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how last twilight went in my head
It’s soon been a year since Last Twilight started airing and while it did some things right, it also did many things wrong. I’m not only talking about the ending and how it ruined the whole show for me, but also smaller things that I now see more as flaws. Or maybe not flaws per se; they’re rather things that could’ve been done better if some more thought was put into the story as a whole. (Which is ironic to say when I know how many hours they already spent writing the story.)
You see, I had a lot of expectations for this series. Many of us had, I guess, and it sucks that those expectations were not met. I also acknowledge that I’m partly at fault for my own disappointment; I’m obviously only one person and no person responsible for the series would be able to read my mind and make it 100% like I wanted it to be. But they gave me the pilot trailer, left me with it for over a year before the official trailer came out, and during that time I was holding that pilot like a precious trinket in my hands. I was turning it around and around under the light, watching and studying every glimmer and reflection with wonder. I thought I knew what they were trying to tell me. I thought I understood.
Then the series came out and it strayed far from what I’d imagined it would be. Once again, not completely their fault, and I was watching the show with an open mind – I wanted to like it, however it was. But the closer to the end we got, the more I noticed that I was starting to bend my mind backwards to explain some things for myself. I started making excuses for them. And then at some point, I realized I didn’t have to do that. They shouldn’t require me to do that just to have me like what they'd created.
So I eventually accepted that Last Twilight just wasn’t for me and that I was disappointed in it. Not only did the ending land far from where I wanted it to go, but so did other things. The flaws started bothering me more. I grew a little more bitter after each day spent thinking about this show. It had become something unrecognizable, and so I had to make it right. I had to paint the picture that will never be forgotten again.
These are my thoughts on what I thought the show would be like, how the characters would be, how the relationships would develop, and where the show would end. All of this is based on the pilot trailer and many details remain vague because of that; some thing I only came up with while writing all this. I don't have a full story in my head, only bits and pieces I thought would be part of it one day.
(Most of this rant is directed towards the lovely Monica @stormyoceans and Mimi @dimpledpran, as well as maybe Leo @idaokiwatine. Otherwise, I don’t know if anyone is interested in this, but this has been stuck in my head for too long and I needed to find some relief.)
(placing the rest of this under the cut bc it got super long)
Mork’s life – past and present
The pilot trailer introduces Mork (not Mhok btw, I refuse to change my mind about that) and his side of the story very briefly. That is expected from a 4 minutes long pilot trailer that’s main point is to rouse the viewers’ curiosity and only introduce the story as it was during the time of filming that pilot. Despite the briefness, we still get the essentials: Mork is harsh spoken, a bit crude, playful, aloof, and quite melancholic at times. We learn he works as a mechanic, is friends with Porjai (not named yet in the pilot), and most importantly, has a debt he has to pay off.
They left that debt out once the show came out, and its absence made me frown. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the change. I like the alternative story line with Rung and how her passing has left Mork deeply scarred. I love the symbolism of Rung’s car which Mork is unable to sell because as much as he is bitter about his sister’s decision to end her life, he cannot cut her and her memory out of his own life. It’s a good premise, yet the show doesn’t really explore it enough to make it stick, so I both love it and mourn it.
Anyway, when the pilot trailer introduced the debt plot to us, I got attached to that thought. That’s probably the most accurate way to put it, to talk about any of these thoughts I will introduce here. I am attached to my own delusions of this show. So let’s continue observing them:
Mentioning Mork's debt made me assume that it was a core element of Mork’s character and his motives in the story. It would be the starting point of his journey, and I was excitedly waiting for them to tell me more in the series. What kind of debt is it? How large? Where does it originate from? Who does Mork owe money to? How does that debt affect his life? How long has that debt affected his life?
And while I was waiting for the answers, I started coming up with answers of my own:
Mork is left with his family’s debt, not his own. He's an only child who carries his parents’ debt after their unfortunate passing (accidental or organized? Irrelevant for me during that time). That debt will stand in front of Mork’s future, holding him back. It’s like a weight he cannot get rid of even if he tries, its pressure stopping him from running forward. If I have to make comparisons, I thought Mork’s story would be a bit like Jack’s in Jack & Joker; he cannot start a new life before he’s settled his debt.
These thoughts were backed by Porjai who in the pilot tells Mork to pay off his debt; to think about his future again. Ths switch seemed important somehow. Porjai doesn’t want Mork to continue living like this, always owing money to someone and struggling to survive. Things need to change for him. He needs to find something else than work, avoiding his debtors, paying off his debt, fearing for himself, and not caring about his future. There needs to be another path he can take, a better road for him to walk upon.
And then, Mork meets Day.
How would that happen? I don’t have a clear answer to this but based on what was shown and said in the pilot trailer, I somehow assumed it would happen through Porjai (which it still kind of does, but it’s more accidental in the series). The pilot trailer introduces Porjai as the person who comes up with new things for Mork to do, jobs that would pay better. This made me assume that following her ideas would eventually lead Mork to Day.
As a side note, I find it really interesting what Porjai's ideas for a better job are. When talking about quick, easy money, her offer is “dining with rich clients”. Not something you’d expect her to offer to a mechanic like Mork, right? It's nothing like what she offers to Mork in the series now. Getting Mork a random gig as an AC repairman makes a little more sense than this, though this offer also makes Porjai a completely different character.
The offer really left me thinking, okay. Mork doesn't accept it, of course, and I understand why it’s not something Mork would do based on how we see him, but why does Porjai suggest something like it? What exactly is Porjai thinking Mork should work wth? What does “dining with rich clients” actually mean? Because for me, that sounds hell a lot like she is suggesting Mork become an escort/host (at a host club???), and so that was a thought I started linking to her.
Porjai is the one talking to rich clients every day. She works as an escort/hostess somewhere and they pay good money for it. She knows it’s an easy job once you get into it and Mork could pay off his debt that way, maybe, if he was able to take the pressure. But he wouldn't, and so they find something else.
But what exactly leads Mork to ring the doorbell at Day’s house? I don’t think Porjai would have a straight connection to Day, but she could know Night.
In the series we now know, they introduce Night as a bar owner. Maybe Porjai ends up visiting Night’s bar a lot because her clients like to go there? Maybe she knows this bar owner/bartender and sometimes they talk after she’s done with her clients. She and Night are casually acquainted, not too close but on good terms, comfortable.
And then, during one of these casual talks, Night lets it slip that his brother is going blind and looking for a caretaker. (Maybe he whines about how difficult Day is being about it. Porjai is a good listener, and it’s easy to talk to her, I guess. It must be rough for Night, trying to handle it all.)
Porjai answers that she knows just the man for the job. Night decides to give it a shot.
Cue Mork’s interview for a job he’s in no way qualified for, yet he goes anyway because like the pilot says, “he has no option”. It doesn’t sound too hard, taking care of someone. But things are made a bit more difficult by Day, and so the interview scene ensues as it does: Mork reads to Day again, and despite acting like an ass in front of this rich brat that could be his future boss, Mork gets the job. Suddenly, his life is turning around. He’s on his way to paying off his debt and becoming free.
Mork needs to start thinking about his future. It’s scary because he never had the chance for that before, never got the choice. His parents were gone and he was tied to his debt before he had the opportunity to really dream. So, what does he want to do? Where does he want to go?
Will he stay around or will he leave all of this behind?
Of course, I assumed that Mork’s plan would be to get enough money to pay off his debt and then quit his job as a caretaker, no strings attached. But Day turns out to be different. Day turns out to be someone who Mork wouldn’t mind staying for. Day is more than just the money Mork gets paid, and he needs to come into terms with that, with wanting something for himself.
Day's side: His family and Mork
It will probably sound funny when I say this but back when the pilot trailer was all I had, I never really gave much thought to why Day is going blind. I know they mention an accident happening, but I thought it was just that – an accident. Something in the past. Something irreversible. Something that cannot be taken back or “fixed”, and now Day just needs to learn how to live with his new reality and move on. (No cornea transplants... I never really saw this coming when the show started. Imagine my shock when they started talking about it.)
What surprised me about the show was also the time that has passed since Day’s accident and since his vision started getting worse, and before he and Mork meet. The pilot left me thinking that Day’s vision was like that ever since the accident; that it was down to 40% (20% in the series) until they later realize that it’s getting even worse. I thought Day was still fumbling to understand his condition, to figure out how to live like this. I thought he had only recovered and spent a short time visually impaired before Mork comes into the picture, and that all these things were as new to him as Mork who has never done this kind of job before. I thought that was going to be part of their dynamic; this sense of newness and slowly learning about things together. About solving problems, finding answers, and adapting.
But well, details. Let’s move on from that.
Day is mostly introduced to us through Mork’s eyes as he infiltrates Day’s world after accepting his job. We first see the insufferable rich brat, the guy who has it all but now has somewhat less. The guy who is still grieving what he lost with his vision, yet is fiercely trying to claim it all back. He fights for his right for independence by being a stubborn mule who refuses to accept any help. He’s obnoxious, and whiny, and demanding, and a bit snobbish. He is both determined to beat his disability and so close to crumbling under the weight of his own changed reality.
Mork challenges Day in all the ways Day needs in this moment. At least this aspect of their dynamic remains in the series too, this ability Mork has to keep Day from slipping further into despair. Mork is not afraid to act like a dick to Day who is more than delighted by his boldness. He doesn’t like people treating him like glass, so Mork’s harshness and playfulness is refreshing. It reminds Day of how things used to be; of how he used to be. He even starts accepting Mork’s help after Mork drills it into Day’s skull that it doesn’t make him any weaker. They build their relationship upon mutual understanding, but I'll return to all that a bit later.
Let’s focus on Night instead and how he fits into all of this. After the pilot trailer, I never imagined that Night would somehow be the reason for Day’s accident – I never even thought he would play such a huge part in Day’s story, though I did think he would play a part in it.
My first thought about Night was that he was going to act as their mother’s eyes and ears in the house. (I didn’t know what to expect from Night’s character back then, so I just thought there would be a reason for him to stay in the house all day.) He inserts himself into every MorkDay interaction, is present, watches, and studies them. Then he relays what he’s seen to their mother, letting her evaluate Mork’s fitness for the job and how his progress is. I thought this would be a more prevalent aspect of everything, this ever present sense of being watched and judged by an outsider.
This position would've also allowed Night to be the first one to notice when MorkDay’s relationship starts changing. It's difficult for them at first, and maybe Night decides to help Mork out a little. He cares for his brother, after all. He tells Mork privately why Day chose him as his caretaker. He sees something in Mork and decides to help him out. He takes upon the role we see Master Aon carrying in the series now, working as the bridge between Mork’s world of ignorance and Day’s world of newly found obstacles.
The closeness this springs between the two obviously isn’t part of their mother’s plan. Khun Mhon/Ramon wants Mork to be a caretaker, a professional Day could rely on. She pays Mork for that. The pilot version of feels very different from the her we see in the series, yet she is equally protective of her son.
This protectiveness causes her to be a meddler, and we witness her questioning what kind of relationship Mork is building with Day once it starts feeling like it's different from what she expected. She’s heard about it from Night (who already questions Mork’s feelings, asking him if he still cares for Day only out of pity) and that makes her doubt Mork. Already attached by this point, Mork is forced to lie and reassure her that he still knows “the boundaries of his responsibility”.
Because we as viewers are privy to Mork's inner feelings, we can recognize his lie, but Day cannot. Even Day’s “superpower” doesn’t help him at this point, and he is convinced that Mork sticks around for the money only. He hates the thought, hates to think Mork is somehow forced to care for him. That Mork cannot choose for himself because he's the victim of the circumstance. And Day feels pained, feels crushed. He cried to his mother, attached to his caretaker who has somehow become a friend. He does not want this man to leave, and on some level, maybe Day's mother understands. Maybe she is able to accept that her son needs Mork, and Mork is allowed to stay until he's completed his duty.
Day's mother never quite trusts Mork, though. She knows Mork isn't being quite honest about knowing his responsibility with Day, so she worries what might become of them. I think it gets more complicated if Mork’s debt interferes and places Day in danger. Mork cannot stay if his past is haunting him; he cannot stay if his presence is threatening Day's safety. Mork probably struggles with this aspect of his life too, and eventually Day is left with the choice to either accept or tell Mork to leave (and it wouldn't be a romance if we didn't already know his answer).
I think the question of safety and Mork's ability to do his job well and remain professional would explain Day's mother's apprehension towards him better than how they explain it in the series. I somehow do not feel for her in the show because her worry over Mork’s ability to “take care of Day” (outside of his job, as Day's partner) seems so belittling towards Day as a person. She assumes that Day needs someone to take care of him for the rest of his life as if he will never be independent again. Day never tells her otherwise which I find a little strange when Day otherwise remains so adamant about doing things on his own and mastering skills that allow him independence.
(Though now that I say that, I realize that in the show, they cut off him gaining any of these skills. They don't, for example, ever make Day use a cane or learn braille – skills that I assume would be essential for his independence. He relies on Mork a lot, and even after the time skip in the last episode, he rather asks for a "stranger" to guide him to the car than takes it upon himself to get there the way we all know he can.)
In the middle of all this, come the 180 days they give Day before he loses his vision completely. It changes everything. Of course, those 180 days are not the end for Day – he's not dying or anything. They just mean there’s more for him to do, more for him to process. He needs to reach acceptance and finally find peace with his blindness.
And all that he does with Mork, with his help and alongside him, which I will talk about next.
Mork and Day, quietly in love
I think what the show really nails is the development of the MorkDay relationship or at least the basics of it. Especially the first three or so episodes feel absolutely ecstatic as we witness how the mutual distaste between MorkDay turns to curiosity, turns to understanding, turns to hesitant trust, and then to friendship and eventually a crush. It’s all so beautiful – and yet.
It moves a little too fast, I’d say. That feeling I had ever since episode 2 should’ve probably been my first warning sign that I was not about to get the story I wanted, but I always worked with it. I understood they had only 12 episodes, that they had a lot of story to cover. Some sacrifices had to be made to get all they planned to fit in.
But. (Because there obviously is a but coming, a big but.) They never used that time they stole wisely. And in my mind, I wanted everything to happen slower, to feel lazier, stickier somehow. You know, I wanted there to be more struggling, more hardship, more setbacks. Things shouldn’t have felt so linear between Mork and Day; not only up after some small bumps in the beginning, without them sometimes moving backwards, too. They were supposed to take two steps forward and one step back, not just walk ahead like it was easy to trust a stranger like that.
(That back and forth could’ve also been the way to fit Mork’s trauma into the story; to force Mork to be vulnerable when he realizes that he has to give something in order to get something back. He learns a thing about Day, Day learns a thing about him. It's only fair.)
It would just make sense if things were not easy. They’ve both gone through a lot and it’s hard to open up about those things, especially to someone who is still basically a stranger. That made me think that it would take Mork and Day longer to even tolerate each other; Day does not want Mork to be his caretaker, doesn’t want him invading his space. Mork is there for the money, not to listen to Day’s bitching. They’d rather avoid each other than actually spend time together, both agreeing to this out of mutual benefit. Mork gets paid, and Day gets his mother off his back and is free to do how he sees fit. They’re stuck together but it's the lesser evil.
But that doesn't last forever, and eventually, their curiosity wins. Mork would probably give in first, would want to know more about Day after watching him. He’s the one with the ability to work his way under Day’s skin by annoying Day to opening up. Anger makes us quite honest at times. And when Day slams the doors shut at times, literally and figuratively, Mork remains unphased by the temper tantrums. We see parts of this in the series too, but I always thought it would take them longer to find it themselves to be civil with each other.
After the door is open though, things start pouring out of it. Vulnerability stops feeling as scary. We see the one palm distance scene happen which is still one of my favorites. It’s so beautiful in the pilot, the epitome of closing the gap between them, of stepping closer. Mork wants Day to see him, and Day's curiosity is aroused.
I was honestly kind of sad that the series gave that scene to us so early. I wasn’t expecting Day to let Mork so close so soon, though I should’ve seen it coming when they turned the flirting setting so high for Mork. I just thought that scene was going to be more than just Mork flirting with Day, about him showing interest. I thought it was about understanding, about wanting to know the other. About wanting yourself to be known.
I guess my version of Mork by nature is more hesitant to approach Day than he is in the series. He is still direct and unapologetic, won’t take any shit, won’t fear to annoy Day, yet he will be hesitant in other ways. He doesn’t like being vulnerable, doesn’t initially like being seen by Day, doesn't trust so easily. It takes him time to adjust into wanting all this and thinking about it as a good thing.
He also hesitates to touch, to grab, to hold; to get physical with someone who cannot see it coming. Mork might not know a kind touch, mostly used to the roughness and violence of others.
Day would be equally hesitant because it must feel strange to touch people so openly when you cannot se them, right? At least for me, I’d find it weird and uncomfortable to grab a stranger, to suddenly hold them, even if by the arm or shoulder. (Because how do you know it’s an arm or a shoulder you're touching when you cannot see? You cannot be sure. It could be anything.) This requires adjusting from them, accepting this physicality as part of their new relationship. Mork needs to allow himself to be grabbed. Day needs to be bold enough to do it and be comfortable with it.
They discuss boundaries, both for Day and for Mork. What are they comfortable with? Are they comfortable always or only sometimes? Are there times when they do not wish to be touched? Should they announce it when they plan on touching the other? What are the rules of their interactions?
They learn yet again, try to understand. These are the steps they take during their journey as they adjust to each other and their intertwining lives. They start lowering their walls and breaking the boundaries, allowing each other closer, closer, closer.
And suddenly, Mork is no longer just a caretaker. Suddenly, Day is not just someone Mork stays with out of money. More feelings appear, and once one of them – or both of them – recognize those feelings as romantic, things start going south.
I always assumed that August would play the biggest part in making both Mork and Day admit to their feelings (and he does! The series confirms this). He’s obviously introduced as the “love rival”, the one who makes Mork jealous. He will make Mork understand that these feelings he’s having for Day go beyond professional, beyond friendship. He wants to take care of Day in a completely different way, and that makes him come face to face with a choice: to tell Day or remain silent. To stay or to leave.
Because here’s the deal: Mork is Day’s employee which requires him to stay professional with Day. There is supposed to be a certain distance between them so that Day can trust Mork as his caretaker, as his aid, as his guide. Mork is supposed to not cross any lines for Day’s safety and comfort. Mork is not supposed to be having these thoughts and feelings about Day.
In the series, I assumed they would point this out; that they would bring out the moral question of are you allowed to look at your "boss" like that, with the eyes of a potential lover, when your professional relationship is as delicate and emotionally intimate as a relationship between a caretaker and the person they’re caring for? Are you allowed to cross that line, even on a thought’s level? Does that affect the trust between you two?
In retrospect, I find it a little weird how little Last Twilight brings up this issue. Back in the day I even saw someone mention it in a post (I cannot remember who or where) after pointing out how often and easily these positions of trust allow taking advantage of the other person. Not saying that Day wouldn’t be able to fight for himself or stand his own ground if Mork was, indeed, being a creep about it, but Day unfortunately cannot see it happening. If Mork had bad intentions, I think he would have many chances to take advantage of Day’s disability. Day’s in a vulnerable position that has nothing to do with his capability.
So, why not make the viewers think about it more? Why is Mork not realizing how much power he holds? Even after he becomes aware of his feelings in the series and starts thinking Day might feel the same, it’s Porjai who points out that they’re still employer and employee. Mork works for Day, and Day is supposed to be able to trust in his professionalism no matter what.
Of course, Mork is prepared to quit his job after their kiss in the series if Day doesn’t feel the same for him. He doesn’t want to make Day uncomfortable once he’s been made aware of Mork’s feelings. But my initial expectations based on the pilot were that this conflict of positions would play a bigger part. Night questions Mork's feelings first, Day's mother does it next. Mork decides to hide behind his lies. This made me think that we would succumb into a limbo of “will he or will he not?” as both Mork and Day struggle with handling their own (slightly forbidden) feelings.
It's just that they both wish to stay like this and they both fear that the other one will leave if they were to be honest about their feelings. It feels easier to put on the mask and pretend they’re still an employer and employee. Out of selfish reasons, they both need each other. On the other hand, they both see why the other would need this relationship to remain as it is.
If we assume that we embark on the 180 days journey with MorkDay once they're already aware of their feelings and are both remaining mum about it, I think their reasons to remain go like this:
Mork stays because he doesn't want to abandon Day now that he is facing all this so suddenly. It's a big shock to Day to realize that he will lose his sight completely, and he's formed this bond with Mork that Mork hates to rip away from him when he's already feeling vulnerable. It's Mork's priority to make Day feel safe and comfortable. It's Mork's wish to make Day happy, and so he wants to stand beside Day as he faces these last 180 however many days he might have. Mork helps Day to make the most of that time he has because what else is there for Mork to do? To return to his old job and struggle again? To be forever trapped in his debt? Because at least like this he is paying off his debt slowly and not feeling as trapped.
For Day, he might hate the thought that Mork stays because of his duty, but it's also that it helps Mork. The money he's getting obviously means a lot, is more than Mork ever thought he would have. Day has seen and heard about Mork's life before, how violent it all was/is, how much he struggles. He wants Mork to stay if it will help him. He wants Mork to stay because it helps Day. He likes being with Mork and Mork makes him happy, and all this change feels a little less scary. He thinks he's learning how to live again, with Mork.
This type of setting would’ve offered a delicious opportunity to explore the slowly blurring line between their professional relationship and what can be seen as something else, something more. It would’ve offered some very delicious gay yearning, and I think these moments could’ve been depicted through scenes like the fish tank scene or the fitting room scene. Of course, those scenes work as they are now, as indicators of budding feelings between Mork and Day. But those could’ve also been scenes that show their feelings to the viewer, make them obvious to any observer, yet remain hidden from the object of those feelings himself. The want to touch, to be closer; yet the fear to be too close, to get rejected, and eventually, to lose everything.
They have six months, dedicated only to each other. They have six months before some kind of end or a beginning or whatever they wish to think of it as. Six months. I would've loved the slow burn of it all, seeing those six months shape and morph and change them.
The ending
And what about when those six months come to an end? How would things look like to them? How would the whole story eventually end?
Honestly, I think the story in my head had a lot of similarities to what we get in the first 9 episodes of Last Twilight: Mork and Day meet, start developing a bond, find happiness and a new hope in each other, Day gets his final 180 days before he goes completely blind, and MorkDay decide to spend that time exploring together. Things are nice, simple.
Yet, I think they start that journey with very different ending goals in their minds. They have very different thoughts on how things will look like to them by the end of their six months, and while they spend time together and ponder on their hidden feelings, those thoughts only solidify. And this is what I think goes on in their heads and how it shapes the final ending of my own version of this story:
Mork comes to the realization that by the end of this journey, Day will no longer need a caretaker, need him. His duty is done and he is free to go. His debt will be paid (maybe he's counted he will have enough money by then), and he can plan his future however he wishes. Maybe this even means that it is his time to go and live the life he never got to have before. Why would he stay if Day no longer needs him? If other bonds (friendship, companionship) remain, they will be able to keep in touch through their phones, even if from a distance.
For Day, it's all very different. He might be very hesitant at first, not quite trusting his own feelings, not quite believing in himself. But after each day, after each moment spent with Mork, he grows a little surer. He knows what he wants. He knows what he wants from this future Mork has helped Day realize is still in front of him.
He wants Mork. He wants them to stay together.
So, during his last seeing moments, Day gathers his courage and kisses Mork. That is his last image, the last thing he wishes to do, the only image that is missing and the only image that will forever remain. Admitting to Mork that he likes him and accepting that he wants to be with Mork in the future are his ending and beginning. He is finally being honest about everything.
Day wants more, not just a caretaker. Mork is now free to accept or refuse.
Of course, by this point, we would all know that Mork will accept. He will be delighted to accept. What else is there when we can so clearly see the deep bond between them? How could they ever part when they mean so much to each other? They're the only two that have remained "blind" to the inevitable.
And so we get that yes, and another kiss. Followed by the happiest smiles they've ever shown us, maybe some tears even. Day holding Mork’s face between his hands and taking in the darkness, yet feeling happy in it. He has a future with Mork. He will build a future that has them both in it.
I don’t know if I would require much more story after that. Beyond hearing Mork’s answer to Day after finishing their journey together, I never asked for much else. It would be satisfying if done right, if it feels like both of them have found peace and purpose. They start off as troubled individuals and end up happy, content, together.
Maybe I would be a little greedy though, and accept a time skip which shows us glimpses of MorkDay’s life after. Day is doing something new with his life that makes him feel satisfied. Mork is finally living for himself.
I wanted there to be hints about what Mork might want to do throughout the story/journey, just like they gave hints in the series that Day would love to own a bookshop later. I never quite bought Mork’s cooking career in the series – I know they paint it so that Mork enjoys cooking, especially to others/those he loves, but it never fully felt like his own choice to become a chef. It feels more like something he has to do because at first, he enters the chef position for money. He loses his job as a caretaker and has to find something else to live on. It makes it once again feel less like his own choice and more like a survival instinct.
And so, we have come to the end of my string of thoughts. This is what I had in my head about Mork and Day, how I thought the story of Last Twilight would go. This is what the pilot left me with after giving me its impeccable vibes. Would this be a better series? For me, definitely. Others might disagree, but I did not write this for you anyway so, sorry.
Just… Last Twilight could’ve been so much, so different. And even a year later I still mourn the fact that it was not, that it will never be. Such wasted potential, but I’ll love it anyway. I’ll love the parts I've managed to salvage.
(Thank you for reading if you did read this whole thing! Feel free to discuss this idea with me if you want to or point out any things I might remember incorrectly/have forgotten. My inbox is open and so are my dms, I won't bite ^^)
#last twilight#morkday#idk what else to tag this as#these are just stray thoughts#but i need to shout them into the void#and maybe someone will answer?#who knows#also i've edited this text a lot but#excuse me if there are any typos or#just things that don't make sense#am tired and feeling insane#so take this out of my hands pls am begging
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long way home
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#maybe doing bg studies is the activity of choice while waiting fr leaks its so good 2 zone out n not think fr hours#can't stress about canon if you're busy studying window grates and ac units#this ws gonna start as a more train station-y piece#but as i am wont to do i got swept up during my pinterest dive#brought me further and further in2 small town train crossings and i thought they looked so cute#so i am like. puts itfs there :)#i love the idea of them just . meandering whatever quiet town they end up settling down tgt in post-canon#discovering hidden alleys n meeting all the strays holding hands th entire time....#i am manifesting PEACE and TRANQUILITY goddamn it#also i realized after the last domestic itfs series tht my use of red is at an all time low?????? leaning heavy in2 the green/yellow lately#here also . but i like the lil pops of red i included i think it centers them#happy w this!! happy w my me!! as long as i ignore the fact that indoor environments exist maybe backgrounds arent all tht bad :3
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How do some people think atsushi is just some uwu innocent soft boy when he's literally so salty
Do they not see this
#theres way more than this#i just didnt want to make this post too long#stop babying atsushi challenge go!!#the mischaracterization istg#bsd#bungou stray dogs#atsushi nakajima#nakajima atsushi#bsd atsushi#thoughts
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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@///_bsd_edits on Instagram gave me the idea to draw that based on one Ueda and Kimisawa interaction
The thing ^
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd chuuya#chuuya nakahara#bsd dazai#dazai osamu#soukoku#skk#sab posting#ueda is Chuuya's stageplay actor#makes sense#kimisawa is Fitzgerald's stageplay actor#i love that guy but it just didn't fit the thing yeah so we made this about the stinkers again#who would've thought#add dazai making “wroom wroom” sounds in the background because i forgot#anyway#just soukoku being silly kids#i need them to be childish and have fun like kids should#aughhhhhh
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I'm thinking about the stupid fucking parasocial dynamic between sir pentious and alastor. I have questions
the fact that sir pentious says "again" in the pilot and him saying they'd done battle "like 20 times" in episode 2, was this just like. a regular thing he did even prior to alastor's disappearance. where he would just come in every other week to attack alastor while he was casually doing stuff and alastor just forgot each and every time.
also keep in mind sir pentious is from the VICTORIAN ERA, he arrived in hell before alastor. how. how long has he known him. how long had he been DOING this.
sir pentious being one of the chronologically oldest major characters really makes you think about how much he has seen or knows about LMAO
also the fact that he says "for when I've slain you the almighty vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal" was he just thinking of alastor just being generally powerful that it'd be cool if he defeated him or did he know the specific significance of alastor in the context of the vees. I also find it funny that he found out about alastor's return BEFORE vox, yeah if he delivered a dead alastor to the vees after 7 years I'm sure that would've been one fucking hell of a shock
#osrs.txt#sir pentious#hazbin sir pentious#sir pentious hazbin#hazbin hotel sir pentious#sir pentious hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor#alastor hazbin#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel#just some stray thoughts#this was in my drafts but then I got distracted before I finished rambling then so I finished it now#corn-plating after 5 months 🥳🥳🥳#1k#2k
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(continued under the cut ↓)
did you hear about my amazing propaganda yet
#this one is like a tease#i'm spreading my ideas and hope someone bites#i hope someone sees this and feels inspired#i hope this causes unrest and someone decides they need to make more content based on a similar idea because they weren't satisfied#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd dazai#bsd dazai osamu#bsd chuuya#bsd nakahara chuuya#skk#soukoku#<- of ambiguous flavour#nawy's comics#suggestive#?#like. for one panel.#btw how cringy did you find my hotel name i tried very hard (i just picked the first bad english tacky thing i thought of)
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the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me
just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.
like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.
in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.
how am i supposed to act normal about this.
#i need to lay down#just drop this in there right at the beginning why not!#that’s INTENSE. and completely sincere considering his demeanor at the party. god#he’s so… nice. in the romanced epilogue. i expected him to be a little smug and jokey#if tav told him the others weren’t doing so hot without the two of them around#but he takes it so genuinely and with visible disappointment?? literally shocked me#i thought he would say oh of course their lives have taken a turn without our impressive leadership lol!#and then redirect into something a little less flippant#but man. he just gets sad. astarion six months into a loving relationship is like a stray cat that instantly gets cuddly when you adopt it#dude went cotton candy marshmallow saccharine sweet in a HEARTBEAT#bless the others with your presence he says. i’ll always be here he says. we have forever after all he says.#head in my hands. how could they do this to me#astarion ancunin#astarion bg3#astarion#bg3 epilogue spoilers#bg3 spoilers#baldur’s gate 3 spoilers#bg3
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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The only singer ever!
#bystay#createskz#stray kids#linosource#*m.gif#*minho#analook#usersemily#melontrack#mimotag#kpopccc#gifs#I can't wait for this full episode to be out#i am so biased (it's the only one i'll watch from beginning to end without skipping anything lol)#can we just talk about how he got eliminated because fckass jyp thought he was lacking (he kind of was (i love you minho))#and now he's going on a 100% singing show as the dance leader of his group#i'm going to cry if I think too hard about it#i'm just so proud of him and god dammit there's a tear or two in my eye
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longing
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#atsushi nakajima#shin soukoku#well.. it's implied i guess#sskk#sketchy#no thoughts just thinking about them
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feetman
#hlvrai#half live vr but the ai is self aware#gordon freeman#gordon feetman#so idk if theres any like ‘metastory’ to there being a player or if its literally just supposed to be wayne#but i thought it would be kinda interesting for the player to be his own guy#cause like to me#a big part of it that makes it fun is that gordon has like#no actual stakes#dude is getting pissed for the sake of it#he knows its a game and is just freaking out at the ai being so alive u know#now since i cant remember if theres some kind of canon or metastory to the player you can completely decide for yourself why hes playing#or how he got the game#is he just some guy? is it an experiment? is it for his job? who knows!#hes The Player#also if ur wondering why his design is so similar to gordons#its cause i didnt wanna stray into the unrecognizable lmao#also. i really really really didnt wanna draw the fucking suit#and yes thats benrey on the tamagotchi#i think it would be very funny if he could cart them all around in tamagotchis#sorry for long tags
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OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.
I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.
At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.
He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)
Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.
In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.
I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.
#I'm just spitballing half of this but these are also my genuine thoughts on these two and their yin/yang parallels#I'll never get over Akutagawa being a protector at heart and getting that side of him buried with rage from growing up in the PM and-#-Dazai's old teachings#also Atsushi being selfish at his core is very important to me. He's not a typical 'kind hearted' shonen protagonist. He's kind not because#-that's how he’s always been but because that's how he chooses to be#I think that kind of character is even more admirable to me#it also fits well with Dazai being his mentor. Since Dazai also doesn't have that initial desire to save people just out of kindness.#He saves people as a promise to his dead friend that wanted him to live a good life#in fact that actually fits with Jouno too#now that I think about it quite a few bsd characters fit into that 'not kind because they were born that way but because they chose to be'-#-archetype#hell yeah. That's kinda cool I like that#bsd analysis#Akutagawa#atsushi#akutagawa ryuunosuke#atsushi nakajima#sskk#shin soukoku#<- Not a ship post but adding this tag since I consider that their duo name too#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungobble my post
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#bsd#sskk#shin soukoku#bungou stray dogs#bungou gay dogs#my art#im sorry i just thought it was so funny akutagawa made time to search for a new outfit before fighting
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simply another excuse to draw chuuya with blood on his face
#muted color palette for once yippie!!!#completely changing up my workflow because I use a new brush#soukoku#bsd fanart#bungou stray dogs#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#osamu dazai#chuuya nakahara#bsd#my art#no thoughts went into this. just vibes
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Read the panels right to left from here because yes
I saw the recent omake and remembered this saying where vampires couldn't see themselves in mirrors, so I applied that to these two cuz why not 😎✨
#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd headcanons#bsd bram#bsd aya#bsd aya koda#bsd bram stoker#Im making this out of fear for 116#ah yes a vampire dad and his adopted daughter#your daughter needs you bro#come back#how do people even make comics this took longer than I thought it would-#Edit: just read 116. Ohmygod yo my boy Bram stepped UP#BROTHA STEPPED UP
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