#i have to make this post every like few months cuz i just see it in the tag always

[flamingothing]

tag ramble

[gravitycoil]

Will say it again. I will block you if you ship nellis full stop. Same with Zochelle. The age gap people. I hate that nellis is the most popular ship i want to hit my head against a brick wall. And dont go in my replies and be like “oughehgsgie my paretns met around theyre age! who give a fucky!!!! also theyre all adults freak” i think i have permission to kill you.

[avianyuh]

Jeon Wonwoo as a boyfriend...

Other SVT as bf's { S.Coups , Jeonghan , Minghao/The8 , Hoshi }

Like most, I'm sure Wonwoo appeals to you because upon introduction, you think he's the quiet, brooding type

But he'd show a different side of himself in a relationship with you

A goofball all the way

Any carat knows that he's a secret comedian

I think he'd always be trying to make you laugh

Had a bad day? He'll make you watch a funny video he saw

Texting him that you miss him?

You will be sent stupid pictures as his response

GAMING

He's not competitive though

He likes to play chill games with you just because he likes to spend his time doing one of his favorite things with you

And that makes him really happy!

Please encourage him and geek out with him over video games

I think he can be sensitive sometimes

But strikes me as the type to not verbalize when something is bothering him

So being with someone observant would do him good, get him to open up more

Especially in the beginning of the relationship

I think overtime, you won't have to try as hard to get him to share his feelings with you

He'll just naturally start to feel really comfortable around you

The g-gl-glasses

Ughhhh

I know you love them

You get to see him in his glasses basically everywhere

Barely takes them off to begin with

Even some promotions he keeps them on

Imagine late night gaming with him

The lights are all out and your sitting as close to each other as possible

And the reflection of the computer screen is in his glasses and he's all happy because he's really enjoying himself omg

You're just looking at him and thinking Damn that's my man...

As I've pointed out in my previous dating seventeen posts, you have to pass the vibe check and get approval from all the members if you want to be a permanent part of Wonwoo's life

Strikes me as the type to see you on the down-low for a few months

Would probably mention you to Mingyu since last I heard, they're roomies

You'd be introduced to Mingyu first

Then he'd probably mention that he met someone to the rest of the guys

Then he'd bring you around the dorm, or a dance practice, somewhere you can meet as many members as possible

That way Seungkwan can be his extroverted self and make you feel comfortable.

Like, imagine meeting another relatively quiet member like Jun or Woozi

"Nice to meet you😐🙂"

Please tell me you can see that happening cuz I can

Maybe even Minghao or Seungcheol would be sorta awkward

Like not in a bad way, but introverts need time to warm up to someone new (speaking from experience)

But once everyone has been acquainted and they like you, you will be family and it will shift from like to love

Because you treat Wonu right and you make him happy

Wonwoo being with you would make him more energetic and outgoing

He's a homebody

Normally I would say opposites attract, but in his case I definetly think being with another introvert would be ideal lol

Would recommend you a lot of books

And would want you to read his favorites so the two of you could discuss them

Same with video games

Remember I told you to let him geek out?

PLZ LET HIM BE A GEEK!!!!!!

I think Wonwoo would love to go on vacation every once in a while

I think he can drive abroad

But even just driving in Korea

Going on day trips

Just talking, singing to your favorite songs

Teasing him by playing some of SVT's music

Or just sitting in a comfortable silence

That's the best type of silence and it's very underrated imo

One thing about Wonwoo is how tall he is

6 feet I think? (182 cm for those not in the U.S.)

And he has very broad shoulders

Imagine watching a scary movie with him and hiding your face in his chest, and he wraps his arms around you

Lowkey protective

Just wants to keep you safe

Loves everything about you

The type to stare at you and just blurt out that he finds you beautiful

He's well read so he'd probably say something really poetic

Just makes you feel special

Shexy Shtuff:

Okay, we need to sit and have a conversation about how buff this man is...

Look at those pecs

Damn

He's ripped

He's not a gym bro, but he definitely likes going

Imagine him coming home and he's all sweaty and his muscles are all visible

He loves a good sweater or hoodie so I think seeing his physique is rare

The quiet ones are always great kissers...

This bitch is all dark and mysterious

A.K.A most likely a FREAK

Uses tongue when he kisses

Like, probably pulls you on top of him if you're on the couch or lays you down on the bed

Or pins you against the wall if he's frustrated or hasn't seen you in a while

If you ever got in an argument he's apologizing profusely and then making up for it in bed

Definitely a grunter

Not overly vocal

More concerned with your needs

Definitely a giver

I don't think he's that adventurous when it comes to location

Bed, shower, couch maybe

Most of the time, you'll be watching a movie or maybe sitting on his lap if you come in while he's playing games on his computer (or just doing something on his computer in general)

So there you are, sitting on his lap, not trying to do anything sexual, just asking what he's playing or doing

And at first everything's good but as you're readjusting yourself in his lap, you're shifting around and suddenly he's getting turned on

He'd start kissing your cheek, your neck, moving his hands up to waist

Eventually getting impatient and scooping you up and taking you to his bedroom

Shower sex after the gym

Or late at night after practice if he isn't too tired

I see him being a big pillow-talker

Get's really emotionally vulnerable with you after sex

And that's how you know he trusts you

And congratulations, his voice is already deep as is, but in the morning, omg he'd sound so hot right after he wakes up

Would love to just keep you in his arms and lay in bed for a while, especially if he had nothing to do that day

Okay, i think this is long enough now

In conclusion, I think he'd be a great boyfriend

~

{A/N: AHHH, omg I'm sorry I've been inactive the past two weeks, I got pneumonia. I'm still recovering but felt really bad that I hadn't posted. I've been trying to make up my missed schoolwork. I couldn't think of a fanfic to write so I decided to do a headcanon for seventeen to add to the series. Wonwoo was my first bias back in 2017 before I realized I'm a coups girl. But I'll be honest, sometimes I'm creeping on Wonwoo's fancams (sorry Cheol) Anyways, I love you guys so much whether you're a frequent reader/follower or this is your first time reading anything from me. I love you, have a great day/night, whenever you're reading this, mwahhhh❤️ I put in a continue reading because this one was so much longer than my previous bf headcanons, Wonwoo, a man of substance lol}

[vhstown]

time out (part 1)

[boxer au] — 42!miles g morales x gn!reader

summary: Miles Morales makes boxing history. Your boyfriend isn't there to celebrate.

warnings: angst-ish, description of (boxing) injuries, self-destructive behaviours, briefly implied death, pov switch (yay), gtranslate spanish

word count: 3.9k

a/n: ive never written 42 miles before but he's a cool lil guy split into two parts cuz it was too long 😭 semi-edited (for the millionth time)

PART 2 → / THE AU

"Just six rounds in, Miles Morales knocks out the Vulture!"

Screams and cheers exploded from your phone as you laid in bed, watching the recap of your boyfriend's boxing match. Your eyes were straining from how close you were holding the screen to your face; this was probably the third time you’d watched Miles’ win. After training to hell and back, he’d made it to the national league with you and Aaron to support him. He did more than just “make it”, in fact. His “revolutionary” victory was plastered all over social media and the news. Everywhere you looked was: “17-YEAR-OLD NYC BOXER OVERTAKES LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION ‘VULTURE’ IN US NATIONALS”. Miles Morales — your boyfriend — had made boxing history.

The giddy grin on your face only grew wider as he came up again on screen, sporting the stoic expression he'd perfected over the last few months behind the overly-done editing and animations of the recap. As much as you'd wanted to go out and see him live (though begging your family to let you go to Vegas wasn’t exactly feasible), he'd made it clear he didn't want you, or anyone for that matter, in that arena. It was something about having "total focus" — and it must've worked, you thought, as you watched him give his post-fight interview.

“I jus’ hope you watchin’, cause I’m here. Miles Morales made it!”

Despite his boyish, adrenaline-fuelled shout at the mic, the quiet laugh you let out was one of pride rather than embarrassment. He had every right to celebrate, and you were watching, even if it wasn’t live. Everything he'd done up until this point was well worth it: the constant training, sparring, the late nights and early mornings — maybe even the countless unanswered texts and missed calls too. Miles had worked himself to the bone, and while it might've worried you at the time, it was nothing compared to the satisfaction you felt while watching him on screen. He knew what he was doing; Miles was semi-professional at this point. You had to let him do his own thing, even if that meant letting him go for a while.

Right now, though, Miles was home from Vegas. Tapping out of the video, you scrambled to your messages. The last ones were from you, sent weeks ago, a "good luck" and "i love you" read and without a response. Your fingers kept missing the keys, and you frowned at yourself until you finally were able to hit send.

CONGRATS BABY!!! Not delivered

IM SO PROUD OF YOU Not delivered

You tried resending them, only to be met with the same red message.

why arent my texts sending Not delivered

miles??? Not delivered

Not delivered? It'd almost been three days since the tournament; Miles always had his phone on.

"To leave a message, please press one—" The call went to voicemail for the third time. Your stomach swirled with something like uncertainty. It didn't even ring at all. Miles made it a habit to always be available, so why...?

Boxers needed time to recover, he was probably just tired and turned his phone off. Or he could be busy with an interview; Miles Morales was sort of a celebrity right now — who wouldn't want to talk to the 17-year-old boxing prodigy? You knew you wanted to, prodigy or not.

It was probably because you hadn’t seen Miles in so long, but possibilities kept forming in your head, disappearing just as fast. What if he blocked you? Or he could’ve changed his number. Were you over? No. Nope. No way. Not like this.

There was one other reason that made some sort of sense, but you decided to think against it. Miles had made it to the semi-finals in entire the National League. It was over; he'd gotten what he wanted. He was supposed to be resting right now.

Miles wasn't that stupid, right...?

You pulled up Rio's contact. It was better to be safe than sorry.

Riiiiiiing, riiiiiiing…

Better for him to be safe than sorry — or stupid.

"Hello?"

"Hola, tía, uh, could I speak to Miles?" You felt just a little crazy as you held the phone to your ear, but there was no harm in calling his mom.

"Ah, he's not home right now — said he was going out with his tío."

"Oh… Do you know where they went?"

"I'm not sure. Something important. About a... contract?"

"Contract…?" you muttered to yourself. “Okay… thank you.” It wasn't like you knew anything about a contract, though it wasn't like Miles would tell you anyway. At least he was safe, and with Aaron. It was probably important, official — something that didn't involve you. Not a lot of things in Miles’ life involved you, it seemed.

"How have you been?” Rio's voice interrupted your thoughts. You had called her out of nowhere, and after a while. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Oh, um..." The last time you'd talked to Rio was… right before Miles had left for Vegas. Well, you hadn't exactly talked. All you remember is just comforting her in silence. "Yeah, tía. Have you?"

"I have, but I've just been all over the place recently. So many reporters…" Rio's voice lifted up slightly in exasperation. You could only imagine what it was like for her. Your feelings suddenly felt a lot less significant, and you were back to your comforting mode all over again.

"I see. Must be exhausting." You attempted a polite laugh, which came out more like a sigh. If only you could be as patient as Rio…

"I'm so proud, though." Her voice warmed with a smile. If your chest ached with melancholy or empathy, you didn't know. "I didn't want him to leave home so soon. I still think this whole… professional thing is a bit too much, but… I want to trust him also."

"I'm sure he'll be fine, tía. If he's in the nationals already, he's probably getting a lot of support." It was more like you were trying to convince yourself. "I'm sure he has great coaches... and he's got me and Aar— uh, his uncle, too."

"I know…" For a moment, you weren't sure if either of you had anymore to say.

"…If not, I'll have to go there myself and give them a piece of my mind, eh?" she continued. You weren’t sure if it was a joke, but a smile formed on your lips anyway.

"Yeah…" A quiet laugh leaving your mouth at the image of Rio cussing out Miles' poor manager, in two languages no less. No wonder he was such a good boxer — Rio must have passed down her fighting spirit. "Maybe you'd even get signed,” you joked, the image of that even more amusing (and a scary possibility.)

Rio let out her own laugh, and your smile only grew; talking to her always made you feel better. "Me? Boxing? Nunca (Never.) — I'll work in that hospital until the end of me."

There was another stretch of silence. You thinned out a sigh, trying not to let the smile leave your face, even if she wasn’t there to see it.

"Come over for dinner tomorrow. I'll tell Miles to come and get you."

"Sure, tía, I'd love to." He probably just needed a break. Not from you specifically, but in general.

"You know tú y Miles sois mi vida, ¿bien?" (you and Miles are my life, right?) It wasn’t often Rio said that, but you always remembered every time she did, and how it made you feel — like you were family. Rio was pretty much a second mother to you. It made you wonder what Miles' father would've been like.

"Well, it's getting late, and I have a lot of laundry to fold." Rio's tone had a fake sort of enthusiasm — tiredness? You couldn’t really tell with her; the woman was always upbeat. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will." It was late, you realised, and the sky outside your window was a lot darker than it had been before. "You too, tía."

“Descansa, ¿sí?” (Get some rest, yes?)

“Sí, tía.”

The call ended, and you were left facing your messages, a bittersweet feeling hugging you from behind. Right now, Miles was out with Aaron, about some contract, probably to do with boxing…

But why weren't your texts going through?

miles are you ok? Not delivered

im really proud of you Not delivered

i wish i couldve seen you live Not delivered

It wasn’t like there was much point, but…

i love you Not delivered

Maybe it was just out of habit; maybe you just missed him. Your reflection frowned at you behind the messages, thumb hovering over the power button to shut your phone off, until your phone pinged with a notification — Aaron was texting you.

Hey man

Out of town

LMK if miles breaks in

You sat up immediately, fingers floating uselessly above the keys for a moment.

sure Read at 11:24PM

are you out of town already? Read at 11:25PM

Ping!

Yeah

@ Queens

Miles was with Aaron about some “contract”... and Aaron was in Queens?

You knew Miles hadn't blocked you, or turned his phone off — he had no signal. And there was only one place in Brooklyn you could think of that had no reception, and that MIles had any reason to be in. It was also the one place you didn't want him to go to: that damn warehouse.

The place he’d spent training all those weeks — what reason did he have to be there right after finishing the tournament? Putting on your jacket, blinking back the sleepiness and collecting the fleeting remains of patience you had left, you could only hope that Miles had even a shred of common sense with him.

THWACK! THWACK! THWA— Crack!

"Mierda..." (Shit...) Miles hissed, drawing his glove away from the punching bag. His hand was paralysed for a moment, a deep, gnawing pang running through his fingers down to the rest of his arm. The tight gloves only suffocated him more, doing nothing to ease the pain as he gritted his teeth and waited for it to dull down.

Why was he even here? It was over — that Norman bastard had blown him off hours ago. It felt like a couple minutes, the words still fresh in his mind. Searing pain shot through his hand when he tried to flex his fingers, the rest of his muscles starting to ache too. This was going to hurt after the adrenaline wore off. Damn it, Morales.

The walls flashed white all of a sudden, a faint rumble of thunder interrupting the pounding of his heartbeat as he tried to straighten himself out. It was quiet, except for the sounds of the incoming storm. The playlist he was listening to had finished ages ago — your playlist. If he didn’t want to think about you, he wasn’t doing a good job of it.

Rain blasted quietly against the windows, and Miles’ eyes stung with dryness as he squeezed them shut. There was no way he'd be able to go back now, not to you, definitely not to his mom. She'd probably go on and on about how he should've taken his jacket, how he ruined his hair in the rain again, maybe how he wasted his damn time being a boxer...

It was probably fair; his mom had enough on her plate trying to support them both — especially him right now. She’d done everything in her power to make sure he got to Vegas, and he’d just left her alone again right after. But how was he meant to face her now? He was supposed to make her proud, make his dad proud, but it wasn’t like he had any pride left after he’d lost his contract. The Green Goblin had probably set the record for fastest knockout when Miles lost to him. Of course just the semi-finals weren’t enough; Norman Osborn was the big shot of boxing, and if Miles lost to some rookie in just about 15 seconds, then maybe he wasn’t worth the investment.

It didn’t make sense — nothing about The Green Goblin (or “Harry”, whatever they liked to gossip about) made sense. He’d just debuted, but didn’t even look like a boxer; he didn’t stand right, his style was inconsistent, his head movement was all over the place, but his punch had almost knocked Miles’ brain straight out of his skull. It was almost superhuman. Even with no openings, the freak of nature had forced his way through like an animal. And he was scrawny, not nearly as built as Miles at least, like he should’ve been in the weight class down. Either way, the asshole was being celebrated, and Miles was out of a contract.

And Miles had just stood there, while Norman berated him and tore Miles’ dream apart right in front of his very eyes. Maybe he’d hoped too much as an “amateur” boxer. That’s all he was, apparently — no matter how hard he worked, or what he achieved, or what he promised.

“Why should I keep you? The Vulture was destined to lose at his age.”

“Even rigged matches wouldn’t get you anywhere.”

“I mean, you’re as good at fighting as one of those street kids.”

“That’s all you were before I decided to give you a chance, no?”

The image of the Norman’s uncanny, sneering face sent his good fist reeling towards the punching bag. Should’ve pummelled his pelirojo (redhead) ass to the ground—

"Miles!"

The glove crumpled mid-air against the bag, arm going rigid. It was silent as he let out a breath through his teeth — he wasn’t hearing things, was he?

The rush was starting wearing off, his mind starting to cloud and pain faintly radiating again from his other hand. His good fist tightened inside the glove, pushed against the bag which was still and awkwardly tilted.

You’re losing focus, just punch the damn thing—

"Miles, what the hell are you doing here?"

The noise of the door shutting made him turn around, floor squeaking under his stumbling feet. It was you by the door, breathing just as heavily as him and dripping head to toe with rain, in a jacket that was way too thin for any sort of weather.

Dios... (God...) He knew he couldn’t be hallucinating that disapproving look on your face.

Rain was pattering gently against the glass as he pulled his arm away away from the bag, letting it swing in front of him before his eyes met yours.

"It's midnight, what are you..." A sharp intake of breath interrupted your words — a shiver.

"What’re you doin’ here...?" Miles asked instead through a grimace. His voice came out wrong — hoarse. Cold sweat was clinging to his skin, and his throat was dry and tightening. A mess — that’s what you were talking to right now, barely your boyfriend. All he could do was stare as the rush died down and his senses were coming back to him. The fog in his mind made it hard to speak, even harder to look at you.

"My texts and calls weren't going through— You weren't with Aaron or your mom, I just..." You sucked in another breath through your teeth; raindrops were glistening on your skin. He should’ve just stayed home, damn it. "Was just worried."

Well, he certainly looked worrying, even more so than you. Swallowing back his breathlessness wasn’t helping; it was like he’d ran a marathon with his fists. The pain from his knuckle was starting to bleed into the rest of his hand so much so that it might’ve been broken.

"'M good... You, though?" He let out a bit of a growl to clear his throat before deciding to cut straight to the chase: you’d come here in the middle of the night, in the rain, by yourself. As much as he was being an idiot right now, the amount of times he’d told you to not do any of those things, pleaded with you even, was making you look like the delirious one in his eyes. Miles was being stubborn, but he knew you were worse.

“You insane…?” he muttered, taking a step away from the bag. “Did Aaron tell you to come here or sumn’?"

"No, he was supposed to be with you," you shot back, eyes narrowing at him from under your hood before thunder bellowed from all around. The rain was growing into a loud static noise, and your voice was muffled as your expression grew more exasperated. "You came home 3 days ago and you didn't even text me. Yeah, I probably should've texted you, and I tried, but now you're here training alone again when your mom thinks you're with Aaron and—"

"You come here to scold me?" His jaw crunched a little as he tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice. Miles wasn’t trying to be mad at you — he was just mad in general. It just so happened to be in your direction right now.

“Huh? No, I came here because you scared the hell out of me — and Aaron told me to not let you break into his place.”

If it was supposed to be funny, the laugh he let out was anything but amused. At least Aaron wasn’t here for him to disappoint too, or get a weirdly-phrased life lesson from, or both. “Well I’m not breakin’ in, and I told you, I’m good, so I don’t get why you’re still here.”

You stepped a little closer, and Miles’ heels dug into the ground to keep himself from moving. “Isn’t it obvious? Or are you just being difficult on purpose?”

“Difficult?” he mirrored dryly, trying to push back the growing exhaustion clouding his head.

“Can you not just take a break for once? It’s over, Miles; you already won—”

“I didn’t win.” The walls echoed with his voice, words having escaped on their own. It wasn’t at you, but he didn’t know what he was mad at, resolve fading as he watched your face straighten with realisation.

“Don’t tell me that’s why you’re here…”

His fingers unconsciously clawed into the boxing glove, pain shoot through his hand. Nothing came out of his mouth, but his silence was loud — incriminating. That was the reason, right? That he didn't win?

“Kid didn’t stand a chance.” What was the point of you being here?

“A one-punch concussion — on a newbie, no less.” It was over, like you said.

“It’s a shame, I bet on him too.” Everyone had given up on him.

“You should be resting right now— you’re shaking, Miles.” So why wouldn't you?

“No ‘m not…” is all he could muster, flexing his shoulders uncomfortably. Your hand was on his arm before he could realise, and he was met with a stern look as he tried to keep his gaze from shaking too.

The velcro on his gloves crunched as you started undoing them, and he couldn’t bring himself to stop you. It’s not like he had the energy.

“You coulda’ got hurt on your way here.” The croak in his voice made him sound more hopeless than reprimanding as you slipped off the first glove, pausing half-way down his palm. His bare palm.

“…I could’ve got hurt?” Miles held back a sigh as he was made to look at his own hand. Bruised, blackened, branded with anger — it hurt more to look at it than anything. “You didn’t wear your wraps?”

The other glove slid off, revealing the fresh, festering swelling coming from his middle knuckle — the aftermath of that sickening cracking noise. You took his curled hand, easing up his middle finger and making him hiss under his breath.

“Think you can straighten it?” you muttered, gently trying to do it yourself only to lose his hand from your grip.

“’S gonna be fine,” he mumbled, eyes fixed to the side as his hand closed back up.

“It won’t if you can’t move it properly.”

“You a doctor now?”

“Nah, but your mom’s a nurse.” You carefully held his hand by palm, thumb tracing over the tender, split skin, his fingers wrapping around the side of your hand in futile protest. He’d have to bother his mom again — he didn’t even think about that. “You basically just punched yourself.”

Everything you were saying was right — it always was. He hated that fact.

“You a boxing expert too?” he thought to retort.

“Thought that was supposed to be you.” Miles’ eyes narrowed, and yours narrowed in response. “I don’t get it, baby...” you sighed, shaking your head a little as you put down the gloves to the side.

Baby. His breath almost hitched. You were dating, and it didn’t even seem like it anymore. Not after all those weeks apart. The word didn’t even feel endearing, it was condescending, like he didn’t deserve it. Maybe he was being a baby, and maybe he always had been. You were the one who always had to drag him out of this make-shift gym. Right now was no different, except…

“…Why are you still doing this?” he heard you mutter, still turned away with his hand in your grip. You didn’t even know the half of it.

“Why are you still here?” His hand tried to slip away again, but you only took it by the wrist instead, now facing him.

“Why won’t you answer my questions, Miles?” Your voice deadened into a whisper, only serving to frustrate him.

“I don’t know why you care so much.” He let out a quiet huff, staring at your hand when your grip ceased to relax.

“I care because you look like you’re about to pass out and I can’t let my boyfriend kill himself over something stupid—”

“I’m not killing myse—” A pained groan escaped his mouth as you ruthlessly pushed up his injured finger.

“Don’t push me, Miles.” Oh, you were serious.

“You’re pushin’ sumn’,” he strained through gritted teeth. “Mierda… quit it already.”

The pain tore on another moment, and he was just now realising how bad it actually hurt. All you were doing was staring at him, brows knitted together. “Cariño, please…” he whispered, a wince forming on his face.

Your hand loosened, and he let out a quiet, frustrated, somewhat relieved sigh.

Still a sucker for nice words... He didn’t say them as much as he would’ve liked.

“You need to take a time out,” you stated after a beat of silence. The expression on your face was serious again, killing any sense of tenderness you might’ve shown.

He freed his hand from your grip with the opportunity, before giving you a dubious look. “Like, for kids?”

“Like for boxers, dumbass.” Your gaze followed his retreating hand for a moment before falling back on his eyes. “But if you want me to treat you like a kid…”

“I’m good.” Another roar of thunder rang out before he could add anything, and the rain was so heavy that anything you could see from the windows became a blur.

“…You got your jacket?” you suggested, without much hope.

The idea only made Miles’ eyes squeeze shut again. A shallow exhale left him, and he tried not to let his fatigue cloud his judgement. If he kept talking stupid to you, he’d probably have worse to worry about than a broken knuckle. “You think imma go outside?”

All you could do was sigh. It seemed like the two of you would be in “time out” for a while.

🕸️🔭👾

thank you for reading part 2 soon but then again its not my fav fic in the world 💔 i rewrote this like 8 trillion times and it still wasn't clicking for me 😭 idk i just got sick of editing it again and again

this isn't as short as my usual fics because i felt like i needed to add context... I've never written an au or anything remotely original so this is just yeah... im tryna figure it out! i have . too much lore for this au

reblogs appreciated lmk if you did like it (i hope this is someone's cup of tea lmao)

catch my atsv masterlist here !

[nunca205s-art-gallery]

[Enters the room pushing a mobile white board full of words, drawings and sticky notes.]

Ok, so. I've been working on something for the past few days... It's a Gravity Falls AU I called "The magic of sight AU" and this is the premise: "Stan gains the hability to predict the future when he has been around 4 years in the streets by a spanish witch in Colombia."

But before I say anything else, I'll show you the last drawing I made about it.

Ok, this will be a semi-long post explaining the base that I have planned already (because I'm a lunatic and I've made three alternate timelines for this AU, but I'll make a separate post about that).

How does it work?

Thanks to what is technically a curse Stan gets suddens glimpses of the future. It usually has to do with him, but sometimes he sees other things (that he can take advantage of, like, a lottery number or someone hiding something valuable somewhere he's close to, etc). The info is always useful, one way or another, but it can be misinterpreted (or acted bad upon). They can be about immediate danger or something that'll cause a chain reaction that'll affect him (negatively) in weeks/months.

His first vision was about being run over by a car two days after getting the power.

When he gets the visions his pupils shrink like crazy and a mark appears on his chest.

(This one's the mark. It doesn't glow, it looks more like a tattoo than anything.)

At first it was very noticeable that he was getting a vision by the way he acted right after. But with time you wouldn't be able to tell if not for the eyes and mark.

– Some fun-facts:

Every time he tried to end it all he got a vision about his next happier time. (That, or the poor disturbed soul that would find his body.)

He got the ability right when he got to Colombia (it hadn't been even a month). The witch gave him that power because he helped her with something and she saw how miserable he was.

This ability has saved his life more than once, but it has also put him in danger (better don't think about that cult he started).

• STORYLINE

After he finds out he's been blessed he's kind of in denial and thinks nothing of it. But after it happens a few times with insignificant stuff, and then wins the lottery (not much, maybe like 500 dollars from a scrape) he finally accepts that maybe something's up.

After that he tries to "control" it for a bit, but quickly realises that it is at random.

He's already a bit involved in iykyk (drogs), but thanks to his new power he manages to avoid bad people's attention.

After some time he lets himself get carried away thinking that he's untouchable. That's when he hits his head against a wall (metaphorically). He misinterpretes the vision and fucks up in a deal, making someone important mad at him (not Rico though). He has to flee and hide for a bit.

And that's mostly how he spends the next few years, he manages to live comfortable for a while, amassing money and meeting people, sometimes the good ones others the bad ones. Then something happens and he has to leave, sometimes he can take his money with him, others he can't (cuz he had to use it to pay back to someone, or to escape).

Most of the times things go wrong because he misinterpreted a vision, but it also is because there was nothing he could really do.

One time he got involved in some messy stuff (houman traffic) by mistake, and the only way he found out he was taking kids to somewhere horrible was thanks to, you guessed it, his power. He called in some favours and got the kids to a safe place, then he ran away from South America for good (he just crossed someone really powerful), but not before tipping off the police about that particular gang, with luck that mess would distract them from him getting back to the US, and if the universe feels generous, get them in jail for a while. Even though if it probably meant that they would look after him after they sort everything out (they did).

After some time back in the US he, unintentionally, really, joined/reformed a cult (it was more like a bunch of people adored him cuz of his power). It started because he decided to help someone after getting a vision, and then he realised he had just saved someone important in the weird church of a small town (practically everyone in there was involved in some dark stuff already thanks to that church). He got invited, and since he was on hiding he thought that this could be a good hiding spot for a while (and he was offered a high position in the "church").

He realised pretty quickly that something was off, but it took him longer to realise what exactly (he knew he was in some kind of cult, but not how bad it really was). And when, a year and a month after he joined, he came across some kind of basement destined for very disturbing rituals he flew the hell out of there the same night. (And he obviously called the cops on them.)

(They hadn't proposed him to join them yet cuz he was a newbie, he had to have at least five years of experience in the church to join the heavy rituals.)

After he got involved the church, he started using his visions to maintain his status, everyone there started seeing him as some kind of Messiah. So they respected him a lot, that's one of the main reasons he didn't leave earlier.

(He may or may not have eaten human meat on his time here. If he has, he has no idea.)

After that he went form place to place, amassing money again. But this time he kept himself away from the drugs stuff (at least for a good while). He mainly went to fight rings to bet or participate in illegal boxing fights.

He pulled some more scams, this time on individual people instead of making products. He learned his lesson.

He was living good, or as good as one can. But then he mistakenly interpreted a vision and fucked up big. The guys he crossed back in South America had send a few people after him after they escaped out of prison and managed to regroup. And they found him.

He almost dies and had to lay low again for a good while. He was almost out of money when Ford asked for his help.

He got there, and before he knocks on the door he gets a vision of Ford getting sucked into the portal. He doesn't know what the hell that means, but he says to himself that he has to keep his cool and, even though he doesn't understand how the hell that vision could happen, he'll try to make it not happen.

He can't keep his cool. It's hearing Ford send him away and crash out.

The fight goes the same until Stan sees the open portal. He gets a flashback to the vision (but not a vision) and stops mid speech. Ford realises that the portal is open and goes to close it, he trips (cuz mf is fucking sleep deprived) causing him to start getting pulled. And Stan tries to save him.

–—–—–—–—–

Aaaand, the would be all for now. I'll post the timelines tomorrow, because I'm falling asleep as I write.

Also, here, have some drawings I made.

(I made the little doodles in class, just so you know how obsessed I've been.)

[rinrinx2]

hellooooo!! so i read that one post where renzo want a sister and i love it a lot! 💕. well i also have something in my mind. let's say that after rindou and reader trying a few times, she got pregnant. they have a hard time to explain to renzo that, reader's belly get bigger and bigger by each days cuz his sister is growing in it. at first he was like, "does mommy eat her?" and he was also curious how baby was made. he will ask about it all the time when he gets the chance. he even make a theory abt where did baby come from. he even begging to see the process of baby making (this baby is innocent, he thought it's something like candies making process 😔). rindou and reader have no idea how to explain it so they always stay silent and let renzo talk about whatever it is. but somehow, renzo gets bored and stop talking about it. rindou and reader finally felt relieved lol. u don't need to make this long, a short drabble will do <3

How to make a baby

Rindou x reader

It wasn’t long till you were pregnant with your second child and it was even sooner when you began to show.

With Renzo you were only showing by your fifth month but now with his sister it didn’t take long, by your third month a little dome had started to appear.

And this little dome was the peak interest of your son. He knew that in that dome was his sibling the sibling he had been dying to have, the companion he would soon be able to play with and terrorise to his hearts content.

But as much as Renzo was interested in the dome he was more interested in how his sibling got in it.

“Did mommy eat my sister is that why her tummy is fat?” Renzo casually asked while he picked at his cereal, unaware of the stunned faces that you and Rindou had as your son had just asked the most oddest thing.

“Did mommy? Is my sister gonna come out with missing chunks cause mommy ate her?” Renzo continued asking now looking up from the bowel as you and your husbands silence only encouraged him to question more on the matter.

You looked at Rindou who quickly tried to diffuse the question.

“I’m not sure but your mommy does look fat” Rindou said with a smile and a laugh which only made you wack the back of his head.

But luckily Rindous answer was enough to satisfy Renzo.

But from that morning Renzo’s questioning on the matter never stopped, at every possible moment that appeared he would ask on the matter.

“Uncle Kaku says that babies come from eating seeds” Renzo said while playing with his toy cars.

“Well then I guess his right”

And you didn’t mind Renzo’s curiosity that was until Bonten had their monthly suppers.

You and Rindou sat casually at your table talking to Koko and Mochi until an excited Renzo came galloping towards you with a smile as bright as stars that decorated the evening.

“Mommy!” Renzo called out as he ran in your direction.

“I know how babies are made now” he shouted loud enough for everyone to hear, as you choked on the water you drank at your sons words.

“What ?” You questioned worriedly as the young boy came to a stop.

“Uncle Sanzu and Uncle Ran told me how babies are made” the boy said with a smile.

“Oh did they” you said through gritted teeth as you looked over at your husband making sure he saw how irritated you looked at his brothers actions.

“Yeah and daddy was right you did get my sister from eating her”

“Uncle Ran said you drank a lot of stuff so much stuff that it would fall out of your mouth and Uncle Sanzu said that it is like seeds but daddy seed and then it goes to your tummy and you falls pregnant”

You looked at Rindou and then saw the two men appear from the door with a smirk as they looked at Rindou and then their smirk fell when they saw your fuming expression.

“That’s so cool I’m gonna call mommy seed eater”

.

.

.

All rights reserved to @rinrinx2

[cocogum]

The Great Wave - Chapter 2 Review

‼️ SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER ‼️

I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is, no smexy time here.

The good news is, we get some Yugo and Adamaï moments, AND the SADIDAS are FUMING 😍🥰

But before we see the sadidas, we can’t start this off without addressing Yugo and Adamaï’s interaction at the beginning of the chapter.

Cuz man, I liked it but when @vinillain addressed it and even ANALYZED IT I fell in love with this scene even more 💖💖

Without their perspective on the matter, I would have missed so many details. Here’s the post if you are interested.

So yeah I’m glad I found their analysis on it and I hope you like it just as much as I did ✨

Now let’s start.

I found babes lol (the dot is so tiny!!)

Look at his emo ass just looking gloomy after having a wet dream. My guy is such a drama queen that he decided to sit at the top of the kingdom just to make himself feel better.

(Get down from there you little shit-)

Adamaï swoops in and actually helps? Omg slay? Like you’re doing something helpful while scolding Yugo that’s actually good. Cuz ngl I’ve been getting kinda annoyed that Yugo had just left Amalia to deal with the sadidas’ problems all alone.

If Yugo didn't have nightmares like these from time to time, I could have overlooked his decision to leave her to deal with it on her own. But now that we know he does get them, it’s a pretty big deal.

He confirms it to Adamaï when he tells him that his condition has been worsening meaning that he’s already used to it and yet decides to not say anything to Amalia AND KEEPS LEAVING HER DEAL WITH THE PEOPLE ON HER OWN. Now he obviously doesn’t leave her like that during the whole day. It’s just that there’s a good chance he’s not there with her during the mornings. Like, imagine fucking a dude who keeps having PTSD nightmares every two nights. Now we know why she got pissed in Chapter 1 when he left her on the ground naked like that. Girl just wants to have fun and lead her people let her have her moment-

Also, we all saw this coming folks.

The blue cows are back.

Bro is trying so hard to be Eva. Look at him trying to visualize and zoom in on the wastes of spaces coming to the kingdom.

Also, I remember how some of us used to think that Aurora was pregnant which is why she might’ve had the balls to come back to the kingdom and try to regain her throne, you know, the very same kingdom THAT SHE FUCKING FLED FROM DURING A WAR THAT COULD’VE WIPED THE WHOLE RACE. The pregnancy theory was a common one to be shared around because the trailer for the manga did not show her stomach. Some of them also theorized that theory because it made the most sense as to why she’d want to come back willingly whether her father wanted her to or not.

Of course, no shade to anyone who thought about this theory before but I love how they tried to justify her stupidity for returning by making up this theory.

Cuz it turns out that bitch wasn’t pregnant after all.

Her stomach is flatter than a washboard and her return happened AFTER FOUR MONTHS (or around that number at least) so her stomach would have at least had a bump but she got none of that.

Judging by Yugo’s expression when he realizes them, he doesn’t look like he’s surprised to see that they’re coming back. He looks like he’s pissed off, annoyed at the fact that they’re coming.

I initially believed that the reason why Yugo looked angry, instead of confused or shocked at seeing them come back, was because the royal Osamodas family might have been trying to return during those few months after season 4. But it turns out that this wasn’t the case because when Aurora manages to re-enter the kingdom, Amalia tells her she didn’t expect her to come back ever again. This means that the royal osamodas family only came back once. So Yugo’s only reason for being angry at seeing them must’ve been because he heard everything the family did through Amalia (including all the times the blue cow tried to marry Amalia off to one of her brothers AND THEN her cousin) which is pretty understandable to be pissed off about.

Finally, after a full week of waiting, the Sadida people make their presence known in this chapter AND IT’S EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED.

We learn that the sadidas are annoyed that the elite eliatropes have not only stayed but that they also shared some of their lands.

I genuinely feel bad for this eliatrope getting criticism from this old sadida. True, they did come here and stayed but they’re not even a lot to begin with. We’re not talking about thousands of children eliatropes here. We’re talking about 30 to 40 eliatropes since these were the bravest to have joined their mother and ALSO completed a lot of missions (that they knew of through the eliaculus) that involved putting their life on the line. So to hear these sadidas claim that they don’t feel at home must say A LOT if 30-40ish eliatropes were able to make such a change. The old sadida man even said that they do not understand sacrifice as the sadidas do.

And that’s something that’s been bothering me since I learned that the sadidas weren’t aware of the eliatropes’ past.

Didn’t Amalia tell Yugo to explain to the sadidas their background?? It sure sounds like he didn’t do anything about presenting his people to Amalia’s. If you’re going to share a land with people you’ve never seen before, you might as well present yourself, no? Because if you don’t, tension and possible harassment are exactly what would happen to the eliatropes if they don’t do anything about that topic.

I also wanted to point out how the people have been behaving towards Amalia in Seasons 1 to the Ovas. This is important to notice because these guys clearly love her and always think of her as a good future queen. We even get a confirmation in Season 4 that a lot of sadidas would rather have her as their leader rather than Armand.

So the fact that a lot of them are now feeling like they’re not at home anymore because Amalia let the elite eliatropes stay makes them think as if they’ve somewhat been betrayed by her.

Translation for 1st panel: “Your father and brother would have never accepted this!”

Translation for 2nd panel: “He’s right! We aren’t at home here!”

Translation for 3rd panel: “These eliatropes are not like us! Your father and brother would have never shared our lands!”

This is a very big shift from what we know. For once, Amalia doesn’t receive smiles or praises.

A lot of them are now siding with Armand and her father, claiming that they wouldn’t have let the eliatropes stay. We know Armand wouldn’t have done that because he confirmed it to Amalia in Season 4 right after the meeting with the Eliatrope goddess ended. But Amalia’s father? No. King Oakheart would’ve welcomed them with open arms. He told Yugo that he had no problem welcoming his people (he said this in Season 2).

The sadidas were right about one of her family members not accepting the eliatropes and I believe it reflects how hurt they all feel about this decision. Because they have no one else to blame this decision on, they are trying to think that only Amalia in the royal family would’ve done that so they immediately point fingers at her.

And then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, the blue cows are officially back. And yes, I’m going to call them blue cows from now on, just like how I addressed them in the beginning too.

Yugo: “Sorry, I didn’t have the time to warn you.”

Also Yugo: has the ability to create portals.

The Osamodas family is even more brain-dead than I thought.

Blue fat cow over here is saying “here’s your legitimate ruler” while pointing at another cow but she ain’t even a Sadida. And then you’ve got Amalia over here who’s obviously royal Sadida blood so idk why tf the blue cow king would think he did something there. The sadidas just said that they don’t feel at home cuz of the eliatropes so what makes him think the people are gonna accept a useless blue cow who’s only not a Sadida but did nothing during the war? The sadidas are already pissed at not feeling like they’re at home, don’t throw more gasoline into the fire by claiming an OSAMODAS is fit for the SADIDA THRONE.

Yugo’s wave where you at?

The Osamodas King lost so many neurones when he stayed in that cave, he should just go back in there with his ugly crusty ass bats.

But it’s alright, I’m not even mad (i’m fuming) because no matter how stupid and dumb the king sounded, if you look at chapter 3’s cover, the king doesn’t look confident and cocky anymore.

Clearly, something must’ve happened in the throne room when he was spewing all this shit about Aurora being the “legitimate heir” because AGAIN, that’s clearly Amalia’s role so I genuinely hope that the sadidas were the ones who made the king frown like that. Because there’s a gigantic possibility that they must have flat-out told the king to sit his ass down and remind him that he and his worthless daughter didn’t do shit when the war happened and now he suddenly wants to rule them?? Of course they’d get pissed by what he said!

The majority of them obviously looked bothered by what he had just announced as well. Everyone in the throne room looked like they were just shocked to hear him talk. EVERYONE.

So yeah, I hope I see this fatass get humiliated. Even the eliatropes are like ‘sir what the fuck are you doing’ type of shit.

[britcision]

I NEED Ryoko Kui to give me some kind of work schedule for the Canaries

I know they’re not important but I NEED to understand what the fuck is going on

Fleki has enough free time to get high (not large requirement)

Otta apparently has enough free time and access to civilians to date??? (Higher time requirement)

Milsiril is KNOWN for adopting babies from short lived races, but she Was Not Retired Until She Got Kabru (HUGE time requirement)

So either Kabru was the first (she’s not had him all that long, 16 years is real fast for an elf to get a rep AND the criminals who knew her before she acquired Kabru talk about it like this is just a known thing - which is all the Canary criminals, only Helki keeps socialising with the Canaries after they retire, Milsiril explicitly does not go with them in Rin’s comic)

Or she was adopting kids in between missions? Did she bring them home after a dungeon, or was there enough downtime to locate and adopt kids?

Cuz sure, she likely wasn’t personally seeing to their every need to the same extent she was after retiring, but you’ve still gotta find an applicable kid, and surely she’d want to spend time with them, or she could just divert some family funds to an orphanage; her home away from the city post retirement woulda worked

So how often did she see them? How long was her leave, did it get longer as she got promoted? Some recovery time between missions makes sense, it’s a physically demanding job, but was it an elf’s short break (years) or ours (weeks/months)?

(How many kids did she have while she had Kabru?? She said she had too many so she couldn’t take Rin, how many is that??)

The elves don’t know what “hurry” looks like and consider 2-3 years getting back to you soon but also they were so desperate for people after Utaya that a fucking DUNGEON LORD was immediately elevated to captain and given a squad as soon as he was fit to fight

(Do they now have less time between missions? Trying to use less squads to cover the same ground?)

So like. How many squads are there? How many dungeons are there? How much downtime do they have between dungeons?

They all have Elf Twink Disease, they can’t be putting on the amount of weight everyone else is going for between dungeon dives to counter the risk of needing revival

(Which btw is not great for your health, rapidly gaining OR LOSING a large amount of weight all at once is dangerous on its own)

(I doubt a single Canary is actually at a healthy weight while serving they die and get revived all the time, but Milsiril never died once or put on any weight after retiring, and the few civilian elves we see are roughly the same size

We do know what emaciated looks like on an elf from Mithrun’s recovery (and tbh I reckon Fleki’s close, most common casualty if they really do kill her and pop her back every time her familiar dies cuz she doesn’t pull out) )

We know Pattadol’s first mission was the Island’s dungeon, but she was with the squad long enough for Cithis to ask Mithrun to break her

So how long was that? How many other wardens did Mithrun get killed? And how long was Cithis with them, if Pattadol was the first warden to annoy Cithis enough into telling Mithrun to hurt her?

I just. I need timelines. For Reasons.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#17: You Led Me Here (S7E12)

Of course Say Yes has found it’s way back to the list. 😊 This is such a powerful and important conversation between these two. And the scene is stunningly acted from them both. It’s moving every time I see it and while it’s heartbreaking that this van scene ended up having some foreshadowing with the fact that Rick and Michonne will in fact “lose” each other 2 seasons later, it also is such a beautiful declaration of how much they love, respect, trust, need, and believe in each other. Rick and Michonne have had such a valuable impact on each other and this scene depicts how aware they are of that...

First, I love how Rick wanting to extend this trip with Michonne came up consistently in so many Say Yes scenes. And it’s super sweet that he wants her to know how much he loved this time with her when he pulls the van over and says he could've gone a few more days and would have liked that.

He knows Michonne's feeling a lot rn, and he wants her to know that while that was a scary moment with the whole Walker/deer thing, the overall honeymoon trip has still been everything they could’ve wanted.

If they could’ve stayed on this run for a month, homeboy would have been down for it, I'm telling you lol. He so openly loves her and wants to be around her. He has for seasons, and I love that post-canon he now gets to more directly express that.

Then Rick just breaks my heart and boosts my respect even more when he admits to her that he hasn’t been sleeping thinking about what they lost and thinking about his friends.

I love that Rick is always so willing to be vulnerable with her and let her see his most human side.

Side note: Another thing I think about is how in the TWD pilot, Rick talks with Shane and shares that while in front of Carl, Lori asked Rick if he even cares about her and Carl at all. It’s a line that intentionally has some real irony to it, as throughout this series we see Rick go on to demonstrate just how much he unquestionably cares about and will do anything for his family. But clearly, because Rick and Lori weren’t actually each other’s person there’s this inability to truly understand each other. It’s really one of TV’s most compelling depictions of a fail-marriage if you ask me. And I noticed that Lori always felt like Rick didn’t open up and show his care enough for her liking, which just makes me think about how much Rick grew over the seasons and how much Michonne brought out a side of him that was so different than with Lori. You know Rick found his true person in Michonne because he is always so willing to express himself with her. He shares his fears, his pain, his secrets, his hopes, and especially his adoration for Michonne always. And I just love seeing that Rick knows he can let Michonne into every part of his heart. 😊

And Michonne is always so willing to be there for Rick in these vulnerable moments like the one in this van because, upon hearing this, she immediately reacts and puts her focus on him, allowing what he’s sharing to resonate even above the personal state she’s in.

You can just see how much she feels for Rick and doesn’t take it lightly that he’s confiding in her right now.

Ok so then this is when these two don’t take their foot off the gas when it comes to getting me emotional as heck. Cuz Rick opens up about Glenn which is already just heartbreaking to hear them talk about him, but then he says how Glenn saved him but he couldn’t save Glenn. And it’s just tragic. 😢

Like you really feel the weight of this loss when Rick says this, and it’s painful knowing he feels almost like he let Glenn down by having to just sit there and not save him in the lineup.

Then when Rick says “it’s normal I know that” cue my tears because seeing him get teary trying to grapple with these heavy emotions and remind himself it’s normal to be stuck on it is just so heartrending. Like the way Michonne is looking at him at this moment is how I’m looking too. You just feel for the guy. 😢

(Another side note: I’ve seen people dismiss Say Yes as filler, but I actually think there’s important things that happen in this ep. I mean, even if the episode was just a time of levity for Rick and Michonne to enjoy their love and have some well-deserved alone time on their honeymoon before the war, I’d personally still have been sat and satisfied. But regarding the series, this is where we get valuable insight into two very important characters' mindsets about the looming war, their recent losses like our baby Glenn, and about life, which is necessary to see imo. And this particular Say Yes scene plants a seed for the show's future as we see Rick essentially choose a successor for who he thinks is most fit to lead the people if something were to happen to him. Which is notable. And, of course, Rick's choice of who should lead the others forward is his own leader - his exceptional wife. 🤗)

When Rick says they went through something that’s not cured, Michonne does just the most heartfelt thing as she softly places her hand on his face and whispers, "Rick, I’m sorry."

I adore the way she comforts him. The way they always hear each other and are present with each other. The way she sees him feeling so much and just instinctually reaches for him and expresses empathy. It’s beyond beautiful. 

And then it’s Rick’s turn to do the sweetest thing ever when he looks at her with so much love in his eyes and takes her hand and kisses it. It’s similar to when she did the same and kissed his hand in a very special scene earlier in the episode (oh we’re gonna talk about it 😋).

The way Rick cherishes Michonne is so evident as he kisses her hand and continues to hold it close to his chest. I’ve always adored how Rick and Michonne are these fearless warriors to everyone else but with each other that’s their baby who they would do anything to care for and protect. And that profound love for the human in front of them was on display in these two gestures from them. 

Rick tells her how they’re going to fight the saviors. He says that’s what happens next, and they’re gonna lose people, maybe a lot of them. I’ve always felt like there’s this layered sadness in Rick finally having to talk to Michonne about the real possibility of this war not ending how they hope it will.

Because throughout this ep, Rick so enjoyed seeing Michonne happy and he wanted to stay present in this positive bubble with her. But as the trip concludes, and as Michonne has now learned that losing Rick could potentially make her empty out to the point of dropping her katana in the face of walkers, Rick now knows he has to let talk of unfortunate possibilities in this war enter into their bubble.

And while it’s not fun to talk about, I appreciate how he still holds her hand throughout this cuz he’s comforting her while knowing this topic is not something she or he really wants to consider. But as the leaders, it’s a discussion that has to be had.

Then Rick says how they may even lose each other. Which again, how Michonne reacts is how I react because we are not trying to hear that.

She turns away and stays quiet because both her winning mentality and her love for Rick won’t even allow her to entertain the idea of losing the love of her life.

But Rick isn’t wrong. It’s possible. And I just like that he puts them in their own category because there are the people they love - and they really do love their people - but the idea of losing each other specifically is a very unique type of devastating for them. 

Rick says, "Even then...it’ll be worth it" and, watching it back, maybe it’s just me but I really do hear something in his voice that says he’s not 100% convinced about that point. But he’s trying to believe it and help her believe it too because he knows how distraught she became thinking she lost him and wants to remind her the fight has to continue even if she’s without him.

And if I wasn’t shedding big tears before...this next part happens.

After shaking her head at the notion of losing each other, Michonne starts to open up as she says, “When I thought that…” and just the trailing off alone is gonna break me every time. Because she can't even bring herself to say the words of thinking he was gone.

And then Michonne pauses and turns to him and, in the most devastatingly beautiful and vulnerable way, says, “I can’t lose you.”

When I tell you I react to that moment like I’ve never seen it before every time. My heart breaks every time. 😭 The love she has for that man is just so deep, and that was so extremely clear in this moment. I’m shedding a tear every time I hear it idc. 

Like wow. It’s such a big deal for Michonne to feel this and express this. She was the ultimate lone wolf when we were introduced to her. This was a woman who had lost so much so abruptly at the refugee camp and felt she had to then keep people at a bit of a distance to avoid being heartbroken yet again.

To see how far she’s come to have opened herself up so fully to team family, and to the Grimes family, and particularly to Rick to the point that now she loves him so much she feels she can’t lose him. It's so meaningful.

And this actually speaks to Michonne's strength because her strength isn't just derived from her katana or her ability to fight and survive - Michonne's strength is also radiantly reflected in her willingness to be vulnerable and open her heart up again even despite the risks.

When I tell you this well-rounded character is an inspiration. I stay looking at Michonne (& Danai) like...

And then y’all, those magnets seem to be kicking in cuz Rick is getting as close as he can to her to remind her that he hasn’t forgotten what she said when she asked him what kind of life they had just surrendered. I love that one thing Rick will never do is forget Michonne or anything she's ever said or done. 😊

Rick expresses that he agrees it wasn’t a life, but what they did while out on this run (and I do think he means everything they did on this run 😋) and fighting for their kids and the communities is what living really is.

It’s precious seeing Michonne nod through tears as she agrees with him about how making a future for their daughter, Judith, and Glenn and Maggie’s baby and fighting the fight is living. Rick repeats her words from earlier in the ep by bringing up 'fighting the fight' which is sweet.

Again, Richonne tones for the win as Rick tells Michonne that she is the one who showed him that’s living. I love that he always gives her so much credit and acknowledges the positive influence she has on him. Not only does he trust her to have this power in his life but also to straight up tell her she has this power in his life because Michonne would never use her influence for bad or to manipulate.

Rick says she can lose him, and Michonne and I really just be on the same wavelength lol, cuz when she turns and says "no," I felt that. Like even though she knows they have to fight for the future, she still loves Rick so much that she doesn’t want losing him to be on the table. 

But Rick says she can and that he can lose her. As I’ve noted before, it’s def meant in a literal sense of a physical possibility of losing each other rather than an emotional ability to lose each other and be fine. 

He softly places his hand on her as he shares they can lose friends, and people they love, and while we hadn’t heard 'I love You’s' by this point, you still just knew how aware they were of how in love they are on this trip.

Interestingly, Rick says, "it’s not about us anymore." The "anymore" makes me think it's said that way because at one point it was somewhat about them for Rick. Not losing Michonne, Carl, and Judith and having more time with them was a big reason why Rick didn't want to fight beforehand.

Then it is a very big deal when Rick tells Michonne that she’ll have to lead the others forward if he doesn’t make it because she’s the one who can. He says it with such conviction, and I adore how much he wholeheartedly believes in her. 

Michonne is truly so perfect in Rick's eyes and so capable. They are each other's biggest fans in the best way.😊

After all this time spent as the head leader, Rick entrusts Michonne most to pass the baton to in his absence. They’re such equals, and he knows that she can carry the torch and continue doing what he has dedicated his life to doing - which is leading the others forward. 

It’s powerful and also heartbreaking foreshadowing that she’ll have to do just that when he’s taken away. But seeing Michonne protect their ungrateful community post-Rick’s departure was heartwarming to me because it felt like her honoring what Rick shared with her in this van in 7.12.

Michonne asks how he knows she’s the one who can and then Andy just perfectly delivers the line, “Because you led me here” Powerful. I adore that the scene ends on this. It is so moving and so fitting for Rick to acknowledge the way Michonne has led him here.

Michonne has truly led him in so many ways, and I love that Rick is fully cognizant of that and seems so happy to look at her and let her know the immense impact she has. Rick is always going to give Michonne her flowers. Always. 😌💐

It’s great seeing Rick get to lift Michonne up and instill some empowerment, honesty, and encouragement to her with this whole conversation. They're both so good at speaking right into the other's heart.

It was a beautifully acted scene, a powerful conversation, and also very telling to both how Rick and Michonne feel about each other and how they’ll proceed when they eventually do get unwillingly separated.

And thank goodness losing each other wasn’t permanent and these magnetic soulmates will finally get to be back in each other's arms once again. It’s where they’re most meant to be. 🥰 

[s0lace-1n-s0l1tude]

Tumblr get to know me:

-Favorite type of music from @sparky4577 :

I don't really know tbh,I can like pop as much as rock or metal. I wouldn't really say I have a favorite band or artist.

-Weirdest thing I've ever done from @the-fallen-collective: I'm not sure... There's eating cereal with orange juice,eating serial with water,the toothpaste and ice sandwich,trying to eat a worm,bringing a lizard to school idk

Some of my lore from @deeply-moonstruck:

I'm not that much of an interesting person, actually. So in the nursery or whatever, there was a guy who had a crush on me, and he wouldn't stop biting me so I flung a Hot Wheels car into his eye and he never did it again. There was this girl in my first year of primary school who would always blame me for things she did or accuse me of things I didn't do and the teachers would always believe her since she was a grade above me and I was too confused to say anything. So I got into plenty of trouble because of her, and I still hate her to this day. But I'm not above doing something like that either since a grade later I got a classmate in trouble for hitting me when he didn't. I got a concussion because I fell while running in the halls. (I got a second one a few months ago) I was the gifted kid, and every of my teachers either put me on a pedestal or despised me. And they all thought I was autistic. (They might've been right ngl) So my parents took me to a psychologist who didn't get me diagnosed with anything, but about 4 years later, I got diagnosed with adhd. I fistfought a girl for spreading false rumors of me dating my best friend at the time.On the same year of my diagnosis I had a racist teacher everyone hated since she mostly targeted students of color but she was awful with everyone in general. She was old,so I heard she's dead now lmfao,I'm not gonna get too much into detail cuz this is already long as hell, but I also have some form of trauma from her. And school in general,especially work. Queue my first year of highschool and my whole class hates me for being the "gifted kid" and they try to bully me but it was so pathetic I didn't even notice. Late half of second year burn out finally hits. Then depression. I kinda bullied some girl but it got sorted out. My grades went down by a lot. Not much else to say from here I think. Quick addition: my primary school was apparently haunted, and strange things did happen and I make a separate post about it/srs (keep in my mind we were kids so it probably wasn't that bad)

In last year of primary,I pissed off my art substitute so much she threw scissors at me and if flew right past my eye lol, but eventually became our actual teacher because ours died the same year. Teachers hated me for being introverted and not being very skilled with my hands, so I spent plenty of recesses inside finishing work for school events. Which I later learned was apparently illegal.

Current obsession by @kaiserkisser : Literature,Bungou to Alchemist/Stray Dogs

Fave short story by @cherubsaliaa : Anything by Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

If I was a dog breed, which one would I be from @p1xel-1mp: Doberman Pinscher,specifically in all black or a wolfdog

Favorite mythical creature by @p1xel-1mp : Kitsunes,Medusa,Dragons, and probably a lot of other things, but this is getting way too long

Let me know if you want a part 2

I'm tagging y'all so you can see this

@windyskiez @zestylemonsz @sky-the-weirdo-ace @casinoownersigma @swimminginyokohamasrivers @creatorbiaze @bananaede @cocaine-cass @solzinstarzzz @teddyandmochi @1-d0nt-w4nn4-b3-m3-4nym0r3 @cherubsaliaa @just-floating-around @suicideenthusiast @kimisbunny @myluckymoon @patiori

[madfantasy]

New 3 things that happened:

*I got my new ID, my id expired and to renew it I had to get photographed, and since I just opened my bank account a year ago it depends on it so already I was giving up on the idea to keep the account but by miracle a photographer agreed to picture us at home, and it turned to us cuz I wanted all my sibs to have theirs taken with me too and because I had to argue first time to get my ID forever, so i didn't have the energy to keep doing it for the rest of my sibs so now it was the chance. The day of the photographer coming I was shaking with fear and I thought I would never leave the bathroom gotten ill. I fear seeing people more than dyin so I don't know how I held it together, I literally don't remember how it went or how I did, but I recall my sibs looking the same as I felt but it was finally done. parents too taken their shoots and because one needed their passport renewed to renew their id, them alone costing 1k$ and the appointment was set 6 months ahead, we R now close to it anyway, and the thought of how we have to pay to exist some more costly made me think of my worthlessness and helplessness even more, making me ashamed of still living.

The thing that blinded me, me the first to be tested on lo

*my eye is better, I still see a dark spot looking in a certain direction, getting an eye mask surprisingly helped keeping my eyes less dry cuz they be the most when I wake up and I had the driest time before it got infected and swelled, and already I'm used to the spot and can ignore it..

*I'm still drawing, literally it's making me live love and laugh, I don't care about improving or drawing my best constantly, ai can get poisoned for all I care as it continues to dehumanise the whole point of art-- keeping humanity alive ( btw use glazing ❤️🖤)

I realised that I don't have any physical collection of my art & since I can't look at the screens forever just to browse, nd printing all my stuff isn't feasible, then I came across those mini albums Nd I got the idea to just print one sheet = 9 pics! They look good too for trashy quality, I love it 8' and yes, purple and silver is the 10% obsession to my 90% red and black pallets, thanks to remembering Freeza c'x

But as usual posting my drawings never cease to eat me alive with anxiety, but I think I'm slowly becoming indifferent to it, even if the thought of that no one actually sees my art but me, which is the main case cuz I am living in isolation and being drawing in secret till few recent years because of my conservative surroundings, I feel much calmer when I'm not seen and maybe it's self destructive in a way cuz to stay posting I need to be commissioned cuz net bill, but it became irrelevant cuz I accepted that i can't have the mental capacity to be a social media person or chase anything that I already knew I can't maintain, I had an art block for a year I almost believed that was it for my art drive and me cuz it my sanity— cuz burning out so bad. If my post has a description it was in my drafts for months cuz I plan for every piece I share, but if can't form words I allow myself to let it be captionless, I draw faster than I form words and that's why art is important to me on a personal level, it's my first way of express even if its indirect, the only bit of human Mani left to live in me to put through lines and paint splodges. Even if no one sees it, and to be honest with myself, have very weak chances of being seen on a level that benefits me financially, I'm on the other side of the world, never seen the sky beyond my schooling days, nonverbal irl and know that I can get taken advantage of easily in social manner because it either I don't get the social cues or can't say no..

I'm grateful that at least I got the chance to experience being in a loving nurturing fandom like Sev's that made me experience genuine human goodness and care I never thought possible, made me have some self worth, personality beyond a made for marriage caretaker, and allowed me to get art tools and clothing that I was never allowed or could afford, and many first time small life pleasures like perfumes, food and toys, even if I only recognise 5 or 10 of you dears now, by DP liking my posts- (I suck at remembering names sorry)

I'm also grateful to have a room after endless years of couch and house movings, I have a safe space to still be able to draw and be cool under an AC in this 50° weather..

I think realistically that's the best it can get having spent all my life trying to get anywhere but isolated, and nothing working. At least I'm indifferent and fine of being the caretaker of my disabled guardians and siblings, I need them as much as they need me, even if it caused me the same cycle of mental anguish and earth leavings hehe

Wish U all the ease and peace and yummy peas 🫶🏽

4 am, sleep deprived

[sadstrever]

cw: 116lbs

gw: 106lbs

hw: 150lbs

hi. so my last account got banned so i realize now i should be a little more careful of what i say cuz i guess i concerned some of you. or this will just be my last post because i need to vent.

wanna hear how i started my day? i chew and spit my food into plastic bottles(i know i’m disgusting no one should ever do this) and i was opening it and it exploded fucking everywhere and the smell was putrid and it was all over me and my bedroom. and i was hungover. and it was 7am. and i threw up immediately after. anyways, i haven’t e@ten in weeks. lol. almost a month, which isn’t the longest i’ve gone so don’t worry this is not that bad lol. ALSO NO I WILL NOT BE GIVING TIPS. ever since my brother moved away it’s been pretty easy to st@rve. the hard part now is knowing where to draw the line. my best friend has broken down a lot recently because of me. i’m an awful person lol. i let them get too close and now they know too much about the disgusting things i do. i needed space because seeing him just makes me feel guilty for putting him through this with me. i tried to end the friendship 2 nights ago over a bottle of v0dka. it did not work out very well. i said some really hurtful things to him that i didn’t mean in an effort to push him away. once the alc wore off i made him a cake to apologize which now that i say it out loud, it does not feel like much of an apology at all. he somehow easily forgave me which makes me feel even shittier. he said it was because he knows im sick. i don’t know what i’m doing. the derealization has gotten worse. i tried going half sober which didn’t help. i’ve developed a laxative problem too which also doesn’t help. it’s not as bad as others though, i was just taking 3 a day for a minute(a few months)but that’s so fucking bad for you and it really made my stomach problems worse. i took 3 today for the first time after not taking them for weeks and there was really no reason. just a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. when that didn’t help, i tried to smoke but i got too high because i only smoke every other day now which lowered my tolerance. when THAT didn’t work i went to the gym and burned 460 calories and then THAT didnt work so i walked around and burned 240 more. none of it made me feel less empty. i’m so sick of it. why is it all so fucked. nothing feels right. i want to try and recover but i don’t remember the person i was before all of this. my brain just fucking can’t figure it out. i don’t feel like a real person man. i want to recover and not because i’m giving up. starving is the easiest part of my life. it’s all that seems to make me feel a little better. eating always makes me so depressed and in a worse way. it makes me aware of reality in a way that fucking kills me. i need to do it if i want to feel human, if i want to be a good friend, daughter, sister. i’m gonna wait until i’m underweight which is once i’m 109lbs. 7lbs away lol. it’ll probably take a week or two so i guess i’ll update on how i’m trying to recover. fuck i really don’t want to man. pls give me tips because i can’t die and just be a sad fucking story to everyone i love. or just fucking report me like u guys did last time, not having any safe place with people who relate will totally help too!!!

[conniesministallion]

☆☆𝓘𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓸𝓲𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓉𝟣☆☆

Warnings: Violence! (Rafe/Ward)(Rafe/JJ) Angst!

Pairing: Rafe x Black reader

This is y/n's POV for now

Summary: Waking up in the hot tropical sun, y/n makes her way to enjoy the rest of her summer. Rafe is keeping it together but struggles on his own. This is just the beginning and I like detail so bare with me lol.

A/N: So sorry it's late I scheduled the post and somehow someway it didn't save :((

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

" I really could get used to staying here." I manage to croak out of my wine dried mouth. These past few months have been absolute paradise. Trying to convince myself that this isn't better than Kildare is ridiculous. I wish I could stay here for a bit longer but school was starting and I knew I would have to get back to the hot Carolina heat.

Slowly turning on to my side to the ivory colored night stand and grabbing my phone. Finally deciding to check snapchat, the first one is JJ's. I'm not surprised to see his bloody nose but hold on, why the fuck am I tagged.

" Your bestie is a psycho but I'll get my lick back @y/nkitty"

What the fuck? So, your bold enough to tag me but not the one that clearly beat your ass?

First of all, I'm not even there. Second I am not that mans owner, the fuck is he tagging me for! Wait, mkay so back to the fighting shit again? Rafe really ugh.

MayJ: Tag the one you beefing with if you bold mf not his bsf.

I quickly switched to messages and tried to hold myself back from raging on Rafe. He knows damn well I don't do fighting unless it's necessary and knowing him. The fight was obviously over something small.

Rafeybby: Dude are you serious? Got mfs tagging me cuz you don't know how to keep your damn anger in check? 7:42 a.m. Rafeybby: Seriously what was it over? Are you okay? I can't patch you up this time but we can call if you're free. 7:43 a.m.

Being so fed up with his antics combined with him not responding, I swing my feet over the plush mattress making my way towards the white bathroom doors. Washing my face with some coconut facial scrub, brushing my teeth and taking a quick shower. I make out of the restroom when I hear my cousin's high pitch scream from downstairs.

" Y/n your mom made breakfast and we're heading out towards the island to shop in the village hurry!"

"I'm getting dressed be down soon!" I yelled back.

I hurry and get dressed as I grab my phone of the dresser. Realizing that Rafe has yet to respond to me.

Grabbing my purse and making my way downstairs I briefly glance at the polaroid of Rafe and myself sitting on the beach.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

" Is it possible that you have this in gold and silver as a pair?"

Already into the village, I decided to get a piece of the island for me and Rafe to share. Not knowing when either of us would be able to come back together. Summer in Kildare meant more parties, more clients for rafe to sell, and more drama around my friend group. Speaking of, I need to call Ki and Jade to catch them up with my summer. Plus....I wanna know the messy tea that been popping off while I was gone. I turned my attention back to the lady realizing that I spaced out.

" Of course love, give me one second to wrap them for you."

I haven't been to the village since I was a child and standing here at the booth makes me a lil anxious. Much more people here than back a figure 8.

The sun is illuminating over the sand filled roads with taverns covering the coast. Merchants on every end of this small corner of the village. People of all ages gathering and talking amongst one another and even though the heat is suffocating everyone seems pleased.

The scarf around my locs is loose on my head, the thin fabric of my skirt makes the heat feel cooler as the breeze hits my skin. I settled for a tube top my granny made me as a plus. It reminds me of the summers we spend together while fishing for dinner.

" You're all good to go dear! These are the perfect gift for a lover if you have one in mind." She expressed to me. Reaching out her small hand and placing the glitter wrapped bracelets on the counter.

I smile at the old lady who looks at me with beaming eyes.

" I have no lover but I do have a best friend. I'm sure they'll be happy to have a thoughtful gift." I softly spoke. As I grab the bag off of the wooden counter. I thank her as I make my way to find the rest of my family.

" We're heading to Seaside Oasis. Did you get everything you needed?" My mom says as she checks her phone for the reservations.

"I got some gifts and tons of clothes hopefully they'll fit in my suitcase." I giggled back.

Heading to lunch while my dad constantly talks his head off does not sound so pleasant but drinking does.

As we made out way towards the seating area and settle down. I ordered first while my family followed. Of course as soon as the food comes my father starts to talk about his collogues. Choosing to ignore him while sipping on a margarita. I start to think about Rafe, which is what I've been doing constantly while away. I miss him of course but, the constant fights and selling is what makes me worry.

On top of his reputation of sleeping with anything that walks, unless it's a pogue doesn't make it any better. This man spoils me constantly, he doesn't need to but he does. Not with just money either but affection....which I wouldn't be surprised he does with the rest of the girls he whatever I'm getting pissed just thinking about it.

.｡ping ping.｡ Rafeybby: Nice to hear from you too mama. I'm all good how's your trip? Rafeybby: That mf tagged you but has be blocked is crazy. Why do you have him on snap anyway. Thought I told you to block him before you left. 10:30 a.m.

Me: Just call me when you can and don't worry I'm having fun. Just wanted to make sure you were good. Rafeybby: You just gonna skip over what I said? Rafeybby: Don't worry mama we'll talk about it later. Going to Barry's, call when I can.

Umm.....who the hell, does this mf thinks he is? My Daddy???

I stared at the phone with my head tilted sideways. I'm not even gonna respond to his ass. Constantly thinking that I'm going to listen to him is gonna get his ass cursed out. Especially since he knows that it won't work. But for now instead of thinking of what kind of timing Rafe is on, im gonna sit back, sip my drink, and

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

Enjoy my summer <3

[emerxshiu]

FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

[geeminz]

ᯓ A CHANGE OF HEART // giselle x oc ; smau

04 | do something, babe

↳ in which: mihye has been secretly dating giselle, her best friend’s older sister, for four months. what happens when their relationship turns toxic, and their secrets become public?

word count: 844 (quite short, ik!)

taglist: @thefckghost @emphobics @jisooftme @xszn @gtfoiydlyj @wonysugar @bluhuir @baewonlove @ourlovesarang @yeetaberry127

a.n. HELLO GUYS IM BACK and im apologizing again cuz i missed my deadline for this again TT but to make up for it, i'm posting three (3) THREE !! updates !! so i hope you guys will enjoy that haha

the rest of the day is silent. mihye has waited for hours on end, and still.

radio silence from giselle.

there’s no hiding it now — mihye doesn’t even wanna go out anymore, fearing that someone might ask her if she was okay, as the puffiness in her eyes would be an easy giveaway to what she’s been doing for the past few hours. it hurts to even cry now — mihye has just wiped off the last tear from her eyes. 

the last for today. maybe the last for this hour.

the brightness has long faded away, replaced by the grim loneliness of the evening. mihye’s tired of crying, but one recollection of her fight with giselle earlier, and everything is spilling out again.

4 months. 4 months with her.

is this how it ends?

this wasn’t how it started. how could it all have burned down so quickly?

mihye’s now on her bed, letting the emptiness of the foam surround her. the ghost of giselle’s presence haunts her memory, and just like that, she’s taken back to their first month.

giselle couldn’t even live without her back then. arms always wrapped around mihye’s waist, nose always buried in the crook of mihye’s neck. the sound of rain used to feel so good before — because it meant giselle was coming over in nothing but her sweatshirt and sweatpants. just to keep both of them — mihye and giselle, warm together, amidst the freezing pour of harsh rainfall.

waking up to the heat of the sun rays used to be something that mihye looked forward to every morning — because it meant she had slept longer than usual (longer than she should). she’d be late for class by then, but mihye would think, ‘fuck it. giselle’s here. let me savor this moment.’ 

mihye used to sleep so good whenever giselle was with her.

now, mihye just sleeps to stop herself from crying over giselle again.

an exhausting, confusing routine.

mihye remembers the sound of giselle’s breathing. she’d rather play that on loop than remember how angry giselle was — is, at her.

‘maybe the honeymoon phase is over,’ mihye thinks. ‘maybe this is the rough patch that we’re supposed to work through together.’

despite the melancholia, mihye is hopeful. because she loves giselle. because mihye thinks that all this crying would just go to waste if they didn’t try to fix it. 

but mihye’s not stupid as well. she might run towards giselle at the snap of giselle’s fingers, but giselle’s got to snap her fingers first.

the ball is in giselle’s court. mihye just wants to see her play it.

(but even if giselle doesn’t score, mihye would still be her number 1 cheerleader.)

what her other friends don’t know is that mihye has spent her whole adolescent life adoring giselle. kazuha used to always beckon mihye over for sleepovers, and mihye would always accept — one, because kazuha’s her best friend, and two, because kazuha’s older sister was just so goddamn pretty. 

13 year-old mihye couldn’t take her eyes off of kazuha’s cool older sister, giselle. mihye admired how giselle took life by the balls — how she did whatever she wanted, and how she stood for her actions.

mihye was 14 when she first admitted to herself that she had a really big crush on her best friend’s older sister. the older girl had always left her blushing in some way — through a simple wink sent mihye’s way, or the way that giselle used to always open the door for her. giselle, or as mihye used to call her, unnie, was always gentle with her (even more with mihye than with kazuha). mihye felt protected with her unnie, and as time grew, so did her adoration.

she was 17 when she realized that the feelings she’s been harboring for giselle may be more than just a little crush.

giselle had always been a taker, and that was the thing that drew mihye in. giselle never faltered — she wouldn’t let anyone stop her from doing and taking whatever she felt like taking. giselle was opaque — mihye could always see giselle, everywhere. she just could never see right through her. her lies, maybe. but giselle’s true, honest thoughts? no. not really.

not even now. just like her 14 year-old self, giselle has left mihye frozen and confused, clutching her pillows so tightly against her chest for dear life in bed again. if before, it was from the endless swelling of her heart because of one simple “good night” text from giselle, now, it was because of the lack of texts at all from her girlfriend.

mihye has always wanted giselle. but now that she has her, it feels like nothing’s changed — she’s still running after her.

guess that’s how it’ll always be, huh?

well, mihye was tired. she wants all these draining feelings to stop, she wants someone to put an end to her tears. and she’s tired of running, too.

can’t she run after me this time?

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[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

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i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.