#they need to be in pain I’m sorry

[chunkypossum]

@pippsmcgee what was it I said?

If he ain’t hurtin’ it’s not workin…

Feverishly writing the zero draft of Kerosene and it’s nearly complete. I think I hurt the boys too much. 😬😬

After it’s finished I’ll have to go back through and edit then I can start posting it regularly again!

Y’all are on ch. 19 (?) here’s a tiny line from ch. 25

Come back to me.

He pleaded in his mind as he felt Eris’ body go more pliant under his touch. He leaned into the kiss, rolling his hips up where Eris was straddling him, sucking down the moan from his mate’s lips.

K bye 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

[wistfullywaiting2]

i'm literally Dazai’s favorite protégé because i am so understanding and kind and i do not complain when he uses me in his plans without my knowledge and he doesn’t even have to apologize for it because i accept it as the only way without any convincing and when his plans hurt me i take all of the pain it gives and accept that pain as part of my very existence and i offer no resistance and i bleed so prettily all over my tiger fur and my guts all unspool like the most delicious meal and my eyes are kind and naive and hold no accusation and every time it destroys me i get pieced back together and come right back to continue being his protégé because Dazai cares about me so so much and he always chooses me as his sacrifice every time because he knows i’ll come back and he always places one hand on my head to calm me while he makes his plans and he doesn't do it for the other protégé only me because i'm his favorite

[theetwinkleboy]

and another member of the lov gets what they thought they wanted but at what cost. spinners has been the most interesting to me so far because it parallels so neatly with izuku’s. both of them feeling powerless and accepting a quirk because that’s what they thought they would need to be powerful and change things. both of them sitting across the table from each other, scarred and broken by the quirks that they accepted. spinner realizing too late that it wasn’t a quirk he needed to save his friend—it was just him. and maybe not accepting those quirks in the first place would have put him in a better position to save shigaraki (but all for one didn’t want him to save shigaraki, so). shigaraki’s murderer and his best friend. hm.

but also, to have it come back now, to have spinner say this now TO izuku, in the same chapter that izuku is like ‘how can we stop this from happening again (how can we stop the next person lashing out before they get past the point of no return)’ and tsukauchi is like ‘we can’t without more heroes’ like NO! that’s not the answer! spinner told him the answer. it’s not in a quirk or in more heroes. it’s being willing to reach out and see someone for who they are.

[engagemythrusters]

kanan survives the blast.

hes crispy charred, so someone pulls him from the streets and nurses him back to health. he also lays low until he can find a way back to his crew. but between healing and laying low… he misses everything. lothal is freed. well, it’s a good thing they were able to do it without him, at least. so he gets his still-recovering ass up and finds his crew.

Most of them.

Because Ezra is missing. Ezra is gone, and he couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t say goodbye.

His son is gone.

[itspileofgoodthings]

OKAY I have missed counseling 3 times in a row and I really need to process some stuff so this is me celebrating some TEACHING WINS as of late because things have been really hard!

—More writing is happening! More revisions of writing are happening. The gap between student writing being automatically boring, processed, disconnected from any actually thought and interesting, thoughtful writing—writing as a way OF thinking and sorting through thoughts in a logical way—is closing. Or at least narrowing.

—Classroom procedures are in place and I have to do very little to enforce them. There is (generally speaking) order in each classroom and the students’ habits, not my nagging, keep them in place.

—I am filling class time better and more effectively. There’s more variety in the structure of each class but also the time is just used better. They work bell to bell. In-between spaces are filled with review, oral work, discussions.

—Day to day work with the written text is becoming more specific. Tasks have been created in connection with a work that grew organically out of my teaching of them. There are more of these as a way to keep students paying attention to the reading/note taking. But the broad strokes, the chances to pause and discuss and see the bigger picture, are still happening. I’m starting to see the way the two layers and approaches work together to lift most of the students into an understanding of the story.

—There is still room for fun. Both in the specific sense—there are a few more games, review opportunities, creative exercises and chances to explore and engage with the text in a fun, non-academic way than there where before —but also in the very specific Maria way where I let my passion and knowledge for the work really show and carry them up on a wave, so to speak. This keeps the students interested, intrigued, and anxious not to miss one of the moments of fun.

—I feel like I’m reaching a more complete approach that tackles the basic skills of all my classes—reading, interpreting, discussing, writing—more evenly. Their opportunities to do all of those things is better balanced and woven together than it has been. The opportunity to practice each thing recurs and recurs again so that their sense of how to actually DO a thing—at least by my measurement of it—is improving.

—The specific qualities that I want to bring to each class are growing more distinct. My 8th graders vocabularies are expanding as is their grammar. My sophomores are establishing surer connections with outside scholarly voices on each of the texts we read which help them jumpstart actual independent thinking and interpreting. And my seniors are given the chance to connect the readings to their own lives and most importantly current concerns more than they used to.

I think that’s it :))))

[read-write-thrive]

inspired by my last post on dead boy detectives high school AU: obligatory band kid AU (and it ended up v long so buckle up)

instrumentation/roles:

edwin: if we’re talking still in his shell edwin, he’s an oboe/bassoon player. if we’re talking out of his shell edwin, he’s a French horn player. either way he is 100% first chair but will only accept the section leader title if there’s no one else in his section, he is not about to deal with marching band any more than he has to. he aces competitions and the like when he’s on his own, but rarely has the patience for ensemble work. his parents started him on his instrument younger than his peers so it makes sense he’s so good, but his ego is mostly separate from that—he’s just like that. he’s in the main/symphonic band, marching band with some hesitation, orchestra, and chamber/honors band

charles: while you could say almost any brass/low woodwind instrument and I would say fair enough, I personally think he’s a trumpet player. he does sports so he is often running back and forth on practice/game days but wouldn’t trade it for anything. he’s probably not first chair, or at least isn’t until his later years since he/his parents prioritise sports, he 100% would love being a section leader!! he fits the loud trumpet stereotype but is one of the few that’re complete sweethearts (as long as you keep him away from some of the more toxic dudes, he can get a little swept up in it from time to time, but luckily he figures it all out by the time he graduates). he doesn’t do competitions or any of the fancy stuff since he has obligations with sports, but it sometimes makes him sad that his friends are so good at his instruments while he’s juggling this other stuff and can’t match their level. he’s in the main band, marching, and jazz band in the spring semester

crystal: she’s a saxophone girlie 100%. she can play any of them if pushed, but she tends towards alto sax during marching season and tenor/baritone during the off season depending on the piece’s/concert’s needs. she kept up with some of the more toxic upper woodwind/percussion players in her mean girl era but she’s since come to her senses and avoids them whenever possible. she could be first chair and section leader if she wanted, she’s good enough (parents definitely put her in lessons) and charismatic enough, but she’s not enthusiastic about either position and often purposefully dodges the extra responsibilities. likewise, she’s not interested in separate awards or competitions or anything like that (though I think she also tried it her first semester, like orchestra, to try to get her parents’ attention—when it didn’t work, she dropped it). I can see freshman being simultaneously terrified of and crushing on her. she’s in the main band, marching, and jazz band, though she tried orchestrating for a semester before deciding it was not her vibe

niko: I see her as a violin/strings player who then switches to flute for symphonic/marching band, especially since she’s an international student. I don’t think she gets along super well with the other flute/violin players, so she’s glad to make friends with the group. she’s taken lessons for both violin and flute, but violin was mainly when she was a kid and flute was to help her catch up to everyone else. she does competitions and such mainly so she can get out of classes and hang out with her friends, but tries her best to do well without taking away from her other activities/free time. her instrument cases are COVERED in stickers. she’s super nice to the younger years but they stop talking with her much once they find their friend groups, which always makes her sad. she’s the type to be a “band mom” to an underclassman once one sticks around, but it takes until her senior year for that to happen. she’s in the main band, marching band (again, more to hang out with her friends than for any enthusiasm in the competition), and orchestra to get a chance to play the violin

monty: that boy plays the clarinet argue with the wall. he has his shy moments but also his outspoken moments, just depends on the people involved. he was never in lessons but definitely practices more than your average person. he’s the one to always be in a practice room, either actually practicing or giving people readings, to the extent that there’s a practice room that’s unofficially his (including him scratching/writing his name somewhere before he graduates). he’s perpetually second chair, and secretly would like to be section leader but is just enough of a people pleaser that it never happens (either by him giving it to someone else or the director doesn’t give him the position). he’s in symphonic, marching, orchestra and chamber

thomas/the cat king: so I think he’s a percussionist as his mood can be a little all over the place and hard to read, so I think the variety of percussion suits him. plus the putting on a persona thing just screams percussionist to me. if he isn’t the one dealing himself he 100% has an in with the local dealer (which ig isn’t band related but the percussionists were the dealers/stoners in my band so). he isn’t first chair by any means but he is 100% the section leader of the pit (I cannot see him marching). I think he’s also one of those guys who tends to date underclassmen which concerns literally everyone and breaks a few hearts but is ultimately harmless if a bit of a dick (said with love). he’s in the main, marching, and jazz bands

jenny: was a stellar saxophonist in her time, graduated a few years ago but comes back to help with marching band over the summers/eventually decides to become a band director herself and student teaches during the gang’s senior year. when she was in school she did every ensemble available, which honestly intimidated most of her peers (barring the sapphics bc she 100% had everyone crushing on her, dated quite a few of them too). she’s a great band director once she learns more on how to deal with the inevitable students breaking down in your office on random lunch periods

esther: monty’s mom but refuses to be part of any band parent organization. will occasionally show up to concerts, but if you talk to her she somehow makes it all about her. at some point she gets in trouble with her concerning relationships with minor girls and as a result can’t go to school functions, which monty doesn’t talk about to really anyone but secretly is glad about. she never played any instruments and openly calls monty a nerd for enjoying band

the night nurse: I’m sticking with her as an assistant principal/in charge of attendance/some cog in the bureaucratic system. the band kids are all too familiar with her as they’re often incorrectly marked absent when they go to band practice during lunch/free periods, so getting called down to her office happens to everyone sooner or later. during the gang’s senior year she’s assigned to be directly in charge of the band (for whatever reason idk) which has her suddenly showing up to games and concerts. no one really likes this but they eventually warm to her. she tried the flute once when she was in school but wasn’t good right away so she decided it wasn’t for her

tragic mick: I’m again sticking to custodian but specifically the custodian that’s in charge of the practice field/band rooms/etc and is as such a beloved if cryptic figure in the greater band family. he played the tuba when he was in school but when asked says it’s been far too long to remember anything about it

kashi: hear me out, Kashi as the band director goes hard. like he’s eccentric, always has a grand story to tell, and is simultaneously good at making you laugh and at giving advice. his main instrument is something weird like the soprano saxophone or the euphonium or flugelhorn or harp, but as band director he’s learned most of not all of the instruments in the band over the course of his career

david the demon: percussionist. I take back what I said about the cat king dealing, david is 100% the sketchy dealer of the band. Is also older than the gang. was in the main and marching band but that’s it.

Lilith: superintendent. cryptid type figure. is the one responsible for the shit that goes down with Esther. showed up to exactly one concert and everyone is still losing their mind over seeing her in the flesh

I cannot remember her name but the lady who ran the gift shop: the choir director/theater teacher/eccentric English teacher. well known by the band kid population but not directly involved

the finality or whatever that character is called: prinicpal. directly in charge of the night nurse. surprisingly agreeable for how much bs/cruelty she oversees. her coming in right at the end of the series echoes her showing up to graduation and that’s it for out side of school hours

the ghost mail carrier: he mans the front office desk. will deliver messages over the intercom that always make people jump

extra info/plot points in a fic i doubt I’ll actually write:

monty and edwin get close after being sat near each other in orchestra and then working together during a chamber piece

thomas/the cat king is also older than the main gang. edwin is one of the underclassmen he cozies up to, but edwin never actually dates him

the charles and edwin dream duo imo is charles on trumpet say behind edwin on French horn, with both of them constantly making little comments just to make the other laugh/roll their eyes/react during practice/rehearsal. their senior year they end up being co-section leaders of upper brass but only after some serious begging on charles’s part

crystal has a major crush on jenny at one point

not a single person can stand esther finch, to the point that Kashi slips monty some flyers on different help resources and the other kids all let monty crash at different points when she’s angry

it’s at one point revealed that thomas/the cat king’s parents aren’t in the picture for some traumatic reason and he’s being raised by his grandparent(s), which most people accept as justification for his iffy behavior (it isn’t, for the record, but ive seen this situation happen exactly twice over in my band career and it lines up with him too well not to include)

crystal and charles date for a time and are the band’s it couple when they do. a handful of people don’t like it, but it’s mainly bc they’re jealous they missed their chance with one of the other ( cough edwin cough ) but it doesn’t end up lasting

david and crystal date when he’s a senior and she’s a freshman and it’s BAD. like she’s partaking in drugs she doesn’t fully understand and he’s enabling it/actively supplying it. it’s ultimately jenny who notices the spiral and talks some sense into crystal/gives her a semi-relatable authority figure to lean on. aforementioned crush happens during the chaotic period during/immediately following this. david stays in town and still deals post-graduation, so he shows up to high school parties and without fail creeps on crystal if she’s around. as such she starts avoiding parties, which is the final mail in the coffin of her mean girl era, leading to her befriending charles and niko (and eventually edwin) and made part of the gang

there’s a running joke/conspiracy theory that Kashi and the night nurse are in love with each other. it has been used to embarrass freshmen several times over the years. the night nurse actively denies it but kashi keeps it vague just for the fun of it

at one point when charles and crystal are dating and the four of them are already friends, someone starts a rumour/starts suggesting that niko and edwin should pair up. edwin isn’t openly out but his friends all know so they laugh about it (I also hc niko as aroace for a multitude of reasons i won’t get into here but I think that adds to the humor of it all)

when the band plays for a sport that Charles is on the team for they all go WILD when he’s mentioned by the announcer/scores/what have you. to the extent that there a specific chant/riff/cadence/whatever they start playing specifically for him. this eventually gets them in trouble on some big championship game and the band only stops/does it quieter so that charles doesn’t get in trouble over it

charles had a letterman’s jacket that he adds his band letter to (as well as some diying with pins and patches and such to make it more his style). he uses offering it as a way to flirt/show off his partner(s). it is very effective (to the chagrin of some of those partners who wouldn’t otherwise be caught dead in a letterman’s jacket, incl crystal and edwin)

monty initially charges the rich-asshole kids for readings until he’s caught and forced to stop. he then stops giving readings to anyone he doesn’t already know/like. he uses readings as a way to flirt with edwin, who literally doesn’t realise it for an extended period of time. monty keeps trying to flirt/ask edwin our, but by the time he hyped himself up for it the bell rings and the lunch period ends. they eventually go on one date, which edwin doesn’t realise is even a date (despite his friends insisting otherwise) until monty kisses him at the end of it. it’s awkward for a while afterwards but they eventually settle into a friendship

several other band kids place bets on when edwin and charles will finally get together. niko wins the bet, despite actively encouraging monty x edwin along the way. some say she’s biased being so close to them, but she openly admits that she wasn’t sure it would ever happen

may add to this post later but ive written wayyy too much for rn so we’ll leave it here

[batwynn]

Would you read these?

[carabiner-pansy]

she’s crying bc her weed man said he’d drop at 7:20 but it’s now 11:51 and he’s not replying x

[cipher-the-sidhe]

Sliced my hand open pretty bad today and was so gobsmacked by my own stupidity that I didn’t register any pain at all. Gotta love the numbing power of shame and embarrassment 👌

[its-been-rose]

I don’t think you’d be able to comprehend the amount of sheer anger George would have at Teddy for the prank that Almost Killed Him. First obviously because dude would have to spend weeks to months in the hospital in a bunch of pain and he probably wouldn’t even get an apology, just the same stupid victim blamey “how was it my fault you almost died? You didn’t see that the completely obscured figure was totally me, dumbass” shit. But SECOND because while he’s recovering he learns he and Marie are gonna have a baby, and obviously that comes with the realization that if he’d died, his son would’ve been FATHERLESS and Marie would’ve been alone. Oh man as soon as George could walk again he’d probably go after Teddy lmao like “YOU COULDVE FUCKING KILLED ME JACKASS”

Can also see Teddy making some sort of judgy comments regarding their shotgun wedding arrangements like “you wouldn’t be getting married if Marie didn’t get knocked up” (again he puts the onus on Marie lol) and Marie starts rolling up her sleeves ready to absolutely wreck his shit but George is like “no no think of the baby. Just stay here, I’ll take care of this” and he turns like “the fuck did you say about my fiancée you elitist, classist, reckless, pompous DOUCHE?!”

[m1d-45]

You know, that would be ANGSTY COMICAL if we mixed that in the aftermath of the reveal of who is the real creator, since it could be taken as the creator REPLACING characters who hurt them.

-🥘Stew

that was the intent!

i think diluc would have it easiest. red is from a hateful part of his past, and he knows that he’s grown beyond that stage. if it weren’t for red’s temperament, he’d want to try and connect, if only to gain his trust. it still hurts, knowing that even after all this time he still failed to be what you needed, but it burns him the least.

fischl would be worse. night is everything she tried so badly to be, down to her own oz. to make it worse, night couldn’t care less about fischl, ignoring her monologues about who’s the real princess. the only one she needs the approval of is you, and she’d gotten that the second she was first summoned. she does fischl the mercy of letting her keep her name, but even that is mostly at your discretion. ‘fischl,’ ‘night,’ whatever. she just needs to protect you where amy failed.

and kaeya… my poor beloved. if night is what fischl wanted to be, shade is what kaeya has to be. night is a persona that fischl copied, shade is the very mask kaeya had put on for all his life. he’d entirely remade himself, down to the name he used and the way he treated his fellow knights, and it still wasn’t enough. all of his effort was poured into making himself something that could be accepted, that could be good enough. he’d thought he’d done a good job when he was first marked as a vessel, but now in the hunt it’s clear that his palatability only ran skin deep. shade is what you need, shade is what you want, and he’s genuine about it. shade’s entire life is yours, and he was rewarded for that devotion with your affection, earning a place at your side. and kaeya had devoted himself to the hunt instead, was so blinded by his own desires that he’d ignored the resistance of his vision. diluc may hate his past and fischl may hate night, but kaeya can only really hate himself.

[harmonytheme]

thinking about stendan since I’ve just done a rewatch, and while i’ve been desperate for emmett to come back to the show for years, I honestly believe brendan’s three year arc on the show was as close to perfect as it could have been.

I’ll never stop wanting him back, but there's some comfort in knowing how legendary brendan's story remains to this day. eleven years on and he’s still being brought up on the show. he's still being referred to as the love of ste's life (ste who has been married like five times) by kieron. and he still has half of us hoping against hope that he’ll return some day.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me: sits down to write feeling full of inspiration

chronic pain: no 🙃

[same-skies]

One last text

I wasn’t going to text you, but there was so much left unsaid,

And I can’t sleep with all the thoughts that keep rushing through my head,

And I can’t blame you, because the fault here rests solely on me,

My actions were rash, chaotic, as messy they could possibly be,

It feels like everything has crumbled, nothing is how it seems,

I hate the fact that I can’t call you, the only time I see you is in dreams,

Nowhere feels like home anymore, so I started wandering around,

Wondering if at some point I’d see you, before my feet hit the ground,

And I wonder if you’d look at me the same, if you’d still care,

Or if you’d even recognise me now, after all I changed my hair,

I can’t text you to say goodnight, so I stopped sleeping,

And everything tastes bland now, so I stopped eating,

And I know my eyes don’t shine as brightly anymore,

And my smile no longer lights up a room when I walk in the door,

And I respect the fact that you need space, that you need time,

But I still wish that just for one more night I could pretend you were mine,

One more night, one more hotel, one more meet up in the dark,

Then I could leave this alone, and I won’t just sit and cry in a carpark,

Just one more smile, one more hug, despite the pain I’ll feel,

A proper goodbye, then maybe this would all seem real,

And maybe it’s easier not doing this face to face,

Maybe it’s easier to let go when we’re both in a different place,

But I never got to say goodbye, not really, a text isn’t the same,

And despite how much it’d break me, I’d do anything to hear you say my name,

I just wanted to tell you that I love you, just one time more,

Then we can both walk away from all this, we can finally shut the door,

Or maybe we’ll stay, sit and cry and talk it all out,

That’s wishful thinking though, I caused so much doubt,

I don’t even know why I wrote this, why I sent it in the middle of the night,

But I’ve never been good at walking away without putting up a fight,

And even if you don’t answer, if you don’t text or call,

That’s fine, I get it, but I need you to know that I’m sorry for it all,

And I’d do anything to fix this, to try and make it right,

But I hurt you, and if you don’t wanna talk that’s fine, I’ll just say one last goodnight.

[itspileofgoodthings]

I think it’s such a lovely thought that the stuff you’re going through now is preparing you for the things you want.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

………………… i hate this game