#this is my tag for talking about writing btw
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[Can I respond to this?]
RPF is its own grey area so I'm going to talk about it later, but I need to know about how 'fictional CSA' is causing the same issues. Especially since 'fictional CSA' would cover more than just the lolisho stuff I'd like to assume you're talking about.
I hate to say this, but it WOULD be censorship to take someone's work down. It doesn't matter why. Personally, I don't see why writing about fictional characters in harmful situations is more harmful than any other fiction (That includes murder btw, since some of you become radio silent when other taboos like violence get brought up). Yes, it can be uncomfortable to read and I'm not personally a fan but....that's what the tagging system is for? You don't even have to SEE it if you don't want to, because you can filter it. And if your main complaint is that children can find it, then what, should we get rid of all smut too? After all, children shouldn't be reading that either. Or do you only care about what children read if it's stuff you personally don't like?
Now, I don't think banning this content will lead to all queer content being banned, but I must say, some of this content IS queer. Some of these stories are queer people writing about their own experiences. And those stories need to exist because not every queer relationship is sunshine and rainbows. Some queer people are CSA survivors. Should they not be allowed to talk about their trauma, because you don't want the shotacon (who may or may not also be a CSA survivor) to post their shota rape fic?
And if your response is then "just ban the fetishy stuff", where do you draw the line? Because I could write about a hypersexual CSA rape victim and someone could accuse me of "fetishising" rape and CSA because the child is """"enjoying it"""" (nevermind the fact that it's written from the perspective of an unreliable narrator, apparently I need to yell "THIS IS BAD" at the top of my lungs in order for the story to be acceptable. I mean, I would put a disclaimer because I'm nice, but I shouldn't need to tell people what's morally wrong about a child being groomed and abused.)
As for RPF....I mean if it's like Donald Trump x Joe Biden, hell yeah! Also if the CC has given explicit consent. And also crackfics in general.
But obviously things get more complicated when REAL children are now being written about, or if it's an actual ship between two real people. This is not something that even the proship community is unified on. But personally I think writing CSA about real people is abhorrent. There's no "it's a fictional character" because it's not really a fictional character if it represents a single person. A03 doesn't have to take work down, but they could at least...idk...disable people's accounts? I don't think stuff like that should be written without consequences honestly.
And no, I'm not a proshipper. I'm neutralship. I lurk in both proship and antiship spaces in order to find new perspectives and come to a more nuanced opinion. You would think people would guess from my blog name but apparently not I'm not a fan of how (some) proshippers act morally superior over liking problematic stuff, but I will always be anti-censorship and anti-harassment before anything else. We should be promoting media literacy and critical analysis of what we read, not trying to take it all down (or glossing over any issues because "it's fiction")
hey just wanted to say.
if you worship A03, unfollow me.
its a website.
it is a website that has been in beta for 14 years.
its a website that willingly hosts RPF and CSA and allows racism to go unchecked.
it is a website that has donation drives 4(?) times a year and regularly exceeds their goal by hundreds of fucking dollars, but can't even protect their unpaid volunteers from being spammed with CSA
do not fucking defend A03's refusal to moderate their content.
Removing RPF and CSA and racism is not a slippery slope to removing queer content, unless you think the only queer content to exist is inherently CSA or racist??
then again considering how many mlm ships i've seen in fandoms pair up the child protagonist with the 40-60 year old villain "in the name of gay shipping", I'm honestly not surprised so many of these people are up in arms about CSA being removed.
If your queer content is indistinguishable from CSA and RPF maybe you should think about why you're sexualizing children and violating real human being's by using their names and images for your own personal pleasure?
#i respect ao3's right to be anti-censorship#and that's about it#shipcourse#antiship#anti proship#neuship#neutralship#would tag this as pro ship too but i don't want op's inbox inflated#rb
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odesta ?
#odesta#okay in all seriousness we’re coming up on 3 yrs on this story#which is so fucking crazy to me#ppl who’ve been reading from the beginning ily ppl who’ve been reading now ily ppl who’ve read this ever ily#like idk how to express how crazy it is that i’m writing something ppl like#<3#writings and musings#this is my tag for talking about writing btw
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// pentiment spoilers (implied ig but still there)
more of these because i was inspired
#i hope you guys see my vision on some of these#the claus and andreas one could also work the other way around i feel#also unrelated but why is there like no father thomas content out there sorry#will be talking abt big spoilers here btw#but like i loved him in my first playthrough idk if i was dumb but i thought he was nice and neeever suspected him#even now i can still appreciate him although i do not ‘like’ him for obvious reasons but i enjoy spinning him around in my head#anyway idk ig i was expecting to see more stuff abt him online like posts or fanart or whatever but there’s like nothing !?#to the like 2 people who’ve made fanart of him and/or a discussion post about him pls know u are everything to me#anyway sorry idk when tags became father thomas discussion time but i have a lot to say abt him tbh#pentiment#pentiment spoilers#andreas maler#father gernot#father thomas#brother mathieu#brother rudeger#ok too lazy to tag them all sorry guys#can write about father thomas for 6 long tags but can’t tag like 7 characters
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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alr here's me yapping about the landoscar Detroit: Become Human AU @lyslsstuff and I have cooked up over the past week or so
(decided to make a full post about it bc a. I have many MANY thoughts about it and b. you people are clearly not normal about this either) (affectionately)
first off have another WIP (peep the blue blush and the lines on their faces I'm totally normal about it yesyes) I unironically had to hide their heads a couple times because the sheer homosexual glee on their faces was making me nauseous (this is how I know I've succeeded as an artist)
the main concept goes: oscar is an F1 driver, and lando is one of his android mechanics. unbenoknownst to the general public (and pretty much everyone except like. zak brown) is that oscar is also an android
androids are very much banned from f1
lando starts out as a normal android, just following his programming and minding his own business really. altough the au plays out after the android revolution androids are still mistreated, just in subtler ways. technically they're not owned by anyone (but they're only allowed to exist when employed) and there's no segregation in public (but there's no laws against it) and some people are vaguely accepting (guess what there's no hate crime or hate speech laws either)
basically I went with the game's commentary on capitalism and treatment of minorities and made it a lot more actual c: we're not oppressing you (but we're also not not oppressing you)
the real plot begins when lando (accidentally) finds out that oscar is an android, which both of them proceed to be completely normal and not disgustingly in love about for the rest of eternity
one of my favorite things about this au (and this was completely unplanned it sorta just happened on it's own) is that the car is basically the 3rd main character. the way I'd explain it is basically: rk800 connor in the game is able to reconstruct entire events (crimes in his case) by examining details and piecing it all together. both lando (being a mechanic) and oscar (actually pulling functions out of the thing) are intimately familiar with the car, like they KNOW it on a personal level pretty much, they can reconstruct every single thing that is happening mechanically by hearing the sound it's making alone
for oscar this is sort of unfortunate because he is suspiciously good at telling when something is wrong (way before anyone else can really). but it also makes both of them emotionally attached feel connected to their machines which I think would be a genuinely interesting aspect of having androids in motorsports
thought I had while writing that paragraph: since irl the cars are usually identified by their drivers' numbers ("car number 4" and such) it could be that oscar litterally just calls his car "81". like that's just it's name. very creative ik
for the enjoyers of the original game I'd add that oscar's deviancy arc (in the sense of which impulses he recieves that lead him to disobey his programming) is most similar to markus' while lando's is more akin to connor's
bonus details that I can't really fit in a paragraph but want to add anyway:
android movements being inhumanly smooth conveniently mirrors oscar's irl driving style (minimal movement)
oscar normally has his pain receptors on despite being able to disable them. something about wanting to feel human (refuses to turn them off after crashes he feels were his fault despite mark scolding him about it)
yk the thing where both of these idiots are always dressed for opposite weather? yeah here it actually makes sense they were just programmed that way
I have no idea where lando's name comes from androids don't have names by default. they just get called "it" for the most part except oscar sometimes slips up and calls lando by his given name (that sounds very trans when I put it like that) which everyone else collectively goes "who the FUCK is lando" at
android transgenderism
I will not elaborate on that (note: I am trans. I will project this)
fun fact the piece that started it all ^^ was quite litterally just me seeing a picture of lando and going "dbh vibes" despite my knowledge of the game consisting of maybe half a playthrough I kinda-watched in 2021 (tubbo played it on stream lmao). it's safe to say that I may have hyperfixated on it a little tiny bit taking into account the 10 hours of playthrough I've watched and 2283 words of google doc we've written since that fateful day. whoopsies
also want to conclude this by saying that I purposefully didn't give too much away about the AU plot-wise because the hypothetical fic that hypothetically may come into existance at some point is hypothetically still a ways away and I don't want to spoil it too hard. consider this a director's commentary if you will
lmk if you wanna be added to the tag list for posts related to this au btw!!! I absolutely love hearing people's thoughts on it (though I am gonna be a bit busy in the coming weeks)
tag list (more people asked me to talk about this than I anticipated soz if I didn't respond directly I hope this makes up for it) @roosterhouse @wisteriagoesvroom @kpiastri @kingkestrel
#fucking hell this post ended up long#haha anyone remember the ghostsoap au I talked about wanting to write. yeah this wiped away my capacity for it which is very very sad#my asks are always open if anyone wants to know more about this btw (god this isn't even NEARLY all the notes I have)#landoscar dbh au#collecting anything related to this au on this tag btw (rn it's mostly wips but by god there's more to come)#also just fyi if anyone wants to add anything/draw etc PLEASE do lysl and I WILL be crumbling to dust about it#mclaren f1#f1#f1 au#landoscar#ln4#op81#lando norris#oscar piastri#wip#detroit become human#neb50
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People don’t talk about MC needing to wear a magical ring to not accidentally yk cause NATURAL DISASTERS with their powers??? Not only accidentally but without realising???
Diavolo or smthn is asking too much of MC or being a bit too annoying and their other hand slowly drifts towards the ring and they hold onto it while maintaining dead eye contact. Like continue to piss me off hoe I’ll blink and blow a hole in your castle idk
Obv they never do it (or do they?) but the threat is there and it’s a risk dia (or whoever but I’m using dia) can’t take
#‘MC it’s your turn to take the trash out!’#*slowly reaches for the ring*#‘on second thought-‘#type beat#no cause why have I not seen ANYONE talk about how MCs magic is so strong they were GETTING RID OF PONDS in the celestial realm#and CREATING SINK HOLES in the devildom#I’ve also heard they were causing Natural disasters in the human world but I don’t remember if that was canon or not#imagine an MC that has sensory issues that means they struggle to wear rings to sleep#or just the DENT MC would get on their fingers from it😭#uf it was lucifers ring then it might not even fit on most fingers if your MC is small. like#new toe ring just dropped ig? gotta go on the thumb dude#obey me#obey me solmare#obey me!#obey me shall we date#btw if ur seeing this#are you guys getting tired of these low effort posts that just revise the canon in joke form#because I’m just being lazy and I can try putting in more effort and writing more full five if u want💔#I have a fic and some ideas in my drafts but i can never seem to put my motivation towards writing#always art#which I don’t even post 99%#and when I do it’s basically never on this acc it’s my art/oc one#so this acc gets neglected#these tags are too long peace out chat
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I always find it upsetting that there isn't very much crossover content between ULTRAKILL and Murder Drones. I don't mean in the sense of them fighting each other, either.
I mean, sure, it would be really cool to watch V1 fight N, V, or Uzi but imagine them just... interacting.
I mean, we know that V1 has at least SOME sentience outside of its hunt for fuel. All of the machines in ULTRAKILL do, to some extent. I think it would be neat to see how V1's intelligence would interact with that of a Disassembly Drone or a Worker Drone.
V1 was designed to be a weapon. They were made during a time of war, after all. Not only that, it's heavily implied that V1 was the machine designed to END the war. V1 was made to destroy fucking EARTHMOVERS for God's sake, it had to have been intended to be a last charge.
That is the difference between Machines from ULTRAKILL and the robots/drones from MD. Drones, whether Worker or Disassembly, were designed with intended sentience and human-like behavior. They have expressive faces, they have humanoid bodies, they have emotions that obviously seem to be an intended feature considering the previously mentioned expressiveness. A Machine from ULTRAKILL, though, gained that sentience from their fuel source.
In the lore of ULTRAKILL, blood is the fuel of all life. All living things run on blood, and all living things bleed. Machines from ULTRAKILL have both these characteristics, and are therefore alive. This is not only a technical thing, there's evidence of Machines being sentient. The Gutterman's poem, Mindflayers and the Swordsmachine both caring about their appearance and partaking in body modification, Mindflayers specifically being stated to make a body FROM SCRATCH and being so upset when it's damaged that they fucking SELF DESTRUCT. This isn't even mentioning the fact the Swordsmachine is a type of celebrity, so much so that he has admirers that copy his form, that being the red and blue Swordsmachines, named Agony and Tundra respectively. This also means that Agony and Tundra CHOSE names so they could be unique. Even V2 shows this sentience in the form of getting enraged when she is hit with the Knuckleblaster, the arm that V2 stole. The Earthmovers even show some sentience, as they are tragically stated to have reached for heaven while shutting down, like they were asking for help from the God that was no longer there. Even the Terminals with them creating the style meter and with them cheering or booing you while in the Cybergrind.
Even V1, despite being the player's vessel and having no ways to obviously display a personality or intelligence, has actions or traits that could imply it. Taking the arms from V2, the line of text "You're not getting away this time." When V2 runs away during the 2nd fight. This meaning V1 probably intended to kill V2 back in Limbo and was salty about V2 running away again. This is interesting though, because despite V1 showing signs of being upset when V2 runs away, they don't kill Gabriel after either encounter. You could easily prescribe this to "Well Gabriel can't continue the plot if he's dead." but it is pretty strange that V1 acts upset when V2 runs away again, triggering a chase, but let's Gabriel leave both times without complaints. Not to mention the fact that when V1 reads books, they tend to mostly focus on text involving Gabriel, deeming that "The rest of the text is irrelevant". (Also the thing of calling skeletons Hank for some reason? Who tf is Hank, Hakita? Is he a real guy that V1 knew or is this a show of creativity of V1's part?)
Do you think the machines of ULTRAKILL would be envious? Envious that these little drones get to have freewill? That they were designed with intelligence and the ability to express it? Would a Mindflayer be jealous of the pre-built feminine forms of V or J? Would V2 be jealous of the Disassembly Drones and their ability to regenerate? As they never have to scavenge for parts in order to have two working arms? Would V1 be jealous of the voiceboxes the Drones have? Because they are organic sounding and fluid? (We are assuming here that V1 has the SAMS system voice they are commonly portrayed as having.)
Most of all, would a Machine be jealous of the abundance of resources the Drones have? That they don't have to explore the deepest pits of Hell, leaving behind a war-ravenged wasteland that was once Earth? That they can have society instead of constant war? That even though some Drones have to consume oil to live, that it can be consumed anytime? That they don't have to fear for when the fresh stuff runs dry? Would a Machine harbor hatred that these Drones have been blessed by humans with their intelligence, while it had been cursed unintentionally?
And especially, what would the Drones think. What would they think of these barbaric creatures? What would they think when the steel is cut and they see the pulsing flesh and blood underneath? What would they think of the cold optic of V1 or V2, knowing that there is a thinking and feeling mind behind it. Would they think of them as monsters? Beasts? Demons? Or would it be similar to a human seeing an alien? Unfamiliar and frightening, especially when they show the ability to communicate.
Or, you know, you could have V1 explaining how an ULTRARICOSHOT works to Uzi and effectively making her railcannon more dangerous, that works too.
#ultrakill#murder drones#yapper yaps<3#crossover#character discussion#character analysis#ig?#kind of an essay but yk#i may write more about this#its such a missed opportunity#complex stuff right here that needs to be explored#also a good right of way to talk about a DBH and Ultrakill crossover#that would be extra crazy#and also really cool...#I'm autistic and like to mash my hyperfixations together like dolls btw#sorry not sorry#v1 ultrakill#v2 ultrakill#so many fucking characters so those 2 are the only ones being tagged
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Hi, hello, just came here to say that I love your fic "trending in Japan". I was wondering if you had headcanons regarding Kenji or Emi or interpersonal relationships and stuff. Many hugs for you.
hi hello, thank you for the encouragement and hugs! After some thought ive realized I do in fact have some hcs about some of the character dynamics in the movie as well as just kenji himself, cause hes captivated my entire brain:
Kenji & Emi
Emi does not have teeth but she does inexplicably have a teething phase. kenji is forced to hide all his (salvaged) fancy cars in the garage bc the corvette's already been chewed to hell and his heart is gonna give out if he has to watch any more classics get wrecked
he reads her bedtime stories. A lot of aesop's fables, because theyre short and fun and hes trying to raise his monster daughter with good morals. emi goes hogwild for these but its unclear if she actually understands what hes saying; kenji's pretty sure she just likes the silly voices he uses for different characters
they go flying together! they go first thing in the morning before breakfast - it helps kenji shake off the grogginess of sleep and emi gets to stretch her wings. shes not able to go very far for very long initially, but as she grows and gets those cardio gainz she almost gets to be quicker than him. they have races and play air tag :)
while she doesnt have the vocal range to speak english herself, it becomes clear that emi does understand it well. (kenji also develops an ear for her chirping/squawks, though body language & facial expressions play a big part in communication for both of them) during her (much later) rebellious phase she'll simply pretend not to know what's being said when kenji is telling her to do something she doesn't wanna do, which frustrates him to no end
Kenji
developed a pretty massive chip on his shoulder after moving to the states. it wasn't just bitterness over his dad staying behind, though that was a part of it. this is canon but he was picked on in school for "how [he talked], how [he looked] and what [he ate]." he felt like he had something to prove to both his father and the world. he threw himself into sports - specifically baseball - and his academics, and he did so well that it forced everyone to shut up about how he was different from them and focus on how he was better than them
^ playing off this: kenji had a bonkers fucking yonkers routine when he was a kid/in highschool. he'd get up hours before school started to practice his swing, go for a ~1hr run, workout, study, etc. He'd go to school, come home, and do it all again. this is exaggerated but my point is that this kid was DETERMINED and had the discipline to see that determination through to the end
didnt have many friends because of all aforementioned things. he had acquaintances, and he was invited to parties and outings and stuff (never went), but he spent most of his free time hanging out with his mom. he never really had a "parents are so embarrassing" phase. he always liked to do anything with his mother: going to the bank, going grocery shopping, watching cheesy telenovelas till ungodly hours in the morning, etc. she was his no.1 supporter, confidant, and best friend
he played for his university's baseball team and got scouted at 19. his mom forced him to finish his bachelor's first so once he graduated with his degree in kinesiology at 21, he was drafted to the dodgers
Kenji & Ami
both of them, up until meeting each other, were totally dedicated to their career (and child) so they had basically 0 time for friends. theyre both borderline losers but theyre juuust good enough at what they do for people to admire them instead of finding them sad and lowkey pathetic
kenji is way more into the idea of being friends than ami is. hes pretty enthusiastic about it; he thinks that they have a kind of rapport, since they share a similar work ethic and are both (unbeknownst to ami) single parents. he calls her to chat abt random things. ami initially isnt superrrr into it; she thinks kenji is kinda lonely and desperate for human connection, & it isnt until her mom points out that she has not spoken to anyone outside of work-related reasons in 10+ years that shes like oh shit, i am also lonely and desperate for human connection. so she grudgingly acquires a friend. theyre both really bad at it
need to clarify that in my mind their dynamic is 95% kenji yapping about work and drama in his personal life (circumventing the 8m baby kaiju hes raising) while ami goes "mhm mhm" and takes notes until kenji notices and is like What are you doing. at which point ami is like...... right . nothing. im listening. and forces herself to put the notepad away. she has a hard time disengaging from the reporter mindset and just hearing something intriguing without turning it into an article. the other 5% are the rare moments where theyre connecting super well - ami's psychoanalyzing the hell out of whatever kenji just said and hes like what are you my therapist. over time she starts opening up to him, too, and eventually theyre comfortable enough to be having philosophical discussions over breakfast just for funsies
before kenji reveals that hes ultraman, ami thinks hes in a gang. he keeps showing up to their lunch "dates" with like bruised eyes and fractured bones and gets all shifty when she tries to ask about what happened. when she eventually confronts him about it, hes so offended that she thinks hed be involved in something like that that he tells her about being ultraman
thats about all i can think of rn, though im sure ill think of more after rotating all the characters in my head for a while. thanks again for stopping in, i appreciate the support :)
#sorry this took so ridiculously long for me to get to#i didnt have too many hcs before i sat down to think about it and i didnt wanna just talk about kenji#honestly. if im being honest. lemme be honest. i find it hard to write for and/or about emi#shes cute asf i loved her in the movie but since she is a literal baby child its difficult for me to get a grasp on her#i can only really think ahead to when she grows up and starts developing a bit more of a personality#anyway. hope this is suffices#ultraman rising#ami wakita#kenji sato#emi sato#mine#asks#anon#trending in japan#entry 2 in the TIJ tag lets goooooooo#just to be clear btw. ami & kenji is a platonic thing to me#not that i hate the idea of them together i just dont feel like they have that sort of chemistry#and anyway (i talked abt this in the notes on TIJ ch.3 but) i lowkey hc kenji as aroace so it doesnt gel w my personal interpretation of hi#but take it as romantic if u want i really dc. theyre silly together in any way
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was working on my wip and realised this scene is so wolfstar coded so ummm here ya go (sorry in advance for the awful translation lol)
also this is veeery long so i'm putting most of it under the cut
tw: mention of death, harsh(ish) lenguage
★
"Then came the ambulance and the police,” he murmurs, his eyes fixed somewhere in the room, mind showing him once again the image of Sirius' tired smile. "They gave me a blanket. I felt stupid in it."
John, observing him with deep eyes, full of compassion, nods. Remus figures he can't show it, the pity. That it's part of his job not being able to say Oh, you poor thing and that, instead, he must be professional. And it's not that John is bad at it, at hiding what he thinks; it's just the eyes.
It's impossible to lie with one's eyes. Sirius' always shine, even if he insists on wearing the blackest clothes.
Shined. Not anymore. And he doesn't dress in black anymore, it's Remus who has to mourn now, instead of him. And for him.
"How are you feeling?" the psychologist asks, and Remus makes an effort not to cry.
"I don't know," he answers, honest. He doesn't know what words to use. "Bad."
Not enough. John gestures at him to keep talking, to elaborate. He always does that. It's cruel.
Remus looks down at a ring he takes off his finger, and proceeds to watch it turn in his hands as he fidgets with it. It was Sirius'. Everything he owns was either his or reminds him of him in some way. Even the smallest of things, the silliest of details.
If only he could get rid of it all. If only he knew that'd make him forget.
"It's like I don't really believe this is real,” he says, without lifting his gaze from the steel ring. It's carved in a checkered pattern, a chess board that extends and hugs the owner's finger like a ribbon. It's not excessively visible but, if you brush your finger against the metal, you can feel the shapes against your skin, kissing your fingertips like he once did. That feels like so long ago, though. “I... I'm sad, obviously, but also angry. I think it was selfish of him."
Before it had been his, Sirius', the ring had belonged to Regulus. It had been silver then. Sirius turned it into steel when he'd received it from his brother, who got it from their father, whose father had gifted him it, and so on. It must be hundreds of years old.
"Selfish?"
He'll probably ask to be buried with it. If it's not worn on his left hand, it will be trapped on a chain around his neck.
"Yeah, I dunno," he shrugs. He doesn't know how to explain himself. He knows how he feels, he just finds it difficult to believe that anyone could understand it. He tries anyway. "He's gone and he's left us all here as if we didn't have enough problems of our own," he says. "Like, now I have to be myself, which is already tough enough, and also be him for James and Peter and Harry and... Oh, God, Harry..." He shuts his eyes. He needs to breathe. He closes his hand over the ring, and looks at John. "But I need him too. And I don't have him. I don't have anyone to treat me like he did. So, I don't know."
The therapist nods again. When he started the sessions, Remus thought it was weird that John didn't take any notes, like in the movies. It might sound stupid, but he imagined someone constantly writing on a notepad, making a record of every word that came out of his mouth.
It turns out John only uses his notebook to write dates and appointments down; that he actually listens to what he says, instead of analysing every sentence as if it were a mathematical problem.
He's been lucky, and he knows it. At least in this, he's been lucky.
"Do you feel responsible for what happened?" He asks, and Remus thinks about it for a second. Now that the unease has lessened, he's left with just the cold on the tip of his nose and the metal on his fingers. He misses hugging Sirius on cold days like this one.
"Yes," he answers. No point in lying.
John stares at him. Elaborate, he's probably thinking. He always looks at him like that when he wants to make Remus talk.
"I'm the one who was supposed to take care of him," he says then. "And, instead of that, what I did was use him to make him help me with my shit. And even after he's gone I'm still whining about him not being here to give me cuddles. I don't know. Maybe I'm the one who's being selfish.
The psychologist, whose diploma is Remus now observing, makes a face.
"Wanting love is not selfish, Remus," he says, so soft and kind it almost makes Remus feel small, vulnerable and about to break. Or already broken.
"But taking the love away from someone and keeping it to yourself is," he objects.
"You think that's what you did? Taking the love from him?"
"I don't know," he says, and before John can ask him to explain, he continues: "I think maybe if I'd made things right he'd still be here."
The air is still for a few seconds, both in the room and in the street across the window, as well as inside of Remus' lungs, who holds his breath in an attempt to make the ache on his chest go away. It doesn't work.
"It wasn't your fault that he suffered," Josh tells him, but he's been told so many lies he doesn't need to think to detect the lie.
"But it was that he didn’t stop suffering," he tells Mr Too Good For Taking Notes. He should've had that noted. "I should've done something. It's what I'd to have done."
John, wanting to understand but being apparently incapable of it, furrows his brows a bit. The expressions only last a second, and is not even that exaggerated, but Remus sees it anyway. The doubt.
"You think it was your purpose?" He asks. He acts interested. Sometimes he almost even makes Remus forget that he's paid for what he does. That he wouldn't be there if it weren't for the money. That he's got better things to do than...
"Helping him?" Remus asks, trying not to sound too aggressive, but probably failing. "Yes."
"And do you think you were, say, destined to save him?"
"Yes," he agrees. A bit cheesy his personal taste, but, yes, that's what he believes. Why lie, if he's not going to write it down, even.
"But, if it was destiny, how could you have avoided it?"
That feels like a boot to the stomach. He doesn't quite know wether it confuses him or it makes him angry but, either way, he doesn't know what to answer. Perhaps not having thought of it earlier is what irritates him and puts him, once again, in front of a mirror in which a disappointment shines.
He thinks for a bit. Then speaks.
"Trying harder," he says. "Being better."
"No, Remus; is not about trying," his confidant tells him, with a smile that could either indicate complicity or compassion. "You did all that you could, and more. And, still, you couldn't change it, nor can you now."
For some reason, that hurts. Rather, it stings. Both in his open wounds and his sore eyes.
"And what do I do?" He asks. His voice doesn't seem to want to know the answer, as it doesn't cooperate in making itself heard. He swallows and takes a deep breath, letting Sirius' ring slide back into his finger, where it should always have stayed.
"Think about what you did achieve," John offers, so careful it seems almost meticulous. "You made him happy for a time, you gave him peace. You made him feel safe, too. Confident. You helped each other. That's good."
"But he's dead," Remus says. He's not sure he's used that word since it happened. It's not likely, seeing how much it hurts pronouncing it. He's spent over a month circling around and avoiding one of those damned words, the ones that feel like mines in an already ruined field. He presses his lips and looks at John, cheeks wet with rivers of salty water. "That's bad."
"Yes," the therapist agrees. "That is bad."
#crazy about the therapists name being john#cause the original isnt wolfstar so john is a perfectly normal name (and its actually jon)#but in this context it could be interpreted as a conversation with himself and omg aaaaa#also the “if i cant have his ring on my finger i will have it on a chain around my neck” HELLO? im fangirling to my own writing i know#but like#that translates to “if i cant marry him/live a life with him i will at least hold whats left of him close to my heart”#AND THUS I DIE#sorry i just love this scene so much im going nuts#also um ignore the james & lily & peter & harry mention cause i was lazy & didnt know how to make the context make sense lol#wolfstar#remus lupin#sirius black#marauders era#the marauders#dead gay wizards#dead gay wizards from the 70s#moony wormtail padfoot and prongs#tw death#tho if youre sentive to death maybe rethink being on this fandom (for your own personal good)#uhhh idk what else to tag#enjoy the angst#losver fangirls#losver writes for some reason#losver is sad#btw just thought it would have been better if it was sirius talking about finding james dead??? like aaaaa but anyway whats done is done#wolfstar brainrot#wolfstar supremacy#wolfstar microfic#not so micro lol#weirdly i love writing therapy sessions (might be cause i need one)
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The dorm internet went down so instead of being normal I wrote fanfiction physically. No clue how much, but I've got about 2 pages front and back full of words. My hand HURTS.
#shitty picture but who cares#yes it is wrench fic#i need a better name for that fic especially with how close i am to finishing#literally wrote one of the scenes i really needed to in here!#so theres only one scene left until this is done!!#although i gotta go back and edit and revise and all that you know how it is#but yeah crappy pic. you can try to read it if you want i guess lol#beware my weird ass hand writing where random letters are capitalized cause i think it looks nice#and my z's are written like curly 2s cause i also think it looks nice#do i tag this lokius? i think im gonna tag this#lokius#lokius fanfic#mobius m mobius#loki laufeyson#loki season 2#haven't shared what theyre talking about btw so its like kinda spoilers if you care?#take it as a bonus 7 sentence sunday lol
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in honor of the new year heres all the hazel-centric fics i could find bcuz its a desert out there u should definatly read them btw
link 1 - link 2 - link 3 - link 4 - link 5 - link 6
#cupid.exe#theres probably others ive missed but i purposefully filter out peri and devs tags cuz i do not want 2 see them in my case when i look for#fics#nothing wrong w those btw i dont hate waffles its just when i want hazel content i want hazel content👍 have fun u guys out there dw#fop#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#'cupid are u ever gonna shut up about this' no i will forever talk about how werid it is a protag of her series doesnt get alot of#spotlight in fan media how does this happen#i do have 2 wips related to her but idk when im gonna finish thm since im not in a writing mood#and another time i got so upset that i probably wasnt writing her in character that well i closed the tab afte 5 min lmfaoo#but im also not counting my own jasazel fic ive posted cuz i dont see the point in that
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in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)
#necrotic nuisance#<- new tag for nonserious shit like this#batfamily#batclan#deafculture#i think not including bruce in this poll bc i ran out of options is *so* fucking funny so i'm keeping it#bc realistically i could bump off more tertiary characters like harper or jpv to include him#but i won't.#hearing people are seriously invited to reblog and share opinions or headcanons i'm so genuine#just like. behave about it.#i have personal headcanons but i will save sharing them until the poll is finished#as not to skew results#i also have a hunch on who will lead. based on popular headcanons i see#but i will also not share that as to not skew it#i'm using the Deaf identity as an umbrella term that can include Hard of Hearing as well btw#so if your headcanon is more HoH leaning it is counted#i do believe this is something most fans haven't rlly thought about#but i *really* want to write fics with Deaf rep and i have been waffling on who to make Deaf#so. this poll is also a field test of who you would like to see me (a Deaf bitch) write as Deaf.#and i totally pinky promise not to project super duper hard on them. (i'm so lying)#i will get back to writing and the ask games i promse!#tomorrow i have the day off after 4 bc someone else is watching the baby so ic can just chill#also *please please* if you have disabled headcanons for any batfam (or DC in general) character#send them to me. i want to see them. i would love to talk about them with you.#as an anon ask as a message as a reblog idc#gimme.#this isn't my usual content but shhh lemme be self indulgent.#both bc i'm curious and bc i wanna write Deaf shit so. we take a break from my usual nonsense for this.#i'll post writing tomorrow to make up for it#also i have to remind myself this is my blog i can do what i want with and not just be a content machine. yk
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why is namek like that
i had a namekian specbio post drafted but along the way i got distracted with the namekian sky, so im just jotting down a bit of my thoughts about how a namekian solar system and planet atmosphere might work. most projections arent particularly stable, its no surprise they had a severe ecological disaster. we know namek has liquid water, and is an earth-like enough temperature for bulma to be comfortable there, so everything else is kind of bending around that. this super cool article by sean raymond talks about how you might make a no-night planet work. luckily no other planets are ever specified to exist in namek's solar system (to my knowledge) which makes this a lot easier! generally more stars = less planets, so im imagining that namek is the only planet in its solar system.
this is raymond's three star system diagram! in this model though, the planet actually does experience night, but only once every 600 years. im satisfied with this, as we get the information about namek "always having at least one sun in the sky" from dende, who's 8 years old, and likely just hasn't experienced or heard about namek's night yet. there's a lot of fun worldbuilding potential here! supposedly grand elder is only around 500 years old, and given that within his lifetime there was a catastrophe great enough to nearly extinct their species, it's possible that no living namekians know that their planet has a night time. but if they have, it's probably some huge legendary event, and is probably associated with porunga in some way since that's the only time the vast majority of namekians will ever experience a dark sky (do namekians have religion? holidays? questions for later...)
so COOL a three star system works! (as long as you allow for these substantial aus, anything for eternal sunlight..) however due to dragon ball rules we're working with a canon year of only 130 days. this is kinda problematic for a habitable planet like namek. shorter orbital period = closer to the (main) sun. given that there are already two extra suns shining light on this definitely liquid water having planet, this seems like we might have to do some magical hand-waving, which makes me sad because i find that boring. but its at least fun to think about what the magical logic is instead of just saying "eh it works because magic", so i wanted to try that! since the dragon balls operate on their own magical logic they might have a skewed definition of what a "year" can be classified as (and a year is pretty cultural too, right?). also, why do the dragon balls take a year to be able to be used again at all? (aside from plot reasons) like... what are they doing? with the dragon balls on earth, it was kinda easy to presume that they were "recharging" or that the dragon himself needed some kind of "rest", and that this process just so happened to take an earth year. the translations i could find were kind of vague on this, so im taking advantage of that vagueness. being about 1 au from the sun in this model, namek's "year" as defined by how long it takes to orbit its central star is about the same as earths (a bit boring, sorry) ! and the time it takes the other two objects in its system to make a full rotation around their shared center far far exceeds that, so i kind of don't think theres any justification to define a namekian "year" as 130 days other than that being the time it takes for the dragon balls to recharge, which makes perfect sense to me culturally! i mean, given that there are three suns, surely the amount of time it takes for your planets magical wish granting dragon to start working again would be a much more meaningful unit of measurement than the time it takes your planet to complete and orbit around your smallest sun (oh god what are namekian seasons like. probably fucked. another question for later). also from my wikipedia skimming it looks like alpha centauri's planet (assuming its a planet) has a similar orbital period to earth's too. its nice to have some real-life justification 👍
theres more to say about that but im moving on from this part for now. i just wanted to provide justification for a namekian year being however long it needs to be in order for namek to have three suns and still have liquid water.
i wanna talk a bit about the planet itself. namely: why the fuck is the sky green??
almost any other sky color could have some non-poison gas explaination except green. DAMMIT!! but its fine we can make it work. (also the plants are blue. which is actually a lot less problematic but i'll talk abt that later) im referencing this artifexian video for my information here btw 👍he gives a few ways that a sky could appear green but we kinda have to rule out all of them here except for something green being physically suspended in the air, because there just isnt any light/atmosphere combination that makes the sky look green to human eyes. since krillin is a human whos just so super wicked strong he can also fly, id be fine hand-waving breathing a green gas or dust for him and gohan, but. bulma is on that planet too... breathing away... also there's pretty clearly grass on this planet and like, brown earth. so mars like dusty skies dont make a lotta sense either. so i guess artifexian's sky-algae idea will have to work ! as horrifying as the implications are .... either these guys are just straight up breathing in green stuff all the time, or the algae is somehow suspended too high up to be inhaled. (also sky-algae would explain why the planet looks almost gaseous from space)
luckily bulma doesnt seem to be having any problems breathing it that green stuff, but like pollen allergies its easy to imagine that someone would be. which is kinda fun to think about actually. someone having an allergic reaction to the namekian sky, validating bulma's concern about breathable atmosphere would be a lot of fun... BUT I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT FOR NOW !! i have other goals in mind. i just wanted to record this "namek's sky is green because theres guys in there" concept somewhere. also, three suns at various levels of rising at setting at all times, while not portrayed in the anime due to technical limitations, would almost CERTAINLY mean namek would have a really cool variety of sky colors! just all tinted green because of the sky algae. of course sky algae doesnt need to be green all the time, nor does it need to be in the sky (or alive) all the time. maybe the green skies are new post ecological disaster? very fun to imagine pre-guru namekian skies....
#i was curious about namekian biology mostly for gay reason at first if im being honest#and that just sort of snowballed/“if you give a mouse a cookie”-ed into me figuring out stuff about all their other biology#and then their planets ecology and then the planet itself and then their solor system. u get it#its still for gay reasons btw#i wanna write gohan having a creepy gay fascination with namekians and i guess that means i have to have one myself#oh my god i love aliens so much i miss doing specbio. i was never very good at it but i miss it#i probably repeated myself a lot i kind of jus wanted to get this bit out of the way so i can talk about the bits of namek ecology#that i actually wanna get to#dbz#namek posting#<- maybe filter this tag if u think ur gonna get sick of seeing this kinda thing on ur dash 👍
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tagged by my cool awesome buddy @redstringraven in this post!
heads up, seven up!
rules: post the last seven lines you wrote, then tag seven people. reposting, as the reblog chains get long!
Interpreting seven lines as last seven paragraphs just so y'all can have a somewhat coherent snippet from the end of a scene I wrote for the Roadtrip AU. We got some gayyy boys over here /aff
Fingers intertwine with his, the matching rings clinking together softly. Usagi brings the hand up to his lips and kisses his knuckles lightly. Leo chuckles and mirrors him, feeling the warmth of his husband’s fingers against his mouth. “How was your day, Hamato-Miyamoto-san?” Usagi whispers into the darkness. Leo’s heart thumps, “It was Wonderful. How was yours, Hamato-Miyamoto Usagi?” “The same,” Leo can practically see Usagi’s smile. “And More.” Sleepily, he leans his head forward until their foreheads touch, “I’m glad.” “Me too,” Usagi breathes. Connected physically, mentally, and spiritually, knees knocking together and hands still linked, Leo and Usagi fall asleep with ease.
Wow, these two corny ass romantics. Anyways, tagging more buddies! No pressure, though!! @deadpool1763492 @forestwhisper3 @ccomilk @sibillascribbles08 @punctuated-equilibrium @halogalopaghost @brytehowlite (Also, actively inviting you to share whatever writing you wish, even if it isn't TMNT-related)
#sea rambles#my writing#tag game#tmnt#tmnt 2003#sainw roadtrip au#leosagi#katanashipping#y'all get one guess to figure out what the context of the scene is#this is a SFW fic btw so obnoxious couple flirting and pda is about as far as we'll go#anyways didn't Hannah tag me for something else ages ago I should finish the draft for that too#slight edit to remind y'all to repost instead of reblog if I tagged you#ANOTHER EDIT okay sorry I really don't like reblog chains I'm turning off my reblogs for this#you can talk to me in the replies
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everyones more than welcome to send me asks about stuff* btw, i know i havent been that good in answering, but i think thats largely bc i always want to do too much, like .. drawing entire character design sheets and everything and then never having the energy or motivation for it so it sits around like all of my hundreds of wips i never finished bc i lost energy/motivation, waiting for it to come back .. which might never happen (and i still dont know how to handle compliments ,, i might never will tbh- if i havent answered a compliment its very very likely i dont know how to properly convey my gratitude- feeling like theres no amount of things i can do or say to 'pay back'? ... kinda weird if you think about it .. but i am weird so what do i know jsklfnhsdk, i promise you i treasure it)
im pretty sure not everyone that sends an ask expects a drawing or multiple and pages long text right? thats my skewed perspective isnt it?
*stuff being like .. about my ocs, about my zelda comic, about the totk rewrite project, suggestions, ideas, rants too, kind of anything though im less likely to respond to personal things (and in case theres anyone newer to tumblr, asks dont have to be literal questions, you can write in those what you want, i like them alot bc its a lil message without the chat type of commitment to it ... im even worse at keeping up responding in chats (not intentionally .. my short term memory sucks) o3o)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i might ... have gotten some of my art spark back .... i think#i dont want to announce anything before knowing for sure#but i was able to fix the comic panel i kept getting frustrated on today so im countign that as a win#............... in case you are one of the at least 8 people who saw the oc post i wrote yesterday btw ... sorry my fear of being cringe wo#i deleted it earlier today T-T#i still feel like im making myself too vunerable talking about my ocs#like oh gods i cant write things like that .. scenes out of context that mean alot to me but are jsut werid to read for others#i fought the cringe fear for a long time but it still won#if you dont know- its nothing to worry about ... just got mad at myself for wasting an entire evening just daydreaming about ocs again-#and added a really sloppy summarized version of a scene i came up with for them that made me feel things but makes no sense-#-and has no weight written in tags like that so uuuuh thats gone now dfjkgndfjknjkd#i sometimes think i shouldnt be allowed to make posts past 10 pm but here i am writing one at .. FRICK ... 1am again#....going to bed now .. woops
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experimenting with ways to share bits of background info that hasn't organically come up in my art yet! i think i enjoy this format 💭
#concept art#sketch#android character#art#wolfgang#elise#ramble#< this is my lore tag btw. i could think of something better but its already there#ive been calling these Lore Bites in my head as the goal is to just do these simple and small sketches and quick bites of info#bc the whole year ive been thinking of sharing more i kept getting stuck on like where do i even begin. and how do i talk about it#so this is purposefully very limited very rough draft esp the writing bc as soon as i start giving it too much effort i get stuck again#and i want to leave room for myself to iterate on this in the future and change it if i decide to#case in point if you saw me repost this no you didnt#my brain is so scattered zzzz
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