#this might just be a neurodivergence problem

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

I have a lot of neurodivergent kids in my family. And I’ve worked with a lot professionally. And I often see their parents think the kids don’t want to connect, when they would love to — they just want to do it differently.

If they don’t like jokes and teasing, they might like silly noises or yes-and improv.

If they don’t like playing a competitive or narrative game with toys, they might like to take apart a toy, or sort/stack/line toys up, or get buried under toys.

If they don’t like biking or walking a trail in the woods ‘properly,’ they might like to walk along fallen logs, stand in the creek or look under rocks and leaves for creatures.

If they don’t like hugs and cuddles, they might like to bump shoulders, touch fingers, hand hug, spin around together, or (if they like more intense input) wrestle, push faces together, squeeze each other hard or run into you.

If they don’t like putting on kids’ music in the car or to dance to, they might want to listen to a game or show soundtrack, nature noises, a podcast, binaural beats, house music or metal.

If they don’t like animated movies where sad or scary things happen, they might like younger kids’ gentler shows, or adults’ science and history shows, or live zoo and nature cams.

And so many of them would benefit so much from the adults just slowing down. Not scheduling so much in the day, not rushing them through an activity, not stopping them playing the same song or watching the same bug for an hour, letting them absorb everything their way. Seeing it as a meditation instead of a problem. Joining them there.

And if you were one of those kids being rushed and scolded, trying to make yourself like teasing or competition or intense movies or a full social schedule — I’ve been reparenting myself and you can too. Whenever you notice something isn’t giving you joy — you can do it differently. Not everyone is forcing themselves through things they hate for “fun,” and we don’t have to.

[thecornerofegg]

The biggest problems of being in choires and orchestras are that youll perpetually have the songs stuck in your head, and they will loop like in rehearsals when something just cant be gotten right and the conductor is spending 5 minutes on one phrase

Speaking from oh so much personal experience

EDIT: spending 5 minutes on one phrase is SUCH an understatement. More accurately it's 20 minutes on one and a half phrases

[sana090]

You know

I hart the Green Yuri Manga but I'm way too obsessed with Mitsuki to care about anything else

This happens a lot in media actually

I get waaayyy too Obsessed over a character and I just

make everything about them.

I either only watch things about them and their part in the story (Including skipping to scenes they are in and only watches those in a series)

orrr

I enjoy the story with them as a whole.

but this is a romance so I really wanna focus on everything not just Mitsuki

i can't really stop myself from getting really excited about a character though

[megumi-fm]

.

[drawnecromancy]

There's been plenty of slop shit books containing sex before now and there will be plenty of slop shit books containing sex in the future. I don't see what's wrong with it.

[undiagnosed-neurodivergent-chaos]

Y'all, if any of my teachers ask me something and I am in a position where I can't just say that I have ADHD (considering as I can't get a diagnosis right now), I might just have to say that 'I am clinically incapable of prioritising tasks'.

[frostwing213]

So, I've been questioning if I have ADHD

So I made a list of why and why I might not have it. I gave up partway though, so here's what's done

Why I might:

Constantly forgetting to eat, or not eating because I can't get myself to get up

Forgetting to drink, unless I have my full waterbottle next to me, then I'm Constantly drinking

So many half finished books

Very forgetful

Kinda like organizing sometimes, but only when I'm organizing things by like color or something and I can't get myself to get up and organize what needs to be done

Watches TV shows I've seen before while I work on my computer and scroll Tumblr on my phone

Never knowing what time it is, having no idea how long things will take, and sitting for "just a minute" and realizing 2 hours later

Means to set timers, but forgets. If I set a timer to do a task, sometimes I'll tell myself "Ok, just a second" and continue scrolling and I don't do the task

I cannot summerize to save my life and go on tangents

Sometimes I'll speak my train of thought and I end up on a totally different topic

I'm sitting here making this list rather than changing into comfortable pants like I wanted to... 2 hours ago?

Music in my head. All. The. Time.

I play music to go to sleep so I can distract my brain from my train of thought and actually sleep (Sometimes it works!)

I started writing this point, then added something to the pervious one and forgot what I was writing here

Sometimes I randomly feel like I have to move

A lot of times I get motivation to start a task so I start, then partway though the motivation is gone, like right now

I REMEMBERED WHAT THE EARLIER POINT WAS! I Constantly forget to hit start, or send, or stuff like that

I've had people ask me if I had ADHD, no prompting. Multiple times, multiple people

I've had people with ADHD go: Wouldn't be surprised. When I mention the possibility

Sometimes I get every aware of how I'm sitting and all the tiny pains. So I have to fix it

I definitely have things that seem like hyper fixations or special interests. Like, I remember something and suddenly Im obsessed for a few days at least

I got a guitar, have done two (youtube) lessons on it, and haven't touched it in weeks

I hate it when there are notifications on my phone's head thingy, but when I want to remember to answer something, I'll leave it there (Sometimes works)

My room is a mess and It should be easy to clean up, but I just don't want to, and I can't get the motivation

Clean laundry is currently sitting in my hamper, waiting to be put away

I have to Constantly remind myself to take a shower if I want it to happen

I need to eat some food and get more water, but Imma forget about this list if I get up

I'll stop in the middle of sentences/thoughts, and have to pause, retracing my thoughts to get back to it

I always get a crap ton of pencils at the beginning of the year, and they're all gone by the end

I loose things and always have to get them again when I need them.

I should not be given money and set loose to buy things on my own, I will buy candy and other food items unless stopped.

I can't stand silence (so lots of music playing) but I hate when things get too loud (sensory overstimulation??)

Homework is horrible because once I'm not in a class setting, I can't get the motivation/get distracted

I like creative writing and write pages and pages, but I get stuck on essays and are working g on them for hours to days, but it's like, the same thing?

If something leaves my vision, I forget about it easily

I paused writing this list to start the "Why I might not" list, then jumped back here (keep jumping back and forth)

I cannot take notes. Either it is everything the teacher says, or it is nothing.

Im smart, but I've been told I just need to apply myself more

I will get so stressed about something, but I can't get myself to do what needs to be done to fix it

If I don't want to do something, I have a lot of trouble to get myself to do it (maybe just me being lazy)

Even if I want to do something, I struggle with doing it

I give up on hard things easily

I'll get up to do something, pause to do something else, and forget about the original thing

Why I might not:

I'm good at tests

I'm an attention seeker, this may be me trying to make myself more special

I'm good at peopling (I think)

I'm a good listener

I don't struggle with eye contact or most people things

Becase I'm thinking about this so much, my brain may be overexatragting things

I'm sure some of the reasons I might are just normal people things and I need to deal with them

It feels like any symptoms have appeared recently(is. Well, some of them weren't there when I was a kid)

I enjoy school

I love reading

Since I have a little brother, I'm good at tuning out all noise when I'm reading.

I'm smart

Some things might just be me being lazy

Maybe some things are just flaws I need to work on

May add more stuff later

[immortal-dreamer]

Quick musing but this is your friendly reminder that just because kids like something does not mean it’s “brain rot” or “a sign that we as the human race are doomed”

Maybe instead of immediately jumping to the worst assumption, try investigating into the things children like and give them a chance. Especially if you work in a place where children are constantly at like schools.

[nonbinarycalicocat]

im posting a lot this fine night (courtesy of insomnia that Does Not let me sleep when its dark only when its light) but i would just like to announce that my "need a schedule need a routine help help" autism and my "fuck it we ball" adhd are currently battling to the death on packing for a camping trip. that im taking this weekend.

[rattus-viridis]

The thing about ADHD is how you read about how the biggest symptom is forgetfulness and you will think to yourself, what a relief, I'm not THAT forgetful, it doesnt impact MY life too bad.

And this is because,

You will also forget about the things that you've forgotten.

A neurotypical will be like! Oops I ~feel~ like I'm forgetting something!

I CAN'T RELATE BRO MY MIND IS A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT

[byanyan]

i've caught myself thinking once again about byan experiencing sensory overload without them recognizing it as such and realized that it's probably something that has them causing fights that they don't actually mean to start bc their reaction to the overstimulation is to just lash out over the tiniest thing... thinking about how these are probably some of their worse fights bc they can't focus well enough to perform while they're so overwhelmed... how inevitably they probably just run off and hide in some dark, quiet corner, dissociating and staring blankly off into the distance while they calm down...

[jaerockyaoi]

it might just be bc it's late and i get sad sometimes when it's late but i'm sad i like feeel soooo bad about several things and i feel like i want to cry but i can't ughh idk...

[sunnywalnut]

Explaining why the mistake happened= making excuses

NOT explaining why the mistake happened= avoiding accountability

Apologizing too much= pressuring for forgiveness

Being TOO sincere= faking it. Manipulative.

Obvious anxiety/fighting= lying/insincere

So you can maybe see why apologies are scary.

We tend to learn the baseline for apologies as little kids. Toddler aged. And thus the language that we are taught WITH is made for toddler aged kids in mind.

However, that doesn't necessarily transition over into your older years or even adulthood. And now we are living with outdated framework("say sorry for what you did wrong") while trying to interact with a world that isn't too keen on updating it for you since all of that was part of the Social Cues and Extras Extension Pack that we have to live without.

Autistic people sometimes struggle with apologizing, because they're never taught how to do it the right way.

When autistic people are taught how to apologize, they're often taught that the sincerity of the apology is determined by how well they can hide their disability.

Not enough eye contact = insincere apology

Struggling to phrase it = insincere apology

Wrong tone = insincere apology

Asking questions to figure out how to prevent doing it again = insincere apology (and "arguing" or "making excuses")

Meanwhile, neurotypical people can continue their patterns while still being considered sincere by these standards.

[katya-goncharov]

a particular fear i have is that when i finally get a job it'll turn out that one of the people who was mean to me at school works there too and then i'll have to interact with them every single day again

[kariachi]

Little bit of character exploration for my OC Monie, from back when she was but a wee elementary school menace.

~~

“You know why you’re here.”

There were plenty of things Monette had been born with more than an ample quantity of. Confidence, ego, sociality.

"I’m distracting the other kids."

Energy. So much energy.

“You are, still.”

“I am trying, it’s just…”

“I know you are. But I intend to talk to your parents about it next week anyway.”

She never stopped moving. Even stood in front of her teacher’s desk, attentive and open, she bounced back and forth on her heels. Always drumming one hand on her desk as the other filled out worksheets. Leg jiggling like it was about to shoot off into space during quiet time.

“They already know what I’m like.”

“I’m sure they do, but I still need to talk to them about it. That way we can try to figure out how to help you stay in your seat, and manage your work better.”

Not that she did especially poorly. Monette struggled a little with paying attention in class, but not so much her teachers would have thought it worth bringing up on its own. Cs that could have been Bs. Bs that could have been As. She learned the material fine; it was just a matter of her work not always being completed. Papers unwritten, homework forgotten. Not enough all alone, but combined with her constant motion, the way she tended to dominate situations...

It was worth discussing with her parents. Even if she was just an extremely active girl with no further problems, they deserved to know, and to know what options they had as far as figuring out how to manage her better.

“I just wanted to let you know ahead of time.”

“Okay. Thank you, Ms Mizuno.”

“You’re welcome. Now go play before you wear a hole in the carpet.”

~

Within five minutes she’d be hanging, weight moving from limb to limb, from the top of the jungle gym, chatting away with her friends sat calmly around her.

Like always, they’d be half the reason she came back in when recess was over.

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.