#but im not allowed to get passed it
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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Before I sleep.. Everythingdice was kind enough to commission me to design one of their dice vaults. It's gold foiled and very pretty. The vaults are random/assigned to dice sets that match them the best. But! You can request a certain illustration with your set and we do our best to honor that. I was told on etsy you can request it in the notes section of their order and through the website they can just email support separately with the order # and request. Unsure if any DND people on here are passionate about my work but wanted to let y'all know ���
#dnd#dice#They may do a standalone sale of the vaults in the future but it's not guaranteed#Ultimately only order if you are alright with potentially getting another vault in the case mine are out-- but I wanted to pass on this inf#im gonna be allowed to post prints of this drawing soon if you like the drawing too :)
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This half-foot. Dandan.
Looks preety similar to this lady here (I'll put them together so you see):
Half-lidded eyes, black hair&eyes, small eyebrows, curly hair... Dandan's skin is lighter probably because of low sun exposure (dungeon), and he has tons of freckles because he preety.
This two are clearly relatives if not siblings.
Flertom is a mirror image of the lady up there. She got Chil's eyes. She even has almost the same haircut (a bit longer). She's clearly the mother. We've solved Chilchuck's wife mystery.
But this wasn't what I was going to say.
This implies that Wife and Dandan both knew Chilchuck since their childhood. Because there's no way that Chil was just friend of the sister. They're both close to the same age, and I'll say Dandan is a Younger sibiling (she gives big sis vibes, and he gives young bro vibes). So either she introduced him to her brother or he introduced him to his sister and they became best friends as kids.
Could you imagine how their relationship was after Chil's Wife left him?
He knows he has to say something, but he doesn't want to end his relationships. At the end he takes his sister's side. He distances a bit from Chilchuck, calling him an "aquitance" rather than a friend. It isn't that he hates him, is just that it's complicated. And they both know it. They're in good terms tho, they just aren't best friends anymore and they don't talk about it. Their worry is the guild, not their personal stuff.
That's why Dandan introduces Chilchuck to Laios. If they were in bad terms, he would've suggested any other half-foot. They both priorize the guild and general safety of their own race. That's why Dandan suggests Chil instead of a less experienced hafling. He cares about the union and respects Chil's time and experience in dungeons. They're on good terms, at least good enough. Summing up, I get the feeling Dandan doesn't particularly likes Chil after what happened with his sister, but he respects him at least.
#hi fandom its me again overanalyzing side characters from 5 panels alone and some background context! <3#i will do this again.. eventually... not on dandan. this is all i could see in him ;(#also i think their relationship gets better as time passes#it's been 4 years since wife left him#and 5 years since half-foot union was formed#i'm a wife×chilchuck lover. i'll believe they talked about it and eventually (give them a year) got back together#and Dandan allows himself to be friends with Chil again so he doesnt feel he's bettaying his sis by doing so or sth.#human interactions are so complicated.. i love them.. fascinating... eeling like Kabru. ill put them in a jar and study them like bugs.#Dandan#Dandan dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#i need an oficial name for Wife. i need.#i have the feeling Wife's older because they got married quite young. and Dandan seems the same age as Chil.#if anything hes younger. idk. tgeres no way shes marrying at 12 (chil married at 13 and dandan is same age)#this is my theory#idk how they are i insist. im working with crumbs here.#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#chilchuck dungeon meshi#i need to get some sleep lol#my shit#dungeon meshi spoilers
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Chance encounters in Costa del Sol.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#meteor survivor#titus yae galvus#arrecina wir galvus#oc#tsukiko date#camilla lunae#imagine trying to get drinks at the bar only to look over and see your presumed dead great uncle/great nephew standing right next to you#meteor- five seconds away from a heart attack looking over at titus#that moment when youre the spitting image of your father and the warrior of light was *not* aware of that fact#the galvus' are not allowed to have normal vacations#or... well retirement in Titus' case#I am simply here to draw the unaccounted for garlean royals lmao#eventually i'll draw zenos' half sibling(s?) and varis' retainers annia and julia out of their armor#but for now you guys just get to see my silly bullshit of sixty something y/o titus deciding that with nerva gone he's just gonna retire#mans is done with it#im probably gonna end up writing him as the legatus of the 8th- and probably a machinist that eventually becomes a gunbreaker#after lucius passes this man is over all of it#no nonsense machine commanding leader ect ect.#probably dual wielding the gunblade with an actual gun tbh lol#old man doesnt look like wrinkly solus because he spent his life taking care of himself to deal with just... the galvus family in general#dont let the strands deceive you all his grey hair is hidden under the rest of it all lmao#the galvus family brain rot continues and its not going to let me go v-v#(also dont mind meteor teasing tsu for hiding in his shade she does this a lot)
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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it’s rough out here…
#i know the govt would never have allowed their loveline to pass censorship but 😔😔😔 jlfx really wrote them so well#excited for their interactions in the drama tho i hope we somehow end up getting some rendition of the jade pendant fiasco…… its all i ask…#drunk kiss scene you will forever be mourned by me 💔#its fine im cooking a fic for them in my docs. ill make my own food#the legend of shen li#与凤行#mo fang#fu rong
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"do you like it?" "darling, i love it."
#ts4#ts4 gameplay#sims 4 gameplay#postcard legacy challenge#im gonna pass away#rua's vocabulary is full of pet names and words of adoration#adrien has some for him too. a few in spanish that make rua shiver.#he braided adrien's hair btw 😖 he loves to play with his hair#since adrien started growing his hair out he's caught rua a few times looking up long hairstyle tutorials 😭😭#“my love come sit” he'll pat the couch enthusiastically “let me fix your hair”#and when he's done adrien would complement him and ask him where he learned it#rua would puff out his chest proudly and say “learn it? ive always known this” or “my angel i made it up for you”#and adrien lets him get away with it bc it's cute and harmless#rua's love languages are acts of service and physical touch#he's so sick i cant stand him#YOU SEE HOW THEYRE MATCHING LOWKEY!!!!!!! IM GONNA GO CRAZY#postcard: gen3#queue#i switched a lot of feminine frame hairs to allow for masc frames and many of them worked#save for a bit of clipping around adrien’s back. i think the one he’s wearing now is the worst of it but it’s not too bad to bother me#i still haven’t figured out how to properly convert it in blender so this will have to do#sim: adrien herrera#sim: rua kamealoha
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having a no good terrible very bad day of it
#finding out a family friend that another family friend (her stepmother) has passed away#and that if id just gotten around to sending my stupid email a little earlier or at least before this past sunday#i could have expressed a nice sentiment to her. or have some nice thought passed on to her before. yeah#dreading telling my dad after work he was really close with the stepmother#im so tired. i cant keep getting this sad over people ive never even met#although i think thats at least acceptable in the case of my own mother. im allowed to let that damage my psyche forever anyway#i will be fine when ive stopped being miserable. and this is no big thing but im so so tired#i hate being at work and dealing with all of this too like my stupid job duties are so pointless in the grand scheme of life and death#anyway.#death tw
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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i’m not a transandrophobia truther in the slightest don’t get me wrong, but i think some people on here really need to realize and comprehend the fact that cis women, way WAY more often than not, hold extremely significant social and political power over trans men the vast majority of the time in our day to day lives
#sorry not to get on this bullshit i just saw a related post when i opened this app lmao#and by some people i don’t mean anyone in particular im not vagueing anyone or any specific post#and i especially don’t mean any transfem calling out transmisogynistic transmascs either#but yeah i see a lot of implication that trans men are like. somehow significantly privileged over cis women#and ofc i don’t mean that transmascs are incapable of being misogynistic to cis women bc that’s far from the case#but i need someone to name a transmasc with significant political or social or financial power that’s working to set back women’s rights#versus the amount of cis women with any of the aforementioned privileges working to take away the rights of trans people#bc i can think of 4 of the latter just off the top of my head without trying really hard#and the only day to day instance i can think of where trans men would hold significant power over a cis woman is like..#a workplace environment where he completely passes as cis and absolutely no one knows he’s trans at all or even suspects it#but then again most if not all of that privilege would be stripped away the second anyone there found out he was trans#but yeah i really do think some people need to grapple with how they conceptualize gendered privilege and their own power in these dynamics#and how that’s reflected in the way they think about/interact with transmascs#are you disgusted with this random transmasc on tumblr because he’s a man (or vaguely adjacent) or because he’s trans. ykwim#and again i hate the whole transandrophobia thing i think it’s stupid as shit and redundant to put it lightly and briefly but#idk why transmascs that believe in it have become the new face of anti-feminism and MRA movements#and not like. the cis men who started both of those things and contribute to the vast majority of that type of rhetoric in every way#and also hold enough power to leverage those beliefs over both women and also transmascs tbh#i think some people are just repulsed by the idea of anyone willingly wanting to be a man bc they see it as the same as becoming a cis man#in terms of privilege. when in reality by being trans you’re knocked down in terms of power and privilege from all cis people anyways#but also. some people also need to realize that transmascs can also have trauma and complicated feelings about being a man and patriarchy#and more often than not we ARE traumatized by the way cis men (and women!!) have treated us#and grapple with our place in the world as a result. it’s not just as simple as becoming a cis man over night tbh!!#and again i’m not talking about transfems with any of this because the vast Vast majority of transfems understand this more than anyone#i’m mostly talking about cis women both irl and also just in the terminally online leftist sphere#and i also think i should be allowed to vent my grievances with the power cis women often do wield over me without being accused of being a#raging misogynist or MRA or whatever
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love my bad mental health, love being suicidal all the time
#abc shut it#im tired of fighting it and trying to participate in life when it feels like i dont exist#love being lonely and then being told its due to my bad mental health so i pretend it doesnt affect me and i try and be myself#and no one likes me and i dont exist unless i remind people im a person so its kinda like#at a point where its not just suicidal ideation#its just a situation of /when/ and not if haha#ive been alive for 26 years and 20 of those have been exhausting as hell im ready to be done#exhausting and lonely and isolating im sick of it#i try and i try and my life doesnt get better or anymore worth living#and when i vent abt it i get told i need to try harder and im not trying at all and i need to stop being so depressed#its hard to not be depressed when the universe gives everyone around me a better experiences than me#i feel like im screaming that im here please pay attention#and nothing#i talk and my voice gets ignored or i get talked over#i post online to try and start conversations or make friends and i just get ignored#like do i exist at all to anyone else but myself#im trying to reach out and make friends but none of the ppl i wanna make friends with seem interested in having a conversation with me#i add all these people to discord and message them all the time#but nothing gets passed me sending them messages no one ever fucking messages me first#it feels like no one thinks about me and i dont matter#literally no one gives a fuck what i have to say#or anytime i talked im corrected on SOMETHING i say or i get a belittled in response#i cant do this shit anymore i cant#no one gives a shit about what i have to say and its really coming across that no one likes me#bc if my friends cant text me first or respond to my messages at all#why am i in the wrong feeling like im alone and have no friends when im the only one reaching out ever if i wanna have a conversation#and when i do feel like im allowed to talk i just talk and talk and talk and know the people dont give a shit abt what i have to say#i jsut feel like im here to be talked at and do things for other people and nothing more#that whenever i have an emotion its wrong and i need to bottle it up#and i dont eve get a chance to learn how to manage my emotions bc it feels like im going to get scolded or belittled for feeling things
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if we ever got 3 star fam redesigns (not remodels) and they had new outfits and maybe new hair and additions that tell a story through things like their wardrobe and freddys makeup is completely gone and he has no bowtie and tophat but still his earring...
#im telling you guys#gregory redesign with more casual NON fazbear brand clothes and shorter cleaner hair#a few scars#immediately tells his story just by looking at him#maybe some eyebags#shows you hes been through some stuff but has been allowed to heal#and freddys speaks for itself#vanessa having a design with zero purple in it and maybe the palette of her wardrobe is the color opposite of purple#so green#maybe pastel greens#and she has some colorful hair back#painted nails but pink#eyebags and scars like gregory#hello....#so much potential bro#if we ever get redesigns im passing out#pandas.txt#pandas talks#3 star fam#thoughts
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the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺
#kai.rambles#i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired#which okay ik that’s my fault but i took my passport with me just in case and the guy straight up told me that it wasn’t a valid form of id#and im like yeah tf it is ITS A PASSPORT and he said no#and while i was waiting for my mom to come down to the lobby an old lady came in and he turned her away for the same thing#and dudeee okay you turn me away fine fuck off but an old ladyyy??? at that age they don’t pay attention to that just let her pass#and then he argued with another woman bc she brought a flower arrangement and it had water so he couldn’t allow it HELLOOO??!?#so i had to leave and went to go get breakfast for my mom at least bc she stayed the night and i was supposed to stay the day#and when i came back to give her the food she told me that the nurse that was with my grandma asked what happened bc she wasn’t expecting#my mom to return and when my mom told her she immediately got so angry bc that same guy#didn’t allow her and a couple other nurses to bring in a cake for one of the residents#who’s birthday is today and they had a full on argument this morning#so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :(#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id#and he was just being a fkn dick#but the girl called me pretty and it took some stress off and she really liked my blush#and i liked hers so we had a little makeup 101 exchange and it was so nice at least 🥺#and i have a couple cute asks to answer that have made my day as well so i’ll get to those in a few 🥰
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undertale au comic dubs really do hit different after learning homestuck lore and also after like five or six years. those timelines do be alternate tho
#homestuck#undertale#undertales creator worked on hs im allowed to make this comparison. i get one free pass
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oh no being awake late is making me Incredibly Sad [just saw friend from old school online and now she's thinking about what she lost]
#IVE LOST MOST EVERYONE JUST CUZ [redacted for privacy] AUGHHHHH#im never gonna go to a hogh school again!!!!!! this was my one chance to make friends and learn and now it's gone!!!#all because of ONE! MALICIOUS! HATEFUL! CONTROL FREAK!!!!!#why did you hate 2 so much you sought to get rid of him and control me? why did you do anything at all?#i dont even have any of the teachers as friends on discord and all my friends are passing me by#they're all friends with each other and im stuck.#aughhhhh you guys are allowed to bully me i know school is supposed to suck or w/e but it was genuinely my only place i was safe#my song lyrics were on that school macbook and im never getting them back.....#loud on the web#bork borf#moment of weakness over bacl to shitpost ig
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You don't get it.
If I recover, that means it doesn't matter that someone murdered me and left my body alive.
I have to die because otherwise no one will ever care that someone raped me to death.
It took 15 minutes.
It took 3 years.
It took a lifetime.
If there is a god, any gods, all gods, I want them, all of them raped to death because this happened.
#being gangstalked#Jordan peele nope#nope#rokos basilisk#artemesia gentileschi#chapell roan#sabrina carpenter#bambi sleep#go meg myers#the only living boy in new york#these words are knives and often leave scars and truth be told I never was yours#i never was anything#but i already fulfilled my end of the bargain#i did it the night we met#and you imprisoned me in a sadistic reality until i could do something I already did before we met#because???#and no one will ever repay the debt and no one will ever care#and all I want is to die#you dont understand that this isnt going to get better or go away#there is no consolation prize#i want to die#anything i do in the meantime is just passing time because i bought a helium tank and there wasnt helium in it#and i tried to buy a gun and my background check glitched#and i tried to take poison and i didnt die#and i wanted to freeze to death and winter came 4 months late#if you didnt want me to die you shouldnt have taken everything i loved about my perfect life from me and made everyone act weird and creepy#around me for so long that im even afraid of strangers#there is nothing you can do that will fix this or make it better youre just torturing me to torture me#the game ends if i buy a cat because im happy#i will never buy a cat because i will never allow a chance that someone would kill it
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