#this guy has been in my brain on and off
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WHAT'S THE STARVING KING
(omg anon this is the cutest ask 😭 yes you can… as a reader insert)
This is an idea that has been ping-ponging in my brain since late last year and has regularly returned to my conscious every quarter moon 🤧
Yes, this AU is about HT!Sans… one where he used to be a medieval king that ruled decades to a century ago before reader’s time, and through one way or another got cursed to be constantly hungry. His hunger was so ravenous that it overtook him and made him so desperate he started devouring his subjects, and once that happened… what is a king without his subjects? Despite his kingdom decaying into nothing, he stayed. Half dead. Still hungry.
The story begins as reader’s first encounter with the legendary Starving King (as he’s been nicknamed over the years) as the castle servant, unfortunate enough to be present when he comes knocking on their gates.
#this guy has been in my brain on and off#and i jus#havent had the focus to write it#i imagine him as big with big coat over hisw shoulders that make him look bigger#scaring everyone who sees him#ask#ask game#man. just writing that little blurb makes me Really wanna write it now jkdflg#inbox#but um yknow#if you wanna ask about him THATD BE GREAT#HEHEHEHEH
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Me patiently waiting for commissions to open so I can get Lucanis kissing my Rook against a wall 🫠😍
Hehehe yES PLEASE!! let me draw more rookanis* smooches I'm so here for that
(* other companions can come too)
On that note though, I don't really know when I'll be able to open them again :( I was tentatively aiming at mid to late November, which ... kind of came and went so fast I didn't even notice. And that means I only have 2 more (busy) weeks before I leave to spend the holidays/new year's with my partner again and won't be able to draw, so I'm debating whether or not I should open them now and try to get as many done as I can (if any) before then, or wait until the new year so i can take my time 😩 decisions decisions......
Anyway, whatever I decide you'll see it here first :'D
#hhh sorry for rambling#I just got off work and froze half to death at the bus stop (totally not being overdramatic) so my brain hasn't caught up yet sjhks#I'll think it through when I have a moment#and then I'll let you guys know. thank you also to everyone else who has been asking about this lately#I do appreciate the interest a lot! <3#replies#Anon
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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I WANT TO WISH U A HAPPY NY🎉🎄!! (now in my country they celebrate🥲)I'M GLAD TO MEET UR BLOG. THIS IS THE CUTEST N MOST WONDERFUL BLOG. I very rarely see creativity with our sweet Nori!! But when I saw your blog, I was so happy!! I hope that in the future the blog will develop and thnq, dear froggy, for pleasing our eyes!!😭😭😭💗💗YOU'RE THE SUN & THE CHARM!!(◡‿◡✿)
*sorry for my strange english, I have problems w/ it 😞*
HAPPY END OF YEAR TO ALL OF YOU
Your english is lovely, dw. tysm for finding my cult in this corner and liking what you found! Also for reminding me today is the last day of the year (my time)
aint no fucking way am i gonna allow this cult having more depictions of me than Noritoshi fucking Kamo. So i present to you, my beloved cult members, a bunch of doodles i have of Noritoshi.
there is no particular order
#noritoshi#kamo noritoshi#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi x reader#kamo noritoshi x reader#noritoshi kamo x reader#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#chunga-chuck#this guy has been rottin my brain for a while#i love him your honor but this also makes me realize i havent drawn much of the other characters.. like at all.. damn#im a shy bitch to show my nsfw/suggestive work so i might make a separate post for that if enough ppl are interested#OR NOT WHO KNOWS. WTV#i like drawing noritoshi blushing or angry#hes cute#but im neglecting his other cute emotions.. will get there#AH BUT HNY i dont celebrate much but the hype from everyone is rubbin off on me#tumblr better not fuck up this formatting istg#if it does ITS NOT MY FAULT#null rot
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#not art (yet!!!!)#preddy good kristen I got goin on in this piece#for some reason my brain isnt letting me do this one. been stalling on it for a good few days. but I intend to break thru it#I need to put this on paper at least once#(its space sweepers. I think it would be funny if the kids are in that universe too but theyre just like off to the side doing their own#thing pretty much unrelated to the main plot. theyre delivery people. theyre all still teens. they get up to shenanigans and then#one day they look up like huh the guy who founded eden fucking died?? when#kristen specifically I got a decent amount hashed out in my brain somehow. she's like an engineered messiah with a grafted engine#along her upper body skeleton that'd let her spontaneously rearrange objects on a molecular level#so she can theoretically knit wounds or cure diseases by thinking abt it very hard#sadly the engine of course takes enormous amount of energy to power. so most of the time in practice she just#has a half-metal skeleton that doesn't do anything. so she's buff as shit on the upper side and one of her punches can break your neck#but her mobility is limited and she sprains her ankles like every other week. her shins have broken like a few times#I genuinely love the way her shoes n braces look in this one its very fun#there are a lot of choices I made in this one that are so fun and also just like. a result of putting them in space sweepers#and thinking to myself here and there hey this would be cool if it harkens back to their canon designs#not riz tho other than being human he is fully exactly like how he looks in canon. hes just like that#hes the navigator and he charts their courses by hand with a school calculator#(also technically their legal counselor since he's sorta responsible for not putting them in traffic control's hands)#drawing this does make me realise a lot of these dynamics are really fun lol. idk if Im gonna ever do anything like proper for this but#at the very least if I draw this the idea will be out there)
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I had a shrink appointment today and while I could not see it I knew my doc was going through the five stages of grief while I explained my fool proof strategy for doing my t shots despite a crippling fear of needles: By abusing my vastly more crippling fear of being an inconvenience.
My mother and I play phasmophobia together every week. she usually has a pretty limited time to do this bc she's like. a doctor and a college professor whos always busy. So I asked her to just. hold me to doing them. We don't start playing until the shot is done. so my needle fear doesn't matter because now it's Wasting™ her time and I have to do it quick. Using one neurosis to defeat another.
It's a horrible coping mechanism because it's feeding the inconvenience fear, but it is definitionally a coping mechanism.
#im a 'has a panic attack during every injection or iv theyve ever gotten' type of scared of needles#no it genuinely has nothing to do with pain the needle itself is the fear not the using of it#like i told this story before but i have these sewing pins with lil bow ties on them and i had to get my dad to take all the blue ones out#because they were triggering the same part of my brain iv needles do#just the sight of them with the rest of my cute sewing pins was a problem#And the fear of being an inconvenience is so bad i cant eat around people or be in crowded spaces or talk at get togethers#without being paralyzed by fear of Being In The Way. its so bad ive been avoiding using my power chair bc it makes me take up#slightly more space than i would just standing. and i never took my manual out and about because i moved too slowly in it#and i dont take my crutches on planes despite using them everyday bc they cant fold up like my cane can and so are In The Way#one of the big reasons i dont use the chairs in stores is they have back up alarms. and i hate making noises in public#Yes this is part of the reason i want a Rottweiler for my service dog because i want people to look at the doggie Not Me.#I like people! i like being friendly and talking and making little connections with strangers!!! But i cant be the one to initiate or#be In The Way of a peaceful moment#dont look at me#this is also a big issue i have with making friends or changing the nature of a relationship because like. im autistic#I have Rules for social interactions memorized that i will follow. but moving people from one category to another#is difficult. It is too the point i had problems for litteral years talking to my boyfriend as though#he was a person i knew well and cared deeply for because i kept using the 'rando guy im flirting with on the Internet' script#I have commissioners i want to be friendlier with but my brain says No Stop that is an Impolite and Overly informal way to talk to#a customer™ despite them not being customers when they arnt in the commission process#im like thise huskies who are scared of carpet because its Different than the floor they're currently standing on#its Too different:(#and to be clear i am Completely aware of how none of this makes logical sense and is in fact deeply self destructive#That does not fix it. it is so ingrained in my head that im certain i could convince my brain to let me bite off my own fingers#before i could convince it to let me talk to someone at a help desk or ask my order be corrected at a restaurant
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having a stressful time at work but i think it's very important to point out the other day i was asking a guy for help and he's like aight gotcha and then we go to this freezer room and he, from somewhere beyond a mound of boxes, just goes "you like anime right?"
sir this is the FIRST TIME we have spoken how did you clock that.
(he claims i had the vibes of someone who liked it then i was like oh like the woman in the deli wearing a jujutsu- and before i can finish the series name he says "no not her, she just liked the shirt. she's never watched anime". . . oh. i see. you have already had this debate with her then. okay.)
EDIT UPDATE:
So I got clocked AGAIN as a weeb by a coworker because I saw part of her outfit and was like "oh, Attack on Titan?" and while I then said I've never watched it she said that's fair then "do you know anything about vtubers?" and I just. Are you kidding me. I mean yeah but like. Why is your safe question with me "do you know about vtubers".
WHAT AURA DO I BRING TO A GROCERY STORE TO BE CALLED OUT LIKE THIS?
#moe talks a lot#not art#also im trying to swap from pick up to stocking and specifically dairy stocking#bc they seem to always have the hardest time keeping things stocked#and all of pick up has to stop them from working to ask for things in the back which keeps things from getting stocked#and this one guy made a terrible mistake of telling me#yeah we're like the unwanted ginger stepkids of the grocery store#because my brain immediately went NO IM ADOPTING THE DAIRY DEPARTMENT AS MY BELOVED GINGER KIDS#i told my mom that comment and she immediately laughed and said welp thats your department now#before i could even tell her i mentally adopted them#anyway gotta get to bed soon bc i do actually think i was a bit sick ? im so tired despite napping earlier#and only working a partial shift (five hours instead of eight)#sooooo gotta get rested up for the next three (or more!) days#since ive been cursed with no social life and will always work saturday and sunday#so even though my current schedule ends saturday and the next week schedule will be released At Some Point for sunday onward#i have yet to have a sunday off so i am most likely working sunday again#like the job itself is rough and i dont think the pick up workers like me much but every other department seems v nice and chill#i will continue to write essays in the tags no one can stop me
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Colin Baker makes some excellent faces as an unnamed town hall clerk, assisting Frank Marker with his case in Public Eye: The Man Who Didn't Eat Sweets (5.9, Thames, 1971)
#fave spotting#colin baker#doctor who#classic doctor who#six#public eye#the man who didn’t eat sweets#1971#thames#classic tv#im sure someone will have grabbed images from the dvd and cleaned them up nicely and so there is almost certainly a better post#floating out there on tumblr; after all‚ Colin has a big enough fanbase that someone must have got there#but i see a fave i make a post and with the tools at hand (bad screenshots from the copies on youtube)#I've been Going Through It recently and so revisiting public eye on and off as a source of comfort (it is one of my very favourite things)#but haven't had the energy for posts about it or anything so no episode posts this time round#this has always been one I'm strangely fond of. i think it's Peter Sallis' wonderful performance as the lead guest#he's [SPOILER] a serial bigamist and deceiver of women and yet he's somehow so very.. sympathetic isn't the word. but he has an almost#resigned reasonableness to his acknowledgement that yes‚ he's a dick‚ but he's just such a wife guy that he couldn’t stop getting married#it actually makes Frank's own actions (he covers for Sallis for the sake of the wife who hired him) feel somehow even grubbier and immoral#idk i haven't the brains to type it out#but i always appreciate this ep in a weird way
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THERE IS A BOOK OF TROLLHUNTERS??? (hi i'm alive)
HI HELLO YES THERE IS AND ITS REALLY GOOD AND FUN AND JACK STURGES DESERVES MORE LOVE WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED CUZ I HAVE RESOURCES AVAILABLE (cuz trust me I have experienced first hand how hard it is to get these damn books (⍪_⍪))
little Disclaimer tho just in case that the original book is darker toned then the series with some gorey-ish scenes but uh it is a del Toro book, pretty sure he's known for this stuff
There is also tie-in novels/comics for the series and while I have read the comics (highly recommend them, Araknak my beloved the Galadrigals never miss fr🙏) I haven't read the novels yet but from what I've heard they're pretty good as well
#ALSO HELLO UR INTO/KNOW ABOUT TROLLHUNTERS?!?!#my ramblings#answered asks#asks#my doodles#trollhunters#Jack Sturges my angry wet cat of a Trollhunter i love you#this book has been leeching off my brain for weeks now and you guys r so lucky im busy with other WIPs right now
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“If I could go back, one thing I would do / Try to unravel, cut down, and unscrew / The first double helix that links me to you”
Wow, get a load of these guys. What’s wrong with them?
Also song inspo if anyone would like it! It’s where the top quote is from!
#drawing Gus sad made me feel like I was kicking an already sad wet cat why do I do this to him#supposed to be a weird dream sequence thing about a year later after the Geosenge Incident#believe it or not this piece is about Gus learning to move on#like my thought is that Gus has been trying to move on but he keeps finding Lys’s stuff or references to him#and after dreaming of Lys burning up (literally) and not being able to save him#he wakes up and finds he’s holding Lys’s coat#which finally leads him to finding all of Lys’s stuff around his apartment and throwing it all in a box to get rid of#and it would end with him finally grabbing the photo of him and Lys#and finally cutting him out of it#anyway I love them so much#I NEED THEM IN PAIN AND TORTURED#Gus gets to be happy and moved on later I promise#Lys either got his ass immortal or is dead beneath the rubble 💙#idk what happened tho I heard one song and got locked in and had to draw toxic doomed pokemon yaoi#what the fuck is wrong with me?#yeah I have so many thoughts on those stupid guys fr#I WOULD LIKE THEM OUT OF MY BRAIN THO#PLZ LEMME GO I WANT OFF THIS TRAIN#professor sycamore#professor sycamore pokémon#augustine sycamore#lysandre pokemon#team flare lysandre#pokemon xy#Spotify#rainbowpufflez art tag
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few things bring me as much joy as my rook's expressive capacity for sudden withering disdain. (he's looking at illario here, of course lmao.) he's so hey i'm just a little guy...🥺 coded most of the time and then someone says something dumb enough that the mask cracks for a moment and every line of him says 'that is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm aggrieved to even have had to hear it'. rye is mostly very kind but there IS a bastard lurking in his head waiting to be let out as well. not just solas but solas too I suppose. two bastards in rye ingellvar's head they keep each other company and are trying to strangle each other as we speak 😌.
(vs. him looking over at lucanis a moment later during the same line delivery. since lucanis was actively into viago once I cannot imagine that getting to watch rye crack and be kind of mean to people who've earned it when too sorely tried is like. entirely without allure to him fhskjadf. witnessing illario pulling the old ingratiating 'rooook reason with him would you~ I'm the cousin with the charisma stats' routine and This being rook's response probably opened some as of yet ill-understood '...I think I hauve covid' corners of lucanis' soul. tfw your buddy has your back so completely (dawning erotic implications))
#rye 🤝harding: repressed rage that sometimes comes out in some not so pleasant ways when they get pushed too far lol#rye more so than harding I think I feel like he could get truly fucking MEAN under the right pressures#like what solas did for example :) but that's asshole against asshole combat and all bets are off anyway#I think he'd do borderline anything to not make it happen in close interpersonal relationships but like. to the point of his own detriment#kind of thing. who in this lighthouse can teach some of these little guys that anger can be felt and expressed in healthy ways#(probably davrin honestly he seems like a pretty safe dude to have conflict with. unflinching in his own view but fair and also kind)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rookanis#rook x lucanis#I find it really interesting how rook's expressions seem to kind of sit different on their face depending on how you make them btw!#rye has a sharp narrow little face and quite upturned corners of the mouth when neutral plus the makeup heightening the features#which I think might be what gives him that really pronounced curl of the lip that reads sort of disdainful/quite sharp#when that facial animation plays#where that expression doesn't come through as prominently on some other rooks I've seen#but they look more natural when they smile for example#fascinating to think about how that stuff plays into your impression of who your rook is!#this is the first da game where the facial animation has been good enough for that to really be a factor I feel#also wondering if that might have some part in how people have received other characters too honestly -- in previous games#almost all real emotional expressiveness has had to be delivered through dialogue and voice acting#b/c the animation really couldn't carry it off with any nuance the vast majority of the time. so people don't quite give the credence#to the details of expression of body language and face that they might have now that it's actually technically available to put in there#which is a shame b/c I've found a lot of delight in what the animation adds to the characterization in this game!#lucanis is a big example of that especially early on in the romance I feel but it pops up all over the place honestly!#anyway. all this to say. I love my rook very much I'm not sure I've ever been this badly oc blorbo brained before in my life lol#(hawke doesn't count b/c hawke almost feels too set to be an oc entirely. and we love them for that that's not in any way a criticism)
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hate when people add shit to my post and are Blatantly Wrong
#like sorry guys kant deciding to live for himself now is not part of my complaints about the way babe was handled the last few eps!#hes allowed to do that! and it doesn’t mean he suddenly doesn’t give a fuck about babe anymore like why would YOU think that.#nor is kant badly written btw. the complaint about the way he and babe’s relationship has been shown has never made sense to me#oh bison is the one that notice kant was bullied and thats bad?? babe didnt say anything. and kant isnt observant like bison is#can we please put our brain cells together for this one thanks#dont piss me off more like ong#babe HIMSELF is underdeveloped thats the problem#not the way kant’s written or his change in motivation babe’s character is not developed#and that wasn’t even my main issue like again it’s the way his ABSENCE was handled#which honestly could have happened to a super developed character too#but if you wanna complain more and not just be wrong complain about that#liz rambles
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i do have to say that, if there's a theory that game changer's got an ARG based around sam looking at his hands when he says "i am your host, sam reich" he does do it earlier seasons, so either this has been going on for longer than we thought or he wasn't lying in the discord.
rewatching s4 right now and he does it in Don't Cry, Sam Says*, Noise Boys** and Survivor (Part 1). it doesn't happen in Race to the Bottom, Like My Coffee, Secret Samta 3, and The Official Cast Recording. Survivor (Part 2) does not have an intro so it does not count.
i don't know if this means anything. i was just binge-watching shit and remembered that this is something going around, so i thought i might bring it up if anyone wanted that information. i didn't notice any common threads (though katie does say "sam's a magician" in survivor part one) in tie color or something else, but. well. you never know. i'm just having a good time watching a game show.
anyway, game changer theorists, do with that info what you will if you want to look into it! happy theorizing and good luck with sam dalton reich!
*one hand / **one hand, the other one still holding the mini-mic
#game changer#dropout#sam reich#y'all look like you're having fun and i'm not Annoyed by it (though i do wish deja vu was better trigger tagged)#i think the plot line theory is very fun!! i'm just lazy and want to turn my brain off sometimes#anyway. hi. this came up because i was rewatching don't cry (which is why it's first on the list) and went#THAT'S A THING PEOPLE ARE TALKIN BOUT#so take your crumbs and bake a pie guys love to see what's goin on!#this season has been so fun sam reich if you see this i'm having the time of my life
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on a separate but related note, i wanna point out that part of chiyo’s journey is supposed to be finding love. it’s that thing of loving someone else is easier than loving herself, but in that love, she grows. she learns to not be so hard on herself. she learns that where she sees an ugly, overgrown garden, others see flourishing flowers. now!! that isn’t to say that platonic and familial love isn’t super important — it is!! so very much!! that’s why i want to try and build up the people around her so that i can think about how those relationships help her grow too. if not for them, chiyo would be so much worse off. there’s a lot about herself that she would always hide and stress about if not for her friends and family. she would hide away from the world itself if not for them.
but i just wanted to explain why sometimes i focus so much on romance as a concept with chiyo. i mean, i do just really enjoy shipping bc of the build up of that relationship. the development and journey is very rewarding bc it isn’t a smooth ride with chiyo 90% of the time. but pls know you are never obligated to ship with me, nor do i go in thinking you will automatically want to ship together. if i feel chemistry? yeah i may eventually say something or test the waters with a meme. but just as there’s no pressure if you want to ship, there’s no pressure if you don’t want to ship. i’m excited to write together no matter the kind of dynamic we decide on 💜
#this might sound disjointed bc i’ve been interrupted a million times trying to write it but i hope it makes sense#this has just been on my mind a lot off and on but in the past month especially#a lot of threads i prioritize end up being with mutuals i ship with and that’s just bc we’ve developed that relationship#or we’re long time mutuals/friends so i have more muse or it’s like writing something comforting bc rn i’m just stressed#but there’s a lot of mutuals i’m so excited to write with!!! and we don’t need to ship!!! pls don’t ever feel pressured!!!#this might end up being something only i’m concerned about i dunno#the other part is there’s a lot of guys vs gals on my blog rn and i stress about that like gimme your gals/feminine presenting muses rn 🔪#chiyo needs them in her life plssss#i’m extra slow to write atm but there’s so much buzzing in my brain so that’s why i just need to talk about it and make it clear ;v;#anyway i feel really disjointed and spacey so i’m gonna be quiet now and see about either watching arcane or playing lads#those are the comforts rn uvu#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Had a dream where I was talking to my older brother* to solve an issue he has by our pool & people kept beating me up and trying to drown me but my older brother just watches and keeps talking
#*i dont have a brother i was pretending to be his little sister which he didnt have#& his younger siblings were in on it & at several points I went and asked them ''Lmaooo how old was i again?? 6????'' in between the yapping#& the several attacks#every time one of those attackers appear some voice from above (/ Was it my brother?? announces the sin they represent???#Like first was pride then envy then whatever & the last was wrath and i remember getting pissed off at this#voice from somewhere then says ''Ah but was it all worth it... Look at the color... it has been dyed red...'' which ig means the pool???#I guess i was Killing them???? Are you saying its my fault I acted in self defense????? i was literally 6??? Im a minor and neurodivergent??#At one point a cop got into our house & asked me & my brother through the window (We were outside) why we had these small miniature glass#cups in our house when they're used for drugs??? And I had to go ''Yea our father use-D to work as a cop but he's no longer with us 😔 Maybe#he got them as a souvenir or something I mean his boss liked giving him stuff back then so'' while my brother was quiet the whole time#At the end it was revealed that That story was a part of a youtube playlist that i initially thought was 1 whole series made by 1 guy#but apparently these videos (Which I experienced in the same sleep session but before we got to this point) werent a series??#It was some random guys playlist theres no continuity#And my brain made a whole outro about it bc it was that big of a plot twist i guess#All those videos had something to do about women suffering. so sorry women. Not sure whos the woman suffering in the last one.#nillas
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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