#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

knightelf · 21 days

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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!

#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol #life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too #like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be #in control #like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted #and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young #but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were #i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period #waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already #and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT #but im TIRED. of waiting #im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now #theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it #and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid #but im not allowed to get passed it #im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke #ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL #carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least

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