#affairs professional or ride up the ranks or whatever. im in it because i love this specific organization and helped to make it from the | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 2 years ago

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like at some point i have ti admit it to myself. it’s a 2am delirious ramble after a hard sad day. but i don’t think i like my job very much actually. i mean i do i love it and it was made for me and i made it for me too. but how come something that i love and was made for me and that i made hurts so bad and so primally? how can i like something that brings me so much stress and grief and despair so regularly?

#purrs #i think it’s just been a hard year and a long pandemic. but transience and institutional politics and hierarchy and ambiguity are things you #just have to deal with i. an education job / setting and yet theyre fucking killing me. they killed me as a student and they’re killing me #even more as a staff member. i don’t think it’s that much to ask. i just want to have all the people i love in one #place. and to be on the same page all the time. shoulder to shoulder. ts all ive wanted and it’s been 5 years of wanting it so badly im #mentally and in some ways physically sick from the lengths ive gone to get it. like it’s come at a high price and i have it except for when #i don’t which is a lot of the time. idk what im saying. i just… im doing it backwards. im not in higher Ed because i want to be a student #affairs professional or ride up the ranks or whatever. im in it because i love this specific organization and helped to make it from the #start and the only reason i want to rise up the ranks is so i have fewer and fewer reasons to (doubt i’ll) get shaken off. but it can’t ever #be the same as it was. i miss my friends. i miss life before covid and i miss life before july 5 2022. i miss futures i didn’t get to live.#and i need to get over it and just be where i am and be brave and strong and pull myself backup again and make new friends and grow. but its #fucking hard. and im tired. everything has sucked the life out of me #delete later

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