#one. or worse: as someone who ought to be one.’
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Sayeth others what they will, I am really enjoying the show. Santiago's face at Pelayo's betrayal is a poem. So was Marta's trying to deny the allegations. Santiago: She's an invert
Marta: Excuse this poor, uneducated man. The linguistic complexities of the Thesaurus Dex are lost on him. What he means is Introvert.
All in all I'm glad Santiago's demise happens the way it does. Karmic justice prevailed in a way that stings worse for him, I think. He bit off more than he could chew, filled with self-importance and secure in his triumph over Marta. Having counted on Pelayo to back him up only to discover he's free-falling, no safety net in sight? Oh, how the turns have tabled, as @midniteowlet loves to say. Could be we have not seen the last of him, though. Alas, mediocre men? Ever their cup overfloweth with confidence. Santiago vowing vengeance even as he's being dragged away by the Civil Guard? Someone failed to understand the assignment, or asses the situation. Damian reaching out to hold Marta's hand as a vow of support and loyalty? Be still my heart, they've come SO far. In my humble opinion, the growth of their relationship has been one of the best written character arcs on the show. Marta & Damian: Dairy? What dairy? He's obviously trying to milk this lie for all it's worth
Santiago: Diary ... D I A R Y
Pelayo: someone take him out to pasture … the inmates work at the dairy farm, across town
As for Pelayo himself. So far, a pleasant surprise, albeit he largely remains an unknown. He signs the business deal without making a fuss. He returns Marta's diary to her, tells her he's not read it and advises her to get rid of it, informs her his reasons for helping her are his own and that he won't ask for favors, especially given men don't count among her tastes? Well. He's been a gentleman so far, noble and altruistic. Remains to be seen if he remains one. It would seem, tomorrow's preview corroborates the theory that Pelayo flies the Rainbow flag too. His 'I prefer to form my own opinions about people ... especially people like the both of us who don't fit the social mores' ... it appears he's confessing something personal to Marta, something that might level out the playing field between them. To me it looks like he's out to gain her trust. For what purpose? Now that's the question.
If he's to become this show's Harry Cameron? I'm not opposed. Marta needs more allies and here's to hoping, as the show progresses, these two end up having a beautiful friendship. It really would be Marta hitting the jackpot in 1958: a sympathetic husband / best friend who ended up accepting her for who she was and a gay business partner / friend. Let's see where it all goes. Presently, he’s definitely trying to curry favour with Marta. For what reason, has yet to be determined. I will say? I am not liking Carmen at all these days. She acts like Tasio's mom, not his wife, as if he were incapable of making his own decisions. She's judging Marta as if she were a stranger and removes any and all accountability from Tasio. I keep repeating myself, but one questionable decision does not a questionable person make. Carmen being such a hot-head about this, while befitting her volcanic personality, is rather disappointing. I know she'll reconsider, but to think Marta is trying to buy Tasio's silence by ceding part of her shares in the company is ludicrous. Marta has always appreciated and supported Carmen within the company, and Carmen has had a front-row seat in witnessing Marta's fairness and kindness, her struggles and triumphs. I really need Fina to talk some sense into her. Volcano vs. Volcano. That ought to be a sight. Might I also hope Marta gives Fina the diary to read before she disposes of it? That they have a heartwarming conversation about it, growing even closer in their love, taking their intimacy to new heights? Because dispose of it she will, I think: sadly, it’s a smoking gun they can't afford.
Short rant long? Alright novelita. Lead the way. Let’s see what else you’ve got in store.
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I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.
yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)
Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.
where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.
#i was sort of neutral on clara for most of s7 i think#she had great moments but i think a lot of what was holding her back was the same thing holding most of eleven’s seasons back as a whole#which to me was. what the fuck are they doing with that guy. does anyone know. did anyone have a thesis in mind for this man.#which makes it hard to build a companion around him as a foil because what are you foiling.#amy & rory didn’t have this problem as much because they were a set do not separate and thus could play off each other as well#(river. is another story.)#and because 11’s relationship with the ponds was maybe the one thing the show kept on track the whole time and understood what it was doing#with them. clara’s is. a lot messier. it’s both building to a twist with the impossible girl thing that’s. a bit lackluster.#and then 11 without the ponds is. kind of a mess. like. character-wise. even more so than before. as far as i perceived it anyway.#but 12 does not have that problem! 12 starts off with a bang knowing exactly where he’s going as the doctor and what question he’s answering#about himself. and that gives clara so much more room to grow herself as she patterns herself after him both to feel important and to escape#the horrifyingly mundane trauma of her boyfriend. dying. in a normal way. that was also her own fault. (not really but i believe she thinks#it is.)#you know. if s8 12 is asking ‘is the doctor a good man?’ and answering ‘no. he’s just a man. he’s just there and he makes the decisions#and he doesn’t even know if they’re the right ones.’#then s8-s9 clara is responding with ‘well. if the doctor isn’t a hero. then what happens when someone tries to emulate him that sees him as#one. or worse: as someone who ought to be one.’#and the answer seems to be ‘bad idea. very very bad idea. this is fucking her up so bad and she doesn’t even realize it.’#granted im not at the end of this plotline but so far: ITS GOOD!!!! clara is great!!!!#anyway. thats my clara thoughts. actually i have more about ehy the moon abortion episode (bad) was ooc for the doctor but! very good#character moment for clara in reacting to what he put her through and how that’s foundational to how she’s rebuilding herself in his image.#but ill leave off here.#clara oswald#dw lb#ask
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Ep 6!!!
#Biggest take away from the episode: @fandom Dazai can't be Atsushi's father figure if he himself says Atsushi's father figure is the–#headmaster check your facts#Second biggest take away from the episode: the worst thing the headmaster transmitted Atsushi ought to be the terrible haircut choices#Mmmmhhh I could spend another whole tag rant to talk about how much I dislike the writing of Lucy in this episode 😭😭😭#But I worry I'll start being perceived as someone who hates women if I do so I won't.#(But let me just say. I really really *really* despite the “what women [alien and mysterious beings] want is hard to understand and–#impossible to decipher and more often than not they will say the exact opposite of what they mean” stereotype.#Like I hate it to an intimate extent.)#I quite like Kyouka's backstory!! I feel like she's the most fleshed out female character with a compelling character arc and personality.#I really like her. Lucy and Atsushi working as make-do parents (very largerly intended. More like siblings who are dating but that sounds–#even worse) was very cute. And I appreciate how the events seemed to set off Atsushi's own reflection on parenthood.#The same doesn't happen in the manga since the chapters are placed in a different order.#Overall this is just an episode that when I was reading the manga for the first time solidified my understanding that me and b/sd have#RADICALLY different views on the world. But now that after three years and having long come to terms with it.#I suppose it's just something that's there.#Ususal notes about the animation just for talks. The lack of budget really shows this episode and in the second half in particular.#It's especially noticeable in backgrounds that are just... Not the stunning backgrounds that usually make b/sd's anime strong point.#So in turn the lack of details comes off as twice as evident as it normally would :/#The whole Atsushi / Tanizaki exchange at the start of the chapter until the headmaster's identity is revealed is completely devoid–#of host which has me just?? What happened here??? A track slowly building up tension is an almost automatic choice I'm just like.#What happened. If it was a deliberate choice it was a very bad one in my humble opinion#On a more positive note I really like whoever drew the characters “background appearence” this episode eheh#(you know‚ the more stylized one when they're not on close up)#And the drawings at the end of the episode daz/atsu twilight scene were good. Kyouka's flashback was also good.#That's it :)#random rambles#Oh yeah rip chapter 39 ss/kk scene ig :///
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it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low
#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends#and normally i’d be told ‘do this and you’ll probably find friends’#my plan has always been just to wait for someone to find me bc i’m horribly shy and antisocial#even though logically i know that’s a bad way of going about it#my logical rational analytical brain has always been obsessed with finding concrete answers. it’s always been ‘what can *I* do’#so even when i suffer there’s a part of me that says ‘it’s ok once i’m done crying i can work this out and go right back to trying’#i’ve been emotionally dead for years but i’ve always held onto faith like that#tonight i feel like i’ve been brought low. i feel like i’ve finally been told that i might just have to wait after all#which i might think would be comforting bc it absolves me of responsibility#but it’s actually crushing bc it absolves me of power#i feel like i’m finally facing the realization that i’m powerless and pathetic and i’m never going to be able to fix myself#that i can try as hard as i want but i can’t shake off this cross#but i don’t know how long i have to wait for someone to find me#and even if they find me how do i not fumble it#my first instinct is to push people away bc i assume they’re not really interested they’re just trying to be nice#which is usually true#i don’t even know how to sustain casual friendships and im so desperately in need of deep ones#i can’t open up to someone without just breaking apart and making it clear how pathetic i am#one would think i ought to find someone better than myself who can fix me#but on the other hand i think the only time that the good parts of me come out is when im facing someone even worse than me#like i have a tendency to morph into the opposite of the other person in any given situation to maintain healthy balance#so like when surrounded by extroverts which is almost always i become an introvert#it’s rare to meet an introvert but then i become stronger and more extroverted around them. like something in me just loves helping others#even though i can’t help myself#what do i pray for? a fellow pathetic person? or someone with the patience and kindness and life knowledge of a saint?#will either of them really be found just by chance in my life?#and even if i do meet someone. truly i wish they’d also be lonely. i want them to need me#i don’t want to be a pity charity case. like a side project for someone with real friends already
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screaming in the club
time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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— stardust
the world is a vast place. in the grand scheme of things, humans are but a speck of dust; much like how you are sure you are nothing but a meagre speck of dust in the world he lives in, forever to be remained unseen. (if only you knew how you are the brightest star he'd ever laid his eyes upon.)
CONTAINS : gn!reader, 1.5k wc, royalty!au, contract marriage/marriage of convenience, fluff, smitten reca bc what would he be other than smitten, a little hint of bittersweet at the end if read between the lines aha...
A/N : ....i have a paper due monday. i havent started it. why do i do this to myself. (reca i love u can u not hear my cries and wails as fic after fic appears in my brain for u...)
Duke Reca of the northern territory; to many he is a well-accomplished noble, a young genius set for greater things, and the owner-slash-founder of the top theatre company. He is an idol — a role model to those who aspire to be more involved in the artistic side of the world.
To you, however, he is an absolute lunatic, the bane of your existence, and your contractual husband.
It's not like you had much choice. It was either: a) remain as a hollow puppet whose strings danced at your family's fingertips, or b) find some way to escape with outside power.
You, of course, chose the second option. Unfortunately, that somehow led to you meeting the young duke when out in the shopping district, trying to escape the suffocating presence of your family's knights accompanying you by running into a secluded alleyway, even if it was for but a momentary breather.
It was a whirlwind of a meeting... quite literally. Bodies flew; clothing tousled; breaths stolen. Well, at least for you it was like this. He, on the other hand, looked right as rain. (Lucky bastard.) You hadn't realised it was him at first, too absorbed in hasty apologies and the numbing bloom spreading across your backside like a wildfire (really, they ought to incorporate more padding in these flimsy clothes!), but when he uttered an apology of his own for not paying attention to his surroundings with an arm outstretched to help you stand, your mind all but blanked. What was someone of his status doing in a dingy alley? Didn't the newspapers report word of his self-confinement, having not stepped foot outside his manor in fervent preparation of his upcoming performance?
No, never mind all that; wasn't this a blatant opportunity being presented to you? An outside power that could help you escape the clutches of your family...
With gritted teeth, all sense of self-dignity was cast aside as you grasped his outstretched hand with both of your own, gazing into his widened eyes with your own narrowed ones.
"Your Grace, I know this is hardly the appropriate time nor place, but please... marry me!" Your words echoed within the enclosed space. Duke Reca blinked slowly down at you, and it was then you realised you never elaborated. "In... in a contractual marriage of convenience, of course."
"Oh?" he grinned, amusement and intrigue twinkling in his eyes. "And what is it you can offer me?"
"I..." Truthfully, there was nothing you could offer which would be beneficial to someone like him who had everything at the tips of his fingers. You were but a speck of dust in his world, merely floating and remaining unseen within his view. But even so, here you kneeled before him, his gaze wholly fixated on a speck of dust such as yourself. If nothing else, you at least had your desperation — a desperation to be your own person. "My lineage may be from that of a baron's, but I am confident I can be of use to you if you would permit it. So long as you accept my offer, I will do anything to aid you, whether that be through practical means or a performance you wish to see."
A beat of silence.
"Ha... haha... ahahaha!!"
And, as if things couldn't get any worse than a sore rear and disgruntled self, you were pulled out of your daze by a pair of gleaming carmine eyes, a maniacal grin, and his body, now kneeled just like you were, so very close to your own.
"That determination... how brilliantly you burn with such an expression!" The sheer glee which bled through his tone sent shivers down your spine, having never realised someone so esteemed had such a side to him. The duke breathed a breathy laugh and slightly backed up, his hands still holding your arms. "Alright, I look forward to seeing how brightly you will shine in your performance, my dear leading actor."
...Was it too late to back out and find an alternative solution?
Admittedly so, for the next thing you knew vows were declared and you were moved into the duke's residence. You could still remember your family's aghast expressions the moment you declared you were marrying Duke Reca and thus cutting ties with them. It was oddly freeing to see their contorted faces reveal their true nature.
Life as the duke's spouse was... something, to say the least. His servants and attendants almost seemed to have shed tears of joy at the revelation of their ever so lonely duke (their words, not yours) finally settling down and getting married, asking you questions such as how you both met, what drew you to their duke, who popped the question first, why you chose him of all people, so on so forth. It was... cosy. Something you admittedly weren't very accustomed to, but found yourself welcoming nonetheless.
One thing you never expected was for the duke to have a little pet of his own; a little toad dressed in a miniature beret and matching suit, at that. Assistant Director is what Reca had called her, and you think for someone so obsessed with the arts he ought to up his naming sense. She was also quite susceptible to compliments, something you discovered when commenting on the little toad's cute attire, with the duke's baffling translation of her bashfulness and her own compliment on your own looks. Apparently. You're not really sure, but you're inclined to believe it ever since she claimed a spot on your shoulder.
As the days-turned-weeks-turned-months bled into each other, you found yourself oddly lost at how well-adapted you have become of your new life and the duke's personality. From impromptu displays of affection both in and outside the manor to sporadic radio silence on his end when wholly consumed by his fervent passion for a project, you sometimes wonder just how you're still alive with the amount of heart attacks the man has given you.
But despite his... eccentricities, to put it lightly, there are times where you can't quite put a finger on certain expressions he would make when he thinks you're not looking. They're unlike his (once again, to put it very lightly) passionate eyes when rambling to you during mealtimes about an upcoming performance the troupe has; unlike the sheer mania he can exude when something truly sparks his inspiration; unlike the playfully smug grin he would give you when swooping down in dramatic flair to press a long kiss to the back of your palm; unlike the rare darkening of his expression that you cannot help but stiffen at when something or someone in the troupe doesn't quite match his expectations.
No. These ones are... soft. A kind of tenderness and unprecedented longing able to be identified if scrutinised close enough. It was evident in the ghost-like touches he would trail along your skin, as though afraid just a little more force would do irreparable damage. It was evident in the attention to even the most minute details, having everything from clothing to food to the decor suited to preferences you yourself never realised you had. It was evident in the way unadulterated fondness leaked through his tone when his unique terms of affection for you slipped through his lips when all was silent and you were supposed to be asleep.
"My dearest star..."
...Much like now, it would seem.
The bed dips by where your knees slightly bend, hidden under the beige covers. A familiar musky scent surrounds you not long after, and you find yourself involuntarily relaxing at the comfort it brings as your head further burrows into the pillow.
You want to stay awake, even if it's just for a second longer, to hear what he has to say to your less than conscious state. But, oh, his fingers threading through your hair and softly massaging your scalp and the gentle touch of his forehead against yours and the subtle comforting warmth that rolls off his body in waves does little to help you fight the sleep which easily takes over.
Oh, whatever! You'll just try and catch what he has to say next time.
Eventually your breathing evens out, only soft snores now heard within the large shared bedroom. Upon noticing this, Reca cannot stop the fond smile which lifts the corners of his lips, nor can he prevent the softening of his eyes as he continues to gaze at your sleeping form.
"My dearest [Name]," he whispers into the dead of night. Even now, several months later, he still cannot believe his luck to have run into you in that alleyway. It must have been fate which made him heed its call, urging him he would discover something sure to escape that terrible slump plaguing him for weeks on end.
Sure enough, it brought him to something irreplaceable; something he has been searching desperately for.
You.
And, with the tenderest of kisses pressed to your forehead that would put even the most sickening romantics to shame, he murmurs words of promise against your skin, an oath he swears to uphold no matter the obstacles which stand before him.
"In this life, I will ensure you have only the best of endings."
if you enjoyed this, reblogs and/or comments are greatly appreciated <33
#mr reca x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#mr reca x you#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you#PEOPLE CAN FIGHT ME ON DUKE OF THE NORTH RECA IDC IDC I WILL NOT BACK DOWN !!! NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT??? NEVER GIVE UP !!!#im sorry . royalty aus are my achilles heel... my roman empire...#also literally the first thought i had when his model was first leaked was 'HES THE DUKE OF THE NORTH !!! HE HAS THE HAIR AND SUIT !!!!'#his lc when it was leaked further solidified that idea 🧍♀️#anyway his cn voice <3333 literally have had it looped for the whole day i kid u not ;w;;;#it just... hit everything perfectly.... the itch is well-scratched..........
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thinkin' abt Girl Dad!Simon bc 'm UNORIGINAL n WANT HIM SO BAD
girl dad!Simon who LOVES your daughter. Never brings her up for her privacy, but if someone from the task asks he will not hesitate to talk
girl dad!Simon who always comes back from deployment with a little something for her and you. She gets a stuffie, you get a little gift
girl dad!Simon who eventually retires when he comes back one particularly long deployment and your daughter forgets who he is (he's mortified and swears he's never leaving again)
girl dad!Simon who takes her to ALL the daddy-daughter dances, parent conferences, and bring your parent to school days. He hasn't missed a single one, and you have the photos to prove it
girl dad!Simon who gets any and everything your little girl wants. she needs to understand that mommy and daddy have the ability to give her what she wants, so she should aim for it too
girl dad!Simon who preps his baby with everything she needs to know about staying safe — and to call daddy if she ever needs help
girl dad!Simon who hopes that by taking care of you, she'll understand not to settle for a boy who expects her to take care of him
"Mommy's not feeling well, baby." He takes your daughter into his arms, the girl pouting as you sit on the couch and stare at the TV.
"She's watching TV."
"Mommy's thinking." He points at your eyes gently, letting her gaze follow his hand. "Do you see how her eyes are unfocused?"
Your daughter frowns as she notices, pouting. "oh."
"Wanna give mommy a kiss from the other side? Daddy can give her on on this one. She'll feel better."
Your daughter nods, and Simon lets her down n tells her to stay quiet.
She sneaks up behind you as she counts to three, pressing her lips to your cheek as Simon kisses the other, her giggles inconsolable as you grab her to pepper her face. She laughs as she rests on your chest, and you reach up to give Simon a gentle kiss on the chin as he hums.
"Feel okay?"
"Better." You hum. "Will you take her to bed for me? We can talk out here in a bit."
"Just an ear or some help?" He raises a brow.
"Just an ear for now." You pat his hand, turning to your daughter. "Baby, will you go with daddy to bed? Mommy wants to think a little more."
"Good thinking?"
"Yes. Daddy will chase the bad ones away." You give a kiss to the corner of her eye, and she gives you one final hug before letting Simon lift her into his arms.
"Wanna say goodnight to mommy?"
"Night night." She mumbles, pouting. "Will mommy be okay tomorrow?"
"Mommy will." You give her little fist a tap, humming. "Mommy'll make you toast tomorrow, hm?"
"Daddy can." She mumbles. "Mommy's sad. Daddy should take care of her."
"I will. Once you're in bed, squeaks." Simon hums, kissing her cheek as she holds onto him. "Wan' me to read you a bedtime story?"
"Not today..." She lays in bed, blinking as her eyes flutter.
"Of course." He hums. "If you need us just call, alright? Mommy 'n I will be in the living room."
"Yes, daddy." She mumbles. "night night."
"G'night, baby. You're just as important, alright?"
She nods, eyes closing as she falls asleep.
"She alright?"
"Fell asleep." He hums, closing the door behind him. "You alright?"
"Better now." You rest your head on his chest as he scratches at your scalp, humming. "Let's get to bed. You're so wonderful, Si. Such a wonderful husband."
"Hope none of her future partners treat worse than this." He mumbles. "Or else I really ought to show them what a veteran is."
You laugh, patting his chest as he leads you off.
As long as you both are alright.
#simon riley x reader#simon riley imagine#cod#cod x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost headcanons#ghost x you#ghost x reader#simon riley x you#cod thoughts#call of duty#reader insert#☾.blend
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I would love to hear the rant about social media doomerism and conspiracy
I’m on my phone right now but the summary version is something like:
Humans are bad at integrating information into their worldview accurately bc of various cognitive biases
Social media incentivizes us seeking out content that excites fear or anger or irritation
Social media thus causes us to form negative impressions of the world bc it mediates so much information consumption and discourse these days
This general negative affective impression is subject to high confirmation bias and ppl in general are really bad at divorcing an affective impression of a thing from their dispassionate reasoning abt a thing
(Bc one of the functions of an affective impression is to “cache” our conclusions about a topic to save time and effort later)
(In general if you are a cynic and pessimist you can fall prey to these biases w/o social media but I think social media makes more ppl susceptible to them)
People don’t want to be dupes so they seek refuge in cynicism. We treat cynicism as wise or worldly when in fact cynicism makes you a dupe and an easy mark for grifters. Cynicism and low trust foster conspiracism, paranoia, and antisocial politics
(This is why so many congenitally contrarian folks seem to flit effortlessly between the far left and far right; it’s not horseshoe theory, they’ve just cooked their brains on this stuff)
This is a world where populist anti-social politicians like Trump and the AfD thrive, bc they will lie about how everything is terrible and people will nod along, bc it explains why their social media is full of awful stories of, like, immigrants eating pets and shit
But it doesn’t just have to be insane lies only a moron could believe. It can be any impression about a fact in the world that it is difficult to personally check and which is vulnerable to being swayed by anecdote
This is how we get a word where people think crime rates are higher than they’ve ever been when in fact crime is falling
Or child predators lurk around every corner when in fact children are safer than ever
Or the American economy is in a recession when in fact it’s doing historically well by just about every available metric (now with full employment AND low inflation!)
Because in a big world even where things are in general good and getting better you can always produce infinite individual examples of shitty things and pipe those in a steady stream into people’s eyeballs, and then point to that and leverage people’s low trust attitudes and their cynicism which tells them they are smarter than the experts and go “statistics is just a fancy way to lie! The world is secretly terrible! Every bad thing is even worse than you thought and every good thing is a lie!”
(Nevermind the whole phenomenon where anything that is complicated or that someone does not themselves understand gets treated like it’s actually secret and a conspiracy.)
And here I know I have to include some disclaimer about how this is not to discount individual cases of suffering or struggle, which are real, or that there are indeed some really awful things happening in the world right now, which there are, but you know what?
I’m tired of doing that. People with reading comprehension operating in good faith ought to be able to deduce that general statements do not obviate particular exceptions, and people who cling to their doomerism as a kind of emotional life raft do not generally argue with me in good faith.
Sometimes doomerism is a load-bearing pillar of their politics, which I think is dumb—I think you can be a leftist or a progressive without being a doomer! In fact I think doomerism is antithetical to useful politics!
Sometimes they are just depressed and treatment-resistant. Sometimes they are just angry misanthropes who want to feel justified in their misanthropy. Some doomers are themselves in bad circumstances and feeling hopeless about that—to them I am enormously sympathetic. Though a lot of doomers will admit they personally are doing OK—this does not seem to be most doomers.
But I think in general cynicism and doomerism and a worldview dominated by a general nebulous air of Everything Is Awful and by abstract nouns with threatening auras is not conducive to wisdom or understanding or useful politics or leading a happy and fulfilling life.
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Hii. Could I please request Geto (or gojo) who bullies insecure chubby reader but then gets stunned and almost offended when she starts to get close to another guy. And it's even worse that she's recently been trying to give the silent treatment since she's wants to be all strong and stand her ground and stuff. (maybe goes as far as smacking his hand away and all if ykwim)
❝ BITE BACK! ❞
FEATURING. GOJO SATORU AND GETO SUGURU
CONTENT WARNINGS. implied bullying + jealousy + hints of sabotaging.
SYNOPSIS. it takes a new guy for you to fight your bullies.
recently, you've been smiling a lot.
the kind of smile that reaches your eyes. the corners crinkling and there's the unmistakable twinkle in those round eyes of yours. a dimple showing in your cherubic cheeks. you think they wouldn't notice but they did. not with their prying eyes following your every movement and quirk of your face.
suguru noticed it first. there's the whispers and chatters of every student body passing by in the courtyard. he sees you in the midst of the crowd, alternating between running and walking like you were in a rush before disappearing in the next building. he paid it no mind, you may be running late and all the other reasons except meeting with someone.
it happened one afternoon, suguru and satoru was walking towards your class and then a familiar figure casually walks towards someone. a man. they didn't pay it no mind believing that you're off to talk to that guy about things relating to your classes and then a scene unfolds in front of them. one they thought wouldn't expect seeing.
they watched — transfixed. the cold hard stare being sent to both of you and then without a beat, the man raises his arm to pat your head and you — clearly taken aback — bloomed a shy smile. your head lowering to avert his gaze and from the looks of it, you were feeling bashful.
it didn't stop there, the hand that was patting your head descended down to cup your round cheek before pinching it. the action made their irritation trigger over something so simple. you didn't act that way when they do the same to you. (it always brought you to tears. gojo's pinches leaves bruises and geto squishing your round cheeks made you cry.) they didn't thought of it and that made them seething in anger.
fear not, they didn't confront you about it. waiting for you to crack under their scrutinizing gazes while you continue forced to be with them. thriving on the way you squirmed but nothing happened not the way they expected it to be that you'll go vulnerable at them for the pressure they're putting you on.
why does it bother to see you with that lowlife so much? they were much better than that trash. looks and popularity wise and they give you the same affection that guy does to you. (although the guy was much gentler to you, not the same way they've been treating you.) it gotten worst that your undivided attention is being stolen in broad daylight from them and they don't like to share.
you have gotten clever to. the excuses were so convincing and real. avoiding them was like the easiest task for you to do so and it left them no choice but to confront you about your behavior towards them. they can't have you hanging out with that guy.
the expressions on their face was something you were prepared for. their jaws clench, face hardening on what just occured.
did you just slapped gojo's hand away from you? with your big girl talks about not taking a shit for them and won't tolerate anything of the their stupid actions towards you. it cut deep to their unwavering assertion of their pride towards you. their little mouse is being hostile and brace towards them. that son of a bitch was really putting an influence with you. they ought to be taught a lesson and they just have the perfect thing on their mind but first they have to deal with their little mouse in front of them. staring daggers at them and aren't you just the cutest thing ever.
they will let it slide — just this time after they took care of that scum taking their little mousey from them and after that — there would be no more rambunctious attitude and you will be only left with your pliant attitude towards them. you will only be their mouse for them to play.
#♱ ⋮ shai's works⸝⸝#chubby reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x chubby reader#anime x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru#geto x reader#gojo x reader x geto
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Konig X Reader who works at an underground bar as a waitress wearing one of those iconic playboy bunny suits
(I got with a bit of mafia!konig because I am a mad woman) You hate your job. It's only natural that you do. No one would ever like working in a place like this - barely legal, filled with suspicious customers, only one grade above actual sex work. The payment isn't even that good, but you needed someone who would hire without a lot of questions and tips sometimes are better than your whole normal day job makes in two weeks. Meeting with the Vienna crime scene isn't something you wished for when you moved but, then again, at least it's Vienna's crime scene. Nothing too bad. Could be worse. Much worse. You hate this stupid dress, but at least your regular is here. Yes, this place is the worst one to have a regular in, but you're managing to find the best things out of a bad situation. You just...you need a bit of something nice in the pure shit of your current life. Konig provides just that. Yes, he is pulling you on his lap every time you come to him with a drink. Yes, he is fidgeting with the side of your fishnets and rips them away with the speed of light. Anxiously grips your hips and forces you to grind on his dick as you readjust and fire his cigarette. The corner of your dumb-standing bunny ears are poking at his mask, and you both giggle. You know that he has a gun and that the giant thing poking at your clothed pussy isn't it. You don't really care because the guy would respectfully grab your tits a few times, call you beautiful in three languages at once and then leave you a tip that would be enough to cover half of your month expenses. You know that this bar is a shitty place, an illegal place. It's no wonder it grows its own little crime cell - the place ought to be shot up at some point. You just hoped that the dumb suit would provide you with more opportunities to escape...alas, this is kinda impossible. You don't even think about getting out of here alive before you feel someone yanking you by your neck. Pressing you into a big, muscular chest with a familiar smell of expensive cologne, gun oil, and blood. In all of your days serving Konig as your regular customer, you never thought that he would be down bad enough to actually buy your hand in...well, not exactly marriage, but getting you out of the bar. And you didn't know that he liked the fucking suit so much that he bought you three copies and made you wear them around the house. His house. You are not allowed to leave, or else his good will make you into a rabbit stew. Well. At least Konig is still calling you his kleine Haschen.
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Surprise, Surprise
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 5,561
Warnings: Ghostface WandaNat, Darkfic, Mommy Kink, Daddy Kink, Murder, Knife Play, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Degradation, Strap-Ons | 18+ Minors DNI
Summary: In which you find out the culprits of your former partner's death and receive more than what you bargained for.
On the one year anniversary, you failed to open your eyes in time. Regardless of the insistent beeping from the alarm, the voice from downstairs shouting your name along with the mocking chirps of the birds beneath your window, you remained still. The sole humoring of yet another year without your one and only, the person who you once deemed as the love of your life, made your bones chill while your blood ran cold.
But of course your parents simply brushed it off. They knew of the difficulty you had to carry on leading up to the days of the first anniversary, and yet your mother didn’t do much but bark at you to get ready as the bus was leaving. Another morning in the hellish town of Westview. Oh how you longed to gain independence once the final semester of your senior year had passed. Only a few weeks left and school would be out. Then you’d finally move to the other side of the country leaving all your dismay and fury towards the town behind.
Upon your arrival at school, a brown bag filled with half a sandwich and an apple you didn’t have the appetite for, all eyes were on you. It hadn’t missed you. The pity each person felt, the laughter behind closed doors at your loss. And yet no one dared utter her name. Kate Bishop. Was it that hard? For someone who hadn’t dared mutter it out into the world since the day of her disappearance, the presumed death you had long accepted to be true, you ought to cut everyone else some slack.
“Good morning. I didn’t think you’d show up today,” came the greeting from your best friend. Thor was many things, but easy with his words was not one of them. “You know, with Kate’s death and everything. You didn’t take the day off.”
Each sound coming from his wretched mouth made your blood boil. “Yeah no shit Sherlock. I’m here, aren’t I?” You didn’t need to turn as the two of you waltzed down the packed hallways dripping with pity for you to know his worry faltered into hurt. “Sorry. I’m just a bit shaken up today for obvious reasons. Mom and dad didn’t think it was that bad so here I am. They said we didn’t know each other that well for me to be depressed. I mean, fuck, we knew each other since we were kids. How can they say that?”
“I’m sorry,” Thor mumbled, placing a sympathetic arm upon your upper back. “We can skip together if you want.”
“I’m not skipping class. They’ll kill me for that.”
“Oh like they killed Kate?” came a voice you knew so well from behind you. “I can’t wait until her body is found. It’s going to be so gross.”
Since the dawn of middle school, one Natasha Romanoff had taken it upon herself to reign hellfire down your life. A day didn’t go past where your classmate treated you with even an ounce of dignity. Somehow she got worse as time passed, especially once the whole incident with Kate occurred.
You hadn’t attended school for weeks when she suddenly disappeared back in junior year. Your girlfriend of almost a year, a friend for longer, had left you behind to fend for yourself. Regardless of how many manhunts the police went on, the tedious nights you ran through the forest with the hopes of finding her until Thor had to drag you back to safety, Kate was gone. She probably skipped town so she didn’t have to deal with your sorry ass, was what Natasha always repeated. After weeks of such treatment, you began agreeing.
“What’s wrong? Oh you’re not gonna cry, are you?” Natasha teased as she smacked your arm. Her reddened hair was up in a french braid, viridescent eyes darting down your body. “How pathetic. Does the little baby need a tissue, huh?”
Before you dared reply with a peace of your mind, there came her savior flying down the hall.
“Nat, stop. Don’t be such a dick.” Wanda Maximoff, the feared bully’s girlfriend, stood between you and the redhead. She flashed you an empathetic smile that you took as Thor’s nostrils flared. He didn’t like the so-called feigned kindness Wanda showered you with. “Are you alright today, sweetie? I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible you must be feeling. You know that if there’s ever anything you need, I’m right here for you. We all miss her so much. We got your back, Y/N.”
“Who is ‘we’?” Natasha grumbled low enough beneath her breath so that it was only hearable to her girlfriend.
“Thanks, Wanda. You’re always so nice to me. I think I’m just a bit checked out today. Here’s to hoping the day goes by quickly.”
“It will if we skip class,” Thor pointed out.
“As president of the student body I could never endorse that,” Wanda giggled. As a hand held a few of her books, Natasha’s arm wrapped carefully across her waist, she placed the other one on your arm with friendly banter. “You take care of yourself, honey. Take some breaks throughout the day, drink some water, and focus up on good things. The day will go by before you even know it.”
Never did you notice the hunger which Natasha eyed you with as she found herself exhilarated by the way her girlfriend held you so close – the disgust she felt towards your friend was lost in the air. Gripping Wanda’s waist, she silently begged for permission to strike. A knowing look from the shorter brunette forced her to lay back and wait. Soon enough they’d have you.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
“Did you hear the news?”
Those five words were ones you hadlong accustomed yourself to feel great disdain for. Upon the sound of them through the door of the last class of the day, you shuddered. You didn’t dare look up, losing yourself within the dread that overtook your soul. The seat next to your own had been empty throughout the period.
Thor never skipped without giving you a head’s up.
Upon hearing through hushed whispers and more stares your way, you ran out of the bathroom. The hint of bile which rose from your throat was held off until you reached a stall where you threw yourself, dumping out all the remaining torturous grief still carried from Kate’s loss alongside Thor’s. News spread quickly through the school, of course they did, but being shown a picture posted on a sock account on social media of Thor sprawled across the football field, eyes wide shut with a pair of knives lodged in his chest made you fall.
You hadn’t found it in you to remove yourself from the floor. The walls across you turned, mocking your misery. The image of your best friend was clear in your mind. He was sweet, a caring man who wouldn’t dare hurt a fly, a complete lovable idiot who spent his days either playing sports or taking Jane out to whatever movie was being shown that weekend. No one hated him, but then again, no one had a reason to hate Kate either.
Seeing him that morning so full of life made it impossible for you to humor the death, the macabre gore you had taken a slight look on someone’s phone, upon his cadaver.
The day had ended there, the school dismissed halfway through the final class. The student body couldn’t be more thrilled to escape their prison as they grieved Thor’s surprise death in their own ways. As you strode through the halls ignoring the loudspeaker, calling your name to the school counselor’s office, and numerous classmates sobbing against the lockers, you carried on a somber expression. No sound was hearable, no hint of emotions or life within your features as people tried expressing their pity your way.
Wanda’s cheerfulness creepily crawled out as she held onto Natasha’s hand, dragging her away to follow you. They’d get what they wished for, what they had longed for years. It was only a matter of time before they broke you entirely.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
“I’m really sorry about what happened, kid. I can’t imagine it’s easy to lose the two most important people in your life like that. You know, we’re all here to talk about it if you’d like. Me, your mom, your dad, and some of your other friends. You’re not alone, okay?”
And yet it felt that way.
You couldn't muster hearing another word that came from your therapist. Since Kate’s death she had been there every step of the way. Although not by choice, you visited Dr. Danvers twice a week for almost a year. She was nice enough, the sole person who at least pretended to not pity you in a believable manner. But you knew that beneath every ‘sorry’ thrown your way, there was feigned sadness.
“Do you want to tell me more about Thor?” Carol questioned softly. Each bout of words were like a dozen daggers crackling through your skin, a painfully lonely existence without your favorite two people alive. “We can talk about something else if you’d like.”
“It’s fine.” Those were the first words you had spoken upon your arrival – almost half an hour into the session. “I just miss him. I miss her.” It took all your willpower to not break down in front of your therapist. Never would you dare bring yourself to uttering their names again. “He died the day he went away. How is that even possible? I just…I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go back to school and have everyone staring at me like I’m a sad freak. Just the thought of going back makes me think of them. Why did it happen? Why on that day?”
Carol held herself back from speaking, taking a second to revise her verbiage before responding. “Honey it was probably just a coincidence. Maybe someone was playing a sick joke. I really don’t have a good answer for you, I’m sorry.”
All that went through your brain was the image of Thor ingrained, burnt to ashes into your mind. Countless nights had been spent with lifeless eyes staring into the ceiling, boring your misery into your sole safe place. When tormented with agonizing experiences, you simply hid beneath the covers of the bed which shielded you from the outside. Numerous calls and texts from friends and family members had gone unanswered. Not even your parents could do more than to leave a plate of food by your door that was returned half-eaten.
“Do you have thoughts about hurting yourself, Y/N?”
Within the depths of your darkest desires you wished to pull the knife from Thor’s body and throw it Carol’s way. “Are you fucking kidding me? How dare you?”
“It’s just something we have to cover because-”
“Because what? Jesus, Carol, my girlfriend disappeared a year ago and I had to see my best friend dead in the fucking school yard. And the only thing you care about is whether I’m killing myself or not?” The selfishness of it caused your distress to turn to fury as hands turned to fists. She cared about her job before your own well-being, about making sure you didn’t do anything which could taint her reputation. “I’m done with this. Don’t bother about rescheduling for later this week.”
Storming out the therapist’s office, you didn’t pay any mind to a peculiar couple sitting together at the waiting room, a redhead’s arm wrapped around a brunette. When green eyes twinkled, the smaller woman mumbled. “That's our next target. We can have a bit more fun with this one. Let’s make the bitch bleed, shall we?”
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
A gruesome amount of blood coated the horribly sharp beam across her features. Wanda looked down, pleased to watch the pattern her partner followed. She had long memorized what to do, what tools to use, where to carry out such fun, and how to clean up. Never would she get caught with the intricate manner in which the young woman took her victims. Since her rather adventurous adolescence she had grown used to the mesmerizing way a person lost their sanity, their life, at her hands.
“Right there, baby. One across her neck like that,” she tenderly instructed. “Just like I taught you.”
Natasha had come to her in the early years of high school. The firecracker was easily set off by her constant anger targeted at everyone around her, but as a confident force herself, Wanda tamed the beast that lay within the redhead. Little by little she was morphed into a willing pet who, although impulsive, required care and guidance over their fun pastime.
Rather than follow the advice, Natasha kept slapping the knife down on Carol’s chest. Unadulterated fury was thrown over the therapist after she had made you cry. The fixation with you had begun in her younger years, always watching you prance around the halls, a lone-wolf who she knew desired to be claimed. No one dare step up and take what the world knew was rightfully hers. Her wishes were solely to get you on your knees, to push you down far enough to the point you required her support to get back up. She wouldn’t let a lowly shrink and your friend get between that. Wanda only went on with her obsession.
“Don’t tell me how to do it. I’m not an idiot,” Natasha spat between gritted teeth. Her body was coated in a fresh set of scarlet paint. Although she was new to taking such a brutalistic approach to her need for you, she wouldn’t allow herself to be dominated by someone like Wanda. Of course little did the redhead know that she was fully wrapped around her girlfriend’s finger already, their shared grip upon you being far too delicious to let go – the thought of you always fresh in their minds as one got the other off.
“Watch your tone.” While much softer, Wanda wouldn’t dare allow herself to be treated lowly. “Here, let mommy help. Don’t you want to be a good girl for me? Don’t you remember that it was me who showed you how to get your prized puppy?”
“Yes.”
Wanda’s smirk was wide at that. To have both you and Natasha under her control was far too exquisite – she drowned in the power she held, playing god as she took the lives of those who defied her. “Yes what?”
“Yes, mommy.”
As soon as the defeated words were sighed, the thumping against the chest cavity of the blonde was put to a rest. Natasha sagged her head as she ran a palm oozing with blood against her face, humming at the safety it brought her. Soon enough they’d break you; soon enough you’d be theirs.
Taking a life in her hands with a lost one beneath, Wanda, the deity, tilted her head. She ran a hesitant thumb across Natasha’s cheek to take in all the exhaustion carried upon those muscular shoulders, her arms weak as she submitted. The shining promise rings upon each of their left hands signified the momentous devotion towards the other. Long had they waited for freedom.
The separation the two of them had with you was torturous. Unabashed ire was cast upon those who they saw fit to be their lab rats. Nothing but trash which they rummaged through to find the perfect way to have you. Such displaced aggression was only the beginning of their turbulence coming undone.
“There’s my good girl. Now look at how mommy does it, Natalia. Cut her like this.” Wanda allowed Natasha to remove herself from on top the therapist. The taller of the two kneeled before her master, green eyes in a frenzy as they watched on carefully. The previously dull, red blade was substituted by a mint knife coming from Wanda’s side. Although wearing just a plaid skirt, a white button-down, and high-knee socks covered by Converse, she found it to be a perfect outfit. Nothing could compare to the surprise they’d have for you. “See?”
Wanda took her time, exuding patience across the office as she dragged the freshly sharpened blade across Carol’s neck. Choked sobs, her breathing becoming shallower by the second as she could barely take in any air, was music to the young women’s ears. The orchestra that was desperation mixed with ghastly sloshing sounds whenever the skin was punctured was exquisite.
With her chest covered with ruptures, Carol was nearly thrown over the edge, Wanda holding her back so she could spend her last few moments facing harrowing pain.
“That’s beautiful. I like how red it is,” Natasha pointed out as she licked her lips, noting exactly how her partner danced the knife on Carol’s throat – not too deep or shallow. “Is she in pain? How can you tell if this hurts more than what I was doing?”
“You didn’t take your time, sweetheart. You need to go slow, let them feel every single second of it. The poor thing can barely breathe, let alone call out for help. You did good there, but you can’t let yourself get carried away like that. Give your pets special care. Have some fun with them,” Wanda explained as she drew copious bouts of blood from Carol’s neck, the woman losing consciousness as her eyelids grew heavier with the stench of death surrounding the four walls. “The red treat is really yummy too, but not hers. This one is tainted, she hurt our prized possession. That’s why she has to pay. Anyone who keeps us away from our angel needs to suffer the consequences. When we get to Y/N you can taste her. Maybe I’ll even let you take the lead once you’ve had more training. Would you like that, daddy?”
“Yes,” Natasha was breathless with excitement. “Yes, mommy.”
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
With the end of school looming over, you spent your days crawling across the woodboards of the house. Since the unfaithful day where you had to first hand experience the shame of waltzing around the packed hallways wallowing in your own grief, you hadn’t left the safety of the four walls of your bedroom unless it was to go outdoors for a few minutes, gathering food, and simply returning to your cave.
A handful of your other friends had visited. Steve brought flowers and your favorite dessert, Bucky by his side offering a sympathetic smile while handing you a bag filled to the brim with only your favorite foods, movies, fuzzy socks, and even a stuffed animal. Little by little, they trinkled by, but as time kept moving forth, they left you behind.
Thor’s funeral was the only chance you gave yourself to escape the house. Throughout the somber ordeal at the town’s sole cemetery you gripped Jane’s hand, remaining unfazed as she sobbed against your shoulder. ‘Bring him back’, she repeated, the mantra stuck in your mind for sleepless days, arms wrapped around a goat stuffed animal Thor had once won for you at a carnival. The pain which his girlfriend felt, the misery embodied by her pleas and cries over his casket, was an exemplary manner in which the two of you were joined by the hip.
Even afterwards the two of you strode aimlessly around the area, Jane attempting to let out incoherent words of sadness through choked cries, you didn’t have an ounce of emotions that barreled down what you concluded was a cold heart. You didn’t dare cry at the funeral, the rain allowing you to camouflage beneath its wetness and remain hidden in shame. Tears had already dried up when Kate disappeared. You only wished Thor could forgive you for the lack of sentiment that you displayed.
Then yet again it was time to return home to your depressed, ragged, unconscious state.
You parents had long given up on so little as attempting to interact with you. They didn’t have to spew their venomous words for you to realize that being by your side drained them. The agony which you were in was humorous to them. Late nights you find yourself hearing them chat from down the hall in their rooms, mumbling about how you’d be better off moving away, how they were the ones to suffer at the loss of their daughter, not you when never so much as being allowed to say goodbye to your loved ones.
Rather than incite an argument which would not easily culminate, you hid out in your bedroom until the day they set off on their vacation. You were old enough to be alone, and yet you knew that according to Carol it was best to be surrounded with support – the thought of the woman made you frown momentarily, rummaging through the hot mess that had been your last appointment. Oh how you wished she’d answer your texts apologizing for your outburst with the hopes of scheduling another session. Radio silence was your best friend.
In the moment your parents went away, you merely hugged them goodbye. Without their judgemental gazes you allowed yourself to further grow, to explore areas of the house you had barely set foot on during the lowest moments of your life. Truth be told most of your hours were spent on the terrace watching mother nature’s cool dance welcoming the summer – Kate’s favorite season.
When nightfall overtook the town of Westview you sprawled yourself over the bed. The lack of parental guidance gave you the motivation to take everything at your own pace, to sparse out the food through the day, but still make an effort to keep yourself alive. If only your parents didn’t wish to shove a plate of food down your throat every waking moment then perhaps your mind wouldn’t refuse the slightest bit of pasta curated for yourself.
It was a shame, really. Not taking care of yourself only left room for someone to swoop in and do it for you. With a peculiar redhead and a lanky brunette sitting in a heating car outside your home, they volunteered to take the vacant position.
━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━
“Shhh you have to be quiet, baby. Otherwise you’ll wake up mommy and then I’ll have to punish you. Do you want that, sweet one? Oh I don’t think you do. You’re a good girl. I know you can behave for mommy and daddy.”
Stuck in your dreams, the imagined soothing voice of Wanda Maximoff brought you peace. You hummed at it, snuggling closer to your stuffed animal, your guardian, as you pretended for it to be her. She’d be the sole saving grace of your livelihood regardless of the interesting choice of words spewed your way.
“Pretty girl. Just look at how fucking pathetic she looks. Can we start now, mommy?” At the sound of Natasha’s voice, you frowned. The tenderness within it was not lost in you. “I want to destroy her, to take every single ounce of life she has left and make it my own. When can we take her away?”
“Silence, malyshka. We have to be patient with our angel. She’ll come to us when she’s ready. For now we just have some fun, perhaps train her a bit,” as serene as the words were spoken, the devilish nature that lay beneath was a cause for panic. In all your nightmares you had been feasted with images of an onyx creature with a ghostly mask, but never your classmates. It almost felt…real. “Would you like to start?”
Burning hands crossed your body, pulling down the sheets hiding it along with your pajamas. Within the clarity that you face, a groan came. Eyes fluttered across the dark room as you were groped, hips squeezed when a phantom creature danced against you. A bulge settled between your legs, mocking your existence with a different set of gloved hands that wrapped around your throat.
When meeting the two figures upon your bed, breaking the illusion of a dream, you screamed – yet no sound came from your taped mouth.
Your trunks were torn apart, a humiliating wet patch forming upon your underwear that was mocked with insistent laughter. The two ghost-like beasts pulled at it, nearly ripping it off as their pleased noises filled the frightening air.
“Fill her up, sweetheart.” Wanda’s familiar voice instructed, her face, you noticed, covered with the same sinister mask you had once dreamed of. “Show her who she belongs to. After all we’ve done, don’t you think it’s time to have a little reward? Be a good girl and destroy our pet, daddy.”
“Yes, mommy.”
Natasha followed the steps she had rehearsed many times when using Wanda as a guiding proxy. She helped her robes up, plucking the zipper of her pants that lay beneath and swooping them down. A rather large, girthy dildo sprung from the confines of its makeshift prison. It was jerked off by a rather flushed Natasha whose face contorted into a desperate one.
As an audience member Wanda sat back and enjoyed the way her perfectly trained animal rubbed your cunt, all slick and drenching itself more by the second. She ignored your muffled pleas and squirms, using sturdy cuffs to restrain you against the headboard of the bed. You looked much better all tied up anyway.
Wanda found herself enthralled by the fear in your eyes, her own downcast, dark, and dripping with delight. Tenderness touched your wet cheek that was overtaken by tears. Although you couldn’t see her face, the sympathy displayed through the Ghostface mask caused your heart to slow down, to normalize as she overcame you.
“Look at you. You’re nothing but a filthy whore who is begging to be fucked. That’s what I told Wanda the first time we talked about you. She laughed, but it’s true. This desperate puffy pussy is proof of that,” Natasha growled as she swiped a thumb across your slit, coating it with your juices before swirling it against your cunt. Involuntarily your body shuddered; the redhead would never let you live that down. “How many times did you fantasize about this, huh? For mommy and daddy to claim this slutty body once and for all? You’re so pathetic. I’m barely touching you and your little cunt is already this wet. How cute.”
“Oh I want a go at her once you’re done, malyshka,” Wanda hummed, one of her hands landing atop Natasha’s to feel your oozing apex. “For now I think I’ll stick to marking her. Our names deserve to be on our property, don’t you think?”
“Ours.”
Fire trickled across your skin as the tip of the dildo was rubbed against your throbbing cunt. Natasha was desperate to fill you up, so rather than keep her needs at bay basking on foreplay, she simply grunted, slapping her cock against your clit before lining it up against your aching hole.
No matter how hard you tried to moan, it was all for nothing.
A knife was produced from Wanda’s belt swiftly as the way they slipped into your room at night. She sat back watching in awe as her partner pumped her entire cock into your depths, grabbing you harshly until the whole length filled your pussy. Tilting her head, a tongue stuck out to lick her lips. It was far too late to dare remove the tape without alerting the neighbors and potentially being caught – not to mention Natasha’s demeanor would turn sour and her hands would quickly wrap themselves around your neck until your breathing ceased – but oh she knew you’d be so loud for them.
The cool blade of the knife felt wonderful against you. It was hesitant at first, exploring the expanse of your body as you, lying in wait, taking in a deep breath. Nostrils were fueled by pure hypnotic rage. All but your mind gave into Wanda. She was intoxicating, a true image of beauty even covered from head to toe with onyx garments.
Numerous cuts were left upon your body by a blade that resembled those which were twisted upon Thor’s chest, the ones that were later compared to the wounds Dr. Danvers carried on her mutilated body only days after she had brutally murdered, her body thrown across an alley with nothing, not even her dignity, left the cover the humiliation.
“That’s it, you little whore. Take daddy’s cock just like that. Oh you’re nothing but a good fleshlight, huh?” Natasha spewed out, slapping a gloved hand across your face before smirking beneath her mask – an action you practically heard in her tone. “You like it when daddy stuffs your tight pussy with her cock? Huh? A cumrag just for us. I can’t wait until you finally give in. we’re going to ruin this slutty pussy for everyone.”
“Maybe we can fill her up with your pups one day, daddy,” Wanda piped up as she maniacally cut your body. You were adorned with bloody carvings of varying sizes, one of those being a heart with the words ‘Mommy & Daddy’s Pet’ alongside ‘Wanda & Nat were here <3’ right beneath the breasts which she groped. “Do you want to have your daddy’s babies, sweetheart?” The lack of hardness within her voice drove you mad. All you could do was nod, a mind completely blank with the way Natasha fucked you. “Yeah? There’s a good girl. So good for her mommy and daddy. Oh we’ll take such good care of you. Now no one can take you away from us. It’s just us against the world.”
It was the first time you happily felt anything in months.
Bloody breasts were squeezed, Wanda quivering with excitement as she encouraged Natasha to keep going. The innocent stench of your scarlet fluid took the brunette aback. She was drunk in it, desperately wishing to tug at her mask to get a taste. Instead she settled for playing with it, although the gloves preventing the feel of your blood disappointed her. One day she’d drain every last drop within you to manically explore your body.
With a lazy thumb running against your clit, Natasha’s cock stuffing your cunt until you were a sobbing mess, and Wanda’s cheers as she maimed you, you easily give yourself in for the women to take, arching your back and letting out a choked moan once you came undone. And yet that never stopped them. If anything, your admirers had only begun.
Both spent hours merely using your body as though it was another limp mess for them to dispose of, a fleshlight ready to please them. They switched positions eventually, Natasha angling herself perfectly so as to shove her strap on down your throat once taking off the tape to keep you quiet, your juices coating her cock that you tasted, while Wanda gave your gaping cunt the same treatment with her fingers once removing her gloves. Regardless of how long it had passed and how spent you were, you didn’t dare force them to leave.
Their visceral need to own every ounce, every breath, every fiber of your soul drove them to claim you. Watching you from afar, taking pictures, settling for others or each other to hide the itch for you was torturous enough. It was about time they got your attention once and for all that didn’t come from Natasha annoying you constantly to get a reaction, or Wanda sweetly interacting with her soon-to-be pet as a means to hold even an ounce of you.
Once you were barely conscious, heavy eyelids threatening to close as you gargled over Natasha’s dick, it all came to an end.
“Such a good girl,” Wanda mumbled, a hand caressing your face, thumb brushing against a cheek. Although the mask remained intact, you heard her fiery features temper down. “Y/N, you’re a perfect pet just like I thought you’d be.”
“Hmm just look at that. You’re already tainted,” Natasha pointed out as she ran a hand against your nude, fileted body. The bed was a mess, blood drying out among the sheets, your being stuck frozen without a sound coming past your lips. All you did was grunt, throat hoarse and exhaustion overtaking you. With a proud smile, both women were pleased with how far they broke you. “Should we give her the surprise, mommy?”
“The poor thing deserves it. Look at how much she’s been through. Oh don’t worry, sweetness, mommy will nurse you back to perfect health. Then in a few days we can put even more pretty scars on your body,” Wanda giddily announced. Cupping your face, she leaned in dangerously close until her mask brushed against your fallen face. “We have a little friend here who’s been dying to play with you. Be a good girl and say hi.”
From the shadows a third figure arose. It carried the same mask as the others, its waltz slow to the tempo of the swirling air felt through the crack of your window. It simply remained standing at the foot of your bed, a hand waving you a greeting, excitement fueling deep beneath the face covering.
Upon the removal of the mask, your tired eyes widened, Natasha and Wanda having to hold you down from moving with devilish mocking looks upon their faces.
“Hi Y/N.” The voice was once you dearly longed to hear again. “Did you miss me?”
#cthulhus’ fanfics#wanda maximoff x y/n#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff smut#wanda maximoff#natasha romanoff imagine#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff smut#natasha romanoff fanfic#natasha romanoff#wandanat x reader#wandanat#natasha x reader#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff imagine
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Famous Last Words
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader (No use of Y/N)
Summary: She'll never let him believe he isn't loved, even when he doesn't deserve it.
TW: None.
“Be careful. I love you”
She hears the snort of derision he lets out and resists the urge to roll her eyes at him lest she makes things worse. He’s like a cornered animal when he’s upset, all consuming anger to cover the vulnerability he doesn’t want to acknowledge exists. She’s worried the wrong move will make him tell her to ‘fuck off an’ then fuck off som’ more’ like he had the night before.
“Though’ ya were mad at me” He grunts, scuffing the toe of his boot in the pebble-dashed dirt, other leg poised to keep moving further away from her and closer to the run he’s supposed to be going on.
“I am mad at you, you’re mad at me too” She raises an eyebrow before scanning her eyes down, taking note of the way he’s picking at the skin of his thumb; a nervous habit he’s had the whole time she’s known him. He’s nervous, as if one fight will make her leave him, as if she’s going to suddenly realise he isn’t worth the effort. She huffs a small, understanding smile at him “I still love you, and I’m never going to risk that not being the last thing you hear me say”
He pauses at the gate, tilts his head to the side and looks at her properly, sees the way she’s looking at him wide eyed and concerned, the way her shoulders are tense. Whenever they fight he convinces himself he’s being left, talks himself into thinking she doesn’t care and here she is, mad at him, fighting with him and still refusing to let him believe she doesn’t whilst being scared he won’t come back for different reasons.
He strides forward suddenly, twisting his body to close the gap between them and slings an arm around her shoulder, bringing her in to press his lips to the top of her head. He lingers, lips against the hair he loves so much.
“I love ya”
“Be careful. I love you” She repeats, knowing the words have sunk in when he raises one side of a lip fleetingly before opening the clanking metal chain.
-
It was a stupid fight, in hindsight, the kind they probably wouldn’t have if anyone had eaten a full meal for dinner rather than whatever percentage of rabbit there was split between twelve people. Or maybe they would, because they could have twelve rabbits and Daryl would still give his up for someone else, and it would infuriate her just the same that he sacrifices his own wellbeing for them at every opportunity. She suspects it’s only half about taking care of others, and maybe a solid thirty percent just not thinking he deserves care; the other twenty percent she is entirely unwilling to examine.
It was a fight though, one that ought to have been kinder than it was. One that she wishes she could have kept her cool in, but she’ll be fucked if Daryl is the only one who gets to be angry. She stews on it, sitting perched on the solid prison cot, playing it over and over in her mind until she hears heavy footsteps outside the makeshift door. She’d recognise them anywhere, his distinctive gait and well-worn shoes that always scrape on the second step when he’s not trying to sneak. The consideration, even in his unconscious actions, is part of the reason she loves him as fiercely as she does.
She doesn’t get up, doesn’t allow herself to follow the overwhelming urge to rush towards him when he opens the bars and lifts aside the curtain. He bites the inside of his lip.
“’M sorry”
“Me too”
She moves then, coming to a stop in front of him to run her hands over the solid muscles under his shirt, checking him for cuts and scrapes, feels him exhale underneath her palms. He’s always taken by the act, no matter how long they’ve been together or how often he goes out. He remains captured by the tenderness and care she bestows upon him. He is, still, so unused to the kindness, so out of depth when the only gentleness he’s known has been a cover for malice, false sense of security so quickly followed by pain.
“Ain’t sure what I did t’ deserve ya love” He mumbles into the same spot on the crown of her head. The spot he kisses when he fucks her, the place his chin rests when he hugs her after a long day, the spot he’d patted condescendingly when he was too embarrassed to admit he liked her but needed an excuse to make contact.
Finally, after almost twenty four hours of not making contact, at least twenty three too long, she kisses him, presses her lips firmly to his, relishing the way he instantly responds. When she pulls away it’s with a smile, an always fucking present smile he’ll never get enough of, the smile that’s his.
“You don’t have to deserve it, you don’t have to earn it, its just there”
He eats more that night, sitting by the fire running a thumb soothingly on her knee as he takes a well earned swig from a bottle of water. He wants her to see it, wants her to know he's trying; and if he has to trick himself into it by thinking it's for her, caring for himself because she needs him to, then it'll have to do for now.
#daryl dixon#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon fanfiction#the walking dead#daryl dixon fanfic#daryl dixon x y/n#daryl dixon x you#daryl dixon smut#the walking dead: daryl dixon#the walking dead daryl dixon#the walking dead: daryl dixon spoilers#smut#daryl fanfiction#daryl dixion imagine#twd daryl#writing prompt#daryl requests#twd#writing community#daryl x oc#daryl dixon x oc
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(@ AO3. Bucktommy mpreg, cos that's what we're doing now lmao)
There’s no nausea.
No bolting from the kitchen when Melton insists on heating his tuna salad.
No tears, no emotional outbursts, nothing to tip Tommy off until the bell rings and he jumps off his seat, only to have his vision go white and the world tilt into darkness.
He wakes to Lucy taking his blood pressure; to his Captain, of all people, holding his legs up in her lap.
Tommy closes his eyes, swallowing the embarrassment.
.
He thought it was exhaustion.
Tommy knew he shouldn’t–
He caused this.
Ev– Buck had looked at him, all wide smiles and stars in his eyes, and he had gotten up and left, absolutely terrified in the face of the other’s worship.
So, when he began to have trouble sleeping, lost his appetite, began to isolate–
He deserved it. That was punishment.
The results in his shaky hands feel worse than that.
“Mr. Kinard?” Tommy barely reacts besides looking up at the nurse. She smiles back, not unlike a sympathetic wince. “Is there anyone you would like me to call?”
Tommy ought to say no.
He nods instead.
.
The bench is warm from the sun. It could be enough to ward off the chill that seemed to seep into his bones.
It’s not.
Someone comes to a stop beside him. They wait for a beat before they sit, knee knocking into his. “Hey.”
To his horror, Tommy feels tears flood his vision. “Hey.”
Eddie frowns, leaning forward in his seat to try and catch Tommy’s gaze. He looks concerned yet wary, watching him so closely Tommy feels like his skin is being peeled back. “I was surprised when the hospital called me.” He said, eyes flickering between Tommy’s face and the envelope in his hands. “I thought you had changed your emergency contact to…”
Tommy tries not to wince as Eddie trails off. “I nearly did.” He sniffs, wiping his nose with the back of his sleeve. “Had the paperwork filled and everything, but then I thought I wouldn’t want a stranger to tell him I’d died, so.” He shrugs.
“You added me?”
Tommy nods. “Yeah.”
Eddie is silent for a bit before saying, “Well, you’re a fucking asshole.” And Tommy lets a laugh, closely resembling a sob. “Cos I wouldn’t want that either.”
“Sorry. I should probably change it–”
“Don’t you dare,” Eddie glares before his eyes flicker to the envelope again. “Is that what this is? Are you–?”
“Dying?” Tommy asks and Eddie nods, face resolute. He shakes his head, “Not any more than the regular living being.” Before the other can ask, he offers him the envelope.
Eddie hesitates, however. “Are you sure?”
“I, uh.” And Tommy is back to blinking back tears, trying to focus on anything other than whatever his life is at the moment. “I don’t know what to do.” He confesses. “For the first time since I left the military, I’m truly at a loss, Eddie, and I know, I know I hurt Buck and that he certainly got you in the divorce, but. I, uh. I don’t have many friends. I didn’t know who else to talk to.”
Concerned, and more than a little curious, Eddie carefully extracts the envelope from Tommy’s shaky fingers. They’re both silent save for the sound of paper rustling and Tommy feels his heart leap into his throat the moment Eddie seems to stop breathing beside him. “Tommy.”
“My parents got me tested as a child. I believed the paperwork– I never thought to check.”
“You shouldn’t have had to,” Eddie tries to soothe, reaching out to curl a hand around one of Tommy’s wrists.
“I’m forty-one years old,” Tommy chokes out, tears finally falling onto his jeans. He stares as the droplets soak into the fabric. “I don’t– I never expected this .”
Eddie’s face becomes a complicated mess. “Well, if you’re having unprotected sex, what did you expect? A flatscreen?” He backpedals quickly when Tommy stands, ripping his wrist out of his hand. “I’m sorry– I’m trying to lighten the mood–”
“Very fucking poorly–”
“I know, it sounded better in my head– Whoa.”
Tommy blinks and he’s back on the bench, lightheaded. “Oh, uh. Thanks.”
Eddie’s staring at him, the paramedic in him alert. “What else did the nurses tell you?”
“Uh. To set up an appointment with an Ob-Gyn. To– To eat, yeah. My glucose’s low.”
And Eddie just keeps on staring, eyes narrowing. “And they didn’t give you anything while you were inside?” When Tommy shakes his head, he visibly bites back a curse. “Well, c’mon then. I know a place with the best breakfast burritos in the whole of LA.” Eddie pauses, then leans in. “Don’t tell Abuela.”
.
Tommy begins to feel normal around the last mouthful of his second burrito, sighing almost obscenely at the mix of salsa, cheesy eggs, and sausage invading his palate.
The cilantro alone could drag a moan out of him.
He hates cilantro.
It tastes like soap.
(It tastes like heaven.)
Eddie watches him with thinly veiled amusement, sipping at his latte and pushing his last burrito toward Tommy. “You look like you haven’t seen food in weeks.”
Tommy shrugs, already biting into the offered treat. “Haven’t had much appetite, to be honest. Since.”
They fall silent then, sitting in the bed of Eddie’s truck somewhere along the coast. “Why did you do it?” Eddie eventually caves, asking the question that Tommy’s certain had been burning at the tip of his tongue since he got the call. “Buck’s been miserable, and you, well.” He snorts. “You look like roadkill.”
“Hm, flatterer.”
“And you’re an expert at deflecting. Trust me, takes one to know one.” Eddie takes another sip of his coffee. After so long with a fuzzy caterpillar on his lip, he looks strange bare-faced. “Spill.”
Tommy returns his gaze to his food. “I’m sure Buck has told you everything there is to know.”
“From his point of view, yeah. I want to know yours, too. I’m sure you had a reason.” When Tommy stares at him in wonder, Eddie shrugs self-consciously. “I’m not saying I agree with what you did or why you did it– I’m sure your reasoning’s absolute horse shit. Just that it probably made sense to you.”
Picking at the frayed edges of the paper wrap, Tommy considers his words before, “He asked me to move in.”
“I know.”
“He never even told me he loved me.”
Eddie pauses and lowers his styrofoam cup. “Ever?”
Tommy shakes his head, letting out a humorless chuckle. “He found out about Abby and pulled away. Next thing I know, I’m knocking on his door for date night and he’s talking about how confident I am, about how I’m an inspiration for him. Then, he asks me to move in.” Appetite forgotten, he re-wraps the burrito and sets it aside. Picks up his chamomile tea and makes a show of blowing on it, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. “It hit me then that he was infatuated by the Tommy in his head, not me.” He snorts humorlessly. “I barely came out four years ago, Eddie. I’m not confident, I’m just a coward, but Ev– Buck? He has been cruising ahead, speedrunning through his queer experience and I just. I couldn’t keep up anymore.
Tommy sips at his tea and burns the tip of his tongue. He continues. “I realized I had fallen in love with someone who was attracted to a polished, sanitized version of me. I couldn’t– I wanted to say yes. For a second, he asked me to move in, and Eddie, I was so happy. But then reality came crashing down and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take that leap.”
“So, you broke it off.”
Tommy nodded. “Better to do it now and survive the hurt than to have to restart my life when Buck eventually sees all of me and realizes he made a mistake.” He sniffs and mentally blames it on the sea breeze. “I wouldn’t survive it.”
They fall silent again but then Eddie is snorting, shaking his head. “You’re both absolute imbéciles.”
“I know just enough Spanish to know you’re insulting me.”
“Oh, I am, rest assured.” Eddie throws back the last of his coffee before he sets the cup aside. “Buck was, well. Buck. Steamrolling ahead, as usual, I get that, but you? You self-sabotaged, man.”
“I looked out for myself. Maybe that’s selfish–”
“A little bit, yeah. At the same time, it’s self-preservation. Can we blame a hurt animal for lashing out?”
“Therapy is doing you wonders, huh.”
“Yeah, maybe you should consider it.” Eddie bit back. “Point is– You both need to sit down and talk. Tell him what you told me.”
“He needs to know what’s out there, to know for sure what he wants or if this was just some, some bi-curious experiment –”
“Shut the fuck up.” Eddie cut in, finally mad. “I’ve known Buck for a very long time, now, and I can tell you that this is the most settled and sure of himself he has ever been. You’re scared, and I get that, but don’t talk like he’s not a thirty-three-year-old adult, capable of knowing what he wants.”
That shuts Tommy right up and he looks away again, gripping his cup hard enough that some of the tea spills out onto his fingers. He focuses on the scorch rather than the glare burning into the side of his face. “Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s done. We’re done.”
“Not if you reach out to him, especially now.”
Tommy flinches so violently he physically recoils. “No, most definitely not now .” He spats, suddenly angry. Is it the implication, the tone of voice? And from Eddie, no less, for so long defined by the surprise of parenthood. “What are you suggesting here, man? That I– that I trap–”
He can’t say it.
If he says it, it becomes true, doesn’t it?
Eddie, however, has no such qualms. “I’m not suggesting anything, Tommy.” He softens before delivering the blow. “You’re pregnant. You just found out. No one’s baby-trapping anyone.”
“But that’s what’ll happen.” Tommy chokes out and he realizes that the feeling that had lodged itself in his throat since his test results came back was anxiety. “Evan has always wanted a family. He’ll want to be there, every step of the way. He’ll feel obligated, Eddie.”
“And that’s bad, why?” Eddie wonders. “Are you afraid he’ll resent you for some reason or are you afraid you won’t be able to keep up the walls you built around your heart?”
“Both.”
“Talk to him.”
“I don’t know if I should. Not yet.” At the other’s frown, Tommy is quick to explain. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell him– I know I have to. It’s only right and I will do it, but.” He pauses, looking away. He eyes the tide. “There might not even be a baby by the end of the week.”
“Don’t say that–”
“It’s a geriatric pregnancy, Eddie. Never mind genetic disorders, miscarriage rates are through the roof. Know what else is through the roof? My blood pressure.”
“I know, I saw your results. That doesn’t mean there isn’t hope.” Eddie argues, then pauses, considering. “I mean. Do you even want this?”
Tommy stares at him, trying to think of an answer before settling on, “I don’t know.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not saying– I really don’t know. I didn’t even know I was a carrier. It feels like this is a hypothetical situation happening to a hypothetical Tommy, only at the end of forty weeks a whole human will burst out of me, and I will be responsible for them for the rest of my life.”
Eddie’s silent, watching him, before he scoots closer and asks in a soft tone, “Are you scared?”
“I’m terrified.”
And Tommy sobs.
.
By the time his first appointment arrives, Tommy still hasn’t been able to tell Evan.
He keeps staring at their messages, starts to type even, but then– deflates.
What could he even say?
‘Hey, I’m pregnant. Can we talk?’ No, too direct.
‘Hi. We need to talk.’ Too catastrophic, Evan would spiral– not exactly the vibe he wants to go for.
Should he try a meme?
Before Tommy can decide, he’s called by a nurse and soon enough he’s lying on a stretcher, getting cold gel poured on his abs and being prodded in the bladder with the stick from hell.
They’re hard to find because of his muscle mass and so, so tiny but they’re there, wiggling in the small monitor.
He's eight weeks pregnant.
He's due in the summer.
(He hopes with all his heart he gets that far.)
When he can finally pull his pants back up, his eyes are red and swollen, and the fast drumming of a tiny heart keeps echoing in his ears, two printed sonograms in his hands. One, Tommy will keep.
The other, he will give it to Evan.
He schedules his next appointment before he leaves, unaware of Maddie Buckley-Han’s narrow-eyed gaze locked onto him.
.
“You’re welcome, by the way.”
Tommy rolls his eyes, elbows deep in soapy water. “Am I?”
Eddie takes the bait, narrowing his eyes. “I did you a favor by taking his phone away. Or would you have been ready to talk to Buck had he called you today?”
“I guess we’ll never know.”
“–You’re a bit of a bitch, anyone ever told you that?”
“Hm. What was it you said the other day? Takes one to know one?”
Eddie tips his beer towards him, trying not to grin. “Touché.”
They fall into a comfortable silence, interrupted only by the sound of rinsing dishes and pages being turned. When Eddie closes the small notebook and Tommy wipes his hands on a rag, he asks, “So, what’s the prognosis, doc?”
Eddie mock glares at him, poking the rows of neat results Tommy diligently writes down every day. “All good, so far. Blood pressure seems to fluctuate a bit, but nothing too serious. Glucose levels could use some work, however.”
At the other’s pointed stare, Tommy crumbles. “ You keep bringing me banana bread.”
“I am not physically capable of eating all the loaves Buck thrusts my way–”
“Then why bring them to me if you’re gonna bitch at me for my sugar levels?”
“Cos, I keep expecting you to take them with you to Harbor, not eat them all!”
“Since you began bringing me these, toasted banana bread is literally all I can think about. Nothing else compares. Do not fucking judge me, Diaz–”
“– What in the actual flying fuck .”
Tommy does not think.
One moment he’s arguing with his friend, the next he has a frying pan in hand, ready to face the intruder that had made his way into his house with nothing but cast iron and Muay Thai.
Ev– Buck just stands there, eyes flickering between the pan and Tommy and Eddie. He narrows his eyes, nostrils flaring, and repeats, “What the fuck .”
“How did you get in?” Eddie asks, looking like a deer in headlights.
“Still have a key. Why are you here?”
Eddie seems to take a second to formulate a reply before what escapes him is, “Why can’t I be here?”
“Oh boy,” Tommy murmurs, lowering the pan.
“Why can’t– What – He broke my heart –!”
“And he was my friend first, or did you forget you nearly broke my ankle over his dick –”
“Guys–” Tommy tries to interrupt but quickly shuts his mouth, being glared at by the other two.
“You know I’ve been wanting to reach out,” Buck argues, shaking the phone in his hand for good measure. “You wouldn’t let me! You never even told me you kept in touch!”
“What would you have done if I had?” Eddie barks back. “I couldn’t even say his name the first week because you would pout and scowl your way into a corner!”
“I do not pout,” Evan snaps, bottom lip jutting out in what was clearly a pout.
Nerves fraying, and frankly growing tired of all the shouting in his own goddamn house, Tommy bangs the pan down on the countertop with finality. The others instantly shut up, eyeing him and the potential weapon warily. “Buck,” He tries not to wince at the glare now turned on him. “Why are you here?”
Buck hesitates, looking between him and Eddie before he seemingly decides his best friend can wait to receive a piece of his mind. To Tommy's confusion, he walks further into the kitchen and then rounds the island, stopping and staring at him rather than using his words.
Tommy shifts, uncomfortable and feeling more exposed under Buck's scrutinizing gaze than he ever felt while naked with the other man. Eventually, the other’s entire posture shifts and, to Tommy’s surprise, goes soft . “–You look so tired .”
“Uh. Thanks?” Tommy tries to laugh it off, exchanging a confused look with Eddie.
Then, Buck pulls the rug out from under him. “Are you taking prenatal vitamins?”
Tommy stares, stunned into silence while Eddie lets out a small sigh.
He thinks of deflecting. Of making a joke, throwing in a finger gun or two, but his body betrays him, refusing to let him run.
He's frozen and clammy and Evan's eyes are so sad –
He nearly misses the stool behind him.
There are voices around him, but they're garbled– it feels like there is cotton in his ears, in his brain, he can't think . There's only all-consuming anxiety.
–And pain.
Oh shit, there's pain –
Tommy hisses, pulling back from the knuckles digging into his sternum. “Sorry,” Eddie apologizes, not sorry at all, eyeing him carefully. Tommy slowly becomes aware of his other hand, tightly wrapped around his wrist with a thumb pressing into his pulse point. “You okay?”
“How did you know?” Tommy asks instead, looking over Eddie's shoulder at Buck.
Buck fidgets, looking like he wants to shove Eddie aside and take over. “Maddie's pregnant,” he explains. “You share the same obstetrician.”
Tommy sighs with his whole body, feeling the sting of frustrated tears at the corner of his eyes. Of course, he thinks. Los Angeles and they just had to share the same doctor.
Nothing could ever be easy for Tommy.
“I didn't know you were a carrier.” Buck continues.
Tommy huffs out a weak laugh, watching Eddie as he pulls back and goes fishing for his blood pressure monitor. He couldn't look Evan in the eyes anymore. “Neither did I until– until .”
“When did you find out?”
“Two weeks and four days ago,” Tommy replies almost automatically. Should Buck ask, he could even give him the time.
(One tends to remember every detail when one's life fundamentally changes.)
(Thirty-eight past eight in the morning. Tuesday. It was sunny, as it often is in LA.)
“When did Eddie know?” Buck asks, and ah. He’s angry. He’s pissed, in fact.
Tommy closes his eyes and rubs his face with both hands, pressing the pads of his fingers into his eyeballs until he sees stars. “I’m sorry,” He eventually mumbles. “He’s– He’s my emergency contact. I didn’t know who else to call after.”
He feels rather than sees Buck sit on the stool beside his. “You could have called me .”
Tommy looks up then, squinting at the other as his eyes clear up. “Would you have picked up?” He asks, beginning to match Buck’s resentment. “Had I called you two weeks ago, would you have taken it?”
Buck holds his gaze for a beat, then two, before he finally looks away, anger fading partially into resignation. “I don’t know.”
“There’s your answer, then.”
“I still deserved to know.” Tommy scoffs out a laugh, shaking his head, but Buck doesn’t let up. “Or didn’t I? Cos the timeline– It’s mine, right?”
“Wow,” Tommy stands then, trying and failing to hide the hurt the question caused. He vaguely hears Eddie mutter a soft ‘ dios mio ’ to their left. “I– Wow .”
Buck seems to realize his mistake as he quickly jumps to his feet as well, eyes wide. “Not– Not that I’m implying–”
“Well, you just fucking did .”
“I’m sorry,” Buck continues, visibly upset. “I didn’t mean– I’m putting my foot in my mouth.” He pauses, trying to reign in his emotions. He takes a deep breath, “I never thought you cheated. I know you would have never cheated on me, that’s not you, but– Maddie’s been weird. Looking at me, waiting for something. Imagine my surprise when she asks me today why haven’t I told her about you and– and a baby .”
Tommy just shakes his head, blinking back frustrated tears. “Buck–”
“Stop calling me that!” Evan finally snaps. It echoes throughout the small kitchen, resonates in Tommy’s ears, and for a moment he considers just walking away, locking himself inside his bedroom and waiting for everyone else to just leave.
“Buck,” Eddie says, a warning from where he’s standing nearby, monitor in hand.
“I realize I have been far from perfect,” Evan steamrolls ahead, beginning to pace. “How– How I was going too fast, how I failed to see you were beginning to struggle to keep up, how I never realized that the communication we prided ourselves on having was lacking cos you didn’t even know I fucking loved you .”
“Buck,” Eddie tries again.
“I couldn’t have known something you never bothered to tell me,” Tommy snaps back, standing and straightening to his full size. They were the same height, he and Evan, but Tommy was still broader, yet to lose muscle mass from having been ordered to stop strenuous workouts.
He uses it as armor.
“You could have talked to me, come to me with this!”
“And said what ?! There you were, putting me on a pedestal like some fucking paragon of gayness when you had literally just found out how much of a fucking coward I had been for far too long! I lied to myself for decades, broke Abby’s heart in the process, and barely managed to put my puzzle pieces together when you walked into my life! You were practically the only serious relationship I had ever had, the only one I saw a future with!” Tommy yells, heart in his throat. He desperately wants to stop, cease the torrent of information he had never shared with anyone but himself, but he finds he can’t, far too keyed up to stop now. “But then you basically describe the person you’re infatuated with and fucking newsflash, it ain’t me! I am not confident,” He stabs one finger in the air, “I am not comfortable,” Another finger, “and I most certainly am not worthy of anyone’s bloody admiration! I am a fucking mess, Evan, and at that moment I realized that you didn’t know me, only the idealized version in your head! So, tell me, how could I have said yes to you? How could I have stayed, knowing one day the pink goggles would fall off and you’d realize you made a mistake?! What was I supposed to do, then, a year, five years, ten years down the road? Rebuild my life from the ashes of what would have been my forever?”
“Tommy,” Evan breathes, swallowing back tears.
“I’m sorry I broke your heart,” Tommy apologizes through gritted teeth, paraphrasing the other’s words from earlier. His hands are shaking and there’s sweat running down his back, but he can’t stop, won’t stop until Evan understands – “That I broke both our hearts, but had I taken that leap, you would have killed me. I couldn’t– I couldn’t risk it.”
“ Tommy –”
“I– I can’t–” Tommy pants, realizing too late the adrenaline is choking him, is burning him from the inside out–
He tilts, and all he can think about is that it’s becoming a fucking habit.
.
Tommy wakes up to something cold in his neck, staring up at his kitchen’s ceiling.
There are cobwebs on the wooden beams.
Huh.
He should clean that up, sometime.
“Tom?”
Tommy blinks, still out of it. “Evan?”
Slowly, he realizes that he’s lying on the tile, head cushioned in Eddie’s lap. His legs are being held up by Evan and Tommy’s hit with deja vu so strong his head spins. He tries to move and realizes maybe it isn’t just the deja vu. “W’happened?”
“Blood pressure shot up,” Eddie says, pressing the cold compress he’s holding to Tommy’s temple. “Your body shut down.”
Tommy’s heart jolts and he tries to lift a hand, finding it stuck by the monitor’s sleeve. “Is it–”
“Palpation’s good,” Evan interjects, squeezing his leg. He looks tired now, no longer itching for a fight. “We caught you before you hit the floor.”
“Good. Thanks.” Tommy breathes, relief flooding his veins. The emotional toll tugs at him and he swallows against the knot in his throat. “I’m sorry.”
Evan visibly bites the inside of his cheek to keep his face in check. “I’m sorry, too.”
There’s a lull. The fridge hums to his left, Evan sniffles occasionally, the monitor beeps periodically– Tommy feels like a stranger in his own skin.
When the sound of velcro rips through the quiet as Eddie removes the sleeve, he finds the energy to speak again. “I never meant to keep this from you.”
“Tommy,” Eddie warns.
“I know,” Tommy sighs. He’s not planning on blowing up his lid, again. If anything, he feels empty, having released all the pent-up tension within him. “Just. It wasn’t malice. I was waiting.”
Evan frowns, confused. “For what?”
“To make sure there would be anything to tell.”
Evan keeps frowning, confused before he exchanges a look with Eddie, and it clicks. “Tom.”
“It was one of our first conversations.” Tommy continues, “Kids. I know you wanted them, and would want to know about this one, but– I’m old. I never even knew I could grow life. My body keeps betraying me,” He confesses, curling his hands into fists. The cold of the tile is seeping into his bones, mocking him. “I can’t fly anymore. My Captain has me grounded at the station as a glorified clerk, I can’t watch games anymore because my heart tries to beat its way out of me, I can’t work on cars because of the chemicals, and I am stuck walking loops around the neighborhood cos I can’t even run –”
“You’re scared,” Evan interrupts. “I get that, I can understand that, but you seem to be missing a key factor, here.”
“I am?”
“I’m not here just because you’re pregnant with my baby. I’m here because you are pregnant with our baby.”
Tommy pauses, and wonders if he’s still out of it because, “I don’t understand.”
Evan carefully lays his legs on the floor and scoots a little closer. “Tommy– I’m saying that I care .” He pauses, looking like he’s waiting for Tommy to understand. He flaps his hands in agitation when it becomes clear he isn’t getting his point across. “About the both of you. I want to be here, and I wish I had known sooner, not just because I’m worried about whether or not this baby will make it past the first trimester but because I’m worried about you , too. I don’t– I don’t want this if it means you’re at risk, Tommy.”
Tommy’s silent for a bit, staring at the other man.
He takes in the furrow of his brow, the worry overlapping his frustration– His heart on his sleeve. He realizes he’s crying when Evan’s expression shifts to mild panic and he feels Eddie awkwardly dab at his cheeks with the compress he’s still holding. “Don’t.” He eventually gets out.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t give me hope that I get to keep you both.”
Evan stares down at him, incredulous, before his eyes harden and Tommy thinks, Oh. This is how it finally ends.
“Eddie?”
Eddie hums, trying not to show how awkward he feels, stuck between his bickering friends. “Yea?”
“Can you give us a minute?”
“ Gracias a Dios , yes–”
There’s a flurry of movement that has Tommy dizzy again but before he can protest, Eddie runs out of the kitchen and Evan takes his place. Warm, calloused hands cup his face and Tommy has the fleeting intrusive thought that his neck’s about to be snapped. “Tom,” He begins, thumbs rubbing against his cheekbones and wiping away tears and cold sweat. “Back at my apartment, you said your piece. Today, you did it again, but now ? Now, it’s time you listened . Earlier? I said that I loved you. I lied.”
Tommy holds the other’s gaze, despite the urge to run. “You don’t have to twist the knife–”
“Shut up,” Evan interrupts, then keeps going. “I lied. How? Cos it’s not past tense. It’s present tense. I love you. I never stopped. That night– You said a lot of bullshit, okay? About– about me finding myself, about you not being my last? I’m not even going to touch on how biphobic that sounded.”
“I’m sorry–”
“I’m not done. I may not have vast experience when it comes to dating men, but that does not mean that I can’t know what I want. I’m an adult, Tommy. I know what I wanted then, I know what I want now– And I want us . It doesn’t matter that you’re a guy; it matters to me that you’re you , and yeah, I jumped the gun– got ahead of myself and scared you off. Perhaps I had my pink goggles on, even, but you know what? The goggles are off, now.” Evan smiles, but it’s almost a wince, too. “You broke up with me and it hurt . I baked my feelings so much I could have opened a small bakery.”
“Your banana bread is great.” Tommy chokes out.
“Thanks, I got more at– Wait, no , stop interrupting me. I am still not done.” Tommy nods, gesturing at the other to continue. “You know why I baked? So I wouldn’t contact you. Every time I got the urge, I put everything into those cakes, and– I could have done anything . I could have redecorated, painted the walls, gotten into a new hobby– but you had a sweet tooth a mile wide, and even mad at you, I wanted to be close to you, somewhat. Then– I saw you bubbling me, today. I watch you type, type, type, and then just– give up.” Tommy saw the other’s throat bobble as he swallowed. “I wanted to call you. Eddie stole my phone. After our shift, I went to Maddie’s to vent… And then she told me she saw you, and all I could think of was how bad I must have been as a boyfriend if you were hiding this from me or thought you couldn’t tell me about it.”
“You weren’t. I just–”
“–Were scared.” Evan finishes for him and Tommy nods. “I get that now. I get why . And I’m sorry, for ever making you feel inadequate. Maybe… Maybe we’re still a little stuck. On that day, our official first date.”
“With the bad coffee?”
“Yeah,” Evan huffs out a laugh. “I said we didn’t know much about each other.”
“Practically everything.” Tommy smiled back.
“I still want to change that. I know that I want something, and I know now that I definitely want it to be with you.”
“And I’m definitely still interested if you’ll have me.” Tommy sniffled. He couldn’t believe his luck, yet… “I– have a condition, however. Two, in fact.”
“Anything.”
“First, I need you to tell me that you’re not just saying all this because I’ve got a bun in the oven.”
Evan sobers up then, expression softening. “I’m not. I meant it– I love you , and that comes before any proverbial baby. I’m here for you, first and foremost.”
“I just don’t want you to feel trapped.”
“I don’t, but now I have to ask something of you, too.” Evan leans in, brushing the pads of his fingers across his jawline. “You need to start trusting me. I know – I know it’s hard and it’ll take time but– Believe me when I tell you I care, okay? I’ll say it as many times as you need, just– try . Or talk to me when it gets hard, okay?”
Tommy nods. It’s nerve-wracking and he’ll have to work at it every day, but he’ll try. “Okay.”
“Good. Now, what’s the second condition? Maybe Eddie should have been here, be a witness–”
“Second condition is– please , slow down.” Evan blinks and then laughs, and Tommy feels the world flood with color he didn’t even notice was missing. He had missed this; the other’s laugh, the other’s warmth – “Too much?”
“No, but– Tommy . We’re having a baby. We’ve reached Mach speed.”
Tommy reaches then, taking hold of one of the other’s hands. Slowly, but purposely, he rests them over his stomach and feels Evan hold his breath. It’s reminiscent of how Evan had held his hand at the café all those months ago, and he blows a breath, hoping in his heart of hearts that this time– the third time is the charm. “Humor me?”
Evan blinks and then he’s leaning in, pressing their lips together.
Any other day, Tommy would be making a joke about upside-down kisses and all the pop culture Evan is still missing, but today? Today, he keeps his mouth shut and lets himself float on the feeling of wanting and being wanted back , flaws and all.
Evan pulls back, tears on his lashes. “Yeah,” He breathes, grinning. “I can do that.”
.
They make it past the first trimester.
The baby and their relationship.
.
Twenty-eight weeks later, Mabel Buckley-Kinard breathes her first.
(give me kudos and/or opinions)
#bucktommy#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911#911 abc#bekasstrife#tag:fanfiction#everyone was either writing copter crash or mpreg#and i have already done chopter crash lmao
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I just read a post about how Palamedes began to understand that cavs mix with and imprint on the souls of their necros because of what Alecto got from John, and I like that post, but I don't agree with it's conclusions.
I don't agree that what John got from Alecto was rage. John had rage. He had it in abundance. Anyone who's ever cared about anything the way he and his acolytes cared understands that rage. One does not secure for themselves a suitcase nuke without a bit of wrathfulness in their heart, you see. Everything we hear from John paints him as deeply self righteous, and deeply angry.
And I don't agree that what Alecto got from John is love. Alecto had love. Alecto had great love and fascination for the Earth and its creatures, retains great love for those which living people no longer remember, regards human beings as one creature amongst many, but always with fascination and curiosity. In Nona we see that to love is not simply human – to love is the will of the Earth, and to love almost indiscriminately, to give even the devouring wrath of another planet that same deep love and sympathy.
No, what John and Alecto gave one another was much simpler than that. John gave Alecto humanity. Deeply unwanted, singularizing humanity – he trapped that nigh infinite power and wisdom and emotion, that deeply inhuman complex state of being, in a human body inspired not even by humanity itself but by a non-living effigy of idealized womanhood, and gave her the name of an avenging goddess. That was what he wanted her to be.
And by the same token, Alecto gave John her inhumanity. Earth is not a person, it is not singular – she is more vast and complex than any living being could ever be. The nearly inarticulatable way Nona experiences life as a corporeal being, nearly folds in on herself from trying to remain so small, is indicative of the life Alecto has been forced to live ever since John trapped her like this, devoured her whole with the gift she gave him.
There's something very fitting about the cannibalism metaphors that spring up in The Locked Tomb – namely that one of the reasons why cannibalism is viewed as a taboo act is because it involves reducing someone with the same ability as yours to think and feel complexly to the role of animal, and consuming them. We ascribe the act of consumption to what we view as lesser beings. In devouring the souls of their cavaliers, necromancers become something more than human, something immortal, something Worse.
When John ate Alecto, he was not devouring a lesser being. He wasn't even devouring something like himself in its ability to think and feel. He was devouring something with a greater ability to feel than he had the capacity to fathom by such orders of magnitude that the act itself is perverse.
He was a man devouring the earth.
John became a god because in coming into contact with Alecto's soul, he lost the part of him that showed him his place in the universe as a singular piece of a whole species. In attitude, he remains a self righteous, wrathful man completely immune to all attempts to dissuade him from what is now a centuries long lost cause. But in affect, he is a god. The power and disaffection of a planet contained within one man.
Alecto was born angry, but not because that's how she's meant to be. John perverted the natural order, made the Earth his literal toy, to serve only how he, in his hubris, thought she ought to be, to feel only how he thought she ought to feel. That's how humans tend to think of the Earth, right? As something fundamentally unliving. An object, maybe a force. Not a soul.
But in Nona, even she came to understand that she was so much more complicated than a sword, or a doll. Alecto has now lived within two human beings – and you're right that in one of them, through contact with their soul, she remembered how deeply and profoundly she loved living things.
The soul that reminded Alecto how she, as a planet, loved (loves, still loves) was not John.
It was Harrow.
#the locked tomb#locked tomb#nona the ninth#harrow the ninth#gideon the ninth#want to cover my bases if people are avoiding spoilers#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius
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guilty as sin
You're a dedicated nurse who loves their job even when it means taking care of stubborn, battle-worn pro-heroes (or maybe especially then). Aizawa Shouta x gn!reader. Set between S6 & S7. Fluff, slight angst with comfort. SFW, 2k words.
The sterile scent of antiseptic fills the air as you walk down the pristine white hallways of Central Hospital. The raid against the Paranormal Liberation Front had left the medical facility overcrowded, understaffed, and bustling with activity. You yourself had been working tirelessly for the last 24 hours straight to care for the numerous injured heroes and civilians.
Exhaustion weighed heavily on your shoulders, your feet dragging slightly with each step. Your shift was supposed to have ended hours ago, and you were more than ready to clock out and get some much-needed rest. However, there was just one patient left to see.
You knock at the door.
"Good morning," you greet the man lying down on the bed. You don't have the strength to muster a smile, but that's okay. He doesn't seem to either.
Instead, he gives you a familiar nod. "Good morning."
He was a brooding, reserved man of a few words. With dark hair and even darker eyes - well, eye, the other being wrapped in bandages - he looked more tired than you some days. You can't fault him for that though. You knew he had been at the front lines of the battle that day and had paid a heavy price for it.
He sits up as you come closer, approaching his bedside. The room is quiet, save for the soft beeping of the machines monitoring his vitals.
"How are you feeling today?"
He shrugs. "I've been better. I've been worse."
"I can see that," you nod, noting the way his complexion is less pale and his hair less unruly today compared to the past week. You open the blinds for him, warm light streaming into the dim room. “More sunlight ought to be good for you.”
“Mhm,” is all he says, blinking up at the bright, blue sky out the window.
You take that as your cue to go about your usual tasks silently, adjusting his IV, checking his bandages, writing down his vitals.
Then, out of the blue, he says, “You’ve been working long hours lately. You should get some rest.”
"Believe me, I will. Just as soon as you're taken care of first."
"I'm fine,” he responds in a clipped, dismissive tone of voice.
“Fine or not, it's my job to make sure you’re comfortable and healing properly. You went through a lot, losing an eye and a leg. Frankly, I’m not sure we should go through with discharging you tomorrow.”
He heaves a tired sigh, “Like I said, I’ve been better, but I’ve been worse, too.”
Frowning, you sit down on the bedside chair and take a moment to look at him. Despite his stoic facade, you can see the toll all those years of being a hero have taken on him, especially the past few weeks. The dark circles under his remaining eye, the weary lines and scars etched into his face. The worried, pained look that lingers even when he's trying to relax.
"You know, it's okay to admit that you're not feeling great. From what I've been told, it seems like you've been through hell and back."
He shrugs again, leaning back against the pillows with a wince that he tries to hide. "It comes with the job. If anyone deserves your concern, it's my students."
“It must be hard, seeing them fight in a war. They’re just children, after all.”
He nods grimly, his mouth a tight line. "And because of this—" he touches the bandages covering his eye "—my quirk is pretty much useless now, especially on the villains we’re up against.”
He doesn't say it, but you can hear it in the tightness of his voice, his clenched jaw, his hands fisting the bedsheet. You know what he really means: “I'm useless now."
You want to reach out to touch him, maybe place your hand atop his, but you're not sure if he'd welcome such a gesture, especially from someone he's only known for a short time. You settle for a few sympathetic words instead, folding your hands in your lap.
"Aizawa-san, do you honestly think your quirk is the only thing that makes you a hero? You've done so much for your students, for so many people. You're a mentor and a role model to these kids. I'm sure they trust and look up to you more because of this, not less.”
He looks at you for a long moment, that same unreadable expression on his face.
"I appreciate that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t protect them the way I used to."
"Maybe not, but even without your quirk, you have your experience, your wisdom, and a heart that cares deeply for them. That's more than enough."
Instead of responding, he stares silently up at the ceiling. You don't push him, resigning to let the moment simply stretch out. After all, this is the most you've ever talked to him the whole week.
As he gets lost in his thoughts, you find yourself mentally tracing the contours of his face, where the sunlight bathes his skin in a soft, warm glow. It accentuates the strong lines of his jaw, his nose. Softens the look in his dark eyes.
You take a quiet breath, surprised by the fluttering sensation in your chest. It's an odd time and place to notice something like this, but you can’t deny there's a certain rugged handsomeness to him.
You shift your weight, feeling a little self-conscious about your own thoughts. It’s unprofessional, you chide yourself, to think of a patient this way. But the inexplicable attraction you feel for the man before you is unmistakeable.
Aizawa turns slightly, catching you off guard as his eyes meet yours. When he finally speaks again, his voice is softer, almost contemplative.
“It's strange. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have cared what happened to me in the line of duty, whether I lived or died. But now...I want to live for those kids. My kids.”
You manage a wobbly smile even as your heart aches at his words. "Your students are lucky to have someone who cares about them so much."
“You remind me of them a little bit.” He lets out a low chuckle, the sound rumbling softly in the quiet room. “Determined, stubborn, always insisting on helping.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” You ask, tilting your head to the side.
The corner of his lips quirk up, and the realization that he might actually be teasing you sends your heart aflutter.
“Mostly good,” he murmurs. “A little bit troublesome for me though.”
“Yeah?” You bite back a smirk. “You’ve been a bit troublesome for me, too, you know.”
He raises an eyebrow, leaning back against the pillows. “Is that so? And how do you propose I make it up to you, then?”
Maybe it’s the huskiness of his voice, the quiet intensity of his gaze, or the faint smile tugging at his lips, but something about him in this moment makes your stomach freefall. And you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him, passionately and spontaneously, as if afraid to see sense.
You know you shouldn't indulge this, should put a stop to this train of thought before it gains too much momentum. You’re thankful you manage to keep your voice steady despite the rush of blood pounding in your ears.
“Well, Aizawa-san, you could start by taking me out to dinner. Dealing with a patient as stubborn as you has its price, you know.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and you wonder if you’ve made a terrible mistake. But then his gaze flickers down to your lips before meeting your eyes again, and you feel your breath hitch. He tilts his head, his expression thoughtful yet guarded, as if trying to read between the lines of your playfulness.
“I suppose,” he concedes softly. “But you might find that I’m not as interesting as you think, Y/N. I’m just a man who cares about the people in his life and does what he can to protect them.”
"That's exactly what I like about you.” Your voice drops to a whisper, your hand lightly brushing against his.
He groans softly, and you feel a blush rise to your cheeks at the sound. He rubs his hand down his face, seemingly weighing his options.
It’s not too late, you assure yourself in a rush of anxious thoughts. You haven’t crossed any lines you can’t go back on, haven’t overstepped the delicate boundary between patient and nurse, between flirtation and something more.
“Will you let me kiss you at the end of the date?”
Oh.
The line is a dot now.
You swallow hard and — heart pounding in your chest, everything else spinning dizzyingly out of focus — you rush forward to close the distance between you, pressing your lips urgently against his.
The spark you felt before intensifies into an electrifying current now, racing down your spine as he tangles one hand in your hair and another holds you by the nape. He tilts your head back to kiss you deeper, his lips hungrily exploring yours, and you feel drunk on the pleasure of his touch, the intoxicating scent of his skin and his aftershave.
The softness of his lips contrasts with the roughness of his stubble, sending shivers of delight coursing through you. His mouth is warm and inviting, and you lose yourself in the sensation of his kiss, the way he breathes you in, the quiet sighs of pleasure that escape both of you.
Your mind spins with the realization of how much you’ve wanted this and how many ill-advised daydreams you’ve had of him these past few weeks. When you finally break apart for air, you keep your forehead pressed against his, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours. The sound of your blood rushing in your ears drowns out the rhythmic beeping of the machines around you, and for a moment, the world feels narrowed down to just the two of you.
“I-I’m sorry,” Your breath comes in ragged gasps. Your fingers gingerly touch your lips, which are pursed in surprise. “That was reckless of me. I shouldn’t have.”
Aizawa blinks at you, his dark eyes wide and dazed, like he’s trying to process what just happened. He licks his lips, a gesture that sends a fresh wave of warmth through your body.
“Do you…” His voice is husky, tinged with uncertainty. “Do you regret it?”
“No, of course not,” you say quickly, shaking your head. “I only regret not doing it at a better time.”
His eyes widen slightly in surprise before softening, the tension in his shoulders seemingly melting away.
"Good," he murmurs, reaching for you, his thumb cradling your jaw and tracing small, soothing circles on your skin. “Because I’d like to do it again—”
He presses a soft, lingering kiss to your cheek.
“And again—”
He brushes his lips teasingly against yours, feather-light and promising of more.
“And again.”
The admission sends a thrill through you, a rush of joy and excitement that makes your pulse quicken. "All the more reason to look forward to dinner, I suppose. After you get better, that is."
He chuckles softly. "Shouldn't be a problem, seeing as how I have an excellent nurse taking care of me."
"Mmmhm. Speaking of, is there anything else I can do to make you…more comfortable before I leave?” You can't help but ask, a playful lilt in your voice.
He captures your lips in a delicate kiss, so sweet and tender, like a dream barely skimming the surface of reality. You've finally calmed down enough to hear the sound of his heart rising, betrayed by the loudening beep of the machine. His hand trails down your arm and he laces his fingers with yours, smiling against your lips.
“I can think of a few things.”
#thinkin bout him again#we're soooo back babyyyyy#MHA s7 you have my whole heart#ty bones and horikoshi for blessing us with this man#aizawa shota#bnha shota aizawa#shota aizawa x reader#aizawa x reader#mha aizawa#bnha aizawa#aizawa sensei#eraserhead#aizawa imagine#aizawa shota imagine#aizawa shota x you#aizawa shota x reader#aizawa shota x y/n#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#aizawa shouta#aizawa shouta drabble
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Hey, I see you're looking for Alastor request to write him better.
Could I get Alastor x F! Reader where they're constantly flirting with each other until someone shouts just kiss already which takes Alastor off guard enough for the reader to sweep in and kiss him, then as he kisses back she gets dragged off to is room. The rest from there is up to you :)
Inspired by the writings of F. Scott Fitzgerald
"Do you think I ought to bob my hair, Alastor?" Y/N asked the distinguished demon by her side as they shared a few drinks at the hotel's bar. Husk busied himself by wiping some glasses, refraining from rolling his eyes as the pair continued with this back-and-forth.
"I'd look rather darling with such a hairstyle, don't you think?"
"An absolute dream, my dear," Alastor responded, regarding her more intently than usual.
He wasn't sure what it was, but something about her was especially vivacious that night. Perhaps it was the way she seemed to make a bit of effort to be on his level for the dinner-dance the hotel was hosting to celebrate its grand re-opening. Like with many of the antics that go on in the place, Alastor stood passively by, subtly scaring those who came close to him.
Then he spotted her.
He liked how becoming the dark red dress she wore was and how It set off her unnaturally shadowy eyes. Let's not forget about the way her hair glistened so! It was almost like the stars were woven into it.
"You know, back when I was alive, having such a hairstyle would be considered immoral, sinful," Alastor remarked, shamelessly reaching out to twirl a few strands of her hair around his sharp nails. "It was a sure and easy way to attract certain attention."
She took in the way his eyes floated towards hers, but not before making their way up slowly from her legs. Had he been anyone else, she would've disregarded his remark with a brutal slap (perhaps with something worse if she were in the mood). But this was the Radio Demon she was speaking with.
She knew she had him right where she wanted him the moment she stepped in. If her attire hadn't drawn him in, then it was definitely all the attention she gathered from the other party guests who would offer to dance with her. Each one that would head her way with enthusiastic determination would have Alastor's eye twitch before he finally decided it was his turn to cut in.
After that, she was his and no one else's. After all no one would dare be stupid enough to steal the Radio Demon's dance partner.
"Well, it's a good thing we're in Hell then," Y/N said, going as far as laying a hand on the normally touch-aversed Alastor's knee. In this case, however, a glow settled almost imperceptibly over him.
Their eyes met completely, and they stopped talking entirely as they stared at each other. It wasn't until an irritated voice intruded on their space and made the glow fade away.
"For fuck's sake, will you two just get it on already?!" Angel Dust screeched from the Y/N's other side. "This was amusing for a while, but you've been dancing around each other all night. The party ended hours ago, and you still haven't even kissed yet."
An awkward silence followed this. Alastor looked at Angel, eye twitching once more. He wouldn't understand that a classy lady like Y/N deserved to be wooed properly. She's, no doubt, heard every practiced line known in this side of the Pentagram. And she certainly wouldn't react well to such bold actions like hot kisses and heavy petting.
Alastor opened his mouth to explain as much when Y/N grabbed a hold of his face and placed a big kiss on his lips. He would've been more shocked had it not felt like such blissful oblivion. It was better than any glass of rye he had ever drank. He kept a stronghold of her, his claws piercing the small of her back while his other hand took hold of her hair.
They eventually released one another, going back to looking at each other.
"Forgive me," she managed to say between heavy breaths. She kept her bold smile on as well as a tight grip on his lapel. "You've got an awfully kissable mouth."
And with that, the glow returned along with a desire to finish this upstairs.
"About fucking time," Husk uttered, watching with Angel the way Alastor dragged a giddy Y/N to his room.
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