#this is another prime example of me going way too hard on a joke that is only funny to me

[aliaology]

SO AMERICAN (short)

SUMMARY: in which holtzy and you are dating, and you are very much in love with him

PAIRINGS: alexander holtz x fem!hughes!reader

WARNINGS: none just fluff :)

driving on the, right side road. he says im pretty, wearing his clothes. and hes got hands that, make hell seem cold. feet on the dashboard, he’s like a poem i wish i wrote. i wish i wrote.

you were the prime example of ‘passenger princess’ but in your very own car. i mean— it wasn’t necessarily your fault that you weren’t the best suited to drive in the city. no no— it was jacks because all he did was drive you and luke around.

but your brother was not the one driving. no, it was your boyfriend who was. you also never understood why he loved to drive your car. but the actual reason was because it was so… you. and he loved that.

your feet were propped on the dashboard, notebook and pen in your lap and hand as you mindlessly scribbled words together. alex’s hand was on your thigh, the warmth from his hand spreading throughout your body like a wildfire.

his fingers traced lightly on your bare thighs, pinky almost sliding up and hitting your shorts with every move he made. the bumps in the road made it so his hand would lightly hit your skin.

your eyes were averted to the pen and paper as you eagerly wrote down word after word, his hand squeezing your thigh every few minutes.

as he squeezed your thigh one more time, you looked over to him. he was the epitome of a love poem and you wished you were the one to write it. with a soft smile on your face, you leaned closer to him and placed your lips onto his cheek.

and he laughs at all my jokes, and he says im so american! oh god, its just not fair of him to make me feel this much. go anywhere he goes, and he says im so american! oh god, im gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. i might just be in la-la-la-la-love.

you two were at a restaurant, smiling at each other. you spoke, hushed and quietly, almost with embarrassment. your words caused him to burst with laughter, hand slapping over his mouth as his shoulders shook.

his reaction caused you to giggle, a bright smile on your face. the smile would quickly turn to one of embarrassment when you ask a waitress for a meal— one that you have trouble pronouncing. and he laughs as the waitress leaves.

you had a frown on your face— not one of sadness but one of ‘are you kidding me?’

alex snorted as he spoke, “you are so american.”

feigning a look of offense, your eyes narrowed slightly, giving a look of hurt. this just caused alex to chuckle more before grabbing your hand and pressing a small kiss to it.

“how about we just get out of here instead? i think i’d very much rather eat in.” he suggested.

and so you went wherever he did. you ditched the restaurant. you ditched the fancy dinner, and you went home. when you got home; you both eagerly sat on the couch and just watched a movie.

god im so boring, and im so rude! cant have a conversation if its not all about you. the way you dress and, the books you read. i really love my bed but man its hard to sleep when he’s with me. when he’s with me…!

you sat with your friends, picking at your nails as they spoke. their conversation being something about style— something about clothes. you weren’t too interested, you weren’t even talking.

“anything to add, y/n?” one asked.

you shrugged. “i don’t know— style wise i really like alex’s and maybe i’m just biased but it seems super comfy. shockingly he also has a great taste in books and—“

“girl all you do is take about your man!” your friend cut you off.

another friend piped up, “can’t say i blame her. i mean we’ve been friends for what? seven years? in that time frame shes had one boyfriend and he kinda sucked. if i had a man treat me the way hers does, i’d be plastering that everywhere.”

your last friend shrugged. “i get it— honestly i want to hear more about this guy. she talks about him but its never enough because someone interrupts her.”

“its fine— all you really need to know about him is that he treats me very well, and i love him.”

after your little get together with your friends, you made your way to your apartment. the sun was setting and you wanted to lay in bed. but as soon as you got home, locked up and went to your room and saw your boyfriend, you knew for a fact you wouldn’t be going to sleep.

i apologize if its a little too much, just a little too soon. but if the conversation ever were to come up i don’t wanna assume this stuff. but aint it rough? think im in love!

[oddvanilla]

Dhar Mann might've been secretly a "villain" the whole time....

Pt.1 (?)

No, you're not hallucinating. You saw that title correctly. Believe it or not, I have had ridiculous beef for years with the man who many love, and even adore, Dhar Mann. And therefore, I'll be elaborating today on why such a "good person" like him is considered one of my sworn enemies, and why I think you should consider him one too.

Many people, and especially parents, assume that Dhar Mann is a great influence on kids, and a friendly individual. And although for the most part; that can be true, but you need to look at the bigger picture.

"The Dhar Mann Effect" is what I like to call it. A serious, and contagious virus that even the most experienced and hard-working doctors can't find the cure to. "What does the Dhar Mann effect do?" ...You may be asking. Well, great question! The Dhar Mann effect is when you form an addiction and obsession to watching the supposedly "short films" made by no other than Dhar Mann himself. And I'm not talking about a little, silly obsession. I'm talking about serious addictions that can lead into binge watching video after video non-stop. Such things should be taken far way solemnly.

And the prime example is my younger sister. Among many of my Dhar Mann-obsessed friends, I'd say she's the worst case. It started out around 2 years ago, when their substitute teacher played a Dhar Mann video at class (since many students have requested it), and ever since, she got hooked. I knew then that there was no coming back, she reached the "no-return" point.

I'd go as far as saying that it's like drugs to her. She can't survive a day without watching at least 3 videos in one sitting. And yes, that includes re-watching or re-visiting older videos. Trust me, it's deeper than just a "So you see...". My sister can qualify as an iPad kid, now, if I had to say so. And even currently, as I'm writing this, I can hear Jay's voice, One of Dhar Mann's most popular actors— playing from her room. I feel like it's not the same, and those damages may be irreversible. My poor sister can't live her life to the fullest anymore. All she does is wait for the new Dhar Mann video. And while she waits for the next one, she just rewatches his old videos, making sure she knows all the lore.

This is not a "haha" joke, people. This is dead serious. No joke. I'm not crossing my fingers. I'm not what nowadays kids call "capping 🧢". I'm being genuine and I'm typing this with the straightest face ever.

Another issue I have with Dhar Mann is how threatening he appears to me. I can promise you that if you look long enough into his smile, you'll realise it's slightly unsettling. Did you notice his face almost always looks the same in every picture? Well, you're probably not trippin'. That's because he has that same smile in literally every picture I could find of him.

What are the chances he might be a robot? Ready for the day we all fall for his spell and none of us are safe anymore, so he can finally strike? There is something so terrifying about him. Every time I look at that smile, I can't help but shiver a bit of fear. But mostly, I'm quite intimidated by his disturbing behaviour. The way he never fails to stare dead into our souls. That's what I find strange.

But hold up, the theories don't stop... at least not yet! Did you notice the way Dhar Mann ends every single one of his videos with "Hey Dhar Mann fam!" ??? What are the chances that he refers to us as his fam (family) to hide the fact we're probably stuck in his basement? If we're talking lore-wise, I'd say the reason Dhar Mann calls us his fam is the following: We're all chilling at our homes, until one day... A Dhar Mann video comes to our recommendations. By watching the media, you're secretly agreeing to sign an invisible contract that gives ol' Dhar the ability to adopt you. Child or not. And just because you're now part of his fam, doesn't mean he can't trap you into the basement and lock you up with multiple of many victims. The only time he'll ever check on you is when he comes in the basement and greets you with "Hey Dhar Mann Fam!" While feeding you those meaningless videos.

I'll show you a couple of examples, and YOU tell me what these videos could possibly teach kids who barely know what photosynthesis is.

Now, be real, just for a moment, WHY IS THE SECOND VIDEO A GODDAMN SERIES????? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT ITS A CASUAL THING THAT THE PROTAGONIST EXPERIENCES ON SIMPLE OCCASIONS TO GET JUMPED???

I think another weird part is that Dhar Mann featured another EXTREMELY popular YouTuber named "Mr. Beast" many, many times, but even then— he feels this need to pull out knock off Mr. Beast...ahem ahem....Mr. "feast"...??????

No joke. Just search up "Dhar Mann Mr. Feast" and count how many videos come up. But if you're so lazy to check, it's 4. yea. 4 DAMN VIDEOS ABOUT A MR BEAST RIP OFF. YOU GUYS NEED TO WAKE UP AND REALISE THIS IS A MAN WITH A WIFE AND 2 KIDS.

And back to square one, What's the moral meaning behind this media he displays for the youth?

Not Dhar Mann (a multi millionaire) copying the "NO CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE?" girl???? Smh...

So... Do you think Dhar Mann is really the innocent "moral philosopher" he claims himself as? Or is it deeper than a "Hey Dhar Mann Fam"?. But either way, that's it for today. Thank you all for listening to my Ted Talk.

SORRY GUYS IM HIGH ON VITAMIN GUMMIES (AGAIN) AND LIKE I DO THINK DHAR MANN IS MY SWORN ENEMY BUT LIKE YALL BETTER NOT TAKE THIS /SRS LMAOOOO🙏🙏🙏

[sonicjustbecause]

About Sonic

I never talked extensively about Sonic and what I think about him overall, despite him being my favourite (I see more Shadow as some mystical guy, alive certainly, yet somewhat more like a guide or a protector and Sonic's Shadow, but that's for another time as I talked about him a lot).

There is still this silly battle between Sonic fans on who is your favourite take of the character. The character has been inconsistent, in videogame too, even if we only take game/Japanese media (An example? Adventure Sonic is, at least the way I perceive him, mysterious and whimsical, joyful but slightly grumpy. Unleashed Sonic is calm, balanced, a bit quiet overall. The thing that remains consistent is that he is kind earthed and optimistic. Most of the time.

Even people who tell how Sonic is supposed to be interpret him very differently from each othes adn from the games, the way they make him talk or act in certain situation in their stories is not the same I see in videogames.

For Sonic unleashed I saw the whole cutscenes both in English and in Japanese, so...

Not that this bother me, as I previously said, since is a team who work on Sonic is normal different people have a different perception of the character, is based on our personal experiences. And in next years things will change over and over.

Let's talk about how is shown in various media, not necessarily Japanese since they influence each others (example the chili dogs).

SatAM, AoStH.

Aosth/SatAM Sonic was most likely the most mischievous incarnation of the character, since he apparently took joy to make fun of Eggman but also to the french coyote, Antoine, who is a sort of 'Luigi' in this show. I remember him as being creative, impatient, bold and very self confident, but not evil.

I didn't watch Sonic underground. It was aired in Italy but I don't know when. I can say nothing

OAV Sonic

Adventure Sonic and X Sonic traits start to appear here. This Sonic is aloof, whimsical and grumpy and not as joyful as we are used to see him. but is heart is ih the right place, of course.

Adventure Sonic

If I saw Sonic OVA only in latest years, I can say I played the two Adventure games early in the '00s. This Sonic feels to me as whimsical, elusive, mysterious (especially in Adventure 2, it is perceived as such especially by Shadow "Tell me, who are you?" and Sonic's answer is rather enigmatic, is also there you start to realize you know nothing about Sonic, where he comes from etc... you know the others better), still a bit grumpy yet way more joyful than the one from the OVA, a happy guy I would say.

In particular I loved the expressions in Sonic Adventure. Here come the folded ears you often see in Prime.

X Sonic

The most quiet of all. Elusive, still a bit whimsical and grumpy if you don't take him the right way, but this doesn't mean you lost him. Socially awkward and unaware of this, I think sometimes he is leaning in the Asperger territory sometimes. Joyful, optimistic, gentle, sometimes melodramatic and funny but he can get very serious when needed.

Archie Sonic

Archie Sonic is one I don't like much. He's self centered, most of his monologues tell how awesome he is, how good looking he is, how fast he is, well, 90% about himself and it go moldy soon. And can be a jerk toward his friends sometimes. Unlike other versions, he's never too serious.

Fleetway Sonic.

Unlike other sonic incarnation, Fleetway Sonic is a jerk, a bully, he constantly makes offensive jokes toward his friends, including Tails (in other media he is more protective toward Tails). He seems to care or express nice though only when his friends are not around. Is hard to read those comics. So far the worst Sonic

IDW Sonic

Not completely bad, not completely good. He got some traits from Archie Sonic. IDW Sonic seems to me the less sincere and less carefree of all. Like, Sonic we know is mostly feeling oriented. He can be thoughful when needed, but mostly he does what he feels is right rather than what he thinks is right. IDW Sonic is well known especially for his obsession of giving a second chance (and then a third, a four) to all his opponents. That is a thing Goku does and is fine because is true to himself. But Sonic is not like that. Sonic is not so merciful, he is a kind hearted character but there is still a red line and he tends to be wary toward those who don't deserve his trust, like Eggman. He forgives his enemies. After they show they're wort deserving forgiving, not before, unlike IDW Sonic. IDW Sonic is also cunning and can be manipulative, that's unique to this version. You can see the true sonic only when he is alone. Then he is more like himself, in his monologues about his friends, and how much he worries about them or appreciate them. Also his opinion of himself is not as high as the one we see in Archie comics. He is overall aloof.

Unleashed Sonic

This one is among the most gentle and down to Earth Sonic I've ever seen. He is slightly quiet and never a jerk. Instead he is fully supportive and encouraging toward his new friend Chip who is clumsy, despite being a god.

Frontiers Sonic

Sonic's personality changed again. He is still kind hearted, brave and strong. But compared tho before he is more mature, thoughful and slightly melancholic. He smiles less and I don't see his joyful exictment anymore. He just smiles when happy.

Boom Sonic

Sonic is usually elusive. Not in Sonic Boom. I perceived this incarnation as very playful and carefree, although an attention seeker.

Movie Sonic

Oh... this is one that goes through a character arc. He is shown to be a good hearted, hyperactive and lonely kid. He is very playful and talkative yet not gossipy. He talks alot just to not feel alone and took the bad habit. Once he found a family and some living being to talk with at times however, is shown he is not as sociable as you may assume by the way he lets his tongue run. He doesn't trust so easily people he meets the first time, as is shown with Tails and only later he feels more comfortable to have Tails around and opens up to him.

Prime Sonic

Another that goes into a character arc. Here he got new traits, like clumsiness, low attention span, affectionateness. And old ones like elusiveness. This Sonic is particularly interesting for some of his traits that are hard to spot. He clearly appears to be this impulsive, talkative (yet not gossipy), overconfident kid who trips on his feet and is deemed annoying (I personally don't find him annoying). He loves his friends and is ready to protect them but, before the prism shattering, is shown (and suggested by a conversation between his friends) that he also likes to spend time alone, without people around (here one trait that not many notice). Sonic is aware of his flaws and during his experience in the shatterverse he gets in touch with all of them, either the counterpart of his friends tell him or he realize his mistakes by his own. On the outside he is cheerful, a bit dimwitted sometimes, friendly. But as the serie goes forward, he is more, gloomy and pensive and he fully opens up only to Shadow and only later to the rest of his friends in the shatterspace (including Nine, who first sees through him). In the end of the serie is shown he is more considerate toward his friends and he hold some of his energies back.

What else? This is all what I can think of, I haven't played all the games. I may mention Sonic Cronicles, but there Sonic is the way you want him to be.

To me is hard to choose. As long as is not the one of Archie, IDW or Fleetway, I'm fine with all of them. My favourite might be Adventure Sonic and Prime Sonic.

[zoe-oneesama]

Hi Zoe! I see you're done with Party Crasher. If I'm not wrong, Frozer is up next. What do you think about the episode?

This episode is a prime example of why Season 2 has nearly no rewatch value after you've endured Season 4. It's so hard to watch with hindsight.

So, the biggest funk of this episode was definitely Chat Noir - it was him when the episode came out and it still is now. Literally opening the episode with another romantic gesture when Ladybug confirms this MUST be post "Glaciator" because she very gently and sadly reminds him that he knows she's in love with someone else.

Well, he took the rejection SO WELL in "Glaciator", so why should we expect any different here?

This episode (paired with "Glaciator") is the episode that launched the "Nice Guy(tm) Chat Noir" idea. He says things in this episode that I swear were pulled right from reddit. He decides they should go solo because she turned down his rose... "We don't always have to do everything together, after all. It's not like we're a couple." Seriously dude? All this time together, our partnership, our relationship, our friendship, it all means nothing because I don't want to be your girlfriend? Because I was honest about having feelings for someone else? THAT'S the kind of person you are? What a great role model.

But then he's over it, like, immediately. I'm so confused as to why this was even here. To make Chat Noir look like a dick? Way to sell your main love interest, show~

So Sadrien sadly takes his sad rose to fencing practice and gets his sad ass handed to him by Kagami, who's like "wtf kicking your ass is boring if you just let me" and he asks her "do you ever feel like you're stuck, replaying the same story over and over again and hoping for it change but nothing ever does?"

And Kagami's response is her infamous "the biggest mistake a fencer can make isn't choosing the wrong technique. It's choosing the wrong target. Change targets" advice.

First of all, her metaphor sucks. Fencing is a 1 vs 1 sport, you can't "change targets". You can switch from aiming for the chest to aiming for the leg, but it's still the same opponent, weirdo.

Second of all, nothing about what Adrien just asked you suggested he was talking about a person or a romantic suitor whatsoever. Your only hint was that he was holding his Reject Rose, but even so, why wouldn't your first thought be that he's talking about his father???

Seriously, this could've been a good lead in for the Adri////gami set up if Kagami had assumed he was talking about Gabriel and responded with empathy. "Yes, sometimes I feel like that with my own mother, but I realized I don't like feeling like I'm waiting for change to happen. I make my own change happen. If you want your story to be different, maybe it has to come from you."

And Adrien, still thinking romantically, is struck. 'Wow' he thinks, 'she understands me in a way that honestly? Not a lot of people would.' And he declares that she's right, he's going to change his story starting now, and hands her the rose, starting their romance story.

But no, sure, a bad fencing metaphor about how he should forget other hoes and look at her, that works too, who needs BUILD UP amiright? I was a fool to think that maybe Kagami would need a REASON to be into the Writer's Pet Adrien when he's OBVIOUSLY already PERFECT.

Not that any of this matters since Adrien all but tells Kagami to her face "I had a great time but I'm sticking to my original pick." and she says she'll wait for him, girl, have some self respect.

But that's getting ahead of ourselves. After the two part ways, we have a scene with him and Plagg about Adrien maybe switching targets, and uh..

Look, I noticed a real problem with the dialogue in this episode - there's a lack of connectivity throughout the episode with the things people say. I know I make jokes about the show having five writers per episode who don't communicate with each other, but here it reeeeeally feels like maybe that's not a joke.

Like here: Plagg suggests that Adrien is going to start pursuing Kagami and Adrien rejects this idea because he's in love with Ladybug ("No, no way. Ladybug's the only one I love), and it probably wouldn't work with Kagami anyway because it's his technique that's wrong and he needs advice on what to do.

This seems to suggest that Adrien isn't going to go after Kagami, and if he did, it would be to test out a technique on her. Like going out with Kagami would be practice. Now that's obviously not verbatim what he said and could justifiably be seen as reaching, but do you see my confusion? Not once does he say anything about being into Kagami or wanting to go after her (though admit-ably he did give her the Reject Rebound Rose).

But then two scenes later when he's asking Marinette for help, he's describing Kagami as if he's in love with her, as if he's really interested in her. Where did THAT come from between scenes?! Writers! COMMUNICATE!

Also he says in the French version that they have classes together, and in English that they study together, and I would just like to see WHEN?!

There's another example when Marinette goes off to the bathroom after Kagami gives more..."advice". Tikki asks why she's sad, and instead of pointing out the very obvious "Oh, I don't know Tikki, my crush asked me for advice on how to get close to another girl, I'm third wheeling his date and am forced to watch them skate around holding hands, she practically claimed him when Phillipe was trying to recruit Adrien for his ice rink by reminding him AND me that Adrien is with HER, aaaaand I fell on my butt in front of him, her, and the guy who I also have caught feelings for but am feeling bad about potentially leading him on because of my lingering feelings for Adrien. And then my crush's date basically told me it's my fault that all these things are happening to me because I 'hesitate'. That might have something to do with why I'm sad."

But instead her answer is she likes Luka but doesn't know if what's between them is that they're just friends, like with Adrien????

Even if that WERE a part of it, that's not the thing that started this or even the thing that set her off. So why is that the thing they made her stuck on??? That's like the fourth thing on the list of Things That's Made Her Upset. Her answer sounds like it comes from a pre-edited script or something.

So yeah, the dialogue is...weird. But that's almost normal for Miraculous Ladybug at this point.

So anyway, Adrien vows to get advice from someone who is Not Plagg and realizes very quickly that every adult in his life is utterly worthless so he scouts out his friends. Except of the 4 couples he zones in on (Marc and Nathaniel, Ivan and Mylene, Alya and Nino, Juleka and Rose) 3/4 of them are together because of Ladybug and an akuma.

"Hey bro, I need some advice, how'd you and Alya get together?"

"Oh, Ladybug locked us in a panther cage during an akuma attack after you tried to set me up with her best friend."

Maybe it's not as crazy that he went to Marinette as I initially thought.

(That said this gave me flashbacks because for some reason all my friends came to me for relationship advice despite being chronically single for most of high school, so, I felt that pain Marinette.)

And just...wow, writers, I know Marinette is your punching bag but this was just cruel. Having her crush, the guy YOU'RE SELLING as her true love go off about how pretty and special and amazing this other girl is right to her face? Is this supposed to be an equivalent heartbreak to what happened in the first scene? Because this doesn't feel equal, this just feels malicious on the writer's end. Ladybug didn't grind into Chat Noir's face how AWESOME the mystery boy is and at least Chat Noir got to throw a tantrum about it, where's Marinette's tantrum?!

I'll say the one point I give to the Girl Squad is them telling Marinette she's crazy for agreeing to third wheel this date and that she should definitely cancel on Adrien. If he can't handle being alone with the girl he wants to date, that sounds like a them problem, there's being selfless and then there's being masochistic, girl.

But then they lose that point for yelling over her when she tells them she's going to try being Just a Friend for Adrien.

The Girl Squad scene is also frustrating in this way that Miraculous is continuously frustrating in that the characters just don't quite say the thing that makes sense (like in "Maledictator" with Marinette calling Chloe "useless" instead of things that would actually stick like "bully"). Marinette says she's giving up on Adrien because she stutters around him and dating would be impossible if she can't even talk to him, and that she's calmer when she's trying to be his friend instead of dating him.

But what she should have said was "he just asked me advice on how to ask out someone else, he's clearly not into me!"

She has a good point with the stuttering thing, but that puts all the weight on HER for the relationship not taking off. It's HER that can't get it together, it's HER that can't get her words out, it's HER that's stopping them from being together. Meanwhile Adrien's over here asking out other girls, calling her "just a friend", not showing up to meet ups that she'll be at... Hell, he tried to set HER up with SOMEONE ELSE ("Animan"). He doesn't want to date her! Message Recieved!

So she brings in Luka, (which honestly, smart move, because how much would Kagami have REALLY hated Marinette if she showed up by herself on THEIR date) and we get The Metaphors.

Marinette is clumsy, this is a known fact, yet the only times she's clumsy at the ice rink is because she's focused on Adrien - when she focuses on Luka, she's smooth, easily let's him guide her, and is pulling off professional moves. ALMOST like he's a good, calming influence compared to the chaotic energy that Adrien brings.

The "problem" (if you're writing for this show and want to encourage Adrien and Marinette being together) is that the episode never challenges why this should be a bad thing. They want her to be with Adrien, soooo why are they basically visually proving why Luka is the better option? Why does this whole episode feel like it's actively trying to turn Marinette away from Adrien?

I mean obviously they're starting the Love Rival drama, but I mean long term. With the Skating Metaphor and Marinette bringing up how her own inability to think clearly around Adrien is a problem, and then never COUNTERING those problems, why are we supposed to root for them again?

Oh because Luka gave his consent in the end, not because of any merit that Adrien brings to the table, got it.

Then there's the obvious Two Guys Reaching Out to Help Marinette Up and She Hesitates Because Her Heart is in Conflict Metaphor. I only give this one props because at least none of the characters explained that one, they just let that one speak for itself, even if it was obvious.

Though that one accidentally extended when the reason Marinette doesn't choose is because Phillipe forces his way into the interaction to beg Adrien to join his rink - kinda like random, out of pocket shit that she has no control over is CONSTANTLY MESSING UP HER ATTEMPTS TO MAKE MOVES.

Gosh Kagami, maybe Marinette would've made a choice if she'd gotten five seconds between them without INTERRUPTIONS! Maybe she even would've grabbed BOTH of their hands, then what would you have done?

Sighhhh, I'm sorry Kagami, I don't mean to rip on you. It's just that you were so freaking RUDE in this episode to anyone who wasn't Adrien (and also a little bit to Adrien tbh). You can turn Phillipe's offer down without telling him his favorite sport is basically trash. You can help Marinette up without rubbing it in that you got the guy first. You can let Adrien turn Phillipe down himself without peeing on him, as if you're jealous of a this guy just for asking Adrien to join a sport ("he already fences with ME!"). Let the boy speak for himself - maybe he actually was interested, did you check in on what he wants?

Yes, Adrien shouldn't just go along with people to make them happy, but he's not going to learn to stand up for himself if you just speak for him.

And Luka...well you're just here for a good time, aren't you? So patient, so kind, so the only person in the room who can read the writing on the wall. At least someone in this group isn't lying to themselves.

I'm losing steam, so let's rapid fire:

I knew I'd hate Phillipe as soon as I saw him and I was right. He's annoying and I bet he's the reason no one wants to come to his stupid ice rink because he's lurking there interrupting other people's dates. I was on Andre's side when he ragged on him for trying to force people to join (though dude you gave him ten minutes, what did you think would happen?)

Luka's so magical he can play electric guitar without an amp or any sound amplifying device, impressive. Or the people on this show have never touched an instrument.

Also Luka, your advice to just be natural and go with the flow is great and also WASTED on Adrien, his "natural" is a DISASTER.

Adrien panic-lying that he brought Marinette to teach him how to skate was pointless. Maybe Kagami would've thought it was endearing you were too nervous to go on a date with her alone if you were just honest about it, but now it's just Another Thing Kagami has to turn into a competition because she sees Marinette as a RiVaL (which honestly amazing jumping to conclusions because wut, where'd you get that idea?)

Also, does Kagami shoot a bow? She says she only participates in "noble" sports, like bow or fencing, but I can't tell if she's listing sports she considers noble, or listing sports she participates in. Also what does a "noble" sport even mean?

S-stalac-Tikki...and Plagg-lagla. I know it's Plagg-Glacier in English, but it's Plagg-lagla in French and it sounds like Adrien's VA is gargling or stuttering when he tries to say it.

What happened to Luka and Kagami, you're not even going to show them frozen?!

Frozer is so ugly omigoooood not looking forward to drawing him.

So yeah, anyway, Frozer is hard to watch, especially with hindsight, the bad parts with Chat Noir are really bad but don't stick around long, so there's that, and while it doesn't feel like the characters are being too bad during this whole "dating" fiasco, it suuuuure feels like the writers were~

[paperlovesadness]

do you think “jet skis on the moat” and “body paint” are about miles? or just “jet skis…”?

Heyyy

Oh my goodness. I'm so so sorry for how late I'm responding to this! I remember leaving it aside because I knew I could sit down and write a whole big answer, but then it kind of escaped my mind. But I'm here now! And will make up for it with probably another novel-length answer 🙈

Disclaimers are always: this is for fun. This is one of a million possible interpretations and even I have a lot of those in my head but just choose the 'loudest' one to share. (Sometimes I'll publish an analysis and then have a million new ideas about the song one day when listening to it. Nothing is fixed). This is based a lot on "vibes" cause it's so hard to understand the The Car songs, man.

Okay - so firstly, like I always say with The Car - I do believe that album is first and foremost extremely introspective. And Alex likes to say or suggest in interviews that there isn't too much straight up references to his actual life in there... Now I don't completely believe that? He just definitely doesn't want to talk about them (as usual).

What I see in there is a jumble of emotions and feelings and self-reflection - perhaps done in a less straightforward way than he would do previously. Maybe he did it more instinctively? But there's a strong feeling it is there.

So I do think most songs are just... about Alex's inner workings and feelings (also perhaps why it seems more abstract?) - but do some of those have the potential to refer to a very important and seemingly complicated, undefined relationship in his life? I do believe so.

Body Paint - I've tried looking at from different perspectives. And I'm not sure I found enough to connect it to Miles.

Although - there's a mysterious little detail that I've been overthinking for a while - which is this recurring theme of paint in a few songs. This is probably a prime example of my useless overthinking (and Alex would probably laugh about these sorts of connections being made) - but have you ever noticed:

There's still a trace of body paint On your legs and on your arms and on your face

Exactly the wrong time in exactly the wrong place. Save it for a rainy day. Baby, you go hard in the paint

Or are you just happy to sit there and watch while the paint job dries?

(Body Paint // Anyways // Jet Skis on the Moat)

So like do Jet Skis connect somehow with Body Paint (and Anyways) in themes? 👀

Who knows. But that's just a side observation 😅

Now Jet Skis - Jet Skis being connected to Miles possibly maybe I can see a bit more. With lyrics like:

Come over here and give your buddy a hug

So much for deciding not to let it slide

Because? You know our Milex brains work on overdrive hearing stuff like that. Can it be about anything? Yep. Does it bring to mind a certain someone whose been this man's favorite hug buddy? Also yup. Now extrawild theory territory:

"Deciding not to let it slide" kind of makes me think of how perhaps they've maybe established some new boundaries after crossing a bit too many. Like perhaps one of them went and "killed the joke" they had going in (👀) and after that some boundaries were set. Not letting more-than-friendly things happen. Not letting shit like that slide anymore... Until the next time (so much for that resolution!)

Lights out in the Wonder Park

Your saw-toothed lover boy was quick off the mark

That's long enough in the sunshine for one night

To me lights out in the wonder park is a sad image of something gone by. A wondrous place (jeez. Reference not even intended here) full of fun and joy - but the lights need to go off at some point. It's not real life; it's somewhere you can only go for so long before returning to reality.

Saw-toothed lover boy was probably what grabbed a bunch of people's attention? Miles' crooked, endearing smile (before he straightened his teeth) was something he was known for. And something Alex commented on himself I do believe a few times. (I also do know saw-toothed isn't crooked-toothed. It just sort of evokes that image to me?)

Long enough in the sunshine for one night - to me brings to mind the image of someone being given the full attention they want/deserve. But for some reason can't entirely own. (I can be yours tonight, but not tomorrow type of vibes. That's all we can have - then it's back to "real life". Lights out in the wonder park)

I don't know about the pajama pants and Subbuteo cloke. It for sure evokes childhood imagery. So maybe refers to some specific childhood story? Maybe it's about Alex. Maybe someone told him that they did that in their childhood for fun. Who knows.

And then come the super sad parts?

You know that it's alright if you wanna cry

is obviously so sad even if I can't place it anywhere specific context-wise. (Also seems to evoke Body Paint a bit with "Do your time traveling through the tanning booth So you don't let the sun catch you crying" and "I'm watching your every move I feel the tears are coming on")

And then:

Is there somethin' on your mind

Or are you just happy to sit there and watch

While the paint job dries?

When it's over, you're supposed to know

Okay - so what if paint is some specific metaphor? I haven't found a good enough theory for what that could be (would love to hear your thoughts if you agree and have ideas!) (though... i mean in Body Paint itself there's some interesting theories 👀 not sure it works with the rest though). And now... Watching it dry signifies the end or hibernation of something. But then "when it's over you're supposed to know" - kind of suggests like that ending isn't something that the person it refers to is ready to accept. It still seems like an open possibility. Like one side is still hoping.

As though it's the last time you're gonna ride

Is also sad - suggests something seeming like it's ending. It's the last time. But then there's that "as though". Like an open possibility, hope of it not really being true.

But damn; this is a big mess! Because The Car songs are so hard to analyze, they're so abstract. I can definitely see what Alex has been saying about focusing more on the melody and the emotions it evokes and lyrics kind of being an extension of that. Taking a backseat for a second (hehe. Car pun. Not even intended).

It would seem the album that's set on the actual moon would be as mixed up and tough to decipher as if gets but nope! Alex took up the challenge of cranking it up a notch. Because of course he did.

Anyway. I hope any of this makes sense and/or resonates with someone and their thoughts about this song 💛

Thank you for the question, sorry for the delay!

Sending good energy your way! 💫

.

[egg-emperor]

I think Gamma provides precedent for how Eggman treats Sage in Frontiers. He calls Beta Gamma's big brother.

Calling Sage his daughter is definitely a step further but it is still an example of assigning familial roles to his creations.

He says he's proud of Gamma just like he does with Sage

And he says he's counting on Gamma in their last scene together (I find it funny this line is different in the other characters story modes)

I think the thing with Sage is we never get a chance to see her really fail Eggman and how he'd react to that. All the times of Eggman mistreating and dismissing his creations are when they fail him in some way. Sage never does in the story of Frontiers. The closest she gets is this scene where he does still throw a little hissy fit over her suggestion.

IF Sage ever did actually fail Eggman, how would he react? Frontiers simply doesn't answer that question.

I've been thinking so hard about Adventure as one of the prime examples of him treating his creations like shit lol and yeah this is another of the reasons why it bothers me in Frontiers, how they got so close to going in the right direction but playing it up for "the feels" in the English dialogue in particular really changed the context and made it OOC. And how people try to treat the exact same line as "development" of the dynamic in Frontiers, even though he said it in Adventure while still being the biggest bastard ever and still treating them like shit, sparing Gamma only for being useful to him. But the unused mission fail scene shows he would immediately call him a "useless machine" too if he can't deliver, just like he easily harshly discards the rest.

Presentation changes everything, the casual approach works in the way I described for liking Japanese Eggman Frontiers dialogue too. Adventure doesn't treat it as a big deal of "omg Eggman is assigning family roles, he must care!" Because it's very clear when it would make him a terrible "father" as he punishes the E-Series brutally. It just makes it worse, how he's like "this is your brother btw I'm pitting the two of you against each other and throwing away the loser lol :)" then "I'm going to fucking MESS UP all your brothers because they couldn't bring the right frog" and Gamma finds out what he did and is so disturbed and broken he has to kill all of them and himself lmfao

That's why I wouldn't have a problem with Eggman saying Orbot and Cubot are like brothers to Sage, though I can't see him calling them his sons because he can't fucking stand them lol, which would also make him a very bad father if he somehow did. But that's why I also feel saying robots are siblings doesn't always mean he wants to take a blatant father type role. But I also never had a problem with him actually calling himself Metal's daddy because I want him to call himself daddy Archie Eggman was still a twisted bastard around the time they introduced it and continued to be and it was even casual and subtle with IDW Eggman, the way he acts with him as his real self as opposed to Tinker has a nice difference showing it's casual and lacks the same deep care as his real self.

So if they had wanted to introduce it to game canon in a casual way in a similar manner to Archie/IDW, that would've been fine by me. A running joke about how his pride and joy in a creation as a creator can be like the pride a father has in their child doesn't take away from his evil, if you don't frame it in a wholesome or deep sad way that tries to make him seem like he cares for them sincerely. They fucked up when they've got fans acting like he's the next Bowser and even contemplate if he's going to lose his villainy entirely and that's what happens when you try to make it serious and sad for "the feels" that just seem like a "we didn't care to develop this but look this is so sad please cry". As a cheap lazy way to try to get people to like it.

I'd say it's not just when they deliberately fail as he also just has a really short temper and if they say the wrong thing or get in the way, he will insult and hurt them. But yeah when they fail or betray, or even if they just do something that mildly annoys or displeases him, like saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and how he was pissed at the E-Series just for bringing the wrong frog when he still got what he wanted, then he's relentless and punishes them with physical harm, repurposing, discarding, or destroying them. He did get pissed when Sage suggested teaming up with Sonic and about Cyber Space but she was spared because she still seemed useful and she's a particularly impressive creation in terms of being advanced.

Maybe it can stop him from punishing Sage in some circumstances, as I'm sure he would've mistreated and punished other creations for the ways she annoyed him. But sparing her shouldn't imply genuine sincere care, it should be due to still having a use and being an impressive example of advanced skill of creating life in a way he finds far superior as it involves his genius. I'd imagine there has to be some kind of a limit before he snaps and mistreats and punishes like any other if they understand he won't take that lightly, no matter what kind of attachment to level of impressiveness or prior usefulness. Make him see red and tip him over the edge enough and it's over. Can't trust a man with such an explosive temper.

But yeah the way they handled it in Adventure is good and it turns out the Japanese version of his role in Frontiers is careful to keep accuracy to his character too with it being very toned down and feel more casual, so it feels more like him. It shows how they got pretty close with getting it right in the English version too, aside from OOC phrasing in the memos that was changed in the Japanese version despite the memos being one of the only faithfully translated parts (which is really saying something), and those ending scenes that bother me the most, where it was rephrased in the Japanese dialogue in a way that changed the context of them for the better.

Adventure and the Japanese Frontiers' way of handling such a dynamic in any way and amount is how you do it right. It's not that it isn't possible for it to exist at all and still make sense, as they almost acknowledged that well enough in the English version too, except the dialogue was too much there like it wanted it to be much deeper and more sincere on a caring empathetic level. It bothers me as that's obviously just not the kind of guy he is, especially because it actually even contradicts other things he said in the same game that proved that aspect of his character hasn't left or suddenly changed. And the much better differences in the Japanese dialogue also further support that too.

I'd be intrigued to see how much he could take and how far Sage could go before he decides enough is enough. Because any amount of attachment in the dynamic shouldn't be beyond the selfishness of his pride in his creation for being a manifestation of his genius, how impressive and advanced she is to the point of being life-like for the same reason, and for how she can be genuinely useful and competent in fulfilling her function. But disappoint and anger him enough and I think the most believable way for him to react would be to punish her in ways he would with any other creation or completely erase her or something. If not, then it makes sense to keep her around.

[themostvindictivemind]

Time to brainrot about something I guess since I'm being kept up with a migraine.

Now you probably wouldn't think it from looking at me, but I am actually very, very much deeply obsessed with linguistics. To an unhealthy degree, some might say. And one of my favorite linguistic concepts is "This is a stupidly hilarious pun in Language A, but it makes no sense in Language B" The prime example of this is an old Sumerian/Babylonian joke that at this point has had several thousand video essays written about it. You know the one: "A dog walks into a tavern. 'I can't see anything!' he says. 'I'll open this one.'"

And who could forget the Greek Philosopher Chrysippus? In one of the accounts of his death, it is said that he got a bit too drunk at a party and, upon witnessing a donkey eating figs, he said "someone should get that donkey some pure wine to wash down the figs!". He then fucking died of laughter at his own joke. Beause apparently that was the funniest shit he'd ever seen.

Now neither of those make sense in any living language or modern culture, but the fact that it was written down at all means it made enough people laugh for it to be worth recording. And it's fun to look at living languages and see what makes the native speakers laugh but still utterly baffles everyone else. Even better, digital archeaologists in a thousand years are going to have a field day with this post if they ever stumble upon it, so here are a few of my favorite untranslatable puns: Hungarian: A man is pulled over by the police. The officer asks, "Are you drunk?". The man replies, "No, sir, Ivett is my wife"

Japanese: Why dont Hawaiians go to the dentist? Good teeth.

Finnish: "A bar and a screwdriver". That's the entire joke, by the way. Set up and punchline, apparently both right there, and in the original Finnish it's only two words. Apparently it's a reference to something? I'm just going to assume this is a thing you say and people laugh, much like "omae wa, mou shinderu"

Spanish: What fruit is the most patient? It's a pear. So fun fact, my Aunt is from Mexico, and I decided to tell her this joke in the original Spanish (which as a consequence of having a Mexican aunt, I speak pretty well). And I shit you not that as soon as the words "es pera" left my mouth, she let out the longest, heaviest, most world-weary sigh I have ever heard in my 20 years of life, before returning to the tamales she was making. I guess she now knows that my pun game has transcended to include her native language, and in that moment she was preparing herself for the ensuing decades of Spanish wordplay

Another from Japanese because they are gods of wordplay: "7-Up, Pepsi, Coca-Cola, they're all types of what?" "Soda?" "That's right!"

Chinese: "Who is Mi's mother?" "Hua, because peanuts". I took Chinese in high-school and I can verify that this is the shittiest pun I've ever seen, but the reddit user who posted it says "I am yet to find a single Chinese/Taiwanese person who does not find it hilarious"

Aussie English (which I'm including both for English rep and because Aussie slang is so markedly different that Brits and Americans are still unlikely to get it): "What's the difference between fat and cholesterol? You can't crack a cholesterol".

Danish: One sign says to another, "Are you married?" The other replies, "No, I'm divorced"

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: French: "He wished to be Caesar, but he died as Pompey" -- George Clémenceau, commenting on the death of President Felix Faure (I refuse to explain this one or give any further context, go look it up)

Oh and side note. Obviously, no world leader can speak every language, so interpreters are a necessity for negotiation. And of course, world leaders and diplomats are going to try the lighten the mood occaisionally with humor. But for negotiations between most countries, that's hard to do, because there are very few puns with much cross-linguistic utility. Sure, you have that one joke about where cats go when they die that works in English and most Romance languages, but for some more serious negotiations, the number of puns that would make sense in both languages is pretty close to zero, and may very well BE zero. So the question arises, how do interpreters deal with that? Of course there are a lot of possible methods, not all of which are good or even remotely efficient. You could just translate the pun word for word, but as evidenced by the fact that that's literally what I did above, it's not gonna work that well. Explaining the joke also isn't gonna fly, because as we all know, the second you explain a joke is the seond it becomes Not Funny Anymore. The method I've found that I think works best is just to say "They have said a pun that doesn't translate well to English. Laugh now." Which is funny not just because it works, but because it works amazingly. That person on the other end of the table (who we are assuming doesn't speak a lick of English) has no clue what the interpreter is saying, and so must assume their joke was translated faithfully. Sure, their interpreter might know depending on how the whole thing is set up, but considering the vetting process you have to go through to be an interpreter for the POTUS , I highly doubt anyone is going to risk national security over a joke being left untranslated. Both leaders have a laugh, everything ends on good terms, and we avoid nuclear annihilation for another few weeks.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Bleach Characters as Math Equations

I was joking around with @crysuzumushi about different characters and their fighting strategies when my brain thought "you know what would be the absolute worst way of explaining this?" and then I had to follow through.

Disclaimer: I am not a math-y person and last time I took algebra was freshman year of high school. And laawwwwd that was a long time ago. Also these representations only really hold true for maybe the first half of the series. Or even just the Soul Society arc lol.

Abarai Renji

Linear growth: Not the fastest growth, but a steady increase, with no limit. At least through the Soul Society arc, Renji often seems to start off with taunts, then he draws his zanpakutou, then he releases his sword. And only later does he achieve bankai, although the bankai is not fully developed. He keeps making positive strides following a clear trajectory!

Kuchiki Byakuya

Exponential growth: Not the quickest start, but once he gets going, the growth is incredibly fast and has no limit. At least at first, Byakuya stands back and lets Renji do the work for him. Then, when he finally confronts Ichigo, he merely decides to take out his soul chain/soul sleep. Only later does Byakuya reveal his full bankai powers, and then somehow he just continues leveling up from there.

Komamura Sajin

Logarithmic growth: LOL this is "Straight to Bankai" Komamura. Logarithmic growth is extremely fast at first, but then growth tapers off. Any hint of a fight? STRAIGHT TO BANKAI. But once he pulls that out, where does he go from there? Not anywhere fast, that's for sure (which is probably why he keeps getting pwned).

Tousen Kaname

Sine wave: Tousen is one of those guys who seems to vacillate wildly between "I'm gonna cut your arm off with almost no provocation" to "I take the path of least bloodshed" and there's almost no in between.

-------

In case you wanted to see the resulting mess:

I stg THE THINGS I DO FOR BLEACH.

------------

Bonus: Hirako "what the fuck is going on here" Shinji

[astroandstuff]

✧ Aspect Series ✧

Hello and welcome back to my Aspect Series! I hope you enjoy your stay :)

This was inspired by seeing people say that not all the aspects in our chart manifest the same in our lives and might not even be as prevalent as others. So how I'm doing this is I'm gonna take a look at one of the aspects in my chart on an individual, albeit superficial, level and we'll see if I relate to it or not in any way. I won't be taking into account the signs or houses when looking into it I just want this to be more general. Hopefully that makes sense! Please remember I’m not a professional astrologer I’m just trying to learn more about astrology. Alright let’s do this!

Sun Opposite Neptune:

sensitive and caring

insecure

appears and acts confident

does not like conflict

can become too dependent on things

empathetic

suspicious

idealistic

detached

self perception might be blurred

imaginative

This is another really tight aspect for me and well this was interesting to look into to say the least. Also I apologize in advance cuz this aspect has my mind all types of mixed up at the moment lol.

So I feel the main point with this aspect is the inner tension created between imagination/idealism and reality and being aware of it. As well as natives being able to define who they are. Now let me tell you this whole blurred self perception thing is ACCURATE. For myself at least. Accurate that some of this hurt to read lol. I have an extremely hard time placing myself in the world and honestly just being able to describe myself. Prime example of this is whenever we were in school on the first day of class and we would have to go around and share fun facts about ourselves my mind always went blank. Like I don't know whats fun or interesting about myself. Is there anything fun about me? I often times think I'm actually quite boring and wonder if my friends think I'm boring. Interestingly enough just recently I was with friends and jokingly thought that I have no personality. I made it clear to them that it was joke but deep down I know its a real thing for me. Which also plays into the part of this aspect that speaks on insecurities and a facade of confidence which I think that anecdote is a perfect example of as well.

Now going back to the tendency to idealize things/people and lean too much into escapism I relate to this somewhat. This talked a lot about a possibility of different forms of escapism, but the only one I really related to was daydreaming. I tend to daydream a lot about what my life could be though knowing I know it will most likely never happen. This spoke about natives not usually being aware of the idealization they do and how it differs from reality which is where I wean away from this. I am very much so aware of my reality, but I however do sometimes let my daydreams get in the way of my reality especially in the career department. This paired with my Pisces south node... eek.

Now the other parts of this aspect were caring, sensitive, empathetic, and detached I related to this as well. I am a caring and sensitive person but I am most definitely detached this is something i'm extremely aware of. I think i'm detached in the sense I don't let people fully into my life I tend to keep people at arm's length which is something i've been trying to work on. Lastly it also spoke on avoiding confrontation which is iffy for me because I do actually try my best to avoid confrontation. I usually just try and let things not bother me, but if you do something that pisses me off or continuously do something after i've already mentioned it I will come for you I don't care I have too much fire in my chart to let it go sometimes.

Anyways that was a lot but let me know if anyone with this aspect as well relates or not! Remember be kind to yourselves!

- S 🤍

[helloalycia]

a bitch [one] // leigh shaw

summary: you're used to leigh's constant mood swings and unpredictability, but didn't expect she'd ever do something to hurt you like she did.

warning/s: cheating

author's note: an angsty leigh shaw imagine was requested, so here we are! there's one more part to this so enjoy 😊

part two | masterlist | wattpad

Leigh Shaw could be a very unpredictable woman.

Ever since the unfortunate death of her husband, Matt, she'd become very erratic. It was hard to remember what she was like before he died, but then she'd flash me a smile and say something adorable and I remembered. Other times though, she could be as explosive as they came. If you ever got swept up in her mood swings, you'd be screwed.

Despite this, I remained by her side. That's what best friends did. Even when she yelled at me or gave me the cold shoulder or treated me like dirt, I stayed because I knew that was what she needed.

One time, a few months after Matt's death, I was stopping by to see how she was. A prime example of the cold effect she could have on people.

I raised my hand to knock, but the door suddenly swung open, revealing a peeved Jules and a pissed Leigh further behind her in the hallway.

"Hey," I greeted her sister with a smile, but she moved past me moodily. I glanced at Leigh before catching Jules' arm, stopping her. "What happened?"

Jules smiled bitterly. "You know, you should reconsider where you put your care, Y/N. Some people just aren't worth it."

At that last part, she glared over my shoulder, no doubt at Leigh. I turned to look at Leigh, who merely stuck a middle finger up at her sister before storming towards to the kitchen.

"What a bitch," Jules mumbled, making me wince because it was such a horrible word.

Jules shook me off before marching to her car to leave. I sighed and turned around to let myself in to their house. Closing the door behind me, I followed after Leigh and found her making toast in the kitchen angrily.

"Hey," I began softly, not wanting to give her another reason to get pissed off. Sitting on a stool at the island, I asked, "What happened?"

She forced a smile as she grabbed her toast from the toaster and dropped it on a plate. "My sister can't respect my space is all."

I pursed my lips awkwardly, watching as she grabbed butter from the fridge. Noticing my silence, she glanced up at me through her eyelashes.

"What?" she deadpanned, pausing from her actions.

"I don't think Jules is trying to upset you," I began, knowing I'd probably regret it. "I'm sure she understands you want space, but she loves you. And when you see someone you love hurting, you feel like you have to do something."

A sour smile broke out on her face as she scoffed. "Wow. Could you have your head stuck any further up Jules' arse?"

"Leigh, that's not what I'm–"

"What the hell are you even doing here?" she snapped. "I didn't invite you, Y/N."

Tensing my jaw, I refrained from getting annoyed. "Believe it or not, I actually wanted to check on you."

She curled her lips into a frown. "Well, I'm fine."

As if to prove that she was, she continued to butter her toast, but when she set her knife down, it slipped off the edge of the table and clattered to the floor. Frustrated, she slammed a fist on the countertop.

"It's okay, I'll–"

"Just get out," she cut me off when I was making a move to help her. I paused, wondering if she meant it, then her deadly green glare settled on my face. "Leave."

Sighing with defeat, I nodded and wordlessly left.

—

Sometimes Leigh wouldn't apologise. She'd act like nothing had happened and we'd move on. Other times, she actually would, surprisingly recognising that she'd done something wrong.

There was this one time when I'd invited her over for the evening to eat dinner and watch some films. The dinner went perfectly fine – we talked, we laughed, we spent time together – but then when we settled in the living room to watch a film, things started to unravel.

I can't remember exactly what she'd said. One second we were choosing a film on Netflix, then she was trying to make plans with me on the weekend. Unfortunately, I already had plans with my girlfriend, Alex, and Leigh didn't seem to like this. She'd made a comment under her breath and though I don't remember it specifically, I knew it wasn't polite.

Before I knew it, we were screaming at each other, arguing over the dumbest things. It started off being about my girlfriend and then the most unrelated stuff was being brought up on both of our ends. Sometimes she could be so aggravating, managing to rile me up and bring the worst out in me. The argument lasted a few minutes before she left, leaving me seething and full of hurt.

It was the following day at work when she came to see me next. I owned a café a few doors down from her mother's dance studio and was working a shift when her sister came through the front door.

I smiled at her when she approached the counter dressed in gym gear, her usual getup when at work with her family.

"Hey, how're you doing, Jules?" I asked.

"I'm good," she greeted with a smile, before it faded. "Just a warning, Y/N, Leigh is incoming in one minute. She wants to apologise."

Eyes rolling with mild annoyance, I let out a sigh. As dreadful as our spat was last night, I knew I had to also apologise to her. I'd said some hurtful things that made me feel all icky inside. Going to sleep after a fight was never a nice feeling.

"I don't know how you've put up with her for this long," Jules commented, picking up a cupcake from the display. "She can be so horrible to you."

I frowned, not feeling comfortable talking badly of Leigh behind her back. "That's not fair, Jules. You know what she's going through."

Jules gave me a knowing look. "I do, but that doesn't give her a free pass to treat you like she does."

Shrugging, I busied myself with cleaning up the crumbs from Jules' cupcake and giving her a plate.

"I take it you're going to forgive her then," she stated, though she definitely knew the answer judging from her expression.

"We both said some things we shouldn't have," I tried to explain so it didn't seem like I was giving in so easily, which deep down, I definitely knew I was, but Leigh was worth it.

Jules chuckled. "Yep, you're forgiving her. Looks like it's Leigh's lucky day."

I didn't say anything as she picked up the plate, ready to take a seat at one of the tables. Just as she was about to leave, she paused thoughtfully.

"You know, if you didn't have a girlfriend already, I'd say you were whipped," she said casually.

Ignoring her words, I watched her take her a seat on one of the spare tables. She made jokes like that a lot, but the truth was that I would probably do anything for Leigh. We'd been best friends since university – that was way too long to simply throw away our friendship because she was going through a tough time. And yes, the girlfriend talk threw me off at times... by the time I'd realised I liked Leigh as more than a friend, she was engaged. And I got over it, but Jules continued with the jokes and I continued to dismiss it.

As Jules warned, Leigh entered the café and caught my eyes with a nervous smile. I returned it, just as nervous as she looked, before watching her approach the counter. She was dressed in gym gear, like her sister, but a fine layer of sweat coated her skin which made me think she may have just finished teaching a class.

"Hey," she said with a rare gentleness to her voice. Her hands rested on the counter, fumbling slightly, before she put them by her sides instead. "How are you?"

Uncomfortably, I played with a loose thread on my apron. "I've been better, not gonna lie."

She exhaled regretfully. "I want to apologise, Y/N. Last night... it wasn't fair what I did. Just snapping at you like that."

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and avoided her eyes.

"I just get so angry sometimes," she admitted, noticing I wouldn't speak. She sounded exhausted and I looked up to see her running a hand through her hair. "I can't explain it. My anger at you wasn't about Alex or the plans, it was just me."

"It's because you're still hurting," I told her what I'd observed, shoulders relaxing. "And you're not very good at expressing that."

She shook her head, eyes drifting to the till distractedly. "I should be because I keep hurting the people I love."

My heart ached at the devastation in her voice and I put my hand out, motioning for her to take it. Thankfully, she did and I squeezed hers gently.

"Look, let's just forget it happened," I said with a small smile. "I... I didn't exactly say the nicest of things either."

She grimaced, letting go of my hand. "No, I get why you said it. It wasn't fair of me to just start on you like that. You were just defending your girlfriend... God, I can be such a bitch sometimes."

I winced at the word, it grating my ears. "That's not true, Leigh."

"It is." She nodded slowly, rolling her eyes. "Everybody thinks it. Including you."

"I don't think that," I said with creased brows, meeting her saddened eyes. "You're not a bitch. I've never once thought that."

"Really?" She raised a brow, smiling with defeat. "Not even that time when I stole your doughnuts after that fight we had two weeks ago?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Not even when I snapped at you for no reason the other day when you tried to help me write my article?"

"Not even then."

Her expression softened with guilt. "Not even when I called you a selfish jerk last night for not wanting to spend time with me even though you have a life of your own?"

I rounded the counter and stopped before her, looking between her guilt-ridden eyes. "Especially not then, Leigh."

She breathed out quietly and I pulled her in for a hug, glad when I felt her relax beneath me. Her arms clasped around my waist and I was glad we were good again.

—

It was a year later when Leigh and I eventually got together as a couple. It was a long time after I broke up with my girlfriend and it was completely unexpected.

I'd invited Leigh to be my 'date' to my mum's birthday party, since the two had gotten on so well in the past. She was happy to oblige, but as soon as we arrived, her mood changed.

I was helping collect the pizzas from the delivery guy when he started to flirt with me. At the time, I didn't even realise, but I knew that Leigh had acted different since it happened. When I finally confronted her about her sudden mood swing, she proceeded to make out with me completely unexpectedly and then admitted she was in love with me.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a good time. Since breaking up with my girlfriend, I'd been single and falling for my best friend all over again. Leigh making the first move was all I'd needed to finally share how I felt, too.

That was six months ago, and since then, we'd been going strong. Of course, there were still times when she had her mood swings and took it out on me (and literally everyone else) without realising, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I was used to it, used to her. So much that I should have trusted her even when presented with conflicting evidence.

We were at her workplace, Basically News, where she wrote columns part-time. It was a work party she'd been invited to and she'd asked me to be her date, which of course I said yes to. At the moment, we may or may not have been a little tipsy as we stood in the corner, drinking from flutes of champagne.

"Thank you again for coming here tonight as my date," Leigh said with a grin, arms laced around my neck as she held me close.

Pressing a kiss to my lips briefly, she pulled away and left my head spinning, and not just because of the alcohol.

"Any excuse to not be on the closing shift at work is good enough for me," I said playfully, resting my hands behind her waist.

She gasped. "Oh? So it wasn't me who persuaded you to come tonight?"

I pulled a face, feigning forgetfulness. "Hmm, I'm not too sure. Maybe you'll have to remind me why I agreed to come."

She bit her lip to contain her grin, eyes flickering to my lips. Leaning in, her lips met mine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the way she combed her hand through my hair and tilted my head towards her so she could get better access. She was a really good kisser and she knew the effect she had on me as I felt her smirk into it, catching her breath, before chasing down my lips and nibbling on them temptingly.

Remembering where we were, I gently pushed her back and tried to contain my smile. "Make it PG, Leigh. You're at work."

She licked her lips and began to laugh, green eyes darting between mine. "You're just so cute."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I don't want everyone here knowing how irresistible you are or they might try to steal you away."

Her laughter filled the air, making my stomach flip at the sound.

"Though I think they may already know that because of how sexy you look tonight," I added, eyes fluttering down her body to appreciate just how well she pulled off her fitted black dress.

She raised her brows with surprise, making me mirror her expression comically.

Leaning close to my ear, she said above a whisper, "D'you wanna know something not-so-sexy?"

Her breath tickled my ear and sent shivers down my spine, making me tense up slightly. Judging from the expression on her face, she was very much aware of what she was doing to me.

"What?" I asked with amusement.

"I really need to pee," she said, and I began to laugh because she did, too, and I knew she wasn't kidding. Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she added, "I'll be right back."

Letting go of me, she waved goodbye before going to the toilets. I busied myself with getting to know her colleagues whilst I waited, until five minutes had passed and I realised she still hadn't returned. Deciding to check on her, I headed in the direction of the toilets, only to freeze when I saw something I definitely wasn't expecting.

Leigh was kissing another girl outside of them.

It was her colleague, Abby, that was the first thing I noticed. But I didn't stay to make out anything more as I immediately turned around and walked away, trying to make my brain catch up to what I'd just seen.

Leigh was kissing somebody else. Somebody that wasn't me. Somebody who I had always suspected had a thing for her, but I never considered that maybe Leigh had a thing for her, too.

Definitely not tipsy anymore, I found the nearest table and took a seat, trying not to assume the worst. But how else could I perceive what I'd just seen? It could have been a mistake, though I was so shocked and hurt and angry that I couldn't imagine how. Maybe she'd explain herself to me. Or maybe she'd tell me what actually happened. Maybe.

Leigh returned not long after, finding me at the table. Smiling like nothing had happened, she pulled me up and led me to dance. Not once, for the remainder of the evening, did she suggest that anything was out of the ordinary, nor did she explain herself. And I couldn't help but wonder how I had the worst luck with women.

This one hurt way more than the last time because it wasn't just anyone – it was Leigh.

—

A year and a half ago:

"Danny mentioned the breakdown you had last week because they didn't have doughnuts, so I, er, brought you these just in case."

Leigh cracked a small smile in the passenger's seat before accepting the box I held out to her. I'd just parked up outside the place where she went to her grief counselling group, having offered to drop her off. It had only been a few months since Matt died, but sometimes, the old Leigh shone back through and it made me feel hopeful that she'd make it through this.

"Thank you," she said genuinely, fingers wavering on top of the box, before she lifted her gaze to meet mine. "And thanks for the ride. You didn't have to."

I shrugged, thumb tapping the steering wheel mindlessly. "I don't mind. I just wanna make sure you get here okay."

She sighed, shaking her head, though a ghost of a smile was on her lips.

"Text me when you're done and I'll be happy to pick you up, too," I added casually.

"Thanks," she repeated, though didn't make a move to leave my car just yet. I didn't rush her.

Sadly, the silence was broken when my phone began to ring and my girlfriend's name flashed on the screen in my car where my phone was connected to. Glancing at Leigh, I just about made out the eye-roll she did.

"Sorry," I apologised, before declining the call instantly.

"Why d'you do that? Could've been urgent," she said with a clipped tone.

Oh, no, I thought. Whenever she used that tone, it meant she was picking a fight.

"I'm here with you," I said like it was obvious, hoping that one thing didn't ruin the moment.

She tensed her jaw, looking down as her hair fell around her face. "Whatever."

Before I could think of a way to make her feel better, the screen lit up again and my ringtone echoed through the car. I winced at the glare Leigh sent to the screen. If looks could kill, my car would be toast.

Declining the call, I looked to her worriedly. "What's wrong, Leigh?"

Her glare fell to me. "Why the hell do you keep declining it? She's calling you for a reason."

I raised my eyebrows. "Because I'm here with you? Alex can wait. I'm taking you to grief group."

"Well, I'm here at grief group," she mocked, turning to face me with an unexplainable frustration.

I didn't understand why she was so touchy all of a sudden. The car ride here, she'd been fine. Just a moment ago, she'd been fine. But now... now she was acting unreasonable.

My phone buzzed in my pocket suddenly, followed by a tone that signalled I had a text. Leigh smiled bitterly, rolling her eyes.

"Let me guess," she muttered. "It's her."

Still very much unable to keep up with her mood swings, I didn't answer. Her gaze snapped to mine as she stared at me with disbelief.

"Why the fuck aren't you checking it?!"

I grimaced, my own exasperation slipping out when I blurted, "I'm a little confused to what you want from me right now, Leigh!" Breathing out slowly, I said, "I'm sorry if this is bothering you. I'll turn off my phone next time."

As if I'd deeply offended her, she raised a brow incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Why would this bother me?"

Okay, I was extremely confused now.

"I don't know," I admitted, bewildered.

"Is that what you think of me? Some clingy bitch who won't let you live your life?"

I widened my eyes. "What?! Leigh! I never said–"

"Sorry if taking me is such a task," she said abruptly, moving to put the box of doughnuts on the dashboard.

"I never said that," I told her sternly.

"You didn't have to. I know already. I'm just a burden on everyone."

She got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind her. Meanwhile, my confusion was still trying to make out what the hell just happened.

"Don't bother picking me up," she said through the open window of the passenger's door. A scowl was on her face as she added, "You should go spend time with Alex. She's probably missing you."

Breathing out, I leaned back into my seat and watched her walk away and to the entrance of the building. When she acted like this – so push and pull with her emotions – I was so conflicted. What could possibly be going on in her mind that she managed to flip everything that just happened? A complete 180?

Knowing she'd just need some time to cool off, I shook my head and focused on leaving. But then I remembered my phone went off and pulled it out to see what was so important. Aside from two missed calls from Alex, I saw I had a voicemail, too, not a text.

Grumbling fo myself, still disgruntled by Leigh's attitude, I raised the phone to my ear to have a listen, whilst hoping it wasn't actually anything life-threatening.

At first, all I could hear was some very faint laughing and vague noises, kind of like material rubbing together and breathing. I assumed Alex had left me a voicemail without even realising since I'd done that countless of times to other people, having dropped my phone in my bag without realising it was still on. But then the noises became more distinct and I made out words.

"Jake, stop messing about," a voice said, whom I instantly recognised as my girlfriend.

I furrowed my brows. Jake? Jake as in the guy she worked with Jake?

"If you stop teasing me then maybe I will," a gravelly yet devious voice responded.

My throat went dry when I heard more laughter before it went quiet. It didn't take a genius to understand what was happening, especially when the moans that followed echoed in my ear, begging me not to forget.

Unable to listen anymore, I hung up and threw my phone onto the passenger's seat. Tears welled in my eyes as I glanced over at it hesitantly, almost wishing it hadn't even existed. And as much as I didn't want to accept the glaring fact, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

She was cheating on me.

[be-gay-do-heists]

hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

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Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam. 

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

------

(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/. 

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”

[partlystiles]

So, I noticed you write for Peter Pettigrew,,, I was wondering if you could write something for him and a female s/o? Where he has to introduce his incredibly shy, Hufflepuff s/o to the other Marauders. Bonus points if she’s short, like 4’11-5’0. You can ignore this if you’d prefer not to write it. Have a wonderful day.

i will always write for my baby. your wish is my command. also sorry if this isn’t what you were imagining!

Young!Peter Pettigrew x fem!reader

summary: For days Peter had been non-stop talking to his friends about his girlfriend and for the life of them, they could never catch him with her. Peter hated getting bothered by them as much as he did so to put them at ease, he arranges an introduction. 

word count: 2,307

warning: swearing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hallways of Hogwarts were ones of great architecture and historic stories that the many portraits of old witches and wizards absolutely loved to talk and brag about. Students and ghosts alike walked along the corridors every day without really admiring it apart from when statues liked to jump out at them or portraits grabbed their attention with things varying from manic laughter to noisy singing. It truly was a work of art.

It looked like somewhere royals or people in high society back in the olden days would come to stay for their Honeymoon or just for a small change of scenery and no matter how strict the rules, how tidy the uniforms or how high the expectations, students definitely did not act as tidy or as civilised as a royal or a lady or lord would do.

A prime example would be groups of rowdy teenage boys thinking insulting innocent bystanders or making creepy comments about a girls body would be a proper thing to do in a hallway as grand as the ones in Hogwarts. Another example would be the much rowdier, much more irresponsible pranksters of Hogwarts that rivalled against the other boys in witty comments or just funny circumstances.

You often rolled your eyes at their work or mutter quietly about them under your breath when they passed, practically yelling for the whole corridor to hear unless they were about to pull a prank and whispering which is where you would normally make your leave from that particular corridor. But they seemed to be everywhere you went and you didn’t see why until a particular member of the group approached you in the Kitchens one night when you were getting your midnight snack from the house elves.

He said he liked you which made you look around for maybe a sign of the other boys in wonder if this was some sort of prank. But it wasn’t and he...actually liked you. It definitely didn’t escape your notice that the boy was one of the quiet ones and seemed to be holding his breath when he confessed. Sadly, the confession was right before the summer so all you could do was send letters over the holidays which were slightly awkward. 

More so when you returned to school and found yourself glancing at each other from across the hallways before you turned and scurried off in another direction after smiling. Then he began to join you on your midnight snack journeys which developed into a beautiful relationship full of blushes, grins and soft, gentle kisses stolen before you had to separate.

Pranks your way were avoided and you were practically living in bliss until he proposed that he wanted you to meet his friends. As in the rowdy ones, as in the ones that get all the good scores no matter how hard you try and the ones that always disrupt your reading time in the library.

It was safe to say that you were  nervous because you were nothing like them, loud noises weren’t your thing and you’d much prefer to curl up next to the Black Lake with a book in your hand then join the group of boys in the Great Hall where they probably threw food at each other and if someone else's food ever touched you, you felt like you might be sick. Not to mention the fact that all of them are giants compared to you.

“They are going to love you.” Peter promised, his grip on your hand tight as he tried to drag you down the hallway whilst you planted your feet firmly to the ground. For someone so small, he was amazed at how much you can resist his pull.

“They’re going to hate me.” You argued back attempting to pull him the other way but definitely not succeeding. “I’m awkward and lonely and weird and obsessed with bees which is definitely not normal.”

“It’s cute.” He chuckled, giving up on his pulling but being pulled towards you by your grip when he had given up. You stumbled but he grabbed you arms and stabilised you before you could fall forward and hit the floor. “You’re cute.”

“I am not like them.” You took yourself out of his arms with a mutter, frowning slightly whilst Peter frowned too. “They’re loud and you’ve been friends with them forever and I’m just new. If they don’t like me then we’re gonna...”

“I’m not gonna break up with you if they don’t like you.” Peter shook his head and stepped close, his hand reaching down to tilt your chin up so he was looking down into your eyes. “They’ll love you...I promise.”

“I’m just nervous, I’ve never even thought of being friends with them. They’re just so loud and I...I’m quiet and shy and I stick my face in a book every time they come near me. I just know that they’ll find me weird, Peter.” You covered your face with you hands, shaking your head.

“Oh, baby...” He wrapped his arms around you in a hug and you welcomed it gratefully, hopefully he would listen to you...but no, Peter lifted you up and put you easily over his shoulder as you yelped and kicked your legs. “Come on.”

“Peter, no, please.” You begged as he walked down the corridor with you over his shoulders and consequently receiving a lot of stares which you shyly leant your head on his back to try and get rid of the stares. You were just happy that it was the weekend and you were wearing jeans instead of a skirt. “Pete, please put me down.”

“Not until we’re at the hall and you see how excited they are to meet you.” He laughed as you groaned at him and nuzzled your head into his back as you turned a corner. Your palms were beginning to get sweaty and you felt your breathing pick up slightly at you nervousness.

“Peter, seriously.” Your voice had retreated to a small murmur, no longer were you joking around. You really didn’t think that his friends would like you, they were confident and charming and you were reserved, flustered easily and talked about bees all the time. Hell, in the summer you were in an environmental protest against pollution whilst they were probably having fun swimming somewhere.

“You’ll be fine, angel. We’re here.” He said and slowly lowered you from his shoulder, you nervously glanced around when you noticed you were outside the Great Hall and you looked into it to see the familiar three boys sat at the Gryffindor Table. “Hey.” You looked at Peter again. “I’ll be right there with you. They may be tall and slightly intimidating but they’re nice.”

“Sirius once spilt tea on my book and didn’t apologise.”

“He’s an energetic guy, he probably didn’t notice.” Peter tilted his head and you nodded in acceptance, pursing your lips. When he did it, you didn’t confront him and just moved away mumbling under your breath and shaking out your book. “Ready?”

You hesitated as he took your hand and started walking into the Great Hall, dragging you behind him with a small grin on his face.

“No.” You finally answered, gulping and stepping closer to Peter as you got closer to the three boys flinging pieces of bread at each other.

“Too slow.” Peter grinned back at you, tugging you along and you whined, deciding to catch up to him but walk behind him in an attempt to hide from the others. You were there in no time and tucked yourself behind Peter, hoping that your size would prevent you from being seen. “Hey boys, since you’ve been asking...here she is.”

You only heard silence as you stayed behind Peter, gulping nervously. 

“I fucking knew she was imaginary, I called it.” The voice of Sirius Black came from in front  of Peter before he exclaimed in pain after sounding like he was being hit with something. 

Out of curiosity, you tried to peak out from behind your boyfriends shoulder as little as possible but a pair of soft brown eyes met yours instead and you found yourself frozen in place as you stared straight at Remus Lupin and he raised his eyebrows at you. You slowly went back behind Peter, knowing it was stupid because he’d seen you but you did it anyway, raised eyebrows could mean a million different things.

“She’s not imaginary, Padfoot, she’s just behind him.” Remus said and you shut your eyes in regret as your forehead fell forward and hit Peter’s back whilst he moved out of the way and you were faced with three pairs of eyes staring up at you. “Hi, I’m Remus.”

“James.”

“Sirius, but you can call me anytime.”

Peter took a daily prophet off of the table and hit him on the head with it as Sirius laughed and raised his hands in defence, you smiled awkwardly at it and avoided all eye contact. Your hand squeezed Peter’s slightly and he looked between you and his friends, frowning again.

“This is Y/N L/N, my girlfriend.” He introduced and gestured you forward slightly, you glanced up and gave a small wave at them. James was smiling at you, Remus was smiling only a little bit but mainly just examining you and Sirius narrowed his eyes at you before standing.

He towered over you and you gulped as you tilted your head up and his grey eyes examined you with a small smirk tugging at his lips. You backed up slightly, Peter’s hand on the small of your back as he stroked soft circles with his thumb. You continued to avoid eye contact.

“You are tiny.” He stated and you nodded with a small clear of your throat, your eyes trained to the floor. “Well, to me you are. I’m sure Pete has an easier time since he’s tiny too.”

“5′9 is not tiny.” Peter defended and Sirius snorted, sitting back down at his chair as you breathed out in slight relief and stood awkwardly for a second.

“Take a seat if you like, we don’t bite.” James smiled and you about to tell him that it was okay and you didn’t actually want to be there anywhere but Peter nodded encouragingly at you and you sat opposite Lupin, Peter sitting next to you and putting an arm around your waist to let you know that he was there and close.

“So how did you two meet?” Remus asked, biting a bit of his sandwich as James nodded from next to him, both of their gazes were on you and you could feel Sirius staring at you too. 

You thought Peter was going to answer so you looked up at him but he was looking at you too, nodding his head and he gave your waist a quick squeeze. You gulped and turned your head back around, eyes trained to the table.

“Well, uh, I was getting...a snack at night and then he, uh, came in and yeah...yeah.” You mumbled, clearing your throat slightly and looking up at the boys before back at the table and then back up at the boys. Your hands were fidgeting together under the table and your knee was bouncing.

“You snuck all the way to the kitchens at night without getting caught?” James widened his eyes as he looked around at his friends and you glanced up, back down again and then up one more time. 

“Well, I’m a- I’m a Hufflepuff so my common room is uh...right next to the kitchens.” You nodded slowly.

“Useful.” Sirius said and you glanced at him quickly, furrowing your eyebrows at his narrowed eyes as he looked at you.

“I-I don’t understand...useful for what?” You looked around at them all nervously, Sirius was the one to answer so you looked at him again and found him smirking down at you.

“Pranks.” He shrugged his shoulders, grinning and you gulped again, nodding and smiling awkwardly as you turned your head to Peter who smiled again and rubbed his hand on your waist. “So, Y/N my tiny friends tiny girlfriend, what do you like to do?”

“I’m uh, I’m a passionate advocate for environmental change.” You said, nodding as your eyes found comfort on the table once more. Glancing up once, you caught Remus’ smile as he looked at you and you awkwardly smiled back. “I like to read, anything really no genres. I love exploring different cultures and uh...I like bees.”

“Bees?” James furrowed his eyebrows with a grin as he leaned forward and you nodded awkwardly. “That’s adorable.”

“Why do you like bees?” Sirius laughed. “Is it because they’re yellow and black like your tie?”

“Well, almost 90% of wild plants and 75% of leading global crops depend on animal pollination so they do a lot for us and they look nice on the flowers in my garden.” You said and glanced up to them all smiling at you.

“I’ll have to see your garden sometime.” James mentioned and your eyes snapped over to him as your fidgeting hands slowed down but your knee kept bouncing. “I love flowers. Especially Lilies.”

The boys all laughed and even you managed to crack a small smile at James’ infamous crush on Gryffindor Lily Evans. You felt Peter’s hand squeeze your hip slightly and you looked over at him, your eyes managing to lock in comparison to how you avoided the rest of their gazes. You were sure that your cheeks were flushed at the attention you got but Peter only smiled and kissed your cheek as you scrunched your face up with an adorable smile in his opinion.

“I told you they’d love you.” He whispered into your ear, kissing  your cheek again before you both directed your attention back to Sirius’ talking. 

[finelinevogue]

Can you do a bad boy Harry blurb because he is my weakness and I would do anything for him? Thank you.

hun bad boy harry is ALL of our weakness. that man is kryptonite. anyways let’s do a lil blurb for something that might become a lil series - lemme know what you think?! im thinking maybe strangers to fuck buddies to lovers hmm??

You had been on your third fourth jack and coke by the time you saw him.

Burning, lustful, emeralds for eyes. Hair that was so messily unkept that it looked so put together. Black t-shirt. Black jeans. Black shoes. His aura was dark, but his smile told you otherwise. The dimples that were carved into his face told you he was hiding a completely different person behind this exterior, which is why he was so enticing. You saw a piece of yourself in him. Your outfit was a lot like his; black upon black, but it was veil to keep your true self protected. Hidden. You’d exposed yourself before and it hadn’t gone too well for you. The lesson had been learnt.

Other lessons, like ‘stay clear of bad boys and danger’ were much harder to learn. This moment being a prime example of that.

“Another round?” His voice was not as you expected. It held gravity and strength. It was holding so much behind it, you could tell.

“No thanks. I think i’ve drank my poison for the night.” You countered back and turned to look at him for the first time up close.

Fuck, was he perfect.

His cupid pink lips. The freckles on his nose. The slight signs of a permanent frown line to his upper forehead. He was just… wow. You suddenly felt like he could put Brad from Sex/Life to shame - a recent show you’d watched where you’d questioned your entire existence and entire future existence. You could sense there was so much behind his emotionless front too, just waiting for someone to take the risk and divulge in him completely.

He leaned his arms on the bar, letting the weight of the bar-top hold him up. The way he stood let his arms bulge from his tight t-shirt, expressing the veins and concentrating muscle making him look like a Greek sculpture, let alone a human - beautiful - being of a man. He was so carefree in his body language and he definitely didn’t shy away when you caught him checking you up and down.

“Yeah? Well i’m staying for one more round and I kinda hoped you would too.” He waved a hand for the bartender to come over, standing up properly now. He towered over you, even with you sat high on a barstool. He was intimidating and powerful, and you liked that.

“What can I get for you?” The bartender asked, wiping down the counter you two sat behind as a good-willed gesture.

“Whiskey. Neat.” The mysterious hunk of a man ordered, nodding his head in thanks to the man but before he could go off anywhere you quickly added in your own drink too.

“Another jack and coke too.” You said, causing the man to turn and smirk at you only for you to then do the same. “On his tab this time.” He chuckled at you for being so bold and demanding, but didn’t resist nonetheless as the bartender walked off to fulfil your order.

“Jack and coke?” He sounded surprised, but also not.

“Disappointed. You want a girl who drinks pink gin or white whine?” You teased, sucking on the end of your straw from your previous drink. He looked at your mouth, watching the way your lips danced with the straw and the way your tongue licked the remainders of a previous drink away. The sight was so minimally sensual, yet it sent his body into overdrive.

“No, but why? Are you offering, darling?” The way he spoke so smoothly had you weak at the knees, so you were grateful you were sat down.

“I’ll be whoever you want me to be.” You kept eye contact with him as you spoke, biting down once on the straw for added effect - until he snatched it away. You didn’t expect him to be so quick with his movements, but as he stole your straw he kept his face close to yours.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He whispered hotly against your face, before leaning back again. Just in time, your drinks came and both of your thanked the bartended. Watching him put your straw back into your new glass, you weren’t expecting him to lean over and take a sip from your mix. He hummed in delight, looking up at you as he leaned back to sit closer to his drunk.

“And?”

“Tastes like you.” He chuckled before facing back forwards to watch the passing bartenders and crowds of people in this thumping club. “You have a name, darling?”

“Obviously, but why should I give it to you sweet cheeks?”

“Sweet cheeks?”

“Seems only fair, what with you calling me darling don’t you think?”

“No.” That made you stop drinking your drink and look at him abruptly, to find he was already waiting for your stare, “I don’t play fair.”

You thought he was joking about the whole thing, but the look in his eyes told you a completely different story. He was angry and frustrated, a combination in your history that doesn’t mix nicely together. At least not as nicely as jack and coke. If you were ever going to get this guy to reveal at least an inch of himself you were going to have to obey his rules, even if they were slightly indifferent to you.

“No more sweet cheeks then. Sorry.” You blushed, turning away from him to stir through the liquid in your glass.

You had never really been one to apologise to people. Never really had the need you. You’d always kept yourself to yourself, although that not always being most helpful. Apologising, you thought, made you seem weak. Turns out you’re weak for not. Manners make you stronger, build you to be a better person and strengthen you to me mentally stronger.

The crowds of youths and strange elderly people swarmed the sweaty room, making you sweat more than you would like. Still, the room had atmosphere and reminded you that your life was very much alive. You were very much alive.

“Sorry what?” You realised the guy had said something next to you, but you’d completely missed what. Apologising, again.

“It’s uh Harry.” He cleared his throat midway through speaking. You understood that he was nite telling you his name and you could tell he wasn’t lying by the sincerity in his eyes, the same way he could tell you weren’t lying about yours.

“Y/N.”

“Lovely name.” He smiled at you when you caught his eye, making you grin back.

“Well I like yours too.” You nodded, trying to repay a compliment even if it was slightly lacking something special.

“Mhm,” he laughed, throwing back the rest of his drink, “you come here often? I haven’t seen you before.”

“I come when I need a release.”

“Oh I bet.” You didn’t miss the words he boldly spoke. You like him. Harry had spark and he was passionate. You could feel the lust radiating from him body like a heatwave and you craved it all so badly.

“I also come when I shouldn’t.” You finished the rest of your drink, returning your mouth to your straw whilst looking at him. Harry was now standing so close to you that your head was tilted back ever-so-slightly.

“So you’re disobedient.” He asked, reaching his hand forwards to take the straw of your mouth and putting it down on the side. The distraction was unnecessary and, quite frankly for Harry, a real dick-hardener.

“I like being punished.” You spoke quietly, as if the walls weren’t vibrating from the loudness of the music amplifiers.

“Are you here right now even when you shouldn’t be?” Harry asked, licking his lips and looking between yours and yours eyes. He was having a hard time focusing on which one he found more perfect. Your eyes were full of treasure and wonder, but your lips. God, were they so kissable. Too kissable.

He wanted to make your lips bleed from lust.

“Yes.”

“And so you’re going to be punished for it, you say?” Harry’s torso was getting dangerously close to your chest. His head tilted down so he was only inches away from yours, allowing you to smell the whiskey on his breath and the perfume on his body. He was sensory overload.

“Mhm.”

“By who?”

Now that was an interesting question.

You chuckled, invasive and repulsive thoughts running through your head, as you stood up out of your seat, standing tall in your high heels and yet even still you were small in comparison to Harry. In a good way though.

Too bad you had to cut it all short.

“Find a pink gin lady, Harry. She’ll be easier than me.” You picked up your jacket and your bag, swinging it over your shoulder. You tap his shoulder as you round the chair, giving him a half-hearted smile before leaving.

[remakethestars]

Being Damian Wayne's Twin Sister Would Include:

Headcanons.

❝Exactly. I don't ask my dog to drive, and I don't ask the Justice League to solve my problems.❞

— Damian Wayne, Adventures of the Super Sons #9: Showdown on Hexworld

TRIGGER WARNING: Cursing, (Damian’s) death. Mentions of toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny, nightmares, blood, knives.

Headcanon masterlist.

When people ask you, “So, which one of you is the evil twin?” Damian always glowers, and you always motion to him.

You look disturbingly alike when only your eyes are showing; Damian’s got long lashes. Talia taught you a good tactic for tag-teaming in combat as kids was to pull up your hinged balaclavas and make the enemy think there was only one of you, that they’re seeing double.

Or for one of you to hang back while the other attacks as a distraction before the other knocks them out from behind.

Obviously, this won’t work when the two of you start filling out, but it works when you’re kids. It’s the reason why, even off the field, the two of you usually wear a matching outfits with hoods.

You utilize the same methods when she sends you to live with Bruce.

You don the Robin costume just like he does, much to the rest of the Batfam’s confusion (both because they weren’t expecting it and because they can’t tell you apart either), but sticking with the “red” theme, you go by Redstart.

There’s a rumor on the street that Robin V. is a meta that can teleport.

The two of you are freakishly good at mimicking the other’s voice and mannerisms, which makes it even harder for your family.

Jason tells you two about April Fools Day, and you make the most of it. Of course, Damian’s a pain in the a$$ and decides to go around pretending to be you and getting into trouble. You’re banned from the mall, and you still have no idea why. 

The two of you can communicate with just an impassive expression (Dick says it looks like a prime example of twin telepathy to anyone else), but anyone close to you knows sh¡t’s about to hit the fan when the two of you look at each other and smirk.

If it’s something you can’t communicate nonverbally, you use your cryptophasia. 

Cryptophasia is a language developed by twins when they’re learning to talk. Most of them grow out of it, you and Damian decided to keep developing it so it became more of a conlang. No one else has been taught to speak it, and they never will be. It’s for emergencies only.

Sun Tzu’s The Art of War was your Bible growing up, and the two of you call out verses when you fight together and need the other to understand a tactic (you both inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory, so you’ve got it memorized).

When you get too big to pull off the which-is-which game, you make your own costume and become the true Redstart. 

It’s basically Damian’s Robin uniform (the Super Sons’s version is the only one I’ll accept), but the boots and gloves are black, the biceps have a white stripe, the lining of the cape is white (the lining of the hood is black), the gold accents become white, it has a zipper down the front instead of clasps, and the mask becomes black (including the eyes). The waterline of the eyes is white. Like a painted redstart.

If Damian’s into animals, you’re into plants. The two of you find common ground on the fact that pollution sucks, so when you walk Titus, you take a trash bag and gloves with you to pick up litter as you go.

You did not want to go to Jon’s school. 

Not because you don’t like Jon (because you do), but because you know you could run intellectual circles around every one of those snot-nosed brats. 

School is stupid. Especially because the American education system is subpar; everything about it is.

You hardly pay attention in class. You do all of the homework a week ahead of time incase something comes up. Usually you’re doing next week’s homework in class. You’ve written entire papers on your phone in Google Docs in the middle of class to be printed out later.

If you’ve already done everything, Damian’s usually drawing and you’re daydreaming or you’re working on a case on your phone.

The teachers are always trying to catch you not paying attention, but you little sh¡ts can always answer their questions. 

Damian’s closest with Dick, but you’re closest with Tim. You admire his ability to plan ahead (see the entirety of the Red Robin comics), and you know that he’s better than both your father and your grandfather; you want to be as good as him when you grow up.

It takes a long time to wash the toxic masculinity and internalized misogyny our of your head, to learn that your grandfather’s ideas of “strength” were wrong, that it’s okay to lean on someone besides Damian, that you can be just as strong as your brother and still be feminine, that there are acceptable emotions besides anger.

Actually, your father teaches you that anger is more likely to get you killed. He won’t let you go into the field when he knows your angry.

It’s harder to drill out of you than your instinct to kill.

There’s a Lebanese restaurant called Tarbooshes (Teen Titans Special #1) the two of you go to when you’re feeling homesick. They make ox blood soup the same way your mother did, and it’s the only non-vegetarian thing Damian will eat for that very reason.

It’s nice to have a place to go where they know you by name and know what you want when you tell them “the usual.” It’s nice to have a place where you’re not a Wayne or an Al Ghul, where you’re just [Y/N] and Damian.

You disappear for an hour on your birthday to eat there. Bruce has asked you were you go, but you kept that between the two of you. 

Speaking of birthdays, you’re eleven minutes older than him. He was six pounds and ten ounces (Batman & Robin #0?), and you were a solid seven.

After Damian died, you go to Tarbooshes to feel close to him.

You were doing all right with the no-killing thing until the night Damian died.

Heretic never stood a chance.

He looked so much like Damian it gave you nightmares, though. Nightmares where you killed your twin brother and woke up sobbing.

Damian didn’t give you a speech in his last moments. He just looked over at you and said in your cryptophasia, “I’m sorry.” 

Not “I love you.” Not “Take care of them for me.” You knew that; you’d do that. He didn’t have to tell you, and he didn’t have to ask.

Just “I’m sorry.” Sorry that you were the one that was left behind.

It’s one thing to lose a family member, to lose a friend, or to lose a lover. It’s another to lose half of your soul.

The two of you had always feared you would die apart. It had always been a possibility; you weren’t stupid enough to think, “It’ll never happen to me.” Because it definitely could. 

And it had.

You wanted to run away from everything. Even just for a while. Go to one of your safe houses in London or France or whatever and just — you didn’t know — stare at the wall until you felt better? But you’d made that unspoken promise to Damian — “I’ll take care of them for you; don’t worry.” — to take care of Titus and Catfred and Jerry and Batcow and Goliath, to take care of Alfred and Bruce and Dick and Jason and Cassandra and Tim, to take care of Jon and Colin and Maps.

You avoided the cave. And if you had to go down there for some reason, you refused to look at the Robin suits.

Dick noticed. He asked if you wanted them taken down, even just for a while. You gave him a look like he was nuts and said, “No.”

Jon was a mess. More of a mess than you were, somehow. 

You’d shown up at the Kents’s. Jon was out doing Superboy things with Clark and Conner. Lois was the only one home.

You nearly scared her out of her skin when you materialized behind her and asked, “Is Jon home? It’s important.” 

He had to know first. He deserved to.

For all he put up with from you two, he deserved to be the first to know when one of you was f*cking dead.

Lois, of course, bless her heart, had the mom instincts to know that you were in no way, shape, or form okay even when you were trying so hard to hold yourself together. She asked you what’s wrong, and it’s what made you break. 

Your lip trembled. “He’s gone.”

“Who’s gone?”

“Damian,” your voice broke. “He’s dead.” 

Jon came home to find you in his living room in your Robin uniform, covered in Damian’s and Heretic’s blood, snot running down your lip, sobbing in his mothers arms and knew what happened without having to ask. He did anyway.

When you and Jon both finally passed out, your Uncle Clark flew you back to the Batcave. No one was in any condition — not even Alfred — so he carried you up to your room; took your boots, mask, cape, and gloves off; and tucked you in. Then he went to find Bruce because there was no doubt he was losing it too.

Bruce doesn’t tell you anything about trying to find a way to bring him back without the Lazarus pit because he doesn’t want to get your hopes up. 

You walk into your room one day to find Damian sitting there reading the dissertation (the requirement was three pages, not 120, but your teacher would just have to deal with your coping mechanisms) you had been working on for your World History class and left up on your laptop while on patrol. 

He said with the utmost indifference, “You’ve made some good points, Sister,” and, of course, you pulled out a knife and attacked him because this was — was — was some shapeshifting alien or hologram tech or a cruel joke — your twin was dead, this wasn’t funny, whoever did this was going to pay.

He met you blow-for-blow and flipped away from you before saying, “And here I was expecting a warm welcome,” in your cryptophasia. 

“Brother?” 

“Tt. Obviously.” 

Yeah, a college level thesis. You’re smart. You inherited Bruce’s eidetic memory and were raised by assassins.

You learned seven languages and wrote five doctoral theses by the time your teeth came in, wrote your first letter to a newspaper editor when you were two, could’ve had a geology doctorate when you were seven (Super Sons #1), and it only took you a week to learn the language on Takron-Galtos. You’re smart.

You’re also incredibly skilled. You learned to drive when you were five (Super Sons #1), your mother trained you to go for weeks without eating (Adventures of the Super Sons #6), you can micro-sleep for days and converse with half your brain asleep, can use a muscular contraction to move your liver out of the way of a blade (Nightwing #20), and can place yourself in a deep trance to heal damages caused by a hematoma (also #20).

(My dumba$$ didn’t note what Super Sons/Adventure of the Super Sons comic I was reading when I took notes, so I don’t have all of them noted in the two above bullet points. But that’s where they’re from. If I end up rereading them, I’ll edit this and add the comic numbers.)

The first time on patrol you thought Bruce was gonna die, you called him Baba. 

The next evening, when Dick came to visit the cave, he turned to you and Damian and asked, “So, which one of you called him Dad?” 

“How’d you know?” you asked. 

“He’s smiling the way he did the day I called him Tati.”

“He’s not smiling,” Damian pointed out.

“He is on the inside.”

Can we talk about how royally the Arkham Knights game screwed up Tim Drake? (Though, everything seems to screw up Tim one way or another, I guess.) Why does he look like a quidditch player in the gif above the cut?

Visit my headcanon masterlist.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ I’m a dumb white American, and I don’t know much about Arab or Romani culture other than what I’ve learned online. I hope I got it right?? If I didn’t, please drop a comment or P.M. me or something to let me know!

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

[tedturneriscrazy]

Tick tock, it's Lore O'Clock! Time (ha!) for Elsewhere and Elsewhen!

(I swear to the Titan I'm gonna try to make this shorter)

Ah, I see we're starting with a good old fashioned conspiracy board! Last time I saw one of those was during an 8 hour Victorious retrospective (you know the one)

And Luz continuing to be smart and studious

Don't be too hard on yourself, Luz, a door capable of interdimensional travel isn't exactly the sort of thing you get right the first time around

Ayyy it's Steve! He even has the shirt lmao

Ah, so it's a celebration of a new museum position! So much for a birthday

Lulu seems less than thrilled...

Hooty continues to be gross and upsetting. Wouldn't have him any other way♥

She must be Flora Desplora

Yup, I was right

Hmm, not getting into any trouble? The music cue tells me I should be uneasy about this, so I'm going to oblige

I don't think I like her, especially with what she did to that poor griffin :(

"I have questions about that name" LA;FKHJD;OSHFAP LUZ KNOWS LMFAOOOO

Lilith having yet another existential crisis

Also, that "Snorses" moment, besides being yet another Luz being cute moment, had real "Snadger" vibes

Well, that's one way of getting around changing the title card yet (probably ran short on time for the episode)

Ah, Philip has metioned the Collector👀

Eda gets it (I might not have mentioned my leg hair, but still)

Here we go, time for the time travel method in this show

People will probably pay more attention to "Lender Man," but I'm just amused that possums are considered a cryptid in the Boiling Isles

Time travel method mixed with fond childhood memories! Well done

I know balusters are supposed to be a prime example of a dry topic, but considering Demon Realm architecture, I think it could actually be genuinely interesting...

Luz is so encouraging to Lilith 😭😭 (I didn't actually mean to put two emoji there, but fuck it)

Thus, the adventure begins!

Everyone wanting more of nerdy Lilith is getting fed today

Oop, Luz found something magical! She's gonna put her face in it!

Side note: that's the exact same sound the pictures in Willow's mind made when entering those, too

Lilith telling her reflections "In your face!" 😂

"I shall revel mineself to death!" And he did, the end

Lmao Lilith tripped over her own head

"And yes, I am a crab maiden!" Flashbacks to The Time Traveler's Pig, anyone?

"Bloody fly effect" I once again have to mention how the wordplay in this show is top tier

It's so adorable how Luz genuinely thinks Lilith is cool despite how impossibly lame she acts

"I get to meet my Grandpa?!"

Eda panicking juuust a little bit...

So that's where they got the hats

Also, I get the feeling that's more of Belos' propaganda talking through Lilith

Luz looking at Lilith like "I don't get it, but you're clearly having fun"

The man himself! Philip!

Oh, Eda's definitely gonna try to bounce to avoid seeing Dell

I would make a "cockblocking" joke here, but I'm above that😤

A terrible impersonation, but not inaccurate

Oh, we gonna have a fight?...Guess not

And Philip's a dick. I expected better from a 17th century English settler! /s

"Luzura and Dirtrude" loooool

...Luz totally cribbed that backstory from Good Witch Azura, didn't she?

So Philip also knows how to use glyphs...

"Almost as if the world wanted to hide them from me" Hmm....

Lilith seems suspicious...

That's quite an elaborate glyph combo

Yes, Eda, Gwen will surely be fooled by that

C'mon, Eda, she might have been duped by Wartlop, but that's just pathetic

Yo, there he is!

The way he talks, you can definitely tell running away is something she's done many times before, and it's goddamn heartbreaking💔

Head of the Titan, huh? A shortcut, indeed

I'm starting to get the impression our dear friend Philip is taking Luz and Lilith for a ride, and not in a fun way

"This feels uncomfortably familiar" Uh oh

Whatcha doing with that palisman, Phil?

Oh, you motherfucker

You slimy piece of shit

Oh, she's gonna scratch that thing in the place Lilith mentioned, isn't she?

YUP

Of course Luz could make a giant stone monster dinosaur thing cute

GET HIM LULU FUCK YEAH

That's what you get, you fuck

"Stay mad" Cool aunt indeed

And the smack on the way out lmao

Luz is so sweet and supportive of Lilith in this episode😭😭😭

Here comes the long-awaited heart to heart with dad

Wait, that was his tower all along?!

God, I already love Dell, what a sweet man

"Grandson" I need another moment

Wow, looks like Owl Beast Eda got more than just his eye...And the shaking...

She carved Owlbert with Dell I-

I do hope we see more of Dell, he's the best

The exchanging of finger guns so great

Oh FUCK his arm

OH SHIT THOSE "PHILIP IS BELOS" PEOPLE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG!!!

(The episode did hint at this heavily, but now it's outright confirmed, goddamn!)

And there's even the Belos voice mixing with Philip's!

Seems like he's concerned with more than just getting home...

Well, what a doozy that was! Plenty of lore and worldbuilding, plus the big reveal that most of the fandom totally guessed! That said, it's about the journey, not the destination, and the way this was told and built up was quite well done! Also, the interaction with Eda and Dell...I want more, dammit!

Now we know what kind of person Philip was/Belos is, and that he truly does not give a shit about anyone in this realm. And next week we're gonna have to see Hunter try once again to earn his approval, knowing full well he'll never get it...

This show continues to be great!