#literally all my problems would be so much easier to deal with if i had friends

[cats-in-the-clouds]

it is unfortunate when i go to prayer and cry my eyes out and the only response i really hear is that i simply have to bear it. like usually i can get my emotions out and once they’re settled i hear a rational solution but it sucks when i don’t get the answer i want. i just have to keep waiting. like normally i hear something that gives me strength but wow apparently i’ve hit a new low

[mewtwoandme]

I was hoping this would all blow over, but since it's continuing to happen, now with people attacking other artists of the commewnity. I'm putting out my two fucking cents! Cause this whole art/character theft and pointing fingers, who stole what from who bullshit it driving me up the fucking wall!!

Long story short, it started with me and one other blog whose name I won't mention publicly. Despite the horrible light they tried to paint me in, I don't want anyone going to this person and ganging up on them. This person had some serious bitterness towards more "popular" artists and claimed that I've made characters similar to theirs and once used a pose they apparently used before (which was a very common pose, considering it was a reference from the game version of mega Y). Since then, they had desperately tried to conjure up evidence, narrowing down to the most miniscule detail how I've been stealing from them when I hadn't even known their blog existed until I was forcefully thrown into that unnecessary drama with the unhinged call-out posts they've made. With this being said, I'd like to point out that they never came to me or addressed this concern with me in the first place. They had every opportunity to privately DM me if they had suspected I was "stealing," but no, simply because they already made up their mind that I was a thief, that was a good enough reason to lack common fucking sense and decency, making what should have been a private issue public, going on to villainize and dehumanize me. And apparently, it hasn't stopped with me either, cause recently I've been seeing other artists in the community having to deal with this where people are being white knights on high horses, pointing fingers on how one artist's mewtwo looks "the same" if not "totally identical" as another artist's mewtwo. I refuse to believe it's a coincidence. But what makes me disgusted is that since TC's post, apparently it's had the opposite effect on some people and they're hopping on this blame bandwagon like it's some damn media trend!!!

This is NOT okay! Nothing about this kind of behavior is funny! It's upsetting to all of us. We dont need you causing problems where there isn't any, thinking you're doing us a favor! The majority of us are adults for gods sake! We are old enough where we don't need other people coming to us being tattle tails saying this person did this and that. That's what little children do! If you suspect any form of theft, I think I speak for ALL creators in this commewnity that we'd prefer you DM us privately saying something like "Hey, I think this person is copying you, might wanna look into it." And if possible, provide a link to the art in question, for which we would kindly thank you for making us aware and we'll handle it ourselves from there. Just a brief, yet SIMPLE interaction...that's all we ask!!! Don't even come at me with "Well, it's scary attempting to talk to an artist that's well known." Or dare I say ~pOpUlAr~ If you claim that taking the first step to send me a quick DM makes you nervous, yet you have no problem making public call outs in posts or asks, belittling and degrading what could actually be innocent artists doing nothing wrong, literally leaving yourself open to all kinds of comments and opinions from all kinds of people....I'm sorry but your anxiety isn't as bad as you say it is then, if being rude and ignorant in a public post/ask is easier for you. If you come to us, shaming someone else who 9/10 probably isn't doing anything wrong, thinking you'll be in our good graces for doing so, sorry, you're not going to be told, "Good job!" with a pat on the back and given a lollipop! You're just being an asshole.

Quick reality check for everyone who's made it this far before I end this train wreck of a rant:

People can have similar ideas that coincide with one another! There's only so much you can do when a whole community is focused around drawing the same character! We mainly draw mewtwos and mews, you're bound to find a plethora of similar colors, patterns, and designs because of it! Creativity only goes so far when trying to stay true to a character and not stray too far. It's not a crime to take inspiration from other artists' characters, we actually encourage this! It makes us feel good that you liked something we've done and you want to incorporate it into your own designs! It makes us happy that we inspired you! The line is crossed when someone does a literal copy/paste of a character down to the exact detail, and they call it their own original creation. That my friends is what stealing actually is!

[bokunokamijirou]

I recently had a tooth removed and my dentist advised me on many things but what I found funny was her saying "no kissing for a month" I found myself wondering how a couple would deal with this.

A scenario with LoV X Reader reacting and dealing with the news of no kiss for a month XD + them taking care of the reader

I love your work <3

oh i looove this one!! and thank you <3

NO KISSES FOR A MONTH!

ft. LoV

Shigaraki

He doesn't believe you at first, he thinks you're punishing him for something. Until he tries to kiss you and you wince in pain, then he's like o h, you're serious.

Then he subtly takes care of you. He comes home one day with ice packs and heating pads to help with the swelling. He makes the rest of the League deal with freezing and heating them up, but he always delivers them directly to you. He won't let you lift a finger unless you have to. He puts Kurogiri in charge of assisting you whenever you need it while he's gone, which barely happens bc he never wants to leave your side when you need him. He falls asleep on a couch next to your bed during the day, and always ends up spooning you at night <3

Dabi

He's PISSED about no kisses. He pouts about it literally all day. But when you start to complain about how in pain you are, he drops everything to help you. He'll hand feed you your meds and he'll tell Shigaraki he's off duty until you're better. He refuses to leave your side, such a needy guy. He makes you soup because that's easier to eat, and he'll blow on it to cool it down before feeding it to you - and yes, he indeed does feed it to you on a spoon. He'll keep you warm and safe, no matter what.

He's not great with the no kisses rule, so he kisses your forehead and nose and temples frequently. He just can't help himself. <3

Twice

He understands no kisses but he also DESPISES it!! He personally wants to talk to the dentist and tell them off!! But he also wants to shake their hand and thank them for taking care of you. In regards to that, he's somehow both the most gentle and the most distant. But he explains to you it's only because he can't stop himself from wanting to kiss you whenever he sees you! Still makes sure you know how loved you are, waits on you at every hour. He worries about you so much !! <33

Toga

Oh no kisses? No problem for our vampy girl! She gives you love in so many other ways. She cuddles and holds you, basically carrying you throughout the house starting when you came home from surgery. She's adamant that she can take care of you - almost to a fault. She starts to forget to take care of herself a little bit. You make sure to cover her in blankets when she passes out from exhaustion, and you end up taking care of her more than anything. <3

Spinner

He's a sweet guy, so of course he's not going to tell you how upset he is about not getting to kiss you. He looks disappointed at first, but then he realizes that means he has to show his affection through other ways. He taste tests all your food first so that they're soft and smooth enough for you to eat. He spends the days in bed with you playing video games while you rest, and he always ALWAYS makes sure that the room temperature is perfect for you. <3

Compress

Oh he's absolutely the most dramatic about it. While he understands you must heal, how can he NOT smooch those lips??? He spends the entire time trying to figure out a way to kiss your lips without it hurting you. Him and his silly magic - he actually attempts to hypnotize you just so that he could get away with it still - but he remembered how worth the wait it would be to be able to kiss you without you being in pain. He spends the rest of the time entertaining you with his whimsical stories <3

Kurogiri

Kissing isn't really a big part of your relationship, so he doesn't care entirely about that. What he DOES care about is how much pain you're in, and he wonders if he can transport the pain away from you. He hates seeing you sad, and does his best to take care of you. He brings you to the prettiest mountaintop to pass the time while you heal. He sets up a picnic for you both and you sit in silence together, happily. You're kinda glad you had surgery! <3

Magne

She's a bit mad about it, but she gets over it quickly when she realizes that the sooner you heal, the more kisses she'll get! She also waits on you hand and foot, she's sure to make sure to try and anticipate your needs before you even know what they are. If there's one thing she's gonna do, it's protect you from the stupid shit you usually do that causes you to get hurt (tripping is the number one thing). She will rush in to catch you everytime, and call you a ditz while kissing your cheek and carrying you to wherever you were headed! <3

[couldtransitionsaveher]

NAKAMOTO "SHIRO" TOSHIRO from DUNGEON MESHI

JUSTIFICATION:

"- Shown to have been uncomfortable with male gender roles since childhood, sensitive & feminine to the point that the girls she was friends with poked fun of her about it, and her governess literally terrorized her into giving up her interests in cute bugs so she could spend more time training to fight (she was not enthusiastic.) - The most repressed and shy person to ever live, constantly forcing down all her own desires and interests just to live up to family + societal expectations... - But the first time she expresses any real wants of her own as an adult is when she meets a girl with huge transfem vibes (Falin) and develops a huge unrequited crush she has no idea how to deal with non-awkwardly (which in turn has led an insane small number of fans to treat her like a creep for just having a crush on a girl despite being consistently respectful, considerate, and not at all pushy?? even her haters must subconsciously know she's trans, that's how they know to be transmisogynistic lmao) - Her single attempted friendship with a man was a whole mess because they couldn't relate to or understand each other at all (mostly for cultural reasons but lbr the fact that she has no genuine interest in traditionally masculine subjects and the man in question very much did had to have been part of it), but seems to have a substantially easier time communicating & getting along with women whether or not they're from the same cultural background (her best & seemingly only close childhood friend, Hien, was a girl, and she has no problem getting along with even more brash, blunt women from sharply different cultures like Namari) - Her entire character arc is about how she needs to learn to stop putting herself under insane, unhealthy pressure to live up to family & societal expectations, repressing and rejecting anything "weird" in the process, and should learn to express & advocate for her own feelings and wants instead. Give Her Estrogen it would be narratively sooo fitting & coherent I believe this in my heart - Vibes. There's just something so transfem about getting your first crush at 25 because it's the first time you met another girl who also thinks bugs/crustaceans/etc are cute and nice actually" - Anonymous

Reminder: Submissions are always open! Submit here!

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[sameschmidtdiffname]

Peeta as the smallest of 3 brothers definitely had to resort to dirty plays like biting in his youth.

First off, you're right and you should say it. Second off, Peeta being the youngest is 1000% a dynamic in his relationship with Katniss once they start to recover.

No bc listen. I was the youngest of three siblings and while we never got into physical fights I learned QUICK how to use my mouth to win what battles couldn't be fought physically because my siblings would 100% go to jail for trying to rock a 3 y/os shit. So Peeta was running his mouth religiously around the household. Can't tell me otherwise. "If it weren't for the baby??" Girl, he was biting AND flappin his lips. 100% would get pinned to the ground by his brothers and be like "wow I feel bad for your girlfriend" before getting his shit rocked. He'll offer them tips inbetween punches. "Aim for the throat. Wow, you're still pathetic."

Second, Katniss is the eldest, Peeta is the youngest in their families. Once they're more secure in their relationship, Peeta is 100% causing fun! problems 24/7. She's stressed the fuck out she's gonna come home one day from hunting again and half the house is repainted with all of the furniture just shoved into one big pile away from the drying walls like "WHY DID YOU DO THIS??" "bored :))" because he's so dangerously intelligent, I'm thoroughly convinced he's a practical fucking moron. He probably had to create his own entertainment as a child, he's used to being ignored. If he gets an idea to rearrange the furniture, he just does it. Katniss and Haymitch both have to intervene with how much this happens because Katniss complained about it to Effie once, and Effie started rambling about this thing called "feng-shui," and now Peeta is completely obsessed and will spend several hours to the point of obsession planning with Effie not just his decor, but literally fucking everyones, and Katniss tried to warn Haymitch "Hey, we need to fucking stop this," and Haymitch just said "get out of my house." But now Haymitch is too sober to deal with the constantly changing furniture, and why is this idiot painting his ceiling, and can you please pick up a hobby that doesn't involve majorly changing the layout of our houses? Peeta says no. Katniss instead comes home to Peeta having several geese chasing him at Haymitchs training. He's been waiting for an excuse to reveal this.

She stops feeling bad for needing his constant comfort once he starts biting her out of boredom. Oh, come on. You can see it. He would absolutely look at her arm one night and go "you look nice :))" before taking a giant fucking bite that makes her question every decision she made from age 16-18. There's a solid minute where they just sit in their bed at a standstill. She's holding her book in shock, he's just frozen still biting her. She says "What the fuck" he says "nostalgia :))" to which she's further confused and slightly terrified. She learns how to duck. He learns how to lure her in easier. Post-canon angst + comfort is cute, give me chaotic Peeta torturing his wife who just wants five minutes of peace but secretly adores her dangerously clever idiot of a husband

Imagine when they have kids. That woman is gonna go from "peetas baby!" To "your child."

He likes tossing the motherfuckers in the air. He's the kinda dad who will take off RUNNING with the shopping cart, shove the thing as far away as he can and just wave "bye bye! :))" to the baby inside of the cart that's laughing wildly while Katniss is just chasing this fucking thing down through the store like it's the quarter quell all over again and everyone else is just watching like "Jesus Christ he's doing it again." It gets worse when Peeta collaborates his children with the attacking geese to use against Haymitch when he tries to prevent him from repainting his ceiling again.

[cameronspecial]

hi hi hi i saw ur requests were open, no pressure ofc just wondering if u could do smth like rafe (established bf) giving reader the silent treatment for like weeks and shes so confused because she doesnt know what the hell she did to piss him off so she decides to confront him about it and just angst -> fluff yk??

also i literally love you and your fics so much u dont understandddd <3333

Miscommunicated Silence

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Sex in The Beginning.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.9K

A/N: You are literally the sweetest. You made my day and I love you too, anonymous. I know Rafe isn't pissed at her, but I can't imagine Rafe being mad at Y/N for any reason because he gives me such she can do no wrong vibes like how he is with Ward.

Masterlist

Rafe’s head throws back in pleasure as his dick spews his hot seeds into the condom. His arms grip Y/N to him as they both come down from their high. She carefully lifts herself from him and goes to get some clean clothes from his drawers. “Where are you going?” Rafe questions, expecting her to stay the night. She comes over to give him a peck on the lips, “I want to stay, Rafey. But I have an early meeting tomorrow morning and my house is closer to work than yours. Plus, we both know that if I stay here, I’m going to run late because of that tongue of yours. Bye, I love you.” “I love you too. Drive safe, Baby,” he calls out, watching her leave with a soft look. 

———

Y/N has been trying to text Rafe all week but he hasn’t been answering her at all. Every time she sees him in public, he somehow doesn’t see or hear her and then disappears when she gets close enough to him. She tries meeting him at Tannyhill, yet he is never there according to his various family members. She would be more worried if she didn’t know that he is ignoring her. His text receipts, only on for her, shows that he is reading them. In all their years of dating, Rafe has never gone more than twenty-four hours without talking to her. So she isn’t sure what she could’ve done for him to give her the silent treatment for a week. It couldn’t be because she had to leave after sex last week because it wasn’t the first time one of them decided to sleep at home after sex because it was easier for them the next morning. 

Her anger towards the way he is icing her out finally over takes her and so she’s had enough. “Y/N, Rafe isn’t home,” Wheezie tries to argue, but Y/N knows it is not true. His truck and his bike are in the driveway and she knows Kelce and Topper are playing golf without him, so he couldn’t have been driven somewhere by them. Y/N gently nudges her way inside, “I know that isn’t true Wheez, I need to talk to him.” Wheezie doesn’t stop her as she runs up the stairs toward his room. She throws his door open with a slam to find him shirtless on his bed, scrolling through his phone. His annoyance flashes through him as he looks up to yell at the person. He freezes at the sight of his angry girlfriend. “I don’t know what I did, but we are never going to fix anything if you keep ignoring me,” she yells, placing her hands on her hips. She waits for a response and her anger grows to fury when he doesn’t answer. She violently shakes her head, “Are you really going to continue this childish game?” 

She stares at him and he can only return the stare with a hint of pleading she isn’t sure what to make out of it. “You know what? If this is how you deal with your problems, then maybe we shouldn’t be together,” she spins on her heels, storming toward the door. With her back to him, she doesn’t see the tears and panic cross his face. He rushes forward, wrapping his hand around her wrist. It is gentle enough that she can break from his hold, but as she turns to yell at him, she can see the pain in his eyes. This causes her to worry. If he is willing to show emotion to her at this moment and still not say something, then something must be wrong. His mouth opens, “P-Please don’t go.” The words that come out are so low and raspy that she wants to get him to a doctor immediately to check on him. “What’s wrong with your voice?” she worries, placing her hands on his cheeks. He holds his finger up and goes to get a notepad and pen from his desk. 

It takes him a second to write on the notepad before he hands the pad to her. I lost my voice this week. “Why didn’t you tell me? Or at least answer my texts. You don’t need to talk to do that,” she questions, giving him the pad back so he can respond. I was embarrassed about why I lost my voice. And texting always leads to phone calls with you. You know just talking to you isn’t enough, I love hearing your voice. “How did you lose your voice?” He gives her a sheepish look and then writes the answer down. I think I lost it when we had sex last week. I must have been too loud. She giggles at his words, looking up to see him looking away. “Aww, Rafey. Don’t be embarrassed. I think that’s hot. I love it when you are loud for me. It lets me know that I am making you feel good,” she explains, wrapping her arms around his neck. He brings his head to her neck and gives it a kiss. She plays with his hair to help stop his tears from spilling. He pulls away from her and writes something down. I’m sorry I ignored you, but please don’t break up with me. Y/N gives him a soft look and then a kiss on the lips. “It’s okay, Rafey. I forgive you.”

[hyperfixatedbastard]

Hi i hope you doing well. I have a resquest... more like a headcanon. What if Adam was a dad ? What his behaviour will be ? Does he be a good or a bad father ?

I understand if you don't do it. I don't want to force you for something you don't want to.

Dadam (Dad!Adam) Headcanons

we bringing out the daddy issues on this one boys

WARNINGS: none

A/N: I haven't done a headcanon type of post yet, but they're easier to write than regular one shots and I'm too tired for that shit. The request didn't specify what kind of Reader (spouse or child), so I just went with general headcanons that don't specify the Reader at all. Insert yourself as you wish!

Also, thank you all for your patience! It's been very busy for me lately and I've been too exhausted to write much, so expect a lot more of these kinds of posts (the formatting is easier and I don't have to write a bunch of dialogue lol).

Dividers

As the father of humanity, Adam had...a lot of kids. The guy lived for 800+ years just populating the earth. That's a LOT of kids. We all know how the first two turned out. That is, not fuckin' well. To be honest, I don't think Adam valued his children. It was just kinda... a thing he had to do. (When Abel died and Cain got exiled, he fr just went and had another kid to replace them.) But I am in deep, deep denial and this is for my enjoyment as someone with severe daddy issues. So fuck all that.

At first, Adam is 100% the guy that freaks the fuck out when he finds out he knocked someone up. That man is SWEATING. He's actually pretty chill if it's someone he's in an established long-term relationship with, though. He still freaks the fuck out, but to a significantly lesser degree and with a much smaller chance of up and leaving. Once he's over the initial shock, he's shocked to find that he's kind of excited. Back when he was alive, having kids was just normal because it was such a common occurrence.

This man knows every little detail about pregnancy and infants. With the amount of kids he's had? He has seen it ALL. Sure, all his information is thousands of years old, but knowledge learned through experience is super valuable when it comes to this shit! He doesn't know what the fuck a uterus is, but he knows exactly how to make his partner the most comfortable, how to deal with cravings, etc. If his partner has a problem, he's got a solution. It might be a fuckin' weird one, but it works! He'll probably grumble and complain, but he doesn't actually mean it. Bitching is just his thing, y'know? But... pregnancy hormones + Adam's douchebag-ness = feelings getting hurt. If his partner starts crying because of some shit joke or complaint he made? He's scrambling so fast. "Shit, babe, fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, fuckfuckfuck, don't cry—"

Once the baby is born, he definitely surprises literally everyone but his partner by actually doing helpful shit. Changing diapers? Easy fuckin' peasy (he does watch a tutorial online because he doesn't know how tf modern diapers work but he's a fast learner) Feeding? No problemo. Getting up in the middle of the night to do both of those things? His sleep schedule's already fucked, this shit ain't new.

When it comes to parenting and raising the kid, though... that's definitely where Adam struggles. He'd struggle with bonding. A lot. Adam mostly talks about things that you really shouldn't say around children, much less bond over. I think he'd be better at just letting the kid ramble while he's just sitting there, fully engrossed in whatever bullshit his child is saying. He's not just passively listening with little 'uh-huh's and nods, this man is active in the discussion. Have you ever heard a small child speak? They say the most random shit ever, and Adam would love it. It's peak entertainment to him. Even if it's just incoherent babbling, he'll have full-on conversations with this baby.

He'd definitely have some shared interests as the kid gets older. I think Adam's favorite shows/movies are a mix of action movies and shit like Power Rangers. He's not ashamed of it either—'fuck you, the Power Rangers are fuckin' cool.' This also goes for video games. I know that man is a toxic COD gamer boy and you can't prove me wrong. Basically, the only thing that keeps him from becoming one of those husbands that locks himself away in a man cave to play video games is the fact that he can game with his kid.

And once they get into school, he just gets really invested in the drama. Elementary school drama is such bullshit, and it'd be the best reality TV he's ever seen. "Oh, don't tell me—it's that bitch Cindy. The fuck did that little shit do this time?" He'd be gasping like it's a damn soap opera. 'Oh no she didn't!' kinda vibe.

He'd talk so much shit around his kid about the parents of their classmates, the teachers, anyone. Then the kid would repeat it and Adam would get sat down in the office with his kid like: "Your child said, and I quote, 'My dad says your mom's a bitch.'" "What? She fuckin' is." And yeah, he's not wrong - some of those parents are fucking nightmares.

If his kid got in trouble for fighting, his reaction would depend on the situation. If it was unprovoked and/or a part of bullying, he'd originally laugh it off but would be freaking the fuck out internally. He's probably a little traumatized by what happened with Cain and Abel. But if the fighting was an act of defense (whether of themselves or someone else) he would be the proudest dad ever. Fist-bumps his kid in the office in full view of the principal.

You cannot trust this man to give his kid the sex talk. It just will not go well. Like, if his kid needs advice when they're older (basically anything beyond 'where do babies come from') then he's your guy, but it's still gonna be awkward and uncomfortable. He'd probably have Lute handle most of those issues just so he doesn't have to know about his kid's sex life but can still trust that they have a responsible(?) adult if they have questions.

In terms of where Adam is lacking as a parent, there's a few areas in particular to focus on.

Emotional availability? Not his strong suit. At all. He can't deal with his own feelings, let alone his kid's. Most of the emotional support will be coming from his partner. That doesn't mean he doesn't try. But he can't show it with words all that well. He'll show emotional support in other ways—quality time, gifts, and acts of service for the most part. Like going out for ice cream, watching a movie, etc.

He's not good with discipline. To him, everything's no big deal. If his kid hasn't killed their sibling, that's good enough for him! Generally, his partner will choose when/how to discipline (with Adam's input ofc), but Adam's job is to just enforce it/not overrule it. He's 100% the type to be sneaky about it tho. If his kid is grounded, he'll go out with them to give them a break from being stuck in the house, y'know, stuff like that. Because of this, his kid forms a closer, different kind of bond than with Adam's partner. It's more friendly, I guess is the word? Like, his kid won't go to him for actual helpful advice, but if they fuck up somehow or are in a bad situation that they kinda got themselves into (drinking, car accident, etc.), then Adam is the parent they call.

I think Adam's peak parenting era would be when his kid is a late teen/young adult. 'Cause then he can actually be himself, for the most part. His personality is not very kid-friendly, so once his kid isn't really much of a kid anymore—he is so fucking excited. His relationship with his kid would be a lot more unconventional as they grow older. Like, he's really close with his kid once they're an adult. (totally not basing this off my relationship with my mom) His advice would be shit, but he'd give it if his kid needed it!

Definitely the type to text his kid more often than most parents. Mostly because he texts more like them and has the same sense of humor. Lots of shitty memes.

Also!! I think Adam would definitely make time for his partner. Date nights are a must. His kid better get comfortable with sleepovers at friends' houses or getting babysat by Emily 'cause he ain't letting parenthood fuck up his sex life.

I think that's all I got. Not sure how to end this so uh... shoutout to all you bitches with daddy issues lmao

Taglist: @little-miss-chaoss @fakeguysarehot @3sire-777

[thenightisland]

in various conversations with my doctor about the insane life changing effect adhd meds have had on me one of the things he said was that it's not uncommon for people who have dysthymia/pervasive depressive disorder to have undiagnosed adhd at the root of the problem. and i think we forget that like. major depressive disorder is supposed to be something that eventually stops. it's episodic. like even people with depression very often are not in a state where it's just like. every day is a misery virtually nonstop for 15+ years. but with dysthymia/pdd it very much so is. which you can have pdd and mdd both at the same time too which is evil but anyway. it is wild enough conceptualizing that there is in fact a difference between the two things bc i very much so got depressed around age ten and just. never stopped. and when you live like that for the bulk of your life you just sort of get used to it? like it sucks but you just assume a degree of that is normal. so even on several antidepressants i never once aimed for "not depressed" i was always aiming for "mildly less miserable" i had just accepted that i would always be a degree of miserable and that my default was going to be feeling bad and if i was very lucky there might be a few days where i felt a little less bad now and then. the goal was "bearable misery" which is nuts to type out like wow! bleak!

anyway something i noticed when they started me on the adhd meds was that all the Racket in my head just. stopped. for weeks i just said to people "it's so quiet in there" because i didn't have dozens of loud competing fast thoughts all the time. and it took a while to pin down why this effect made me less depressed and worked better than literally any antidepressant had. and it's bc it /stopped thoughts/ and when i was depressed the Thoughts did not stop and they were not pleasant ones so i'd get stuck in these awful mental doom spirals and nothing i did would make it stop. and then this medicine made it stop. and it turns out it's much easier to not be sad when your brain doesn't have the Sad Channel turned up to high volume and is forcing you to deal with it clockwork-orange style. bc historically it was like oh god do we really have to do this again do we have to listen to the you will always be alone and unloved and nothing you do will ever be enough and your life will never be fulfilling in any way spiral again?? do we really have to i'm so tired. but now that channel is muted. a lot of channels have been muted. no amount of cbt/dbt techniques or various other therapy tactics had ever managed to mute those channels before.

and it's just insane it's like the thing about how stunned people with chronic pain are to learn that the normal amount of pain for someone to experience on an average day is none. it's just that but emotionally. bc even with the challenges i still have for autism reasons, most days now i'm fine. the emotional pain is zero on an average day. i now understand what people mean when they say "i'm having a bad day" bc there's a difference. but you see. all my days used to be bad. all of them. even the "good" days involved a degree of visceral emotional suffering and dread. and you don't realize how pervasive the bad is until the bad is the exception and not just an ordinary day.

i do not sit around consumed by the same thought patterns and doom spirals and mental quicksand now i'm just going about my day like an ordinary person and it's amazing how much less life /hurts/ and that's the only way i can think to put it is that every day used to hurt and it doesn't hurt now. past-me was incapable of conceptualizing a life where my baseline wasn't "profoundly and painfully sad and aching at all times" i was 100% prepared to just live like that forever!!!! and now if i have a bad day that's all it is an outlier i thought people in movies were just doing a bit when they had a "bad day" and the solution was just have a big piece of cake and cry a little and go to bed early and you'll feel better tomorrow bc i never felt better tomorrow! now i just feel better tomorrow if i have a bad day! most days the emotional pain scale is a 0/10.

like this is so long already but those of you who have been around for a long time you know how nuts this is for me. and i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason even bad things and for a few years i've been like huh wonder what the reason is for the whole getting beaten in the head thing though. well. it exacerbated the working memory issues. and it got on my goddamn nerves. so i asked to try this medicine so i could remember to get my soup out of the microwave. and then it fixed all the problems that have plagued me since i was a small child. and now i'm able to conceptualize a day to day life that isn't just Hurting all the time when i once thought i would never do anything but hurt.

[pokegalla]

I can’t believe I did a whole series for this but did NOT do one for my small chested people- 🥲 so thank you for the idea. This one is for you!

Request by @bloodofvoidx

How Touchy Can They Be In Public With a Small Chested S/o!

Dream:

* ……Listen I know yall love Dream but he has no room to talk shit about small chests when his Ecto is just as small- then again he would never. He’ll always find you beautiful! …..but he does feel a little relieved. Maybe even less insecure…

* Shopping for your size is tough too! Especially certain outfits. Seriously you just want one outfit where your boob actually fills the area. But it’s even funnier when Dream tries on outfits with you, having the same problem as he’s trying to help you. At least you get a laugh in together!

* In private he LOVES teasing your chest. Giving it lots of butterfly kisses and praising it. He really loves how beautiful you look. Oh but if you EVER feel negative about your chest? Oh honey he’s gonna spoil you and praise you until your head spins! And oh trust me it will not change if things decided to escalate~

* In public, he respects your space but that doesn’t stop him from whispering sweet words in your ears. “Yknow I saw this adorable lacy nightgown…it’s a little see through but I’m sure you’d look adorable in it…~” Sly lil guy-

* It’s hard to resist seeing how red your face can get✨

Blue:

* He is not an innocent guy- a sweetheart. But not innocent. And hell yes he loves all types of chests. And yours will never be an exception-

* His hugs never change but his nuzzles are WAY more obvious and deliberate. God forbid you wear an outfit with a low cut down your chest. He’d sneak so many glances. And if you are comfortable with it (always important to make sure S/o is comfortable 😔✨) he’ll wrap an arm around your shoulders and let a hand stay near your chest. Just gently caressing you lovingly.

* In private he is much more comfortable to simply nuzzle into your shirt. Quite literally I mean. Bro would duck into your shirt just to be closer to you. Smooching your torso and face. He can’t help it! You are so adorable! And he thinks your chest is the epitome of adorableness✨ he does get a little carried away though….dont be surprised if he leaves a few playful marks~

* He’s a very honest guy. So much so that he’s a little too blunt. Now normally it’s not a big deal as it’s actually a little refreshing. That is until he says some shit like this “Yknow last night you looked really cute in that bra! I almost wanted to keep it on while we-“ you had to cover his mouth. You love him but man he is comfortable around you.

* Then again he makes you comfortable too. And that’s what matters most!

Ink:

* Here this lil shit goes. You already know what you signed up for with this guy- don’t get me wrong. He can be sweet. But he’s still a big gremlin (other then his height-)

* He’s not afraid to touch your chest in public. The problem is with smaller chests, it’s a bit….harder to reach. So he’d try to hug you from behind, reaching around you to the front….and he has to be on his toes just to reach. Safe to say that embarrassed him more than you. Even funnier if he misses and you tease him. He might be deterred now but he’ll keep trying!

* At least in private it’s easier. Looser clothing, laying and sitting down, he can always have free access✨ though sometimes the little shit is like “Well why don’t you just walk around without a shirt? It’s not like it would make a difference-“ please smack him. He is teasing though. He just wants an excuse to see your pretty chest✨

* Other than teases, he’s actually very silver tongued. Would give you the sweetest compliment then throw in a suggestive comment as he leans in close….just to gently flick at your chest and run. This childish little man-

* Oh well. He’s certainly your childish little man. Better run after him before he gets away!

Killer:

* You thought he was gonna change and NOT be the worse one?! This is a true man of culture here. Size truly does not matter to this man. As long as he can INDULGE✨

* His menace like ways will actually double with a small chest. Trailing his finger down the middle, not quite doing anything bad but that smirk just screaming out what he really wants. Even does a little flick at the nip if you decided to wear no bra. You are not escaping that guy’s gaze-

* In private he is just more chill and more bold- when cuddling he just squishes them like squish balls. His excuse is simply that they fit perfectly in his hands and are perfect stress relievers. You can’t complain with the science ok? 😔✨ besides I doubt you are complaining when he decides to give you a little reward right after~

* And his teasing is despicable- he’s a bold guy. He genuinely gives no fucks. The moment he’s in the mood, he’s already getting you into the mood. Even worse if you have an easy access shirt- you guys end up having to sneak away. “Heh….i knew you couldn’t resist it cutie~ now be good and stay quiet for me~” still evil-

* But at least he has his sweet moments too! He can’t help but love everything about you after all! You’re irresistible to him!

[writingmeraki]

project : get the guy — enha hyung line smau.

project one : this is literally targeted hatred.

synopsis : chaos ensues when you're assigned to do a project with the four supposed "cool kids" of the university and even more chaos when apparently one of them likes you, just that you have no idea who. warnings : cussing, bit of baby slander (?)

word count : 2.4k

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"L/N Y/N."

Confusion flooded you as you thought Jungwon had called you but he wasn't in your class.

Keyword being thought.

You looked up from the bent position you'd previously been in due to texting on your phone and your eyes widened when you finally realized who had called you.

Now, Mr. Jeon was in no way a mean teacher, most of the time how he dealt with students was pretty lenient, so you couldn't help but feel guilty when he caught you doing not-so-fit for college things.

Which was right now.

Clearing your throat, you shoved your phone quickly into the side pocket of your bag firstly to make sure it wasn't what got confiscated.

"Y/N, tell me am I that boring for you to put your head down for almost 15 minutes."

Mr. Jeon looked at you while glaring and you scanned his face wondering how he had the patience to deal with students this early. It would certainly make his life easier if he chose another job but then again who were you to judge his career choices when you didn’t even know what you wanted to be?

Mumbling a small yes under your breath, you stood up and you smiled at him, one where your molars were grinding against each other.

"No…sir of course not! I was just…a bit unwell."

“The health center is always open, if you feel unwell, you can go there.”

If it were any other student, they’d probably be insulted and embarrassingly sit down. But you were not just any student especially nor was he just any professor.

You shrugged and were about to grab your bag, anyway ready to ditch the class. But he glared at you so harshly, that you just sat down quietly, not wanting to push his limits. He might just fail you, Jungwon’s words flashed through your mind.

“Sorry sir. I'll pay attention.”

You said it softly, biting your tongue for any snide remarks because you knew you'd only get in more trouble.

All your professors were great. You even behaved properly and they'd also be polite towards you. You just didn't understand why Mr.Jeon had such a problem with you.

Perhaps it was because you may have accidentally hit his car during that one time you were parking.

Or that one time you bumped into him and all his coffee spilled all over his white shirt.

Or that one time you made him trip when you'd kept your foot out while he was making rounds during a test.

Actually, he may have reasons to not favor you.

“Alright class. As previously mentioned I was rudely interrupted,” He quickly narrowed his eyes at you before he continued,

“You all will be given a project which will account for around 50% of your total grade for this course. This project is something where the process of how you handle it till the very end will also matter and not just the result.”

“And it is a group project.”

Groans could be heard and a few whispers and murmurs going around about taking people in the groups while you silently looked ahead.

This is where you felt a slight sense of regret for not making any sort of friends let alone acquaintances in this course.

It’s not that you were not a social person, you had your fair share of friends and even close friends. It’s just your social energy could only deal with so much and hence you decided to not make even more in a course where you probably would never see them again after the semester ended.

“I hope I don’t get you in my group again.” You heard someone say behind you while groaning and you turned your attention to him.

As cliche as it sounded, you paused a bit, eyes widening at the unrealistically pretty boy.

How did you not notice him before? Like ever?

You’d seen your fair share of attractive people, you were friends with said attractive people, but the guy in front of you was like attractive on another level.

“I deal with you enough in my life, not this time again.”

You turned your gaze to the other person he was speaking to.

You were sure if Niki was here, he'd definitely make fun of the way your eyes widened even more as you felt your jaw slack a little.

Since when did this class have attractive men?

Both of them looked like actual models, you couldn't even comprehend synonyms enough to describe them.

Mr Jeon cleared his throat which made you snap out of your weird daze, glad neither of them noticed you staring like a creep.

“And as much as I know you might hate me for this but the groups are already chosen. By me.”

It seemed the entire class collectively groaned in disappointment while someone like you was sort of happy because for one you weren't even sure who you would have been in a group with.

Although, you somehow hoped you'd get into at least one of the two hot guys. That is if fate was with you.

Mr Jeon smiled gently and continued,

“So what I'll be doing is giving you all a brief on what this project is. Then I'll list down the groups and member names, to which all of your members have to come upfront and take your material. Material which will soon arrive.”

That made most of the students perk up in curiosity including you. The university, despite making most students go into debt paying for the fees, rarely gave out materials without extra payment. It was ridiculous.

“This project is called ‘The Baby Project’ ”

You cannot believe you'll be playing with dolls in university but here you were.

"I suppose the majority of you would have this question, why? Well this course is about human psychology. As most of you would know. What will be observed in these four weeks is how the physical behavior and surroundings would affect the growth of a child in their brain development stage.”

“Another question you may have is why isn't it a set of two people, like parents. But for that, the issue is the number of students is more than what was expected hence you'll be in groups of four and due to odd numbers two or three groups will have five members.”

Of course the one time they provide materials, they don't have enough.

The classroom door was knocked on, to which you assumed a teaching assistant entered with a cart. Full of baby dolls.

It was actually pretty creepy with how realistic they looked.

“Your task is to simply take care of the child. Write reports on its behavior down to what you've been doing to take care of it. By the end, essentially we'll see how well developed your child has become and that would be your grade for the project.”

You were sure this was some sort of hatred towards you. You weren't a fan of children. You didn't hate them but you just mildly disliked them. Let alone toddlers who'd only scream, cry and throw up on you for no reason.

“Now before more of you start dozing off, I'll announce your group number, names and you all come and collect your child. Preferably, discuss a name in class and get it noted down by me.”

“Group one, Lee Soohyung, Kim Wonyooung, Sarah…”

Three more groups passed before it was your turn. Finally.

“Group four, Lee Heeseung, Park Sunghoon,”

You heard a low cheer and groan behind you,

“...Park Jongseong, Sim Jaeyun…”

You heard more cheers and sigh of either disappointment or relief you couldn't quite tell,

“...and what do you know? L/N Y/N.”

You blinked in disbelief. You were paired up with the pretty dudes? Did fate finally open up their chances to you?

“Did we really get that person who Mr.Jeon hates? We're going to fail what the fuck?”

Pause.

Your mini celebration was disrupted as you heard one of them whisper. Whisper about you more specifically.

“Please come and collect your child.”

You stood up, grabbing your bag and hooking it over one shoulder,turning a bit before snapping back at the guy who said that about you.

What a waste of a perfect face.

“You won't fail if you put in the effort.”

His eyes slightly widened when he heard you reply. He didn't know you heard, and felt a bit bad for saying that.

You turned forward, not paying attention to the rest, as you went near the place where the dolls were.

You didn't notice the four moving to stand besides you.

Turning to them, you calmly spoke,

“So we should introduce ourselves first I suppose.”

The first to speak up was the first pretty guy, and his voice matched his face, it was soothing and just…

“Lee Heeseung. Third year music student.”

A senior? Oh, he got even more attractive.

And the small smile he gave off after he spoke definitely did not help with your heart fluttering.

Another guy cleared his throat and it was pretty guy #2.

“Park Sunghoon. Second year psychology student.”

Your eyes widened a tad bit before you pointed out,

“Oh woah, same!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, second year psych.”

You smiled at him in content, glad you found someone who was having the same major.

“Uh, I am Sim Jaeyun but you can just call me Jake. Second year too but major in Physics!”

You really liked the sort of excitement he carried, it showed how he was a bit nervous but it was kind of…cute. And a physics major?! He was probably very intelligent.

In fact all of them were.

“I'm Jay. Park Jongseong. Second year culinary arts student.”

It was the guy who had some beef with you even when you didn't know who he was until now.

Too bad, such a good looking fellow had a weird prejudice issue.

You just nodded in acknowledgement at his introduction, trying your best not to roll your eyes with the way he spoke to you like you were just a bother in his routine. Dismissively and just merely out of convenience.

“Well. Nice to meet you guys, I think you must have figured out my name but yeah I'm Y/N, second year psych.”

Heeseung and Sunghoon nodded as they raised their hands to shake yours. You were a bit taken aback but you gladly shook their hands one by one.

Even Jay’s despite, and you may have squeezed his hand a bit tighter. Just a little for him to perhaps get a message.

“I see you've introduced yourselves.”

A voice spoke up from beside you, to which you internally groaned as you faced him.

Mr Jeon, was a psychologist. He was a teacher so it means he was a master in the subject because after all to be a teacher in anything, you have to be a master in it. He surely knew a fake smile when he saw one.

And you were wearing one right now as if your entire grade depended on it.

“Yes, yes we have.”

He turned towards the rest of your group, briefly smiling at them all and they were the typical college adults, smiling back awkwardly.

“Well, now pick your child and tell me the name, so you all can go as you please.”

“Right, yes, we're just doing that.”

To say the least, picking the child was something you didn't realize was as tasking.

Tasking because it seemed none of you could come to an agreement to choose which one.

Too creepy. Too ugly. Too dull.

“Guys. Come on, it's a fucking toddler. Just. Pick.”

As displeasing as you were to say it, you were glad Jay was able to control them. It seems it was something he did a lot.

Now that that daunting task was done. Another hassle comes. A bigger one.

Picking a name.

“Ethan.”

“No, we are not naming it your English name.”

“You have different names??”

“Bob.”

“I am not naming my child Bob, like what is that, a Bob cut?”

“Bob-bob cuts are hairstyles how is that even—”

“Jerry.”

“Wow, a mouse. You're so smart Y/N,”

“ If you don't shut the fuck up—”

After a whole bunch of disagreements, friendships almost breaking, a lot of seeing things you shouldn't in the first meeting, you finally got a name.

“Jaeyhoon.”

“What like a combo of Sunghoon and mine's name?” Jake asked to which you nodded and also added,

“Yes but Jay is there too, a Y after J-A-E. Fully spelt J-A-E-Y-H-O-O-N.”

“Hey! Where's my name there?” Heeseung asked to which you rolled your eyes at his pout. It was cute though.

“You can put your last name. Lee Jaeyhoon.”

And unexpectedly, Jay spoke up,

“And what about your name?”

“Uh I didn't think about adding mine.”

“How about its middle name? Lee Y/N Jaeyhoon.” Sunghoon said to which you actually didn't mind the sound of it.

Picking up the baby from the cart you raised it, “Welcome to the family Lee Y/N Jaeyhoon.”

It seemed as though it was happy with the name because next thing you know it's giggling to which you got slightly horrified and almost threw it out of your hands.

Luckily, Jay was there near you and was able to catch the child before any damage could be done right from the beginning.

“You should be more careful.”

“Sorry, sorry I didn't expect it…it to laugh.”

“It's not it, it's a he.”

You narrowed your eyes at his demeaning tone, about to retort when Heeseung waved his phone in front of you.

“We're going to be needing your number, so we'll create a group chat where we'll discuss how we go about this whole thing.”

You agreed by nodding and grabbed his phone. Typing in your number, you gave yourself a call so as to have his number.

“Okay. I think we're done for today aren't we? We can discuss what to do ahead after the lunch break?”

You didn't even realize it was almost 12 pm and your stomach grumbled in hunger.

“Righttt, well who's going to take the little human around for now? We can talk about what and how to go about after lunch?”

You asked around to which Sunghoon replied,

“How about we all just sit at the same table? Seeing we'll be talking afterwards anyways.”

Seems fair.

Though I should probably inform Niki, Sun, and Won.

“Sure, let's go then.”

a/n : GUYS ITS UP🙏🙏 FINALLY. also yes this is very much more writing based but it's just for you all to get an idea/brief intro to the characters, further going it'll have less written and more smaus parts! ( I hope) don't worry next chap you won't need to wait 29921 days. also Jay alr having beef with u liek 😭😭 anways I'll do my best to upload asap <3 let me know what you think of this!!

taglist ( open ) : @strxwberry-skiess ; @whippedforbeomgyu ; @urszn ; @cha3w0n-hearts ; @cassie6392 ; @nicholasluvbot : @xiaoderrrr ; @eleanorheartschishiya ; @wonunuwoo ; @antonsgirlfriend ; @aygotnobitches ; @dimplewonie ; @hoeinthehouse ; @belovedsthings

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2024

links : main navigation | enhypen masterlist | info

[beetleviolet]

So. Uh. @midwesternvibes I've kinda been spamming your profile lately (my b) buuut I wrote something inspired by this villain Leo analysis, especially your unique perspective on why Splinter made Leo the new leader. Super cool! I hadn't thought about it like that!/gen

I didn't go in a villain direction because YOU ARE LITERALLY KILLING IT I AM SO INVESTED YOU DONT EVEN KNOW BRO!

This is more hurt/comfort. Feel free to ignore or enjoy :)

Tw: arguing, child neglect/emotional neglect, childhood trauma, and reference to suicide, but in reference to Leo's prison dimension stunt so uh. Kind of suicide.

Ironically, it was Splinter's idea. 

He wasn't the best father, that much he knew, but he wanted to be better. He couldn't hide from his problems behind a TV screen, not anymore. Not when he had 4 big, big problems that he had caused. 

He brought the idea to Michelangelo first, always the most willing for second chances and growth. Orange didn't look as ecstatic as he might have months ago, no, he had grown in those few months, perhaps too much. He studied Splinter for a moment before a small, hopeful smile,

“I'm glad you want to try.” And, well, if Splinter wouldn't do anything for his sons before, he would do everything for them now.

“Go with Leo first.” Splinter tilted his head. He had been planning to go with Purple, the most obviously insecure, or maybe Red, who would accept the affection easily. 

“With Blue? Why?” 

“Just trust me.” Mikey said, “And be nice!” Be nice. Why wouldn't he be nice? It kind of hurt that his son thought otherwise, perhaps a kind of hurt he deserved. 

Blue was slippery. He snuck out of any invitation, like he could smell what Splinter was thinking. Mikey had more than one hushed conversation with him, tucked away in his subway car with the door closed. 

Finally, after almost two weeks of trying, Blue agreed to go out for a walk. And that was that. 

Leonardo was… abrasive. Obnoxious at best and an egomaniac at worst. It was odd that Orange had suggested that Splinter spend time with Leo, the most confident, and the most well adjusted after the events with the Krang. 

Maybe this would be a sort of warm up, an easier bonding experience before he had to deal with Red or Purple. 

Hm. “Deal with” probably wasn't the right phrase. Take care of? Help? He wanted to help. 

Blue prattled away, as always, talking about anything under (and over) the sun. Making joke after joke. None of them were very funny, Splinter preferred Purple's dry sense of humor. His Lou Jitsu days were so full of puns, he found he could hardly stand them anymore, but he gave a couple pity laughs. Mikey had told him to be nice, after all. 

“So, you ready to head home, Daddio?” Splinter glanced at Leo's face, which was spreading an easy smile, 

“What- it has only been fifteen minutes!” Blue shrugged, not slowing. They had been walking aimlessly around Central Park, Leo with a slice of pizza and Splinter with a soft pretzel. 

“And I don't think you want to break that streak.” He said it in that animated tone he always took on when he was joking. But this time, it wasn't funny. Or, well, more not-funny than usual. 

“What streak?” 

“Angie said if you made fun of me, I could go home.” Splinter stumbled, having to press forward faster to keep up with Leonardo's unfaltering steps. Angie said if you made fun of me, I could go home.

“Why would I make fun of you?” To a stranger, Leonardo would appear unaffected, but Splinter caught the downward twitch of his brow, the sudden tensing of his shoulders, quickly hidden as his hands rose to rest on the back of his head, his expression smoothed into something nicer, so quickly, it might have been a passing shadow. He wouldn't notice if he was a stranger. He might have noticed sooner if he barely wasn't. 

Leo did something rare. He hesitated, covering it up with a shrug and a glance to his left. Casual, easy-going. He laughed, something high and sweet. And then he didn't say anything more. 

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. 

“Why would I make fun of you?” 

“Kidding, Pops.” He assured, picture perfect grin. A blink, and Splinter almost felt like he was looking in a mirror, 17 years ago. 

Splinter wracked his brain, trying to remember all of the parenting books he had asked April to get for him. 

Take accountability, he had read, you have to show respect for your children, and apologize when you make a mistake. 

Splinter had never been very good at apologizing. Maybe it came from being a movie star. Maybe it came from before. His Grandfather used to make him his favorite foods, cut him the sweetest fruit. Splinter didn't think there were enough strawberries in the world to make up for everything. 

He might as well start. Give it a try. Let Blue know that he was trying. 

“I would like to apologize to you.” This time, it was Leo who faltered. He played it off as a trip, and brought his hands down. Suddenly Splinter was looking at a little turtle, sitting on the kitchen counter, fidgeting with his fingers and sneaking a glance at the broken glass beneath him. Sneaking glances at Splinter. Leo was a much better actor now then all those years ago, maybe a better actor then Splinter ever was, but he still picked at his nails.

“You… what?” Leo said with a laugh, letting his genuine confusion shine through. Splinter gestured to a nearby bench, 

“Come, sit with me.”

“Um, I'd love to but, see, I promised Donnie-” 

“Leonardo.” Splinter was expecting resistance, a groan or dragging feet. 

He wasn't expecting a full body flinch. 

Take accountability. 

Be nice. 

Looking out at the sidewalk, Splinter could almost see a little Baby Blue, only 5 years old, a tiny turtle all wrapped in clothes and sneaking towards the pidgins, hell-bent on catching one. Weeks later, when Splinter had stopped going out, Blue actually managed it. He was with Red at the time, and he had told Splinter about it excitedly that night, shouting to be heard over the noise of the TV. Turning up the volume was so easy. Up, up, up, and everything would leave Splinter alone.

“...I am sorry I snapped.” He said, softer. Leonardo didn't look at him, but his brow twitched, so quickly disguised. Be up front, and honest. “I will not force you, but I would like to have a conversation with you.” Splinter watched patiently as Blue scratched the back of his neck, fumbling out a couple starts to excuses, before petering out and sitting beside him on the bench. 

Up, up, up, and he would leave his everything alone. All alone. 

“I have not been a good father.” Leo hesitated, like he wanted to object, “You do not have to say anything.” So he didn't. “I left you- all of you alone when you needed me, time and time again.” Deep breath. Ok, “I am sorry.” A moment of silence, then another. 

And then Blue began to laugh. 

It wasn't his high, silly laugh, when Donatello fell over or Michelangelo was sassy, or his big, performative chuckle, when making a joke or in front of a crowd, or even that sweet giggle that he had long grown out of, from hugs or tickling or watching a silly show. 

No, this was new. 

This was crackling, high up in his throat and covering his eyes with a hand, a shake of his head. This was filling time so he didn't have to speak, covering his eyes so he didn't have to look, this was his son hiding away, this was paint spread over Hamato Leonardo so it looked pretty. And deep, deep down, this was a flicker of hope, tucked away so no one could see when they blew it out. 

“..Is this a joke?” There were no cracks in the armor of his voice, but his fingers twitched and tapped together, eyes still looking away. 

“No.” Splinter assured. Leo laughed again, this time shorter, a little sharper, 

“I think you misunderstand,” He chuckled, the performance one, “I. Am. Leo!” He said each word slowly, dripping with sarcasm, “This seems like more of a.. Splinter-Mikey conversation.” He smiled. Mirrored. 

“I have talked to your brother already.” Splinter explained, still a little confused. Where was this going? “But I wanted to apologize to you as well.” Leo studied him. Really studied him, up and down. His brow twitched before melting back into his usual expression. Pleasant, smooth, easy-on-the-eyes. He smiled. Splinter was beginning to hate that smile. 

“Let's just head home, we were going to hang out with April-” 

“But I wanted-” 

“We don't have to do this!” There was the snap Splinter had been anticipating. Leonardo's eye contact was sharp, face almost exasperated. Almost. 

“...do what?” Splinter asked. 

“This!” Leo gestured between them, “I've given you, like, two different chances to opt out!” 

“I do not want to opt out.” 

“Well that's a first!” 

And

Ouch. 

Leo looked away, deflating. 

“Sorry.” He muttered, hand over the back of his neck. 

Accountability. Apologize. 

“No, you are right, and I am sorry for that, but I want to spend time with you now.” 

“Why?” There were no lies in the question, no distant undertones or cover ups. It was the first deeply honest thing Splinter had heard from Blue that day, maybe even that year. 

“Because you are my son, and you deserve to have someone looking out for you.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you are a person.” Leo looked like he wanted to say something, another snap perhaps, one true and stinging, but he just looked away. 

“...stop messing with me.” 

“I am not.” 

“Just stop!” There was no one around them to look up at the shout, “Just- Can we just go home already?” 

“I want to-” 

“Spend time with me, right?” Leo rushed on, “What would that do, huh!? I'm sure you'd rather be with Donnie or- or anybody!” 

“I do not-” 

“Did I have to earn it? Is that what this is? Did I finally do it!?” Tears. 

“Earn what?” 

“This!” His voice cracked as he gestured in between them. “You- you never wanted to do this before! Did-” He swallowed, “Is it because I'm taking things seriously now? Is that all? I just had to try and kill myself and you'd actually love me!?” 

“I've always loved you!” Splinter cried, horrified. And Blue…

His Baby Blue laughed at him, hand over face to wipe his eyes. 

“It is true!” Splinter felt his own eyes began to water as well. It had been… how long since his son had cried to him? “And I am a fool to ever let you believe otherwise!” 

“I don't care!” Leo almost snarled, “I don't-!” He stopped himself, tucked his head down with his hands on his knees. A collection of leaves blew across the sidewalk, causing a pigeon to startle, settling down a few steps later and pecking at the ground. Leonardo kept his tears silent and steady, sitting on the bench with his hands gripping his knees, almost like seiza. 

“..Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” A small hitch. Leo kept his eyes down. 

“Why did you make me leader?” That… wasn't what Splinter had been expecting. 

“Because Raphael-” 

“Needed a break.” Leo finished. Splinter tried not to be irked at the interruption, “Needed to chill out, right? It was hurting him.” He looked right at him, “Right, Splinter?” The first name rolled so easily off of his tongue. He didn't wait long for an answer, “But better it hurt me then him, right? Since I'm already such a fucking screw up, you might as well finish the job!” 

“Leonardo-” 

“What did I ever do to you?” His voice had a ring to it, a rare one. Honesty. That honest, genuine tone that always came with the "I love you"'s and the ‘hey, its okay"'s and the oh so rare "I'm sorry"'s. Shaky and truthful and hard as a diamond, “I wanted you so bad, I just want- Dad just-” 

There were no parenting books for this. 

Blue let him sit in startled silence, taking his time to wipe his tears. 

Splinter had fucked up. Badly. And he was 10 years too late to fix it all. 

But he had to try. Try again and again until his son knew he wasn't kidding. He wasn't joking. He might never forgive him, but Splinter wasn't joking. 

“I do agree with you, Red needed a break.” Splinter leaned back on the bench and looked at the sky, giving Leo some privacy, “I did not mean to pass that burden on to you. In all honesty, I did not think about it. You are incredibly strong, my son," Blue stiffened at the compliment, "I did not realize how much stress was being put on you. That is my mistake, and I am so incredibly sorry for it.” Leo brought his leg up and hugged it to his chest, looking away. 

“I made you the leader because I thought it would help you grow. Because you are clever, and brave, and can keep your brother's out of trouble without them even knowing it.” Leo huffed out his nose, almost amused. “You are not a screw up. You are a person who makes mistakes and learns, just like any other person.” Splinter took a deep breath. Now for the hard part, “My neglect was no fault of yours.” He was expecting more silence.

Instead, there came a choked sob. 

Leo held his knee tight to his chest, tucking his face away. His hood was up. Splinter reached out a hand, pressing it against his son's shell. 

“It is not your fault.”  

Leo didn't speak to him for the rest of the day, hiding in his room as soon as they got home, but not before leaning into his touch, shoulders relaxing, just a little. 

[redsrooftopprincess]

Pumpkin Sugar (Part 1)

Raphael x GN!Reader - Established Relationship

Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 . Part 4 . Epilogue (🌶️ Fem!Reader)

Based on this ask by @gornackeaterofworlds

More of a question to expand on than a detailed request, but would raph help a teacher reader grade papers?? Would he get invested in gossip on the kids??

I was zoning out and somehow thought about elementary school teacher readers, coming back to the lair with papers to grade, Donnie getting angry over the lesson plans you have to use, etc. And then, like always, raph thoughts(I am unbelievably gushy to raph x lil sweet cheery readers) Being oh so sleepy tired but still having work to do. Grading papers, getting activities printed and cut, weekly plans. I'd like to imagine he helps to get you to sleep faster, all the while listening to the venty yapping about which kids are troublemakers

Hi gornack! I hope you are feeling well. ♥️

Sorry this took so long. I want you to know that this started out as a simple fluffy fic, but Red disagreed. He wanted to make you smile.

I'm going to be splitting this into 4 parts (+ an epilogue) to make it easier to read because I accidentally went over the character limit in my notes app *twice*. I wasn't aware you could accidentally write a whole ass fic, but here we are. 😅

Special thanks to @the-cauldron-witch . The best brainstorming buddy I could honestly ask for. Could not have written this without you. 😁

"Come on, babe, please?"

You sigh, whining, "Raph..."

"I gotta head out early, you'll be asleep by the time I get back," he pleaded. He was only working a half night, but he had to leave right at sunset and head across town, so he wouldn't be home until well after 1:00 am, and you had school in the morning.

It had been a long day, and it still wasn't over yet.

You really did like your job. The kids were great, even when they misbehaved it wasn't their fault. There were just too many of them and not enough of you. You couldn't watch everybody all the time, but you still had to try. Third grade was a lot. Especially when you were managing 27 kids (you're grateful, you have colleagues managing 40+, and it's a fucking zoo).

Still, you tried to make things fun for them. Halloween is tomorrow, and you don't want to do the traditional boring "spooky" theme. So, you've decided to teach an entire class of 8-9 year olds a little bit about applied chemistry.

You were actually really excited! You'd picked up a bunch of foam pumpkins at the dollar store, which were currently being dragged in a cart behind you. You were planning on carving them into jack o'lanterns and teaching the kids how to make elephant toothpaste to ooze out of the holes. It's was going to be the most beautiful chaos, and with any luck, a memorable experience.

There was only one problem, you'd been dealing with meetings and trainings all week and unable to actually carve the damn pumpkins. Today there was an outage in part of the building, so you had to wait two hours to use the one copier available, and by the time you walked out you had zero gas left in the tank. You wanted to go home and finish your work so you could go to bed.

You reach the top of the stairs, exiting the subway at street level. The lair is literally in the opposite direction. You look south, towards your apartment.

"Please?" He asks again, his voice softening. You haven't seen him in days and you can hear in his voice that it's taking as much of a toll on him as it is you. "I'll help you with your school shit, whatever, I just... I gotta see you. Please?"

You sigh and turn around, heading north. You miss him, too.

...

He meets you at the door to the elevator, and despite your exhaustion, you can't help but smile. He had that effect. Comfort, safety, peace, love... Raphael is Home. And the moment you step inside his arms all of your tension melts away. Almost.

He picks you up in his arms and squeezes you tightly, swinging you gently back and forth as he buries his nose in your hair. He breathes you in and grins, chuckling quietly as you squeeze him back and press your face against his neck.

"What're you laughing at?" you ask, suspicious. He was way more... something... than normal... you're not entirely sure what. You raise your head with your eyes narrowed.

"Nothin'," he says, kissing you sweetly, "just happy to see you." Your eyes narrow further, but this seems to satisfy you. You kick your legs and whine and he sets you down.

Picking up the crate and carrying it casually under one arm (though, to be fair, the pumpkins are made of foam), he gestures you first into the elevator and follows behind. He takes your hand pretty much immediately, "So what're we working on?"

"Pumpkins," you sigh.

He waits a beat. Then another. "Okay... You gonna give me more than that, or..." He smirks down at you, laughing. He can't help it.

"Yeah, sorry," you laugh, "rough week." You shake your head, before looking up at him, "carving, specifically."

"Shit, why didn't you say so? I could've done the whole thing for you!" He laughs as you exit the elevator into the lower garage.

Donnie's working on the truck and you wave at him as you pass by. He gives you a bright smile and your suspicion grows. He's a bit too cheery for being elbow deep in his latest mechanical mess.

You make it to the living room and start unpacking everything. Foam pumpkins, sharpies, exacto knives, "that should be everything," you say, grabbing a gourd and sitting down on the couch. You tuck your legs up under you as Raph walks by behind, leaning down to kiss you on his way to the other side.

He only has about an hour before he needs to leave, but he spends it cuddled up next to you quietly carving pumpkins, an activity which he actually enjoys. All too soon, he's called away to his duties.

With a lingering kiss that leaves you missing him already, he's gone, and you're left with... so much work.

...

The pumpkins are taking longer than expected, and by midnight you're still not done. Mostly because, for a teacher, you really suck at learning your lesson, and you waited until the last minute. Again. And you didn't ask your boyfriend for help once you realized it was too much. Again.

Honestly, one word and he could have had this solved for you. You look over at your annual Family Pumpkin Carving Competition entries. Raph was no longer allowed to enter the contest because it wasn't fair. But he still did one because he enjoyed it. This year, it seems, he was feeling romantic.

It was a MASSIVE pumpkin almost to your shoulder. You have no idea how he even got it down here. Inside was a small table with several electric candles, illuminating the ballroom scene from Beauty and the Beast.

You set down the half-carved jack o' lantern, and sigh heavily, rubbing your eyes. You lean back on the couch, tucking your feet under you. You're just going to shut your eyes for a few seconds. You know that people always say that and they end up just falling asleep, but you really actually mean it, you'll close your eyes for a few minutes and then get back to work.

....

Tag list

@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @zagreustomb @ramielll @silverwatergalaxy @gornackeaterofworlds @footninja @daedric-sorceress @sophiacloud28 @iridescentflamingo

...

Part 1 . Part 2 . Part 3 . Part 4 . Epilogue (🌶️ Fem!Reader)

[artbyblastweave]

hello. I am in the middle of doing My Take on vampires and would appreciate your thoughts on Them in fiction. they don't seem to pop up more than occasionally in superhero media, but also you are pretty widely read & they have noticeable Eras/Tendencies that I can see.

I'm definitely not as much of a vampire guy as I'm a Superhero guy, so all my opinions on vampires should be taken with a grain of salt, and with the knowledge that a lot of this is stuff I've picked up through Osmosis and the occasional lit-review for that one class in college. But here goes-

One of my potentially more controversial takes about Vampires is that I think Vampires (and adjacent creatures like werewolves) are great at capturing the emotional truth of being part of a marginalized group, or sometimes just for being subaltern- the world against you, people make you feel like you're wrong for existing, that you're dangerous, etc.- and this is why they go gangbusters both on this website and in general. But the narrative often faceplants for me if it tries to portray vampires as a literal marginalized group because all of that stuff is often objectively true within the fiction in a way that it isn't true of real-life marginalized groups. It's a souped-up version of the X-men problem, because most of the X-Men aren't obligate cannibals! The result of this is that there have been several times I'm consuming something vampire-related that wants me to primarily sympathize with the vampires, and meanwhile I'm going "geez, that's a rough deal, but I think you all need to be killed on purely utilitarian grounds, sorry."

(I do also get the sense as well, right, that this is inextricably tangled up in the fact that a lot of foundational vampire literature was kind of just taking a lot of the horrible lies people tell about the scapegoat group du jour to justify their oppression and then making a guy of whom these things were objectively true. I get the impression, at a distance, that Dracula demonstrates like fourteen different flavors of "Those Depraved Easterners Are Coming For Our Women," although to truly lock in that Take I'm gonna have to read the thing instead of just absorbing it through Tumblr Osmosis whenever Dracula Daily is running.) There are ways to thread this needle, the big one of which is to just sand down the negative externalities of vampirism. Have them feed on animals or voluntary donors or make the human predation thing an in-universe slanderous fiction to begin with. Have them feed on exclusively on quote-unquote "criminals," if you have the right unexamined assumptions about the validity of the death penalty. Go the Elder Scrolls route, where drinking blood isn't necessary to survive but is necessary to maintain a human appearance, thus ensuring that the most morally conscientious vampires are the ones most likely to be identified as vampires and scapegoated by the angry mob. The issue I sometimes take with this is that the act of implementing a "fix" of any kind can sort of broadcast that you're trying to have your cake and eat it too- that you're cutting away the ideatic core of what makes vampires interesting when divorced from metaphor, taken objectively- that they're living trolley problems. As others have said, if you sand them down too much, what are you getting out of a vampire story that you couldn't get from a Tolkien Elf, or from Batman?

A fictional group which I've never really had this issue with, though, is Zombies, in the Romero tradition. When a work wants to construct Zombies as a primarily sympathetic group, it's much easier for me to get on board with that without feeling like the core Vibe has been compromised. This is because there's actually a fairly recent source text for zombies in the form of Romero's Living Dead films, and a major component of the Living Dead films is how much it sucks without recourse to become a zombie.

I was working on a post once, which I never finished, about how there are like, three-to-four vectors of horror that zombies can embody, which different works play up to different extents. While obviously one of the big straightforward ones is the fear that your entire community starts trying to kill you and eat you one day for basically no reason, a major anxiety on display in the original Living Dead trilogy- Dawn in particular- is that in the face of a weird but manageable problem human society would act as its own condemnation, totally failing to rise to the challenge-the horror is that we would let something as inept as a zombie be dangerous to us! Also present in those films? The horror of the idea that your daily routine is so rote and conformist that you wouldn't need to be sentient to continue to carry it out- that the biggest difference between you and them is that you can occasionally be evil in more interesting and evolved ways. And there's this fear of physically and mental degradation with zombies, which for a host of reasons I find extremely fucking relatable. The sense that your body is falling apart piecemeal, bits of you sloughing off when you turn the wrong way or turn your head too quickly. There's this fog over your thinking. The bone-deep knowledge that you used to be more, and are now fundamentally less capable- that there's just enough of you left to understand something is missing. (Read into my personal circumstances whatever you want from this.) Being a zombie is foundationally, fundamentally gross in a way that being a vampire isn't; when people try to do "sexy zombies" half the joke is the pairing of those two words. There's this horror comic Kieth Giffen did once called Tag which is basically entirely about the horror of being a corpse that could feel it; I think about that comic a lot. Anyway, because so much of the horror of zombism is external to whether they're actually attacking and killing people or not, you can totally sell me on zombies as an unfairly-maligned demographic in a way that's much harder for me to buy with Vampires- dropping the danger they pose to other people allows you to maintain so much more of the core of the thing than it does with Vampires, where it feels much more like you're tip-toeing around the tensions between Wanting To Have Fun and the moral horror inherent to what you're trying to have fun with.

[lowkeyrobin]

just saw you wrote for heartstopper...

tao x elle till i die

anyhow idk if you'd do this ( tw by the way) but charlie comforting a friend who also deals with self harm? sorry to be depressing

take care of yourself!

-💿

OMG TAOELLE HAS MY HEART 💔💔💔 ; but yeah of course, take care of yourself too 💿, otherwise I'll beat you up or smthn idk ; also sorry if I got a little too deep w this. (basically the whole premise of this sh and mental health so please be wary. very much leaned into The Ghosts We Keep. the sh scene literally got my stomach twisting and turning I didn't go that far don't worry dhsjns) ; also this is a bit of a mix of a oneshot & preference. if you don't wanna hear about the sh, just scroll down some 👍 ; also I do write for mental health stuff so dw! just be wary when reading bc I don't wanna trigger anyone

CHARLIE SPRING ; comfort for both of us

summary ; you and Charlie both struggle w sh, but you don't know he does while he knows about your struggles

warnings ; language, talk about and depictions of self harm and mental health

word count ; 839

masterlist

You told Charlie about your struggles with mental health and self harm, unknowing to his own struggles with those topics. That poor boy was all about others before himself, something you knew was a bit of a problem.

You'd been friends with Charlie since 7th year, but were never close to Tao, Elle, or Isaac, or even Nick for that matter, considering you barely knew them and never had classes with them either.

You sit on the cold, hard tile in your bathroom, waiting for Charlie. You frantically texted him earlier once you realized what you'd done to yourself, and he quickly sent back a text that he was on his way over.

That was twenty minutes ago.

You knew you could count on Charlie, seemingly your only friend, but Christ, he walked so utterly slow.

It made you rethink all your choices before, and why you did it. Jesus, you were just being dramatic, nothing was that serious. Nothing is ever that serious for you to hurt yourself, you're just being dramatic about it now.

The feeling of pressing the razor blade to your skin wasn't even relieving, nor did it feel anywhere near good anymore. It hurt, really bad, all the way through, as you hoped your body would numb up but it never did. You were supposed to be clean.

But now your wrists are still dripping blood onto the tile below, creating fine, slightly transparent pools of crimson that'd stain the tile. You were too scared and in too much pain to do anything, just begging and waiting to hear your parents welcome him in and for him to open the door next to you.

Finally, you heard it. The door opening, your parents welcoming him with a bit of question as it was seven on a Saturday, then the footsteps walking down the hall, then the knock at the door. It was light and repetitive, like there was some super secret code and you couldn't let him in otherwise.

You lightly smile at that, and pull down on the door handle, cracking it open. You scoot over on the floor, not trying to sit in your blood. His eyes immediately widen as he pushes the door open, in response to the shock he quickly enters the room and shuts and locks the door behind him.

"This is definitely worse than what you said" He comments with concern.

Adrenaline is still streaming through your veins as you shrug. "Mostly just the blood. Help me, please"

He nods, helping you up to your feet so you could sit on the countertop next to the sink. Thank God freestanding sinks weren't trendy anymore, he couldn't bend down any longer, he needed you above him for this, it made everything much easier.

He quickly grabs a washcloth and soaks it in cold water, and wipes up all the blood off the floor while he instructs you to just hold the wounds over the sink so anything dripping out would go down the drain. They hurt immensely but you pull through without crying in front of him.

He sneaks into the hallway to grab the first aid kit and sets it down, looking for gauze. He hands you two lukewarm washcloths, clean ones, and rests them over your arms, soaking up any leftover blood in a comforting manner. He finds the gauze and some tiny scissors, and removes one washcloth, and gets to work on wrapping the gauze and then the bandage around it.

"Sorry for making you come over so late for this" You mumble.

He raises an eyebrow before he answers. "It's not that big of a deal"

You wanted to fight with him on that, but you were much too tired and it wasn't worth it anyways.

He wraps up your arms, and looks up at you, his hands gently holding yours. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

You shrug, "I was clean. It just kinda happened, I guess"

after that, you're spending a lot more time together, going out to eat, adventures, doing fun things, etc

he introduces you to his friends as well because you seem very lonely in and out of school

always checking in on you

you eventually find out about his sh and you become sh buddies (name by you)

always comforting and reassuring each other

trauma bonding 🔛🔝

lots of movie nights where you guys just kinda chill out and find comfort in one another

Nick's totally fine w charlie going to you for help, as long as he's in the loop. he knows you two understand sh and your mental health better than he could for charlie

lots of words of affirmation and quality time

lots of just doing hobbies to get your minds off of things (he recommended this bc drumming helps him when he's upset)

lots of writing out and talking out your thoughts, no matter how dumb or cringe it sounds

you get matching I ❤️ hot moms shirts because why not

gifting yourselves to treats after simple tasks 💀 (me)

[threewaywithdelusion]

Flirting with Danger (Robin & Eddie & Steve snippet)

“Hey, Eddie? Why do you flirt with Steve so much?”

Eddie froze. Eddie was always in motion, so it was strange to see him still. Eddie thought he ran, but that wasn’t true. He deflected, he made himself larger than life, turned parts of himself that he was confident about into a target. Unless he was really, really afraid. Then he froze. 

Robin understood his other habits. She babbled when she was nervous. She preferred being teased for talking too much or for being a klutz than the other things she was worried people noticed about her. 

But Robin had never used outrageously flirting with Steve as a tactic. She’d made fun of him, sure, but it had been hilarious watching The Hair strike out with literally every single girl who’d ever walked into Scoops Ahoy. 

What Eddie was doing was different. 

Robin forged on, her mouth running ahead of her brain, as usual. “Cause, like, I get it. He’s pretty and all and he makes some really funny faces when you do that. But he doesn’t really reciprocate so I would have stopped by now if I were you, but who knows, I’ve never even been on a date so maybe my problem is that I give in early. Oh my god. Maybe you’re actually doing this right.”

Eddie raised his hands in a wide gesture. “Woah, Buckley, chill. And lower your voice.”

Robin looked around. They were still alone, the only ones in Steve’s living room. But she understood why Eddie was afraid of this conversation being overheard, even if she thought anyone with eyeballs must have realized he was hitting on Steve by now. Except maybe Mike Wheeler, who was blind to just about everything, and Dustin, who was still determined to set Steve up with either Robin or Nancy, and Lucas, who was still distracted with his girlfriend’s recovery. 

Okay, maybe not everyone had noticed. 

“Sorry,” Robin said. “But come on, you can tell me.”

Eddie looked around again, then leaned in dramatically. “Okay, this is going to sound stupid, but. I don’t know how well you knew Steve a few years ago.”

“Not well. We had Mrs. Click’s class together two years ago, but besides that our paths never really crossed.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Well Steve and I didn’t exactly run in the same circles, but we ran in overlapping ones. I was a junior when he was a sophomore, and then we were seniors together. And I’ve been dealing to the basketball jocks for years, so I saw him around at parties and shit. And he was… very different than he is now.”

“You don’t have to tell me that Steve was an asshole. I know that.” Robin eyed Eddie, confused on what this had to do with all the flirting. Was Eddie just irresistibly into people who did hardcore self-improvement? “He knows that too, by the way.”

“I guess,” Eddie said. “I mean, he seems to. But that kind of evolution? It’s basically unbelievable, right. Like, if I wrote some DnD campaign where someone started out as a villain like that and turned into the hero, no one would buy it.”

Robin was taken aback.

Hold up. This wasn’t lovestruck gushing. The only person allowed to insult Steve like that was Robin. Maybe Dustin on a good day. 

“He wasn’t a villain,” Robin said heatedly. “He was an asshole and an idiot, but he was no worse than every other jock who goes to our school and he was a hell of a lot better than a lot of them, even then.”

Eddie’s face turned dark. “You didn’t hear the shit he said.”

No, she hadn’t. She’d overheard sometimes, when he’d called some kid or another a freak or a nerd, but she’d had no reason to hang around Steve back when they’d both been in high school. She was thankful for that sometimes. She knew Steve was different now and that he regretted the things he’d said and done in the past. But it was easier to forgive him when she didn’t know exactly what he was guilty of. 

“He can’t have been worse than Billy Hargrove. Or Jason Carver.”

Eddie scoffed. “Yeah, cause being better than Billy Hargrove or the guy who convinced the whole town I was in a satanic cult and then tried to murder me is a real selling point. What a high bar.”

He leaned in closer to her. “He was a bully, Robin. He made life awful for kids like me. Like those kids in there.” He jabbed a finger at the kitchen, where Steve was teaching The Party how to cook. “The nerds, the geeks, the outcasts, the queers. And I guess you and I and those kids are proof that he doesn’t care about the bullshit high school social hierarchy anymore. But there are some things people still hold against you out here in the real world.”

Robin scoffed. “So you’re trying to prove that Steve — Steve who fights monsters from another dimension off with a baseball bat and babysits a bunch of fifteen-year-old nerds — is still the guy you knew?” Robin fought to keep her volume down when she wanted to scream. “Cause Steve is the best person I know. He’s brave and selfless and so fucking kind, like good from the bottom of his soul, and he’s a little vain and a little slow but he isn’t anything worse than that. And fuck you for thinking that kind of thing about my best friend.”

Eddie shook his head slowly. “I’m not denying he’s good to you, Robin. But in this little group, our fucking lives depend on each other. So excuse me for trying to find out if he’s good to people like me.”

Robin only had time to blink before Eddie continued.

“I know flirting with him is insane and maybe a little suicidal. But I just want to know how far I can push him before he snaps. If he’s gonna say some shit or hit someone for acting queer, I’d rather it be me than W- one of those kids. And I’d rather know before I’m trusting him to have my back in a fight against a monster that preys on our fucking fears and traumas.”

Robin stared at Eddie for a long moment. She couldn’t believe that she and Steve had both been wrong. Eddie hadn’t been genuinely flirting with Steve, but he also hadn’t been using Steve as a safe option. Hell, Steve had been so far off it would have been laughable if it wasn’t so sad.

Robin remembered when she’d come out to Steve, stinking of vomit and high out of her mind and just as afraid as she’d been in the secret Russian bunker. 

She understood why Eddie was afraid. She probably would have been too, if she didn’t know Steve like she did. If the drugs hadn’t loosened her tongue and allowed her to tell Steve a secret she’d never shared with anyone else. 

There was only one thing she could think to do. 

“Steve!” Robin called. 

A moment later Steve came running through the doorway, a kitchen knife in his hand. He visibly relaxed when he saw that Robin and Eddie were just sitting on the couch and not being attacked by monsters from the Upside Down. 

“Robin! How many times have we talked about this? If you just scream for me, I’m going to assume something is trying to eat you.”

Robin snorted. “You say that, but you called me in a panic when you ran out of hairspray before a date and you started with the words ‘Robin, this is an emergency. I need your help.’”

Steve dragged a hand over his mouth. “I- okay, I did. But-“

“Anyway,” Robin cut him off. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but all your little ducklings were crowded around you learning how to use a stove.”

“Tell me what?” Steve asked. 

Robin grinned. She pulled a little slip of paper from her pocket and waved it out towards Steve. “Vickie’s digits.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up in a slightly offensive look of shock. “Holy shit, Robin, you actually managed to get her number?”

He shot a glance at Eddie, probably wondering why Robin was choosing to have this conversation in front of Eddie Munson. 

Robin ignored the look and smirked. “Vickie was complaining about how she hasn’t seen a movie in ages, since the mall burned down. I told her that I work at the video store and that my very platonic best friend has a giant tv we could borrow if she wanted the full experience. And that we could make popcorn and eat candy and do all the things teenagers are supposed to do in movie theaters. And she said ‘everything?” all suggestive and I almost died! And I told her everything, so I need to steal your house and I need you not to be in it.”

Steve sputtered. “You totally stole my line. Oh my god. You said you didn’t want my dating advice, and then you stole my exact pickup line! And my house!”

Robin rolled her eyes. “What’s yours is mine, Dingus. Even your cheesy pickup lines.”

Steve grinned, looking proud. 

Robin beamed back at him. She loved that she could go to Steve, that he was her biggest cheerleader when it came to her love life. That he had never once, from the moment he had learned she was gay, made her feel strange or freakish or different for liking girls. She’d tested him, maybe, a little. In the beginning. When she’d started with innocuous little comments about Molly Ringwald looking generally pretty in the Breakfast Club or the cute girl at Family Video having a nice smile. Steve hadn’t blinked, which had given her the courage to say more, to comment on actress’s collarbones or chests or thighs, to talk about her crushes growing up, to call dibs on customers and be pleasantly surprised when Steve refused to flirt with the girls Robin had chosen, even if they were hopelessly straight and even if they flirted with him first. 

Robin had never trusted anyone the way she trusted Steve, with every part of herself, knowing that there was nothing she could show him that would make him love her less. 

Eddie was staring between them, dark eyes wide in shock and disbelief. 

“Wait,” Eddie said, waving his arms wildly. He pointed at Robin. “You are a lesbian?”

Robin nodded. “Yep! 100% all into the ladies.”

She knew Eddie was safe. There had been rumors about him being gay for years and she’d just watched him spend the past several weeks flirting with Steve Harrington of all people. He’d all but just told her he was queer. But it was still terrifying. She’d only ever told Steve, and she’d been high on Russian truth serum then. 

Robin’s heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears. Her hands were trembling. 

Steve, bless his head of beautiful hair, realized at that moment that Eddie hadn’t already known about Robin. He walked closer very quickly, putting himself between Robin and Eddie as best as he could while he was standing and they were both sitting on the couch. 

It was a sweet gesture, especially from a man who had lost every fight he’d ever been in. 

“And you,” Eddie said, swinging to point his finger at Steve, jabbing it into his stomach, “knew about this?”

Robin could only see the side of Steve’s face, but he was watching Eddie with a hard look. “If you have a problem, you and I can take this outside.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped. He looked from Steve, to Robin, then back to Steve. 

Steve didn’t move. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie said, more to himself than anything. 

Steve tensed. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Eddie said, leaning back against the couch in an artful slouch. He turned to look at Robin, trying to hide his wide-eyed surprise behind a casual look. “Damn Robin, good for you, finding love in the apocalypse. While the rest of us suffer the woes of portals to hell and the perils of monster attacks, you’ve actually gone and found yourself true love.”

Robin smiled. “Or a movie date. You know. One of the two.”

Steve was looking between the two of them, his brow furrowed in that adorable look of confusion that he got sometimes. 

“I don’t understand anything that just happened here,” he said. 

Robin snorted. She was about to tell Steve that he should mind his business when Eddie said, still in that fake-casual tone, “I’m gay.”

Steve blinked, his eyebrows raising slightly. He looked taken aback. “Um, yeah.” He glanced at Robin, then back to Eddie. “I know I’m not the sharpest bulb in the box, but I’m really good at reading people. Especially when they’re flirting. Flirting is my specialty. You were really obvious, man.”

Eddie’s dark eyes were wide as he watched Steve. 

Steve pushed his hair back nervously. “Was I not supposed to know that?”

Slowly, a grin grew on Eddie’s face. “No, that makes sense. I was just making sure we were on the same page.”

Steve started frowning again. “About…? Oh. Wait. Is this- are you trying to ask me out? Because, I’m flattered dude, but I’m not- I mean. I like girls. A girl. Who doesn’t like me back, but, you know, the heart wants what it wants and all that shit.”

Eddie shot Robin an incredulous look. She gave him a close-lipped smile and a nod. 

Yeah, dude. Her best friend was awesome. 

“No, Steve,” Eddie said. “I’m not trying to ask you out. The last person I wanted to date got murdered by a super-powered psychopath right in front of me and it was quite traumatizing, so I think I’m taking a break from all that dating-slash-falling-in-love stuff for a while.”

Steve’s face scrunched up as he thought for a long moment. “Patrick?”

Robin snorted, feeling hopelessly fond. 

Eddie looked stupefied. “Chrissy, Steve. Remember Chrissy? Who was beautiful and sweet and not actually trying to murder me for starting a cult?”

“But… Chrissy’s a girl?” 

“I like both, man,” Eddie said.

“Oh,” Steve said. Then a second later, “That’s a thing?”

Eddie laughed. He had a look in his eye, like he still couldn’t quite believe Steve was taking this so well but he was grateful for every second of it. 

“Like Bowie,” Robin tried to explain. “He likes both.”

Eddie snapped his fingers and pointed at Robin. “Exactly. Bowie’s metal as fuck.”

Steve looked like he was about to say something when Dustin’s voice came from the kitchen “Steve! Come tell Mike he’s doing it wrong!”

“I’m not doing it wrong! The pasta’s supposed to look like that.”

“No pasta is ever supposed to look like that,” Erica’s voice sounded loudly over the rest. “What? Just the facts!”

“My mom’s pasta looks like that.” That was Will. 

Then Dustin again. “Thanks for proving my point, dude. Steve!”

Steve was smiling softly as the kids all roared for his approval. 

“Go help your kids, Dingus,” Robin said. “And know that I’m not eating anything made by Mike or Dustin.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said. “I’ll make you something else. Eddie?”

Eddie grinned. “Nah man, I’m with you. It’s our job to eat whatever the little shits made and pretend it’s good, right?”

Steve grimaced. “Yeah.”

He left, muttering about being the goddamn babysitter under his breath. 

Robin turned to Eddie, eyebrows up, expectant. 

“Alright, fine! I believe I owe the Lady my apologies,” Eddie said. “I didn’t mean to malign your best friend’s honor and besmirch his good name.”

[drdemonprince]

if you ever have the time and space to answer this i'd be very thankful

how can i take any let downs by friends less personal and continue giving people chances/inviting them in and being vulnerable without hurting myself/gettung hurt in the process? i'm guessing the answer is to find a balance, but are there ways to go about it easier? no matter how much i try to communicate and and manage expectations... i appreciate my friends greatly, but still i often feel let down when they cant come to things that are important to me though i understand that things can happen and theres usually reasons for not being able to make something and i am not their priority number one in a system that exhausts all of us- it just keeps happening and i don't want to grow bitter and alone but cherish the people in my life and trust they are trying their best

I think you can start by practicing being more flaky and unreliable and more reliant up on your friends' grace as well! When we feel resentful, it is often a sign that we are doing far too much, and not having our needs cared for. I used to be one of the most reliable mother fuckers around -- it was my senior superlative, actually, Most Reliable! ha! -- and I resented just about everyone for being less put together, less likely to follow through, less prone to doing what they said and saying what they'd do than me. I was a bitter little Type A overachieving cunt who considered myself superior to everyone (in part because my hyper literal Autistic ass believed that if you said you were going to do something, that meant you absolutely Had to Do It and Why Would Anybody Lie about a thing like that?)

Today I am a fuckin MESS and I am a much better person for it. I amble up just barely on time, I cancel plans, I forget things, I tell someone I can't make it even if in the most literal sense I could but I don't feel like it -- and many of my friends are tired, spent, fuzzy brained exhausted messes too! And it's fine! I have some friends that I regularly rely upon to cancel our plans because it frees up a little extra room in my schedule that I always wind up needing. I'm not mad or disappointed in them for bailing, my ass is relieved because I definitely have some shit to get to myself and probably four other people that I'm kinda letting down at the moment. It's not that any of us lack concern for one another, that's just what being a busy adult is in this day and age. We have work and creative pursuits and lots of friends and fucking and exercise and tile to regrout. Shit happens. It's not a big deal if I end up needing to see the movie solo or if we need to reschedule our breakfast date. Shit happens. I have too many actual problems to make a problem out of someone having a hangover and not being able to show up to my birthday or whatever. I missed their birthday last year, but I'll make it there this year, and maybe next time they'll make mine, too. The grace of accepting chaos washes it all away. My friends are my fellow comrades in the fuckin trenches and we each get to make one another's tours a little less miserable by understanding shit's crazy and fucked and that none of it is personal and that at the end, we still love eachother and are doing our best.

With time, may you find that kind of serenity and that ability to just keep on moving in life rather than fixating on the little slights and unpredictable things that will happen whether we fight them or not. Don't read too much into anyone's cancellation of plans or lateness or flakiness. Put your mind toward more interesting problems in your life, ones that some thinking can help solve. Easier said than done, but you'll get there. If my bitter anal retentive ass could become so sloppy and lovingly blase so can you!