#they struggle to keep up
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Actually, the bars aren't so bad anymore.
Think you can fix him? Read about his care instructions over at Tiger Tiger)
#Tiger Tiger#ludovica bonnaire#rakkatak ann#I thought I liked him (in a way he has a great design and is an effective antagonist) and *then* he licked the spit.#Now I need to create a lab to study him in. My god. He gives me hives. I need to see more of him NOW.#Something is wrong with him and it fascinates me.#He is everything I like in an antagonist. A little bit stupid and unintentionally funny while being a genuine threat.#I call him rat man they way I want to see him skitter around on the floor.#Call him rat man the way he might need a little cheerio snack and some enrichment.#I am so...so tired and I am struggling to keep the jokes train going.#Please continue to read Tiger Tiger! Every new reader fuels my energy gauge.#Sorry I've been missing so many days of posting. I'll try to make up with some extra posts this week!
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ālol sameā#but idk :/#this chapter is from jasonās pov#and leading up to it heās like āpeople keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab woundā#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyoneās like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like itās echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#āyou should never feel that wayā āim here if you need anythingā#but he doesnāt make percy feel alone in his desire to justā¦. end it all#which ik for some people that doesnāt work but youāre not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he canāt tell annabeth bc sheās a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesnāt wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like āyo i understand it bc i felt the same way#thatās gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy heās supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also itās just insane how jasonās wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and iāll never shut up about it#also ignore me iām just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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third world countries have lower average iqs because our education systems are worse. thatās a known fact.
whatās relatively unknown, though, is the damage that third world public education can do to potential potential 130+ iqs.
i myself am one such case. do you know what itās like to go through school, the entirety of it, in zombie mode? do you know what itās like to develop social anxiety because i could simply skip group assignments and presentations because a recovery exam awaited me at the end of each term, which i was guaranteed to pass with minimal effort? do you know what itās like to be top of the class, and all the praises that it incurs, without ever learning to study because school wasnāt challenging enough? do you know what itās like when every single one of your teachers is painfully apathetic to your talents because theyāve lost hope at this point?
i feel like my school system set me up to fail. for a short time near 2010, my family had the means to afford private school for me, but my father chose not to because of affirmative action for pupils from public schools to enter university. little did he know, pupils from military schools in brazil are also eligible for that, and the drop in grades necessary to pass is barely 5% if that. so it was useless in the end to keep me dumber for something that was never coming anyway.
and it just all enrages me. my teachers, my parents, the world. i canāt study now. i feel like itās pointless. i know why it happens - i was praised for being smart without studying. itās that simple. itās core behaviorism stuff. and yet i canāt fix it. i canāt ever feel useful if iām studying. feels like wasted time and effort (not even with adhd meds; itās not a focus issue, i just donāt want to study because i canāt see the rewards at the end). because i can be smart without studying... thatās what they told me, unconsciously. itās caught up with me at last.
#rant#therapy fixes that sure#i just feel like most therapists are dumber than me#they struggle to keep up#and once i see that's happening i can't be myself#because i need to pause my thinking to explain myself#every time#and it feels like a chore on its own#then executive dysfunction hits#i'm already on 30mg ritalin#40 is yikes#and 40 is max where i live#is vyvanse the only solution#i'm gonna try it on my next appointment#adderall is banned in brazil so yk
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SUN DOG
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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i want us both to eat well
#more g4g art !#he tries So fucking hard for jl . so hard#i dont know if there are many moments of reprieve during jlās childhood but i think#he thinks of what his sister did for him and his brother and he copies that . slowly slowly like hes worried heāll mess up#and i think he hums jl to sleep and then bawls his eyes out every night#i thought a lot about how young he was post war pre canon#when i was drawing this#and i think . hes such a good parent#i think jl looks back at his childhood and thinks that he was happy . that jc made sure he was happy#and he only realises later that when jc was so silent and stared into space before baby jl ran up to him and jc smiled#small but a smile#that he was struggling so bad . but he tried so hard to keep jl happy#and i think jl goes up and sits with him quietly now because at least if his brother doesnt want to come home to hug him jl can#hug him just as tight#so what if theyre a family of two theyve got each other#ough . they make me all weepy and miserable#UMMM DETAILS the ribbons on the tree jcs eyebags and black nail polish#ok the endš„#allcheng gotcha for gaza#art tag#mdzs#jiang cheng#jin ling#jin ling and his jiujiu#mxtx#mo dao zu shi#ééē„åø#cql#the untamed#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation
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hewwo
#stargate sg1#stargate atlantis#neko atsume#almost cried drawing that cute little fucking tac vest on jack btw. look at him.#not in love with all of the atlantis team especially rodney and weir and tela i fuckim struggled with them#like i'm happy with how they look it's fine but short of sticking a maple leaf on rodney or something you know#it's the props#i couldn't figure out how to make who they were obvious. idk man they're cute and i know who they are I guess. felt the same with sam tbh#giving her a little math sheet felt a lil cheap but you know what it's done i'm not gonna keep workin on these the gateroom killed me dead.#also i woulda done the other sg1 members that show up later but I haven't gotten there yet in my watch-thru.#like i saw them as a kid when it was airing on tv but not yet while actually paying attention to things like the plot#my posts#my art#stargate#the sg1 one was done first so that's why i didn't end up putting a lot of detail into the planet they landed on vs how much detail#i had to keep leaving out of the fucking got dam gateroom why is there so much detail in that room hey guys what the hell is up with that r
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hihi! iām the anon that asked what your damijon looked like! AND THEY WERE SO CUTE OMGMG, but iād also like to ask what your super sons damijon looks like as well? š„¹ tyty š
hii thank you for that ask, and i'm glad you liked it!! here's a super sons ^^
#ask#damian wayne#jon kent#damijon#jondami#idk if this is shippy enough for these tags but also jic for muting purposes#i checked the last time i ever drew something shippy and it was 2021 asdfgh#it was nice to shake off a bit of the rust so ty again!!#i struggled deciding to keep an older Damian in the Robin suit but i just couldnāt think of anything else he would wear š#so my interpretation is this is around his later teens when he would give up Robin#ā¦my last ship art was velmilla if anyone knows it LOL my beloved tales rarepairā¦#batbabyart
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doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#very specifically class swap bard!riz#fh class quangle#mm. I may need tags for all the asides Ive been doing lmao#riz's canon design is so coherent and thematically clean that I genuinely struggle to keep up...#bard!riz's whole thing is working out his identity through abject fear so it kiiiinda makes sense that hes got a different thing going#on every year I guess? like lmao the directive I go into each of these designs with changes vastly#freshman bard!riz has to look extremely nonthreatening. and also make you wanna pick him up and chuck him at a wall#annoyingly inoffensive. slides off your memory pretty much immediately. a void of an experience#crucially Does Not Show Teeth While Smiling#sophomore year bard!riz I have been keeping the like. cameraman direction for#I want him to be swimming in clothes a little bit... he kinda lands at like. 80s/90s shlocky horror protag too which I do like#bc what is season 2 to riz if not a horror story lmao#junior year bard!riz I want to be somewhere between clark kent and tintin#the journalist aesthetics is not so clear and easy to build as the detective or spy aesthetics...#but also I just. really like boy journalist lmao this is the BD blood speaking again#and! I actually do draw his hair differently than in my canon junior year riz stuff. its a bit shorter here so it doesn't#obscure as much of his face#its so funny actually going from drawing canon stuff to class swap esp. with riz bc he's smiling SO much here#and it's 100% trained like its crucial for u guys to know he is equally if not more fucked up as a bard#barely anybody can wrangle him in canon it's already been mostly him keeping himself on track. imagine if he actually learned how to act#mmm. I think these designs are still gonna soft change as I draw them. thats fine we have fun#drawing sophomore year bard!riz for those comiclets was fun as hell. I think on this factor alone I call it a success lol
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this kiss pose is a nightmare why did i do this
[patreon]
#pokemon#pokemon masters ex#larry#kabu#larrykabu#aokabu#kabularry#silverstreakshipping#ć¢ćŖć«ć#i'll give this salaryman gay cpr#just a little moment that popped into my head#kabu's struggled so hard to keep up with everyone :( he never gives up but it's hard for him!#he has to work hard to stay at his current level#such an interesting little facet of him#meanwhile larry just wants to be normal lol#pokemon sv spoilers#pokemon sv#pokemon swsh#kablarry#heehee
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Tis but a flesh wound!
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#poorly drawn mdzs#jin guangyao#lan xichen#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#JGY's little shawl waits for him at the front entrance. It's for him to wear in the cloud recesses because he gets cold easy.#Lan Xichen personally hand knit it for him. This is canon within this universe now.#JGY is failing his little chess game so bad in this scene. He walks up and cutely pouts at LXC to pwease help him in his schemes#And when LXC rightly points out the holes in his reasoning he gets his back up!#But *dude* how the hell are you going to explain how WWX has been doing all these crazy things when the guy was Passed Out.#LXC can even attest to it. Back to JGY holding the idiot ball here; why make a point to press about WWX staying at CR#And not take into account the fact the lan brothers have an incredibly tight bond?#Why was he even *attempting* to drive a wedge between them?#Honestly I know we love to call JGY a schemer but he was so sloppy at so many points. Everything post secret room reveal-#has been a messy scramble to cover up his past transgressions. He is struggling to keep things under control!#He currently is staying in the public favour solely on the quality of his melancholic wet eyes.#You dare accuse jin guangyao of murder? When he's so sopping wet? When he whimpers and whines without a little treat?#To bad he's shown his teeth! Sorry you aren't old enough for dentures and can't put those teeth right back in your mouth.
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#the soup talks#schizoaffective#actually schizospec#schizophrenia#psychosis#actually schizophrenic#delusions#struggling right now to not see connections when they keep adding up#i have a feeling it's going to lead to a delusion so I'm trying to prevent it all
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Bouncing off all of the fanfics where the Dead Boys are brought back to life again for a period of time to suggest that their thoughts on it are the opposite of what youād anticipate based on their perception of the living while theyāre ghosts. Charles sorely misses living while a ghost, despite all the awful, awful things he was subjected to. Edwin, despite 70+ years in Hell, is perfectly content as a ghost and finds the living distasteful to a degree.
But, when they get hit by an āalivingā spell, thatās not how it goes down at all.
Edwin has not been in a human body for over a century- and even then only got sixteen years of it- so he forgets how much he was missing as a ghost. Actually being able to feel things- the warmth of human touch, the breeze through his hair, the texture of worn book pages. The smell of petrichor after rain, a warm cup of sweet tea. Even just sleeping and having the ability to give his overactive mind a break. Heās forgotten how many good things there were about being alive.
Charles, as expected, is thrilled to be alive again and his first few days on solid ground are a whirlwind, but his energy is short lived. He frequently sleeps over 12 hours a night, and canāt bring himself to get out from under the covers for another hour longer. His appetite fades quickly, and he finds that foods heās been craving for 35 years just donāt taste the same. Initially he chalks it up to his mind and body readjusting to human life (despite Edwin having none of the same issues), and continues enjoying what he can. But eventually, it becomes clear that something is very very wrong. His right arm that he shattered at age 14 (and didnāt get properly treated for days) begins to ache again. Sudden touches are no longer a gentle spectral sensation, but an unexpected pressure that he shrinks away from. His body feels heavy, and his energy drains quickly if he has any to begin with.
It turns out that over three decades of repressed physical and emotional trauma took its toll on him, and he had naĆÆvely forgotten-or perhaps willfully omitted- the struggle that was his life when he wasnāt out kissing girls and pretending like his father didnāt exist.
Edwin feels a sense of freedom in being human again, away from all the supernatural trauma he has endured, while for Charles it is more of a burden than he ever recalled it being.
#just the idea of Charles āi hate being deadā Rowland being just as miserable when heās brought back to life#and also thoughts on how depression can fuck with your body#even when your mind isnāt aware of how much the rest of you is struggling to keep up with the responsibilities of life#but also Edwin rediscovering his love for life once he can experience it with people who care about him#ugh these two have me ill#payneland#dead boy detectives#dbda#save dbda#save dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda au#dead boy detectives au#fanfic#kinda#jessās thoughts
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I hope his birthday gift this year is an Intervention god bless
#His birthday letter and Chibi art this yearā¦#what do you mean you want the whole damn barrel#no because how fast was he guzzling down his drinks if DIONA WAS STRUGGLING TO KEEP UP????ššš#his birthday art however was so cuteā¦ he finally befriended that birdieā¦#it was such an eventful year for Mr. Albert Rich#genshin impact#kaeya alberich#diona genshin impact#kaeya#genshin impact fanart#my doodles
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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