#I feel like im actually losing my mind sometimes

[girl-lostconnection]

YESSS I SO AGREE!! omggggg she’s such a productive queen. and after she finishes her trilogy, mailing a signed copy to her man, duh, she’s already working on her fourth. but this one is a standalone, i think. “the diaries of the soldier’s lover,” she titles this one. and she writes about how simon essentially saved her from losing her mind in year 10 and how she wishes she could be like a little angel on his shoulder, following him always. she names herself his guardian angel and thanks him deeply for the love that he has helped to grow, like a rose blooming with no thorns.

and she mails him a copy of this, too. and i like to think that for her first trilogy (some fantasy story she conjured) she used a pseudonym. but this one has her name written all over it. because she’s just so proud of him!! and she’s signed his copy, with big frilly letters and a heartwarming message.

price is like, “damn, simon, gettin’ a lot of mail lately, aye?” whenever simon comes to get his weekly mail from price’s office, and simon is too choked up to even say anything. did a tear just stain the page? no, surely it’s raining in here. or the ceiling is leaking! surely.

he reads this book like his gospel, and he’s sure that with this one, the book that he inspired, she’s touched the hearts of many wives out there. his wife is a famous author. all things that will be true within due time.

he writes her a letter, a simple diamond ring tapped haphazardly inside the envelope. “does it count if i ask you to marry me through parcel?” he writes, messy scrawl and silly little arrows and correction markings.

she cries, too. and yes, of course it counts, you oaf. she wears that ring everywhere. her husband is a lieutenant, she finds out in his next letter. he is a leader. and a damn good one.

she wears this ring even after price has shown up at her door, metal necklaces dangling from his fingers and his boonie hat long forgotten — his head bowed in shame.

AGHHGGHHH this au is eating at my brain and im not even mad i dont even caaaaare, they’re so precious and broken and they fit together. and im so sorry for the angst it just kinda happened…… ����

— 🍓

NO YOU DIDNT. NO ANON HOW COULD YOU, YOU KILLED SIMON OMG.

In all seriousness that’s a damn good idea, anon, you should actually write it out, it’s sweet and it sounds really nice and it’s so so warm.

God, I almost cried on the part with him typing in a ring and asking her hand in marriage, god, of course Reader would marry him, how could she not. God, actually, step aside Reader I’m gonna marry this man. Oh my god.

And Price showing at her doorstep with Simon’s dogtags because it’s not the first soldier he’s buried but damn, if this wasn’t a special one. And I’d imagine your Reader wearing his dogtags until the day she dies, talking about him like he’s still alive.

She’d probably say things along the lines of “Yeah, my husband is really proud of this one, thank you so much” or “Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m not available. I’m married” and people always get a little worried when they find out Simon is no longer alive.

Because she keeps on living and she still talks about him like he’s there. And maybe for her he really is. Maybe that’s the way she keeps herself tethered to reality, joining the support club and writing another book — talking to the spouses of other military personnel through them. Sharing their pain, extending her hand through the pages and kind of saying “hey, I feel it too. I know your pain. You aren’t alone. I’m here”.

And she never judges other spouses for their ways of coping because hey, she gets that. She knows how it feels to choke on tears when the love of your life is lowered into the ground.

She knows how it feels to write to someone who can never answer, she knows how it feels to turn to talk to someone who’s not there anymore, how it feels to forget sometimes that hey, he’s dead.

Someone once wrote that when their spouse died they felt so shocked and overwhelmed that their first subconscious instinct was to call the said spouse and share news with them. Their first instinct was to go for comfort to the person they lost.

That’s how (i think) your Reader would feel in lieu of Simon’s death.

Luckily for the rest of you, who aren’t me and strawberry anon, im not gonna kill Simon. I have fragile heart, I wouldn’t do that to you, guys *pats your backs* death is too finite for me.

And I like to get real creative with suffering (damn that sounded ominous)

[trisnomials]

hot & heavy - pt. 2/2

pt. 1 link

...in which: hazel hosts a party for the fight club in her basement, but your drunk boyfriend won't leave you alone.

...pairing: hazel callahan x fem!reader

...warnings: portrayal of a toxic relationship (not hazel dw), underage drinking, cursing + the f slur, cartoonish homophobia, comphet

...author's note: this is a songfic inspired by hot & heavy and christine by my queen lucy dacus!!! AAAAAAAAAA OMG for my first actual fic, im super super happy w how this came out!!!

Hazel grabs your shoulders- cool, slender hands against your anxiety-warmed skin, and stations you around a corner in her house, tucked out of sight from the doorway. “Stay here,” she mumbles, softly puffing from their sprint upstairs, “I’ll take care of it.”

True to her word, she turns on her heels to attend to the pounding on her door. You hear bits and pieces of the reverberating chatter between Hazel and the booming voice of your boyfriend. The familiar ache of fear pools in your stomach.

It washes through your veins next as guilt.

You tore this girl away from her own party to help you with your toxic boyfriend, when you shouldn’t even be with him in the first place. It’s your own fault, really. Even worse, you shouldn’t feel the way you do about her. Sure, Hazel’s a lesbian, but she’s not just gonna fall in love with every girl she knows. And you have a boyfriend. You’re straight. Hopefully.

You slide your back down the wall as the world seems to close in on itself. The conversation crescendos, then halts. The sound of a door slamming shut. The growl of an engine outside. Hazel returns to find you in a ball, and she crouches beside you. “He’s gone.” she declares with some amount of pride. Her voice coaxes your head out from between your knees. She sifts through her short brown hair, still feeling the adrenaline down to her fingertips. “What did he say?” you ask, regaining your composure.

“Let me talk to y/n. You faggots are all fucking each other down there and I'm taking her home.” your boyfriend slurred, slumped against the doorframe. Hazel puffed her chest, face hardening. “She can be wherever she wants. And I’m not letting her get in a car with you, you’re drunk off your ass.” Hazel bit out with arms crossed over her chest. The conversation ended with lots of yelling, and a promise from your boyfriend that you were going to “get it” when he sees you next.

Hazel purses her lips, eyes narrowing. She shakes her head. “Y’know what? Don’t worry about it. How’re you feeling about all this?” she sits next to you against the wall, your sides pressed together.

“I'm gonna break up with him once he's sober.” you sigh, running a hand down your face. “He can be nice… sometimes. But I’ll admit that he’s not what I had in mind.”

“And thanks for talking to him for me, even though I know it probably sucks that I had to drag you away from the party like that. You didn’t have to do it, but you did, and that means a lot to me.” You offer her a shaky smile.

Hazel swallows, something hesitant in the way she looks at you- cautious, yet so sure. “I think that I’d do… um, anything.”

The world that was crumbling around you moments ago suddenly seems to expand into widescreen.

“Hazel, you-”

“Honestly, y/n? I’d rather lose my dignity than lose you to someone who won’t make you happy.” the girl confesses, her face now reading as almost desperate. “I mean, anyone would be so lucky to have you! I know if I dated you, I would be so grateful ‘cus you’re, like, a goddess, but I’m not saying that you should date me… unless you… wanted to… ‘cus I want to…” she clears her throat as the word-vomit comes to a stop, squirming smoothing over where she was clutching onto her shirt fabric. “...but it’s fine. All good.” she finishes. Smooth.

The two of you sit there in stern silence, shoulders and knees and arms still pressed together but neither is bold enough to move away. You shuffle your sneakers. She picks at her nails and rings. Basement music pulses from the floorboards.

“I’ve never dated a girl before,” you state softly, eyes glued to your shoes, “I’ve been afraid of it ever since I realized that I do like girls. But I think with you, I don’t feel so afraid anymore. Of a lot of things, actually.”

You can feel Hazel’s wide and wild eyes on you. As always, you can’t escape them, so you submit and look over to her. “So what should we do?” she asks quietly.

“Can I kiss you?” You couldn’t look away even if you wanted to.

“Um- yeah. Yeah, go for it-” and you take her by the face.

Kissing Hazel Callahan is like breathing- albeit, labored breathing- but life supporting nonetheless. Her hands fumble around your elbows, then your neck, before settling securely on the cinch of your waist. As her lips ease into a steady rhythm against yours, you can’t decide if the sensation is entirely too much or not enough. You’ve kissed and been kissed time and time again, but not like this- genuine and gentle.

“You taste funny.” Hazel whispers, smiling against your lips. No doubt it’s the result of Sylvie’s mystery drink

And you feel hot in the face once again.

[rattus-viridis]

The thing about ADHD is how you read about how the biggest symptom is forgetfulness and you will think to yourself, what a relief, I'm not THAT forgetful, it doesnt impact MY life too bad.

And this is because,

You will also forget about the things that you've forgotten.

A neurotypical will be like! Oops I ~feel~ like I'm forgetting something!

I CAN'T RELATE BRO MY MIND IS A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT

[puppppppppy]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[autisticlee]

no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry if you've already been asked this but what did you think about eiji in iw? like idk i feel like they were trying to recreate a masato and ichi moment without actually having any of the elements that made their relationship narratively compelling.

as a whole, i thought eiji was at least a nice 'how he wished things couldve been' for ichi in regards to masato, but still being independent enough from the masato comparison to stand on his own as a character (or at least as an antagonist. his actions wasn't what was reminding me he was a masato parallel, but more so ichi's insistence he help him). i think thats why ichi and eiji's relationship don't have the same 'elements' that make their relationship interesting like masato and ichi's

[burinazar]

bizarre and dumb recurring problem where I say something that is intended in a boundary setting or potentially even kind of bitchy way and people misinterpret it as self effacing or self doubting and fall all over themselves to reassure me and then I feel bad and can’t clarify the bitchy thing I originally meant

[heart-shaped-chains]

Need a guy to love on and hug and cuddle and whisper sweet nothings into his ear and more

[futureassassin]

im so excited to go to therapy for the first time ever on thursday! shes gonna be like well whats your problem nd im gonna be like "well. y'see. there are bugs in my legs and the only way to get them out is through stabbing. lol. lmao even." and shes gonna be all "woah! youre crazy insane! i am going to kill you now." and ill just be "ok. lol." and then i die. badly.

[widevibratobitch]

uh ohhhhhh getting all in my head again aha

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[flovverworks]

after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this

[cosmicdenro]

hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily

[cartcop]

Don't get we wrong, I feel hopeful too, specially with the whole network change because it means the series has an actual shot of going back to the way it used to be. I feel like lately the emergencies don't have that spark anymore, so I'm looking forward to see what ABC does with them. Also, let's cross our fingers and think that they'll actually give a damn about promo and they'll use (at least in social media) what attracts more attention... I mean, if the answer is a couple of firefighters that are raising a child together, I wouldn't mind.

However, what makes me mad is that by the time they were working on the finale they weren't sure if they were going to come back or not. From what it looks like, all the characters will get a sort of happiesh?) ending just in case, because again, the ABC move back then was not a sure thing.

They did that with The Resident. Sure, at first it was supposed to be a season finale, but they still did an ending that could be interpreted as both options: season finale or series finale. Well, it was cancelled so at the end they at least got a chance to leave the characters in a good place.

That's what will happen with 911 this season, I believe, because after almost six years the show at least deserved a decent ending if for one reason or the other they were not coming back.

My point is, we know that it's not going to be an open ending, and that all the characters will be left in a good place. I know there are a lot of possibilities, but we are talking about miss Kristen Reidel, it wouldn't surprise me if Buck and Eddie end this season with Natalia and Marisol, representing a "traditional" conclusion for both characters.

It wasn't hard to leave them single, if she truly didn't want Buddie to happen, but she just had to bring two random characters for the last four episodes of the season, right? If I follow her previous patterns, what will happen is that for the general audience, Buck and Eddie will end in "heathy" relationships with Natalia and Marisol, but they will share a significant moment together that's up to interpretation for the internet. Classic queerbaiting behavior me thinks.

I'm aware that now we are far from losing the war, especially if we consider that ABC has a different target audience and that they actually tend to listen to them. So, Buddie truly has a chance of happening now.

At the end, what I'm trying to say is, I feel optimistic for the ABC move, but I'm also frustrated because if that had been the series ending, that woman would have given a poor conclusion to Buck and Eddie just because yolo?) There was no reason to have those two random characters with them.

Buddie has a second chance, but I hope and pray to the universe that ABC will realize what they have in their hands and even if *she stays, they will overule her bad takes, not only on Buddie, but for the show in general, that move was not a cheap one. If they really want for the series to last, changes need to be made.

It's also sad to think that if they had stayed at FOX or if they had cancelled the series, we never really had a chance to win, huh. Homophobia will always prevail, no matter what.

The thing with this, anon, is that mostly I think it's a really fair reading of what's been going on. I just read the information we have really differently.

I definitely agree with you that the emergencies have been meh for a while now, but to me that's just a symptom of being 6 seasons deep into a procedural; a new network might breathe a little more life into it, and I hope it does, but I've never watched a show through a network switch so I'm pretty 🤷🏻‍♀️ on how much it's gonna affect the actual content. Def hoping for more promo though.

I get what you're saying about all the character's getting a "happy-ish" ending because they didn't know about season renewal but....isn't that always how it is? Like, I don't personally see much of a difference between where it seems they're gonna leave off 6x18 than any of the other finales we've had.

And I get why a finale where one or both of the boys are in a relationship with a woman would be disappointing if we're reading it from a "they thought this might be the last episode they were ever making" angle (but I am BEGGING someone to show me what KR has said or done that makes y'all believe she hates buddie. Because I was watching casually through most of s5, I missed all that. And from the show itself, I don't get that impression at all. I am genuinely asking PLEASE i need context). But, while I've always been a buddie girlie, 6b is literally the first time I've ever thought they might actually do it. And I've been really confident since 6x13 and the interview about the couch being in play until the very last scene of the season (and still am) that the closing shot of this season is gonna be the three boys on the Diaz couch. It's just the only thing I see as a possible resolution. Not to say you can't read that as a "open for interpretation" fan service moment, but until I know exactly why people think KR is fundamentally opposed the idea of buddie together, I'm gonna be reading it the way the text tells me to.

Because while I've become a bit of a buddie truther in 6b, they're not in a place where getting together by the end of the season would make....any sense. A lot of people disagreed with me on that, but that's been my stance since like, early s6. Just cuz there was no development for them in the first half of the season at ALL, and we knew how jam packed 6b was gonna be with other plotlines with other characters. They've got a lot of growing to do before buddie canon would even be satisfying imo. I just really believe we might be on that track now.

And with that in mind, here's my perspective on the ending IF they were writing it thinking they might never write another episode again: Buck can and should end up alone at the end of the season. He should really concretely know what he's looking for, in the way he didn't when he dumped Taylor. Having Buck explore the opportunity to date someone who is fascinated by his experiences but not actually interested in him is a great way to do that, imo. Him walking away from that and realizing he needs to find someone who will, in Oliver's words, meet him where he's at. I really cannot see Natalia being relevant beyond the finale at all, and if I'm wrong, I'm gonna start seriously questioning the writers, because they've told us she's not it for him (like, even my friends who watch the show very casually were screaming "NOOOOO!!!" at the screen every time she was mentioned in 6x15).

Eddie's more complicated though. Let's say, hypothetically, they realized midway through shooting 6b that renewal wasn't likely with Fox, and they didn't know whether or not they'd be picked up by another network. Eddie's been on this little journey of self discovery about wanting a partner, and has accepted the fact that he's lonely. Ending the show with Eddie in his single status quo would be sad as hell for the GA! We have to remember, we are not the only ones watching this show, and the vast majority are not seeing buddie as romantic options for each other. That can change, I really hope it does change, I am optimistic that it WILL change; but it hasn't yet. If they were trying to wrap things up nicely, with everyone in a pretty good spot, I can see why shoving relatively-underutilized Eddie with a nice girl would be a good way to do that. Easy to undo if they got a s7, but also a lot easier to convince the GA of a love interest for Eddie being good for him, just because he's not as big of a deal to the show (which I hate. I love Eddie I want him to have the world. But Buck is the main character on this show, let's be real)

That's not to mention that this is all speculation; we don't have any idea what's gonna happen with these two women. I'm standing pretty firm in my belief that they won't end the season in relationships, but I could be wrong. And if I'm wrong about Eddie, I can see why they'd make that choice and I'm not even a little mad at it. If I'm wrong about Buck, and he ends up in a clearly doomed relationship with Natalia, I'm less cool with that, but I can see the opportunities for s7 and assume that they were working under the assumption that they'd get a renewal somewhere. If Buck ends up in a seemingly perfect and happy relationship with Natalia, my faith in the writers is gonna plummet, not because queerbaiting, but because they told us it was doomed in 6x15, and it would make it clear to me that the writers don't even know what kind of stories they want to tell on a micro, episode to episode level. But I really can't imagine that happening.

[cascadianights]

I hate checking facts in this fucked up timeline are you for real did I really just have to read the sentence "Dr. Oz will work closely with RFK Jr to take on the 'illness industrial complex'" is this a form of psychological torture perhaps?

[beeneedssleep]

Tiny doodles from my accounting notes :]