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canine-economy · 6 days ago

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On Swansea’s (often understated) role in Mouthwashing

I say this as a big swansea fan but I don’t rlly understand why ppl are acting like he’s not also complicit in what happened to Anya? AUs where “Anya tells Swansea” and he jumps to violently defend her don’t make sense to me because canonically she does tell him, as he admits to Jimmy. But swansea represents another way of interacting with the capitalist heteropatriarchy that ALSO harms victims: holistic jadedness and resignation.

Swansea is across the board unkind to the Tulpar crew. We can’t forget that he calls anya a “so-called nurse”

and says this to Jimmy, which (if unintentionally) reiterates Jimmy’s own warped perception of Anya’s usefulness and competence. This allows Jimmy to feel justified in his imagination of the nurse’s inferiority. Swansea’s clear lack of respect for Jimmy does less to hurt Jimmy than his lack of respect for Anya harms Anya, because at the end of the day, Swansea’s attitude is contextualized by the violent culture it exists in and he does nothing to reconcile with that when Jimmy becomes the captain. His resignation can thus be weaponized even by Jimmy, a man who Swansea disrespects but whose power he doesn’t try to meaningfully jeopardize, because his across-the-board disdain punches people already marginalized by the environment twice as hard as it does those with power.

Swansea doesn’t position himself as an ally, he positions himself as willfully uninvolved in everything, an observer to the shitshow ride to hell. Just because he dislikes Jimmy doesn’t mean he aligns with Anya. He makes it clear that he’s not on her side, either. After a life of doing what he felt was expected of him, Swansea on the Tulpar looks out for Swansea and Swansea’s comfort. In trying to situate himself outside of the politics of it all as an older white man, he simply allows them to play out. The toxic culture keeps existing, playing out in the microcosm that is this freighter, and Swansea in all his experience recognizes that shit has hit the fan and elects to coast through it, even explicitly numbing himself to it by breaking his sobriety. It is, of course, hard to force yourself to be sober—to see clearly. But had Swansea forced himself to get involved sooner, he might have set a precedent for Daisuke to recognize Jimmy’s abuse, which could have saved Daisuke’s life as well as created a safe space for Anya. But Swansea’s inaction forces both victims to confront an abuser on their own, unable to reap benefits from his privilege and experience.

Jimmy is clearly intimidated by swansea in a way he is not by Anya, Daisuke, or a post-crash Curly (Swansea, for example, physically manifests as an aggressor in Jimmy’s “responsibility sequences”, and Jimmy ties Swansea up to avoid what he sees as the real possibility of pushback that he doesn’t conceive of Anya being able to do). Swansea has a power he does not act on or with until it is far, far too late. In fact, he acknowledges in his final monologue that he was dissatisfied with the discomfort with opening his eyes and living an exemplary “good man”s life. The best days of his life are ones in which he’s belligerently drunk—days in which he didn’t have to hold himself accountable. He regrets the life he spent performing for higher-ups and we watch him reject it by scorning Captain Jimmy, but he also doesn’t want to be held responsible for helping other people when it’s their turn to endure the expectations and violence from similar (if not the same) higher powers. Tragically, he possesses the hindsight to recognize that how he acted on the Tulpar consequently wasn’t what Daisuke needed out of a role model, leading to Daisuke becoming a victim. His hands-off approach to emotional engagement with his young male intern (another symptom of patriarchal gender norms) may have been to avoid Daisuke turning out miserable and jaded like himself, but it doesn’t actually indicate to an already-confused Daisuke what the dangers of that attitude are. Swansea never admits his own shortcomings in a tangible way which, had they come from a man with experience and prestige like himself, may have shifted that culture that failed Anya. She comes to him with the story not because he has situated himself as any earnest friend, but likely out of desperation on a ship Jimmy now controls.

When we allow “the machine” (Swansea’s own words) to beat us down to the point that we don’t find it productive to challenge unjust power dynamics, we become complicit. I think too many people get hung up on his disdain for Jimmy and Jimmy’s fear of Swansea as a marker of allyship with Anya, but the truth is that Swansea. Is a bad ally. He’s hardly one at all. His long stint in the demanding capitalist environment molded a perfectly complicit result out of him, as it aspires to do, even if Swansea bitterly recognizes that. Jimmy’s overt violence from a position of power is a different and much more brutal approach to abuse enabled by people who have been left too tired and bitter to care that he does it. A man who could’ve intimidated and even threatened Jimmy is too resigned to try until there is literally nobody but himself left to fight for, which is an attitude carefully cultivated among the lower rungs of hierarchies to keep the top safe. Swansea in particular seems very unhappy with the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations laid out for him as a father, husband, and laborer. His decision to just stop trying and spare himself the grief instead of questioning why those expectations exist and how they would hurt the others onboard only delays him being directly targeted by Jimmy and doesn’t interrupt the latter’s violence.

Not a single man in mouthwashing is innocent in Anya’s victimhood. This is a statement tentatively uninclusive of Daisuke, because I think the game very deliberately positions him outside of manhood through his youth and thus struggling with the concept of “fitting in” to the patriarchy. Curly, Jimmy, and Swansea all represent different failures that ultimately perpetuate Anya’s suffering and force her to defend herself and finally take her life into her own hands. A holistic analysis of rape culture in MW necessarily engages with all three of them. Only not being a friend and ally to rapists and other male abusers isn’t enough, and Swansea proves it.

#mouthwashing #not sure I worded this as well as I would’ve liked to because I just woke up #but I’m standing by it for now #I think people don’t think enough about what swansea represents in the story and thus water him down #but with such a small cast we have to realize that everyone is deliberately written with meaning #maybe I’ll delete this later if I feel it was misarticulated #again I like swansea this isn’t meant to start some swansea hate train #I’m just glad that ppl are understanding Curly’s role as an enabler and I want that critical thinking to extend #even to characters we are inclined to like on their face because they’re also mean to Jimmy #.txt 🌊#mouthwashing game #swansea mouthwashing #this post is dedicated to my good friend al who is the resident swansea guy in my mind and talked thru this w me #ily my goat

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brrmian · 6 months ago

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something that so many star wars fans somehow fail to realize is that george lucas always intended for the fall of the republic to be a completely unavoidable tragedy. that’s what makes it such brilliant storytelling.

placing the blame on just one party in the galaxy-wide farce that was the clone wars just isn’t interpreting the story the way its writer intended. neither is saying that all players should be held equally accountable. i don’t think the jedi were at fault for the state of the republic, and (despite the fact that he did horrible things) neither was anakin, on a galactic or governmental scale.

the real villain is palpatine, who shaped the government into a corrupt system by his own hand. the blame for turning a democratic republic into an authoritarian dictatorship (which it was long before it became the empire) under the noses of thousands of incredibly corrupt politicians must be placed entirely on him, and him alone.

by the end of the war, the jedi council recognized that they had already lost the ability to hold onto what it truly means to be a jedi. in their prime during the days of the old republic, the jedi knights were “the guardians of peace and justice.” they’re meant to as diplomats, peacekeepers, mediators, and public servants. when the clone wars began, they were essentially forced into being soldiers, generals, and quasi-politicians by palpatine and the senate. all of those things are antithetical to the jedi’s beliefs, but they had no other choice.

placing even the smallest bit of blame on the jedi for anything leading to the republic’s downfall—and their own—is not only unfair, it’s factually incorrect. the jedi order is a monastic organization. they have no say in the senate and no voting power. saying they’re corrupt, when in fact they were just as conned by palpatine as the rest of the galaxy, is victim-blaming and scapegoating.

palpatine shoved the jedi face first into fighting the war, and pretty much threw the clone army into their laps on top of that. the jedi had no say in the matter, and they certainly had no say in the war itself being started, either. because he controlled both sides, palpatine was able to make the CIS and the republic declare war on each other even though its citizens wanted the same outcome: political independence and survival. if not for palpatine’s schemes, the separatists would have been allowed to secede peacefully, the republic would have continued existing, and the war would have been completely avoided. but that was unfortunately not the case.

so in a galaxy thrown into an unavoidable war by its own secret dictator, with an army of sentient slaves suddenly at their command, and the risk of billions of deaths at the hands of the droid army imminently approaching, what do the galaxy’s official peacekeepers have no other choice but to do? be peacekeepers. why wouldn’t the sworn defenders of the galaxy be out on the battlefields trying to end the war? if they sat in the temple and did nothing, they simply wouldn’t be jedi.

the jedi were forced into a lose/lose situation. every religion and organization has faults, but that doesn’t place any blame on them for the catch-22 they were trapped into falling for. when the clone wars started—and the key point here is that it never should have in the first place—the jedi still needed to be jedi. unfortunately for them, that meant having positions of power not meant for them being thrust upon their shoulders. they couldn’t drop the burden, because that meant actively choosing not to save lives—but the other option, becoming soldiers despite the tenet of their beliefs that dictates they shouldn’t, was no better.

see what a cruel trap palpatine set? it’s like a fish being caught in a fisherman’s net. the net is spread out across the ocean floor, and the fish swim above it, not knowing that the trap is waiting to be drawn in around them from below. in the end, when the net starts to tighten, dragging them closer to the surface, they can’t swim fast enough to escape from the middle to the edge—and to safety—before the net is completely tied. it’s the cruelest kind of trap: the kind that gives you just the right amount of time to think you can escape while being sprung just quick enough to make actually escaping impossible.

in the end, the order actively chose to fight the war because they needed to. there was no other way to continue on as who they were. militarizing the order was not the right choice in a vacuum, but this was not that; this was a situation in which every galaxy-changing choice was the wrong one. the jedi knew they were making a decision that drew them farther away from their beliefs, but it was the lesser of an infinite list of evils, and they didn’t see the walls closing in on them until it was too late.

lucas himself has even said that the order was not corrupt or decaying from the inside, nor did they make a series of bad choices that ultimately led to their own destruction. they were always just trying to do the right thing—but unlike literally everything else in fiction, the jedi order’s death was completely unaffected by any of the choices they made. no matter what they did, they were always going to lose. the fall of the republic wasn’t caused by its defenders choosing what they saw as the least bad choice. it didn’t come down to any decisions, political or not, that the jedi council made with the limited tools that they had. it certainly didn’t come down to one emotionally unstable twenty-three-year-old’s slow descent into insanity, either. the republic and the jedi would still have been destroyed with or without anakin’s unhinged nervous breakdown.

anakin, just like the order, the republic, and the separatists, was taken advantage of by palpatine. even if a person’s choices are their own, they don’t exist in a vacuum.

anakin would have made better choices if not for palpatine, but he didn’t. the jedi order would have kept the peace if not for palpatine, but no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t. the republic, and democracy with it, would not have crumbled if not for palpatine. not the order, not anakin, not the separatists, and not the republic.

in the end, they were all just pawns in a decades-spanning plan, one that none of them saw coming until it was too late—and by then, it was already irreversible.

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billy-cockblock · 2 months ago

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SWTD Theory

Still Wakes the Deep has been a huge brainworm for me the past few weeks, so I wanted to make a post with one of my takes. Someone’s probably thought of this already, but I can’t find anything about it, so here I go.

I’m gonna take this time to shout out a little sub theory of mine that plays a bit of a part in my main point.

For a little background, in populations of organisms, there are limiting factors on their growth and spread. Think of it as a series of funnels of different sizes: the rate of liquid that can flow through is going to be determined by the narrowest funnel. For example. if there’s a population that has ample food, space, and whatever else it needs, but has a restricted access to water, that water is going to limit how large that population could grow.

Before the Shape was dug up by the drill, it was probably dormant in the sea bed, doing its best to survive, the same as any other organism. Down where it was dark, wet, and cold, I think it had one main limiting factor: oxygen.

I don’t think the Shape can efficiently exchange gas underwater. Most of the untouched bodies Caz sees are only underwater, where an organism that thrives in air would struggle to access. Once it gets dug up and brought to air with plenty of organic matter to consume and grow with, its population explodes. When a limiting factor is removed, there’s nothing holding the population back any more until they hit a new limit. The Shape’s old limiting factor was removed, and it would only stop reproducing by running out of space to grow on the rig, running out of organic matter to use, or being killed (like, say, in a giant fiery explosion).

(I could go on and on about how the Shape potentially works, please feel free to ask me about it)

Now, I’ll get to my main theory:

I think Caz was dead the whole time.

Now, I don’t mean that in a “the whole game is in his head, none of it was real” way; I mean it in a “this man got Ethan Winters’ed” way.

So, I started to do a little research into how tall oil rigs are to know how far Caz would have fallen off the helipad. I quickly learned there are many types of oil rigs and not every oil rig of the same type is the same size. I’m studying marine biology, not petroleum engineering like my brother, so I got tired of trying to guesstimate how tall the Bierra D’s helipad would be and attacked the problem with some simple math.

Watching a video, I saw he fell for between 4-5 seconds; the acceleration due to gravity is 9.8m/s^2. Plugging that in a calculator while not accounting for air resistance to solve for distance gets me ~80-120m, depending on if I used the 4 or 5 second count, so I’ll guess around 100m. I’ve found many conflicting sources on what the tallest heights you can safely fall into water are, but I can safely tell you that 100m is much higher than any of them.

Now, maybe the devs weren’t going with the mathematical exact timing it would take for a guy to fall off an oil rig, and didn’t mean for it to be implied that he fell from THAT high. Still, we can agree he fell from very high up, high enough to have likely ended in injury. Maybe he’d just fall on and break a leg? Maybe an arm or some ribs?

After falling off the rig, the last frame before Caz blacks out shows the water at the top of the screen, meaning he hits the water head-first. He may be wearing a hard hat (that somehow stays on his head through the whole ordeal since he clips his flashlight to it), but he still should have cracked his skull open or broken his neck.

When they pull him out of the water, he’s cold and not breathing, which wouldn’t be unusual for a drowning victim in the North Sea in the dead of winter, but it would usually be a death sentence. They never explain how they dragged Caz out of the water, but it would presumably have taken a long time to get him out, and time is key when dealing with someone who isn’t breathing. The fact that he’s able to cough up water and start breathing on his own is a miracle, since it doesn’t sound like Brodie or Douglas do CPR when they bring him inside.

So, fall damage, head and/or spine injury, drowning, and hypothermia. By several different factors, Caz should be a very, very dead man. So why isn’t he?

My theory is that, somehow, somewhy, the infection from The Shape healed and brought him back to life. We know for a fact it has amazing generative properties, basically able to double, triple, quadruple the amount of tissue and organic matter in the crew’s bodies with no regard for conservation of mass, so what’s just a little regeneration of damaged tissues in a single body? Once Caz’s body gets someplace with better conditions suited to life (inside where it’s warm and there’s air), it just jumpstarts his body functions. The Shape’s presumably been dormant in the seafloor for a long time, so it could be able to go dormant and kinda “come back to life” as conditions change, similar to a tardigrade, and potentially pass this ability onto its hosts.

And Caz mentions how his head hurts a lot, especially when he gets close to the Shape.

Now, this might seem like baseless conjecture, and y’all might say “That’s a good headcanon, but there’s no evidence that The Shape could bring people back to life!” to which I would say “Oh, but there might be!"

After the helicopter on the starboard side, we get a call from Bruce, who is actively drowning. Through his gasps, he tells us that O’Connor hurt his leg and couldn’t swim, presumably drowning. And guess who we see still kicking as we’re passing through the pontoon? My thought is that O’Connor couldn’t swim, drowned, and drifted to the bottom, landing on a part of the shape. Once Caz and Brodie start working in the legs and they drain, it exposes him to air and allows the shape to start growing again, assimilating him and bringing him back to life.

Obviously, he’s not doing as well as Caz is. My thought was that, if Caz died as he was infected, the infection would’ve had to put a lot of its energy into bringing him back, not leaving much for itself to begin assimilating him into the Shape. Since O’Connor was in direct contact with the Shape, it could hook him up to its network to help supplement that loss. Caz, meanwhile, stays as far away from the stuff as he can and doesn’t even get anything to eat all day; guy's running on empty. He has small things where the Shape affects him, like the colors at the edge of his vision, but most of his hallucinations only happen after the Shape attacks him through O’Connor. Before, I’m pretty sure the largest incident (other than when he’s blacked out) is when we can barely hear Suze’s voice over the speakers when moving through the pontoon. It’s really only after getting attacked that he starts to hear her when he’s awake, near the Shape, or over phone calls. He only hears her clearly over the speakers in administration after he runs into the shape many times when he gets swept away in the flooding.

With my main evidence out of the way, I’ll also mention that Caz sees the “light at the end of the tunnel” from the end of the game in the oil flashes when he blacks out.

But hey, that’s just a theory.

A GAME TH- I have received a cease and desist.

Man, this became a long read. Thanks for getting this far, and I hope you enjoyed!

#still wakes the deep #swtd #cameron mcleary #caz mcleary #swtd spoilers #using my half a marine biology degree to do something (while avoiding doing work that'll get me my degree)#I even busted out high school physics for this #and my scuba classes

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tetheredfeathers · 2 months ago

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Macbeth and Snow as parallels (a comparative analysis on ambitious protagonists)

Collins is no stranger to Shakespearean references, whether through character names or the deeper parallels that emerge between her characters and those in Shakespeare's plays. This is especially evident in the striking similarities between Coriolanus Snow in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and the main characters in Macbeth, where their ambition ultimately leads to their downfalls.

At the outset, both protagonists show potential. Macbeth begins with a relatively clean slate, while Snow is (debatably) portrayed as a morally grey character. Snow's narcissistic tendencies surface early on, as seen in his disdain for everyone around him and his deep-seated resentment of his own poverty. He believes he is entitled to wealth and power, much like Sejanus. Snow's entitlement is also evident in his condemnation of Tigris when she implies that she might have sold her body to feed their family. He begins to harbor skeptical feelings about her. Though Snow’s selfish and narcissistic tendencies are apparent from the beginning, they remain largely internalized, leaving his true nature ambiguous.

Macbeth and Snow heavily parallel each other at the beginning of their reign.They both encounter a major turning point—a moment of epiphany where they become so entangled in bloodshed that there is no return. For Snow, this moment occurs when he kills the tribute, Bobbin. Although the act is driven by desperation and survival, the way he kills is undeniably cruel. Snow chooses to brutally murder Bobbin even after the tribute is incapacitated and poses no real threat. This shift changes Snow's motivation from self-defence to pure hatred, reflecting his view of the districts as barbaric and savage. Similarly, Macbeth’s major turning point comes in Act I, Scene VII, during his soliloquy when he resolves to kill King Duncan. This decision marks the beginning of his irreversible descent into bloodshed and tyranny. This leads us to a common thread among literary antagonists: their ambition often ignites in a crucial moment of life, where they feel wronged or misunderstood.

So, we ask ourselves now, why is that one scene so crucial, and if it is, who is to blame—the circumstances or the person themselves? In other words, nature vs. nurture. Were Snow and Macbeth simply victims of their environments, or did they always harbour the potential for such destruction?

As we have already established, Snow exposes his corrupt disposition early in the book. He is willing to destroy, use, and manipulate anyone standing in his way, which is heavily focused on in his internal monologue. Each minute action is calculated and executed accordingly. In the scene where a tribute kills Lavinia, Snow's response is a striking reflection of his character. Instead of reacting with immediate panic or concern for Lavinia’s well-being, Snow remains unnervingly composed. His first instinct is not to help or comfort the person in distress but to deliberate on how his actions might affect his public image. As Lavinia's body writhes, Snow’s focus is on the potential repercussions of the situation rather than the immediate human tragedy unfolding before him. Snow’s pragmatic, calculated nature is evident right here.

Similarly, Macbeth’s nature is inherently ambitious, which is hinted at through the witches' prophecy that eventually drives him to regicide: "I have no spur to prick the sides of my intent, but only vaulting ambition, which o'erleaps itself and falls on the other." (Act 1, Scene 7) However, an observation can be made: Macbeth’s actions are only executed after being persuaded by Lady Macbeth. At the very beginning, Macbeth is constantly unsure of his actions and needs to be swayed by external forces. So how much of Macbeth’s nature can we hold accountable?

We see at the beginning that the witches are the ones who plant the seed of ambition in his mind. Even more so, Macbeth’s initial reaction to the prophecy is curiosity; it is the witches who nudge him down that path, which he might have otherwise not taken. Another critical factor is Lady Macbeth’s manipulation; her relentless questioning of his masculinity pushes him toward the edge. It can be said that Macbeth is more of a victim of external forces. It is also plausible to say that Macbeth’s initial ambition might have remained unchecked, and thus would not have committed regicide.

Naturally, we ask ourselves the following question: Was Snow a victim of nurture? Snow makes it very clear from the beginning that he is not here to play the game, but to control it. Despite the cutthroat politics in the Capitol, Snow finds a way to be cultivated by his environment instead of being exploited. Take Snow’s relationship with Doctor Gaul—time and time again, he goes out of his way to obey Dr. Gaul, to the point where he submits his best friend to her. He is not a victim but a willing student. In contrast to Macbeth, Snow lacks guilt and shows little to no moral conflict in his decisions. And hence, being devoid of guilt and hesitation makes Snow not a victim of his nurture but a product of it.

Circling back to the topic of guilt—we find ourselves in the position to ask whether Macbeth’s guilt is his greatest weakness. Macbeth’s guilt and paranoia begin immediately after his murder of King Duncan. He is plagued with insomnia and hallucinations as his guilt manifests, and he descends into madness. As his paranoia and guilt fester, he begins to act out of fear rather than necessity. His ability to think straight and calculate his actions completely erodes by this point. Macbeth certainly does not achieve that prosperous reign, but his guilt is one aspect that humanizes him and allows the audience to relate to him.

But what of Snow—was his lack of guilt and empathy his greatest strength? Snow certainly reigned for a long, prosperous period—longer than Macbeth could, that’s for sure. What was it that upheld him for so long? What did he possess that no other antagonist before him had? The answer to all our questions rests in one quote: “You take your own humanity out of the equation. And then you’re free to do whatever’s necessary. It’s the only way to be safe.” This is it—Snow’s dire philosophy encapsulated in one line. Snow completely rejects the idea of humanity; notice he uses the word "free." It is almost as if Snow views humanity as a burden, something that is tying him down, from which he wants to be freed. So, is rejecting humanity the only way to achieve such a long rule? Is it really a strength?

While we can certainly say Snow avails a longer rule than anyone that came before him, Snow’s lack of guilt and empathy is a double-edged sword. It most certainly helps him make swift, calculated decisions without bringing his victims' emotions into the equation, but it ultimately destroys him in the end. It is his incapability of understanding Peeta and Katniss’ effect that annihilates his rule. “Hope is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective; a lot of hope is dangerous.” Snow recognizing hope is accurate, yet it is his lack of empathy that blinds him from seeing the uncontrollable aspect of hope. His approach to overcoming hope is to manage it—notice I use the word "manage." His perception of hope is in a very technical manner, just like we see in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Snow is prone to formulating plans, and thus, he uses this approach on Katniss as if she is just a step along his plan. But his failure to truly understand the power of hope is what leads him to make decisions that only spark the rebellion even more.

In conclusion, ambition is a powerful force in shaping the paths of literary antagonists like Snow and Macbeth. While their environments certainly played a role in nurturing their darker tendencies, it is their inherent ambition and how they choose to wield it that seals their fates. Macbeth's guilt humanizes him, making him a somewhat tragic figure who is ultimately consumed by his ambition. Snow, on the other hand, thrives by rejecting humanity altogether, but this very rejection blinds him to the power of hope, leading to his eventual downfall. Both characters remind us that unchecked ambition, whether fuelled by internal desires or external influences, can lead to self-destruction.

#katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosbas #tbosas #macbeth #shakespeare #essay #character essay #ambition #writing #analysis #thg meta #katniss and peeta #Read Macbeth for my gcses #There was a time where I used to hate it #Cause of how many papers we had to write #But as I got older I've learned to appreciate it's art

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neetily · 3 months ago

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↳ EVENT 09. M!Robin (Jealousy Sex + Yandere)

— ✧ warnings: Yandere, Somnophilia, dubcon, Creampie — ✧ word count: 2,777 — ✧ genre: smut (18+)

— ✧ A/N: reposting from my old account since i was asked to! formatting might be off, but it's still readable.

Appearances are hard to keep up with when he's got you in his life. Though, all things considered, he thinks he's done a pretty good job of keeping your dumb little brain unaware of his true feelings thus far— real self locked away behind nice smiles and sweet platitudes out of necessity. Placating you until it's a good time time to strike, to get his grubby manhandling hands all over every inch of you like he fucking deserves; especially after putting up with you for so long, his whole life as he remembers it to be precise. Childhood best friends turned hopeful lovers.

And yet, he's too late. Despite all of the patient solitary wanting, fist down his pants over your sleeping frame every night, watching, waiting, struggling not to touch your most sensitive parts as you lay unaware, biding his time by instead collecting items of affection from you unnoticed, just so that his selfish self doesn't come on too strongly and accidentally scare you off. Pining in secrecy because his intentions are anything but pure, and you're so fucking innocent to him, God.

Even after all that time of him waiting— you still run off with someone else.

To who? To fucking Whitney, that's who. A shared bully figure, someone so undeserving of your kindness it's almost laughable, if only he didn't need you more than life itself. A slap in the face he intends on returning in kind tonight, sneaking his way to your bedroom early in the morning, when everyone else sleeps— careful of the creaky floorboards, he remembers which one makes the most noise— to show his beloved all about what you've been missing out on. And, selfishly, to express some of his built up frustration and downright hatred he holds for the man you've been seeing behind his back this whole time.

Because he's not as stupid as he's lead you to believe. Tapping into your precious little saviour complex as a means to grow closer to you, feigning innocence in the face of your genuine curiosity, just to play the part of your loving, harmless, childhood best friend. And it's been working, too; that's the worst part. The fact that he was so close to earning his reward, creeping into your room with slow movements so as to not wake you from the obnoxiously old hinges, so close to having you that he can practically taste you as his frame hovers over your own sleeping one.

A regular sight for him, pants already tenting just from huffing the same air as you, holding his breath for a second or two too long just to accurately hear you cutely puff out a few of your own. God, he bets Whitney doesn't appreciate you like this, does he? Bending down, careful not to fuss over you too much because you look just so cute snoozing away like that, hovering his lips mere inches away from your own for the sole purpose of sniffing. Inhaling your delicious scent like it were a drug, and it might as well be from how dizzy with desire his head becomes, cock heavy and dribbling in his pants without even having to touch you.

Does Whitney get the same way with you?

Drooling over your sleeping body, greedy paw magnetic to his cock as he starts to tug on it just from hearing you snore, blissfully unaware but oh, you make such a pretty victim. Of his love, of course. His obsession with the way your chest rises and falls in the moonlight, fat beads of precum rolling down his length, dripping down his balls to leave him feeling all gross and sticky and in love. All pure intentions here, he privately assures you.

Too many countless nights have been spent this way. Yearning for you, craving just a single taste— knowing deep down that the first bite is always the sweetest; hence why he's been waiting so long. Here, have this freshly peeled orange slice, I plucked the section by hand just for you. Except, instead of dipping your orange juice soaked fingers down his throat, Whitney has had the supreme pleasure of tasting instead.

To which he physically cringes at the mere thought of, a full body jerk back, cock throbbing in his pants out of sheer jealousy for where your fingers have been.

He's only here to take back what is rightfully his anyway. What is, and always has been, his claim. Proven by the fact that his cock twitches for you now, how it drools just from being near you.

"Shit..." He curses under his breath, still pawing away at his hard bulge, aimed directly at you. Only the barely audible shuffle of his pyjama pants every time he jerks his cock filling the room besides your own steady breathing. And then, a smile stretched his lips. Wide and toothy at the way you so easily get under his skin, how even just watching you sleep is enough to get his cock rock hard and his balls taut with seed. Wouldn't you agree that this indicates fate? That despite your affair with some bully like Whitney, the fact that he's graciously accepting your unknowing apology means that you're destined to be by his side, right?

"I still love you." Despite your adultery, he continues to smile. Interspersed with rushed gasps and sighs, an honest attempt to keep himself quiet out of fear of startling you— but don't worry. He has a lot more planned for you tonight. Best laid plans that've been years in the making.

Although, he thinks so at least. The reality of the situation dawns on him as you lazily snore that by being this close to you, one wrong move and his lips are touching yours, he can't think straight. Torn between taking things slow like he'd initially premeditated, or— go in for the kill as his prey lays bare.

A split second decision, unable to stick to fully one idea, he goes for a mixed approach. Tip toeing his way to the other side of your bed; it's not the first time he's slept over, and he'll make sure that it won't be the last either, he quietly sneaks under your sheets to snuggle his body next to your. So soft and warm you are, hair tickling his nose for him to huff at. "Fuck," He whispers to himself, fist instinctively wrapped tight around his twitching cock, fighting the urge to brutally flip you onto your tummy and pounding your shape into the bed below as fast as he can. It'd be easier if he took his time, right? Played into the tired role of sweet best friend, his eyes rolling back in spite of his attempts to return to that mindset— he can't help himself when it comes to you.

"S'all you're fault." He continues to whisper, reprimanding your sleeping body in hopes of your dumb little brain subconsciously remembering his actions tonight. "If only— fuck," he accidentally rubs too close to the sun, hips stuttering as his clothed tip brushes against your ass. He has to take a moment to collect himself, seething behind you out of utter frustration, or love? They feel all too similar to him when he's in this state. That is, when he's next to you.

"If only you didn't choose Whitney."

Deciding it's now or never simply because he's leaking profusely inside his pyjamas, surely turning them sheer with the amount of affection he regards you with, he tugs his bottoms down. No underwear to follow, free balling by your side because he wanted to fuck you tonight. Take your first time together while you remain blissfully unaware, in the most pure state you could be in. That's when he likes you best. A soft, unconscious, unwitting participant in his declaration of love. And, if you by chance wake up as he's pulling your panties down, or as he leaks copious amounts of precum onto your pretty ass, or when he gently lifts your thigh up just a little, enough to allow room for his cock to slip between, or when he takes to gliding his red hot and needy cock between your slippery folds— holy fuck, that feels so fucking good, then he's certain that he can reel you back to his side by way of some stupid friendly act. A little pout here, an eager apology there.

Regardless of how you take it tonight, you're getting his cock. He's decided you deserve to know exactly what you do to him, anyway.

The second he comes into actual contact with your untouched by him cunt he halts his breathing. Slipping and sliding along your slit feels better than he could ever have imagined, all those lonely nights spent fisting himself silly over your sleeping face immediately feel wasted. You're telling him that he could've been rubbing his fat cock against your pretty little slit like this all this time, turning your tummy all sticky white rather than your cute kissable face? Shit, he feels doubly cheated now! Silently slithering an arm under your neck for stability, the other hand resting on your hip to lightly squeeze and pinch at to keep himself grounded enough to focus on how unfairly perfect your body feels against his. The feeling of your squishy thighs unknowingly squeezing at his length causing a satisfied sigh to escape him, heart full at the thought of your unaware and naive mind being eager to please him even in your sleep. Meant to be, right?

He'll show you what you've been missing out on. Why Whitney is the lesser of two evils. Why you should break up with your sick little play pretend boyfriend and start dating him instead, like he'd intended on from a very young age.

Because yeah, he's been wanting you ever since he can remember. Humping his fat cock up and down your slick pretty slit at the memories of growing up with you. How you've always be on his mind, number one in his heart. After all this time, he deserves a fucking slice too, dont'cha think?

But fuck if you don't feel better than anything he's ever experienced before, downright ruined his fist for future fucks, determined never to use anything other than your perfect angel cunt from now on. He always knew you'd feel amazing, fucking knew it deep down in his gut. But nothing could have prepared him for how nice it'd feel to simply slip between your folds, to knock his dribbling tip against your clit over n over again just to hear your pretty little sleepy mewls.

A small laugh escapes him at your meek moans, easily hidden between the sound of shaking sheets and your squelching cunt, his eyes squeezed tightly shut to try and determine whether you're more wet from his leaking cock, or because your lewd body just wants him as much as he needs you right now.

So, could you blame him from 'accidentally' slipping into your tight little hole as he thrusts against you? Tip caught on your entrance like a beg for more, all his prayers answered the second he feels your squirmy walls accept and envelope his drooling tip, and swiftly his full fat length when he can't stop his hips from driving forward.

Which must have woke you up, at least a little. A confused mumble falling from your pretty lips as his body stills behind you, cock remaining balls deep and throbbing, pulsing inside your warm little hole with sheer need to fuck you into his shape. Carve out your insides so that no one else but him will ever fit again, made perfect solely for him, yeah?

But, after waiting for what feels like for fucking ever, his whole body shaking under the amount of restraint it takes to not fuck you into next week, he doesn't hear another peep. Feeling your body once again relax in his greedy hold, lust driven mind convinced that you must be giving him consent to continue. Because if not, then what else?

Propping one leg up on his other for better leverage, he digs his greedy fingers into your plush skin. Really dragging his nails against you— not on purpose! God, you just— "Feel so fuckin' good, ah..." he whines to himself, pouting at the back of your head with an internal promise to fuck you better than Whitney ever has; or will, for that matter. Drawing his hips back so torturously slowly that he has to let out a low whine from how desperate he is, hopeless in how much he wants to prove himself to you, needs to fuck you the way you deserve so bad, and fuck when you moan in your sleep? All light and airy, a breathless promise that he's doing good, keep going, he can't do anything other than adhere to your wordless plea. Pushing his hips forward again with a little more speed, and then pulling back a bit faster, and then thrusting into you at a much more satisfying pace— one that already has the bed creaking under the weight of his love for you, cute little cunt hugging his cock so well— fucking bitch. Should have picked him, yeah? Maybe then he wouldn't be trying to mount your ass right now, throwing a possessive leg over your own to more easily hump himself stupid into your tight little hole, the way your walls suck him in further, sucking his tip off just so well, like you were fucking made for it—

And fuck if you don't fucking shut up he's liable to shove his slick coated cock down your noisy throat like you're clearly asking for. Cute muffled moans for him to drink up, his voice coming out breathless and whiny when he reprimands you with: "Havin' a nice dream?" God you must be, from the way your insides gush around his intrusion, bullying his tip as deep as he can to try and reach places Whitney has never touched before. Hoping to stain your insides with his scent to ward off anyone else from getting too close to you, nails dragging your ass back down to meet his every greedy thrust with a wet slap! of his balls against you. Mine, he thinks to himself. Fucking mine, no one else should even think of touching you, right? My pretty pet, my good girl, aren't you? He can feel tension building in his tummy with his thoughts, huffing and puffing above you like some kind of bitch in heat, determined to mark you up from the inside out. So that even if you do wander off again, you'll be so thoroughly dirtied by his cock that no one else will even want to touch you. Wouldn't that be nice? To have you come crying in his arms, upset that no one wants you; except he does. Maybe a little too much given how frantically he thrusts into you now, driven only by his selfish need to breed his pretty girl.

Tight fucking cunt, oh my God. So good for me, doesn't this feel good? Feel better than Whitney, right? Wanna fuck you every night like this, fuck, every morning too. Wanna keep my cock permanently inside your pretty angel cunt as a reminder of who you belong to, who fucking owns her, huh? This pretty fuckin' cunt, who owns her?

"R-Robin—?"

Oh shit, did he say that out loud and wake you? Fuck, he's cumming immediately upon hearing your sleepy voice, coated in shame and misunderstanding, muted by the pillow under your pretty face. He can't stand how cute and drowsy you sound while getting defiled, pounding his spurting cock into you with fat ropes shot directly against your cervix, some of it gushing out of your stuffed hole to stain your bed sheets. Sticky insides still squirming around him as he rides your ass out silently, as if remaining quiet will somehow hide his transgressions tonight. Except, they're not really transgressions, are they?

He's only taking back what was originally his. Making sure you know your place by his side by humping his load deep into your hole even after his orgasm dissipates. Small stutters of his hips, struggled gasps for air after holding it in for so long.

"Morning, love." He sputters, back to his regular chipper self for you, cringing at the way his cock grows sensitive inside of your wanting hole. How it continues to beg for more fucks, coaxing him into circling his hips while pushed all the way to the base inside. "Did you sleep well?"

#dol #degrees of lewdity #dol smut #degrees of lewdity smut #robin the orphan #robin the orphan smut #robin🐦

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flower-boi16 · 4 months ago

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Why The "Their Both Meant to Be in the Wrong!" defense doesn't work

Lately I've commonly seen this defence levidied towards the show's writing of Stolitz everytime someone critizes season 2's handling of it, and in light of the recent episode I feel the need to cover it. So let's go over why this defence simply doesn't work, shall we?

1. Their mistakes are not equal

I already made a post about this before so I'll try to keep it brief; Stolas and Blitz's mistakes here aren't equal and the show can't act like they are. Stolas mistake was sexually abusing Blitz, trapping him in a situation where he has to agree to sleep with him or he'll lose the thing he needs for his job

Blitz' mistakes are...

Being kind of an ass to Stolas in Apology Tour

Not realizing that Stolas has genuine love for him due to being blinded by preconcieved notions he's had about him

Let's break these down, shall we?

This not on the same level as what Stolas was doing

Blitz isn't even in the wrong for this. Again I talked about this before in my post about Viv's tweet but. Blitz is not in the wrong here for not believing that Stolas loves him, after all, what reason does he even have? Stolas has done nothing but sexually abuse and constantly belittle Blitz, and even those "nice things" aren't suddenely enough to balance out those bad actions, they are far too small to actually make up for the shit Stolas did to Blitz.

None of these mistakes are remotely the same level as what Stolas did to Blitz especially when you start putting in context here. Stolas was doing what he was doing to Blitz were all purely for his own selfish pleasure while Blitz' actions were more understandable once you look at things from his perspective.

You can't pretend that Blitz and Stolas' actions are somehow the same level when they simply are not. The actions from both characters should be equally as bad when you put in the context, but here it simply isn't.

2. Stolas' mistakes are never acknowledged

I've seen a lot of people trying to say that one of Stolas' mistakes here is that he "isn't self-aware enough" to realize how he treated Blitz not as a why to excuse him but to try and deny the argument that the show is victimizing him. There are two problems with this;

There isn't any actual indication of this being case within the show, this was just something that Viv made up in a tweet she posted after the full moon aired and everyone suddenely started parrotting it around. This was suppoused to be character trait for Stolas than that should have been made more clear from the narrative.

Let's say for a sec that the narrative does make it clear that Stolas has little self-awarness; well, it still fails because the show never calls this out. The show never calls out Stolas' lack of self-awarness in these scenes, if the show really was trying to hold them both accountable then Stolas' flaws here should be properly addressed by the narrative, but they aren't. It's a similar issue to Charlie from HB's sister show; the narrative is aware of the flaws the character has but it never chooses to call out or confront these flaws because it's too busy idealizing/babying the character to do that. Stolas' flaws SHOULD be addressed by the narrative if Viv really is trying to make them both flawed, but no, only Blitz flaws are acknowledged while Stolas' aren't.

That's bad writting. 90% of the blame is put on Blitz while Stolas is solely painted as someone hurt by Blitz' actions. The only time where Stolas' actions are seen as bad is when he was SA Blitz, which is good but...since it's coming alongside moments that demonize Blitz for not seeing that Stolas loves him, it runs hollow and still comes across and victimizing Stolas here as someone hurt by Blitz in spite of holding him accountable (and also because, once again, Blitz is not in the wrong for thinking this even if he has biases). The show is still directly demonizing Blitz for being hurt by Stolas' actions here, so it runs hollow.

3. Blitz still gets all the blame

People constantly complain about antis "picking sides" when you aren't suppoused to, but I don't think you can blame people for doing that when the show itself is picking sides. The show puts all the blame onto Blitz here, painting him as the one mostly in the wrong here and an asshole for hurting Stolas' feelings.

Despite what fans try to argue, the framming of the show makes Stolitz look completely black and white; Blitz is the asshole who hurt poor Stolas' feelings and Stolas is the one who maybe made some mistakes but is mostly innocent here guys! I'm really sick of people trying to argue about this being a grey reletionship when it's not, if Viv wants it to be a grey reletionship then she's doing a shit tier job at it due to the framming of the show.

Blitz is the one who the show mostly demonizes here, he's the one who the show sees as the worst person here who needs to change, while Stolas is painted as the "bigger" person. That's not mutual toxicity. If that was what the show was aiming for then the show would call them both out on their bullshit, but it doesn't.

Conclusion

Just wanted to write this quick post because I was sick of seeing this defense over and over again when it came to this reletionship. Guys, Stolitz is suppoused to be a mutually toxic reletionship, then the show's framming is fumbling it significantly. The writting for the reletionship here is just plain bad.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop criticism #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #anti stolitz #blitzo deserves better

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pauls1967moustache · 22 days ago

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As an author, how do you tackle John’s documented history of physical abuse when it comes to his characterization? I’ve noticed that a lot of writers only go as far as to allude to his capacity for emotional cruelty by putting together scenes where his is incredibly cut-throat in his choice of language and abrasive in his delivery. I can’t decide if only representing verbal abuse is either dismissive or, in a way, respectful of the consequences of the more severe kind of abuse that is physical abuse. You don’t need to respond to the previous sentence, it’s only included to explain why the initial question even came to me! Therefore, does the concept of fanFICTION allow for opportunities in which a more emotionally stable John can be depicted as a result of the realization of “what if” scenarios (such as one’s where him and Paul talk things out and his abandonment issues are better managed) and does it eliminate a moral need to address his violent past? Is there a moral need? If so, should it be addressed? If so, how?

well firstly, i don't think it's any fanfiction writer's responsibility to hold john to account, or to be held accountable for john's actions. the purpose of fanfiction as a hobby is not a 100% realistic depiction, it is chiefly writing and reading fiction. i think it's perfectly fine to write an idealised version of john that figures his shit out or treats people better or whatever or is still abusive but only shown verbally. there's no moral need to address anything in fanfiction, point blank, but particularly in this case, everyone here already knows he did all that. to sort of answer your questions with some more questions: why would we need to address it? who would we be addressing this for?

not to mention, it's a heavy topic. i wouldn't want people to go into it half-heartedly because they feel like they have to. and while you could expend 10k words about john feeling remorse, and learning the errors of his way, and making amends, that often will not gel with the type of stories this fandom wants to tell, and is a lot of psychological work to ask from people who are mostly here to write love stories about john and one of the few people he wasn't physically abusive towards.

and to go off that a bit, i think the reason it doesn't come up as much as the verbal cruelty is primarily because people aren't writing about cynthia or may - the most notable victims of his domestic violence. and even in fic where they are writing about cyn and may i think a lot of people aren't really comfortable acribing their own personal fictionalised sentiments over the real feelings and experiences of these women - or at least i wouldn't be. they've told their side of it in their own words. there's nothing i feel any fanfiction writer could or paticularly needs to add to that. especially in the name of something as trivial as rpf.

idk, it's one thing for people to be on their blogs dismissing the gravity of john's behaviour, but i've never seen anyone here do that. i think we're all approaching fic with the inherent trust that we all agree domestic violence is horrible, and it's one of the worst things john did. i don't need any fic writers to prove those beliefs in their work, and i wouldn't want anyone to put that expectation on my work either.

#asks #i mean i think given the common topic of beatles rpf (mclennon) it's addressed about as much as it really would need to be #it comes up with the bob wooler incident or john cutting up that girls dress #and sometimes people touch on it from a john character study pov - which i feel is the moment to address it #if that's something one wants to address at all #besides that i just don't see what the purpose of addressing it would be

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murfpersonalblog · 5 months ago

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IWTV S2 Ep3 Musings - Loumand

Last post, I promise; I needed another nap; this ep's a freaking rollercoaster. And these two queens nearly gave me a stress ulcer!

DEBATABLE, Louis. I can think of FAR worse vamps than you, love.

Why're y'all having this whole conversation where anyone can hear?

They got Sartre's wall-eyes down; good makeup this season, team! 👌

DreamStat's a Loumand bed-death truther, jfc. 😭

I wanna know EXACTLY what Armand sees--or "feels"--whenever DreamStat pops up in Lou's head. Cuz he clearly knows precisely where Les is; he looks right in his direction. But does he HEAR Les too? (God I hope not, this song would've had me SEETHING--Back to Hell with you! 😅)

"Oh dear" indeed; I was HOLLERING.

SAM WAS DEVOURING THIS SCENE HOLY GOD GO AWAY DEMON

Armand looked PISSED, I was scared for Louis' life! And he DOES know, actually, yes Lou. I can almost GUARANTEE that he knows PRECISELY where Lestat is AT THIS VERY MOMENT, yes Lou.

If only you knew.... 😬

Claudia's suffered more than Christ. And nice cut to Daniel sneaking around with Raglan James as Armand talks about Furies punishing "human wrongdoing." It's really interesting that Armand told the lawyer that LOUIS is the owner of the paintings. Is he the owner of the penthouse too? HOW MANY DEEDS DOES HE HAVE, ROLIN?

I wonder what AMC might be saying about Loumand's art collection, not just wrt what we know about art heist!Armand (which we'll likely see a nod to in Ep4 at the Louvre); but also wrt what we know about Dubai's godawful neocapitalist hellscape economy, and Loumand's "moralizing" about Parisian black markets in S01E02.

I wonder if that's the excuse Armand'll give the coven when Louis shows up for dinner in Ep4--very much NOT dead; and rips out Santiago's tongue.

WILD voice-over, cuz you KNOW that's what Santiago was thinking, too, LOL. (You wish, Francis.) But yes: Louis' finna end your whole career. XD

Another TERRIFYING jumpscare from the coven, like in Ep2 with Annika. Louis, I am shocked & appalled--can you not HEAR all these vamps planning your bloody murder around you? CLAUDIA! WTF!?

But this is how you know Armand's true personality--he hates getting his hands dirty. He kills all the time, but he makes his victims' deaths pretty. He'd rather sit back & let Lestat/Louis come in and wreck his whole coven, even though he has the power to just light those mofos up all on his own! I wish AMC emphasized a bit more that Armand not only writes/directs the plays--he's an ACTOR, too. And istg he's an expert at PRETENDING to be helpless, meanwhile he's the strongest vamp that's NOT one of the Children of the Millennia (thanks to how well Marius made him).

Armand, that is LOW; waiting until Claudia's stuck under the oaths b4 you tell her she's guilty of breaking Great Laws she doesn't even know about yet. WTF?

How TF you gon' hold Louis accountable for following the Laws when he wasn't even allowed to be in the effing room when they were read!? He's not even a member! WTF! (I get it--any rogue vampires are subject to death, yadayada; we know it's a stupid policy.)

I love how he plans to leave by himself here--it had nothing to do with picking "another one" over Claudia. He just didn't want to hold her back anymore. And his presence was causing problems. 😭 It's so cute that Louis' stipulation about London was that if it's "too large" he'd leave and go to Ireland (?!?)--he's become agoraphobic or something? He just wants to be alone in his hermit hole--MOOD. 😭

Good to get confirmation that the Fire Gift here is Armand and blessedly NOT Santiago--so why's he zooming around in the sewers?

Look, sometimes folks make terrible first impressions--Lestat was being hella racist, Louis' always playing defense, Armand was finna kill Louis in a gay public park. It happens.

Foreshadowing like crazy, as usual.

WILD thing to say. I'm gonna cry, please stop.

(What kinda hypocrisy is that, when you were made young your dang self!?) She's already 30+ years old--maybe she'll last a little longer if y'all (read: sexist, racist, ageist, ableist, etc society) don't eff around tryna make her life even harder! But AMC's deliberately cutting Claudia's life in half, compared to the books, cuz misogynoir's real and Claudia gets NOTHING out of vampirism, not even a fair chance. And y'all let her into the coven KNOWING how much she loves y'all, and KNOWING y'all were gonna kill her. EFF THIS WHOLE COVEN, ARMAND INCLUDED. (Lemme calm down--this kind of betrayal is exactly how Lestat must've felt in S01E07; I get it; they're getting a taste of their own medicine. But LESTAT EFFING HAD IT COMING. The coven should've just told them: y'all got til sunrise to GTFO our territory, you're not welcome here. This whole bit's unnecessary.)

THE PARALLELS ARE PARALLELING

SKILL ISSUE. Cuz Louis' got the least power, and he's finna clear that whole bish out in just a couple episodes. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Louis, love, ARMAND DON'T GIVE A EFF ABOUT RAISING SOME OTHER MAN'S OFFSPRING. This is the call of the wild, as Alphas KILL the children their stolen Omega brides had for other Alphas/Betas, so he can restart the gene pool with HIS DNA instead. I know y'all had National Geographic back then already--READ A BOOK, Louis, it's what you're best at.

Incredible. After all of that Louis said Lestat never broke him. BENT BUT NEVER BROKEN, that's right! 💪😤

Boy, we're not talking about some little (unrequited) CRUSH over a man you only knew for a few months (which you've CLEARLY not gotten over yet). Louis was MARRIED to the man for 30 YEARS. This is his MAKER. Lestat knew his whole family; went to the Black cookouts and everything! They literally built a home AND business together! They raised a child together! WHATCHU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?

And that's LESTAT'S DAUGHTER TOO--how much can you possibly love EITHER of them while planning to knock her off!? I can't listen to too much more of this. *hands Louis the torch and scythe*

Beautiful end of this STACKED episode. Incredible work, AMC! Jacob acted his PANTS off; he excels at the trembling voice, agonized facial expressions, and utter mental breakdowns. He's pulling DEEP within him, holy god; it's so raw, it's almost hard to watch. EMMY WHEN?!

#interview with the vampire #loumand #the vampire armand #iwtv tvc metas #must see tv #the hype is real #the feels #THE FEELS I TELL YOU

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navarice · 2 years ago

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my dearest fellow mdzs stans, i really don't want to spoil anyone's fun but sometimes some things must be said. please do NOT mistake fanon characteristics for canon characteristics because by GOD is it frustrating to dissect a character when all anyone wants to do is blindly turn away from the very vivid and metastasizing flaws.

jiang cheng is an extremely complicated character, and that's why we love him. but by god, he is a jealous, self-victimizing asshole with a massive inferiority complex who likes to torture (probably) innocent look-a-likes of his (as far as he knew) dead adjacent family member. jesus christ this isn't some simple case of miscommunication (well it is but, you know no amount of communication will ever mend the giant chasm that developed between them. especially not with asians raised within the most classical case of asian parenting, i mean come on now) but a matter of deep and intense self-loathing developed since early childhood projecting violently outwards. let me be clear. he hates wei wuxian. he loathes him. he wants to kill him with his own hands again and again so some part of his convoluted sense of justice and superiority will be fulfilled. he's a classist, a bully, and abusive to everyone around him. ong at the end of mdzs, i was nearly crying tears of joy when jin guangyao flayed him flat on his ass bc that man needed to hear it. he needed to feel it. he needed to stop blaming others and blame himself.

and!! he's homophobic!! the entire cultivation world is, yes, but he's the only one we see give wei ying and lan zhan active shit for it!!

point is...his complexity makes him interesting. as a child, he was pretty alright tbh. he was understandably upset when three of his dogs got taken away and he saw his dad give a completely random kid such a gentle hug when jiang cheng never received one so far. he was a kid, and it was sad and helped the readers get a glimpse at the already dysfunctional family dynamics before wei ying came into the picture. as an adolescent/teen, yes he had a lot of unresolved rage and inferiority issues building up when he was constantly being compared to wei wuxian by his mother and not given enough reassurance from his father (once again, all present before wei ying...everyone just likes to dump the shit on him bc it's easier to point fingers at others than at yourself). perhaps he could have turned out differently if literally either of his parents stepped up and took accountability. however, after the burning of lotus pier? after the golden core transfer? after wei ying stuck around as his subordinate just as he promised, and protected jiang cheng like he promised, and defected just to save the yunmeng clan's reputation so jiang cheng doesn't have to put up with the other clan's shit, still continuing to keep his promise? after wei ying's death? idk abt y'all, but all bets are off bro.

mxtx makes it a point to make him so irredeemable. he's an exploration of what can go wrong if you let your traumas, self-hatred, and revenge fantasies blind you. he has the worst traits of his parents for a reason, directly contrasting with the other sibling, who is a perfect picture of eldest daughters born into a dysfunctional family. jiang yanli has the best traits of her parents (in terms of compassion and standing up for her family), but the family dynamics also made her the way she was. the responsible, the mediator, the occasional mother, stepping in where madam yu cannot.

there's just so much potential to hold him accountable buried under the pretense of misunderstandings and kinnie moments. he just had so many chances, more than any other character, to make a different choice. to actually look past his misgivings and unlearn the bad habits he used to protect himself as a child. i'm not saying he has to magically heal from all his traumas, but at the very least know not to be like his parents. but he wasn't written that way. because that is what happens when you give into your insecurities and generational trauma.

bottom line: jiang cheng is a fantastic archetype that needs to be explored in all his authenticity, including his moments of loyalty and cruelty.

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wen-kexing-apologist · 2 years ago

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Isn't It Difficult Enough to Be Born Poor?

Once again, I must start this post out by saying...Fuck you @respectthepetty. You did this to me, I currently have eleven (11)...ELEVEN (this will be 12) long as all hell analysis posts about Moonlight Chicken and at least half of them are your fault. Because you started posting about colors and then I had to start thinking about my feelings when I watched television. And here we are. If you are worried about what your legacy will be as a role model. Don't be. Your legacy has been talking about colors so much you have converted half the interest in to color analysts. This one isn't about color though, I just needed to curse you out for creating an analysis demon.

All that said, let's get in to Jim and Li Ming this episode.

So, Li Ming has just had a very emotionally draining conversation with his mother, and he is trying desperately to leave the house and just go, go anywhere cause Heart's not home, when Jim comes waltzing in and accidentally blocking his exit. "Where are you going now?" and GOD LI MING DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS.

The most exasperated face to date. But it's not really Jim's fault that Li Ming is acting like this, he's just a casualty of war. A safe vessel that will hold all Li Ming's emotions.

"Outside." "Where?" "Don't know yet," "What do you mean?"

Guess who's making eye contact again after a conversation with his mother where he very rarely looked in her direction????

Side note: I love this line "I haven't decided where I want to be yet," because it can be relevant to so many things and is a foundational theme of this episode, with no one acting on the choices they have before them until Gaipa's mother dies

"Then stay home and study," and here we go, another adult, telling him what to do, not being there for the conversation beforehand and having no idea they are plucking at an already frayed cord.

"I'm going to Heart's home," he tries to leave, Jim stops him.

Li Ming already knows exactly what Jim is implying here. But his mother is home, and he's already exhausted, and he just...he just wants to leave. But he's not afraid, he's calm, if annoyed.

He's happy to entertain the conversation, just not right now. Right now he is tired, and he just wants some time alone, some time with Heart.

Jim, once again, does not respect Li Ming's question, and forges ahead, because he needs to know, needs to confirm his fears.

Get, his ass Li Ming! To me, it helps so much prevent a fundamental breakdown in Li Ming and Jim's relationship here to have Li Ming know that Jim is gay as well. I think that knowledge, coupled with the exhaustion he is already feeling, just lets the rest of this conversation go over surprisingly smoothly.

"Li Ming, I'm your uncle," "Adults can do no wrong? Adults can kiss but kids can't? Is it the wrong thing to do? Is the world coming to an end?"

For Jim? The answer feels like a yes. Because Jim grew up in a very differently world than Li Ming has. He has internalized so much homophobia, not just from society but from his own sister, the person he had to rely on the most when he was young. A person whose opinions are very clearly shown to matter to Jim. Everything Jim has repeated so far in this show that is homophobic is a direct quote from his sister.

To Jim being gay has made life so much harder for him. Hell, he himself was a victim of the legal system, with Beam's family taking all the money he and Beam had saved, because gay marriage is not recognized so they could not open a joint bank account and everything was in Beam's name. This is a very real struggle, and a possibility Li Ming himself could face one day. A reality that Li Ming has no concept of because he's eighteen, and he hasn't lived his life yet, he hasn't faced society the same way Jim has...

But to Li Ming? Being gay isn't a big deal. Because Li Ming was raised by an openly queer man. Even if Jim is far more careful and restrained about showing physical affection or giving too much attention to Wen men in public, his friends all know. Leng teases him about it, Leng teases Gaipa about it. Jam knows about Jim. Beam's family knew. Wen literally walked in to Li Ming's room the night Wen and Jim had their "one night stand". Li Ming knows Jim is gay.

So while Jim and Beam were navigating being queer even just ten, twenty years ago with no one obviously queer elders around them to guide them, Li Ming has grown up around multiple queer seniors, one of whom is his uncle. Of course he has an entirely different perception of how significant it is to be gay. He had nothing but positive queer role models around him to guide him as he grew. Role models who were open. And I love the post from @respectthepetty and this post from @heart-ming that talk about the pressure Jim puts on himself, especially after he realizes that Li Ming is gay. All he can think about is every way that he has failed, when the fact that Li Ming is able to say so casually, so quietly, with a touch of disgust on his face: "So what? What's the big deal [that I'm gay]?" proves that he has succeeded at being a queer role model. Because Li Ming does not hate his queerness.

I love this shot once Li Ming leaves, because there is a moment of recognition. Oh shit, Jam is here.

Followed by Oh shit, I outed Li Ming to his (historically homophobic) Mom. Yet another thing for him to be able to blame himself for.

Something that I have really appreciated about the two Fourth and Gemini shows from this year, is that in both of them, the children are spared from their own parent's ignorance. Li Ming does not know he has been outed to his mother, and he will not hear her say the homophobic things. Jim is the one that will carry that weight. He is the one that will address her concerns, and tell her she is wrong. Li Ming does not need to experience that.

"Was it my fault I left my child in your care?"

YEAH JAM. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE'S FUCKING RAISED YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.

And God this moment sucks so bad because you know that she is voicing his worst fear. He already blames himself, the sentiment Jam states, and Jim repeats "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me," that is 100% what I knew Jim was thinking in this moment in Episode 6. "oh shit, Jam is gonna tell me that I rubbed off on him,"

And it's so interesting to me the way they placed the sequence of events in Episode 7, Jim talks to Jam and Jam asks if she can blame Jim for Li Ming being gay because he wasn't gay when he lived with Jam, and JIM IS IN THAT MOMENT ABLE TO BE LIKE "what if he was that before living with me?", "What's the point of placing blame? He does nothing wrong."

When confronted with ignorance, he is able to stand up against it, speak out about it, and confront his sister's biases. But when he goes to see Wen, he repeats the same thing she did "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me,"

Also, best part of the talk between Jim and Jam was this moment:

Jim is finally starting to listen to his nephew's wishes. He will not make a decision as big as having Li Ming move back in with his mother. He understands that Li Ming needs to choose this. And, I will note that this is a conversation she has already asked Li Ming about, and she didn't get the answer she wanted so she has resorted to asking the family member Li Ming loves and trusts to get him to change his mind. And she holds the deed title over Jim's head about it, trying to give him the ultimatum that he can only get the deed if he helps her rob Li Ming of even more of his autonomy. And Jim finally says no. "Don't do this" he begs, and at the end of the episode he returns the deed to Jam.

Cut to soon-to-be-father Leng, talking about how expensive it is to have and raise a child. And this is something Li Ming is painfully aware of in his own right, he's held Jim's "I pay your tuition" statement right back over his head. Li Ming is aware that Jim is struggling to make ends meet, he's aware that they live in poverty.

"Don't have kids," Leng says, only partly joking, but with a smile on his face. And Li Ming has just come from a terrible conversation with his mother where he was faced with the thought of actually having to leave Jim to go back to a home he didn't used to be wanted in. "Did you ever consider abortion?" is a very answer-seeking question, it's intentional, and it's not about Leng, it's about Li "I didn't ask to be born" Ming. Leng is honest "I thought about it, but Praew's parents want a grandchild so I'm okay ot have this baby. But I can barely make it through the day, how am I supposed to raise a child?" and I think that is a wake up call for Li Ming in a way.

Jim is his parent. Jim is barely making it through the day. How is Jim supposed to raise Li Ming? No one knows, but he does it. And he does it cause he loves Li Ming.

To preface this, if Li Ming ends up going to America and doing the Work and Travel thing, I am completely fine with that, but I am on the Interpreter!Li Ming train so I at the very least want a seedling of doubt to be planted in Li Ming's mind. And I am choosing to believe it is this moment. Right after Li Ming is faced with the actual, very real potential threat of having to leave Pattaya, Heart, Jim, his community here, he asks Leng if he would still want to stay with his parents if they were alive. Leng says "Probably not. Everyone has their own life to live. And parents cannot be with us forever," (I see you P'Aof and P'Best, you evil evil motherfuckers)

This is Li Ming's face after Leng makes that comment. That boy is haunted and that boy is thinking. The wheels are turning. He is evaluating.

Cut to Wen and Jim. "What fight did you have with your nephew?" is literally the first question Wen asks when Jim shows up at his apartment. And I both love and hate that Wen so often has to act as the go-between. I mean from the sense that he is between the two generations and can be respected at both ends of it, it's great, and it's nice that we establish that Li Ming trusts, values, and listens to Wen, that Wen fits in this family. On the down side, I really wish Li Ming knew and could see how many times Jim has sought out council to better understand his son nephew.

Heart is Li Ming's safe zone when he feels misunderstood, Wen is Jim's.

Jim gets done denying everything his sister said, telling her she is wrong, that being gay does not work like that, that there is no one to blame, but he internalized that shit and immediately went to Wen to try to process his feelings.

"I can't help blaming myself for it. Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me."

"How come Saleng is straight? He's been with you for a long time as well. Trust me it has nothing to do with you."

We need this scene to explain Jim's behavior. To show the struggles he is having with his internalized homophobia. To how how deeply he loves and looks up to his family. That he catches and carries the shame, the guilt, the blame of his queerness when it's called in to question by his sister. But that he is able to recognize and shed that shame when Wen asks him very simple questions. Because he knows the answer to them, you can't catch queerness, Li Ming isn't gay because of Jim, in fact, Jim being queer was a protective factor in Li Ming's own relationship to his queerness.

"And what era are we in now?" Wen says "No one really looks for reasons why people are gay anymore."

That is the question of the hour for Jim isn't it? What era are we in now? Jim is stuck in the past. He is trapped under decades of struggle and strife, and the behavior he had to have to survive. He is shifting his paradigm, slowly but surely, and this is the question that Jim will need to answer for himself in order to better understand his nephew and in order to shed some of the weight he carries.

"What era are we in now?"

Not Jim's era. We're in an era of change.

Jim does not remove Wen's hand. We are in an era of change.

"You are gay, aren't you? Why can't you accept your nephew is gay?"

"I can accept that. I'm just worried about him,"

This is Jim's fundamental character trait in his relationship with Li Ming. He's just worried about him.

"You do know that it's not easy being gay in this country. I can't see how he is able to lead a good life."

We are in an era of change.

"If [Li Ming] wants to tell someone you will hear it before me, trust me," Jim says.

"Because you are strict,"

Li Ming has been telling him this from the beginning, but that's his child, and it's difficult to give up that need to protect him. We are in an era of change. It is time for Jim to accept that Li Ming is growing up, and he has to start seeing Li Ming as an adult if he wants Li Ming to trust him.

So it's time to listen:

"No,"

"Why?"

"I hadn't seen her in 5 or 6 years. Out of the blue she showed up and told me she loves me. Do you expect me to love her back just like that?"

"Can't you love her simply because she is your mother?" Jim certainly loves her just because she is his sister. Even though she's hurt him. Even though the blame he places on himself, the internalized homophobia, all of that comes from her.

"I know I owe her gratitude. But being a mother or father should not be an excuse for everything,"

Li Ming is smart in this way, he is showing Jim that he has opinions, he has justifications for his behavior, and they go against tradition, sure, but that has always been li Ming's thing. Why do powerful people have the right to hurt us? Why do I have to love someone who's hurt me?

"But I think your mother loves you too,"

"Love can't be forced, right? Just because she gave birth to me, must I love her back? If you ask me if I love you or not, I can answer that more easily,"

"I can easily say that I love you,"

Moonlight Chicken is a show about family, found or otherwise. Li Ming has shown his love for his uncle repeatedly in this show. In the way he steps up to take responsibility for the broken alcohol so Jim doesn't have to stress about money. In the way he listens to Jim and calms down when his emotions get too out of control. In the way he shows up for Jim's birthday party even though they fought. In the way he always looks Jim in the eye. But he hasn't said the words "I love you," to Jim, not since we've been following them at least.

Jim gives Li Ming a olive branch beer.

"Get a taste of being an adult," WE DID IT FOLKS! WE GOT THERE!!! JIM HAS FINALLY DONE IT, HE HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT LI MING HAS BEEN ASKING FOR THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!!!! *airhorn noises*

And because this is literally all Li Ming has been wanting, the apologies, the trust, the honesty, the willingness and need to explain, to help Jim better understand his actions follows quickly. And Jim reciprocates that gift with his own, "I wasn't mad at you for the cigarette, I was mad at myself for demonstrating that behavior,"

"What about Heart?" he teases "Have you tried him out already so you know you like him?" and it's not really an apology, but it doesn't have to be. Because I do think Li Ming understands where Jim was coming from, it's difficult to be gay. Uncle Jim is worried about him. But this, again, is Jim's way of showing Li Ming he is on board with their relationship. He is teasing him, and they are back to their regularly scheduled program after this.

God, Jim loves his nephew so much. And God, this is the happiest and most carefree that I have seen Li Ming be outside of when he's spending time with Heart.

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sueske · 1 year ago

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Thank you, hope you are doing well too!

firstly to clear the air about boruto - the only reason boruto exists is because it's a cash-grab sequel, it doesn't run much deeper than that. it's in no way the natural resolution to the problems of their world and the co-operation which sns agreed upon, it literally exists to ride on the success of its predecessor.

So with that out of the way. I think there is some valid criticism to be had about naruto, but I don't think he's an irreparable bootlicker like many anti naruto/pro sasuke stans claim.

naruto doesn't see konoha through rose-tinted glasses, from a child he was literally abused by the villagers, he doesn't think konoha is this magical place. His first mission has him declaring that he'd find his own ninja way as opposed to being a ninja who is used as a tool, because he didn't like that at all. while Naruto wanted to become hokage at the start because he wanted acknowledgement, that changed throughout the course of the story. He saw what happened with haku (which led him to develop his own ninja way, as in, he will never go back on his word, that's his ninja way, even when other people tell him to do things otherwise he will stick to what he believes in and what he says he will do, not a 'tool'), gaara and other jinchuuriki, nagato, sasuke, obito, madara, and how they were shaped by the times that they lived in. naruto literally empathised with sasuke and said that naruto could be in his shoes, because he recognises that sasuke is a victim. being hokage for naruto stopped with wanting to get acknowledgement, he already got that, instead he wanted to help exert change in the world (even though he doesn't have exact answers on how to do that) and to get all shinobi to co-operate together so the circumstances that led the previous events to happen don't happen again. however, whereas sasuke wanted to kill his humanity in order to become his version of hokage, naruto proposed a different path, of all shinobi co-operating with each other instead. naruto never disagreed with sasuke about needing change. naruto validated sasuke's feelings.

Naruto didn't care when sasuke killed danzo. If kumo killed sasuke, naruto would get revenge and thus konoha would be endangered. let me reiterate: if kumo killed sasuke, naruto would retaliate knowing that this would then trigger a bigger cascade and konoha would go to war. this is the exact opposite of protecting Konoha's interest. Konoha's interest would be killing sasuke to avoid that scenario like all the other characters chose to do, but that's something only naruto refused to do. These are not bootlicker actions lol it's the exact opposite - boot spitter? - it's everyone else who were portrayed as bootlickers, naruto was the only one who would ignore 'commands' for sasuke. That was literally the entire kage summit arc, where multiple characters voiced aloud 'you're not planning to go after sasuke' while even characters like sakura and kakashi thought sasuke was too far gone and naruto just left them all behind and we got to see how Naruto places sasuke above the village. the whole arc was literally done to juxtapose naruto's actions towards sasuke with everyone else's. where naruto placed sasuke above his dream of becoming hokage much like sasuke did for him back in the LoW.

now, all that being said, I will say some anti naruto criticism has validity. it IS true that naruto doesn't really hold konoha accountable. In the waterfall of truth scene instead of holding konoha accountable for their hypocrisy and treatment of him he just represses it. But given that he thinks he should endure, well.... naruto is a Repressed character. As for sasuke, even if naruto didn't believe tobito about the truth about itachi, naruto was going to tell everyone anyways, he didn't have any problem with the truth getting out. He was then stopped by kakashi, but afterwards naruto never vocalised saying it aloud again, despite the emphasis he also put on learning from the past and thus not erasing/forgetting about it. but it was just dropped and never re-visited. by sasuke too. now, this is messy because this is one of those things that I think was never re-visited because of the need for boruto due to reasons mentioned above. I had a discussion about this with someone in more depth so I'll just link it here if you're interested.

then there was the infamous edo-tensei itachi encounter which was pretty bad tbh, I understand why kishimoto didn't make naruto call itachi out (because of the whole itachi was a tragic hero narrative so he can't make the mc call him out) but it just made naruto look ooc considering how enraged he got when others tried to manipulate sasuke before and how much disdain he expressed with madara's IT plan (the genjutsu that would force people to live a lie ie what the KA would force sasuke to do). naruto antis who are 100% sure that naruto would've wanted to use shisui's KA on sasuke because naruto just asked itachi why he destroyed the bird are just like??? there's just no way naruto would do that.

I would also say that naruto is naive at times, I think he got called naive a few times by other characters as well, like sasuke and nagato. I do remember an interview where kishimoto also said naruto was naive but that because it's shonen these values need to be pushed, however, naruto did express anger and frustration at him being the one tasked to find an 'answer', when minato and jiraiya for example couldn't, 'why are you lumping this on me.' since naruto is just a 17 year old boy that people view as a 'hero', who a lot of people rely on and who impose their dreams onto him, and naruto bears the responsibility of it. but naruto's more idealistic approaches also become a foundation where two opposing forces could come in to work together - sasuke and naruto balancing each other out. working together, exerting the change they want to see in the world, having faith, even if it won't be easy they have faith to work together to a better future. and cut scene naruto ended at 699 and boruto never happened the end.

#anon #ask #nart #my stuff #ramblings

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causesciencethatswhy · 10 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/causesciencethatswhy/739756690719801344/the-only-expectation-was-that-he-should-have?source=share

Um i disagree on the point that members don't know how deep this shipping or solo shit goes cause taehyung is pretty deep in fandom cause he posts arts from accounts, has showed jm the moon tatto thing, jk used tiktok and every sns in this fandom is dominated by tk shippers be it any. I can bet all my money that all the members have seen worst of their shipping stuff than this. Like i know for a fact that even jm knows about it too. They knows they just don't react cause it might make a big deal so they just let it be.

The comapny also don't care about shippers much cause these delulu tkkrs are the ones that are also giving them some millions of money so why would they when they're making money? They gave tkklives her account back. You have people in that company just to keep the sns safe for boys and make sure people who defame them get's punished but you have all these accounts with big following defaming boys in the name of shipping.

This will sound rude now but mark my words tkkrs are beyond repair now and in future it will be jk, tae and their respective partners that are gonna get the end of their hate. Their partners are gonna get all the unnecessary hate from these shippers and neither the members nor anyone else would be able to do anything about it mark my words. They should have stopped them when it was time but now it's too late and at the end it's taekook that's gonna pay for it.

You're creating a causation= correlation link where there isn't one necessarily. Tae can easily come across pretty jimin fanart or ai art, without being in the trenches of shipping or army spaces (especially with all the plethora of art reposter accounts there are) Jk having tiktok in no way guarantees that he's coming across egregious shippers when most accounts he engages with are either meme accounts or dancers. Just because they have a presence on the internet that we can't exactly track, doesn’t mean than we can take the assumption that all the boys are aware of how deeply messed up the shipping spaces run.

With respect to hybe taking action, I agree that they need to start taking these shippers antis more seriously, especially on the non Korean sides, because most of the claims those accounts make could very well amount to defamation but their lax approach tells me that they either don't see them as a threat or are unable to take much action against perpetrators outside of SK, which we know has been an issue before.

As for tae and jungkook shutting down shippers more, they already have anon?? "Get out of your imagination, it's not good in there ", are Taehyung's own words, but was that good enough for the shippers, no? They found a niche alternative translation to satisfy their delusions or just straight up pretend it didn’t happen. People often accuse tae of ramping up tkkrs esp in chap 2, but its just been moments of him sharing about his interactions with jk, how is it his responsibility if tkkrs have run with it to be terrible to jm/jennie? Saying that he's "feeding these shippers" by simply talking about jk sounds strangely reminiscent of what tkkrs used to say about jm a few years back, but whatever.

As for jk, he's shut down tkkrs many times last year itself, what with his weirded out look into the camera when asked whether he's living with tae and many more examples which I'm not that interested in listing out. But does any of that, stop tkkrs? No.

I agree that tkkrs are beyond repair and it might create serious problems for any partners tae or jk might introduce, but you cannot in good faith put the onus of responsibility on the both of them for the way their shippers act. Its too victim blamey for me. I will hold tae a little responsible for reposting that account without checking, just solely because he has a bigger platform than most, but I'm not going to accuse him of being some secret terrible person for the actual content on those blogs.

#jikook

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nothing0fnothing · 1 year ago

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Im actually really thankful you've jumped onto my page because it's given me the opportunity to highlight exactly what I mean when I say narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse aren't the same thing.

I'm going to discuss DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) and how it relates to specifically narcissistic abuse.

See how this person holds me responsible for their own behaviour? Demanding that I beleive it is my job to block them to stop the abuse rather than theirs to stop abusing people? This is the abuser denying their responsibility in the abuse. He is saying "how can I be abusing you if you haven't yet blocked me?" Because the acknowledgement that he is an abuser is damaging to the narcissistic ego. He feels that if he can place enough of the blame for his actions onto me he can effectively deny his own abusive behaviour.

This is a conversation about ableism, but this person has opted to use the r slur to refer to my writing style. He brings my education into question, "so I don't have to try to understand the stupid shit you have to say". "You sound like you're trying to sound smart and justify ableism." He knows I am educated on the topic, and so attacking that credibility is his first instinct. He doesn't care about the irony of using an ableist slur to accuse a stranger of ablesim, he doesn't even care that he knows what he's saying is inaccurate and doesn't make sense. He only cares to attack, because he is when the narcissistic ego is bruised, that's all he can think to do.

Finally he reverses victim and Offender. He knows that he is the one coming to my page to leave abusive comments, he is aware that all he needs to do is stop and it will be over, but he can't bring himself to. The narcissistic urge to lash out when ones ego is bruised is too strong. He claims he is the true victim in this narrative as he has not yet been blocked by me, ignoring the fact that i have already blocked one of his accounts only to have him come back in this one. All the while, his narcissistic ego is incapable of perceiving any flaw in the self. So he begins to to use "I" and "you". "I am autistic" "you are ableist" "I have to understand what you have to say" "you sound retarded" "I have personality disorders" "you are a cockroach". all vile and obviously abusive statements used to frame me for my own abuse. Let's remember this conversation only minutes ago included him telling me I deserved the abuse my mother inflicted upon me as a child.

This is a great example why narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse, though have similarities, are different and deserve to be discussed separately. While the non narcissistic abuser may use some elements of DARVO to silence, confuse or further the abuse of their victims, it's only narcissistic abusers who consistently and entirely fall into DARVO every time the person they're abusing because it supports their delusional narcissistic ego.

Narcissistic abuse is real, it is different from emotional abuse and the perpetrators of it behave differently to other abusers. you've been the victim of emotional or mental abuse and you recall your abuser consistently relying on any of these tactics to further the abuse and hold you unfairly accountable, it's possible your abuser was a narcissist.

#narcissistic abuse #raised by narcissists #complex trauma #Narcissistic abuse #narcissism #emotional abuse #Narcissistic abuse awareness #Narcissism is not NPD

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zipperzoo · 1 year ago

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FIGHT TO MAKE IT UP

The Batman (2022) bruce wayne x f!reader Word count: - 2259 Masterlist / AO3 / Playlist Themes: Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Crime Family, Thriller, Nior, Heist, Action, Comedy, Crime. A/N: howdy! I took a um a hiatus HA- I needed a break due to life stuff but I really wanna finish this! and I did some research into stuff >.>

Chapter Eight:

Helping solve the crime you’d need many of these, a particular way of viewing things to bring justice to its knees

“Name?” “Oliver Caddel” “Okay Oliver, Occupation?”

“Circus staff… Is this going to take long?” He murmured, scratching his jaw with his thumb.

Rubbing his eyes, Exhausted already. Gordon pressed on. “Could you describe the events that took place here- what did you see or hear?”

Seated inside one of the many tents around the outskirts of the crime scene, outstretched a long line of partially injured civilians. Witnesses holding papers. Awaiting their turn to share their own statements of their experiences.

Unkempt appearances could already tell their own personal experiences of the night. Injuries as well as haunting distant empty stares into space. Lined up one by one behind one another. There was no discrimination of person, the victims were diverse among age, gender and race.

In an attempt to evacuate the camp site of the circus that was now taped off to the public while forensic officers would use their magic along with the help of the 'CID' (Criminal Investigation Department). It didn't stop news anchors or news broadcasters from attempting to get in through sky or ground for any latest scoop or raw footage of the damage.

Swirling around, capturing the long queues and the smoke trailing up above the main tent into a cloud of green and yellow mystery gas that just settled.

The tent that Gordon sat in, was small, cramped practically and opposite him was a singular witness who was nervous, worse for wear.

Oliver was the tenth or maybe the eleventh witness that Gordon had spoken too so far, and all he had to show for it was either vague descriptions of evocative unique descriptions per person of the events. Nothing was the same, they were all like different accounts of different events stitched together. Making a hazy similarities.

Nothing was drawing him closer to any answers to why, why this circus, why these people, why this specific method and importantly who would have the motive? What was the motive?

Was it a display of power?

Was it just so they could?

Was it a test? Was it a test?

What was the reason?

What is that mysterious gas?

“I wasn't inside the tent when It happened, I was… around.” The hesitation in his voice caused Gordon to drop the pen he held.

“Around?”

“You know, like around the tent.”

“But not inside?”

“No.”

“What part of the team did you work a part of?” With a deep sigh through his nose, Gordon picked his pen back up and jotted down everything the witness was sharing onto his witness form. Maybe this should have been something for Rivers to work on. Gordon wasn't getting anywhere and some fresh eyes on this would actually get him somewhere. He was beginning to regret putting them on the Wayne tower case.

That case feels like a distant dream now.

I worked on the electrics, ya know the lights. To make sure everything was-” “Hmm hm-” Gordon cut him off, lacing his hum with attitude. He knew what a tech did, he didn't need a recap. He just wanted to know what the man's experience of the evening was. “-I had a hard time focusing but when I finally did they were red, beet red i mean red!!”

Looking up at the witness through his brows, stopping his notes for a second Gordon asked “What was? The lights?”

“Like the worst sunburn you’ve ever seen!”

“Yes I’ve gotten the colour- what exactly was red though?”

Oliver’s face scrunched up, trying to recall exactly what then realization washed over him. His face stretched as his brows frowned. His gears were moving and Gordon was captivated by it.

Then, as if an alarm went off in his mind, he shot up and looked at Gordon, confused. “I’m sorry, what was the question again?” “You said something was red?”

“Hm? I’m sorry I-” He paused, looking down at his lap “I don't really remember?”

Leaning back on his chair, pushing aside the witness form which was half way filled in. Gordon looked at the witness. This was getting nowhere. Again they all had different descriptions of the events that might as well have been about different incidents.

One witness stated she was in the middle of an airplane on fire and about to crash, she remembered running through the cabins when pieces of the walls flew off. Vacuuming out civilians on the flight with her to then find herself standing in the middle of a field having others crash into her, fleeing.

Another stated he lost the ability to speak while everyones face morphed into empty sockets. His instinct was to fight back. Upon the realization that he could have very possibly hurt someone made him hysterical and had to be escorted out by officers.

Moving things along, Gordon quickly signed off the sheet, shuffling it to the growing pile beside him. If anything was to come from this maybe one hell of a book with all these testimonies. Some of these would make one hell of a horror novel.

“That's alright.” Gordon spoke. “We’re done, could you let in the next person in the line?”

Without a word, the witness Oliver pushed back his chair to then exit, letting the next person in through the tent’s flimsy waterproof door.

The next witness meekly made her way to the chair opposite Gordon. She looked extremely exhausted, eyebags fresh and sharp. Her hair knotted and fried. She was cradling her arm which was in a sling. “Name?” “Is this going to take long?” “It depends on the information you’ll be able to provide- name?” Gordon licked his thumb to then pluck a fresh form from the immaculate pile besides the ruffled one. “Abigail Williams. But I’m known as Dizzy on the staff”

“Okay, Dizzy, Occupation?” when pronouncing her nickname, he raised his eyebrows. Wasn't the first one of the evening preferring their stage name he heard. He had jotted down her name with Dizzy alongside it in quotation marks.

“Circus staff. I work closely with the performers.”

“So you were inside the tent?”

“I didn't know where I was or what time it was, let alone what was happening.”

“Could you try.” He leaned back on his chair, the wood squeaked under his weight. He had nothing but time right now.

It's all he could really do.

By the books he had nothing but time.

A very uneasy nod bloomed from her still state. Dropping her arm that cradled her sling to her lap, to then fiddle around with nervousness, an attempt to try and jog her foggy memory of a very traumatizing evening.

“I remember just my body feeling a sense of urgency, like something wasn't right. And the smell mostly.”

“A smell?”

“Um- A very sweet smell, kind of like honeysuckle-like?” she scrunched her brows together. “Yeah! Honeysuckle! Like a flower but it was kind of sour, burning at the back of the nose.”

Gordon pulled his eyes away from her to jot down exactly what she was saying. Pulling out a notebook from his pocket, completely separate from any of the paperwork scattered on the makeshift table.

Taking note, he scribbled ‘Honeysuckle smell- sour???’

“Then um.”

“Then what?”

Looking down, frowning, trying my best to remember. “I… I remember- oh god.” she gasped covering her mouth, panic eroded as she looked up at Gordon with a sudden realization. “Are the Grayson's okay?”

“The Grayson's?”

“The Grayson's?! The performers of the circus. They were the leading performers and they are a family. Two parents and one child. But I saw- I swear on my life I saw the two fall and crash into the ground.”

“Fall and crash like-”

“Like, fall and crash! Falling to the ground and just kind of a thud.” Lowing her hand revealing her mouth agape, worry lines forming beside it. “Then after that I- I just remember like everyone acting frantic and not normal.”

“Wait, you mentioned a child? Was the child a part of the two bodies you saw?”

“Huh? No, oh god no? The child wasn't there. I have no idea where the child was.”

“Did you see the child before or after the incident?”

“Uh.” her eyes frantically moving around the room, searching. “I haven't seen him since maybe this morning? With his parents? Besides that-” she shook her head.

“So the child wasn't there at the show?”

She pulled a face and shook her head again. “He was planning to be there but he wasn't. I just assumed it was a last minute change? Is… Is he not with the officers?”

“What's the child's name?”

“Dick Grayson.”

A moment Gordon’s thoughts raced, staring at Dizzy the Witness to then suddenly reach over the messy pile of paperwork flipping through all of them. Looking for any witnesses that matched the name of the child. Flipping through once, nothing. He blinked then flipped through again.

He hadn’t spoken to a Dick Grayson.

“Does the child have a stage name? What's his description?”

“Um, short boy. Dark hair, kind of an innocent look but he has a know it all attitude of sorts- Hard to miss.” She shifted in the chair slightly. “I’m sorry, is the questioning over?-” She asked, cocking her head with an inquisitive brow, concerned.

Dropping the paper he was holding, he scooted out of his chair. “Excuse me for a moment.” Swinging around the table to then dash out of the tent, leaving her there, turning around to look at the exit where he left. Confused.

Welcomed by harsh on sight lighting of the powerful The Nomad tripod lights scattered across the field illuminating the field. Gordon was momentarily blinded.

Blinking, adjusting his eyes to the lighting, he looked at the long line of witnesses.

Gordon turned to the first person in front of him who was covered head to toe in mud and blood- no clue where the source of the bleeding was from or if it was even their blood. “Where's the officers?”

The person stared hard at Gordon, startled by Gordons urgency. Shaking their head frantically to then turn to the person next to them. They too shook their heads.

They didn't know where they could be.

With a huff, Gordon looked around. Police standing by taped off areas bantering among themselves, one even laughing. Several forensic teams built recreational mysterious tools, while others carried bags of evidence.

Even several paramedic teams were attending to some civilians close by.

Gordon Marched towards the police Officers.

Grabbing an officer by the shoulder, turning him to Gordons attention. “I need you to locate a child for me, goes by the name Dick Grayson.”

“Sir?”

“It's urgent.”

One of the officers laughed, “Good luck with that.”

“You think this is funny?”

The officer coughed, changing his entire demeanour. “No sir.” he panicked.

“Dick Grayson, A young boy- meant to be one of the events mainline acts with the parents. Any information on him?”

“Dick Greyson? Yeah the kid, he is on the missing list.”

Gordon frowned in response. The officer looked to his colleagues to then pull up a clipboard of names that had red dashes next to them.

Below two dashes that were two Greyson's was a Dick Greyson that had a blank space.

“We are still searching the wreckage, there are alot of bodies sir but so far from what we have accounted for, no Dick Greyson has been found that we can formally account for. He is either dead or missing.”

“The red marks?” Gordon pointed at the clipboard. “What do the red marks mean?”

“Deceased. His parents have been identified. But again-” The words failed to leave the officer, he didn't need to say anything; it was in between the words he had spoken.

Gordon ran a hand down his face. A defeated sigh slipped through his tired lips.

There was no doubt about it that there was an ever growing number of missing people and children. But to know one thing was out of place before the actual events could be a crucial key to this mystery.

Cutting short the brief haunting thought of a child and his parents- A crowd of people started running, dashing out of the way to either side.

The officers by Gordon jumped besides him, all turning their attention towards a loud pipe like noise that was vastly approaching.

With mud flying it was hard to make out what was heading their way. Gordon took a few dragged steps back and squinted, hoping to focus on any details betrayed between the specks of mud flying.

He saw the red lights of a vehicle flooding the field and painted the tents with its harsh light.

A monster that looked like a car screamed life so much so that a few civilians flinched and cowered.

Slowing down as it spun around to turn then coming to a halt.

The engine dying down like a beast just suddenly being tamed to rest.

Steam coming from its exhaust fogging the ground. Tendrils of smoke swarming around the site, invading the tents. Entrapping the residents who stood idle in its mist.

Bursting open the steel doors from the vehicle, black boots emerge from its inner shadow.

A tall dark figure lurked out, with its piercing blue eyes looming over the people that stood around him and his beast.

A watchful gargoyle that breathed life as his chest heaved with vengeance as his eyes met with Gordons.

A few heads turn to face Gordon, with fear residing in their expressions.

“Batman.” Gordon whispered, relieved. “Finally.”

#the Batman fanfic #fanfiction #Bruce Wayne fanfiction

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th3sp4rr0w · 1 year ago

Text

Day Twenty-Two

A03 Link <- Starts at Chapter/Day One for those just joining us :))

Prompts For Day Twenty-Two Whipping/Punishment/Stress Position

Alt. Prompt For Day Twenty-Two Nerve Damage

Prompts Used for Day Twenty-Two Whipping, Punishment, Nerve Damage

Tw's; Dubious Medical Accuracy, Blood, Injury, General Child Death (I still have no idea how to tag that)

IMPORTANT; Tomorrow's chapter may be late. I'll try to keep you guys updated on this account :))

Chapter Twenty-Two under the cut :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he woke up, his wrist throbbed. He winced as he tried to sit up, looking at the new scars decorating his skin.

Robin was never supposed to be scared. Robin was supposed to be strong all the time. Laugh in the face of death and still come out the other side, kicking and screaming. That was easy to do when you’d always come out the other side.

As Jason Peter Todd-Wayne, he knew what it felt like to not be able to come out the other side. He’d been scared, but it was okay. He had the bat. Batman had already been too late once, but he couldn’t be late if he was right there, right? He’d had Nightwing and Alf. He had people in his corner, willing to back him up.

Cardinal was born because of their failings. Robin wasn’t supposed to be scared, but he was terrified; Jason was allowed to be paralyzed with fear if he wanted to be because he’d had everyone right there; all he had was another kid in his exact position.

If anything, this had reminded him of something he should’ve already had beaten into his skull; don’t trust anyone. Especially when they’re suspicious.

He failed that. He failed Phantom, and he failed himself. He felt like he failed Catherine.

He pulled his knees to his chest. His hand twitched and pulsated with pain.

He’d wanted to believe that Agent A was a victim. Looking back, it was obvious that it had been by design. The food, the water, the kindness; it had all been a ploy. He supposed he could understand it. Nobody wanted to think a kind person who said pretty words and talked about how mean the others were with you was going to betray you like that.

He’d invented this whole story in his head; that she’d been down on her luck, she had kids, never spoken about a partner. He figured she was a single mother. Needed a nice, cushy government job to raise them comfortably and ended up working with ghosts because it sounded ridiculous; wanted out, now, but couldn’t go knowing there were more people willing to take her spot as soon as she left. Stayed because she wanted to help.

Batman, what felt like years ago now, had taught him that interrogation technique. People are wired to fill in the blanks of an incomplete picture; if you drop little puzzle pieces, they don’t notice the big ones you're holding close. They fill in those parts of the picture on their own. It’s remarkable, really. They don’t even realize they’re being fed bullshit until the after taste hits their tongue. It tasted like defeat and regret.

A particularly stabbing pain made itself known from his elbow all the way down his thumb. It got intense around his joints. He hissed and clutched the offending arm close.

He should’ve died. A shock like that should’ve left him little more than a vegetable. He’d already figured his ghost part protected him from the bulk of it, but the rest should’ve been healed by now. He considered asking Phantom about it.

The other boy lay on the floor. He didn’t know what he was doing and didn’t ask. Living in the same small room together, you started craving privacy; he figured this was his way of asking for space. He’d contemplated crawling into the cupboard before but decided against it in case he was caught by an agent and decided he’d interacted with his surroundings wrong or something and punished him.

What was taking so long? He may not be a damsel in distress, but he was a bat that needed back up. The longest it had ever taken Nightwing to get rescued was a few days, and that was largely because the big bat had been in space and didn’t want anyone to move in until he was there to help. It was mostly because Nightwing developed a tendency to go off on his own and come back 10x more traumatized than he’d left and Batman wanted to provide some sort of emotional support (as much as Batman could be), but still. He’d been there within a few days.

He wasn’t jealous or anything. He was just concerned. If the Bat couldn’t figure out where they were, and soon, then...

He looked over at Phantom. His wrist ached again.

What would it mean for them? They’d eventually either have to escape or die here. They were already working on the first one, but the second was rapidly approaching. If they went full ghost after, they might have a shot of getting out, but they’d already kept them this long. If they went full ghost mode, then they’d probably cut their chances in half. Then, once they ended them for good...

Nothing. Bye. That’s it.

It’s not that he’d already given up. He didn’t want to die, if for no other reason than for spite. Who the fuck were these people to come along and just decide a whole different species is just not sentient anymore? Fuck that. But he also wasn’t optimistic.

He knew that whatever was keeping him alive right now was fading. He could feel it in every little cell in his body; it was like feeling your heart slowly stop bleeding and knowing there’s nothing you can do to fix it. It was terrifying. He suspected Phantom felt it too, after everything.

They didn’t have enough in them to make it out of another fight, not with these people. Their only chance was to run.

But they weren’t ready. He’d made some progress with the collar, but not much; Phantom had been much more successful in that front. He didn’t think they’d be able to get far if they rushed them. He supposed it could work if they were the only three here, but they constantly had people helping out during experiments. It wouldn’t be long before everyone who’d ever helped before was called in to help again, and they’d be right back where they started but worse.

He closed his eyes, trying to breathe through the pain. Different techniques that had been drilled into his head popped up, demanding attention until he realized it wasn’t working and he switched tactics. It was like someone had started touching the nerve itself, gripping it and twisting. It made him squirm, taking over his whole thought process for several minutes. Who could think though this sort of pain?

Eventually, it calmed down on its own. He had little pinpricks of sweat dotted on his forehead; that had sucked. That had sucked hard and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to do that again. What was that, exactly?

He looked down at Phantom, who was still lying on the floor for... unknown reasons. He was going to leave him be for a few more minutes, but he hadn’t moved since the last time Cardinal had checked on him. He... should, right? That was what people did when someone’s on the floor and they haven’t moved?

He slid down and off the cot, next to the other boy, He made his way to the floor, looking at him from where he’d sat down. He could see tear tracks on the boy’s cheeks, his eyelashes fluttering with sleep. When he reached a hand outwards, he could feel warm puffs of hair against his hand. He looked at him fondly for a few more minutes.

His heart ached. When he’d first found out that he had a twin, he hadn’t been interested. He had Nightwing, and he supposed Batgirl counted too. He had the baby bird, who was delightfully unhinged in the way only a baby brother could be. He was fine; he didn’t need any more siblings. But right here?

He couldn’t imagine what his life had been like before Phantom. Memories wrapped around themselves, trying to remember where the boy had been. It was like they couldn’t comprehend a life without him. Imagining the future was much the same; no matter how hard he tried to imagine it, Phantom was always by his side.

This is what that looked like, right? Being by someone’s side no matter what. He had a suspicion that Phantom could probably leave whenever he wanted to by now. He’d been training his collar pretty hard. But he stuck by his side. He couldn’t comprehend it most days; most other people would have turned tail and ran by now.

The other boy started blinking awake, yawning and bringing his hand up to wipe his eye. He watched him as he did so, resisting the urge to tuck his hand in his hair.

He loved his family; all his family. Affection had been something he’d struggled with for a while. He’d gone from a caretaker that was full of gentle touches and temple kisses to being wary of anyone walking within touching distance to being in the manor, where a pat on the shoulder was pretty much it unless it’s Nightwing they were talking about or something bad had happened, all within a few years. It was jarring. Sometimes his body didn’t know whether to tense to run or to stay relaxed.

He’d never had that problem with Phantom. The circumstances were not ideal, it’s true, but it just came easy when he was with the boy. Maybe it was a twin thing and maybe it was a ghost thing, but for whatever reason, they just seemed to click.

Phantom stretched, looking at Cardinal with half-lidded eyes. “What’s uh... mmm, what’s goin’ on?”

He looked at him. “Nothing much. I only just woke up myself when I noticed you were on the flo-oOor-”

His left came forwards to grasp his right. He hissed in pain as Phantom started up to fuss over him.

He grabbed his wrist, looking over it. He rubbed along the scars. “Can you outstretch your hand for me?” He asked softly.

He tried. It was like the fingers had a sudden rebellion, refusing to outstretch like he’d demanded. The other boy looked at him and rubbed his flesh. It didn’t help the pain, but at least he knew he wasn’t alone.

“I think the electricity damaged your nerve,” he said quietly. “I go through the same thing,” he added, holding up his left hand.

Cardinal stretched out his right arm, bumping the other boys hand against his one. “At least you damaged your left,” he said.

Phantom snorted. “If I had to damage either of my hands, I would’ve preferred my right. I’m left-handed.”

Cardinal laughed with him. “Somewhere, somebody is laughing their ass off at us,” he said.

“Oh, undoubtedly,” he said. He started popping his knuckles, one by one, “We both damage our writing hands in the same way almost exactly a year apart? That’s wild.”

He hummed. “If we get anymore freaky shit like that here I’m suing,” he joked.

“Honestly, I think we should,” he said lowly. “We’re young and cute enough the court would probably eat this up,” he pondered.

Cardinal thought about it. “My adoptive father is an A-list celebrity,” he said, equally quiet. “We’d probably be able to do it.”

The other boys eyes lit up. “We could destroy them mentally one at a time until they’re nothing but a shell of their former selves!”

He leaned away from him slightly. “We could totally do that, buddy, but you’re scaring me a bit,” he said, amusement evident in his voice.

He looked back up at him, a somewhat manic gleam in his eyes. “I run off of spite and caffeine, dude. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had caffeine? I was supposed to get a coffee after I met with the spirit of Gotham and got kidnapped by your brother instead. Then I got kidnapped by the GIW.”

“Oh my god-”

“I know!”

Cardinal looked at him for a moment. “They’re never going to let us out of their sight again,” he said. “Batman’s going to put me on a fucking leash-”

Phantom laughed brightly. “That’s fine. My older sister will absolutely join him. Think they’ll take us on walks together?”

He startled out a laugh. “As long as they don’t start feeding us off the floor- do you want food?”

He snorted. “Sure- what do you want?”

He hummed. “Something with protein.”

He chucked some sort of protein poptart at him. He tore into it the wrapper with his teeth, eventually gaining access to the sweet treat. He took a bite.

It wasn’t bad. It definitely wasn’t a poptart, but it was something with a decent amount of protein, and it was poptart-adjacent. It was good enough.

Phantom sighed as he looked in the cabinet. “Man,” he started, “I would kill for some zesti.”

Cardinal laughed. “No fuckin’ way,” he said. “Nightwing drinks that shit. I swear it’s going to come out one day that they put addictive chemicals in the crap.”

“You know what? It could have the same dark secret as slurm and I’d still drink it. I’d debate it-”

“The fuck is slurm?” He wrinkled his nose.

“Fucking- you remember Futurama?”

“OH- that stupid show ‘Wing watches?”

“I guess? Anyways- one of the episodes they figure out the drink the main character drinks all the time is slug-”

“Nope. Don’t, I know what you’re talking about. You’d fucking drink that, what is wrong with you?!”

He watched as the other boy laughed, coming out of the cabinet with some water. “Look-”

“Don’t ‘look’ me as if-”

“Dude, it’s good. Just trust me.”

“Nightwing’s made me try it, I do not trust you. You’re all going to get some horrible disease and I fear I’ll get it too just from that sip.”

“Stop,” he wheezed.

“This isn’t funny, you have a problem-”

“I only overdosed on caffeine ONE time!”

“You did what-”

He laughed. Cardinal vaguely wondered how it would sound if they were out. If they weren’t on the floor of some government facility, trying to survive some shit that sounds like the plot of one of Nightwing’s shitty shows.

He took a deep breath. He looked away.

He might’ve picked up a few dramatics, but hey, he earned it. This was a situation to be dramatic about.

Phantom looked at him. “Hey, what’s up?"

He tried not to look like he was some damsel looking for her husband that had gone off to war. “I just... I’m missing my family right now.”

Phantom nodded, coming up beside him. He noticed his left hand was cramped up at his side. “I get it,” he said softly. “I miss my family, too.”

He put his leg over Phantom’s. For whatever reason, it soothed something inside him to be linked in some way. He assumed it was a ghost thing.

“What’s the psychiatrist like?” He asked.

Phantom got an easy grin on his face. “She’s bossy. And she keeps trying to psycho-analyze strangers at the grocery store when she notices they’re buying a different milk than usual, because she’s the psychiatrist and she notices that type of thing. She slightly loses her head in a stressful situation, but the second anybody, especially me, Ellie, or any of my friends are in trouble, she’s a total badass. One time she noticed I was getting hurt on patrol and followed me out there with nothing but a thermos and a pipedream.”

“No gear?” Cardinal asked.

Phantom snorted. “Nope. Not even a good pair of boots; she wore her flats.”

“Oh my god.”

He smiled fondly. “Yeah. She burns water in the kitchen; one time she tried to make pancake mix batter and, even though you don’t need to do anything except add water, it had unmixed baking soda in it.”

“You’re fucking kidding,” he replied, looking at Phantom in slack-jawed horror.

“Nope,” he laughed. “But she’s my sister. I love her. And she’s good at a million other things. I honestly believe that she’ll be able to tame Arkham, if for no other reason than she wants to try. She’s really smart, dude, and I think she could do it.”

Cardinal whistled. “What about the Joker?”

“She’s already said she refuses to work with him in particular,” he said immediately. “She said she wants to help those that want to be, and Joker’s more akin to a ghost now. I can tell he’s been brought back a couple times, right?”

He nodded.

“Yeah, he’s... he’s too far gone. J says there’s a certain point where there’s really no coming back from the damage you’ve caused, and that fucker passed it a long time ago. She also says that considering the damage he’s done to previous psychologists, they need to stop trying.”

Cardinal nodded. “Your sister’s pretty smart.”

He smiled. “Yeah, she is. What about Nightwing? What’s he like?”

He got quiet. “He’s... I think he’s angry. Not at me, I don’t think it was ever really about me. But I think Batman didn’t do everything he should’ve with ‘Wing. He’s sensitive, and always has been. I don’t think that Batman knew how to be a dad yet, and trying to figure it out as he went along wasn’t really the best thing to do. I think I’m supposed to forgive him for being angry and taking it out on me. I mean, that’s what they always say, right?”

“Dude, if you’re not ready to forgive him, don’t. He might be doing better now, but you deserved to be protected all along. Especially since he knew how Batman was.”

He sighed. “I know. I just... he is doing better now. He checks in with me, asks how my day went, treats me like I’m his brother. I don’t want to ruin that. I like what we have going on and I’m so worried that I’m gonna screw it up.”

He hummed. “I’ll help you figure it out. It’s okay to be angry, redbird.”

He snorted. “That’s sticking now?”

He smiled at him. “Why not?”

He gave a soft smile of his own. “Yeah. Why not? But um, to answer your question. I think Nightwing would burn the world down if he thought it’d keep me safe. I think growing up with Batman does irreversible shit to anyone’s psyche, so we all have a funny way of showing we care, but I think he does. Always did. He doesn’t like admitting it, but he’d probably set himself on fire to keep everyone else warm.”

“What do you mean?”

“In a way, I think he might’ve been trying to protect me by staying away.”

“That’s dumb as shit,” Phantom replied, deadpan. “How would-”

“He’s... I don’t want to call him dumb but he’s fucking stupid. He can solve just about any puzzle you put in front of him, but he’ll still convince himself he hasn’t done anything for the community. He solved, like, 7 cases of Batman’s while he was sick and injured one week and cried because he couldn’t follow up in the field.”

“Do you think we could manipulate him into getting therapy?”

He paused. “Maybe?”

Phantom snorted. “It really sounds like all of you need it, dude.”

“Look who’s talking Mr. I Died In My Parent’s Basement.”

“Okay, so we could all benefit from a session.”

“Alf’s gonna love you,” he said, shaking his head. “He’s been teaming up with Canary to get Bat and ‘Wing into therapy for years.”

He grinned. “I want it on the record that if I didn’t know my sister and what she’d say about this very well, I probably wouldn’t have said anything.”

He grinned. “I- oh, ow, oh my god, what was that-”

Phantom dropped his smile, looking over the other boy. “What’s wrong, what happened-”

“Pain- ow-”

“In the recent wound or the old ones?”

“Like- legs and shit, ow-”

Phantom winced. “Okay, just breathe through it,” he said, beginning to rub his back and lay him down. “It’s your death wound acting up, you’re gonna be fine-”

“Death wound?!”

“It’s okay!” He said, putting his hands in front of him. “They act up during important events and things. You’re gonna be okay,” he said, starting to pet his hair. “It’s going to suck, and you might scream a little bit but you’re going to be okay by the end, I promise.”

He looked up at Phantom. He trusted him completely.

Maybe it was dumb, especially after everything he’d gone though. He... he still wanted to believe victims.

Out of everything they’d taken from him, he didn’t want this to be one. People deserved to be believed. At the end of the day, he might not be Robin, but the one thing he never wanted to lose was the trust he had with the people they saved. He didn’t want to be the type of person to doubt every detail of the story. That wasn’t how he was raised.

Catherine wouldn’t have wanted that for him.

He breathed through it, Phantom helping him. Eventually, he calmed down.

They didn’t go back to talking. They sat there, just going through the motions. He drank water. Phantom eventually ate something. They didn’t speak for a long time. They didn’t need to.

It was the moments of waiting that felt the hardest. The not knowing, the exhaustion, the uncertainty. He had no idea what was going to break first; if he’d crack and give in, giving these assholes exactly what they wanted and cracking under the pressure of being the perfect prisoner, or if they were going to snap over nothing and kill them. That was what they were gearing up to, right?

Even if they mentally broke them and brainwashed them into the perfect soldiers, they’d never be trusted. They could never look at them and say, honestly, that they didn’t think they’d run given the chance. Their options had always been escape, rescue, or death. With every passing hour, it looked more like death was the only option.

He still didn’t know why being a ghost was so bad. What had they ever done to anyone to deserve this sort of fate? It’s not like they’d ever done anything wrong outside of their own raw need for survival. He normally agreed with Bruce’s rule, but there are a few exceptions he’d be willing to make. These people?

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to pull the trigger, but God if he wasn’t tempted. He wondered if Nightwing would do it if he asked.

He scolded himself. Nightwing... he was going through something. He could see it in his eyes. The way he carried himself and the dark circles under his eyes. He was deep into... something and he wasn’t sure if he should ask this of him.

“Jason, sweetheart, I want you to promise me something,” she’d said.

Her 9-year-old looked up at her. “Yes, mommy?”

Some of the other kids picked on him for continuing to call his mom ‘mommy’. He didn’t care. She was sick and he loved her.

He’d do anything she asked.

“If it ever comes down to you, or someone else, I want you to choose yourself.”

He’d been confused. “What?”

“Someday,” she’d said, carding her gentle fingers through his hair, “Someone’s going to want to hurt you. And they won’t stop at anything to do it. It’ll come down to a decision; them, or you. I want you to choose you. Promise me.”

“I promise.”

The memory tore its way through his brain. He’d forgotten about that day.

He hadn’t known what she meant then. Even though he’d been far from innocent as a nine-year-old, entirely against his will, he hadn’t known. But he was 15 now, 16 that August.

He sure as fuck knew now.

… He’d never disobeyed a big order like this from Bruce. The thought made his stomach sour. But.

Isn’t that the thing? There’s always a ‘but’ involved.

These people would stop at nothing to hurt them. They’d stop at nothing to kill him if given the chance. It was something he was now painfully intimately aware of.

It’s such an awful feeling, knowing that one day, you didn’t come back home the same. He’d been avoiding processing it fully for Phantom’s sake, but it ripped something out from him now. Was this how Nightwing felt that night? When he’d shown up, uniform ripped, something unidentifiable in his eyes and sat on the couch, staring at nothing for hours? Sobbing in Batman’s, no, his dad’s arms?

How had he gotten through it? How would he, so far from home? He swallowed, hard.

He was not Jason Todd. He was not Robin. He was Cardinal, and he was totally in control of this situation. That’s what he had to keep telling himself.

He was totally in control of the situation. He could have whatever crisis he needed to about it later. Right now, he needed to keep a level head and focus on Phantom.

He looked over at the other boy. He could still feel pain rocking down his body, nearly overwhelming him. If he hadn’t been trained by the best of the best, he probably wouldn’t have been able to breathe through it. The bat himself would’ve been better at it, but he still wasn’t half-bad.

Phantom looked at him like he’d just watched him do something impressive. It didn’t feel very impressive, but he smiled at him regardless.

“Dude,” he whispered. “You gotta show me how to do that.”

He laughed a bit. “Yeah, maybe I will.”

They’d finished their food and water. Cardinal shoved the empty bottles into his hoodie pocket for later, shoving the wrappers back into the cabinet. It was getting to be uncomfortable just how routine it felt.

The keys jingled shortly after. Just a bathroom break.

One of the agents that would be called in if they thought they needed to be held down took them to the bathroom. The usual crowd of lower levels were there, looking at them and waving. They never tried to speak to them; they couldn’t, or they’d be yelled at. But they always waved, and usually-

One of them pressed something into Phantom’s hand. He smiled at them, mouthed thank you, and kept walking. Cardinal himself felt something being slipped into his hoodie. He looked up at the person who did so. He winked, pressing his finger to his lips.

Out of all of them, they thought they were the coolest here. He wasn’t willing to trust them; they were still working for the GIW. But, in a weird way, he thought they were being more genuine than Agent A was.

They went into the bathroom, did what they needed to in the stalls, then walked out to the sinks. It was vaguely unsanitary, but now more than ever they trusted the water from the bathroom more than any unsealed bottles Agent A stuck in the cabinet. She’d already shown her true colors. He didn’t care that she was ‘concerned’ afterwards.

Going back was also an uneventful affair. Phantom had started letting out pulses of ectoplasm after they came back to kill any bugs they planted- it was actually really nice, not being worried about whether or not they’d missed one. He was still vaguely concerned, however, that they were going to come back one day and find them in the ceiling. He really needed to learn to control his powers so they could move the stash somewhere.

No. He needed to learn how to use his powers so they could escape.

They hadn’t dared look to their prizes until they were safely back in the room. Phantom had some candy- Cardinal had a note with a single word.

“Soon."

It was dated June 4 th . They had no idea what it meant. It wasn’t signed. Was June 4 th the date today? Was it a date in the future? Had it already passed?

He had no idea. He wasn’t used to having no idea. He took a deep breath.

If the note was any indication, he’d find out... soon. He could live with that.

Phantom got his passion project out of the ceiling. He’d done a remarkable job on it so far; it only needed a few more finishing touches.

“Cardinal,” he was holding it up. “We can’t shoot it in here, for obvious reasons,” he rolled his eyes, “But this is yours. If I bond it to my ectoplasm, you won’t be able to use it. I’m not opposed, but I wanted to give you the option.”

He nodded. He took the gun. He stared at the little connector that had recently ruined his life. “What do I do?”

He hooked it to his wrist, being gentle and watching his reactions. He pressed a button.

The whole thing started glowing green. “Okay,” he said quietly, “You need to keep that connected for a bit, so it can get used to you. If you need a break or to disconnect it, press this button-” he pointed to the button in question- “First. If you don’t, you might mess the whole thing up. That, obviously, is not good.”

He nodded. “And I just pull the trigger and it goes off? How do I cock it?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know who designed this initially, but it’s pretty advanced. You don’t need to cock it; it doesn’t even have a safety on it.” He rolled his eyes, exasperated. “It’s like they wanted this thing to go off on a random Tuesday. No wonder it was abandoned; the whole design is unsafe.”

“But it’s the best we’ve got.”

He got quiet. “Yeah. It’s the best we got.”

They were quiet. Phantom checked over the gun on occasion, and eventually deemed it ready to go. They stuck it safely back into the ceiling, along with the note and the candy. No sooner were his feet on the ground did the jingle of keys catch their attention.

Agent V stormed in. “You unpicked his stitches,” she said dangerously.

He looked at her. “What?”

“I stitched that one’s-” she pointed at Jason, “Mouth shut yesterday. And now it’s undone. Why?”

“Because I wasn’t going to do anything and there was a scalpel sitting there? Why does it matter, his blood-”

“Shut up! You had no right to do that!”

“Didn’t I?” He asked, baffled.

“You do not take that tone with me, do you hear me, maggot? You do as I say, or you don’t do anything at all!”

“What did I do wrong here?! You never said I couldn’t take out his stitches-”

She stalked forwards, grabbing him and pulling him up. “You things are so fucking needy. You wanna know what we do too needy? I’ll fucking show you.”

“You can’t-!”

“Shut up, dog, unless you want to get punished, too,” she growled. He looked at him, still gripping Phantom’s shirt. She looked at Cardinal for a few more moments. “Get up,” she demanded.

He did as she said. He was tempted to hit her, but she beat him to it.

She stepped forwards and slapped him, her hand landing right over his ear, hard. As much as he tried not to be afraid, the loud ‘Pop!’ and the rush of blood terrified him.

He fell to the floor. Phantom looked at him with wide eyes.

Before either of them realized what her intention was, she had Phantom out of the room. He tried to run forwards to follow them, but they were already out the door. She had replaced the locks. He could hear Phantom still screaming obscenities, Agent A making threats. He was terrified of what was about to happen. He took a deep breath, trying to remain calm.

He thought of what his mom said. He thought of the note.

… If he weren’t curious about the note and its contents, he’d be planning their escape for tonight. He would’ve thought it sounded sinister if it weren't for the group that wrote it. He didn’t trust them, but you know what they say. Satisfaction resurrects cats killed my curiosity, and all that. Besides, he knew they couldn’t live like this. Sooner or later, and he had a feeling it’d be sooner, something would give, and they’d never be able to get it back. He had the sickening feeling that he knew they wouldn’t be able to escape on their own.

Waiting was hell. Both for ‘soon’ to happen and for Phantom to come back, because he had to come back. A million different thoughts ran through his head. His right ear was weird, and he couldn’t hear out of his left at all. It was like someone had shoved some earplugs into him. He felt bile rising in his throat at the thought.

Before he knew it, Phantom was thrown back into the room. His shirt was off and bundled in his arms. He had tears and snot in his eyes. His back looked like someone had whipped him, over and over again like a broken record.

They said nothing. They didn’t need to. It was obvious enough what had happened, and it was obvious he was embarrassed about it.

He took down the first aid kit, cleaning his back methodically. He hadn’t dressed the wounds yet when they heard more keys and footsteps. They halfway expected Agent A to be there to ‘care’ about them. Instead, they found Agent J with new clothes, ordering the pair to follow them to take a shower.

They went obediently. Cardinal helped Phantom walk, and when they got to the shower, he helped carefully wash his back a bit more thoroughly, taking his time to avoid the lacerations and cuts that had formed. When they got out, their shoes and his gloves, masks, and belt were still there, along with the new clothes. Nothing was missing out of his belt; he assumed that they assumed he didn’t have it on. He put on the red sleeveless hoodie over his belt, along with the tighter-fitting black sweats. Phantom threw on a gray hoodie with blue, loose sweats.

When they got back to the room, Cardinal methodically dressed Phantom’s wounds and tried to talk to him.

If something really was happening soon, they needed to be prepared. They made a mental list of things they can carry on them. Phantom grabbed everything out of the hidey hole that he could. Cardinal stuffed his belt to the gills with food and medical supplies stolen from the kit, the gun and dull baterang in the pocket on his left. He watched Phantom stick the journals in his torso; he was slightly jealous. That was so cool.

He smiled as best as he could. He could tell Phantom was tired. He was, too.

Being here was like having your soul sucked out of you. He could feel it in every moment he spent worrying about the future, worrying about their present, if they were going to survive. They were so tired of surviving.

Soon. That could mean so many things.

He closed his eyes and thought of Batman. He’d already done everything he possibly could to ensure Cardinal’s survival. He wouldn’t just throw him away the moment he made a questionable decision. Breathe in. Breathe out.

… Nightwing was likely going to burn this place to the ground, though. He was going to help him.

He’d waited this long to see what would happen. They were so close. Being impatient now could wreck everything they had built.

He focused on Phantom, making sure he was as comfortable as they could get him on the cot. He handed him a bottle of water and a snack, telling him to eat it.

He asked for the red journal. Living with the bat definitely damaged your psyche in some way; he began making contingencies, different plans for different scenarios. They didn’t have much to work with.

They had enough. They had a gun. They had each other. They had the information they’d overheard from the group of lower ranked agents and from passing conversation between the agents.

They got this. They had to have this. The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how serious this all was. This wasn’t just them they were talking about; what if there were more people like this? Ones they didn’t know about? The pits were everywhere; they could have created more people like him.

Their quality of life mattered. All the ghost’s lives mattered. At this point, he didn’t care for the motivations of mad men. This was a genocide. And it was the hero’s job to stop it.

Could he even be considered a hero anymore?

#dp x dc #ailesswhumptober2023 #jason todd #danny fenton #danny phantom #dc robin #robin #batman #ai less whumptober day twenty-two #kite flies over the nightingale nest

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