#their relationship has me physically ILL.
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I feel so sick reading this and Hanan's blog. I am one of the people who wronged Hanan and her little girls.
Hanan has been screaming for help and I didn't open the door or even speak to her.
I have trouble opening the 1,000+ messages in my inbox because I get overwhelmed.. but I haven't tried hard enough. I will try to get to my backlog tonight and the rest of this week, and I will try to set up help running the blog.
I am an unemployed, physically disabled, mentally ill person who had been desperately trying to find a way I can help people in Gaza. A few weeks ago I realized that sharing these campaigns makes a real difference for people. This is good, but now I have way more responsibility than I'm used to. I have never had kids, a serious long-term relationship (I'm 35), or much I've been able to accomplish.
My job was mainly to keep going.
But now,
Every minute of how I spend my day has a direct effect on hundreds of people undergoing extermination.
The change has been a huge adjustment, but I will do my absolute best to do each family justice who comes to me for help. I am just glad I can help.
But the point is Hanan, and I am disturbed by how I have let her and her family down. Hanan is fixing to give birth. Before the genocide, Hanan opened a clothing store, and she and her family were just starting to settle in to the house she and her husband built when their world was ripped apart.
She's been having to beg and debase herself for scraps while pregnant and taking care of children, one ailing, outdoors.
Her daughter Mira is getting worse. She has a fever and is not recovering from her injuries. They have no suitable food at all -- as you may have seen, they have to sift a ton of mites out of the four.
Hanan needs to rent a room to give birth in. She needs diapers, baby supplies, everything for the birth, and all the cold-weather supplies they've already been needing for months.
Please help me restore a semblance of justice to this family.
And let us endeavor to make our community equal for Palestinians, who turn to us to speak to each other on their behalf.
We shouldn't need to read each other's words for Palestinians' words to reach us.
Vetting: GazaVetters #259
@celadonwanderer @lavendersfunhouseofbobbles @2024yr @transvalkilmer @starry-system @cori-randomstuff @sunmooneclipseandstars @sushi-the-kitsune @miluciole @oinkoinkfeedeepiggy @ydic74the @butchmagicalboi @springacres @tacit-semantics @transformers4palestine @3lawzdef1ant @fiapple @pupindaturd @playthemz @yourlocalamoeba @chingaderita @radicalhighway @leovaldeeeznuts @my-little-resource-guide @moremorehino @utane-uta-town @avvrat @zuzecadyke @zahratalkaraz @gayos-emerald @manisthebastard @elidoesdumb2 @spooperdedooper @the-goofiest-tour-guide @neoneone0 @tiptapricock @gingerweed-man @rhymeswithpurple9 @funkworms @fantasykiri5 @autechres @kneecapremover @esrah-rah-rasputin @pandycake-blog
You have frustrated me and you have frustrated my family. For a month, I have been addressing you in order to donate to my family for my sick daughter and to provide time to give birth to my child. Today I entered the ninth month and am about to give birth to my child, and there is no food, no clothes, no blankets, or anything for me and my child, and I am tired and I am appealing here to great personalities who are able to Share my campaign to reach everyone, but I don’t know, they all closed the messages
And they publish for specific people. It has reached 50 thousand and above. I just want food and to have my child in peace. I do not ask for much. At the beginning of my campaign, I spoke to you about the cruelty of the days and what we live in. I shared with you my sorrows and pictures of my daughter in a way that saddens me to share with anyone because we are people with dignity. I regret that I am begging you to Yes, to participate and donate, but the harsh circumstances destroyed us
Today I ask you, with a heart overwhelmed by pain, to help my family, all of you, to see the pictures on the land of Araqa and embody the suffering we are experiencing.
@finalgirlabigailhobbs @heritageposts @bloglikeanegyptian @shashiatnight @assiraphales @butchmagicalboi @determinate-negation @sunflowersmoths @absa @moringmark @modelsof-color @nabulsi @90-ghost @zvaigzdelasas @zigcarnivorous @commissions4aid-international @feluka @fatbitchneedsfoodbadly @heydreamchild @junglejim4322 @jezior0 @kibumkim @lesbianmaxevans @ohmygeese @itwashotwestayedinthewater @one-time-i-dreamt @i-am-a-fish @tamarrud @turtletoria @tamamita @t-ablog @everythingfox @erectiledisfigurement @wellwaterhysteria @wild-forest-bee @weirdchristmas
#gaza genocide#free gaza#free palestine#gaza#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#gaza solidarity#the gaza strip#mutual aid#children of gaza#vetted#gazavetters
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When You Use Your Lips They Better Be On Me
Okay here’s the actual thing – seeing Buck with Tommy makes Eddie feel physically ill. They’re not super affectionate which Eddie finds perplexing because Buck is a pretty touchy person – standing directly in the personal space of everyone at work, draping himself over whoever is nearest when he’s tired, knocking knees and shoulders with Eddie on calls and in the back of the truck, falling asleep on Eddie’s shoulder when they stay up too late watching sitcom re-runs at Eddie’s place...the list goes on. But with Tommy, Eddie has barely seen them do so much as hold hands.
Eddie blames their usual weirdly polite distance from each other on his reaction to seeing Tommy lean in to kiss Buck. So if anyone asks Eddie was surprised, which is why -
“Hey Buck, I need your help!” Eddie lies like the liar he is, and he can tell Tommy doesn't believe a word Eddie said which isn’t surprising given the way his voice cracked like a pre-pubescent teen.
or
5 times Eddie interrupted when Tommy was about to kiss Buck (on purpose) and the one time he didn’t have to.
Word Count: 5,260
Relationship: Buck/Eddie
Tags under cut. If you want to be added to/removed from my tag list let me know! Tumblr likes to only tag half my tag list so I may end up posting this twice.
@playinginthunderstorms @inbucksbusiness @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @sonofatoasterwaffle @wrongfulruffian @crose84 @carolinahope @heartsfromeden @shealwaysreads @lookforanewangle @eddiedisasterdiaz
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recently reread sotl and I'm still not over Clarice and Crawford—
Jack Crawford was outside too, his car parked behind the van in the limousine lane. He’d had Bella’s relatives all night. “I…” he started. “You know what you did. You hit a home run, kid.” He touched her cheek. “What’s this?” “Burnt gunpowder. The doctor said it’ll work out by itself in a couple of days—better than digging for it.”
Crawford took her to him and held her very tight for a moment, just a moment, and then put her away from him and kissed her on the forehead. “You know what you did,” he said again. “Go home. Go to sleep. Sleep in. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
the way we didn't to see Crawford tell Clarice "Starling your father sees you." in the movie IS WRECKING.
#silence of the lambs#clarice starling#jodie foster#scott glenn#jack crawford#their relationship has me physically ILL.#SICKENING HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM.
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AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????
#THIS IS LITERALLY LITERAAALLLYYY THE BIGGEST FORM OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SUGISHITA COULD HAVE#NOT ONLY IS HE DOING WHATS BEST FOR UMEMIYA BUT HES PUTTING HIS TRUST IN SAKURA TO HELP HIM#AND OH IM SO UNWELL#HIS BODY IS PHYSICALLY REACTING TO HIM MAKING THIS DECISION IM JUST#IM SO PROUD#and then sakura acknowledging all of this too i just love them sm#they really have one of the best dynamics 😭😭😭#wind breaker#kyotaro sugishita#sakura haruka#wind breaker spoilers#wind breaker manga spoilers#ok nvm im still talking bc the second image literally gets me everytime i look at it#first off the way they drew sakura in that scene in the first place is just so beautiful thats the only word i can think for it rn 😭😭😭😭#second seeing this scene from sugishitas perspective and then learning later that the reason he has this reaction was because he thought-#-sakura looked cool and hes never thought that about anyone before just really gives us so much more for their relationship#specially how sugishita acts towards him 😭😭#add that onto what umemiya says to him (which i couldnt include in this post </3) about how hes never really shown emotion to anyone-#-till sakura showed up then it gives us an even BETTER understanding of why sugishita acts the way he does around sakura#my brain is so frazzled by the sun today and words are not coming to me easily so apologies if none of this makes any sense 😭😭😭#ill revisit it another time anyway#also the way they describe all of this really makes it sound like he has a lil crush and its so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Your posts are some of the highlights of my tumblr experience – I've always been focused on Luffy/Zoro but before OP:LA released it seemed kinda? Rare, almost? At least in comparison to other things. But now so many people like it too! And are writing wonderful little essays like yours! I feel understood. Personally they've always been a qpr to me (I hold Luffy's basically-canon aroace status VERY close to my heart) in the most soulmate, ride or die, married without even kissing once, forever and always with their own special kind of love no matter what anybody else thinks, kind of way. I love reading your thoughts because even if may not be in the exact same flavour as me (which I respect) I feel like you get them already. Keep having fun! The world of OP has so much in store for you!
don't say such nice things to me i'll cry :(
#asks#zolu#obvi I wasn't in the fandom before opla so I didn't experience what it was like as a zolu shipper but I had noticed a lot of older posts#wishing there was more content / definitely being a smaller ship compared to some of the bigger ones#BUT !!!! opla definitely had some massive zolu moments that I think resonated with people and I definitely saw a spark between them#but the manga and the anime has only solidified that and made me see The Vision (soulmatism) even more#and i'm so glad for you that there's more content now!!! and glad for me!!!!!!#I def see where ur coming from w ace luffy which is 1 of the reasons I made a post a while back about about asexuality & shipping culture#I think their relationship is so transcendent of physicality (not to say its wrong to see them as intimate in that way) but its so based on#their love and respect and utter devotion to each other. to wanting to spend their entire lives together. to sharing their lives 4ever!!!!!#zoro and luffy make me so ill in a way a pairing hasn't in years so i'm so glad to be able to share w u and other zolu stans#its been so fun so far ty sm (seriously) for the encouragement n kind words
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every once in awhile im forced 2 the realization that i will never have a healthy relationship w food and i do not like that i will shut it right back away as fast as i can
#i know it just isnt possible#it's so deeply ingrained in the whole world#i fell into a hole n im stuck here forever. theres no ropes theres only more dirt being piled on top of me#ever since i was like 12 i was like ahah but ill recover one day and everything will be ok :]#no... no it wil not#it's so far gone now#i am so physically and mentally destroyed#even when i was younger my whole life my relationship w food or my body has never been good#i can remember so far back the pure disdain i had for myself and the way everyone treated me eating#not eating always got so much praise#it was so simple#even before i knew how to actually lose weight. i was too young to understand any of it#i had no idea what i was doing but the thought was enough it was in there and it was taking over me#my mom treating every food like a negative every food is unhealthy#not eating keeps u clean#and i am So dirty i am soso unclean
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you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
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I'm a little nervous about taking short acting stimulants again after kind of. probably. abusing them as a young adult :(
#I didn't even know it was what I was doing at the time. I only realized it in retrospect. same w/ how heavily and frequently I was drinking#the substance abuse diagnosis was an unpleasant and unexpected shock but it's still taken me years to realize I may not have been physically#dependent (I don't think???? idk. maybe I was. I don't really remember and was having a lot of chronic illness issues as is at the time)#but I was still a straight up alcoholic#my relationship with substances is Not Great and never has been#my mother was right. she was telling me from the time I was a kid that she was scared I was going to end up an addict#I guess she was right. not that she helped. I learned how to be sneaky because she would lock up anything that wasn't a raw ingredient#....oh. oh. hmm.#I lied and stole and snuck around the exact same way I did with alcohol... all the time as a kid with food.#like it was not a slippery slope into those behaviors once I started drinking. they were already second nature to me and had been#since I was like 7#:/
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Have you ever watched a show portraying your own religion in two different lights from the POVs of those who zealously worship and convolute the faith with their bigotry and misogyny and amongst the same people is a person whose beliefs are purely based on logical reasoning, philosophy and Sufism and felt such profound feelings of being seen.
#I’m beyond obsessed with this Turkish drama where different versions of Muslims are shown and way it’s such an accurate portrayal#of the misogyny with which the religion has been convoluted with#It takes place in a sect like cult of Muslims so oppressive and pathetic I wanna k!! them all#and then among the same ppl in the same evil cult is a melancholy and mentally ill man whose entire existence is based on philosophy#and asking questions his conversations with therapist are so beautiful it makes me cry#and he’s forcefully married to this young intelligent girl both are forced to marry but she’s just like him#she’s a match for with her intelligence and philosophy and compassion and the way the converse in metaphors and words make me sanity#lose* my sanity#the way she encourages him and how their relationship/marriage/ is so pure she’s so young and he knows that she’s 16 hes 23#the purity of their relationship has my whole heart can’t physical contact bc his hold committed s@uicide by jumping off a building while#holding his hands ever since he hates that#and it unlocks his truma so their marriage is nothing more than on paper but they’ve fallen in love but it’s not right#and everyone wants them to divorce so he gave HER the choice to divorce since she was robbed of a choice when she was forcefully married#AHHHHHHHHHH I CAN GO ON FOREVER#ignore my typos I’m so in love
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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(sorry more novel characters posting) i think one thing that isnt apparent about lucius furius camillus from my posts about him here is that he is usually an awful stuck up cunt to almost everyone. and this is one of the thingsabout him most special to me
#ficposting#he even does it to gaius especially early on in their relationship although even much later he also has his moments of it#his aristocratic hauteur and unfriendly unpleasant demeanor have captivated me....#he has his moments of losing his control but he is usually so tense and repressed it persistently makes him. literally physically ill#hes laughed thrice in his life etc#neuroses about control seem to be a persistent aspect of the roman psyche so hes very. that
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#the closest thing that seems to describe my relationship with dysphoria lately is chronic pain and i know its not 100%#but theres not a single second of the day that it doesn't cause me mental/emotional distress or like it's VERY rare#and i can almost feel it like a physical pain now#it feels so dramatic but like it's fucking. life threatening.#i run out of spoons so quickly#and im struggling to see the difference between a physical condition getting worse and smth like dysphoria which#when its bad or like even when its not that bad makes me want to kill myself#ive been talking about it for 6 months now was an actual issue that desperately needs medical treatment#but the fact that its woven in with mental illness and so enmeshed with depression and anxiety has made it almost impossible for me#dysphoria has essentially blocked me from everything i love and all my coping mechanisms that i usually use for my mental health#i cant spend time with ppl bc it makes me dysphoric i cant sing bc i can't listen to my voice i cant meet new ppl or do new things#any energy i was spending on catching up with old friends or friends i only saw irregularly is fkn gone#like its disappeared i can't fucking do it#which of course isolates me and makes my mental health worse#its just the compounding issues that make each other worse and the answer is to relieve my dysphoria#and then i can slowly start to rebuild as a person#but this whole fucking period has been so damaging to me#to be out for years and suddenly be so mentally ill that your brain challenges things it knows are true and starts saying#youre just a mentally ill woman every time you look in the mirror.#like thats a fucking horror movie#its isolation its doubting reality its exhaustion and normalised suicidality and kinda disordered eating and just. holding on#like i cant build anything new in this state im just treading water#idk i think i didnt realise what dysphoria was before. i think people downplay it to make trans people more palatable#or you only see people talk about it post transition#or you only hear ways to alleviate it#you dont really hear all the ways you just have to live with it. and you do. voice dysphoria is my biggest issue for sure#and i cannot get around it#so ive stopped one of my number one hobbies and sources of joy - music and singing. which was a big way id get around anxiety#because you have to breathe properly to sing#im running outta tags i just didnt wanna put this in a post but. yeah listen its rough out here buddy lmfao and it has been for. a while
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him, already with a girlfriend that he wants to marry: I wanted to kiss you when I saw you. I wanted to kiss you on the bridge as well.
me, externally: i- eh- what-
me, internally: soooo many red flags how can he just admit this??
#personal#when did my life become a fucking k-drama?#not that anything will happen. i firmly closed that door.#sir you can be as romantic and funny and sweet as possible but that does not excuse that red flag right there#its not romantic or sweet. its frankly disturbing and horrifying. if i knew my partner- who ive talked about marriage with- was torn like#this? over someone they have not seen in years- i would be deeply hurt#just- why man are you so messy?#why are you so presumptuous? where does this audacity come from? 'i know my feelings for you and i know your feelings for me'#HOWWWW I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN FEELINGS#i reject all feelings that i cannot rationalize and sort out- i- where does he get this audacity#fucking Shakespeare ass motherfucker.#BUT IM THE ONE WHO SAID 'IF OUR STARS CROSS AGAIN' I CANT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT- IVE BEEN IN GENSHIN BRAIN ROT FOR THE LAST 24 HOURS#AND BEYOND THAT SAPPY AKA/FURI FLUFF SOUP#excuse me if i say something poetic and poignant. stupid red flag 'isms just tear society apart' GAHHH#i still want to be friends but i SWEAR if he says some flirty earnst comment or- looks at me like im some fucking miracle like he has been#the last times we were face to face- i dont know what to do. i cant encourage that behavior. and no physical punishments either. thats just#flirting on my part. ill just- raise my eyebrows like a disapointed teacher or some shit i guess fuck#pls dont percieve#unless you have advice. tell me to ignore him. block him. cut him off. because... if you saw the way he looks at me... apollo doesnt need#to throw his red ball to manifest me messing their relationship. i refuse to do it.
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Okay, so who knows how to make money when you can hardly move your body?
Especially in a place that is very unlikely to care about accommodating disabilities…
I think I’m going to drop dead one of these days.
I feel like such absolute TrashDookieGarbage.
I don’t think I’m suicidal.
I’m honestly too squeamish about it, and also I’m convinced that I would probably fail at that anyway, since that’s all I ever seem to be able to do, so why even bother trying, ya know?
But my body is just going to stop.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck.
#I’m being carted off to Florida once again#damn my mental illness#and damn my ex#i can’t believe he rescinded his offers of help#I can’t believe he kept everything in until it blew up our relationship#I warned him very specifically about that when we met#like you have to tell me if something is bothering you#or I will not know#and then to not help me because I couldn’t get out within a single month#like even fully able bodied neurotypicals would struggle with that#I have been Completely Destroyed by it#like I’m so physically weak I have been having to take baths instead of showers#I took a shower last week and almost passed out#I have absolutely no physical or emotional energy#and while I am grateful I have people who will help me not be literally homeless#being with my mother is The Worst Thing For ME#she has zero ability to change her behavior#she promises she will be respectful of my personal space and feelings#and then puts on Fox News the second we get to the hotel#and tells me ‘don’t be triggered’#and then that I am ‘an ugly person’ for being upset about it#normally I am able to hold back how I actually feel about her when I’m around her#but I do not have that ability right now#and she just knows exactly the wrong thing to say#to push my buttons like her name is Joe and she works in a button factory#I just seriously can’t fucking handle it#while I was being extremely dramatic on a phone call with my brother and step dad#the immediate dismissal from Every Single One of them#of my expressal of distress about how mom literally abused me#just 😑😑😑😑😑
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vent post lol
#eating disorder#ed#eating disorder tw#huh so it’s been a while but this has been eating me up (no pun intented) for like a week#so basically i’ve had a lot and i mean A LOT of stomach issues this past 6 months or so#between stress and problems and fucking salmonella alongside other illnesses#i’ve puked a lot#and i mean a lot#so of course that has taken a toll on my body#both physically and mentally#about a month and a half ago i went to a gastroenterologist after one of the worst puking episodes i’ve ever had#and just last week i was puking my guts out bc pms and my period#hell i almost missed my graduation bc my stomach was killing me that day out of fear and stress#i almost skipped on a trip because my stomach was killing me out of stress#so yeah pretty much that#and so after the episode/going to the gastroenterologist that was kinda my wake up call#so i’ve been trying my hardest to lead a healthier lifestyle#working out eating well sleeping well etc etc#emphasis on trying tho bc old habits die hard#and last week a lady i barely remembered said to my face first thing oh my god you look so much skinnier!!!!! you look so good!!!!!#god i wanted to die on the spot#cause like i’ve been so ill and my disordered thoughts just fucking spiraled out of control#and i hate hate hate that i haven’t been able to shake that off#i triggered me a lot and i’m so scared#i swear i’ve been trying i swear with my life but i can’t get her fucking voice out of my head and the satisfaction i felt when she said it#and idk i feel so fucking weird and odd and i’ve been looking at my body the whole week#bodychecking and doing stupid stuff#idk i just needed to vent lol#it’s so so so weird#please i just want to have a healthy relationship with my body and food and working out
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i fucking hate being an addict i fucking missed my shot last night instead of waiting for my bf to come home and do it for me. i’m so tired of this back and forth battle i keep having with myself. 5 fucking years of this shit i’m tired of breaking the promises i make to myself. why can’t i just get over it already? why couldn’t i just be normal
#i don’t even want ice anymore bc xans feel so much better#but the last time i said ill be okay with just xans i took 6 in one day and had to go to detox.#i’m lucky they didn’t force me to stay in rehab#sometimes i wish i was addicted to dope instead of ice#you know how hard it is to stop doing heroin bc of the physical effects and shit?#i look so fucking weak to keep relapsing on meth#it’s like aww poor baby has no fucking will power#poor baby just can’t say no :(#poor baby is a fucking joke#like dude my arm hurts real bad rn#it wont become an abscess i can tell but still man that’s fucking embarrassing#and i had just got a hit right before it i was just being greedy i didn’t need another one#i could have waited#he always gets mine in with no issues#our relationship was never supposed to be like this either#i feel so fucking stupid#im such a loser#why the fuck do i have to be a god damn addict#addicted to meth no less#like that’s such a gross drug according to other addicts#and yet here i am repeating prayers all day bc i still want a shot despite the lump in my fucking arm#UGH#prsnl#me#tw: drugs#tw: meth#addiction#no human power can help me ig#lord please help me
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