#like she was giving up on the idea of House ever experiencing this particular thing she wanted for him

[ennard-is-near]

Bite of ‘83 placement

I think it has to come first. I think people sometimes put Charlie’s death or Elizabeth’s death first in the timeline, and I respect most FNaF takes, so it’s fine if you want to do that. But personally for me it has to come first, and in this essay style post I will explain why. Everything is completely subjective to me, I will say “I think…” a lot and just know that that’s a more of a “In my version of FNaF” than a “In the only version of FNaF”. Also I call Crying Child Evan, mostly for simplicity’s sake. Cool? Alright, let’s go.

First off, I know why people sometimes put Elizabeth’s first. If Evan is scared shitless of the animatronics, it might be because he either saw what happened to her or William is trying to make him afraid of them. However, he’s a little kid, and kids tend to be scared of stuff like that. (My little sister is scared shitless of Chuck E. Cheese and there is no reason for that.) Also the SL cameras in his room but I don’t know if that’s enough evidence for placing his death after hers. Honestly, I don’t know why people put Charlie’s first, maybe it’s because she had that weird “life giving” thing in the second (???) game’s mini games and so Evan wouldn’t have been able to poses Fredbear without her. Or maybe it’s book related, honestly not sure.

From here, I will break this up into a few categories. Broadly, it will be why it has to be first for William’s character and why it has to be first for Michael’s character. Let’s start with uhhhh…

Michael’s character

A couple small things first: I don’t think he meant to do that, obviously. I just think he’s stupid (like really stupid) and didn’t think about his actions having consequences. I don’t think he planned the prank or whatever, I’ve seen a couple people depict it as something he thought about doing beforehand and I don’t think so, I think it was probably a random idea he had two seconds before he did it. I also don’t think he was doing in for William’s approval, not consciously at least. As an older sibling myself, I can confidently say that it’s fun to be a dick to your younger siblings sometimes, especially when they cry about it. His motivation was probably “hahaha this is fun.” Also, I think that it was entirely his fault. He suggested it and Fredbear was a performing animatronic on stage that he was old enough (maybe like 12-14) to know was dangerous. There was no tampering or unusual springlock failure that “shouldn’t have happened” or “shouldn’t have had enough force to do that.” IMO that was exactly what was going to happen and he should have known better. What did he think was going to happen?

My points (In no particular order)

I think Michael and Elizabeth exist in the same house after the bite of ‘83. She says “I know it was an accident” (which is a line I am insane about) in the SL secret night and I don’t think she would say that if she hadn’t been around during and after the incident. Also I just think they should. Imagineeeeeee the dynamic.

That is NOT the behavior of someone who has even considered that his siblings could die. Like if he’s already down a little sister and he doesn’t want his little brother to die, why the fuck is he doing that? If the thought even crossed his mind that Evan was capable of dying then he would not have been putting him up by that thing’s mouth.

And as a continuation of that…That is NOT the behavior of someone who has already lost a sibling to animatronics?!?!?! Even if he didn’t know how exactly Elizabeth died he has to know she went missing to something relating to Circus Baby’s Pizza Word. If tragedy already struck at a Pizzeria why would he be doing that. I know he’s stupid but he cannot be that stupid.

This is a good inciting incident for him. Like if this is the first bad thing that happens to this guy, that is way cool. He has never experienced loss ever and now he’s completely cooked and will have to spend his entire life insane (sorry I don’t make the rules.)

Isn’t it more fun when there’s a horrible guilt about Michael causing all of this? Like he can tell himself that it’s all his fault that his father lost his marbles? He can say that if he hadn’t done that none of what followed would have happened to him or anyone else.

And…isn’t it more fun when he’s sort of right? Isn’t it more fun when our protagonist, if in the smallest way possible, kicked the chain of dominoes that lead to everything that happened in FNaF. Not his fault that his father goes/is insane, obviously, but the things that happen wouldn’t have if he hadn’t done that. It’s so fun if we follow a guy indirectly responsible for everything that went down who is desperate to make up for it.

William’s character

This gets a little more complicated, but for me he was a pretty solid father before the bite of ‘83. Not perfect, but imagine a dad. That’s him. He’s obviously got the capacity for murder but he wouldn’t do something like that unless pushed. Y’know? He’s like the amount of crazy that most people are.

But I only have one point, really.

It makes him more interesting.

It makes his promise more meaningful. If everything William Afton does in pursuit of “putting [his son] back together.” It’s so much more impactful and reasonable if he’s killing with a goal.

If he isn’t a grieving father, why would be killing people? Seriously? Why would he have Circus Baby? Why would he kill Charlie? Felt silly? That’s stupid.

Also a good inciting incident for him. Having your own son killed by one of your animatronics (and your other son) could probably make a guy lose it. The bite of ‘83 is a good tragedy to prompt a spiral to madness. To the need to make other people feel how you feel, feel how it feels to lose a child. (And at the same time discover the way to bring them all back)

It just is more interesting (to me personally) when he’s not entirely evil, but is a broken and grieving man who sort of gets lost in the sauce on his way to bringing his son back from the dead.

Final thoughts?

It just makes more sense (to me) and is more fun (for me). That’s all.

[22degreehalo]

SO in the wake of regaining entry to Livejournal I've started saving the fics I read there for posterity, which given that this is almost entirely a pre-AO3 zone means going through the Very nostalgic process of continually highlighting the given chapter's text, copying and pasting it over to a Word (well, Libre Office) document, and saving n.n;

I had the journal when I began my House/Wilson phase, so that is the clear majority in terms of fics recced there, haha. (I even completed a rec_50 challenge with them!!) And so far, I've been able to save almost everything I linked there, which is honestly amazing! (Albeit with some searching around for mirrors e.g. on fanfiction.net or squidgeworld or just good ol' Wayback Machine.)

So, I should have no reason whatsoever to complain!

...except. :')

There is this one PARTICULAR House/Wilson fic that, for whatever reason, just... lodged itself into my brain, and even all these years later I still think about it sometimes. It wasn't long (only a few thousand words long), or all that original, but it the emotion in it was just so perfectly captured! A very particular kind of emotion that I can only really fully appreciate now that I know I'm aro!!!

Except I... just can't seem to remember the name of it?! (I remember so many other fic's names...) And from what I've seen so far - and I'm making serious headway through them - none of the linked fics look like they are the one I am thinking of... :')

which. How exactly do you ask for help finding a fic published almost fifteen years ago?! I have no idea how to contact the House/Wilson fandom who would've been around back then... I do not think that anybody is checking the comms anymore :')

[hearts4hughes]

hits different | trevor zegras

(trevor zegras x fem! reader)

a/n: i’ve had this idea in my notes forever, and i’ve just managed to finish it😭 it took wayyyy too long, but i’m proud of this!

warnings: intoxication, alcohol, angst, light swearing

the pulsating bass reverberates through your body as you stand at the bar, drink in hand, trying to wash your hands of the memories of a love gone wrong. your mind drifts to the mess that trevor made of you and the hurtful images that linger in your thoughts.

you wondered if he had already moved on. if he was cooking for another girl at his apartment, or if he had strolled through the streets of anaheim with her hand in hand. had he forgotten about you? three years of love washed down the drain like dirt and filth as he confided in another woman with his love. just the mere thought sends waves of nausea through your body.

it didn’t make sense. you thought breaking up with him was the right decision, but since then, all you’ve felt was pure heartbreak.

it all started with the duck’s bad season. he was frustrated and stressed. he thought he was the problem- even though he wasn’t- and he went into an emotional hole. at the time, you didn’t understand what was happening. you thought he fell out of love with you, so as hard as it was, you broke up with him. the second the words flew off your tongue, he broke down- sobbing, yelling, begging, anything that would help you stay.

you can't help but reflect on how you used to move on so easily, like switching out partners and escaping town, but everything feels different now. the bars you visit play songs that remind you of what once was, and it hurts like nothing you've experienced before.

“y/n,” julia calls out, snapping you back into reality, “you have to stop thinking of him, it’s not going to help.” her hand rubs comfortingly up and down your back. you look at her, your face completely blank of emotion. it’s easier said than done to forget about someone who preoccupied so much of your time, and the alcohol in your system isn’t helping.

“i know, i just,” you stammer, “i just can’t escape him. it’s like he’s haunting me. everywhere i look i’m reminded of the memories we made.” she looks at you with pity.

“love is a lie, babe. you know this already.” she says- the same thing she’s been telling you since forever. “remember when you broke up with aaron?” she asks and you nod in response. “you thought he was the one and that you’d never ever move on, but after a little bit you did. you just need to give it time and you’ll get over him.”

whining, you grab your shot, throwing your head back and downing it. your nose scrunched as the alcohol burned down your throat. “but what if i don’t want to get over him, jul? i don’t want to forget about him. i just want to be with him, i just want trevor.” your words were slurred- almost incoherent.

people around you began to stare and watch the unfolding scene. protectively, julia brought you into a hug, shielding your face from everyone before they saw your tears. “let’s get you home, honey.” she cooed, wrapping her arm around your waist and helping you out of your seat.

-

julia brought you home, making sure you got into your house safely before driving away. you swung the front door open and stumbled into your apartment. the digital clock on the wall read 2:20am. you ripped off your heels, discarding them somewhere in your living room, and walking into your bedroom. your hair was a frizzy mess, lipstick smudged, mascara smeared everywhere, but you could care less.

you find yourself alone in your room, surrounded by memories of the past, with one particular item catching your eye- trevor’s hat. it sits on a shelf, seemingly untouched since the day you parted ways. the sight of it evokes a rush of bittersweet emotions, and you can't help but pick it up, feeling its fabric against your fingertips. the hat holds a piece of him, a piece of the love you once shared, and the weight of the memories is overwhelming.

as you hold the hat in your hands, a wave of nostalgia washes over you. memories of your time together flood your mind – the laughter, the inside jokes, the intimate moments shared under that very hat. you miss him, and the feeling intensifies with each passing day. the warmth and comfort that his presence once brought into your life are now a distant memory.

you bring the hat close to your chest, hugging it tightly as if it was him. the scent of his cologne, faint but still lingering, brings you back to those tender moments when he would embrace you, and your heart aches.

with each tear that falls, you let yourself feel the grief, the longing, and the emptiness that comes with a wound that hasn’t completely healed. you find yourself whispering his name into the fabric, wishing he were there, holding you.

suddenly, you hear a key turning in the door down the hallway. is it him? is it trevor? or has julia come to take you away from your apartment and the suffocating reminders of him?

the door closes and you hear footsteps approaching your room. the footsteps become louder as the mystery person gets closer. you close your eyes, not bothered to know who it is; however, a small part of you hopes, even wishes that it’s him.

“love?” he calls out, causing your eyes to shoot open. you see him standing in the doorway- a blurry version of him due to the alcohol and crying. a frown adorns his lips as he looks down at you. your tear stained face and bloodshot eyes give him a hint of what you were just doing. “oh y/n,” he coos, making his way over to you and repositioning you into his lap.

his arms snake around your body, pulling you close to his chest. you open your mouth to say something, but the words get caught in your throat. he presses reassuring kisses to the top of your head as you cry into his embrace.

"i’m so sorry, y/n," he whispers, his voice filled with remorse. "i messed up, and i’ve been a mess ever since you left." you try to find the right words to say, but your emotions are too overwhelming, your heart too raw. instead, you bury your face in his chest, holding on to him as if he might slip away again.

"fuck, i thought you moved on," you manage to say through your tears, your voice shaking. "all i could imagine was you with another girl, trev.”

he sights, gently rubbing your back. "no, love, there hasn't been anyone else. i’ve been miserable without you. you were always the one."

“i thought you had fallen out of love with me, that’s why i broke up with you.” your voice trembles with hurt as he feels a pang of guilt in his heart.

his expression softens, his eyes searching yours for understanding. "i was going through a rough time, and I didn't know how to handle it. i thought i was the problem, and i didn't want to bother you with my struggles. i never meant to hurt you." you move your head away from his body, staring deeply into his eyes. he’s been crying too. in that moment, you realize that he's hurting too, and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for healing and forgiveness.

"i miss you, trevor," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "my friends try to take me out to have fun and get drunk, but i always end up slurring your name until someone puts me in a car. they’re going to stop inviting me soon.” you joke- a coping mechanism you’ve had since you were young.

he lets out a small laugh, bringing his hand up to wipe away stray tears, “i’m here now," he replies, "and i want to try again, to make things right. i love you, and my life is a fucking wreck without you."

“i love you too,” your voice is soft and sincere. a smile graces his lips and for the first time since forever, your lips connect with his, reviving what you thought was gone.

[vimara00]

How a relationship with Shoto Todoroki would develop by Vi ✨

Hi everyone, It's Vi! ✨ Today I was thinking about how would a relationship with Shoto be like so I wrote this. Hope u enjoy! ☺️ (Again, I'm sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes, english is not my first language 🙏🏻)

Warnings: none, just fluff

All character reservations to Horikoshi

Strangers to friends

• When you both entered the U.A, Shoto wasn't interested in making friends as his mission was to supperpass Endeavour. He didn't have time for things as trivial as establishing relationships and he made it known to everyone around him. However, everything changed when he scored a low grade at the spanish exam. He actually thought he could manage that class easily without help but it didn't seem like it and that really damage his self-esteem. Aizawa already knew Shoto would've a negative reaction so he suggested to asked his classmates for help and let's just say, the idea didn't thrilled him. Everybody was asking Yaoyoruzu, Bakugou or Deku for help but he was too proud to asked them. He would figured out something by himself.

• Shoto spent the whole week reading Spanish books but he just couldn't grasped the concept. Also, his irritation grew more as his classmates were progressing faster that him (thanks to the tutoring lessons they were given)

One afternoon in particular, Shoto was in the library working on some exercises when one girl from his class appeared. She grabbed a book and sat down near him. As much as he would like to say he couldn't care less about her, he definitely knew who she was. Her name was y/n, she had an air manipulation quirk and a very distracting face. And by "distracting", he meant "the prettiest face he's ever seen" and what bother him so much it's that, more often than not, he would give quick glaces her way during class and completely forget what he was doing.

Shoto has never been able to make friends as his father always put training above more mundane things so he had cero social skills. So this "attraction" he felt towards her was also something he had never experienced before and even he wanted to get closer to her, he just didn't know how so instead, he did his best to ignore her. However, it was kind of difficult as she definitely was the nicest person he's ever meet.

• y/n saw he was struggling with some spanish exercises and offered to help as it was her first language so it was easy for her and eventhough he declined her offer many times, she helped him anyway. It was actually the best decision she could ever make as not only he got on of the highest scores in class but also, Shoto finally let her get closer to him even if he still had this "unapproachable actitud". And that's how their friendship started and honestly, everybody was shocked that the 1A's rain of sunshine was friends with Todoroki.

• At first it was only saying hi to each other, sitting together at lunch and training together. However, over time, Shoto warmed up to her (and also to others) so they hung out at y/n's bedroom where they watched movies and also had this tradition where they would go to different restaurants or cafe every month.

• After the Sports festival, Endeavour offered y/n to do a internship at his agency along with his son but, for Shoto's relief, she said no as she went to pro hero Hawks agency. Eventhough he would've liked to spent more time with her, he wanted to keep his father away from y/n and her quirk. He felt the need to protected her but little did he know that wasn't just him being connected with but something else; something more deeper and he was about to find out...

Friends to lovers

• Fuyumi invited Shoto's friends, Izuku and Bakugou, to have dinner at their house but Endeavour and her were not expecting someone else to appeared after they all were at the table. Shoto had sent a last minute message to invite y/n but didn't want to tell his sister beforehand as she would've pushed the topic and, honestly, he wasn't ready to rationalized those feelings. Because lately, he's been feeling this kind of excitement every time he caught a glimpse of her, smiling a lot more when she was around and his breath was taken away when she would put her head on his shoulder or held his hand. He could be dense sometimes but he wasn't an idiot, deep down he knew this meant something else but was too coward to act on it. Everybody was shocked to see the young lady as Shoto was someone who kept his private life for himself. Izuku, Bakugou, y/n and him survived the tense situation and where about to head home but not before Fuyumi did an interrogation to Shoto about this new friend of his. Her sixth sense told her little brother was in fact, in love with the e/c girl. It was just too obvious! his sister noticed how his normally "irritated face" (because of Endeavour) light up when y/n arrived or how he was always attentive and paying attention to what she did or what she was saying. Also, when she asked y/n if she was Shoto's girlfriend he did not denied but blushed instead. So she really hoped his brother could be happy with her and treat her right

(Of course Fuyumi gave y/n her number for exchanging recipes and update her about his little brother)

•One particularly day, during training, Izuku and y/n were sparing together, something very unusual as she always trained with Todoroki. At first, he thought that maybe she just wanted to try fighting with other quirks (eventhough theirs work perfectly together) so he kept going with his day as usual. However, when she sat next to Midoriya at lunch and were having a very animated conversation, he started to feel a bit irritated but didn't say anything. That night, he had been so busy that he ended up showering really late. As he was walking to his room, he saw y/n coming out of Midoriya's bedroom and when she realised he just caught her, her eyes widened and she nervously said goodbye to him and left in a hurry. Oh, Shoto saw red! If it wasn't for the fact that Deku had closed his door quickly, he would definitely be freezed by now. He didn't like this feeling of pure range but he couldn't help it. Since when they got along so well? What was so fascinating about Midoriya that everybody fell to his feets? Gosh he prayed she didn't like his friend like that cause he didn't know what he would do. All this interaction lighted up an alarmed that remainded him that she won't wait forever, that he needed to confess before he lost her to someone else

• Shoto couldn't sleep that night, planning his confession and imagining possible scenarios and reactions to it. He didn't know if she felt something more than a friendship and honestly, he was scared shirtless cause he didn't want to lose their great friendship, he wouldn't known what to do with himself if y/n rejected him. He couldn't go back to how his life was before her appeared in it and made it worth living beyond a revenge. And, eventhough he was terrified of her response, it was better than to keep those feelings bottled. So the next morning he left a letter on her desk saying he needed to talked to her and that they should met at the school's terrace.

• Once she stood in front of him, he didn't let her ask any questions and just went straight to the point (as he always did) "Look y/n, the reason I called you here today was because something's been bothering me for a while. You and my feelings for you. Since we first spoke, I thought you were too good to be actually true and when you became my friend, I felt blessed to have someone I can trust and who doesn't judge me. Someone who taught me that it's ok to cry sometimes and that my feelings are valuable. I even started to opened up more to others. And all thanks to you! I'm not gonna lie, when I saw you with Midoriya yesterday, my heart hurt cause the thought of being so close to you yet losing you, was just too much. I know I'm being selfish. You deserve someone who has no trouble expressing their emotions or someone who isn't carrying childhood scars that haven't healed yet (emotionally speaking) Maybe you should be with someone as nice as Midoriya" he paused and continued "but what I'm trying to say is that, if you ever feel anything for me that makes you appreciate the good things above all the bad things I have, I swear to love you with my heart and soul. Take it both of them, it's full of you. Take all of me y/n, I'm already yours anyway... It's ok if you don't reciprocate, I mean you don't -" And Shoto was definitely not expecting for her to kiss him but he won't complain. The kiss was a bit clownsly as they were inexperienced but it was beautiful because they loved each other and they would've time to learn. From that day, Shoto kept his promise to loved her and protect her and he felt in love with her every day all over again.

[cursedonyx]

Your Sharp/Garlic fics are soooo good! There are so few fics of them and it was very exciting to see more, not to mention ones that are so well-written (and spicy haha). Would love to see more of them in the relationship you’ve set up. I have some ideas for potential writings (though no pressure ofc 💕). I’d love to see something that starts like this…

As time progresses they are found out and Black calls them into his office. The Headmaster’s dislike of faculty relations combined with his blood status obsession makes him particularly disapproving. Aesop shouts at him and without thinking confesses his love for Mirabel (even though ofc it’s the absolute truth).

Thank you again for sharing your fabulous writing!

Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words, and I’m always happy to give back to the fandom!

I managed to knock something together: hope it’s what you were looking for!

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: SWF (hints of NSWF), angst, Professor Black is a bastard

It seemed to Aesop that he was living in something of a dream. Each morning he woke, either in his bed or Mirabel’s, with her hair spread over the pillow, his chest, and the floor, her soft breath in his ear, her bare flesh pressed to his. He made sure to set his alarm a little earlier than normal, to give them both the chance to sneak back to their respective rooms, as if they were once again students.

He started setting it even earlier once he learned Mirabel woke up with a hunger for him as ravenous as his own for her. They would tangle together, trying to keep their voices down, his exhaustion banished at the sight of her beneath him, atop him, bent over before him, and more. And after each morning’s exercise, one or the other would swiftly dress and creep out.

Aesop preferred to visit Mirabel’s rooms, arriving under the cover of darkness once he was sure the prefects and other professors were in bed, no one to see him but the wandering ghosts and house elves, but they’d never question a professor stalking the halls at night. He was used to late-night wanderings, at any rate, and doubted even the other professors would raise much of an eyebrow if they saw him creeping through the corridors in the small hours. He could come up with any number of excuses if he was caught, and besides, his training as an Auror meant he could disguise himself especially well.

Mirabel, not so much. Though she often bemoaned not being able to sneak into his bed while he was asleep and wake him with her tongue whenever she wanted (a fantasy she had shared not too long ago, one he had been only to happy to indulge her in were it not for the fact he was too excited to sleep), Aesop knew it was safer if he went to her. If anyone ever even thought that there was anything happening between them as more than just colleagues, well. There would certainly be some kind of hell to pay.

Phineas Nigellus Black had long stipulated that there was to be no fraternisation amongst the staff, along several other ridiculous rules that simply impeded the running of the school, as opposed to making life easier. He suspected that this particular rule was made out of spite, when the former DADA professor had spurned his advances before Dina took up the position. Where once Aesop had agreed with this rule, knowing that relationships only served to complicate things, adding feelings and hormones and stress into a castle filled with teenagers experiencing exactly the same, now he thought differently.

He couldn’t fathom being without Mirabel. He couldn’t imagine a morning in which he woke and she wasn’t there, her slender hand on his chest, his rougher one settled snugly in the curve of her waist. He couldn’t picture a day without her soft kisses, her gentle smile, her earnest, wide eyes gazing up at him with adoration, her pretty lips stretched wide in ecstasy as they made love. And he couldn’t remember being this happy.

So much, indeed, that his students noticed. In particular, one self-proclaimed prodigy and one-man-fire-hazard, Garreth Weasley.

He’d just added a pinch of powdered moonstone to his Shrinking Solution, and the resulting foul expulsion of farty, green smoke had all but cleared the classroom.

Garreth stared, open mouthed, his weight on his back foot, clearly anticipating a bollocking. When Aesop chuckled, shaking his head and clearing the mess with a wave of his wand, Garreth’s face took on an expression akin to someone who had just noticed a headless Inferi charging at them full pelt.

“Sir?” he said, very, very tentatively. “M-my potion?”

“Start again, Weasley,” Aesop said, returning to his desk as the rest of the class crept back in. “You have time to brew another if you’re quick.” A smile touched the corner of his lips as he reread the note Mirabel had left him which was the reason for his cheerful mood.

My dearest Aesop,

I long for the day we do not have to hide, when we can be as free as a bouncing bulb, as beautiful and happy as a dandelion, bright and yellow in the sun, for my heart is like a Flutterby bush whenever I think of you…

“Sir?”

He jumped, throwing a book on top of Mirabel's note, staring up at Garreth. Alarmed at what he might have seen, his temper flared.

“What?” he demanded.

Garreth seemed almost relieved. “Sir, I need some more minced daisy roots, I was going to get more in Hogsmeade this weekend, but…” he trailed off, a hopeful smile on his face. “Can I have some?”

“Ask your classmates,” Aesop snapped, his heart still jolting painfully in his chest. If Weasley had seen her note… if anyone suspected, if anyone found out… he shook his head, glowering at his desk, though he didn’t miss Weasley sidle past the Gaunt boy and swipe his neat pile of daisy roots, leaving the young Slytherin fumbling around, looking very confused.

Aesop returned his attention to his desk, easing the note out from under the book and into his pocket. Weasley wasn’t a malicious pupil. Overexuberant, perhaps, arrogant when it came to potions, and wild about the edges, but he wasn’t mean. If he’d seen something of the note, surely he wouldn’t say anything. Aesop could just pretend it was something about her promising to restock some of his potions supplies.

But then… Garreth had a mouth on him. He wasn’t the worst gossip Hogwarts had ever seen, but he flapped his gums just enough that the wrong people might hear. If he’d seen the note. Aesop cursed under his breath. Even if he hadn’t, his reaction had clearly given something away. What was the point in being an auror for fifteen years if he got so distracted that he lost sight of his surroundings? Thank Merlin Mirabel hadn’t been around when he was hunting Dark Wizards.

He glanced uneasily around the classroom until he was content there were no more imminent explosions, knowing his focus on the redheaded Gryffindor could easily be passed off as making sure he didn’t fuck up again. That said, one explosion per class was fairly standard for Garreth. They should be in the clear.

_.-~*~-._

Over dinner that evening, Aesop avoided eye-contact with Mirabel, focusing on clearing his plate as fast as he could without giving anything away, or himself indigestion. He rose quickly and risked a glance at her. She quirked an eyebrow, the left one, which he had come to understand as a request to meet in her chambers. He gave a single, curt nod, and hurried from the hall. Casting a disillusionment on himself, he stalked to her room and waited outside, frowning as the Sallow Twins and their Gaunt friend dashed past, giggling. No doubt they were up to yet more mischief, and under different circumstances he would have followed and given them the fright of their lives, but he had to wait for Mirabel.

She arrived not long afterwards, gazing around the corridor with eager anticipation. He cleared his throat softly, and her face split into a stunning smile.

“Aesop? It’s early, why are we…?”

“Inside,” he whispered. “Quickly, I don’t know if anyone else is coming this way yet.”

She nodded and unlocked her door, ushered inside by his hand on her back. He’d barely closed the door behind him and removed his disillusionment before she was on him, her eager lips pressed to his, almost driving all but the most lustful thoughts from his mind.

Almost.

“Mirabel, we need to be more careful,” he said, his breath catching slightly as his hands rested on her hips, drinking in her stunning form. She blinked prettily at him.

“But we are,” she murmured. “We’re cordial with each other, we surely haven’t given anything away?”

Aesop drew out her note.

“This was wonderful,” he said, his voice low. “But we can’t risk it falling into the wrong hands.”

She twisted her mouth, and even that shape was beautiful. “Aesop, surely no one would steal from you? You were an Auror, it’s safe with you.”

His own mouth mimicked hers, his lip curling slightly. His pride wouldn’t quite allow him to admit he’d almost been caught mooning over it in class. “That’s as may be, but it’s not worth the risk, all the same. My time as an Auror taught me to never assume one is safe, Mirabel. I can’t risk Phineas finding out about this, he’d put a stop to it. And I…”

I can’t bear the thought of it, of losing you, of you being made to leave, he thought. He left the rest of his sentence unsaid, preferring to pull her to his chest, brushing his lips over her silken hair. He knew as well as anyone Black had a personal vendetta against muggleborns, and the only reason Mirabel had the position she did was because no one else wanted the job. He’d fire her in a heartbeat, if he was given the chance. He couldn’t let that happen.

“The risk is too great,” he murmured. “We must be careful, my rose. No more notes, no more poetry. We should probably limit our nightly visits as well.”

Mirabel leaned back and gave him such a stern look that he almost felt like a schoolboy again, caught sneaking into the kitchens.

“There are many things I will give up in order to preserve our secrecy,” she said, her voice firm. “But not that. Not you. Not ever.” She kissed him again, harshly this time, her lips demanding as she gripped his waistcoat, drawing him into an ever-rising spiral that blanked his mind and left him murmuring non-words against his lips. He couldn’t have resisted her if he tried.

_.-~*~-._

Another day, another third-year potions class, and another exercise in keeping his cool when Garreth tried to add powdered Bicorn Horn to his Babbling Brew. Aesop caught him just before he tipped it in, giving the Weasley such a masterful glare that he was surprised the young Gryffindor didn’t start smoking at the hem.

Shaking his head, Aesop continued to limp around the classroom, offering advice and mild criticism in equal measure, keeping one eye on the time, eager for the end of the day.

It had been a week since the incident with the note, and perhaps it was just his paranoia, but it certainly seemed that he’d been receiving some funny looks from his fellow professors, starting with Matilda. But when nothing else came of it, he tried to put it out of his mind, hoping that if Garreth had let something slip, Matilda at least would have the sense not to say anything to Black.

But then, the students had started giving him funny looks as well. His suspicions were almost confirmed when Anne Sallow wore a very large and bright tulip on her robes during his last class with the third-years, her grin dancing between mischievous and malicious. Surely it didn’t mean anything. Surely it was just a trend. Even if there was a rumour doing the rounds, he’d heard far worse about his colleagues that had petered out after a week or two. This was nothing. It had to be nothing.

But that didn’t stop him worrying, precisely because he didn’t know what was being said. If there was a rumour going around about him and Mirabel, he couldn’t risk it getting back to Black. Black had a singular inability to differentiate between truth and bullshit, seemingly preferring to take the latter as gospel, particularly if it enabled his views in some way…

Swallowing past a dry throat, Aesop determined to find out what, if anything was being said, when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Garreth had a handful of Bicorn Horn, and his fist was flashing towards his cauldron.

“DON’T!” Aesop roared, diving forward and yanking the child out of the way, just as the potion exploded, covering him head-to-toe in scarlet Babbling Brew.

The class erupted in laughter as he spat out a gobbet of foul-tasting liquid, praying none of it had gotten into his system. He turned, very slowly, to glare down at Garreth, whose face was an interesting mix of pride and terror.

“Detention,” Aesop managed, clearing the mess away with his wand. “Three nights. And points from Gryffindor. Again.”

“Aw, but sir…!”

“I TOLD you not to add Bicorn Horn!” Aesop yelled. “You deliberately disobeyed me! Consider yourself fortunate I have not given you a worse punishment!”

Garreth shrank back, his eyes going wide as the class went silent. Clenching his fists, Aesop set his jaw and stalked back to his desk.

“Class is dismissed. Out, all of you.”

He put his head in his hands as the students filed out, their mutters like a storm of billywigs against his ears. If nothing else would convince the Hogwarts Rumour Mill that something was ‘up,’ then that would have done it. He sighed, slowly, and mumbled something under his breath. He continued to mutter, until his eyes widened.

It seemed he’d ingested some of Garreth’s potion after all. And who knew what kind of side effects Bicorn Horn would have caused? He jumped to his feet, heading for his office where he kept a neat stock of antidote for all kinds of mishaps, when the classroom door burst open, revealing the most unwelcome figure in the school aside from Peeves.

Professor Black stood framed in the doorway, tall and slim, his goatee oiled and shining. He lowered his brows, glaring imperiously around the classroom.

“Sharp!” he barked. “I’d like a word.”

“In a moment, sir,” Aesop said, his words coming so fast they almost tripped over each other. “There was a mishap in class, Matilda’s nephew caused a small explosion, I need to take an antidote for-”

“Have you been poisoned?” Black demanded.

“No, it was a Babbling Brew, harmless by all accounts, simply irritating, but he added-”

“Then it can wait,” Black glared at him. “My office. Now. There is something of a serious nature I must discuss with you.”

“Just one moment,” Aesop said, his heart beginning to jackhammer against his ribs. “I only need to-”

“When I say now, I mean now,” Black snapped. “Leave your damn potions and do as I have bid you!”

With little choice but to obey, Aesop followed him out of the classroom, muttering under his breath the whole way about how he’d like to curse the pompous asshat seven ways to Sunday, amongst other threats and the occasional prayer that he wasn’t headed into the very meeting he dreaded. He kept far enough from Black that he was sure his whisperings went unheard, but Merlin only knew what kind of trouble his mouth would get him into if the potion didn’t wear off before they got to Black’s office.

Reaching Black’s office, they strode inside, and Aesop’s heart plummeted. Mirabel was already there, perched on the edge of one of the hard chairs before the desk, her head down, her fingers clasped.

“Mirabel? What are you doing here? What’s going on?” he gabbled, trying vainly to pull back the stream of consciousness before he started blabbing about how perfectly wonderful she looked, the late afternoon sun catching in her hair and making the strands of copper glow like an autumn hearth. She peered up at him.

“Professor Sharp? Is… everything alright?”

It was all he could do not to proclaim his love for her then and there, the use of his title sending warmth coursing through his torso, chilled by the prickling fear scampering over his shoulders as Black strode behind his desk, his face set in a dreadful scowl.

“Babbling Brew,” he explained, in a rush, unable to temper the speed of his speech. “It was that little bugger, Matilda’s nephew, I told him not to add Bicorn Horn but he didn’t listen, it blew up all over me and I managed to ingest some, I can’t stop ruddy talking!”

“You will,” Black demanded. “I must discuss something of a serious nature with you both.” He glowered, his upper lip curling. Mirabel gulped audibly, and Aesop tensed, longing to take her hand and comfort her, shield her from what was to come. He didn't dare, just in case it was something else.

“I have long stipulated that relationships between professors is strictly forbidden,” Black announced, leaning on his desk. Aesop flinched. It was what he dreaded. “I have heard the most unsettling rumours about the pair of you, and the amount of time you spend together simply confirms it!”

“We’re colleagues,” Mirabel said, meekly. “Nothing more, sir. Potions and Herbology is delicately intertwined, and much of what I grow is used in Professor Sharp’s class…”

“Silence!” he barked. “I should have expected nothing less from a witch of your background, Garlick. You believe the rules no longer apply to you because you’re a student? You are sorely mistaken!”

“Sir, I don’t know what you’re implying,” Aesop said, knowing he should keep his mouth shut as a simmering fury began to bubble in his chest at the injustice to Mirabel. “Professor Garlick’s right, there’s nothing between us other than two professionals-”

“Rubbish!” Black snapped. “I won’t have you stand there and lie to me, Sharp! Unfortunately, I cannot afford to lose you, you have been here for too long and you seem to be one of the few members of staff that is capable of keeping those little toerags in line! But you,” he turned to Mirabel, who shrank back in her chair. “You are replaceable.”

“She is not,” Aesop growled. “There is no finer Herbologist in the country, Phineas, and you would do well to remember that.”

Black passed him a softly cruel smirk. “I see. I presume your sudden outburst of chivalry is nothing whatsoever to do with these rumours I have heard?”

He clenched his jaw, but his silence seemed to be all the answer Black needed.

“If there was nothing between you that explicitly broke the rules I have written to ensure the better running of this school, then there will be no objection to my finding a more appropriate teacher,” he stated. His voice was grave, but the wicked gleam in his eye gave away the enjoyment he was getting from this. “After all, what could a muggleborn know more than a true wizard? What on earth makes her so special?”

And before Aesop could stop himself, he’d snatched a handful of Black’s robes, yanking him half over the desk with a snarl so that they were nose to nose.

“You’ll never know,” he spat. “You’ll never know how special she is, nor how much I love her. You’re too addled by pureblood mania to ever understand.”

It all happened in a literal flash. One moment, Black was rearing back, ready to strike, to punish them both, and that would be alright, because he would still be with Mirabel, and then there was a sudden whirlwind of green beside him as she leapt to her feet, her wand out.

“OBLIVIATE!” she screamed, and there was a flash of silver light, and Black crumpled over the desk. Aesop leapt back with an oath, staring at her.

“Mirabel?” he reached out a shaking hand to brush her hair back from her face. “What have you done?”

“What I had to,” she said, glaring at Black’s unconscious form, slumped forward. “He would have fired me. Probably you as well. I can’t lose this job, Aesop,” she curled into him. “And I can’t lose you.”

She peered up at him, her lashes wet. “Did you mean it? What you said? Do you really love me?”

He blinked. Had he really said that? Out loud? In front of Black?

Yes. Yes he had.

“I did mean it,” he murmured, cupping her cheek and drawing her into a gentle kiss. “I love you, Mirabel.”

She smiled, her lower lip quivering. “I love you, too.”

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can I get Centipedes x Ragatha? (it’s a joke)

Ragatha and centipedes

jokes on you im going to entertain this because im feeling a little silly. going to be all over the place since its just a bunch of random stuff tying in with the general centipede idea future admin here VV did not think i would need to put a cw on this but this genuinely made me feel bluuuuuugh and yucky so uh. CW on talk about bugs and vague talk of infestations because the admin tried to make a hc on why ragatha is scared of centipedes in particular (admin realizes their phobia of bugs is worse than they thought by the end of writing it they just thought they had arachnophobia LMAO) not even going to bother to tag this

i think its centipedes specifically that ragatha doesnt like. shes okay with spiders, shes fine with flies, hell shes okay witih silverfish (which arguably are just as gross if not grosser than centipedes). its something about centipedes in specific she hates. maybe its the legs. its gotta be the legs

or maybe theres something else? honestly i can see her getting her little fear of the things from a prank by jax gone terribly wrong, or perhaps even an in house adventure

or maybe she experienced something with them in her real life that, despite her losing her memories, she fears the bug down to her very core. something that shook her so deeply, engraining itself into her psyche, enough to carry on even after losing everything that once made her her when she put on the headset

okay jokes aside, originally i was going to go on a tangent about how that maybe her fear came from a really bad IHA.. but now that i think about it, the idea of her going through something in her real life makes more sense. plus as much as i write about jax putting centipedes in her room i dont think he actually did... but what i have cooking in my brain far exceeds the cruelty jax would dare dish out

i dont know about you but infestations can quickly instill a fear in you. i would know personally because when i was younger roaches and silverfish were common in my house hold, especially during wetter times of the year. also crickets. and woop the admin hates all three of those bugs, deeply. can you imagine going into the bathroom as a small child, only to get up and see a roach as big as your hand just chilling in the toilet bowl. do you know what that does to a person

cue that one post where op said they were taking a dump and they poked a weird spot on their wall only to watch in horror as a hoard of silverfish started spilling out of it

genuine fear of mine i hate silverfish kid me used to avoid the bathroom because of them

so anyways with the power of my self projection, im going to apply the same idea to ragatha. maybe she lived somewhere where centipedes were common. sure they might not have been the huge gnarly ones that we all think of when we hear about these things, but i think even the smaller ones would do her in after enough time. could be a large amount of house centipedes but as stated above, it would probably drive you insane after you see enough of them for long enough

shrugs

okay psychological torment aside i dont think theres really any curing her fear if we're following this hc, like maybe you can help her build a tolerance to having them around but to actually get rid of it fully? yeah no thats going to take a lot more than you can give her in the digital circus

will NOT pick up a centipede you try to get her to hold, you could have the best intensions and it can be the cutest one ever in existence

i was going to add a lot more to this post and make this comically long but my skin is crawling (pun intended) at the images ive just put into my head. genuinely feel yucky inside

[starberriesworld]

Lovers in Wasteland

Chaeryeong x Fem reader | Outbreak Au

pairing-lee chaeryoung x fem reader story word count-1381 proof read?-idk bro lmao

my little Last of Us inspired chae x fem reader idea that I finally got au of my head onto paper...or screen. I feel like this is a little corny and wndewhelming/rushed towards the end but I think it turned out okay.

i want to do a couple more chaeryoung x reader in this universe I really like this idea lol. anyways, onto the story!

Life wasn't easy after outbreak day. People died. A lot of people. They were either killed by the infected or became infected themselves. It was chaos, but people came to terms with the way the world was now. People banded together to form thriving communities; they came together to survive.

A few communities worked much like small towns from the old days-there were generators for power, houses were fixed up so occupants could live within them,  greenhouses homed crops, there were playgrounds and even stables for horses. You found yourself in one of these communities at the age of 14, being saved from an infected while a team from said community was out on patrol.

You had lost your older sister and mom. You barricaded yourself in a house after your sister told you to run-so you did. You were exhausted by the time the patrol team came, face soaked in tears and clothes caked in  blood from the infected and dirt; your body was drenched in sweat as you struggled to hold the bedroom door closed against the monster. Just as you were giving up, ready to accept your fate, the sound of a rifle being fired rang through the air.

They took you back to their group, a flourishing community they called Serenity. There were kids running around, and people walking about, chatting about their day. There were a bunch of houses of all shapes and sizes-there was even a bar and a bookstore (though, it operated more like a library since there was no real use for money anymore) And at this very bookstore is where you met Chaeryeong.

By the time two weeks had passed, you had adjusted very well to life in Serenity. You missed your mom and sister dearly, but you knew that the chances of seeing them alive ever again was slim-you just had to hope they would pop up in Serenity one day.  Everyone knew that Y/n was the girl who holed herself up in the bookstore on the f/c beanbag in a corner.

Well, at least you thought everyone knew.

One particular day, you went to go pick up the book you left on hold called "The Friskative Dog." Looking forward to finishing it today, you strolled over to your sacred beanbag, but you froze when you saw a red-haired girl around your age nestled comfortably within it. She was reading a book of her own.

You were conflicted. You didn't know what to say. You didnt want to be mean and make her get up, but you didn't want to share it either. You clutched your book at your side,  a pit growing in your stomach as nervousness washed over you. You were about to just leave and come back another day when she spoke to you.

"Oh, did you want to sit here?" she asked sweetly, her dark eyes looking up at you. You shook your head frantically, feeling your book slip from your sweaty hands.

"N-no, I'll just go sit somewhere else!" And scurried away without another word.

It was the same thing for the next couple of days, she would be sitting in your beanbag, and you would just leave. It went on like that until she stopped you from leaving.

She invited you to sit with her in that spot, pulling up another bean bag and giving you yours back. 

And that's how you became acquainted and eventually, friends.

It was on a patrol where she confessed her feelings for you. Once people in the community turned 18, they had the option to become scouts. You and Chae joined the more experienced scouts on supervised patrols, and eventually they began to trust you guys to head out by yourselves. On one particular summer patrol, you and her were tasked with clearing out a couple of buildings that were about a half an hour horse ride away from Serenity. Some infected snuck up on her, knocking her over. You shot it in its head just in the nick of time, and with a round face splattered in inhuman blood, she looks up at you and blurts out: “Oh my god I love you.”

And here we are in the present day, the two of you sharing a horse  (whom you named Sucrose) as she silently trekked on a path through a lush woodland. You held the reins as Chae leaned against you back, arms wrapped loosely around your waist.

“Y/n~ It’s hot out here,” She whined as she wiped her sweaty face on your t-shirt. 

“I know. Whining about it isn’t gonna cool you down, though.” She groaned, unfastening the canteen on her waist, throwing her head back to take a hearty sip. She then screwed the cap back on and pulled a map of the local from her pocket. “Let’s see…” 

“Do you think we’re getting closer to that flower farm?” You asked her as she squinted at the paper in her hands. 

“Maybe? According to Daniel’s map we should be on the right path…We did walk past that tipped over statue half an hour ago.”

The two of you were on a well deserved vacation from Serenity, Daniel (an older guy who’s a self proclaimed adventurer who's apparently been all over) having given you a couple maps and suggested you visit a large field of wildflowers for your guy’s trip, giving you guys a couple marked up maps to help guide you a little. Sucrose snorted, and you patted her silky brown coat. 

“Uh oh.” You pulled back, causing the horse to stop as you came upon a crossroad.  “Here, turn this way.” Chaeryoung, slightly taller than you, placed her wrists atop of yours and guided the reins to the right.

“I can drive the horse myself,” you say, feeling your body warm up at her touch.

“Drive?” She chuckled as Sucrose trotted down the dirt path that veered right. Moments later, your mount emerged from the woods, stepping out into a rainbow colored field of flowers. 

“Woah…” You both said in unison as you led Sucrose through the field. Butterflies fluttered around each other here and there, and a few birds rose from the ground your horse walked on.

“This is so pretty,” She said as gripped your shoulder to bend down and run her hand through the tall grass and flowers.

“Look, we can set up at that little house over there,” you said, pointing at a beat up abandoned cottage a short distance away.

After securing the perimeter, your and your girlfriend settle down comfortably in the cottage. 

“This place seems like its out of a fairy tale,” she says as she sits criss-cross (applesauce) on the patio outside across from you, opening up a sandwich you guys packed for the trip while you drank some water. Sucrose grazed on some flowers a short distance away.

“I know, glad we listened to Daniel…for once.” You both chuckled as you ate and drank. She took some time to admire you. You were leaned back on your arm as you drank. Your shirt hugged your body thanks to the sweat from being outside in the heat for a few hours. Her eyes lingered on your lips, wrapped around the canteen of water as you drank. When you threw your head back up, catching her gaze, you smirked.

“See something you like?” Her eyes roamed your body bashfully before she tucked a few strands of red hair behind her ear. 

“Maybe I do.” She crawled up to you, as you were still leaning back on your arm until both her arms straddled you. She pushed forward, turning her head towards the side as she pressed her warm lips onto yours. Slowly, she eased you onto your back, prompting you to run your fingers through her red hair. 

“Mm,” you breathed as she eased your head onto the patio, using her hand as a cushion. Her other hand cupping your cheek and brushing her thumb over the side of your face.

“Chae~”

“Hm?” She pulled back, catching her breath and resting her forehead onto yours. 

“I love you, a lot.” She smiles, kissing you once more. Looking you in the eyes, she says:

“I love you to the ends of the earth.”

[suckmyshlock]

DIVORCE DOUBLE FEATURE

Possession (1981) & Skinamarink (2023)

a double-analysis of movies with doubles; a coupling of stories about separation.

Forty years apart, Possession (dir. Andrzej Żuławski) and Skinamarink (dir. Kyle Edward Ball) tell stories about the horrors of home life. Like mirror images of one another, both films utilize similar motifs and themes to describe the slow disintegration of a family unit, Possession by focusing on the parents, and Skinamarink as told by children. Paired together, this slow-burning ache of a double-feature will light your skin up in a cold fire and take you back to a place of child-like helplessness and surrender.

Art doesn't change anything but people, but people go out and change the world. Art is nonthreatening, but the person who is given ideas by art is one of the most threatening figures we know. And that is why art that is about communication and relationships is so strong; through depictions of the bonds that are possible between people, a special bond is formed between the work and the viewer. This is the heart of the power that lies in films like Possession and Skinamarink, and this is also the weakness. Because film is not only - or not always - art. The general audience does not walk into a movie with the same awareness that they carry into a museum. But art, like relationships, demands full attention. It demands you to be carried away, to be lost. Possession and Skinamarink are art films, and they necessarily ask for your full surrender, your suspension of self. Art is a lover we get lost in. Art gives us ideas. Nothing could be scarier or sharper than that.

Let's get into it.

Possession tells the story of a couple in the process of separation. After returning home from a long job, main character Mark finds his home life irrevocably changed. His wife, Anna, is like a different person. There's somebody else, and she wants a divorce. Their young son, Bob, is caught in the center, oft-neglected, barely on screen, though the knowledge of his presence permeates the film - Mark and Anna's responsibility for him and his uncertain future adding a distinct tension to their relationship that prevents them from ever separating fully. A family of expats in the backdrop of divided Berlin, Mark and Anna live a divided existence, both together and apart, striving to get closer as they each try to get away.

Skinamarink is the feature debut from low-budget filmmaker Kyle Edward Ball (check out his Nightmares series on Youtube). Ostensibly a found-footage style analog horror from the perspective of children, Skinamarink takes place in a home already divided; opening with a phone call between father and mother, where it is implied only the father still lives in the house. Following a sleepwalking accident, the children awake to discover their father is missing, and other things are gone from their house too. The doors and windows to outside are the first to disappear, and others are soon to follow.

Like Bob in Possession, Kevin and Kaylee are rarely given screentime in Skinamarink, but the film is drenched in their presence. All three children are quite young, old enough to walk and talk but too little to be left alone. They are reliant on adults to move through the world, and in the absence of parental figures to guide them they float in a sort-of nonexistence, blithely accepting what comes. This is what makes Skinamarink in particular so terrifying. I'm delighted that I had the opportunity to see this in a theater, because this type of fear cannot be fully experienced unless we are dwarfed by the screen. Its cinematography, filled with bizarre close-ups, handheld camerawork, and distant ambient shots of floors and ceilings, places us in the position of children, where even a house is huge - big enough to be the whole world. The effect forces us into passivity; like children, we are helpless. We are forced to surrender to whatever happens, and it is the lack of control, more than anything, that scares us. Kevin and Kaylee, like many children of divorce (myself included) are forced to navigate this trauma by themselves, and they are wholly unprepared for the task, with little understanding of what's happening to them. All they truly understand is they are alone.

I'm reminded of a similar scene in Possession, when Mark returns home for the first time after leaving Anna, to find Bob alone in the apartment, covered in food. "You've been alone for a while, haven't you?" he says, and Bob nods. Bob is too young to know just how grievous his mother's error, but in his face we see it: his relief that his father is back, the fear that he may have been abandoned. This is one of the only scenes in which Bob is prominently featured. Though he is often discussed, Bob is an obstacle in Mark and Anna's relationship more than he is a person. Their child is a symbol of the part of their relationship that refuses to die: their connection to each other that they are desperate to nurture just as strongly as they long to escape.

That both films take place in enclosed spaces is no accident. The house, the apartment, the prominent placement of the Berlin wall - all are representatives of the boundary of the body and human connection. They show us how something that once brought us safety and belonging can just as easily become a prison. This, too, is a statement on helplessness, and the loss of control over our lives.

Perhaps most interestingly, both films also feature supernatural elements. These are framed as natural progressions of the story, and not directly pointed out as other. In Possession, it is eventually revealed that Anna's lover is not who we first think it to be, but is instead a grotesque creature not entirely human. In the climax of the film, the creature leaves the boundary of the apartment where Anna hides it, and enters the world as Mark. Wearing Mark's face, the creature is a double. He is Anna's creation - the perfect Mark. Anna has her own double in this film, too. Bob's teacher, who Mark develops a connection with, also wears Anna's face. In the position as Bob's primary caretaker, considering the lack of parental care he receives at home, Bob's teacher is the surrogate mother - the perfect Anna.

Skinamarink, too, features parental doubles. Following the disappearance of their father, Kevin and Kaylee spend the majority of their time downstairs, in front of the television. But that doesn't stop their occasional trips upstairs, to the bedrooms, where something both familiar and foreign lurks. Kaylee, the oldest, is the first to succumb to these forces. The dark thing inside their house alternately takes the form of the children's father and their mother, speaking to the children in their parents voices, giving them increasingly upsetting commands. Come upstairs, look under the bed, put the knife in your eye. When Kaylee refuses, the creature takes her mouth away - a clear symbol of the one piece of agency a child has, the voice, being stripped away.

The doppelganger has various meanings within horror. It has origins in many ancient myths, and has been highly theorized throughout history - relating to Freud's theory of the uncanny. In Possession and Skinamarink, stories of relationships and disintegration, lack of agency and control, the doubles are mirrored inversions of the original parents. In Skinamarink, the nurturing parents are taken away, and replaced with a destructive force. In Possession, Mark and Anna are the destructors, and their doubles, framed as the perfect non-threatening versions of their own partners, are both eventually abandoned by Mark and Anna, who find that they prefer the dysfunctional comfort of each other. Only the children, Kevin, Kaylee, and Bob, continue to be themselves, perhaps due to the inherent formlessness of childhood - they cannot be split, because they are not yet whole.

Both slow-moving films, light on plot and heavy on visuals, Skinamarink and Possession tell heart-wrenching stories of abandonment and neglect. They carry the distinct air of loss inside of them, and are films that leave room - movies that we walk away from desiring something we cannot have. They are stories of how, sometimes, things are taken away from us, and there is nothing we can do to stop it. No matter our age or how secure we may feel, anything can be lost in an instant, and we don't have to understand why. This is one of mankind's most primal fears. It's why, forty years later, Possession continues to be hailed as a cult-classic and why - I'm calling it now - forty years from now Skinamarink will too. Neither film is for everyone; they won't sit well with a general audience - I approach recommending them with caution. But for the viewer with the right mindset, one who is willing to surrender, they are films that you will not easily forget.

Possession is currently streaming on Shudder. Skinamarink is out in theaters now.

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley)(Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 37

She had admitted it. Out loud. To a stranger. She said I was her girlfriend, I think to myself while I lay sprawled out on my bed.

"I'm her girlfriend..." I whisper out loud, trying to make it sound real. It is so hard to grasp that I'm officially dating one of the hottest, prettiest, most stunning girls I've ever met in my life.

I roll over in bed to lay on my side. I tuck my hands under my head and stare towards my bedroom window. I have no curtains, so it's a nice clear view outside. The darkness of the outdoors is only relieved by the shine of the full moon and many stars speckled across the sky. The whole night has been replaying in my head, over and over. I've never experienced such a magical night before or one as eventful.

Sam, Abigail, and Sebastian weren't mad that we ditched their performance and understood we did what we had to do. They were just glad Haley was alright and that I gave that guy a lesson.

Nearly the whole town is scared of me and doesn't want to get on my bad side now that they heard of what I did. But, of course, I would never punch anyone unless they were deserving of it. Lots of people aren't going to even think of disagreeing with Haley if I'm around now.

The next morning, I go to do my usual routine. Water the crops, check the chickens, then the mailbox. I don't have nearly as many crops now due to it being fallen and many of my summer crops died off. I never did plant some of this season's crops, but there are a few of the things I really wanted. Plus, I don't have a lot of room on this farm anymore due to me going a bit overboard with my project. It's extended way past the point I planned for it to be. I'm going to have to invite Haley over soon before autumn ends and it all dies off.

I rush inside to write a quick note that I'll leave in Haley's mailbox sooner than later, but when I check my own mailbox, there is yet another letter from Mayor Lewis.

Dear Danny,

One week from today, we are holding the Stardew Valley Fair in the town square!

It's the biggest event of the year, drawing people from all across the country to our humble town.

If you'd like, you can set up a grange display for the event. Just bring up to 9 items that best showcase your talents. You'll be judged on the quality and diversity of your display.

The fair starts at 9 AM... don't miss it!

-Mayor Lewis

"Are you fucking kidding me. I already had a hard enough time picking out one thing for the Luau, now I have to pick nine different things? My Yoba!" I shouted defeatedly, shaking my head in exasperation. I CANNOT catch a break in this town.

But then an idea pops into my head. Last time I had Elliot, Leah, Haley, and Emily help me pick out the items...this time I should get everyone involved. It will be a cute, fun hangout that gets everyone involved and helping if they'd like to.

I ran back inside to start writing invites to put in everyone's mailbox. I have no idea who I am meant to be competing with, so I'm going to be nice and write one for everyone to start. I don't really care if I give away what items I'll be displaying, I just want to have fun and host an event for everyone to participate in. It'll kind of be like my "Thank you for welcoming me into your town" kind of thing.

After each letter has been addressed and folded neatly, I burst out my front door and set off around the town to deliver each note to everyone. My route will start up at the mountains to Robin's place first, and then I'll make my way down to Haley and Emily's place last for no particular reason.

I was up early enough that nobody was awake yet for the majority of my journey. I was able to sneak around town with no one bothering me about what I was doing thankfully. I did take long enough though that by the time I reached Haley and Emily's house, Emily was awake and answered the door when I knocked. I knew that meant Haley should be up now as well, which means I planned my timing perfectly.

"Hey Danny. What brings you here?" Emily greets me.

"I was hoping to invite you and Haley to my place tomorrow to help me gather things to display for the fair. I Invited the whole town to make it a big event, but having you guys there would make it the best," I explain.

As I was explaining, I kept trying to look behind Emily to see Haley. However, she does not make an appearance.

"We would love to go! That is such a good idea to get everyone involved. I'm sure the town would love to do something like that at your farm..."

"But?" I could sense uncertainty in Emily's voice that made me think she was going to say something contradictory.

"But Haley doesn't seem to be feeling so well today. It's hard to say if she will be feeling better tomorrow. The... uhhhh...girlhood fairy paid her a visit this morning if you catch my drift."

"Ahhh I see. Can I come in and see her, or is she not in the mood?" I awkwardly twist my fingers around, hoping Emily will say yes.

Instead, Emily just opens the door wider to let me in. I excitedly bounce my way inside and to Haley's room where I knock gently on the door.

"Emily, I told you to leave me alone for the day!" I hear her shout through the door to me.

"Um... it's actually Danny," I responded.

"Oh! Come in!" Her voice chippers up.

I push open the door to find Haley cozied up in her blankets in bed. Only her head is peaking up above the covers to see me enter.

Being a little too rough, I, for some reason, decided it would be a good idea to dive into bed with her. That causes Haley to groan and roll away from me.

"Oh I'm sorry Haley. I didn't mean to bother you," I utter sadly. "I was just wondering if you want to come over tomorrow and help pick out some display things for me for the fair next week? I invited everyone in town to make it a whole shebang, but if you aren't feeling well enough I understand." I rub my hand along her arm and then wrap her up in an embrace, making sure to put pressure on her lower stomach to help with cramps. I was also hoping my warmth will be helpful as well.

She seems to relax slightly after I do that for her, but she doesn't roll over quite yet. "I'll see how I feel tomorrow," Haley says as she starts scratching my hand that's holding her stomach gently. She takes a deep breath and leans into me.

I let her lay against me for a few minutes before giving her a kiss on her head and getting up.

"I've gotta get everything set up for tomorrow, but I really wish I could stay," I pout as I head for the door. Haley opens up her blanket, revealing a very sheer nightgown. It makes me stop in my tracks for a minute, taking in every aspect of her fine body. I start to involuntarily bite my lip and smirk as I think about staying. I snap out of it as I remember why she isn't feeling well in the first place.

"Hey, that's not fair. As tempting as it is, I'm no vampire," I chuckled as Haley sighs and tucked the blanket back around her.

"I guess I'll let you go then. I'll see you later Danny," she blows me a little kiss and goes back to wallowing in pain.

[ltwharfy]

1, 8, 11, 12 (for the fandom ask game)

List 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)

The "Bob's Burgers" fandom is creative- I'm often blown away by the fanart, fics, headcanons, and other forms of creativity on display.

It's pretty good natured- even when folks disagree about things or don't like certain characters, episodes, ships, etc., they are never really that nasty about it.

And it's pretty funny- a lot of the posts from folks in the fandom make me chuckle, which is good because we're talking about a comedy show and if I wanted social media that made me depressed or angry I'd go back to following politics on Twitter.

(Note: This is discussing the "Bob's Burgers" fandom as I've experienced it on tumblr. It sounds like Facebook, Reddit and other places may not be as great. Which is why I limit my Facebook use to interacting with folks I actually know and limit my Reddit use to none.)

8. You hope more people will come to appreciate...

Peter Pescadero. I think he might be the most underrated recurring character on the show. He's pretty much always doing something interesting and has a lot of killer lines. I'd love it if he showed up more often and his friendship with Gene was established more.

11. If you are an artist or a writer, what piece of art are you proud of making?

I could probably (hopefully) give reasons I'm proud of all of my fics, but I think I'll single out "For the Boy Who Has (Allergies to) Everything" here. This is my "House of 1,000 Bounces" prologue telling the story of how the Belcher kids came up with the idea of getting Rudy a pepper spray holster to use for his asthma. This was my first time writing Belcher sibling dialogue and I really enjoyed it. I think some of the lines I give Gene the funniest things I've written, and overall I feel like out of all my fics this is the one that could be most easily turned into a scene from an actual episodes. (Not that that is the goal of fic, but it's still fun to write something that feels like that.)

Also, I want to promote it as it is one of my least read stories about Rudy and Louise, probably because I only tagged it under the friendship tag not the romance tag (but that makes sense-to me- because it is set before "Bob Actually"...)

12. Compliment someone else in your fandom

I enjoy @dianadeadwing's art sooooooo much! I think I end up reblogging basically everything she shares! She does things in a number of different styles and they are all wonderful!

In particular, her "Adventure" painting for Day 2 of Roudise Week might be my favorite piece of "Bob's Burgers" fanart ever. If I could buy a print or a poster of it, I would. It bounces around in my brain occasionally like I am trying to think up a fic idea inspired by it, but i haven't gotten much further than "something about this makes me think of some Gaslight Anthem songs..." But maybe someday!

[dreamspelunker]

The Art of Dread: A Case for Skinamarink

The most common criticisms I’ve heard of the indie horror flick Skinamarink comes in two flavors. One says that it needed tighter editing and could’ve been about half an hour shorter. The harsher sentiment is that it was just outright too slow and boring. At the theater viewing I went to, the guy sitting next to us fell asleep. I overheard another group laughing about how one of their own was jostled awake halfway through because she also faded out at the beginning.

Me, I was riveted to this movie. I could not tear my eyes away. From moment one, I knew I was about to enter a different theatrical experience. So I sank back into my seat and allowed myself to be abducted. And I came out of this movie unable to get it out of my craw.

I’m a horror movie buff. I love a good creepshow. My tastes vary, but in general, the kind of horror I enjoy is either campy or artful. Either give me a good time, or really put me through the wringer. Skinamarink is firmly in the latter. It is art in the most literal sense. As such, it won’t be for everyone, but everyone should watch it at least once.

***From here on, this will be a spoiler-rich discussion. I’m going to get into themes around this movie. If you haven’t seen it already, I really, really, really cannot stress enough that you should go into it knowing next to nothing. It’s a movie to be experienced, and the less you know, the more it will destroy you on its way out. So go submit yourself to it before you read on, and be warned.

Also, CW for discussions about abuse and extremely doom-pilly thoughts.

As we left the theater, I overheard a girl Cinema Sins-style dinging certain details to her friends. “All I could think about was the kid’s rations,” she said. One of them laughed at her a bit, teasing her about her use of the word rations. What I thought as I passed her was, Girlfriend, that’s all it took to take you out of the movie??

Someone that literal-minded was never going to enjoy the experience of watching Skinamarink. The best way to approach a movie like this is best described in this clip from The Big Chill:

This movie is about the vibes. The plot is extremely minimal, basically summed up in the one line synopsis displayed on every showtime: “Two children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.” That is the movie right there. You literally sit and watch that idea unfold.

It’s similar to the work of Junji Ito in sense that the main character is the concept itself. The actual people on screen aren’t really the main focus, nor is any sort of identifiable plot. Instead, the film places you inside itself almost existentially. The camera shows shots of things around the rooms of the house. Light fixtures. Toys on the floor. Angles of doors and baseboards. The impenetrable darkness of unlit interiors. All weird, off-putting angles that look like you just lied down on the floor and are staring up at nothing in particular. Dialogue is delivered off-screen, and most of the action is done through shots of feet or objects moving in and out of frame. Most of the time, all you can hear are the sounds of movement, and through most of the film, you’re never really sure who exactly is moving. There is no soundtrack, no music except through diegetic noise, and there’s a quality to the way the sounds were recorded that has a strange uncanniness. It’s very similar to the experience of watching the work of Jan Svankmajer, a Czech stop-motion director known for his creepy surrealist style. Nothing ever sounds or looks quite right.

Due to the VHS effect layered over the entire film, every shot, especially the darkest ones, becomes a constant source of anxiety. I was reminded of an Hbomberguy video produced about five years ago about the effect VHS has on the viewing experience. I highly recommend watching the whole thing, but for a brief snippet, the relevant part for what I’m talking about is between 10:55 - 12:30.

Skinamarink utilizes this visual to constantly trick your eyes into thinking something might be moving when it isn’t. Or is it? You stare at the screen long enough, and the low-res quality just on its own begins to look like a mass of squirming maggots. Even when nothing’s there, something’s there, and it creates a strange constant anxiety that kept me on the edge of my seat the entire runtime.

This quality is the reason why I think that cutting the movie with tighter editing would be doing it a disservice. Yes, it’s a slow burner. Even while I was watching it I knew this one will be a hard to get through a second time. It is an incredibly slow movie. But the slowness is part of the point. You stare into the void, and see what you need to see. If it were trimmed down, that would give you relief, and this movie is not here to relieve you. It forces you into a headspace where you are dragged into watching babies exist in the presence of an evil that is never seen or named. The whole time, you keep up hope for an end. You keep thinking, where’s this going? You watch this horrible thing torment them and mutilate them and do whatever it wants with them, and you keep on watching, holding out on that hope for a plot will come along and save them, and bring some salient point. It is only towards the end, with maybe fifteen or twenty minutes to go, when the words 572 DAYS comes up on screen, that you realize this movie was never going to give you hope.

This is the art of dread. It’s reminiscent of the classic short story I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream (in the case of Kaylee, it’s literally that). It’s that idea of being completely helpless before a power that can and will do whatever terrifying thing it wants, and what it wants is to hurt you, and there is no escape. There is no death, there is no time, there is no relief. There is only a cycle of pain and suffering, as seen in the shot of the blood splatters that appear and disappear only to reappear again as Kevin screams while this evil fucking thing laughs. It’s horrible and gruesome, and its effectiveness relies entirely on having spent the last hour and a half watching this inevitable doom slowly crawl towards these children from the dark.

I walked out with two interpretations of this. One is the most literal, that being of domestic abuse. Children by default have no power, and if their parents hurt them, they have no way to escape. There’s heavily implied tension between the father and mother, one the kids obviously pick up on. There seems to be something in particular with the mother. Kaylee explicitly states at one point that she doesn’t want to talk about her. So either she abandoned them due to divorce, or is never around because of work, or, perhaps, actively hurts them in some way, either emotionally or physically. Obedience is a feature of the kids’ behavior, with the evil telling Kevin he took away Kaylee’s mouth because she didn’t do as she was told. The voice is always calling to them from the darkness, and the children do as it says despite being terrified of it or hurting themselves. As if they have no choice. As if they are compelled. It is a behavior children often demonstrate with their parents, even if their parents are unreliable or downright violent to them. Again, I’m drawn to that shot of the blood splatter appearing and reappearing on the ceiling, and I think of the cycles of hurt from the ones we love, on a doomed repeat over and over.

The second interpretation I have is much broader and more abstract. It’s important that the movie states outright at the very beginning that is was made during covid lockdown. When else could a movie like this have been made? That feeling of being trapped permeates this movie to its core. It is the plot, it is the theme, it is the reflection of the real world on display. Beyond covid, though, I think this movie captures a pervasive sense of dread most people have about the world. Everyone seems to have this feeling that something is wrong with the world. Something has gone awry. Something is on the edge of collapse or apocalypse, and there’s a powerlessness that accompanies that. There is no escape from climate change. There is no escape from economic systems that oppress the most vulnerable. Society is a house with no windows or doors, and most days, it feels like all we can do is just sit and wait for the inevitable to happen. The director Kyle Edward Ball said that his inspiration was recurring motives in nightmares, but I think in general these nightmares are manifestations of powerlessness. And that can take form in any shape, at any age.

Throughout the movie, the TV is on constantly, always playing cartoons and providing the only solace from the otherwise dark house. To me, this reads as being about the sanctuary we find in media. When we have no escape in our lives, the books, movies, or social media sites we retreat to become that for us. We find power through the lives and stories of others, whether they are real or not. And it can be fine, even healthy to retreat into that. However, the darkness lies in wait always. In the movie, the light of the TV is the only place the kids can get away from the evil in the house - until it isn’t. Eventually, the evil destroys even that. One of the last lines of the movie is poor little Kevin asking, “Can we watch something happy?”

You can watch something happy. But it will never fully protect you. And that is the dread that squirmy darkness on the screen constantly envelops around you. There will be no resolution to this. Do not hope for it. That is the horror behind it all.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #046

(from yesterday)

To whom did you last give the finger? Probably Girt, haha. But playfully of course. What song was last stuck in your head? "Rein raus" by Rammstein is a WILD fuckin ride but man what a jam Where did you last sign your name? Eye doctor. Who was the last person to whom you spoke on the phone for over an hour? Holy shit, I don't think I've done that since the night I talked to Jason's mom in the middle of the night... How was the last egg you ate prepared? Scrambled. Where was the last road construction through which you drove? Literally RIGHT at my sister's house, haha. The road was closed for some piping work, but since there was no other way to her house, we obviously were allowed to drive through. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? My dad. In what kind of car did you last have an accident? We had a van then. What animal did you last pet or hold? Pet, my cat. Hold, I think our dog. To what song did you last sing along? I have no idea. Have you ever wanted to watch a scary movie with someone JUST to have an excuse to be close to them? No; horror movies don't affect me like that. If your best friend liked your ex, what would you do? Idk, other than be upset. I do not want to date someone who's cool with how toxic she was to me as well as after the fucking message she sent me. Do you think you were well-raised? Yeah, for the most part. Is Thanksgiving an important holiday to you? Who did you spend last Thanksgiving with? No, I literally hate Thanksgiving bc its origins are gross. Mom and I always go to my sister's place, and her husband's family comes there too. Are you a believer in “signs” from the universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No; the universe doesn't give a shit about me or anyone else. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? She loves him. If somebody tried to steal your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend, what would you do? ... I'm my best friend's girlfriend lmao Has someone promised you something and broke it? Yeah, although to be entirely fair who hasn't at some point. Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? Sure don't. Most people though, yes. Can you dry swallow pills? Only some, but I don't like doing it. Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? Not just because of that, no. What’s the last reason you held someone’s hand? I think it was my youngest niece, making me follow her somewhere. I think. Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No. A very minor one did happen where I live when I was in the 5th grade though; I was on a field trip hours away though so didn't feel it. I totally remember activity just coming to a full stop at the zoo, though; everyone was suddenly on their phones, I'm guessing from family checking in. If you were in the hospital, do you think any of your exes would come see you? No. None of them would even know. What do you have in common with the last person you kissed? A lot. We like the same music, for one. We both love video games. Do you like being called baby? I don't HATE it if Girt says it, but it's definitely not high on my list of names I like being called. Have you ever slept in the same bed of the opposite sex? Plenty of times. What do you think of your best friend's ex? She cheated on him, so nothing good. Granted, this was over a decade ago, so I mean, maybe she's developed into a better person. What’s your favorite feature of the last person who kissed you? His smile could replace the sun. Probably be brighter than it. What bugs you about the last person you dated? Oh, you know, the whole "she's a Nazi" thing. Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you? He means the world to me. Have you ever kissed a brown eyed person? Everyone I've kissed has had brown eyes, actually. Well, maybe. I don't remember what color Tyler's eyes are. Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Yep. Where did your last hug take place? My sister's house. Are you taller than your mom? No; we're basically the same height. Have you ever felt replaced? Oh yes. A feeling I will never forget that best encompasses the feeling in my experience is waking up one morning, going on Facebook, and seeing Jason was in a new relationship really not that long after we broke up. We were still "friends" on there at the time, but uh, not for much longer. Have you ever been tied up? Ha ha no. How many times have you been cussed out? At least once to my face. Are you anyon​e’​​​​s first​ love?̴ No. Well... I MIGHT be Sara's? I honestly don't know. Who’s the last person you called a bitch? *shrug* Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most? No. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Do you have more than one personality? No. Have you ever considered acupuncture? No. Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological, for sure. Who do you text the most, or do you like to text at all? I basically only text my mom. Do you have a favorite obsession? Oh jesus right now it is VERY strongly Rammstein lmao. My mom recently pointed out that she'd noticed I'd been playing almost solely them in the car lately and I was like........ girl you should be in my head when I'm NOT in the car lmfao they're like all I listen to now. How do you feel about Hot Topic? Love the place. Wish we had one in my local mall. What color was the last fish you had? I have zero memory of the last time we had fish as pets. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Does your animal sleep with you? Roman usually does, yes. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? Yes, for the <2 hours I worked in a deli. Do you have any baby pictures of yourself on your computer? No. Do you eat onion rings? No. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rock Band? Absolute top of the list is probably "Hotel California" by The Eagles, like the ending solo especially is a blast on Expert, and "King Nothing" by Metallica is also a load of fun on that difficulty too. Who was the last person outside of family that told you they loved you? My boyfriend. Do you take any prescription meds? A disgusting amount for someone my age. Is your mum the type to pressure you to have grandchildren? Not at all; she expects no grandkids from me. What was the last video you added to your favorites on YouTube? I just checked and it's this fucking video of Rammstein's rhythm guitarist Paul fake crying in Till's arms because his pyrotechnic arm wasn't working lmfao he is so precious, protect this bean Who were the last four people to text you? Mom, my big sister, dad, then little sister. Do you have any morbid interests? Quite a few, probably most notably that I like to photograph roadkill. Been a long time since I've done it, though... I really should take my camera out again when I ride with Mom. Those shots were very well-received in the vulture culture community. Do you like potato salad? No. Do you enjoy being a tease? Haha not as much as when I was a teenager, but sometimes it happens. Who was the last person you caught lying to you? Sara in her lovely note she sent me awhile back. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? I never have been before, but granted, I never drove much. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? Nope, not my jam. Have you ever regretted having sex with someone? Can't regret having it when I've never done it in the first place, so. I don't regret people I've been sexual with, though. Kissed someone of the same sex? Yep. Had sex with someone and called them the wrong name? I would NOT be alive if I ever did bc I woulda died on the spot lmfao Have you ever been in an adult toy store? No, that would be insanely uncomfortable to me. Ever had unprotected sex? No, I am not fucking with my bad luck and winding up pregnant. I would NOT carry it to term and an abortion would traumatize me so yeah I'm staying safe. Ever had sex with someone in the room? I would never, that'd be so fucking awkward. That's private business to me. Where do you wish you were right now? With Girt. I miss him a whole lot; he still isn't feeling too great. Have you picked out flower petals, saying, "He loves me, he loves me not?" No. Are you a small town girl, or from the big city? Small town girl, livin' in a LOOOOONELY WOOO-OOOORLD. Do you ever look in the mirror and are surprised by how good you look? Hell fuckin' no, I wish. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My dad's I think oldest daughter that I don't know is. Her schizophrenia and name are all I really know about her. Why do girls like six-packs? What’s wrong with a soft pillowy tummy? This is a very presumptuous question; not all girls care about what someone's stomach looks like. I personally don't care if someone's ripped or has a prominent stomach. Are you feminine, masculine, or quite androgynous? I guess feminine in appearance, but I'd say my interests and such are more androgynous if we're following stereotypical guidelines. Have you ever read any self-help books? No, they're not something I have fun reading. Do you thank the bus driver? I don't take a bus anywhere, but if I did, I absolutely would. Not doing so is a pretty garbage thing to do. Show some appreciation for people doing jobs that must be done and yet don't pay enough. How did you and your first best-friend meet? Our older sisters were best friends, actually. Do you like short hair on girls? UGGGGHHHHHHH YES. Pixie cuts especially are fucking cocaine. How about long hair on guys? mmmmmmmmmmmm that's some GOOD SHIT Are you scared of needles? ... Confession time, I've been getting weird about getting my blood drawn and especially getting shots lately, eheh. And yet a piercing or tattoo needle brings me comfort and happiness. Idk how the hell to explain the logic, I just don't like the idea of something really sharp digging deep through layers of my skin. The last time I had to get blood tests done, my vein even hid because my anxiety was up. They had to resort to my other arm. It's so weird and even embarrassing to admit when you're totally cool with needles for cosmetic purposes. What is currently the most tan spot on your body right now? Nowhere.

[skullfacedog]

in the past I’ve kinda wondered whether my attachment to the idea of traumacore/being a victim of csa and kind of showing symptoms and some other things was caused by a past life where I experienced csa or current life trauma that I have no memory of and I’ve been gradually accepting that I likely have repressed trauma from daycare but just today I realized it very well could be both. so that’s great. I rlly couldn’t get a break, I was traumatized and died young in my last life, only to be abused again at 5 years old after being reborn lol. thanks universe.

the reason I suspect I had a past life like this is that even as a kid I had dreams and memories of a house I’ve never been to, but growing up I just thought it was something I saw in movies, but it feels so weirdly nostalgic it’s hard to really tell whether it’s like fake/skewed memories from childhood movies or something I saw on tv or if my brain is just making shit up or if I’m actually remembering something from another life. and the past life theory is really starting to make sense because it seems to have taken place in the 80s/90s, a time period I’m very nostalgic for- which could partially be because I’m the youngest in my family and a ‘96 baby so I grew up with some 80s stuff and tv shows. but I keep coming back to this particular house, and it feels so real, as if I’ve seen it in person but I know for sure I haven’t, not in this life.

there’s also my weird attachment to hospitals. I have never been hospitalized. I mean, maybe if you count the time I got so dehydrated as a kid I passed out and had to go to the hospital but I didn’t stay overnight and I don’t remember it. I know what the hospital in my town looks like though, because I’ve been there a few times when my nieces and nephews were born. but I almost feel like I was hospitalized, like I must’ve stayed in the hospital for a long time, like I’d explored the empty halls myself at once point, but I know for certain I have not done any of that in this life. like, 100% certain. I’ve had to ask my parents if I’ve ever been hospitalized before for some checkup or whatever idk but I distinctly remember this bc I was a teen at the time and asked my mom bc I wasn’t sure if me injuring my leg counted as being hospitalized (I injured my leg when I was 10, also didn’t stay in the hospital overnight, don’t remember if I went to a hospital at all or just a doctor’s office?) and she told me about the time I was so dehydrated I passed out, but that was it. so why are hospitals nostalgic to me? no clue!

from what I’ve gathered from my scattered possible past life memories, I think I was a little girl with middle class parents and a nice room, was abused at some point, stayed in the hospital for a long time but no idea why or in what order these events happened, and seemingly died fairly young, like kid to teen age maybe. I kinda wonder if my brain won’t let me access my current-life abuse memories because my spirit remembers what happened last time and doesn’t want all that pain again. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d killed myself or self harmed enough that it lead to my death, just a hunch that it was either that or my abuser killed me. I hate not remembering but I have to be thankful to my brain for protecting me when it knows I’m not ready to handle the memories :/ sucks I was abused again in this life but at least I get another chance. idk. I’m normally in that state of “not suicidal but zero fear of death” but thinking about how I may have lived an even shittier life that was cut short before this one makes me not wanna mess things up this time :(

finally my delusion giving me a will to live /s

[one-systems-journey]

25.8.22

We only had one therapy session this week, my psych was sick & then the office flooded 😬 & it seemed to have been going for some time before anyone was in to notice.

We had to do Telehealth Thursday because of said flooding situation, but it seems like hopefully we’ll be back next week. The damage luckily wasn’t too extensive.

Being Telehealth we didn’t talk about anything too serious. I talked to her about cancelling with the more experienced DID therapist I had been planning on seeing. Generally parts seemed to be becoming more & more opposed to the idea, even though at least one person wanted it. I had thought that maybe because our defensive parts seemed to be so opposed to some of the work with our currently psych (due to lack of trust & thing going badly in the past), maybe they would be less activated with someone else. But that didn’t seem to be the case. The more anxious we got about these new appointments, the more the defensive parts were coming up being like ‘no, we’re not engaging with this person’. So, I guess that’s good for us to know. That they’re going to try to protect us no matter who we’re working with & it’s probably best to stay with our current psych who we trust, have a lot of familiarity with & we honestly have a lot more support from than we would from someone else. There is a small amount of I guess sadness, regret, something. We did really want to see if things could progress better with someone new. But I guess it wasn’t worth giving up what we have right now, for that chance. We also didn’t like that this new psych didn’t want us to continue to see our current psych for any reason. We had wanted to continue with her just for general support, so the work wouldn’t overlap. But she didn’t want us doing that. So, that’s that.

We also talked about someone we had watched on fb & how their struggles from her upbringing are relatable in so many ways. But it was frustrating because it bought up so many emotions, but we don’t have particular memories to go with them. I don’t know if it’s because of DID or because the neglect side of things from my experience was more subtle. There aren’t necessarily huge/significant events. It’s a day after day if not having needs met. Things that in ways, didn’t seem ‘significant’ at the time. I didn’t notice were ‘abnormal’. But it all added up to compound the traumatic experiences of my life. We talked about how often times psychs have focused on the early childhood abuse as the most important experience of my life. But I always said like ‘no, my experiences as a teenager of both abuse & neglect & other trauma affects me a lot more’. No one ever cared when I said that. I know know that I’m much better at dissociating from the early childhood trauma, so it seems ‘less bad’ but also I still live a lot of the teenage trauma. It’s my current trauma. So of course it’s hard to dissociate from & feels the most pressing. We talked about how we can process the feelings of this time, we don’t necessarily need an exact event & possibly as we process, parts will bring up memories. Hopefully we’ll do some work on that next week.

I also remember talking to her like ‘I’m struggling so much to leave the house & do what I need to do’. ‘I don’t understand because I don’t feel so awful as I did the last several weeks, so why can’t I do anything’. She made me realise that even though I’m not still in ‘crisis’, that doesn’t mean that everything is okay. It was validating. I did manage to get my dog Wes to the vet on Thursday for his arthritis injection, went to the chemist, & took us to the nurse at the doctors clinic today. I honestly feel like they were two massive achievements because of how hard they were.

I also stopped & got food both days just to make life a little bit easier. Food is an ongoing issue. Every time we’re struggling or young parts are close to the front, we really struggle with being able to find food that fits within the little ones very narrow area of food fussiness & also a lot of food has been making us feel nauseous &/or upsetting our stomach lately. So, just another difficult area to deal with. Here’s your reminder that it’s okay to do the thing that makes life a little bit easier. Buy that pre cut veggies, buy the take away, throw out the recycling you can’t bring yourself to clean, use paper products on plates to cut down on cleaning. Whilst I still think taking care of the planet is all our responsibilities, someday we can’t do everything. The best thing we can do is keep putting pressure on the big companies who ignore their massive role in destroying the world & give ourselves a little grace.

That’s my week. Progress in therapy & bit of an inclusion of where things are with my mental health.

[biggest-stupidhead]

Heyy!!

I dont think there's such think as semen donors in aot cannon?

BUT WHAT IF Captain Levi agrees to be the donor to squad leader (or just cadet) reader in a platonic relationship/eventual romance?

Just cute ackerbabies!

Lmao you’re probably right, no semen donors in canonverse. But I honestly love this idea so much, I feel like it would be hard for Levi to make that romantic connection so I could see him making that choice, and maybe it developing into something more!

Summary: Levi can’t wait any longer to start a family, and you are willing to take that step with him.

Word Count: 1.7K

__

You choked on the small sip of tea that you had taken. Catching the small drops of liquid that had escaped your lips.

“Come again now?” You managed to form words after a moment, Levi seemed uninterested as always, those charcoal grey eyes dull and apathetic.

“You heard me just fine, you know that I hate repeating myself.” He scoffed as he shifted so that his leg was crossed over his opposite knee,

“Yes I heard you but....marriage?” You were shocked to say the least. Levi had never shown any prior interest in any long term relationship with anyone, although the two of you had hooked up a handful of times.

“I don’t see why not. We already share a room, not to mention that we-”

“Okay I get it, just...it’s a big commitment and I’m not sure that I’m-”

“Oh please, what else do we have to look forward to anymore? No more fighting, no more political issues to deal with might as well settle down and...” He trailed off, his gaze cast downwards into his cup of tea, which was probably cold by now. You sighed deeply, placing your cup down gently and leaning back into the sofa that the two of you were seated on. His arm was slung casually across the back of the sofa, his finger tips ghosting over your shoulder.

“I know but Levi...marriage?” you were a bit disappointed. He had said it so casually, as if he was asking you if you wanted to run to the market to grab apples.

“If you don’t want to then just say no.” He snapped, clearly getting frustrated, he rose to his feet and began to march towards his desk. You chased after him, catching his wrist. You knew it was difficult for him to express himself, to put things lightly or being considerate to your feelings.

“It’s not that...I’m just a little caught off guard.” You admitted as you held his wrist gently. He let out a breath that he had seemed to have been holding in, he turned and laced his fingers through yours, his other hand diving into his pant pocket. You waited patiently for him to say something, but he only pulled out a small black box. Your heart skipped a beat, this was more how you had pictured being proposed to. He fell onto his knee and opened the box slowly, revealing a modest silver ring with a small diamond embedded in the ring.

“Oh Levi...” Your fingers were still laced with his as he knelt down, you squeezed his hand affectionately.

“I already bought the damn ring, just say yes.” He grunted, averting his gaze as his thumb glided over your knuckle.

“You have a point there.” You chuckled as you gave him a small nod, which was enough of a yes for him.

__

You were married by the end of the month, a simple court house wedding with Armin and Mikasa as your witnesses. Afterwards you had gone home and eaten dinner as usual. Just another week, except now the sex that you and Levi occasionally had, became a hell of a lot more regular. You had no complaints, or at least that was until you were hunched over the kitchen sink puking your guts out. You had missed your period as well, and it didn’t take a genius to know what that meant. You decided to wait until you were certain to tell anyone this however, seeing how difficult pregnancy could be, and the unlikeliness of carrying to full term seemed high.

So you made sure to go to the doctor twice before telling Levi that you were pregnant. He’d had a very similar reaction that you’d had when he had asked to marry you.

He choked on his tea, his hand flying to his chin to catch the liquid.

“Pregnant?” He repeated, and you nodded, leaning against the table where he was sitting.

“H-How long until...”

“Give or take seven months.” You shrugged, trying to put on a brave face, after seeing how frazzled he was you wanted to make this as casual as the rest of your relationship.

“So...we should probably start cleaning out that spare room and-” You cut him off by kneeling down and placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“We’ve got plenty of time for that, for now let’s just...enjoy not being responsible for a helpless shitty baby.” You said softly as you slowly sank onto his lap. He hummed his approval, but still seemed rightfully on edge.

“We can start cleaning the room in few weeks, there’s no rush.” You assured him as you scattered kisses across his sour face.

“I’ll start tomorrow.” Levi hummed as he tilted his head to the side.

__

Turned out that you were both in way over your head. Around 12 weeks into your pregnancy Hange was pressing her stethoscope to your rapidly swelling belly when she froze. Levi tensed when he noticed this, and you frowned.

“What is it?” Levi asked as he gripped the back of the exam table.

“Nothing’s wrong...just-”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.” Levi scowled as he watched Hange continue to feel around your stomach.

“That’s cause it isn’t nothing, I’m hearing two heart beats.” Hange told you as she stood to her full height.

“Two heart beats?” You felt feint at the news, you had known that twins ran in your family but you had never expected to have them yourself.  

“Yes, it appears that you are having twins” Hange said with a wide smile as she folded up the stethoscope. Your vision blurred, the worry that you had been experiencing prior to the appointment had doubled along with the number of children you were having. 

“No shit.” Levi replied breathily as he held your shoulder firmly. 

“If I were you guys I’d go clean out that room now.” Hange advised as she cleaned up the space that you had been using as a makeshift exam room in her office. 

“I’ll get right on that.” Levi said, shooting you a concerned look as he helped you up onto your feet. 

__

The twins were born premature, the labor itself wasn’t nearly as bad as you had expected. But you realized that it wasn’t that bad because of how small they were. The only reason that they both survived was thanks to the Marleyan medical equipment that had been shipped over courtesy of Zeke and Yelena. You and Levi spent countless hours in the hospital as you awaited for the twins to be discharged. In that window of time you decided on names, it was difficult but you decided on Harrison and Harper. You weren’t surprised to find that they both took after their father, dark bluish grey eyes with a full head of black hair. The one thing they seemed to have gotten from you was your facial structure and your complexion. 

It was a massive relief to bring them home, now instead of staying up until the wee hours in the hospital you could do it in the comfort of your own home. 

One particular evening you were walking laps with Harrison, gently patting his back as you bounced off of your heels as he cried. On your third lap around the entire cottage, you peeked into the nursery to see Levi reclined on the rocker with Harper fast asleep. His eyes were closed, his naked chest rising and falling evenly as he slept. You envied him as you rubbed circles on Harrison’s back once more. His cries slowly died out and you managed to drag yourself to your bed and place Harrison down gently. Using the extra pillows, you managed to make a small barrier between him and yourself as well as the edge of the bed. It wasn’t often that you got to do this, seeing as you usually slept with Levi. But Harrison seemed content with laying in his dad’s spot for the night. His big blue eyes were watching your hair sway over his face as you adjusted the pillows. He cooed and babbled for a few minutes before falling silent, his tiny breaths putting you at ease. 

It couldn’t have been but an hour later when the sound of Harper crying woke you once more. Levi was pacing around the same way that you had been earlier before he finally managed to put her at ease. He returned to your room to see you sitting up, Harrison fast asleep at your side. 

“Care to join us?” You asked, voice gruff with sleep, or rather the lack there of. 

“Would I ever.” Levi groaned as he placed Harper in the pillow barrier with Harrison who was still fast asleep. He managed to squeeze onto the bed, laying on his side like you were as the two of you watched Harper sooth herself into sleep. His gaze left the small baby in favor of studying your features. 

“What would you have done if I had never asked you to marry me?” The question caught you off guard, your fingers were tracing the soft features of your babies. You hummed in thought but the answer was already on the tip of your tongue. 

“I’d have asked you to marry me.” You said with a wry smile and Levi rolled his eyes at your cheesy reply. 

“That’s not what I meant...well not really.” Levi grumbled, you paused again in thought. What would you have done? Certainly no more military work, that chapter was over for you. 

“Maybe I’d open a bakery. My grandmother left me all of her recipes. What would you do?” You asked, finger running along the soft dark locks of hair that were growing from Harrison’s head. 

“I’d open a tea shop.” Levi answered quickly, his own gaze back on the babies, his hand resting on Harper’s stomach, rising and falling with her breathing. 

“Why don’t we just say fuck it and do it?” You asked, not sure if you were serious or if it was the lack of sleep talking. 

“There was that space for lease last time we went into town...” Levi offered thoughtfully. 

“Yeah, we could fix it up and open a cafe.” You said excitedly as you leaned over the sleeping babies in hopes of coaxing a kiss from Levi. He nodded in agreement before leaning over and planting a kiss to your lips. 

“We’ll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep.” Levi sighed as he stretched out on his side, and closing his eyes. You smiled and mirrored him, your hand resting on Harrison’s stomach now as well, your fingertips brushing his. 

You knew that you’d made the right choice. Marrying Levi was the best decision that you’d made in a long time. It may not look like the typical love story, but you knew that it was real, realer than most relationships. And you wouldn’t want to have it with anyone else. 

[k0kichiimagines]

hhshhckd saeran brain rot time

you can request other characters for this, including other versions of Saeran!

- mod kokichi

[GE] Saeran Choi N$FW alphabet

CWs: N$FW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Very soft, he usually gets a cloth to clean up and then holds you for a bit, fingers tracing your skin and whispering soft words to you. Sometimes falling asleep.

He'll run a bath afterwards, pretty bath bombs included.

At some point he may question what you enjoyed, mostly if you tried something new.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

At first he doesnt like anything about himself. He starts to love himself through how you love him, starting with his hands.. or more how his hands look on you.

On you ? Everything, but he loves your neck // collarbone when hes more in his Unknown persona, hips and thighs generally. He loves kissing or holding your hands during your moments as well.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He likes cumming inside or on the sheets, you'd have to ask him if you wanted it anywhere else tbh.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Probably when you first entered his life, and for the first time he started getting thoughts about someone. Not just feeling aroused, but feeling it towards someone in particular. Both Ray and Saeran felt nervous you would hate him if you found out.

Also unknown has an exhibition kink, i know this is GE saeran but i have to get it out there.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

No experience, I doubt he watches porn tbh but he did *some* research. He's not innocent on his kink knowledge.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Missionary! He loves having you close to him and having your front view exposed to him, seeing your face and etc. Any position he can see your face he likes.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He might make some light jokes here and there, very soft ones and not common. He might even softly tickle you in a teasing way once or twice. For him, sex is very intimate and loving and he wants to make it feel relaxed and stuff.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Okay i feel like this depends on what you hc happened to his hair. If you take the dye route, then no it's still red. I personally see it as being from the elixir, so i think it'd be white with some red here and there.

Yes i think he shaves every now and then, just trims when he's feeling lazy.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's so intimate and loving in everything you do together, especially so during sex. Even kinker stuff holds intimacy and love for him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Not really. I feel like he's able to keep himself usually in check, and now he has you he doesn't feel the urge as much. He does a few times though, if you ever caught him he'd freeze for a second, debating how to respond.

He used to, during the Mint Eye and stuff, but even then only very rarely. Perhaps more often once he saw you.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Praise kink!! Orgasm denial.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Honestly anywhere. He prefers private areas, such as your house (again, anywhere. but the bed is comfortable so usually there). He dreams of having wide open fields and gardens, so in a closed off area there is good.

In public? Yeah he's down, not often but the excitement of hiding and keeping both of you silent gets to him at times.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You. Just whisper at him, or subtlety imply something, maybe trace your fingers close to his crotch. He'll get the idea pretty quick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He would never degraded you or want to be degraded. Teasing? He's okay with it, but both from his childhood and the Mint Eye degradation would make him uncomfortable. Same with inflicting pain or choking.

I think tying him up would only be a sometimes thing, he wouldn't suggest it unless you wanted to and he'd only want it a few times.

Otherwise probably just stuff like vomit, piss, y'know.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Ohhhh he likes spoiling you, he's a giver.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Yes. (Depends on the mood, and what you want. He's a big romantic so he likes the slow mood, but equally having you beg for him to move is... hot)

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes them! Just not too often, he prefers sex-sex.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

YEP, depends on what of course but he's down! Just maybe don't expect non-stop kinky stuff with him.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

When he first gets out the mint eye, not more then one. As he heals and recovers he can go for longer and go for more rounds, just give him time.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Owns none, i dont think i need to explain why.

He's not too fussed on toys, if you have handcuffs or whatever you want to try he'll use them, and may even find one he likes, but he doesnt have a big preference for them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's always a tease, even in his after ending he teases you softly. Anything from words, to moving his fingers painfully slow, this man is a tease.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He definitely makes noises, soft whimpers and gasps mixed in with sentences that sometimes trail off (but you know what he means). He'll get a bit loud at times, he might kiss (or bite) you to silent himself.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Your first time having sex together is going to be very slow paced and gentle. In his own words, your his first love, but that also makes you his first everything. Sex including. He has a few nerves of his own, and he would prefer if you two spend time exploring each other the first time.

If you're not a virgin you can give him guidance, but even then you'll be learning together, even more so if you are a virgin.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I've read that circumcision is pretty popular in South Korea, however due to his childhood i honestly don't know if he would have gotten it done. His mother might have, equally she may not have,, i looked it up and apparently its done very young a lot of the time so probably yeah??? man i dunno i dont have a dick okay im out of my depth here 😭

ANYWAYS i think hes 5 to 6 inches or so, not woah really big but equally not small.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Hmm, I feel like he's not always horny but equally he's quick to get in the mood - if that makes sense? He has a good control over his emotions (sometimes), but equally if you push a button he's gone.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pretty quick, he prefers if you fall asleep together though so he usually waits until you're sleeping.