#amy & rory didn’t have this problem as much because they were a set do not separate and thus could play off each other as well

[quietwingsinthesky]

I think the nature of Clara haterism on Tumblr can’t be fully understood without the historical context of 2013. Namely that by the time of DW season 7b Moffat was widely hailed as The Bogeyman Of All Misogyny Ever. Clara was considered THE prototypical Shallow Moffat Girl, and she became a sort of figurehead for everything wrong with the show. (Bc everyone was maybe 14 and Smith was too beloved to insult.) Consequently, she evokes a kneejerk bad faith reading response in many users even today.

yeah, alright, i can see that. i am surprised that, at least as far as i’ve seen, amy & river don’t get the same treatment? or if they did, it hasn’t persisted half as long as opinions on clara have. Because having now seen how all three of them were written, amy got treated. so much worse with The Misogyny™️, and River bounces between ‘actually a fascinating character’ and ‘moffat wrote a sexy girlboss who wants to fuck the doctor’ so hard it gives me whiplash. (and i say this as a River enjoyer, I love her and she deserves so much better lmao.)

Of the three of them, I think Clara actually comes out a lot better written overall? She’s allowed more space to be a character rather than be a woman, if that makes sense. Sure, bit of a rocky start in s7, and I can certainly see why the Impossible Girl thing could be aggravating to some people. (I think it was. Fine. fantastic episode conceptually that sort of fell apart when it came to actually doing anything.) but Clara in s8 (and the start of s9) is fantastic. Her relationship with Danny and the Doctor is messy and deceptive and so understandable. “Listen” as an episode almost felt like ‘hey what if the clara putting herself in the doctor’s past was actually interesting and impacted him’. Her becoming more like the Doctor, especially after losing Danny, both as an effort to hold on tight to the only person she perceives as keeping her moving forward and giving her a purpose AND because to her, the Doctor is able to lose so much and not be destroyed by it and she wants that (without really understanding just how much this life is fucking him up, too.), is just. fantastic.

where was i going with this. i have no idea. my point, i think, is: i guess i can see how initial reactions to clara might color a less than flattering picture of the rest of her, but :( consider: i love her so so much and everyone should be niceys to her.

[iwritefandomimagines]

ELEVENTH DOCTOR x READER: “Things change.”

prompt #17 -- requested

masterlist

pairing: eleventh doctor x reader

description: when the doctor gets his timings wrong again, he finds a heartbroken you in your living room, years after he last left you at home. 

warnings: mega angsty. oops !

words: 1,600

Initially, you believed that whenever you next heard the sound of the TARDIS landing, you’d be ecstatic.

You’d expected to go running into the Doctor’s arms, swept away on some adventure or another that you’d remember forever. You pictured yourself content and excited and happy.

But that was then, and time had passed.

The last time the Doctor had dropped you off had been three years ago now. The man you loved had dropped you off to take Amy and Rory away somewhere ‘just for them’ for a day... But three years had gone by with no sign of them returning.

You’d spent at least the first six months locked away in your room, wallowing and crying in fear that he didn’t want to see you again.

But now that so much time had passed, you’d become too furious with the Doctor to want to see him again either. How could he just leave you here, forgetting about you entirely?

He’d told you he loved you -- had that truly meant nothing?

You were currently curled up on your sofa, a pot of ice cream in your hands and surrounded by a bundle of blankets. Your hair was unkempt, your loungewear the same you’d been wearing for a good few days now. Truth be told, you were in a mess.

Despite your infuriation, you’d never quite managed to fall out of love with the Doctor. That madman in the police box who’d whisked you away to places you’d never even imagined. He’d been your world, your safe place, and yet he’d been your breaking point too that moment he left you.

Right now you were reeling from yet another unsuccessful attempt at moving on. Another unsuccessful blind date, another failure to feel anything but apathy for any man who wasn’t the Doctor. Your Doctor. Why couldn’t you just move on?

And so when the TARDIS engine sounded, materialising right in front of you in your very living room, the fury coursing through your every vein was almost unbearable. Tugging your blankets tighter around your frame, you pretended to be unaware of the giant blue box blocking your view of another romantic comedy that only fuelled your sadness.

“Y/N!”

The sound of his voice sent chills rippling through your body, but you didn’t dare look up. It would be real then, you’d have to face the fact that he’d left you but all of a sudden was back.

“Oh Y/N! What’s the matter sweetheart?” he ambled towards you, pushing the blanket fortress you’d assembled out of his way. His head cocked to the side confusedly -- you’d changed. A lot. Had he gotten his timing wrong again?

The word sweetheart made butterflies flit in your stomach, but it was bittersweet to hear it again from his lips, and so all you could bring yourself to do was scoff.

His fingers reached up for a strand of your hair -- you’d dyed it in a feeble attempt to stop recognising yourself the way you did when you were with him -- twirling it around his finger as he tried desperately to make you meet his gaze.

“How long has it been?” his voice was barely above a whisper as he knew your answer couldn’t be good.

“Three years.”

Your words dripped with venom, your eyes harsh and your face set in a scowl as you finally made eye contact with him.

The Doctor felt his world shatter around him at that, the very fact that he’d let you down -- the most important person in his life and he’d let you down.

“Oh darling I’m so sorry,” he cooed, cupping your face in his palms and lowering his head to be closer to yours, “I promise that wasn’t ever my intention. It’s been a day... well, a week... but it was only because things got a bit hectic. I came straight back as soon as I could. You didn’t think I’d abandon you?”

You drew in a sharp breath, struggling to fathom the words to tell him just how you felt. Honestly, a small part of you was still ridiculously happy to see him again, especially knowing he’d never intended to leave you for so long. But he had, he had been gone so long, and you weren’t sure you could forgive that.

“Three years,” you repeated, as though trying to come to terms with it all over again yourself, “Three years without you, Doctor.”

He pulled you to his chest, almost knocking your ice cream from your hands as he did so with such urgency. He kissed the top of your head, your stomach doing flips as you felt so close to him again. But you were still fuming, and you couldn’t let it go.

“I’d never have left you alone for so long, Y/N. You know I’d never do that, surely.” he frowned.

“I thought I did,” you mumbled, before clearing your throat to speak more confidently. “I thought I knew. But it’s been three years, Doctor. Things change. I’ve changed. I’m not the naive girl you left in this room, struggling while you fawned over Rory and Amy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even after you told me you loved me, Rory and Amy always seemed to come first. I feared being second -- well third -- best and then you unintentionally made that clear anyway.”

“Y/N, I love you, you know that,” he soothed, hands caressing your hair as he held you close, “I’ve thought about you every minute I’ve been gone.”

You shook your head, “That’s the problem, Doctor. So have I.”

There was silence for a moment, both of you too consumed with sadness to say anything. He couldn’t stand the notion of quite how badly he’d hurt you, and you couldn’t stand that though you were still angry and upset, you were relieved to be in his arms again, held by the man you adored.

“I-- three years,” he uttered, more to himself, still shocked, “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I know I’ll never be able to make up that time, but I want to try. I’ll never leave you behind again, darling. I can’t live without you.”

“I’ve had to learn to live without you, Doctor. I spent so long believing that it had been an accident but even now that I know that’s true it hurts. I love you, I’ll never be able to stop loving you, but I’m just-- this is so difficult.” you fought back tears.

The Doctor pressed a soft kiss to your temple, “I’ll never let anything like this happen again, Y/N. I promise. I’ll never let you out of my sight I’l--” 

You shook your head, pulling back a little to stare deeply into his eyes, mesmerised as always by their emerald twinkle, “I’ve tried so hard to forget you Doctor. And I never could. But I-- It’s made me realise that people spend their entire lives at your side and it’ll always mean more to us than it does to you.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. Not one person who I have travelled with has ever been unimportant to me, I’ve cared about every single one of them, always.” his voice was stern now, and you could tell you had hit a nerve, “And it’s different with you, Y/N. Everything is different with you. In hundreds of years I’ve never cared about anyone like I care about you. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”

You gulped, “But that’s the point -- you’ve had hundreds of years to try, to explore and to find someone. I only get one short silly little human lifetime, Doctor. It terrifies me that I know I’ll never love anyone like I love you, you’re the love of my life. But I’ll be like a... like a blip in your timeline when I’m gone.”

“Never,” He clutched your balled fists, pulling them to his lips and kissing the backs of them gently, “Everyone has a lasting impression on me, everyone matters. But you... Y/N, you’re absolutely everything to me. You say I’m the love of your life like that doesn’t matter to me. You’re the love of my life, darling. Surely you understand that.”

His words weighed heavy on your shoulders as you tried to digest them, even heavier as you tried to understand them.

“The love of your life?”

“Of course. The love of my life.”

“Oh.”

He laughed, capturing your face in his palms and pulling you towards him to kiss you. His lips were soft and warm, just as you remembered them, and you couldn’t help but melt immediately into the kiss as you felt all of your anger dissipate.

That was the thing, no matter how much he’d unintentionally hurt you, everything felt okay with the Doctor. No matter what, the Doctor’s very presence had always been enough for you. You were just grateful to have him back.

“I love you, Doctor. Please don’t leave me behind again.” your voice cracked.

“Never, Y/N,” he kissed the corner of your lips again gently, “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.”

You suddenly felt conscious of your current outfit, your loungewear and messy hair glaringly embarrassing to you despite the fact that the Doctor wasn’t remotely phased by it.

“I-- uh,” you began nervously, “I would say where shall we go but, well I look like this...” the Doctor furrowed his brows as you blushed, before rolling his eyes as you continued, “But I just want to spend time with you anyway. Movie night? Like old times?”

“Absolutely, sweetheart. Absolutely.”

-------

eeee i hope you enjoyed this! sorry if it wasn’t amazing, i lost track partway through and tried my hardest to finish it... let me know what you thought. now that i’m back, requests are back open and my (updated) prompt list is here if you’d like ideas. also, my masterlist is here if you’d like to take a look!

thanks for reading <3

[penguinwithitsarseonfire]

Dance For All We’ve Been Through

Pairing: Eleventh Doctor x Reader

Word Count: 1,771

Warnings: None

Summary: To stop a meteor hitting a small planet, the Doctor creates an elaborate plan involving a planet wide dance competition to stop it.

Request: I read in your tags that you were feeling fluff and I love how you write 11! Could you do 44 fluff with 11 please? and maybe with the Ponds there too? Prompt: “You’re an idiot” / “But I’m your idiot”

A/N: I don’t know what this is, I’m so sorry. This came from discussing Rick and Morty after a rehearsal in which there was a dance off.

The plan was bizarre – straight up weird, and, if it was anyone besides the Doctor, you would have had no faith that it would work.

Rory had finished drawing up a scaled version of the planet you were currently standing on. The planet was small - Pluto small, and a part of you wanted to cradle the drawing in your hands.

"How's this?" He asked, looking to Amy, then to you.

"It's good," you said, then, more of an aside. "I didn't know you could draw."

"We made him design all our aliens as kids,” Amy commented, and she leaned over Rory to get a better look at the map. "Where's the meteor supposed to hit?"

You had forgotten his name, but the president of the planet; a stocky man with a receding hairline, his purple face red from stress, hissed. "Don't say that so loud. If people know, it will cause a panic."

You groaned. "We've been through this. If we can't tell people, if we can't even tell your government-"

"We are not telling the government," he spat. He straightened, and you noticed his skin going back to a pale shade of purple. "My people are a fragile sort."

You ran a hand through your hair, trying to stifle your groan of frustration. He really wasn't making it easy.

The Doctor then ran into the room, and you almost cheered. The timing was perfect. You wouldn’t have to deal with the president now, the Doctor could. He would listen to the Doctor, everyone listened to the Doctor.

He came in to the sound of bells clattering against each-other, and you noticed that there actually were bells, draped over him like a sleigh bells. In fact, his whole body was decorated with an assortment of tinsel and lights. He looked like he was cosplaying a Christmas tree. "Almost done setting up the stage," he said. "How are we going in here?"

He was a strange dichotomy. In any other situation, you could image he would be grinning gleefully. The lights, the tinsel, the stage, the music, even, it was all up the Doctor's alley. Minus the planet destroying meteor.

His mouth, however, was pulled into a grim line.

It was the only clue you had that the Doctor was worried, too.

"Where's the meteor hitting?" Amy asked, with a slight pinch in her lips. She had noticed then, too.

"Oh it shouldn't be a problem," The Doctor waved to her, and his face morphed into a grin, which, by now, after all the times you had seen him do it, you knew wasn’t genuine. "All we need to do is move the planet by an inch or so, the meteor should fly right past."

“All we need,” the Doctor straightened and pointed to the three of you. “Is a dance move.”

“Ah,” you stared at your friends, who mirrored your blank expression.

Amy chewed her lip. “The macarena?”

You brightened. “Oh! That would be easy to teach everyone, it’s a classic!”

The Doctor physically slumped. “The macarena? Anyone can do the macarena,” he bumbled into the table, jingling away like a cheesy Christmas carol – which, why did you keep making Christmas metaphors – and came to your side.  He leaned over you, studying the map.

He was close, you could feel some of the tinsel brush against your shoulder. He traced his finger along the edge of the planet, and in doing so he inadvertently moved further into your space. It was… warm. Safe. “If we sink the planet down – essentially, that’s not what we’re actually doing, the meteor-“

The president hissed.

The Doctor ignored him. “-Should just fly overhead. It means we need a dance move with extra oomph, where everyone dances…” he trailed off, turning to you. “Together.”

The Doctors eyes were so close to yours, you could see little flecks of gold in the green of his irises – something you had never noticed before.

From the side, you thought you heard someone – Amy, say something about pushing someone together to kiss.

You heard Rory say something else, something about being against the rules of the bet.

You decided to ignore them both. There were more pressing matters anyway

“So a partnered dance?” You said.

“Hang on,” Rory said. “Dancing – why are we dancing?”

“Oh,” The Doctor clapped his hands. “I love this part.”

“The explaining why you’re oh so very clever part?” Amy supplied.

“Exactly,” The Doctor said. He brushed his hands across the map. “Now, because Mr. Mean Purple Man-”

“President Button,” the president huffed.

“-Won’t let us tell the public the danger, which, judging by how your bodies can spontaneously combust under mass stress, isn’t a bad idea, it means we need a discreet way of solving the issue.”

“So… dancing?” Rory said.

“Dancing,” The Doctor said. “You see, it’s experimental, but, if everyone were to jump at the same time, whilst we’re all in the air, the planet should move an inch or so, just from the sheer force of conflict against the planets gravity. Then, it’s tricky, because, when we land, it will either move the planet another inch or…”

“Or?” The president said.

“Or move the planet back.”

“Oh,” you said, dejectedly. The planet moving back would be bad. Very bad.

You tried to think of an idea. What would make the planet move. “Wait,” you said, forming an idea. “So if two people are holding each other when they jump, shouldn’t they be able to jump higher? It’s got to do with momentum, right?”

“Correctumndo Y/L/N!” The Doctor beamed at you. “And we need to make sure everyone jumps in appropriately…” The Doctor stared at his plans. “37 minutes. Easy.”

Which was how, half an hour later, you ended up standing on a stage in a broadcast directed to the entire planet.

The dance wasn’t too difficult, all things considered. It was, however, ridiculous.

It had all the traits that made the Doctor… outlandishly goofy. There was a move that involve the Doctors strange giraffe arms - which he delighted in making you do, and a twirl that involved the two of jumping together, holding each-others forearms. If it were any other saturation, you would have felt self-conscious, hell, you would have felt downright absurd.

You laughed lightly when he demonstrated the wavey arm giraffe move again. He was brilliant, but he was also such an idiot. You paused for a moment, watching as he addressed the camera.

He was wonderful.

Standing on the stage, in front of all those cameras, talking to millions of people, felt so strange. The bright TV lights blared down on you. They were hot, and, after demonstrating the dance a couple of times, you could feel a sheen of sweat form on your brow.

The Doctor checked his watch. He looked to you, his expression grim. You didn’t have much time now.

“Alright,” you said, addressing the camera’s. “To win the competition, you must do the dance in time with us,” you said. “It what we humans,” you gestured to the Doctor, who was completely not human. “Value above all else in dance.”

Also a lie.

Amy grinned at you from behind the camera. She gave you an encouraging thumbs up.

“We’ll dance with you,” you continued. “And, whoever has the best timing, will win!”

You had no idea if you were convincing, but it was the best you could do.

So you danced.

It was, honestly, a blur. The only thing you could concentrate on was on the Doctor. The way his arms held you as you moved, the way his eyes shone when he twirled you under the lights.

Finally, finally, as Rory called out time, you both jumped into the air, clutching each other as you did so. In the corner of your eye, you saw the crew, Amy and Rory, even the President, jump into the air, and…

It was incredible.

It was like you could hear it. The entire population move as one, the planet shifting underneath your feet. You wanted to close your eyes, hold your breath, in case the meteor did come and all of you were brutally killed in an instant.

But you didn’t, you couldn’t look away. Because the Doctor was right in front of you, looking at you so sure, so positive that this would work out. He looked at you like you were brighter than the lights shining above you.

Then, you landed.

And nothing happened.

Nothing at all.

A loud cheer erupted over the room, and you couldn’t help joining in.

Here was this man, with his ridiculous, mad plan.

And it had worked.

After everything, when the four of you had wandered back to the TARDIS, and the President had thanked you for the fourteenth time, the Doctor took your hand. "Well then, I'd say that was another success. Where to next? I know a planet that makes amazing ice cream."

Amy laughed. "That dance was ridiculous, it was worse than my wedding."

"Oi, I’ll have you know that I've won dance offs with that move," he did an awkward wave, which was only made worse since you didn't join in, so it stopped rather sadly by your hand.

You laughed brightly. “You’re an idiot.”

The Doctor grinned at you. "Yes, but I am your idiot.”

You paused, doing a double take. Did he just-

"Oh," the Doctor paled as three pairs of stunned eyes stared at him. "Did I say that out loud?"

You processed what he had said. That he was.. well, yours. That was… well, that was amazing, really.

You squeezed his hand. "Good," you said. "I can't very well have you running off and being an idiot on your own."

Rory stared at you blankly. There was a beat, then he spoke. "Did - did you two just become a couple?" He brightened. "Did I just win the bet?"

There was a thump and Rory doubled over, clutching his stomach. He hissed out Amy's name, and, when you turned to face her, she was standing there with large, doe eyes, completely oblivious to her husband. She looked the picture of innocence.

You didn't believe her for a second.

You stood on your tip toes and placed a delicate kiss on the Doctors cheek. His blush reached the tips of his ears. "Take me on a date and we'll see," you said, enveloped in a ball of confidence. "Space boy." You squeezed his hand and winked at Amy, before stepping into the TARDIS.

From the outside, you thought you heard someone cheer.

It put a small smile on your face.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

yes I’m back to scream about rory williams again. I saw an article that said 11 was terrible to him and they hated each other??? in what world??? 11 clearly respected and cared about Rory. Rory got over his jealousy by the time season six started, and just because he wasn't afraid to call the Doctor out on his bullshit doesn’t mean he didn’t consider him a best friend??? Just because Amy was the Doctor’s best friend doesn’t mean he can’t care about other people??

Rory’s jealousy in season five was completely understandable- and the Doctor understood that, and tried to include him and coax them into working on their relationship to get Rory to trust him. When Rory tried to make it a you vs me situation during Vampires in Venice, 11 shut it down. He’s not romantically interested in Amy and he wants Rory to know that, even though he knows Amy’s confused. Even in later seasons, after Amy’s figured her feelings out, he’s still wary about crossing boundaries in Rory’s eyes, making sure no one misunderstands his physical affection for anything other than friendly. And then as they know each other even longer, he starts getting more physically affectionate with Rory too- more hugging, more closeness without it being weird, they kiss a couple times, they were all cuddling on the couch watching a movie with the Doctor in the middle and Rory didn’t have a single problem with it for God’s sake.

He trusts Rory from almost the moment he meets him- even Amy, he almost took her home after she tried to hide the star whale secret from him. But he knows Rory is quick to catch on, compassionate and a roll with the punches type person. We see in Hungry Earth how positive he is that everything on the surface is going to be fine, because he left Rory in charge and he believes Rory’s fully capable of keeping the humans calm and helping the silurian. He trusts Rory is capable enough that he sets him lose on a cyber ship with his sonic screwdriver. He trusts Rory to help him when he’s fixing/tinkering with the TARDIS even though Rory isn’t a time lord engineer and the Doctor’s protective of his ship. Hell, the opening of Impossible Astronaut tells us that Rory is one of the people in the world the Doctor trusts most. And while Rory is under absolutely no delusion that the Doctor is an unbeatable miracle worker, he still trusts that the Doctor will do every single thing he can to save them from a dangerous situation. The Doctor respects Rory because he believes he is a truly good person (and we all know the Doctor has very specific, hard to meet qualifications for that definition). And from Rory wanting to do the Doctor’s funeral ‘the right way’ in Impossible Astronaut, it’s easy to assume that despite his lack of hero worship he also respects the Doctor for being a good person. 

Even without bringing River into the mix, they consider each other family. The Doctor says he’s scared of Amy and Rory ‘fading away’. Not just Amy. The both of them. He buys Rory stuff he only mentioned liking in passing just to show he cares (”You bought me my favorite car????” “You showed me a picture and said ‘that’s my favorite car!’ “). He’s so invested in their marriage that he saves them from divorce. He tried to give the Ponds a moment alone with their newborn daughter and Rory fully ordered him back into the room because the Doctor is his family. The Ponds set a place for him at the dinner table every single night just in case he stops by (what the fuck I am still frothing at the mouth over that that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard what the fuck). They poke fun at each other. They joke around about who’s turn it is to deal with Amy when she’s in a bad mood. The Doctor thinks Rory is funny and brilliant in his quiet way and Rory thinks the Doctor is ridiculous and magnetic. 

Listen like...we’ve seen the Doctor travel with people he doesn’t want there before. He is always, without fail, bitchy about it. If he didn’t truly care about Rory, it would be obvious. He was torn up when Rory was erased and ecstatic when he came back, and we never once see him offer to take Amy somewhere alone. While yes, he is emotionally closer to Amy, he still always directs all his attention to The Ponds, plural, because they’re equally important to him. Even Rory’s sweetly clueless dad understands how deep the friendship between the three of them is.

listen I just,,,,,miss my fave little trio so much and won’t stand for slander. they’re friends. thank you goodnight 

[singledarkshade]

Magical Mix Up

Chapter Five

(Chapter Four can be found here)

 Author’s Note: With thanks to the incredible @theadrogna for being my historical guide for all things Roman.

Rome.

Rory had never been here, not in this life anyway, but the memories he held from his time being made of plastic meant he felt that he was home.

Unfortunately, he was still in his scrubs which meant he would stick out like a sore thumb, so he needed new clothes. And probably a sword.

It occurred to him as he scanned the area that there was a time when he would never have thought about needing a weapon of any kind, never mind knowing he could use it. He spotted a guard station and studied the soldiers. They were about to go out on patrol, which left a small group in the station which would allow Rory to, hopefully, steal what he needed.

He watched the soldiers as they began to march, waiting until he was sure they were far enough away. From his angle he could see the few left and decided which one to incapacitate. The nurse side of him hated the thought, but right now that part of him was pushed to the back of his mind. The situation, as well as whatever Constantine had done to him, meant Rory’s darker side was at the forefront.

Looking down at himself, Rory found some mud and quickly dirtied his scrubs to hopefully hide them to a degree before he moved carefully from the trees to the guard station. As one of the soldiers passed him, Rory pounced, wrapping his arm around the man’s neck, and held on until the man lost consciousness. Dragging him back where he couldn’t be seen Rory quickly swapped their clothes and took the weapons.

“Sorry,” he murmured to the man.

Rory grimaced, feeling uncomfortable in the soldier’s uniform because it wasn’t his own and it was a lower rank, not to mention the sword was not as good as his own. Shaking himself Rory took a deep breath and left his cover making his way to the gate.

There were caravans and people streaming through, meaning Rory could easily walk through in full uniform without anyone raising an eyebrow at his presence. Once inside he decided to head to the marketplace, somewhere crowded was his best bet to remain hidden from the nutcases who couldn’t understand the simple fact he was not the man they thought he was. It was pure luck they had crashed here, although the fact these people had the ability to travel in time worried him from what he’d seen so far.

He hoped there would be some way for him to send a message to the Doctor but at the moment he had no ideas how to do that. Then again, there was a ship outside the city he could use, if he could get onboard without the crew knowing.

That was a problem for later, after he’d found a safe haven that he could use for however long he was stuck here.

Rory walked slowly through the streets, taking in the familiar smells and sounds. He watched the children running around playing their games. Vendors offered their wares in the market while families strolled through, soldiers were not an unusual sight either, so Rory blended in.

He caught sight of a Centurion, and the reckless part of him wanted to steal the uniform to match the rank he was meant to have. Thankfully he still had common sense to know that was a bad idea, although if someone tried to give him an order he might not be as pragmatic about the whole thing.

As he moved along the streets, he spotted a leather pouch fallen to one side, hidden by crates from one of the stalls. Dropping a small stone that he’d lifted on his way into the city, Rory crouched to pick it up and swiped the pouch. Not long after the wedding, they were on a planet that were celebrating victory in a race of some kind. Amy and the Doctor had found something that the adrenaline junkies in them got overexcited about. Rory opted for the quiet option of sitting in a café watching the celebrations, River had appeared suddenly and spent a day teaching him how to steal. Looking back on it, Rory realised she was trying to spend time with him as a friend so that when he found out the truth, he had some good memories with her.

Now he had some money, Rory decided to get something to eat.

It had already been a long day.

                                 *********************************************

 “Alright,” the Doctor said, “I am aiming us for the same time as Rory, but I want to ensure we’re far enough away from the people who took him. I don’t want them seeing or detecting the TARDIS.”

“I can easily check where they are,” Rip noted.

The Doctor frowned in thought, “Not worried they’ve changed the codes?”

Rip chuckled, “They may try but that ship was mine for over fifteen years and know it better than any of them. If Gideon isn’t functioning, which is my worry since she would know Rory isn’t me, then there is a back door I can use.”

“Will that let you know if Rory is alright?” Amy asked softly.

Rip nodded, “And why they’re in Rome. Because there must be a specific reason the team have come here. And if there is an issue with the timeline, we need to make sure we don’t cause any more.”

“Time Masters,” the Doctor chuckled, “They’re always so much fun.”

Amy smiled at the look Rip gave the Doctor, his scathing look that was exactly like Rory’s and she wondered if maybe they were related.

They waited while Rip connected with his ship, and as predicted only a few seconds later he nodded, “I’m in.”

“Show me Rory,” Amy demanded.

Rip frowned, “Oh no,” he brought up the cameras, “It looks as though there is no mission, this was an accident.”

“They crashed here?” Amy asked, seeing the mess of the ship on the screen.

“What the bloody hell have they done to Gideon,” he grimaced, “I can’t find her anywhere.” He paused and rubbed his eyes, “This is not good.”

Amy rested her hand on his arm, “Rip, it’s okay. Take a breath.”

“You don’t understand,” he whispered sadly, “She’s all I have left. I promised her I’d come back.”

Hugging him tightly Amy rubbed his shoulder, “Don’t jump to any conclusions, okay. There could be any number of reasons she’s not answering you. Let’s focus on getting the TARDIS landed and then get you to the ship so you can check yourself.”

Pulling back Rip gave Amy a small smile, “Thank you. Let me check the security cameras and see where Rory is for you.”

The Doctor moved to Amy’s side as they watched Rip scan through the information.

“They locked him up,” Rip snapped annoyed, “I honestly wonder sometimes about their logic. Sara and I will have words on this.”

“Rip,” the Doctor said softly, reminding him they were there.

Shaking his head Rip returned to work, “Here he is. After the crash he slid out the ship and into the trees. The camera loses him quickly. Even in that colour, he’s hard to spot.”

The Doctor watched Amy wrap her arms around herself as both knew that meant the Centurion was in charge. It was, in many ways, a good thing as Rory would know how to blend in within the city and would be able to keep himself safe for them. Although, it would make it harder to locate him.

“Okay,” the Doctor said, “I will set us down between the city and your ship, Rip.”

“We can’t leave the ship looking like this,” Rip noted, “We will be spotted instantly.”

Forcing himself not to smirk too much, the Doctor said, “Amy, take Rip to the wardrobe and give him the uniform.”

Amy stared at him for a moment before leading the other man out of the room.

“A Time Master, that particular Time Master,” the Doctor mused to the TARDIS, “This will be interesting.”

                                 *********************************************

 The Time Sphere materialised just under the wing of the Waverider and Gideon smiled to see her ship, a calm settling in her. Sliding out the bubble, Gideon rested her hand on the metal and smiled.

“I’m sorry I was away, dear one,” she said softly, “I was scared you wouldn’t need me anymore now I am like this.”

The whispered reply made Gideon smile.

“I will fix what they broke,” Gideon promised, “And I will not leave you again.”

Turning she found Cisco watching her curiously.

“We should get inside and find the crew,” Gideon told him, smiling as the cargo bay lowered for them, “Thank you, dear one.”

Walking up the ramp, Cisco followed her into the ship. Anger filled her at the mess of the place, and she gently stroked the bulkhead to soothe the Waverider.

“Where are they?” she asked.

Flickering lights pointed her in the direction of the engine room, and Gideon patted the wall once more letting the Waverider know she didn’t need to expend any more energy. As they walked through the corridors, voices came from close by and Gideon quickened her pace towards them with Cisco following on behind.

“What did you do to my ship?” Gideon demanded sharply the moment she saw Sara and Jax in the engine room.

They turned and stared at her.

“I provided you with explicit instructions on how to fix a temporary AI for the Waverider,” she continued, marching towards them, “And you ignored them.”

Jax stared at her, “Gideon?”

“Gideon?” Sara echoed.

Annoyed she snapped, “Obviously. Now do you want to explain why you skipped several steps in the instructions I gave you?”

“I…well…” Jax stammered as he came face to face with the irate Gideon.

She stared at him, “I’m waiting, Mr Jackson.”

“Gideon,” Sara spoke up, stepping back slightly when Gideon turned and speared her with a sharp glare, “Jax was doing his job.”

“No,” Gideon stated, “Doing his job would mean the ship would not currently be crashed in the past needing substantial repairs.”

“That’s enough, Gideon,” Sara ordered, “Jax is working on fixing the engines. You head up to the bridge and work with Zari.”

Gideon tilted her head amused, “You are under the impression you are in charge, Miss Lance.”

Sara stared at her, “I’m still the Captain, Gideon.”

Gideon laughed softly before stating, “No. I am. The Waverider is mine, and she will follow me. There is only one person we would allow to act as Captain in my stead and that is not you, Miss Lance. Not after this debacle. I suggest you return to the bridge to assist Miss Tomaz with Mr Ramon, who is in charge of the repairs, while I supervise Mr Jackson.”

 Sara stared in amazement at Gideon, who turned away to study the engines. Jax motioned her to one side quickly.

“Do we tell her?” Jax asked, “Now she’s in charge.”

Shaking her head, Sara replied, “No. Gideon has just become human, and she’s not in charge, Jax. This is her trying to assert independence since she’s no longer an AI.”

“What do we do?” Jax demanded, glancing over to where Gideon and Cisco were talking.

“We repair the ship,” Sara said, “While we do that, I’m going to send John to find Rip and get him back here. Once he’s here, then she’ll focus on getting his memories back.”

Shaking his head Jax sighed, “I hope you’re right.”

“Me too,” Sara murmured, before she started up to the bridge, Cisco could find her if Gideon wanted him to work with them.

She found John checking that none of his important and dangerous items had been damaged in the crash.

“I get why she’s pissed,” John noted after Sara told him what was happening, “The Waverider was the only physical form she had until now. And she never liked someone ignoring her instructions.”

“I haven’t told her about Rip,” Sara continued, “But I want you to find him and bring him back.”

John frowned, “Why not tell her?”

“We need her to fix the ship.”

Grimacing John said, “That is…”

“My decision,” Sara replied sharply cutting him off, “Now, find him and get him back here. If you have to knock him out again, do it. But remember you’ll have to carry him.”

“What about the couriers?” John demanded.

“After the crash they’re not working. Jax thinks it’s to do with the energy released by the engines,” Sara told him, “And without Gideon or Ray, resetting them isn’t possible.”

John rolled his eyes, “Bloody typical.”

“Find Rip,” Sara ordered, “And get him back here as fast as possible.”

Leaving him to return to the bridge Sara heard John muttering.

“Join the nutters who time travel, what a bloody good idea.”

[saiilorstars]

Falling in Temptation

Previous chapters • Sequel to Stars Dance •  Fairy Tale Memoirs (Companion story)

Ch. 26: The God Complex

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x OFC

Chapter summary: The travelers are stuck in a hotel hell-bent on showing them their worst fears. The Doctor's greatest fears shown to him is what finally pushes him to do something he should've done a long time ago.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​ @stareyedplanet​ @perfectlystiles​

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

Avalon was sitting on mushy, green grass with her journal and pen. There was a sun, or a fake sun, shining up above in the 'sky'. There was a very visible flower scent that flooded the area with every breeze. Avalon loved the room the TARDIS had made for her, it was very...fairy-tale like. But also, it was the perfect place to attempt to write. It had only recently come up and Avalon couldn't be more thankful for the TARDIS again. She truly made life easier. The new room had been Avalon's new sanctuary to keep on drafting.

Of course, it usually only worked when a certain Time Lord wasn't around...and that was soon to end in...3...2...1...

"Gotcha!" the Doctor cheered as he took Avalon by surprise with a hug from behind.

The ginger flinched and dropped her journal and pen. She turned her head to the side and frowned, "I'm gonna slap you one of these days."

"But not today," the Doctor smirked and pressed a kiss to her lips. Afterwards, he moved over and sat down beside her, "So what are we doing on this fine morning?"

"How would you know it's morning?" Avalon chuckled, "You live in a time machine."

"Clearly because Amy and Rory were going into the kitchen for breakfast, duh," the Doctor playfully rolled his eyes.

"Don't be a smart alec with me, it'll cost you," Avalon warned and closed her journal, "Now I don't feel like being irritated in my own sanctuary."

"I would never," the Doctor mocked an offended face, making her laugh.

"I'm sorry," Avalon chuckled and set her journal down on her side. "I know I lock myself up over this thing," she nodded to the journal, "My family always got so irritated with me for it."

"I'm not upset, I was just missing you," the Doctor put an arm around her shoulders, "You're doing what you love, how can I be mad at that?"

Avalon scoffed, "As if I'm doing the thing I love. I want to be a writer but c'mon," she sighed, "We all know it's not happening, I just kid myself with this journal."

"Oi, I gave you that journal, let's not downplay its importance," the Doctor made a face, "And, not to mention, Emmalina gave you your first one, because she believed in you."

Avalon quietly picked up her journal and stared at its cover, her mind drifting off to the past, "She thought I could become one of the greatest writers in history."

"Well, it's not too late," the Doctor shrugged, "You're only 23, perfect age to begin."

"You've gotten to know me a lot better than anyone else, so you know that I'm not a very good person..."

"Let's not get into that topic," the Doctor sighed, "Because I've already told you that it's all senseless."

"No, it's not..." Avalon said quietly.

The Doctor ignored her comment and gently moved her to sit on his lap, "Okay, while I think you are completely wrong about that, I don't see any reason why you can't become a true writer."

"It's scary," Avalon sighed, "Plus, my reputation isn't all that great on Earth. Colleges literally look at everything and I've been arrested several times and I've actually gone to a juvenile detention. That alone disqualifies me, or discourages the admission. You see? There's no hope. I'm doomed to be an amateur for the rest of my life."

"Now wait a minute," the Doctor had to stop her, "Earth isn't the only place you can get some education. You're not even from Earth! You can go anywhere in the galaxy, Ava. They would look at your talent, your ambition, determination..."

"And do you think I have any of that?"

"Of course I do! All that and more," the Doctor kissed her hair, "Just say the word and we'll go and get you to see one of the professors."

Avalon lightly smiled as she thought of something, "You know, River's a professor, in the future," she raised her head to look at him, "You think she would be willing to help? Give some pointers?"

The Doctor hadn't quite thought of that, but knew right there it wouldn't be a good idea. "Ava, to contact that River right now would be far too dangerous. She'd be from way into the future and would have too much foreknowledge."

"Right," Avalon sheepishly smiled, "Guess I'd be on my own, then."

"Never, you'd have all of us, especially me," the Doctor nodded.

"It would be kind of nice," Avalon said and sighed a few seconds later. "I don't know. It's all so...new, you know? I don't know what I want to do."

"There's no rush, Ava. Take some time to think of all of your options and when you decide on something, you let me know and I'll do my best to help you."

Avalon nodded. It sounded like a good plan. She didn't want to rush into anything, especially something as important as an actual career. "You're incredible, do you know that?" She rested her head against his shoulder and smiled as she felt his arm wrap around her. "You're the best thing that's happened to me in my entire life."

"Wow, feel special now," the Doctor smiled. "Who'd known that the snappiest little girl in that sleepover would grow up and steal my hearts?"

"Mm, I had big goals," Avalon joked, "And don't call me 'snappy'. I wasn't 'snappy'. I was just making sure you weren't going to hurt my sister. But if your feelings are still hurt I'm sure there's something I can do about it now..."

"And what would that be?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow as she shifted her body to face him. She had that sneaky smile he came to love early on.

"A little of this," Avalon pecked his lips. "And a lot of this," she kissed him again but deepened it, making it so that both of them were left without air and quite dazed.

~ 0 ~

The Doctor excitedly popped his head over a staircase railing, looking down at the many spirals of the stairs below. The rest of the travelers did the same but unlike him, they were nowhere near pleased with the sight.

"'Let's go to Ravan-Skala,' he says," Amy began with a huff, ""The people are 600 feet tall, you have to talk to them in hot air balloons and the Tourist Information Centre is made of one of their hats,' he says."

"And yet, there are no such hats," Avalon finished for her and raised her head to look at the Time Lord, "You have lied and badly."

"This is just awful," Rory went ahead and added.

The Doctor looked at the three with a scowl, "Amy, Beaky—"

"I would think real hard before you nickname me," Avalon pointed a warning finger at him.

"Princess," the Doctor flashed a smile, Avalon playfully rolling her eyes as a response, "Now this could be the most exciting thing I have ever seen!"

"You're kidding," Rory shook his head.

"How can you be excited about a rubbish hotel on a rubbish bit of Earth?" Amy crossed her arms and stared at the Doctor in disbelief.

"I'm not that surprised," Avalon remarked, "He gets excited about the stupidest things."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and ignored their little remarks, "Because, assembled Ponds..."

"And Reynolds," Avalon interjected with an amused smile.

"And Reynolds," the Doctor quietly added it. It was slips like those that could create such problems for him and everyone else and yet his mouth still had the ability to continue making the error. It was just too much fun calling her a Pond. "This is not Earth. This has just been made to look like Earth. The craftsmanship involved... Can you imagine?"

"Then where are we?" Avalon grew tired of the ole mystery. Unfortunately for her, the Doctor didn't seem to agree as he led them through the staircase, returning back to where the TARDIS was parked, "Hello, Doctor?" she called again, making a face as he deeply sniffed a plant.

"I don't know," he finally answered her and turned around, "Something must have yanked us off course. Look at the detail on that cheese plant!" he excitedly pointed at the plant.

"You want me to be excited over a...plant?" Avalon raised an eyebrow and walked up to him, slowly smiling of amusement, "You're so weird," she rested her hands on his chest and chuckled, "Remember when you ate grass?"

"And you told me to never kiss you," the Doctor decided to remind her rather smugly, "Look at us now."

"Shut up," Avalon remembered that moment quite clearly. She'd never have imagined the alien who tasted blue grass and just about anything else he found intriguing would actually steal her heart.

"Um, hello?" Rory called back to them, pulling them out of their moment, "Who would mock up an Earth hotel?"

"Colonists maybe, recreating a bit of home," the Doctor thought as he turned Avalon around and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Like when ex-pats open English pubs in Majorca. No, whoever did this, I am shaking his/her hand/tentacle."

"Seriously, you get excited over the stupidest things," Avalon sighed with resignation.

Rory moved over to a wall full of photographs of various species, soon calling the attention to Amy, "Have you seen these? Look at the labels underneath," he pointed to a photograph of a Sontaran, "Commander Halke, defeat," he then moved onto a human, "Tim Heath, having his photo taken. Lady Silver-Tear... Daleks."

Amy agreed there was something strange in that and decided to look for herself, "Paige Barnes, other people's socks. Tim Nelson, balloons. Novice Prin, sabrewolves. Royston Luke Gold, Plymouth. Lucy Hayward, that brutal gorilla," she glanced over to the Doctor, "Doctor, what does it mean?

"I don't know, let's find out," the Doctor took Avalon's hand and pointed for them to start moving.

They entered the reception room where they could hear a soft tune playing in the background due to some radio player at the reception desk. The Doctor tapped a bell on the desk and immediately three people jumped from around the corner, one of them, a woman, brandishing a chair leg at them.

"Blimey, that was quick," the Doctor jumped back.

"We surrender!" cried the alien of the three strangers.

"No, it's OK, we're not..." Rory grew tensed and came up with, "We're nice!"

"She threatened me with a chair leg," the Doctor suddenly noticed and looked at the others in disbelief.

"Who are you?" the woman with the chair leg demanded.

"We're back in reception," the third of the trio took notice of the new room.

"We surrender!" repeated the alien.

"Never been threatened with a chair leg before!" the Doctor was still stuck on that, "No, I tell a lie."

"Did you just say, 'It's OK, we're nice?'" Amy had suddenly realized that and had to find out the reason for it.

"EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP!" came the loud yell of Avalon who successfully managed to quiet everyone down, "Thank you," she breathed in relief and straightened herself up. "God, sometimes…"

"Their pupils are dilated," the woman took notice of the travelers' faces.

"What?" Avalon looked at her with suspicion and confusion.

"They're as surprised as we are," the woman continued, "Besides which, if it's a trick, it'll tell us something."

"Oh, you're good," the Doctor pointed, genuinely impressed, "Oh, she's good. Amy, with regret, you're fired."

Avalon looked at him with a scowl, "Excuse you?"

"I'm kidding," the Doctor waved her off but looked at the woman and mimed holding a phone to his ear, "We'll talk," he whispered.

"EXCUSE YOU?" Avalon raised an eyebrow at him, "There'll be no 'talks'," she frowned, "Not unless you're prepared to die."

The Doctor loved when Avalon got jealous but battling it out in front of strangers wasn't exactly his idea of having fun. He tugged her to him, through struggle as she was clearly upset, and looked at the others, "I take it from the pathological compulsion to surrender, you're from Tivoli," he settled on the alien of the strangers.

"Yes, the most invaded planet in the galaxy. Our anthem is called Glory To Insert Name Here."

Avalon stopped struggling against the Doctor to glance at the alien, "That's...sad," she informed then continued to fight, mumbling a few curse words here and there.

"You with the face, Howie, you said you were surprised to be back in reception," the Doctor pointed to the young man with them.

"The walls move, everything changes," Howie struggled to say as he looked around.

"You, clever one, what's he talking about?" the Doctor had looked back at the woman in scrubs, "And what's your name?"

"Oh yes, that's working well," Avalon muttered and practically swatted his hands off her, but to no avail.

"The corridors twist and stretch, rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else," the woman explained, "It's like the hotel's alive. And, um, Rita," she was noticing the odd looks she was getting from Avalon and frankly felt a bit nervous.

"Let me go," Avalon ordered the Doctor and finally pushed him off. She rolled her eyes and jumped over the reception desk to the radio station, "New rule, this stays off all night," she glanced back at the others, "It's giving me a headache. Now, then, what were you saying about the hotel?"

"It's huge, with, like, no way out," Howie finished for Rita.

"Have you tried the front door?" Rory had to ask since the 'easiest way out' always seemed the most ignored option during their travels.

"No, in two days it never occurred to us to try the front door," Rita sarcastically replied, "Thank God you're here!"

"Oi, don't be rude to my best friend," Avalon snapped at her as she jumped on the desk again, taking a comfortable seat on it with her legs dangling.

The Doctor had taken out his sonic to scan the door and opened it to find a white brick wall, confirming Howie's statement, "They're not doors, they're walls, walls that look like doors. Door-walls, if you like, or "dwalls", "woors" even, though you'd probably got it when you said, "They're not doors." I mean, the windows are..." he moved over to a pair of curtains and flung them to the sides, only to find more wall behind, "Right, big day if you're a fan of walls."

"It's not just that," Rita quietly said, Howie and Trivol both also getting quiet, "The rooms have...things in them."

"Things? Hello! What kind of things?" the Doctor was once again excited, "Interesting things? I love things, ask anyone."

"Stupid things," Avalon remarked as she inspected her nails, clearly trying to seem disinterested.

"Bad dreams," Rita answered the question with fear evident in her tone.

"Well, that killed the mood," the Doctor's excitement faded.

"There was never a mood here," Avalon looked at him with a scowl, reminding him this hadn't even been their choice of adventure in the first place.

"How did you get here?" the Doctor focused on the problem at hand.

"I don't know, I'd just started my shift," Rita shrugged, "I must have passed out, because suddenly I was here."

"I was blogging, next thing, this," Howie gestured to the room.

"Oh, I was at work, I'm in town planning," the alien went next, "We're lining all the highways with trees, so invading forces can march in the shade."

"Still very sad," Avalon whispered to him.

"Which is nice for them," the alien continued, ignoring the comment.

"Yeah... So what have we got?" the Doctor reviewed the information they'd just gotten, "People snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless, shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms. Well, apart from anything else, that's just rude."

"Says the rudest alien I've ever met," Avalon hopped off the desk with a clean smirk, "Now then, can we please get out of here? This hotel is creeping me out..." the Doctor agreed and reached to take her hand but she put them behind her back and sharply looked at him, "Under probation," she announced and headed off.

The Doctor made a face and looked at Amy and Rory, "Dare I ask what that even means?"

"Em, no," Amy shook her head and went off after Avalon, motioning for the others to do the same.

"See when Ava went out on dates she designated them as 'under probation'...and then she never saw them again," Rory decided to inform the Time Lord and had to hide his teasing smirk. It wasn't often he got to do that and since the Doctor had practically done that to himself, Rory figured why not?

~ 0 ~

As the group was coming up the staircase, the Doctor explained the plan to them all, "We'll pop back to the TARDIS, I'll do a planet-wide diagnostic sweep, then we'll have a sing song..." he trailed off when they'd reached the space in which the TARDIS was supposed to be in.

"And the TARDIS is gone," Avalon sighed, not very surprised as well, "Cos you parked it here, didn't you?"

"What's a TARDIS?" Howie looked at the travelers with confusion.

"Our way out," Rory groaned and held his head in his hands, "And it's gone!"

And suddenly, the music Avalon had shut off in the reception room played soothingly over the speakers.

"Okay, this is bad," the Doctor declared, "At the moment, I don't know how bad, but certainly we're three buses, a long walk and eight quid in a taxi from good. Are there any more of you?" he looked at Rita for the answer.

"Joe, but he's tied up right now," Rita leaned on the rail of the stairs, her eyes drifting to the side.

"Doing what?" the Doctor asked her.

"No, I mean he's...tied up right now," Rita made a face as the group realized her words now.

~ 0 ~

And Rita's words were proven true when the group entered the dining room that contained Joe strapped to a chair at one of the tables, identical laughing dummies surrounding him at the other tables.

"This is beyond creepy," Avalon breathed as she looked from one dummy to another, feeling even worse when the dummies all stopped laughing to turn their heads to them. "Oh yeah, we're definitely in a scary movie."

The Doctor went straight for the tied man, determined to figure out what was going on, "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

The man didn't seem quite there as he made a response, "You're going to die here."

"Well, they certainly didn't mention that in the brochure. Is Joe there?" the Doctor reached for a chair, "Can I have a quick word?"

"Oh, it's still me, Doctor, but I've seen the light. I lived a blasphemous life, but he has forgiven my inconstancy, and soon...he shall feast."

"Well, you've been here two days," the Doctor reminded, "What's he waiting for?"

"We weren't ready. We were still raw."

"But now you're what? Cooked?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, suddenly lost.

"If you like," Joe shrugged then smiled, "Soon you will be, too," he assured, "Be patient. First...find your room."

"My room..." the Doctor followed.

"There's a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you."

"You said you'd seen the light now."

"Nothing else matters anymore. Only him. It's like these things. I used to hate them! They make me laugh now," Joe had a laugh with the dummies, "Gottle o' geer! Gottle o' geer! You should go. He'll be here soon."

The Doctor stood up with a fake smile and grabbed a hand dolley to put under Joe's chair, "I think you should come with me."

~ 0 ~

The group returned to the reception room where the music was once again playing in the background. The Doctor was looking at the four strangers with curiosity, "Why you four? That's what I don't understand. Aside from all the other things I don't understand," he mused while he shut the music off.

"What does it matter?" Gibbis shook his head, "Sooner or later, someone will come along and rescue us. Or enslave us."

Avalon stared at him in utter awe, "That's the spirit," she remarked sarcastically.

"Okay, look, first we find the TARDIS," the Doctor said then wagged a finger at all of them, "If you feel drawn to a particular room, do not go in, and make sure someone else can see you at all times."

"Joe said 'he' will feast. Is there something here with us?" Rita wondered nervously while looking at Joe who was still nowhere with them in mind-terms.

Joe laughed after the question had been asked and so the Doctor glanced at him, "Something to add, Joe?"

"Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your head," the man started saying, "Chop, chop, chop, chop."

"Can we do something about him?" Howie put a hand on his head as he tried ignoring Joe's words.

'I'm all over it," Avalon raised a hand as she moved to the desk, hopping on it and reaching underneath to pull out black dutch tape, "Put it on," she chucked it to Howie then looked at Joe, "He's saying stupid stuff I'd rather not hear."

And so, after Joe was taped over the mouth, they all headed for the hallways in an attempt to find the TARDIS.

"Personally, I think you've got the right idea," Gibbis said to Joe as he pushed the man's chair, "Times like this, I think of my old school motto, "Resistance Is Exhausting."

"I've worked out where we are," Howie announced to Rory.

"Hmm?" Rory looked at him.

"Norway."

"Norway?"

"You see, the US government has entire cities hidden in the Norwegian mountains. Earth is on a collision course with this other planet, and this is where they're going to send all the rich people when it kicks off."

"Amazing," Rory blinked.

"It's all there on the internet."

"No, it's amazing you've come up with a theory even more insane than what's actually happening."

The group was stopped when an older man came out of a room in front of them, "Have you forgotten your PE kit again?" the teacher looked at the Doctor, "Right, that's it, you're doing it in your pants!"

The Doctor shook off the odd moment and turned to see Howie nearing a door, "Hey! Don't!" he ran, even the group shifting to try and stop Howie.

The door to the room was opened and allowed the others the sight of young women looking like they were at a party. They all looked over and started laughing when they saw Howie, "Oh, look, girls, it's H-H-H-Howie!"

"What's "loser" in K-K-K-Klingon?" one of the girls asked then laughed again.

Howie backed away from the door, "Shut the d-d...the-the door!" the Doctor did as told, "This is just some m-m-messed-up CIA stuff, I-I-I'm telling you."

"You're right," the Doctor agreed with him in an attempt to calm him, "Keep telling yourself that. It's a CIA thing, nothing more..." he looked at the others and nodded for them to keep moving.

They reached a hallway that was in rather odd conditions. The Doctor looked at one of the walls with light sconces and plaster scraped off. Avalon found a paper on the floor and bent down to get it.

"Guys?" Rory had taken a double look at a fire exit that stood big and proud several feet away from him.

However, the growl of the beast grabbed everyone's attention and made everyone save Rory gather around.

"OK, whatever that is, it's not real, yeah?" Avalon questioned the Doctor, though she wasn't very convinced herself.

"No, no, I'm sure it isn't," the Doctor took her hand yet still backed away with her, "But just in case, let's run away and hide anyway. In here," he reached for a room and flung the door open, motioning for the others to get in while Rita took herself and Joe into another room.

"You liar," Avalon snapped at the Doctor.

"What? I can't try and make my Ava feel better?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh shut up," she looked around him to where Rory was, "Oi, Rory! C'mon!" Rory was trying to find the fire exit that had mysteriously disappeared on him, "Rory!"

"Ava, please, get inside," the Doctor tried pushing her into the room.

"No, not without Rory," Avalon struggled against him, "Please?"

The Doctor groaned and turned for Rory, "COME ON!" he shouted for the human frantically. When Rory finally started coming towards them, the Doctor got Avalon inside the room and a couple seconds he and Rory followed.

"Aiiee!" the Doctor nearly fell over when he saw two Weeping Angels statues in the room facing them.

"Don't...blink," Amy was staring dead hard at the Angels and practically forcing Howie to do the same since Gibbis was cowering inside a cupboard on the side of the room.

"They're gonna get us," Avalon breathed as the lights flickered and the Angels changed positions.

"Ava, get back," the Doctor grabbed her arm while Rory took Amy's, "Why haven't they gotten us yet?"

"Do you really think we should be questioning that?" Avalon would've given him a look if the Angels were taking up her attention, "Why not 'oh, how can we get out of this?'.

The Doctor moved in front of her as he went towards the statues. Nervously, he tried touching one only to realize they weren't even real Angels, "They're not real," he said to the others.

"What?" Amy frowned, still not taking her eyes off the statues.

"They should have got us by now," the Doctor turned to Amy, "Amy, look at me, focus on me. It's your bad dream, that's all."

"I don't even think they're for us," Rory finally realized as the lights flickered again but the statues remained in place.

Avalon made a face as she looked around, "But if it's not Amy, then who's the room for—" she didn't get to finish her question when Gibbis let out a sharp scream from the cupboard and shut the door, answering her question right there and then.

The Doctor heard the steps of the beast getting closer so he went for the door, confusing the others.

"Doctor, what are you doing?" Amy had to ask, wondering what kind of plan he was forming to save them.

"I'm sorry, I just have to see what it is. I just have to see," the Doctor apologized and peered through the peephole in the door, finding the shadow of the beast on the other side, "Oh, look at you... You are beautiful..." he gasped when the beast suddenly stood on the other side staring right at him, "Oh, dear..." he cautiously stepped back.

"It's on the other side, isn't it?" Avalon assumed with a sigh.

"That...may be a possibility," the Doctor slowly went for the door again.

"And looking back at it again would make things better, how exactly?" Avalon grew nervous as he stared through the peephole. That door was just a door and if the beast wanted to it could take it down, the Doctor being the first one to go down with it.

"I think it's going after Joe," the Doctor announced as the beast started heading off. Once he thought they were safe, he opened the door and peered out into the hall, seeing the body of Joe being dragged around the corner, "Leave him alone!" he called and went after.

"No, Doctor!" Avalon moved to follow when Rory yanked her back, "No, what are you doing? We have to go help!"

Rory shook his head and gripped her arm, "The Doctor can't split himself into three to save himself, you and Joe. Stay here, okay?"

Avalon huffed and looked back in the direction the Doctor had gone off in. Even if she wanted to make a run for it, the hotel would probably shift the hallways and mess with her. She would just get lost and cause havoc.

But she knew why Rory had stopped her in the first place, they all knew.

It seemed like the Doctor's paranoia concerning their safety being completely on him had not gone away. Avalon was the first and foremost one to feel the presence of his senseless guilt. She tried and tried to make him see that everyone was responsible for themselves, as well as the fact that they were all aware of the dangers that came with traveling, but nothing worked. In the end, she, Rory, and Amy just tried to be more careful during their trips in an attempt to help the Doctor a bit.

~ 0 ~

Joe's body had been placed on a small dais in the dining room and was being scanned by the sonic, meanwhile the rest of the group was a bit dispersed through the room trying to get over the happenings.

Amy and Rory sat at a table trying to forget everything but it was harder to do than they thought. They were quietly conversing but when Avalon joined them, they stopped.

"Okay listen up," she plopped down into the empty chair. "Remember how I told you about the Doctor and his guilt? Well, it's about to overflow. We need to be careful for his sake."

"We're doing our best, believe us," Rory sighed.

"I know, just...try a little harder?" Avalon shifted in the chair only to feel something funny in her pocket. She remembered she'd stuck the scrap of paper she'd found earlier into her pocket. "Oh, wait!"

"What?" Rory watched her pull out the paper.

"I found this earlier..." Avalon mumbled as she skimmed the writing. She jumped from her chair and hurried towards the Doctor, "Doctor, look at this. I found it in a corridor, I completely forgot I had it." The Doctor quickly took it out of her hands and just as he was about to read it, she surprised him with a kiss on his cheek. "It is not all on you," she said for his puzzled face. "Please try to remember that."

The Doctor smiled at her for a moment before turning his attention to the paper. As kind as her words were, he couldn't give himself the luxury of getting distracted with her sweet kisses. There was a beast roaming the hallways and she could be its next target. He needed to get them out of there fast.

"My name is Lucy Hayward and I'm the last one left. It took Luke first. It got him on his first day, almost as soon as we arrived. It's funny. You don't know what's going to be in your room until you see it, then you realize it could never have been anything else. I just saw mine. It was a gorilla from a book I'd read as a kid. My God, that thing used to terrify me. The gaps between my worships are getting shorter, like contractions. This is what happened to the others... and how lucky they were. It's all so clear now. I'm so happy. Praise him."

"Praise him," Howie said not a moment after the Doctor had finished reading out loud.

"What did you just say?" the Doctor looked at him with surprise.

"Nothing," Howie shrugged but it was obvious he was fighting against something, "Praise him!" he nearly shouted then clapped his hand over his mouth.

"This is what happened to Joe!" Gibbis said in alarm as he rushed away from Howie.

"God, it's going to come for me now," Howie panicked while the others spoke over one another, definitely not helping the case.

"You'll lead it right here," Gibbis accused in terror.

"I won't leave you, I promise, you have my word, "the Doctor assured Howie but the young man wasn't so sure.

"I don't want to get eaten!"

"Howie, calm down!" Amy tried her hand at it as well.

"He's going to lead it right here!" Gibbis kept saying in the background.

The Doctor had enough and so activated the sonic above his head creating a high pitched noise that made everyone stop, "Thank you!"

"Don't you see? He'll lead it right here!" Gibbis was the first one to speak again.

"What do you suggest?" Rita turned to him.

"Look, whatever it is out there, it's obviously chosen Howard as its next course. Now...tragic though that is, this is no time for sentiment. I'm saying, if it were to... find him," Gibbis 'delicately' said. "It may be satisfied and let the rest of us go." Everyone looked at him in horror. "All I want to do is go home and be conquered and oppressed, is that too much to ask?!"

"You're no longer allowed to speak," Avalon declared not a minute later.

"We stay together," the Doctor announced and walked up to Gibbis, "Your civilization is one of the oldest in the galaxy. Now I see why. Your cowardice isn't quaint, it's sly, aggressive. It's how that gene of gutlessness has survived while so many others have perished. Well, not today. No-one else dies today. Right?"

"Yes..." Gibbis mouthed.

"Brilliant," and the Doctor turned back and went for Howie, "Howie, any second, it's going to possess you again," he informed as he sat the man down at a table, "When it does, I'm going to ask you some questions. Please try to answer them."

"I hope my mum's all right, she's going to be w-worried..." Howie mumbled, slowly slipping into a change that was clear through his face.

The Doctor sat across him and put on an enthusiastic expression, "Howie, you're next, we're all dead jealous, so tell us...How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn't he possessing all of us?"

"You guys have got all these distractions," Howie tapped his head while smiling in a languid way, "All these obstacles. It'd be so much easier if you just let it go, you know, clear the path."

"You want it to find you?" Avalon realized with horror, "Why? Don't you understand what it's going to do to you?"

But Howie seemed even more excited at the thought of it, "Are you kidding? He's going to kill us all! How cool is that?!"

The Doctor quietly stood and led the others away from the table, "It's as I thought, it feeds on fear. Everything, the rooms, Lucy's note, even the pictures in reception, has been put here to frighten us. So we have to resist it. Do whatever you have to, cross your fingers, say a prayer, think of a basket of kittens, but do not give in to the fear."

"OK, but what are we actually going to do?" Amy asked him curiously.

"We're going to catch ourselves a monster," the Doctor announced with a genuine smile this time.

~ 0 ~

"Can't believe we're doing this," Avalon mumbled to Rory as they stood on guard of the beast.

They were standing outside the beauty parlor of the hotel, Rory with a mop in his hands. They were waiting to lock the beast inside the room where the Doctor was, something Avalon wasn't too pleased with. Once again, she hadn't been allowed to help him because it was "too dangerous" and "she might get hurt" and all the usual crap that had taken custom to being thrown at her. Apparently, locking a door was the only thing she could do without getting hurt.

"Is it really such a surprise?" Rory countered her remark with a small smirk.

"No, as well as the fact that I'm playing guard again," Avalon rolled her eyes, "The Doctor's getting crazy with this protectiveness," she huffed.

"He's trying to keep you safe, Ava. Appreciate it."

"I do but there's a fine line and I don't want him to actually lose his mind trying to protect me, you and Amy. He's too hard on himself."

Rory could agree on that but what was he supposed to do? The Doctor was the Doctor. He long ago made his choice how to act and think. There was no changing his mind after a near thousand years of living.

"Rory, he's in!" they heard Amy's shout from the other side.

Quickly, Rory blocked the door behind them with the mop. Together, he and Avalon stayed near in case there was something else needed to be done.

"He shouldn't be there on his own," Avalon mumbled as they waited.

"Now who's overprotective?" Rory teased and nudged her side, earning a mock glare.

Avalon groaned. She hated when he made sense.

"I'm here!" Howie's voice filled the hallway, "Bring me death!"

"How did he get out?" Avalon then smacked her head, "Stupid question!" she scolded herself, "Remind me, WHY why did we leave Gibbis with him in the first place?"

"That..." Rory looked to the side, "...is a very good question."

"Mhm," Avalon groaned and went back to the door, "We have to make sure this..."

"No, no, no, no!" she managed to hear the Doctor through the other, "Ava, Rory, watch out!"

The glass of the door shattered and sent Avalon and Rory down to the floor. They missed the beast getting the mop out of the door handles to get out. A couple seconds later came the Doctor with Amy and Rita.

"Ava!" he helped Avalon sit up while Amy helped Rory, "Are you okay?"

Avalon groaned as she put a hand on her head, "Does this mean I can't even be a guard, then?"

The Doctor was slightly amused as he helped her up, "You're meant to be my princess," he pecked her lips once he made sure she was alright, "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some saving to do..." He ran off after the beast to save Howie.

"What happened?" Rory looked back at the parlor where they could see basically everything shattered.

"I think we should be asking why Howie's out in the first place," Avalon shook her head, "I swear that alien is going to hear me."

"Okay, let's just go find the Doctor," Amy turned around and moved to walk. She only made it a couple steps down when she stopped and looked at a room, room 7, and instantly felt the urge to go inside.

"Amy..." Avalon was watching her curiously. Amy didn't listen and turned the knob of the door and peered inside, "Amy!" Avalon rushed down and slammed the door shut then yanked Amy back, "You shouldn't have done that. What did you see?"

"Nothing," Amy slowly got back to normal, "Nothing...I don't know, it was weird."

"C'mon," Rita called from the other side of the hallway.

Avalon sharply looked at Amy and grabbed her arm to get back with the others. They found the Doctor kneeling by Howie's body, instantly knowing the man was dead.

From around the corner, Gibbis showed himself, meekly speaking, "He got free. He overpowered me," the Doctor ignored him as he strode back to the others, "It might leave us alone now. Maybe now we'll be safe. Wait!"

~ 0 ~

The Doctor stood in front of the wall pictures they'd looked at earlier, specifically Howie's. Rory came to join him and immediately the Doctor had to wonder, "Have you found your room yet?"

"No, no," Rory shook his head, "And neither has Ava. I have to wonder, though, is that good or bad?"

"I believe the phrase went 'Avalon Reynolds does not get afraid'," the Doctor smiled, "Maybe she got that from you."

"I used to be afraid," Rory shrugged, "But then...after all the time I spent with you in the TARDIS, what was left to be scared of?"

The Doctor sharply looked at him, "You said that in the past tense."

Rory was silent for a few seconds until a sigh slipped through. "My family. River's out there, in prison, and we have Avalon here but...she's already gotten so hurt. My biggest fear now is what could happen to my family."

The Doctor swallowed hard. That could directly be linked to him. "I'm trying to keep everyone safe…"

"I know," Rory turned to him. "But it's like Avalon said, not everything is on you. Sometimes things happen and no one can prevent them."

The Doctor could only nod but to believe him right now was a difficult task. He instead moved away from the wall to go meet the others. On his way, he met Rita halfway there. "Rita! Brilliant! How are you? Not panicking, are you?" But he didn't wait to hear the answer when he continued, "Good, good. Because I am literally an otter's toenail away from getting us out of here."

"Why?" Rita finally managed a word in.

"Excellent question," the Doctor acknowledged but instead went around her, "Excellent question," he remarked but stopped once he realized he had no idea what she meant, "Why what?"

"Why is it up to you to save us? That's quite a God complex you have there."

The Doctor looked down to where Avalon and Amy were downstairs, "I brought them here," he said quietly, "They'd say it was their choice, but offer a child a suitcase full of sweets and they'll take it. Offer someone all of time and space and they'll take that, too. Which is why you shouldn't. Which is why grown-ups were invented."

"All of time and space, eh?" Rita called as the Time Lord continued his way down.

"Oh, yeah," he glanced back, "And when we get out of this, I'll show you, too."

Rita laughed, "I don't know what you're talking about. But I have a feeling you just did it again."

The Doctor nodded then noticed a security camera up on the corner, " Right down to the smallest detail. Got you, Mr Minotaur..." he dashed down the stairs and made note to head to the cameras' room.

Avalon was hurrying down the stairs with Amy and Rory, all trying to locate a missing Rita, when suddenly Avalon stopped in a hallway. She didn't know why but...something stopped her. She took a few steps forwards, ignoring Amy's and Rory's call back at the staircase to follow them. They'd continued on without her.

Suddenly, all the doors on both sides of her faded so that only one door stood out. Number 51. Her feet moved and before she even registered what she was doing, her hand found the doorknob and pushed the door open.

The room was a bright white with a medical bed and the standard IV pumps: a hospital room. Avalon saw a woman's back as she sat on the bed holding an infant in her arms. There was a nurse waiting for the woman on the side.

"What will you name her, ma'am?" the nurse inquired.

"Don't care," the mother answered rather coldly.

It certainly took the nurse by surprise. "Excuse me?"

Avalon could see the mother's head rising to meet the nurse. "I said I don't care. She's a nuisance. I don't want her here, I don't need her, so if you could just..." The mother held the infant out for the nurse.

"Ma'am, this is really unusual," the nurse was flabbergasted. "Are you sure you don't want to think about naming-"

"I don't care!" the mother snapped. "I don't want her! Take her! Put her up for adoption or something!"

"But I-I don't...ma'am if this is really what you want, we need a name-"

The mother groaned. "You want a name? Fine! Go with, uh, Avalon! There! You got a name, now take her away!"

Avalon watched as the nurse pulled the pink blanket from the infant's face to reveal a soft tuft of orange hair. Her breath hitched. That was her?

"TAKE HER!" The mother yelled at the nurse, making the woman jump in her spot. "God! Not even her father wanted her and I am not going to be stuck with her! GO!"

The nurse jumped one more time before rushing out of the room...right past Avalon.

"That can't be me..." She said as if she was trying to convince herself.

At the sound of her voice, the mother looked back and though Avalon met her gaze, she couldn't say that she remembered the woman at all. But she knew the look of hatred when she saw one.

The mother's face contorted with utter loathing. "Don't tell me it's you! God! What the hell do I have to do to get away from you? Haven't you taken the hint already?"

Tears pooled in Avalon's eyes as the woman kept shouting at her to leave the room. "You can't...you can't hate me..."

The mother barked a sardonic laugh. "I do! because you were a nuisance from the start! From the moment that I knew you existed! I knew you that you were going to be a waste of space and I decided that I didn't need that in my life. You could be someone else's burden!"

"But I'm your daughter," Avalon barely choked the words out. She felt like she couldn't breathe and suddenly she really wished she could have a hug from that woman. Her mother.

"You're a waste in the world," the mother snapped. "You were born to cause trouble. I had the right idea to get out before you hurt me. Tell me, have you hurt anyone in your life?"

Avalon blinked once and suddenly she was no longer in a hospital room. There was a breeze and sand and water...and a gunshot. An astronaut had fired at the Doctor until he was dead on the ground.

"NO!" Avalon screamed at the top of her lungs and ran forwards.

'Have you hurt anyone in your life?' The wicked mother repeated over and over. 'Have you hurt anyone in your life?'

The astronaut pulled off its helmet just as Avalon came to a stop beside the Doctor's body. It was her. It was a straight, emotionless her who turned away and disappeared.

"I didn't mean to, I wouldn't..." Avalon hands went back and forth while she decided whether or not to touch him. "I wouldn't hurt you, I wouldn't hurt you..."

She just couldn't, not him, never him.

~ 0 ~

In the dining room once again, the remaining group sat in a dispersed manner contemplating their next move, all in the meanwhile the Doctor was finishing up a rather big tantrum. To say he was unhappy would be the understatement of the year. Three people were dead and the next one could be anyone and so far he had nothing to save them. This was becoming a running theme for him and his good streak of luck could end at any moment. This time could be the time he loses someone, Amy, Rory, or Avalon. It always happens, at some point something has to happen.

Avalon cleared her throat, pushing aside her own turmoil at the moment to focus on the big picture. She didn't want him to find out about her room. "I may be temperamental but even I know throwing things isn't going to help," she said quietly. The Doctor gave a small nod and took her extended hand, "So why don't we review, instead?" she offered and looked around, "We know the beast preys on people's fear and possesses them."

"But Rita wasn't afraid, she was brave and calm," the Doctor said in pure frustration, "Maybe it's something to do with the people, some connection between the four of you that'll tell me how to fight it."

"Yes. You keep saying that, but you never do. And while we wait, people keep dying," Gibbis remarked in irritation, "And we'll be next!"

"Look, he'll work it out, he always does," Amy spoke up, "Just let him riff and move anything expensive out of his way."

"Oh, nice, Amy, support the tantrums," Avalon threw her a mock-scolding face.

"We support yours," Amy countered with a small smirk.

"Hey!"

While the two gingers went back and forth, something had sparked inside the Doctor's head, something of Amy's, "Oh, no. Oh, no, no..." he started repeating.

Avalon looked at him, worried, "What? What is it?"

"It's not fear. It's faith. Not just religious faith, faith in something," he got to thinking and even pacing, "Howard believed in conspiracies, external forces controlling the world. Joe had dice cufflinks and a chain with a horseshoe. He was a gambler. Gamblers believe in luck, an intangible force that helps them win or lose. Gibbis rejected personal autonomy and is waiting for the next batch of invaders to tell him what to do. They all believe there's something guiding them, about to save them. That's what it replaces. Every time someone was confronted with their most primal fear, they fell back on their most fundamental faith," he sat on a barstool and rubbed his face as he realized, "And all this time, I've been telling you to dig deep. Find the thing that keeps you brave. I made you expose your faith. Show them what they needed."

"But why us? Why are we here?" Rory frowned in confusion.

"It doesn't want you. That's why it kept showing you a way out. You're not religious or superstitious, so there's no faith for you to fall back on."

"Me?" Amy was next to frown, disliking what had just been said, "Why me? Why not her?" she glanced at Avalon.

"It seeks out the strongest faith," the Doctor explained but Avalon interrupted him with the revelation that she had seen her own room as well. It seemed like hiding it wouldn't be happening anymore.

"I saw it," she whispered, eyes downcast. "It was there...number 51."

"Oh Ava," the Doctor immediately came to her and wrapped her up in his arms. She wanted him to hold her as tight as possible. "I'm so, so sorry," he whispered to her. He wouldn't ask what she saw just as he hoped that she would never ask what he saw in his own room.

"Okay but if Avalon saw a room too...how do you know it didn't bring us here because of her?" Amy had to ask just for the sake of clarity. She would much rather have the beast come for her instead of Avalon.

"Because I don't have a strong faith system," Avalon said. "I don't believe in hope very much. I'm like you, Amy, in that I know my Fairy Tale Man will always try to save me but I also know that he's not always able to do everything. That would just be unrealistic." She leaned her head against the Doctor's chest. He tries his best, though."

"I will always try," he whispered to her.

"Okay, so...what's going on with me then?" Amy questioned, swallowing hard now that she was next on the list of the hunted. "

"It's your faith in me," the Doctor sighed and looked at Amy who was staring at him in horror, "That's what brought us here."

"But why do they lose their faith before they die and start worshipping..."it"?" Rory inquired.

"It needs to convert the faith into a form 'it' can consume. Faith is an energy, the specific emotional energy the creature needs to live. Which is why at the end of her note, Lucy said..."

"Praise him," Amy said, and finished.

"Exactly," the Doctor nodded and for a moment no one realized what...

"Did she just...?" Avalon's eyes widened.

"No. Oh, please, no," Rory stood up from his chair and moved to Amy, and already they could hear the beast coming for her.

~ 0 ~

Now the group ran as fast as they could down the hallways, away from the beast who wasn't that far away. Amy suddenly stopped and turned to face the beast.

"Amy?" the Doctor had noticed and looked back.

"What the hell are you doing?" Avalon hissed, "Get over here now!"

"He is beautiful," Amy hadn't heard a word as she gazed upon the beast getting closer.

"Leave her! Just leave her!" Gibbis nearly begged as he backtracked.

The Doctor and Rory hurried over to Amy and dragged her away. They ran into a room that happened to be Amy's. Inside was her younger self sitting on her suitcase as she waited and watched the window, simulating the night she had waited for the Doctor.

"Boy does that bring back memories," Avalon blinked. To think, she had scolded Amy for being so naive for waiting for an alien that they would probably never see again. Now look where they were?

Amy knelt to the floor with her hands on her head, "Doctor, it's happening. It's changing me, it's changing my thoughts."

The Doctor looked around the room in desperation, Avalon and Rory were trying to keep the door shut and Gibbis was cowering once more. He had to do something, and that something would cost him. Slowly, he knelt beside Amy, "I can't save you from this, there's nothing I can do to stop this."

She looked at him in confusion, "What?"

"I stole your childhood and now I've led you by the hand to your death. But the worst thing is, I knew. I knew this would happen. This is what always happens."

"It's in!" Avalon cried as the beast swung open the door of the room.

"Forget your faith in me," the Doctor insisted to Amy, flinching as the beast growled at the doorway, "I took you with me because I was vain, because I wanted to be adored. Look at you. Glorious Pond. The girl who waited for me. I'm not a hero. I really am just a mad man in a box. And it's time we saw each other as we really are," he kissed Amy's forehead and smiled at her, "Amy Williams. It's time to stop waiting," he stood up and watched the beast stumble back into the hall.

As the beast fell to the floor, the lights began flickering, the room changing into a darker one with just a control panel and the TARDIS.

The Doctor moved over to the beast and knelt down by it, "I severed the food supply. Sacrificing their faith in me. I gave you the space to die. Shhh, shhh."

"What is this place?" Avalon looked around in awe.

"The real location we've been in this whole time," the Doctor looked around as well, "A ship, a prison ship."

"And what is it, a minotaur?" Amy looked at the beast, "Or an alien? Or an alien minotaur? That's not a question I thought I'd be asking this morning."

"It's both, actually," the Doctor walked to the control panel and checked the screen for any information, "Yeah. Here we go. Distant cousin of the Nimon. They descend on planets and set themselves up as Gods to be worshipped. Which is fine, until the inhabitants get all secular and advanced enough to build bonkers prisons.

"Correction. Prisons in space," Rory pointed to the porthole he and Gibbis were looking through.

"Where are the guards?" Avalon asked.

"No need for any. It's all automated," the Doctor gestured to the controls, "It drifts through space, snatching people with belief systems and converts their faith into food for the creature."

"It didn't want just me," Amy decided to point out, "So, you must believe in some god or someone, or they'd have shown you the door, too. So, what do Time Lords pray to?"

But of course, the Doctor had acted as if the question had not been asked, "According to the in-flight recorder, the program developed glitches. It got stuck on the same setting, the fears from the people before us weren't tidied away."

Avalon turned to the beast as it growled, "It's still alive...but what's it saying?"

The Doctor listened in as he moved closer to the beat again, "An ancient creature, drenched in the blood of the innocent, drifting in space through an endless, shifting maze. For such a creature, death would be a gift," he knelt down and put a hand on the beast, "Then accept it. And sleep well," he stood up and started his way back to the TARDIS with the others when the beast growled again.

"I wasn't talking about myself."

That alone was the making of a big decision.

~ 0 ~

Later that same day, Avalon was rummaging through her room frantically. It wasn't until there was a knock on her door that she finally halted, "Come in!" she gave the shout and continued her search.

The Doctor stepped inside and watched her for a moment, "What...are you doing?"

"I can't find my journal!" she sighed in irritation as she slammed shut a drawer from her vanity desk, "The thing's gone! Disappeared!" she rubbed the side of her head, "You wouldn't have happened to see it, did you?" her tone was full of hope.

"Now that you mention it, yeah, I think so. In the console room," the Doctor held a hand for her, "Want to come and search there?"

"Yes," she nodded and took his hand, "I don't understand, I know I left it in my room. I put it on my desk on the first drawer. How could it get into the console?"

"You probably just forgot," the Doctor shrugged, "No big deal."

Avalon scoffed, "This coming from the man who loses it completely when his screwdriver isn't in his pocket."

"Oi, it's valuable!"

"Well, so is my journal," Avalon concluded. As soon as they entered the console room Avalon started searching frantically again, missing the sad stare the Doctor was giving her all the meanwhile, "I don't see it, are you sure you saw it around here?"

"Uh, yeah, silver book," the Doctor nodded, "Definitely in here..."

Avalon made a face and sighed as she continued looking around. She was getting agitated that her journal wasn't showing up. She couldn't just lose it!

"Ava," the Doctor recognized her angry face and he definitely didn't want for her to be angry now. He slowly moved around the console for the ginger, "Ava?"

"Hm, what?" she muttered while looking.

"Don't be upset, please."

"How can I not be!?" Avalon growled as she stopped the search, "You gave me that journal, you spent time on it for me...and I lose it? No! I have to find it, I'll find it, I promise."

The Doctor smiled and put a hand under her chin, "Don't worry so much."

"How can I not? Not only is it my prized possession but it's also a sentimental gift from you," she said quietly, "I don't want you to think that I'm careless about it."

The Doctor had to laugh at that one, "You? Careless about your journal? Ava, I could never think that. If there is one thing you care for it's that journal. Sometimes I think you care more for it than your own life!"

"It's special..." Avalon mumbled with a small pout on her face for being laughed at.

"But none more special than you," the Doctor gave her a peck on the lips, "And, just a note, you are very special."

"Shut up," she blushed lightly.

"Why? I'm saying the truth," the Doctor put an arm around her waist and brought her up against him, "Ava doesn't like hearing praises about herself?" he chuckled as she blushed even deeper.

He was going to miss that.

"You just love messing with me, don't you?" Avalon groaned.

"Don't you do the same to me?"

"Yes...but it's cute when I do it," Avalon innocently shrugged, "And besides, usually when I do it you get one of these," she kissed him, "So everyone wins."

"Everybody wins?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, "Just like that?" Avalon nodded with a clean smile on her face, making him chuckle again, "You're so adorable. I..." he slowly wrapped his other arm around her as well and leaned closer to her.

"You what?" she asked in anticipation.

The Doctor raised a hand to rest on her cheek and gazed at her for a minute, taking note of all her features to remember them perfectly when she was...

"Doctor?" Avalon asked again, "You what?"

But the Doctor didn't answer as instead he chose to kiss her. Satisfied with the alternative, Avalon fell into the kiss. Gently, the Doctor turned her around and leaned her on the console, deepening the kiss. Avalon had never felt a kiss like that and if she hadn't been so into it she would've questioned it.

"Where did that come from?" she finally took a breath after they'd pulled away. "And how can I get that to happen again?"

The Doctor laughed lightly. "You have no idea the power you have over me." He rested his forehead against hers, bringing up a finger to stroke over her cheek. "You're my princess, my Ava. I love you."

Avalon smiled. "I love you too, Fairy Tale Man."

They both heard footsteps coming from the corridors and looked in time to see Amy and Rory walking out.

"Ah, glad you're both here," the Doctor straightened up and took Avalon's hand, "I have a surprise for you two," he looked at the human pair.

"You do?" Amy raised an eyebrow, confused. She thought with the trip earlier all he would want to do was stay inside the TARDIS.

"You'll like it," he assured as he turned for the console and started setting in coordinations, gripping Avalon's hand tighter than ever as he knew what was coming.

~ 0 ~

The group stepped out into a sunny, calm, Earth, street. There were colorful townhouses in a row across them with a park on the other side.

"Don't tell me. This isn't Earth, that isn't a real house," Amy nodded to one of the houses they were approaching, "And inside lives a goblin, who feeds on indecision."

"Good one," Avalon laughed.

"Nope. Real Earth, real house," the Doctor tossed Amy a set of keys, "Real door keys!"

"You're not serious?" Amy looked between him and the keys.

"The car too?" Rory was hypnotized with the bright red car in front of them, "But that's my favorite car! How did you know that was my favorite car?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes as he reminded Rory, "You showed me a picture of it once and said, 'That's my favorite car'," he tossed Rory the car keys.

"Wait a minute..." Avalon was slowly putting pieces together, at least in regards to Amy and Rory, "...you're doing this be-" but the Doctor placed a finger over her lips.

"We'll talk," he gave a smile, a fake one, "Can I have a word with Amy, first?"

"Okay..." Avalon whispered and nodded. The Doctor gave her a small kiss and turned her for the house that now belonged to her grandparents.

"I'll go with her, there's a tone to celebrate," Rory happily said but stopped beside the Doctor before actually leaving, "Now, Amy's probably going to we can't accept this because it's too extravagant and we'll always feel a crippling sense of obligation," he looked over his shoulder to Amy, "It's a risk I'm willing to take!" he laughed and went after Avalon inside the house.

Amy leaned against the bonnet of the car and patted the spot beside her, "Hey," she called to the Time Lord, "So... You're leaving, aren't you?"

"You haven't seen the last of me," he assured, "Bad Penny is my middle name! Seriously, the looks I get when I fill in a form..."

"Why now?"

"Because you're still breathing," the Doctor quietly said, falling serious.

"Well, I think this is about the washing-up, personally," Amy remarked, making them both laugh a little, sadly. She stood off the car and glanced back at the house, "And Avalon? What happens to her?"

"Amy, you know the Silence is still out there. I can't...I can't keep acting...I can't keep pretending like I don't know what's coming," he swallowed hard.

Amy studied his expression, waiting for him to say more, but she soon understood what he was struggling to say...and it broke her heart. "Oh my God, you know." The Doctor avoided her gaze but his silence was answer enough. "You know about Lake Silencio."

"Knowing what's coming...I cannot and will not have Avalon around for that. I'm her Fairy Tale Man and I would rather die than put her in danger. If the Silence wants me, then let them have me but they will not touch her. Never again."

"I understand, I do, and I'm very grateful you're thinking about her safety but leaving her behind on Earth...don't you think that's just as dangerous?"

"No, I'll have eyes on her. I'll give Jack and Martha a call, I'll be in touch with a slightly older River Song. I'm keeping Avalon safe until...until I figure out how to defeat the Silence. Either Kovarian dies, or I will." The Doctor straightened himself up, standing by his words, and reached inside his jacket to pull out Avalon's silver journal. He had taken it from her room to avoid having to explain to her why she needed to bring it out of the TARDIS right now. He brushed a hand over the cover. 'A.H.R.' was still shining brightly as the day he carved it. Avalon Harmony Reynolds. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl who deserved to live out her days in peace.

He held the journal out to Amy, willing her to take it. "Tell her she can be anything she wants to be. She's the impossible girl, after all. Been doing the impossible ever since she was born."

Amy took the journal from him and nodded. "You don't want to say goodbye to her?"

"If I see her again, I won't be able to leave," he confessed with a heavy sigh. "I love her too much and that's my weakness. If she asks me to stay, I'm going to stay." And he couldn't do that to her. His room had shown him the consequences if he continued to ignore the future. He would die before he had to hold Avalon's dead body in his arms.

"She's going to continue asking so many questions..." Amy said sadly, choosing to understand his motives as the best option for all of them.

"Answer them. Answer everything she wants to know, even about River."

Amy suspected that wouldn't happen anytime soon. Avalon had no interest in learning about her biological mother. "Listen, if you bump into River, whichever version you meet, you tell her to stop by because her daughter's going to need her."

"Will do," the Doctor promised and gave her a quick hug.

"Look after yourself, please," Amy said, watching him backtrack to the TARDIS. He opened the door, glancing back at Amy who already had tears in her eyes, "Bye," she waved.

The Doctor waved back and entered the TARDIS, soon de-materializing. Of course, that happened right about the time Avalon and Rory had stepped out of the brand new house.

Avalon, who'd been carrying glasses in her hands, dropped them to the ground and hurried down the steps as she saw the blue box disappearing, "What happened!? Where's he going!?" She ran up to Amy.

"He's saving us," Amy said quietly and held her journal out.

Avalon swallowed the lump that'd formed in her throat. "No…" If he had left that then it meant he'd left all of them for good. "No, Amy, don't...don't give me that…"

"I'm sorry," Amy tried giving her the journal but Avalon threw it to the side, as hard as her strength allowed.

"He can't just leave me! He can't...the Silence wants him!" Avalon yelled with tears in her eyes. "He can't be on his own!"

"Ava…" Rory wanted to touch her but she backed away from them.

"You don't get it!? Kovarian wants him to be alone! He's going to do something stupid and I'm...I'm stuck here!"

"He's trying to save us all," Amy stepped towards her.

Avalon directed a rather furious glare on her. "How could you let him go like that!? I told you! I...I need to find him!" She clapped a hand over the watch on her wrist. "I love him, he can't just do this!"

"Avalon-"

"NO!" Avalon screamed. "Don't...I have to find him! He doesn't know - he doesn't know that I could still be the astronaut! That's what was in my room! I'm the astronaut and I kill him! The Silence can't have him! I'll drown myself first before I ever put on that astronaut suit!"

"Avalon, please calm down!" Rory wanted to catch her but she was backtracking further from them, completely hysterical.

"Leave me alone!" She turned away and ran off. She had to go find the Doctor before the Silence found him first.

[riversofmars]

December 1st

December 2nd

December 3rd

December 4th

December 5th

“How did you lot get involved in this?“ Eyebrows asked seizing them up. He couldn’t help but notice the interesting choice of clothes on the blonde, he quite liked the look of that coat.

“We just wanted to help.“ The Doctor replied with a shrug, trying her best to appear unassuming.

“She was running away from something.“ Yaz added in support of her.

“Were you?“ Bowtie looked to his wife for confirmation.

“Yes, well, I may have gotten into a little altercation with an elf.“ River ran her hand through her hair a little embarrassed.

“An elf?“ Rory asked bewildered.

“Yes. I was only asking for help…“ River huffed.

“River, what did you say?“ Amy demanded to know, placing her hands on her hips.

“That I was looking for a white haired scotsman and somehow the elf thought I was looking for Santa and got rather affronted insisting Santa was not Scottish.“ River replied with a shrug, not really seeing the problem. Bill tried her best not to burst out laughing which earned her a stern look from Eyebrows while River carried on: “So I tried to explain that it wasn't Santa I was looking for but that you know each other and maybe, you were catching up, and that I was your wife… well, and that lead to a big misunderstanding about Mrs. Claus, so…“ She flapped her arms. It really hadn't been her fault. 

“River.“ Eyebrows groaned despairing at his wife’s apparent disregard for tact and self-control while Bowtie couldn’t help a little chuckle at his future self being compared to Santa Claus. 

“So you were never in any danger.“ The Doctor piped up, to make sure she could tick that off her list.

“I was only trying to avoid the confrontation and not get in trouble.“ River explained a little amused as they had actually thought her in trouble. 

“Right…“ Amy accepted that, it sounded exactly like something River would do. 

“I think that’s our cue to go, you clearly have a lot of things going on and we’re literally just here for the festive cheer, so…“ The Doctor gave a little wave excusing themselves. “Merry Christmas.“

“Merry Christmas.“ The group chanted and the Doctor gestured for the Fam to get a move on before her past selves changed their minds. She could feel both their sets of eyes on her, probably itching to stop them but not finding a reason to.

“Do you think yellow braces would suit me?“ Bowtie asked Amy who sighed and told him to focus. “Right, anyway… This still doesn’t explain how we all ended up here at the same time. What made you come here?“ Bowtie asked facing River. 

“I know you like to come here around Christmas time, I thought it would be my best chance of getting a hold of you and look at that, two for one.“ River retorted with a smirk. 

As the group carried on discussing the weird coincidence of ending up at the same place in time, the Doctor and the Fam casually walked away, trying not to draw anymore attention to themselves. 

“There must be something else going on… we have to investigate, there is no way all three of us turn up at the same place, at the same time…“ The Doctor mused as they headed for the exit. 

“Why don’t you just tell them who you are? You can all figure it out together.“ Ryan asked looking back to the group. 

“No. No. I don’t think that’s a good idea no.“ The Doctor shook her head.

“Why not?“ Yaz stepped in her way, stopping her. She could sense there was a lot more to it. 

“Because…“ The Doctor flapped her arms in annoyance. “It’s just gonna get complicated.“

“Well, they seem to be doing fine, catching up…“ Graham pointed out, glancing over, there seemed to be a lot of hugging going on now.

“They’ll forget anyway, that’s what happens when timelines cross, memory gets blurry.“ The Doctor huffed, refusing to look back. 

“Then what’s the harm?“ Yaz didn’t understand her hesitation. If all the Doctors were going to forget about this anyway, what was the problem?

“I just… I just don’t want to, okay?“ The Doctor almost snapped. 

“What happened?“ Graham asked, coming to stand next to Yaz in front of the Doctor now and so did Ryan. They wouldn’t let her pass without an explanation.  

“I’m… I’m so much older than they are, so much… happened, since then. How do I… Amy and Rory, and Bill… River… how do I…“ The Doctor couldn’t articulate herself properly, she couldn’t even meet their eyes. She focused on a spot on the floor in front of her, hoping they wouldn’t see the depth of her pain in her eyes. “They’re all dead, they’re all going to die, I…“

“But they’re not now, are they.“ Ryan couldn’t help but point out. “Wouldn’t it be nice to at least talk to them?“ 

The Doctor looked around, back to the group. Eyebrows was smiling fondly at Amy and Rory, keeping his emotions at bay. He was enjoying this gifted moment, after he had thought he would never see them again, not giving it away to his younger self or them what was going to happen. 

“I don’t think I can…“ The Doctor looked away and shook her head to herself. “Also, there is something else going on here, that we need to figure out.“ She straightened herself up, gathering herself. “Like I always say, never…“

“Never ignore coincidence.“ Bowtie’s voice carried over to them. 

“Unless you’re busy, in that case, always ignore coincidence.“ Eyebrows added. “And I think the more pressing question is how you are here.“ He pointed to his wife. 

“Why wouldn’t she be?“ Amy asked looking at the two Doctors who exchanged concerned glances. 

“Yes, how are you here?“ The Doctor mumbled more to herself than anything else. How had River cheated death? It wasn’t like either of the Doctors over there would be able to answer that question as she couldn’t herself, it was something that had yet to happen, even for her. The Doctor couldn’t overthink it now. It would happen when it was meant to. She allowed herself one moment of heartfelt joy for knowing it would, eventually. River would live and she would come here. And maybe, once she had figured out what was going on with this place, she would allow herself that heartfelt reunion that ever cell of her body craved. But right now, there was an overshadowing feeling of dread and uneasiness. She would see it in the faces of her former selves as well. Something was going on. “Let’s go and investigate.“ 

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise, glass breaking.

“Donna!“ Yet another Scottish voice exclaimed in shock.

“What?! I jumped okay? Which is a perfectly normal reaction when you see a ghost!“ A shrill female voice called back. 

The commotion made everyone jump, River turned to find herself face to face with Donna and the Doctor she had met at the Library so long ago. They looked at her as if they were seeing a ghost.

[sugarqvills]

links: pinterest, bio

BASICS

FULL NAME: Emmeline Asteria Vance PRONUNCIATION: Emmeline  Asteria  Vance MEANING: Emmeline ( Germanic - Work; French - Industrious, Hardworking; Latin - Little Rival ), Asteria ( Latin - Star ), Vance ( English - Fen, Marsh ) REASONING: Emmeline’s given name comes from her her paternal grandmother. Her middle name sprung from her mother’s once-great love for Greek mythology. NICKNAME(S): Emme, Vance. BIRTH DATE: 24 December - 12:32 PM AGE: Nineteen ZODIAC: Capricorn Sun, Libra Moon, Aries Rising

Capricorn is the tenth sign of the zodiac and governs the bones, joints, and knees. Positive traits include pragmatism, maturity, patience, determination, awareness, a strong work ethic, realism, discipline, money management, the willingness to overcome hard luck, leadership, initiative, opportunism, prudence, and cunning. Negative traits include pessimism, melancholy, emotional coldness, manipulation, obsession with work and ambitions to the detriment of personal development, remoteness, and materialistic snobbery.

The traits emphasized here will be ambition, determination, discipline, and pragmatism. You can’t make that castle in the sky if you don’t build a solid foundation under it, and Capricorns excel at building foundations. (Actually, they excel at planning the foundations and directing others to do the grunt labour. It’s not that they’re afraid to get their hands dirty, but large work usually requires delegation and a staff, and Capricorns are managers more often than not.) While not flamboyant or showy about it, Capricorns still tend to be obsessive overachievers, a common trait in House Slytherin. Too, wizards born under the sign of Capricorn are good at being discreet, secretive, and diplomatic; whereas the Libra’s diplomacy is based on charm and a desire for harmony, the Capricorn’s diplomacy is based on the knowledge that being on good terms with people is extremely useful in getting one’s way or finding out sensitive information. These also are traits commonly associated with House Slytherin. They might not be sexy traits, but they’re very handy.

GENDER: Cisgender Female PRONOUNS: She/Her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demisexual. NATIONALITY: Irish ETHNICITY: White

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: Athenry, Ireland HOMETOWN: Athenry, Ireland SOCIAL CLASS: Upper Class EDUCATION LEVEL: Hogwarts, sixth year HOUSE: Slytherin FATHER: Oliver Vance, 56, Former Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office ( DECEASED ) MOTHER: Rosalyn Vance neé Rowle, 54, Former Member of the Wizengamot ( DECEASED ) SIBLING(S): None. EXTENDED FAMILY: Constance Vance, 86 ( paternal grandmother ) BIRTH ORDER: Only child. PET(S): Pawcrates - six year old black cat.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: 6/10 OFFENSE: 8.5/10 DEFENSE: 9/10 SPEED: 8/10 INTELLIGENCE: 9/10 ACCURACY: 9/10 AGILITY: 8/10 STAMINA: 8/10 TEAMWORK: While Emmeline is capable of doing well with a group, she prefers to work on her own. She’ll help where she can, but would far prefer if she were left to her own devices. TALENTS: Dueling. Critical thinking. Planning. Drinking at least one entire bottle of wine by herself in a single sitting. SHORTCOMINGS: Unhealthy coping mechanisms. Emotionally repressive. Doesn’t let others in easily. Negative thinking. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: English, Irish Gaelic, Latin. DRIVE?: No. JUMP-STAR A CAR?: No. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: No. RIDE A BICYCLE?: Yes. SWIM?: Yes. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: The piano, thanks to Gran. PLAY CHESS?: Yes, though she would prefer to spend her free time doing other things. TIE A TIE?: Yes. PICK A LOCK?: No.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

FACE CLAIM: Alycia Debnam-Carey. EYE COLOR: Green. HAIR COLOR: Brown. HAIR TYPE/STYLE: Normally, Emmeline leaves her hair down, allowing it to fall however it likes. Frequently, she’s been known to throw her hair into a ponytail or loose, messy bun while working, cleaning, or even knitting. GLASSES/CONTACTS?: No. DOMINANT HAND: Right. Emmeline is ambidextrous, but tends to favour her right hand more often than her left. HEIGHT: 165 cm ( 5′5″ ) WEIGHT: 55 kg ( 121 pounds ) BUILD: Slender. EXERCISE HABITS: Despite knowing that she should do more, Emmeline more often than not spends time at home knitting and drinking, rather than running or doing other exercises. SKIN TONE: Fair. TATTOOS: At present, Emmeline has none. PIERCINGS: Just a single hole in each ear. MARKS/SCARS: Emmeline has a few small scars from her childhood, most notable is the one on her right hand, near the thumb. Most don’t even notice it, unless they know precisely what they’re looking for. USUAL EXPRESSION: Emmeline’s typical expression is one without a smile. To many, she could come across as cold or uncaring; it’s not that she actively tries to dissuade people talking to her, it’s just what happens, especially when she’s focused. Once put around friends, however, the demeanour changes and there are more smile than one might otherwise find. CLOTHING STYLE: Emmeline is a big fan of loose, simple tops or button-ups with more fitted trousers. On very rare or special occasions, she may wear a dress, though it is never anything more than a sold colour with simple accents. In addition to her comfortable tops, Emmeline is also a fan of flannel shirts and heavier, knitted jumpers when it starts to get cold. JEWELRY: Simple silver studs for earrings in her daily life, a small silver music note pendant on a thin silver chain that she got from Gran for her thirteenth birthday. Otherwise, Emmeline isn’t one for jewelry. ALLERGIES: None, as far as she knows.

QUESTIONS

How does your character behave around people they like? Emmeline is more relaxed around those she likes. Though she isn’t the most easy-going person in the world, she is more inclined to make jokes, laugh, and not stress as much as she normally does. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? As a rule, Emmeline is very hesitant to trust others. However, once you have her trust, there are very few things you could do to lose it and have her suspect you of something terrible. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Words are typically Emmeline’s go-to in a confrontational situation. There have been many instances where she’s eventually just walked away from someone rather than allow things to progress. In extreme instances, hexes and jinxes have been thrown, but as far as she can remember, there has never been anything more than a slap. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like? It was a very strained relationship, if it could be called a relationship at all. She knew very little about the man he was in his later years, and what she knew of his formative years had only been the result of stories her Gran told her over the years. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Though it generally tends to vary from person to person, she would probably tell you that she admires ambition more often than not. What does your character like in other people? There are a host of things she likes in others, but the first few that come to mind are: the ability to learn from their mistakes, forgiveness, a desire to learn in general, whether or not they are capable of growing as a person, honesty. Compassion for other people. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? A bit of both. Just because her first attempt didn’t work the way she wanted it to, doesn’t mean she’ll abandon it in its entirety. With each failed attempt, an adjustment is made. It’s only once she has exhausted every possible method that she can think of that she will move on to a different one. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? Saying “I love you” is one of, if not the most, difficult things for Emmeline to do. She has a problem letting herself love other people; there is a constant fear of abandonment, of not being enough, of disappointing them. She struggles to let those she truly cares for know just how much they mean to her. If she can say it to you, then there’s no chance it’s meaningless. She doesn’t have it in her to force something of that magnitude and not mean it. The only person Emmeline has never struggled with those words over is her Gran. The woman who spent so much of her life trying to instill certain values into her granddaughter. The person who raised Emmeline, who wanted nothing but the best for her. The one person Emmeline always thought would be her only constant, the only person she would be willing to die to protect. When she wasn’t in school or working, Emmeline tried to make it a priority to tell the older woman how much she loved her and appreciated all that she had done over the years

INSPIRATIONS & TRAITS

CHARACTER INSPIRATIONS: prudence halliwell ( charmed ), sally owens ( practical magic ), jessica jones ( jessica jones ), amy santiago ( brooklyn nine nine ), laurel castillo ( how to get away with murder ), wynona earp ( wynona earp ), cristina yang ( grey’s anatomy ), rosa diaz ( brooklyn nine nine ), caitlin snow ( the flash ), rosita espinosa ( the walking dead ), laurel lance ( arrow ), raymond holt ( brooklyn nine nine ), rory gilmore ( gilmore girls ), lucy preston ( timeless ), peyton sawyer ( one tree hill )

AESTHETIC: piano notes softly filling an empty room, storms raging outside while you sit in the comfort of your home, books towering so high you can’t see over them, hot tea in a chipped mug, freshly baked red velvet cake cooling on the counter, four cups of coffee in the morning just to feel like you’re somewhat there, the faintest whiff of whisky lingering in the air after an especially trying night, the deafening silence that slowly envelops you when the numbness sets in, unfinished knitting projects lying lazily over chair arms by the fireplace

SONGS: made of stone - daughter / cherry wine - hozier / that i would be good - alanis morissette / please don't say you love me - gabrielle aplin / breathe me - sia / you say - lauren daigle / hard times ( ballad ) - halocene / dear happy - gabrielle aplin / lovely - lauren babic and seraphim POSITIVE TRAITS: assiduous, strong-willed, intelligent, dedicated, tidy NEGATIVE TRAITS: melancholic, self-blaming, stubborn, inflexible NEUTRAL TRAITS: ambitious, sarcastic, quiet, restrained

[thelittlesttimelord]

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 16

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 16 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 16/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - Oh my god. Here we go. These next few chapters will heavily influence Elise’s up and coming regeneration. It’s not pretty, so it will impact the personality of her next body and that body’s journey.]

The Doctor, the Ponds, and Elise were enjoying the nice sunny day in New York City. The Doctor and Amy were reading, while Elise was sitting in front of her easel painting Central Park. Rory was just lounging on the rocks they were perched on.

No running, just relaxing.

“New York growled at my window, but I was ready for it. My stocking seams were straight, my lipstick was combat ready, and I was packing cleavage that could fell an ox at twenty feet,” the Doctor read.

“Doctor, you're doing it again,” Amy told him.

“I'm reading!”

“Aloud. Please could you not?”

The Doctor turned around to look at her. “There's something different about you, isn't there?”

“What's the book?” Rory asked.

“Melody Malone. She's a private detective in old town New York.”

“She's got ice in her heart and a kiss on her lips, and a vulnerable side she keeps well hidden,” Amy recited.

“Oh, you've read it?”

“You read it. Aloud. And then went Yowza!”

“You know, only you could fancy someone in a book,” Rory told him.

“I'm just reading it. I just like the cover.”

“Ooo, can we see the cover?” Amy asked.

“No, no, I'm busy.” He examined Amy again. “It's your hair! Is it your hair?”

“Oh, shut up. It's the glasses.” She fiddled with them. “I'm wearing reading glasses now, on my nose, see? There you go.”

“I don't like them. They make your eyes look all liney.” He raised the glasses. “No, actually, sorry. They're fine. Carry on.” And then lowered them.

Rory jumped up. “Okay, I'm going to go and get us some more coffee. Who wants more coffee? Me too. I'll go!” Rory grabbed Elise’s arm and pulled her up.

“Hey!”

“Rory, do I have noticeable lines on my eyes now?” Amy asked him.

“Yes,” the Doctor said.

“No,” Rory answered.

“You didn't look,” Amy said.

Rory turned around and said, “I noticed them earlier. Didn't notice them. I specifically remember not noticing them.”

“You walk among fire pits, Centurion.”

“Do I have to come over there?” Rory walked over to her.

“You can if you like.”

“Well, we have company.”

“I'll get a babysitter.”

Amy and Rory kissed.

The Doctor sighed while Elise just made a disgusted face.

“Oh, do you know, it is so humiliating when you do that,” the Doctor told them.

“Coffee?” Rory asked Amy.

“Coffee.”

Rory and Elise walked off.

“You two are so gross,” she told him.

“Just you wait missy. You’ll find your own “Boy Who Waited” and then you’ll understand.”

Elise and Rory, grabbed coffee (or cocoa in Elise’s case) and started walking back to Amy and the Doctor.

As they walked back, they heard giggling of children and tiny footsteps.

Elise’s senses immediately went on high alert. “We need to get back to Amy and the Doctor. Come on,” Elise told him.

They turned back and suddenly it was nighttime.

“What are you doing here?” a familiar voice asked.

Elise spun around and hugged River.

“We…we just went to get coffees for the Doctor and Amy. Hello, River,” Rory said.

“Hello, Dad. Little Star.”

“Where are we? How the hell did we get here?”

“I haven't the faintest idea, but you'll probably want to put your hands up.”

A man was pointing a gun at them.

Rory turned around and put his hands up, while Elise clung to River.

A man came up behind River and Elise. “Melody Malone?”

“You're Melody?” Rory asked.

A limo pulled up next to them.

“Get in,” the man told them.

“What’s going on?” Rory asked as they got into the limo.

Elise sat next to River with her arms around the woman’s waist.

“You didn't come here in the TARDIS, obviously,” River said.

“Why?” Rory asked.

“He couldn't have. Besides, he would have never left Elise on her own like this. At least not yet. This city's full of time distortions. It'd be impossible to land the TARDIS here. Like trying to land a plane in a blizzard. Even I couldn't do it.”

“So how did you get here?”

“Vortex manipulator. Less bulky than a TARDIS. A motorbike through traffic. You?”

“I'm not sure.”

“I’m pretty sure I know how. It was the Angels.”

Elise was immediately transported back to the Byzantium. She hated the Weeping Angels. They were the subject of many of her nightmares as a child.

They pulled up to a house and were led in.

River spotted a china vase. “Ah. Early Qin dynasty, I'd say.”

A man appeared at the top of the staircase. “Correct. Are you an archaeologist as well as a detective?” He came down the stairs and stopped in front of them. “Early Qin, just as you say. You're very well informed.”

“And you're very afraid. That's an awful lot of locks for one door,” River told him.

“River, I'm translating,” Rory said as the Chinese characters transformed into English.

“It's a gift of the TARDIS. It hangs around.”

The man pointed at Rory. “This one. Put him somewhere uncomfortable.”

“Oh, great,” Rory sighed.

“With the babies, sir?” one of the thugs asked.

“Yes, why not? Give him to the babies.”

They grabbed Rory.

“Rory!” Elise called after him. The other thug grabbed her.

“As for this one, put her upstairs in one of the bedrooms.” The man approached her and ran his finger down her cheek.

Elise jerked her head out of his grasp.

“I’m going to have fun breaking you.”

Elise tried breaking free of the thug and screamed for River. “River, River, please!”

It broke River’s heart to hear her screaming, but she had faith that the Doctor would come.

“Mum! Mum!”

The thug dragged her kicking and screaming upstairs. He threw her to the floor in one of the bedrooms.

Elise heard the door lock behind her and she dissolved into tears on the fancy rug.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Elise heard the TARDIS engines and got up, running to the door. “Dad! River! Amy!”

Elise listened and could hear Amy’s voice calling for Rory. “Amy! Amy! I’m in here! Let me out!”

The door opened and Amy stood there. “Elise! Where’s Rory?”

“I…I don’t know. They didn’t bring him up here. I was so scared…”

Amy wrapped her arms around the young Timelord. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. The Doctor’s here.”

They went back downstairs.

The Doctor and River were in the study and a Weeping Angel was holding River’s wrist.

“Why do you have to break mine?” they heard River ask.

“Because Amy read it in a book, and now I have no choice,” the Doctor told her. He turned to see Amy and Elise. “You see?”

“What book?”

“Your book.” The Doctor pulled it out of his jacket pocket. “Which you haven't written yet, so we can't read.”

“I see. I don't like the cover much.”

The Doctor threw himself on the couch.

Elise, despite wanting him to comfort her, could tell he was in one of his moods.

“But if River's going to write that book, she'd make it useful, yeah?” Amy asked.

“I'll certainly try. But we can't read ahead, it's too dangerous,” River told her.

“I know, but there must be something we can look at.”

“What, a page of handy hints, previews, spoiler free?” the Doctor asked.

“Chapter titles,” Amy said.

The Doctor quickly scanned the chapter titles. “He's in the cellar.”

“Gimme!” Amy held her hand out and the Doctor tossed her his sonic screwdriver.

He walked over to River and kissed her cheek. He started to leave, but stopped.

“Doctor? Doctor, what is it? What's wrong? Tell me,” River said.

The Doctor looked at the chapter titles again.

“Doctor? Doctor, what is it, tell me.”

Both River and Elise knew a meltdown was coming.

“Okay, I know that face. Calm down. Calm down! Talk to me. Doctor!”

The Doctor stalked over to River and for a split second, Elise thought he was going to hit her.

Elise put herself between the two of them and held the Doctor back.

“No! Get your wrist out. You get your wrist out without breaking it!” the Doctor hissed at River.

“How?”

The Doctor stormed from the room. “I don't know. Just do it. Change the future!”

Elise and River were left standing there.

Elise walked over to the book and picked it up, scanning the chapter titles to find out what set the Doctor off. Elise felt her hearts break for the Doctor, but there was nothing they could do. Elise looked at River. “What do we do?”

“I don’t know, sweetie. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get my wrist out without breaking it.”

“It’s set in stone, isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid so, Little Star.”

“Do it.” Elise closed her eyes and heard the sound of River’s wrist snapping.

River walked over to Elise and took the book from her. “Whatever you do, don’t say anything to your father. He needs to believe for as long as possible, do you understand?”

Elise nodded.

They couldn’t afford for the Doctor to become emotional again. That’s when he made mistakes.

They joined Amy and the Doctor in the foyer.

“So, is this what's going to happen? We just keep chasing him and they keep pulling him further back?” Amy asked.

River was using her computer to track Rory. “He isn't back in time. I'm reading a displacement, but there are no temporal markers. He's been moved in space, not in time, and it's not that far from here by the look of it.”

The Doctor smiled. “You got out.”

“So, where is he?” Amy asked.

The Doctor paced as River tried to pinpoint where Rory was. “Well, come on, come on, come on, where is he?”

“If it was that easy, I'd get you to do it,” River told him.

“How did you get your wrist out without breaking it?”

“You asked, I did. Problem?”

The Doctor laughed. “You just changed the future.”

“It's called marriage, honey. Now, hush, I'm working.”

The Doctor sat down next to Amy. “She's good, have you noticed? Really, really good.”

“Ah, wherever it is, it's within a few blocks. There's a car out front. Shall we steal it?”

“Show me!” The Doctor jumped up and grabbed River’s broken hand.

River gasped and the Doctor realized what was going on. The Doctor took the computer and the Vortex Manipulator from River and handed it to Amy.

River sat on the stairs, cradling her wrist.

“Okay, when all those numbers on both units go to zero, that's when we've got a lock, okay? It's how we find Rory.”

“Got it.”

The Doctor walked over to River and sat next to her. “Why did you lie to me?”

“When one's in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve year old, one does one's best to hide the damage.”

The Doctor gently took River’s wrist in his hand. “It must hurt. Come here.”

“Yes. The wrist is pretty bad too,” River tried to joke.

Elise watched as regeneration energy flowed into River’s hand.

“No. No. No, stop that. Stop that. Stop it!”

“There you go.” The Doctor kissed the back of River’s hand. “How's that?”

“Well, let's see, shall we?” River slapped him.

“That was a stupid waste of regeneration energy. Nothing is gained by you being a sentimental idiot.”

“River!” the Doctor yelled.

“No! You embarrass me.”

“River!”

River stormed outside, Elise following.

[timeagainreviews]

Reappraising Companions

Years after having watched every available episode of Doctor Who, I've had plenty of opportunities to rewatch episodes time and time again. As with most movies and television, I've found revisiting certain stories and eras has caused me to see them in a different light. A story I may have once reviled is suddenly more interesting. I even came to appreciate Peter Davison's performance as the Fifth Doctor for its subtle nature. But what about companions? Are there any companions I didn't care for at first, which I've softened toward over time? That is the question I wish to explore.

Below I've chosen a selection of companions of whom I had initially disliked for various reasons. They span across multiple eras and both the classic and modern versions of the show. With each companion, I have endeavoured to be fair in my reappraisal, but this doesn't mean I've changed my mind. I would also like to state that none of these appraisals are about the actors. My goal is to evaluate companions by the way they were written. The performance will come secondary.

1. Danny Pink

I chose Danny Pink to kick this list off because he is the reason I am writing this article in the first place. Recently, I took to rewatching a selection of Danny Pink episodes, in hopes that I may find something I didn't initially see. When Samuel Anderson was cast as Danny, I was excited. I've always been a big fan of male companions. They offer a different dynamic to the TARDIS that we don't often get to experience. However, in the wrong hands, they can be exhausting. Enter Steven Moffat.

When Steven Moffat took the reins of Doctor Who, he introduced us to Rory Williams. A smart, loyal, and combative male companion, not at all enamoured with the Doctor's mystique. At his worst, Rory was made to compete with the Doctor for Amy's affection. At his best, Rory held the Doctor accountable for the lives he brought aboard the TARDIS. With Danny, I felt like this is what Moffat was trying to do again, but this time, it wasn't as successful.

When we're introduced to Danny, we watch him and Clara fumble over their words like teenagers. It's meant to be cute, but their chemistry is non-existent. It feels like watching an episode of Coupling, in that it's painful and causes me to scan the room for exits. Their adorkable awkwardness is supposed to endear us to their relationship, but it seems forced. This is compounded when the Doctor enters the equation. Forcing Danny to fight for something very few of us in the audience believe in the first place.

Once again we find the male companion being forced to compete with the Doctor for the affection of a woman. But in this instance, instead of holding the Doctor accountable, Danny seems to hold the Doctor in contempt. Coming from his own history of military training and PTSD, Danny projects all of his inner struggles onto the Doctor. Which is unfortunate, as Danny's inner turmoil is his most humanistic trait. This wouldn't be the first time in Moffat's era where the Doctor's nature as a hero was called into play. The problem with Danny's appraisal of the Doctor as a general, barking orders, is that he's wrong. And we as an audience know it.

Not only do we know it, but so does the Doctor. The Doctor even gets a character arc over the identity crisis Danny gives him, wherein he realises Danny is wrong about him. Danny, however, never comes around to the Doctor's side. Even in his final moments on screen, he remains combative with the Doctor, in an exhausting refusal to grow as a character. We're supposed to believe he's come to some sort of character growth of self-acceptance by sacrificing his chance at a new life, for the life of a boy he mistakenly killed. Instead, he carries the same chip on his shoulder to his grave.

Danny is a companion wholly failed by writing. Even at his most heroic, it seems in service of making the Doctor look like a buffoon. His mimicking a soldier while yelling in the Doctor's face is embarrassing for everyone involved. Imagine this is your boyfriend meeting your friends. You would be mortified by his behaviour. Now imagine you have to lie about hanging out with your friends because it might make your boyfriend upset. Now imagine this friend is a very dashing person who constantly puts the lives of others before him. Danny and Clara's courtship is a romance by gaslight.

2. Clara Oswald

Clara is a whole other can of worms. I could probably dedicate an entire article to her character. I should clarify that my initial dislike for her character is somewhat mired in personal disappointment. By the time Clara was introduced, we had seen a string of modern human companions. We got the occasional tertiary companions from the future, such as Captain Jack or River Song. But we hadn't had a main companion from the past, future, or another planet. So when Jenna Coleman was introduced as Oswin Oswald, Junior Entertainment Manager of the starliner Alaska, I was very excited. Finally, a companion from the future! I was so ready for the Doctor to go on a quest to save Oswin from the cruel fate of becoming a Dalek. What an exciting storyline that was going to be.

And then we see her as governess Clara Oswin Oswald. Ok... Well at least she's still from a different era, right? Oh, she's dead now too? Oh. Much like Moffat's Dracula, all of this great promise was suddenly dashed against the rocks of a contemporary setting. Sigh. I was so excited. What we're given in “The Bells of St. John,” is a new character with less direction than either Oswin or the governess before her. So much that Moffat had taken to literally modulating her brain with an app. Maybe she's really good with computers now? Sorry friends, much like Rose Tyler's gymnastics and Peri Brown's botany, it's never going to come up again.

And this is the biggest issue I have had with Clara Oswald. She spends most of her screen time fluctuating between what character they're writing her as this week. The writers simply didn't know what to do with her while the Doctor tried to figure out why she's so "impossible." One week she's wacky, one week she's stern, another week she's bisexual queer bait. Her characterisation is all over the charts, which sadly, tracks with her entire storyline. She's a woman, fragmented across time, and so is her personality. And don't even get me started on that impossible girl nonsense.

Steven Moffat once said in an interview that one or two people usually guess his big reveal ahead of time, but that no one had guessed Clara's. Perhaps that's because nobody's fan theory was "It's going to be absolute shite." Instead of just being a woman who gets to be her own person, she has to become the most importantest companion. She has to save the Doctor by being planted throughout his timeline, saving him from the Great Intelligence. You know, by sometimes being born as herself, and other times being born as a Time Lord. Sometimes knowing who the Doctor is, other times having no idea whatsoever. Sometimes having a name that is a play on of Oswald, or Oswin, or Clara. And at no times did it make any kind of sense.

The funny thing is, that for me at least, Clara's character doesn't really become interesting until all of that nonsense is behind her. The Clara I find most compelling is the Clara in mourning. Clara post-Danny Pink is a Clara with focus. Her mood swings seem more from a place of destructive behaviour in the wake of great loss. Watching her hold the TARDIS keys hostage above a volcano was some seriously gripping stuff. Aside from the gross digs at her appearance, I found the Twelfth Doctor's relationship with Clara far more endearing than that of the Eleventh Doctor. It may have taken them until her final moments as a companion, but they did get her right, in the end.

3. Melanie Bush

Back in 2015, I had the opportunity to meet Louise Jameson, who played Leela, my all-time favourite Doctor Who companion. I also got to meet Colin Baker, who was all charm. Also in attendance was Bonnie Langford, aka, Doctor Who's Mel. After having gotten autographs from Louise and Colin, and having circled the convention hall a few times, I decided "Sure, why not. Let's meet Bonnie Langford. It's only 10 quid for an autograph." Upon meeting her, she was a very kind woman, and even still, I was racking my brain for something nice to say about Mel. To save face, I lied a very simple lie. I said, "I really liked you in Doctor Who." She smiled, said thank you, and signed my picture. And I walked away, taking my shitty liar mouth with me.

Because the fact is, I didn't like her in Doctor Who. I found every moment she was onscreen excruciating. From her poodle haircuts, to her 80's disaster attire, to her fat-shaming the Sixth Doctor, to her constant screaming at every little thing, she depressed me. I spoke in my review of "Terror of the Vervoids," just how weird it was that we're never actually introduced to her as a character. Instead, Peri is written off, and suddenly, Mel is there, already chummy with the Doctor. You guys know Mel, she's the Doctor's friend, because we told you she was! Instead of getting to know Mel slowly, we're thrown into the deep end, forced to sink or swim within the curls of red hair piled high. Mel doesn't just come out of nowhere, she comes on strong. Fitness expert Mel here to get your fat Doctor Who loving asses into shape. Drink this carrot juice you geek pig!

Not even in Big Finish audios was I finding myself warming up to Mel. When Ace was introduced, they couldn't have pushed Mel out quicker. I found everything about Ace immediately refreshing. Here was a calm and collected badass rebel that I could get behind. It's ironic then; that it was in the Seventh Doctor era that I have begun to find something likeable in Mel. Much like Clara Oswald,  a changing of Doctors enriched my appreciation for her character. This appreciation didn't come immediately, mind you, it came about around my third or fourth watch-through of "Paradise Towers."

Perhaps it's the influence of Andrew Cartmel, but with the Seventh Doctor, I have begun to appreciate Mel in the snarkiest manner. Mel is best utilised as a commentary on the Doctor/Companion relationship. She's precocious to a fault, she chews scenery, she screams at the drop of a hat, and she is oftentimes a naive idiot. Yet in "Paradise Towers," it becomes hilarious. Like much of the 80's era of Doctor Who, there is a very "2000 AD," atmosphere to the stories, and I could easily see this as a setting for Judge Dredd to drudge through, busting skulls and filling bodies with bullets. Setting the sunshiny persona of Mel against this backdrop is so brilliant that I can't imagine another companion in this story. Where she would usually grate against me, her sharp contrast from the things happening around her is exactly why I began to soften toward her.

Not even the ire from the Kangs could shake Mel's confidence, which is oddly what makes her cool. Or "ice-hot," as they would say. For the first time, Mel's headstrong sense of self makes her a rebel. She doesn't need to follow a crowd to feel accepted. Sadly, very few writers were able to find this core to Mel, but it was enough for me to be able to look at her in a different light. I could finally look at Mel and say I did like her in Doctor Who. Even if it was just for a moment, and even if it was somewhat at her expense. From a very cynical perspective, Mel can actually be pretty fun.

4. River Song

I know a lot of you are probably aghast to see River Song on this list, but I assure you, I have my reasons, and they are not without consideration. I should begin by saying some good things about River. She's smart, she's competent, she's got a healthy grasp on her sexuality, and she's cool. Why then did I not like her very much the first few times I watched her? Well, if you hadn't noticed, the bulk of this list are characters written by Steven Moffat, and once again, it all comes down to writing.

We're first introduced to River in the Tenth Doctor two-parter "Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead." At first, she's just one of a team of forgettable space scientists on an expedition. However, as she finds out the Doctor is who he is, her entire demeanour changes. Like Mel on steroids, we're given a heaping dose of "Who does this bitch think she is, being all familiar with the Doctor?" Only, instead of it lasting one episode, it's every interaction we have with her character beyond this point. Instead of getting to watch River and the Doctor grow as a couple, we're forced to watch them meet in opposite directions. It is the antithesis of "show, don't tell." Everything about the Doctor and River's relationship is implied. "You're going to love me someday," she promises. Couldn't we just see it play out naturally? Spoilers.

This idea is one that can only really be done on a show like Doctor Who, where things are wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey. The problem is, this doesn't mean that the idea is worth exploring, or even successful. It's made even worse when the relationship implied is one deeper than friendship. The Doctor is famously chaste, married only to his TARDIS and what lies ahead. Because of this, the idea of a person the Doctor will someday trust enough to share his real name and eventually marry carries with it a sizeable amount of convincing. Such a huge shift in the show's dynamic requires a lot of character development. Sadly none of that is to be seen onscreen. Who is Jim the Fish? Who cares? Steven Moffat's joke of "I'll explain later," became painfully prophetic of his time as showrunner.

I've got no complaints about River being a Time Lord, or even her being the child of Amy and Rory. Those elements are fine, really. It's the way in which she is presented which I find most detrimental to her character. I never did buy into the idea that the Doctor loved her as a wife. Their wedding seemed necessary to save the universe, as opposed to a union made out of love. Any kind of enjoyment I've ever gotten out of River stems mostly out of my love for Alex Kingston's performance. Where the show fails to establish her, she more than makes up for in style and substance. I grew to like River Song, despite the show's failure to ground her properly. River grew on me as she always said she would, but by no effort on the part of the writers. River is cool because River is cool, not because it was inferred that she was.

5. Susan

If you’ve followed this blog long enough, you’ll know I’ve already mellowed on Susan. In my reviews of the First Doctor era, I’ve had mostly good things to say about her character. This doesn’t change the fact that I found her utterly irritating at first, and it feels appropriate to talk about it here.

My initial dislike for Susan is a lot like my intial dislike for Clara. A lot of it was wrapped up in my own expectations of the character. Susan is the Doctor’s granddaughter. She is a Time Lord, therefore she should also be brilliant. And we get a lot of that in her first episode. She is mysterious, she’s enigmatic, and she is brilliant. Even her teachers at school found her perplexing. But the show doesn’t continue down that line. In fact, there are times when they make Susan borderline stupid. But how much of this is clouded by my own preconceptions?

For starters, Susan wasn’t a Time Lord. At least, not then. She was just a young girl. She may have been smarter than her fellow students, but this played more into how she was raised. So when the show depicts Susan screaming at every little thing, grabbing her hair dramatically, it smashed apart my mental image of a Time Lord. I couldn’t appreciate that they had her act this way to help sell a bad effect. Oftentimes Susan, like many Doctor Who companions, had her character sacrificed to make the baddies scarier. It was a product of her time, and even still I feel her character suffers for it.

However, one of the things I have discovered through repeat viewings of the First Doctor era is the surprising amount of character development among the TARDIS crew. The Doctor, Ian, Barbara, and Susan all go through deep character development that was sadly often secondary in classic Doctor Who. Before the nature of the Doctor and companions was transient, there was a feeling of a family bond forming. Through this, I have come to find Susan to be a rather deep and sensitive person.

When it comes time to say goodbye to Susan, I can’t say I exactly agreed with the method. The Doctor locking her out and deciding she was mature enough to set out on her own felt hasty. But I would be lying if I didn’t agree that Susan had gone from a little girl to a young woman at that point. When you stop expecting Susan to be the Doctor, and allow her to be a kid, she grows on you instantly.

6. Adric

Let's be honest; it's not really original to hate on Adric. It's nothing new to point out what a bad companion he is, but here we are. Something I constantly endeavour to do on this blog is to be fair. One of my biggest complaints about the Doctor Who fandom is the proprietary attitude people take toward the fandom. The "I don't like it; therefore you shouldn't like it," attitude spat with such vitriol is one of the worst parts about being in the Doctor Who fandom. So when you say "Adric is my favourite companion," I'm not devising an argument for how wrong you are, it's fine. Like who you like. This doesn't mean I'm not also thinking in my head "What? Why?" Because I honestly, without malice, do not understand.

The most I ever enjoyed Adric, was in his introductory story "Full Circle." Setting him against a group of fellow Alzarians dilutes his lesser qualities. In fact, when paired with Varsh, he almost seems likeable. Sadly, we have to say goodbye to Varsh, and it's downhill from there. We're forced to watch a contrarian boy genius butt heads with the Doctor while he waddles around in a toddler's outfit while showing off his pound shop sheriffs badge for "mathematical excellence," to anyone who will listen. Adric is so obnoxious that he makes Wesley Crusher seem likeable in contrast.

However, it's not just his contrarian nature that makes me despise Adric, he's also disloyal to the Doctor and his friends. He's so susceptible to bad ideas as long as they a presented logically, that I've dubbed him the Ben Shapiro of the TARDIS. He's a smarmy little shit who believes himself superior to women, and he's really got no justification for his ill-placed self-confidence. Constantly demanding respect while giving very little reason to deserve it, he's like a poster child for incels. To make matters worse, he's oftentimes wrong and easily duped into taking the side of evil, turning him into more of a liability than an asset.

Recently, the idea that the Thirteenth Doctor could save someone from sacrificing themselves by using the TARDIS at the last moment to save them came under fire. "Why didn't the Doctor do this for Adric?" they said, forgetting conveniently when the Twelfth Doctor did the exact same thing in "Into the Dalek." But yes, why indeed? Why would the Doctor ever let a duplicitous, argumentative braggart die by their own stupid need to solve a math problem? My headcanon is that the Doctor got better at flying the TARDIS. The real reason is that people hated his character. The silence over the credits after Adric dies isn't out of respect for the character. The real reason is that the BBC couldn't secure the rights to Kool and the Gang's "Celebrate Good Times," before it aired.

Listen, I am not unsympathetic toward Matthew Waterhouse. He never should have been given such a big role, considering his utter lack of ability at the time. I imagine it was his own insecurity that fuelled his on-set antics. Giving unsolicited advice to veteran actors is cringey, but also the actions of a young and naive boy, in over his head. I know I said I was going to try and treat the performance as secondary, but in this case, it goes hand in hand. He has the stage presence of a fake. Every moment he's onscreen is disingenuous. The fact that he is present at the death of my favourite Doctor, stinking up the scene is genuine pain to me. If he has been made better in Big Finish, I've not yet heard it. As of now, there is nothing I've seen of Adric that has changed my opinion. But I'm glad if he makes you happy.

[swiftythewriter]

so, i’m supposed to be studying and def not be on social media rn but i am legit tearing up about Martha Jones and what she means to me as a character that i’m just going to try and to write this out so i can hopefully focus

to get one thing straight, Martha Jones is not my favorite character. i started watching DW when I was about twelve and tbh, for years after that i never really connected with her. it’s not too surprising since in terms of background, personality, and life experience (because, come on, i’m a lily white, only child shut in from the deep south) we had next to nothing in common. 

but.

out of all the characters that have been on the show, Martha Jones is solidly the one I want to live up to the most. 

maybe the reasons why are obvious, but they didn’t really crystallize to me till just now. the main one, for me, is that through out her arc her happiness did not depend on another person. even within her arc where she faced the consequences of her unrequited feelings, she still had this noticeable trait before she even said it out loud.

to go and break it down further, i believe there are several aspects to her personality that are important contributors in this: dedication, responsibility, and strong sense of self worth

dedication: this one seems pretty obvious, since when we are first introduced to Martha we are shown her position as a med student in her last year of residency. everyone with passing knowledge of what it takes to be a doctor knows this isn’t for the faint of heart. knowing just that we can already infer that she’s studious, hard working, and intelligent.

but it goes beyond that, as is continually shown throughout her arc. she becomes know as the “Woman Who Walked the Earth”, a title she got by literally walking around the earth for a year in an apocalyptic hellscape and never once wavering in completing in her mission. she didn’t just join but rose through the ranks of UNIT to the point where she was trusted with the Osterhagen key-quite literally the most important responsibility given to any single person at that point in human history.

and if we are talking about less dramatic examples, kindly take a look where Martha spent months undercover in an incredibly racist time period with absolutely no support despite there being actually no reason beyond Ten needing his little moral moment and yet not only managed to keep her spirits, but also is directly responsible for the Doctor’s plan not being any more of a clusterfuck than it already was. same story with “Blink”, where they both got trapped in the sixties and Martha once more had to stand up and handle things behind the scenes.

next, responsibility: this ties in really well with dedication and it can go double for all the things i listed above. the reason i think this is, is that as a result of her dedication and moral code, Martha tends to take on the problems set before her to the best of her abilities because she sees it as the right thing to do.  

but what i really want to look at is Martha’s sense of emotional responsibility, as in not the actions she takes but why she takes them. i feel like this is best seen in how she acts towards her family and is what really sets her apart from the other companions in the series. 

because you know what she does? she stays. her family needs her.

and here’s the ringer because name one character, one, since her that makes an active effort to maintain their relationships with their families when the Doctor comes to play. i can’t. really, i can’t

Donna? doesn’t count. she might love her family but when push comes to shove she was willing to die with the Doctor-or more accurately for who she became with the Doctor, than to live her life with them.

Rose? don’t make me laugh. she loves her mother to death, but not enough to choose her first.

Jack? no family to speak of at that point, but look how fast he leaves his friends at the very hint of the Doctor coming back into his life. yes, he has his immortality based reasons but there’s nothing about their scenes that doesn’t scream emotional.

Amy and Rory? i can count on one hand how many times the topic of relatives has come up for Amy and it still leaves me a finger left over for Rory. despite magically getting her parents back in her life she seems awfully unconcerned with their general existence. 

i’m also not entirely sure Rory has parents-or even connections, beyond his dad. he might have just sprung up in a field somewhere, and we’d never know. hey, maybe Amy wished him into existence a bit earlier than we all thought.

Clara? i’m almost certain she has parents. almost. like, she had an entire holiday dinner?? i’m pretty sure she mentioned her dad at some point?? but beyond the meet cute of how her parents got together, zilch. nada. she might as well have been an orphan.

Bill? okay she was actually an orphan but i don’t think she actually mentioned or contacted her foster mother after she moved out. not sure this counts tho. the Doctor was dading too hard to say she had no parents.

i admit the newest companions kind of break the mold but I still say it counts since the only familial connection Ryan and Graham try to maintain to between each other and while Yaz might be close to her family her life with the Doctor seems to be taking priority over both her career and how much she spends time connecting with her family.

honestly the only one that even comes close to subverting the pattern is Mickey and the only reason he doesn’t properly is because he didn’t have any living family before going to Pete’s world.

but even in the beginning Martha spends time actively maintaining her relationships with her family members. again, in her first episode we see her playing mediator for her family, and going on we see her doing her best to support her sister, be a good daughter to her mother, and keep her family connected through sheer will power at times. sure, the other companions have shown the appropriate concern when there’s threat to their loved ones lives, but Martha again subverts the mold when it becomes clear that she’s not willing to let them go. 

so, back to responsibility. 

you tie this with her morals and you get the result of a doctor that gives her last breaths to keep another person alive. 

you tie this with her dedication and you get the kind of person who will walk to the ends of the earth if she deems the cause good enough. 

and finally, if you tie this with her emotional connections, you have the kind of person that takes the hard, messy work of tying together a somewhat dysfunctional family with her bare hands.

so now we’ve reached a strong sense of self worth: this i think is present in all of her decisions in the show. like, her entire story arc as a companion was ended on the note that she discovered her self worth and that she shouldn’t made to be feeling like she’s second fiddle. but, again, i feel like this is shown clearly throughout her story line even if she didn’t consciously recognize it. 

the most obvious example i see on this kind of contrasts with the above one, and it is that Martha leaves. She chooses to go with the Doctor and see what’s out there. It’s not a decision her mother and perhaps the rest of her family would or does approve of and she still makes it.

she also, having taken the not so metaphorical leap of faith, chooses to pursue the Doctor romantically. that is something that i did not appreciate as a kid but respect the hell out of now. the sheer self confidence that it takes to not only approach your crush but pick yourself up after they don’t notice time and time again is absolutely incredible. we stan an absolute legend.

but back to my point, it would’ve been incredibly easy for Martha’s character to have been introduced as the stereotype of one of those people who go into medschool due to parental pressure. it could’ve even been supported by her background with her family and future character arc of discovering her worth.  but all those assertions evaporate the second she comes on screen. 

Why? Self worth. 

The concept that Martha could be pressured into her path in life is laughable. She perused medicine because she wanted to. It’s her passion. She didn’t have to say it out loud to be clear in her actions. 

Her family’s wants and opinions might have some weight because she respects them, but ultimately she doesn’t need their approval to make herself happy. Her teachers, peers and assumed friends at her school also had the same affect. 

Martha Jones went with the Doctor because she wanted to, and she stayed because she wanted to as well. Her choices are made to be the most fulfilling to herself. Yes, they are motivated by her responsibilities and dedication to see them through, but that is it-motivated. She does not need to live up to to the things people need from her to have fulfillment. 

See the choices she made after she left the Doctor if you want any indication. She enlisted in UNIT because she realized she could do more for the world than just be a doctor, and she decided she wanted to. She got into and out of an engagement because she was in touch with what made her happy and what didn’t. The choices she made during her time with UNIT were ones that she made not because the Doctor would approve-since she knew he wouldn’t, but were ones she reasoned were the best options forward. 

And finally, when Martha decided after the near end she didn’t want to be with UNIT anymore, she left and went to find something that she wanted to do more. 

i once read an excellent post that made the point that unlike other companions, Martha Jones never needed the Doctor, and it was absolutely right. In the end of the day, Martha Jones never needed anything but her own to hands to go and make the world a better place.

And you know what? At that, she is good. 

[afteriwake]

All The Troubles In The Universe Just Sitting At My Doorstep (1 & 2/?)

So I don’t think I ever posted part 1 here, and I just updated with part 2 after seven years (!!!) at @strangelock221b‘s request, so here’s chapter 1 and you can read on for chapter 2 at the bottom.

All The Troubles In The Universe Just Sitting At My Doorstep - It's the end of the world as they know it, or at least the end of London. Possibly the rest of the world and the universe as a whole after that. Can Lestrade and the team he's gathered fight a reincarnated Moriarty who's possessed by a King of Hell and the Dalek he's controlling without killing each other first?

Read Chapter 1 @ AO3

“This is probably the most unusual case I’ve ever had,” Lestrade said with a sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He looked at all the assorted people in his conference room. He had hoped to never have to call either of the other two parties for assistance on a case, but this case merited all of their involvement. He looked at everyone. Sherlock and John were to his right, Molly was to his left, and then there were…them.

He knew the Doctor well enough, because long, long ago he had asked him to be a companion. It was what had set him on the path of straightening up his life and working for Scotland Yard. He’d had to pull the Doctor out of a few scrapes in the years since, but it had been drama free for the last three because he had been gone traveling the universe. His two newest companions, Rory and Amelia Williams, were with him. He didn’t know them at all, but the Doctor had vouched for them because apparently they were family.

And then there were Molly’s cousins, Dean and Sam Winchester. Lestrade had a few contacts in the FBI in America, and one of them had given him the short version of what the FBI knew about the Winchesters. The long version probably would have meant he’d have to sit there for an hour. Molly had vouched for them, and explained what they were: hunters of all the things that went bump in the night. With Molly being his girlfriend and his knowledge that she was not completely crazy, he was inclined to believe her. And truth be told, he was glad for the help.

Even if all the help was arguing quite loudly at the moment, and all they were doing was giving him a headache.

“Enough!” he said finally, standing up and planting his hands on the table. Everyone turned to stare at him. “Look, Sherlock, I know you’re a skeptic but trust me, aliens are real and if Molly says demons are real then just believe her, all right? It’s nearly a week to Christmas. Even you can’t ignore the fact that every Christmas season some alien race or another decides to attack. Doctor, the solution to this problem is not herding us all on the TARDIS and taking us somewhere where we can plot and plan. Real lives are in danger and I’m not going to leave London to be tormented by a reincarnated Moriarty who’s possessed by a demon and has a Dalek on the loose. Dean, stop yelling at Molly for dating a copper. She’s about to be married to one if I have any say in the matter so you better get used to the idea.”

“Wow,” Rory said. “I didn’t think anything would get all of them to be quiet.”

“You’re going to marry him?” Dean hissed towards Molly, his eyes wide.

“I didn’t know we were at that point in our relationship yet, Dean,” she said, shaking her head. “But yes, when he proposes properly I plan on saying yes. And you two could use all the allies in law enforcement that you can get. Now then. Can we please bring the subject back to the matter at hand?”

“Thank you,” John said. “I was about to walk out of this ruckus. I don’t see how we can accomplish anything with everyone yelling at each other.”

“Very well. What do all of you need to make this work out to our advantage?” Lestrade said, sitting back down in his seat.

“Sam copied down pretty much everything we might need to vanquish a King of Hell,” Dean said. “If it wasn’t in our dad’s book it was someplace else we’ve been. I mean, we took down Lucifer. A King of Hell should be a piece of cake.”

Sherlock scoffed and he almost made a snide reply before Lestrade glared at him. Sherlock didn’t look cowed, but he did appear to reevaluate what he was going to say. “I know Moriarty’s behavior well enough,” he said finally. “Provided this so called demon that is supposedly inhabiting him hasn’t changed his behavior too much, I can help. I know what’s left of his criminal empire and where he could turn for help.”

“If he’s a cocky bastard it shouldn’t be too different,” Dean said.

“Then I’ll simply assume Moriarty will be much the same,” Sherlock said with a nod.

“I can handle the Dalek,” the Doctor said. “We’ve had experience dealing with the recently.”

“Yeah, that was quite a fun day,” Amy said sarcastically. “Nearly became one of them myself.”

Lestrade looked at her quizzically for a moment before the look dropped off his face. “Then let’s all work together on this. Remember, if London falls, America and then the rest of the world and possibly the whole universe are next. We all want to protect our homes, right?” Everyone nodded and there was a general murmur of agreement. “Then let’s get to work. This is all off the books because, frankly, if I told my superiors about all this they’d lock me up in a psychiatric ward and throw away the key. So let’s get to work on the various aspects of this case and try not to kill each other, all right?”

“Where do we want to reconvene at?” Sam asked. “I mean, if this is off the books than Scotland Yard probably isn’t the best place for us to meet.”

“TARDIS?” the Doctor suggested, looking at Lestrade.

Lestrade bit back a sigh. “I suppose so. But no taking us somewhere to wait it out. We stay here in London and fix the problem. We don’t run away.”

“All right,” the Doctor said with a nod. “If all of you will follow me, I’ll show you where I’ve parked it.”

With that, everyone began to file out. Once the door was opened everyone stayed relatively silent. Lestrade and Molly were the last two in the room. “I’m sorry I said that,” he said.

“That you want to marry me?” she asked. He nodded, and she smiled. “Don’t be. If we all get through this you can give me a ring and a proper proposal.”

“That’s if we all get through this,” he said.

She reached over for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Trust me, if anyone can save us, it’s this group of people. Have some faith, Greg. You got the best of the best.”

“I just hope you’re right,” he said, and with that they left to join everyone else.

Read Chapter 2 @ AO3

[oc-character-development]

Alright so at Doctor Who society this week we had a pitch your own adventure night and I thought I’d share my pitch.

Rules of the episode:

It could be literally anything. Any doctor, any setting, any companion, copyright laws were not applicable so you could have the Doctor vs Voldemort if you wanted (we had worse or better, depending on your point, one idea was the Doctor teaming up with Sherlock Holmes and Watson, Jeeves and Wooster to fight Cuthulu, the master and Moriarty in 1940 and another was the Doctor VS demonic Teletubbies)

So here’s my pitch (and prepare for ANGST I’m warning you. It’s full of it! oh, and some details are left out/ under developmened/ rushed as my notes got deleted on my phone literally right before I pitched the story) OH AND SPOILERS FOR ANGELS TAKE MANHATTAN, WEDDING OF RIVER SONG AND GOOD MAN GOES FOR WAR:

Title: Time Trap/Chaos (its a two parter)

Characters:

11th Doctor- Post Angels Take Manhattan and Pre Snowmen.

10th Doctor- Post Journey’s End and Pre Next Doctor

Captain Jack Harkness- Post series 2 Torchwood, pre Children of Earth.

River Song- Pre Angels Take Manhattan, during the time she’s investigating Angels and writing the Melody Melone novels.

Plot:

Part 1: Time Trap-

Starts with 11 distracting himself from the loss of the Ponds, Eating Jammie Dodgers, admiring Fezzes and Bow ties and what not above 19th century Earth and trying to have one last bit of fun before he retires.

Cloister Bell starts ringing and the Tardis is suddenly pulled forwards in time towards 1930s New York (that’s bad by the way if you haven’t seen the episode, it could cause a paradox and blow up the whole planet apart) and there’s nothing the Doctor can do to stop it.

So naturally he rings up the only person he can think of who is in the 1930s at this time who could help. His wife.

River immediately assumes it’s another attempt on the Doctor’s life by the Silence and so tries to send a message to some archeologists from the 52nd century who have some experience in stopping the silence and could help her with this problem. The message goes haywire and ends up being sent to the 10th Doctor who is taking Jack on a trip to cheer him up after the events of Torchwood series 2.

Ten, knowing who River is, but not who she is if you get my meaning, delays their trip and immediately goes to help, because it’s River and he always comes when she calls.

Jack and River flirt.

River explains the situation

The ground shakes, turns out this ‘meteor’ (really the Tardis) that is heading to earth is causing natural distaters and a paradox is already happening making reapers to appear.

The 11th Doctor meanwhile figures out its not the silence as they would not use this method of stopping him reach trenzalore. It just didn’t fit.

Ten realises that he needs the help of eleven and so he creates a ‘timey-wimey loop machine’ to get eleven out of there by using both River and Jack’s vortex manipulators (as they are the exact same device). This doesn’t work as something is blocking the signal.

Meanwhile the TARDIS enters earths atmosphere and starts burning up.

Ten realises this is something far bigger than the silence based on River’s explanation and realises there is only one being who lives to create this much chaos.

The Trickster.

Episode ends.

Part 2: Chaos-

Episode starts with Ten explaining to River who exactly the Trickster is (Jack and torchwood has had a run in with the Trickster brigade before) and how he works

Ten then realises that the Doctor is being targeted which means his future self must had been close to death and said yes and that they are in a lot more danger than just reapers and natural disasters.

Eleven meanwhile, realising that this is the trickster. calls the being forwards for a chat and comes to realise that the trickster had planted a subconscious message in the Doctors mind in his moment of desperation and grief for the Ponds. The choice to save them and condemn hundreds and thousands of people or grieve them and lose them forever. The Doctor had unknowingly said yes to the first option. The Doctor tries to trick the trickster to go back on his own deal to at least get some time for the others to fix it.

Ten reverses the polarity on his device, allowing him to come on board the TARDIS with River and Jack, without causing more chaos but accidently destroying River’s vortex manipulator in the process.

Upon getting there, Jack tries to trick the Trickster, by shooting the creature (which doesn’t work) and is ultimately killed because of it. He comes back to life instantly because, 1, he’s immortal, and 2, it just wouldn’t be a cap Jack episode of Doctor Who without him dying now he’s immortal 😂.

Eleven tries to break out of the Deal but is finding it harder than usual because he still desperately wants the Ponds back.

Ten realises that him, and Jack are both at risk from being manipulated as they are all at vulnerable places in their lives and that River is the only one who isn’t and is probably the only one capable of convincing eleven to go back on the deal.

River, who has at this point has realised something has happened to her parents considering they aren’t there and eleven is acting like he would if it had but she’s not entirely sure what, convinces the Doctor (along with Jack who reminds him that he lost Rose and got over it with time), that he has to break out of his deal or the world is at stake, people will die and that Amy would do the same thing if she was there and the Ponds would definitely not approve of his actions. Eleven says no to the trickster. The trickster goes away, hinting that he is going to Bannerman Road (implying he is kickstarting the events of unaired planned episodes of SJA titled the battle of Bannerman road) and the TARDIS stops hurdling towards earth.

River and eleven have a quick heart to heart as eleven is obviously distressed by this. Jack celebrates as well. Ten looks at the scanner and points out the reapers haven’t gone away. The Trickster has tricked them and got another hold on someone or someones in the 30s.

It’s the Ponds. He’s got a hold of the Ponds. Rory as an old man, has been given the choice of being young and seeing Amy again but at the cost of thousands or dying and Amy in the second she’s sent back in time, has been given the option of getting Rory back and staying in the present time happily or dying in the past.

Eleven has a chance to say goodbye to the Ponds. Convincing Rory that they’ll get him out of there and that he’ll see Amy again. Oh and River stays in the TARDIS with ten and jack to avoid spoilers.

When he arrives to Amy, it’s her who reassured the Doctor that it will be alright and that he shouldn’t travel alone echoing her words that will be on the last page. But now both the Ponds are free from the Trickster.

All is well. Time has fixed and they land in Victorian London where the tenth Doctor’s TARDIS had followed them to, ten questions eleven on who River is, Jack and River flirt again and then Ten and Jack leave.

River questions the Doctor on his choice and what exactly happened, knowing that they wouldn’t remember the exact events once they leave and he fixes her vortex manipulator telling her he would have condemned the universe if she hadn’t kept him grounded (earning a snarky remark from River) he tells her to go finish that book and that she’ll understand what happened soon enough. But River tells him to listen to Amy and not be alone. She goes off back to 1930s New York.

The episode ends with the Doctor sighing, looking back at the TARDIS, sonicing it away to the cloud in the sky he’d created and turning around just in time to see Vastra, Jenny and Strax heading towards him where as he’s just forgotten the events that have just happened, he informs them for the first time that he has in fact, retired.

Roll credits

Yeah, there’s a few plot holes and development is rubbish but like I said I lost the actual document with the whole idea on. But yeah, I just wanted Jack and River to meet and the actual Trickster in an episode of Doctor Who and a bit more closure on Rory’s departure. Oh and I love it when the Doctor is vulnerable in an episode.

[nerdtrash-iteration]

(Re)watching Doctor Who: series 6

Wow okay so. I already knew a fair bit of what happened in this series before watching it for the first time in 2019. I knew that River was Amy and Rory’s daughter. That she was a proto-Time Lord due to being conceived on the TARDIS. I knew that Amy somehow loses her as a baby and that she ends up being her parents’ childhood friend. Anyway, let’s get into this very mixed bag of a series.

Series 6 (Eleventh Doctor) 6.0: A Christmas Carol First of all, I adore this Christmas special, it’s become one of my favourites. I love the setting. I love the premise of the Doctor changing someone’s past to make them a better person. Love Amy and Rory having fun with costumes on their wedding night. I’m not really fond of Abigail basically being a sexy lamp, some of her story is a bit creepy if you think too much about it. But a very beautiful episode overall.

6.1 + 6.2: The Impossible Astronaut + Day of the Moon This isn’t a bad story, but I am biased against it for a few reasons. I don’t tend to like stories set in America as they often feel really out of place in Doctor Who. American TV is already so pervasive, give another location some attention. It felt alienating to have your first story of a new series be set in America, with government conspiracies and time jumps and fake deaths. It just really didn’t feel like Doctor Who. Also I know that the Silence return but I didn’t like that they were just all killed off in the second half. They were built up as such a big deal and then killing them didn’t look that hard. Would have been better as a mid-season finale I think.

6.3: The Curse of the Black Spot I found this story pretty forgettable except for the last ten minutes. The guest characters really didn’t do much for me. Story wasn’t really interesting. It all felt a bit too silly. However, those last ten minutes really did hit me hard. What was an ehh pirate adventure became a mystical poignant story about a pirate crew trapped in limbo: trapped between dimensions and between life and death. It felt like a sci-fi take on Davy Jones, I loved that. Shame it just came in at the end.

6.4: The Doctor’s Wife I heard about this story before I saw it and was worried it would be really awkward and cringe-y. No, I actually really enjoyed it. I adore the setting: a pocket universe with a disembodied antagonist that eats TARDISes. Excellent. I loved the interactions between the Doctor and TARDIS/Idris (I felt calling her “Sexy” was a bit too far, but I don’t hate it). I felt the scenes with Amy and Rory were a bit generic and predictable, with how House messed with them. But overall I really liked this episode. I love the complexity it adds to the disappearance of the Time Lords.

6.5 + 6.6: The Rebel Flesh + The Almost People This is a pretty decent story, but maybe a bit too long. I think the premise is great and really creepy. Good examination of personhood and bodily autonomy.  But I don’t think it really needed to be a two-parter. Or maybe it needed to just use its running time better. Too many scenes drag for me. And I really found the Flesh as a concept difficult to take seriously. How has this never been brought up before??? It really feels like the implications of the Flesh in human society should have been explored more. 6.7: A Good Man Goes to War I have mostly positive feelings towards this episode but it can still be a bit frustrating. I think the rescue is fairly well-paced. I really like the new characters introduced. I love the connection of “Melody Pond” with “River Song”. However there are some set-backs. I’m not really into the military Church or the headless monks. It felt like world-building for the sake of it that doesn’t actually go anywhere. I really like the Paternoster gang, but I don’t like how they are introduced. They are characters the Doctor already knows but there is very little explanation to Amy and Rory or the audience who they are. I really felt like I had missed something and didn’t enjoy that. Also the Silence’s plan feels a tad contrived. The idea of creating an assassin to kill the Doctor is interesting. But it feels way too risky of a plan. How could they guarantee their brainwashed assassin doesn’t escape and learn how to be better? Which is what happened. 6.8: Let’s Kill Hitler I had spoiled myself a bit here, having seen many scenes from this episode closer to its time of airing. But seeing it in full really left me frustrated. I do like the reveal of their childhood friend Melody and their daughter Melody being one and the same. But I really hate how she behaves in this episode once she regenerates into her “River” body. This is the problem with telling a story in this order. We know River will become a friend to the gang. So there doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of tension here. And her “Tee hee, I’m such a psychopath, I love you and I’m here to kill you” act drove me mad. She really felt like a bad fanfiction OC here. I don’t love River overall as a character but I know she can be much better than this. Also there was barely any use mad of the historical setting. I do love Rory saying “Shut up, Hitler” and River facing off against the Nazi soldiers though. 6.9: Night Terrors This was mostly another ehhh episode to me. I do like the reveal of the dollhouse and the idea of people being turned into dolls. I enjoy the premise of the Doctor being summoned by a frightened child. Although this is another overuse of the perception filter I feel. It feels like a device to just cover up parts of your story that don’t quite click together. I also didn’t really care for the guest characters here. 6.10: The Girl Who Waited I was fairly impressed with this episode. Great setting, really interesting moral dilemma. I felt like some of the screen time could have been used more effectively, some parts of the story felt like it dragged a bit. But a very solid story. 6.11: The God Complex I was really disappointed with this episode. I knew a bit about it and was excited to see it. I really like a lot of the guest characters, especially Rita and Gibbis. Many of the character interactions are great. I love that Amy’s fear was represented by her childhood self waiting. I really like the creepy hotel being a labyrinth. But I couldn’t stand the minotaur or the plot resolution. I also had issue with their being inconsistency with the rules of the hotel. I think some characters saw their room and ended up fine. Some seemed to just be killed off without enough explanation. The whole “feeding on fear” thing was really eh to me. It was a horror story that lacked in a lot of tension. 6.12: Closing Time I was very fond of this episode. Again awkward that Gareth Roberts wrote it. I’m very fond of Craig as a character. Also the Doctor’s interactions with Alfie a.k.a Stormaggedon were very sweet. Not the best Cybermen story but not bad. Certainly better than The Next Doctor. Also it was wild to see Lynda Baron as one of the shop clerks. She was a childhood icon for me as Auntie Mabel in the education programme Come Outside.

6.13: The Wedding of River Song Give me strength, what a hot mess of an episode. I don’t loathe it like many do, but it was a really frustrating watch. This is where the Silence arc pissed me off the most. Kept dangling vague ideas in our face on why the Doctor had to die. It really felt like a repeat of “Because...reasons”. At the time of writing, I have seen the series 7 finale and The Time of the Doctor so I know it does eventually resolve. But it was a really frustrating watch at the time. I also don’t like the Doctor being suddenly like “Yo River, we need to get married now because plot”. I know it’s justified with technobabble that it will change the moment of the Doctor’s “death” but it really felt very jarring. I mostly found the Doctor and River’s relationship very frustrating as it seemed like we kept being told that she was important to him, without really seeing it. I can’t be sure of whether he actually had any romantic feelings for her, it’s hard to say. But yeah, kinda a mess of a finale. So yeah I have had this post in my drafts for a while as series 6 is hard for me to talk about. Some stories I’m quite fond of and I like the Doctor and the Ponds as a group but overall it was too dominated by an unsatisfying series arc for me to enjoy it as much as series 5.

[riversofmars]

December 1st   December 2nd   December 3rd   December 4th

December 5th   December 6th   December 7th

The Doctor breathed a little easier as they exited the shop, leaving the other Doctors to make their own deductions. “Right okay, this is bad, this is real bad…“

“Does that mean there are other Timelords here?“ Yaz asked as they walked to the centre of the square, away from the shop. They stopped by the huge Christmas tree, the most central point from which they could easily look up and down the streets.

“It means there are other MEs here. There are no more Timelords, they all died, except me.“ The Doctor retorted pacing a little as her mind raced, working through different scenarios, just as she expected her former selves were.

“Damn…“ Ryan mumbled. The Doctor rarely spoke of what happened on Gallifrey after she had sent them back to Earth. They had always presumed it was a sort of catastrophic event after what the Master had done, but that was even worse than they had imagined. All the nicknames they had heard used for her over the years were beginning to ring more true. The lonely God… she really was, wasn’t she.

“But why? What made us come here?“ The Doctor huffed, searching for possible explanations as she looked around.

“You suggested it.“ Graham pointed out. “I mean, it’s a lovely place.“

“Yeah, I could really go for some gingerbread right about now…“ The Doctor mused as the smell took over her senses for a moment. She shook her head, clearing it, she couldn’t get distracted. “Something must be pulling us all here. Not just the same place but the same time.“ She said, gesturing around herself. “I’m usually very careful not to cross my own timeline, lots of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff, it gets really complicated. I don’t have the memories from my other selves of this though, it’s all a blur, that really should have been a clue… I just remember that I used to come here with the others, there is like this draw… why didn’t I see that before?“ She was at a loss. She should have noticed her memories of these trips were faulty, shouldn’t she? And what if she did and something made her ignore it anyway?

“Then we must find out what it is.“ Yaz said firmly.

“Yes, because if we don’t, if even one of my past selves gets stuck here or dragged into whatever this is, gets themselves killed or… it would create a paradox that could rip all of space and time apart.“ The Doctor mused, placing her hands on her hips.

“That would be a very 2020 thing to happen.“ Yaz sighed.

“Checks out…“ Ryan agreed.

“It might as well happen.“ Graham shrugged.

“No, it may not, let’s go.“ The Doctor clapped her hands together.

“Let’s go!“ Eyebrows, Bowtie and Sandshoes clapped their hands together in unison.

“They really are the same person, aren’t they…“ Bill mumbled to the other companions.

“Terrifying isn’t it. Here I was thinking one is a handful.“ Donna had to agree.

“Donna!“ The three Doctors snapped glaring at her.

“This is going to be a lot of fun…“ Rory sighed sarcastically.

“Are you okay?“ Amy noticed that River had gone very quiet.

“Yeah, fine…“ She waved it off quickly, drawing herself from her own thoughts.

“What is it?“ Amy could tell when her daughter wasn’t okay and this was one of those times.

“It’s just… I thought he’d know… I thought it was him that brought me back…“ River forced a smile. “But he doesn’t know, none of them do…“

“You know with all the time travel and stuff… maybe it really just hasn’t happened yet. One problem at a time, yeah? You’re here now, that’s what matters.“ Amy tried not to think too much about the fact that her daughter had been dead for a time, that the Doctor had known of her death and never said anything, not to anyone. She looked to Sandshoes, the youngest Doctor here, the one to see her die and keep that secret henceforth. It pained her so much to think that in the end, River had been with a Doctor that didn’t even know her, didn’t know how much he would grow to love her, and couldn’t be the comfort she had needed at the time. She pushed the thoughts away and focused on the fact that her daughter was alive and well. She grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. “You’re okay. And you can work out the how later. Let’s solve one mystery at a time.“

“It must be something about this time and place.“ River mused, trying to focus her attention to something more productive. “It’s almost like a black hole in time, and they’re all being dragged into it.“

“Sounds a lot more menacing when you put it like that.“ Amy huffed.

“Well, it is… Fourteen Timelords in one place… If they’re all the Doctor, and they might be… that’s a lot of time streams with the potential to create a lot of havoc.“

“I suggest we best split up, look for anything suspicious and meet back here in an hour?“ Sandshoes suggested as they stepped outside the ornament store and looked around. Around them, people were getting on with their Christmas shopping, oblivious to the uneasiness the Timelords were feeling.

“Before we go, can we get some burned almonds cause they smell amazing…“ Bill pointed to the stand that was a little to their right. “Like I get this is turning into another adventure or whatever but we did come here for the Christmas cheer, right?“

“I’d like to go with her!“ Bowtie announced, sharing her excitement for Christmas treats.

“Everyone take their own companions with you, no need to strain the time streams any more than necessary.“ River interrupted sternly before anymore confusion could set in and all the Doctors were quick to nod.

“She’s got a good grip on you, hasn’t she.“ Donna smirked elbowing her Doctor who rolled his eyes.

“Right then, get your nuts so we can be on our way.“ Eyebrows sighed gesturing for Bill to go to the almond stand.

“I don’t usually go for nuts so it’s a nice treat.“ Bill grinned waiting for a response to her joke to which Eyebrows just covered his face with his hand in resignation.

“Right then, come along Ponds!“ Bowtie waved his companions along.

“Come on, River.“ All three Doctors said in absolute unison and looked back at each other in confusion, each one assuming she would come with them.

[sharingshane-blog]

BPD in Doctor Who

Trigger Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Abuse, Self-Harm, Mentions of Physical Assault and Rape

When I was 17, almost a senior in high school, I watched my first episode of Doctor Who.  I started with Christopher Eccleston and worked my way through.  It took me only a couple of episodes before I was hooked. I became obsessed with the series, and many of the characters, particularly the ones from the Russel T. Davies era, because I felt like I could emotionally connect with them.  I understood them.  Rose Tyler really grew on me.  She was supposed to be around my age at the time, and we both lived at our parents’ home feeling overall empty and worthless.  

At that age, my anxiety and depression were particularly bad. Someone who was mentor and major influence in my life had committed suicide.  Not long after, my grandfather whom I would see all the time passed away. I was already wallowing in major levels of grief and loss.  I had also just gotten permission to skip eleventh grade and graduate a year early from high school.  With that, I had to work last minute to get myself together, so I could apply to colleges and universities.  My parents had a history of neglecting my needs frequently and one of the ways they did was helping me prepare for college.  They refused to help me research or check out schools.  They would not take me on visits because it was too much of a “financial burden” on them.  They also refused to teach me how to drive or help me much at all for the next step ahead.  I felt extremely lonely and I felt very abandoned.  My parents have a history of physical and emotional abuse towards me, but I did not come to terms with that until I was in college, eventually developing PTSD.  

Feelings of abandonment and isolation became chronic and debilitating for me.  There were many emotions I would bottle up until I could not take it anymore.  I felt like a geyser.  As the emotions bubbled and heated more, the pressure in the chamber underground increased until there was a burst of boiling hot water—a crisis or outburst of anger.  I had trouble maintaining consistent relationships with people which only added to the loneliness.  People came and went, and I never expected them to stay.  I felt too worthless to think they would care about me.  I had recurrent suicidal ideation.  For a long time, the way I would keep myself alive would to just tell myself every night that I will just kill myself the next day. I refused to go to therapy until well into college.  This had to do in part that I did not know how to express my emotions, and it also had to do in pat because of trauma.  My mom forced me against my will (on my 16th birthday) to see her therapist and basically admit how horrible of a child I have been.  After my grandfather’s death, I did attempt to see a counselor, but it was a religious counselor who told me that I did not need counseling and that I just needed to focus on my faith in God.  It was not until I was 19, well after beginning college, where I decided to actually pursue therapy.  I had many unstable friendships at college.  I was with my abusive ex-boyfriend.  My already unhealthy relationship with my parents became worse.  The tipping point was when I was in the car with my dad one day, and he tried to hit me. I jumped out of the car before he could do anything to me.  He drove off leaving me on the side of the rode in tears.  It was not long after that experience that I filled out the paperwork to start counseling.  I eventually got a therapist outside of the college campus.  After almost attempting suicide, I was hospitalized for a week at a psychiatric facility.  It was there where the psychiatrist inquired me about a condition called borderline personality disorder.

Here are the symptoms or signs of the disorder:

-Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned

-A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

-Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

-Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating

-Self-harming behavior, such as cutting or burning

-Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats

-Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

-Chronic feelings of emptiness

-Intense anger or problems controlling anger

-Difficulty trusting and possessing a fear of other people’s intentions

-Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself or seeing oneself from outside one’s body

Not everyone with the disorder experiences all these symptoms. The symptoms also come in varying degrees.  No two people with the disorder is completely alike, although they tend to understand each other.  After I received the diagnosis, I felt that my life made a little more sense.  I began to understand myself better.  I have been in treatment for a long time and have made many improvements.  During this whole journey though, I learned something else, one of the reasons why I became so obsessed with Doctor Who.  I mean who doesn’t want to fly away from their boring lives to explore all throughout time and space with a mad man (or woman) with a box?  I have not seen the episodes with Jodie Whittaker so no spoilers! You may cause a paradox and destroy all of reality if you tell me anything.  It’s my future.  It was more than a form of escapism or a way of leaving my miserable life.  I realized that the Doctor’s character really resonates with me on a more personal level.  Now I am specifically referring to the New Who episodes.  I haven’t watched enough of Old Who to make adequate judgments of the character during those episodes.  The Doctor in New Who exemplifies many of the characteristics associated with borderline personality disorder.  I am no psychologist or psychiatrist, but for me, I feel like that this was one of the main reasons I fell in love with the Doctor.  He (or she) is the star of the show, the hero, the person everyone loves aside from say the Daleks, the Cybermen, the Slitheen, the Weeping Angels, the Zygons, the Silurians, and well, okay not everyone.  But in other shows, people with the disorder or exhibits multiple aspects of the disorder are usually portrayed as antagonists and creeps.  

The Doctor continuously goes out of his (or her) way to try and avoid losing people.  It causes him a lot of pain when he loses his closest friends.  Sometimes he will push his closest friends away, even for years at a time, because he’s afraid he’d never see them again. Sometimes he’d isolate himself from making new friends for fear of them falling apart.  We see this with the tenth Doctor at the end of his tenure.  He refused to take on new companions.  He was also reluctant to take on Martha as an official companion after losing Rose. But as you know, things did get “escalated.”  The eleventh Doctor set up Amy and Rory with a house on earth so he could come back to them whenever for hundreds of years because he knew that humans could not live near as long as him and he couldn’t bear to see his closest friends die.  He uploaded River Song as a computer program in the biggest library in the universe so he could always come back to her.  After losing Amy and Rory, he isolated himself from most of others except from a select few refusing to make other friends for fear of the inevitable loss.  Like Martha, he was reluctant at first to take on Clara as a companion.   On the whole though, the Doctor is fairly quick in choosing is companions, almost like Jesus choosing his disciples.  The Doctor becomes close pretty quickly and has people by his side while traveling in the TARDIS (time and relative dimension in space).  However, he is also quick to cut communication in order to “save” his friends or most often himself from impending grief.  He tricked Rose and Clara to have the TARDIS take them home while he faced a life or death scenario.  When Clara came back to the Doctor 300 years later in his future, he admitted that the reason he sent her away was because he would have buried her a long time ago.  It seemed to be more for his sake than hers.  She didn’t want to be sent home, and she was willing to face every danger he faced.  For those who struggle with BPD, the fear of loss and abandonment is quite prominent. Similarly, to the Doctor, I would frequently be quick to make very close friends.  I often idealized them and think they are basically perfect. “And she is perfect,” the Doctor says about Clara Oswald.  “You are the most important woman in the whole universe,” he says to Donna.  At the same time, I was also just as quick to push people away.  I’ve sometimes seemed to ghost people, hide things from them, push them away from my problems, refuse help when I desperately needed it.  I was too afraid I’d hurt them or overwhelm them to the point that I’d lose them.  I become a roller coaster ride to be friends with.  I constantly felt the need to protect people from myself and try to save myself from impending grief which hurts so bad that it makes me sick.  

Like the Doctor, I also felt persistent emptiness and loneliness. I felt like no one really understood me.  Even though I usually had close friends nearby, they also seemed temporary. Give another year and it will be a whole new group of friends.  I am very blessed that I’ve been able to maintain a strong relationship with my best friend for almost five years.  I’ve not had a romantic relationship last even a year.  Alongside the loneliness came emptiness.  For the most part, I felt like my life was pretty meaningless and boring.  I felt like I constantly had to be doing something in order to fill the gap.  The Doctor gets like this too.  When he stuck around in Amy and Rory’s home for a couple of days, he got anxious.  He rarely sticks around for tea after saving the day.  He has to constantly be doing something, or he just feels bored or pointless. This causes anxiety or depression. The tenth doctor, after trapping himself in the 18th century with Madame de Pompedour to save her from impending doom, looked sorrowfully into the night sky because of losing access to his TARDIS.  Like him, I usually can’t handle monotony.  I get anxiety and depression really fast.  

Impulsivity is another common trait between me and the Doctor. This can look different for each person who struggles with BPD.  Many do struggle with alcohol or drug addictions but not all.  I do not, but my impulsivity comes out in other ways.  It actually is similar to how the doctor is impulsive.  I am very quick to putting myself in compromising or dangerous situations. Personally, I cannot actually go into much detail on this issue for my safety and the safety of others around me. As a result of impulsive decisions I’ve made, I have gotten assaulted or raped.  Now these crimes are ultimately not my fault, and do not advocate victim blaming.  People should just have the common decency to know that those things are wrong. Unfortunately, that’s not the world we live in.  I was almost physically assaulted after outing myself as transgender.  I learned quickly the dangers of being trans in society. I’ve stretched myself thin for the sake of others without taking the time to analyze how much I can handle.  The Doctor is very similar in this regard.  Over and over, he’ll walk passed “keep out” signs.  For him, they are like “dry clean only.”  He’s one of those people who usually takes action before thinking.  Although sometimes we find out that he has actually put more thought into something than we, the audience, assumed he had.  Still, a lot of times the plan is to run towards the danger, see what happens, then come up with another plan.  When he hears a scream, he runs towards it.  When a sketchy guy is offering jobs at Hooverville in 1930, he was the first to volunteer.  Despite his intelligence and cleverness to get out of dangerous situations, he usually just as quick into them.  The results have even blown up the entire universe.  

Both the Doctor and I also seem to have struggled with a personal sense of identity.  This also can result in intense mood swings.  Sometimes I have feelings of euphoria, a heightened feeling of myself.  I can be the life of the party or on top of the world. I can become hypomanic (BPD and bipolar disorder often mimic each other).  Other times I am the complete opposite.  I think I’m the most awful, pitiful thing that creation gave birth to. I will self-harm or have suicide ideations.  I’m afraid that I am an abuser just like my parents, that I just hurt people, or that I constantly let other people down.  This sometimes spawns feelings of isolation.  Sometimes my emotions swing between extremes within a day.  The Doctor seems similarly to reflect these traits. For most of New Who, he is haunted about destroying Gallifrey in order to end the Time War.  Was he a genocidal maniac or a hero who ended a war that would have destroyed all of reality?  Is he any better than a Dalek who belongs to a race of ethnic cleansers.  Even after the 50th anniversary episode, the twelfth Doctor feels the need to ask Clara whether he is a good man. People with BPD tend to have a difficult time knowing themselves outside of how others perceive them.  They constantly rely on others to tell them how they are more than trying to take the time to analyze personal actions and intentions. We usually think our intentions are just excuses for the horrible things we’ve done.  The Doctor kept telling himself that he was trying to end the most deadly war in all of history when making the decision to eradicate his own species, but he wondered afterwards whether it was just an excuse to be the monster he truly was.  It wasn’t like he had a super friendly relationship with the Time Lords (although he was also half human first suggested in the 1996 movie and confirmed with the twelfth Doctor).  He constantly wrestled with the prospect that maybe he took on companions in order to use them rather than actually befriend them.  Davros visibly gets under the Doctor’s skin when he suggests that the Doctor takes “ordinary people and fashions them into weapons.”  We have the episode with the Dream Lord, a suggested personification of the negative aspects of his character.  There is a very dark portion of the Doctor which makes him such a complex character to fully understand.  Still, generally, we most often see him as a hero.  We are more gracious towards his decision to destroy Gallifrey to end the Time War than he is to himself.  I struggle to understand myself.  I generally have persistent feelings of shame that if the dark side of me comes out, then people will leave me.  It’s something I try to control.

Building off the last point, the Doctor is prone to anger quickly coming to that emotion.  “The fury of the Time Lord” is explored throughout the series.  It’s related to the question as to whether he is a good person or not.  This is one area I have seen significant improvements in.  It is okay to angry, but sometimes my anger was ineffective in achieving my goals.  I am not as quick to anger as I used to be.  I think a part of it is that I don’t live with my parents anymore.  I still have much room for improvements.

The Doctor’s fears of abandonment and loneliness has given away to trust issues.  Too many people have betrayed him.  We never learn his actual name throughout the series.  He doesn’t trust anyone with it.  He keeps a lot of himself a secret.  He will refrain from being vulnerable around others including his companions.  He’ll always say that he’s fine, that he is always fine.  This is the classic thing that someone battling mental illness says to cover up their emotions from others.  It is something that I have said in times of distress many times because I am afraid that people will judge me or betray me or leave me.  River Song tells him to trust her.  She whispers his real name in his ear to prove to him that she is worthy of trust.  Even then, he has his reservations.  When learning River was a prisoner for killing man and she doesn’t reveal who, he questions her and why future self would trust her.  There is always constant questioning of other people’s motives and intentions.  When Rose saves her dad’s life altering a fixed point in time, the Doctor is quick to accuse her of selfishness, that she only wanted onto the TARDIS to save her dad, that she was only using the Doctor.  Though Rose’s decision was impulsive and unwise to say the least, the audience isn’t as quick to accuse her of that.  We get the sense that she had a genuine care for the Doctor and actually wanted to travel in the TARDIS for the purpose of exploration.   As we millennials like to say, I feels.

Thoughts of suicide and self-harm or disassociation are not attributes that we can necessarily observe or be able to observe in the Doctor.  We do know that he does tend to view his life as less important as others.  He’s hinted that death may be a gift for someone who lives so long.  He is quick to sacrifice himself.  He gets angry at River when she tries to save him and tell him that the universe doesn’t want him to die.  He’s willing to neglect his life for the sake of others.  When he tried to destroy Gallifrey, he didn’t expect or want to live.  The ninth Doctor explained it wasn’t his choice.  The Doctor seems to be depressed that he didn’t die after ending the Time War, that his guilt is unbearable at times.  I don’t think I can delve much further on this particular aspect of his character to be honest.  

I have thought about this for a long time as you probably can tell.  I am still in love with the Doctor and it is one the view shows that I garner pleasure from when I am severely depressed.  It can distract me from my sometimes very intense and unbearable emotions. I believe this in large part due to how much I relate to the Doctor, that maybe I may not be an absolute monster.  Maybe, I’m not that bad of a person.  Maybe I’m someone that can be loved just like the Doctor. Maybe I am just as interesting and unique.  Maybe at times I can be the hero and not the villain that I always view myself to be. I continue to love the series and I can not wait to see Jodie Whittaker’s depiction of the character when I am able to get access to the episodes.  I am sad to say goodbye to Capaldi, but the story always continues.