#theres always some shit every year
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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Thinking of like. An actual pmd au with my guys and its great
#gamer txt.#al ocs#axel and faye have been wanted outlaws for 30 years yet no rescue teams have captured them yet#every team that tries to do so sees them and goes 'wait. really?' before getting mugged#actually pmd rescue team logic and stuff really changes relationship dynamics huh#like imagine dunsparce milk comes to your rescue team asking for help to bring down the guys who mugged it#milk accompanies your team and it all goes to shit your team lost against the outlaws and the dunsparce is missing#and then like a couple months later you see a new wanted poster go up of a surprisingly familiar looking dudunsparce#milk just goes 'hold on this is kinda funny i want to steal stuff if i join will you give me my stuff back?'#and axel and faye enthusiastically welcome their new member#i feel like their outlaw missions are always like c or b ranked but for some reason no one can complete them#the demolition crew is easy theyre team demolition#an incredibly efficient rescue team but they actively make the mystery dungeons more dangerous (knocking out the fucking walls)#rival rescue teams walt + daredevil and rosa + sami#daredevil and sami still adore eachother best friends instantly meanwhile theres this zangoose and seviper mauling eachother#it is weird to think about pmd sami and daredevil because they now. have human intelligence and thoughts#theyre like. adopted younger siblings to rosa and walt but they keep em right#milo and elio look so cool as pokemon and i do think that translates into their personalities more#they are like the coolest rescue team ever they so incredibly fucked if they encounter a single rock/ground/water or fairy type
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crazy how I literally have no energy to do anything ever like isn't that totally wild (my life is literally in shambles)
#guy buried in rubble extending a shaking bloody thumbs up#going home again tomorrow. hopefully for longer this time. i dont know.#i dont know anything about how the next few weeks are gonna go.#and i realized today that theres a very very very good chance she'll die on or near my birthday. or halloween. my fav holiday.#and idk. the sinking feeling of realizing that this time of year that has always been the most enjoyable for me#will from this point forward be my worst memory.#i dont. really know what to do with that.#my birthday's gonna suck this year. lmao.#and very possibly it will also suck every year for the rest of my life. lmaooo.#logically i know ill probably move past it after a while. like i know it gets more manageable with time and all that.#but its just. very overwhelmingly depressing rn while im caught in the middle of it.#hh. i need to sleep so i can make some calls and drive home tomorrow. but well thats not gonna happen i dont think. </3#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- might wanna blacklist because. as the kids say. shit has gotten real.
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Will say it again. I will block you if you ship nellis full stop. Same with Zochelle. The age gap people. I hate that nellis is the most popular ship i want to hit my head against a brick wall. And dont go in my replies and be like “oughehgsgie my paretns met around theyre age! who give a fucky!!!! also theyre all adults freak” i think i have permission to kill you.
#post#l4d#ONLY putting it in the tag so ppl who do ship it can block me too#l4d2#i have to make this post every like few months cuz i just see it in the tag always#like when i think ive blocked them all theres... more#and also on the offchance anyone says some shit like. they dont have canon ages/some have vague ages i also have permission to kill you#you cannot look into my face and say zoey is 30#nellis is like 12 year difference
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👻 corpsecourse Follow
dni if you support relationships between vampires and the vampire they sired. i am so serious, i dont care what your justification is, that is an unforgivable power imbalance. its almost as bad as vampire human relationships (and if you support that i hope you get a splinter in the heart)
🧛♀️ vampbites Follow
op what the fuck is your problem? more maggots in your brain than usual? go out into the real underworld and touch some graveyard dirt. i know at least 7 vampires who are in happy healthy relationships with the vampire who sired them. me included! this may shock you but we started dating when i was human and she was a vamp!
👻 corpsecourse Follow
i hate to tell you this but you're in a toxic relationship and i sincerely hope youre able to get out.
🧛♀️ vampbites Follow
HELLO???????
🦇 battybrained Follow
i keep seeing people saying this shit and honestly i think it stems from the infantalization of humans. humans are capable of making decisions for themselves. do some vampires abuse their powers over humans? of course! but you cant assume that every single human vampire relationship (or sire and sired relationship for that matter) is some unhealthy power imbalance, especially when you dont even know them!!!
⚰ fangs4fags Follow
i think op is forgetting that humans can be just as harmful to vampires as they can be to humans. dont tell me you completely just forgot about the existence of vampire slayers
🧛♂️ coffincreeper Follow
next thing you know op is gonna be saying that a hundred year age gap between fully fledged vampires is problematic
👻 corpsecourse Follow
it literally is. i dont care if you are a 1000 years old vampire, if your significant other is 100 years older than you they have more life experience than you. god you guys are stupid why dont you all step into a sunbeam
🩸 f33d3r Follow
hey guys i just went to ops account and their pinned post was about how they dont consider werewolves part of the monster community cuz theyre not undead. just block and move on it is NOT worth it
🐺vamplovingwolf Follow
isnt it funny how whenever theres some rancid discourse like this its always made by coffinscrews
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Flossing my teeth and getting in the gums like Yes I'm going to get a good grade in dental care. Which is normal to want and possible to achieve.
#speculation nation#every time i go to the dentist they tell me to floss and every time i have not kept up with it#this time tho. im trying. ive only missed one day so far. since tuesday.#they said ive got some gum loss on my right side since half a year ago :(((#but i can fix it. and so i will. so im flossing my teeth. and when it gets here i'll use the mouth wash they recommended.#the whole deal. full dental hygiene. not gonna lose any teeth in MY 30s no sir!!!!!#managed to get myself on a good brushing schedule. with an electric toothbrush!!!#used to be id often skip evening bc i was too tired. but now it's part of the whole routine. i gotta do it.#it's a thing of like. i always go pee before bed bc i have a small bladder and i'll wake up to go pee if i dont go before bed.#and so i go to the bathroom then i wash my hands and when im at the sink right then. hands still wet. i brush my teeth.#and see this makes flossing harder. bc well flossing should be done before brushing. but i need dry hands for it.#so it cant be a part of the bathroom evening routine. so well how do i remember to do it??#ive had my floss set up where i sit to watch tv and game so that i can floss in the evening while watching shit#i think im gonna put up another post it note on the tv. i put one up for remembering my vitamins and it does help#doesnt make me remember all the time. sometimes i dont remember if ive taken them or not. so i end up not.#but it does help. look @ the side of the tv and see 'Did you take your vitamins?' and im like no sir i have not! thank you for the reminder!#and if i put one for flossing then itll be in my brain more consistently. and thus i will remember it more readily.#mouth wash is fine. i can do that after brushing. evening routine secured.#now u may ask why i cant just dry my hands before flossing after using the bathroom. and well that wouldnt WORK.#it'd still be slippery and see the key to evening brushing is to just do it automatically. hands are wet its evening lets brush now#ive had it happen before where im getting ready for bed but im like 'ok not brushing Yet... gonna eat a quick snack first'#but im at that sink and im zoned out and suddenly i have a toothbrush in my mouth. and im just like Drat.#just gotta. just gotta hack the system. ok see theres a system and i just gotta hack it.#i will get to the good dental hygiene. i really do not want to lose my teeth young 😭😭😭😭😭
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eep!
#cryptic ramblings#in the tags#feelinggggg a little bit neglected by me irl friend group 😖#just like. every time i say smthn/yap a lil i dont tend to get much acknowledgement??#vs the other two will always get some kinda acknowledgement etc both from me and the other (theres 3 of us)#idk im hoping its my pre-period bs talking n overanalyzing things but like... idk#bc its like. we're all stressed bc of our jobs n like other stuff#n we all share w eachother! abt those stressors! n we sympathize n offer advice n help where necessary!#like these r my Best Friends. theyd both be my Co-Smthn Of Honor when i get married!!! so i dont wanna assume smthn negative abt em yk??#but i just... yknow... feel a lil... blergh#like neglected is kinda too strong but just like.. im kinda annoying??? bothersome maybe??? idk#like if uve seen some of my other tags ive been stressed tf out over cleaning my room bc i had a certain deadline (which was today)#n last night was the worst of my stress but it was the most id done n i shared this w them but another one of em shared some their own stuff#n we all responded to them while i did not get anything n it made me feel a bit ignored 🥴#n ik i should prob bring this up to them but like i also dont wanna guilt them into feeling likr they HAVE to respond to everything i send!!#bc sometimes i rly Do Be sending just stuff tht doesnt rly require a response like truly#n i get just not rly having anything to say either so mmmmmm idk#def think im overthinking it all n my dumb pms hormones or w/e are making me overreact as a result but i just wanted to vent a bit#get it off my chest. yk how it is#(i also hope this isnt the One Time one of em decides to hop onto tumblr after YEARS of not using it 🥴🥴)#IM the resident tumblrite so itd be quite a coinkydink if one of em hopped on outta nowhere 😖#...anyways... yeah thats p much it)#i love em!!! i dont think i could Not Love Em!!! but my brain's just bein rejection-sensitive or smthn#n taking the lack of responses twrd my shit as Rejections ig#is wack#end of vent. thanks if u read all this lol
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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#i hate feeling like i want to draw then trying to draw and feeling empty and overstimulated and uninspired immediately#like fuck off what is that do you want it or not make up your damn mind#and so much of the time its like. it doesnt FEEL right? and ive always struggled to draw from imagination bc aphantasia but#it’s literally so much more extreme than that. it is LITERALLY like there is some sort of creature sucking the creative energy out of me#theres an invisible art vampire on my back just waiting to suck up my desire to draw#really i know its psychological. my relationship to art is so fucked and i put so much pressure on myself to perform#so of course every time i dont draw exactly what i want i feel empty and frustrated!!! of course thats what this mindset begets!!#but i still miss being able to draw and feel satisfied#a lot of it is that what ive been considering my peak was maladaptive escapism and not actual passion lmao#like i looked through my sketchbook and found a page of eyes and was like…… 12 year old me would shit if they knew we could draw like that#AND YET#anywayyyyyyyy bye
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now listen i know i really need to spend more time with durkheim before im any good at actually talking about the man. but as ive inched ever closer and closer towards more silly sociology stuff and reading ive really come to appreciate how totally value-neutral all the stuff i've ever read on collective effervescence was.
#well ok value neutral might be imprecise and not optimal wording on my part#kazoo noises#the captain goes down with his scholarship#like okay. im a person who finds ritual and togetherness very interesting and lowkey a really fun part of being alive. right#so like my friend who was explaining this to me years ago used the examples of collective effervescence as 1) watching a sports game/match#together#or watching a public execution#like idk i know im a sap so i tend to probably lean towards the more happy side of things but that allowance of both things most people#regard as good and like. moral i guess. but also understand that like. public executions via vigilante justice are commonplace in us histor#idk i just really like that so much is allowed to be contained in a single thing being studied. i like that everyone ive ever met#whos into sociology and social science and shit is always so kind and fond of being alive even though theyre full of rage and spend their#lives studying some of the things that make being alive and people so so so difficult#like. every sociology prof ive ever spoken too has just been. so kind. so very full of love. just endlessly. like it costs them nothing to#give so much to the world around them. but they spend their life studying just. some of the worst outcomes you can have. its wild.#i should probably read and see if theres a way they can do that. i burn out emotionally way too fast for someone in library science.#anyway. this is my rant as i do my readings for class.#idk man im thinking about human elements and shit today
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the episode how long is forever from teen titans has forever altered my brain chemistry
#my GO D#im long overdue for finishing this show#its so good i can see myself going back to do annual rewayches already...#speaking of annual rewatches. need to rewatch the sandman soon bc i saw the news for s2 filming i an goijg crazy#god i miss last summer..good times w umbrella academy and the sandman#i swear the list of shows i need to waych keeps growijg bigger..and i iust keep going back and rewatchjng old sjows#bc i like knowing what happens next and i dont know jow to like something normally#it will take over my thoughts for a few montjs every year without fail its just a cycle my brain cycles through#favourtie things theres a wjole schedule#already finisjed tje annual nrt rewatch thats always due in the summer time its been 6 years GOD#been feeling the urge to rewatch arcane again too uuuhhg#and ive been wanting to rewatch some video game playthroughs again...only got partway through little nigjtmares#and also wanna rewatch hilda and we bare bears and amphibia and HHHHHH THERES SO MCUH#AND I STILL WANNA KEEP WATCHUJG MUSHISHI AND MOOMIN#but gotta finish teen titans first BUT IM ALSO GOIJG THROUGH SPIDERVERSE OBSESSIOK#everyday i want to do so many things i have so much excitement and passion built uo inside me#shit i also jeed to watch the new trigun anime bc i watched the original lasy summer and was obsessed#AAAAAAAAAAAAA SO MUCH STUGF#I STILL NEED TO FINISJ MY CRIMSON FLOWER ROUTE IN FE3H SO I CAN START AZURE MOON#rambling about stuff#lol its 1am i need to wake up early to cstch a bus tomorrow#i do need to occasionally just ramble into the void like tjis otherwise i have too many thoughts and voices and i physically cannot do anyth#ing else otherwise which isnt very practical
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having an early spring birthday fucking sucks man shitall to do; no good movies, very few exhibitions, its wet and gloomy out and most parks are closed for the season... worst season hate early spring :’(
#what i would give to be able to go on a fun camping and hiking trip for my birthday#but i CANT because the first week of march is fucking MISERABLE it ALWAYS RAINS#and i like rain but it's the combo of rain + ice + so much mud SO MUCH MUD#been trying to think of something for weeks to do for my bday bc last yr i was recovering from surgery and could barely leave my bed#but there once again is shitall to do and we live in a city now and it's still not really better#probably just going to go to some rock stores + thrift stores#and maybe one of the museums i haven't been to yet if it's open#the weekend after bc sadly i've got a weekday bday this year ;_;#only 2 weeks left to figure shit out...#i would even be fine with a winter birthday fr bc then maybe we could go skiing or tubing 8_8#but theres never even any good snow in march just the shitty wet icy brown stuff that still hasn't fully melted#personal stuff#i really really wish i could go rockhounding for my bday because we live 2 hrs from one of the very few places in the us and on the planet#where you can find Staurolites (aka; cross rocks/fairy crosses)#which are SO neat!!!!#but it's going to be cold and miserable and borderline dangerous to hang out around an icy river and i've already fallen through the ice#and almost died once in my life already so i'm not chancing that#sorry bit of a vent post here i just get older and every year it's a hassle to find something I want to do bc just like... nothing happens#in spring in the north
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