#am tired and feeling insane

[puppy-phum]

how last twilight went in my head

It’s soon been a year since Last Twilight started airing and while it did some things right, it also did many things wrong. I’m not only talking about the ending and how it ruined the whole show for me, but also smaller things that I now see more as flaws. Or maybe not flaws per se; they’re rather things that could’ve been done better if some more thought was put into the story as a whole. (Which is ironic to say when I know how many hours they already spent writing the story.) 

You see, I had a lot of expectations for this series. Many of us had, I guess, and it sucks that those expectations were not met. I also acknowledge that I’m partly at fault for my own disappointment; I’m obviously only one person and no person responsible for the series would be able to read my mind and make it 100% like I wanted it to be. But they gave me the pilot trailer, left me with it for over a year before the official trailer came out, and during that time I was holding that pilot like a precious trinket in my hands. I was turning it around and around under the light, watching and studying every glimmer and reflection with wonder. I thought I knew what they were trying to tell me. I thought I understood. 

Then the series came out and it strayed far from what I’d imagined it would be. Once again, not completely their fault, and I was watching the show with an open mind – I wanted to like it, however it was. But the closer to the end we got, the more I noticed that I was starting to bend my mind backwards to explain some things for myself. I started making excuses for them. And then at some point, I realized I didn’t have to do that. They shouldn’t require me to do that just to have me like what they'd created. 

So I eventually accepted that Last Twilight just wasn’t for me and that I was disappointed in it. Not only did the ending land far from where I wanted it to go, but so did other things. The flaws started bothering me more. I grew a little more bitter after each day spent thinking about this show. It had become something unrecognizable, and so I had to make it right. I had to paint the picture that will never be forgotten again.

These are my thoughts on what I thought the show would be like, how the characters would be, how the relationships would develop, and where the show would end. All of this is based on the pilot trailer and many details remain vague because of that; some thing I only came up with while writing all this. I don't have a full story in my head, only bits and pieces I thought would be part of it one day.

(Most of this rant is directed towards the lovely Monica @stormyoceans and Mimi @dimpledpran, as well as maybe Leo @idaokiwatine. Otherwise, I don’t know if anyone is interested in this, but this has been stuck in my head for too long and I needed to find some relief.) 

(placing the rest of this under the cut bc it got super long)

Mork’s life – past and present

The pilot trailer introduces Mork (not Mhok btw, I refuse to change my mind about that) and his side of the story very briefly. That is expected from a 4 minutes long pilot trailer that’s main point is to rouse the viewers’ curiosity and only introduce the story as it was during the time of filming that pilot. Despite the briefness, we still get the essentials: Mork is harsh spoken, a bit crude, playful, aloof, and quite melancholic at times. We learn he works as a mechanic, is friends with Porjai (not named yet in the pilot), and most importantly, has a debt he has to pay off. 

They left that debt out once the show came out, and its absence made me frown. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the change. I like the alternative story line with Rung and how her passing has left Mork deeply scarred. I love the symbolism of Rung’s car which Mork is unable to sell because as much as he is bitter about his sister’s decision to end her life, he cannot cut her and her memory out of his own life. It’s a good premise, yet the show doesn’t really explore it enough to make it stick, so I both love it and mourn it.  

Anyway, when the pilot trailer introduced the debt plot to us, I got attached to that thought. That’s probably the most accurate way to put it, to talk about any of these thoughts I will introduce here. I am attached to my own delusions of this show. So let’s continue observing them:

Mentioning Mork's debt made me assume that it was a core element of Mork’s character and his motives in the story. It would be the starting point of his journey, and I was excitedly waiting for them to tell me more in the series. What kind of debt is it? How large? Where does it originate from? Who does Mork owe money to? How does that debt affect his life? How long has that debt affected his life?

And while I was waiting for the answers, I started coming up with answers of my own:

Mork is left with his family’s debt, not his own. He's an only child who carries his parents’ debt after their unfortunate passing (accidental or organized? Irrelevant for me during that time). That debt will stand in front of Mork’s future, holding him back. It’s like a weight he cannot get rid of even if he tries, its pressure stopping him from running forward. If I have to make comparisons, I thought Mork’s story would be a bit like Jack’s in Jack & Joker; he cannot start a new life before he’s settled his debt. 

These thoughts were backed by Porjai who in the pilot tells Mork to pay off his debt; to think about his future again. Ths switch seemed important somehow. Porjai doesn’t want Mork to continue living like this, always owing money to someone and struggling to survive. Things need to change for him. He needs to find something else than work, avoiding his debtors, paying off his debt, fearing for himself, and not caring about his future. There needs to be another path he can take, a better road for him to walk upon.

And then, Mork meets Day. 

How would that happen? I don’t have a clear answer to this but based on what was shown and said in the pilot trailer, I somehow assumed it would happen through Porjai (which it still kind of does, but it’s more accidental in the series). The pilot trailer introduces Porjai as the person who comes up with new things for Mork to do, jobs that would pay better. This made me assume that following her ideas would eventually lead Mork to Day.

As a side note, I find it really interesting what Porjai's ideas for a better job are. When talking about quick, easy money, her offer is “dining with rich clients”. Not something you’d expect her to offer to a mechanic like Mork, right? It's nothing like what she offers to Mork in the series now. Getting Mork a random gig as an AC repairman makes a little more sense than this, though this offer also makes Porjai a completely different character. 

The offer really left me thinking, okay. Mork doesn't accept it, of course, and I understand why it’s not something Mork would do based on how we see him, but why does Porjai suggest something like it? What exactly is Porjai thinking Mork should work wth? What does “dining with rich clients” actually mean? Because for me, that sounds hell a lot like she is suggesting Mork become an escort/host (at a host club???), and so that was a thought I started linking to her. 

Porjai is the one talking to rich clients every day. She works as an escort/hostess somewhere and they pay good money for it. She knows it’s an easy job once you get into it and Mork could pay off his debt that way, maybe, if he was able to take the pressure. But he wouldn't, and so they find something else.   

But what exactly leads Mork to ring the doorbell at Day’s house? I don’t think Porjai would have a straight connection to Day, but she could know Night.  

In the series we now know, they introduce Night as a bar owner. Maybe Porjai ends up visiting Night’s bar a lot because her clients like to go there? Maybe she knows this bar owner/bartender and sometimes they talk after she’s done with her clients. She and Night are casually acquainted, not too close but on good terms, comfortable. 

And then, during one of these casual talks, Night lets it slip that his brother is going blind and looking for a caretaker. (Maybe he whines about how difficult Day is being about it. Porjai is a good listener, and it’s easy to talk to her, I guess. It must be rough for Night, trying to handle it all.) 

Porjai answers that she knows just the man for the job. Night decides to give it a shot. 

Cue Mork’s interview for a job he’s in no way qualified for, yet he goes anyway because like the pilot says, “he has no option”. It doesn’t sound too hard, taking care of someone. But things are made a bit more difficult by Day, and so the interview scene ensues as it does: Mork reads to Day again, and despite acting like an ass in front of this rich brat that could be his future boss, Mork gets the job. Suddenly, his life is turning around. He’s on his way to paying off his debt and becoming free. 

Mork needs to start thinking about his future. It’s scary because he never had the chance for that before, never got the choice. His parents were gone and he was tied to his debt before he had the opportunity to really dream. So, what does he want to do? Where does he want to go? 

Will he stay around or will he leave all of this behind?

Of course, I assumed that Mork’s plan would be to get enough money to pay off his debt and then quit his job as a caretaker, no strings attached. But Day turns out to be different. Day turns out to be someone who Mork wouldn’t mind staying for.  Day is more than just the money Mork gets paid, and he needs to come into terms with that, with wanting something for himself.    

Day's side: His family and Mork

It will probably sound funny when I say this but back when the pilot trailer was all I had, I never really gave much thought to why Day is going blind. I know they mention an accident happening, but I thought it was just that – an accident. Something in the past. Something irreversible. Something that cannot be taken back or “fixed”, and now Day just needs to learn how to live with his new reality and move on. (No cornea transplants... I never really saw this coming when the show started. Imagine my shock when they started talking about it.)

What surprised me about the show was also the time that has passed since Day’s accident and since his vision started getting worse, and before he and Mork meet. The pilot left me thinking that Day’s vision was like that ever since the accident; that it was down to 40% (20% in the series) until they later realize that it’s getting even worse. I thought Day was still fumbling to understand his condition, to figure out how to live like this. I thought he had only recovered and spent a short time visually impaired before Mork comes into the picture, and that all these things were as new to him as Mork who has never done this kind of job before. I thought that was going to be part of their dynamic; this sense of newness and slowly learning about things together. About solving problems, finding answers, and adapting.

But well, details. Let’s move on from that.   

Day is mostly introduced to us through Mork’s eyes as he infiltrates Day’s world after accepting his job. We first see the insufferable rich brat, the guy who has it all but now has somewhat less. The guy who is still grieving what he lost with his vision, yet is fiercely trying to claim it all back. He fights for his right for independence by being a stubborn mule who refuses to accept any help. He’s obnoxious, and whiny, and demanding, and a bit snobbish. He is both determined to beat his disability and so close to crumbling under the weight of his own changed reality. 

Mork challenges Day in all the ways Day needs in this moment. At least this aspect of their dynamic remains in the series too, this ability Mork has to keep Day from slipping further into despair. Mork is not afraid to act like a dick to Day who is more than delighted by his boldness. He doesn’t like people treating him like glass, so Mork’s harshness and playfulness is refreshing. It reminds Day of how things used to be; of how he used to be. He even starts accepting Mork’s help after Mork drills it into Day’s skull that it doesn’t make him any weaker. They build their relationship upon mutual understanding, but I'll return to all that a bit later.  

Let’s focus on Night instead and how he fits into all of this. After the pilot trailer, I never imagined that Night would somehow be the reason for Day’s accident – I never even thought he would play such a huge part in Day’s story, though I did think he would play a part in it. 

My first thought about Night was that he was going to act as their mother’s eyes and ears in the house. (I didn’t know what to expect from Night’s character back then, so I just thought there would be a reason for him to stay in the house all day.) He inserts himself into every MorkDay interaction, is present, watches, and studies them. Then he relays what he’s seen to their mother, letting her evaluate Mork’s fitness for the job and how his progress is. I thought this would be a more prevalent aspect of everything, this ever present sense of being watched and judged by an outsider.

This position would've also allowed Night to be the first one to notice when MorkDay’s relationship starts changing. It's difficult for them at first, and maybe Night decides to help Mork out a little. He cares for his brother, after all. He tells Mork privately why Day chose him as his caretaker. He sees something in Mork and decides to help him out. He takes upon the role we see Master Aon carrying in the series now, working as the bridge between Mork’s world of ignorance and Day’s world of newly found obstacles. 

The closeness this springs between the two obviously isn’t part of their mother’s plan. Khun Mhon/Ramon wants Mork to be a caretaker, a professional Day could rely on. She pays Mork for that. The pilot version of feels very different from the her we see in the series, yet she is equally protective of her son.  

This protectiveness causes her to be a meddler, and we witness her questioning what kind of relationship Mork is building with Day once it starts feeling like it's different from what she expected. She’s heard about it from Night (who already questions Mork’s feelings, asking him if he still cares for Day only out of pity) and that makes her doubt Mork. Already attached by this point, Mork is forced to lie and reassure her that he still knows “the boundaries of his responsibility”. 

Because we as viewers are privy to Mork's inner feelings, we can recognize his lie, but Day cannot. Even Day’s “superpower” doesn’t help him at this point, and he is convinced that Mork sticks around for the money only. He hates the thought, hates to think Mork is somehow forced to care for him. That Mork cannot choose for himself because he's the victim of the circumstance. And Day feels pained, feels crushed. He cried to his mother, attached to his caretaker who has somehow become a friend. He does not want this man to leave, and on some level, maybe Day's mother understands. Maybe she is able to accept that her son needs Mork, and Mork is allowed to stay until he's completed his duty.

Day's mother never quite trusts Mork, though. She knows Mork isn't being quite honest about knowing his responsibility with Day, so she worries what might become of them. I think it gets more complicated if Mork’s debt interferes and places Day in danger. Mork cannot stay if his past is haunting him; he cannot stay if his presence is threatening Day's safety. Mork probably struggles with this aspect of his life too, and eventually Day is left with the choice to either accept or tell Mork to leave (and it wouldn't be a romance if we didn't already know his answer).   

I think the question of safety and Mork's ability to do his job well and remain professional would explain Day's mother's apprehension towards him better than how they explain it in the series. I somehow do not feel for her in the show because her worry over Mork’s ability to “take care of Day” (outside of his job, as Day's partner) seems so belittling towards Day as a person. She assumes that Day needs someone to take care of him for the rest of his life as if he will never be independent again. Day never tells her otherwise which I find a little strange when Day otherwise remains so adamant about doing things on his own and mastering skills that allow him independence.

(Though now that I say that, I realize that in the show, they cut off him gaining any of these skills. They don't, for example, ever make Day use a cane or learn braille – skills that I assume would be essential for his independence. He relies on Mork a lot, and even after the time skip in the last episode, he rather asks for a "stranger" to guide him to the car than takes it upon himself to get there the way we all know he can.)

In the middle of all this, come the 180 days they give Day before he loses his vision completely. It changes everything. Of course, those 180 days are not the end for Day – he's not dying or anything. They just mean there’s more for him to do, more for him to process. He needs to reach acceptance and finally find peace with his blindness. 

And all that he does with Mork, with his help and alongside him, which I will talk about next. 

Mork and Day, quietly in love

I think what the show really nails is the development of the MorkDay relationship or at least the basics of it. Especially the first three or so episodes feel absolutely ecstatic as we witness how the mutual distaste between MorkDay turns to curiosity, turns to understanding, turns to hesitant trust, and then to friendship and eventually a crush. It’s all so beautiful – and yet. 

It moves a little too fast, I’d say. That feeling I had ever since episode 2 should’ve probably been my first warning sign that I was not about to get the story I wanted, but I always worked with it. I understood they had only 12 episodes, that they had a lot of story to cover. Some sacrifices had to be made to get all they planned to fit in. 

But. (Because there obviously is a but coming, a big but.) They never used that time they stole wisely. And in my mind, I wanted everything to happen slower, to feel lazier, stickier somehow. You know, I wanted there to be more struggling, more hardship, more setbacks. Things shouldn’t have felt so linear between Mork and Day; not only up after some small bumps in the beginning, without them sometimes moving backwards, too. They were supposed to take two steps forward and one step back, not just walk ahead like it was easy to trust a stranger like that.

(That back and forth could’ve also been the way to fit Mork’s trauma into the story; to force Mork to be vulnerable when he realizes that he has to give something in order to get something back. He learns a thing about Day, Day learns a thing about him. It's only fair.) 

It would just make sense if things were not easy. They’ve both gone through a lot and it’s hard to open up about those things, especially to someone who is still basically a stranger. That made me think that it would take Mork and Day longer to even tolerate each other; Day does not want Mork to be his caretaker, doesn’t want him invading his space. Mork is there for the money, not to listen to Day’s bitching. They’d rather avoid each other than actually spend time together, both agreeing to this out of mutual benefit. Mork gets paid, and Day gets his mother off his back and is free to do how he sees fit. They’re stuck together but it's the lesser evil. 

But that doesn't last forever, and eventually, their curiosity wins. Mork would probably give in first, would want to know more about Day after watching him. He’s the one with the ability to work his way under Day’s skin by annoying Day to opening up. Anger makes us quite honest at times. And when Day slams the doors shut at times, literally and figuratively, Mork remains unphased by the temper tantrums. We see parts of this in the series too, but I always thought it would take them longer to find it themselves to be civil with each other.  

After the door is open though, things start pouring out of it. Vulnerability stops feeling as scary. We see the one palm distance scene happen which is still one of my favorites. It’s so beautiful in the pilot, the epitome of closing the gap between them, of stepping closer. Mork wants Day to see him, and Day's curiosity is aroused.

I was honestly kind of sad that the series gave that scene to us so early. I wasn’t expecting Day to let Mork so close so soon, though I should’ve seen it coming when they turned the flirting setting so high for Mork. I just thought that scene was going to be more than just Mork flirting with Day, about him showing interest. I thought it was about understanding, about wanting to know the other. About wanting yourself to be known.    

I guess my version of Mork by nature is more hesitant to approach Day than he is in the series. He is still direct and unapologetic, won’t take any shit, won’t fear to annoy Day, yet he will be hesitant in other ways. He doesn’t like being vulnerable, doesn’t initially like being seen by Day, doesn't trust so easily. It takes him time to adjust into wanting all this and thinking about it as a good thing.

He also hesitates to touch, to grab, to hold; to get physical with someone who cannot see it coming. Mork might not know a kind touch, mostly used to the roughness and violence of others.

Day would be equally hesitant because it must feel strange to touch people so openly when you cannot se them, right? At least for me, I’d find it weird and uncomfortable to grab a stranger, to suddenly hold them, even if by the arm or shoulder. (Because how do you know it’s an arm or a shoulder you're touching when you cannot see? You cannot be sure. It could be anything.) This requires adjusting from them, accepting this physicality as part of their new relationship. Mork needs to allow himself to be grabbed. Day needs to be bold enough to do it and be comfortable with it.

They discuss boundaries, both for Day and for Mork. What are they comfortable with? Are they comfortable always or only sometimes? Are there times when they do not wish to be touched? Should they announce it when they plan on touching the other? What are the rules of their interactions?

They learn yet again, try to understand. These are the steps they take during their journey as they adjust to each other and their intertwining lives. They start lowering their walls and breaking the boundaries, allowing each other closer, closer, closer.

And suddenly, Mork is no longer just a caretaker. Suddenly, Day is not just someone Mork stays with out of money. More feelings appear, and once one of them – or both of them – recognize those feelings as romantic, things start going south.   

I always assumed that August would play the biggest part in making both Mork and Day admit to their feelings (and he does! The series confirms this). He’s obviously introduced as the “love rival”, the one who makes Mork jealous. He will make Mork understand that these feelings he’s having for Day go beyond professional, beyond friendship. He wants to take care of Day in a completely different way, and that makes him come face to face with a choice: to tell Day or remain silent. To stay or to leave. 

Because here’s the deal: Mork is Day’s employee which requires him to stay professional with Day. There is supposed to be a certain distance between them so that Day can trust Mork as his caretaker, as his aid, as his guide. Mork is supposed to not cross any lines for Day’s safety and comfort. Mork is not supposed to be having these thoughts and feelings about Day.

In the series, I assumed they would point this out; that they would bring out the moral question of are you allowed to look at your "boss" like that, with the eyes of a potential lover, when your professional relationship is as delicate and emotionally intimate as a relationship between a caretaker and the person they’re caring for? Are you allowed to cross that line, even on a thought’s level? Does that affect the trust between you two?

In retrospect, I find it a little weird how little Last Twilight brings up this issue. Back in the day I even saw someone mention it in a post (I cannot remember who or where) after pointing out how often and easily these positions of trust allow taking advantage of the other person. Not saying that Day wouldn’t be able to fight for himself or stand his own ground if Mork was, indeed, being a creep about it, but Day unfortunately cannot see it happening. If Mork had bad intentions, I think he would have many chances to take advantage of Day’s disability. Day’s in a vulnerable position that has nothing to do with his capability. 

So, why not make the viewers think about it more? Why is Mork not realizing how much power he holds? Even after he becomes aware of his feelings in the series and starts thinking Day might feel the same, it’s Porjai who points out that they’re still employer and employee. Mork works for Day, and Day is supposed to be able to trust in his professionalism no matter what. 

Of course, Mork is prepared to quit his job after their kiss in the series if Day doesn’t feel the same for him. He doesn’t want to make Day uncomfortable once he’s been made aware of Mork’s feelings. But my initial expectations based on the pilot were that this conflict of positions would play a bigger part. Night questions Mork's feelings first, Day's mother does it next. Mork decides to hide behind his lies. This made me think that we would succumb into a limbo of “will he or will he not?” as both Mork and Day struggle with handling their own (slightly forbidden) feelings. 

It's just that they both wish to stay like this and they both fear that the other one will leave if they were to be honest about their feelings. It feels easier to put on the mask and pretend they’re still an employer and employee. Out of selfish reasons, they both need each other. On the other hand, they both see why the other would need this relationship to remain as it is.

If we assume that we embark on the 180 days journey with MorkDay once they're already aware of their feelings and are both remaining mum about it, I think their reasons to remain go like this:

Mork stays because he doesn't want to abandon Day now that he is facing all this so suddenly. It's a big shock to Day to realize that he will lose his sight completely, and he's formed this bond with Mork that Mork hates to rip away from him when he's already feeling vulnerable. It's Mork's priority to make Day feel safe and comfortable. It's Mork's wish to make Day happy, and so he wants to stand beside Day as he faces these last 180 however many days he might have. Mork helps Day to make the most of that time he has because what else is there for Mork to do? To return to his old job and struggle again? To be forever trapped in his debt? Because at least like this he is paying off his debt slowly and not feeling as trapped.

For Day, he might hate the thought that Mork stays because of his duty, but it's also that it helps Mork. The money he's getting obviously means a lot, is more than Mork ever thought he would have. Day has seen and heard about Mork's life before, how violent it all was/is, how much he struggles. He wants Mork to stay if it will help him. He wants Mork to stay because it helps Day. He likes being with Mork and Mork makes him happy, and all this change feels a little less scary. He thinks he's learning how to live again, with Mork.

This type of setting would’ve offered a delicious opportunity to explore the slowly blurring line between their professional relationship and what can be seen as something else, something more. It would’ve offered some very delicious gay yearning, and I think these moments could’ve been depicted through scenes like the fish tank scene or the fitting room scene. Of course, those scenes work as they are now, as indicators of budding feelings between Mork and Day. But those could’ve also been scenes that show their feelings to the viewer, make them obvious to any observer, yet remain hidden from the object of those feelings himself. The want to touch, to be closer; yet the fear to be too close, to get rejected, and eventually, to lose everything. 

They have six months, dedicated only to each other. They have six months before some kind of end or a beginning or whatever they wish to think of it as. Six months. I would've loved the slow burn of it all, seeing those six months shape and morph and change them.

The ending

And what about when those six months come to an end? How would things look like to them? How would the whole story eventually end?

Honestly, I think the story in my head had a lot of similarities to what we get in the first 9 episodes of Last Twilight: Mork and Day meet, start developing a bond, find happiness and a new hope in each other, Day gets his final 180 days before he goes completely blind, and MorkDay decide to spend that time exploring together. Things are nice, simple.

Yet, I think they start that journey with very different ending goals in their minds. They have very different thoughts on how things will look like to them by the end of their six months, and while they spend time together and ponder on their hidden feelings, those thoughts only solidify. And this is what I think goes on in their heads and how it shapes the final ending of my own version of this story:

Mork comes to the realization that by the end of this journey, Day will no longer need a caretaker, need him. His duty is done and he is free to go. His debt will be paid (maybe he's counted he will have enough money by then), and he can plan his future however he wishes. Maybe this even means that it is his time to go and live the life he never got to have before. Why would he stay if Day no longer needs him? If other bonds (friendship, companionship) remain, they will be able to keep in touch through their phones, even if from a distance. 

For Day, it's all very different. He might be very hesitant at first, not quite trusting his own feelings, not quite believing in himself. But after each day, after each moment spent with Mork, he grows a little surer. He knows what he wants. He knows what he wants from this future Mork has helped Day realize is still in front of him.

He wants Mork. He wants them to stay together.

So, during his last seeing moments, Day gathers his courage and kisses Mork. That is his last image, the last thing he wishes to do, the only image that is missing and the only image that will forever remain. Admitting to Mork that he likes him and accepting that he wants to be with Mork in the future are his ending and beginning. He is finally being honest about everything. 

Day wants more, not just a caretaker. Mork is now free to accept or refuse.

Of course, by this point, we would all know that Mork will accept. He will be delighted to accept. What else is there when we can so clearly see the deep bond between them? How could they ever part when they mean so much to each other? They're the only two that have remained "blind" to the inevitable.

And so we get that yes, and another kiss. Followed by the happiest smiles they've ever shown us, maybe some tears even. Day holding Mork’s face between his hands and taking in the darkness, yet feeling happy in it. He has a future with Mork. He will build a future that has them both in it.   

I don’t know if I would require much more story after that. Beyond hearing Mork’s answer to Day after finishing their journey together, I never asked for much else. It would be satisfying if done right, if it feels like both of them have found peace and purpose. They start off as troubled individuals and end up happy, content, together. 

Maybe I would be a little greedy though, and accept a time skip which shows us glimpses of MorkDay’s life after. Day is doing something new with his life that makes him feel satisfied. Mork is finally living for himself.

I wanted there to be hints about what Mork might want to do throughout the story/journey, just like they gave hints in the series that Day would love to own a bookshop later. I never quite bought Mork’s cooking career in the series – I know they paint it so that Mork enjoys cooking, especially to others/those he loves, but it never fully felt like his own choice to become a chef. It feels more like something he has to do because at first, he enters the chef position for money. He loses his job as a caretaker and has to find something else to live on. It makes it once again feel less like his own choice and more like a survival instinct.

And so, we have come to the end of my string of thoughts. This is what I had in my head about Mork and Day, how I thought the story of Last Twilight would go. This is what the pilot left me with after giving me its impeccable vibes. Would this be a better series? For me, definitely. Others might disagree, but I did not write this for you anyway so, sorry. 

Just… Last Twilight could’ve been so much, so different. And even a year later I still mourn the fact that it was not, that it will never be. Such wasted potential, but I’ll love it anyway. I’ll love the parts I've managed to salvage. 

(Thank you for reading if you did read this whole thing! Feel free to discuss this idea with me if you want to or point out any things I might remember incorrectly/have forgotten. My inbox is open and so are my dms, I won't bite ^^)

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!

[d3athanddecay1]

I should just stop existing

[teh-inggris]

yo this might be a stupid question, but did pvpciv evbo ever slept (or rested at all) after the iron swords found out that he could respawn??

Just think about it; they had Tabi captive so it's basically pressuring him to get through the gold level as fast as he possibly could. But he could only get to the gold level when it's his guard friend's turn to escort him.

We don't know exactly how long the average duration that he was kept in that cell for in a day. He's kept in a cycle of dying and respawning. It's insanity, especially when he had to fight Ferre.

And the iron swords don't know if it's day or night, Evbo does when he respawns though. Or perhaps they do know in the form of their circadian rhythm but still!! They dont know if it's actually day or night!! They could be killing Evbo anytime of the day regardless if it's late or not

Now mix that with sleep deprivation

Like do you think he purposely didn't get up from his wood level bed and the only reason he did is because a guard is forcing him to. He doesnt get to sleep in his own mansion that he bought himself. And i cant imagine the floor of his cell being comfortable to sleep on (im saying this as someone who occasionally sleeps on the CERAMIC floor of their room)

His bed on the wood level is practically the only proper bed he has access to. He so desperately wants to sleep and not think about anything else but nooo he became The Sacrifice, and has to 'go save the world', and his friend is held hostage and he has to free her, or whatever and hes just not allowed to sleep for more than 8 hours!!!!!

This is the rambling of a madman. I have a killer headache rn so its not organized but pls do humor me im going insane about this stupid minecraft roleplay series

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

i think its stupid that you can feel lonely yet be surrounded by people who love and care about you

its a fukin scam

[bisexualcherdegre]

D:BH Rarepairsweek 7 | @dbhrarepairs

Day 4 - Kara/Luther

[dukeofthomas]

Rät by Penelope Scott is so Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne

[strawberrycherrybaby]

girls when they remember.

[willowdove]

I don’t know how to process this. Not just because the ramifications are unthinkable, but because the energy just wasn’t there. Trump was hosting half empty auditoriums and rambling until people got so bored they left, meanwhile Harris was consistently filling arenas. Women were as a demographic supporting Harris by a wide margin and also voted at a much higher rate. Undecideds were breaking for Harris. Where I live, a lot of the Trump signs were disappearing, despite it being a deep red area. Where did this come from? A Reagan-style fucking mandate, and we didn’t see it coming?

To be clear I’m not saying the election was tampered with, because there is no evidence to suggest that. At least at time of writing. I just… can’t square this fucking circle.

[ihearnocomplaints]

I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link

my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.

So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.

I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.

Thanks.

[glitchthebitchwitch]

ok so i read through by chance (that murder drones fic) im obsessed im crying im screaming im doing every possible activity rn in a good way

anyway guys lmk if u got nymore fav n/uzi fics i wanna read more because my hearts gonna jump out of my body and start dancing over my dead corpse (in a good way)

[smhpunkacademic]

“you’re too attached to me, i can’t handle it.”

okey… but have you thought about me? about how my heart breaks every time i just see your name on my screen. how my breath is hitching every time i think of you. or how i can’t pick myself up from this place you put me in.

i haven’t eaten, i haven’t slept without sedatives. my friends worry about me. their all afraid that in the end, this attachment will be my last.

you haven’t thought of me. you haven’t thought about how i’ll relapse, how i’ll kill myself in every small way possible, how i will - in the end - destroy my family and friends.

i was too hard to love i know. but you promised me. you promised my bpd won’t be too much, my attachment won’t be too much, my love won’t be too much. and now you’re gone…

you haven’t thought of me. while my thoughts always spiral about you. nothing else spirals in my thoughts. i can’t study, i can’t explain, i can’t help myself.

i’m losing my life, slowly but surely, just because you promised me things you couldn’t keep.

i have thought of you and i still think of you. but have you too?

~ by your missing Juno

[d3athanddecay1]

I feel eternally alone

[moe-broey]

Back to what I do best (bare minimum Putting My Guys In Situations shitposts) 😌

Inspo under cut!!!

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[ssreeder]

I literally followed you for more Zukka content while I wait for an update. Good soup

the wait is almost over this weekend I will post the new chapter I promise but until then I’ll make sure to reblog all this insanely badass awesome amazing zukka week content!