#there is a hierarchy of needs for a reason.
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This looks absolutely heinous but whatever. Some Linked Nexus alien species! I’ll put a description/ramble with the words transcribed under the cut. Wind and Twilight (far right two) are half-human in what passes for my canon so they don't look perfectly like this but I wanted to do dramatic versions.
Linked Nexus masterpost
Far left boy is labeled "human, Reverb (EoW)." He's average height, moderately stocky, has round ears. He covers his neck with a blue scarf. Humans are highly attracted to their environment, so he wears a climbing harness. He wears a green poncho and tan pants with hardy sleeves beneath, since he lives on a forest world (look idk where or if he's gonna show up in LN but I needed a human and had him.)
Next is labeled "Hylian, Warriors—90%." That extra 4% Gerudo made him taller than the average Hylian, who are generally shorter than humans. Hylians have bigger, slant-ier eyes, and, not labeled, often have actually metallic hair. Pure Hylians like Warriors are rare though.
Third from the left is labeled "Hylian (Sheikah), Legend". He looks a little different than usual, and is labeled with "Sheikah coloring is more uniform than others'—white hair, red eyes." He has some bands on one of his hair thingies that indicate his role and position inside the Collective. The Sheikah have very specific cultural hierarchy and clothing styles. Only about 5% of Sheikah doppelgangers—enough to make them valuable but not irreplaceable.
Next is "Kasitan, Hyrule." He's labeled as relatively short and rather slim. He has big, reflective eyes and green blushies. Kasitans are also long-limbed and long-fingered. It isn't labeled here but they also have some natural subdermal plating!
Next is "Zora (deep), not Wind." This Zora looks kinda like Zora from Twilight Princess, but with big shiny eyes for seeing in the dark, not much nose, and sharp teeth. They have claws and webbed fingers and big flipper feet. I put this one in clothes for reasons. They're tall. There are more fins hidden beneath the clothing, such as on the arms and legs.
Last is "Twili, not Twilight." He looks a little weird sorry. Twili are labeled as very tall, with long, bright hair. "Twili shadow forms influence their light forms; Twilight's wolf gives him fangs and claws." Also "I can't decide what color to make the skin...!" Twilight also has some cyan on his armor, labeled "special tech for a variety of purposes—like light-repelling." Twili have some interesting technology :)
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The third piece that I think I know is this question of language. And of course all of these overlap with each other. But I saw an argument online that Latinx is the easy one. And it’s also easy to push back on because it’s just a fact that you can scarcely find a politician who says Latinx. But that’s not the point. The point is we have a whole language that’s maybe not offensive, or irritating. But definitely unfamiliar to regular people. I think Kamala did a really good job on focusing on middle-class concerns. But I remember her saying, ‘I’m going to center the needs of the working class.’ And I thought to myself, I don’t know anyone in the world who says center. I know people in politics who say center. I know people in academia. I know people in advocacy who say center. But centering the needs, or making space for, or all of that, is a clear indication that you are not normal. And I put myself in that category. By definition, I am a coastal progressive. But I think this question of language goes pretty deep. And it goes to not just being careful not to say things that are egregiously weird sounding, but it’s also the way we interact with advocacy groups. I remember saying I was for a cessation of hostilities in Israel and Palestine. And people said why don’t you say ceasefire? I’m thinking, that’s literally the same thing. I remember saying I was for a big, bold climate bill. And someone said why don’t you say Green New Deal? And this idea that there are magic words that we must be forced to say defines progressivism and political courage by essentially saying whatever a bunch of activists want us to say, as opposed to doing the thing. And I think that there are a bunch of people who see what we’re doing as performative, for that exact reason. But it’s also just alienating. This magic words thing has to go away.
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sha'ban and his mother alaa's murderers still walk on their two feet while people scramble to find their missing limbs. his pictures from before show his spotless and glowing face and the last we see of him is him burning into a charred piece of flesh. he was going to become a software engineer. he was my age. he had a future. they were burned to death and we could only see them because there were people to document it. even more atrocious crimes are committed elsewhere where no one is there too see or live long enough to tell. glory to the day palestinians celebrate their victory with the boisterous sounds of laughing children. on the day of judgement, they will have the whole world as their witness.
i feel so distraught because why is no one talking about the people of this country anymore. please don't get tired. please don't forget that you have the precious right to feel tired and the ability to rest. if only i had a bigger platform and a bigger ladder to step on, but this is as far as my voice can reach for now. please don't forget. please don't get tired. i understand how everyone has lives of their own and problems they face on the daily, be it financially or with their health and well-being of all forms or more, but the least you can do is not forget.
those who have been chased out of their home countries to an oppressive figure know the sorrow more than others ever could so please, do at least the very least. those who have faced the threat of imminent and violent death can understand. please don't forget those starving, those aching, those fighting, those murdered, those burned, those shot, those raped, those beaten, those tortured, those swept away, those bombed, those children, those women, those men, those helpless to the power of evil, those crumbling under pressure, those truly oppressed, those breaking tooth and nail to keep moving forward in life, those reaching out for help.
please lend and use your voice for those unheard and shushed. please make a sound for those who can't for themselves. please don't waste it on people who have more money and opportunities than they give.
#call me bitter but please give more energy to those who are actively fighting for their lives rather than ones who can already fight for#themselves.#nothing is as relevant as those in humanitarian crisis i promise you the internet can wait. your favourite stars can wait.#i swear to t you i absolutely believe that workplace injustice should be addressed and the industry needs to be fixed asap#but it can wait. please wait. please use your energy for this cause instead.#i am not going to name names because it's not about them. it's about the victims of war and famine and oppression and slavery.#there is a hierarchy of needs for a reason.#free palestine#save palestine#i stand with palestine#palestinian genocide#gaza#free gaza#gaza genocide#stop the genocide#israel is committing genocide#al aqsa hospital
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You are backed into a corner, there is nowhere for you to go, except forward. Unfortunately, in front of you is a man who is intent on shoving his knife between your ribs and stealing everything from your corpse. What are you going to do? Are you going to stand there and ask yourself, "Would I be a bad person if I fought this man, maybe kill him?" or are you going to pull your own knife and fight back? Cause, I will tell you what is more than likely going to happen. Your fight-or-flight sense is going to try to override your asinine desire to have a philosophical debate with yourself, and try to get you out of the situation alive. You will instinctively and without thinking, either pull your knife and try to fight back, or you will try to run away from this man, hell, you might actually try to just hand over your wallet if it meant securing your life.
Does this scenario make sense? Does the outcome make sense? Is it reasonable, in this moment, to forego morality for your own survival? Because if it does, then try to expand this idea to understand the TWO HUNDRED YEARS of bullshit Minthara has lived through in Menzoberranzan. Every single day of her life was a nonstop survival scenario, her fight-or-flight sense was always active, and she always defaulted to fight because that was what she was good at. Her conversation about someone always trying to kill her isn't her having an over inflated sense of self-importance. She was important. Many people actually did want to kill her, and many people actually did try. For fuck's sake, she was almost assassinated when she was just a baby!
And she prevailed above it all because she didn't waste a single second of her time asking herself, "would I be a bad person for trying to survive?" No, she picked up her maces and did what she had to and guaranteed her survival and she didn't spend a single second stewing in regret. Because what good does that do her when there are still threats out there?
This is why you will never be able to make her less "evil" because she doesn't see "evil", nor does she see "good". She does not subscribe to the concept of morality. If anything, she's amoral. She sees things in terms of you either kill or you get killed. And Minthara would rather kill. A majority of the decisions that she makes is about her own survival and increasing her chances of survival. She does not waste a moment of her time thinking on the morality of her choices. This may be a little bit charged when I say this, but the consideration of morality in ones choices takes an incredible amount of privilege and safety. And, in spite the abundance of privilege Minthara had as a Baenre, concerns of morality was not one of them because she was never safe. And she has never felt safe.
When she does something that guarantees her survival, only you see it as "evil" because you haven't been conditioned for 200+ years to view survival in the same way she does and you do subscribe to morality. She does not see it as an atrocity, nor as a bad thing and you won't be able to change her mind because the two of you lived in the end, and that is what is important to her. This is also why she will stand by you when you make what you perceive to be "good" choices. She doesn't see the action as "good", but more of "this action helps us survive." She does not care about being "good", she cares about being alive.
For example, Minthara does approve of you protecting Isobel and warning her of Marcus' intentions. She approves you making a seemingly "good" decision, but not because it is morally good. Isobel is providing you and the entire gang a safe place to eat and sleep in the Shadow Lands, as well as providing you with a blessing that allows you to walk around freely within it. Protecting Isobel is practical as it guarantees your survival. She does not care that it's morally good to help Isobel, she cares that protecting Isobel means you get to keep a safe place to sleep. Not to mention, it interrupts whatever plans the Absolute may have had for Isobel and Minthara certainly does want to fuck over the Absolute.
It's also the same exact reason as to why she doesn't give a shit if you kill Isobel while playing Durge. But it does depend on why you killed her. If you tell Minthara that you killed Isobel for the thrill of it, she will be quite peeved because not only did you lose a safe place to sleep, but you introduced threats to your lives that could have been avoided all for your entertainment. Your dumb actions jeopardized your survival for no reason, and that's a big no-no for her. But, if you tell her that Isobel would have seen you as a threat eventually, then Minthara would approve of it as she perceives killing Isobel in that moment as necessary for your survival. She's only mad because you didn't tell her before hand and she wasn't prepared.
And there are plenty of other situations in which she actually does approve of you doing "good" things, as well as disapproving of you doing "evil" things. In the end, she does not nor has ever cared about the morality of your decisions. She cares on whether or not you act with your survival in mind. But if you tell her that you did something because it was the "right thing to do" she will laugh in your face because doing the "right thing" often means going out of your way and endangering yourself, risking your survival and with nothing to gain in return.
This does not mean Minthara does not change, nor cannot change. She is not a stagnant person and she is constantly adjusting herself to the situation she finds herself in. But these adjustments have nothing to do with morality, but more reorganizing her priorities and desires. There is a reason why I keep circling back to the romance in the Karlach origin because it does demonstrate that Minthara is indeed capable of changing. In this particular ending, she demonstrates that she is capable of prioritizing the life of someone else over her own desire for power. She doesn't magically become "less evil" or "more good", her priorities have merely changed and you perceive that as a change in morality because you are trying to shove her into a box that she doesn't fit in.
She chooses to make changes within herself because she is inspired by you and your actions. But she will never change to appease you or make you feel better about her lack of morality. She changes because change is necessary for survival. If you do not like her, then that is your problem, one she will not fix for you. You either learn to like her, or you can leave her alone. But she will remain as herself and she will not compromise on who she is just because you want her to. She wants you to accept her as she is, because she accepts you as you are. She will never ask you to compromise yourself for her sake, and she expects the same in return.
Minthara is one of those characters that is meant to challenge your perception of what is and isn't evil. Would I say that you are wrong for seeing her actions as evil? No, I wouldn't because I do understand why some people see her as evil. But it is wrong to say that she is evil because she wants to be or that is just who she is. Minthara just wants to live and she will do whatever she has to do to live, and she is constantly readjusting herself to fit whatever environment she is in. If that means resorting to actions that you perceive as "evil" then so be it. But she is also capable of doing actions that you may perceive as "good" because sometimes, "good" actions can be beneficial to one's survival. Minthara heavily weighs the pros and cons and each decision made available to you and she tends to go with the choice with the highest chances of survival, which more often than not are "evil" choices. This is also why it seems like Minthara has a tendency to play both sides of things and that is because she can see the survival benefit of both "good" and "evil" choices simultaneously.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#minthara#minthara baenre#evil murder kitten#morality also isn't a concrete concept and is entirely abstract and varies from person to person#one of the many reasons why I argue minthara is more of a neutral character rather than strictly good or evil (but leans more evil tbh)#i will also agree with a mutual of mine that the alignment system does her an injustice (as well as most of the companions)#thankfully BG3 doesn't follow a strict alignment hierarchy like the previous installments#believe it or not. minthara is actually very much against murder for murders sake and would vehemently disagree with you being a murderhobo#her pursuit of power also feeds into this need of survival (as well as considering the fact that she is also terrified of the world)
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once again thinking abt undiagnosed unsuspected autistic yaz
#she mirrors so intensely. it's like the only thing she does#she loves the structure of a hierarchy. likes a title and accompanying role. likes to be given clear tasks#can play alexithymia with the best of them#only woman on television who gets to have her hair tied like a reasonable person#i dont think anyone knows. i dont think anyone has ever suspected. even if shes had therapy after the running away thing#bet they didnt catch it bc she Performs very well. she observes and she mimicks perfectly#i think it shapes her entire relationship with 13#'im trying to do small talk. i thought i was doing quite well' - 'needs work'#and you know - 'furious fearful tongue-tied'. she gets that intuitively#she sees 13 and shes like 'youre odd but in command. you want a friend so you just claim one. that means if i just copy what youre doing..'#yasmin khan and will graham only interesting autistic characters ever to me
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Six-axis model of influence
**WARNING** The following text is simply a tool. Like a hammer, it can be used to build something or break something. Like a scalpel, it can be used to save a life or end a life. The ethics in using the tool lies in the hands of the user. The manufacturer cannot assume responsibility for how the tool is used.
The Six-Axis Model of Influence:
The first four elements are leveraged to influence the "ancestor" within a person – the primal part of their brain that governs their actions and decisions: Focus, Authority, Tribe/Trauma, Emotion.
The first axis, focus, refers to the ability to prioritize and direct our attention. By understanding what truly matters to us and where we should invest our focus, we can effectively influence others.
The next axis is openness, which measures a person's willingness to be vulnerable. Building trust and creating allies requires a certain level of vulnerability, as it allows for genuine connections to be formed. By being open and honest with others, we invite them to do the same, fostering an environment of trust and collaboration.
Connection, the third axis, measures the level of interpersonal connection a person feels. We are social beings by nature, and our connections with others play a significant role in our overall well-being. Building strong connections with those around us is crucial in creating lasting alliances built on trust and mutual understanding.
Expectancy, the fourth axis, refers to a person's belief that something positive will happen in the future. It is the hope and optimism that drives us to take action and pursue our goals. By instilling a sense of expectancy in others, we can motivate and inspire them to join us in our endeavors.
Compliance: Compliance refers to a person's willingness to respond to a direct command.
Suggestibility: Suggestibility measures their inclination to act on a suggested action. The lower a person is on Maslow's pyramid of needs, the more susceptible they are to suggestibility. There is no exception to that rule.
By understanding where someone falls on these axes, we can tailor our approach to effectively influence their behavior.
In conclusion, understanding human behavior and mastering the art of persuasion is an invaluable skill that can help us overcome our fears and insecurities. Six-Axis Model of Influence provides a comprehensive framework for building trust and creating allies.
By focusing on the key elements of focus, authority, trauma, and emotion, and considering the axes of openness, connection, expectancy, compliance, and suggestibility, we can navigate the intricacies of human behavior and forge strong alliances rooted in trust. So, let's embrace this knowledge and unlock our potential for personal development and growth.
#personal development#psychology#influencer#therapy#relationships#mental health matters#mental health#mental health support#mental illness#intelligence#conflict#decision#leaders#reason#actually mentally ill#negotiation#maslow's hierarchy of needs#manifesting#persuasion#content warning#safety#psa#public service announcement
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i keep thinking about rocket’s “there ain’t no thing like me ‘cept me” and how it’s presented initially as an indicator of who he is—his mouthiness, his independence, his absolute lack of knowledge of what a raccoon looks like—and like. it is those things! it is! but it’s also — yeah, so, the first time we hear it, there’s a hint of story behind it, like: who or what made rocket this?
and now we know it’s the high evolutionary, and now we know the other layer to that statement: yeah, rocket’s confident when he says there’s no thing like him, because a) they were all individual experiments for the same cause but b) because rocket, and therefore the ones ‘like’ him, were classified as defective, and he knows the high evolutionary killed them all
#gotg3#gotg v3#rocket gotg#mcu#gotg spoilers#i watched this movie twice in two weeks and i keep thinking abt starmora and nebulantis#but also for obvious reasons the question of identity and agency#rocket obviously being the central figure in that but it’s the theme for literally every character arc#it’s not many trilogy finales that are about characters discovering who they are but here we go#actually it does fit the mould of mcu trilogies#normally the third one takes away the crutch#im3 takes away tony’s suit; ragnarok the hammer; cacw the shield and the team#mcu final acts of trilogies take away the wrapping and ask you who you are at your core. what makes you a hero#it’s kinda fascinating that for the guardians‚ it’s ostensibly rocket#given for five years he didn’t have any of them except nebula#ofc it’s more than just him—they all are grappling with loss even less tangibly than the time bomb in his chest#but he’s certainly a significant element. which makes the ending hierarchy soooooo like. Needed
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Shio @ Gido 'Come home with me and I'll take care of you' vs Shio @ Terasu 'Don't pay attention to them I'll protect you'
#hes gonna make me insane#how does he reason#i need to know just that#does he think - to an extend or not - that what he did to them was good#selfless even#did he do that bc he genuinely wanted to help#is he aware his definition of that is messed up#he killed gido. sure. but what did he feel/think doing so#i dont think he had any ill feelings#he truly did it (PERHAPS) bc he wanted to kill hibaru in a way nobody would see coming. in a way that should be decisive. and he knew gido#would gladly die for him (and if not? well whatever thats his underling he can do whatever he wants with him). he did so bc gido was meant#to be used by him - bc thats how it is hierarchy speaking. at the end gido died for nothing. oh well#does he have any empathy regarding the situation i wonder#does he have any empathy toward the kids he 'took care of'/'protected'. is it all selfishness#OH and what made him visibly give his matching earring to kou. thats important too#nna shio#shio yotsurugi#shio negai no astro#shio astro royale#ohhh is going to make me insane i know it#go ahead be flawed thats going to be exquisite
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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like at some point i have ti admit it to myself. it’s a 2am delirious ramble after a hard sad day. but i don’t think i like my job very much actually. i mean i do i love it and it was made for me and i made it for me too. but how come something that i love and was made for me and that i made hurts so bad and so primally? how can i like something that brings me so much stress and grief and despair so regularly?
#purrs#i think it’s just been a hard year and a long pandemic. but transience and institutional politics and hierarchy and ambiguity are things you#just have to deal with i. an education job / setting and yet theyre fucking killing me. they killed me as a student and they’re killing me#even more as a staff member. i don’t think it’s that much to ask. i just want to have all the people i love in one#place. and to be on the same page all the time. shoulder to shoulder. ts all ive wanted and it’s been 5 years of wanting it so badly im#mentally and in some ways physically sick from the lengths ive gone to get it. like it’s come at a high price and i have it except for when#i don’t which is a lot of the time. idk what im saying. i just… im doing it backwards. im not in higher Ed because i want to be a student#affairs professional or ride up the ranks or whatever. im in it because i love this specific organization and helped to make it from the#start and the only reason i want to rise up the ranks is so i have fewer and fewer reasons to (doubt i’ll) get shaken off. but it can’t ever#be the same as it was. i miss my friends. i miss life before covid and i miss life before july 5 2022. i miss futures i didn’t get to live.#and i need to get over it and just be where i am and be brave and strong and pull myself backup again and make new friends and grow. but its#fucking hard. and im tired. everything has sucked the life out of me#delete later
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Opened an older word doc last night and learned that apparently long before I ever knew about the Red Hawke nickname I had written Leske calling Brosca "Killer"
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Will there be more walking dead content? Daryl, my sweet boy, I love how you write him! It great! If there is gonna be more content for twd will it be with other characters or will you drop lore between Daryl and the reader? 👀 both? Or if not that’s cool too, you got lots of good stuff here going already :] so don’t stress it, thanks for the great content :D
thank you so much for reading it!! 💖💖
i do plan on writing more for daryl!!!!!!!!! i actually have like... around 10 ish ideas or so for the hierarchy of needs universe, because i'm absolutely in love with butterfly MC and daryl's relationship. not to toot on my own horn but their chemistry is so good. i'm obsessed. i plotted out everything from their first meeting in season 1 to the name of their first kid together. completely normal behavior, i swear. nothing deranged happening here. 👍
i'm not sure about writing for other characters, i'm just laser focused on daryl. the closest we'll get to that is butterfly MC flirting with maggie in the earlier seasons because that's what god intended. 🙏
#the reason i came up with for butterfly MC being in georgia at the start of the outbreak is so funny to me#i laugh whenever i think about it#hierarchy of needs#<- new tag time BABY#sweet asks#answered#Anonymous
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It's four am. Time for unpopular opinion: I don't like it . I don't like!!!! It! When fitzconte is unrequited!!!!!! Please for the love of god let dundy have this one joy in his life 😭
#c4rg0f1l3s#tho consider he and james r very very deeply bonded but like on a level where like#it's still some flavor of themselves they want to portray#it's still not genuine bw them. they're still not honest w each other#bc crozier is the first n only person james ever tells about his bastard lineage n not feeling good eno if h#which means while he n dundy r tight as hell n both on par w each other n two sides of the same coin#they don't know each other as they REALLY are#it's the dundy james wants to see n the james dundy wants to see#they play their relationships like war: dundy ever scheming the strategist n james the reckless impulsive#n they work off each other n r a menace n i think you can have friends who know each other so so so well#but don't know the backstory at all and don't care to know and don't need to know#you are as I've met you. this is how we take each other. this is how we operate#and crozier comes along and the only reason he breaks thru that is coz of rank.#bc dundy keeps up walls. he tightly controls his position in the hierarchy. he follows the orders. he never ever breaks the rules#it's why he and the others have a vote to go w what crozier said instead of what was morally right#so crozier comes along n reaches that deep part of james bc they are on the same level#bc they are allowed to talk to each other#but regardless I hate to see dundy losing. hate to see fitzconte unrequited#if they r to be gay for each other let them come out together at the end of it all#it's ok coz u know. crozier has jopson.#hey have you heard of this ship called jopconte........
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i think the villa diodati speech probably had a big effect on how yaz approached the doctor in flux and after
#not necessarily that it /changed/ how she approached her but like. 13 revealed a Lot abt how she thought abt the dynamic#like the fam were already like......lower down the ranking right? they already let her take the lead they already followed her orders#they werent TRYING to be like on her level like clara they understood very well how the dynamic worked#it was just the doctor that was holding onto the pretense#and i think they knew that but they probably didnt know Why exactly#but villa diodati revealed like a lot of sort of ingrained beliefs#suddenly it makes a lot of sense why shes keeping this hierarchy even if they dont know the details theyre all intuitive enough to get it#and that recontextualises the pretense too. it recontextualises the pretense in that like#okay so what she Says and what she Does keep not matching up. and what she Does is now-evidently trauma informed#so what she Says must be - well not Must be but with the rest of the context they have - what she would Like to be true#it's not they all know it's not but she really wants that to be true#i think that really informed how yaz approached the doctor afterward and maybe paradoxically helped them become way more of a team in flux#the doctor is still in charge but if yaz approaches her with the understanding that she needs to be in charge#then that creates the safety needed for the doctor to let yaz in a little bit#and i think thats also why yaz didnt push in sea devils - i mean lots of reasons obvs but#'i want to but i cant' is like. yaz has Seen that. yaz has seen what that looks like she understands what that means. very lived in#she has lived in the doctor's 'i want to but i cant'#idk am i making sense#i think that speech was a revelation and actually kinda helpful. after she got over the shock and hurt of it
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huh. maybe its actually all about the amateur acting/singing group where you do stupid unfunny very low quality plays but you do it with friends who make you laugh until you cry
#we met yesterday and i realised how much i missed them and how much i love doing shit with them#i sit there cry laughing with them and thinking i dont deserve to be here im nowhere near as funny as these people why am i here actually#and then they do or say something that make me realise that fuck. they actually genuinely really fucking like me. i am a part of this group.#i am important and for god knows what reason they do like me. they do treat me as their equal. im actually quite high in the hierarchy lol#and i never want it to end but i know one day it will and it makes me so fucking scared i wont get this anywhere else#so if anything i just need to really dedicate myself to enjoying it while it lasts. i love it so much.
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