#this is my first post here so

[six-white-venus]

“all i want you to be is better than me”

my father went to Germany once. 

His tongue slithered and hissed at the food of the land the whole time he was there, for it had learnt to always fear new things. He ate boiled eggs and french fries and ice cream the entire time he was there.

I will never know how it would feel to be a foreigner so far from home, but this is how I see it: my father, clumsy german and english tinted so heavily with the words his mother first spoke to him, standing in a jewelry store aisle. I will never know, but his image haunts me all the same: my father, browsing through everything gold and glittering. His eyes scintillate brighter than any stone displayed. I would never understand it, but this is what he does: he looks at a ring of jade and thinks- mother would love this. He looks at the store clerk packing it up and thinks- mother would be proud of me.

(When he returns, his mother throws the ring back at his face. It seems to win her love, he needed 24 karats and he was lacking 6, the name of his elder brother and a degree from IIT.)

2. my father lost his job when he was 35

The man who read Mahabharata to me when I was in the womb now looks at amma with empty eyes when she says she can feel the baby kicking. The man who cradled my mother in the palm of his callused hands (carefully, carefully. For her, he was willing to learn not to break all that he loved) now misses all her appointments to the gynaecologist, sleeping in some random park bench with his resume tucked under his head.

My father is 35 and he wants to surrender himself to the sea but knows that just like all the others, it will chew and spit him out of its cruel jaws. My father is 35 and my sister is born. He holds her, but not for too long. When he turns to me, he tells me he’ll buy me all the biryani I want. He clutches my hand tightly as we walk out. 

He tells me he’ll stay.

3. i was 13 when I first remember hugging my father.

I am 13 and all baby fat is melting away with the unwanted emotions as I walk up to him one day and put my arms around him randomly. 

Broken shards and bandages, a heart that thinks and a brain that sings. I held him for the first time that day and discovered all over again: he has always been warm, my father. My hearth, my sun, my appa. And when he strokes my hair, my head almost fits the palm of his hand. The pressure is grounding and there is a father and a child, a boy and his mirror, a lonely god and his creation, in each other’s arms. Broken shards and bandages, a heart that thinks and a brain that sings.

I learn love from him all over again.

4. my father, he has always been hungry.

Hungry for the sweetest delicacies and the most scrumptious of meals (“More, more, more,” he asks. He is eight, twelve, forty-nine. father mine, I weep, do you think your plate can ever remain full?). Hungry for achievements and praises and glory (“I’m proud of you,” I tell him as he wakes up another day with me, “What for?” “I just am”). Hungry for love and money and the world (this globe has always been too small for his hands and yet, and yet, he can’t bear to hold it for even a second. It’s too heavy, he says, it has always been heavy.) Hungry for fulfilment, for peace and rest (more, more, more).

My father, he has never known what it means not to starve and so he says, ”all i want you to be is better than me.” He has never known to be enough, so he says, ”all i want you to be is better than me.”

But father, don’t you see? I am your daughter, your son, your child, and and and- see? I can’t even say who I am because I don’t know. I’ve never belonged and all boxes tear at the edges when they try to contain me. I’ve never known to smile without lying and to let my wounds heal without picking on them over and over again till they’re bloody. I hold my head high and wear the stilettos you gifted me even though my heels are cracked and my gait is faltering. My mouth always tastes like anger and it’s so tiring to hold all this bitterness in me.

Everything I do, it screams your name. Every poem I write, every tear I shed,screams and cries appa, appa look, are you proud of me?

Father, I’ve learnt to claw through scrapes to fill my belly and even though you’re giving and giving and giving me everything I yearn for my stomach still rumbles (more, more, more) and my claws are still unsheathed. Maybe some of us will never be sated, will never know peace. 

But I look at you, and I think: that’s okay. Father, you’ve taught me love and held me through my sleepless nights and brushed away all my tears. I am always filled to the brim with love, I think. Everything I create always comes down to those three words: I love you. Every word I utter sounds like I’ll stay, I promise I’ll stay.

“All I want you to be is better than me.”

But father, don’t you see? I am you. 

[mochasucculent]

The gang all together 👍

Sketch v final + refs below!

First pic was reffed from My Own Private Idaho, which ended up being a really bad idea because this focal length was ridiculous to try and flatten out and match with the others lol

Second pic was obvi The Pieta by Michelangelo, but shoutout to my partner for suggesting the role reversal cause I was initially gonna draw Viktor in Jayce's arms again, but having it the other way around gave me the idea for the last piece where they're mutually in each other's arms and on equal ground in the composition

Third pic was reffed from The Blossoming Of Love by Miquel Blay! Had to move Jayce's hand to Viktor's shoulder because he was too yolked for his arm to fit between them lmao

[kesopan]

warmth in the cold

[mroddmod]

they are like puppies. 2 me

[puragranada]

Louis and Claudia, dancing in the sunlight

[ozymandien]

chef with a silver earring

[hinamie]

subject, specimen, spectacle;

should i say that you're dead?

[notherpuppet]

@/coma_0423’s cursed cat alastor will bring you happiness ♥️

Lulu scolds the cat

[xxplastic-cubexx]

obligatory beach divorce doodling

bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut

[asraeas]

claudia + yellow

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[wardingshout]

ALTTP december warm ups and doodling (and one from today, happy new year)

[ameriel]

anyone know if we have catgirl tomorrow

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest

Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here

Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭

It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony

[umblrspectrum]

i hate perspective. happy new years also

[whitejays-galaxy]

Attack of the Smauls

All right who got their cloning order wrong

Oh don't worry, nothing serious,

Smaul is just pissed because Obi didn't buy him a happy meal

The OG Smaul comic