#they blame each other for their problems to avoid taking responsibility for the way they are

[memeticsdivision]

a while back, i did the oc duo ask game in my friend discord server, so i thought i’d post them here since the answers are interesting and gives a better look into the moratorium crews dynamics and characterization . enjoy

CERNUNNOS ABOUT FENRIS

What's their best trait?

"HIS ABILITY TO DIE."

What's their worst trait?

“DO YOU WANT ME TO BE HERE FOR HOURS? BECAUSE I'D LOVE TO GO DOWN THE LIST, BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO. SO LETS JUST KEEP IT AT THIS; HIS INABILITY TO DIE."

Are they a good person?

"HA. HAHA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE ASKING ME THAT? LOOK IN THE MIRROR ONCE AND A WHILE, IF THE PERSON LOOKING BACK AT YOU IS ME, THEN CHANCES ARE YOU'RE THE REAL MONSTER."

Do you really know them?

"BETTER THAN HE KNOWS HIMSELF, I'LL TELL YOU THAT."

What are they to you?

"A REMINDER OF MY PERSISTENT TORMENT." (translation: “Possibly the only person who could ever understand me, but he created me out of loathing of the idea of me, wanting me dead but forcing me to live anyway. That first part is therefore muddled by bitterness and I refuse to ever admit it.”

What are you to them?

"BY DEFINITION? A SHADOW. IN REALITY? HIS WORST NIGHTMARE."

What animal do they most remind you of?

"A SHITTY LITTLE COCKROACH WHO GOT RUN OVER AND IS DRAGGING ITS GUTS ALONG THE ROAD TOO STUBBORN TO LAY DOWN AND ROT."

Are they your type?

"OH, YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY, DON’T YOU."

What's their greatest fear?

"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? LOOK AROUND; LOOK AT ME! THE FEAR IS THE LIE. THE FEAR IS THE TRUTH OF EXISTING IN A WORLD SURROUNDED BY SHIT HE NEEDS TO DO. HIS LAZY ASS WOULD RATHER RUIN LIVES THAN FACE THE FACT HIS LIFE IS SAD AND PATHETIC AND THAT HE MADE IT THAT WAY."

What's your best memory with them? Worst?

"MY BEST MEMORY WAS GUTTING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME. MY WORST IS EVERYTHING ELSE."

How long have you known each other?

"A LONG, LONG TIME. LONGER THAN I'VE EVEN BEEN A PERSON. I'VE EXISTED IN THAT MORONS BRAIN SINCE THE FIRST MOMENT HE EVER HATED HIMSELF, SINCE HIS FIRST BAD MEMORY. I WAS JUST THE FIRST TO REALIZE IT."

How has your relationship changed recently?

"CHANGED? NOTHING'S CHANGED. I'M SURE ANY MINUTE NOW HE'LL FIRE THAT LAST SHOT INTO HIS THICK SKULL, AND IF NOT I'LL DO IT MYSELF. AFTER I'VE HAD SOME FUN."

Are they a good leader?

"OH SURE. IF YOU NEED A GUIDE ON HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AS A SAD AND PATHETIC LITTLE EXISTENCE, OR NOT LIVE A LIFE AT ALL. HE WOULD BE A GREAT TEACHER IF YOU WANT AN EXAMPLE OF HOW TO BE A TERRIBLE PERSON."

——————

FENRIS ABOUT CERNUNNOS

What's their best trait?

"Do I have to answer that?"

What's their worst trait?

"I don't like anything of what I see in them." (translation: "I don't like that they remind me of myself.")

Are they a good person?

"No—I mean, I don't know? No. No they aren't." (translation: “I cannot answer this question truthfully because I doubt if I’m a good person, and if they are me and are bad, then I don’t know what that says about me. Maybe they are better than I am, because they chose a way to live. I didn’t.”)

Do you really know them?

"...No, but they get very predictable at some point."

What are they to you?

"An accident." (translation: “An ugly reminder of parts of myself I hate, that I try to pretend doesn’t exist, but Cernunnos’ existence is a rather direct reminder of it. To cope with that I assign cernunnos the role of the monster, despite what that says about me in return, one who’s existence is a mistake, because if they are a mistake and accident then they could not possibly reflect on me, and I have to kill them.” …which is exactly why he can’t.)

What are you to them?

"An easy scapegoat for all of their problems, I guess."

What animal do they most remind you of?

"To me, they are an animal."

Are they your type?

"I... what?”

What's their greatest fear?

"I guess... living? But they're based on me, so... we'd probably fear the same things."

What's your best memory with them? Worst?

"...I don't think I have any good memories with them. When we met was probably the worst. When they killed me is the second option.”

How long have you known each other?

"I couldn't tell you." (translation: “Cernunnos told me they existed long before they had a body, and they were only made real because of my self hatred that has existed my whole life. I don’t know if we have known each other forever, or from the moment they first showed up in my dreams.”)

How has your relationship changed recently?

"I'm not as scared of them as I used to be. The tricks got old the second I stopped caring."

Are they a good leader?

"...No. I think they’d try, to prove a point, but fail.”

——————

MOR ABOUT FENRIS

What's their best trait?

"Oh, what isn’t? He’s wonderful, really. I’m so proud that he exists at all.”

What's their worst trait?

"Hmm. I do wish he wouldn’t push me away. He needs me, after all, he just doesn’t like to admit it sometimes.”

Are they a good person?

“Hmph. The need to push moral definitions onto people is such a tediously useless endeavor. He’s doing his best, he just doesn’t know what that really means, and so he makes countless mistakes that really, get him nowhere. Thankfully, I know whats best. For him and us.”

Do you really know them?

"Very much so! I’m his mother, I made and raised him, nobody knows him better than me, which is why I know what is best for him, because he doesn’t."

What are they to you?

"Fenris is my son, my greatest joy and achievement. I love him very, very much.”

What are you to them?

"I’m his mother, can’t you tell? I’m someone he can always rely on for love and support. I wasn’t then, but I certainly am now. I’ve worked hard to be that, and I need to keep things that way.”

What animal do they most remind you of?

"Whatever animal he would want to be compared to!"

Are they your type?

"That is my child."

What's their greatest fear?

"Being alone, being the monster Cernunnos claims he is, being abandoned. He fears many things, the poor boy. He fears the way reality is constantly all around him, and how at any moment, he might change something and do something bad. He doesn’t want to be hurt, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for hurting someone again. But most of all, he’s afraid that it’ll be confirmed that he doesn’t deserve to exist, that the world would be better off without him, and that he’s been wasting his time trying to live in it. Sad, but sometimes, our greatest fears are of the truth.”

What's your best memory with them? Worst?

"Oh, all of them are dear to me. But the moment he was born is especially close to me. It was the first moment I loved him, and the moment I was so happy to be his mother. But… I do regret the night I died. Very much so. I said so many awful things to him, and they were the last things he ever heard from me. I hurt him so deeply that night, and it was the culmination of all of the terrible things I’d done to him over the years. Sometimes, that guilt overwhelms me. But I’ll be better this time.”

How long have you known each other?

"His whole life, of course! I’m his mother after all. I wish I didn’t have to be separated from him for five years, but we’re together again now. And I won’t let anything take him away from me.”

How has your relationship changed recently?

"It’s certainly more positive than my previous incarnation. He’s more willing to open up to me, and comes to me more often for safety. I’m relieved my efforts have paid off.”

Are they a good leader?

"I would say yes, but I don’t think he’d be comfortable, and he shouldn’t have to do things he wouldn’t be comfortable doing. Besides, I don’t trust anyone not to just be using him."

[girlwithrituals]

101 ways to improve self esteem

1) Master a new skill.

2) List your accomplishments.

3) Do something creative.

4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.

5) Talk to a counselor.

6) Don't worry about what others think.

7) Read or watch something inspirational.

8) Stay true to your character.

9) Let go of negative people.

10) Set healthy boundaries with others.

11) Care about your appearance.

12) Welcome failure as part of growth.

13) Be a lifelong learner.

14) Face your fears.

15) Become a mentor.

16) Accept compliments.

17) Eliminate self-criticism.

18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.

19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.

20) Challenge negative thinking.

21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.

22) Practice gratitude.

23) Exercise.

24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.

25) Get good sleep.

26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.

27) Encourage yourself.

28) Write a list of your strengths.

29) Don't compare yourself to others.

30) Avoid perfectionism.

31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.

32) Celebrate small victories.

33) Be helpful and considerate to others.

34) Be honest with yourself and others.

35) Accept your flaws.

36) Don't give up.

37) Practice self-care.

38) Go easy on yourself.

39) Practice being assertive.

40) Practice saying "No".

41) Practice relaxation techniques.

42) Take on challenges.

43) Volunteer to help others.

44) Forgive others and yourself.

45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.

46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.

47) Discover your passions and purpose

48) Groom yourself.

49) Dress nicely.

50) Be kind and generous to others.

51) Practice good posture.

52) Change a small habit.

53) Smile.

54) Don't procrastinate.

55) Don't take things personal.

56) Organize your personal space.

57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.

58) Spend time outside.

59) Notice the good things.

60) Celebrate your successes

61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.

62) Don't take too much on.

63) Do something for yourself every day.

64) Develop daily habits.

65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.

66) Practice mindfulness.

67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.

68) Use problem-solving skills.

69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.

Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:

70) I am grateful for every day.

71) I am worthy of happiness and love.

72) I am in charge of my own happiness.

73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.

74) I deserve to be happy and successful.

75) I approve of myself, right here and now.

76) I am learning and changing for the better.

77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.

78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.

79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.

80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.

81) Write down three positives about each day.

82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.

83) Practice laughing.

84) Be proud of yourself.

85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

86) Show respect to yourself and others.

87) Resolve conflict peacefully.

88) Ask for help or support.

89) Complete a daily task list.

90) Have a growth mindset.

91) Be optimistic.

92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.

94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.

95) Practice good daily hygiene.

96) Focus on solutions not problems.

97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

98) Drink plenty of water.

99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.

100) Do random acts of kindness.

101) Create a dreams list.

[sugurufic]

Co-Parenting with Suguru

AU where Geto didn't kill the entire village but adopted Nanako and Mimiko (I love mommy geto)

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: Geto is able to adopt Mimiko and Nanako with your help, and how the girls with Gojo set you two up. Acquaintances to lovers, idiots who care for each other. (pure fluff, and i've tried to avoid using y/n)

You wouldn't say you and Geto were good friends, but when you were asked to testify on his behalf in front of the higher ups, you readily agreed. You were tasked to look after the twin girls he had brought back from the village and they were the sweetest little girls you had ever met. Even if Geto had killed those villagers, you couldn't blame him - they were torturing two innocent souls on problems caused by their own vices. 

Shoko and Gojo couldn't testify to Geto's character - everyone knew they were practically joint at the hip - the three of them are always together. You were closer to Utahime  your senpai, known to not like Gojo and Geto very much. With whatever casual conversations you had had with Geto, you hadn't really found a reason to dislike him. And hearing Nanako and Mimiko call him “Geto-Sama” in their sweet little voices only helped in solidifying your high opinion of him.

You heard their narration of the night and how Geto with his incredible bangs and magic powers stopped the evil people hurting them and took him away and dropped them into your arms.

“Do you really think any of those could be trusted with kids?” Geto asked. You snorted in response and gladly accepted to take care of the two lovely little girls.

“Your Geto-Sama will be right back with you,” you promised the girls while closing the buttons of your uniform. “I will be back in a bit. I've got dolls for the both of you,”

“Thank you,” they tell you, adding “sama” to your name. You blush but don't say anything, having already told them to not address you as such multiple times over the couple of days.

“I don't believe that Geto-San could have gone out of his way to hurt those people. In fights with curses, collateral damage is always there, and Geto had two little sorcerers to take care of. I think we can excuse him this time.” You said when you were asked to speak.

“I don't see anything wrong with letting Geto-San take care of the two girls. They clearly trust him much more than anyone else, after how horribly they were treated by the village. I pitch on his behalf, that he would take utmost care of the two sorcerers under his care.” You said when the question for their custody arose.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” Geto said bowing in front of you once the elders were done with the hearing. They had dismissed everyone else to discuss the matter.

“You've got some lovely girls to parent now, Geto-san,” you say, returning his charming smile. “Are you sure you are ready to be a parent?”

“Not really, no,” He admits. “I will try my best though,” 

“Oh they are such lovely girls, I have half a heart to keep them for myself,” You fawn, feeling suspiciously giddy. “If you ever need a babysitter-”

“I will definitely call you,” Geto nods with a smile on his beautiful face. He has always been beautiful, but today with his hair half-up, half-down, he looks especially charming. He rushes away on hearing footsteps and you walk the short distance to the dormitories. 

“Hello girls!” You excitedly enter your room, holding out a bunch of cookies in your hands, thanks to Utahime. “The final decision of the higher ups will come later today, but Geto should be free to see you,” You give them the stack of cookies and then seeing the styled dolls add, “Do you girls like dressing up?”

You smile with the way their eyes widen with excitement and open your humble wardrobe in the dormitory, giving them access to everything they'd need to get dressed up. They decide to dress you up instead, and the three of you are full of giggles as they take your makeup and freely draw on your face - and be surprisingly good at it. You play some of your favourite music, which the girls seem to enjoy and then they paint your nails. They dress you in your best clothes and you love the way they've styled you.

There's still a long time left before the higher ups will announce the decision, so you take the girls out shopping to distract them. Fortunately, your income as a sorcerer allows you to have the freedom to spoil your girls - and you love it to an alarming extent. Mimiko and Nanako have got excellent taste, you'll credit them that - they pick out the cutest dresses for each other and coloured lip balms that compliments each other's hair well. You encourage them to change into their new clothes in the mall itself  and take so many pictures of them and with them - and you are almost sad at the thought of letting Geto have them, but that's something you will be sad for later.

You've lost track of time at the mall, and when you get back it's already twilight. The girls had a lovely day, and they are still buzzing with excitement when you enter. 

Geto is sitting on your bed, in a semi-clear spot with almost all of your stuff on it - from the whirlwind that dressed you earlier. 

“Geto-Sama!” The girls scream with delight and kneel down in front of him with bows, showing how grateful they were to him - he motions them to get up and hugs them both simultaneously, but his foxy eyes hold your gaze as he says, “Mimiko and Nanako can live with me, from now.”

Your body reacts to the news faster than your mind, and you've already planted a kiss on his cheek and have your arms wrapped around him before you realise what you have done. A crimson blush colours his face along with your lipstick as he thanks you, his voice softer and breather than usual.

Your whole body heats up when you see the colour of your lipstick on his cheek  and the way he makes no attempt to wipe it off his flushed cheeks as Mimiko and Nanako look up at him with glittering eyes. 

You hear your name from Nanako’s mouth, noting the “sama” she had added yet again. Geto's eyes are affectionate as he hears them gush to him about you, about the fun they had with you. 

While Mimiko is in Geto's arms, Nanako makes her way into yours and you feel silly for tearing up. You hug her close to your chest, feeling her little arms around your shoulders. “Thank you for bringing back Geto-Sama,” Nanako whispers to you. You pat her head and plant a gentle kiss on her cheek, now mindful of the transferring lipstick.

The sound of a camera clicking snaps the four of you out of the trance, and you find the Gojo Satoru standing at the threshold of your room, clicking pictures of the four of you. “Suguru, you get a girlfriend and daughters and you forget all about your best friend,” He tuts, dramatically putting a hand over his chest, his icy blue eyes peeking from behind his sunglasses.

Gojo gasps on seeing the lipstick mark on Suguru’s cheek and takes out his phone to snap even more pictures of a blushing Suguru. “You forgot to mention things were this serious!” He says, mock offended.

“Gojo/Satoru, shut up!” You and Geto speak simultaneously.

“You're even saying the same things now,” Gojo sighs like an old man. Mimiko and Nanako burst out into a fit of giggles. “You agree with your godfather, Satoru, right girls?”

“Godfather? Where did that come from?” You ask, scrunching up your nose.

“Well it was gonna be Suguru as mother and myself as the father but now you've taken in as their mother and Suguru as their father so I've got to take the next best thing-!”

You hit him upside his white-haired head, veins on your forehead popping out with irritation at his words. Gojo rubs the top of his head muttering something under his breath. “This is why I always stay with Utahime Senpai,” you say, making Suguru and the twins laugh.

“Get him, girl!” Geto cheers you on.

“I won't give you Nanako and Mimiko if you continue to be roommates with him,” you declare, narrowing your eyes at Geto.

“I'm renting a place outside Jujutsu Tech,” Geto confesses with a sigh.

“WHAT-?” You and Gojo both yell in shock.

“It's for the best,” He says.

“You’re taking my girls away from me!” You complain, hand on your chest. “This is so unfair, Geto-kun. How will I see them now?”

.

It's been a couple of weeks, and the twins have adjusted well to Tokyo. You've adjusted too, opting to spend your time with them rather than with anyone else. Gojo keeps teasing you relentlessly, not even bothering to stop when the teachers are around. You've grown closer to Suguru as well, spending most of your off-time with him. Shoko has become your refuge now, with Utahime leaving for Kyoto.

It's one of your lazy Sundays, and you wake from your and the twins afternoon nap. They are snuggled to either side of you, and it’s unbearably hot but you don't dare move; admiring their serene, sleeping faces. Your left eye twitched at the thought of the torture your girls were subjected to by those foolish villagers, blood boiling once again.

You reach for your phone instead, going through some old photos. You've scrolled down to when the girls were living with you, a picture of the three of you with matching white bows in your hair when the door quietly opens, and Suguru quietly enters with a pitcher of water and some glasses. He chuckles at your grateful face, pouring out some water for you. You gulp down the water, your overheated body giving out a sigh of relief when the cold water hits your stomach. 

“It's time to wake them up,” He whispers, leaning down to your laying form.

“I don't really want to,” you whisper to him, pleading, not looking away from his pretty dark eyes. “Five more minutes?”

“Okay,” He relented with a sigh, sitting beside Nanako. You think of how different he is now, different from when he is exorcising curses and when he is with Gojo. You also find yourself liking this side of him, that only his girls got to see. And you, one of his girls. 

“Have you thought about their schooling?” You ask, voice quieter than a mouse. Geto lays down, facing you.

“I’ll have them homeschooled,” He replies just as quietly, frowning.

“That’s boring,” You say. “How will they adjust to the outside world? We can’t always be with them.”

“I’m terrified of the curses getting -”

“Teach them to defend themselves, just a little.” You suggest. “You know they can’t rely on others, they will need to learn to keep each other safe.”

Nanako stirs between the two of you, mumbling a hushed “papa,” under her breath as she snuggles into Geto. You fawn all over this, his pretty eyes wide and looking at you, seeking assurance. A gentle smile graces his beautiful face as he caresses the girl’s caramel hair and you have to resist the urge to pull his silky hair out of the bun and run your fingers through them. You opt to lightly pat Mimiko’s dark head instead, and she snuggles into you mumbling, “mama,”

Admittedly, you’ve teared up a little and you excitedly turn to Geto, who is giving you his prettiest smile that you’ve ever seen. In this little moment, you can pretend to be a happy family, living in a rose-coloured dream.

.

Suguru loves spending time with his girls, and it’s even more delightful when you join in. He especially loves it now that you’ve practically moved in - the guest room slowly filling up with your scent and trinkets. He enjoys taking all of you out to different spots in the city - the parks, the malls, cute cafes and even back to Jujutsu Tech, occasionally. 

Suguru wonders if the two of you could even be friends if not for Mimiko and Nanako - just adding to a long list of things that he was grateful for from that night. Your easy smile and sparkling eyes and the way you shower his girls with your love and care just keeps on adding to all the things he admires about you. He half wishes Satoru’s mindless teasing to become a reality, but he lacks the courage.

Currently, he’s sitting on the floor with Nanako behind him, brushing his hair out and Mimiko sitting beside her twin, acting as her inventory. He’s in pure bliss, and the only thing that can make this better is your presence.

Soon enough there is a knock on the door, and Suguru feels bad for hoping it’s you. Of course, he enjoys your company, but you deserve a chance to live freely and not spend every waking hour with him. Satoru and Shoko are there instead, with amazing takeout for Friday evening.

Satoru spoils his self-proclaimed goddaughters (Suguru wouldn’t trust anyone else, either) with the best of everything. Shoko loves teaching them new things, reading, maths, curses, the human body - everything watered down to suit their tender young age.

The four of them play board games while Suguru does the laundry, putting the clothes on the drying line. Usually, you would be here helping him with the clothes, words flowing easily between the two of you. 

He's distracted from laundry when he hears Satoru call your name followed by a whistle, then yelling, “I can't really blame Suguru, you look so hot!” He hears your grumble something, and then Mimiko and Nanako’s excited cheers on your appearance. “You had a date?!” Satoru says again, his voice loud and surprised.

Suguru’s heart feels heavy, and he makes his way to the rest leaving half of the clothes in the dryer. 

“It wasn't really a date honestly.” You complain. “That guy had no manners! Chewing with his mouth open and not even using the napkins properly! And he barely asked me anything, kept on boasting about himself - it was boring.”

Suguru feels half guilty for the way his chest relaxes, but his breath is taken away as soon as he sees you - you are always beautiful, but you look especially pretty with your brown leather skirt and black jumper. Your jewellery compliments your complexion, and your hair looks perfect. And he has to agree with Satoru- you look hot.

“Where's Suguru?” You ask, looking around.

“Right here,” He says, coming to stand beside you.

He loves the way your eyes sparkle - the lids decorated to match the outfit and a delighted glimmer in your eyes.

“So, I was at the mall and this reminded me of you,” you say, picking up the paper bag on the floor beside you. “The only good thing that came from today, to be honest.”

“You were thinking of me while out with another guy?” He teases.

You get flustered, but respond “Do you want this present or not?” You try to sound stern, but you hand him the bag regardless.

The bag feels heavier than he had expected, and glances in to see the professional camera he had been eyeing for a long time but didn't buy in favour of getting Mimiko and Nanako some limited edition dolls. His pretty eyes widened with delight. “How did you know?” He asks, unable to hold back his excited smirk.

“I am not blind, you know.” You retort, happy that he loved the gift.

“What is it?” Shoko asks. Satoru snaps the bag towards himself, taking out the box of camera and different lenses. “That is one expensive investment,” she remarks.

You chose to ignore her comment, distracting everyone with the little cake you had bought. “And I've got cake!”

“Is today someone's birthday?” Mimiko asks.

“No, baby.” You say, “It's okay to have cake without any reason,”

The little girls are delighted to see the half sky and half forest cake. Neither Suguru, you or his girls have any idea as to when the exact birthday is, so you have them cut the cake together, pretending it to be their birthday. When Suguru takes the cake to the kitchen to cut it up, you follow him, leaving the twins with Shoko and Satoru.

“Suguru, you should get dressed up fancy too,” You say. “Let’s take some good pictures with our girls. I’ll cut the cake up.”

“Okay,” He agrees.

Suguru decides to match you, consciously picking pieces that compliment your outfit well. He is inappropriately fancy dressed up for this photo session. He is thrilled to use the camera you’ve gifted him, and there is no better scene to be his first than his girls(you included) and his friends. He’s brushing his hair out, putting it up in a half updo before giving himself a once-over then leaving.

He’s surprised to see Mimiko and Nanako dressed up too, sitting on either side of Satoru as Shoko and you clicked pictures on the phones. His camera is sitting on the table, still in its box. He has a child-like excitement as he opens the box and checks the lenses with it - the excitement of setting up the camera is unmatched. Even though he enjoys spoiling his girls, he cannot deny that being spoiled is a nice feeling.

Once his camera is ready, he snaps a picture of the scene - you sit between your girls now as Satoru and Shoko click pictures. The flash from the camera distracts everyone, and his eyes find yours sparkling, looking at him with the sweetest smile on your face. He cannot help but wonder how your lips would taste. Suguru smiles at you instead as you wave him over, Mimiko and Nanako between the two of you. Satoru and Shoko give him a knowing once over, the deliberate matching not missing his best friend’s six eyes.

Your hand touches his - neither of you attempting to move as Satoru clicks a picture of the four of you in Suguru’s new camera. Satoru is grinning like an idiot seeing Suguru’s blushing face, motioning Shoko to click some pictures of their idiot friend in love with his daughters’ mother. It is stupid, Gojo thinks, the way that the two of you act like an old married couple but are too terrified to confess your feelings for one another.

“Mimiko, Nanako, come here for a moment, dears,” Gojo calls them. “Suguru, Y/N, please stand closer. You aren’t rivals.”

Suguru narrows his eyes at Satoru, but doesn’t comment on it, too happy when you’ve pressed yourself at his side, your arm wrapped around his waist. He swings his arm over your shoulder and leans his head towards yours. His face burns with the soft warmth of your body pressed against him - but he holds his smile steadily, looking at the camera. He looks at your beautiful face for a moment, the serene smile on your face and he forgets all about the jerk who had taken you out.

He just prays that he gets the courage to ask you for a dinner date - perhaps before someone else snatches you out of this perfect life of his.

.

Satoru is at Suguru’s flat, spending time with the sweet little girls. Both you and Suguru had some unavoidable business to attend to - you with some curses and him with his parents - and he finally got the chance to babysit them. Satoru is currently sitting on the floor of the twin’s bedroom, with pink bows in his white hair and getting his nails painted in a pale blue colour by Mimiko and Nanako.

It's not his favourite thing for amusement, but he lets it pass. He does get why Suguru lets his girls do these things to him - they look just so precious with the little forehead creased in concentration. His mind is cooking up a scheme - a scheme which can only be fulfilled with the little one's help. It’s only with him that they address you and Suguru as mama and papa- feeling too shy to address the two of you as such face-to-face.

“Dears, do you think your papa and mama love each other?” He asks the little angels painting his nails.

The girls share a secret look with a smirk that tells Gojo everything that he needs to know. “I’ve seen papa look at mama the way Nanako looks at crepes, Gojo-sama!” Mimiko snickers. “He always has a big smile when mama is home.”

“Mama is also the same, Gojo-sama!” Nanako says. “She looks at papa the way Mimiko looks at ice-cream!”

Gojo laughs at their childish description of the two, wondering how blind you guys must be to not see that the feelings are shared.

“Gojo-sama!” Nanako jumps, excited, as she remembers something else, her caramel bob shaking. “One evening, when mama fell asleep on the sofa, papa carried her to her room. We brought her blankets and he tucked her in, but she held his hands in her sleep.”

“Yes!” Mimiko jumps up too, brown eyes gleaming with giggles. “Papa had turned so pink when Mama did that. He could barely speak.”

“That sounds familiar,” Gojo giggles with them. “Do you want to help me set-”

“Yes!” the twins shriek before he even finishes the question.

Once the three of them are done with the set up, Gojo calls Geto to let him know that he has some urgent clan business to attend to, while Mimiko calls you to tell you that Nanako had a bad dream and she misses you terribly. Both of you rush to return while Gojo and his goddaughters leave for the evening. Gojo leaves a little post-it-note on the fridge, with a brief message.

Geto has been running for 10 minutes straight, red faced and out of breath as he reaches the door of the flat. The elevator dings open and you step out, looking just as out of breath. “Did Mimiko call you too?” you ask, panting.

“No, Gojo told me he has some clan business - ” He says, taking a moment to completely process your question. “Why did Mimiko call you?”

“Nanako had a nightmare, she was asking for me only, apparently.” You say, standing beside him now. The enticing smell of your perfume fills his senses and he is grateful that his girls have you to comfort them. He too finds comfort in your presence - albeit it’s for different reasons than his girls.

When no one opens the door for a couple of minutes, you put your ear to the door and try to hear something. The house is quiet, devoid of any movements.

“I think they’ve fallen asleep.” you comment.

Geto then opens then closes the door as quietly as he can, trying not to disturb the girl’s sleep. He bumps into you standing in the hallway after taking off his shoes - only to gasp as he sees the immaculate set up in the living room. A sheer white canopy covered in fairy lights and seemingly all of the pillows and some mattresses of the house thrown in the tent - and some of his and your favourite snacks. There’s a movie paused at the beginning and red roses and candles and mild incense decorating the room. Geto blushes when he realises that it’s a set up for a date, heart pounding against his ribs in part-annoyance and part-excitement as he sees your shy face. He’s half mad at Gojo, but he can see the traces of Mimiko and Nanako as well - with the way the pillows are laid out and the flowers are placed.

Geto’s phone rings, breaking the tense silence. It’s Gojo. “Suguru! Put me on speaker!” Gojo’s excited voice says from the other end. He can hear his girls giggling in the background. 

“Fine,” Geto sighs.

“Oh hey!” you turn around on hearing Gojo call your name, face hot and worrying your lip between your teeth. “Your little girls, they thought we should let you guys have an evening to yourself - relax and watch a movie. How did you like that set up?”

“You didn’t really have to-” You start to speak as Geto rolls his eyes, fully knowing it was Gojo’s plan. He knew Gojo well.

“Nonsense, you won’t let your daughters down by saying that,” Gojo says, and Mimiko and Nanako giggle louder. “Alright, bye! Enjoy yourselves. There’s wine in the fridge, Suguru.” He says before handing up.

“I’ll get the wine,” Suguru offers. You smile at him before sitting down in the fairy-light canopy, looking much like the woman of his dreams, like a princess waiting for her prince. His heart aches, for he can’t call you his, not outside of his mind. He smiles too, pretending that it’s date-night for you.

There’s a note on the fridge in Satoru’s messy scrawl which gets his attention first. Suguru, take one for the team and ask her !!! Your daughters and friends are rooting for you. She likes you, you blind idiot. A blush colours his face as he crumples the note and throws it in the bin.

His favourite wine is in the fridge, and Suguru is half surprised at Satoru’s thoughtfulness. He pours out two glasses and brings them to you, the bottle left back in the fridge. “Wine for you, ma’am,” he says, and you get the cutest blush on your face as you accept the glass, humming in delight at the taste. He follows your stead and lazily relaxes against the mountain of pillows under the canopy.

“What’s this movie?” You ask, fidgeting with the remote.

“I have no idea,” He says, praying that Satoru doesn’t embarrass him.

The movie begins with the main character, the girl getting ready to go work. It seemed like a cheesy hollywood christmas movie at the beginning, where the girl would be frustrated with her job and go to her small town and never return. That would have been better, in hindsight. Because as the movie progresses, and the love interest comes in - a single father, who had to send his daughter into foster care because he was wrongfully accused of embezzlement - the foster parent being the main character. The girl testifies for him in court while she lives with a new normal - caring for the love interest’s daughter as her own.

Suguru's face burns with how similar the movie is to you and him - he can barely even look at the screen. While the movie played, he subconsciously reached towards you, your warm cheek now resting against his shoulder. It’s hard for him to ignore it now that he realises that this movie was a deliberate selection, and the comment in the note about him being blind. 

Suguru steals a quick glance at you, finding you looking at the screen with a little smile, cuddling one of the bigger pillows. You seem totally unaffected by the movie. “It’s so cute,” you murmur. 

“Hm?” he prompts.

“The story,” you say, glancing up at him then back at the screen. 

“Would it be cute if it were real?” he asks, heart pounding against his ribcage.

“Even cuter,” you nod, cheek moving against his shoulder.

His heart threatens to crawl out of his throat at the admission. He eyes the two hands, one his and the other yours - so close but not touching, afraid to cross that invisible boundary which has built over time. He dares now, for once to cross that boundary, to test the waters and puts his pinky finger over yours, interlocking them. He can feel your smile get wider as his heart nearly makes a hole in his ribs.

You take it a step further and intertwine your hands with his.

“I love the way your hand fits in mine,” he says after a long tense silence, sounding breathier than usual.

“You have nice hands,” you shyly say.

It brings him confidence, the way you say it. Emboldened, he turns to face you and wraps his free arm over your waist, pulling you closer. His nose touches your forehead and he inhales the smell of your shampoo, never tired of smelling it in the pillowcases of your room. He lowers himself to your eye level, stroking your cheekbone. “Would let me kiss you?” he whispers to your lips.

“Always,” you whisper, parting your lips to welcome him.

The kiss is everything he could have imagined and more. It’s pure bliss, the way your mouth slots against his and the way to taste better than he could have possibly imagined. Of course, you have always been pretty, but he found you the most beautiful in this moment, in his arms, with your soft tongue fighting against his. His brain has short circuited and he fears that he might get addicted to your taste. He chases your mouth when you pull away to catch your breath, letting go of the intertwined hands that had sweat in the heat of the moment.

Suguru misses your lips instantly, scanning your face for any signs of regret or discomfort. You place one of your hands on his neck, reach the back of it and caress the delicate spot where his hair ends, and a gasp leaves his mouth at the sensation. You put your other hand on his collar and pull him close, his face dragging against the soft pillows and you kiss him. This kiss is much more desperate than the first one, with your teeth occasionally crashing and tongues exploring, the movie long forgotten still playing on the screen.

When you’re both out of breath, you pull back, still breathing the same air and noses touching.

“It was the best fucking kiss of my life,” Suguru confesses, sounding out of breath.

“Mine too,” you say.

He doesn’t want you to think that it was a spur of the moment thing, so he puts on his serious face and says, “Would you like to go out for dinner with me? As more than co-parents?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” you reply with a giggle.

“Dress fancy,” He says. “Let’s go.”

“Now?” you ask.

“Why wait ?” he shrugs.

“I don’t have - ”

“You do,” he says, shy. “I had got something for you a while back, but never mustered up the courage to give it to you.”

You sit up, looking down at him with an excited gleam in your eyes. “You’ve gotten me an outfit for our first gate, it seems like you were prepared.”

“I swear to you that I wasn’t.” He says. “Just try it once.”

The dress Suguru brought compliments your figure and complexion well, and you’re surprised to see that it fits perfectly. You uber to a fancy place, and with the man on your side, this is the most perfect first date ever. The maroon dress hugs your figure in the right places, and you feel giddy knowing that Suguru had bought this lovely dress with you in mind. 

He looks even prettier today, sitting in front of you as your date, dressed in an equally fancy maroon suit. You take plenty of pictures with him, distracted by his long silky hair in a half-up, half-down look. You can barely process the food, distracted by the beautiful man in front of you taking in the way he talks. The way he says your name, almost purring, has you wanting to throw your feet and giggle like a little girl.

Suguru isn’t better off himself. Of course, he loves the way his name rolls off your tongue, but right now dressed in the dress he bought for you, sitting in front of him with flushed cheeks, the delicate smile never leaving your face as you speak has his heart threatening to burst out of his chest. He finally has you with him the way he had been wanting for years, finding you pretty even when you were both mere acquaintances. 

He cannot wait to call you his, but he supposes he’ll save that question for the next date - for you to give this relationship a name. In his head, he is already yours - heart, mind and soul - the only question bugging him is whether you want to be his. That’s a worry for later, he thinks, as he plants a delicate kiss on your lips as the long evening comes to an end.

[hermitcraftx]

One big problem with Scar's recent tweet (the one stating him and Grian have to avoid each other due to lots of negative feedback) is the sort of unawareness on this website. Yes, CCs certainly don't step foot here nearly as much as other websites, but acting like it's solely a YouTube and Reddit problem is driving me insane.

For the past year most of Trafficblr has been nothing but negativity and complaining towards folks that post Scar and Grian together, complaining that they're overrated and that they're sick of seeing them together. Almost all of the "hot takes" and "discourse" that people post are just whining about how annoying and popular Grian is, and how everything is desert duo, and how they want to see other things.

And I've pointed that out. Several times! Few people listened! Mcytblr confessions is almost entirely negativity, I see rancid takes about Grian alone (not even MENTIONING desert duo or scarian) on a damn near daily basis. I've gotten hate asks saying things along the lines of "of course you post about Grian and Scar" and "I followed you for Joel, not scar". Popular fan artists and bloggers hopping on the hate train, bullying popular fanon concepts and canon concepts, saying they hate the angst, or that it's overrated, or that there's too much shipping and they don't like it anymore. People that like other MCYTers like Zedaph, or Big B, or Tango, or anyone and everyone under the sun all blamed Grian and desert duo for their lack of content and accused Grian fans of not putting enough effort into fandom. Effort! Into fandom! Like it's a requirement and not a hobby you do for fun!

And those exact same people are shocked right now. I'm going to pull you all close when I say this: fandom is supposed to be fun. It is not a job. Nobody is required to like certain things, and that applies to your dislike of Grian and Scar together, true... But the wave of hate the past year or so has been ridiculous. If someone only watches Grian or Scar, that's fine. They don't have to watch anyone else. If they only post about desert duo or scarian it doesn't make them shallow or basic.

If you are genuinely upset by this, please, I beg of you: take a break from fandom. There have always been more popular characters and pairings in fandom. That is a fact of life. If you are genuinely, seething, furiously upset about all the Grian and Scar, or anything in fandom, take a break. You have to remember that the CCs don't have to do this, and they are friends and people too, and the negativity you have towards your fandom make them think you hate it. While it's true the bottom of the barrel dwell in YouTube comments and on Reddit, I see a lot of negativity on Twitter and Tumblr.

Frankly, I'm pissed. And grateful we even have a life series anymore, with all the negative feedback they get on every little aspect of the life series. Let friends be friends, for fuck's sake. And if you feel you MUST post negatively about anything in the life series or group, I suggest you make like the DSMP fandom and add CC! or C! indicators. Someone on Twitter bemoaned they weren't complaining about "fanon scarian, not canon scarian" which I think is a roundabout way of denying they're two separate things. But I digress as that's not what this post is about. The point is is that those same people that were so eager to complain about Scar and Grian being overrated are awfully, awfully quiet now. For shame, do better, and have fun. It's Minecraft YouTube, not a job.

TL;DR: Traffic Twitter and Trafficblr both have problems with hating on Scar and Grian disproportionately and now that it's rearing it's ugly head, they blame YouTube and Reddit to absolve themselves of responsibility. Fandom is supposed to be fun!

[discursiverecursion]

Psst... Queer American fam...

A lot of us are in survival mode right now, and who knows how long that is going to last. An onslaught could begin the first day, or it could be relatively quiet until a storm breaks, so our background stress/anxiety levels are going to be high, and some of the effects of excess circulating cortisol include anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, digestive problems, and problems with memory and focus.

It’s normal to be struggling right now.

It means you’re human.

I know this sounds bad, but I’m restating a thing I think many people already know, because the thing is, a common tactic of the Right is to put people in a stressful situation and then blame them for their response to it (I’ve seen this referred to in other contexts as “reactive trauma”). As queer folks and people being targeted, we might think we are immune to this, but it works more insidiously than that. It can tear us apart, and it plays out like the following:

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As violence towards our community escalates, they will start publically pointing at things “we are doing” that are “causing” the escalation. 

They will use this term “we”, because they don’t understand that we are not homogeneous.

Sometimes we ourselves, as individuals, will not be part of that “we”. 

It will be terrifying, in that moment, to have rights stripped away (or worse) without having any perceived control, and that lack of control will feel like it is due to the actions of another being blamed on you. 

DON’T FALL FOR IT THOUGH!

This is misdirection. They do not have to hurt us, even if we are loudly gay, even if we protest the ways they are hurting us already.

Please, please don’t let yourself get to a safe place and wonder why others aren’t hiding. You are allowed to keep yourself safe. In fact, I encourage it, but please remember that those of us fighting this thing publicly are not the enemy. We need your support and solidarity.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are a big family with many different survival strategies:

We don't all have to utilize the same one

We don't have to stick with our original choice over time

We are not bound to only using one at a time

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m going to end this with a list of some survival strategies found in nature, because I'm definitely rambling and this was the thought I actually started typing this post with:

Do you recognize any of your own strategies in the list below?

Do you recognize any that are the opposite?

Can you hold that we are all in this together coping in our own ways, that we are not each others’ enemies?

Can you remember that "health" is a social construct, and that a strategy doesn't have to be the "best" one for it to be functional for the time being to keep someone alive?

I hope you can, because we will need each other to get through the coming years.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

STRATEGIES:

Becoming a spore (more info) - Shutting down completely for a bit - Sleeping more - Building mental walls

Playing dead (more info) - Retreating from social life  - Retreating from social media - Missing work

Camouflage (more info) - Going back in the closet - Codeswitching - Becoming extremely quiet

Mimicry of a more dangerous creature (more info) - Being argumentative/loud - Being assertive - Presenting even more queerly

Nocturnality (more info) - Nocturnality - Avoiding people - Staying in a social bubble

Distraction (more info) - Drag - Hacking - Certain forms of protest

Pursuit-Deterrent Signals (more info) - Making oneself needed - Feigning compliance - Presenting in “stealth” mode

Mobbing (more info) - Protests - Taking down websites - Coworker solidarity to create workspace change

Staying in the middle of a group (more info) - Being in community support networks - Going to therapy - Getting to know your neighbors

Sounding an alarm (more info) - Being loud on social media - Being loud in the workplace - Naming the quiet parts out loud

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[nelkcats]

Consequences

When he felt compelled to take over as Robin in order to save Batman from himself, Tim didn't have high expectations; he didn't expect to be adopted by Bruce, he didn't expect to acknowledge the fact that his parents were abusive by leaving him alone for months, he didn't expect anyone to care if he ate or not, and in general he didn't expect to gain a family.

And for a while he thought that everything would get better: he gained brothers, he had a caring father, he had no financial problems or had gotten sick; And yes, maybe Robin's patrols were harsh at first, maybe Bruce's words when he was angry reached his heart and hurt him deeply, but he was fine.

Until he wasn't, at some point he felt more abandoned than ever even though he was surrounded by his family. When he was talking to his boyfriend, he realized that everyone took him into account but no one really appreciated what he did.

At first he didn't understand why Danny looked at him concerned and kept asking if he was okay while he told him an anecdote from his life as a vigilante; they had known each other for a while (Alfred had noticed, the others hadn't), they started talking, dating in coffee shops and even revealed the fact of being vigilantes after a few months on a relationship, that's when they started sharing anecdotes with each other.

Danny mentioned that he was being a hypocrite for caring so much about his stories when his were just as bad. Tim didn't get it until he started to see things from another perspective.

He never realized how much it hurted how Bruce had never thanked him for helping when he was lost in time, or how Dick avoided talking about his Robin time by concentrating on Damian, he thought he could understand but that didn't make it any better, Jason's nickname was beginning to make sense.

He didn't realize how broken he felt when Jason tried to kill him and blamed him; He was his childhood hero, Tim loved Robin because Jason put him in the stars, however, no matter how many times he explained to his brother that the only reason he had taken the suit was because he had no choice, and that he felt forced to blackmail Batman to be his Robin before Bruce became what he hated most. Jason still didn't care, still called him Replacement over and over again, blaming.

Or Damian who kept trying to kill him, refusing to acknowledge him, and when he defended himself he ended up getting reprimanded. Not even Bruce thanked him for all the work he did in taking over the company as CEO. His entire family went on with their lives without repercussions.

Maybe he was being naive as he refused Danny's requests to run away from home and stay with him, at least for a few days so they would miss him. He felt like a broken record repeating the phrase "it's okay, they're trying, they can change", the look on his boyfriend's face told him he wasn't doing a good job on believing his own words.

The mansion made him feel small at times, ignored; it was fortunate that Alfred was actually paying attention to him and offering a cup of hot chocolate at such moments.

At some point he couldn't take it anymore, Jason and Damian's comments had gone too far, Bruce's lack of response along with Dick's laughter commenting that they weren't saying it in a bad way only made him angry, so he left the cave and called to Danny, he told him it was time to go.

He said goodbye to Alfred, Cass, Duke and Steph who had generally not contributed to his decision, and he regretted that he couldn't stay longer to get to know them better, but the damage had been building up for a long time.

He wrote a letter detailing his reasons to the rest of the family, leaving along some clues to let them know that he had left of his own free will and they wouldn't be able to find him even if they wanted to, he sighed as his anger turned to resignation.

"Are you ready?" Danny questioned, taking his hand gently as they walked out of the mansion.

"Ready as I'll ever be"

That's how Timothy Jackson Drake said goodbye to his home dimension and headed to the infinite realms, of course he was going to sneak in a couple of times to help his friends but never when his family is around. He hadn't expected the life in the palace or the marriage proposal that came years later, but although the place was gigantic, Tim felt good in it, comfortable, appreciated.

Time in the Realms passed quite quickly, unlike his original dimension, so years for him were a couple of months for his family.

He found it ironic that Danny was summoned as the Ghost King by Ra, who had the nerve to order the "creature" to give him the secrets of the Lazarus pits, offering the Batclan as sacrifices. Tim looked at the time portal connected to his home dimension (That Clockwork had given him to watch his family and friends, even if he was upset he was not going to let them die) wondering if he should interfere.

It was decided when Danny called Fright Knight to deal with the nuisance that was Ra, and he accompanied him as a royal adviser (regardless of his second title as ruler, he actually liked being a part of strategizing better and Danny was happy to give in to his wishes).

With a weary sigh he crossed the portal and began to recite Ra's crimes, indicating how he had damaged the balance between life and death since he corrupted the ectoplasm on the Lazarus pits to extend his life at the same time that Frighty stopped the man.

No one in the room bothered to pay attention to the stupefied bats who were watching the missing member of his family, but years older, that apparently was the Ghost King royal adviser. They tried to call him but Tim just gave them an annoyed look before continuing with his work.

By the time Fright Knight took Ra completely chained through the portal, they finally saw the ghost king move, he started kissing Tim's face repeatedly, which had turned his frown into laughter.

The moment they finally processed the scene they both disappeared, and well, weren't those the consequences of their own actions?

----

Thanks to @unadulteratedsoulsweets for the general idea, I enjoyed writing this! Even if it ended up a little bigger than I expected

[pinkacademiaprincess]

Hiii I’m so sorry to bother you!, hope your day goes well <3 I just want to ask, how can I improve in maths? I’m preparing myself for the sat and I have trouble with understanding it. Any tips would be very much appreciated, thanku !! ♡

Become a Math Whiz: Acing Math Class & the SAT 📈✏️📚👩‍🏫

ty for the ask & the kind words! you are never a bother, i'm happy to help 🥰 i can def give some tips as someone who went from struggling w/ math to being good at it. and i’ve taken the SAT so i know that experience as well! i hope this helps 💗

take accountability

it’s very easy to try to shift blame & avoid taking responsibility for your grades/ performance. i used to think things like “the teacher is just bad!” or “i’m just not a math person!” but this mindset is just deflecting. some things are out of your control, like what teacher you have or preferring other subjects, but you have to step up & work hard to create your own success! remembering this will help you stay motivated and disciplined.

find your learning style

i talked about this in a previous post too, but there are different styles of learning - visual, auditory, hands-on, & reading/writing - and not all of them work for everyone. if you spend a ton of time studying and don’t see improvement or results, that’s a big sign that you’re studying wrong. a method that works for your friend or that your teacher uses might not actually be effective for you. so do some research into learning styles and study methods, and find implement strategies that work for you.

never fall behind

okay, easier said than done. but one of the biggest reasons i used to struggle is math is that i would get stuck on a concept, never fully master it, and then i’d stay behind. in math, a lot of topics build on each other. if you get stuck on a topic, it’s crucial that you figure it out asap or your confusion will snowball. you can’t build a solid structure on top of a wobbly foundation. the moment you encounter a problem area, study it until you’ve completely understood.

practice makes perfect

i try to steer clear of recommending specific study methods b/c everyone has different learning styles. but math is so dependent on problem solving & applications that you really have to master this skill in order to succeed. beyond just reviewing your notes & reading over concepts, you need to practice applying topics by solving problems. do the homework questions & do them for accuracy, even if it’s just graded for completion. find extra problems in the textbook, workbook, online, etc. redo questions from class or the hw that confused you until you can do them correctly without your notes. drill it until you can solve them AND understand how the steps work!

ask for help

i am clearly a big proponent of asking for help. in school, your teachers are gonna be one of the best resources you have. for one, they’re teachers for a reason, so even if you think they’re not too great at explaining stuff, they know the concepts. and besides that, your teachers the ones who are creating units, assigning your work, writing & grading your tests... they should be your go-to for questions. visit them during office hours or email to set up a meeting where you can discuss concepts. ask for extra practice problems, ask them to look over your work & let you know how it looks, talk through your work with them. aside from teachers, you can get help from a tutor, a classmate, whoever you can turn to. but pls don’t suffer alone! succeeding with help is still succeeding.

use the internet

so maybe your teacher truly sucks at explaining. maybe you don’t have classmates to help and can’t afford a tutor. or maybe you just wanna supplement your learning another way. i really really recommend utilizing free learning tools online!! khan academy is an obvious one for videos, practice problems, and more. you can also find tons of youtube videos explaining math topics. sometimes it helps to hear things explained another way. i also google “[math concept] practice problems” if i want extra questions to work through.

bonus: tips for SAT math

the SAT is a bit different b/c the math concepts aren’t actually too advanced. it’s all multiple choice so you don’t get to rely on partial points for showing your work. the SAT is testing your strategy & speed as much as it’s actually testing you on math concepts, so here are my best tips for that specifically:

use khan academy’s SAT prep tool - it’s free (!!!!!) and it links to your collegeboard account. it uses prior years’ SAT content so it’s very similar to the test itself. it helps you pace yourself, pinpoint your problem areas, learn & apply concepts, & track your progress. here's a screenshot from when i used it, as you can see my scores improved and i was able to ultimately get a superscore of 1450!

take practice tests - this helps you get familiar with the time constraint. khan academy has plenty!!

do a ton of SAT math practice questions - ideally, find a ton of questions used in prior SAT tests and just crank them out. the test's concepts are quite repetitive so if you just focus on the topics they usually test, you can master them

learn test-taking strategies - the SAT is multiple choice and has a tricky time constraint, so however you can save time will help. become good at using the process of elimination & other multiple choice test methods. you can find these sorts of tips online!

i hope this helps! know that you are completely capable of improving at math. i went from thinking i suck at it & doing poorly in math class to acing my calc courses & studying to enter a math-focused field. utilize your resources and figure out your best study style asap, and you WILL see improvements!

[eternal-echoes]

“Below are a nearly a dozen different factors that can sometimes influence a person's sense of sexual identity. Rather than saying any of these things "cause gender dysphoria," it is more accurate to say that they could contribute to a person feeling dysphoric about his or her body. Some individuals might find that some of the factors resonate deeply with them, while others might not relate to any of them. The goal isn't to provide an exhaustive list, but to encourage individuals who experience gender dysphoria to listen with compassionate curiosity to their own story.

Sexual abuse

When a person experiences something as traumatic as sexual abuse, he or she often develops survival strategies to cope with the pain and avoid future trauma. Some of these strategies to escape pain are helpful, but others are misdirected. Dr. Lisa Littman explains, "A maladaptive coping mechanism is a response to a stressor that might relieve the symptoms temporarily but does not address the cause of the problem and may cause additional negative outcomes."(19)

One such example of a maladaptive coping mechanism after sexual abuse is to dissociate from one's body. For some, this is a way to distance oneself from negative memories. One young woman who was sexually assaulted her sophomore year of college said, "It absolutely contributed to just this feeling that I wanted to take my body off."(20) Another remarked, "I was deeply uncomfortable with my secondary sex characteristics, which I now understand was a result of childhood trauma and associating my secondary sex characteristics with those events."(21)

For others, dissociating from one's sex is a defense mechanism to become undesirable to those who might repeat the offense. One young woman, after having suffered sexual abuse, decided to gain weight and begin presenting as male. She said, "Nobody would bother me now."(22) Similarly, younger girls may disguise the evidence of their sexual maturation in order to feel safe in an unsafe world. One such girl made an internal vow after her abuse, saying, "I will never let that happen again. If I am a boy, that won't happen again."(23) Others desire to appear neither male nor female, finding a sense of safety in the ambiguity of existing somewhere in between. When a woman is wounded in such a deeply personal way, she may lose all interest in the idea of being sexually intimate with a man. In the absence of such attractions, she may conflate lack of sexual desire with questions about her identity.

Each person who experiences sexual trauma will respond in a unique way, and each deserves careful and compassionate treatment as they navigate through memories of the past and anxieties about the future. But the path to healing must eventually acknowledge that the abuse was not caused by one's body. To believe this is to absorb blame that belongs only to the abuser.”

-Jason Evert, Male, Female, or Other: A Catholic Guide to Understanding Gender

—

Work cited:

19) Littman, "Parent Reports of Adolescents and Young Adults Perceived to Show Signs of a Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria," 35.

20) "Reversing a Gender Transition," https://youtu.be/V6V0p3_bd6w?si=xm7VsSG1d0wQgzsl

21) Littman, "Individuals Treated for Gender Dysphoria with Medical and/or Surgical Transition Who Subsequently Detransitioned: A Survey of 100 Detransitioners," 3369.

22) Soh, The End of Gender, 170.

23) "Transgender" Is an Identity Not a Diagnosis," https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyGZnU_6tj4.

—

For more recommended resources on gender dysphoria, click here.

[sweetjulieapples]

Dear Commander - Chapter 23: From Ferelden, With Love

Cullen x Trevelyan

AO3 MASTERLIST

The Inquisitor and Cullen are on opposite sides of Ferelden but still on each other's minds.

Full chapter below:

Sera stopped me at first. I was making my way to the old tavern where I had a bedroll ready. In hindsight, I should have ran. Maybe then I could string together some semblance of a cohesive thought.

Maybe if we had just stood still, things would be different. But she followed me as I walked down the steps and in her jumble of curses and pessimism, she made some sense. I listened, that’s what the Inquisitor should do, right? She's scared like the rest of us. She just expresses it in a much more colourful way.

Then I heard his voice. Firm and authoritative. It was far too late in the darkness of the courtyard but he was working by candlelight. I sometimes worry that he pushes himself too far.

I tried to avoid him, to resist the temptation to approach, but Sera would not stop talking. Over and over. She must have found a dozen or so creative ways to say the name Corypheus without actually saying it. I shouldn't blame her, this is my mess and mine alone.

Then he looked up and it was too late to turn back. Sera left and I was standing there alone with no excuse. He appeared startled for a moment, then he looked away, throwing himself back into whatever it was that seemed a far greater priority than a decent night’s sleep. I was already there, his scouts looking at me as though I deserved his attention, looking back to him for some response. I didn’t know what to say, I just stood there like an idiot and then he just started telling me things. He didn’t say ‘hello’ or anything; instead, he rattled off all the things that he’s done and all the ways he’s keeping Skyhold secure. It felt so strange, almost dehumanizing. As though I am no more than an authoritative figure that expects military summaries in place of normal conversation. I froze, I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I laughed, because if I’m laughing, then nobody can be laughing at me. But I should never have poked fun at him for taking his role so seriously. It was shamefully unbecoming of me but I didn’t know what else to do. He clearly hadn’t been taking breaks or time for himself, but I said it anyway—the silly question: ‘Do you ever sleep?’ Of course he sleeps, at some point…at least I hope.

I hope he knows that I was joking and that I actually do believe he sleeps, because he didn’t say anything about it. He just turned back to what he was doing and attempted to justify his caution, saying that he couldn’t let anything happen. He was taking it so seriously that, for a moment, I could have sworn I saw him begin to shake. He was leaning all his weight into that little makeshift desk, it was starting to worry me. He turned to face me and he gave me the most piercing look that left me breathless. “We will not run from here, Inquisitor.” - is what he said and he meant every word.

Then it dawned on me that perhaps this is how he rests. He said it with so much pride. He doesn’t seem the type to sit by and let things happen. Maybe he’s more at ease planning and taking control than he could ever be if he were tucked up in bed.

I love really admire that about him. He's honorable and hard-working. The fact that he’s handsome is a nice bonus. Ugh, it hurts to even admit that. And that's the problem.

I find myself thinking of him all the time, far more than I did before. I feel like I’m starting to lose my mind. Even now as I sit here writing this, I wonder if he’s on his way back to Skyhold. I don’t doubt that I’ll receive word soon. For once, a mission report that I’d take joy in reading.

Oh, but my mind keeps wandering back to that night in the courtyard. I tried to keep my wits about me, to maintain composure and act in an appropriate manner. When he looks at me like that and speaks in that softer voice, my brain just stops. I tried to tell him that I appreciate all his hard work, offer my gratitude for rescuing me in the avalanche, and, more importantly, that I’m glad he survived—but I couldn’t find the words. I stumbled over my thoughts, cowering mid-sentence into some meaningless, vague statement that implied he was no more important to me than a random villager.

He looked away and whatever progress I thought we were making vanished just like that. It was so incredibly awkward that I just wanted to run away. I might have rolled my eyes at some point, I don’t even know. Then he stopped me. He touched me, grabbed my arm to stop me from walking away and promised that he wouldn’t allow the events at Haven to happen again.

“You have my word.”

He promised and it felt like that promise was just for me. The way he spoke, the intensity in his eyes - all for me.

Not because I’m The Inquisitor or The Herald of Andraste, but because I am me.

What if I’m wrong? If I let myself believe this…

“Inquisitor!”

The officer’s voice startled Juliette, making her flinch and drop her quill. Her heart raced as she took a deep breath, pressing her hand over her chest to calm her nerves. She had become a little too lost in thought, for a moment forgetting the attention that her duty demanded.

“I’ll be out in a moment,” she called, slamming the journal shut, the ink likely smearing before it had a chance to dry. She tucked it securely into her bedroll, her hands trembling slightly as she wondered how likely it would be that someone could happen upon it.

With one last glance at the journal, she stepped outside of her tent, greeted by the persistent drizzle of rain and the unmistakable stench of the bog that clung to the air. A crack of thunder rumbled above, as if to remind her that nothing—least of all her secrets—were safe here.

She scrunched her face in a dramatic manner just in case anyone had missed how much she hated this place. The dampness clung to her skin, the ever-present gloom made the world feel suffocating, even during the day. How anyone could call this home was beyond her understanding. The few days spent in the Fallow Mire were already far too many.

Her eyes lit up at the sight of a group approaching their camp -several scouts in Inquisition armor, one in particular that she had been eager to speak with.

“Harding!” Juliette called enthusiastically, weaving her way past the smoldering campfire. A few of the officers shot her curious glances as they rested, weary from the trip.

“Inquisitor,” Harding replied with a slight nod as Juliette approached. The rain pelted against her face, soaking her hair and cloak, but she barely flinched, her focus entirely on the Inquisitor. The other scouts moved ahead, sensing the need for privacy.

“What is it?” Juliette asked in a gasp, catching her breath from her sudden dash across the camp. “Did you find them?”

Harding’s expression darkened. “Not yet, Inquisitor. But we did find one who had escaped.” She passed Juliette a note with a regretful look. “Aubrey. He was a good man.” “Was?” Juliette asked, her voice wavering in sorrow as she pulled the note underneath her scarf to protect it. She motioned towards the tents with a tilt of her head, eager to get out of the rain.

As they reached the annex, where a loosely propped canvas offered little more than minimal shelter, Juliette unfurled the thin sheet of paper. She skimmed it swiftly, her attention flickering between the text and Harding’s words.

“We found his body in a cave. He likely passed away from his injuries.”

“Maker rest his soul,” Juliette replied, bowing her head in respect. “I’ll see that Aubrey is honored for his bravery.”

Harding gave a short nod. “He tried to warn you not to come here, but his letter never made it out of The Mire.”

Juliette glanced up from the letter, brow furrowed in confusion. “The Avvar want to challenge me to win favour with their gods…” Her voice trailed off, rising at the end as if she were still trying to make sense of it. “Because I’m the Herald of Andraste. That’s it? They think this will somehow disprove Andraste’s existence and... what?” She pressed her palm to her forehead, shaking her head. “This makes no sense.”

“Personally, I think their leader’s just a boastful little prick that wants to brag he killed you,” Harding said bluntly. ”Well,” Juliette said with a mirthless chuckle. “That’s fame for you.”

“They’re holed up in a castle called Hargrave Keep—what’s left of it, anyway. We’ll lead the way once you’re ready to depart.”

“Thank you, Harding,” Juliette said, casting a quick glance over her shoulder. “We need to move soon, once we’ve resupplied.”

“Getting to the troops won’t be easy. You’ll have to fight your way through undead,” Harding said, gesturing towards the murky water. Juliette shuddered at the thought. “Wait—you're not squeamish about undead, are you?” Harding teased.

“No, no, not at all,” Juliette replied, her voice dripping with mock enthusiasm. “Right at the top of my list of favourite monsters.”

“You’ll want to stay out of the water, then,” Harding said.

“If you can even call it water,” Juliette replied, wrinkling her nose. “It’s quite the smell.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Harding chuckled.

“I’ll make sure to let Josephine know that you need a raise once we’re back at Skyhold.”

“I might just hold you to that” Harding smiled. “Maker willing, The Inquisition’s people are still alive.”

“I am not letting the Avvar butcher our people,” Juliette said with determination.

“I appreciate it,” Harding smiled, nodding respectfully as she began to walk away.

Juliette hesitated, wrestling with the decision to bring up the operation at Denerim Palace. Her fingers tightened around the fabric of her scarf as she stepped back into the rain.

“Harding, wait!” she called, quickly closing the distance with a few quick steps.

Harding turned, watching curiously. “Yes?”

Juliette smiled awkwardly, tugging her scarf tighter over her head to shield herself from the rain. “You wouldn’t happen to know how far it is from Skyhold to Denerim, would you?”

“That depends,” Harding said, her voice wavering slightly, as though she could sense there was more to the question. “Are you talking distance measured or days traveled?”

“Days traveled. For a small army,” Juliette replied, tilting her head slightly, her thoughts already drifting elsewhere.

Harding considered this, squinting as though she could already see the journey laid out before them. “Maybe two weeks, horseback,” she shrugged. “It would depend on injuries, how many times they’d stop for supplies, that sort of thing.”

“Two weeks,” Juliette whispered to herself, nodding as she stared into the distance. He departed four days before me, seven for the mountain trail, another three for Redcliffe…

“Uh…is everything all right, Inquisitor?” Harding asked cautiously.

Juliette blinked and forced a smile. “Oh, yes,” she said, straightening her posture. “I just… like to keep track of where our people are, and what they’re… doing. It doesn’t matter.” Juliette began to quickly walk away, her head lowered and eyes focused on her feet. “We should hurry along,” Juliette added, her voice slightly more urgent now. “We have a big day ahead of ourselves.”

“Yes, Inquisitor,” Harding replied, though her gaze lingered on Juliette for a moment, still puzzled.

The next day they made steady progress as the Inquisition scouts moved farther ahead through the marshy bog of the Fallow Mire. Nearing Hargrave Keep, The Inquisitor and her party took a moment to rest after defeating a horde of undead. The scouts, seizing the moment of rest, moved ahead to assess the path before them.

The distant rumble of thunder filled the air and sparse rain drops made heavy splashing noises as they fell in the nearby lake. There was an eerie sense of calm while they waited for the scouts , until Cole decided to speak.

“Juliette?” His voice held a certain innocence, as if her title didn’t matter at all.

"Inquisitor," Cassandra snapped, her tone sharp enough to make him flinch.

"No, it’s fine," Juliette said, stepping closer to him. Her voice softened. "He can call me Juliette. I rather like it—it makes me feel like a person again."

Cassandra folded her arms tightly, her eyes narrowing as she watched Cole, as if measuring every word he spoke. Cole blinked up at Juliette, rising from his crouch. His oversized hat wobbled as he moved.

“But you are a person,” he said, sounding baffled.

Juliette sighed, her boot kicking at the dirt beneath her. "Sometimes... it doesn’t feel that way." She met his eyes with a forced smile. "Did you have a question, Cole?”

"Why do you hide your words underneath your pillow?"

“Oh!” Dorian gasped dramatically, his eyes lighting up as he swiftly crossed the space to Juliette. “Did I hear that correctly? Our lovely lady Inquisitor has a secret journal?” He grinned widely, clearly enjoying the moment as he waited for her reaction. Juliette sighed, shaking her head as she lowered it, her cheeks flushing slightly.

Dorian leaned in closer, trying to get a better look at her expression, his teasing grin only widening. “I packed so lightly for this trip, you know. I was hoping we’d stumble across something interesting for me to read.”

Juliette glared up at him, her eyes narrowing. “I don’t suppose there’s much point in hiding it now that Cole has announced it to the entire party,” she mumbled, rubbing her temples in frustration.

“But why, Juliette?” Cole asked, his voice genuinely curious. “You understand the meaning of the words, but you don’t know what they mean.”

She dropped her head into her hands, groaning. “Please don’t say anything else that will embarrass me, Cole.”

With a tilt of his head he replied, “But how will I know that it embarrasses you if I don’t say it?”

“He’s got you there,” Dorian chimed in, highly amused by the situation.

Juliette scoffed, walking briskly towards the water’s edge. “I’ll burn the book as soon as we return to camp,” she muttered, half to herself.

“Pages burn, yet words remain,” Cole spoke solemnly, his gaze lingering on her.

Juliette crossed her arms and shot Dorian one last, pointed glare. “Let’s just move on, shall we?”

Cassandra stood opposite Cole, her distrusting stare intense. “If you are to fight alongside us, Cole, I expect you to follow orders. The Inquisitor believes you wish to help…”

Juliette wandered ahead, hugging herself tightly as the rain began to fall a little heavier. She looked up at the sky, black clouds stirring above as though they were there to taunt her too. She rolled her eyes when she heard footsteps approaching.

“Dear diary,” Dorian said in a mocking tone. “Too many Templars. Too little time.”

Juliette sighed. “Maker give me strength.”

Inquisitor, Our forces were able to prov  

Cullen’s quill slipped, smudging ink across the carefully written words. With a heavy sigh, he crumpled the parchment and tossed it aside, starting over.

Inquisitor, Our

Again, the ink smeared beneath his trembling hand. He clenched his jaw and exhaled through his teeth, snatching another piece of fresh vellum.

This can’t keep happening. I’m wasting resources, he thought, frustration tightening his chest. His gaze lingered on his fingers, as though he could somehow will them to cooperate.

He paused, staring at the blank page, his hand shaking as it hovered over the ink. With a sharp exhale, Cullen removed his gloves, hoping that could give him a better grip and steady his erratic movements. One hand carefully spread the vellum over the crate that he used as a makeshift desk, while the other gripped the quill tightly. Holding his breath, he lowered the quill to the page.

Inquisitor, Our forces were able to provide assistance to Queen Anora

The first stroke was unsteady, the ink bleeding into the vellum before he could finish the letter. His brow furrowed as he concentrated, but each new letter came out shaky and crooked. His grip on the quill tightened, knuckles turning white, but the tremors only worsened.

Every movement was deliberate, yet his hand refused to obey. The letters began to lose their form, sliding and shifting into scribbles. His handwriting, normally precise and carefully penned, now appeared a jagged mess, almost as disorderly as his thoughts.

Frustration consumed him as he shoved the quill aside with a growl. He snatched the ink pot and hurled it at a pile of crates, splattering ink into the air, the faint scent of the dye lingering. He stood for a moment, chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath.

Nearby soldiers, alerted by the noise, glanced over in surprise. Cullen clenched his fists, turning away and forcing his shoulders back, trying his best to appear composed despite the fury raging inside him.

He hated this.

If I cannot complete a task as simple as writing a letter, how am I to command an army? What use am I like this?

Each breath came ragged, and he felt as though his head were spinning. The withdrawals hadn’t been this bad in months. He walked over to a barrel and slowly splashed cool water against his face, the shock of the cold momentarily pulling him from the fog in his mind.

He leaned against the barrel, tightly closing his eyes. It’s been days. How much longer until it passes? He took a slow, deep breath. I vowed to be better than this. To give more. His hands still trembled, and there wasn’t a muscle in his body free from aching. The Inquisition, the soldiers… Juliette — I can’t let them down.

He stood there for a while, gathering what little strength he had left. The soldiers would be waiting, the new recruits among them. He couldn’t afford to let them see him like this.

With a long, steadying breath, he rolled his shoulders, wiped his face dry with the back of his hand, and turned towards the camp. Each step felt heavy, but he pushed forward, determined not to break.

The sun was bright. It’s always too bright. Cullen squinted, shielding his eyes with a hand as he walked to the edge of the perimeter where messengers were stationed.

“Any word from the Fallow Mire?” Cullen asked as he approached.

“Still nothing, Ser,” the messenger replied, a formality to his voice.

“When you do hear something, anything at all, I'd like to be notified immediately,” Cullen instructed.

“Yes, Commander,” the messenger nodded. “Would you like us to send a message to The Inquisitor?”

"No," Cullen said sharply, turning to walk away. "I’m sure they’re just busy." He forced the words out through clenched teeth, the sunlight magnifying his headache, while his mind raced anew.

They should have been there by now. Each day without an update brought on more worry, more stress. With the constant travel, the steady influx of new recruits, and the lingering grip of withdrawal, Cullen barely had room to breathe, let alone manage the mounting stress of The Inquisitor’s whereabouts.

He gritted his teeth, his ink stained fingers twitching as the possibilities swirled in his mind, each scenario worse than the last. He couldn’t grasp one before another took its place—what if she was in danger? What if they had failed? If only he could write to her—just one letter, one reply to ease his mind.

Cullen turned back to the messenger, drawing in a sharp breath before speaking. “Perhaps write to the scouts. Harding should be able to inform us of their progress. She may know if the soldiers have been located…and if the Inquisitor has safely arrived.”

“Right away, Commander,” the messenger nodded with a fist raised to his chest. He scurried away, leaving Cullen alone with his thoughts—but only for a moment.

“Commander!” an officer called out, approaching at a brisk pace, a serious expression on his face. Cullen exhaled sharply, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his patience before turning to face the officer.

“The bandits have been cleared, Commander. Giving ‘em swords... wasn’t such a bad call after all.”

Cullen raised an eyebrow. “The Sutherland lad that turned up at Skyhold?”

“That’s the one. Drove the bandits off, our patrols are clear,” the officer said proudly.

“He may have potential yet,” Cullen replied, folding his arms. His gaze drifted over the barren plains surrounding their camp, the dry earth stretching endlessly beneath the pale sky.

The officer stood at attention, waiting, but a silence fell between them as Cullen stared ahead in contemplation. The officer relaxed slightly, his gaze following Cullen’s before he spoke again. “Hard to believe this was all green once,” he muttered, sadness in his voice.

Cullen looked across, his arms still folded tightly. There was a moment of silence before he spoke. “You’re from Lothering?”

The officer’s eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment, he seemed lost in the past. “Until the Blight,” he said quietly. “My family and I were lucky to make it out.” He pointed towards the west, his hand lingering on the air. “The village is out that way. Or what’s left of it, anyway.”

“I suppose Honnleath is much the same,” Cullen said quietly.

The officer nodded slowly, his gaze now distant. “Just a name on a map these days.” He sighed heavily. “I best keep moving. More recruits will arrive soon.”

“Well, with luck they'll know which end to grip a sword by,” Cullen muttered sarcastically. The officer chuckled, walking back into the camp.

Once more alone with his thoughts, Cullen looked over at the dry, empty fields that were once thriving farmlands. He often found himself wondering just how damaged his childhood home had become. Did it still stand, left abandoned all these years? He couldn’t help but think of his family. Memories of warm August afternoons by the lake. He could almost hear his siblings laughter as they tried to throw each other in the water. What he’d give to go back to those days. Simpler, happier times. It had been seventeen years since he left to join the Templar order. Most of his life spent away from home. It felt like another lifetime ago. Cullen looked down at his sword, the Inquisition emblem glistening on the hilt. His siblings had likely heard of Haven, everyone in Denerim seemed to know after all. No doubt he’d return to Skyhold with an angry letter from his sister waiting. He didn’t feel ready to face his past, nor consider a future beyond this. He drew in a long, deep breath, the cool air filling his lungs. His hand rested against the pommel of the sword and the tremors eased. A habit he’d grown into over time, a strange sense of comfort. He had a duty now, and no matter the cost, he would not falter.

Juliette slowly pulled herself to her feet. The ringing in her ears was almost suffocating, a harsh, high-pitched sound that blurred her thoughts. Her vision swirled, three green glowing palms waved before her face, splattered in blood. Her blood, she realized, her stomach twisting. She coughed, the wind knocked from her chest, and forced herself to stay upright. Cassandra’s battle raged nearby, her sword flashing as she clashed with three Avvar warriors. The sound of steel meeting steel was accompanied by Cassandra’s grunts, each strike an explosion of power, but it was the crackling buzz of electricity nearby that seized Juliette’s attention.

Dorian stood just out of her reach, his hands crackling with magic. The Avvar warrior nearest to him was writhing on the ground, his body spasming from the brutal electrical shocks coursing through him. His sadistic laughter rang out, a sickening chill. Hand of Korth, he called himself, taking pleasure in his own suffering, each crackling surge of magic seeming to delight him. It was as though each strike against him was a moment of defiance against Andraste. Juliette shuddered at the thought. He could stay there, writhing in agony, a little longer.

Juliette raised her hands to the sky, the staff in her grip flaring with searing flames. With a wave, she conjured a barrier of fire that encircled the battlefield, flames crackling and swirling in a wall of blazing heat. Cassandra retreated, her enemies igniting in the inferno. Their screams echoed in the air, but Juliette's focus quickly shifted.

Her heart skipped a beat as her gaze fell on Cole, motionless on the ground, his daggers still tightly clutched in his hands.

“Hold on, Cole!” she yelled, racing towards him. As she kneeled before his limp body, a wave of confusion washed over Juliette. Does he heal? Will a potion... Her heart raced, her thoughts clouded with panic. “Cole!” she screamed, her voice cracking. “I don’t know how to heal you!”

With trembling hands, she pulled a vial of healing potion from her belt, her fingers fumbling as she tore the cork from the bottle. She held it under his nose, her breath frantic. Can he drink?

“Cassandra!” Dorian yelled, just seconds before the deafening crash of the overhang collapsing echoed through the air. Juliette scrambled to her feet, the healing vial slipping from her fingers and shattering against the ground. She froze, her eyes wide in horror as she watched Dorian rush to clear the rubble from where Cassandra lay trapped beneath. Did…did my fire do that?

Juliette struggled for breath, screaming out “Is she all ri—”

“Finish him!” Dorian shouted, fierce urgency in his voice with a glare over his shoulder. Juliette’s eyes darted to the Avvar, that so-called Hand of Korth crawling towards her with a twisted grin. She grabbed her staff, her breath quick and ragged. Too close, too close for fire. What do I do?

She stepped backwards, desperate to create some distance, to find enough space for her fire to rage without consuming her as well. Before she could react, he grabbed her ankle, yanking her to the ground. Her staff clattered against the stone as it fell beside her. A frightened squeal escaped her as the Avvar dragged her across the rough stone, his cruel laughter echoing in her ears as he muttered, “Weak. Weak is Andratse’s Herald.” Juliette snatched for her staff, her fingertips barely gripping it as she fumbled it into place. She raised it, hoping to smash it against his face, but his reflexes were too fast. In an instant, he grabbed the staff and bent the iron in half, a terrifying display of strength.

He laughed, shaking his head. Before Juliette could defend herself, his hands were wrapped around her neck, squeezing and choking while she clawed at his fingers, feeling herself slip away.

Suddenly, his grip loosened. A vacant expression crossed his face, followed by a slicing sound as he collapsed forward, falling beside her. Juliette sat there, eyes wide in shock, her breath shallow. Her fingers trembled as they instinctively moved to her neck, feeling the bruises forming beneath her skin. Cole stood before her, expressionless, blood-soaked daggers gripped tightly in his hands.

The walk back to camp was tense, the silence broken only by the steady rainfall, occasional thunder, and the distant groans of the undead. The Mire had mostly been cleared of danger by now, thanks to the closure of rifts and a reduced Avvar presence.

"Cassandra’s angry," Dorian observed loudly.

"I’m not angry—" she tried to object, but Dorian cut her off.

"Juliette’s angry." There was a pause, and the Inquisitor didn’t say a word.

"Tell me, Cole. What’s on your mind?" Dorian asked, his voice carrying a teasing lilt that went unnoticed by Cole.

"Relieved. Safe now. The Herald came for us, I knew she would!" Cole responded, his voice full of praise, mirroring the gratitude of the rescued soldiers.

"Yes, yes, she always takes all the credit," Dorian muttered sarcastically.

Juliette groaned, her boots thudding against the muddy ground as she stomped ahead, finally reaching the camp.

The Inquisition’s presence had nearly doubled in size during their absence. More soldiers, scouts, and officers swarmed the campsite, some planning, others preparing, and a few resting.

“What’s going on?” Juliette asked, her expression unusually stern as she moved into the center of the camp.

“Inquisitor!” an officer greeted her, bowing slightly. “Reinforcements were sent from Skyhold, your worship.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice laced with confusion. “There’s no need. We’re clearing out of here.”

“Commander Cullen sent us,” he explained cautiously, sensing her irritation.

“Well, it’s a little too late for that,” she snapped, throwing her ruined staff to the ground with a sharp clang and placing her hand on her hips. Her frustration flared as she let out a heavy sigh, her gaze shifting back to the officer. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t… I’m just—” She faltered for a moment, stress getting the better of her. “Apologies, but you need to leave.”

Her eyes scanned the camp, and with a raised voice, she added, “You all need to leave. We’ve found the soldiers. Let’s just get out of this horrid bog of a—” She scoffed, shaking her head in frustration. Without another word, she beelined for her tent, the urgency of her steps mirroring her desire to escape the watchful eyes of the Inquisition. Dorian strolled into the camp, one arm supporting Cassandra as she limped beside him. Juliette glanced over her shoulder. That must be driving her crazy. Maker, she must hate me right now.

“This arrived for you, Inquisitor!” The requisition officer stepped in front of Juliette, holding a burlap-wrapped package.

“What is that?” Juliette asked, her expression softening slightly as she looked at the package with a flicker of curiosity.

“The soldiers brought this down from the Commander,” she explained. Juliette hesitated for a moment before extending her hand, taking the package with a quiet sigh, unsure of what to expect. Her breath caught for a split second, a fleeting warmth in her chest. She quickly masked the reaction, hiding the heat creeping along her cheeks, forcing her face to remain neutral. That was until she heard Dorians voice, in which she hung her head with a defeated sigh.

“A gift?” Dorian asked dramatically, stepping closer to Juliette. “From Commander Cullen?” he whispered, but his voice was far too loud, carrying more than Juliette would have liked.

Juliette clenched her jaw, her fingers tightening around the package. “Thank you,” she said curtly to the officer, her voice strained as she dismissed her with a stiff nod.

“Whatever could it be?” Dorian wondered aloud, his tone far too gleeful for Juliette’s liking. She ignored him, ripping open the package with growing impatience.

“Flowers?” Dorian suggested with a dramatic tilt of his head.

“Flowers?” Juliette echoed, her nose scrunching at the absurdity of it.

“Jewelry? …Ah, a book.” He paused, looking at the item in her hands with a theatrical sigh. “How predictably dull.”

“Would you stop?” Juliette snapped. “You’ve been particularly irritating today.”

“Oh, I’ve hit a nerve,” Dorian teased, his hands raised defensively. “Don’t drop a building on me!” Juliette scowled, brushing past him with a sharp movement, her steps quick as she neared her tent. “You could at least tell me what the book is?”

“You wanted something to read?” she snapped, spinning back to face him. “Take it!” She threw the book at him and stormed off.

Dorian caught the book easily, an amused grin spreading across his face. “Tale of The Champion?” he read aloud. “I don’t think I’ll bother… Oh, a note.”

“What?” Cassandra shrieked from across the camp. With a limp she hobbled over quickly, anger flaring in her eyes. Juliette stepped forward and snatched the note that fell from the book from Dorian’s hands. She glanced down at the paper, skimming the words as Cassandra’s voice grew louder with fury.

“That bastard! I knew it!”

“What?” Juliette said, confused. “What did Cullen —”

“Not Cullen, Varric!” Cassandra snarled, her grip tightening on the book as she ripped it from Dorian’s hands, her gaze fiery.

Juliette looked back down at the note.

Inquisitor, Varric is up to something and if Leliana’s suspicions are correct, you should know what you’re in for. While I can’t say that the story is true in it’s entirety, the events mentioned are accurate where it matters. Ignore any mention of me, he was exaggerating I’ve marked the sections that are relevant. If Hawke is indeed making his way to Skyhold, then this may give you some insight, if not a fair warning. Cullen

Juliette looked up, meeting Dorian’s watchful gaze and Cassandra’s piercing stare. "Well," Juliette said, her voice uncertain, unsure of what else to say.

Cullen sat by the fire at the camp on the outskirts of Redcliffe. The soft crackle of the fire was a welcoming sound among the loud bustle of the camp. He held Juliette’s letter, his hands far steadier today.

Cullen, There’s nothing like some light reading amid the ambience of torrential rain, suffocating darkness and the persistent groaning of undead. I beg you, never send me here again. Not that the mission was a complete waste of time, however. I’m happy to report that we have managed to free our soldiers. All but one are accounted for and are in good health, a little shaken, but I consider it a victory. Interestingly, not all the Avvar were hostile - just the few dozen that wanted me dead. The challenger has been dealt with. There is no reason for The Inquisition to return here. Please don’t send any more of us here. With love, from the most miserable bog of Southern Ferelden, Inquisitor Trevelyan p.s Your attitude sounded foul, but Varric’s description of your hair was glorious.

Cullen let out an exasperated sigh. “I should have just tore out the pages,” he mumbled to himself. His eyes wandered back over her handwriting. With love. She’s being dramatically sarcastic. A small smirk tugged at his lips. I tried to warn her not to go there, he thought, his fingers tracing the edges of the letter. He could almost hear her voice, that mix of dry humor and underlying defiance. I’m certain she’ll have plenty to say once we’re both back at Skyhold.

[flowerburiedinrubble]

Expanded "Good Bill" BillFord AU

Has anyone expanded on the BillFord Good Bill Cipher AU?

What I mean by this is the idea that Bill Cipher began to backtrack on his original plan because he was "becoming more human," I don't mean physically as much as I mean getting emotionally attached to Ford and recognizing that Ford would hate the idea of being responsible for destroying his universe even if Bill sees it more as conquering. Yes, yes, super OOC, but that's the point of AUs.

So Bill backtracks and has to get Ford to stop working on something that can destroy the world Ford is fascinated by. And because Bill and Bill's friends basically live in different time realities, it's not like anyone would notice Bill missing for a human's lifespan so Bill wants to stay with Ford. Problem? Bill is still not in the physical world and laments this all while Ford is still on the idea of opening the portal to multidimensions and to Bill, of course. So Bill is trying to slow the project suddenly in Ford's perspective and taking it as a sign that Bill is losing confidence in him when it's Bill wanting to spend time with his weirdo in ways that wouldn't push Ford away. At this point, they're involved in whatever capacity.

Debating whether or not the idea that Ford does succeed in opening the portal but only for Bill per Bill's instructions because of vague "safety" issues that he doesn't explain to Ford. Bill exists now in Gravity Falls but only in Gravity Falls. He has a physical form but is limited to Gravity Falls.

(also debating whether Bill gets Ford to make him restrictions as a means to avoid a Weirdmageddon. Was picturing this in the form of a ring (haha married) so that Bill limits his own abilities because he knows himself and is too attached to Ford in the moment and wants to commit to this idea(thus a ring since it is a promise)).

Of course, Ford discovers Bill's original plan and that doesn't go over well. Bill tries to explain himself but it's hard to do that when he really was lying/manipulating Ford initially. Doesn't help that Bill isn't human and there's a disconnect for how he can explain in a rational way that doesn't make him sound crazy and obsessed with Ford and controlling Ford. Ford gets paranoid, canon events taking place while Bill is trying to get close to Ford, getting into his dreams, leaving notes, looking crazy to Ford and making Ford crazy in turn. Ford hides his journals so Bill doesn't know where Journals 2 or 3 are.

Enter Stanley and canon events except Bill tries to get to portal before losing Ford but fails and is limited in his abilities and access to other dimensions seeing as he now is more cemented in Earth's dimension ever since going through the portal.

Now it is up to Bill and Stanley to get the portal working again without Ford. It should be easier with two but both blame each other for Ford's state and absence. Ford wouldn't have fallen into the portal if it weren't for Stan! Well, Ford wouldn't have been driven to madness if it weren't for Bill!

Angry, limited, wary of the other- they work together. Stan builds a life in Gravity Falls like in canon- at this point, either Bill is always hidden in the Mystery Shack or he has got to get some sort of human form because he's a floating triangle and Stan is confused on many levels about his brother's relationship with this being but that's the least of his concerns.

Now to the canon events of the show. The twins arrive and they meet their Grunkle Stan, his employees Wendy and Soos and a strange friend/employee/family(?) Bill. He's still learning how to act human and Mabel enjoys him because he says and does weird things. Dipper finds him curious because no real answers are given to who this Bill guy is since he's kind of an employee of Stan's but he's closer and isn't typically working unless to mess with tourists. Mabel likes his "magic tricks" and Dipper is always trying to figure out how Bill did those "tricks." Bill is either missing or in the Mystery Shack. (not like he has another home, he's mainly working on the portal since he doesn't sleep). So he's strangely sometimes with them for dinners or random family times though mainly missing in action. (yes I like the idea of Bill wearing one of Ford's coats whether in his triangle or person form and he likely has gotten questioned on it by Mabel just like the mysterious ring he never (can't) take off))

I imagine it doesn't go over well when Dipper and Mabel are questioning if Grunkle Stan is even their Grunkle and that Bill doesn't even exist on any real record- or maybe finding out he isn't human. Though I imagine when Grunkle Stan defends them against Zombies that Bill would be there using his magic to defend the Pines as well and that conversation of "Kid, I've always known- We've always known" happens though isn't expanded on to further say that Bill literally is an anomaly in Gravity Falls- a dream demon.

Plenty to get deeper into and to add onto if anyone wants to play with this idea and delve into more specifics

[reviewdiaries]

Nancy x Ace and that confrontation at the morgue

I am a wreck, ruined, RUINED I tell you. Nancy and Ace are putting us through it this season, and I am both absolutely here for it and SOBBING IN A CORNER. Seriously, the angst is DELICIOUS.

Sidenote: Can we talk about costumes for this episode? Ace is wearing a variation of what he wore when they kissed - white/pale blue t-shirt with a blue shirt over it (because emotionally he’s still there). And Nancy is wearing the colours of Ace’s bedspread from the night that they finally opened up and talked and she told him everything. Just in case you needed your feels smacked some more.

It’s so painful right from the start - they’re finally in the same room as each other (yay) but oh boy Nancy is not engaging. She’s gone from heart eyes every time she catches a glimpse of Ace to not even looking at him. And he’s desperate for her attention still, he can’t bear it, taking every opportunity to stand near her, try and catch her eye, literally moves away from everyone else to stand close enough that she falls over him when she stands up in the woods. 

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

She’s angry and hurt and who can blame her? Nancy has a long standing relationship with abandonment issues and they are coming to bite her with a vengeance with Ace. He has triggered every single response from her by telling her they can’t be together and then walking away. Ace is doing it because sacrifice is one of his love languages, but Nancy only sees that she’s not enough, they’re not enough, these feelings, they’re not enough to make him stay. 

So she’s been physically avoiding him until she can’t, and now she’s eye contact and emotionally avoiding him until he snaps later in the episode. Because Ace is patient. Ace has always been patient - he’s the steadfast rock at Nancy’s side, always there at her shoulder with reassurance and quips and a half smile with a gentle heart. And he’s trying to slip back into that role, even though it’s killing him not to be able to reach out, touch her, hold her, kiss her. He keeps trying and she keeps rebuffing him. 

When he’s tracking down their artefact hunter his body language is open, cautiously optimistic. This is their sweet spot, the place where personal space blurs and they’re caught up in the thrill of two minds working as one cohesive whole to solve a problem. Only Nancy immediately draws a line in the sand. She brings a stool over, sets it a couple of feet away, refuses to do her usual trick of leaning over Ace to look at the screen. He leans over to point at something on the paper and she flinches away from his hand.

GIF Credit @whitefluffyyeti

That’s the moment. That’s the point where Ace can’t take it anymore. He closes off, turns away, stops looking directly at her. And that carries on when she arrives at the morgue at 8:58 to hand back the teeth.

Nancy is looking stunning, but he doesn’t look at her, barely acknowledges her except to bite off that he’ll see her when he’s next useful to her. Because she's acting like she's the only one hurting, when he's carved open and bleeding in front of her. 

And this is it, finally, finally his patience has run out and he knows Nancy isn’t one to back away from a fight and she doesn’t disappoint him now. Because he has to provoke her into talking to him, has to do something, anything, to break down the walls that she’s built between them. Colleagues, he can’t live with that, he has to lance the wound, clean out, make something new from it even if it hurts them both to do it.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl​

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

He still can’t look at her though, everything about this hurts, because he’s spent every moment since he walked away from her coming to terms with the fact that she’s the love of his life (he already knew it on some level but kissing her, holding her, having a taste of what they could have been has confirmed it in ways he never expected) and he doesn’t feel he can have her. Doesn’t feel like it’s fair to her, because as long as they’re cursed (and he’s not prepared to risk her life again trying to break it thanks) he can only give her half a relationship. They can be there emotionally for each other, have already proven how intimate that can be, but the physical side will never be an option whilst the curse is in place, and now they’ve had a taste… They could barely keep their hands to themselves before they had any idea what kissing each other would be like, what hope would they have now having had a tiny sliver of it? It’s been something noticeable about Ace in every episode since he found out about the curse, how still he is, how carefully he holds himself so he doesn’t accidentally reach for her and trigger it.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

And he raises his voice - Ace never raises his voice. He’s quiet and soft spoken and everything about this shows how stretched to breaking point he is. By Nancy, the lack of her, the fact she’s finally here and acting like she’s the only one that has any right to hurt just because he walked away. The fact that that was the best damn kiss of his life and he’ll never get to experience it again. The fact that he loves her. And he’s finally admitting it (to himself, to her) he loves her so much, more than anything or anyone, and he doesn’t really believe he’ll ever feel that way again, not how he does about her. Everything else is a pale imitation of how he feels about Nancy. 

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

He is so close to breaking, because Nancy is calling him out for walking away, but she doesn’t get it yet, hasn’t listened, hasn’t understood why he did it. He wasn’t abandoning her, he wasn’t taking the easy way out, he was sacrificing how he felt for the chance that she has a full and happy and love filled life, even if it’s without him.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

It bubbles out of him, pulling back the skin to reveal the desperately beating heart beneath. He walked away from her and it nearly killed him. To stay with her and her heartbreak would have killed him too. Not living with her, being near her, holding her, kissing her is killing him. And he has lived with that heartbreak, that desperate attempt to be bigger than his wants, to set her free because of how much he loves her. It has pounded in his blood with his heartbeat, it has dogged every step between his flat and the morgue, a litany in his head as he worked in silence with the absence of her that he loves, he loves, he loves her. And he walked away. 

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

What would I say? He didn’t have the words, barely has the words now to articulate how painful this has been, how painful it continues to be. And she’s there and she’s not listening and the emotion is choking him. 

He walks away because he can’t, he can’t bear it, any of it, it’s too much, he wishes he hadn’t started this because he wants her in his life but god this is just too much, too hard, too raw. And she presses his buttons and calls him out and finally he has the words. He turns back and his voice is soft and choked with emotion, it is an effort to get them out but he speaks to her.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

And finally she listens. Stunned and heart broken, but she hears him at last.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

As he tells her over and over and over how much he loves her. And he’s not said it. Neither of them had dared to, had spoken around and around their feelings when they were trying to break the curse. But now, his heartbreak has cracked him open and his heart has been in her safe keeping for so long and he needs her to understand.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl​

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl​

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

They have been through so much - hardship and pain and grief and despair and now this, this beautiful shining light of his love and his voice is thick with tears and Nancy just wants to comfort him, hold him, show him how much she loves him in return. She’s been telling everyone around them he’s her soul mate, her person, the best kiss of her life, her love, but now she wants to show him and she moves in, reaches for him.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

And for a moment, a split second, barely more than a heartbeat, he leans into her too, head tilting, hands lifting of their own accord - it’s muscle memory, his body knows exactly how to step in to hold her, to kiss her just so. Before it all comes crashing down and he remembers himself and the curse and he can’t, pushes her away without ever touching her (never touching, not even for this).

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

He is so close to tears as he tells her we can’t, steeling himself against the pain, the want, the desperate need that runs through him. Eyes shut against the vision of her, so soft and filled with want and love. Can’t help the flick of his eyes to her lips because this is the closest they’ve been since they kissed and the phantom press of her lips against his is too much, too real, too close and desperate.

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

They reach an understanding of sorts, as painful as it is. Not quite friends - it’s still too fresh, too real, too much like an epic love they couldn’t ever touch. And it is painful and filled with raw longing and grief. And still Ace holds himself rigid to stop himself from sinking into her, because no matter what he says about other people, she’s it for him, there will never be anyone he loves as much as Nancy.

GIF Credit @nancy-drew

If after all that angst you’re in the mood for some curse breaking and kissing, check out my post 4x04 fic here!

[mariacallous]

For years, I sat down to work each morning, realizing hours later that I felt drained, but got little done. Instead of writing, I spent my time texting, emailing, and mostly aimlessly browsing through news sites, blogs, and social networks. Every click triggered another. I tried to regain control by using an app called Freedom that blocked my computer online access for fixed periods of time. Sometimes it helped, especially when I had a work deadline looming. Sometimes it didn’t. But trying to control work time was only part of the struggle. I kept feeling the irresistible urge to pull out my phone wherever I went. At that point, I blamed myself. After all, I was the girl who spent hours playing video games well into college. But something happened in 2015 that made me realize that something much bigger was awry.

It was a Saturday evening when I arrived with my family to a friends’ home for dinner. Their 11-year-old son was playing with his parents’ iPad. When we came in, his parents demanded that he hand it over and join the other kids. The boy at first refused to hand it over. He then tried angrily to snatch it back from his mother, regressing to toddler-style wailing to demand the device. Throughout a long evening he exercised every manipulation tool in his power to regain control of the iPad. As I observed his parents’ despair, I recalled a family conflict that transpired at my parents’ house some years earlier. At that time doctors diagnosed my father, a heavy smoker, with emphysema. My father could have avoided his painful final years, hooked to an oxygen tank, by quitting smoking when he was diagnosed. He refused. We desperately tried to resist his decision by taking his cigarettes away. But like my friends’ son, my father reacted with uncharacteristic anger, exercising every means at his disposal to get his cigarette pack back.

That day I began to see how our present relates to our past. The past can answer one of today’s most perplexing problems. Why, despite multiple reports from Silicon Valley whistleblowers revealing that technology companies are using manipulative designs to prolong our time online, do we feel personally responsible? Why do we still blame ourselves and keep seeking new self-help methods to decrease our time online? We can learn from the past because in this case the tech companies did not innovate. Instead, the technology industry manipulated us following an old playbook, put together by other powerful industries, including the tobacco and food industries. 

When the tobacco and food industries confronted allegations that their products harmed their consumers, they defended themselves by raising the powerful American social icon of self-choice and personal responsibility. This meant emphasizing that consumers are free to make choices and, as a result, are responsible for the outcomes. Smokers and their families sued the tobacco industry for the devastation of smoking, including lung cancer and early death. But, for decades, they failed to win their lawsuits because the tobacco industry argued successfully that they chose to smoke and, therefore, they are responsible for the results. The food industry employed an identical strategy. When a group of teenagers sued McDonald’s because they suffered from obesity and diabetes after eating regularly at McDonald’s, McDonald’s also successfully raised the same claim. It argued that no one forced the teenagers to eat at McDonald’s, and since it was their choice, McDonald’s is not responsible for any health ramifications. The food industry went further. They successfully lobbied for laws known as the “cheeseburger laws” or more formally as the Commonsense Consumption Acts. Under these laws, food manufacturers and vendors cannot be held legally responsible for their consumers’ obesity. Why? Because the laws proclaim that this will foster a culture of consumer personal responsibility, which is important for promoting a healthy society.

The tobacco and food companies did not stop at just arguing directly that their consumers are responsible. They also provided new products to help them make better choices. In the 1950s, researchers published the first studies showing the connection between smoking and lung cancer.  In response, the tobacco companies offered consumers the option to choose a new healthier product: the filtered cigarette. They advertised it as “just what the doctor ordered,” claiming it removed nicotine and tar. Smokers went for it. Yet, they did not know that to compensate for the taste robbed by the filtered cigarette, companies used stronger tobacco that yielded as much nicotine and tar as the unfiltered brands. Here as well, the food industry followed suit. It also offered tools to reinforce that its consumers are in control. Facing criticism of the low nutritional value of their products, food manufacturers added products called “Eating Right” and “Healthy Choice.” While giving consumers the illusion they were making better choices, the diet product lines often made little improvement over the original products.

The tech industry is already applying this strategy by appealing to our deeply ingrained cultural beliefs of personal choice and responsibility. Tech companies do this directly when faced with allegations that they are addicting users. When the US Federal Trade Commission evaluated restricting use of loot boxes, an addictive feature common in video games, video game manufacturers argued: “No one is forced to spend money on a video game that is free to play. They choose what they want to spend and when they want to spend it and how they want to spend it.” But the technology industry also does it indirectly by providing us with tools to enhance our illusion of control. They give us tools like Apple’s Screen Time, which notifies us how much time we spend on screens. They also allow us to restrict time on certain apps, but then we can override these restrictions. We can choose to set our phones on “do not disturb” or “focus times.” We can set Instagram to remind us to take breaks. Yet, screen time continues to creep up. These tools are not successful, because just like the “filtered cigarette” and the “healthy choice” food products, they are not meant to solve the problem. Tech companies did not eliminate the addictive designs that keep prolonging our time online. The goal of these products, also known as digital well-being tools, was to keep the blame ball in our court, as we unsuccessfully face devices and apps that manipulatively entice us to stay on.

Awareness is crucial to stop blaming ourselves, but learning how the battles of the past played out also provides a rich repository for future action. Importantly, it exposes the vulnerabilities of the technology industry’s self-choice and responsibility argument. How? For one, when evidence comes out that businesses intended to addict consumers, it often defeats the industry’s argument that consumers voluntarily chose the products and are responsible for the consequences. In the 1990s, information leaking out of the tobacco companies’ fortress revealed that the tobacco industry knew that nicotine was addictive and manipulated it to maximize consumption by smokers. It was then that courts began attributing more responsibility to the tobacco industry, and smokers finally started winning cases. This is directly relevant today as whistleblowers report that tech companies purposefully addicted their users to prolong their time online, while choosing to ignore the harms. Second, children are the Achilles’ heel of the personal choice and responsibility defense. While many object to making paternalistic choices for adults, choosing for children is acceptable. For example, kids are not allowed to purchase cigarettes. Legal action is already underway to protect kids from the harms of excessive screen time.

Parents are suing social media companies and gamemakers for addicting their kids and causing them mental harm. They are no longer alone. Recently, school systems sued for the costs of treating kids harmed by social networks. Representatives of the US Congress and state legislatures relentlessly propose bills to protect children. Proposals raise different solutions from  imposing liability on social networks should they fail to remove addictive features to prohibiting access to social media for kids. The past illustrates that the weakness of the personal choice and responsibility defense with regard to kids makes this path particularly likely to succeed.

We can also push against the technology industry’s business model. Under this model, we get products like Gmail and Instagram for free. Still we pay, though not in money. We pay with our time and data. In recent years, government agencies filed antitrust actions against Big Tech. If successful, these actions could destabilize the prevailing business model. For example, should an action against Meta, which currently holds Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, succeed, and break it up, it will likely encourage competition. Competition could push toward alternative business models, such as subscriptions or pay-as-you-go. When a company’s business model does not rely on our time as its main resource, its need to design products that maximize our time online diminishes.

While a movement to battle technology is underway, it cannot rely on lawyers alone. Parents can influence schools to better assess and limit incorporation of technology into the classroom. Business owners can impact use of screens on their premises. For example, restaurant owners can decide not to replace menus with QR codes, thereby reducing the likelihood that patrons will take their phone out during the meal. Online entrepreneurs can opt for an alternative business model, one that is not based on advertising and user time. Technology designers can evaluate whether to design a feature aimed primarily at keeping users online for longer. We have many options to make a collective impact. Changing norms and business operations is possible. Looking at the past illustrates the possibilities of the future. We could never imagine bars without cigarettes, but they became our reality. So can a better-balanced tech future.

[wings-of-ink]

🔧 WRENCH - are they good at fixing relationships? or do they tend to avoid doing so?

Hmm, that may depend on why there is a rift in the relationship, so I'll go with general conflict-resolution. Each RO has a secret that may require some to patch up their relationship to the MC, so this is a good one that you'll be able to see in action later in the story!

Responses are below the cut with the added "bonus" of an infomercial gif that I thought suited them, lol.

Oswin may tend to avoid it, not for lack of wanting to, but because of the fear of making things worse. He also has a terrible time discussing what he needs or thinking that he's too much.

Zahn is over-eager to try to patch up a relationship. Especially if a loved one needs some space first, they'll burn up a bit on the inside. They'll get there, but they may bumble their way through it and they are perhaps too quick to accept blame.

Duri may be a bit avoidant as well, intentionally so (but not in a "trying to hurt the other person" way). They are driven a lot by fun and tend to avoid emotional lows. To them, those low points feel detrimental, and avoidance becomes a defense mechanism (one that backfires often).

Rune may be the most oblivious to an existing problem. They may get a bit defensive as a knee-jerk response. They're the type that reads all the assembly instructions and counts all the pieces before building anything. Once they have their bearings, they are reliable and diligent at fixing the rift.

??? would take a serious problem in a relationship seriously. The connections he has are precious, and he'd be eager to fix them and very patient in doing so. No matter how awkward or tense, he'll approach with diligence and give it his all.

[the-ellia-west]

Merry Christmas Everyone - Character Trauma

Sorry, Y'all. I'm a day late.

I wish I could have posted yesterday but this wasn't on my mind at all lol. I was very sick yesterday, but at least I'm alive!

Here's my Christmas gift to y'all!

Harsh characters vs Kinder Characters - These are general vibes --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kind/Cute Characters -

Constantly Apologizing

Trying to help people 24/7

Always worried about Disappointing people

Constantly avoiding answering questions

Lying about being okay

Blaming themselves

Always Guilty

Jumpy

Always inches away from crying

Always doing favors for others

Doesn't take care of themselves

If they do, it's only to keep other people from getting worried

Running away from problems

Constantly overreacting to minor inconveniences

Harsh/Reserved characters -

Violent outbursts

TRUST ISSUES

No emotions

What am I?

Breakdowns

Silence makes them irritable

Too much noise also makes them irritable

Hyper-activated Emotions

Emotionally or Physically abusing self on a bad day because it already sucked

Violent intrusive thoughts or words become normal

Pessimism

Constantly overly alert

NO RELAXATION

Trouble relating to anyone in any sort of way

Extra: Dreams

PTSD dreams are usually never anywhere close to the actual events

Flashbacks usually happen when awake

Often dreams are based on the type of trauma

Soldiers are more likely to see blood in dreams

Sexual abuse survivors are more likely to have people attacking or violating them in dreams

Physical abuse survivors are more likely to have loud sounds and other events related to their abuse in their dreams

Of course none of these are specific to each type, and you SHOULD mix and match, but these are generally more likely

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Different people have different trauma reactions, and so should characters. This sounds pretty obvious, but it's rather hard to do in my experience. It also goes to show that different types of trauma or traumatic events will make a different type of character

For example, I have a few of my characters and their trauma responses because Idk how else to explain it.

Character 1 - Marril - Experienced Physical and Emotional abuse, as well as witnessing several deaths and killing several people.

As a Child he used to be very exposed and unable to hide with short hair and a home that was generally very safe and quiet until it wasn't.

He has a tendency to break or destroy things out of resentment or just as a way to make himself feel better. He also generally obsesses over keeping things clean, because it usually meant better treatment at home. He also generally stays away from children because they remind him of the first person he killed. He also sometimes hallucinates blood on his hands, and isolates himself for fear of hurting them. He hides his emotions until he can't anymore and generally has very extreme negative emotions.

He is often mistaken to be much older than he actually is, and is generally very quiet. He also grows out his hair to distance himself from his past and to give himself an easy hiding place when he needs it. He hates people grabbing him, moving quickly, or touching his hair, and sometimes he will hurt or yell at people when even slightly provoked. Silence often triggers overthinking which brings guilt and bad memories, while sudden loud noises cause screaming, fight or flight, or even flashbacks.

Characters 2 & 3 - The Twins, Xhaazi and Kasi - Experienced emotional and Sexual abuse

The two of them have varied Emotional responses. Kasi tends to hide her emotions and act overly aggressive or overly friendly. She tends to be very tense and in many occasions, fight first ask questions later. She cannot tolerate being alone oftentimes and is sometimes clingy. She hates being restrained in any way and is prone to panic attacks and separation anxiety

She's generally a little reserved but becomes a little clingy when she finds people she likes. She is also over-apologetic and tends to cry around people she trusts for no reason. She always has nightmares and tends to enjoy loud noises because they distract her from her overthinking and anxiety.

While on the other hand, her Brother Xhaazi

He was the one who got it worse. He often injures himself when he's alone, hides his emotions extremely well, and tends to enjoy being alone or in silence. His tactics also amount to fight first ask questions later, but he is always in fight or flight mode and never trusts anyone unless given a good reason.

He tends to get very clingy to those he trusts and hates loud noises. He also tends to have a lot more nightmares than his sister and tends to cover up every single emotion he's feeling unless he thinks people will like it. He has depression and a lack of self-preservation along with extreme separation anxiety for his family and no one else when he can't easily get back to them.

So uh... Yeah? Have fun torturing your babies! Just make sure to differ their trauma from one another even if they experienced roughly the same things.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hello! Reading your comment about Gr@mmys, I thought of something that makes my head spin.

Was it what happened with J!m!n and F@CE that got us out of the OT7 utopia “seven exact and equal slices of the pie” for each member? I expected to see differences, problems or competitions during this stage but I feel that F@CE was a before and after, at least for me. Now, I could yell at my "me" from the last concert in Bus@n, how naive and overly positive I was being.

I understand the factors that made this reality. I don't know the internal agreements between them and their company. For me Jungk00k's debut only shed more light on topic (he's not the villain of the story, blaming him is just easy way out) Family = seven = equal. Wasn't that the driven narrative? From my place I see how the members go out of their way to demonstrate healthy competition among themselves but the label does not accompany them with their actions/decisions. Actions that make me see company as inexperienced. Did they really have no way to avoid these conflicts? Shouldn't they take care of every detail of career of the artists they represent?

This has nothing to do with the decisions of each member. Some armys force too much -members decide everything- speech and frankly to me it feels like a re-victimization and the removal of responsibility from their representatives. Even if we look at this as a team it seems like someone isn't doing their part. May I disagree? I'm a different person. If everyone says that BH is a great company, I will tell them that it should be even better. The company where my father works has often not fulfilled its duties as an employer, but he will tell you that it's the best job, and I proceed to respect it. Just like that i feel

Whose responsibility is it really that everything has gotten to this point? From company and its silences, from fandom that allowed solo stans to grow, from everyone? Is it just the natural course of things?

There is something in this chapter that gives me the feeling of improvisation. Or was I just too used to everything being calculated and perfect in the B/T/S world?

If you had to give a prognosis for the next chapter, what would it be?

***

“Family = seven = equal. Wasn't that the driven narrative?”

No, actually.

Listen, I hear you and I get you completely. OT7 literally means love the members equally right? And that’s the agenda the company has been pushing and should show right? Well, not exactly. What I’m about to say is going to be very unpopular, but it’s genuinely what I think.

People have a very narrow idea of how many things can look, and when they run up against a reality that looks very different from how they expected it, many people don’t know how to deal with that very well. And oftentimes what happens is that they turn to vilifying whoever they think is responsible for preventing them from getting that imagined outcome. It never once crosses their minds that maybe they had the wrong assumptions to begin with. It’s always the thought of maybe someone is gaslighting them, rather than, you know, maybe they were just wrong. For that context and for that group’s actual goals.

There’s one post I wrote a long time ago that I think made me fairly popular with Jimin biases here, it’s the one where I talk about some of the ways Jimin contributed to BTS that might not seem obvious at first. I prefaced that post by saying many in the fandom underestimate Jimin not because they dislike him or anything, but because they have a narrow idea of what ‘meaningful contribution’ looks like for a group like BTS. All I did in that post was point out things that perhaps were not framed in the right way to show how much Jimin contributes to BTS that’s more than songwriting, producing, or others. It’s the same thinking in recognizing that while SeokJin isn’t the strongest dancer or vocalist, he’s served as the stable emotional support in the group, he serves as the key hinge in maintaining the uniformity in their choreography, and that without him in the group, the members would certainly clash very destructively. It’s not ‘equal contribution’ in the way a lot of people envision, but I think it’s perfect for BTS.

Granted all I’ve said so far is in terms of contributions, not rewards which is what you’re talking about. You’re saying the company should facilitate things so that each member is meant to get equal rewards each time. Well, that would be dandy and possible for the company. Maybe. But it’s also not weird, bad, nor does is spell sabotage for a company to allocate different resources and use different strategies after consulting with the members for their direct input, and to pursue asymmetrical results for BTS at certain times. The understanding is each member prioritized will vary in different years and eras. And I’m personally looking forward to all of it. Since July 2022, all the members have put forward a good first step with their debuts. Jungkook is the member getting a solid push now and I love that it’s him. I’m secretly hoping he tours a bit too, maybe solo or with vmin, and maybe/not go to the military before 2025. Who knows?

A lot of things didn’t work right for all the members' debuts. Jimin’s performance was impacted by far too many though, and many were issues the company simply needs to get their shit together on. Period. BTS makes a shit tonne of money for that company and the least they could do is go the extra mile and then some. I’m convinced HYBE already does this for BTS (recall how HYBE navigated extracting BTS from that Jamboree concert disaster, though public opinion was also on their side), but they could always do more. And I won’t stop anyone from saying that.

But for anyone who thinks what they’ve seen so far is Jungkook / BTS / HYBE betraying their trust or going back on their principles or whatever, I want to say that they’ve done no such thing. This time around your bias wasn’t prioritized the way you wanted. That’s it. Am I being naive and delusional by thinking the guys are literally taking turns for this kind of focus? Possibly. But I also know there’s a Pharrell collab somewhere in the vault. Rina Sawayama too (her Le Sserafim remix is really good. Please listen to it). And that the guys have very grand plans. All of them. They’re focused and driven and will always get what they ultimately want. Every member is like this. They've put too much skin in the game to walk away for less.

Or lol, maybe I'm just being a company stan. I just hope it's clear I'm not dismissing your concern or care for Jimin, Anon, it's that I disagree with your conclusion. But I know I'm in the minority here anyway.

“Whose responsibility is it really that everything has gotten to this point? “

The fandom, mostly. For reasons that are very obvious. Such as most of the fandom claiming they actually like the whole group and trust their bias, but rather kinda see the other members as background characters for their bias. Fandom is like a pressure cooker, so nobody ever really stays 'normal' if they move too far off-center - people who heavily biases a member in an unhealthy way will never remain an ARMY, for example, they’ll eventually break off into fringe parts; people who dislike a member, only grow to further hate the member. Neutral is rare.

If BigHit wanted to make another try for a Grammy this year, Seven would’ve likely been envisioned with all the members as a project to pursue, because a win for any of them is considered a win for the group. Especially considering the competition this year. And given BH already had a formula with the PET, they went with that same mediocre candy floss of a song that’s guaranteed to get the nomination chances, as in the past. Experience has taught the company Korean tracks will likely not be given fair consideration soon. So they went with Seven. Also, after that Billboard hit piece, Jimin’s chances with Like Crazy are close to zilch. If by some miracle he gets recognition, I hope he wins. But yeah, that debacle with Jimin is one in which the fandom (meaning his akgaes, biases, and the wider/whole fandom) bears some blame. But at the same time, Billboard has never been a friend to BTS and they were likely going to change the rules again anyway. And that’s something they can keep doing.

"If you had to give a prognosis for the next chapter, what would it be?"

I have no real idea, tbh. What I want more than anything, is for all seven of them to be able to continue putting out dope, interesting music that they take joy in. Seeing Bangtan have fun has extended my life by several years I'm sure. That's what I want for them in the prognosis. I'm sorry I'm taking your ask about a serious topic and going all sentimental on it Anon, but rather than chart placements that they don't really need to prove, I want BTS to still be comfortable making the music they want to make. More Arson, Dis-ease, All Day, Change Pt 2, Snooze, HUH?!, Amygdala, Like Crazy, SMF Pt 2, Rainy Days, Seven, The Astronaut.

I hope the people who remain in the fandom core are able to last and tough it out while the fandom regroups. Because even though there'll be chaos and the number of solos will likely triple, they won't ever leave. Nobody who comes in contact with BTS ever really moves on from them. They'll say they're taking breaks, calling it quits or whatever, but give them 6 months tops and they're back. I see it happen all the time. And it makes sense tbh. I mean, have you seen Jimin? After knowing someone like him exists, how can you just go back to your regular life pretending he's not real? Like his existence doesn't mandate you looking at him and caring for him and his art. At least, that's how Jimin makes me feel. And the other members to varying degrees.

If we disagree please don't send me follow-up asks on this topic. It likely won't be productive.