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smidgen-of-hotboy · 1 year ago

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@one-joe-spoopy you asked a few days ago about Miasma in my monster hunter au. It has taken me two days, but I've reached a point where I'm content enough to share my thoughts finally (and @esquemeencanta I haven't forgotten you Jove <3)

This is the tale behind Juno losing his original eye to Miasma. Sometime after this encounter he gets a new enchanted magical eye from Ramses O'Flaherty, finds out he's a changeling actually named Jack Takano, and after that shit storm, Juno gouges the magical eye out himself (almost dies trying). The continuation picking up with Hunter Steel and Hunter Glass is in the back of my mind. I've been fried trying to think of how Juno fights a monster he knows next to nothing about, and how he's supposed to do it alone (because ya know- he's stubborn like that)

! Obligatory guts, gore, blood, and violence and angst warning !

Juno works for the Hyperion Monster Hunter Association. He's brought Rita along with him and together they've been doing pretty well. Falco reached out a handful of times but after enough missed calls caught on that Juno wasn't going to come back to HCPD. By then, Juno had made a name for himself as a hunter in Hyperion. He was seeked out for personal jobs often enough that he didn't need to rely on the job postings from the HMHA. Sometimes though he still takes a posting.

There had been a few postings for a series of disruptions in the valleys down south of Hyperion City for a few months. Other Hunters had taken up the jobs and died trying to hunt down whatever monster was out there. Reports from the Cerberus Province were coming in:

Puddles of black gunk have been forming overnight. Anything that steps in it immediately sinks to the bottom. It is unclear if there even is a bottom to these pools.

Vehicles are being broken into and stripped for parts.

Earthquakes are being recorded, rumbling every few hours like clock work. This area is not known for experiencing earthquakes.

Other monsters have been found dead, disembowled and drained of their blood.

Juno takes the latest job request and gets Rita to look over some survey maps taken of the area. She finds that where the monster carcasses are turning up, there was a puddle of gunk there previously. She says she may be able to find out more if Juno can collect a sample. He obliges and returns to her a day later with a small jar full of gunk. His hands smell like burnt tar.

Rita runs a few tests on the jar of gunk and she finds that it has a mostly liquid state, but when disturbed it solidifies. A non-newtonian liquid. Like water mixed with cornstarch. It oozes slowly but seizes up when jostled. Rita makes a comment that she can't stand the smell, "it must taste pretty bad too. Don't know why any monsters would be getting so close to it." Juno unscrews the jar and sticks his finger in it. Rita watches horrified from her computer at their office as Juno proceeds to sniff the gunk (bad idea), and lick it (super disgusting idea).

Juno finds that even though the gunk smells bad, it tastes... okay. Little bit of a burnt wood taste to it, but nothing awful. It's almost sweet. Kind of savory. He goes around asking other hunters at the HMHA to try it and many refuse. The ones that do all come to the same conclusion as him: a little burnt, kind of sweet and savory.

One Hunter boldly takes the jar from Juno and spills it out over a table. Nothing happens at first as it slowly spreads out, but soon enough it's like the gunk has a mind of its own. It begins to almost crawl. It "oozes" across the table. Juno slams the jar back over it, the other hunter tries to frantically scoop it back into one mass. They eventually get it in a cup and back into the glass jar. Rita is not impressed when she hears about their sheer stupidity.

Juno brings the jar home and shows it to Ben. This whole time Ben has been hearing about the ooze from Juno and listening to his calls with Rita, but hasn't actually seen it. He looks at it in the jar and takes a good whiff ("Juno what the hell... you licked this? Gross... will I lick it? Yeah sure- when I'm dead! Put that lid back on or so help me.") Ben asks Juno what happens when it's introduced to heat. He says he isn't sure but according to Rita,

"In theory, it should just solidify. Non-Newtonian fluids cannot withstand extreme heat. The liquidity part evaporates. Just leaving the solid-ity part."

"I'm impressed. You listened to her."

Juno frowns. "I always listen to Rita."

"That's not what I meant. I meant: you listened to her, and you even sound like her now."

"... haha, very funny Benten... do you want to help me find out what happens when you introduce this stuff to fire or not though?"

Ben and Juno are both extremely smart in their own ways. They are also both extremely dumb in the same way. Ben lights the stove, Juno holds the jar with a pair of tongs, and they watch with bated breath as the gunk tries to hop out of the jar as it gets hotter. Eventually it stops moving altogether. And sure enough, when Juno removes it from the stove and lets it cool, it's solid.

Ben asks Juno what he's going to do and Juno simply says he's going on a Hunt.

"You can't be serious? Juno- this is dangerous. You're going to literally be playing with fire."

"I can handle it."

"Juno- I'm serious. Take this seriously."

"I am."

"Then you'll listen to me when I say, it'll make me feel a whole lot better if you take someone with you."

"You know that's not how this works Benten-"

"A Kanagawa hunter would be more than willing to work with you. Hell- what's her name Big Eyes would probably kill to work with you again."

"BENZAITEN! Enough! This is my job alright? I don't tell you how your recitals should be going or what stretches you need to be doing! You don't get to boss me around about how my Hunts go. End of discussion."

"Juno-"

"No. We're done. I'm going to bed, and tomorrow, I'm going on my hunt."

Juno goes to bed without saying goodnight. He wakes up and leaves for the office without eating or saying good morning. Ben calls but he doesn't answer. He calls Rita and Rita relays the message "just tell him I'll be waiting at home and- good luck."

Juno takes with him his pistol, shotgun, a flask of vodka, canisters of gasoline, a box of matches (Ben's brand), and an empty glass milk jar. He drives out to the valleys between HC and the CP to the largest black pool and starts pouring gasoline into and around it. He brought five of them with him. Rita said that his plan was dangerous. ("maybe we can get a hold of Ms. Cassandra and find out if-" "I'm not bringing Cass into this. This is my hunt. I'm doing it my way.") She made him agree that if she didnt hear back from Juno in an hour, she would call Juno, and if he failed to pick up she'd ask for assistance ("I ain't takin no as an answer Mista Steel." "You and Benzaiten worry too much." "Sorry Boss, but you're important to us.")

Juno stands back as he strikes a match and tosses it into the gas. He watches the pool erupt in flame. The ground trembles underneath him. Juno falls backwards. Something rises out of the pool... a monster.

Covered in black gunk, reeking of burnt tar, a monster on fire towers over him. She hisses and squeals. She would be beautiful if half her face wasn't torn off and the other half on fire. Black tentacles rise with her. She has a maw full of razor sharp teeth that go around and around in rings. In that moment, Juno knew he was fucked and would likely die. But if theres one thing being a Steel had prepared him for, its to not go down without a fight.

Juno brings around his shotgun and fires. He lands two bullets that lodge themselves in the monster. She hisses and growls, lunging at him. Her hands are sharp talons. They dig into his shoulders and drag him through the ground. Forgotten is the flask and jar. She rises again towering over him. He takes aim and fires another shot that embeds itself in her shoulder. She howls, a tentacle comes slicing through the air. He rolls out of the way in time and continues rolling as more trail after him.

He remembers the flask when it falls out of his coat. He takes hold of it and unscrews the cap, gulping a mouthful and holding it in his cheeks. With shaking hands he reaches for another match and lights it. He turns and spits the vodka into the flame, lighting a trail of flames that follows a tentacle of black tar. It spreads and the monster catches fire, screeching, leaving Juno time to unholster his pistol. He takes aim and fires off a few more rounds at her, slowly limping his way back where he dropped his shotgun and the milk jar. Finally, one of his bullets lands at her core. The monsters screeching turns to silent wailing.

Her size has shrunk as most of her body has caught fire, the rest is riddled with silver bullets. She clutches two appendages over her chest where the last bullet struck. Frantically trying to dig it out. She slowly tries to slip away as Juno grabs his jar and makes the dumbest decision he could've ever done: he runs towards her. He holsters his pistol, unscrews the jar and keeps the lid in one hand. The monster musters what remaining strength she has as both of the appendages over her chest shoot out. Two things happen at once:

One. Everything comes down to a singular point of pain. Juno feels it as his eye gets scooped out and he just about blacks out.

Two. He successfully scoops the monsters core inside the jar. The lid comes down on it, and monster screams as she shrinks to fit inside her small prison.

Juno has just enough strength left in him to screw the lid on. He blacks out shortly after.

(Ben calls Juno and then calls Rita when he can't reach him. He insist she call him right then and there because "something is wrong. I know it. Rita- listen to me. Call it' call it twin intuition, alright." Intrigued by this Rita calls Juno and when he doesn't answer her she calls in Cassandra.

Cass says she isn't in the mood to save Steel’s sorry ass. Ben takes Rita's comms from her to speak to Cass directly, "You owe me Kanagawa. I'm calling in your favor to me. And if you don't uphold our deal Cassandra, I will make your family's life hell." Rita has always liked Benten. That day she understood what Juno means by "Ben strikes the fear of Benzaiten into you".

Cass rides out to the valleys on her motorbike and finds a giant gaping hole in the ground. Beside it- Juno Steel. Cass turns him over carefully removing the milk jar. She sees his fucked up face and hauls him inside his truck. She tosses his shotgun in the backseat and straps the jar in next to her as she floors it back to Hyperion City. When Ben meets her at the hospital she apologizes and says she still owes Ben his favor, she shouldn't have brushed Rita off so quickly. All Ben does is tell her to leave. Rita promises to give her a call when Juno comes around.)

Juno wakes up in the hospital. He panics unable to see out of one eye. He tries to sit up and falls back groaning and grunting in pain. Something shifts next to him and he turns his head. It's Benzaiten. Bathed in golden light.

"Do you remember what Ma used to say, whenever she found us fighting? Fighting over the Andromeda costumes and Turbo toys?"

"Benten-" Juno wheezes and coughs. Ben turns and fills a glass with water. He carefully hands it over to Juno without a word.

"Ma used to say that we shouldn't fight. She didn't want us to fight because when it came down to it, there was only us in the world. She said- if we wanted to get flattened, we go and lie down in the road, but we aren't supposed to do that to each other." Ben smiles. At least Juno thinks he sees him smile. The sun glares behind him creating the perfect halo. An angel. Juno's angel.

"Ma said that when she was gone, we would have to rely on each other, and that meant we couldn't fight. We need someone else so that when we're not tough enough, they can be." He takes a shaking breath. Juno sips his water and parts his lips. Ben shakes his head and holds a hand up. "Save it, I'm not done.

"Ma said a lot of things before she died. She wanted nothing but the best for us Juno. She wanted us to look out for each other, wanted us to fight the big mean world together, and she wanted us to live. I know you never believed her. I know you don't believe her now- but she was ours. She was- Ma. And you're my brother. Ma is gone. Annie is gone. Oldtown is dying. Sasha left. Mick can hardly take care of himself. And you're all I have left Juno... I need you Juno. I need you to be alive for me because I can't be tough enough for this world. I want you alive... why can't you want that for yourself."

Benzaiten stands from the chair he's in and walks around Junos hospital bed. In proper light Juno can see the bags under his eyes and the tears streaking down his cheeks. He takes the glass from Juno's shaking hands and sets it aside. He pulls Juno against him and half folds his body over, half shields his twin.

The same mouth. Same hands. Juno broke his nose when they were still kids. Ben broke his ankle a year ago. Their noses are different. The way they walk has changed. But the one thing that no one could take away was their matching gaze. Their matching eyes.

(Ben leaves the hospital to visit Rita. She welcomed him inside her home without a second thought. She opens a window and sits down at her breakfast table while Ben takes a cigarette from his pocket and lights it. He takes a long draw and holds the smoke in his lungs for a long moment. He exhales slowly. His tears have long since dried. He thought he cried himself out at Ma's funeral. He was wrong.)

Juno goes back out to the site in the valleys a few weeks later with Cass. She took the jar and kept it to herself. When she saw Juno in the hospital she asked about it. He just said to turn it over to Rita and she'd take care of it from there (to this day Rita still has it in her personal office at home. The monster watches her work. She finds it easier to work when she has something to explain her thought process to and the monster is frequently subjected to that. When she's not home Rita keeps it locked up inside a safe next to emergency bac up shrimp crunchies.)

Cass and Juno explore the gaping hole together. (Cass pulled her weight as a Kanagawa and had the site quarantined off from other hunters and the public). They find a whole underground network of chambers and lab equipment. Journals and notes. Juno flips through a few pages and together this is what they piece together:

Doctor Miasma was a human doctor. She learned about fae medicine and was desperate to get her hands on it by any means possible. In order to get any though she needed to cross over. So. She did. She forcibly opened her own portals and exchanged parts of herself, constantly replacing whatever she lost. Her arms, her legs, half her face. Eventually she gave up the last thing she had to offer: her humanity.

Miasma awoke a monster in the fae wilds. She used intimidation to force them to open a portal for her to cross back home. She created her underground lab and stocked it with soup. She ran experiments on herself. With practice she honed her hunting skills and had her first taste of fae blood.

Shortly thereafter Miasma lost more than her body and humanity. She lost her memories. She lost her name. She forgot her title, forgot her research, and simply became a monster that consumed.

Some part of her must have remembered something though. She broke cars and stole parts from them trying to build a machine to harness magic and open portals. Even after giving up everything, Miasma was still trying to get back to the fae realm

Cass finds the rotting corpses of dead monsters. Their blood not yet drained.

Juno's seen enough and with Cass' help climbs out of the hole.

"Cass- you write the report."

"Huh? Why? This was your Hunt. I don't need the credit or the money."

"And I don't want the attention it's going to bring. Write it. If you have questions call Rita."

(Cass swears this will be the last nice thing she does for Juno. She writes the report and hands it over to the HMHA. The senior hunters of the association are confused why she's handing in the paperwork. She shrugs and tells them "Steel doesn't want to handle the guts." The Kanagawas come in and clean everything out. Cecil does a live stream special walking through "the lab of a monster". Juno reads the newspaper in the kitchen while Ben makes them breakfast. Life carries on.)

#the “burnt yet savory taste” juno describes is bc she taste like burnt soup. burnt chicken noodle soup.#i ought to just start compiling a google doc for this au this shit is getting outta hand #the penumbra podcast #monster hunter penumbra au #private eye's keys go jingle jangle #smth about junos connection to ben is so so special and important to me #i started this au in my head years ago bc i wanted a silly au where ben is alive and he and juno bicker a bunch #and i still hold that close to my chest only now tho ben is a lot more fleshed out and his own person #ALSO PLEASE DO NOT TRY FIREBREATHING LIKE JUNO DOES AT HOME #that is NOT proper technique nor safety practices #juno steel the monster hunter is fiction and if i say he is dumb but doesnt get burned then thats just what happens. is it 100% realistic?#hell. no. he is fiction. his face is fiction. you and your face are not.#he succeeds because we can suspend our disbelief. we/you/i would fail because thats how the real world works.#just. thought id make it clear that i know it isnt the most realistic and therefore very dangerous but shhhh- shhhh....

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quietwingsinthesky · 10 months ago

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I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.

yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)

Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.

where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.

#i was sort of neutral on clara for most of s7 i think #she had great moments but i think a lot of what was holding her back was the same thing holding most of eleven’s seasons back as a whole #which to me was. what the fuck are they doing with that guy. does anyone know. did anyone have a thesis in mind for this man.#which makes it hard to build a companion around him as a foil because what are you foiling.#amy & rory didn’t have this problem as much because they were a set do not separate and thus could play off each other as well #(river. is another story.)#and because 11’s relationship with the ponds was maybe the one thing the show kept on track the whole time and understood what it was doing #with them. clara’s is. a lot messier. it’s both building to a twist with the impossible girl thing that’s. a bit lackluster.#and then 11 without the ponds is. kind of a mess. like. character-wise. even more so than before. as far as i perceived it anyway.#but 12 does not have that problem! 12 starts off with a bang knowing exactly where he’s going as the doctor and what question he’s answering #about himself. and that gives clara so much more room to grow herself as she patterns herself after him both to feel important and to escape #the horrifyingly mundane trauma of her boyfriend. dying. in a normal way. that was also her own fault. (not really but i believe she thinks #it is.)#you know. if s8 12 is asking ‘is the doctor a good man?’ and answering ‘no. he’s just a man. he’s just there and he makes the decisions #and he doesn’t even know if they’re the right ones.’#then s8-s9 clara is responding with ‘well. if the doctor isn’t a hero. then what happens when someone tries to emulate him that sees him as #one. or worse: as someone who ought to be one.’#and the answer seems to be ‘bad idea. very very bad idea. this is fucking her up so bad and she doesn’t even realize it.’#granted im not at the end of this plotline but so far: ITS GOOD!!!! clara is great!!!!#anyway. thats my clara thoughts. actually i have more about ehy the moon abortion episode (bad) was ooc for the doctor but! very good #character moment for clara in reacting to what he put her through and how that’s foundational to how she’s rebuilding herself in his image.#but ill leave off here.#clara oswald #dw lb #ask

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burinazar · 1 year ago

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#i didnt want to type it out again and this was easier than copy pasting for some reason #anyway idk i’ll be back next week or something #now that this is on tumblr i think ive completed the full round up of #‘places i ought announce pet death so most people online that i actually care about will know why i’m ignoring them’#not up to ‘what happened’ questions in detail atm sorry but she was sick and it suddenly got worse.#down to one rat for the first time in several years…………

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melrosing · 2 years ago

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I want the RR adaption to show how scary and terrible it is to live under Aerys' reign. I can't wait to see Brandon go batshit and threaten Rhaegar, I want to see Jaime's horror at court. I want to see Lyanna and Elia and Ashara i soooo want to see who they were

I don't want to see Elia and Rhaenys/Aegon get killed however 😭😭

Yeah, I think there’d be so much amazing character work to be done here…. like Aerys’ descent, Jaime’s disillusionment, maybe Ned going from a fairly happy if quiet guy to someone who’s just fuckin. Crushed. And even Rhaegar’s slow vanishing act into his own head.

And god I just so badly want some idea of who Lyanna, Ashara and Elia even were, Harrenhal would definitely be going in fyi

The butchery of Elia and kids would NOT be shown btw I am the director of this adaptation and we are cutting from the moment Gregor starts scaling that wall thank yewww

#ask #like what happens to Elia Rhaenys and Aegon is just fucking horrific and I think most good adaptations know when something like that #ought to live offscreen #I think of like the Patrick Melrose adaptations which just shut the door on a similar such scene and didn’t let the audience near

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fragmentedblade · 1 year ago

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I don't know, it's silly, but I really love this story. I fell in love with the details and how everything cohered beyond my expectations, how the little details in worldbuilding made big things click and make sense even though they seemed typical fiction "too much but you have to suspend belief" things at first. And I actually honestly think most of the things some parts of fandom complain about are not only coherent, but some of the best more nuanced aspects of the writing. Everything that I thought and interpreted, even to the most minute details, was confirmed. Even, again, to the most minute details I loved but thought I was being stupid for paying so much attention to, because surely they couldn't mean as much as I thought they did. Yet they did.

#I truly love this story‚ and I've fallen in love with the characters and their dynamics #And it's frustrating that this is a gacha game that I didn't trust at all to begin with #but even less so now that the story is being so loudly criticised because it didn't turn out as people wanted #I already expected things to stop making sense with some time as it always happens with long serialised things made to sell #but I hate that now I fear it will happen sooner‚ that they'll change things that will ruin the continuity or flatten the characters #All because people only read the two things very directly related to what interests them #and with preconditioned views on what they'll interpret #All the while criticising that one has to dig the story through fragments‚ scraps‚ off-hand comments made by the NPCs and so on #And I understand not liking a story told this way‚ but that's the core of this story in particular and why it works #And it's done very well and very cleverly #It's frustrating to see people who have not approached the text as it ought to be criticise the story and characters for what it is not #and for not turning out to be what they thought it would when they didn't even think at all because it was all a bit a hive mind thing #And it's sad in many regards #I don't know. I think it's super neat that everything‚ from Ying.xing being able to craft weapons as well as delicate jade flasks #to Jingli.u moving in a much lighter way than Blade to name two examples‚ makes sense and is justified with the information of the text #in a way that works with and deepens the worldbuilding as well as the characterisation and throws light to what happened in the story #I can't even begin to tell the elation I've felt whenever I saw the little details I loved and gave weight to‚#all the while thinking I was giving them too much weight‚ turned out to have the importance I had given them #and click with everything else perfectly making a way more complex machinery‚ the sound of the gears more beautiful and harmonious #It makes me wish I could drink or kiss this story #I feel I have a string in my chest and the reverberations cause my blood to vibrate and the vibration is the echo of this story #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later

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waterfall-ambience · 1 year ago

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i hate the passage of time genuinely i feel sick thinking about my exams this week

#auri rambles #im generally fine when im swinging at deadlines and labs but as soon as exam season hits and the time is unstructured #i become an academic slug. im caught up w the coursework and im almost done making my everything cheat sheet to take into the room #but i still need to do a bunch of practise questions oh god oh fuck #and i still dont know how to pull myself out of bed :(#and i hate knowing that im going to have to pretend to be okay in front of my relatives when i visit them at the end of the year #unfortunately flying 'home' fills me with dread and i havent fully recovered from what happened in january #yeah hiii school's going JUST GREAT i love it so much and i am a functioning adult woman (twists smile) and am doing well #because i am just as smart as you think i am and just as happy as i ought to be. no i dont plan on becoming a doctor.#if i have put on weight please do not make me your conversation

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frink-o-matic · 2 years ago

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I’m not sure how much longer I can handle being anxious.

#I’m having a meltdown #I didn’t sleep well #rambling #personal #my bf has been a godsend because he understands #like I’m sure this is hormonal shit and I’ll be fine in a week #but it’s really starting to wear on me #I don’t know what I’m so fucking stressed about #I’ve been wheezing for the past 2 weeks #mostly at night #which you might know makes it really hard to sleep #I really ought to go in for a physical only for the doctor to tell me it’s all in my head #I might just need to say to my boss that I need a full week off #but I only work four days a week so I don’t know what the problem is #this is the same thing that happened last august #but 2-3 weeks before that bout of wheezing I had had covid #and a week after I came back to work after having covid I had a dental appointment which is also stressful

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bluemanedhawk · 1 year ago

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Do they make extra-sticky headphones for headbangers?

#Idea #Audiovisual equipment #Audio-visual equipment #Audio/visual equipment #AV equipment #A/V equipment #A-V equipment #Apologies for all the tags; i just have to cover all the bases.#What Tumblr really ought to have is a formal standard for tags to deal with shit like this.#At this rate i ain't gonna have any damn tags left!#(And i don't even think that last variation is one that's even used by anyone!)#(I know i've never stumbled across it; maybe it's just not in my dialect.)#Electronics #← Now that one's one where there's no possible confusion on what to do! There's exactly one obvious way to do it!#But that's only because the english language just so happened to evolve that way!#I do wonder…is there any formally standardized language that explicitly states what the correct way to do something in these situations?#(By which i mean situations where there are multiple possible ways to convey the exact same thing.)#I know that in UTF-8 it's mandatory to use the shortest possible sequence to encode a character.#But thinking about it a little more i've just realized that part of the reason that works is that it's even possible to list all ways.#I don't know if it would be possible to design a language like that.#I'd worry about people _thinking_ they're right about the shortest possible way to convey something but then discovering that they aren't.#That would instantly make all previous phrases constructed with the old conclusion ill-formed.#I guess there would have to be some sort of way of some kind to _prove_ that a certain phrase is the shortest possible.#But even then there'd be problems if the language is updated to add new things to the lexicon that retroactively ill-form previous phrases.#God what a fucking nightmare that would be.

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kavehater · 3 months ago

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Lord give me energy today eueueue

#dora daily #sm things piling up but my brain says NO #I can’t even do basic things 😭#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others #aaaaaaah #the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring #me joy in solitude but #that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head #like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger #when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t #and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction #but I can’t live in La La land forever #pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue #everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on #small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so #unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7 #I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing #like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause #I don’t want yet another issue #but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me #how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous #how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error #with the errors altering my brain chemistry #that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down #friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even #believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w #everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t #intend to #the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger

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eithernich · 9 months ago

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#8 am still awake ....... perhaps i just throw in the towel on sleep for today #feel deathlike #how do i ______#everything feels alien and typing this and posting it is a strange thing too but questioning doing anytninf is what led me to where i am #so i ought not to do that #earlier i let myself listen to tom v's cover of cold iron's bound and couldnt move for like the duration of it. unrelated to this track.#but i forgot how striking it is it's perfect it's like being impaled by an ice cold crow bar and bleeding out in a clearing of dead grass #i've always been so averse to covers of any bob song by anyone (joany excluded ofc) they feel uncoverable but tom took #it to another place it was meant to go #bob conceived it but tom gave it a life and laid it to rest #and i can't hear it without becoming a human shaped mass of goosebumps without a shadow #and why am i saying this under a frank tovey track again #audio #whatever #i hope things don't continue as they are tonight. something must happen but i don't know how to make it happen without breaking a window #i don't know how to open doors #Spotify

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yandere-romanticaa · 19 days ago

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Seen the request, so I shall deliver. Could you pls write a drabble or hcs of a yandere sunday with an isekaied reader?

Good timing because I'm actually planning a non yan isekai fic for him, I wonder if you saw that post. Here it is in case you haven't.

Sincerest apologies if this isn't the best, this fic is 100% emotionally charged by my obsession with him and frankly with a little bit of a high for passing a tricky exam. This is a treat for myself.

EDIT: Please check out this wonderful comic that @danijaci made me based off this fic!! 😭🫶

Picking up the cup from the fine oak table, you gazed towards the eerie galaxy before you, hundreds upon thousands of stars giving you a constant reminder of just how far from home you truly were. Taking a sip from the little porcelain cup you could not help but to hum in delight, the soft notes of the tea soothing your nerves ever so lightly as you pretended to ignore the heavy gaze which lingered at the back of your head.

Even from this distance, it was easy to tell that Sunday was eager to approach you. Still, he kept his distance and made a silent offering in the form of the very tea you drank at the moment.

Anything is better than Himeko's coffee but you were never going privy her to that.

In a not so distant past, all of this was nothing but fiction. The Express, the story, the characters - it was all nothing more but fiction, something to pass the time as your days went on and on, the same monotony repeating each and every day.

It was hard to not think about your friends and family, what sane person would not? Lord knows how they must be feeling right now, worried sick out of their minds with indescribable sorrow. In their eyes you had merely vanished, not a single trace to be found. For all they knew you could have been left for dead in a ditch somewhere, beaten, bloodied and broken, never to see the light again or if they were even more inclined to be morbid, you had succumbed to a fate worse than death. Death at the very least grants you finality, that all is over regardless of what happened moments prior.

But that was simply not the case for you.

Here you were, lounging about in a comfortable chair as you pondered on your old life while enjoying tiny little luxuries, far away where none of your loved ones could reach you. However, life was funny sometimes because it had some fun games in store.

Sunday was very kind upon arrival. He made sure to always be there for you, always checking up on you, always there to keep you company. You were already smitten with him but now to actually witness him in the flesh was just... Indescribable. You got along like a house on fire, so much so that the crew liked to tease that you ought to just get a room. Sunday, ever the gentleman, would just brush their words aside and assure you to not take their playful little jabs to heart.

You wouldn't say anything, resorting to merely giving him a smile but not because of what he said but rather of what he did not - never once did he actually shut down those perverse accusations. Never, not even once did he deny them.

He became an emotional crutch, someone to whom you would come running to when things got tough and he would always welcome you with open arms. Sunday would hold you tenderly, his serene voice dripping with honey along with a tender drop of ecstasy, for his excitement with holding you would just show itself sometimes. His grip would be too tight at certain moments, never quite ready to let you leave. His hugs were warm and comforting, he always smelled so good too. He smelled like kindness and sweet wildflowers, always lulling you back to him no matter the time. In dark corners and perhaps even under the watchful eyes of the crew, Sunday would wrap his scarf around your head, securing the soft fabric in order to provide you with a sense of comfort.

It was humiliating just how much you would try to inhale his scent as much as possible. You wanted it etched deep inside your memory, you wished for it to linger on your very soul and for it to follow you everywhere you went, sticking to your being like tar. The fabric of the scarf would muffle your ears a little but someone was always chatting in the background. Be it March bickering with Dan Heng, Mr Yang scolding someone for doing something they were not supposed to, or just Conductor Pom Pom trying to give a speech, all of it was irrelevant.

You were ready to kill whoever would try to pry you away from sweet Sunday. That thought came often which had left you worried - just what kind of person had you become? Regardless, you kept your mouth shut and had no plans of sharing such violent sentiments with anyone, particularly not to the one you held so dear.

When it was time to part for the evening you would bid the crew farewell and wished them a good night. You always made sure to take a few extra seconds with Sunday, just to ease your aching soul. He would tell you to sleep well and would see you in the morning, ready to take on any endeavor that crossed your paths.

As everyone parted ways, Sunday would wander off somewhere dark and distant, somewhere no one could see nor hear him. He would fall to his knees and clutch his chest in agony, fat tears streaming down his face as he did everything he possibly could to steady his raging heart. In a rush he would reach for the scarf which clung around his neck, his grip tighter than iron as he would bring it close to his nose. Taking a large, deep breath, Sunday was greeted by your familiar scent which would promptly calm his poor heart.

He sometimes wondered if his heart would start bleeding from the pain due to the sheer intensity of his emotions.

This was wrong, everything about this was not right and it hurt. Sunday was obviously ill but he had no clue on how to fight this... This emotion, this white hot feeling of need whenever you stood by his side. He started to choke on the air around him and fell into an abrupt coughing fit but even then, he could bring himself to remove the scarf from the lower part of his face.

Sunday wept and sobbed, filthy snot coming out from his nose but he could not handle that now. He needed you, Oh Heavenly Aeons, how he needed you. However was he going to tell you how he felt? How, oh how was he going to express the sheer magnitude of his true thoughts? He would scare you off, he was sure of it.

Even with this pain, even with these clipped wings and bleeding heart, Sunday had never felt so alive, so harrowingly present in the moment whenever he was with you.

Perhaps, he was doing himself a kindness by just letting you be. Drink your tea, be at peace.

He can always just make you another cup if you so desired.

Without knowing, you both haunted each other in the most agonizing way known to mankind and neither was strong enough to face the reality of the situation.

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