#this was all I could mentally process

[brainrotcharacters]

"I've got you."

"No. I got you."

[socksandbuttons]

Anyway

Todays episodes

Idk

I dont know what the future one was trying to tell me

But poor puppet trying to get info and everyones like WTF

like an alternate future that dosnt help at all

[rapidhighway]

[icewindandboringhorror]

I was just thinking what a cool job this might be.. what if you were just the person who makes little still images of cute animal figurines doing various activities to post on social media...? like.. show up to work and just spend the whole day like "hmm... this table should be placed to the left a little.. let me set this miniature bagel down in this way... this tiny rabbit should be wearing a scarf", setting the backgrounds, the lighting, etc. ... dream job perhaps lol...

[planetsallalign]

All morning and into this afternoon the weather was showing a nor’easter hitting my area dropping about 8-12inches of snow for tomorrow. We got the text the office would be closed tomorrow due to the storm. Cue to now when the weather people are all baffled because the trajectory took a crazy turn and now we may barely get 4 inches 😂

Oh well I’ll take a free day off.

[heybaetae]

.

[fellhellion]

what I say: dad Miguel is a sweet concept and I don’t think he’d inherently suck at it, if not best pursued (or desired tbh lmfao) straight out of the gates at 27

what I mean: my god can you imagine how it felt to think all anger and retaliation as patrimony, a rot simmering in your blood that you would do best to never inflict on another human being? then to hold a daughter in your hands; and she is so small, so vulnerable, so beautiful you cannot help but wonder how she is of you at all. she sleeps against your heart and does not fear there some innate rot within, she smiles when she sees you. You think of your mother, and wonder how a parent could raise a hand to a child.

[dirtytransmasc]

maybe it's because I'm in the "I'm so obsessed and hyperfocused on my little guys I will make any song seem like it's about them even if it couldn't be any father from actually relating to them at all" stage of my Theon and Asha hyperfixation but like...

I feel like 'I bet on losing dogs' by Mitski is about them.

it's about Asha and her relationship with Theon.

he's her baby brother. the baby brother who looked up at her smiled when she had gone in his room, intent on strangling him to stop his cries. he's her losing dog. the dog she keeps fighting for when no one else will. she never gives up on him, not truly, even when he is so clearly doomed, because she loves him, she won't give up on him.

and Theon is, in so many senses, a dog. he's been passed around from owner to owner, home to home, trained and beaten and domesticated, made to behave how his owner at the time sees fit. he's a good dog, a good beaten dog.

and now, in a way, he's Asha's dog. she doesn't want him to be her dog, she wants him to be her brother, and Theon's trying, he really is trying, she knows he's trying, but part of him will always be doomed to be a dog waiting to be hit, waiting for a command, waiting to be trained.

he's her losing dog, she knows it, knows he's doomed, deep down, there's little hope, he'll die a damned dog, but fuck it she doesn't care, he's her blood, her baby, he will be by her side no matter what. she'll always go back for him, she'll always fight for him, she'll always tell him to stay, she'll always give him a chance, she'll always try.

~~~~

[mad-hunts]

so, i'm gonna give y'all a warning for this post immediately because i have yet to talk about this on here besides with one or two people, and the last thing i want to do is make anyone uncomfortable... but if you believe that cannibalism is a trigger for you then please do not continue beyond this point. for those of you who are okay with it, though, let me start by saying this:

barton does engage in cannibalistic acts sometimes, and this is actually one of the few, if not the only sources of shame that he feels in response to the heinous acts that he commits pretty much on the daily. and this is because he believes himself that it is disgusting and not something to be proud of; so, in a way, it does kind of demonstrate that he has some humanity left in him albeit in a very unsavory way and that's mainly why i wanted to bring it up. because his relationship with this part of him... well, it really isn't good, for lack of better words. which is understandable considering cannibalism is a rather big taboo in society, but it has become somewhat of a compulsion for him. not to excuse it in ANY capacity, of course. that is honestly just the best word i could use to describe it as i've done some research about it and, like other serial killers, barton is SO perpetually lonely that by consuming his victims -- it makes him feel like he is no longer so alone anymore as he will always be able to 'carry' a part of them with him that way, so-to-speak, and they'll never be able to leave him.

now this is obviously not the way to go about dealing with his loneliness at all, as it is extremely messed up both morally and honestly, just wrong as a human being to do. but i also believe that there are other factors at work regarding his tendency to sometimes cannibalize his victims, and that is that because of the trauma he endured at the hands of his biological father (wesley mathis) whom forced him to eat people with him. it could sort of function as a very unhealthy coping mechanism for him to navigate that complex trauma; and this is because it may serve as an attempt for him to restore a sense of control over himself that he felt was stolen from him as a child, since he had no choice but to engage in it. plus, interestingly enough, antisocial personality traits are often an underlying element in those who divulge in cannibalistic acts. and cannibals in one study have been found to have more cases of abuse / have more family members who are criminals, so this could also be indicative that his environmental upbringing very well could have a hand in his subsequent (occasional) cannibalism after he commits his killings.

i also thought i would mention that, despite his apparent depravity, barton has taken extra care not to expose his own children to the same trauma that he had to suffer from as a result of wesley (what with the 'hunting trips' that they went on) and he would NEVER want his kids to see him eating people. so, although it still is unquestionably wrong for him to be cannibalizing people, things are a little complicated in that regard. while i'm talking about it, for my closing thought, i'd like to say that the police does highly suspect that the dollmaker is a cannibal but they haven't been able to confirm it as of yet. though i'd imagine that most of the underground knows that he cannibalizes people because rumors can be spread quite quickly, and i can totally imagine the way in which people found out being that they were unfortunate enough to have to stumble upon barton just... eating someone. and a lot more casually than one should probably be about it, because half of the time, he doesn't even remember that he's done it afterward because his mind literally just blocks it out. but that's something i shall expand on more later

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

[22degreehalo]

SO in the wake of regaining entry to Livejournal I've started saving the fics I read there for posterity, which given that this is almost entirely a pre-AO3 zone means going through the Very nostalgic process of continually highlighting the given chapter's text, copying and pasting it over to a Word (well, Libre Office) document, and saving n.n;

I had the journal when I began my House/Wilson phase, so that is the clear majority in terms of fics recced there, haha. (I even completed a rec_50 challenge with them!!) And so far, I've been able to save almost everything I linked there, which is honestly amazing! (Albeit with some searching around for mirrors e.g. on fanfiction.net or squidgeworld or just good ol' Wayback Machine.)

So, I should have no reason whatsoever to complain!

...except. :')

There is this one PARTICULAR House/Wilson fic that, for whatever reason, just... lodged itself into my brain, and even all these years later I still think about it sometimes. It wasn't long (only a few thousand words long), or all that original, but it the emotion in it was just so perfectly captured! A very particular kind of emotion that I can only really fully appreciate now that I know I'm aro!!!

Except I... just can't seem to remember the name of it?! (I remember so many other fic's names...) And from what I've seen so far - and I'm making serious headway through them - none of the linked fics look like they are the one I am thinking of... :')

which. How exactly do you ask for help finding a fic published almost fifteen years ago?! I have no idea how to contact the House/Wilson fandom who would've been around back then... I do not think that anybody is checking the comms anymore :')

[subconsciousmysteries]

Reminders for 8s

These are reminders for everyone really. but this is the stuff that the 8 fixation exposed for me and is helping me to overcome.

Running into the woods and abandoning society is a terrible idea, as much as it sounds lovely and amazing in theory… it won’t even achieve your goal of avoiding being controlled, it will just limit your reality into a smaller box and make you weaker. You have to develop the strength to handle the complexity of modern society if you want to change anything. It sucks but it’s the only way.

To become stronger, don’t drink or do any drugs. It WONT HELP YOU. it is a BAD coping mechanism. No if ands or buts. Sit with your pain and, if you have to, try to use rigorous intellectual methods to get to the bottom of it. Just don’t do fucking drugs. Whatever you do.

If you must do drugs. Or have sex with a bad person because you just neeeeeeed dick / pussy to satisfy you. Or whatever else you think you need need need to do right now despite all common sense telling you not to do it. Don’t do it. Study it instead. All of your self-destructive over the top desires stem from a morbid intellectual curiosity that you are trying to satiate with your body instead of your mind. Maybe instead of doing drugs you could study the affects that drugs have on the mind, and use your strong, rebellious, anti authority nature to be part of the psychedelic movement in academia. This will give you the excitement and satisfaction that you were craving and seeking through the physical experience of doing drugs. You can achieve the satisfaction that you seek without doing extreme and retarded things… IF you can sit and count to ten and be patient enough to discipline yourself into seeking truth intellectually rather than just through experience. This is only one example of the many ways that you can transform your lust from something destructive into something healthy and constructive.

Do not shut other people out. Take an interest in other people. Embrace people in their entirety despite their faults, despite the anger they make you feel. If you want people to take care of you, which you do really want deep down, start by being kind enough to take care of them. Love randos and love boring people at parties despite how useless they are to your agendas. Search for what is fascinating about them, because everyone’s got something to offer. Take an interest in people’s lives despite how mundane and boring you think they are. Take an interest in other people even if they cannot serve you and what you think you want and need. Your agendas are stupid. Let yourself be open to having your pre-conceived agendas that you entered into the moment with, be crushed. This is how you open your heart and rediscover your childlike innocence. Trust me.

[seafoam-taide]

You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE

[stereax]

saw you post 'listen before you go', thought you'd enjoy this:

oh...

[angelstrawbabie420]

i legitimately do not know how i have persisted under all this grief and i fear i won’t be able to for much longer

[savage-rhi]

Magenta 🤬