simply because you don't understand them as you are not part of their community is in fact a bad behaviour, yes. Don't do that. Most of the time, in most communities people are at worst confused.

6) As for misogyny... It's important to know the ways in which Judaism actually structures it's sex roles. No one has different sex roles because they're lesser, which misogyny implies. And every SINGLE person I have ever met observes mitzvos based on sex due to actually desire, not coercion. But for example, married women cover their hair as a way of making their marriage even more holy. Men meanwhile are told to cover their head at all times so they are mindful of G-d at all times. What does this imply at first glance? Why, that women are capable of remembering G-d at all times and the men are silly and must forget G-d if not reminded! Do we think this is all to the interpretation?

So. Before you judge our community so harshly... Perhaps also consider the last century of human history alone. We are being killed and hurt at alarming rates again, especially in the USA. Is it any wonder we don't stop in the streets to justify our existence to you?

Lastly, an oversharing of my personal details because as I am currently safe and well at home, I feel I ought to give you opportunity to understand that you aren't seeing/understanding the complexity of sex roles in Judaism

7) so, yes, orthodox Judaism has gender/sex based roles. It also is, in my experience, pretty flexible to meet individuals. I was coercively assigned female at birth. I was however by Jewish law, tumtum. In English terms, I had ambiguous genitals which could be surgically changed. My sister wanted a baby sister. And so, I was surgically "corrected" and raised female, until puberty and onset of hormonal problems that indicated that it wasn't just a genital mutation. I felt disconnected from binary gender, and at time, in part of my community having a label for me while the hospital I was born at had simply labeled me "incorrect", I came to embrace a masculine social standing. Because I was unable to be sexed as an infant, have masculine levels of testosterone and a lack of menses for years at a time, I have to adhere to both male and female sex based mitzvos. Religiously, I am operating with the strictest possible adherence, but this is all written and debated, as are all of the other sexes in Judaism. I am, however, allowed to exist as intersex in a Jewish community in a way that I am NEVER allowed to exist as intersex without a fight in the secular world, to the point that if it's not relevant I identify only as trans, because otherwise it becomes too complicated in the secular world. And this is genuinely because there is actually a space for me to exist in, as there are six Talmudic sexes.

Being trans and intersex is "allowed". Being queer is "allowed". Some communities differ, but I've lived in seven, and all of them have been more accepting of me being queer, trans, and intersex, than any secular space, including liberal and leftist spaces. At WORST, I am met with curiosity because I am new to the community. I think, perhaps, too many people in this world mistake curiosity with hatred.

[my-traumacore-sideblog]

feeling rly unsafe 2day, but it's specifically bc of being a trans guy, i keep seeing stuff from cis women abt how men r always the worst and how men hav a duty 2 make their lives revolve around women or else we're sexist, how apparently men need 2 all b willing 2 lay down their lives 4 any woman or else we're just as bad as the creeps who make ppl feel unsafe 2 go out at night and yes i said people not just women but they only want 2 acknowledge it when it's a cis woman that's the victim

i did not fucking sign up for this

i did not fucking sign up 2 sacrifice my life either literally or thru dedicating my life only 2 others just because the pronoun "he" fits me better than the pronoun "she"

i should not hav 2 worry that im an inherently bad person because of being a gay trans man

i should not hav 2 worry abt being perceived as a threat bc of being a queer man of colour

i've honestly started to hav thoughts abt de-transitioning not bc being a guy in the way i am doesn't fit me but rather out of fear of the scrutiny every action of mine will b placed under

i was sexually abused as a child but i guess that doesn't matter anymore because im a man now, boys don't cry they punch ig, apparently since im a man now it means im destined 2 become that which hurt me

all i want is to be a man, in a nonbinary way yes but still a man (demi-guy), i want to love men who love me back, i want to live a quiet life surrounded by love and happiness, i want to live a gentle life

but no.... because im a man now then apparently it must make me predatory in some way

i can't de-transition... i know i wouldn't survive emotionally... so i stick with it, with allowing myself to be a demi-guy.... but it hurts knowing that me being free is perceived as dangerous, that im seen as inherently a threat to women

edit: so a terf started clowning this post, just 2 make this shit clear, this is not a fucking debate blog this is a me posting abt my feelings blog, i would've thought the url "my-traumacore-sideblog" would've made that clear

also no racism and sexism is not the same thing

yes women face oppression at the hands of men and should be allowed to talk about it but men also face oppression at the hands of women and should be allowed to talk abt it, 4 men who r not in a minority group this is usually in terms of legal stuff (how r*pe is legally categorised, custody disputes ect) but this is even more of an issue and more every day when it comes to men in marginalised communities, yk like me, yk like what i was venting abt in my fucking post i should b allowed 2 talk abt my own oppression 2 and acting like me venting abt my own oppression in a post tagged as a vent post on my vent blog makes me the same as my white oppressors is not only terf shit but also racist and it shows a lack of political literacy, a woman has just as much capacity 4 violence as a man but a queer man of colour is seen as inherently violent and a white woman is inherently seen as always being a victim but ur ok w/ these white women using that power of perceived vulnerability 2 call 4 violence against queer men and men of colour and especially queer men of colour just say u want cis women klansmen and leave im not backing down from talking abt my own oppression bc of white woman tears

anyways person who clowed is now blocked so don't bother trying 2 respond 2 my edit

[drakaripykiros130ac]

I am realizing that Alicent is literally insane.

She doesn’t have the proper mannerism of a queen consort (and no wonder - she wasn’t supposed to be one in the first place).

She constantly screams, she gossips, she is vicious, she is aggressive towards her children, self-serious, self-righteous and she has crazy eyes (all the time).

She has deluded herself into thinking that what she is doing is right, and she actually couldn’t be more wrong.

Furthermore, in that crazy mind of hers, she is the one doing everything in the name of duty and sacrifice, while Rhaenyra doesn’t.

What exactly has she done that is so admirable? Her young body managed to pop out children - that’s her great accomplishment. And her so- called “duty and sacrifice” is having children with a heterosexual man she doesn’t love (her and like 90% of women in that Realm. I wonder what she would have done if she were married to a gay man like Rhaenyra was). Other than that, she hasn’t done anything worthy of respect. On the contrary:

1. She abused her power by protecting and promoting a murderer as her sworn shield.

2. Her parenting skills suck. She raised two malicious sons.

3. She went against the Faith’s principles, and married her only daughter to her eldest son for no other reason than to satisfy her political agenda (which resulted in Helaena being terribly mistreated. As if she doesn’t have enough issues already).

4. She took advantage of her husband’s illness and ruled in his stead. And she did a very poor job of it, as did her father. They ignored all the problems of the smallfolk, and focused solely on their personal ambitions.

5. She spent most of her life focussing on Rhaenyra’s life, mentally abusing her, and pursuing a vendetta against her children, instead of focussing on the little monsters she herself raised.

6. She constantly butts in on other people’s business.

7. She’s a terrible politician. Even Cersei was better than her. Just seeing the way her mind works at that Council meeting in episode 6, made me laugh. Just like Cersei, she has convinced herself that she is smart.

Alicent is a terrible person, but she is also already mentally ill (it’s clear foreshadowing for the future when she will succumb to complete madness). Not to mention, reckless and unstable.

Aside from her low standing, she obviously didn’t have the proper training/education or temperament to be a queen consort.

She and her House have brought nothing but trouble to the Crown. The Hightowers have a long history of being opportunists but they don’t have much to offer. And now, they expect some sort of payment…for being a bunch of thorns in people’s sides.

Alicent should have taken her crazy ass back home to Oldtown when she had her chance and taken those kids with her. They would have had a much greater chance of keeping their lives (which is pretty much all they deserve).

[brightowldarkpigeon]

James Somerton Apology 2.0

Someone on Reddit asked what a genuine apology from Somerton would look like, and I outlined it there. I thought I'd share my post here in case it helps any others who are trying to understand what a sincere apology looks like!

(To be clear, I think that in general matters that are not as severe as James's, hoping to recover your career or asking for forgiveness are perfectly fine. For James, his betrayal was strong and defrauded so many people financially, that there is no way to make restitution without a years-long break from making content).

If he wanted to make a genuine apology, it would have to be done without any expectation of the recovery of his career. It would have to be very much the last thing he'd say on the matter, the only video on his channel, and demonetized. He would need to make the apology, then leave for at least a year, if not longer.

Then he would need to follow the standard five steps of apology:

1. Expression of regret

He'd have to say, "I am genuinely sorry for plagiarizing the work of others and taking great pains to obfuscate that fact." He would say, "I'm sorry that I told lies in my videos and did the bare minimum to create as much content and wealth as possible in as short a time as possible." He would also say, "I am sorry for the misogyny and anti-trans bias that I perpetuated both with my words on this channel and my actions toward other creators."

2. Acknowledgment of responsibility

This is essentially to say how it hurt the other person. "I am aware of the enormous harm that I caused to both the queer creators that I stole from and the viewers I deceived. My misogyny and transphobia have harmed not only the women and nonbinary people I offended, but also all other white cis gay men who do not want to carry on this legacy of upholding patriarchal sexism." I'd like him to make this the longest portion of the video, showing how plagiarism, deception, and misogyny cause real, tangible harm, and how his actions were wrong.

(It would be extra nice if he could take real responsibility and say, "I did all these things because I was greedy and lazy, and because I have not done the work to dismantle my own biases against women and trans people.)

3. Making Restitution

Here's where he says he's going to

a) PAY BACK HIS PATRONS. Seriously. That would be such a start. I understand that he needs money to survive, and it might take a long time to get back to that level of income, but he deceived both his patreon patrons and the backers of his Talos project.

b) Publish the names and works of every author he stole from.

c) Create a queer youtuber fund or something like that.

4. Genuinely promising change

He will need to GET. OFF. YOUTUBE. STOP. MAKING. CONTENT. It's time for him to find a new job, even with his fucking epilepsy, he's a decent video editor with a large portfolio and he absolutely could get work doing video editing from the bazillion people who have never heard of him. (They do exist!)

Or get literally any other WFH job. Do customer service if you have to. Take a break from being a star.

And of course say, "I do not think I will ever make original content again since I've lost the trust of this community, but if in a few years, I do try again, I will devote my time to properly crediting and uplifting other queer creators.

5. Requesting forgiveness

No. Don't do this. It's beyond forgiveness right now. Once james has SHOWN he's changed by educating himself and taking some time away from youtube, and DOING ALL THE RESTITUTION HE PROMISED, then he can ask for forgiveness.

Hope that helps.

[leo-in-the-clouds]

So, I finished a New Spring like a week ago and am just like... how can anybody not see that Moiraine and Siuan are more than friends?? I literally marked some sentences where I was like bffr this shit is so gay....

Suianraine moments in New Spring:

(disclaimer: I'm too lazy to properly quote, but the quotes are in order of appearance in the book, also spoiler for New Spring obvi (also starting at 0. cause I'm too stupid to count...))

0. "Out of the corner of her eye, Moiraine saw Siuan smiling at her. That smile turned Siuan’s face from handsome to pretty and made her clear blue eyes twinkle."

-> so that could still be platonic, but no...

1. “I should have expected to find you two together,” she said coolly. There never seemed to be any heat in her. “I can’t understand why you don’t just move into the same room. [...]"

-> everyone is saying that they're always together and noving/acting in "Lockstep", only one of many examples, like she's literally telling them to move in with each other cause they're always together anyways...

2. "[...] Do you want me to come with you, Moiraine?” Moiraine wanted nothing more.

-> (thinking of the "Do you want to stay for dinner?" "Do you want to stay forever?" Meme)

3. "Last night, revealing her woes had seemed out of place, a trifle compared to what they knew the world faced, but Moiraine had no hesitation in telling her now. Before she finished, Siuan enveloped her in a strong, comforting hug. They had wept on each other’s shoulders much more often than either had availed herself of Merean’s. She had never been as close to anyone as she was to Siuan. Or loved anyone as much."

-> I don't have anything to add. She said it herself

4. once the pair of them were naked and she was opening the jar, all the gasping over their welts and bruises finished.

[...]

Only Verin’s vile-tasting concoction let them sleep, huddled beneath the blankets in Moiraine’s narrow bed, and it was the grim reminder of that jar sitting on the mantel that warred with sleep as much as their welts and bruises.

-> they might be injured, but they're also naked and sharing a bed (which previoisly was described as even more narrow than Siuans, meaning they're even closer together)

5. Moiraine leaped to her feet, and laughing, they danced hand in hand for joy. She ached to ask what had happened in Siuan’s test. That furious blush—from Siuan!—begged intriguing questions, but…. To be shared in silence, and only then with the women who had shared it with you. How long since they two had failed to share everything? Even here, the shawl brought separations

-> that's kinda sad actually, but also mentions them sharing everything again

6. perhaps they had never expected the two of them to march this far in complete lockstep

-> they are literally swearing their oaths together....

7. they answered together. Breach of the proprieties or not, they intended to do everything together this morning insofar as possible.

-> as seen above...

8. Hand in hand, they entered. Together.

-> ....

9. she went in search of Moiraine rather than dinner, to let her know she would be searching by herself. The sight of Moiraine always made her smile. Cetalia had been wrong in one particular. She was not a pretty little porcelain doll; she was a beautiful little porcelain doll.

-> same as 0. tbh.

10. Siuan could have kissed her. In fact, she did.

-> Do I need to say more???

11. There was no point in waiting, so Moiraine changed into a riding dress, with Siuan’s help to make the changing faster.

-> I have not once helped my friends change their clothes.... ("faster" sure honey, whatever you say)

12. "Except for her pillow-friend Siuan. Of course, pillow-friends frequently get into tangles together, but with those two, one was never sent to me without the other. The last time the very night after passing for the shawl.”

-> what she says basically

13. Moiraine reminded her of their pledge during their first months in the Tower, that what one owned belonged to the other as well,[...]

-> like fr, thats basically what a marriage is supposed to be (*cough* Mandalorian Marriage Vows (mhi me'dinui an)*cough*)

14. Siuan settled cross-legged on the bed, yet she all but bounced. [...] They were going to be sharing that bed, and Siuan knew exactly which ticklish spots could reduce her to helpless laughter and pleading.

-> i know it's meant in the context of pleading to stop the tickling, but it definitely can be interpreted another way...

15. Doing up Siuan’s buttons in turn, she tried distracting the other woman by telling her how much the cut of her dress molded her hips and bosom. Well, for a little more than distraction. Siuan deserved a bit of snippiness back. “It does attract men’s eyes,” Siuan replied. And giggled! She even gave her hips a twitch! Moiraine thought she might spend the whole day sighing.

-> yeah....

Not included: all the hugging (literally all the time) and mentions of previous bed sharing

[oodlyenough]

alright i finished aai1-4 (aka turnabout reminiscence... i think... all the turnabout ep titles blur into mush in my brain. case number supremacy). the existence of a case featuring baby franziska and bratworth was like a solid 60% of the reason i played this game to begin with, and it was indeed my fave case so far by a mile. the miles + franziska interactions and callisto yew were worth the price of admission.

i loved having franziska around as the weirdgirl and, like i said in a previous post, i thought being thirteen made her writing here a lot more believable and funny than in the earlier case where you're theoretically dealing with a post-trilogy adult. i thought the (relatively one-sided) hypercompetitive relationship between her and edgeworth was hilarious and this little kid running around being a total menace was like. yeah. that checks out. lmao.

yeah man why did you think she was here?

also, as a fic writer eternally fixated on what characters call each other, especially in a franchise where everyone has a custom nickname lol, i thought it was interesting that while both adult and baby franziska use 'miles' and 'miles edgeworth', baby franziska defaults to 'miles' most of the time while adult franziska uses his full name most of the time. i could get a whole fic out of that, your brain is fascinating franziska ilu

callisto rules. i knew from vague fandom context she would be the villain but I did not know she would extend beyond this one case, so i'm excited. aside from being funny as fuck i am genuinely interested in her motives as well, she is clearly aware of corruption on the prosecution side but it remains to be seen how much she actually ... cares about that... vs how much is personal vendetta (for her sister?) vs whatever agenda of her own. presumably she was lying about being the yatagarasu? anyway. interested to see that develop

queen shit, drag him

edgeworth's writing... i don't know. i can understand the rationale of not wanting to make the player sit through a case of him being a corrupt douchebag. but the result was that I found only nominal difference between how they wrote this 20 y/o jackass and how they write adult edgeworth in the other cases. which i think rather undermines his trilogy arc. I don't know that I really believe Bratworth turning things upside down to clear Gumshoe's name, instead of pushing for the easy conviction and moving on. am I supposed to believe that this happened and then he just... stopped doing that for the rest of his career up until aa1. like this is great and all but he's about to run a clusterfuck of a trial against terry fawles where he definitely did not Find The Truth lmao

cheer up man the next one is way worse

lastly on a more positive note i'm continually surprised and entertained how every case has different women of different demographics flirting with edgeworth and he is continually either baffled or horrified by it. i guess i figured without phoenix being around in these games they'd ease up on the gay subtext. they have not.

unfortunately this means it's time for the last case, and all i ever hear about it is that it's long and tedious. hooray! at the pace i'm going i'll be lucky to complete aai2 before the new trilogy in january, so i guess TGAA will be my palette cleanser after SOJ... which is maybe for the best anyway.

[goblin-the-clown]

Here's some step by step instructions on how to not make your MLM OC's look like a yaoi manga written by a straight woman!!

(Quick disclaimer, I'm not a man nor am I attracted to men, this is purely just for fun and to give advice on how to design male characters better with my experience as an artist. None of this is mandatory, it's just my own opinion and it's not a strict guide. Please enjoy! This post might be a long one.)

1. They don't have to look like they've never seen the sun.

Don't be afraid of interracial relationships, it's really not that hard to draw a black person. You'll find that they do in fact exist everywhere no matter where your story is set. This applies for all races.

2. They don't have to be the skinniest men you will ever see.

This one's very very common. I understand finding it hard to draw different body types but just practice and I swear you'll get better. Mix it up a bit, they can't all be twinks.

3. Give them interesting and different hairstyles.

As someone who loves drawing and designing hair, if I see another anime boy with THIS fucking hairstyle I will eat a gun.

Just any variation of this hair, short messy hair (especially if it's brown) is boring. Other hairstyles exist, don't give them both this hair just in different colours.

4. Body/facial hair is not the end of the world.

Everybody has body hair (yes, even women, shocking ik). Nobody's going to attack you if you draw a man with armpit hair kissing another man. Same thing with facial hair, most men do actually grow it so even if it's not a lot it's ok to give them some.

5. They don't actually have to both be men.

A gay relationship is when someone who doesn't identify as a woman is in a relationship with another person who doesn't identify as a woman. There's an infinite amount of genders out there that don't fall under "woman" so include them in your writing, don't be shy.

6. Taste in fashion?

Even if they're in school uniform you can make their style clear through accessories. Give them cool outfits please I'm begging youuu. If they don't have interesting hair give them interesting clothes and make their styles distinct.

7. Stop making one of them look like a child and the other a thirty year old man!!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who keeps seeing this trope everywhere, it's extremely annoying. If they're teenagers make them look like teenagers, if they're adults make them look like adults. Stop.

8. They can be older, men do age.

Actually I don't know if this one needs to be said as middle aged man yaoi seems to be quite popular on here but still. There are gay old men out there, but it's usually more fun to write about young people so I do understand.

9. Stop treating your female characters like shit.

This really has nothing to do with designing but I feel like it needs to be said. If your story revolves around a MLM relationship, don't have the female characters be jealous, straight, bitchy fujoshi's. In fact, make the girly's queer as well, please. I promise you most women are not jealous of gay men in happy relationships.

10. Don't sexualise teenagers.

If your story is set in a school, stop and think before you draw something weird. Also nothing to do with designing but it's weird.

THANKS!!!

[daughter6of6satan6]

I dont know whats right

I don't know why it has been impossible for me to make decisions lately. I'm stuck in this cycle of unhappiness and I know what I should do but it's hard. When you've been with someone for so long it's hard to imagine your life without them.... but we both deserve better at this point. The biggest red flag for me should be the fact that it doesn't even upset me to think about being single. Maybe because in the almost 4 years of being together we have fought and broken up so many times... I've literally had to 'get over' you so many times. I can't tell you how many times I really thought it was it. We may have always fought when we drank because our repressed unhealed emotions always came out... and I would say mean things.. but then for WEEKS I'd have to listen to how evil of a person you think I am and how I need all this help. Or if we were in a new city we've never been before and got into it.. you LEFT ME. You left me alone and drunk in a city we've never been to. A stranger had to help me.

I don't want to talk bad about you this whole time. Because when people ask me why I've stayed this long- I tell them that you're my best friend. The person I wanted it to work with.. but we are too different people with what is seeming to be different goals in life. We've grown apart. Our fights were too damaging. Our bodies remember too much even if we try to repress the rest of it.. It kills me that I haven't felt that connection with you in a while.. it's all I've ever wanted. Thats why I'm also in a battle with myself thinking I truly am gay and want to be with a women. I've always had better connections and relationships when it's come to women.

I don't know what to do- well I do.. I just don't know how. We are both in really bad places in life and he complains daily about how much he hates his life and nothing ever goes right for him. When we do break up and especially lately.... when it comes to me actually making moves and packing up to leave he starts crying and saying he just wants love but the fighting and name calling has just turned my body into a empty void who can't stand the thought of being touched by him in a sexual way anymore. Physical touch is love language and for whatever reason I just can't bring myself to do it.

I tell him we both need to do healing on our own separately. He also uses his childhood trauma a lot to blame how he turned out and why is life the way it is. I tell hm he needs to take responsibility for his own actions and take control of his life. I don't think we are good together any more and it hurts. Everything will remind me of him. He will NEVER want to speak to me again- he's made that very clear. If we break up I will never hear from him again. I know it's what I need to do but I can't bring myself to. Why. why. why. why. why. I never used to get that feeling of being excited to be single and doing whatever I wanted and flirting with girls but now I am feeling that and I want to go back to school and I just want to change my life for the better. I would not look for anything a while. Just be myself, work on myself, and go with the flow of life and finish school and have a new career that actually makes me happy.

I just need to find the strength to do it.

[kierancampire]

Sorry, this is lengthy!

I made a post on Reddit asking if anyone has any questions they would like to ask a gay guy they otherwise have felt unable to, as I just wanted a safe, honest, and open space where people could freely ask questions without judgement and I would do my best to answer them. It being Reddit I was expecting backlash, but surprisingly only like, 4 people were assholes, the post sorta blew up way more than I was expecting and on the post and in private messages I got an avalanche of questions.

Two separate people though asked me why some gay men are flamboyant and feminine, whereas others are masculine and more subtle. This is why I'm posting this, I want to share my answer and I am just curious if anyone agrees or disagrees with it, or has any other input? Here was my answer to the question:

Do keep in mind that this is a subject that really needs multiple inputs, hours of debate, and people of varying life styles, namely people higher up in psychology and studies on sexuality, so I can only talk about what I know and give a small input on this huge subject.

Sorry this will be lengthy but I want to try and do the subject justice. Firstly you need to keep in mind it's still not entirely clear why people are born gay, a theory is biology, so potentially right off the bat gay men/LGBT+ people may just be wired different inherently, so those difference can have all sorts of adverse reactions.

Though as I said, it's just a theory, another could simply be psychology. The way we are brought up, the environment we are in, the way we connect and interact with people as children, that could all determine our sexuality, which obviously will also greatly impact our personality, mannerisms, and how we behave as people.

To go further in upbringing, that really is crucial into how you interact with your sexuality. For instance, if you grow up in a strictly religious and unaccepting household, as an adult you may be more anxious, paranoid, and withdrawn as a gay man, you may try to come across more masculine and hide who you are. Where as if you grow up in a house that not only accepts you, but encourages you to be who you are and explore yourself and your identity, that in turn will inevitably make you more care free and open in your identity and expression. It also depends on your family as people too, if you grow up in a predominantly male household who are all into guns, cars, hunting, sports, stuff like that, it's what you grow up with and mirror. But if you grew up in a household of mostly women and spent your life around feminine media, material, and personalities, you could in turn pick those up. But then in saying all of this, being gay is sort of rebelling against society, and gay men, when finally free, may do the polar opposite of their upbringing and what they were "allowed" to do, simply to say fuck you.

I think another aspect of it is societal standards. Due to stereotyping and generalisations, a lot of people can have an idea in mind of how gay men act and behave, but that isn't just a straight thing, gay people get stuck with those ideas too. So some of us just gravitate to what we are told is acceptable/normal for how gay men should act, it also in part could be due to internalised homophobia, almost a form of degrading yourself, to be less of a man. You also can just mirror gay people you see in media and in person, you have no idea what it's like to be gay and how it feels to be gay, as often no one in your life is and you've never been spoken to about it, so you just latch onto and mirror the few gay things you know.

One big thing to keep in mind is, being gay is a culture shock. You live your whole life thinking you're like any other person, just to eventually find out you're actually different. It makes you question everything about you and what you know, it also makes you question the other people in your life and how they are. Then you sorta need to go through the whole process again of discovering yourself and learning who you are, what you like, what you enjoy, what makes you, you. I know personally I went through a stereotypical gay phase as I thought I had to do that to be gay, I also had to see if that was who I am. I decided it wasn't and then became my own version of gay.

Some gay guys also probably feel the need to make a point/declaration that they are gay and proud, and there's no better way to do that then go against every societal standards and expectations of how men should be, and to be loud about it. It's also about being noticeable, keep in mind that the gay world is small, and some people just like to advertise at every moment who they are to make connections, relationships, and that if you are gay, you can be gay with them in safety. But two final aspects I want to mention. Firstly, the whole point of being gay is being different and embracing it, you can't be gay without embracing being different, so that will mean instinctually your personality will embrace all that is different. But then finally, like anything else, it just comes down to personality. People like different things, people dislike different things, people have different routines and behaviours, people speak differently, people learn differently. Being a flamboyant and feminine gay is just another part of those differences in personality.

Sorry this is so lengthy! Like I said this is just my perspective and a small view on a very large subject, but I hope that can open up a small understanding in why there can be these differences in gay men :)

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment of 2024 part "REM"

Again I get into bed by 10 or 10:10 ish and an undoubtedly asleep by 10:30... again I sleep, wake briefly, sleep again and wake to find it is 1:44 or 1:45...

Again I lay in bed 2 extra hours trying to sleep before giving up to go pee and feed my cat, alert as can be. Tired, but so so alert.

Again I have had dreams of being back in circumstances involving ex's ex friends and old roommates... This time I am trying to tell someone, "No really, the skinny corset style top isn't mine, it is too small, my rib-cage alone would break it and I don't wear girly things with pink print all over them, it has to be Fine's. IDC if it's black or if you think it would 'suit me'..."

And why? Because men in my life, friends or otherwise were always doing that. They'd find a "girl clothes" in their/the house that's about 2-5X girlier than my gay ass would ever wear, and insist on repeat that it "MUST" be mine, that I am just not remembering and getting defensive, sometimes accompanied with comments of thinking it would look good on me or wanting to see me in it... Always until some other "woman" [because they would not acknowledge my masculinity, other women are women, i'm just a gay] would come forward and be like "Yeah, no I left that here."

And always always always it was someone who should have known me better than that. Someone who could have only missed what I generally wore if they hadn't bothered really looking at me for years at a time in close proximity. And often either my partner, or someone who seriously had no business picturing me in ANY clothes/outfits [like being 20 years older than me]. Very often they would have me confused with another 'girl' with dark hair, even when they are dating me. There is an insult inherent to this.

And now I have to fuckign DREAM that? Bullshit.

Who did I piss off?

But I guess my point is, it's becoming clear that I have been sleeping like this all along, but usually strung together on one end of the day instead of spaced out, so I couldn't really tell that when I am sleeping 8 hours I might only actually be getting half that many REM cycles.

Because either:

-I am having REM cycles faster than most people which means I am getting two in 3 ish hours of sleep, which explains waking in the middle and having dreams on both sides of that [8 hour equivalent in terms of raw REM cycles]

-I am only having one rem cycle per sleep, interrupted, which means currently having 2 per day [4 hour sleep equivalent to most people]

And if you have recommendations for affordable home equipment to measure that I am all ears, because I wouldn't survive going to a sleep clinic.

Every trick I have ever used to combat insomnia is failing me. Self hypnosis, meditations, other things you do before bed that knock people out cold sometimes... Any medication that's made me sleepy before, all of it, none of it.

And I just get to wake up vaguely annoyed I am wasting my precious vivid dreaming time talking to people I removed from my personal space for a reason, and other generic dream actors.

And the night sleep, well that's the one that butts up against the nope-time, 5-10 am... but the day sleep, I have tried to encourage the day sleep to extend itself with no luck either.

If I stopped sleeping at night, I might get the two sleeps crammed back together, but then it's exactly what I don't want, sleeping all day, and also -by virtue of it being regularly scheduled sleep- I won't be sleeping any longer than I am now.

I always liked a half day schedule. I liked it in theory and in the moments I could hold onto it in practice. It solves a LOT of my problems including waking up halfway through the night and not being able to sleep again, and it being too hard to force myself awake all the way till my next sleep time, that's only half a day away at most now.

I just... I need more than 8 hours of sleep, and I am getting 6 on a good day.

And that brings me to the next point... I am pretty sure the conflict is this:

-I have a delayed sleep phase disorder that sometimes looks like a non-24 hour sleep disorder because of how it keeps pushing my bedtime back when I sleep at night [I am a 'night person']

-I am a "super sleeper" in that I have the genes to have shorter sleep cycles or for my body to think it needs one fewer to be alert

-I also have chronic fatigue and require extra rest/sleep regardless, maybe specifically sleep to help with healing and converting adenosine, and this is incompatible with also having the genes of a "super sleeper"

-I am one of those people hardwired to "two sleeps" as was once more fashionable, and this doesn't stack well with everything else or with the societal expectation that I should sleep 8 hours in one block and only at night.

-My most natural time to fall asleep is right after sunrise and that is the ONE time it is most safe for me to run errands now, due to 'infectious dose' [or the dose of virus I -personally- react to, short of infection] vs 'viral load' [virus levels that build up in the air in buildings through the day] and the fucking perpetual plague, so it is the one time I need to be habituated to being alert enough to go out. First thing at opening, after walking there.

In a world without the plague I could probably sleep from midnight to whenever and only have to deal with SOME of the... Byproducts~ of a regular sleep schedule, a lot of people don't expect you to be an early morning person when you are disabled.

Anyway I am just going to start biting people now. [In dreams? who can say! It worked on the sleep paralysis demons didn't it?]

Love that I decided to do this to myself just to make SUPER SURE that regular sleep wouldn't solve my problems...

At least I am not hallucinating or having night terrors, sleep paralysis etc.

[forabeatofadrum]

What’s poppin’ LGBTs! Happy “we should totally stab Caesar day!” to all who celebrate, but most importantly happy 12 year anniversary to Kurt and Blaine 😌.

Back due to popular demand (jk?): more thesis talk! As promised, I discussed with my thesis supervisor whether or not I can share my thesis and the answer is yes! I, of course, didn’t mention to her that I am currently sharing my thesis through snippets on my fanfiction Tumblr blog, but alas, wat niet weet wat niet deert. But once I have the finished version (hopefully end June, for pride month, how appropriate!) I can send it to people if I want to. It will still be in Dutch but again ask me in 4 months what to do for my international audience (so weird to say about a thesis).

But yeah to celebrate the news 🥳, have some more of the thesis, aka my WIP for the next couple of months. On Sunday we talked about possible reasons why there are more queer men than women in media (I also added a third reason: Bury Your Gays). I described how heteroflexibility complicates what constitutes as queer representation, since women who have relations with other women aren’t always portrayed as queer, but there’s also a flip side to this:

In Russo's (2014) article on queer female fandom, a distinction is also made between subtext and maintext. The subtext consists of homoerotic elements and the discourse surrounding it. Maintext is the explicit queer representation. The boundary between subtext and main text is not always clear (Russo, 2014). Queer female fandom consists largely of queer women and these queer interpretations stem from a combination of personal and political wishes (Russo, 2014, 2017). This makes the questions surrounding the representation of queer women more complex. Heteroflexibility ensures that not all women who enter into relationships with other women are queer (Annati & Ramsey, 2022; DeCeuninck & Dhoest, 2016; Diamond, 2005; Jackson & Gilbertson, 2009), but on the other hand, queer subtext ensures that that “straight” women are perceived as queer and sometimes fans are more enthusiastic about those characters than explicit representation (Ng & Russo, 2017). Often these "straight" women are also seen as queer representation (McNicholas Smith, 2020a). This shows that queer representation is more complex than previously thought. 

(Dutch under the cut, together with the tags, for the few Dutchies who might prefer to read it in Dutch, since academics can be a bitch.)

Yes, this is technically about Faberry. Literally every paper on this phenomenon I’ve read mentions Faberry and a ship from Xena: Warrior Princess. It’s an interesting thing, because is a character like Quinn Fabray queer? (Fun fact, she also falls underneath the whole heteroflexibility mess after I Do.) I mean, I once had to write a paper on representation in Glee and it hurt me to call her straight (@blurglesmurfklaine remember the “Quinn is straight. Fans disagreed.” line?), but on the other hand it is questionable when straight characters sometimes get more love and recognition than actual on-screen canon representation. I also love pissing off straight people by claiming that Zuko is gay, but Korra is right there, amirite? I didn’t want to add too much text here in this post, but I did give a historical reasoning behind this phenomenon. This is just another interesting thing in a list of interesting things.

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos​ @blurglesmurfklaine​ @coffeegleek​ @esperantoauthor​ @otherworldsivelivedin​ @caramelcoffeeaddict​ @sillyunicorn​ @bazzybelle​ @dragoneggos​ @raenestee​ @tectonicduck​ @nightimedreamersworld​ @urban-sith​ @thnxforknowingme​ @captain-aralias​ @you-remind-me-of-the-babe​ @takitalks​ @justgleekout​ @cerriddwenluna​ @tea-brigade​ @ivelovedhimthroughworse​ @moodandmist​ @whogaveyoupermission​ @bookish-bogwitch​ @confused-bi-queer​ @aroace-genderfluid-sheep​ @ionlydrinkhotwater​ @1908jmd​ @special-bc-ur-part-of-it​ @larkral​ @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​​ @cutestkilla​​ @nausikaaa​​/@wellbelesbian​​ @artsyunderstudy​​ @martsonmars​​ @facewithoutheart​​ @shrekgogurt​ @boyinjeans​