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rlyehtaxidermist · 1 year ago

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so I’ve seen some posting about oil fire going around and as one of the people sitting in the eye of that particular hurricane i have a couple thoughts. keep in mind that I obviously can’t speak for every single Poster etc etc, obviously this is just my view on things. in particular don’t quote Twitter at me because the only time I was ever active on there was back when “have a visible professional social media account” was considered important for the job hunt. I know nothing of Touhou Twitter or Touhou Reddit and I am content in my ignorance

Anyway there’s three major points of criticism I’ve seen, and one of them as basically “it’s just a nothingburger that came out of nowhere” and even ignoring the history of that in Touhou in general, I’m going to set it aside because I don’t think it needs a more specific rebuttal than the length of this post. so on to the two more substantial complaints I’ve seen:

“it’s just a sex ship”: look, I won’t deny that there’s been a lot of sexposting. i’ve probably posted more about cock in the last 48 hours than in the last five years combined. almost certainly more than i will in the next five too. but there’s a subtext to it that often gets missed (not just by critics but also by a lot of sexposters).

these are two characters who have had... a bit of a history with being sexualised by the fandom. i shouldn’t need to recite all the “slut sanae” memes, those who know know and honestly they were never funny, but they existed. tsukasa meanwhile was stuck with “sex fox” pretty much from the beginning due to some kuda-gitsune legends specifically involving their rapid reproduction.

obviously this is going to go more into the personal view and i reiterate that i’m not speaking for Everyone’s posts, but I’m asexual. the whole emphasis people put on sex as a cultural thing, not just in terms of Posting about it but also in terms of Not Posting about it is funny to me. people dance around it like they’re waltzing with the demon core but also are baffled when i say i’m just not into it.

the oil fire sexposting isn’t about “lol they’re fucking”. there was already plenty of that. the joke is that it’s not a big deal that they’re fucking - it’s not dramatic or cathartic or even erotic. they’re bad at it, they get distracted, they’re not really thinking things through; fail sex with her cringe wife. it’s sexual in the way that a Tom and Jerry sketch is violent - stepping back from the artifice around it to say “you know, whatever else this is, it’s pretty goofy”. to me at least, that’s more of a repudiation of horny character exaggeration than simply ignoring it is.

(there’s also a false equivalence to me in the general notion of “it’s just hornyposting”, between hornyposting by straight men and that of queer women and/or the gender blender, when the characters involved are both women - especially in light of the reasonably consistent depiction of one or both as transgender in oil fire posting. there’s better people than me and my none gender with leftist beef to effortpost on that side of things.)

“tsukasa is manipulating sanae” I’d add a single phrase here - she’s trying to. The big thing with a lot of how I look at Sanae and this is no exception is that while she can be naive, she’s not stupid. There’s a difference between being trusting and being easily deceived. She’s not a master manipulator, but she lives with Kanako, she knows a bit of how the game is played.

I think this kind of echoes the last bit of the last segment, in that how the characters are portrayed in the context matters a lot. Oil Fire Sanae is, at least within the spheres I see here, heavily coded as if not explicitly autistic. A lot of the content is being written by autistic people, myself included.

Autistic adults are, in my anecdotal experience, pretty conscious of being manipulative or manipulated, because we have to learn deliberately where that line is drawn and how to act around it.

To get into explicitly personal experiences, I often think of myself as being “manipulative” because I have to deliberately strategise a lot of social cues and how I present myself and information I know, and still haven’t really shook that perspective internally despite the intellectual knowledge of several therapists and psychiatrists that no, that’s just an autism thing, most people do all that stuff without thinking about it.

Now obviously simply Being Autistic is not an unassailable fortress against manipulation, nor does it prevent you from being actually manipulative in your own right, but it does tilt the pinball table a bit, again especially in terms of awareness. And that awareness helps control a response - again, even if you’re not always quite sure how to respond.

Sanae’s way of cutting that Gordian knot is what a friend of mine calls the Bishop Myriel Method: how can someone steal what is freely given? She has her lines, but the stuff Tsukasa is leaning on her to get - protection, shelter, and an in-group - are all things Sanae doesn’t see an issue with giving to her. Tsukasa for her part doesn’t really understand this, being more used to dealing with power-broker types where everything has a quid-pro-quo, and from a position of pretty notable inferiority (just look at how any of the stronger youkai talk to her in UDoALG) at that - so she looks at all the leverage that Sanae now has over her (leverage which Sanae doesn’t really understand she has), and doubles down on trying to be manipulative because she doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to.

in conclusion obviously I’m not thinking about all this wall of text every time I post something, for the same reason that I’m not thinking about how my house’s foundations are designed every time I go up or down the stairs - the general idea is there in the background and actually needing to go check it out usually means that I won’t be doing whatever I was going up the stairs for in the first place. but these are The Thoughts, upon which the lower effort thoughts stand as they heckle each other. there are many like them but these are mine

#touhou #oil fire #just to be clear before the piss on the poor website hits again: i'm not saying 'people who don't like it are ableist/transphobic' or w/e #i'm sure it's not to everyone's tastes and you do you #but just because you don't like something doesn't mean people who do like it only have Dumb Reasons for it

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the-obnoxious-sibling · 11 months ago

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I may be an idiot but I adore that shanks was this mean to buggy in that quote you posted. I kinda always read shanks as this person who tries to hide certain facts and is probably not that mean not because he doesn’t want to, but he kinda can’t be to achieve what he needs to achieve? Idk how to word it better, I just like he was this childish with buggy and I truly believe he still could be. For me It adds to their relationship but only because I see shanks this way

(context)

no, no, i totally get what you mean! i’ve got a tag called *shanks hides his feelings for a reason, you know?

and i did devote a couple paragraphs in one of the later parts of the post-marineford fic to buggy’s thoughts on the present day “mature” shanks—mostly on how it pisses him off, because he knows shanks has the same capacity as him for awful gremlin behavior. (i’ve included those paragraphs behind the cut, if you aren’t interested in the larger fic; i think that section stands pretty well on its own.)

anyway, my point is i’m not mad about shanks being mean either—i was just a little surprised at my own reaction, at how i’d misjudged/misremembered things. because, if you think about it, for a character that holds so much of himself back, acting rude and childish is an act of trust. shanks knows he can show a less pleasant side of himself without fear of being rejected or disrespected for it.

Oh, the pranks Buggy had pulled! Hiding a single overripe blueberry in all kinds of terrible places: the bottom of a bowl of porridge, on the seat of a chair, gently placed between the pages of a novel Shanks had bought at the last port town… man, he’d been such a menace as a kid. But Shanks had given as good as he got, so it never felt unfair to mess with him. As they’d gotten older, though, he’d stopped reacting. Either stopped getting mad, or stopped showing he was mad, Buggy had never been quite sure which. God, it had pissed him off. Shanks was only five months older than Buggy, where did he get off suddenly being so grown-up? And now Shanks was more easygoing than ever! Buggy didn’t trust it; no one was that unruffled by him, especially not when he was being obnoxious on purpose. Even now that he’d seen some of what Shanks had been hiding, Buggy knew there was more to it. Behind those fond smiles and carefree laughter, there was a part of Shanks he didn’t trust Buggy with. Which was fine! It was the most sensible thing he’d ever seen Shanks do, honestly—Buggy was a no-good, thieving, backstabbing pirate, he shouldn’t be trusted—but that he wouldn’t admit to it pissed Buggy off. To others, sure, let Shanks play the fool, whatever, but to Buggy? The least Shanks could do was be honest about lying to him.

#tos answers #one piece #shanks #buggy #shuggy #shanks was pretty childish in romance dawn too… i’m glad he trusts his crew enough to be silly around them :)#—shanks hides his feelings

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apparitionism · 1 year ago

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Bonus 2

Here’s the second part of a holiday story, begun in part 1, about how Myka and Helena, in a vaguely season 4 world in which nobody’s going to go to Boone but through which they have thus far been separated, are reunited for a day-before-Christmas-eve retrieval in Cleveland. Helena has been summoned by Claudia to serve as Myka’s backup, for Pete is spending some holiday time with his family... but as it turns out, the retrieval is necessary because—plot-semi-twist!—Pete Christmas-gifted his cousin, who is a bigwig at an accounting firm, with an artifact, a pen that apparently has something to do with Santa’s naughty/nice list. Which said cousin used to confer end-of-year bonuses—and penalties. As this part opens, Myka is just beginning to process the fact that the whole situation is Pete’s fault...

(And no, I didn’t manage to bring this thing in for a landing in this part. Nobody faint from the surprise.)

Bonus 2

“Okay,” Myka acknowledges, because what else can she do? The fact is that in any Warehouse-related context, “coincidence” is a non sequitur, and she begins formulating a plan to Christmas-gift Claudia with a T-shirt featuring that sentiment. How fast can she get a custom T-shirt made?

The irony is that Claudia would know.

“Yeah,” says Pete’s cousin—Pete’s cousin! She might be affirming the Claudia-irony in Myka’s head, or the situational irony Myka is now stuck in, or any of the vast array of ironies that make up the Warehousian unfolding of time itself. Myka would not have expected Pete’s cousin’s words to contain multitudes. And yet.

“He told me it was the kind of thing he thought I’d like,” that cousin continues, “and he was right. Effects aside, it’s a gorgeous implement. Perfectly balanced... which I guess works on an existential level too, doesn’t it? Naughty, nice.” She shifts the pen to rest a delicate crosswise on an extended index finger, testing its equilibrium as a chef might a knife.

The pen—or is it merely a different species of knife?—basks in Nancy Sullivan’s regard. “Resonant little instrument,” she says, with clear affection. “Anyway, we were talking about Pete.” A different sort of affection now colors her voice. “He went into this big production-number apology about it being sort of secondhand.”

“Oh?” Myka says, distracted by pens, knives, resonances... but, right, secondhand. Of course it’s secondhand. No new item could be an artifact. Or could it? This seems like a Steve-conversation topic.... and it certainly beats “H.G. is god knows where” for philosophy.

“Not because it’s not new,” Pete’s cousin says, apparently reading Myka’s mind, “but because he initially was thinking he’d give it to somebody else.”

Myka repeats her interrogative “oh?”, but she’s getting a feeling again.

“Yeah,” says Nancy Sullivan, and Myka really has to applaud her talent for broadly applicable affirmation. “He said he wanted to give it to his partner because, and I quote, ‘she likes the old-fashioned stuff,’ but then he realized he shouldn’t because, and I also quote, ‘she’s got this whole family feathery-pen dealy-thingy and I don’t want to upset her.’” She waves the pen again, this time directly at Myka, like a conductor imploring the oboes to pick up the pace. “And he told me his partner’s name,” she concludes.

“I’m sure there are lots of Myka Berings in the world?” Myka tries, weakly, raising her hands as if to offer Nancy Sullivan all those other Myka Berings. The last vestige of defensibility... then her hands drop, because really. She looks at Helena in apology, with only an indistinct, tangled sense of what she’s apologizing for. I’m sorry I occasioned this is part of it, yet there’s a deeper fault she feels but can’t quite ideate, one more consequential than an anodyne “oops.”

“Listen, he’s a really good guy,” Nancy Sullivan says.

“I agree completely,” Myka assures her. But in the interest of full disclosure, she adds, “Mostly completely. I mean, I’m going to kill him for this.”

Helena says, “Are you.” Her tone brings Myka up short: it’s impossibly knowing, suggesting insight into everything Myka has been thinking, about someday and talking and things.

Again with the reading so right.

Myka would love to have the panache to do more than glance furtively at Helena, to pull off a playful, similarly knowing response, like “that depends on my backup” (or something actually clever that will doubtless occur to her during some post-holiday post-mortem). Instead she goes with a not at all interrogative “Oh.”

Nancy Sullivan looks from Myka to Helena. Then she says, “Okay, revision: A really good guy who might be hanging onto some unreasonable hope.”

Myka wishes she could keep from glancing yet again, now, at Helena—now as she grasps the fullness of her underlying error, now as she formulates a hopeful plan regarding someday saying out loud “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize that he had any such hope and that I didn’t make completely clear that any such hope would never have been anything but unreasonable”—but the wish doesn’t work. She glances... thus proving Nancy Sullivan’s point.

“He didn’t mention you,” Pete’s cousin tells Helena. “I think I see why.”

“I’m both offended and pleased,” Helena says, with her customary little thank-you head-bow.

Rather than luxuriating in the familiarity of that head-bow, Myka tries to head off a more detailed discussion of Helena’s role in it all (and what a nondescriptively limp phrase that is) by observing, “The sixth-sense thing is quite the family trait.”

“Ah. Sure. You’ve had experience,” Nancy Sullivan says, a little droop in her voice.

Has she taken Myka’s words as criticism? Myka hurries to reassure, “Sometimes it’s very helpful.”

“But. Other times.” This is heavier, and now she must be referencing her own vibe-related experiences.

“Your family get-togethers must be really... charged?” Myka tries.

Nancy Sullivan offers another all-encompassing “Yeah.” Then she laughs. “But at least we don’t have a feathery-pen dealy-thingy like your family does.”

Helena clears her throat, an attention-garnering ah-ha-hem, as if it’s in the stage directions preceding her next line in some farce. She inclines her head: more stage-direction drama. Finally, “You do now,” she says in benediction.

Nancy Sullivan’s jaw drops. “Wow,” she says, and “wow,” she repeats. Then she laughs again and says, “He really should’ve mentioned you.”

Myka might laugh too, but she is preoccupied by the way in which Helena’s well-chosen articulation has persuaded her body to remind her that it and she have reached no mutually satisfactory agreement about appropriate reactions.

And that in turn sparks Myka to a realization: once the retrieval is accomplished, there may be a nonzero chance that she and Helena could enjoy a bit more of that liminal together-presence...

Myka’s body makes its best effort to crash through the gauzy ideating her brain would prefer to do about what such time could entail, and after no small amount of nethers-vs.-cerebrum struggle, she manages to propose, truce-wise, a simple Let’s just hope it exists.

Surprisingly, body and mind are willing to shake on that, giving Myka leave to slip on a glove and pronounce, “Just give us the pen. Then it’s over. Mostly. The money will probably revert... so you’ll most likely have to redo the bonuses the old-fashioned way.” Hearing herself, she amends, “Well. The regular way.”

“I don’t mind redoing. But reverting...” Pete’s cousin tightens her fingers around the artifact, pulling it near to her body as if she might be considering, for one last “maybe,” the idea of punching her way out.

Myka tenses, and she doesn’t need to cast a glance to know that Helena is doing the same.

She glances anyway... and indeed, Helena alive with wiry readiness is a sight worth the seeing. So worth it, in fact, that Myka is genuinely, if improperly, disappointed that said sight doesn’t cause the truce to collapse.

After a moment, however, color returns to Nancy Sullivan’s knuckles, and Myka removes the pen from her slackened grip.

But then Nancy Sullivan cocks her head. “Is it really over though? I feel like something else might be happening.”

No. No. Absolutely not. “Something else is always happening,” Myka says, affecting nonchalance as she slides the feathery foolishness into a static bag, ignoring its yipping sparks of protest. “Don’t worry about it.”

Nancy Sullivan casts a skeptical look at the barky little bag. “If you say so. Anyway seeing Pete’s face when I tell him you and I –and he and I!—are fellows in family feathery-pen dealy-thingies now? Might end up being the second-best end-of-year bonus of all, given everything.” There’s a little mockery in her voice, echoing the cousin Myka knows so well.

“And the best such bonus?” Helena inquires.

“Docking Bob’s pay,” Nancy Sullivan says instantly.

Myka snorts, and Nancy Sullivan turns back to her and says, “Are you okay with me being glad we met?” Like she’s mostly but not entirely sure of the response she’ll get, and that’s another echo.

“Only if you’re okay with me being glad too,” Myka says, her own voice sounding a familiar note—one she’s pretty sure Pete would recognize.

After a nod, Nancy Sullivan turns to Helena. “I’d say it to you, but I feel like there’s something extra going on with you, like—”

Myka steps in: “Honestly, always,” and then she’s hustling Helena out of the office even as Helena chirps, “I’m both offended and pleased by that as well!”

Back in the elevator, Helena speaks first. “I did not expect that,” she says, sounding entertained by—practically bubbly about—the entire scenario.

“I should have,” Myka grumbles.

“You’re too hard on yourself.”

“Oh god no,” Myka says, involuntarily. “Too easy if anything.”

Helena’s eyebrows rise, and her eyes accuse. “I’ve known you for no small amount of time,” she says.

Myka’s previous review fights that statement, but she doesn’t speak of it.

Her lack of response prompts a heavy I-am-no-longer-entertained sigh. “Must I return to the phrase ‘your truth’?”

“Please don’t,” Myka says. That’s also nearly involuntary, but it sounds too harsh, like she’s dismissing as unimportant that bookstore interaction, as well as the entirety of those in-extremis manifestations of herself and Helena. Rather than apologizing for that, for surely it would prove far too entangling, she tries to draw Helena’s attention back to the entertainment. “I like Nancy Sullivan. She reminds me of Pete and his mom.”

“Pete’s mother? I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”

That’s a bit more jousty, backed by curiosity. Good. “She’s a Regent,” Myka says, for it’s the most salient piece of information she has about Jane Lattimer.

Helena stills. Her jaw hardens. “Then perhaps I have indeed had the... pleasure.” Cold. Cold. Cold.

You idiot, Myka scourges herself. Why couldn’t she have done the normal thing and left Pete’s mom as “Pete’s mom”? But now, but now: now she’s seen this wound, down there under the ice, and she wants to test that ice, but she can’t, regardless of her wish and want to know know know, to know everything Helena has been put through, so as to know whom to hate (and she hopes that doesn’t include Pete’s mom) and whom to someday thank (and she double-hopes that does include Pete’s mom). “Anyway I think the cousin had the right idea,” she says, pushing back to the now, to what just happened. “Using an artifact to do what are really decent things, even if they were judgmental.”

“Rather Old Testament,” Helena says. “Strangely inappropriate for this holiday, no?” She asks that like she’s really thinking—wondering—about it.

Myka congratulates herself on having provided a distraction, however minimal, from whatever Regent-pain her unthinking reveal caused to surface. “I hadn’t thought about Santa being more Yahweh than Jesus,” she says, to enhance it, “and I’m not sure what it says about my position on salvation that I genuinely wish we could have let her keep that pen. Or even better, if we could maybe ferry it around to deserving arbiters... wouldn’t that contribute to the greater good, even if it’s in a judgy Old-Testament way?”

Helena’s face moves as if she’s about to answer, but before she can, a rupturing screech of metal-on-metal complication resounds decisively through the space, and their ear-popping descent slows, slows, slows...

...and stops.

After an appropriately irony-bearing pause, Helena says, “This elevator seems to disapprove of your suggestion. Or perhaps it’s your theological indecision that displeases?”

All Myka can manage is an extremely resigned “I am not surprised.”

Efforts to summon help strengthen the “disapproval” interpretation: they’re fruitless. No one answers the emergency line, and this mirrored box is, according to both their phones, the place where cell service goes to die. Or where that service is interfered with by a theologically offended pulley-based mechanism.

“I genuinely cannot believe we’re stuck in an elevator,” Myka says. It may be the most true statement to which she’s ever given voice.

After a beat, however, she concedes, “But of course I can.”

Helena casts her gaze around. Once again, exaggeratedly stage-direction-y. “At least it’s reasonably well-appointed. For an elevator in which to be... stuck.” She seems to relish articulating “stuck,” so she’s back to being entertained. Not quite bubbly, but definitely entertained.

Myka can’t get past her annoyance with the elevator’s disapproval, so she says a peevish, “I don’t like mirrors.” She’s painfully aware now that they cover not only the walls, but also the ceiling. She can’t even look heavenward in supplication, sarcastic or otherwise, without regarding herself. It really is too much.

Given that no other communication technology is working, she resorts to the Farnsworth. She gives thanks for Warehouse mojo, or whatever enables it to elude the elevator’s wrath, when Claudia answers with, “No info on ‘lists, making them’ yet.”

“We dealt with that,” Myka tells her. “New problem.”

“Another artifact?”

“Who knows? Maybe Pete’s in an elevator somewhere else in this town making bad decisions, and they’re redounding to our detriment.” She’s vamping. Stuck in an elevator with Helena, she’s vamping. Instead of simply basking in such fantasy-made-fact, she’s vamping.

She doesn’t bother wondering whether Helena knows she’s doing that; if this little adventure has done nothing else, it’s reminded Myka that Helena always knows. It’s both wonderful and terrible to be so legible, particularly to someone Myka so often finds frustratingly illegible.

“I’m not following,” Claudia says.

Speaking of illegible: Myka, heal thyself. “We’re stuck. In an elevator,” she clarifies.

Claudia makes a noise that, impressively, marries a gasp and a snicker. “Are you really? Or did you push the stop button, like people do?”

“Like people... what?”

“When they want to have a little uninterrupted chat,” Claudia says, pedantic, as if now she’s the one who’s “clarifying.”

“Nobody does that in real life,” Steve says from offscreen. Myka is pleased to know he’s around.

“Myka just did,” Claudia insists in his direction. “Didn’t you,” she insists at Myka.

“If I did,” Myka says, “why would I be calling you to get us out of here?”

“Yeah, why would she?” Steve asks, but from farther away.

Don’t leave! Myka wants to exhort. She would never admit to needing backup in a counter-Claudia sense... but she does appreciate when Steve provides it.

“Oooh, because maybe the chat didn’t go so well,” Claudia says with great, and to Myka’s thinking entirely inappropriate, relish.

Trying for calm pragmatism, she says, “Wouldn’t I just... unpush the stop button then?”

“Myka,” Claudia says. It’s the most chiding, disappointment-laden use of her name Myka has ever heard, even when measured against all the times her father has uttered those two designating syllables. “Believe me when I tell you I’m a fan,” Claudia goes on, turning mollifying, “but you really need to lean in when it comes to tropes.” Myka can’t imagine how to respond to that, so she doesn’t. Claudia sighs—seemingly everyone’s preferred go-to when Myka fails to produce words—and says, “Did you try calling maintenance? Pushing the emergency button? Using your cell?”

“Yes, yes, and no service. Do you genuinely think I don’t understand modern communication technology?”

“I think you pretend you don’t understand newfangledness all the time. Particularly when you’re trying to show off how sympatico you are with H.G., who incidentally doesn’t seem to be piping up like I’d expect. Did you knock her unconscious after your terrible chat? Or maybe during it?”

Helena has indeed been very—very surprisingly—quiet while Myka has explained the situation to Claudia. And she doesn’t step in to help Myka out now. So much for any counter-Claudia backup.

“There was not a chat,” Myka says.

Helena is regarding herself in the mirrored ceiling.

“But there could be one now?” Claudia nudges. “Let me see if I can see what’s up. I’ve got cell service.” She disconnects.

Helena abruptly abandons her ceiling self-contemplation, focusing her gaze upon Myka. It’s disconcerting. “Are you attempting to avoid an uninterrupted chat?” she asks.

Myka can’t suss the question’s sincerity. And notwithstanding all her ideas about talking, she suffers a cringing internal “yes.” Externally, however, she says, in what she hopes offers at least a veneer of sincerity of her own, “No.”

She doesn’t follow up by asking “why would I be doing that,” because Helena would probably have a guess. And because that guess would probably be accurate: “You are a coward,” Helena might say, and Myka would regrettably have to either tell the truth and agree, or lie and disclaim any emotional investment in whatever the outcome of such a chat might be.

Silence. Longer than it should be... or is it as long as Myka deserves?

You wanted time together. Don’t bellyache about the form it takes.

“Your objection to mirrors,” Helena eventually says.

“What about it?” Myka asks. Her very soul flinches.

“What is it?”

Myka has never before stated her dislike of mirrors aloud, and she regrets having done so now. To play it off, she says a dismissive, “An artifact.” And yet the truth is that despite the unnerving nature of her interaction with Alice’s mirror and how it continues to prey on her mind, it isn’t really that—or rather, that only intensified her dislike.

But when Helena proposes, “Yet another ‘dealy-thingy’?”, clearly (and preciously) trying the phrase out in her mouth, Myka misleadingly (intentionally misleadingly) nods and says, “They’re all dealy-thingies.”

To that, Helena says, “Interesting.”

Myka would probe that word, but to do so might destabilize the ground, here in an elevator. Instead, for the moment, she tilts her head in the direction of the Christmas muzak, the literal elevator music, being piped in. “Oh, sure, that still works.” She gestures at the speaker, a thin dark stripe between two mirror-panels, from which the sound is emerging. The elevator is nothing if not insistent.

In truth, she doesn’t mind Christmas carols. She does mind the bowdlerization thereof, and isn’t that an attitude the dogmatic elevator really ought to share? O holy night, the stars are brightly... synthesizing? It’s wrong.

Now even her mind is vamping. Great.

Helena tilts her head toward the speaker, however, and Myka appreciates her willingness to be redirected. At least for a moment.

In fact, for all her vamping, mental and otherwise, Myka finds herself absurdly content to simply stand against a mirrored elevator wall and regard Helena... who in that instant of Myka’s acknowledged contentment seems to accept their predicament as unlikely to be resolved in a timely fashion: she sits down, of course elegantly, resting her back against her side of the box and stretching her legs (her legs, Myka’s body notes, just to let her know it’s still paying close attention) out in front of her.

The looking-down perspective is a bit disorienting—although at least this time it has nothing to do with being stuck to a ceiling—but Myka has no time to process it, for Helena’s next salvo, looking up, is, “You’ve been expecting me to remark further on naughtiness, haven’t you.”

Reading, yet again. “I kind of have,” Myka admits. It seems an overly judgmental statement, particularly given that Myka has to deliver it as if from an elevated bench. And yet... she kind of has.

“I’d rather not fulfill that expectation,” Helena says. “If we could speak of other things.”

Myka is a little thrown, but thankful. “That is entirely fine by me. What do you want to talk about?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly,” Myka says, meaning it as an answer to either interpretation of Helena’s interrogative: Are you asking what I want to talk honestly about? or Are you asking, with honest intent, what I want to talk about? She hopes Helena will respond similarly.

“Something that interests you,” Helena says.

That’s not in any way what she was expecting. “Really?”

“Really.”

It’s a word similar to, yet very different from, “honestly.” What, in a real sense, interests Myka? In this moment, all she can think to say is “you.” And perhaps because her normal inhibitions are disordered, here in this stopped elevator, that’s what she blurts out.

And that seems, incongruously, to take Helena aback. “What about me?” she asks.

Myka can’t say “everything.” It’s the real answer (really), but it’s far too... big. For an unexpected reunion, an unexpected uninterrupted chat—although Claudia or rescuers could at any point interrupt it, which Myka should hope happens (should)—it’s far too big.

So: smaller. What occurs first to Myka is “where have you been”—but that would most likely seem accusatory. She needs something else. Something something something...

In the aftermath of the Warehouse not being destroyed, she’d felt herself full of hard-earned wisdom and bravery: enough, surely, to stop hesitating. Enough, surely, to act. Or enough, at the very least, to articulate.

“Wisdom” and “bravery” now seem nothing more than labels on empty containers, and so “faintheartedness” is the fullness with which Myka here initially accuses her today self. But as Helena breathes and waits for an answer, Myka revises that, gentling it to “caution.” And she adds “care.” Because she is trying to attend to, to appreciate, that breathing. And that waiting.

These might be nothing more than self-indulgently comforting shifts in vocabulary... but then again they might be akin to the shift from “Christmas” to “end-of-year.” Gentle. Inclusionary.

The something something something that occurs to her—because in attempting to avoid her own reflection, she is confronted instead with multiple Helenas—concerns a topic she probably should censor but doesn’t: “When you were a hologram... or a projection, or whatever we should call it... did you have a reflection?” She then reflexively backtracks, “It shouldn’t matter? But I don’t know.” That last, she means both ways. She doesn’t know: whether the reflection existed, or whether it matters. But maybe it’s a sneak-up on things, because she shouldn’t ignore things, and because a seemingly inconsequential tangent might tiptoe toward importance.

“I don’t know either,” Helena says. “I suppose I would have?” Her face contracts. “Or perhaps not, as I don’t know how that holographic projection of myself was... projected. But I do intend to look into it.” She says this last as if Myka has caught her in some inattention, a recklessly uncompleted assignment.

“I never even started majoring in physics,” Myka laments, which is true but also, she hopes, reassuring in an I didn’t do the homework either sense, “so I don’t know the optics of it. Projections. Light and mirrors. “ She doesn’t mention that in the wake of Pittsburgh, she had indeed tried researching such things... she’d got as far as some advanced volumetric displays, ones using dust particles as screens onto which lasers projected light, but at a certain point, a tipping point, the idea of Helena existing as—being relegated to—nothing more than light and dust seemed to scream a surpassing insult, a degradation conjuring death, and it was more than she could bear.

For now she puts that away. She shakes her head, shakes it free, and changes tack. “Anyway, that’s probably the wrong approach. This is Warehousey, so thinking outside physics, the laws... okay, all I know about reflections, unphysically, is that vampires don’t have them. So if you didn’t have one, then maybe all holograms are vampires?” Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. She would have done better to speak of dust, that and light and despair. Going with vampires instead? Talk about vamping...

“Presumably not vice versa,” Helena observes, seemingly taking Myka’s words far too seriously. “Certainly fictionally. Also not overly flattering, in the syllogistic sense of ‘Helena was a hologram, therefore.’”

“They’re very popular though,” Myka temporizes.

“Stoker’s novel was all the rage,” Helena allows.

The chat stalls out. Interrupting itself?

Myka nevertheless feels pressure to fill the silence: it’s her fault. Will a simple truth suffice? “I didn’t expect to be spending the day before Christmas Eve with you,” she says. “Or any day with you. In Cleveland.”

A small smile from Helena marks this as a more welcome fill than a question about reflection. As do her next words: “Nor I with you. In Cleveland, or any place. Equally, I didn’t expect to be sent on a mission with you.”

“That part of it went well.” Myka gestures at her bag that contains the artifact.

“We did—and now do once again—make a good team.”

“I’m glad we got the chance to do it again. Glad, but also... relieved.”

“Relieved,” Helena echoes.

That wasn’t a question, but Myka answers anyway. “Well, obviously, first,” she says, feeling herself launching into an explanatory babble that she fears she’ll be powerless to stop, “because you didn’t have to talk anybody out of using Joshua’s trumpet, so that really makes a difference in terms of how we—”

“‘First’,” Helena quotes, interrupting (stopping), conveying her full knowledge that that too is a vamp. “And second?”

“That we still are.” This, Myka says simple and frank.

“A good team?”

That is a question. Myka knows “yes” is the only sensical answer, so she tries to say it. But the depth and weight of the ways in which she and Helena “still are” choke her: they “still are” in the basic sense of existing, which was never a certainty; and even better, higher, these hours they’ve spent together today have made clear, to Myka at least, that they “still are”... well. She’d like to finish that with something like “in love,” but instead she tries to leave it, even in her head, at “still are,” with their time-crossed, maybe-destined predicate undefined.

“A good team” should be good enough—true enough—for now.

So after a stretch of time during which Myka knows she’s been focusing her gaze far too intently on Helena, she manages that “yes.”

Helena waits to speak.... are her eyes glistening more brightly than usual, or is Myka hallucinating? “I’m relieved as well,” she says, and Myka chooses to simply delight in whatever prompted such a saturated sparkle.

It draws her closer.

She crosses the small-yet-large elevator-width that separates them. “I need to either sit down beside you or help you up,” she says. “Do you have a preference?”

“For?” Helena’s eyes continue to glow.

That shine... Myka has hopes. They may not be realized, but she has them: the product of relief, “still are,” and an unknown predicate. “Whatever’s next,” she says.

A bit of time passes, with Helena now being the one focused most intently. “I’ll stand,” is her verdict.

Myka reaches down with both—both—hands, offering, and Helena reaches up, accepting. Their fingers meet and clasp, and too cold, Myka thinks, for both of them have a chill in those extremities... but first impressions of temperature promptly fall away as the new reality of the clasp roars into precedence.

Myka has never been so certain of, so certain of and enchanted by, what must and will happen next in her life. Never in her life so certain, as the clasp tightens, as their torsos lean, as Myka’s body begins an at-last congratulation, one that will become a celebration—

A voice from somewhere overhead barks, “Everybody okay in there?”

TBC

#bering and wells #Warehouse 13 #fanfic #holiday (but not Gift Exchange)#Bonus #part 2 #you never can tell what mechanisms might be up to #sneaky ghosts in machines #(sneaky ghosts ARE machines)#anyway like I said in part 1 #I wanted to put a couple of people in a clichéd situation #and the way this part ends was probably obvious from the get-go #but really #was that space the right venue for...#anything?#Claudia's encouragement aside

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im-a-king-baby · 1 year ago

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Hey, I love ELYN 😭❤️

So my two fave scenes/ moments were the 'keep of the lake house for now' and 'I've been in love with him since' so any commentary will be amazing. Any extra stuff will be amazing so 🪻please 😊

Hiii <3

Gonna put these 3 under a cut because length

“So hold onto that lake house for a while longer,” he says. “Okay?”

Context: i wrote the majority of the first draft of ELYN for Nanowrimo in 2022 (basically a challenge where you write a 50k novel in the month of November) and then I rewrote and edited it over a bunch of months.

So this chapter was actually very similar to the original draft, except that in Draft 1 all of the vote fallout was in one chapter which had the Simon scene first then the Nils scene. In the editing/developing process all the non-Wilhelm characters grew a lot so I knew I wanted to expand Nil's role, and add some more Felice which meant I could bump Simon into his own chapter.

(there was absolutely not meant to be a giant posting gap between the Nils scene and the Simon scene. To be completely honest if I'd known I was going to need that long to finish the fic off I'd probably have chosen to put the gap immediately after the debate because... tension 😈)

The main places where the Simon scene got extended was in the details - Simon's life and career was not well thought through in draft 1 and a lot of the extra length across the whole fic came from building that up - but the lakehouse beat was always there because it was important that Simon's rehab process had to be something he did independent of Wilhelm, so this idea of Wilhelm offering up this house and Simon rejecting it, then clarifying that it's a 'not yet' but hopefully one day when he's in a better place.

Wilhelm's 'I keep thinking about the last time you went to L.A.' was not in the original and was one of those character beats that didn't come to me until months later, but that really pulled together Wilhelm's feelings at that moment and his reluctance to let Simon leave, and that then led really nicely back into Simon saying hang on to the house, because hopefully its not goodbye this time.

“Keira asked what was different about you,” Simon says. “I said: I fell in love with Wilhelm when I was sixteen, and I have been in love with him every day since.”

Okay so this part was possibly the slowest part of the fic to write mostly because I was still figuring out how to articulate this ending which was meant to be optimistic but not magic-wand-everything's-fixed-now. This line in particular came about because I was trying to find where Simon was sitting emotionally and ended up writing a very short therapy in L.A. scene in which Simon dropped this line and I was immediately like 'well, that has to get into the main story.'

It's a nice parallel to Wilhelm's 'I'm never going to stop being in love with him.' in chapter 8, and it highlights that the issues between them have never been a lack of love or not wanting to be together, it's always been these outside forces that they need to break away from.

Also its one of those lines that you write down and then you read it and you're like 'people are gonna quote this one back at me' and its nice when you get that right 😅

And on that theme, your 🪻 is:

“Do you want to tell me what you’re thinking about?” This is the worst part of therapy. “Wilhelm.” Keira’s eyebrows twitch slightly, which is the only reaction he ever gets and means he’s surprised her. “We haven’t spoken much about Wilhelm, not since you asked if you could text him. Are you ready to tell me more about what happened between you?” “You could check the tabloids.” Her ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ look reminds him of Candace, except that she hasn’t figured out how to also convey ‘and I’m disappointed and you’re exhausting and you’d be nothing without me.’ “I’d like to hear it in your own words.” Simon absolutely can’t look at her. “I fell in love with Wilhelm when I was sixteen,” he says. “And I’ve been in love with him every day since. He’s the one I think about every time I sing a love song. Still. I have slept with - I don’t know, hundreds? - of people since I left Sweden and none of it meant anything, compared to him.” “What was it like, seeing him again?” He’d been drinking steadily in the car on the way to the benefit concert so that he’d be able to smile and read a teleprompter and not just stand there staring but it was a close thing. After his performance they’d swept him into a room where he drank champagne and smiled for the cameras. Wilhelm had touched a fingertip to his bare shoulder and Simon had wanted him so badly it hurt in places he’d thought could no longer feel anything. He doesn’t have words for that, except that it was like being in love. “He showed me I could do this,” Simon says instead. “That I could get out. That these systems we were caught up in weren’t infallible.” She frowns very slightly. “Do you think he spoke out against the monarchy for you?” Maybe? He offered once. On a cold night in his ridiculous scarf in so many words that it was Ayub who figured out what he was getting at after he’d walked away. But, no. “He did it for him. Because he needed it. And I did this for me. But there couldn’t be an ‘us’ before. Because of all those things getting in the way. And now… and maybe we both did it a bit for that. For love. Or whatever.”

#Elyn fic #elyn spoilers #I guess #I mean I assume you've all read it at this point

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singlecrow · 1 year ago

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Hello!! I’d love to hear your thoughts (if you’d like!!) on the toxicity/operation alert section of “a girl wild and unwished for” — it’s so destabilizing and beautifully crafted.

oh, I like that section very much which is why this got quite so long, sorry! for context: a girl wild and unwished for is a MASH story about Hawkeye a few years post-war, who has with some persuasion begun a lithium taper. Lithium is an anti-manic drug, in its infancy then, and is notoriously dangerous because a) its toxicity level is only a little way above its therapeutic level and b) it's almost impossible to guess what any one person's dosage should be in advance. Add that to the fact small unnoticed things can push your levels higher without you noticing at first, it has a whole disaster-waiting-to-happen quality to it.

So when you start lithium, you go on a taper: little by little, blood test by blood test, over a few weeks, and this is what this story is about. At this point in the proceedings, an unfortunate sequence of events pushes Hawkeye to the toxicity level. And I could've done it from Sidney's and Margaret's POV - it's their fault, after all - but as you say, I really wanted it to be destabilising for the reader as it is for Hawkeye, and the only way to do that was from the inside. The first symptom of lithium overdose is confusion, which is ideal for this: the end of the last scene has him acting oddly, and then this one is intended to drift gently to the point where the reader suddenly realises, oh shit, there is more to this than I thought oh shit this is VERY BAD. I don't know if it works! but we have Hawkeye wake up slowly and observe in a half-assed kind of way that it's foggy inside as well as out. ok, we've been told he's sleepy. But then Margaret comes in and is instantly terrified that Hawkeye has taken an overdose on purpose - because she can see what we can't see. And the fact he doesn't understand her questions is meant to be the point where the reader (almost) understands what's happened, because this is the point where Hawkeye's internal narration really falls off the wall. The style turns into simple declarative sentences and simple words. He's still him - "[he] wants to, because Margaret wants him to" - but otherwise starting to sound actually impaired. He gets hung up on the word "quiet" for, urgh, GFA reasons. And his mind is wandering, which was great for me - easy to throw in whatever thematic appropriate allusion I wanted, especially because it's Hawkeye who's read everything. So he quotes Matthew's gospel inside his head and is delighted with himself, because he's still Hawkeye. And he stays like this, eventually losing full sentences, then fragments, then a single word, until he's finally sedated, and the idea that he and the reader find out at once what's happened, when he wakes up again. Again, I don't know if it works mostly because I knew what was happening when I wrote it. But that's the intention.

I think the other thing that I like slash find interesting about this scene is that, well, Hawkeye's priorities are skewed. He is also quite worried about nuclear apocalypse in this scene. (I watch myself write down these things and wonder why no one has had me abolished.) There is a nuclear attack drill, Operation Alert, going on outside the window, and Hawkeye in his impaired state has no reason not to think it's real. It, too, is terrifying. The way I did this to set it out as a random mixture of what the people outside the window are shouting (about public shelters and millions dead) and what's happening immediately around Hawkeye. The idea of course is to make the two things scarier seen alongside each other, maybe make the reader wonder if Hawkeye has had another psychotic break (he hasn't), and call back to an earlier scene where Hawkeye described the lithium as "[my] own personal atomic annihilation". So he's very worried about THAT. But what we don't hear much about is what actually happens to him. Lithium toxicity is vile. There are no antidotes for it even now, it's all horrible things like tubes down the throat and dialysis. Hawkeye is going through all that, during the scene, but we're still in his head and the things that really upset him are that Margaret though he took the overdose himself and that she and Sidney have given Sidney's colleague a fake name for him. His selfhood matters to him more than the body he lives in, because lithium has detached him from it even as they're trying to scrub the durg out of him. That theme comes up much more loudly later in the story but here it is. (A line I cut, from Sidney's nameless colleague and Sidney. "Can't you tell me anything at all about him?" / "He's a good man and he doesn't deserve this.")

And finally - this is so long, sorry! Why do this scene at all? It's subtle, I think, but it's savage and nasty and awful and this story isn't set in a war zone. But lithium is terrifying, and we're told that Hawkeye thinks so too. Putting him directly into that terror-- well, the other reason is I've spent 10k by this point talking about how dangerous the drug is. I could've left this scene out. But I think you need it for the sake of honesty. It's really that frightening. This is really the decision Hawkeye has made for himself that the story has spent all this time examining. (And he asks Margaret, too: "Is it worth it?" Is it worth his friends' comfort, in getting him to come down from mania, if it puts him at this risk? Which isn't something she can answer. But then, there's the other theme: Margaret doesn't give a damn about semantics, she just loves him.)

jesus. that's it. thank you for asking about this one! I had a lot to say about it apparently.

#mash #hawkeye pierce #lithium #bipolar #cn: overdose

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victorluvsalice · 2 years ago

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Valicer Not-Incorrect Quotes, Food Edition

In honor of the “food” prompt for this month’s @polyamships Polyam Shipping Day:

Alice: [looking at a collection of “freakshake” photos online] I really don’t understand these things. I mean, I’ve got nothing against a good milkshake, but -- look at this, this one has an entire slice of cheesecake on it.

Victor: I know! You know I like sugar, but -- that seems really excessive.

Smiler: You know what I’ve always thought? That those are like the milkshake fancypants version of the Vermonster.

Alice: The what?

Smiler: A giant bucket sundae that you’re supposed to eat with your friends -- it’s from Ben & Jerry’s. Why else would you get a slice of cheescake on a milkshake if you weren’t supposed to give the cheesecake to someone else?

Victor: That’s -- probably the most sensible explanation for these things I’ve heard.

Alice: Pity that probably means it’s not true.

Smiler: Probably not, but it SHOULD be. Also, if we’re ever anywhere near a Ben & Jerry’s, we should get a Vermonster.

Alice: Well, that goes without saying.

Smiler: [sneaking into the kitchen]

Smiler: [looking around as they grab a package of Jaffa Cakes out of the pantry]

Smiler: [grinning to themselves as they tear it open]

Victor: [immediately poking his head around the door] Can I have one too?

Smiler: How do you always know?!

Smiler: [pouring some strawberry mojito mocktails they’ve whipped up for everyone] We got drinks!

Alice: [comes in and claims her glass, taking a swing] Mmmm -- delicious as always, Smiler.

Victor: [following soon after] Oh yes -- you really have a talent for this.

Smiler: [sipping their own drink] Well, talent and years of helping Mom with parties and working at coffee places.

Victor: Even still -- you really should be a bartender. You’d knock the socks off everyone with these.

Smiler: [laughs] Maybe, but I think most of them wouldn’t be impressed with the lack of alcohol.

Alice: Look, I have enough problems with Wonderland, I don’t need to add booze to the mix.

Victor: And you don’t need me trying to tell you my entire life story.

Smiler: But I like your entire life story!

Victor: That involves me talking more about my parents.

Smiler: I do not like your entire life story, finish your mocktail.

[context: Victor and Alice are hanging out with Smiler’s other friends for a movie night]

Oblivion: [bringing in some boxes] All right, we have pizza!

Rita: Finally! Hand it over, Oblivion.

Oblivion: Yeah, hang on -- okay, this one is all pepperoni, nice and standard; this one is pepperoni and olives on one side, and mushrooms and olives on the other; this one is Meat Lover’s and sausage, peppers, and mushrooms; and this one is Hell On Pizza.

Smiler: [rolling their eyes as they pick up a slice of Hell On Pizza, otherwise known as Hawaiian] You could actually try some before knocking it, you know.

Thirteen: Everyone knows pineapple does not belong on pizza, Smiler.

Galactica: It’s a scientific fact.

Smiler: Scientists don’t know what they’re missing.

Rita: [grabbing a slice of pepperoni] Please just accept you have terrible taste in pizza, Smiler. It’ll be easier on us all.

Victor: [had been reaching for his Meat Lover’s -- but upon hearing all this admittedly good-natured teasing, he stops, considers -- and then picks up a slice of Hawaiian and takes a big bite]

Everyone Else: [regards him with surprise, even Smiler]

Victor: [after a contemplative chew and swallow] Actually, this isn’t bad. I don’t know if I’d want it every time, but --

Smiler: [practically tackles him and kisses him hard] Marry me. Now.

Oblivion: [mostly-faux horror, eyes wide] Oh no. [looks at Alice] Have they gotten to you too?

Alice: [taking a dazed Victor’s forgotten slice] We’re about to find out!

#valicer #not incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #food #polyam shipping day #victor van dort #alice liddell #smiler alton #the smiler #the 'Smiler comparing freakshakes to the Vermonster'#and 'Victor tries pineapple pizza and thinks it's fine prompting much kissing' ideas have been in my head for a bit now #the 'Victor somehow always knows about snacks' one and 'Smiler the master mixer' ones I came up with especially for this XD #though the snacks one was inspired by a way earlier post of mine #where I compared Alice to a cat and Victor to a dog #he always knows about treats XD #and hey look the rest of my coaster crew is present!#really gotta complete that post about all of THEM eventually #but they can come over for pizza XD #oh and Alice's ruling on the Hawaiian pizza: 'eh not horrible but not for me'#Smiler: 'fine at least you TRIED it'#Smiler: [goes back to kissing Victor]#queued

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lepertamar · 1 year ago

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Stars That Rise At Dawn 2023 Revised vs 2019 edition differences: Part 3

Part 1 is at this link, and part 2 at this one. This part covers chapter 25 to the end and is a bit shorter.

As before, long sequence of passages with changes under the cut. I’ve put some commentary of my own personal opinion on a few of the changes, but the author mostly only explains her decisions with an enigmatic ‘improving continuity with the rest of the series’ so the effects are pretty subjective.

I tried to put changes/additions of the 2023 revision in bold, and when I quoted the 2018 edition, put it in strikethrough red.

Oh and feel free to add to any of these posts with edits I missed!

Chapter 25:

Another little addition of g-d's reactiveness and participation:

“Ah, anger, real anger. All Tamar sees is brightness and the chiming of bells, God laughing at her situation”

Then a change in a characterization bit that was quite off in the previous version.

Pre-revision:

She’s aware her tone and her actions are serving as a tool for her, a way to cover up all that she doesn’t know, can’t sort out. It almost bothers her.

Post-revision:

“Hmmm.” Tamar stretches it out. She’s aware her tone and her actions are just emphasizing all she doesn’t know. It almost bothers her. Almost.”

And an added line here:

“Elīya almost thinks about this for a moment until other thoughts make her eyes narrow. “You don’t ever consider the impact of your actions, do you?” Tamar actually raises an eyebrow at that, above the place her eyes should be. “Not usually, no.” “I’d recommend it.” “Believe me, it’s not for lack of you trying to make me.”

And there's some alteration and addition here, which gutted me:

Pre-revision

“Then again,” Tamar says, shrugging. “Back then, I didn’t have myself, not really. There wasn’t much opportunity as a secondary school student to carve out something for myself, experience something, do something. But now I do. And maybe that’s different.” Elīya doesn’t know how to interpret that: some kind of acquiescence? An implication that maybe she will consider her actions now, due to now somehow having the resources, in some way, to be able to afford to? Or is that just wishful thinking?

Post-revision:

“Then again,” Tamar says, shrugging. “Back then, I didn’t have myself, not really. There wasn’t much opportunity as a secondary school student to do anything with myself, carve out something that was myself. But now I have. And maybe that’s different. Look at me. My whole life, with what I’ve done to it. What I’ve done to myself. I’m blind. Of course I fucking knew the consequences of my actions. I just didn’t care, compared to this.” Elīya takes a shaky breath. But she doesn’t know how to interpret Tamar’s words: some kind of acquiescence? An implication that maybe she will consider her actions more often now, due to now somehow having the resources, in some way, to be able to afford to? Or is that just wishful thinking? Or is she already considering the consequences now, and still just finding them worth it? Is that why she came back? ”

Just.............holy shit. Look at me. My whole life, with what I’ve done to it. What I’ve done to myself. ;;;;;-;;;;;;

I talked about this here though not really in the context of being a revision, but the revision really emphasizes it, how Tamar's language of self clearly comes from a wholly different sort of place, both in self-conception and in idk, language? school of thought/tradition? subcultural blueprint? than eliya's (via lucifer) or yenatru's (via israfil i guess?) in those previous chapters. An aggregation or perhaps, a chemical reaction, like one in fire-over-time/life......

And the emphasis on eliya wondering why tamar came back at all. Which foreshadows the next chapter where Eliya and Tamar's burgeoning re-connection that makes their association later in Lives more understandable.

Chapter 26:

The slight change to the epigraph incorporates some of the deleted previous chapter 2 epigraph:

Pre-revision:

It may shock my readers to hear, but even as one of the Holy, Heaven does not provide enough variety for me. God is a friend and a companion, and I would prefer They stay with me, in my arm, on many travels, to all options I can find after the Resurrection…

Post-revision:

“It may shock my readers to hear, but as an extension of God’s soul, Heaven would not provide enough variety for me. God is a friend and a companion, and I would prefer They stay with me, in my arm, on many travels, to all options I can find after the Resurrection… —Safirah, Holy, An Uncommon Proposition”

Also this takes out 'even as one of the holy' so removing the implication that most holies want to go to heaven (which makes sense, holification in some ways is more a contrast to heaven eg in the prequel short story, forcing the experience of g-d now and while still alive and standing on earth)

A significant change to the eavesdropping scene!

Pre-revision:

“Elīya,” Tamar hisses. “What?” she whispers back. “I think you’ve gone too far. I don’t think we should be here.” The set of Tamar’s mouth looks serious, really and legitimately serious, in the light of her eye-fire. “This isn’t stuff we should be hearing.” “Are you sure?” It’s not like Tamar cared about that when she went off stalking, when she ignored all of Elīya’s advice for years and years. “Trust me, I’m a professional at eavesdropping these days.” That’s when Lucifer starts crying. Gently, like sighs one after another, but they sound wet and— Tamar’s right, Elīya realizes. Tamar’s actually fucking right. They shouldn’t be here, they shouldn’t be overhearing this. But how are they going to get away without it being obvious that they were behind this rock all along? Maybe Elīya’s ethics class should have been covering this instead of the fucking trolly problem…

And Tamar’s standing up. “Tamar what the fuck are you doing,” Elīya hisses. “Trip me,” Tamar hisses back. “What?” “Trip me, Elīya! It’s good deniability! Quick, before my eyes give me away, I’m gonna walk toward you, and you’re gonna trip me.”

Post-revision:

“Shit,” Elīya mutters to herself. She values honesty. She values openness. But it’s neither of those things to hear—what? confessions?---like this in secret. And certainly Yenatru would be hurt. And that is not what she ever wanted from this trip. “Hmm?” Tamar asks back. “We have to leave,” Elīya hisses. “Whatever they’re about to say—we can’t hear it, not like this.” “Ethically?” “Yes.” And she almost wonders: if it weren’t for Yenatru, maybe at this point she wouldn’t care. Maybe. “But you’re conflicted,” Tamar says, almost—gloating? No, it’s probably not that, but fuck! They’re running out of time! Because Lucifer’s started crying. Gently, like sighs one after another, but still wet and how are they going to get away without it being obvious that they were behind this rock all along? Maybe Elīya’s ethics class should have been covering this instead of the fucking trolly problem… And Tamar’s standing up. “Tamar what the fuck are you doing,” Elīya hisses. “Trip me,” Tamar hisses back. “What?” “Trip me, Elīya! It’s good deniability! Quick, before my eyes give me away, I’m gonna walk toward you, and you’re gonna trip me.” Elīya can barely swallow let alone respond. Tamar’s come up with a solution, Tamar who’s never thought about doing what’s right in her life—and flame it, it might work.”

More #dignity for eliya, not getting ethically shown up by tamar (of all fucking people lol!) just to make her look even worse. eliya values ethics, is good at it, and is growing to uh idk. 'does she have ethics, or does ethics have her' sjidfhidshiudhiugihudfgufg.

especially when it's VERY hard for me to believe tamar would give a shit about anything like this lmao. i mean ok idk not completely impossible to believe given that lucifer seems to just have a forcefield that makes everyone in their radius to go 'oh shit oh fuck they're so pathetic i have to be the niceyest ever to them', even tamar, lmao, but still not narratively fitting, especially given how it fucks with eliya's arc right around here.

Close afterward there's a moment where a line about Yenatru is deleted:

Lucifer just shakes their head. “May I suggest actually going to sleep instead of listening in on a private conversation?” Yenatru doesn’t say anything; he’s probably uncomfortable, probably scared that two of his friends are fighting.

And then

Pre-revision:

Tamar just shrugs. “Maybe not, then. I guess the only other person’s mind I’ve really got figured out these days is God’s—”

Post-revision:

Tamar just shrugs. “Maybe not, then. I guess I’ve got my hands full trying to figure out God’s—”

Tamar still struggling and rotating as earlier in the book.....def foreshadows of Lives here too.

And then a long sequence of significant alteration again!!

Pre-revision:

But there’s still something bothering Elīya. “So, if you weren’t reading Lucifer’s mind… how did you know to get out of there?” Tamar narrows her mouth. “It sounded big, whatever Lucifer was going to say—but also, it sounded like he was going to say it. Instead of just running away, like usual. So, I figured that’s a big deal.” “What do you mean, like usual…?” Tamar shrugs. “It’s just, whenever God thinks about Lucifer, I get this sense of little flamey legs running away.” “Flamey… legs.” “Well, yeah, it’s God, so everything’s flamey, that’s just how it is. The important part here is the legs. And the running. That’s a Lucifer thing, running away—“ “What, like you?” For a moment Elīya twitches at her own words, because maybe she’s already broken whatever is almost starting to work again between the two of them, she’s failed, she— Tamar laughs. “Yeah, like me, I guess. Though I ran in the exact opposite direction.” And now her sight will always be what it is now. Elīya shivers; she could never be trapped like that, in a single moment, in a single experience. But it’s Tamar’s right to choose it. “You’re… still happy with it, right?” Elīya asks. “The direction you, uh, ran?” “You mean, not having eyes?” “Yeah. And the rest. The stuff that… comes with that.” God, Elīya hopes she’s not screwing up again. Tamar’s smile glows in the light of God’s fire. “Yeah. I saw Them, Elīya. That was me. I saw Them. And I might not know everything about myself—and I know what that knowing looks like, I’ve seen God—but that I’m someone who’s done that? That that’s part of me? Yeah, I’m pretty solid on that part.” Elīya smiles back, blinking. That right there is definitely the most genuine thing she’s ever heard Tamar say.

I haaaaaaated eliya's weird nervousness, and especially "trapped in a single moment, in a single experience" which is not only very ableist (lol) and completely antithetical to what tamar's experience in her pov actually shows. but also, it made no sense even to be an intentionally-incorrect eliya-opinion coming after the entire previous chapter, about tamar finally making a concerted effort to actually communicate with eliya an explanation of some things about her interiority and desires, about moving forward and not-knowing yet and wanting to run into more understanding now that she has her self. which i really would have hoped eliya would actually internalize, even if not understand. the deleted stuff indicated she not only didn't internalize any of it, but wilfully misunderstood and over-wrote what tamar said. so really glad that was deleted!!

Post-revision:

“But there’s still something bothering Elīya. “Why did you help me?” Why not let her flounder, why not force her to fail at her ethics— “It’s not like I’m trying, in any moment, to do whatever bothers you most.” Elīya’s jaw tightens. “At the very least I’d have thought you’d be curious. About whatever they were going to say.” “Eh,” Tamar says. “It’s not like I don’t have the rough picture of it already.” “You what?” Has she already been eavesdropping? Of course she has, that’s how her eyes work now, isn’t it— Tamar shrugs. “I mean, I did sit behind Lucifer on a motorcycle the whole way from Eden. But also whenever God thinks about Lucifer, I get this sense of little flamey legs running away.” “Flamey… legs.” “Well, yeah, it’s God, so everything’s flamey, that’s just how it is. The important part here is the legs. And the running. That’s a Lucifer thing, running away—” “What, like you?” For a moment Elīya feels like slapping herself. The principle of fairness means that she shouldn’t allow her personal feelings to make her act so petty. Even if it’s true. But Tamar laughs. “Yeah, like me, I guess. Though I ran in the exact opposite direction.” “You did something sacred and you’re still burning,” says Elīya so clearly and easily she barely intends it. For manifestations cannot be undone. She shivers; it’s Tamar’s right to choose it, but Elīya could never be pierced through like that, for the rest of her life, forever. Tamar takes a sharp breath and turns slightly. “You remember?” “Just now.” What Tamar said about the first Holy she met, in that telephone call she’d thought through a hundred times, for clues. “I’ve been working on Theurgy, actually.” “Yeah, Lucifer told me. Interesting, enough to visit.” Elīya blinks. “But, meeting Lucifer was the—” Thing that was interesting enough for the promise, she doesn’t say, feeling suddenly ridiculous. Tamar snorts. “Sure. Like that was the challenge.” “And you’re… still happy with it, you said. The direction you, uh, ran.” “You mean, not having eyes?” “Yeah. And the rest. The stuff that… comes with that.” Tamar’s smile glows in the light of her price. “Yeah. I saw Them, Elīya. That was me. I saw Them. And I might not know everything about myself—and I know what that knowing looks like, I’ve seen God—but that I’m someone who’s done that? That that’s part of me? Yeah, I’m pretty solid on that part.” Elīya smiles back, blinking. That right there is the most Tamar has ever explained anything.”

This is just sooooooooooooooooo much it is like. wow. SO MUCH.

the reference "you did something sacred and you're still burning" is a reference to the prequel short story, stalking and the glory of god.

One of the things about the pre-revision stars is how it doesn't make any sense how the narrative was trying to force the #Message that the eliya/tamar dynamic was something Fake, unimportant, ephemeral, useless, pursued out of delusion. only for them to be very much living together, wrestling with each other, getting a LOT out of each other, in Lives -- which does make sense from the epilogue of stars, but the stars epilogue, while extremely fitting to the actual things that happened in stars between eliya and tamar, basically belies what the narrative of stars was trying to force -- between the change right above, and the change to eliya and lucifer's last scene together as i elaborated on in part 2, all that narrative forcing and dishonestly is discarded, and the actual self-honesty bursts through and suddenly resonates, through stars to the stars epilogue to Lives.....

Chapter 27:

A line is struck out in here:

Yenatru nods. He sees now, and understands, how this is the person who inadvertently made the world become what it is. Her and Lilith, but she was the start, the first half of why the Covenant was made, why the possibility of things other than God’s Heaven in the future exists at all. She was the very first life that argued for herself.

possibly because it's overly explained and pat lol.

Chapter 28:

Eliya's conversation with Yenatru on the walk down is changed:

Pre-revision:

“So,” she starts. “Yenatru, I… did overhear some of what you said, what you and Lucifer were talking about.” He frowns a little. “How much?” “Just what you were saying before Tamar tripped. Before she asked me to trip her. I guess she thought it was getting too emotional, and any eavesdropping we were doing—which I guess we kind of were—was crossing some kind of line. Imagine that, her being more ethical than me.” Yenatru’s raising his eyebrows. “Anyway. I was just… I was wondering. What did you mean by ‘making your own heaven?’” Yenatru’s blush is immediate, as is him stumbling on a rock. Thankfully, he regains his footing before actually falling on his face. “I… I don’t know. It was just a thought, a thing I said. I mean, it’s not like I know what’ll happen after Resurrection. But…” he smiles, or at least Elīya thinks he does; he’s very much not facing her. “Can people make their own heavens, then?” “I don’t know. But Lucifer seemed to think that we can.” “…Huh.” She doesn’t know what to make of this; making a heaven isn’t something she’d ever considered as a possible post-Resurrection event, and it doesn’t really give her any feelings, not the way the mere word openness does. Not that she’s sure what that means either. But Yenatru sure seems to smile and blush when he thinks of it.

Post-revision:

“So,” she starts. “Yenatru, I… did overhear some of what you said, what you and Lucifer were talking about.” He frowns a little. “How much?” “Just what you were saying before Tamar tripped. Before she asked me to trip her. Because I could tell it was getting too emotional, and any eavesdropping we were doing—which I guess we kind of were—was crossing some kind of line. But I didn’t know what to do about it, and she did. Imagine that, her being more ethical than me.” Yenatru’s raising his eyebrows. “Anyway. So I heard about up until you said you would— make your own heaven. But I was wondering. You made— a new manifestation? Already?” Yenatru’s blush is immediate, as is him stumbling on a rock. Thankfully, he regains his footing before actually falling on his face. “I… I just did. I wanted… am it… and so it, um, was? Because I made it. Not that different than what I’ve done before.” He smiles, or at least Elīya thinks he does; he’s very much not facing her. “I thought that was gradual.” “It… was. But now I— I don’t know. I’ve practiced. I… know more.” She wonders how long it usually takes. If anyone’s ever studied it, tried to map out the data points. If that would tell her anything, be useful in some how-to book the way nothing in the one she read was. “And… I’ve been,” his voice gets very quiet. “Seen, now. Maybe that makes a difference.” Because all the time before, before he had shown— Lucifer, or her? Who was first? Flames, it might have been her. The way he smiled. “I wouldn’t know, yet,” she says, “but maybe it does.”

I think this is mostly Lives-related mapping continuity.

And then!! a change that's very small but makes a HUGE impact, one line added in this scene:

Why are you even asking me, though?” Elīya crosses her arms, frowning. “It is your decision. And you graduate two years from now.” “Well, I thought it’d be good to know now. So if I need to change plans, I have plenty of time, and all that?” She shifts a little on her bed. “And it’s like, what even would be the point of doing something if it ends up hurting people? Like yes, I want to, but if in the process I’m losing you as a friend, maybe seriously hurting you—” Somehow, coming from Hannuša, this sounds ridiculous. Even if it’s—what? What she always wished Tamar had said to her? “Yeah, don’t worry. You’re not Tamar.” “But—” Hannuša starts again. “Seriously.” Elīya hardens her voice as much as possible. “Tamar doesn’t worry about that kind of thing at all. You do. There’s no danger of you becoming her, in any way.”

This small addition (but even moreso, the subtle adding-up of many other small edits over the course of the last several chapters regarding eliya and tamar) turns this whole passage from a weirdly flat dismissal of all the themes of the entire book so far (actually forget about how breaking social contracts to be honest with yourself is crucial evidence that there is More possible in the world, forget about how it's actually fantastic and extraordinarily powerful building and precedent to almost destroy the world to escape a form of suffering your situation in the world is crushing you with -- ACTUALLY what's important is that if you want something powerful, you don't want it TOO badly, that you want it for nice feminine altruistic reasons, and that you put your roommates feelings about over above your own :)))!!!'), into BRILLIANT and juicy foreshadowing of Lives as well as character development for Eliya. The last paragraph turns from a baffling denigration into a backhandeed compliment: "there's no danger of you becoming her" -- is that a compliment to hannusa or just a fucking savage roast? Love it.

Chapter 29:

The main change is that the deeply cringeworthy epigraph is changed to a really darkly ironic and funny one.

Pre-revision:

Eden, nor indeed any of the cities of the Fourteen Rivers have any real conception of autism, which seems a sad oversight; yet, they are understanding enough of personal difference that I have found Edenites quite respectful of my use of my manifested sound-dampening cloak, although perhaps I wouldn’t need to use it so much in the first place if there were more quiet spaces in Eden… —Notes on Eden Traveling, sent to the Askannan Autistics Society by Kallera, Seafarer

Post-revision:

“Thank you for being such a substantial debate partner, a rarity since the dawn of time! The opportunity to frame things through so many bewildering camera apertures (fantastic invention by the way!) from someone with so little patience did more than I want to admit to give me solidity in my own point of view. Now, what exactly did you mean near the end about contamination…? —The Adversary, Fallen; in a letter to Safirah, Holy

sorry 'jewish satan loving debating one of the most jewish characters in the series' is just like the best thing possible. Not to mention 'ha-satan is infinitely more well-adjusted and capable of growth and challenge than you, lucifer' is such an utterly fucking savage burn.

continuity-wise nothing in Askannan in Lives regarding Tesena (or anywhere else for that matter) has a real-world-like conception of autism either, at least not in such terms, which fits this world's history a lot better. autism is a HUGE element of this series imo, but it's very inexplicit and importantly so. not at ALL because 'x magic things are a metaphor for autism' nor because 'autism is a metaphor for x magic thing' but because the social structure and cultural impressing of allism that is disrupted by the internal experience of autism sort of feeds into the way that various internally-experienced states in the series disrupt cultural impressing, much like the way kink is a very informative element of the series but it's important that it's not said as such, because it's neither the sign nor the signified but more like a part of the emotionally communicative passageway.

Chapter 30:

Some alteration to the epigraph!

Pre-revision:

Considering all matters I have already laid out, pure deontology has little value as an ethical system. Perhaps it would have more merit if all people considered the same things to be good, but as it is, it cannot even begin to account for the simple fact that they do not. It is as if its proponents have never considered the possibility that the very action that might help one person could harm another. Truly, such a short-sighted view of ethics has no right to even the slightest modicum of popularity…. —excerpt from Deontology Versus Consequentialism: Consider, Neither, an early-term paper by Elīya Illatu

Post-revision:

“Considering all matters I have already laid out, pure deontology has little value as an ethical system. Perhaps it would have more merit if all people considered the same things to be good, but as it is, it cannot even begin to account for the simple fact that they do not. Consequentialism seeks to avoid this problem, but still finds itself in the same bind. The commonly cited maxim of its most common form,“the greatest good for the greatest number of people,” still requires a coherent definition of good, and what I propose is that no such thing exists, and indeed the world is richer for it…” —excerpt from Deontology Versus Consequentialism: Consider, Neither, an early-term paper by Elīya Illatu

This is interesting on a few levels, particularly given that it's difficult to figure out, textually, exactly where deontology came from, since the whole premise of the covenant, established nearly 6,000 years ago, is basically an abolishment of the very possibility of the most common definition of deontology. Discussing with a friend who knows philosophy opened me to the fact that some strains of deontology focus on norms rather than authoritative rules, which seems more believable as a source of deontology in this world.

And then, an INCREDIBLE deletion, like THANK FUCK levels of incredible:

Pre-revision:

Or, in another form: smooth. Shining. Without friction. Not a sweet calming embrace like Yenatru. Not centered in endless certainty like Tamar. And yet unyielding. Though she may go around a barrier, though she may shift her opinions and thoughts and change in her goals, she does not stop.

Post-revision:

Or, in another form: smooth. Shining. Without friction. And yet unyielding. Though she may go around a barrier, though she may shift her opinions and thoughts and change in her goals, she does not stop.

I complained MIGHTILY and in great great confusion and distress about this line here LMAO, another one of those statements that are just utterly flat-out wrong but also there's no reason for why the character thinking it would think that or why they would be so wrong.

And finally the line "And if she didn’t understand before why Lucifer wanted her to learn Theurgy, she does now. She’ll have to thank them, again. And—" is completely deleted, which makes sense -- she already thanked them, and she did already understand. And of course it fits the revised version of events better.

#sehhinah #the stars that rise at dawn #sehhinah revisions tag #coal sings

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marengogo · 2 years ago

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The Thing Is: - 1 : BALANCE.

Listening to INDIGO by RM on repeat. STILL. YUP, STILL ON THE REPEAT TRAIN 😬.

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

So this is what I’d like to call an educated rant about Capulates (aka most Taekookers) and Montagues (aka some Jikookers). In fact, this is mostly a rant about the things that both “families” cause on that godforsaken bird app, which apparently we can’t live with but also can’t live without I’ll explain this more in depth in my Ted-Talk. This is a rant about BALANCE and ultimately its lack thereof. That being said, to make it all make sense, let’s begin with some context and, like I always do, let me make it relevant and personal.

When it comes to Jikookers in general, I firmly believe that what I am about to talk about is known by a few, should be known by many but unfortunately is ignored/irrelevant to the vast majority and now that, THAT, is a fucking pity. One of my favourite quotes is “Patience is a virtue, Possess it if you can, Seldom found in woman, Never found in man”. Admittedly, we could stay here and argue about every single word from the Seldom to the man part of this quote, but what I’d like you to please focus on is the ”Patience is a virtue, Possess it if you can…” part.

I used to be a very silent, and calm, person and with those traits also came an infinite amount of patience; there was a time I used to boast about my patience. Alas, what I didn't know was that Life had made up a whole shitty plan for me. Right from when I was 11 it decided that “you know what? You seem like you could handle a huge amount of different types of shit all at once, and I just so happen to have loads of shit but no place where to put it so… here! You can have some of it!” And so it was that shit was systematically piled on me constantly, and I dealt with it patiently, respectfully and with dignity until I turned 24 when something major happened to me that made me snap and I turned into the quick-to-anger adult that some may know me to be nowadays (for context, I’m in my 30s right now).

The funny, but not-so-funny, thing is that when I snap I do it around those who are closest to me. Snapping has become the way I let out my true self as an unhealthy result of keeping everything bottled in for so long, which was indeed bad handling on my side, but I really didn’t know any better. It must be said though, that when I snap, I don’t snap at my close friends (... family tho, is a different story …) what I do is let out my frustration with them, which usually goes like this:

UNOPENED TEXT from Close Friends (CFs) (but thank god for text previews!): Gurl, how was the weekend?

ME: I see there is a text from my close friend/s, but I’m so busy and stressed that I don’t even want to open it knowing that I wouldn’t be able to either hold a proper convo or say anything positive. BUT in the back of my head I know there is a message from the important people in my life waiting: and I add unreasonable “stress”.

UNOPENED TEXT from CFs: send funny images or vocal messages.

ME: I’m still not willing to just open the message to just leave it without a reply, so I keep ignoring. But still I know the message is there, hence “stress” keeps adding.

finally OPENED TEXT from CFs: Call me when you can or shall we meet this weekend?

So then eventually I make an effort, get out of my head ass, and make time call and …

ME: Gurl, how have you been? … yeah man I’m like super exhausted and [PROCEEDS TO ENGAGE IN THIS UNPROVOKED LONG ASS RANT ABOUT HER WEEK. LIKE REALLY LONG. LIKE A GOOD 30mins AT LEAST, which could have been avoided if I had made time through the week when they actually texted 🙃] … but enough about me, tell me all about what happened to you?

Its hella hypocritic and weird but my CFs know exactly how I am, and how to handle me, and in the same way I also know how to handle their unique traits, so keeping this in mind, I try not to feel too bad about my lack of constant communication and my sudden vomiting of emotions thereafter, it's between me and them, them and me, and if you are not within our circle, you would never now and it is very frankly nobody else's business.

That being said, all things considered, I still somehow tend to be quite patient when it comes to things that are not directly related to me and I’ve also found out that I have an “interesting” amount of self-control. Just like Patience, I do think that Self-Control is a virtue. Both virtues would allow us to reach Balance which I believe is ultimately what we should be aiming for in life and how actually life works.

Now, where am I going with this? And how does it relate to Capulets & Montagues (C&M)? Does it even relate to Jikook? Gurl, what?!

… Bear with me just a little longer.

Balance. My life has been devoted to finding balance in everything, reason why I love grey so much for example (though my fav color is actually BLUE 💙). When balanced you can confidently move forward, hypothetically causing no immediate harm and also for example not snap 😬. But what is balance? Following is the dictionary definition pertaining to this subject:

a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

Okay. So, the way I see it, there are 2 obvious ways you can obtain balance:

Two opposite but equal forces being applied on an object which will either cause it to stay still in a balanced stop or even move in a balanced way

The application of no force. If an object is not moving it is indeed balanced as its present situation is not altering.

And here is where we finally talk about C&M and Twitter.

Capulets & Montagues respectively believe that their ship is THE ONE and they will resort to any emphasis on the ANY means necessary to battle each other and prove that they are right, be it breach of privacy of the individuals they swear they love and respect, or complete lack of common sense, YOU NAME IT!, if it assures them a winning tweet for the day; they will use it.

Have you noticed how, even though I call them Capulets and Montagues, I do not refer to JK & JM as Romeo & Juliet? They are in a difficult environment, for sure, but I do not believe that their story must end in tragedy. Basically I do not believe them to be star-crossed lovers. HOWEVER most Taekookers and some Jikookers do believe that. C&M are living within the wrong story, so to say, as in, this is really NOT Romeo & Juliet but they unprovoked decided that this IS Romeo & Juliet: Do I make sense? But how to blame them? Most Taekookers and some Jikookers are exactly like Capulets and Montagues and like all similarly belligerent parties before them: Blind with nonsensical rage and motivated by misplaced righteousness.

On a weekly basis Capulates will “find” something damning about Taekook and taunt Montagues about it. Montagues will try if possible to debunk it, hence starting a fight. The following day, Montagues will “discover” their version of something damning about Jikook and taunt Capulets. Capulets will try their very best to debunk it while starting a fight. Oh and solo THV, PJM and JJK will also add to the mix just to add some flare to the already flabbergastingly stupid occurance. All the while, they all will be intently ignoring and completely not caring about this very damning fact: Taehyung loves Jungkook & Jimin, Jungkook loves Taehung & Jimin and Jimin loves Taehyung & Jungkook in ways THEY ONLY KNOW and it is very frankly none of our business.

At this point this might make you recall a couple of things I wrote a couple of paragraphs earlier … such as, yes, BALANCE; a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. Capulets & Montagues. One attacks, the other counterattacks and viceversa over and over again, like a very malicious and impeccably accurate Newton’s cradle.The only way to stop ANY Newton’s cradle, would be an external force causing it to stop. A full stop.

In the C&M case, this full stop would have to come from VMinKook and they would have to come out and state: “This is how things are…”. However, not only it is absolutely not their requirement to do so, but given that this hasn’t happened yet, we can respectfully deduce that either they can’t currently expose their own current truth (which is a unfortunately a narrative favourable to both C&M alike… ) or that they don’t really care about C&M fights, which I wouldn’t blame them for either.

Now, if you follow me, you know where I stand, right? You know that I do think that there might be something going on between JK and JM, right? So my belief is that this Newton’s Cradle is also being perhaps unwillingly kept in motion by the fact that currently JK & JM as well as Tae are righteously keeping very much to themselves, like I’ve explained in the Loud Art of Silence . There’s been a bit of a change in the VMinKook dynamics since 2019 hasn’t it? Taekook had a heart-to-heart during In The Soop in 2020 after which they successfully started mending the awkward tension in their relationship.

dailymotion

As for Jikook, other than Big Hit/HYBE, group, subgroup and birthday lives, they haven’t been sharing much with us have they? Yet every time we get a glimpse at them, say during concerts or awards ceremonies, they act and interact as we’ve known them to, so one could conclude that it took them a good 6 years but they’ve seemingly finally transitioned into being more private about their relationship. Good for them, truly, applaud them for that but Montagues … Montagues are really not about that life: If Jikook keeps shit to themselves, how are they going to win their weekly Twitter Battles? And mind you this has nothing to do with those Jikookers who rectifyi facts that Capulets constantly go around distorting, which also happens on a daily basis on this blasted bird app.

You know what happened in my brain when I realised that the Boys were gonna go and serve in the military? Aside from the ugly AF crying I realised and accepted that we would most likely get nothing new from Jikook until 2025 when they would all be back together and would supposedly no longer owe anything to any greater entity. This was when I also realised that I would have to be really patient and apply a lot of self-control. I realised that I would miss Jikook interacting, I would miss that a lot, but there would be nothing I could do about it.

Until 2025 the C&M Twitter Balance will keep balancing and that is just a fact. “Well then bitch stay away from Twitter!” I would, trust me, I wish I could, but the reality is that the bird app is unfortunately the place where you get ANY news in the timeliest of manners and from there it is a battle to figure out veracity of said information. At the end of the day information is power and what you decide to do, as well as not to do, with it also defines character.

Until 2025 patience, self-control and balance, in all their forms are going to be key. As well as constantly reminding oneself that regardless of our beliefs, feelings and speculations Jikook are not a confirmed couple and they owe us nothing. However, y’all best believe that nothing lasts forever, and these are grown ass men, so when they’ll be out of the military their chapter 3 will start and most likely big changes in their lives will also follow and then, right about then, we will get that heavy-ass-hammer-fall-full-stop to the C&M Twitter Balance which might still continue with the deeply cray-cray part of the fandom, right then, truths will be revealed and we will have to accept them. So until then let’s keep reminiscing gratefully and accepting whatever we are given graciously.

… Until then, always respectfully yours 💜💛🫰🏾

Marengo

#Marengo TTI #Jikook #Jikook's Capulets & Montagues #That Blasted Bird App #Of Patience Self-Control and Balance #Marengo Rant

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sketching-shark · 3 years ago

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Hmmmm so I feel like I should expand on this later with quotes and citations, but does anyone else feel like a lot of fan interpretations of Sun Wukong are kind of...off?

Like I definitely need to make it clear that I’m not Chinese and didn’t grow up with the story. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t have fun monkeying around in your own jttw au or what have you (in this regard special thanks to @dorkshadows for their careful documentation of the cursed big-budget jttw retellings lol). Yet after reading the Anthony C. Yu English translation, it’s kind of wild to see that a lot of the ways that Sun Wukong gets interpreted by fandom & by a Western audience in general is as just a silly monkey that has no other goals besides having a good time or as a monster with 0% good traits that deserves every bad thing that comes his way. And I get that the internet is where nuance goes to die, but at least for me it is kind of disheartening to see a lot of the potential of Sun Wukong’s character get ignored in favor of one extreme or another...

Just to give one example of this, I’ve seen a lot of people frame Sun Wukong as being really immature and an agent of chaos pre-journey, but at least for me he seems a much more complex and as such intriguing/likable/frightening figure. Wu Cheng’en seems to have wanted to make it really clear that while Sun Wukong is mischievous, he also cares a LOT about his fellow monkeys as well as had the intelligence, diplomacy, strength, ambition, and willingness to violence to become a warlord in charge of a sizable army. He is full of pride and a bit of a show-off at this stage in jttw (not to mention a murderer many times over, as he later tells Tang Sanzang), but so much of what he does seems to be in service of making the lives of his fellow monkeys better and more secure. The whole reason he decided to go to heaven in the first place was to see if he could get all the monkeys to live up there as well! And in his first stay in heaven he does a really good job in his assigned position as the pi ma wen (basically a glorified stablehand), and even makes a number of friends, at least up until he realizes that he was given the most menial position possible. In other words, heaven was basically telling Sun Wukong that even the greatest of the yaoguai will never get to be anything more than the lowliest of servants among the heavenly immortals. So you can imagine the contempt they have for Sun Wukong’s “little ones” and all of his demon friends. Not to say this excuses Sun Wukong’s violence, but it does make his actions against heaven more understandable. Might also help in explaining why all the yaoguai in his alliance seem to have been with Sun Wukong 100% when his war against heaven started.

It’s kind of the same thing with the Havoc in Heaven arc. While I’ve seen this framed as Sun Wukong just causing chaos because monkey haha, it strikes me as more correct to see it as him staging a one-monkey man war again all of heaven due to the bitter enmity fostered between the immortals and the yaoguai. Like at this point the heavenly army has now captured Sun Wukong, killed who knows how many of his monkeys and other allies, and have tried to repeatedly kill him. And that’s all before they throw him in the Eight Trigram Brazier to try and turn him to ash. So when he manages to escape, he’s not fighting because “chaos!” but because he’s enraged and wants all of heaven to pay. He’s pretty calculating in his rage too. He’s not just lashing out wildly, but is exerting his martial and magical prowess because now he has his ambition set on becoming heaven’s ruler. When he takes on his form with six arms and three heads, he’s doing this specifically to wage war against and overthrow the Jade Emperor and his army. When he talks to Buddha for the first time, Sun Wukong makes it clear that he’ll keep waging war until he gets the position he wants. This does make him a more sinister figure than just “silly monkey breaks everything,” but it does make him a lot more human too.

Just some sketchy thoughts for the time being, but I’d love to know what other people think about Sun Wukong and/or if they agree with my assessments! He’s a really interesting literary figure, but I know I’m far from knowledgeable about the cultural context he came from, so feel free to add to what I’ve said or correct me as needs be.

#sun wukong #monkey king #journey to the west #jttw #character analysis

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sergeanthopeless · 3 years ago

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female Byleth S-supports ranked best to worst

(keeping my personal feelings about the pairings themselves to a minimum)

(Gilbert and Alois omitted, since those are platonic S-supports)

(warning: long post)

1. Seteth

This S-support is about as romantic as it can get. This thing just makes my heart flutter every. dang. time. and it’s easily the best S-support in the whole game for female Byleth. There’s a REASON why a lot of people hop aboard the Setleth train after witnessing this masterpiece.

Sure, Seteth lectures his way in and out of the proposal, but let’s be real, if it was any different it would be out of character, and acting the responsible advisor is just part of his charm. Plus, he pledges utter devotion to Byleth for the rest of his existence, and we essentially get wedding vows out of this one. It doesn’t get better than that!

He’s so self-assured during this S-support, and that’s sexy. But he is patient and affectionate with her, and takes the time to make sure there’s no room for confusion. He clarifies that his feelings are not those of duty (which is a problem with some other S-supports), or an interest in perpetuating a Nabatean or Crest-rich bloodline. It’s very clear that he just wants her, and that’s it. But where others put Byleth on a pedestal, this S-support feels like an exchange between equals.

Byleth’s reaction to this one is particularly noteworthy — there’s an unusual amount of emotional expression from Byleth during this S-support, INCLUDING A FRIGGIN BLUSH! Byleth does NOT blush often during these supports. Plus, Byleth asks Seteth to promise that he’ll follow wherever she goes. Unlike some of the other S-supports, it’s very clear that she’s invested in him and wants him.

Favorite quotes:

“I cannot conceive of a world without you in it.”

“I love you, deeply. Will you marry me?”

“From this day forward, I will always be at your side. Through good or ill fortune. Through the greatest of joys and the worst of woes. No matter how daunting the task, I will be there.”

“Courage, my love. Let us go forth and face the world - together.”

2. Hubert

I was genuinely caught off-guard with Hubert, especially since I haven’t played Crimson Flower yet and have gotten all of my impressions of Hubert from the fandom. A pleasant surprise, though, and pleasant enough to snag the #2 best S-support!

He starts with advisor nagging, which is no surprise since that’s his character. However, he doesn’t take too long to get to the point of the conversation, and everything is straightforward yet sweet. It’s very cute how he flustered he gets in the beginning, and his self-consciousness about his suitability as a husband is really sweet. But what really clinched this for me was the privilege of seeing a BLUSHY HUBERT! This surprisingly lovable psychopath gets so dang worked up and excited over Byleth giving him a ring and proposing to him right back.

Favorite quotes:

“[I’d] rather you be with me rather than some dubious individual.” (Yes, I altered the quote, but let’s be real, he wasn’t talking about Edelgard there.)

“I once thought killing you would be a great challenge, but the real difficulty was declaring my love.”

3. Ignatz

This S-support starts with an angry Ignatz, which had me worried. Ignatz is one of those characters where I expected his apparent youthfulness to cause a problem in his S-support (it definitely causes problems in other S-supports), even though he’s actually 17 at the start of game like Felix, Dimitri, Claude, Raphael, Ferdinand, and Edelgard. So I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer maturity of his proposal!

While he’s definitely self-conscious and doesn’t even expect Byleth to accept his proposal, it says a lot that Ignatz still had the guts to do the proposing. While he expresses surpassing admiration toward Byleth as someone who supported him through troubled times, he’s not dependent or subservient. Yes, there is a prominent fixation on Byleth’s beauty, but he’s an artist, so I think that adds more meaning to what would otherwise be an extremely shallow point to make during an S-support.

Favorite quotes:

“You are my goddess.”

“You soothed my troubled soul.”

“My beloved goddess.”

“I want to love you for all eternity.”

“I love you with all my soul.”

Hoo boy, this boy’s got a serious SILVER TONGUE on him! *fans self*

4. Lorenz

Regardless of how you feel about Lorenz, you’ve gotta admit this is a pretty flawless proposal. He reminisces about and apologizes for the trouble he used to cause as a youth, has a smooth transition into the presentation of the ring, and then his composure falls apart when Byleth reveals she’s been wise to him all along. He’s such a perfectionist, and his determination to propose perfectly is very consistent with his character. But I also appreciate that he made sure of Byleth’s feelings before actually asking her to marry him (ring presentation aside).

This S-support makes it very clear just how much Lorenz admires Byleth, which I feel is extremely important in context of his character. He can be incredibly self-centered to the point of being downright irritating, so the fact that he’s now talking about her and is focused entirely on her shows the sincerity of his feelings and how much Lorenz has grown as a person.

The bit at the end where he gets overexcited and uses his full name is hilarious, but I’m glad the S-support doesn’t end there, which would have taken away from it. Instead, it ends with Lorenz swearing to make Byleth happy and work with her in making the world a better place. Equal partners!

The last thing that really made this S-support for me was the voice acting. The broken voice, trembling, and stammering really added emotional depth to Lorenz’s character in this critical moment, and really brought everything to the next level in terms of overall impact.

Favorite quote: “Pedigree and status are no longer priorities for me. I now know that what matters most is the worth of an individual’s soul.”

5. Felix

The moment I noticed that this S-support was taking place at the training grounds, I knew it was going to be good. And it goes exactly as you would expect with our favorite tsundere, flustered and deflecting and all, but the sheer effort that he ends up putting into it is so endearing. And I adore how Byleth messes with him the whole time.

It starts rough, let’s be real. He just hands the ring to Byleth and tells her to “take this.” Oh, Felix. This poor boy is so. friggin. hopeless. You can practically hear his thought process leading up to this point. “How do I make sure Byleth never leaves?... Ah, marriage — yes, that’ll lock her in!” *facepalm*

But Felix’s body language is what really makes this S-support, starting with the finger point and then ending with the kabedon. Plus, we get a glimpse of something very rare: blushy Felix!

Favorite quotes:

“Fight me for the rest of my life.”

“I want you to be my wife. Please say yes. Let’s get married and stay together until we die. I love you.”

6. Balthus

I really didn’t know what to expect with this one, although to be honest, what expectations I did have were fairly low. Yet despite his faults, Balthus managed to scrape together a rather charming S-support! His nervousness and stuttering is adorable for such a big, tough-talking guy, and I love that we actually get an impatient “Just say it already,” from Byleth.

It was nice to see Byleth’s good influence on Balthus, although I’m not a fan of the woman-redeems-man trope. And considering that Balthus asks for up to 5 years to get his act together…that wasn’t exactly a point in his favor.

What made this S-support for me was all of the classic lines. Balthus isn’t necessarily a smooth talker, but it would be wrong to say that he doesn’t know how to talk to a woman. The proposal itself had me ROLLING: “Marry me, pal!” The voice acting was flawless, particularly when he said, “my love.” Balthus, I’ll say this on Byleth’s behalf: please stop trying so hard. And never say that again.

Favorite quotes:

“It’s time to take the biggest gamble of my life.”

“Comfort be damned! I need you by my side. Always.”

“Let’s get hitched right away! I know a guy.”

“To look after you...and be brave enough to let you look after me. that’s what marriage is all about, right?”

S-support portraits shouldn’t really matter here, but I’m going out on a limb here and saying that Balthus’ portrait is the best one of all Byleth’s S-supports.

7. Dorothea

I have a lot of Dorothea feels, okay? She’s my baby girl. And by this point in the game, she’s so jaded and used to disappointment that it just breaks my heart. So when Byleth proposes to her, you can hear the genuine emotion in her voice. She’s so in love with Byleth, but clearly talked herself out of it long before this moment. “You won the war. You could pick anyone in the world. Why would you…?”

And then she’s so happy. It’s not fancy, but her pure happiness really makes this for me. The hopeless romantic finally getting her happy ending is just really lovely.

Favorite quote: “I starred in so many operas where I captured the heart of my beloved. But I never dreamed that it would feel this wonderful when it actually happened.”

8. Ferdinand

Oh boy, Ferdie. There wasn’t much of a preamble, and the presentation of the ring wasn’t anything special. He’s still full of himself: “You hear noble Ferdinand von Aegir declare his love for you, and all you say is, ‘I understand’?” and this S-support is more focused on him than it is on Byleth, which is exactly the opposite of what happened with Lorenz’s S-support, even though they’re similar characters.

That being said, this S-support has its moments. We get a good reaction out of him (even though it’s over the top), and we get a sign of his personal growth when he reins himself in. The trembling and feeling faint is very cute (10/10), and considering his ambitious nature, him saying that he considers winning Byleth’s heart to be one of his greatest accomplishments is sweet, as is the way he dreams about their future.

In other words, this one starts rough, but ends sweet.

Favorite quote: “I need you as much as I need my next breath — more, even.”

9. Dedue

Can we just appreciate that Dedue chose to leave Dimitri for Byleth? That is so meaningful. Dedue spends the entire game unhealthily attached to Dimitri, and finally he finds something that he chooses for himself. Of course, there is the concern that he will become unhealthily attached to Byleth, but I don’t get that impression from his S-support.

There are so many wonderful little details in this S-support. The tiny, modest ring. The straightforward proposal. Both of them gazing at each other in loving, comfortable silence afterward. Byleth’s blush. And DEDUE’S LAUGH. Just. the laugh. It’s important.

Finally, Dedue invites Byleth to come with him to visit Duscur. TAKE NOTES, CLAUDE!! Anyway…

10. Edelgard

*takes a deep breath and sets aside my feelings about Edelgard’s stance on the Children of the Goddess*

Alright, so this S-support is significant because it’s one of the few where you can tell that there is genuine affection on Byleth’s end. She really takes charge of the proposal, going so far as to use Edelgard’s nickname, “El,” to convey affection and intimacy.

At first I was concerned when I heard Edelgard say, “This ring…thank you, my dearest friend,” and I was like HOLD UP – did Byleth just get friendzoned?? But Edelgard clarifies by expressing that she has romantic feelings too, which saves the scene. But while sweet, the rest of the S-support focuses on Edelgard’s ambitions and generally lacks romance. Fitting for her character? Yes. A satisfying S-support? Not really.

11. Dimitri

It’s clear from the beginning of this S-support that Dimitri and Byleth have become close friends. I appreciate the way they talk about their wounds, and although talking about Dimitri’s nightmares is far darker than I expected from an S-support, it shows just how much Dimitri has improved.

What disappointed me about this S-support is the lack of emotion on both sides. Sure, the “my beloved” pet name is wonderful. And sure, Byleth isn’t very emotional as a rule. But Byleth shows more emotional in other S-supports. And there is not nearly enough of a reaction on Dimitri’s side. Come on, dude. You’ve been aggressively simping over Byleth since Day 1, and you’re just taking this proposal in stride?? You should be unconscious right now.

12. Mercedes

I’m so proud of how far Mercedes has come at this point. She’s determined to live in a way that makes her happy, outside of her Crest or anyone else’s expectations. That being said, a lot of this S-support feels more like it could have been an A+ support.

Major points to Mercedes to being the one to do the proposing. A lot of people mistake her kind nature for being demure, which is not the case. She is bold, speaks her mind, and knows what she wants. And in this case, that’s Byleth. Her proposal is gentle and respectful, if a bit bland, and her reaction to Byleth’s acceptance is absolutely adorable. She’s so happy yet insecure, and I wish there was more communication from Byleth to reassure her.

13. Hanneman

Hanneman is an academic through and through, and his nature as a scholar comes through strongly in his S-support. He tries to approach things pragmatically, almost ruins things by talking about Byleth’s role in his research, but fortunately realizes that’s the wrong way to do it and takes a new approach with more feeling. It’s very similar to Linhardt’s S-support, but less self-centered and overall better. Hanneman treats Byleth as an equal, and shows enthusiasm in his own way.

Overall, this is an extremely pragmatic S-support, but it’s not without its charms. That being said, it definitely requires an interpretation of Byleth’s character where she has developed a taste for academia.

Favorite quotes:

“I suppose there’s no reason to hold ourselves back any longer.”

“I don’t want the power of your Crest - I want you.”

“I can’t wait to see the results of this undertaking.”

14. Yuri

This S-support is very consistent with Yuri’s character. The scene opens with Yuri trying to repay his “debt” to Byleth, which definitely lacks in romantic vibes, but works in context. It’s nice to see Yuri nervous and out of composure, but I admit I had been expecting…more…from him with how charming he’s supposed to be. Then again, like Sylvain, maybe the fact that he’s dropped the façade is supposed to make it meaningful. At least he blushes! Blushy Yuri is something I didn’t know I needed. The bit at the end where he whispers his true name in her ear is very nice, too.

But yikes…Yuri talks about his death. And considering that in most of the routes, Byleth ends up being most likely essentially immortal, this hits HARD. She is definitely facing the death of her lover in a few decades at most, and that is not something she wants to think about during a proposal.

Favorite quote: “In return for this ring, I ask for you.”

15. Raphael

Raphael is a pretty clueless, non-romantic kind of guy. But the sudden proposal is very cute. Considering how awful he is at expressing himself, it works really well with his character to simply have him jump right in and get it over with.

That being said, I couldn’t help but feel that his reasoning for getting married was just a little loose. He always wants to be with Byleth and expresses that he wants to serve as her knight. Uh, you realize you can do that without marrying her right, bud? Byleth didn’t seem to be very into this proposal either, although she does have a wonderful little smile in the S-support portrait, which makes up for that. I love how the portrait emphasizes Raph’s size and strength by having him lift her up bridal style. It’s an actually flattering portrayal of him, too.

Favorite quote: “And…I’ll love you. Forever and ever. And ever!”

16. Sylvain

Ah yes, Sylvain. Our favorite train wreck. The good news is that he’s finally taking charge of his life, and I like that he’s straightforward in this S-support rather than flirtatious, which means that you know he’s being sincere. It’s cute to see him genuinely happy, and his statement that “I’m going to spend the rest of our lives together trying to make you happy,” is very good.

However, the “If you told me you never wanted me to look at another woman, I’d go blind for you” is going too far. I know it addresses his skirt-chasing character, but I just don’t know if they could have a healthy relationship. I know this is rating the support scene, not the ship itself, but I don’t think that’s a positive indicator for the future.

17. Claude

This S-support gives me so many bad vibes. Yes, he expresses his love for Byleth as well as his utmost confidence in her, but dude, actions matter more than words, and your actions speak VOLUMES. He’s the only one to just run off at the end of the S-support, and while I understand his reasoning — I really do — it’s clear that his own agenda and ambitions will always come before Byleth.

This is what I heard: “Right now, Fodlan is like a newborn... so that’s why I’m leaving, so you have to do all the hard stuff yourself. See ya, sucker!!” Ah yes. Prime husband and father material there. Obviously.

“I’m sorry that I won’t be by your side at such an important event...” Uh huh, yeah right. You’re obviously itching to get out of there.

I’m sorry, Claude stans, but giving Byleth an engagement ring and then running away for who knows how long is LAME.

18. Jeritza

The first thing that struck me about this S-support is the fact that it takes place in the Agarthan HQ, Shambhala. This is super meaningful because it means that Byleth and Jeritza go there together to use their killing prowess to take out Those Who Slither in the Dark post-Crimson Flower. It’s a nice way to tie up the route. The portrait is super dynamic and unique, too. That being said…

He’s still fixated on killing Byleth. If that’s your thing, then hey, I can’t judge. At least we all know that if he hasn’t killed her by now, it’s never going to happen. It’s such an empty threat it’s probably an inside joke by now. But Jeritza’s clearly still figuring out his feelings, which means I’m not sure it really counts as an S-support (it would have made a better A+ support imho). There are also things about this pairing and S-support that have some serious implications for who Byleth has become by this point and what the future is likely to look like. Good storytelling, yes, but as an S-support…not my favorite.

Favorite quotes:

“It is you alone who can slay the demon inside me.”

“To the very depths of hell, I will tumble down with you.”

19. Linhardt

This S-support falls flat for me. It’s like Hanneman’s, but worse because it’s super self-centered. I feel like it’s a really bad summary of Linhardt’s character because so much more could have been done with it. Linhardt has lots of good traits, and this S-support ignores all of them. Instead, we have a one-dimensional S-support that focuses on Linhardt’s laziness and penchant for napping. He’s so self-centered and consumed by his own interests, so saying that he wants to study Byleth for the rest of his life makes her more like an accessory to his life plans rather than a central component. At least when Hanneman says he wants to study Byleth, he makes it very clear that he loves her and wants her as a person.

And the line where he says "I didn’t honestly think you’d reject me” is just…wow. Much disappoint. If I were Byleth I would turn him down on the spot just for saying that.

20. Ashe

Ashe’s S-support comes off to me like he’s pledging himself to her as a vassal more than actually proposing. Yes, he does take initiative and does the proposing, which is consistent with the fact that Ashe is a gutsy little guy. But he’s so stuck on being helpful that the S-support ends up feeling immature. Plus, Byleth doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about the proposal compared to other S-supports, and overall Ashe’s worship of Byleth comes off as more dependent than romantic.

21. Caspar

We’ve reached the bottom four S-supports, starting with this disaster. Caspar is juvenile, reckless, and oblivious. (Don’t get me wrong — I adore his character and see him like a little brother.) Byleth has to take charge of the proposal, which is not a problem in itself, but then Caspar confesses that he hasn’t even thought about marrying Byleth — or anyone at all! asaslkjasdflk FAIL

At least the victory shout is kind of cute…if painfully cheesy.

And they get worse from here…

22. Rhea

I don’t have a lot to say here. I know I said that I would keep my personal feelings about the pairings themselves out of this, but I feel like there are certain things about this particular pairing that need to be addressed along with this S support.

Age gap aside (because frankly with immortals, age doesn’t really matter anymore), Rhea CREATED Byleth’s mother, essentially making herself Byleth’s grandmother. Incest vibes, yo. Plus, she fully intended to sacrifice Byleth’s life in order to bring back Sothis — which, granted, is a sentiment that wears off, and Jeritza is just as bad in terms of original intent to kill Byleth. This makes any kind of romantic revelation on Rhea’s side just…weird.

There are some good quotes in this S-support, and we get a ton of reveals about Rhea’s character development in a short amount of time. She’s self-conscious of her other form as a dragon, she acknowledges the wrongs she did in the past, and she expresses a desire to repent. She acknowledges the pivotal role that Byleth has played through her choices and accomplishments, rather than attributing them to fate and the “flow of time.” But honestly this would be more appropriate as a final scene at the end of the game, not a romantic S-support.

23. Cyril

Oh boy. Where do I start with this one? It’s so bad...

This boy is BABY. 19 years old after the war? Sure. Attractive design? Yes. But still, he. is. BABY. And the S-support portrait makes it so much worse by making him look freaking TEN.

And he’s so, so oblivious. Even worse than Caspar. He barely has a personality as a character outside of being committed to the servant mentality, and he has had no opportunity to discover himself as a freaking person outside of his obsession with Rhea. It should be illegal to even consider this kid for S-support. One thing would be if it was platonic, like Alois or Gilbert, but Byleth gives him the ring, and that means it’s supposed to be romantic.

Plus, Cyril says that he loves Byleth, but it’s super casual and comes off more like familial or friendship love rather than romantic love. Unless I missed something, I don’t think Byleth ever says that she loves Cyril in their S-support. And the end is just the worst: “Love ya, see ya in the morning.” That’s IT???? There is absolutely no indication of a mature relationship, and that’s just scary and gross.

I just…really hate this S-support. There’s only one S-support that’s worse…

24. Sothis

Forget everything that I said about keeping my feelings about particular pairings out of this ranking. This is a TRULY CURSED S-SUPPORT.

I don’t care that Sothis is technically a goddess whose age is beyond counting or mortal comprehension. All that matters is she looks like a child. She is lolibait. And to top it all off, she doesn’t even have physical form (thank goodness) — she’s just an apparition in Byleth’s head!

And this quote? “I love you deeply! Overwhelmingly! passionately! Ours is a love without an end!” I only have two words: PEAK CRINGE.

It would be one thing if Sothis came back in her adult form. Or better yet, if she had always been in her adult form as portrayed in the fresco in the reception hall. You can do something with that. But that’s not the case, Sothis is portrayed as a pre-pubescent child in both appearance and personality, and that’s just pedophilia vibes, y’all. I can’t believe this is a sincere S-support option.

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revenge-of-the-shit · 3 years ago

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Racism, antisemitism, and anti-Jedi sentiment in Star Wars (Part 1/4)

via @shadowaccio6181 (submitted to me through an ask - the bolded stuff is what I have bolded from their submission!):

I wanted to take a leap and point some stuff out, I guess? Namely, racism and antisemitism in relation to fandom views on the Jedi. I'm not the most eloquent, and this isn’t the most polished, but I hope I can convey my thoughts to you clearly enough! (I also hope this makes sense.

Many anti-Jedi sentiments misrepresent things and take events out of context -- sometimes directly contradicting canon. Furthermore, a lot of the rhetoric has parallels with racist stereotypes and anti-semitic motifs (and these are just what I've found -- there's probably more). I wasn’t really comfortable trying to point them out without evidence I could refer to, but I think I’ve found enough sources listing out racist stereotypes—and anti-Jedi sentiments are common enough—that I wanted to put this out.

One of the first, which I notice a lot, is people saying that Mace Windu is angry, aggressive, unsympathetic, a criminal, etcetera, and therefore deserved to die. It’s usually in regards to Palpatine, and this misrepresents the movies, where he gave Palpatine multiple chances to surrender (at the very least, it’s pretty clear that his decision to kill Palpatine wasn’t impulsive or out of anger). Furthermore, he is commonly depicted in canon as rational, gentle, and kind — in TCW, he’s shown being exceptionally patient with Jar-Jar, among other examples. Therefore, this is not only a mischaracterization, but given the historical stereotype that is the “black brute” caricature (some references: 1, 2), it’s racist.

Commentary from me, Annessarose: yes, I absolutely agree. Much of the fandom hatred revolving around Mace Windu is suspicious, to say the least, and many of the arguments revolving around him often exaggerate his behaviours or cherry-pick them to take it out of context to portray him in an unreasonable and angry light. There are entire episodes that center around Mace and his compassion and strength and desire to do good (e.g. Liberty on Ryloth, The Zillo Beast, The Disappeared Parts 1 & 2).

That isn't to say that he isn't a flawed character. The way he spoke to Ahsoka after her trial was... not the best way to handle it. But for the love of god, let POC characters have flaws without catapulting them straight to the "they're 100% evil and deserved to die" end. The way fandom treats him with these flaws also mirrors how people treat POC in real life - the moment there's a single mistake or a flaw, any flaw at all, people will use it as an excuse to villify and demonize POC (and thus use it as an excuse for their racism). Mace Windu is a character who is good, who is kind, and who sticks to his principles, and the way he's hated on definitely points to an underlying issue of racism within the fandom.

"Another thing that we really can’t ignore about the Jedi is that they were intended as a parallel to Jewish people — the Jedi are a small cultural group (with some religiosity), the Empire is very clearly a parallel to the Nazis, and the Empire was very focused in hunting down and killing Jedi, specifically, amongst the the other atrocities they committed. To drive the point in further, there are at least a few Jedi with very Jewish names.

Common anti-semitic motifs include lack of national loyalty, global conspiracy, Jewish control, money and criminality, and the deicide myth. I’ll take some quotes directly from these sources (1, 2, 3, 4):

Lack of National Loyalty: “Jews are often subject to claims that they conspire to shape public policy for Jewish interests, or that their patriotism is less than that of other citizens.”

Global Conspiracy/Jewish Control: “In its standard modern formulation, the Jews or Zionists form a powerful, secret, global cabal that manipulates governmental institutions, banks, the media, and other institutions for malevolent purposes, undermining decent values. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, a fraudulent document purporting to record a Jewish plan for world domination, has influenced countless ideas about supposed Jewish global conspiracies including, notably, ideas contained within the Hamas Charter. For example, these writings accuse the Jewish people of starting all modern wars. The myth of global Jewish conspiracy has echoes in contemporary opinions about the putative over-representation of Jewish people in various business sectors. This can be seen, for example, in representations of Jewish control over government, the media, academia, and financial institutions, especially when phrased in terms of a ‘Jewish lobby.’”

Money and Criminality: “Since medieval times, Jewry has frequently been depicted as a wealthy, powerful, menacing and controlling collectivity.” “Claims of Jewish control of and fascination with finances are as old as the New Testament, in which Jews are occasionally portrayed as moneychangers engaged in unholy practice at the Temple in Jerusalem. This continued into the medieval period, when Christians were forbidden from lending money at interest, leaving the field open to others. Since Jews were severely restricted from entering most trades and from owning agricultural land, some began to lend money. Since then, Jews have been depicted as wealthy, powerful and menacing.”

Jewish Deicide Myth: “From the early years of the Christian church, Jews have been condemned for rejecting the teachings of Jesus despite knowledge of his words and proximity to his presence. Worse, some Christians have condemned Jews for slaying the Christian messiah and have held Jews collectively responsible for this action. This view is associated with related doctrines such as the notion that Jews are sustained in a wretched condition in order to bear witness to the moral superiority of Christianity and to foreshadow the final triumph of Christianity at the end of days.”

Commentary from Annessarose: you're right. You're absolutely right. Thank you so much for researching this, and for writing about this. With the sources you've provided, it is extremely obvious how there's a fuck ton of anti-Semitic sentiment in the anti-Jedi hate.

So, I'd also like to add links from a couple of Jewish Fans who have spoken about antisemitism in Star Wars:

Watto, Toydarians, and antisemitism (would also like to add that there are a lot of articles on google that talk about this)

Antisemitism in the design of Clone Wars (2003) and The Clone Wars (2008)

This is part 1 of this ask!

[Part 2] | [Part 3] | [Part 4]

#star wars #fandom racism #important #racism #antisemitism #antiblackness tw #mace windu #jedi meta #the clone wars #clone wars #long post

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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 4 years ago

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Angela McCartney and Geoff Bakers “novel” - an analysis.

So @beatlepaul4ever brought this to my attention - in the review section of Amazon, for the book “Rock Bottom” by Geoff Baker, there is a comment from someone claiming to be Angela McCartney.

For context:

Paul McCartneys dad (Jim McCartney) married a woman named Angela, sometime after the passing of his first wife, who was Pauls mum. Jim died in 1976, but Angela is still alive at 91 years of age.

I haven’t read Geoffs book, but from what ive been told about it, it is a fiction book about PR man who has to cover up the gay affairs of a famous rockstar.

There’s this article written for a little more insight regarding Paul and Geoffs relationship - but take this with a grain of salt, because it is the Daily Mail (if you live in England then I know you know what I mean by “its the daily mail”) (basically its a crap newspaper)

Geoff Baker was Pauls publicity chief, and worked with him for 15 years. Paul fired Geoff in 2003, after he allegedly tipped off a photographer about a private appearance the he was making. Paul later retracted the sacking but Geoff left his employment a year later. Perhaps it should also be noted that this is around the time of Pauls marriage to Heather Mills.

On this website it states: “Baker is claiming he wasn’t sacked: he resigned over the old cliché ‘irreconcilable differences’ with Paul’s powerful missus Heather Mills McCartney.”

The same website also states this quote from Geoff: “I could write hundreds of books about Paul, but I’d never do it…It would cheapen everything. I think it’s entirely wrong to work for someone and then write a book about them.” But you could do it? There would be nothing stopping you? “Of course I could do it. But it isn’t a consideration. It’s never going to happen.”

Based on quotes from this post, it seems that Geoff and Paul did not end on sour terms. There was conflict im sure, and he appears to have really disliked Heather, but overall I don’t think he’s held a strong grudge against Paul.

So is this Amazon review legit? Lets assess:

My initial thought was, quite possibly it is! Because Angela McCartney is not a particularly well known name, and quite an obscure figure in Beatles history - and so it would be bizarre for someone to steal her identity. It certainly wouldn’t be impossible for someone to impersonate her, but I feel it would be unlikely that someone would.

But also, I did consider that it would be surprising that a 91 year old would be capable of using the internet to a pretty functional degree - most elderly people I know really struggle with using the internet. BUT after doing a little more research, and reading this interview, it appears that she’s one of those old people who are actually pretty competent with technology!

Another notable aspect of the comment is that she congratulates “Geoff and Jill”. I presume Jill is Geoffs wife, though there isn’t much information on Geoff Baker, and so I am not able to verify that fact. But if it is true that he is married to “Jill”, I think that would be almost definitive evidence that this is the real Angela, because it would be such an obscure fact that really only the real Angie would know.

So do I, personally, believe that this review is from the real Angie McCartney? This might come as a surprise because im usually such a skeptic, but I do actually believe that this is quite likely to be the real Angela! We can’t really tell for certain, because theres no profile picture and no way to verify her - but this seems pretty legit!

So now, assuming this is legit, lets analyse the contents of Angie’s comment:

The thing I find most notable, is that she uses quotation marks for the word fiction (“fiction”) - clearly implying that she does not think that this is actually a work of fiction.

I haven’t read the book, so I have no idea what its about - but if its true that the novel is about a PR man having to cover up for a rockstars gay relationships (as one anon told me) then I think that that, combined with the “fiction” comment, is really notable.

Also that she finalises her comment, talking about being inspired to write her own memoir tells us that she does not consider Geoffs book a work of fiction. Additionally, I think that she being Pauls step-mother gives us perhaps another inference: that she thinks Geoffs book is largely about Paul, and that she is considering writing her own memoir, telling her stories regarding both her own life, but also im sure, her relationship with Paul and anecdotes about him, at least to some degree. And she appears not disagree with or discredit any of the stories, that she believes to be true, in Geoffs book. And Geoffs book is about a closeted rockstar. So my suspicions have been raised - one amazon comment that may or may not be legit is nothing definitive, but maybe its a little insightful, if it is legit

Anyway, those were just some thoughts - feel free to share and discuss :)

Somebody whose actually, you know, read the bloody book probably has something more interesting to add then anything ive said really lol

#mclennon #angela McCartney #jim mccartney #mclennon evidence #discussion #geoff Baker #beatles books #analysis

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mikkaeus · 4 years ago

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lads I am feeling FRAGILE

With 执子之手, WKX is quoting 诗经·邶风·击鼓 (Book of Songs). The context:

死生契阔，与子成说执子之手，与子偕老

No matter what happens, I made you a promise: To take your hand in mine, til death do us part [T/N under the cut, though I’d like to add here that in a modern context these lines seem to be ubiquitously taken as romantic. The original meaning is disputed whether it’s lovers or comrades-in-arms. At the end of the linked article, the author quips “some people may say there is an easy way to resolve this conflict...” (当然啦，我看到有人为了调和二者，认为“战友”就是“恋人”，“恋人”就是“战友”，提出了“基友情“的说法，这个嘛……)]

Some thoughts on this, mostly derived from this meta (in Chinese)

1. The second, unsaid half of the line is 与子偕老, which is more literally “grow old together”. In the face of ZZS’s mortality, with their time together feeling more measured by the day, WKX must feel that he dare not say these words out loud. YBY is allegedly coming with help, but WKX has already been disappointed once, on that night where it seemed like the sky and the heavens were crying with him as well. No cure is guaranteed - the only thing that is certain is ZZS in front of him now, happy and laughing and telling him that he has a home here. So, instead of alluding to promises neither of them can keep, WKX instead continues with 坐看云舒, saying that he’ll enjoy these days as they are, and appreciate the simple joys of life: lying back on the grass to watch the clouds unfold, his lover’s hand in his. (I really like how this parallels the “life is just three meals day” sentiment they toss back and forth throughout the show.)

2. This has to be taken in the context of the whole conversation on names they had. WKX is responding directly to ZZS’ initial toast, quoting how WKX explained his name back to him (天涯孤鸿无根行客). This is WKX’s line with the characters for “Zishu” bolded: 执子之手，坐看云舒. I just think it’s neat that while 子 is literary “you”, it also emphasises that the “you” here is ZZS (unlike Youku with the “a” lover stuff*). Also, the second half rly gives the vibe of the Person A, looking at the stars: wow so beautiful / Person B, looking at Person A: yeah. [since it’s sit (坐) and watch (看) the clouds unfold (云舒)/Zishu (舒)]

*[More ramblings about Youku’s translation choices & general translation stuff under the cut]

For Youku to add “lover” in there is certainly... a choice. On one hand, the translator went ALL IN with making explicit the romantic connotations of the poem. On the other hand, generalising it to “a” lover makes it somewhat nonsensical and gives me vibes of “ah just two bachelors, staring into each other’s eyes across the table because they’re not gay, just waiting for young maidens to come sweep them off their feet”. Edit: I just realised the first time he says it in this scene Youku uses “the” instead, but IMO this is still very impersonal. It feels like he’s parroting a history book. This is the reason I completely missed even the “lover” bit the first time around bc i was like right theyre just quoting poetry again lmao

T/N: 1. 死生契阔 is literally “life and death, separated and reunited” (契阔=离合). 2. 偕老 might sound familiar if you kept up with shl concert shenanigans. Heizi laoshi said 祝贺他们白头偕老 and then everyone proceeded to collectively lose their minds. 3. I translated as “til death do us part” because “grow old together” just sounds so bland and I wanted to bring in the marriage connotations that 偕老 has. idk if it’s too much localisation though 😔

Biggest shoutout to Sabina on twitter!! their livetweets (in Korean) are where I initially learn about these things. the lines contain multitudes! tweet abt the scene in question

Some evidence for the solid romance/marriage connotations so yall know im not just pulling stuff out of my ass:

If you’re still here, I’m going to take advantage of the read more to keep rambling, so

I think this is a GREAT example of how translation is so contextual & dependent on interpretation (especially literary Chinese, which as my friend said, is a whole fuck). If we were going with the ~soldiers~ meaning of the poem, I’d translate it more like

No matter what happens, we swore an oath To go hand in hand, until the end

Although that discards the 老 aspect of it, which I’m not 100% on what the poet was trying to say with that ngl but I guess it could be like “we swore that we WOULD make it out of this battle to grow old together”. Which obviously doesn’t work with “until the end” because that’s so fatalistic, but brain zero cannot think of nice way to translate surviving

#word of honor #wenzhou #shan he ling #山河令 #obligatory i am not native or fluent disclaimer feel free to point out any mistakes #look ik im quibbling over literally one word in yk's translatin but i just enjoy this ok #i swear i alwasy go into this expecting to jsut like translate sabina's tweet and then i fall down the rabbit hole of research and there's #just so much stuff and it's so interesting #and then i end up writing an entire essay #and go off on like five different tangents #***#IM SO GLAD I SKIMMED THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE VERSION OF THAT ARTICLE adfalkdf the last bit is so funny #i saw the google translated version which was #Of course I have seen someone who thinks that comrade-in-arms is comrade-in-arms and comrade-in-arms is comrade-in-arms #in order to reconcile the two.#and i was like this HAS to be gay and peeped the original #google was so confused with that one though did it just not parse the quotation marks properly #my god i cant keep reading this someone please let me know if there's a mistake or a typo sfsdlkfskf #shl:meta #shl meta

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