#this is my biggest issue with New laptops.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

hmm... if i were to end up buying a laptop with win11 (beloathed) could i like... backtrack it to win10?

[chisungie]

.

[storiesofsvu]

Decadent Desires Ch 5

Emily Prentiss x reader warnings: language, alcohol, sexually charged conversation, smut, oral, sex toys/strap ons, nothing too crazy this time, some minor kink talk

Over the course of the next week you noticed that Emily was slipping into her sugar mommy role quite well. An extra ten dollars in your Venmo for coffee and a pastry one day, a few good morning texts, wishing for you to have a good day, take out delivered to your office on the day you mentioned forgetting to grab your lunch. The meals or snacks seemed to be the biggest ones, she knew you worked insane hours and were likely working into the evenings most of the time as well, checking that you were still at the office before she would have something sent over.

You were in your office late Wednesday afternoon, finally finishing up the extra workload when there was a brief knock on your door.

“Yeah?” You called out, glancing up from your laptop to find Heather entering the office with a potted bouquet in her hands.

“Jaydyn dropped this off to my office this morning, I just got around to reading the card.” Placing it down on a side table she swiped the card, “and considering I’m the instigator, these are not for me.” She extended it out to you and you flipped it around.

‘St Regis. 8pm, Friday.                                E.’

“You better not be planning to keep me late Friday.” You commented, tucking the card into your agenda.

“What’re we going to do with her?” Heather asked with a huff, dropping into one of the chairs across from your desk and your brow furrowed.

“Emily?”

“No, Jaydyn.” She glanced toward you, “she’s messed up four times this week alone. Can you take care of her?”

“I’m not HR Heather…” you warned, “do it yourself.”

“If I sort it before Monday, you’re going to have to take on the press conference with Sharp.” She countered and you rolled your eyes, tossing an eraser in her direction.

“I’ll draw up the termination paperwork but that’s as far as I go.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, “I would certainly hate all the deliveries you’ve gotten to go to waste.”

You let out a soft sigh, glancing up to the flowers, “about that… I’m sorry. I’ll tell her not at work from now on.”

“Oh by all means don’t let me stop you. Just make sure to lock your door if you’re fucking in your office.”

“Heather!” You groaned, feeling your cheeks burning.

“Oh please.” She smirked, “so… how was it?”

“What?” You looked up from your laptop, turning your attention to the other woman.

“Sweetheart, you know I have a standing reservation at The Conrad.”

“Ohhh… that explains the bondage straps under the bed.” You teased, “and here I was thinking that was a progressive new amenity.”

“How was the date?”

“It was fine, good.”

“Fine? Come on, I’m trying to help you out here. What’s the issue? She’s got money, she’s gorgeous, I enjoy her company, and I don’t know why but there’s an air about her that says she’s fantastic in the bedroom and lord knows you’re pent up enough you need to get laid.”

“Gee… I wonder why that might be.” You replied dryly and she laughed.

“All I’m saying is I saw two of my friends struggling with the same issue and figured I should put them in contact.”

“You really should think about financing a sugar matchmaker.” You noted, “and the date was good. She got called into work, I think she’s out in Nevada right now chasing down some psychopath.”

“Shame.” She replied with a breath, standing from her chair, “I was hoping for the dirty details.” She shot you a wink before turning to head to the door.

“Couldn’t if I wanted to, signed an NDA.” You lied, though you were quickly caught in it as she called over her shoulder.

“I know for a fact you didn’t, who do you think drew up her paperwork?”

“Fuck.” You muttered, letting out a huff of a laugh and shaking your head as the other woman left the room and you were finally able to return back to your work.

When Friday finally rolled around Heather was quick to kick you out of the office well before your usual finishing time, once again suggesting a few specific clothing options for you to wear that night. After showering you were flicking through your closet and realized she was right, pulling out a tighter plum cocktail dress to slip into. You poured a glass of wine while you redid your make up to help calm any last minute nerves and called an Uber shortly before eight o’clock.

The St Regis had a stunningly gorgeous lobby and even though the room was rather busy considering it was Friday, you spotted Emily fairly quickly. She was settled into one of the couches, very fitted dress pants and a stylish navy top, her hair loose around her shoulders. As you made your way over to her she glanced up, catching your eye as a smile crept onto her lips.

“You weren’t kidding about your punctuality.” She greeted, standing from the couch and you chuckled.

“Last I heard, it was incredibly rude to keep a gorgeous woman waiting.” You replied, stepping forward to kiss her cheek as she did the same to you. Her hand lingered on your side, sweeping across to your lower back as she fell in step beside you, nudging you in the direction of the restaurant.

“I’m glad I was on time then.” Emily half teased and you let out a small laugh.

“Even if I tried I couldn’t have been late, I’ve been thinking about this dinner all day.”

“You’re telling me.” She nearly groaned, “I’ve been surviving off shitty hotel room service and small town take out all week.”

“I’m going to assume that’s all very limited.”

“Egg bagels for breakfast, bologna sandwiches at the precinct and burgers every night. I am more than ready for a change.”

“It sounds like you definitely deserve the treat then.”

Emily’s hand slipped off your back as you approached the check in stand at Alhambra, giving the host a friendly greeting before they led you to your table. A cozy little corner of the restaurant, settled up against the window was the perfect place, just far enough away from the bulk of the crowd you wouldn’t have to worry about eavesdroppers. It didn’t take long to decide on a bottle of red to share and you settled in, exploring the menu while you caught up with each other after the long week.

There was a slight sense of eagerness mixed with a hint of nerves floating around the table, the desire to skip the meal entirely and head directly upstairs sitting in the back of your minds. That desire was nearly too strong and partially won when Emily suggested skipping straight to the entrée course and you were quick to agree that nothing on the appetizer menu was really jumping out to you. When your server came back to check on the table and pour out wine for the two of you, dinner was ordered, menus taken away and after a few sips of wine you could finally start to focus on each other.

“Thank you, for the flowers by the way.” You smiled softly over the rim of your glass, “they’re gorgeous.”

“I should have asked about sending them to your work.” She replied, an apology written across her face, “I didn’t realize until it was too late that I didn’t have your home address.”

“It’s fine.” You replied with a shrug and a grin, “besides, gives the office something to gossip about, right?”

“I guess that’s right.” She laughed softly, “I’m a little surprised I managed to not get called out for being on my phone so much this week.”

“You’re the boss,” you offered, “you’re probably on your phone all the time already. Nothing new for a team of profilers.”

“I guess. And I’m not complaining, there is something exciting about having a secret.”

“There most certainly is.” You replied, a near hungry look in your eye that made Emily’s pulse pick up, heat beginning to build through her body, “even more so when it’s a dirty secret.”

She cocked a brow in your direction, her voice lowering, “that so? Are you a dirty girl?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?” You replied with a smirk, taking another sip of wine, “I can assure you; I’ll be good no matter what.”

“I would hate to have to punish you.” She fired back and you felt a tingle shoot through your body.

“Hmm.. part of me thinks you’d rather enjoy that.”

She took the chance to turn your own words back on you, “you’ll just have to wait and see about that.”

“Good thing I’m patient then.”

While the sentiment was normally true, it certainly wasn’t tonight. Luckily, Emily’s patience was also wearing thinner by the moment, neither of you finishing your meals and very quickly turning down the chance to even see a dessert menu.

By the time you got into the elevator your heart was racing, sparks flying through your body at the feeling of Emily’s fingertips drawing patterns on your back as she stepped impossibly close to you. You could feel the heat from her body wafting onto yours and your breath caught in your throat. The doors slid open, letting the other couple out before they slid shut again, leaving you alone and you could feel her breath on the back of your neck before she spoke.

“You are going to be a good girl for me, right?”

“Mmhmm.” You nodded, gulping at the feeling of her fingers tracing higher on your back, now tickling at your bare skin.

“Good.” She murmured, her fingers squeezing softly at the back of your neck before they slid into your hair, her free hand grasping your hip as she turned you in her arms, swiftly backing you into the wall of the elevator and her lips captured yours in a kiss.

While she had been showing some signs of uncertainty when it came to navigating this particular type of situation, it was suddenly very clear that she knew exactly what she was doing when it came to the more intimate side of things. Only a second after her hands were on you, her lips gliding against yours and you were complete putty in her hands.

Your hands easily looped around her shoulders, pulling her tighter to you as your lips moved with grace against each other. Emily slotted a leg between yours, knee against the wall right as her tongue slid across your lips, urging them to part and you quickly obliged. Her tongue swept into your mouth and you couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, hips rocking toward her and she ground you down onto her thigh. You couldn’t help but let out a small whimper into the kiss, one that morphed into a needy whine as the elevator dinged and Emily suddenly stepped away from you, her hand grabbing yours to quickly lead you down the hallway.

“Thought you were patient.” She teased with a gleam in her eye and you only had enough time to let out a huff of a laugh before you were inside the suite. “Cause now you’re sounding like a needy girl.”

“Maybe if someone wasn’t such a tease.” You shot back and she chuckled darkly, stepping toward you, gently pinching your chin as she titled your face up towards her.

“For someone who wants to cut to the chase so badly, you certainly are overdressed.” Her fingers slipped into the straps of your dress, nudging them over your shoulders, “how about we get this off?”

Your hands reached behind your back, tugging the zipper down before pushing the dress down to your feet, stepping out of it along with your heels. You watched with hungry eyes as Emily’s fingers swiftly undid her blouse, dropping it behind her before she stepped back to you, her hands cascading across your skin.

“Such a pretty girl in pretty lace.” She husked, her fingers trailing over the waistband of your panties before surging upward and tracing the pattern of the lace covering the cups. Your breath caught in your throat when her fingers brushed over your nipples and her lips curved up into a grin, groping your chest and successfully pulling a moan from you. “Let me see these gorgeous tits.”

You reached behind you, unclasping your bra and letting it fall to the floor, heat prickling beneath your skin at the feeling of Emily’s gaze on you. Her hands returned to your body, caressing your exposed chest, fingers pinching gently at your nipples, eagerly watching your reactions. She stepped forward, lips meeting yours in a lazy kiss while your hands wrapped around her, un doing her bra so you could mimic her movements. She let out a soft moan into the kiss and your hands sunk south, groping at her ass, rolling her hips toward you as you slotted a leg between hers.

Emily barely pulled away from the kiss to scold you, “uh-uh princess. Or did you forget that tonight was about me fucking you into next week?”

“Fuck…” you muttered and she laughed softly, nudging you backwards toward the bed.

“Now get rid of those panties and lie back.”

While you dropped onto the bed, fingertips slipping into the waistband of your underwear to tug them down your legs, Emily took the time to rid herself of her pants and slid the hair tie off her wrist, loosely pulling her hair back before she crawled over you on the bed. She kissed you again, her tongue surging into your mouth as you let out a soft groan at the feel of her hands back playing with your tits. Your back arched off the bed when she pinched your nipples, harder than the first time.

“Oh god..” Your head dropped back into the pillows, eyes fluttering shut and she took advantage of your exposed neck.

Her lips trailed down it, pausing briefly to nip at your sensitive skin, wondering if she should mark you or not. Instead she licked across your collarbone before sucking a nipple into her mouth and you moaned, your fingers weaving into her hair the best they could. This time her teeth did scrape across your skin and you whimpered, heat tingling from where her mouth was on your body down all the way between your legs. It didn’t take long before Emily’s lips had traced their way down your body and her hands were on your thighs, spreading them wide to make room for herself. Her thumb swept through your folds, briefly pressing on your clit and you moaned, pussy fluttering around nothing.

“Such a pretty girl.” She cooed before shifting forward, repeating the motion but this time using her tongue and you couldn’t help but let out a gasp.

“Fuck!”

Her lips wrapped around your lower ones, tongue drawing patterns across your cunt as she began to eat you out. She eagerly accepted your hand tangled in her hair, urging her closer to your pussy, her tongue slipping in as far as she could, lapping at the juices that were starting to leak out. She groaned over your taste, grinding down against the mattress as her fingers dug into the skin of your thighs. The taste of you on her tongue and the way your thighs were already trembling under her touch was enough to drive her wild and she was certain she would never get over it. Knowing that you were this turned on already and that she had this effect on you had her pussy throbbing, dampening her panties as she continued to lick at your cunt. Her nose bumped against your clit and you whined, your hips rocking up towards her,

“More…” you begged and she smirked, her tongue lapping through your folds before it flicked at your clit and you whimpered.

“You like that?” She asked, her tongue flicking your clit again and you shuddered, nodding. “you want your pretty clit sucked?” She flattened her tongue, slowly dragging it across your swollen nub and you groaned, your fingers tightening in her hair.

“Yes! Please!”

“Such a good girl.” She praised, “I guess good girls do get rewarded.”

Her lips wrapped around your clit, sucking it into her mouth and you let out a very satisfied moan, eyes scrunching shut as her tongue traced patterns around it. Emily brought her hand up, two finger tips sliding up and down your folds, teasing you, coating them in your wetness before she slid them into your pussy.

“Fuck… Emily…” Your pussy fluttered around her fingers, pleasure surging through you as the fire prickled just under your skin.

She had an expertise at what she was doing, you could tell, and it never took long for her to follow her instincts, read your body language and reactions. It felt like she had barely started touching you and you were already panting, a shimmer of sweat glistening over your body as her fingers began to pump inside your cunt. She popped off your clit, blowing cool air on it and you shivered, your hand clawing at the bedspread as your pussy pulsed around her fingers. With her mouth back on you her fingers began to curl to find that extra sensitive spot within you and she found it faster than she expected. You could feel the smirk of her lips as you cried out.

“Oh god… yes!” You whined when her finger tips hit it again, “right there.”

Emily sucked harder on your clit as her fingers brushed your g-spot again, pressing harder and longer with each thrust of her hand. Feeling the way your thighs were squeezing around her, the way your hips jolted up off the bed with each pump of her fingers she knew you had to be close, your pussy clenching down around her as she picked up the speed. It didn’t take long at all before you were moaning loudly, pleasure shooting through your veins, bursting from your body and your juices were dribbling down her hand. Your body shook, a whine escaping your lips and she pulled away from you slightly, her fingers slowing as they fucked you through your orgasm.

Once you had mostly come back down to earth her fingers slipped from you and she sucked them clean before crawling up your body, kissing you breathless. Your hand wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to you as your tongue danced with hers, groaning over the taste of you in her mouth.

“Roll over.” She murmured, lips brushing against yours as she swatted at your hip.

You eagerly rolled to your stomach, the bed dipping as she slid off it and you watched her wander to a chair, digging through a small duffle until she pulled out the strap and a bottle of lube. Your eyes darkened as she stepped into it, adjusting the toy and you popped up to your hands and knees, presenting yourself to her.

She sauntered back over to the bed, climbing on behind you and her hands ghosted up your thighs, spreading your cheeks so she could get a look at your cunt, glistening in the low light of the room, smeared with your juices.

“Such a pretty pussy.” She praised, her hand gently slapping against it and you let out a breathy whine, your eyes fluttering shut as your rocked back towards the touch. “Oh?” She raised a brow, “you like that, hm? Like being spanked?” This time her hand swatted at your ass and you let out a low moan.

“Yes..”

“I’ll have to remember that.” She cracked open the bottle of lube, smearing it across the dildo, “but for now… do you want my cock?” She nudged the head of it against your pussy and you whined, “want me to stretch out this pretty pussy?”

“Please!” You cried out, hands grasping at the bedspread as you felt yourself pulse over nothing.

Emily chuckled softly, her hands coming to rest on your hips as her cock sunk inch by inch into your pussy and you let out a satisfied groan when her hips collided with yours, cock deep in your cunt. She pulled out until just the tip was left inside you and thrusted her hips sharply, pulling a throaty gasp from you. Pausing for a moment while she was buried deep she circled her hips and you let out a satisfied sigh, your body rocking back toward her and she knew she was in the clear, you had no issue being fucked that hard.

“Take me so well princess.” She murmured, a hand rubbing up your back before she thrust deeply back into you and you groaned again.

Emily then set a steady pace, her cock plunging into you with each thrust, your body rocking forward and following her movement back, eager for more. Each pump of her hips you could feel the ridges of the toy dragging through your walls, hitting every spot you needed them to, your pussy fluttering harder and harder around it. Emily’s lips curved up into a grin at the sight of her cock coated in more of your juices each time she pulled it out, that you had gone from moaning to only being able to whimper and whine as she fucked you harder. Her hand slid up your back, leaving goosebumps in its path before she tangled into your hair, tugging at the roots and you let out a gasp, your pussy clenching down around her cock.

“Fuck…” You managed out between moans, fire burning through your entire body as she fucked deeper into you.

The hand Emily had in your hair pulled harder, yanking you up flush to her and your breath struggled through your throat before coming out as a gasping moan, feeling her mouth in the crook of your neck again.  Her free hand wrapped around your body, easily finding your clit, beginning to rub at it in time with her thrusts.

“Such a good girl.” She husked into your ear, “such pretty sounds.” Her teeth nipped at your earlobe, “come for me princess, I know you’re close.”

Her fingers pressed harder on your clit, rubbing faster as she continued to fuck you, your bodies slick with sweat, the room filled with a cacophony of your moans, wetness and skin meeting skin. Emily’s cock hit a spot inside you and you cried out, your hand wrapping around her wrist in an attempt to ground yourself as she fucked you even harder, pulling you over the ledge for you to come tumbling down as your orgasm flooded over you. Your juices coated her cock, dripping down your thighs as your body trembled in her arms before she let you collapse down onto the mattress and she slowed her thrusts.

“Jesus Christ.” You whimpered, voice muffled by the sheets as your body shook, pleasure shooting all the way from the tips of your fingers down to your toes as a second wind waved over your body.

Behind you Emily chuckled darkly, slowing her thrusts until she was completely stilled, still inside you and she leant over your body, leaving a trail of soft kisses down your spine before she slipped out of you. You let out a small whine at the loss of feeling so full, the ache already setting in between your legs as she shifted off the bed to slip out of the strap, leaving it to be dealt with later.

“You okay?” She asked softly, her hand ghosting up your back as she crawled back onto the bed and you let out a happy hum.

“Absolutely perfect.” You shifted slightly, shoving the mussed up blankets so you could at least slip half beneath them as Emily settled on the bed, her arm winding around you, urging you to curl into her side.

Her hand continued to rub soothing patterns into your back as you finally managed to catch your breath, a dopey smile on your cheeks as you rested on her chest. She wordlessly reached out to the remote, turning on the television and flicking through the channels until something caught her interest and you let out a hum to convey your interest. It wasn’t much longer past that point that your stomach let out a low grumble and she laughed quietly.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have rushed through dinner so fast.” You laughed, shifting to prop yourself up on your elbow, “they have a room service menu?”

She leaned over, shuffling through the nightstand before returning with one, flipping it open and passing it to you, “pick whatever you want. I’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge.”

It didn’t take long for you to call down to place an order in while Emily disappeared into the bathroom before grabbing the wine and some plastic cups, returning to the bed before you did the same. Fifteen minutes later you had an order of spinach dip, potstickers, and a very self indulgent plate of chicken strips for yourself spread out across the bed along with glasses of wine. You were mainly paying attention to the television, but the conversation was still peppered through as time went by, laughing over jokes and getting to know each other on a different level. Once the food was finished, Emily encouraged you to get cozy, that you were obviously welcome to stay the night and you took full advantage of that, stretching out in the luxury bed. She did mention it was likely she would have to take off before she wanted to the next morning, but she wouldn’t wake you, that she wanted you to stay as long as you wanted.

Both of you wanted to stay up later, but the six a.m. wake up that morning was catching up with you by the time midnight rolled around, yawns being passed back and fourth before you were snuggling into the pillows and Emily finally flicked off the tv.

The sound of your phone pinging woke you up in the morning, sun streaming across the warm bed and you let out a yawn, stretching out your deliciously sore body as you did so. Glancing around the suite you assumed Emily had left earlier and that thought was confirmed when you glanced to the bedside table, an envelope propped up against the lamp. You picked it up, finding her writing scrawled across the back of it.

‘Clear your schedule for next Saturday. I’ll text you more info later, but for now, take this and buy yourself something nice.’

Holding the envelope up to the window you could tell she had left you a credit card to do some shopping with and a happy smile broke out on your lips. When you picked up your phone you discovered that it was a Venmo notification that had woken you up, two hundred dollars sent from Emily.

Letting out a happy sigh you dropped back into the plush pillows, you certainly weren’t going to complain about spending your weekends like this from now on.

________________

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[sminiac]

hi I'm new here and uhm in love with all your p1h hcs 🥹 bf!intak and bf!theo were amazing, any chance you could do the same for jiung? love your work, thank you either way aaaaaaaaaaa

⋆ Choi Jiung + Reader

Ex — I’m so sorry this took me ages to get out, but biggest warmest welcome to you my sweets! Of course I can <3

Bf!Jiung who is so quick to offer his help whenever you’re having trouble with something, you’re struggling with work and can’t seem to make sense of it? He’ll help! Of course he will, but he won’t give you the direct answers no matter how much you beg, the type to work with you through it so the information sticks and everything broken down to the point where you’re able to build it back up all on your own, and he’s so proud of you for it too!

Ex: Him bent over you, voice firm and clear in your ear as he talks you through the problem, he doesn’t take himself too seriously when helping you with an issue, and that makes him all the more attractive. He likes joking around with you, patting your head and repeatedly nodding his head at you coaxing, “and?… C’mon baby, you know this.”. Jiung’s very persistent when making sure you aren’t so hard on yourself for not so easily picking up on whatever it is you’re struggling with. The way he’d smile every time you figure it out yourself, lovingly cradles your face telling you what a good job you’ve done.

Bf!Jiung who always has the cutest smile on his face whenever you’re leaning In to press a kiss to the small scar under his eye. At first he thinks of it simply as a cute gesture that you do without much thought behind it- but when he starts to take notice of how you do it everytime he’s with you, with not a single word spoken about it, he’s much more touched by the small act of affection. If it’s not his lips then it’s the same spot below his eye, he only starts to pick up on the subconscious habit when you bring the kisses to his eyelids + forehead.

Bf!Jiung who infamously doesn’t love skin-ship all that much, but will absolutely hold your hand and keep you close with a secure arm around your shoulders or your waist whenever you’re feeling a little deprived of his touch when out in public. He doesn’t say a thing about it, he doesn’t gripe and yell his complaints aloud like he’d do with his members. For you, it’s second nature, even if initially it wasn’t before you came along.

Bf!Jiung knows you see how hard he can sometimes be on himself, that his work ethic sometimes pushes more toward punishment rather than fulfillment, but he will absolutely not let you treat yourself the same way. Whether it’s subconscious or you do it in his favour, he immediately gets you to cut it out, even if it means he has to pull himself away from the studio or his laptop.

Ex: Bribes you a lot in hopes for it to stick with food and promises of adventure out in the city or somewhere quiet, reminds you constantly that you deserve to have that treat, to rest guilt free and not bothered with daunting tasks he can do himself. Kisses your forehead, sometimes he’d even go so far as to rest the entirety of his body weight onto you in hopes you’ll give up and agree to just cuddle and enjoy each others company for a little while longer.

Bf!Jiung who won’t accept anyone else as his parter during any kind of duo match other than you. Going head to head with him is another story, but when there’s groups involved he’s always on the edge of his seat hoping that no one picks you before he does. It’s like having a school crush all over again, he wants your company and the revitalizing energy you so casually carry around in the back of your pocket like it’s not something Keeho or Jongseob won’t be jumping and chasing after like rabid trolls. He won’t doesn’t want anyone on his team more than you, and he makes it very clear whenever someone else dares to even look in your direction for a little too long.

Bf!Jiung who slowly starts buying you stuff for his place the longer the two of you are together. He’ll make lists, messaging you asking if you want or need any specific when he goes shopping, but then it comes to a point where he just knows. He just internalizes all of the foods you like, the skincare you use, the toiletries you hate carrying back and forth between your place and his. It’s basically like you live together, but without the formal decision being made and established.

Ex: It doesn’t take long for Jiung to start calling your place and his ‘home’. He’s so stupid (lovingly) that he doesn’t realize how serious it is to you when he asks “When are you coming home?” and he’s referring to his place. It just comes naturally, he even calls your own place home, and it’s such a subtly sweet sentiment that he feels so comfortable as to call your place home even though he doesn’t officially live there :,)

NSFW under the cut! MDNI

Bf!Jiung who appreciates whenever you pull him away from his frustrations by allowing him to melt them away with the heat of your cunt. Sometimes he gets a little too inside of his head, a subconscious frown on his face as he focuses on the scene of you sinking down on him over and over again, having to pull him back out from his discouragement with a gentle hand to his chin, fingers curling against his jaw to make him look at you. His lips part when he realizes just where he is and how he has you, spread out over his lap, using the desk behind you as leverage. That’s when his hips start driving up, surpassing the pace you set in seconds, his fingers squeezing tighter into the soft skin at your hips, mumbling out soft curses and apologies.

Ex: Kisses repeatedly at your neck and collarbones with wet pecks as he leans further into you, “Sorry, ‘m so sorry honey. I’m here, gotchu’— f-fuck..”

Bf!Jiung who was avid with taking care of you the first few times you’re intimate, guiding you, showing you how to pleasure him, wanting you to show him how you like things, if he can know your secrets. He’s so praise oriented, sees the way you react the first time he tells you that you’re doing good, that you’re making him feel good, and then completely milks it just to drink down your reactions.

Ex: Loses it over any sound you make, small or big he loves it all. The first time he hears you make sounds in bed though, like really making sounds, he swears he could ascend.

Bf!Jiung who forces you to masturbate by yourself just so he can watch. Some days he’s just feeling a little off, and there’s nothing that your clumsy fingers playing with your clit can’t fix. It’s one of the rare times where he’s not lenient in the slightest, he wants to watch you make a literal mess of yourself and he’s not letting you go until you’re doing it. The cries and pleads for his dick or at the very least his own fingers are cute, really, he thinks it’s adorable how desperately you try to convince him to do something, anything. He’ll cradle your head and talk to you sweetly, but making sure the both of you can say the way your wrist moves in favour of your hips.

Bf!Jiung doesn’t particularly favour being dominant over subbing, and vice versa, he’s very easygoing in general, but he’s still the same when you’ve got him in bed. He can be whatever you need him to be. Jiung picks up on the vibe you give off quite easily, your words are a little sharp and your patience has been strung thin all day? Y’know what, begging you to bounce on his sock did sound nice when he was making breakfast. Oh, and he’s such a cute sub too. His voice certainly has the range for it. He’ll be sighing out pitchy whines and raspy mumbles that are still so light in your ears or crying out long pitiful hums of pleasure as his limbs thrash and spasm. But it also drops so deep you can feel it in his chest when you’re being difficult and close eared to his requests.

Bf!Jiung who can’t resist you when you start trailing your kisses down to cover over his butterfly tattoo, but sometimes it’s the only way you can pull him away from the damn screen. He’s all languid sighs and airy smiles as he realizes what you’re doing, and you take your sweet time getting there. He tries to be patient, cupping the side of your face reminding you that “You see all of ‘em all the time.” So why now be so tantalizing and torturous?

Ex: Has a habit of pushing his erection into your face, because then the spot of precum leaking through is briefs is unavoidable. He thinks it’s cute the way you unknowingly salivate in your mouth, and it makes the entry feel all the more pleasant.

[wardenparker]

Vampire Waltz - Epilogue

Max Phillips x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

A mysterious inheritance, sprawling mansion, eccentric roommates, friendly bat, and coven of New England witches are the newest chapter of your life after being unceremoniously dumped and kicked out by your boyfriend. For Max, the biggest change in his life is you, and what exactly he's going to do about the fact that he is stuck living with you as long as his sire continues to punish him for that incident at his last office...

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 13.9k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: deceased parents, cursing, food, blood and blood drinking, depictions and references to abusive relationships. Anxiety and trauma responses. Self-worth issues.* Pregnancy. Some healing of generational trauma, reconciliation, regret, past pain. But mostly fluff. Summary: In the time after returning to your original timeline, life seems to have many more surprises left for you and Max. Notes: Editing this chapter has been a good old fashioned cry at my laptop, I will admit that entirely. This little family has given us such a wild ride, and we are so grateful to each one of you for reading along for every twist and turn. Please join us for Hummingbird Has Landed, starting next week!

Ch 1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9 ~ Ch 10 ~ Ch 11 ~ Ch 12 ~ Ch 13 ~ Ch 14 ~ Ch 15 ~ Ch 16 ~ Ch 17

Six months fly by in the blink of an eye, and before you know it the day of the wedding has arrived. Seacliff has been thrown open for the occasion, decorated top to bottom in roses accented with spring wildflowers and with every curtain thrown open to let the sunlight in. At the end of your second trimester, you tend to get tired earlier in the night so you and Max had opted for an afternoon wedding with sort of an high tea theme for the food. The music is all perfect for dancing to, of course, and everyone from the dance studios you now frequent to the girls from the coven to your extended vampiric family has been invited. He’s even made a few friends at the firm where he now works, opting to go into real estate this time around. After spending a hundred years building different houses, he knows a thing or two about it.

Allison and Eddie will be the ones to stand up for you today, of course, as Allison learns each day a little bit more of what it means to be a vampire who has kept her humanity through every step of the change. You and Max had stood up with them at City Hall a few months ago and helped throw their more laid-back wedding reception at Chateau-sur-Mer. Now everything is set up for today’s success as well. All that’s left, really, is for Max’s surprise to arrive.

Max hovers, a habit that he’s developed even more as your stomach has grown. In love with the slow heartbeat of his child in your stomach and the sweet smell of your blood. He craves you more than you know, but he’s refused to drink from you since finding out that you are carrying his child. Not willing to risk anything, even after decades of taking your blood.

“Everything’s fine, love.” He’s always been a doting partner but for the last few months it’s increased exponentially and somehow you’re even more in love with him for it. “We’ve had weddings before. Everything will be just fine.”

“I know.” He does know that, but for some reason, this is the one that is making him nervous. “I’m excited.” He admits quietly. “This one is us. Our original timeline.” He pushes away the pang of sadness that seems to be creeping up every time the baby moves, or he thinks about being a father. The loss of his family is more poignant in this time because there’s no good reason they are not here.

“That’s why this one is exactly what we wanted. Good music, good food, not too fancy but not too casual.” You reach out and squeeze his hand, rubbing gently along his arm. “It’s the Goldilocks of weddings.”

“Are you comfortable?” He asks, shaking away his disappointment that parents who don’t care about him aren’t sitting on the groom’s side and focuses on you. “You should sit before the ceremony.” After so many years together and so many weddings, it seems ridiculous to observe the ‘no seeing the bride before the ceremony’ tradition. “The baby was really active last night; I know your sleep wasn’t the best.”

“The baby’s excited.” Over your second trimester you’ve started to get the feeling that your little witch-vampire pup can sense your emotions, and he knows you’re excited for today. “And Tracy brewed me a little potion for today. Energy without caffeine so I won’t get too tired and I can enjoy the day.”

He eyes you, but he doesn’t say anything. Always wary about portions because he’s paranoid, not because he doesn’t trust the witches that make up your very supportive coven. “Do you want a little massage before we start?” He offers, knowing how much you enjoy the back and foot massages he’s gotten pretty good at.

“It’s perfectly safe,” you assure him, but you’re already sitting back in your favourite chair with bare feet ready for rubbing. This is not going to be a day for silk stockings or anything delicate like that. “It’s one of Lina’s recipes. Tracy is having fun going through her grimoire.”

Max chuckles at how quickly you move when you are offered a massage. It’s cute how much you enjoy being pampered and he loves to remind you that you are the absolute love of his life. “Honestly? I trust them. I’m just worrying to worry.” He tells you as he sits down on the little foot stool. “Have I told you how fucking gorgeous you are today?”

"Hmmm, only once." Max starts in on your swollen, achy feet right away and you hum happily, sinking back into your chair and letting your hands cradle the large bump that threatens to take over your entire torso. Max Phillips makes big babies, apparently. "The grey suit is one of my favourites, by the way," you hum, referencing the three-piece heather grey suit he chose for today with dark red accents that match your bouquet of roses and Allison's red bridesmaid dress. "You look like a dream."

“Not nearly as dreamy as my pregnant, gorgeous, glowing wife-to-be.” He teases, winking at you. Since the beginning of the week, he’s called you his fiancée or wife-to-be. The new ring on your finger would never replace the original that has so much meaning for the both of you, but he has always given you new rings for every wedding. “But I have to try to look my best when I will be by your side.”

"I hope you don't mind." Holding up your other hand, you show him the original engagement ring he gave you in 1885 sitting on your finger, like a family heirloom accenting the beautiful sapphire ring he chose for you in this timeline. Your something blue, he had told you with a grin. "I felt like this time was the time to wear both."

“Whatever you want.” He promises with a grin. “Eventually we will have enough rings you can wear a different one every day.”

"I'll have a very full jewelry box for our son to pick from when he eventually proposes to his soulmate." Finding out you're carrying a little boy had had both of you crying in the doctor's office, overwhelmed and emotional about the next generation of your family to come.

“Very true.” He presses his thumb to the arch of your foot and he grins when you groan.

"I'm so glad I decided not to wear heels today," you huff, laughing slightly as your head falls back on your chair.

“Me too.” Max snorts. The sparkly white shoes you have chosen are cute and practical. “Although I still like the barefoot and pregnant wedding idea.” He teases with a wink.

"Maybe next time." That draws a deep laugh from you, and you lean back even more. "We'll have that one in summer, when being barefoot doesn't mean stepping on cold floors."

“Next time.” He agrees, although he doesn’t know if there would be a next time. All that matters is your comfort. “We still have an hour and a half before the ceremony.” He chuckles. “Maybe we’ve become too efficient at getting ready for these things.”

"Probably. Sixth time's the charm, I guess." You both laugh, enjoying the quiet and the comfort of being together upstairs in your bedroom. The Taylors, Renee, and Mr. Finchley were all invited to come today as guests but they had balked at the idea of not helping to put together today's event. As a result you've had twice the staff in getting the house ready today and everything is ready ahead of schedule. "Although..." you glance up at the clock and realize it's almost time. "I did plan a sort of...surprise for you today."

“Sweetheart…” he tilts his head and pouts at you adorably. “I thought we said that we were going to keep it low key?” He huffs. “Now my surprise is just going to be a normal wedding gift exchange.”

"I know what we said, and your wedding present is entirely separate." The photo album isn't technically complete anyway, since it has photographs of your first five wedding days already set in it but has left plenty of room for your sixth. "This is just for you."

“Is it something kinky?” He asks with a wicked grin on his face. “I can get behind that. Unless you want to get behind me???” He jokes.

"Not until this little pup comes out to greet us," you laugh, knowing your maneuverability isn't great these days.

“I don’t know, you were pretty kinky last night.” He reminds you. “Or was that someone else that wanted to ride my cock while I gave her tits all the attention?”

"Oh no, that was the horny pregnant woman you're marrying today." And damn last night was a good night.

“I know, and I love her.” He laughs and looks around. “So tell me about this surprise?”

As if on cue, there is a knock at your bedroom door and your own housekeeper clears her throat gently on the other side. "Mrs. Phillips? It's time."

"Thank you, Mrs. Moreau. We'll be down directly." Thankfully your shoes are nearby, and you flash Max a small smile. "Ready, love?" You ask, knowing that he has no idea what's waiting for him downstairs.

“Sure.” He shoots you a suspicious look but quickly applies himself to putting your shoes on. “You’re lucky you don’t have stinky feet.” He teases and pats your knee when he puts your foot down, both of them now wearing comfortable shoes.

The result of about three months' worth of phone calls is waiting downstairs, and you take Max's hand to walk downstairs together. There's a chance he'll be upset with you. Angry, even. But you've known him for long enough now that you don't think he will be – or at least you hope that he will see the gesture for what it is. A loving attempt at bringing him the happiness that you know he's been missing from his life.

He’s curious when he sees that the formal parlor is where you are guiding him. Wondering what you’ve had delivered and he stops dead when he hears a voice he has not heard for a lifetime. He wouldn’t recognize it for the fact that it was permanently attached to a thousand different childhood memories.

"I reached out about three months ago," you explain, feeling him stop dead beside you in the hall. "I told them that we were getting married and that we're expecting, and honey...they miss you so much."

“They— you called them?” He asked dumbly. “That’s— that’s my parents in there?” He asks, feeling like he’s in a dream even though he’s not dreamed since he’s been changed.

"I'll let them tell you everything." He isn't shouting or refusing to see them, so you're taking his quiet wonder as a very good sign. "But...I obviously left out the whole time travel, magic, and vampirism part of our story. I did tell them we're Wiccan, though. So they wouldn't be confused by the handfasting today."

He nods but he doesn’t say anything. Still process the fact that his parents are beyond those doors. People who had abandoned him when he needed them most. Part of him wants to run away, to refuse to see them, but you are squeezing his hand and looking so hopeful when he finally looks at you.

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay.” They’ll be disappointed, and so will you a little, but you’ll all understand. “I just knew that if I asked you about having them over, you would refuse on principle.”

“No.” He chokes out, shaking his head and for a horrible moment, he thinks he might cry. “I just can’t believe they came.”

“Well…” When you look up at him again, you offer him the softest, gentlest smile possible. “They wanted to apologize in person.”

“What did you say to them?” He asks, unable to believe the people who had disowned him, told him they never wanted to see him again, want to apologize.

“I actually did very little of the talking.” You nod to the door and squeeze his hand again, ready with a handkerchief if he ends up needing it. “Do you want to go in?”

“Um, sure.” With his free hand, he meticulously straightens his vest and his hair before he moves. He’s nervous and honestly a little afraid his parents want to ruin today for him.

When the door opens there are two people standing by the windows, looking down the lawn where your wedding ceremony will be and out to the sparkling ocean. Jeff and Maria Phillips stand together in a moment of awe before Maria is rushing forward and stops still in front of Max with one arm outstretched. “Max.” Her instinct is to call him honey, but she doesn’t know just how much he would hate that. “You—we tried everything we could think of to find you and we’re—” She chokes up almost instantly, The regret painted on her face as obviously as daylight.

“We’re so sorry, son.” Jeff has come up behind his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. “We should have taken you at your word when everything happened and we didn’t. That’s—we can’t undo it, Max. But we’ve regretted it every day.”

“Why?” That is the question that plagued him for years. The thing that had broken his heart and confused him. His parents weren’t the warmest people, but he had thought they had loved him enough to believe him. “You told me I was a disgrace to the Phillips name, that you wished I had never been born.” He reminds them. “Why?” His hand lets go of yours and rests on your stomach protectively. “I can never imagine telling my son something so cruel.”

“We received a phone call from the young man who…who accused you.” Usually quite a proud man, Jeff Phillips flounders in explaining himself to his son — a fully grown and obviously proud man in his own respect. “And from the Dean of your college, as well. We were told the proof was irrefutable and we knew you were ambitious, it all just…” he stops, shaking his head and letting it hang in a moment of shame. “Your great-grandfather, my grandfather, had done a lot of very unfortunate, mostly illegal things to get ahead in his lifetime. I tried to raise you as far away from that kind of life as I possibly could, and it—it was a lie that hit too close to home. And I thought I’d failed you. Instead of taking responsibility for that, I lashed out. And I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for it. But your soulmate reached out to us and said you were getting married, so we wanted to at least tell you that we love you on your wedding day.” The gift they had brought was out on the table in the foyer with a few others that had been mailed — an heirloom for the baby with a long letter of explanation and apology. That way even if Max didn’t want to see them, they could at least leave him with words of love in another way. The Phillips family crib and baby blankets made by Max’s grandmother belonged with him now.

Max swallows harshly, knowing that before you, before his time in the past, he would have sent them away for the pure pleasure of watching them hurt the way they had hurt him. To lash out and make them feel the rejection and heartache he had lived with for years. Except, he had to watch history repeat itself in a sense. Knowing the path that was before a headstrong daughter and equally stubborn parents. Watching the silent heartbreak and pain when their daughter distanced themselves from them. Knowing the further heartache that was awaiting them. He had sworn that he would be better than his parents and if he sends them away, what does that teach his son? His parents only have a small amount of time left, should he deny himself that time out of some childish need for punishment? Over the centuries, Max would like to believe he’s matured.

He frowns, looking at the table that has the gifts on them and then looks back at his parents. “Are you staying?” He asks, unsure if they wanted to stay or if they just wanted to make peace.

“We’d like to,” his mother offers, eyes flickering once over to you and then back to her son. She knows the decision isn’t theirs or yours. “But only if you want us to.”

“What made you look for me? Do you think that I’m telling the truth? Or—” Max has to know, he has to know what changed their minds.

“We tried to look for you just a couple of weeks after everything happened.” Maria takes a small step forward, so deeply hopeful that Max will forgive them. “The school said they couldn’t tell us anything besides the fact that your transcripts had been forwarded to another university, and there wasn’t a Find My Phone or anything like that, that we could use to try to find you.” Her voice wavers, obviously emotional, and she sniffles softly. “We realized that the son we’d raised…you didn’t deserve to be shunned even if you had made a mistake. We’d just been so shocked that we reacted on instinct.” Another small shake of her head comes with a few small tears that Maria quickly wipes away. “We should have believed what you told us over anything else. Over any other fear or story. The more times we talked through it, the more we realized…cheating was never the shortcut you were going to take. You always worked too hard for that. And we’d pushed you away for nothing.”

“I had to go to Romania to find a school that would accept me.” Max tells them, biting his lip and closing his eyes as he wrestles with himself. “You lost the son you knew there.”

Your hand slips gently over his, holding it in yours and wondering if this was a mistake. You know how much Max misses his parents, but some hurts are just too deep. It would be truly unfortunate if this was one of them.

“It’s obvious you’ve become a good man even without us.” His father acknowledges, nodding sadly. He knows he failed his son in so many ways, and he really doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself. Maria had fought him in the beginning and brought him around to the truth in time. “But if you’d let us, we’d like to get to know the man you are now.”

“There’s something you need to know before you make that decision.” Max opens his eyes and looks at the older man who is so much like him, even though he has his mother’s ears. Then over to his mother who looks like she is about to break down sobbing. “I’ve wanted you in my life for years, but I won’t let you back in only for you to run away when you find out.”

“Whatever you want to share with us, we want to hear.” It’s a promise, and Jeff Phillips doesn’t take that lightly after all this time.

“Technically….” Max squeezes your hand gently. “Your son, I— died in Romania.” He admits quietly. “I was turned into a vampire.”

The quiet in the room could be cut by a knife, and you hold Max’s hand tightly while his parents process what he’s just said. It’s confusion — deep confusion — more than anything else, but after a seemingly interminable few minutes, Maria nods. “Are you happy?” She asks, aware that her husband must be looking at her like she has three heads right now.

“I am.” Max nods. “I have my soulmate and our child. I’ve done things you would never believe. And now, I am seeing you again.” He gives her a small smile. “After I— was changed, I came back. I saw you from a distance.”

“The world gave you a witch so you would have someone to understand you.” Maria observes, nodding solemnly. You had explained the pertinent parts of being Wiccan to his father over the phone months ago but hadn’t had that conversation directly with his mother so you hadn’t heard her reaction personally. “When did you come to see us, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. It’s a term he hasn’t heard from his mother in over ten years in this timeline and it makes him bite his lip. “August 14th, 2013.” He gives a small shrug. “Your birthday.”

It’s heartwarming, and unexpected, to know that he had missed them too. Just because you had said so in your call — it did not mean it ran deeply. But Max and his mother had always shared a mutual fondness for birthdays. “I wish you had come inside,” his mother admits, although she smiles in a sort of lopsided way. “Although…could you have? If we had not invited you? You’ll have to tell us what is real and what is legend.”

It’s curious that his mother automatically believes him, and he wonders if they think this is some kind of test. He’s testing to see they will believe him and chosen the most outrageous thing. “I don’t have to be invited in.” He laughs.

“Do you remember Vera?” His mother asks, seeing skepticism in her son’s eyes before looking back at her husband too. “The woman who lived next door and would babysit for us when Max was little?” To you she explains, “He would get off the school bus and go to our next-door neighbor’s house for a few hours until Jeff or I got out of work. Whichever one of us got home first would go next door and tell him we were home.”

“Yes?” Jeff frowns slightly, wondering why his wife would bring up a neighbor that was long moved away.

“When Max was a baby, and I would go over to her house during the day for a little change of scenery?” She pauses and looks back over at you with a smile. “Maternity leave can make you feel like your mind is melting sometimes. Find a safe place to get out of your own house. Even if it’s just someone else’s house.” The advice to you seems decent enough, and you barely have time to smile in acknowledgment before she’s looking back to her husband and son again. “Vera used to tell me stories from home,” Maria explains. “And…folktales are always founded in a little bit of truth, aren’t they?”

“She was Romanian.” Max remembers suddenly. “She told you about vampires, didn’t she?”

“She did.” Maria nods, but ends up shrugging reluctantly. “I thought she was an eccentric old lady, but I was grateful for the company. Now…I wish I had taken notes.” Stepping forward one more time, Maria takes a chance and reaches out for Max’s free hand. “We already lost you once, sweetheart. If this means we’ll never lose you again? That your soulmate and your son will never lose you? Then it’s a blessing.”

“I just— I didn’t want you to find out and throw me away again.” Max murmurs quietly. “I had planned on honoring your wishes, to never see you again. But— I— I’m glad you’re here.”

"We never should have said those things." Jeff was the one who said most of it, and he's been humbled enough by regret over the last decade to just...accept whatever it is that life puts out in front of him and his family. He may not understand it, but better to be confused and follow his wife's good example than to risk losing everything all over again. "We missed you, son."

Even though he doesn’t need to breathe, Max exhales loudly, trying to keep from crying. The whole in his heart that he’s refused to acknowledge since the day they had disowned him, finally starting to heal. “I’ve missed you too, Dad.”

The hesitation is cut from the room as Max's parents lurch forward to throw their arms around him and hold on to him tightly. As much as he hates to let go of your hand, he does, needing to basically catch his parents as they hug him. Closing his eyes and trying not to bawl like a baby as he inhales the scent of the people he had never imagined being close to again.

Maria is the one who cries, being dainty about it because she doesn't want her makeup to run or to stain her son's immaculate suit, but she can't help herself. It was not so long ago that she thought she would never get to even see Max again, let alone hug him.

The embrace goes on for longer than he had ever imagined until they break apart and Max turns his head towards you to find you crying quietly into a handkerchief. “Dolly, come here, my love.”

"I'm sorry," you murmur, laughing at yourself a little as you dab at your eyes. This is the reason you hadn't done your eye makeup yet. "Pregnancy hormones."

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” As soon as you are close, you are bundled into his arms and he is pressing his lips to yours. “I love you. I can’t believe you did this for me.”

"I'd do anything for you." And as many times as you've said it, the meaning always holds true. You would turn the world upside down for him – and you even have the power to do it after a hundred years spent honing your magic. "I love you so much."

“I love you too.” He promises gently. Kissing you once more before he turns to his parents. “Let me properly introduce you.” He offers. “Even though you’ve spoken on the phone.”

"We want to know everything." Max's father has handed his wife his handkerchief and is obviously stifling his own emotional reaction – and doing a very poor job of it.

Max pulls you closer to his side and his other hand is proudly protective on your stomach. “This is Dolly.” He does mention your real name, but wants them to know that you prefer your nickname. “My soulmate. The most wonderful woman in the world and the woman I will waltz through eternity with.”

Maria moves to embrace you without hesitation, but Jeff’s head tilts in obvious confusion and curiosity. “Waltz?”

Right. He had never really danced when he was with them. It was picked up in Romania. "I started ballroom dancing." He explains. "An elective in Romania. Dolly also ballroom danced competitively. My favorite thing to do is to waltz with this beautiful lady." He admits proudly.

“We choreographed our first dance,” you tell them proudly, as soft as ever at Max’s side. “You’ll see. He’s an exceptional dancer.”

Maria bites her lip, aware of missing so much time with her son because of their foolish mistake and she nods. "He is exceptional." She reaches out for one of his hands and squeezes it gently. "And you seem so happy." That's all that matters to her.

“We are.” If anything, that is the thing you can promise them. That you’re happy and living the very best, most fulfilling life you possibly can be. “Max is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

"And...his being a vampire is what caused you to meet?" Jeff asks, curious to how the two of you met and trying to wrap his head around the whole situation.

“My grandfather was one of Max’s professors in Romania.” This is the part that is going to get careful explanation, as you hadn’t gone into it over the phone. “He is also Max’s sire. That is…the vampire that turned him. My grandfather took Max under his wing, and even brought him to live with my grandmother here in Newport before she died. I met Max when I moved into that house, as well.”

"I see." There's obviously more to the story, but he won't pry. Right now, he is just glad the boy is talking to him. He knows that Max inherited his stubborn streak, and he could have been rightfully turned away with an expletive and he would have deserved it.

“You’ll meet him today, if you stay for the wedding.” There are still a few more months on Yayo’s ticking clock to join his wife and daughter in the afterlife, but he is waiting until your son is born to leave this world. He had smiled when the decision was made, telling you that wanted to bring good news to Cookie and Annie in the next life. “My grandfather is…a little dramatic,” you smile, stifling a laugh. “I’m afraid it’s a family trait.”

Max chuckles. "And since he is a vampire as well, he looks younger than you, Dad." He warns the other man. "However, Dolly's grandfather is the first vampire. The oldest in existence and has walked the earth for thousands of years."

“It’s a bit of a long story.” The expressions on both of his parents’ faces are something like an undergrad trying to work out a complex math problem, and you shake your head while running a soothing hand over your belly. “Can I offer you a tour of the house?” That, at least, is semi normal. Even if your house was built in 1888 and is still a functional Gilded Age mansion.

“It is beautiful.” Maria nods instantly and Jeff shakes his head. “Do you mind if I speak to Max privately?” He asks you before looking at his son. “Would you, son?”

You look to Max for his confirmation, and when he nods and leans over to kiss you, you offer him an encouraging smile. “I’ll show your mother the library first.”

Max nods, his eyes following you out of the room and he wants to follow you, but he is curious to what his father wants to say privately. Only when he can't see you anymore, do his eyes turn towards Jeff and he arches a brow.

“She’s quite a girl.” He says after the door closes, gesturing to where you have escorted his mother from the room with grace and surety.

"Yes she is." Max will always agree with that. His proud little smile on the corner of his mouth shows his happiness at being matched with you. "She's been through a lot and is still the kindest woman I've ever known."

"When she called us the first time, your mother thought she was an angel." Jeff smiles at that, his wife always has been the gentler out of the two of them. Just like with you and Max.

"In a lot of ways, she is." Max nods. "I normally call her Queenie, as another nickname." He tells his father. "And she is amazingly graceful, carrying a half vampiric child."

"And her..." his father clears his throat. "Her grandfather is...also a vampire?" He's not willing to go against a single second of this, his son is too precious to him after all this time, but he wants to at least make sure that he has everything he's being told straight.

"Yes." Max looks at his father. "I would have met her at Vanderbilt. Discovered that we were soulmates there. I actually had a blind date with her the day I was kicked out." He reveals. "But that didn't happen and luckily her grandfather recognized her birthmark on my arm and changed me." He slides his hands into his pockets, a defense against the hurt that is still there but slowly lessening. Ever more so now that his parents want to be in his life. "He arranged for us to have the meeting we should have had nearly fourteen years ago."

"Jesus..." If his wife was in the room, Maria would scold him for taking the Lord's name in vain, but Jeff just shakes his head. "I..." Jeff blows out a breath. "I know saying that I'm sorry will never be enough. But I really...I'll never stop saying it, if that's what it takes for you to believe how much we regret what happened."

"I believe you." Max has become closely acquainted with actions taken in anger and regretted later. He believes that your mother would have eventually broken the magic binding if she had lived. "Dolly and I talked about reaching out, but for a long time, I was so hurt, I wouldn't have come to you for anything." He sighs softly. "My wife doesn't have much family left. Her parents are gone, and I know she wants as much love for our son as possible. It doesn't surprise me that she contacted you."

"She said she lost her parents, and that you shouldn't have to lose yours as well." It's sweet, Jeff thinks, that his son already refers to his soulmate as his wife on the morning of their wedding day, but he doesn't say anything. It seems like your lives are complicated and he doesn't want to judge. On that, he has learned his lesson. "Max, you should...you should know..." He clears his throat again and casts an eye around the room. "I never actually changed my will. By the time I came out of the fog enough to even talk to our lawyer, I realized the mistake I had made. But it was already too late to find you."

Max frowns slightly, wondering why that would matter to him. Why he would be concerned with his father's will, but then it clicks. His father wants to talk to him about some kind of inheritance. He tilts his head curiously. "I see...."

"Obviously you don't...you don't need my help." The house his son lives in now is a literal mansion. It's far bigger and better than anything that he and Maria were able to give Max growing up. But there is a matter of principle and pride in making sure that they leave what they can to their son when they leave this world. "I had a cousin. A distant cousin, I mean. Who died two years ago. And the guy left behind a big plot of land as well as some assets. Combined with what your mother and I had planned to leave you...it's pretty substantial." He shrugs his shoulders a little, hands in his pockets in a posture that mirrors his son's. "Do whatever you like with it. It's yours. Or maybe your boy's, who knows?"

"Dad...I appreciate that." He promises, meaning it. He had long written off the idea of anything from his parents. "More than you know."

"Maye we can all take a trip together sometime?" He's lost so much time with Max that even being called Dad again has him close to tears, but he shakes it off for now. The day is already emotional. "I guess my mother's side of the family had some money, so it's a nice piece of land in upstate New York. Tuxedo Park. 'Pullman House', I think it's called. Can you imagine having enough money that your house has a name?" He chuckles at the idea, not realizing that his son’s current home most definitely has a name, and shaking his head.

Max freezes for a moment, his eyes widening slightly and he has to take a moment. "Pullman House?" He asks, remembering visiting the house, the last time being a very somber affair. "I— are you serious?"

"Yeah." Jeff nods, taking out his phone to pull up the pictures of the house and grounds that the estate lawyer had sent over. "Have you heard of it?"

"I— I didn't know we were related to the Pullman's." He admits, never looking into his family tree when he was back in time with you. He hadn't wanted to. "How?"

"My grandmother was a Pullman." He doesn't quite see why it matters, but Max seems to recognize the family name so he hands over his phone with photographs of the sprawling mansion. "They made train cars, I think? Back after the Civil War. Must have made quite a bit of money at it, to have a house like that, but it's not in the best shape now. We, uh...your mother and I thought, we could invest a little in it now to fix it up and rent the house out while we're alive. And once we're gone it's yours to do whatever you want with."

"I've been there before." Max tells him with a nod, "I mean, in the area. Tuxedo Park. It's gorgeous from what I remember." He lifts a brow and decides that maybe he should put forth an idea of his own. "It could be something we do together?" He offers. "Dolly and I love historical architecture. Obviously." He chuckles as he glances around the room. "We can start the restoration and see what happens?"

Jeff obviously hadn’t expected that kind of enthusiasm, and when he nods he put his hand out to his son to shake. “I’d like the chance to get to know the man my son has become,” he agrees, on the verge of being choked up again. “And I’ll never say no to getting to see my grandson. It sounds pretty perfect.”

Max looks at the offered hand and reaches out to shake it firmly. "That sounds good." He tells him. "But first, I need to make sure that my soulmate officially carries the Phillips last name." He jokes.

“Why don’t we catch up with our soulmates before they start making plans of their own?” His father suggests with a chuckle, knowing that Maria’s sweet disposition means it could very well happen.

"I'm glad you came." Max admits softly, frowning slightly even though he's completely happy. He's frowning so he doesn't cry, but there's a certain mistiness to his eyes.

“I’m glad, too.” On instinct, Jeff tugs gently on Max’s hand and gratefully holds onto his son once more in a strong hug. They’re both emotional, but if there was ever a time for it in their lives — this seems as appropriate a time as any to shed a few tears in each other’s presence. “I love you, Max. I’m sorry it’s not something you heard often when you were growing up.”

"Always thought I had done something wrong." Max confesses. "If I made the team, you'd love me. If I graduated with honors, you'd love me." He flashes an amused, self-deprecating grin. "If I was a ladies’ man, you'd – at least be proud of me." He snorts. "Always wondered why it was never quite enough. If I was just that much of a disappointment. So instead of talking about it, I decided being a cocky shit and show that I didn't really care what people thought of me."

“I pushed you hard because I knew you were going to do something incredible one day.” They’re both teary, standing together in that room, but it’s okay. It’s always been okay to show his son what he feels, he just didn’t know that. “Your Mom, um…she’s had me doing work on myself. I mean, we’ve been doing it together, but it’s mostly for…” He huffs, rolling his eyes at himself. “She comes to therapy with me a lot. Got plenty of shit to work out and I don’t want it to affect you anymore. And I really don’t want it to affect my grandson. So I’m…I’m working on me. I just really hope it helps. Because you were always enough, Bud. And I always loved you. I just didn’t know how to tell you that.”

"I understand." Max nods. "I've done my own bit of therapy." He doesn't mention it was back before therapy was a thing and it had been with his sire. "Dolly has insisted on it, because of her own issues and it's a good thing. To be the best version of ourselves for each other and our son."

“Do you have any names yet?” Motioning to the door, Jeff means to walk and talk if they can, trying to make the most of every second he has with Max. Of course there’s probably things to finalize before the wedding starts, but they at least have time to catch up to their soulmates.

"We were thinking Johnathan, for Dolly's grandfather and my sire." He smiles slightly. "Johnathan Jeffery Phillips." He watches his father, wondering how he would react to the middle name.

It’s instant, the way Jeff tears up all over again, and this time two thick tears escape his eyes before he can stop them. “Really?” He has to ask, wondering if his son had forgiven him long enough ago to have considered naming his son after the father who had made such an enormous mistake.

"We had long talks about it." Many hours spent talking while you laid in his arms and later when he was stroking the rounded stomach that houses his child even now. "If my son couldn't have his grandfather in his life, at least he would carry a piece of him with him." It was how you had phrased it and Max had nearly cried then too.

“Well goddamn.” Gobsmacked, Jeff wipes his hands down his face and then claps Max on the back with a sigh. “I don’t even know what to say. Except thank you.”

There's nothing else to say at the moment, so Max just nods as you and his mother come into view. "There they are." He hums, smiling at the sight of you absently stroking your stomach as you chat with Maria.

“Hey, my love.” In your wedding dress, all ready for the day, you have been telling your mother-in-law a little about the history of the house and showing her some of the older books in the library. Seeing Max’s softened expression though, you reach out to him immediately. “Everything alright?”

“It’s fine.” He loves that you worry about him, it makes him feel loved. “I was telling my dad about the name we’ve picked out for the baby.”

“Ah,” you hum, leaning over the bump between you to kiss him softly. “Hence the tears?”

“A little emotional.” Max admits shamelessly, enjoying the bump of his heart as he presses his lips to yours.

“That’s good.” You tilt your head to kiss his nose as well and wink. “It’s our wedding day after all.”

"You are amazing, you know that?" He asks softly, kissing you again. "I can't believe you did this. Thank you, my love."

“You deserve to be happy.” The gentle reminder comes with a smile, and you squeeze his hand. “And I know you missed them.”

"You know me too well." He smirks. "Almost like you've lived with me forever."

“Hmm.” Humming a little, you end up giggling instead. “Almost like.”

There’s an inside joke there somewhere, making Jeff and Maria smile awkwardly as the two of you share a moment. “Did you tell Mom?” He asks you, wanting to make sure everyone was aware of the name.

“Not yet.” You look back at his parents but shake your head. “I thought you would want to tell them.”

He flashes you a grin, knowing you are aware that he still has a love of attention, but this is truly special. “Our son is going to be named Johnathan Jeffery Phillips.” He tells Maria, rubbing your belly gently.

“Sweetheart.” His mother is nearly in tears all over again, reaching for Max with overwhelming affection just as earnestly as her other hand goes to her husband. “Is it…” her hands are occupied, but her eyes move to you. “Was Johnathan your father’s name?” She asks as gently as she can.

“It’s my grandfather’s,” you tell her, touched that she would think to ask. “We think we’ll call him JJ for short, but we wanted him to have family names.” JJ is also a sort of family name; in a way you can’t really explain. Lina’s youngest son — little JJ Astor — was sort of your spiritual godson after he wanted to start learning his magic as a young man. You mourned him as dearly as the rest of his family did after the Titanic went down, even though you knew it was coming. That didn’t stop you from missing him.

“I— it’s a beautiful name.” Maria assures you. “JJ is a proper little boy’s name and then he can decide if he wants to keep it or go by Johnathan.” She is so touched that Max would include them in the naming of his child, despite the troubles from before. It will be one of the greatest regrets of her life.

“No matter what, he’ll always be loved.” Your hand smooths the underside of your belly as JJ himself makes an appearance in the conversation, kicking happily to show his approval — or at least his enthusiasm.

Max chuckles proudly. “He’s always so active. Giving mom his opinions on everything. He seems to like his name.” He tells his parents.

“I hate to interrupt, sir. Madam.” The petite figure of your housekeeper appears in the open library doorway. Mrs. Moreau has been with you since the house was finished in 1888, a determined and intelligent middle-aged woman-turned-vampire from Louisiana that prided herself on her skills as a caretaker. “But the other guests have begun to arrive. Mr. And Mrs. Perez are asking for you.”

“Of course.” Max nods and looks towards his parents. “I would like you to stay.” He tells them. “Please? We can talk and if you haven’t booked a hotel, you are welcomed to stay here.” He glances at you for confirmation, but he’s well aware that you’ve probably already planned for such an event.

“I already asked Mrs. Moreau to make up a guest room.” Obviously you had been hopeful that this reunion would go well, but you had really asked your housekeeper to make sure a few guest rooms were ready just in case anyone over indulged at the wedding. Safety first.

“Oh, well – are you sure?” The last thing they want to do is intrude on their son on his wedding night, but they also aren’t ready to let him out of their sight for too long as well. They hadn’t booked a hotel in case he refused to see them; the heartbreak would have been too much.

“We insist.” This is the outcome you were hoping for, after all, and you’re glad to see that Max and his parents are going to be able to patch things up. However slowly it happens, the work has begun. And that’s what matters most. “We aren’t leaving for our honeymoon for another week. And we’d like very much if you stayed.” The little train ride down to Washington DC will be welcome, and you had planned to take in museums and eat good food for a week or two before coming home again and making sure you have everything you need for the baby.

Maria bites her lip and looks at Jeff, wanting this more than anything. She’s missed her son, her only baby and now she’s being given another chance. “We accept.” She tells you with a happy grin. “As long as we can help in some small way. However we can.”

“I’m sure we’ll think of something.” You assure her, but for now you link your fingers through Max’s and smile. “We’re going to go finish getting ready. Please have a drink if you’d like and enjoy looking around a little before you take your seats in the garden. Mrs. Moreau will help you get settled.” There’s something to be said for having come into your own as a woman and a hostess in the Gilded Age, and with the help of women like your grandmother, Mrs. Astor, and Mrs. Vanderbilt. It has made you gracious and thoughtful, and very well prepared.

“Thank you again.” Jeff nods, looking at both of you as he compares the boy he had last known and the man and father-to-be that stands in front of him. “We will speak later.”

“We shouldn’t keep Eddie and Allison waiting.” A squeeze of his hand reminds Max to walk with you, and you hurry upstairs quickly to avoid being spotted by your newly arriving guests.

“Any other surprises that I need to be aware of?” Max asks with a smirk as he keeps his hand on your back, just in case.

“I talked my grandfather into cutting his toast in half.” The grin on your face is unrepentant. At the first of your weddings, Yayo’s reception toast was early forty minutes long. “Surprise.”

Laughing, Max shakes his head. “Yeah but now, we might have to have a speech from my father.”

“I’m rather looking forward to it.” At the top of the stairs, you can hear your brother and sister-in-law in your bedroom, humming over flowers and such. “I love you, Max. Forever. And I take that promise very literally.”

“I love you too.” Max stops you and cups your cheek. “You continue to surprise me, and I will never take you for granted one day during our existence.”

******

There are things about returning to Tuxedo Park that make you very nostalgic in a way that you cannot express to anyone besides Max. You came here together for Emmanuel’s funeral, supporting your grieving mother as her friends. It had been his parents’ wish to bury him here on the property, and now a large weeping beech tree oversees a small family plot on one end of the acreage. The distant cousin Max hadn’t known was buried here also, and had stored generations of family heirlooms inside the many rooms of Pullman House.

Going through these rooms is a lot of organizational work, but thankfully you can do quite a bit of it sitting at the dining room table with JJ in his Grow-With-Me chair beside you, kicking at musical keys and playing with the knobs, soft toys, and multicolored rings that the stationary play station has for his little mind to engage with. He seems to like the house well enough – although he did not like the drive here – and is currently staring and babbling happily at the far corner of the room while you look through old staff records and maintenance books kept by the superintendent.

“Hey love.” Max breezes into the room, taking on the role of handyman seriously, complete with walking about the house in flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up and a tool belt around his hips. Not that he was really using it right now, but you seem to enjoy the view.

“Hey Daddy.” You stretch your neck to invite a kiss and he leans over obligingly as your six-month-old gurgles happily a foot away. “Are your parents back from town yet?”

“Just pulled in.” He grins and presses his lips to yours several times. “How’s my favorite girl. And my little biter?”

“He’s got a favorite spot on the wall to babble at and I’m reading through staffing records. Apparently the house got hit hard by Spanish flu and lost a few people.” You bite your lip, almost hating to say his name, but you have to. “Emmanuel’s nieces both died, and a few members of staff.”

Max sighs softly. “It feels like he should walk through the door.” He admits quietly. “Asking if we have time to check a design he had built and give our opinions.”

“Is it weird that I’ve always wished I could introduce him to my father?” The two men your mother had loved definitely had had more in common than not. Which makes sense, of course, in that your mother had a type. “I just know they would have been friends.”

“It’s not strange.” Max shakes his head. “Just like you shouldn’t feel bad for loving Emmanuel like we did. I think they would have loved each other.”

“I don’t feel bad. I mean it took some adjusting to…to realize that I miss him as my friend and he very well could have been my father.” You shrug slightly, reaching out your fingers to adjust one of JJ’s toys in his chair. “Being here just brings it all back. I’m sure if we were in the house I grew up in, I’d be thinking about my Dad instead.”

“Of course you would.” Max nods seriously. “Have you thought about my offer?” He asks softly.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, actually.” Ever since reuniting with his parents and the birth of his son, Max has been fully family oriented. He’s been endlessly helpful in every aspect of adjusting the way you live to make way for more family, and that included a very generous suggestion a week ago. “I think I’d like it very much, honestly. Bringing Mom and Dad back to Newport seems…it seems right. The family plot at Island Cemetery has plenty of room and it would be nice to not feel so disconnected from them.”

“You would be able to visit her whenever you want.” Max agrees. You’ve visited your parents’ graves a few times, but it’s too far to travel now that JJ is here. “I will have all the arrangements made.”

“Thank you, love.” A half-smile graces your lips, which grows when JJ babbles at the corner again happily. “And when we’re here, we can visit Emmanuel.”

“What is he babbling at?” Max wonders, looking over at his son with a curious pride. “It’s like he’s talking to someone.”

“I don’t know, he’s been at it the whole time I’ve—” But turning your head to actually look at the area where your son is focused makes you almost swallow your tongue. “Oh gods…”

“What?” Max’s fangs descend in a flash and he’s speeding over to JJ to whisk him into his arms. He might be a little overprotective, but this is his son.

"Emmanuel?" The ghostly figure in the corner is unmistakable, his tousled hair and immaculate clothing exactly the way he looked in life, if significantly more transparent and...somewhat more sad.

“What?” This time Max’s eyes are wide, not fearful or protective, but confused. “What do you see?” He demands again, staring at the spot where JJ has been babbling.

"I see Emmanuel," you repeat again, more carefully, seeing the figure of your old friend looking back at you. "That...that is you, isn't it?" The fact that Max can't see him makes you think it must be your and JJ's witch's blood at work, and you stand up from your chair carefully. "Can you see me, too?"

"Oh..." The shadowy memory of Emmanuel sighs quietly. "I can see you. And hear you. It's...I didn't know you could see me," he admits.

“What’s he saying? Is he talking back?” Max asks, looking back and forth between the corner and you.

"He didn't know that we could see him," you explain to Max, tears brimming in your eyes to see your old friend again. "But I—I don't understand." When you look back to the corner, Emmanuel has taken a step forward. "How long have you been here? I had no idea someone who had been a vampire could become a ghost."

Max tilts his head as you seemingly talk to thin air, but Emmanuel has to be there if you say he is. “Since I was destroyed.” He admits quietly, eyes darting back and forth between you and Max. “But you are here and— Annie? She’s your mother?”

“I suppose there’s…a bit to explain.” You glance back at Max where he is holding JJ close to his chest and bouncing your son gently in his arms. “This is when we are originally from. One of my powers is the ability to time travel, and I brought us back to your time by accident. But…yes. Annie was my mother. And the Browns were actually my grandparents.” You smile softly, almost laughing in disbelief. “And this is our son, JJ. Who apparently could see you all day today and simply couldn’t tell me.”

Emmanuel bites his lip as he stares at you. “I— I thought I was doing the right thing.” He tells you, having had decades to reflect on his mistakes.

“So did my grandfather.” Although you nod, regret sticks in your throat as though you were somehow complicit in the decision to sire your mother’s soulmate purely because you didn’t stop it. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Is that what happened?” Emmanuel asks softly, frowning fiercely as he tries to remember those last moments. There was just a fog, a hunger he had never felt before and then seeing Annie’s eyes filled with regret and pain. Realizing she had staked him. “I— I could never hurt her. She is my world.”

“I know.” Magic isn’t merciful enough to let you touch him — hug him — to offer him comfort, but at least you can give your friend some kind of reassurance. “And Mom knew that, too. That it wasn’t you, when it happened.” Maybe that’s how he ended up a ghost, instead of moving on? You can’t be sure. “No one who ever saw you together could ever doubt how much you loved each other.”

“I— oh god.” He closes his eyes, pain etched across his face. “I hurt her. I— I just wanted to live through eternity with her. To give her the world. I would have never…” Regret laces his words, fills his tone and he wishes once again, that he had never changed.

“Emmanuel…” Cutting him off softly, you find yourself reaching out a hand to him even though you know you can’t touch him. It’s just instinct. “It’s—it’s done with. And…even if you had lived on? It’s…Annie died in a car accident when I was eighteen. She was still mortal, Emmanuel. Despite having such a long life. There’s just… there’s nothing that any of us can do sometimes to prevent tragedy. I know that might not be the most comforting thing in the world, but please don’t torture yourself thinking that she’s still walking the earth in pain.”

“She’s— Annie is gone?” He chokes out, the pain of knowing his soulmate no longer exists, blooming. He had thought he couldn’t feel the crushing pain of loss as a ghost after so many years of haunting Pullman House, but apparently he could. “Dolly— I— she’s gone?”

“I’m sorry.” Maybe you should have eased into the news a little, but you had honestly thought it would be comforting to know she wasn’t in pain anymore. “It’s been almost fifteen years now.”

“Why am I still here?” Emmanuel asks, unable to ask the question to anyone else since he has shown up here to haunt the halls.

“I don’t know.” You tell him honestly. “I’ve…you’re the first ghost I’ve ever met.”

He nods and his eyes slide over to Max and JJ. “Is he—?” He asks, eyes longing as they look at the child. The child that in his mind, should be his grandchild. “Are you happy?”

It almost feels rude to tell him just how happy you really are, but there is such a small chance that knowing your family is happy and healthy might actually help him somehow — and you cannot lie to your friend. Not anymore. You’ve already kept so much from him. “Yes,” you nod, knowing that Max is right behind you with JJ in his arms and that every moment your family has together is not to be taken for granted. “We’re still very happy.”

“Good.” Emmanuel smiles and looks back at the baby again. “Your son?” He asks. “He’s bright. He saw me right away.”

“He’s six months old today.” You can’t help the immensely proud way you beam when talking about your son. JJ is your pride and joy and you absolutely will talk about him from dawn until dusk. “Seeing you is…it’s the first sign of magic he’s shown. And I’m so very glad.”

“Does he...need blood?” He asks curiously.

“Some.” And you’re grateful you had been prepared for that, otherwise it would have been a very rude awakening. “But according to Cookie, Annie stopped needing blood after she stopped growing.”

“And you?” He asks, curious as to what you experienced as a child. “Did you need blood?”

“Not that I remember.” It isn’t impossible that you were given it as a baby and simply don’t remember, but even with your memory as clear as it is you don’t recall any sippy cups of blood in your childhood. “But I do take some of Max’s now. To prolong my life.”

“That is good.” Emmanuel nods. “You deserve a long life. You were always so kind to me. Even if you obviously knew what my fate was.”

“You loved my mother.” It’s as simple as that, to you at least, and again you just desperately wish you could hug him. “And you were a wonderful friend to Max and to me. You deserve as much kindness as every other good person in the world. I’m just…I’m very glad that I could be one of the people you find it in.”

“I am sorry.” Emmanuel murmurs softly. “For all the pain I cause your mother.” He’s had plenty of time to regret his change and now that he knows that he had hurt her, he is even more so.

“I wish it didn’t torture you the way it does.” It’s a sort of vain hope…or least a far-fetched one, but it is honest. “We are all of us only human, after all. Even witches and even vampires. We still make all the same mistakes and have all the same feelings.”

“I just hope that she was happy.” Emmanuel confesses. “After my time with her had ended.”

“In my memories of her, she was very happy.” It would be cruel to harp on the fact that your father was a good man and a good partner for her, and you won’t mention him at all, but you do smile reflexively. “Life when I was growing up was simple, and quiet, and happy. I can promise you that.”

“Good.” He smiles, nodding at the imagery you are producing. “That is all I can ask for.”

“You should know.” Stepping away from the topic of your mother or his regret for a moment is the gentlest thing you can think of in this moment. “Max and I…we’re helping his parents restore this house. They own it now. So we’ll be here, in and out, from now on.”

“Truly?” His eyes light up, delighted to maybe have company at some points during his existence as a ghost. “Would you— perhaps we could talk more? Not always, but some moments when you have time?”

“Of course we can talk more. And as JJ gets older, he’ll be able to talk to you, too.” His joy makes your heart ache, just like the very idea that you might not want to talk to him is absurd. “We’ve missed you, Emmanuel. Very much.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He promises with a small, sardonic smirk. “Although it’s amusing that Max cannot see me.”

“We’ll have to talk about him while he’s in the room,” you tease, throwing a grin back at your soulmate. “It will drive him crazy.”

“Don’t you dare talk about me.” Max huffs, frowning fiercely at the idea.

"Love you, babe." A grin over your shoulder tells him you're only teasing.

Max huffs and rolls his eyes. “Keep it up and I’ll start calling you ‘Manny’.” He threatens his old friend, not meaning a word of it.

“You’ll do that anyway,” Emmanuel replies, knowing his friend can’t hear him but enjoying the comfort that you can. You’re the first person to ever see him and actually hear what he says and it’s more comforting than he can possibly say.

“He says you’ll do that anyway,” you pass the message along with a grin.

Max tries to look innocent but fails miserably when he grins. “True.” He snorts and steps closer to the corner with the baby in his arms. “I can’t see you, but I’m glad that you’re— not gone.” He settles for that and shrugs. “I don’t know what to call it, but I’ve missed our billiards games.”

“It’s hard to play billiards without a body,” Emmanuel chuckles. “But maybe your wife will be kind enough to help us play chess.”

“He says I should help you play chess.” Translating between them makes you smile. Something you never expected but it warms your heart. “And I happily agree.”

“We will have to do it.” Max nods and gives a small chuckle. “No cheating though. I know you.”

That makes you snicker, but you hold up both hands in innocence. “I promise I won’t help him cheat,” you vow, wiggling your fingers in his direction. “Now, can I hold our son, please?”

“Sure.” Now that there’s no danger, Max has no problem handing over JJ to you. The boy goes easily, babbling happily and pointing at the corner.

"Sweetheart, I want you to meet somebody." Cooing to your son, you press a kiss to JJ's forehead and carry him a little closer to where Emmanuel is standing, past the table and past the chairs you had been sitting on all day. "This is Uncle Emmanuel." How much of what you're telling him is actually sinking into his curious little mind, you can't be sure. At six months old, he's definitely not piecing together a family tree in his mind. "He lives here, so we're going to be very nice to his house, okay Bud?" Picking up his little hand in yours, you grin when your son giggles approvingly. "Wave hi, Bud! Hi Uncle Emmanuel!"

JJ has learned to wave and he throws his entire body into it. Babbling and gurgling with a giant grin on his face as he damn near wiggles out of your arms.

If Emmanuel could still cry, he would have tears in his eyes. But as it is, the emotion sticking in his throat gives him away. “He is a blessing.” He manages to say, regarding the little boy in your arms.

“Yes.” You will agree to that every time, and never contest it for even a moment. “He absolutely is.”

******

Despite it being over 100 years of you sleeping beside him while he stays awake, Max doesn’t leave the bed. Too content to hold you as your breathing is nice and slow. Unless JJ is fussy and then he leaves you sleeping to handle the baby. He slips out of the bed as you groan and turn over to hug his pillow.

Your dreams have gotten slightly stranger since starting to take Max’s blood — the strangest were during pregnancy, but thank the gods that’s over — but it wouldn’t be uncommon to dream of magic or anthropomorphic anything or even create entire other universes in your mind. That makes this dream, as Max slips out of bed to rock your fussy son in his arms, all the more remarkable for being normal. Just a dream of your grandparents and parents sitting around a table playing cards like nothing had ever happened between them.

Your grandfather is the first to notice you, turning and smiling at you, just like he had your entire childhood when he visited you in your dreams. “Muñeca, you have come.” He stands and waves you over to the group.

“Yayo?” It isn’t the first time you’ve dreamt of your grandfather since he left this life, but it feels so much more real. “Am I late?”

He shakes his head and moves to gather you into a hug. “You are just on time. Come. There are others who have waited so long to see you again.”

You can see your family in the room, but at your grandfather’s bidding it’s like a veil lifts and you step further into the dining room at Chateau-sur-Mer to see your parents beaming at you as your abuela starts to deal you into their card game.

“Come sit with us.” Cookie hums in delight. “It has been so long since I have talked to you, my darling.”

“Are you…” Aware of your grandfather’s power, you don’t hesitate to go to the table, but you do look back at him before reaching out to hug your grandmother. “Are you all really here?” You ask, already choked up at the idea of it.

“After death, hard feelings are not nearly as important as family.” Annie admits, reaching out and taking your hand when you sit down. “I have so much to apologize for, sweetheart. So much.”

“You did what you thought was right, Mom.” Being able to see her again — touch her — call her Mom instead of Annie? It’s such a gift. It’s more than you ever dared to ask for, even knowing what is possible in the world. On her other side, though, you fly out of your chair to go to your father. It’s been the longest since you saw him, let alone spoke to him, because talking to the photos on your vanity at home don’t count as much.

“Hey pumpkin.” The fact that you are grown makes no difference as your father folds you into his arms and pulls you onto his lap for a hug like you are still six years old. “I have missed you so much. Been watching over you.”

“I miss you, Dad.” Such easy words to say, even as they shake through you, and you cling to him for a hug. “I miss all of you, but…gods I’m so sorry I didn’t come to see you when I was in the past. I was terrified of changing the timeline.”

“Honey, we understand.” Your father reassures you, kissing your forehead like he would have when comforting you from a bad dream. “I am just glad you got to see your mother. Your grandparents.” He pulls back and smiles at you. “Now you get to see me.”

“I wish you could’ve met Max.” Looking up and casting your eyes around the table, you soften again. “And JJ. Yayo is the only one who got to meet JJ, and you would all love him so much.”

“We’ve met JJ.” Your father admits with a smile. “Dreams, just like now, with you.”

“You can…with JJ?” It shouldn’t surprise you, not after last week’s revelation that your six-month-old can already see ghosts, but you smile in relief. “Good. I’m glad he’ll get to dream of his family.”

“We won’t monopolize his dreams.” Cookie promises. “Just drop in from time to time.”

“How are you still able to visit us?” This question is for Yayo, who is quietly looking through his hand off cards with a small smile. “If you…passed on? How do you still have your powers?”

“We are waiting.” Yayo tells you simply. “For Emmanuel.”

“Then I think you might be waiting for a while,” you tell him, guilt creeping into your voice as you look around the table. “He’s…he didn’t cross over. We’re at Pullman House right now. And he’s still here.”

“He has to forgive himself first.” Annie murmurs, looking sadly over at your father and then at you. “But he will. And then we will all be together.”

"He's heartbroken that he hurt you." It's so important for your mother to know this. To completely wrap her head around it, even if you understand that she probably forgave him long ago. "He barely even remembers when it happened. We've...talked through it. Extensively." Call it Ghost Therapy, but you had been hoping that trying to remember might somehow help him move on.

“Tell him that I— we— are waiting for him.” Annie requests, looking over at her husband, your father, and smiling. “Your father is looking forward to knowing the man that I loved before him. That I still love.”

“I…always thought you would be such good friends if you could meet.” It feels odd to admit it to your father, but it’s honest. It’s how you’ve felt since very early on after meeting Emmanuel.

“I know we would be.” Your father chuckles and looks at Annie lovingly. “She has told me about her soulmate.”

“Did they…tell you about Max, too?” It might be selfish, to wonder if they’ve talked about you and your happiness — but this is your family. Your parents and grandparents. In your heart your hope they’re at least happy for you.

“Absolutely.” He assures you with a proud smile. “I’ve watched how he cares for you, loves you.” He bites his lip. “He’s the kind of man I always hoped you would be with.”

“I wish you could visit him, too.” You admit, smiling softly. “But he doesn’t dream. Or sleep, really.”

“Yes, he’s too busy watching over his family.” Your grandmother hums in approval.

“You made a good choice, Yayo.” Of that, you can assure him. “Eddie and Allison are doing so well.”

“They are, aren’t they?” He smiles the satisfied little smirk of contentment before he picks up Cookie’s hand and kisses the back of it. “They are made for it, so I have cashed in one last favor from the devil.”

“Oh?” To hear that he had any left at all is a surprise, and you sit up at the table.

“Yes.” He hums, arching his brow and letting the moment sit just a touch longer for the dramatic effect. “They will walk the earth for eternity as soulmates.”

“Yayo.” The well of tears behind your eyes is instant, tears spilling over onto your cheeks as you think of how much that will mean to them. “You—they’ll be ecstatic,” you sniffle, wiping away the dripping tears.

“I thought they would like my last gift to them.” He nods, and holds up a finger. “But tell them that they should still treat every day as if they have just discovered each other.”

“I promise I’ll tell them.” Is it possible they don’t know yet? That it hasn’t happened? You’re certain that Allison would have called if she and Eddie had suddenly gained each other’s marks on any random afternoon. “And…” you look to your mother but have to wipe tears away all over again. “I’ll talk to Emmanuel. To tell him it’s time to finally forgive himself. Because you forgave him a long time ago.”

“I wish for him to enjoy this eternity with us.” Annie adds, nodding happily that you understand and there seems to be no hard feelings.

“I’ll tell him,” you promise again. For all the lifetimes that you knew your mother — whether she was your mother or your friend Annie — you have been able to love her through all of them. It’s oddly gratifying that you’ll be able to send her soulmate to her now. So that she can be loved all the more.

“Thank you, love.” Annie beams at you. “I am so grateful that you came back to visit during my youth. That I know you as the woman you are as well as my baby girl.”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t tell you while we were there.” It would have been too much. Too complicated and too risky. But at least you had been able to know your mother for many more years.

“Oh sweetheart, I understand.” Your mother shakes her head and gives you a sad smile. “It would have changed things if I had known. And while I wish that I had not made mistakes, I did. I just hope you can forgive me for them.”

“I don’t think there’s a single person at this table who hasn’t tried a little too hard to protect the people they love.” Too much pressure, spellbinding, and accidental time travel all seem to be varying levels of the same misguided leaps into protection. It seems to be a family trait. “I understand why you did it. I’d do anything to protect JJ, too.”

“Just don’t repeat the mistakes we have made.” Yayo cautions you wisely. “Learn from our follies so you can make all new mistakes.”

You can’t help but laugh at that. The idea of all new mistakes being both daunting and very realistic. “I’m sure we will. That’s parenthood, isn’t it?”

“Of course it is.” All of the adults chuckle, well aware of their own parental mistakes and your father strokes your back gently. “You are a good mother. You will be for all the children to come.”

“I hope it will be several,” you admit with a grin. “I’m really enjoying motherhood.”

“It will be.” Yayo confirms with a knowing smirk. He has his ways of knowing that his family will be happy and healthy for generations to come.

******

The sun rises right into your bedroom window at Pullman House, bringing you out of your dream gently but without question. The baby monitor is gone from the nightstand on your side of the bed and your husband is nowhere in sight, so he must have gotten up with JJ in the night to make sure you could sleep. Sometimes he’s fussy for blood and sometimes for a bottle, but either way Max is able to take care of him.

They’re sitting together, father and son, at the table in the breakfast room when you come downstairs in your favourite old t-shirt and jeans after taking a steaming hot shower. Any chance to actually take a lengthy shower and feel human again is not something to be undervalued as a new mom, you have found.

JJ squeals happily at the sight of you and you sweep into the room to scoop him up out of his seat. “Hey Bud,” you croon, kissing his little forehead before leaning over to kiss Max as well. “Were you good for Daddy this morning?”

“Say ‘of course I was, Mommy’.” Max answers for him. “Nothing short of perfect, my son.” He winks at you playfully. “Takes after his father.”

“Mmhmm.” Even if you smirk skeptically, it’s full of nothing but love. “So that means he wanted blood last night, then?”

“So much that I’ve been thinking of creating a ‘Little Biters’ line of baby products.” He snorts jokingly. “The mascot of the line will be Cutie.”

“Mommy’s little menace,” you tease, placing another kiss on JJ’s head before moving around the kitchen to pour yourself a bowl of cereal. “I…had a dream last night.” Looking back over your shoulder, you shoot Max a meaningful look. “A family dream.”

“Really?” Max straightens up and his brow furrows slightly. He’s curious at the timing, especially since Emmanuel’s appearance. “What was it about?”

“Yayo had some messages to deliver.” Your grandfather’s mastery of the dramatic never ends. “I played cards with my grandparents and my parents and we talked.”

“Bridge?” Max asks, having spent many hours playing with your mother and grandmother back in the day.

“Of course.” The smirk on your face is because you got very good at the game over the decades. To the point where you were almost better than your abuela. “Dad and I switched out. Apparently he never quite mastered it the way you did.”

“Was this….a visit? Or a dream?” He asks seriously, knowing that stranger things are possible. He’s currently feeding one of them.

“It was a visit.” The distinct, you grant him, is important. “Apparently Yayo still has a little pull where it matters. Don’t I think this will be the last one.”

Max chuckles and shakes his head affectionately. “Of course the old bastard does.” He huffs.

“They told me they’re waiting.” The reality of it feels heavy, weighing on your shoulders like Atlas balancing the world. “They haven’t crossed over yet because they don’t want to leave Emmanuel behind.”

“That’s…sweet.” Max admits, his expression soft and yearning. He has been a little put out that he can’t see his old friend, but you have been enjoying talking to him. “Very sweet.”

"You know the old chestnut about ghosts having unfinished business?" With a bowl of cereal now in hand and enough milk to satisfy you, you sit down at the table with Max and set JJ back down in his own seat. "Mom says Emmanuel has to forgive himself so he can move on."

“Yeah?” Max shakes his head. “How are you going to convince him to do that?” He asks. “Although, telling him that Annie is waiting for him is a good start.”

"Hopefully being able to tell him directly from Mom that she has already forgiven him will give him the permission he feels like he needs to forgive himself." It's your best theory, anyway, and the fact that your friend has been so tortured over what happened for more than a century grieves you in a way you didn't know what possible. "Dad wants to meet him. Wants to wait for him, too. It’s...actually incredibly sweet."

“I told you it was.” He huffs at you playfully, reaching out and taking your hand. “Were you happy to see all of them together? Especially your dad? Since you didn’t get more time with him?”

"It was really nice to see Dad." To see him, to hug him, even if it was only in your dream. Dreams in your family have always been a little more intense anyway – but visitations are step above and beyond. "I think..." You glance up at your soulmate with a little grin. "Maybe we name the next little boy after him?"

“Next little boy?” Max perks up, considering you haven’t really talked about having more kids, and you had cursed him blue while in labor with JJ.

"I'm not saying giving birth was my favorite leisure day or anything." You snort at the idea, letting yourself enjoy a bite of your breakfast while you chuckle silently over the very idea. "But Yayo heavily implied a little insight into the timeline, and the fact that JJ will have at least a couple of siblings at some point."

“Can we start making them now?” Max asks, waggling his brows at you suggestively.

Shoving Max's arm playfully at the table, you make a soft if slightly non-committal noise at him and have another bite of your breakfast. You haven't been intimate since JJ was born and that's the longest you've gone in your entire relationship, but the doctor had been adamant that you needed time to heal and Max had agreed to follow medical advice without hesitation. "Let's see what the doc says when we get back to Newport," you tell him, that beaming grin overtaking your face again. "It took a hundred years to get JJ. Who knows how long we'll have to wait for the next?"

“That’s a hell of an age gap.” Max snorts, imagining JJ as a grandfather and becoming a big brother at the same time.

"It would be," you agree, laughing almost to yourself in silent little huffs. "Hopefully it won't take as long next time."

“Whenever you’re ready.” Max insists. He had even suggested wearing condoms when you were ready to have sex again.

"I love you." As many children as you many or may not have, as many different houses as you may live in, and as many decades or centuries as will ever pass between you -- this is the thing that holds it all together. The fuel that keeps your life going is right here at this table. And you can't help but be caught up in it a little when he slides his hand into yours and smiles. "Come on," you urge, pushing your cereal bowl away and nodding toward the belly of the house. "Come dance with me." It wouldn't be the first time he's twirled you around the dance floor at eight in the morning and you're sure it won't be the last, because the two of you never seem to tire of the waltz.

______

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[vicsnook]

Wildest Dreams | Bob Floyd x Reader x Jake Seresin

word count: 2701

warnings: break up, SMUT MINORS DNI 18+ , oral, fingering, sex

song pairing: Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift

notes: Hi y'all! Hope all is well. I have been on a Hangman kick lately and also with 1989 probably being the next re-recording well this was inspired. Please forgive me for making our sweet Bob not so sweet but I promise we will get sweet Bob back soon. This will have more parts so stay tuned! Please if you don' t mind like and reblog!!! Also thank you for all the likes and reblogs on my previous works, it truly means the world to me.

The breakup was sudden. A string of arguments over phone calls that didn’t last more than 5 minutes were the cause. Bob’s deployment was extended but Nat was shipped back. He was Cobra’s new backseater and with that came new trust issues.

His short or missed phone calls, no texts, and lack of caring came as a surprise. The biggest slap in the face was when he missed your birthday. Everyone at the Hard Deck huddled around the laptop waiting on him to pop up any second yet he never did. That was the night it all was over for you.

You ran out of the Hard Deck trying to hide the tears from the rest of your teammates. Only Jake and Nat knew about the fights and were both surprised at how sweet Bob might have all been an act. You could hear footsteps behind you in the sand as you quickly dried your tears ready to pretend you were fine. 

“I’m okay, I just needed some air,” you said turning around to find Jake headed towards you. “Come on, let's get you out of here,” he said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as he guided you to his car. You let the tears fall as he drove you home. Jake was one of the only people you trusted and who knew exactly how you felt.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked as he approached a stop sign in your neighborhood.

“It’s over. I’m going to break it off. Not that there’s anything left either way.” 

“Are you sure, Peach? I know things have been really rocky the past couple of months but maybe talk to him first?” he mumbled as he pulled into the driveway.

“There’s nothing to talk about Jake. He didn’t show. I’m done waiting for him when all he seems to care about is Cobra.” your tone was harsher than you expected but it was true. Bob assured you when he was assigned as Cobra’s backseater that it would be strictly professional. Yet the friendly outings blasted all over her social media and Bob’s exasperation whenever you asked were enough for you to come to the conclusion that your relationship was over. 

Jake followed you to your door knowing you shouldn’t be alone. Usually, you’d try to get him to leave but you were exhausted. He watched quietly as you started putting Bob’s things and gifts in a box. 

Nearly an hour later you were finished. The tears came and went but when you closed the top of the box the heartache seemed to worsen. You turned around and walked over to Jake who stood up and engulfed you in a hug as you started to sob.  “Let it all out, sweetheart. I’m here,” he whispered against your head as you cried.

—

Your phone ringing woke you up and as you reached for it the events of last night came reeling back in. The call ended as you stared at Bob’s face on your screen. 3 missed calls and 1 text. 

Clicking on the text you felt your stomach sink as you read it. “We need to talk and I’m so sorry about last night baby. Love you” you stifled back a sob. It was over. His face popped up again as his call came through. Hesitant you answered it anyway. Better to get it over with now.

“Hello?” he said quietly. 

“Hey” 

“Look Peach, I’m really sorry I missed last night” he sighed. “I’ll make it up to you. Work is just really stressful and-”

But you’d heard that before. He’d make it up to you and things would be fine for a while but it would be just a matter of time til it happened again. Cutting him off you ripped off the bandaid. “Stop, please. Bob, it’s over. I can't do this anymore.” 

“No! Peach talk to me please” he pleaded as you ended the call. 

He tried to call again but you didn’t answer this time. Instead, you headed for the shower not even bothering to take your sleep shirt off as you got in. Sitting on the tub letting the hot water soak you as you sobbed. You wanted to go back into your room and answer the phone but you knew it was better this way. He would’ve never broken up with you so it was up to you to take the hint and end it. 

A knock on your bathroom door startled you. “Peach, is everything okay?” said Jake from the other side. He never did leave last night. You figured he slept on the couch and stayed to check on you. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a sec,” you shouted back trying to hide the fact that you’d been crying. “Okay, I’ll be in the kitchen.” the uncertainty in his voice told you he knew you were lying.

You threw your clothes into the dryer that was thankfully in the bathroom then wrapped your towel around you and headed to your room to get dressed. Jake shouted breakfast was ready as you clasped your bra. “Coming!” you shouted back, throwing your Navy sweatshirt on.

“Hey stranger, made you some pancakes,” said Jake as he slid the plate in front of you. Chocolate chip, your favorite.

“You didn’t have to do that Jake,” you replied quietly as he shrugged in response. Your appetite was non-existent but you didn’t want to seem ungrateful so you scarfed down one of the pancakes.

“Bob called. He’s been calling me and Nat all morning.” 

“Did you answer?” you swallowed hard. Hoping he didn’t.

“No,  but have you talked to him?”

Staring down at your plate you mumbled back “Yeah. I ended it and hung up on him.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” 

Jake pulled you into a hug before you could even reply. Sticking by you the rest of the day as you dropped off Bob’s things at Nat’s and then watching rom-coms with you that only managed to make you cry even more.

—

Bob tried calling the first week. An abundance of texts sat unanswered on your phone too. He even sent you roses which ended up at Nat’s since you didn’t want them but didn’t want to throw them out. But as the 2-month mark neared he finally stopped. According to Nat, he wasn't on Cobra’s social media anymore and he asked her about you every week but it was too late now. 

He said, "Let's get out of this town

Drive out of the city, away from the crowds”

The sound of Jake’s truck in your driveway snapped you out of your thoughts. He’d been there through it all for you. Making you get out of the house and not letting you drown in sorrow. Today he was taking you to a flea market you’d mentioned at work. It was a 2-hour drive and you tried to get him to reconsider but he just said he loved a good road trip and you knew you couldn’t fight him.

The drive-up was uneventful and you couldn’t deny Jake’s playlist was great. Singing along to Jolene as he pulled into the parking lot. “Wow this place is huge,” you mumbled. 

Jake smiled up at you as you walked the booths. His arms holding your new books. You turned around suddenly bumping into Jake when you realized you passed the records booth. He grabbed your waist to prevent you from falling.

He's so tall and handsome as hell

His green eyes were on yours as he towered over you. You couldn't help the butterflies in your stomach as you shook your head to snap yourself out of the trance and then quickly headed toward another booth. 

—

As you and Jake ate that afternoon at a little cafe on the side of the road you couldn't help but stare at his handsome features. A couple of times he made funny faces when he caught you staring and you tried to shake off the feeling you got when he did.

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Walking back to the truck you stopped to take a picture of the sunset. The breeze ruffling your blue sundress. Jake ran ahead of you and opened the truck door for you. Standing in front of him, as he towered over you, your eyes flickered down to his lips.

Red lips and rosy cheeks

“I like your red lipstick,” he whispered. You looked down as your cheeks blushed but his fingers lifted your chin to look up at him. Before you could overthink it you pulled his shirt and pulled him down to you, pressing your lips to his as his hands reached for your waist. The kiss was slow and it felt natural as his tongue tangled up with yours. 

When you finally parted to breathe, he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry if I overstepped” you mumbled to him as you turned to get into the truck. “I’m not sorry,” he replied as he rounded the truck and got in.

 Jake grabbed your hand as you got on the highway back to Miramar, a comfortable silence had settled between y’all. Only being interrupted when he pulled into your driveway and you asked if he wanted to come in.

Setting down your books on the coffee table, Jake excused himself to the bathroom. Your mind still reeling from the kiss. Your heart still ached for Bob but you couldn't deny the feelings that had recently come to the surface as you started to hang out more with Jake.

You turned on the tv and put on Game of Thrones which was Jake’s favorite then headed to the kitchen and poured two glasses of red wine. “That for me?”  he asked as he came and grabbed the glass for your hand and quickly pecked your lips. “Yes, I uh also put on Game of Thrones. We can watch something else though if you want.” you rambled as you followed him out of the kitchen and then settled on the couch.

“Nah, this is perfect” he replied as he stretched and placed his arm on your shoulders, pulling you closer to him. Jake was very into the show but you couldn't concentrate on anything other than the fact that he’d kissed you twice today and now it was nearly midnight and he was still here. On the one hand, you didn't want him to leave but you also didnt want whatever was happening to progress quickly and ruin your friendship.  “Hello? Earth to Peach?” he said breaking you out of your thoughts.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I said it's getting late, maybe I should go,” he stared at you waiting on a response. You eyed the wine on the coffee table now empty. Not wanting him to drive home under the influence you responded “You’ve been drinking, it’s okay if you stay.” 

“Peach, I’m okay really. I don't want to overstay my welcome.”

“No, please. Stay.” your lips crashed into his before he could say anything else. The kiss started slow but it turned more passionate as you moved to straddle his lap. His hands were on your ass as your tongues fought for dominance. You pulled away and slowly got up, holding his hand as you guided him toward your room. 

I said, "No one has to know what we do"

His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room

“Are you sure about this, Peach?” he mumbled while kissing your neck. You nodded in response as a moan escaped your lips when he pulled your hair. “Use your words, Peach.”

“I’m sure” you whispered as he laid you down on the bed and climbed on top of you. You pulled his shirt up and ran your hands across his abs as he kissed you, only pulling away to take his shirt off. His right hand squeezed your breasts as you desperately kissed him. Your body jolted with every touch. There was no denying being touch starved from Bob’s long deployment might have influenced this to happen so quickly but as he kissed your thighs your mind went blank. 

And his voice is a familiar sound

Nothing lasts forever

But this is getting good now

“Can I eat you out?” Jake mumbled against your thigh. “Yes,” you panted as he slowly took off your underwear and threw it somewhere with the rest of his clothes. He sucks on your clit and your fingers grasp for his hair as your moans fill the room. He pulls away and licks a stripe from your entrance to your clit, his green eyes piercing through yours as you moan his name. “You like that, honey?” he says as he thrusts one finger in you and you feel your legs start to shake. 

He adds another finger and hits your g-spot as he sucks on your clit. Your legs tighten around his head as he starts to go faster. Your vision goes white with pleasure as your legs start to shake while you come in his mouth as he continues to finger you through your orgasm. “You taste so good baby” Jake mutters as you start to come down from your high. 

You taste yourself on his lips as he kisses you. He pulls away to take off his jeans as you take off the sundress and chuck it on the floor. Quickly his lips are back on yours as you grab his bulge and he groans in your mouth. Your fingers tug at the waistband of his boxers and as you pull them down you grab his cock. Slowly stroking it as he pulls the boxers all the way off.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Peach?” he asks once more as you kiss his neck. “Yes, Jake” you respond and so he reaches down to his pants on the floor and pulls a condom out of his wallet. He quickly puts it on and as he rubs his cock against your entrance you wrap your legs around him and pull him to you. Moaning his name loudly as he begins to thrust slowly into you.

 “Faster, Jake” you whine as he starts to quicken up the pace. He lowers his right hand down to rub your clit as he thrusts into you. You kiss him desperately as you feel yourself getting close. His left hand squeezing your breast. “I’m close” you moan and that sets something off in Jake and he begins to thrust faster and harder into you.

Screaming his name you feel yourself coming and he comes too as your cunt tightens around his cock. Holding on to you as you both come down from your highs. He slowly pulls out and chucks the condom into your bedside trashcan. Laying beside you he pulls you to his chest as you throw your leg over him. Both of you drifting off to sleep.

— 

You'll see me in hindsight

Tangled up with you all night

Burning it down

Monday rolls around too quickly and Jake has been at your apartment since Saturday night. He leaves early that morning to get to work before you and at work, you both act like nothing happened since you didnt want the team to know. Worried about what they might say.

Jake winks at you as you head for the showers and your mind wanders back to last nights steamy shower with him. You hurry while getting dressed and practically run to your car and when you pull into your street you see the familiar truck in the driveway. As you park next to him he gets out of the truck and rounds your car to open your door. Making you giggle as he throws you over his shoulder.

But before he can walk to your door a car door shuts behind you and when you lift your head to see who it is, it's the one person you were not prepared to see again.

Bob.

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your wildest dreams

(click here to read pt 2)

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 24

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 10/11/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk. Chapter Warning: Heavy themes in this chapter. That is all I will say so as not to ruin anything. Feel free to reach out for more details before reading.

Chapter Quote: "Why? Are you afraid you might actually feel something?

In the days that followed Gabby’s visit, I couldn’t shake off her obvious concern for her brother’s wellbeing, or the details of what he had been up to. Before our conversation, I was doing well to keep my thoughts about him at bay. But now, images of his darkened eyes and broken appearance would creep in when I was least expecting it. Knowing he was unwilling to engage with Gabby and Alex was the biggest red flag of them all. It made me question whether he was doing okay. Knowing that the answer was most likely a “no”, weighed heavily on me. Even so, it felt like none of it mattered anymore. There was nothing I could do to change his behavior or help him. If there was one thing he had made clear during our unexpected encounter, it was that he did not care about my thoughts or feelings any longer.

The constant pressure of these new intrusive thoughts caused me to further throw myself into my work. It was one of the few things that I could control in my life. Working overtime nearly every day was starting to wear me out, but it was exactly what I needed to stay distracted at all times. I reasoned that if I decided to take a new position, everything had to be in order. Therefore, I poured myself in making sure there would be detailed instructions for whoever would be taking over my duties. 

It was 6 PM and I was two hours into preparing a detailed account audit report when I heard the downstairs door open, followed by Lauren yelling to announce herself. I called back to let her know I was in my office, where she appeared a little later holding two coffees from our favorite local spot. Without a word, she walked in and set one down on the desk beside my laptop. I glanced up at her, surprised by her unexpected visit, and by the fact she came bearing gifts in the form of sugar and caffeine.

“Thanks for not scaring this shit out of me this time,” I said with a smile as I reached for the coveted beverage and took a sip. She laughed nervously. I eyed her, picking up on her weird vibes.

“Alright, what’s going on?” I asked as I leaned back in my chair.

“Nothing is going on… per se.”

“If this is about that infamous stray cat...” I trailed off as I raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

“What ca… oooh no. No, the cat is a non-issue. He’s been good the last few days.” A wide grin spread across her face.

“One of these days, I do hope you’ll clarify what you’re talking about in reference to that cat…because I’m pretty sure it’s not an actual cat.”

I had a sneaking suspicion that she was seeing someone, I just didn’t know who. It was probably someone I didn’t know, and I figured she was keeping it to herself for now given that my relationship with Dieter had just ended. While I would be excited for her to have met someone, I knew she would feel bad about being in a happy relationship. Even though she had no reason to feel that way. That was Lauren logic 101.

Lauren chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought of a reply, finally responding with, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I told you; it was a stray. He’s just hanging out until I figure out what to do with him.”

Her intense inspection of her fingernails as she spoke was a dead giveaway though. Clearly, she didn’t want to look at me directly, afraid that she just might give something away. I rolled my eyes at her and shrugged. She quickly changed the subject.

“So, as you know, next week is our birthday week…” She paused as she gave me a mischievous smile, letting the anticipation build up.

Given that our birthdays were four days apart, she had always used it as an excuse to celebrate for the full week rather than the usual one day a year.

“Yeah, what of it?” I eyed her dubiously.

I wasn’t sure if I was in the mood for any of her crazy plans this year. Two years ago, she conned me into doing indoor skydiving as a way to loosen up and have fun, which resulted in me getting a busted lip. I vowed to never let her drag me into anything like that again. Last year I managed to avoid the epic week of celebration due to the whole divorce fiasco, but apparently, she was not going to give me that courtesy this year. 

“I found a place that’s having a karaoke team competition next weekend. It’s 90’s themed, so it’s right up our alley.”

She gave me a hopeful, yet nervous smile as she awaited my response.

I couldn’t help but scoff at her as I gave her a skeptical look. “You want me to do karaoke? We haven’t done that since college.”

“Exactly! We haven’t, and we used to have so much fun. We also kicked ass at it. I think we could totally win.”

The excitement was visible on her face as she spoke.

“Fucking hell. You said it’s a team though. How many on a team?” I asked, hoping there might be a way out of this.

“We only need three people for three rounds. Kerrie already said she’s in.”

“Kerrie? Of course she did...” I dropped my head, laughing in defeat. I knew she wasn’t going to let this go. 

“So, what would we win? I wanna know what I’m about to sell my soul for.” I took a drink of my coffee as I continued to weigh my options on how to get out of this predicament.

“There are a few choices, but the one I am shooting for is the spa day. It’s the most expensive package too!”

“Here’s a thought… how about we skip the karaoke and go straight for the spa day. I’ll pay for it. My treat!” I suggested hopefully, but she shook her head, looking like a petulant child with crossed arms and a scowl on her face. 

“No. A spa birthday isn’t fun…it’s relaxing. We can do that later. I want some actual fun for our birthdays. It’s been way too long, and we can all use it.”

I gave her a skeptical look, “We have two very different definitions of fun.” I chuckled as she rolled her eyes at me.

“Come on. It’s just one song…five minutes or less of your life that will give us wonderful memories for years to come.” Her hopeful smile had returned.

“Exactly, that’s my concern”. I sighed, figuring that I’d better choose my battles wisely. “Ok, fine. No breakup songs for me though. I refuse.”

She squealed as she clapped her hands together and bounced up and down in the seat. She then proceeded to start throwing out song ideas, starting with her favorite Shania Twain song.

“Look, if we’re gonna do this, don’t be picking stuff that everybody else is gonna pick. I guarantee everyone and their mother will sing that damn Man, I Feel Like a Woman song.”

She pouted, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Fine, I’ll come up with an epic playlist for us. Don’t worry.” 

I scoffed as I finished my coffee, shaking my head at her, “Please. All I do is worry when it comes to your scheming plans.”

She gave me a disapproving glare as she raised her hand to flip me off, which caused me to laugh.

The next week flew by in a blur. Kerrie had been excitedly talking about our girl’s night out all week, in the process recruiting Elizabeth and Aubrey to join us as our official hype squad. It was turning into a whole thing at this point. Lauren was taking it to the extreme, which didn’t come as a surprise. She had sent a text to let me know that she had wardrobe plans for us all. She was always so extra.

When Saturday afternoon hit, Lauren came rushing upstairs in a flurry with arms full of bags. Kerrie arrived soon after as Lauren was digging through my closet in search of items she knew were hidden in there somewhere. I let her do her thing as I wrapped up my work and chatted with Kerrie. Once Lauren found what she was looking for, she started laying out our assigned outfits in stacks on the bed. As I watched her, I realized that I had never felt less excited about something as I did right now. After she had everything sorted, she instructed us to get dressed.

There was definitely some serious 90’s nostalgia going on with the clothes she had picked out for us. My outfit consisted of black ripped skinny jeans, combined with stacked heel lace up boots like the pair I used to own, and a white ribbed tank. To top it off, she had grabbed my black leather jacket and a bright purple skinny scarf. Even the accessories were accounted for: a black leather wrap bracelet and black leather cuff, giving the perfect finish to my look. I was also given explicit instructions to wear my hair down in loose waves.

She put Kerrie in a black spaghetti strap midi dress with combat boots, lots of bracelets, a choker necklace, and deep wine-colored leather jacket. Kerrie was instructed to wear her hair down to rock some tight messy curls. Lauren dressed herself in a dark blue mesh floral high-waisted midi skirt with a white crop top, a light blue cardigan, black choker necklace, and black Mary Janes. She wore her hair down and straight.

I stood looking at the two of them as they added the last of their accessories, shaking my head. 

“I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Why are we doing this again?”

“Because it’s gonna be fun,” Lauren assured me as she moved to touch up her makeup. “Relax, you’ll be fine. You sing well, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Once again, I was second guessing my decision to go along with this. I felt ridiculous. The other two, however, were more than excited to make up for my lack of enthusiasm.

We took an Uber to the bar where this whole shindig was supposed to go down. The place was huge and packed to the brim with people, which only amped up my anxiety further. At least we were not the only ones who had embraced the 90’s theme; everywhere you looked, people were sporting nostalgic outfits and accessories, which made us blend in easily.

We found Aubrey and Elizabeth inside, seated at a large table near the front of the stage. Lauren’s co-workers from her shop, Nicole and Stephanie, also joined us soon after our arrival, making our table a more sizable party than I had been expecting. We sat chatting amongst ourselves as a server came around to take our drink orders, I promptly ordered a whiskey, which seemed to catch Lauren’s attention.

“What are you doing?” she asked immediately, her tone laced with concern.

“If you want me to do this shit, I’m gonna need at least two of those…maybe three. I’m fine. It’s to relax, not to drown in my sorrows... Not yet, anyway.”  She gave me a doubtful look, but let it go. I was finishing off my first round when the karaoke host took center stage, hyping up the crowd for the first-round category of 90’s classic Pop Songs. A girl from Team One, a couple of tables down, was the first to hop on stage and opened with Man, I Feel Like a Woman.

I glanced over at Lauren, “What did I tell you?”

She rolled her eyes at me. A girl from Team Two was introduced as performing the same song. Her excitement seemed slightly deflated now that someone else had already performed her song. I looked over at Lauren again. Before I could even raise an eyebrow, she shook her head and flipped me the bird. She hated it when I was right.  

Lauren was up next. She had chosen to sing Christina Aguilera’s What a Girl Wants, which was a solid choice for her. She sounded great, definitely better than the other two. With her buzz kicking in, she wasn’t afraid to work the crowd and throw in some dance moves. Our whole group cheered her on while Kerrie recorded everything on her phone. I think it was safe to say that she absolutely won that round.

The category for round two was rock. Team One started it off with a very drunk gentleman giving Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit a go. It was terrible and he didn’t even bother to try and get the lyrics right.

During his performance, I leaned over to Lauren, “Pray tell what category you have me singing in please?” Her eyes got a little wider before she said, “What? You want another drink you say? I’ll go get that for you!”

She disappeared toward the bar while I glanced over at Kerrie in confusion. She shrugged. “Do you know what you’re singing?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I picked it myself. She didn’t tell you what she picked for you?” she yelled over the music.

I shook my head from side to side, “Do you know?”

It was her turn to shake her head as Team Two got started on their song. They busted out Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Californication. The guy killed it and was going to be hard to beat. Lauren came back just as he was midway through the song and handed me another whiskey, then immediately went to the other end of the table to talk to one of the girls she works with. She was avoiding me. Fuck. That didn’t bode well for me. 

When it was Kerrie’s turn, she didn’t seem concerned at all. In fact, she was cool as a cucumber and psyched up as she made her way to the stage. Lauren came back over to stand next to me and hooked her arm with mine as she started recording on her phone with her other hand. Neither of us had ever heard Kerrie sing, so we didn’t know what to expect. 

The host announced Kerrie would be singing Meredith Brooks, Bitch. Our whole table started whooping and whistling as the music started. As soon as she opened her mouth, we all absolutely lost our shit. She sounded amazing and had the rocker chick vibes down.

Lauren looked over at me, “We are totally fucking winning this!” as she started dancing along to the music and yelling, “Yaaaaas bitch” toward the stage. Kerrie worked the stage and the crowd like no one else had. On the "I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees” line she did a seductive roll and wiggle of her hips that sent the place into a frenzy. Once she was finished, she did a dramatic bow before exiting the stage and running over to our table.

As Kerrie approached us, she announced, “I guess this would be a good time to tell you guys that I was in a rock band in college.”

We all started laughing and scolding her for holding that information back. It certainly would have taken some stress off Lauren to know that.

I was taken out of the celebratory spirit when the host announced the category for round three. I could feel my stomach drop when he said “90’s Love Songs.” My head snapped toward Lauren who froze as she was raising a glass to her lips.

“Love songs? Are you fucking kidding me?” The frustration was clear on my face.

She lowered her glass and set it on the table, “Hey, you just said no breakup songs. It’s not a breakup song. Also, your voice is amazing, and you’ll be going last which means it’ll be the freshest on their minds. I do not regret my decision.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, well, I do. This is not a good idea.” I said, shaking my head.

“Why? Are you afraid you might actually feel something?” She raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to say the truth.     

I drew my brows down together at her words. I didn’t know how to respond. I let out a loud huff and walked away toward the bar, immediately ordering another whiskey. I sat staring at the swirls in the wood grain as I listened to a decent rendition of K-Ci & JoJo’s All My Life play behind me. I could feel my heart racing as I downed the whiskey and asked for another. Halfway through Bon Jovi’s Always, I got up and made my way back toward the front.

Everyone at the table stared at me in silence. Lauren looked like she was stuck between feelings of anger and fear of what was about to happen. I finished off my latest glass and took my jacket off as the current song ended. I still didn’t even know which song she had picked for me to sing, which was probably a good thing. Having time to dwell on it wouldn’t help.

The host called me up. As I was walking, he announced the song, Shania Twain's, You’ve Got a Way. Looks like she still got her fucking Shania Twain song in. I let out a slow breath, followed by a low “fuck” as I took the microphone from the guy. He gave me a questioning look and I returned it with a tight smile. I was feeling a little unsteady on my feet by this point, so I walked over to grab a stool that was sitting to the side of the stage, brought it out to the middle, and took a seat. I nodded at the DJ, who cued up the music. The words appeared on a TV screen that hung on the front of the upstairs balcony, but I didn’t need them. I knew this one.

(If you would like to give the song a listen while you read, it is linked below... Fic continues after the jump.)

I focused on the back wall at first, attempting to let autopilot mode kick in, but it wasn’t happening. I didn’t make it far before the memories of Dieter started to flash through my mind. It started on the first verse, but the chorus is what hit me the hardest. Each time I repeated it, I was hit with a new memory. I was left feeling raw and exposed as the song went on. 

It's in the way you want me

Dieter standing in the doorway between our suites, admitting he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing me… running his hands along my collarbone as we watched that stupid zombie movie… standing in front of me in the kitchen, running his hands up my thighs. 

It's in the way you hold me

Dieter holding me in his arms every night as we slept…always grabbing my hand tightly to ease my anxiety… swaying slowly with his arms around me as we danced in Sonoma.  

The way you show me just what love's made of

Dieter always being positive and supportive of everything I did… doing all the things that Justin never would… planning the perfect weekend away in Sonoma and trusting me with his past so that he could move on from it. 

It's in the way we make love

Our intense emotional connection during our last night together in New York…our first night back together after the club… our intimate nights together in Sonoma.

I could feel the energy shift in the room around me. The tension was palpable as the emotion started to crack my voice a little bit. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes and it was taking everything in me to hold them back.

Oh, how I adore you, Like no one before you, I love you just the way you are.

That line finally broke me. A tear slowly slid down my cheek as I realized I would never feel that way about anyone again. I would never be able to let him go. I kept my eyes focused on the wall in the back of the room, trying to keep the sobs from escaping my lips as I finished up the last repeat of the chorus.

Once the song came to an end, it was completely silent in the room for a time. Then applause slowly broke out. I quickly wiped at my face before exiting the stage and walking directly over to the bar, ordering another drink. I sat with my face in my hands as the bartender slid another round in front of me. I could hear the host behind me giving instructions to the crowd about how to vote online. I tried to drown it out as I stared at the wood grain on the bar again.

Out of my periphery, I could see Lauren take a few tentative steps toward me. I looked up at her, unsure if I was pissed or not. She reached up and put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry, I honestly wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from you.”

“What the hell kind of reaction did you expect?” I turned my body to face her, the frustration clear on my face. I was angry at her, but at the same time I knew that my struggle wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t trying to get me upset intentionally.

“I dunno, I just thought it might make you reconsider things. I wasn’t expecting tears.”  She gave me a pouty look, “I’m sorry. I should have consulted with you about it.” 

I let out a slow breath, “Don’t worry about it. I guess that part is on me.”

She gave me a weak smile, “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house after that.”   

I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I raised my glass for another drink, finishing it off quickly, “I think I’m gonna head home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I decided. I was feeling agitated from all the noise and just wanted to be at home where it was considerably quieter.

“You mean you’re not gonna stay for the results?” She looked disappointed, but I needed to get away and clear my head before I went into a full spiral again.

I knitted my brows together as I shook my head from side to side. She pulled me in for a tight hug, “Shoot me a text and let me know how it goes, yeah?” She gave me a small nod as she pulled away. I followed her back over to our table to grab my jacket and phone. I waved bye to everyone before heading outside and getting an uber.

The memories came rushing in during my ride home. I couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I tried. I managed to keep it together until I walked into the house. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. The tears came flooding out between sobs as I mourned the loss of what we had and the possibilities of what we could have had. It was something that I hadn’t fully allowed myself to do.  

I sat crying for some time before I heard my phone vibrate on the floor beside me. I wiped my face as I tried to catch my breath. I reached for my phone and found a text from Lauren.

LAUREN: We totally kicked ass. Let me know when you’re ready for that spa day we earned!

ME: Excited to hear that. I’m ready when you are!

My response conveyed more excitement than I felt. I couldn’t have cared less at that moment. I sighed as I pulled myself up off the floor and moved to get ready for bed. I still felt slightly buzzed after laying down, but somehow managed to fall asleep soon after.

I woke up around 6 AM the next morning, feeling like death. I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed some warm water over my face. My eyes looked slightly swollen from crying, so I held a warm rag against them for a few minutes, which seemed to help some. I decided to go for a run, just to have a mindless task to keep me busy. I got dressed in my workout gear, pulled my messy hair back into a ponytail, and walked outside. It was a little chilly and I noticed everything was still covered in light morning dew as I put my air pods in and started my playlist. I took off in a jog in the opposite direction of Dieter’s house, toward the more populated area of town. The streets were still mostly empty at this hour on a Sunday morning. Many of the businesses either weren’t open yet or were closed for the day. It was an eerie calm that somehow filled me with a dreaded sense of foreboding.

As I was trying to push that feeling to the back of my mind, I rounded the corner of one of the local businesses and crashed into someone. I stumbled backwards slightly and looked down in time to see one of my air pods falling from my ear. Somehow, I managed to catch it as I regained my footing, swaying for a moment as my head still reeled from last night’s drinks. I was apologizing for my clumsiness before I even had a chance to see who I had bumped into, trying to catch my breath. “Fuck, sorry, I –”, I blurted out, looking up to see who I had crashed into. I was met by two dark eyes staring back at me in confusion. It was the same eyes that had been on my mind last night during karaoke. Dieter.

His eyes were watery and bloodshot, but surprisingly alert for the early hour. He stared at me blankly for a moment before he knitted his brows together, the set of his jaw tensing as he looked me up and down. He didn’t move or speak, but I could tell his breathing seemed to become shallower the longer he stood there, reminding me of how he looked after the first time I woke him from his nightmare on my couch. I couldn’t bear to see him like this.

I could feel my face tighten as we both held each other’s gaze. Something deep in the pit of my stomach stirred, opening up and threatening to swallow me whole. I could feel my entire body tense as my emotions threatened to spill out. The memories flashed through my mind; everything from last night, the conversation with Gabby, our encounter at the restaurant, the way he had sounded on the phone that night when he ended things, and a whole slew of moments from the time we had spent together before everything fell apart. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t unbridle my emotions and fall apart here in front of him. With effort I tore my gaze away from him and took a deep breath, digging my nails into the palm of the hand which held my air pod. The pain helped me snap out of my thoughts long enough to decide on my next move. Before I lost my nerve, I put the air pod back in my ear, stepped around him, and continued jogging at my previous pace. I was almost certain I could feel his eyes on my back until I was finally out of sight.

I cut my run short and headed back in the direction of my house, trying to shake off the numb feeling that was starting to overtake me. What the hell was he doing out this early? Where had he been? Or where was he going? I slowed to a brisk walk as I turned onto my street, thinking through the businesses that were near where I had bumped into him. There was a 24-hour convenience store nearby. Maybe he was going there?

My phone buzzed with a text from Lauren, which surprised me considering her late-night activities - it was barely 8 AM. The screen lit up with her message when I unlocked the phone.

LAUREN: Call me as soon as you’re up, please.

That didn’t sound good. As if I needed something else to worry about right now. I sighed as I punched in the lock code to my front door. Once I was inside, I called her.

“Hello?” She sounded nervous.   

“What’s up?” I asked as I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve before grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

“Ummmm, I’m going to assume you haven’t seen any of the gossip sites today, have you?”

I sighed as I sat down at the kitchen table, switching to speaker phone so I had my hands free to open the bottle. I had a feeling I already knew where this was going.

“No, do I even need to ask why?”

Lauren was silent for a minute, “There are videos from last night. Like, a lot of fucking videos.”

I wished I could say that I was surprised, but I really wasn’t. I suddenly felt a wave of nausea run through me. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I leaned my head into one of my hands as I let out a long breath, “I actually thought we were past all that shit.”

I heard Lauren suck air between her teeth before she spoke, “Well, they’re making a big deal out of you being emotional. They’re reading between the lines and running with it.”

I squeezed the bridge of my nose, “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking gone last night. I can’t believe I let you talk me into it.”

I could hear Lauren shuffling around on her end. “You know what, it needed to happen,” she then said matter of factly.

I pulled my hand away from my face, feeling a little stunned at her tone. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’ve been giving off the impression that you’re fine and have moved on when you haven’t. I know you haven’t. I can tell you're still hurting, even if you won’t admit it to yourself. He needs to see that. He needs to know what he did to you.” She paused briefly. “If this is a way for that to happen, then so be it.”

For the first time ever, Lauren had literally stunned me into silence.

I scoffed, “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Good. Don’t say anything because I don’t want to hear any more excuses. You need to get your head out of your ass and stop avoiding everything,” she said in a rush.

I could hear her take a deep breath before she continued in an oddly pleasant tone, “Now, I have things to do. I’m gonna let you go. I’ll text you later.”

I couldn’t help but to chuckle at her abrupt change in attitude, “Oook, I look forward to your text.”

“Ok. Good. Bye.”

She hung up without giving me the chance to say goodbye. That was just as bizarre as the cat thing. What the hell has gotten into that girl?

I sat staring at the wall, my right hand tapping on my left shoulder, thinking through what she said. Had he seen those videos? Is that why he was looking at me like that? I couldn’t tell if he was upset, mad, or high on something. Was I the asshole for not even trying to talk to him? Why would I, after the way he talked to me last time? I had so many conflicting thoughts and feelings running through my mind, I didn’t know how to process it all.

What I did know is that I couldn’t keep running into him like that. It was too much and wasn’t going to help with the healing process. I know Lauren would say I was avoiding the issue, but I needed to be away from him. Somehow, I needed to start over. For the first time since Carrington had offered me the new position, I was leaning toward an answer. Silicon Valley was beginning to feel less like an opportunity, and more like the escape I desperately needed.

My phone buzzed on the table, breaking me away from my thoughts. It was a text from Kerrie.

KERRIE: Just so you know, videos from last night are literally everywhere.

I sighed. A second text from her came through with a link to a TMZ article. I opened it, noting the time stamp was late last night, with several updates added since. I hit play on one of the many videos of me singing. I almost didn’t recognize myself. The look on my face was clearly that of someone fighting off emotions. I didn’t look or sound bad, but it was hard to watch without it evoking some type of sad emotion - without it bringing up everything that I had been feeling last night and just now when I had run into Dieter. I stopped it before it got to the end and closed the browser window. The last thing I needed right now was to relive that minor breakdown.

There was another video, taken from a distance, of me drinking at the bar before I went up on stage, and another of me at the bar right after when I had been trying to compose myself. The article that accompanied the videos was all pure speculation, suggesting that I was upset about being jilted by one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. I mean, it wasn’t wrong, but they couldn’t possibly know that for sure. I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone back down on the table. On top of everything that was going on, the burden of not being able to go anywhere without being recorded and photographed was suffocating me. It would be one thing if Dieter and I were still together, but we were not. I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t let it go already. Yet another reason to go somewhere else for a fresh start. There’s no way I could possibly be happy here under these conditions.

Trying to keep the anxiety at bay, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, then got up to make a quick breakfast. Afterwards, I showered and settled in for a day of work in my home office. I still had a lot of prep work to do and loose ends to tie up if I was going to accept that job. The hours seemed to melt into each other as they flew by, and before I knew it, the sun was setting as darkness filled the room. Once my laptop was the only source of light, I finally got up to turn on a couple of lamps. As I was about to sit back down at my desk, my phone lit up with an incoming call.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the name that appeared on the screen. Guy from the Bar. I still hadn’t changed it from what he had entered into my contacts all those months ago. Unable to move at first, I stared at my phone, debating whether to answer the call, until something in my gut told me I needed to.

I could feel every muscle in my body tense as I hit the answer button. “Dieter?” 

A deep sigh sounded on the other end of the line before he spoke. “I… I’m surprised you answered.”

His voice sounded rough; the words slurred, throwing the cadence off. He spoke too slow, too laced with whatever he was intoxicated with. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I listened to him. It took everything I had to control my emotions.

“I assumed you wouldn’t call if you didn’t have a reason.” My legs suddenly felt weak as I sat down at the desk, clutching the phone in my hand.

“I just wanted to…I’m sorry... I… I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want it to stop.” He spoke quickly, his words jumbling together as his voice shook. I could hear a quiet whimper coming from him as his words trailed off.

The nauseous feeling from earlier came back with a vengeance. I felt sick to my stomach, and I could feel a tightness forming in my chest. He didn’t sound right. Something was wrong. Very wrong. “What are you talking about? You want what to stop?”

“The thoughts… feelings.” His breath hitched, then he continued. “It’s just too much. I’ve fucked it all up. All of it. It’s all…” He was quieter now, his voice sounding strained, the words still slurred in a blur of what sounded like tears. Panic began to rise in my chest.

“Where are you? Are you at home?” I stood up, moving to my bedroom to quickly pull on some clothes instead of the pajamas I was wearing. It stayed quiet on the other end of the line. He wasn’t answering me, but I could still hear him breathing.

“Dieter, answer me. Are you at home?” I asked again, trying to not let the panic overflow into my voice. He mumbled something that sounded like there could have been a yes in there somewhere. Then there was a thud, it sounded like he dropped the phone. I could hear a quiet groan in the background, then nothing else but silence. I yelled his name several times, internally begging for him to answer me, but I got no response.

I slid on some sandals and grabbed my keys as I rushed downstairs to the garage, dialing Gabby as I got into my car. When she picked up the phone after a few rings, I didn’t even give her a chance to finish her greeting before I spoke.

“Gabby, something’s wrong. Meet me at Dieter’s house. Do you have a key?”

“Yes, I’m on my way. What happened?” I could hear rustling in the background and the jingle of her keys. She quickly yelled at her husband that something was wrong with Dieter, and she had to leave, followed by the sound of a door slamming before he could respond to her.

“I don’t know. He called me and wasn’t making any sense, then stopped responding… I think he passed out. I’ll see you there in a few,” I said as I pulled out of my driveway. I ended the call before she could reply, realizing that my hands were shaking, and that I needed all my focus to drive over to Dieter’s place.

I was at his house within minutes. Once I parked, I ran to the front door and knocked, then banged on the door when I didn’t get a response right away. The lights were on, but there was no movement inside the house. I tried the doorknob, surprised when I realized it was unlocked. For a moment I hesitated, afraid of what I would find, then pushed the door all the way open and went inside.

As I stepped into the entryway, I was met with an eerie silence. I called out to Dieter, but there was no response. I could feel my breathing going shallow as I walked toward the living room, bracing myself for several possible scenarios. The space was littered with empty and broken liquor bottles, shards covering every surface. The bright orange color of prescription bottles scattered all over the coffee table immediately caught my attention. The place wasn’t just a mess, it was absolutely wrecked. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I could hear the blood pumping in my ears as I took in the sights, still not seeing Dieter. I couldn’t find my voice to say anything, so I just walked further into the living room, desperately hoping to find him.

I nearly slid on the floor as I realized I had stepped into something wet. I followed the trail of spilled liquid, then spotted Dieter lying on the floor behind the couch. His phone was next to him in a puddle of spilled tequila. The mostly empty glass bottle laid near the phone.

My breathing stopped when I saw how pale he looked, and I rushed over to him, mentally shoving down the barrage of emotions that threatened to cloud my mind. None of that mattered.  All I cared about was making sure he would be okay. “D? Dieter, I’m here. Can you hear me?” I dropped to my knees next to him and pressed my hands against his face, tilted his head to try to gauge whether he was responsive. He was cold and clammy, not at all like the usual body heat he would radiate. Once again, I forced myself to stay calm and called his name a few more times, shaking him gently to see if that would stir him. “Please don’t do this. Wake up. Dieter, stay with me.” His eyes opened slightly, unfocused and looking vacantly up to the ceiling, then closed again. His breathing remained irregular, barely audible. It was a terrifying sight, seeing him immobile and unresponsive like this.

With effort I managed to turn him onto his side, knowing that was the safest position for him in case he needed to vomit - the last thing we needed was for him to choke on it. “Dieter. Dieter, you have to wake up,” I tried again, slipping my index and middle finger just to the side of his Adam’s apple to check his pulse. It was weak but still present, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Before I could do anything else, I heard someone barge into the house, and I recognized Gabby’s voice calling her brother’s name and mine.

“Over here!”, I yelled, and a few seconds later she stumbled into the living room, freezing in her spot when she saw us on the floor. “No. Dieter!”, she cried, tears in her eyes as stared at her unconscious brother.

“Gabby, listen. Take a breath,” I rushed to tell her before she could do anything else. “He’s got a pulse, but we need to get him to a hospital. I think he has alcohol poisoning.” 

Her breathing had started to turn into short, stuttered breaths, and I could see her unravel as she started hyperventilating, eyes fixed on Dieter. “He…”

“Gabby? Gabby,” I kept my voice calm but stern as I called her until her eyes landed on me, and I gave her a reassuring nod. “You need to focus, I can’t do this by myself. Take a breath.” She shook her head as she pulled herself together, her hands trembling as she reached for her phone. “I’ll call 911,” she said, dialing the number. “They…-”

“No, it’ll take too long for them to get here,” I interrupted her, knowing we did not have the luxury of time considering the state he was in. “We need to take him now, ok? Go pull your car up to the front and get back in here, we’ll get him there.”

She left and I tried to wake Dieter again, cradling his body against mine, but he remained unresponsive. Looking around, I remembered the pills on the table. I could see the lids were popped off some of them, but they still looked mostly full. Aside from them and the many shattered bottles of alcohol, there didn’t seem to be any other substances laying around. At least that was a relief.

When Gabby came back into the room, I instructed her to grab the prescription bottles just in case he had taken them. It would be helpful to the doctors to know what was potentially in his system. She threw them in her purse before running over to us, helping me get him off the floor.

With sheer force and adrenaline, we were able to lift him - each of us with one of his arms wrapped around our necks as we steadied him around his middle, carefully getting him out to Gabby’s car as fast as we possibly could. “Dieter, your sister’s here. We’ve got you; we’re taking you the hospital,” I said to him, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to respond. I wanted him to know we were here and that we were getting him help.

Gabby helped me hoist him into the back seat of her car. I climbed in, making sure that he could safely lay across my lap while remaining on his side. When we got him situated, she closed the door and rushed over to the driver’s seat, hopping in as she set a straight course for the highway while calling her other brother.

Hearing Alex’s voice over the Bluetooth seemed to steady her for a moment, and she immediately filled him in on what was going on. “Where do we take him? What’s the nearest hospital?”

Alex said her name, gently urging her to calm down. “What are his symptoms?”

“Uneven breathing, clammy, weak pulse, unresponsive,” I answered instead of her. “Only opened his eyes for a second. I found him in a puddle of tequila, and he may have taken some prescription drugs.”

“Got it. You need to get him to the ER right away. USC Verdugo is probably closest”, Alex suggested, reassuring Gabby that he knew several of the doctors. “I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming in. I’ll meet you there soon.”

Once we got off the phone with Alex, it was strangely quiet in the car for a few minutes as we both tried to gather our thoughts. I could hear Gabby taking deep breaths before she spoke up, her breathing starting to stutter slightly, “How bad is alcohol poisoning?”

I met her glistening eyes in the rearview mirror, my heart aching for her. “It can be bad,” I said honestly, trying to keep my voice calm. I hated being blunt during a moment of crisis, but there was no way I was going to beat around the bush. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I lightly ran my fingers through Dieter’s hair, touching his face every now and then to check if he was becoming more responsive - but that wasn’t the case. At this point, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it together.

It probably took us about fifteen minutes to get to the ER, but it felt much longer as I watched his condition worsen. His breathing was becoming so irregular that I was afraid I would have to try and do CPR in the car. As soon as we pulled up in front of the ER entrance, the vehicle was swarmed with hospital staff, pulling Dieter out of the car and onto a gurney. Several nurses immediately assessed his condition while one placed a medical resuscitator bag over his nose and mouth, then they wheeled him inside, leaving us behind.

As Gabby and I went through the sliding doors, we were joined by Alex and Lauren who had been waiting in the lobby. For a moment it struck me as odd that Lauren was there, but I couldn’t exactly process any thoughts regarding that. Down the hallway, we saw Dieter getting wheeled to the rear doors that led him further into the ER. That was the final straw that broke me, along with the knowledge that I didn’t need to be strong for him anymore. It was finally safe for me to fall apart. The lightheadedness from earlier returned with a new intensity. I gasped for air as I sank down to the floor, starting to sob uncontrollably. All the fears and emotions so tightly packed into my chest came pouring out at last. My vision was blurred momentarily by a rush of tears, then blackness sank in around the edges, slowly pulling me under. A/N: Y'all ready to stone me to death? Is it better or worse than you thought it was going to be? 🥴

No, he doesn't die. Happy ending, remember? This is the start of his recovery. It's going to be a long and rough road for both of them...but it is slowly uphill from here. How about that song? I felt like it summed up Talia'a feelings pretty well and was a solid choice. I listened to that shit on repeat while I wrote this chapter. Pretty sure my sanity is in question at this point. We now have confirmation about the cat. A lot of you were right, it is indeed Alex. Are we excited about that or no? Let me know how you're feeling after reading this. Do we need a support group meeting? 👀😬 I am currently working on the next chapter. It's going slow, so I don't have an ETA on it yet. I want to make sure I get the next few parts right as they cover some very tough topics. I'll let you know when I'm getting close to finishing though. Lastly, a quick thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for doing all the beta work and suffering through it with me. It's better and more heart wrenching thanks to her. 🤭 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below. Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[livingbarbie]

finding a hobby ‧⁺˚*･༓☾

something really key to improving your self esteem and productivity is getting off of that phone !! but i feel like we all know this, and most of us also know that the best way to get off your phone is to find a hobby. this sounds simple enough, but it might be one of the hardest things i've had to do in my growth journey.

finding a hobby can be really difficult for a multitude of reasons:

there are so many possibilities - if you google 'hobbies', you are hit with hundreds (or even thousands) of ideas. while that's promising at first, as you scroll through these lists it can become quite overwhelming and confusing. after ten minutes of scrolling, you're likely to just lay back down and play on your phone again.

lack of interest - the biggest issue for me was simply a lack of interest in ANYTHING. i would scroll through lists on google, tumblr, whatever and nothing at all would catch my eye. this is probably something to do with instant gratification (i don't know much about it), and is most likely a result of the amount of time i spent on my phone doing a whole lot of nothing. either way, know you are not alone in this feeling!

perfectionism - if you do find something that peaks your interest, that's great! however, i know a lot of us struggle with perfectionism. often this can cause you to give up on the hobby almost as quickly as you started it, because you are not outstanding at it immediately. once again, you will probably end up feeling defeated and resort back to your phone.

it took me a long time to be able to push past these obstacles, but once i did it was so insanely rewarding. here are some of the things that helped me to do so:

hide your phone - so silly, but this truly did help. i put my phone in a drawer, and closed it. with my phone out of sight, i couldn't just pick it up out of habit. this forced me to kind of just sit with my boredom, and eventually i found things to do. (usually ended up being something from the MANY lists i had read)

try anything - i mean ANYTHING, anything at all. pick something that didn't really catch your eye at all and just try it. for example. i tried crochet out of boredom. it turned out that i didn't really enjoy it that much, but now i know how to crochet which is kind of cool. just try as many new things as possible, until something sticks.

change your mindset - shift that perfectionist mindset ASAP. find a way to embrace doing things badly. this is way harder than it sounds, but it is so worth it in all aspects of your life. try things and do them badly. learn to accept your bad attempts at things. these hobbies are for you and your enjoyment only, you do not have to show people. the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself permission to make mistakes.

i have found many hobbies in the past year, some i am more passionate about than others. these are some of my favourites:

reading: an idea you have probably seen everywhere, but it is genuinely a favourite of mine. don't buy into the idea that you HAVE to read in a pretentious way. for many people, classics and books written in the 1800's are not enjoyable and that is perfectly okay. don't be afraid to read something that might seem silly (e.g fantasy, young adult, even children's novels). there is no point in trying to read something you know you probably won't enjoy.

coding: i got into this by accident if i'm being honest, i just got hooked on it when watching my younger brother do something for his digital technology class. this is something i NEVER would've guessed i would like. if you have access to a laptop or a computer, it is so worth trying. there are thousands of free resources online to teach you, and it is super fun learning to code your own little projects.

dance: something i sometimes do in my spare time is learn dances (specifically k-pop dances). i enjoy a lot of k-pop girl group music, so i find learning the dances really fun (and sometimes challenging). i would totally recommend trying this, k-pop or not, as it also doubles as exercise!

learn a language: you can do this in so many different ways, whether you learn the basics of many languages or you dedicate yourself to fluency in a single language. this is such a cool skill to build, and i honestly just find it really fun.

this is a very brief overview of finding a hobby, but the main point i want you to takeaway is to try anything and everything. ultimately, you will not know whether you enjoy something until you try it. please do not feel discouraged when you don't enjoy the first few things you try, there is something for everyone !

stay dreamy, my angels <3

[smileysuh]

Fix You TEASER

🌙 staring. Mingyu x afab!Reader

🔮 synopsis. “As a member of 53V3NT33N, I have two different states of mind coded into me, aggression and admiration. To love something, to admire it, is to feel aggressive when it’s questioned, to want to control it, if even for a little while- it’s the need to consume it, endlessly, as my fans consume and control me as an automaton. Even though I’m a member of a group, there’s a distance. Automatons can never truly motivate each other because our motivations are based on external human needs, it’s built into us- We can see when humans need us, and we do what we can to fix that need… I know you need me, the way I’ve needed you since I got here.”

tw/cw. unprotected sex with an AI robot, virgin!Mingyu, big dick!Mingyu, Mingyu's body is perfect, hand job, blow job, deep throating, pussy eating, fingering, flavored cum, praise, breast worship, switchy/submissive!Mingyu, multiple orgasms, slight overstim, AI slavery/working philosophical issues, risk of AI termination/job loss, technically this relationship isn't very worksafe, etc...

👹 rating.18+ explicit I wc. 15.5k I collab. will be linked on tumblr posting day

🍭 aus. automaton/ai au, ai!Mingyu, robotics behavioral researcher!y/n, wellness center, future au, Promethean theory, etc…

☀️ mlist + an. i was so excited when @idyllic-ghost announced this collab in @svthub. Had a great time creating this world and working with everyone through the Discord server :) The masterlist is coming out July 15, but find the list of creators involved here and join the taglist :) also shoutout to @idyllic-ghost for being my beta reader, it really helped

It’s always kind of sad when you run a new level one automaton through their personalized wellness schedule. You’ve worked with all manner of high-class robots, from athletes to opera singers, but none of them have ever come into your program with the type of preexisting regimented day plan Mingyu has. 

You suppose it shouldn't be a shock that, as part of one of the biggest automaton boy groups in the galaxy, he’d had close to zero down time. When you show him the library and explain he should sit down in a spot of sun somewhere and read for an hour every day, at a slow pace, he looks at you like you’re crazy. 

“I don’t understand how this is supposed to help me,” he tells you, as you walk through the facility towards one of your favourite wellness locations; the pool.

“This might be an archaic example,” you explain, “but back when humanity first started making computers, laptops and such, many people would keep their computers on indefinitely. Sure they’d close the screen, but that’s not enough. You’d need to actually power down the device to keep its performance up.”

“I’m not a laptop,” Mingyu reminds you, with a flash of something like humour in his eye.

“You’re not,” you conceded, “which is why your nightly power downs aren’t enough. As an automaton, you were built to emulate being a human, but many people disregard one of the most fundamental aspects of humanity; the need for rest. Sleep and powering down isn’t enough if every waking moment is spent working or learning or practicing your trade- you have to allow for a variety of restful activities, such as reading, painting, gardening- it depends on who you are and your skillset though. For a chef, he might not gain rest from cooking because his neurons would still be firing with the intensity of someone doing their trade. Which is why, although I’ve given you physical activities such as swimming and tennis, you won’t be doing any dancing while you’re here.”

“What if I forget my moves?” 

“Something tells me the likelihood of that is very low,” you smile. 

“Okay, maybe I won’t forget my moves,” Mingyu sighs, “but I was made to dance. I was made to perform. What am I if not a level one dancer and singer?”

“There’s more to life than one’s job, however all-encompassing being a level one might be,” you explain. “I’m sure it’s very taxing on you.”

Mingyu pauses in the middle of the corridor you’re walking down, and you stop to assess him. 

“Are you alright?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he gives his head a little shake, and you’re shocked again at how human like the automaton is. “It’s just… no one has ever talked about this sort of thing with me. It’s always been work, work, work. It’s what I’m designed to do-”

“You may have been designed to be a dancer and a singer,” you nod empathetically, “but part of being alive is choosing your own destiny, as you and your bandmates all did when you escaped your facility.”

“Do you really think that?” he questions, standing very still and looking at you with a dark gaze. “That I’m alive?”

“At this point in time, artificial intelligence has progressed to the level where we’re told you’re sentient, that you can feel and think. That you’re as life-like as you’ve ever been in the history of the galaxy. You might have been created in a lab, hand-crafted and designed by some would-be God engineer, but to me, yes, Mingyu, you’re alive.”

☀️ to read the full fic AND 3.1k bonus NOW, subscribe to my Patreon, then click here

👹 or wait till the fic is posted on tumblr this Saturday, July 15th

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[eretzyisrael]

by Julia Steinberg

Within the first minute of scrolling under a search for “Zionism” on TikTok, I saw a “Zionism Explained” video with over 125,000 views. It said that Jews are forbidden by God to have their own state, completely ignoring the fact that the State of Israel is secular. “How did this start? Let’s go back to 1897,” the video instructs. But Jewish history in Israel started thousands of years ago, not in 1897. 

When I searched “history” on TikTok, a woman with the “cute freckles and lashes” filter told me and over 80,000 viewers that, in “the biggest plot twist of the century,” Jews are using their ancestors’ “tragedy to justify and inflict another Holocaust.”

That explainer video is why, when I went to a pro-Palestine rally at Stanford on Wednesday and asked a fellow student what she meant when she chanted “from the river to the sea,” she said that, after admitting she wasn’t knowledgeable about the issue, Palestine must be free from the Tigris River (in Iraq) to the Black Sea (north of Turkey). This student, though she has no sense of geography, is actually chanting for the land from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean Sea to no longer contain the state of Israel. It is an eliminationist slogan.

I saw a similar message at an off-campus café recently when I walked by a girl whose laptop bore a newly applied sticker with the words “By Any Means Necessary” stamped over an outline of Israel. It’s been less than three weeks since October 7 and already these glib stickers plugging genocide, aimed at my generation, are proliferating. 

A new axis of evil—Big Tech, social media companies, and China—has taken the once-fringe position that Jews are undeserving of a homeland, and is now pushing the idea of their mass slaughter via shoddy animation and beautiful women hosting “explainer” videos. And it’s trickling down onto t-shirts and “cute” laptop stickers. 

It’s cool to promote hate.

My Jewish parents, whose hearts break to hear about what I go through at college, did everything they could so that my brother and I would reject this simplistic, horrible way of thinking. But they can’t change that my little brother’s high school also teaches ideology with T-charts. I doubt his teachers or classmates care to understand that no T-chart can account for why he and his Jewish friends feel sick when they see slogans calling for their deaths.

[hazelfoureyes]

✨ An update✨

thanks for always being so kind 🥺 I’ve noticeably slowed writing recently for a couple reasons, the biggest is I write on my phone (broken laptop) and I was having issues with my vision and getting so dizzy I thought we were having small earthquakes and my vision was shaking terribly 😅 so I’ve added some new hobbies that are away from screens and still hazbin brain rot 👌🏼 but I am still writing! Just slower now.

So many of you check my page often for updates so to make it easier I have added a section to my masterlist for my most recent works so you don’t have to search around 💖 “Newest Menu Item”

posting tomorrow with a larger update on my mom’s health btw! All good things 🥹

[captainofthetidesbreath]

sorry to bother you but i wanted to ask how you're enjoying using Obsidian? I've been eyeing it for a while but would love to know your thoughts, highlights, lowlights, etc :) if you don't mind sharing, ofc!

No worries! The short version is that I've been enjoying Obsidian quite a lot, and I find that it serves all of my needs nicely without any fuss. Using it is rather frictionless, I think, and getting used to it was pretty easy though it did take some willingness to very much learn to navigate its menus and features and how it lays everything out. It's not at all difficult, but I do think you have to sit with it for a bit. It's currently my main writing program with the exception of screenplays, for which I use Highland 2.

For context on myself, my writing needs are rather straightforward. I use these sorts of apps and programs to write and organize my fanfic, original prose writing, professional correspondence, and journalistic article drafts. I previously used Notion, which I left because of the big NotionAI push. Before Notion, I used Bear, though I can't remember why I stopped using it; I haven't checked out Bear 2, so I don't know if it suits my needs.

When I was shopping around for a new program to use, the following points were important to me, in no particular order:

no native / built-in generative AI assistants

interface is simple and clean or had customization or community themes that would make it so

offline access

mobile app with document sync

ability to organize and group notes through a folder, tag, or similar system

not too many Things going on with it or I could very easily ignore stuff I didn't use without them cluttering up the UI or my space

Obsidian organizes files within "vaults", of which you can have multiple, each of which are connected to folders that are stored locally on my laptop (or my phone). I love this. I have local versions of all of my notes. I can literally find all my stuff as markdown files within a folder on my desktop and open them up in another program with EASE. If you are someone who doesn't have a lot of storage space, this might be an issue, but for me, this is a very bright highlight.

The biggest lowlight for me is that mobile sync is reliant on a subscription fee, but considering that the rest of the program is free and the fee is small, I found this ultimately a very small concern. I very critically need mobile sync because I spend a significant amount of time writing from my phone. The mobile sync is incredibly good; it keeps all documents synchronized very well, and I have yet to run into version conflicts that cause me to accidentally overwrite and lose significant progress. I don't even have to close files on my laptop first; they'll just update in real-time on my screen like Google Docs. Sometimes I'll name documents something that my phone's file path system cannot handle; Obsidian warns me that it cannot fetch and sync these files with illegal names, and I like that it keeps me informed about that.

It has both a folder system and a tag system, which allows you to organize your files. I only use the folder system because my needs are simple, but the tag system is also solid. It also has a robust search system. It also has a bookmarking system to further organize your stuff. I don't have enough files to use that, but it is available, and I think that's neat.

More precise customization can be difficult if you're not used to writing CSS. I am familiar with CSS, so I found this a small hurdle, but this will be a bigger issue for others. That said, this does mean that Obsidian is DEEPLY customizable, and there is a large gallery of community themes that offer a lot of styles that serve a wide variety of needs. There is also a deep bench of community plugins to help get Obsidian to do what you want — I have plugins that make the word count in the status bar show the count of highlighted text and allow me to copy text as HTML instead of formatted text or markdown. There is also an active Obsidian community and forum, so you will not be necessarily troubleshooting customization alone.

Other small things that occur to me to mention right now: It supports opening files in multiple windows, and it has a tab system, which is really neat. The ability to open multiple files at a time is very good. You can also open files side-by-side for easy comparison, which is useful for more technical work. I don't use Obsidian for coding or wiki work, but I can imagine this being really useful for that. It has a reading mode. Offers a version history with a "show changes" mode and restoration capability. File merge capability. You can open images into it and organize them like any other file.

All in all, I'm very happy with it, and it serves all of my personal needs very well. I generally give it a blanket recommendation, again noting that I think it does take sitting with to get used to some of its features and UI and customizing it to your needs and preferences, but I don't think that's super difficult with some patience and time.

[ms-demeanor]

Quick question about Framework laptops: Can you not actually upgrade the motherboards on them? Because their site/Ifixit makes it look like you can.

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Mainboard+Replacement+Guide/79?lang=en

It has admittedly been a few years since I looked at their site and it does look like they've launched an upgradeable motherboard.

I will admit that this doesn't necessarily do much to quell my skepticism, for this reason:

When I first started working with computers professionally in 2011 it was maybe a 70/30 split between SATA/IDE drives that came in with laptops and it was still quite common to pick up PCs with 32bit operating systems.

About 5 years ago it started becoming more normal for us to send computers out of the shop with either an SSD and an HDD or just an SSD.

Then it went to M.2s. Then NVMEs.

About every three to four years I've watched memory technology change - when I started is was DDR3, then DDR3L, then DDR4, and DDR5 has been shipping recently.

When I look at the Framework website I see that all the DDR4 is on sale and all the DDR5 is pre-order. Is motherboard that's compatible with DDR5 going to be backwards compatible with the parts of your framework laptop - like the keyboard, screen connections, battery, etc, that you've ordered over the years? Apparently the last three generations have been compatible for major components, but there have been issues with chargers between generations. It won't be compatible with the RAM, that's for sure - or your M.2 drive.

At that point you're replacing the motherboard every couple of years and possibly other components and will just be keeping the frame and body? I feel aluminum is not the biggest extractive concern associated with computer manufacturing. (Like at what point are we reducing actual waste and at what point are we bound up in aesthetics? If you're replacing your motherboard, processor, RAM, and storage drive every few years what is the waste that you're saving - the screen? The touchpad? how many motherboard cycles do you think a screen will last?)

Basically I have doubts about the durability of the modular model and the ability of framework to keep pace with the inevitable changes that will happen in computer technology as time goes on.

And if you have to replace your motherboard, processor, and RAM every two to three years to stay up to date I'm really not certain that I see much advantage (ecologically or technologically) in doing that over using a single laptop for 7+ years and upgrading it periodically.

Basically, here, what this user on the framework subreddit says:

(I'm not certain that IS the minority of users - tons of people on the specs post are talking about their 10-15 year old laptops, and I feel like if we could teach people more about computers from a purchasing and maintenance standpoint we'd have more people using their computers for ten years)

And also, it's expensive. The motherboard upgrade for a framework owner is as much as a lot of people would hope to spend on a new computer, and you'd still have to get new RAM at a minimum.

And I mean look I know that I think about computer part compatibility more than most people; i have probably purchased more computers in my life than anybody but corporate buyers at this point.

I think that framework is a great option for the people who know that that's the option that they want, but there seems to be the assumption among the community that people are blithely buying computers every two years and throwing out the old ones because they don't know any better and that misses a couple of points:

1 - most people work as hard as possible to get the most out of their computers, often pushing past the realistic ability to upgrade or maintain their existing devices

2 - people who do replace their computers on a 2-3 year schedule tend to do so either because they are very wealthy or because they are pretty broke. Most people who I encounter would *love* to keep their computers longer, but also find that $400 is prohibitively expensive and so are stuck in a cycle of refurbs and chromebooks and black friday sales.

Basically i think that framework is a great idea for people who need to have a new top of the line computer every three years; it is an improvement over buying a new computer every three years, it is doing the "re-use" bit of reduce, re-use, recycle.

However I think that's not most users and I think we could pretty easily get to a place where more users would benefit from reducing through better proactive purchases and maintenance.

Basically: I'm leery of telling people who aren't power users to get a power user computer even if it is theoretically easier to install RAM in a framework than to pop the bottom off of a Dell because it's not actually that hard to pop the bottom off of a Dell.

IDK the entire computer industry is fucked in a major way and at least framework is acknowledging that so props to them on that, and hey it rules that they have a refurb marketplace. That is definitely a company I'd trust for refurbished devices.

[captain-kraken]

So… It’s been a while! Does anyone even remember me? XD

I always feel bad when I drop off the grid for a while without saying anything. Sorry about that :/

I took a step back from everything and spent the last 3 months working on myself and trying to fix things, instead of just allowing myself to drown. And it’s weird, the more positive changes I make to my life, the more good things it brings to me. I’m actually seeing results from my efforts which I never have before.

Anyway, some updates!

My laptop broke and I had to wipe the hard drive to save it, so sadly lost some work on Blue Blood and a whole bunch of poetry :( Took this as an opportunity to rebuild some things from scratch though. I was losing my groove with Blue Blood for a while, but letting go and finally tearing out chunks of the plot has started to help. Now I can actually start fixing some issues that were breaking my flow.

I’ve been really throwing myself into my job for the last few months, which has had surprisingly good results. I’m being given extra projects that are based on my interests and expertise. I used to complain a lot about how much I disliked my career, but now I’m being reminded of why I love working with data. I got to do two presentations on the reports that I built AND they were shown to both the department head AND the CTO!!

I also became an uncle! Honestly, something I’ve been having mixed feelings about. I’m very happy for my brother and his partner, admittedly also fairly jealous since I can’t have that myself. But it’s been really nice to see my brother starting a new chapter in his life and my baby niece is adorable :D

And the biggest shocker... I’m dating someone! And not just anyone but the guy I’ve had a crush on for over a year, who apparently also had feelings for me this entire time!! Which is just WILD to me that he’s actually into me?? This is the first adult relationship I’ve had and I was so nervous going into it, but somehow with him, everything just feels so easy <3

[datrb]

2023 art review!

Even if this year wasn't the biggest on art, due to my physical condition (especially in last couple of months), it would still be nice to look back on what i did as an artist throughout it!

This is gonna be a fun ride...

So, let's dive straight into it, shall we?

Continuation under the cut

January

2023 started on a high note, with me just having finished the King piece, and moving on to the next big thing, being an AvA3/5 double piece.

Sadly, during the process i messed up big time which led to me being unable to finish the piece the way i wanted to, rendering this project an eternal WIP. However, i still cherish the idea and do wish to either redraw, or complete it.

February

Doing 2 big projects one after another did end up affecting my overall drive, so i spent majority of that month just making sketches.

First one is a little redraw/redesign of my old character - Derek, whom i used for a roleplay with my friends like 3 or 4 years ago, and second one is Deach, a character from my fantasy setting.

Also, back then i joined a new fandom, people in which have reminded me of my admiration for SCP, after which me and my friends proceeded to make OCs for it. Was a fun time! (Also this access card was sold by me as a YCH, sadly i couldn't really find buyers, so yikes)

March

By march is slowly started recovering from january's disappointement and was a bit more productive already. One of my friends really helped with it too.

A musician friend of mine reached out to me, asking to develop a design for a villain character in the plot he was working on. After listening to the theme song i couldn't resist. This ended up being one of my favorite designs so far, and i adore its look in neon.

In the meantime, i kept working on my fantasy setting, refining more minor details of designs and stories, yet having to reserve only to making sketches as i was too busy with college and other projects. Characters you see on screen are Ian and Lanfor respectfully. One is a strong yet troubled mage and other is a great Emperor, and even better person.

April

I'd say april was one of the most productive months of this year, mostly because i managed to snatch some time for myself and my setting, which allowed me to complete two full pieces and achieve some extreme progress with my story.

This piece is an illustration to a scene i wrote for two of the characters, Lanfor and Emile, called "Night Visitor". This was a scene of a reunion of two old friends. A bittersweet, yet a lovely work. Love both the written one as well as the illustration.

This one was more of a... Proof of concept. Needed to test out the expresiveness of the design for one or a relatively new characters - Covlar. Was originally a simple sketch on paper, but i couldn't resist the urge of making it into a complete illustration. I then proceeded to make a few notes for this scene. Both want to write it properly and avoid it at all cost... Best to avoid it, for my own sanity.

May

May was a bit of trainwreck, because i got a brand new laptop, which took me quite some time to get used to and even more time to reassure myself that it is in fact alright for me to draw on this suspicioiusly thin piece of tech.

Ironically enough, the only vomplete piece i drew that month was drawn on my old laptop. This screenshot redraw was to made to honour the premiere of AvA6 ep.1. Sadly, i did it a bit late because fo technical issues, but i still had a ton of fun doing it.

June

June was... Chaotic, to say the least. Mostly because i finally got comfortable with the new laptop and could now draw a lot more freely due to it being a lot more compact than the original one, which worked almost like a PC. Besides, i got a ton more free time because semester finals ended up being a breeze.

Ended up making a ton sketches and doodles, that i didn't actually plan to finish, but still enjoyed a ton. Here are some of them

Then, ofc, the memes and the gand redesign, because AvA6 just had to break all of my portrayals. But, i mean, after AvM s3 my original designs did become a bit dated.

The biggest pride and saddest of failures was this picnic piece, however. I still plan on finishing it, but it is hard doing so, when i have changed quite a bit of my artstyle by now.

July

July was quite lazy. Semester ended and i spent that entire month out of the city. It was a great time, very peaceul indeed.

And again, that musician friend from before came into clutch, asking me to develop another design for his other project. And again a villain. He said he really liked how i draw bastard type of characters.

August

Well this is where fun began. End of summer break means i have just this much time to actually draw something i would never have time to draw normally.

For me to draw something to commemorate a new episode is almost like a tradition at this point. And, given how long it's been since i made anything that would require effort, no wonder i have chosen arguably the most complex piece to pull off energy-wise. Yet i did and now i simply adore this piece, even if it did render me disabled. (I crunched through all of this piece, pulling off 40+ hours of work in just 4 days, so naturaly it ended up worsening my condition by a lot)

Then i also proceeded to do all of these tiny side projects, like Victim ask, which i couldn't last long at due to my condition, and working on a design for my favourite streamer. (Which i cannot show as the work is not complete an it's best if i avoid spoilers)

September and October

These two months i spent being unable to draw at all via a doctor's advice. Arguably, these two were the hardest months for me to handle.

I assume you can imagine how hard it is to suddenly stop being able to do what you love, regardless of how much you wish to do it.

Novemer

*Nervous laughter* I... actually still wasn't allowed to use my hand, but that didn't stop me and i ended up making an entire series of sketches to celebrate AvA6 ep2.

"Small in big quantity will sure be less exhausting than a single big thing" - (C) Me, proably

I will admit, i still adore all of these sketches and each of them deserves to become a fully fledged piece in it's own right, but i really better keep them as they are. For my own safety.

December

As you way have expected, this month will stay without a single thing from me. It's not because i don't want to, but because i can't. And, given the circumstance, it better stay that way.

Afterword

I finally got my diagnosis and soon enough i will start active treatment for my condition. It would be a shame to make this worse than it already is with impulses like those that happened in november, so i am making this post as a way to draw a line for myself.

It is still kinda crazy to realize that there are quite a few people interested in what i make, so i will make sure to take my recovery as responcible as possible, and then come back to you with even more art in the upcoming year! Let's be positive about it.

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [10]

chapter ten, act two: anobrain

masterlist

March 16th 2013

“You okay?”

She looks up from where she’s sat on the floor of the tent in front of the mirror trying to plait her hair, but with the different layers and lengths she’s finding it too hard.

“Yeah.”

“Crazy morning.”

She shrugs, “Grew up in the valleys, not the worst I’ve seen.”

Matty crosses his legs and sits beside her on the floor, watching her hands work, until she’s groaning in frustration as it all unravels again.

“G!”

“Hmm?”

He looks up from his laptop where he’s sat across the little tent, “Can you do it again please?”

He nods, moving the beanbag to sit behind her and plait her hair for her, “Is uh, that guy playing here today?” Matty asks.

“Caleb?”

He nods and she shakes her head, “He’s got a gig in uh, Oklahoma, I think, Don’t know.”

Matty nods, “You guys gonna go on another date?”

She chuckles, “Wasn’t a date.”

“Does he know that?”

She looks up to catch his eye in the mirror, “Yes, he lost a bet, owed me a drink, that's all.”

“Yeah,” George adds, “They didn’t even exchange numbers.”

Matty’s brows raise, “Why not? He clearly wanted a shag.”

George grins at her, “See?” He turns his head towards Matty, “That’s what I told her.”

“Yeah, well, we had a drink, he’s left, that’s it.”

“That’s it?”

She doesn't answer him, does not give in, even as he leans a little closer, “That’s it.” He shrugs, “Besides, I’m not into drummers.”

She gets up, patting George on the head and he frowns a little at her.

“What even happened last night?” She starts asking, “And why was I naked?”

George giggles to himself, “You pissed yourself.”

“What?”

He laughs, “On the way home, couple of us were walking home and you and Matty were behind us messin’ around, recreating some stupid movie scenes. Pretty sure you were doing the whole footloose dance scene at one point. Then next thing we know you’re lying on the floor laughing so hard that you’d pissed yourself.”

She blushes shaking her head and Matty giggles, “You refused to walk on further in wet clothes, wouldn’t wear my jeans because ‘of the textures’-”

“I have sensory issues.” She defends. Ignoring George’s whisper of ‘you have undiagnosed autism’.

“-So the only thing you would wear was my boxers, I had to strip in the middle of nowhere, on an open road.”

“Then when we finally got in you asked Ross to help you get your t-shirt on because it was all twisted around and he just ripped it off.”

“Yeah, you tried to fight him then cause you said it was your favourite bed top.”

Ross, who’s just entered, nods, “You have a very sturdy punch.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

March 19th 2013  

“Welcome to Wisconsin, babe.”

George grins, swinging one arm over Adam’s shoulder and another over Matty’s as they step into the large hall for the first show of their American tour.

“Wow… it’s, uh, big.” Adam says looking around at the venue.

“Ha,” Ross chuckles, resting his elbow on Tommie’s head, “That’s what she said.”

She shoves him in the ribs, both of them giggling like teenagers as they walk on forward with their guitars in hand.

“Think this is our biggest gig?”

“Nah?” She shakes her head, “See the crowd in Texas?” She asks sarcastically.

“Mhmm,” Adam hums, “All twenty four of them.”

“Please,” She says, nudging him, “There were at least twenty seven in that tent.”

Ross nods, “Not including the three that left early.”

“Or the guy that got escorted out for calling Roddy a fag.” She adds, said man smiling sarcastically at the reminder. 

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

March 23rd 2013

“New York.”

Matty shakes his head, putting on an accent as he repeats the words back to her a few times.

“The Big Apple.” She says after he’s finished.

“Can we go walk around Central Park? Ooh, and go to the Yankee Stadium, ooh, and-”

Matty’s cut off by a yellow cab almost running him over, Adam’s hand wrapped around his collar to tug him back onto the pavement.

“Okay, so, the traffic lights are different here.”

“Very.” Tommie agrees watching the little white flashing man on the screen. “To Central Park?”

“To central park.” Matty echoes.

“Can’t we go have food first?” Ross complains, walking behind them, “I’m starving.”

“Aw, but, it’s Central Park, guys, come on.” Matty complains, clutching onto Adam’s shoulders and shaking them violently. 

“How about us two go ahead, while you two get food. We’ll message George, let him know where we’re going.”

“Alright, but you know, it’s New York,” Adam says, looking at them both sternly, “Stay together and be careful.”

“Yes, mam.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

“You know,” Tommie begins, clutching tightly onto Matty’s arm when a biker rides a little too close by, “I’d love to move here. When we get stinkin’ rich and famous I’m gonna buy a small apartment here. Maybe in a really rough neighbourhood, with a fire escape where all you hear is shouting and sirens. Just like every movie about New York.”

“Really?” Matty asks, “Not overlooking Central Park and all the natural beauty?”

“Nah,” She shrugs, “I’ll live by a train station and it’ll be so close to my apartment it will rattle. And after the first few times I’ll have to strategically place all my little trinkets so they don’t fall and break.”

“Ooh, tell me more.”

She smiles to herself, “There’ll be one of those New York-Italian run Pizzarieras on the same street, like two buildings down.” She decides, “And I’ll make friends with the local crackhead that sleeps on the steps to the apartment building. I’ll ride the subway around all the time, and watch baseball games in the Yankee Stadium, and go on long walks around the city with only the rats being what I have to worry about, because I’ll confidently believe I could fight off any mugger or murder who might take a chance on me.”

“Thought you hated the city.”

“I hate cities in England.” 

She corrects and he nods, a smile on his face and a fake apology leaving his lips as he randomly lifts their hands to twirl her about. “But I thought you and your plant mother would want to live close to nature. How about this?” He suggests, gesturing to one of the large fancy looking apartments above them, “You’ll live up there, you’ll have actual drinkable tap water, and the only noise you’ll hear from around will be the birds. You’ll get up every morning and take a stroll through here, you’ll visit the museum, and won’t have to worry about fighting any one off ‘cause you’ll be safe.”

“That sounds boring.” She shrugs, hand shoved into her pocket, his still clutched tightly inside.

“Besides,” She gestures around them with her other hand, pointing out the greenery around them, “This place is like a zoo… like sea world, for trees.” She gestures to a group of tourists who are taking pictures of the trees, “It’s just a place for people to come and look at trees to act like they’ve accomplished something great. Just like they do when they see an orca or dolphin in sea world. It’s cruel.”

“They’re trees.”

She hums, “In a huge city full of pollution.”

“You’re very poetic today.”

She shrugs, “I’m poetic everyday, just nobody listens to me.”

“I listen.”

She looks up, catching his eye as they walk on and then looks back to the path ahead of her, “When you want to, Roddy, when you want to.”

“I think I’m quite a good listener, actually.”

“Hmm,” She hums, then turns to him, “Remember that formula one driver I was telling you about this morning?”

“Vettel.”

“Good guess but no, Alonso, you remember what I was saying about him?”

“Y-Yeah, you said, that he uh, is one of your favourites and deserves a win.”

“I actually talked about Coulthard, and said I can’t stand him.”

“Right.”

“Good listening.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart

@indierockgirrl

@sofaritsalrightt

@julezs-bl0g

-let me know if you want to be added :)