#the way i love these shows for their murderers

[austenpoppy]

That's really not how I read it. First, Dick is one of the characters - in general and in the Batfamily - who spends the most time obsessing over the morality of his actions, over the no-killing rule, over the way he can control his emotions so that he doesn't use uneccessary violence, and continuously lectures people on that. Obviously this started with Kory in New Teen Titans, and this was one of the main reasons he was so reluctant to date her early on. And we have numerous examples of Dick having the same conversation with other people : Helena, Tad Ryerstad, Tarantula, Babs herself, without counting the villains (there are several examples of Dick teaming-up with a villain and repeating to them they have to do things his way or the team-up's over, like Dick did with Deathstroke in Titans 1999).

I do not understand how you can look at a guy like that and think he'd kill for the greater good/he's not as convinced about the no-killing rule as Bruce is/it's just a matter of control for him. It's actually the plot of an arc of Justice League Task Force, where Dick replaces Batman on a mission with Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Wally and Gipsy (yes I know), when they were tasked with the destruction of a terrible weapon used by rebels in a dictatorship. At one point Dick is told by the UN liaison he should be the one taking out the dictator, and while the dictator run toward the weapon Dick tries to aim at him but can't bring himself to kill him. It is revealed Dick was chosen for this specifically because the liaison knew he was the one member of the team who wouldn't kill, and he knew the dictator would take himself out with the weapon.

Dick is Mr "That's not the way we do things" and "This isn't the way".

Did he want to hurt the Joker badly ? Yes. He went to see the Joker to get revenge, but there's not enough evidence to suggest he went there with the intention of killing him. Your evidence is that 1) Dick expressed, grieving and full of rage, that he wanted to kill the Joker, 2) he punched Dinah when she tried to prevent him from confronting the Joker, 3) he meant serious business when he went there and wasn't quipping.

For the first point, I don't understand why people look at grief and rage-fuelled moments when Dick said he wanted someone dead and take it as face value, as if this truly represented what Dick wanted - Dick. Dick's had those kinds of moments all the time. As early as New Teen Titans, he told Kommand'r that he wanted to rip her from limb to limb after it appeared she'd killed Kory, for example. He threatened multiple people to hurt them badly or even kill them if they'd done something to Tim. He dreamed of killing Blockbuster after what he did. Many other characters have done the same thing.

And you can't look at this one picture of Dick dragging his hand down his face saying he knows killing the Joker isn't the way and not tell me he hasn't calmed down slightly after the rage-fuelled moment he just had and isn't agreeing with Babs that killing the Joker isn't the way to deal with him.

Why is that important ? That shows Dick's still somewhat in control - he isn't in a muderous haze.

So why would Dinah try to prevent him from confronting the Joker ? And why would Dick punch her ?

Dinah wanted to prevent him from going because why wouldn't she ? She knew Dick was grieving and full of righteous rage and was going there to harm the Joker (again not necessarily kill him). Of course she would try to reason with him, to stop him. A vigilante going to see a person who's killed their loved ones and hurt them while being full of rage can only mean bad things.

And Dick did want to hurt the Joker, so of course he wasn't going to let someone stop him. Yet he still took the time to apologize to Dinah - does that sound like someone going to commit first-degree murder ? Or are we implying Dick's a boy-scout even when he's on a killing spree ?

Then he went into the church. Of course he was serious. Dick stops quipping whenever the stakes become higher in general, and he's downright chilly/intense when he's that angry. Even his speak bubbles reflected that when he sent Blockbuster's armies in the hospital.

But even then, for some reason people forget this guy was there :

The guy's entire power is to bring out the hate and loathing in everyone around him - so a form of mind manipulation if not mind control - he used that power to cause murders, and you're telling me this didn't have any influence over the situation ? Having him there was intentional, on the writer's and maybe the Joker's part.

But to me, this kind of panel is evidence enough Dick didn't come to the church with the intention of killing the Joker :

Dick didn't really want to kill the Joker, and that's embodied by the fact that the Joker said he didn't "want it enough" while dodging a punch from Dick and landing one of his own.

If Dick'd really come here to kill the Joker, he wouldn't have wasted time landing a few kicks and a few punches that couldn't truly kill him but sent the Joker flying. He wouldn't have wasted time asking the Joker "All the deaths ! All the pain ! When is enough enough, Joker ?". He wouldn't have let the Joker land his own punches. He certainly wouldn't have stopped right in the middle of the killing spree.

If Dick had wanted the Joker's death when he came into the church, he would've landed a killing blow right away and it would've been over in seconds.

The Joker knew that if he wanted Dick to lose control, he'd have to goad him further (by stopping while the Joker was on his knees, Dick was maybe already calming down slightly !), so that's why he brought up Jason. That's when Dick lost control and started pummelling the Joker. It was quick, relentless, and that's when the Joker's heart stopped.

Tim's apparent death caused Dick to want to hurt the Joker terribly and that's why he came to the church. The mention of Jason is the moment Dick lost control and actually started pummelling the Joker to death, though again there was Mr "My power literally incites others to riot and murder others" rejoicing in the corner.

One last thing : Dick never said he'd murdered the Joker or called himself a murderer - he made a reference to the rage he'd felt when he killed the Joker during the Vesper Fairchild affair, but he never said he'd gone in the church planning on killing the Joker. In many ways, I think that's why Blockbuster's death hit him even harder : even though he was on the verge of a panic attack when he stepped aside and was emotionally exhausted, this to him must have felt more of a conscious decision and thus a murder than was the case for Joker. And this time Dick did call it murder, and declared himself complicit in the murder of Blockbuster.

Otherwise, it wouldn't make sense that Dick was only self-flagellating a little when he thought the Joker was dead (before he was revived) but went into a full-blown panic attack after Blockbuster died, saying he'd failed Bruce and was poisonous.

There's an escalation in the level of reaction that doesn't make sense if Dick "killing" Joker was a premeditated murder and not an accident (partially caused by mind manipulation).

It's only because the narrative treats it as a big deal that it is one - that, and Dick getting depressed and full of self-loathing after. Meanwhile, Tim killed Lady Shiva while he was on Amarilla (in a smilar rage-fuelled moment), revived her, and later said she owed him her life (the little rascal lmao), and nobody bats an eye.

I've heard that Nightwing killed the joker in one of the comics? Possibly caused by Jason Todd's death? Can you shed light onto this?

Sure thing! SO, the infamous moment you are talking about is in Joker: Last Laugh #6. Dick does indeed kill the Joker, his heart stops. You’ve probably seen this moment on posts as an example of Dick’s legendary temper (rightly so, there is definitely a lot of rage involved here) but I think because of the emphasis on Dick’s emotionality, people really downplay how premeditated it all was. Dick hears that Tim is dead because of Joker’s schemes, and he decides to kill the Joker. Full stop. 

Barbara tries to talk him out of it and Canary tries to stop him, but Nightwing knocks Canary out and goes off on his own. Barbara and Batman know that Nightwing is going to kill the Joker, and both try to stop him. Seeing him walk to where the Joker is, a man on a mission, zero quips/flips, really hammered it home that he was genuinely planning on taking Joker out for good. 

So yeah, this wasn’t just beating Joker up and going a little too far in his anger, this was premeditated, first-degree murder. It is probably the only time Nightwing has ever gone after someone with the intent to kill. And it is very personal too...Nightwing didn’t have a gun or anything to take Joker out quickly from a distance. Beating Joker to death with his bare hands was drawn out. It was up close and vicious. 

Now, this is my opinion on things, so take it as you will, but this is one of the reasons why I feel like Dick’s guilt about this incident was less about him killing the Joker and more about the way he did it. See, this was not taking Joker out solely for the greater good--if it was, Nightwing certainly wouldn’t have killed him in the way he did. He went after the Joker in a rage to get revenge, and that scared him. Add that to the fact that he felt he’d let Batman down by killing and “let the Joker win” and presto. Full blown guilt complex. But that’s definitely debatable. Anyway, about his motivations. 

Explicitly, he killed the Joker because he thought that Joker had killed Tim. I’d say that Tim’s death was the final straw for Dick. He was tired of seeing the Joker hurt those he loved. When Barbara is shot by the Joker, Dick refers to waiting by her hospital bed as “the darkest days of my life since my parents death.” And when Jason dies Dick explicitly says he wants the Joker dead: 

Nightwing (1996) #62

So, it’s not like Dick’s desire for Joker’s death is coming out of nowhere. He’d held himself back, but Tim dies and he’s had enough. I think that Dick killed the Joker for all the family members that had been hurt, but Jason does have a special significance. In particular, there’s this moment after Dick beats the Joker to the point where he is incapacitated where Dick pauses. For a second, he isn’t sure if he is going to follow through with it. And then the Joker mentions Jason and Dick finishes it. 

From that point on, there is no hesitation about what he is doing. Tim has to physically pull Dick away from the Joker’s corpse to get him to stop. We have a lovely few moments where the Joker is dead:

Before Batman comes in and revives Joker (and gives him mouth to mouth...yuck). Nightwing walks away in guilt, and Batman lets him go saying that “he has to face what he’s done.” Nightwing holes himself up in his apartment, staring at pictures of Barbara before her accident, and of Jason. 

And that is the whole sad story. 

[bamsywrites]

And Comes Dawn pt 13

Ship: Sauron/Halbrand x Reader

Plot: It's all for his Sweet one.

Word count: 2.5k

Tags: vomiting, manipulation, alludes to executions, sauron is a weird dude

Notes: this isn't super heavily edited bc im lazy. I wanted to write this part because ofc angst but I wanted to do the reveal before I fucked around with annatar and s2 stuff. I'll go back and forth now between before reveal and after.

Leave a tip if you want.

Halbrand sat on the bed you shared, water dripping from his hair and picking at the skin of his palms. It was a habit he had picked up from you. The moment you walked into the room, you could tell there was something on his mind. You waited for him to speak first, knowing that he would tell you his thoughts without you bothering him with questions. You didn't want to overwhelm him, after all. You simply waited for a few moments before he spoke.

“Have you seen Galadriel?” He asked, his voice was different than usual. Deeper. Almost darker. He didn't look at you, his eyes focused intently on a place on the floor.

“I have not.” You shook your head and approached him. “My love, what is bothering you so?”

Halbrand wet his lips, “Galadrel has discovered my secret.” He must have suspected your confusion, for he continued. “I am not who she thinks. I am not who you think. I am no King of the Southlands.”

You sat next to him on the bed, your brow furrowed in confusion, but you took his hand and held it in yours, lacing your fingers with his. His thumb fidgeted with the ring on your finger, a subtle way of showing you he was there.

“You do not have to be anything you do not wish to be. You know I will be by your side, whatever path you travel.”

He closed his eyes, shaking his head, “Sweet one, you misunderstand.”

It seemed that he was trying to find words, but they would not come. You waited for him to speak, but a gnawing had begun in your stomach, an anxiety that started to become overwhelming. You squeezed his hand to remind him you were there, to remind him you cared but also to release the tension that was building inside of you.

“I am not the descendant of a king. I am not a man called Halbrand. I am not even a man.”

You furrowed your brow further as your mind swarmed with the possibilities of what he was saying. Unfortunately, none of your most outlandish thoughts could even scratch the surface of the revelation that was to come.

“Who are you then?”

“I've had many names,” He still could not bring himself to look at you. His palm was red at where he had been picking his skin. His voice changed again, to the most vulnerable you'd ever heard from him.

“My first was Mairon. The Admirable. But the one you know me by, that all know me by, is Sauron.”

The world stopped for you in that instance. Your ears started to ring, and you felt sick. Everything your father had told you, every story you'd heard from the elves, or read in the books filled your mind all at once. Sauron the Deceiver, your father had called him the Deliverer as he would bring swift and violent justice to the elves and bring peace. The stories talked of his face changing. Of his ability to be whatever the person he was deceiving needed most. You could still see the handiwork of him and his master scared into the landscape of your home. You'd read of scores of elves and men and all forms of life that he had willfully murdered in pursuit of power.

That wasn't Halbrand.

Not your Halbrand.

You shook your head and scoffed, letting go of his hand. “This isn't funny, Halbrand.”

He finally looked towards you, reaching for your hand once more and frowning when you pulled it away. “That is not my name. You know it to be true. Search your soul.”

“No, you're Halbrand. You are not him. You're not the great deciver. You are my Halbrand.” You rubbed your hands against your knees, trying to rationalize what he was saying.

Perhaps he was sick. Perhaps the fumes of the forge were affecting him. Or his wound wasn't fully healed, and the enemy poison was altering his mind.

“You are not entirely wrong, my dear. I am yours and I have never decived you. Not like I have others. I have never lied to you, not about more than my name. I just omitted certain truths.”

You felt bile rise from your stomach to your throat, “No. No, you said your father was a blacksmith.”

“Aule, yes. Though he wasn't a father in the way that you think of a father.”

You swallowed thickly as your mind reeled with all the things he'd said of his family and past. His falling out with his ‘father’ and his uncle. If he was Sauron, truly, there was only one being that could be.

“Then your uncle….are saying your uncle was…” the name wasn't able to pass your lips.

“Morgoth. Again, not exactly the truth but as close as you could understand,” He spoke for you, and you're startled up and off the bed, pacing and shaking your head.

This was not possible. You could not believe this.This was your Halbrand. The man you loved. The man who had just a week prior made his intentions of marrying you known. You were to be married. You were absentmindedly fidgeting with the ring he had given you, spining it around your finger as you paced.

“You cannot be he, he is dead. The uruk, Adar, said he killed him. There have been no signs of him for an age.”

He sighed, watching your pacing form. He seemed distraught almost. He could not feel anything like that if he was truly who he said he was. Sauron would not despair at the thought of your turmoil. Sauron would have no purpose in manipulating you. You could bring him nothing of gain.

Unless this was a reward for your fathers deeds. That small voice crept into your mind, and you did your best to push it the back. He was ill, that's why he was making this claim.

“He left me for dead, and I stayed in that place for many lifetimes. I was neither dead nor alive, simply there. As dead as a being such as I can be. I wasted and waited, and suddenly, I felt solid. I could sense my surroundings. I could move, if only barely. It was a mystery. By all accounts, I should have remained in that purgatory forever.”

His fingers grasped yours, and the room around you disappeared, changing until it was a village. Or what was left of a village. Homes were burning, and the sounds or screams filled the air.

“No.” You shook your head, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. You clamped them shut and clasped your hands over your ears to drown the sound of the screams, but the smell of smoke and burning flesh filled your senses. You shook your head over and over. You wished the sight and sounds to be gone. You could not deny it now. No man could cause travel such as this.

He'd transported you to the night your family slaughtered the elves.

The night he'd regained just a semblance of his power.

Suddenly, you could sense light behind your eyes, and you were back on the raft at sea. Upon opening your eyes, his appearance had changed to the dirty rags he'd worn when you were stranded.

“It felt like days, compared to the millenia I spent as nothing, but I have recently found out it was years. Years of gathering my strength to take on this form. 15 years, to be exact.”

Your lip tremebed, shaking your head. “No. No, that's not true. That's not…no.” You were despretatley looking for an answer. “My father did not…no…”

“He did. I am indebted to him and his sacrifice. Not just for bringing me back but for you.” He approached you, the raft shaking under you with his movements.

You backed away from him, the bile rising in your stomach, and suddenly, you were retching. Your body bent in half as you vomited into the sea. You could feel him inside you. His love felt like sludge, weighing down your soul and moving through your veins. This could not be real, but you knew it was. He was too good to be true. He was exactly what you needed when he landed in your life. You were not worthy of the love of a king.

But it all made sense now.

There was nothing special about you. Not truly. He wanted his domination and control and power. You were inconsequential to that. He simply chose you because he knew who you were. This was some reward for your father. Tears pricked at your eyes.

You thought you were special. You thought this was love..

“Is it really so bad?” He spoke, placing a hand on your back. You hated how it felt. It was heavy and hot, and you wanted it off. You felt violated.

“I guess it is.” He answered his own question, his fingers wrapped around your chin and forced you to look at him.

“I did not deceive you. I love you. You are the only thing I have ever loved. I told the elf I would place a crown on her head, and that is true, but only because it would assist my true goal. To give the peoples of Middle Earth peace. To give you peace and safety, and stability. Your safety is more precious than any crown or title. All I do is for you. You are precious to me.” his fingers caressed your cheeks, and he smiled softly.

His smile made you sick.

“You mean to enslave my people.”

“Enslave? No. I will free them from the binds of poverty and war and famine.”

“By what means will you free them? It is not freedom if it is force.”

“Are you not listening?!” He boomed, lightning crashed behind him, and thunder boomed. The waves crashed over the raft. You yelped and flinched, closing your eyes tight again.

Once again, the world around you shifted. You were back in your room. Your lip trembled as you looked at him, tears falling from your eyes.

“Sweet one, I'm sorry. Please. You need not fear me, sweet one. The world should fear but not you. Never you.”

You kept backing away from him. You did not know what to think. He was the villain of your history, og all the free people's history. He was evil. He was darkness. He was plauge and death and deciet. He could only destroy.

“It was all fake.”

“No! No. Don't you see, the only good in me is you.” He followed you until you were backed into a corner, your fingers splayed over the cold material of the wall. This is a reminder that this room was real.

You watched him for a moment, your mind replaying through every memory, but they were distorted now, as if you were watching a play. Your mind was reeling. Just hours early, you'd been in this room with him, talking of your wedding and cuddled into his chest.

“You do this all for me, but you must now I can never be by your side as long as you intend to destroy.” You spoke with a sense of courage you had only just began to develop. Your heart was breaking, but you would not break in front of him. If he were to kill you…..

“Kill you? Do you think I mean to kill you? I could never kill you. In fact, I seek the opposite. I need you. If you can't be by my side, I must know you exist in this world, or I will be driven into madness!”

“How do you read my thoughts?” Your voice was quiet, terrified.

“Because you trust me. I trust you. I respect you. I never look into your mind unless I must. It is not so much reading your thoughts as it is being able to feel it.”

You shook your head, eyes closed tight.

“Do you truly insist on staying with the elves? Do you truly think they will not suspect you to have a hand in all this? That they won't do to you what they did to your family."

As he spoke, the room changed once more.

You were in an elven courtyard. Three men stood at the center. You could see where a little girl stood and watched confused and alone. You could hear Elronds pleas that this was abhorrent to make you watch, that he could not stay silent.

The memory froze. Your eyes looked upon your father for the first time in years. Tears dripped down your cheeks.

“You never saw it. Elrond, ever the soft hearted, took you away, but you could hear it. The sound of your brother screaming. The crunch of their bones as they fell. How they had to take a sword to your uncle because he wouldn't die. Do you think you will be saved from their fate?”

You stayed silent, your jaw tight as you looked ahead and away from him.

“Look at me! Do not ignore me! I am trying to save you!” Lighting cracked again. His voice took a terrible tone as if he spoke from the depths of the abyss.

You shook your head, tears pouring from your eyes now. “We were supposed to have a family.”

~

Your words were soft, quiet, and broken. It was enough that the fire inside of him calmed. The scene around you changed once more, and he simply looked at you.

His sweet one.

You were beautiful. He always had loved beauty and perfection, and you were both. And now you were scared, and he was the cause. He was never to be the cause, only to protect. It had frustrated him at first, infuriated that he could not seem to wish you harm, and if he ever did hurt you, he would apologize and feel guilt. He had hated it, but now, it was part of him.

He had two parts now, it seemed. The darkness and what little light he had left. The light was dying. He knew it. He could not stop the pursuit of these rings of control and power to bring peace and prosperity. He had to remake the world for you as well for his own selfish ambition. But the pursuit of these rings would make him truly unredeemable. It would destroy that last thread of good.

It was worth it. To protect you,anything was worth it. He would keep you safe, no matter the cost, no matter the loss of life. But that small part of him that was still a semblance of good, the part of him that you had resurrected, told him he could not force you with him. He could not clip your wings and force you in a cage. You had to come because you wanted to, you had to join him of your own will.

And you would, after the prosperity and peace, you would see it all to be worth it.

“I will never force you with me. I have never forced anything upon you. You will make that choice when you see the results.” He pressed a kiss to your head. “And when that happens, we will have our family.”

“I will fight against you.”

“You will lose, but you wouldn't be the woman I love if you didnt fight at first” Another kiss, and then he looked over your features as if committing every one of them to memory.

“This is all for you, sweet one. Do not forget it.”

[bengiyo]

Ben’s Big BL Blurb 2: Fall is Finally Here

I am simply too busy with worth, family, other hobbies, and life to write about every show in real time anymore. I’m sorry to all the Stray Thoughts readers who’ve reached out about whether I would pick that back up, and I simply just do not have the time to do them anymore. Instead, I’ll try to do one of these as often as I can to catch up on things.

First, let’s go over some shows I finished recently that I don’t think I wrote much about.

First Note of Love

I was so happy to see Michael back on screen, and I was glad to see that he’s still able to get great chemistry with his co-star. Unfortunately, I don’t think this show was very coherent, so I didn’t get a lot out of it emotionally. It was a pretty inoffensive watch overall, and thus an easy show to put on without having to work through too much. I liked the work between everyone, and Mei Lei was such a fun character. Probably won’t return to this one, though. 

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

This is probably the show of the year for me. There’s so much I loved about this show. I loved that the characters had sex, but were neither rewarded nor punished for it; their sex didn’t solve any problems. I also really love how this show explored how childhood trauma expresses in two different kinds of boys, and I love that we got to see a bully reckon with his actions and get closure. I love that this show ended with them being kinda poor, but happy together. I love how messed up they both were about everything. I loved that Juyeong wasn’t stupid, and could read what was going on.

I clearly need to write a separate post to unpack everything I felt in this show.

Let’s move on to what I’m watching currently, in no particular order…starting with the lesbians, and then the worst BLs.

Apple My Love

Genuinely having fun with this GL. I like how quickly most of the drama plays out. It’s giving me quite a bit of secondhand embarrassment, but I like the characterizations in this show. This new production house brought us Knock Knock, Boys! and Monster Next Door this year. We need to keep an eyes on them. 

Haunted Hearts

I’m so fascinated by Oxin Films teaming up with Regal Entertainment. The leads are very attractive, but the cinematography is really boring. I’m trying to stay invested, but it’s kind of a sleepy watch. Also amused that they started airing a ghost romance right after Halloween ended. I’ve kind of moved on emotionally from the season.

My Damn Business

This show could be good, but it’s not. I struggled with episode 5 because our lead looked more relaxed and happier with his senior than the guy he’s getting into a romance with. There’s something missing here in this one, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it. I think it’s primarily a side effect of the short run time, but I think the boss’s interest isn’t landing properly for the employee to respond to. 

Eccentric Romance

This show could be good, but it’s not. Still, I am obsessed with a murder mystery being the primary source of confusion between our leads. I was willing to forgive this show a lot of its rough edges, but it failed to handle the turn from friendship to sexual/romance really well. I feel like our guys just started dating and having sex, and I’m a bit frustrated that they didn’t talk about it really at all, particularly since this show features two different languages spoken on screen. Genuinely looking forward to seeing how this one finishes. 

See Your Love

I’m not sure this show is exactly working that well, but everyone is very pretty and I’m having a decent time watching it. I like the way Shao Peng stands up for himself, and I like that nothing that’s happened has been totally unbelievable or unreasonable (at least with the mains). I’ll be curious how the hard of hearing and deaf viewers respond to this one once it’s complete. 

Love is Like a Poison

This show is actually so funny. I love that Shiba is in his own lawyer genre separate from everyone else, and I really like how the two of these guys have become a team. I’m curious how they manage to resolve the scamming next week, but this has been the most unexpected dynamic of the year. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yukon

MAME won this year, y’all. We all have complicated feelings about her, but she’s secured a loving adaptation from a Japanese team that’s put solid effort into bringing her characters to life. Every character feels correct compared to their Thai counterpart we saw on screen, and that’s a strong sign that the writing behind MAME’s work is strong, even if we all have issues with the way she tackles certain themes. I’m really impressed with this adaptation, and really like this version of Rain.I also feel like this show is doing a better job blending the forthcoming couple focus shift.

Our Youth

We just got this show, but damn does it feel sharp! I’m always going to be a sucker for a cinephile character, and I’m so compelled by the way Minase is drawn to Hirukawa. The scene in episode 2 where Minase has to leave Hirukawa’s house might be one of the most impressive sequences we’ve had in a while, requiring a great deal of choreography and effort from the actors and the camera crew to pull off, and I’m excited to see how these characters split and then come back together. 

Smells Like Green Spirit

Let me just say that I need another Abe Alan appearance when he isn’t playing a character doing horrible things to his students. I’ve enjoyed meditating on the 90s with this show and what that era felt like. I’ve liked how the show has tried to focus on how different parents (especially the moms) have responded to their kids coming to terms with themselves. I’ve also really enjoyed the friendship that’s grown between Mishima and Kirino. I’m struggling with Yumeno a lot, because I’m really not a friend of bully romances. Still, I feel like this is one of those shows I’ll remember for a long time because of its focus on the 90s. 

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I think @lurkingshan covered reactions to episode 5 and episode 6 better than I could, and I loved @twig-tea giving context for the film history moment in episode 6. I remember screaming into the chat for friends to show up for this when I got to that moment. This show has two great pairs of dynamics going on that mirror well. It’s got such a strong handle on its characters’ motivations and how they would respond to the actions from each other. It’s probably the tightest thing I’m watching now, backed by extremely dialed-in performances. I will be thinking about Qi Lu organizing his potential first kiss with Qin Xiao, and how unapologetic he’s been about the entire affair. He’s being selfish here, but I kinda like it. I’m so thankful that we are somehow still getting this show, because goddamn do the Chinese actors deliver on chemistry sometimes.

Interview With the Vampire Season 2

I finished this with a friend last week, and holy fuck is this show still so, so good. We watch a lot of gay romance because of BL, and I am having so much fun watching the show about gay divorce. I loved the time we spent in Paris, Daniel’s shifting role in the narrative, and the new insights we got into Lestat this season. I will miss Claudia so much, and I have to give a standing ovation to Delainey Hayles stepping into the role of Claudia and doing the damn thing this season. I just love seeing my little fucked up gay people torment each other on screen.

I'm still thinking about Louis and Lestat reuniting in a hurricane after Claudia derided this as yet another chapter in their stormy romance.

Dropped Shows

Unfortunately, everyone can’t win. Some of these shows are just too long for me to keep up with them, and oftentimes I get bored. I’ve currently dropped:

Lovesick 2024 - I may go back. We’ll see

Jack & Joker - It’s just too long, and they just killed Jennie and a kid. I’m good.

Fourever You - I’m bored with Earth always playing this character type.

Pluto - Namtam and Film are beautiful, but this looks too messy right now.

Every You, Every Me - Wasn’t intrigued after episode 1, but the commentary may draw me back.

Kidnap - Ohm is not enough to keep me invested in this show. 

Uncle Unknown - How did they make a 6 minute show feel slow?

I’m genuinely not trying to be harsh to Thai shows out here, but I just do not have the time to keep up with all of them when they’re this long and dragging.

Thanks for stopping by, and let me know if there’s something I missed that I should check out.

[chipperchemical]

i need to talk more about my "Life!Grian prefers fighting with his fists" headcanon

in Third Life, it's very different. he never really has to use weapons, and when he does, he uses explosives. he blows up the desert, he throws bombs during the Siege of Dogwarts, he just loves being a long-range chaos-maker.

then, the cactus ring. no explosion could ever be that intimate. he's punching and throwing and beating Scar to death and yet he feels closer than ever to that dumb red-name. something so sacred about taking that life with his bare, natural hands. he can't possibly distance himself from it like he can with his bombs.

that's where it begins. he wraps his hands in bandage, spits on the ground, and goes at his enemy with his full body. sometimes to his detriment, sometimes to his gain, but always to feel connected to those that he murders. he knows what it's like to be disconnected, to only watch and never care, and he's not stopping until he forgets that feeling entirely.

every death leaves an imprint on his soul through his skin. every time he punches and they spit up blood, he feels electrically close to them. this is a true send-off, he believes: no possible way of distancing myself from my awful actions.

(maybe that's why he felt so bad about his final death in Double Life. the man who started this entire belief, who showed Grian the intimacy of battle, died as far away from him as possible. Grian could distance himself from that death. he never had to see Scar's fate himself: it couldn't have been his fault, right? not again.)

Grian prefers fighting with his fists. maybe, if he punches enough, he could know what it's like to be close to another.

[doe-eyed-disaster]

I think you're onto something here. We mostly see Zaunites fighting hand to hand: Vi, Vander, Silco, Sevika... I'm struggling to think of a Zaunite (besides Jinx) who uses a gun? Violence in Zaun is sudden and happens up close. Zaun's prosthetics and weapons are melee weapons. Their armor, like Ekko wears, is bulletproof even at close range. Shimmer users are armored and use their immense speed to compress distance. Smeech invokes this norm when he and his goons ambush Jinx, taunting her that he likes to get in close.

Pilties like to keep things at arms reach. Every Enforcer carries a gun, most of them rifles. Grayson is a crack shot despite her primarily administrative job. Caitlyn, desire being the daughter of a council woman, practices marksmanship from a young age and identifies so much with her weapon that she is holding it in the family portrait. Marcus carries a wrap that he's willing to draw his weapon on fleeing children and is at his most disempowered when Silco has him in arms reach. Even Jayce's hextech hammer has its iconic shockblast.

The people of the upper city keep things at a distance so much that it's a constant theme in the show, and it's reflected literally in how they approach conflict. Violence is sanitized by the distance between victim and aggressor. The first stretch of plausible deniability is the barrel of the gun. At that distance, any step towards resistance can be reliably construed as an aggressive action, and any twitchy trigger finger can be judged to have been self defense. For Caitlyn to be so close she has to bite, she has to be so close that she cannot deny what it is that she's doing: she's tortured and gassed her way into the chance to commit extrajudicial murder (against the sister of the woman she alleges to love, no less). The emotional devastation Vi feels at her betrayal is compounded when Caitlyn uses the butt of her gun to strike Vi in the same place she was stabbed only days earlier. Caitlyn's violence has lost its deniability; she went for the gut and we all know it.

The dynamic with Jinx is also interesting. Jinx is (I think) the only Zaunite to use a gun. The only other one I can think of is the would be assassin who fires a flat gun while standing over Mel, and he quite clearly doesn't use his gun to shoot her. Jinx shoots others, does so recklessly (which other characters, especially Sevika, are openly critical of). To Zaunites, she's a loose cannon and a social outcast. To Pilties, she's an unspeakable menace, in no small part because she can inflict violence in the same way that they're accustomed to. She's a change in the equation, one that imposes some equality in the balance of power and one which challenges the legitimacy of Piltover's clean image of violence from afar.

So if I were to take away from this moment something deeper than “man Sevika's a freak”, I'd point out that we've seen the same tactic not long before.

What does this say about Caitlyn? She's fighting dirty. She's fighting like a cornered rat. She's fighting like a Zaunite.

And first of all there's hypocrisy. Caitlyn's been calling these people animals and monsters and whatnot but when placed in an identical situation she responds identically. Case in point: getting so mad at Jinx for terrorizing people out of grief that she goes ahead and starts to terrorize people out of grief. Sevika's expression afterwards is mostly “joke's on you I'm into that” but there's some surprise there too — you wouldn't expect that move from a Piltie.

Then there's desperation. Because she needs revenge; she needs it or she'll never ever forgive herself for what happened. So she'll throw away her morals and her dignity and just do whatever it takes to achieve the goal, whether it means chomping on someone like a feral raccoon or becoming a military dictator… which puts her in the same mindset as Zaunites, all of whom are desperate to survive and a lot of whom could never afford morals and dignity in the first place.

[alipeeps]

Episode 26

"We've caught the demon". Pretty fucking sure you haven't cos uhhh... she literally rocked up with an umbrella for Li Lun at the end of the last episode...

Mmm and if that *isn't* Ao Yin... is it another of Wen Zongyu's demon hybrids, that's been given the shapeshifting power?

(Ooooh and if that's the case, was that even Ao Yin that they went chasing after - that Chongwu camp pointed out? Or was it just their pet shapeshifter pretending to be her? And pointing her out was designed to make the gang chase off after her. Just another part of their plan to make sure Zhuo Yichen/Demon Hunting Bureau got villified/distrusted by the populace.

Called it.

Is she sitting up waiting for Zhuo Yichen to come home?

Oh give him a hug ffs, you both need it...

Meanwhile Zhao Yuanzhou is roaming the halls like a restless, lonely ghost...

Ugh the soft almost smile as he looks as Zhao Yuanzhou...

He wasn't prepared for that. And he also didn't want that - for Zhuo Yichen to have to have the experiences that would make him understand what it has been like for Zhao Yuanzhou.

Oh dang..

My fucking heart...

When the drama straight up goes "Found family? Hell yes. Explicitly yes. Yes."

But he still wants to die of course...

"Wo men yi qi"

Scuse me, officer? I need to report a crime? Yes, this show is trying to murder me.

Oh dang, Zhao Yuanzhou is now putting his coat round every member of his polycule, one by one...

Zhao Yuanzhou you are such a git. I love you.

Yeah he did... but you cut him off.

Shitttt this is too fucking tender. This is killing me.

OMG the camera acting as her POV and her glance drifting down to his neck...

I am dead. This is my ghost typing this.

Oooh I was literally just thinking last night.. they've fixed the baize token, surely they should make it a priority to restore the wilderness?

OMG it that Bai Jiu mama coming back to life?!!!

Holy shit after all the angst and pain of the previous episode, this one is like a fucking warm bath of emotion.

(Which almost certainly means the show is going to rip my heart out again VERY soon, right? Like they're doing this just to make it all the more painful when they reach into my chest and crush my very soul...)

Oh what the fuck?!!

Don't you fucking hurt my boy Ying Lei!! Don't you DARE!!

I thought you said it wasn't easy to break a mountain god's barrier, Ying Lei?!

Oooh was that Xiao Jiu's powder that slows down/weakens demons?

So he's bought the gang some extra time by slowing Li Lun down...

Well that certainly doesn't bode well...

Ooooh so if you had one wish Yichen, what would it be? Turn yourself human again... or save Zhao Yuanzhou....

Well shit.

(However, if there is no need to pursue them into the Bingyi Clan's forbidden area, then why the fuck did you rock up to pursue them in the first place, Li Lun?)

That sounds like a REALLY FUCKING BAD IDEA, Zhuo Yichen!!

You tell him, Wen Xiao! It's found FAMILY, Zhuo Yichen, not found I'mma-nobly-do-this-shit-all-on-my-own!

Well said Sijing.

Oh fuuuuuck. Zhao Yuanzhou. You're fucking killing me here!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

Oh god, and the way Wen Xiao immediately looks at Zhao Yuanzhuo with hope... like please, please say yes Zhao Yuanzhou, please say you'll live...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK

He's spent so long seeking death... and he's willing to give that up.... because Zhuo Yuanzhou asked him to.

(Oh god, he's definitely going to die at the end, isn't he? It's going to destroy me)

Ha! Wen Xiao pulling rank on Zhuo Yichen! AND on Zhao Yuanzhou!

FUCK. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Oh fuck, is it Ying Long?!!

Oh fuck, one of them has to stay there?

Oh dang, it's asking him to sacrifice one of the team...

This is Zhuo Yichen you're dealing with here. If the choice is sacrifice one of his team or die himself (due to not fixing the Cloud Light Sword), then he'll choose to die himself. Every time.

Uhoh, it's trying to freeze all of you!

Ohhh the way he just so calmly and casually wraps his hand around Zhao Yuanzhou's hand to forestall his one word spell.

What do you think he's gonna do? He's gonna choose to sacrifice himself.

What the FUCK? He has pre-written goodbye letters to Wen Xiao?!!

This episode is destroying me. They are just constantly fucking verbalising their care and feelings for one another and... how... how am I supposed to just sit here and survive that?

Yesssss Zhao Yuanzhou....

But what's the point if they both die? Or is he trying to take Zhuo Yichen's place?

The fuuuuuuck what a visual!!

And after all that... they still don't even have the way to mend the sword? And who's gonna mend it anyway?!

Holy SHIT this episode was incredible and I am emotionally exhausted.

[twstfanblog]

*~Thanks Give Me~* Pt 1

A/N: I'm excited to get this fic out that I'm posting the first part before the second is even done XD Enjoy the fic and look forward to part two! Word Count: 2.5K Warnings: Swearing, Glossing over the history of the Native Americans Part 2

Banging on Ramshackle's front door was easily the quickest way to get Yuu to answer. Banging on Ramshackle's door at 7am was easily the fastest way to get Yuu to murder whoever was at the door with reckless abandon. 

Yuu had to give credit to whoever was on the other side, they did not let up on their knocking even at the sound of them stomping down the stairs nor the aggressive way they started to undo the locks more than likely broke one of their nails. Swinging open the door, hair wild from sleep and tired eyes glaring they started to yell, “What the fuck do you WANT-”

Ruggie barely missed a beat, stepping closer to squeeze himself under Yuu's arm and into the entry hall of the dormitory, “Hey Ramshackle! So…you told me about a holiday from your world last year and I wanna hear about it again.”

“...” Yuu slammed the door closed, “You were knocking on my door like you were the fucking police because you wanted me to info dump holidays?”

“Nah, nah, nah…Just the one you talked about happening in November…the food one…tell me about the food one again…”

“...Thanksgiving-?”

“Yeah, Thanks Give Me. Are you doing it…this year? Did you do it last year? You should do it this year…and invite your good friend Ruggie-”

“I should fucking kill you. You woke me up on a Saturday for this shit-”

“Come on, prefect!” Ruggie’s face had slipped into an almost pleading expression, “You told me that you'd host one if you had the money for it!” 

He gestures around, the updated and safer Ramshackle a clear difference from the poor squatter Yuu used to emulate, “You can't even bullshit me and say you don't have money now!”

“...” Yuu stood with their hands pressed together, lips resting on their interlocked fingers as they tiredly glared at the floor, “Ruggie if I threw a fucking Thanksgiving dinner will you get the fuck out of my house and let me sleep?”

“Yes.”

“You are so lucky you did this shit on the 1st, we've got three weeks to plan this dumpsterfire-RUGGIE!?”

Ruggie had quickly hoisted Yuu over his shoulder, fireman carrying them out the door and into the early morning, “Sorry, Ramshackle! Just gettin’ some insurance from your boyfriend!”

Azul had been just as confused and startled when Ruggie banged on his bedroom door at 7am demanding he draft up a contract between him and Yuu regarding their promise. A conversation that led to a contract that was painfully vague. An issue Azul tried to bring up but Yuu simply stated wasn't worth the trouble of explaining and to just do what Ruggie asked.

(“Is this what I do to you guys? Is this What I'm like? Why do you love me?”

“For many reasons, please just tell me what's happening.”

“Naw, this is more fun.”

“Alright…”)

Only a week after that incident, during a housewarden meeting, did Yuu call everyone to attention. They stood, going around the table and passing out invitations tied close with golden ribbons to the other wardens and the vices that had managed to be in attendance.

Vil opened his invitation first, squinting his eyes at the ornate yet bold script and reading aloud, “You are formally invited to the first annual Ramshackle Thanksgiving Dinner…what is Thanksgiving?”

Yuu clicked a button on the room's master remote, calling down the screen and turning the projector on to show a PowerPoint. She moved the projector control panel to the front, putting their flashdrive into it.

Riddle sat up straighter in his seat, pointing toward the set up in anger, “You did not file a request to use the projector!”

“Riddle, let me cook. This is the only way I could think to explain this and I have a magically binding contract with Ruggie.”

Leona groaned, letting his invite fall to the ground, “Is this what Ruggie’s been yapping about for the past four days? He's been hounding my ass to just agree with whatever you propose and I have half a mind to say no out of spite.”

“...”, Yuu pressed a button on the panel, a slide coming up showcasing an obvious stock photo of a feast, “Thanksgiving is a holiday from my world where you come together and eat so much you pass out.”

“...You have my approval.”

Idia spoke up, giving Leona a side eye while he held his own invite like a wet rag, “Wow, folded that fast, huh?”

“I'm depressed, not suicidal, Shroud…”

Yuu clicks to a new slide, showing another clear stock photo of a family all gathered around a dinner table, “As stated, it's a family-based holiday. Immediate and extended family all come together to share a meal, catch up, and just have a general good time and maybe watch some football.”

Idia frowned, the very idea of his extended family all in his home being nothing closer to a waking nightmare.

Another slide, hand-drawn images of two people; one dressed in an all-black traveler’s outfit of an olden Queendom citizen and a Republic Native in a large headdress*, “It started back when the pilgrims landing in America and had their first successful harvest with the help of the Native Americans. And now we just…don't talk about that.”

Trey tucked his invite into his jacket, raising an eyebrow, “Why?”

Yuu clicked to the next slide, showing the Native now scribbled out with red ink and the traveler smiling evilly as she mumbled, “Oh, the stealing of land, assaulting of women and children, the deliberate spread of disease, and erasure of culture-”

Riddle spoke for them all, eyes wide at the various horrors Yuu was seeming to brush past, “The what?”

Yuu clicked the button again, showing a new text slide that (annoyingly) used comic sans as the title font, “Anyway, your jobs. We're gonna do this fast because I have to beat Sebek into submission after this meeting. And just to explain, we're doing what is technically called a ‘FriendsGiving’. It acts more like a potluck instead of a traditional Thanksgiving.”

Jade raises his hand, “I think we'd like to hear more about the apparent deliberate spread of disease?”

Pulling out a collapsible pointer, Yuu smiled and clicked on a new slide to slap it against the screen, “Riddle, you're allowed to bring a store-bought dessert. But your main job will be to yell at everyone to behave and then call to the meal once it's prepared. Actually, Riddle, take notes, everyone will need it.”

Riddle sighed heavily, taking out his notebook and scribbling down notes that he would have to copy and deliver to the others.

The pointer hit against the screen more aggressively, Yuu glaring directly at Trey, “Trey…you bring dessert.”

“I'm not so sure I want to celebrate a holiday involving the desecration of a culture…”

“You bring a dessert or you will be hunted for sport.” Their pointer smacks against the screen again, “Cater: Gay Cousin.”

Idia looked at the screen in confusion, watching as even Riddle was tripped up before writing down what was said, “Is he… is he bringing a gay cousin or-”

SMACK “Deuce, he can bring an egg dish. I can't trust him with anything else. Ace, the family member that no one wants there but shows up anyway.”

Trey was already thinking of what dessert he wanted to bring, making a list in his mind of what the group would like the most, “Do…we invite Ace or do we just bring him with us-”

SMACK “Leona, your job is to hog the TV and watch sports. Just really manspread it on the couch; be even better if you fell asleep while watching it but won't let go of the remote.”

While he didn't agree nor disagree, Leona gave Yuu a look of annoyed bewilderment.

Vil spoke up, his own face pinched in confusion, “This is a food-based holiday, correct?”

Yuu was either willingly ignoring them or she actually was focused on dealing out her strange tasks. The pointer once again slapped at the fabric of the screen, “Jack, something…maybe a nice vegetable side or a pear-themed dish. No chicken…in fact, no meat. He can't be trusted. Ruggie.”

The room was silent as Yuu looked at the screen, a brief pulse of rage in her eyes before inhaling deep and releasing it, “Anyway. Azul, you're in charge of managing the drinks for the evening. We want a decently diverse but small selection of alcoholic and non-alcoholic to pick from.”

“I have no issue with that, though I'd like to know what the final menu will consist of to make a proper selection for wine…also. Is there a reason Jade and Floyd's names aren’t on this list?”

Jade spoke up, “I was also wondering. You are aware that my brother and I are in Mostro Lounge’s kitchen more than Azul is. We'd be best to bring dishes since most of the attendees are not so…culinarily inclined.”

Yuu had been poised to slap their pointer to Kalim’s name, pausing and looking over their shoulder to Jade, “Oh, You're not allowed to participate in prep.”

“...” Azul leaned forward in his seat, making a point to also scoot away from a now blank faced Jade, “You want us…namely me…to tell Floyd he isn't allowed to participate in a group activity that almost everyone else is allowed a hand in?”

“Yes.”

“...Do you not love me anymore?”

SMACK “Kalim-”

“Answer me?”

“-You will actually be securing a tableware set for the festivities. Nothing insane; simple but with a hint of fancy and lots of serving platters and bowls. Crystal or China is traditional, but I'll let you pick what you think would be nice within reason.”

Kalim had perked up, a story about how he had the perfect gold and gem-encrusted dish set dying on his tongue as he thought Yuu's request over, “Don't you…have a room in Ramshackle filled with tableware you found? It was some pretty nice stuff from what Cater told me…”

“Oh yeah. So after some further investigation, turns out all of that was just cursed and Sam has since confiscated it from my property. The cutlery was fine though, so we're good on that front, but if you find something to match the table set, get it.”

“...Okay!” Kalim quickly pulled out his phone, looking up tableware and just how many types of serving platters there were.

SMACK “Jamil.”

The look the vice gave them already showed how tired he was; a holiday based solely on hosting and seemingly meticulous planning of decorations and food prep sounded like an average day in the Asim household, making nothing new nor relaxing to Jamil.

“Do whatever the fuck you want.”

“Parden?”

“The actual task you'd normally be assigned is ‘Day-of Cooking’, but I'm not going to do that to you. So just…show up or don't. Take a nap the day of honestly, me or Kalim will bring you a plate.”

By the Seven, he loved this girl…

SMACK “Vil, you bring a salad. That is all I can trust you with.”

The Pomefiore head stopped looking at his nails with half-lidded eyes, glaring at Yuu's impassive expression, “Do you believe in my cooking skills so little!?”

“Yes. Though, I do have a secondary job for you. It’s to make sure, everyone is within dress code for the meal-”

Leona spoke up, folding his arms with a scowl, “Hold on, you never said there was a dress code-”

Vil raised his hand to Leona's face without looking, promptly silencing the other warden, “What's the dress code?”

“We wanna hover around the casual zone, but not informal. Best option is to be smart casual just tipping into business casual.

Vil had pulled out his own notebook without prompt, writing down notes and sketching out silhouettes of outfits, “Color scheme?”

“The holiday color scheme is fall theming, the warm tones with pops of purple and green. You don't need to follow color tones for the meal, though. Just make sure you're dressed for like…a nice dinner.

“My nice and your nice are two very different things, but noted.”

Rolling their eyes they slap the pointer to the screen, “Epel is allowed to bring anything apples are used in. Which is my way of saying he’s bringing pork tenderloin.”

Jade raised his hand, now fully glaring toward Yuu, “Funny how your friends are allowed to bring dishes.”

“Jade, you can’t be fucking trusted to not put poison in the food. So to be fair, Floyd isn’t allowed to help out either.” Yuu looks toward Rook, fluttering their eyelashes as they tapped his name gently multiple times, “My dear ex.”

Rook smiled back, leaning against the back of his hand and fluttering his eyelashes back, “Mon vieille amor?”

“You have the most important job of hunting down a massive turkey for us since that will be the centerpiece dish of the meal.”

“A hunt!?” Rook stood up so fast his chair slammed into the floor, “I shall make haste!” he raced out of the room, leaping from the window and disappearing around a corner outside.

Vil sighed, writing the last of his outfit ideas before packing up his items and walking out of the room, “Riddle, please forward your notes to me. I'll be free for style suggestions should anyone need them.”

Yuu calls out to him, “A salad! You're bringing a salad!”

Vil's middle finger was flashed just before the door closed behind him.

Rolling her eyes, Yuu turned back to the screen, “Idia, your job is to show up.”

“I'd rather not-”

“Too bad, it's mandatory. I already texted Ortho.”

Idias's tablet dinged from his hands. Looking at the screen his face pinched. Ortho was already sending him smiley emojis and rapid-fire messages on how excited he was to design a new shell and take photos of the upcoming group dinner. Sprinkled in were pleading and pensive faces begging that he agree to come and didn’t try to weasel his way out.

Glaring over his screen, already typing out a reply to Ortho's multiple messages, “You're a bitch.”

“Wear an actual outfit. Malleus.” SMACK.

The fae was still looking contently at his invitation, nodding as he already understood what Yuu was asking of him, “I'm aware of my job.”

“He can not know.”

“Lilia will only be made aware as we are dressing for the festivities.”

“You are one of the treasures of my life. Silver is tasked with making bread rolls for the dinner. Sebek is going to be helping me make the rest of the menu the night before/day of.” Yuu put the pointer back in its collapsible mode, putting the screen back up and clicking the projector off.

Leona raised an eyebrow but said nothing when Yuu had grabbed a stapler sitting beside him.

Riddle was too busy double-checking his notes, but Trey attempted to stop Yuu as she walked past, “What…what do you have there Yuu?”

“As stated at the beginning of my presentation, I have to go beat Sebek into submission and we have a rule now that I'm not allowed to use a brick anymore.” Yuu waved the stapler around, “So I’m going to use this instead.”

My take on Pilgrims and Native Americans in Twist

[kathleenkatmary]

Yes. All of this. And to piggy back off of it, I feel like one of the big ideas the show highlights, particularly in the second season, is the way that trauma and pain can isolate us (especially women), especially when we're made to feel that expressing our pain and seeking help would be an annoyance or a burden to others and/or like our pain is misplaced or wrong because the perspective of everyone else seems to be that what we're experiencing isn't that bad, or isn't even bad at all. And in that isolation not only do we do things that close ourselves of from getting help from others, but it makes closes us off from seeing the pain the people close to us are struggling through.

I feel like the show was pretty explicitly critical of the way our culture treats trauma and the pain that comes from it and the way that "socially acceptable" ways of trying to deal and cope inherently isolate us from being able to both seek/receive help from others and offer help to those who need it.

Alison resorting to plotting to murder Kevin from the beginning of the show really highlights this, IMO, because it's made clear - particularly throughout the first season - that she's been made to feel like there's nowhere else for her to turn. She's surrounded by people who think Kevin is the greatest. Even the other women around her prop up this idea. There's at least one point where Diane talks about how great Kevin is and how lucky Alison is. Since she's known her Patti has been, from Alison's perspective, 'just one of the boys' when it comes to her relationship with Kevin. So when Alison looks around, it seems like she's alone. There's nobody who sees what she's going through, and with the way things are she understandably doubts that anyone would take her seriously.

And even when she and Patti do team up and start to see each other differently, there's still a lot of friction between them that comes almost solely from them continuing to operate like they were when they were alone because even though they are working together, they don't really know how to reach out to each other and ask for an offer emotional support. The culture they exist in doesn't teach them how to do that. And for them I think that's true twice over, because they both clearly grew up in families where that was the case, and the community they live in is clearly one where that kind of thing isn't really common or encouraged. It's not a coincidence that their relationship started getting healthier and more functional the more they both realized that they actually weren't alone in the things that they'd gone through and learned to both accept and offer support.

Patti and Alison really do represent the two different sides of this problem. Alison is self absorbed, she uses people, especially Patti, she often doesn't recognize what other people are going through, and she takes whatever help Patti will give her and then some without offering much in return. Patti, on the other hand, is constantly offering herself, her help, her support to Alison, even when it's detrimental to her life and relationships, even when she's getting very little, if any, help and support in return... but for much of their relationship, she doesn't really ask for it. There are points here and there where she blows up and points out how uneven their relationship is in this regard, but she always lets it go after that.

Alison doesn't know how to offer help and support, and Patti doesn't know how to ask for it. And when you look at their stories, it makes sense why that's the case. Alison has spent so long being so isolated, not really having any friends, the closest relationship she seems to have is with Diane, and even that seems pretty shallow. She's been stuck with this abusive asshole who sucks up all the air in the room, all the money she makes, all the attention and love from everyone in their lives, and through that all she has to watch and listen as people fawn over how great he is. She's been so alone in it for so long, with no relationships of any real depth. She's so self-focused because she's had nobody else but herself for so long, and nobody to see what she's going through. So when someone does see it and offers some kind of help and support, it makes sense that she would just take and take and take. It's like she's been stuck in the desert for so long and she's finally stumbled upon someone who's offering her a bit of water.

And in turn, it makes sense that Patti would continue to just keep giving, to just keep letting Alison take and take and take. She's been taking care of her brother for so long, even when he's an adult and he doesn't really need it, even when she know he's manipulating her so that he doesn't have to take care of himself. She found herself in this position when she was young where she had to take care of her brother, without anyone there to really offer and tangible help or support. She didn't really have any friends or close relationships of her own. Her life revolved around taking care of Neal, so the only 'friendships' she had were the ones she had through him, and while those relationships were shallow and empty they were the only ones she had. And she had them by way of taking care of her brother. She felt like she didn't have anyone to go to for help and support with her pain because not only did she not have anyone close enough to her to feel safe doing that with, but the position she'd been in since she was young made her feel like she was the one who had to take care of other people, not the one who was taken care of.

Alison and Patti were two women who had been traumatized at least in part by these roles they kind of ended up forced into, these roles that are very much consider expected and accepted roles for women in society. And society can be nasty to women who chafe against those roles. Especially when the men who make those roles miserable for them are so beloved by the community. Which just makes the women experiencing those traumas isolate themselves even more, and that results in them not being able to reach out to each other. It's also not helped by just the general way society teaches women to look at and think about each other. Both Patti and Alison express some pretty unflattering and stereotypical assumptions and perceptions about the other, which are based on (1) those cultural ideas about women, (2) the roles the society/culture they lived in forced them into, and (3) the roles they ended up in and the image they projected as a result of their isolation.

That's the tragedy that I think the flashback where they meet at the bar is really hammering home. These two had existed in each other's orbits for a long time, so close but just out of reach because of the way the culture and community they lived in taught them to isolate themselves, to wall themselves up, to shut up and deal with it themselves. If they had just been able to reach out to each other sooner, to both offer and receive help and support from each other, their situations never would have reached the extremes they did. But because they were made to think that they had to go it alone, that there was nobody else who could see what they were going through, that they needed to just keep their mouths shut and not make a fuss, they ended up having to struggle through it all by themselves for so long when they really didn't need to.

I've always felt like one of the biggest messages the show was trying to put out there is that there's no such thing as a 'perfect victim', and that a big reason for that is because our culture's relationship with trauma and emotional pain inherently puts people who have experienced trauma in a position that fosters those 'imperfect' things that can make victims selfish and mean and reckless and self-centered and irrational. No matter how much you'll see people online or in the media talking about self-care and mental health support and getting help, when it comes to actual people experiencing actual trauma and its aftermaths in an actual community, our society and culture is still very much set up in a way that discourages people who have been abused and traumatized isolated and alone, and I think Kevin Can F**k Himself did a really amazing job at really laying bare that reality, exploring just how damaging those norms are, and showing how powerful finding someone who understands and learning how to both seek and offer help can be.

A thing I find really important about the way Kevin Can Fuck Himself goes about its job: Allison is kind of a mess. She’s self-centered, she doesn’t put other people’s needs first, she makes reckless choices that endanger herself and others. And the show says: yes. Right. She’s flawed as fuck. And she still does not deserve any of what’s happening to her. It could be argued that she is, in fact, this flawed as a direct product of her trauma. Her self-absorption, unlike Kevin’s, is actually self-preservation. It puts Patty in danger. It tunes out Diane’s pain. It capitalizes on Sam’s relationship problems. And still, the show says: yes. Right. She’s going about this in fumbling, worrying ways. And she still does not deserve any of what’s happening to her.

Know how we know this? How we really know this, outside of our own objectivity, our own awareness of the abuse she’s enduring even to the soundtrack of laughter?

Because Tammy is the one to find her. Because Tammy is the one holding the cards at the end of the game. Tammy, who does not like Allison. Who sees so clearly the complicated, messy, dangerous person Allison can be. The mistakes she is prone to making in the name of desperation. How imperfect she is at every level. And Tammy, who is the character most explicitly set to call Allison on all of her shit, to drag her before a court of law, to lean on that hot-button of whether or not she’s a “good person” until it breaks—lets her go. Folds the cards up, puts them in her pocket, and leaves.

Because Tammy, like the show, like the thesis statement of abuse is never earned, never deserved, never warranted, understands. This is a world that so often sanitizes women after it’s too late to save them. A world that insists she should have done more to get out. A world that insists you should be kind and moral and perfect, or maybe you got what was coming to you. This is a world that sees fighting back as an equally heinous crime. As punishable, if not more so, than the actions of the instigator.

But this show doesn’t want to play that game. This show doesn’t want to fuck with it at all. Allison doesn’t have to be perfect and moral and above reproach. Allison has blood on her hands, and a DUI neatly ignored, and knowingly has an affair with her married boss. Allison hurts her friends sometimes, and she makes awful decisions out of desperation, and she doesn’t always pay attention to other people’s plotlines. And the show says: yes. Right. She’s making choices you probably should not agree with.

And she still does not deserve any of what is happening to her.

[diangelodork]

DBDA nightly analysis #21!

tonight’s topic: edwin payne and touch/charles is most of the reason he can touch people

edwin payne struggles with touch. this is not something that affects him much with charles, likely because of the exposure therapy that over thirty years of being best mates and business partners with someone who’s love language is touch and you are quite LITERALLY the only person/thing he can really touch creates, but i still think it is an indisputable fact about his character.

though i, as an autistic person, 100% head cannon edwin to be autistic, i acknowledge that steve yockey has stated that he was not WRITTEN to be this way. this being said, i recognize a lot of my own characteristics in edwin, most of which relate to my autism. though he is not canonically autistic, i will be writing about him as if he is (because i truly believe that he is, in my own interpretation and that of many others within the fandom). take that with you in this analysis.

i don’t think edwin was ever excessively touchy. we see one scene of him pre-hell and i simply cannot imagine that he was one to show much physical affection, not to mention that it would have been uncommon to do so in this time and region. on top of this, lots of autistic people are sensitive to sensory stimulation, touch commonly being portrayed when looking at media surrounding autistic characters. even if he had been in any way touchy, he was certainly turned off of touch after hell. this is not only because trauma and the constant feeling of being hunted for close to a century has trained him to be on edge and to jump at every contact or noise, but because the last bit of touch he got before being sacrificed to a literal demon was when he was wrestled from his bed and tied down to a table. that, alongside the watching-himself-get-murdered-a-million-times thing would’ve made it monstrously hard to find comfort in touch, or rather, to not be afraid of it.

i think this affects him in many other ways, as well. we don’t see him being as perceptive once he’s with charles because that is decidedly something charles is very good at, but maybe it’s also the same reason he’s not a fighter. he could be, if he needed to be, but he doesn’t. not anymore. regardless, his posture is very stiff and his head always held high, rigid in his movement. maybe this is just because he was a high class edwardian citizen in his life, but it’s likely to be a mix of both that and the fact that he had to take in so much information in hell. he had to be perceptive. though standing tall increases visibility (clearly bad for hiding), it also makes it easier to notice things. to see more. to hear more.

there is decidedly not a moment where charles touches him in the montage of their first meeting, interestingly enough for such a touchy character seeking comfort in this moment. either way, edwin’s posture remains far more rigid than we see of him later, bc he’s straight outta hell.

in E1, it is evident that he and charles are close, even if we discuss only contact. charles pushes him through the mirror, they have a moment where they play fight when trying to get him to box (he seems a bit uncomfortable here, but only when charles really gets in his face and it is not nearly to the extent that we see later and with other people), they exchange causal touches (nearly if not all initiated by charles, but not uncomfortable in nature for edwin), etc.

one could even make the argument that his ability to warm up to niko so quickly that she is touching and hugging him in a matter of episodes, but you must keep in mind how much of a sudden kinship he feels with her. he loves charles and he is his other half, but here is a girl that is so intriguing in nature and so kind and fucking strange and her brain seems to work similarly to his (cause she’s autistic too, literally fight me) and that’s not even mentioning that charles has made touch easier for him through the slow ramping up of it of over decades.

though it might seem that crystal is sort of the “exception” to his general okay-ness with touch, i think it is the opposite. it isn’t about crystal in specific, it’s about the connection he has already cultivated with charles as well as the immediate bond that overtakes him and niko. granted, he doesn’t super like her very much because of his own jealousy, but i think that’s how he would be generally with anyone but niko and charles for the reasons i have already listed. it is rather unfortunate that the exceptions happen to be more common in their sphere of friendship.

this may feel, in the fandom and in the show, like it’s still that jealousy or anger or hatred or frustration or something else towards crystal, but i’ve mentioned before that he is much more comfortable with her from Eps 5 and on. the reason he stiffens when she hugs him and wishes only to shake her hand no longer has much to do at all with the contempt he once felt, and all to do with his own relationship with touch that doesn’t come from his best mate or the only person who’s ever matched his freak like this.

now, does touch simon when in hell, but i fear that this is, again, another exception. he is just now realising that his murderer is not only in hell, but that he is there because of him and his punishment is fucking bullshit. he is angry. he is seeking revenge. he is seeking to make him hurt just like he did over a century ago. being faced with it when he meets despair forces him to realise that he does not want to be that person. he must treat him in kind. he holds his face and comforts him when he confesses fears and shame and guilt so similar to his own all that time ago. he has only just made the strides to understand that he needn’t hate himself and he must relay this information to someone who felt that same way, not only in hell, but in life. they were there, together, in st. hillarion’s. in the 1910s. forced to hate themselves and anything that reminded them of themselves. edwin has gotten to see the modern world and see that life does not need to be pain.

it’s so, so important to me that he holds simon’s face here.

why?

because if this show does nothing else well (which is not true), the thing it undoubtedly excels in is parallels.

because this

to THIS???

it kills me every time.

he learns to be as okay with touch as he is because of charles. he learns to use it to comfort others just as charles does it to comfort him. he still doesn’t like touch outside of charles and niko, but this is a moment of great emotion and he needs to make a sacrifice.

he is comforted in the same way he comforted simon, by the boy who taught him how.

he was probably never touched much and never viewed it as a comfort, but charles taught him what it could be.

this is the same reason, imo, that it stings so bad when charles refuses to let edwin touch him after fighting off tnn in E4. it took so long to warm up to it and now he sees the benefits, he sees why people do this, he finally takes comfort in it. here is his person in need of comfort and edwin tries to reach out and provide it in the way he taught him works best for him and he acts like he was burned.

anyway i’m sensitive to both touch AND rejection (+ i project onto edwin an UNHEALTHY amount), can ya tell???

[phantomchick]

The ending of Oshi no Ko vs The beginning (chapter 166 vs 10)

So as you can see, there's clear evidence of intentional parallels happening here. This is the aftermath of Ai's death that mirrors the aftermath of Aqua's. Aka already claimed to have the ending planned well in advance months ago so it's not a big surprise that even the ending panels of the first (not counting the prologue) and last chapters match.

And yet Oshi no Ko still falls flat despite fulfilling its promise of a revenge-tragedy.

I think the biggest problem it has is the way the last chapter tells us instead of shows us as chapter 10 did.

Yes chapter 10 also used narrative text boxes a lot, but I argue that the effect then was much more immersive.

With them being used with precision to move us through a time skip with only the most necessary information about the fall out for the characters, even the distance had the effect of doing characterisation work with Aqua describing in a narrative text box how the policemen hid the scene from Ruby but Aqua felt his mother's body going cold beneath him as they arrived - this use of the text boxes casual tone over child Aqua sitting in his dead mother's lap gave a sense of disassociation and shock to the scene.

Even the textboxes turning black to mirror Aqua's dark emotions concerning his revenge as the star in his eye turned black showed how much attention was being paid to their use.

Ruby.

Ruby felt much more real in chapter 10, her rant about the internet's callous response to Ai's murder felt real and emotionally charged. In comparison, for all she's the main subject of the last chapter, she feels like a 2d cut out of herself, barely in there for all we see her struggling through Akane's observant gaze.

She expresses her motivation to be an idol despite hardship by acknowledging that Aqua's right about idolwork being difficult and cruel but reminding him that despite the darkside of the entertainment industry, their mother 'shone' very brightly. The talk about how Ruby shines more the darker things get and how this is a good thing because it reaches out to people trapped in darkness of their own (just like her when she was a terminally ill cancer patient) is clearly meant to echo this idea.

Frankly it fails.

Ruby feels hollow.

To the point where we barely get any insight into Ruby's real feelings at all or any emotional connection with her in comparison, by 166 it's genuinely unclear whether or not she's lying even to the portrait of her dead family when she's 'alone' on her way out the door.

We don't see a conversation between her and her adoptive mother about Aqua, we don't see her talking to Akane at all. We see her grief and her success from a deified distance, just like the fans do. And it alienates us from the character.

Lies are love and she has two stars in her eyes. Just like her mother did.

I think this more than anything condemns the idol industry, she has to keep lying even to herself about her job being fun because otherwise what was all that pain and suffering and loss for?

Aqua died in a murder-suicide (shout out to Taiki for experiencing a loved one doing this twice, poor guy) to give his little sister success in a job that she has to get up at 5.30 for, devote her entire youth to and will have to quit in less than a decade. It has to matter, that she provides escapism for people who are suffering like she did, but it doesn't change the grim reality of her exploitation.

I think the lack of dialogue in the final chapter and the loss of voice for Ruby in the last few arcs mirrors the loss of agency she experiences as she becomes the ultimate idol, everyone's star.

But that doesn't change the fact that from a reader perspective it's just bad writing. Aka failed to carry his audience with him to the finish line and his messages about the idol industry were blurred by the rushed plot after the movie arc began.

If it weren't for Mengo's art hard carrying the clumsily executed story, I can honestly say that I don't think many would have read this manga all the way to the end.

[atiny-for-life]

Ateez's Full Storyline Explained - Part 28

Masterlist

Ice On My Teeth (Unknown World)

We open on a shot of the new Ateez logo embroidered on a white towel before we pan up to Yunho holding a black lollipop which he swiftly exchanges for a tennis racket and ball. He's inside the mansion/museum this entire MV takes place in.

Rows of masked individuals dressed in tennis outfits are lined up behind him while the walls are all decked out in "classical" paintings of masked people in fancy dress (seemingly royals), but also masked angels which implies this entire place's history is filled with criminals trying to hide their identity. Even their "pure" beings like angels don't dare to show their faces.

Given the new AT-logo can be found both on the building's facade and their clothing, the initial assumption is: this entire building belongs to Ateez and they're a group of criminals in a far more straightforward way than the Black Pirates ever were.

This then gets reinforced by the end of Yunho's part where he drops this line, which sounds much like a murder threat.

Though whether this assumption is correct remains to be seen...

We next cut to Yeosang who's in the same room and we now get to see the orange floor is actually a tennis court and the tennis balls turn into splashes of black paint upon impact.

The theme of art strewn throughout this video really carries into all of the details as well. However, these guys seem more so inclined to destroy it rather than cherish it, going by how they're already ruining some of the paintings with the tennis balls.

At this point, they seem like the antithesis to Ateez and the Black Pirates who we know love art and view it as a way to reach people's hearts.

Moving on to the next scene, we find Seonghwa outside the mansion with some of their goons, all dressed up in suits.

We cut to Seonghwa taking a seat in front of the goons where the rest of Ateez are already sitting, flanking him - one nice, big crime family with their giant ass mansion in the background. Here, we can see the logo on the facade most clearly.

The flashing letters after this just echo the repeating lyrics, by the way.

Mingi's up next and in his office where he receives a ring alongside some ashes (suspicious).

He slides on the ring, gets it kissed by one of the masked goons (mafia much?) and goes to admire some artwork on the wall.

Given the ring was not originally his but is still engraved with the 'AT' logo, we can now begin to wonder if this Ateez actually belongs in this world or if they merely took the place over from the original 'AT'.

Going by the ashes that came with the ring, I would think they burnt the ring's original owner, much like they're about to burn down this mansion.

They may not be what they originally seemed to be...

Suspicions deepen when we get to see Mingi's face as he looks up at the painting of the masked family. That is not the expression of a proud son looking up at his ancestors.

Panning up from a shattered mirror, we move on to Hongjoong with a flapper-era hairdo in a fur coat (very Say My Name) who's in a largely unused room filled with dust/ashes and already got a fire going in the fireplace.

Taking two ice cubes on sticks, he sets them by the fire like marshmallows before we move on to Jongho.

Jongho's in a music room where one of the masked people is playing the piano for him as he sings. In the back, we can see two banners with the 'AT' logo, as well as a row of dancing ballerinas, a ton of speakers, and a giant clock.

Aesthetically, this entire place screams "Z-World", especially the speakers (Guerrilla), art, and shattered mirror, which would imply these are the Black Pirates who've gone to visit Guardian Island or a similar art storage facility, but let's see...

Out in the hallway, Seonghwa is dressed up like Zorro as ballerinas dance by him on either side. In his hand, he holds something that looks like a mix between a 20's lady's pipe and a candle snuffer with the longest handle I've ever seen.

We move on to San who's in a ball room and literally floating up to a chandelier. Is this a dream then? It certainly isn't something they've ever been able to do outside the dreamscape...

Side note: the coloring of this MV is absolutely gorgeous. I love the blue-orange contrast, the crisp footage, the cinematic shots. Such a feast for the eyes.

Interestingly, right after this shot, we get more flashing across the screen and, upon pausing, find an arrow pointing upward.

The chorus is upon us, and we get to see Hongjoong in a different outfit, sporting a chain with an anchor-shaped pin. The nautical theme has returned, potentially a callback to the Treasure series.

We get some nice center-Wooyoung and -Yeosang time, which is lovely to find in the chorus, before we cut to Seonghwa and get another flash, this time of a circle highlighting the ballerinas' formation around Seonghwa.

Following the chorus, we're gifted more Yeosang time and find him seated in a room with a freaky-ass ventriloquist doll on his lap while masked reporters surround him. Yunho then pops up to grab him by the shoulder before they ask us "How do we look? Who do you think you are?"

Moving on to San, he begins with the line "Little bird over there has a lot to say" which reminds me of Halazia, but even more so of Yeosang.

Ever since the beginning of their story, it was Yeosang who always said he felt like a caged bird and he's been associated with birds all throughout their lore, even in The Real where white doves took off around him, and that was an MV entirely unrelated to the storyline.

And given how Yunho just grabbed Yeosang, stopping him from continuing his act in front of the press, I wonder if Yeosang in this world, has been given a new role. Is he a mouthpiece for Ateez?

Continuing onward, as the fans are lowered behind San, they reveal Wooyoung while the words "We don't have time" flash across the screen, echoing Wooyoung who comes forward to a ring a dinner bell in our face.

Seonghwa rolls up next, sitting on a rusty car placed in the middle of the dining table between their masked goons, which really drives the last nail in the coffin: this is not real. We're in a dream. But who's dream is it?

In front of Seonghwa, a chandelier crashes to the ground while, behind him, we can once again see the banners and giant clock we already saw with Jongho earlier.

Incidentally, Jongho is also up next with a huge tic-tac-toe game beside him, underlining Seonghwa's line from a second ago, but also making me wonder if this entire world isn't just not real, but also like a game to this version of Ateez.

Following the circling shot of Jongho, we get a few quick flashes of photographs taken of the members in gray-scale, starting with the family pictures from earlier and continuing with snapshots of Jongho (flanked by Sanhwa with their heads inclined as if they were his servants - hilarious), then Yeosang with the twin towers (all looking like runway models), and Topaz (an iconic duo).

Every time Jongho and Seonghwa get put in the same unit, stuff like this happens and I love it.

We move on to Hongjoong, back in his furcoat which he ditches right at the start. He's surrounded by rows of busts covered in masks, one of whom starts to move its lips along to his words (this world is a dream), before we see him floating among the angels in the painting.

Angel!Hongjoong confirmed.

Continuing with the theme of art-destruction, he then stands by as all the busts topple off their sockets and shatter on the ground.

Back outside in the driveway, Mingi is playing chess with the goons (more games) while one of those hydraulic cars we last saw in Work is bouncing in the background.

While holding one of the chess pieces, he then smashes in the glass of a car window.

Fading from a grand piano getting played to the top floor window of the mansion, we then get to see Jongho commanding the strings which pull at the furniture they're now working on piling up in the driveway.

Within the room itself, furniture pieces also move about, pulled by rope which in turns seems to be pulled by an unseen force.

Echoing Yeosang's ventriloquist doll act from earlier, this also has the theme of "strings getting pulled", of "puppeteering". It's all a game and the world around them is inhabited by game pieces.

Jongho then checks his digital pocket watch and it's 11:15, the release date. Within the theme of the MV, time is ticking, and they're operating on a tight schedule.

Now comes the most interesting part: Yunho is in a doctor's office, presenting the doctor with "CT scans" of the mansion they've been wrecking this entire time and the doctor seems mighty concerned about it. Are we inside this man's head? Is this his dreamscape which Ateez have invaded and made their own by pasting their logo everywhere and destroying all which was already there?

And even more interestingly: If this entire place is filled with masked criminals, what does that say about this doctor's mind and personality? Is he a rotten criminal down to his very core? Have Ateez come here to punish him for his crimes and destroy him from within? Or is this merely a warning?

A music string shoots forward, wrapping itself around the doctor's wrist and dragging him all the way outside through the driveway while Yeosang watches on, unperturbed, holding his umbrella over himself in the rain-free darkness.

Together with the wooden furniture they've been taking outside, they build a pyre in the driveway. And the doctor has been strapped down right at its center, prepared to be burnt like the owner of the ring Mingi put on earlier.

Jongho looks down at the doctor with disgust on his face as he drops the line "chew 'em up and keep 'em shut". The doctor's teeth frame the shot.

It's Mingi who then drops the lighter, sealing the doctor's fate before the rest of Ateez join him to dance in front of the pyre. Perhaps the scene of him getting the ring actually takes place after this fire has burnt down then and the ring originally belonged to this doctor.

We get quick flashes of the burning rooms within the mansion, later on also some with Ateez still in them, uncaring about the fire consuming their environment, further highlighting the fact this is merely a dream and they know they won't get hurt.

We then end on Hongjoong who walked into the pyre where the lower jaw of the doctor was left behind. He removes one of the teeth, a diamond shaped like a tooth, and holds it up for inspection. They've achieved what they came for. He smiles into the camera.

Our final shot is of Ateez in the aftermath of the family picture. While the masked goons walk off, they remain seated, leaving us with some time to think about who they are and what all this means.

In my mind, there are a few options:

This is A-World's Ateez coming back together to use their Cromer abilities to fight greed, which has destroyed their world (and ours), by travelling into criminal's minds and raining down hell upon them. (That man is a doctor and his mind is solely consumed by money, crime, and riches.) What hints toward this is: the fur coats and environment reminiscent of Say My Name, the anchor on Hongjoong's outfit.

This is Z-World's Ateez cleaning up after the revolution by mind-breaking all the bastards left behind from the tyrannical government so they can't regroup and try to reclaim power over the people. What hints toward this is: the all black outfits, Seonghwa's giant hat, the general vibe of the environment.

This is Halazia-World's Ateez continuing on their dream-travelling spree and they've now taken to fighting the sort of greedy dirtbags who ruined their world. What hints toward this is: Hongjoong's hat, all the fire, the clocks.

Regardless of which version of Ateez this is, the themes remain the same: greed corrupts the mind and they hate that shit so they use their abilities to do a public service by punishing this doctor within his dream (and likely also other people like him).

And honestly, all I can say to that is: thank you and keep going!

[osifrau]

this is So Good omg ok

So about Daro'Zaste / Quartz Eye of the King, who's the most recent creation and the most fleshed out one! :)) Zaste's my Skyrim character.

1: 'Te (or Tay) is a mage! His specialty is Destruction magic, but his goal is to become knowledgeable at *all* the different sections of the arcane arts. Not one for Restoration though. As he got older, he started preferring Illusion & Conjuration magic.

2: LOVES putting on a show. His excitement gets the best of him and he loses himself in a weird ecstatic frenzy. Usually is all over the place when casting spells; running around whatever place he's in and switching between various spells.

3: Zaste follows a traditional Khajiiti mindset of "each god has something different to offer, so worship them when it suits you." Being a traditionally raised Khajiit though, he does favor Azurah and Baan Daar (or Rajhin he doesn't really care), and doesn't fully follow any of the Imperial/Eight or Nine divines. Later on in life however, he takes a liking to Hermorah (Hermaeus Mora) due to his deep dive into various scriptures and general collections.

4: Unsure!!

5: (plz cut me some slack i've only played Skyrim and ESO) Dark Brotherhood & The Thieves Guild, not the Fighters Guild or The Mages Guild. He would (and does) however join the College of Winterhold & Dawnguard.

6: Grew up poor on his family's farm on Solstheim. Didn't really have a class for a while because he parted from society for years when he fled Helgen and dove into Blackreach. After returning to the surface though, he had enough old jewelry and small treasures to really get him onto his feet again. Gaining more money wasn't difficult due to his skills in combat and survival, so by the time he becomes Quartz Eye of the King and on, he gets pretty insanely rich. (At least i hope so let's see how the playthrough turns out T-T)

7: Yes (very gay and very violent)

8: Zaste will just keep on going and keep on fighting even if it tears him apart. The flight instinct is non existent in this man and if there's even a minuscule chance that he could get out alive, he absolutely will fight until he dies and will do borderline anything to ensure that he kills his enemy. This dude does not stop with literally anything. Older 'Te though really calms down, although he still teaches others to do what he does, so it never leaves him.

9: He's missing an eye. Was just born like that and his family was loving and protective of him. He's probably got a slew of mental things too, plus 'Tay never learned how to properly patch up wounds so he's got some bad ones that healed weirdly so he has difficulty with his hands occasionally. Has had a real bad tremor from repeated nerve damage since his Reaver days back on Solstheim.

10: I mean he is the player so i guess there are just numerous behaviors and details that have influenced him while playing Skyrim. Other things include love of books and libraries, wanting to collect and organize literally everything into perfect little sections and displays. Another big thing is sexuality but most of my player characters are usually gay (m4m) or bi with a larger preference for men.

11: Yes! He's a Khajiit that abides by traditional honorifics. So the evolution goes from Zaste-Ma (childhood) -> Ja'Zaste (Reaver to Helgen) -> Daro'Zaste* (Blackreach to a little bit before Alduin's defeat) -> Quartz Eye of the King

*Daro is the female honorific, to be so honest i forgot this and refuse to change it because it sounds good but for story things Tay just likes the way it sounds as opposed to Dar. Also weird grimy guys with female names are very cool and i enjoy them greatly

12: It lines up with a lot of the Nords opinions around Skyrim; this being that he supports the defeat of the Thalmor (which for a lot of Khajiit isn't good) and was originally going to join the Stormcloaks, but then he learned about the racism and fascism and senseless murder that Ulfric promoted and quickly turned to the Imperials. (Went w/ hadvar when escaping Helgen so that helped him be more comfortable and knowledgeable abt the Imperials.)

13: Zaste enjoys cooking! He picked up a lot of fun recipes in Blackreach* (Stuffed gleamblossoms, deep vale venison shank, deep vale spriggan smoked slayerfish, a lot of mushroom based recipes, chaurus recipes, and many more. he's probably eaten Falmer meat before). He also enjoys cultivating different plants for food and alchemy, so basically gardening. Again, one of the biggest things that he loves to do is once again collecting. Just. Anything really. Mostly sets of things like armor or jewelry, and he also enjoys making jewelry as well with the gems he finds while exploring Skyrim. As he gets a little bit older he takes to playing a lot of music and dancing in his spare time (dude loves a good party, he threw a lot once he became rich and had a big house) searching for unique decorated instruments to play and add to his collection of things.

*The mods that i use for Blackreach are DMT's Paint it Blackreach, The Blackest Reaches, and Blackreach Railroad. This adds things that might not be canon for other people, but incorporating mods into my characters stories are always fun. There are also many other mods in general that I use that add other things to the game. Zaste is far from a base game character.

14: Not anything specific (not yet anyway, i'm still fairly early in his development), though Blackreach flora is suiting for him. Things that might stick out to others to let them know that it's associated with 'Te are a mostly black object or background with glowing blue+pink marks on them.

15: Guy finds cool magic and goes crazy ig. There is probably more tropes that fit him but im not sure atm.

16: Tamrielic (Common? Cyrodyllic? English?), Ta'agra, a little bit of Dunmeris. As he gets older though and starts studying scriptures he learns Draconic (Dragon Tongue), Ancient Nordic (which might be the same as Draconic), and Dwemeris (Dwarven).

17: Zaste prefers dual wielding & the crossbow when he doesn't use magic, as he couldn't fully rely on magic during his Reaver days, and doesn't prefer staves. Usually the way to decide on whether he uses his swords or his magic is whether or not he wants to cause a huge mess or not. Tay likes lightning magic as well as his shouts, so he mostly uses it outside or in large ruins & caves. He found a Dwemer crossbow during his time in Blackreach, and has kept it ever since. His two swords are an enchanted Akaviri blade that he found in the Snow Elf refuge in Blackreach near i think Mzulft, and a scimitar that he picked up from Lucan Valerius while returning to Riverwood after exiting Blackreach. His fighting style is quick and in your face to be as disorienting as possible to the enemy.

18: I'm going to go with either chaotic good but to a pretty big extreme and emphasis on "chaotic". At his very core, he wants to help people. Deeply. He *will* do anything to help those in need, which is why he joined the Reavers in the first place: to help his family. The income he got from being a bandit was far more than selling goods at his family's stall at the Solstheim market plaza, and he gave nearly all of his gold to his family or purchased equipment himself to give to them. Anyone who asks him for support will get an enthusiastic response back. For the "chaotic" part, he does like his septims and doesn't mind taking lives to get it. He joined the Thieves Guild for the money, and joined the Dark Brotherhood to satisfy that feeling of bloodlust and un-questioned intoxicating power that he felt during his prime time in Blackreach. He misses that feeling very deeply.

19: Tay's just kind of a weird dude, but charming in a way. He looks pretty off-putting, but he's really a sweet Khajiit. A hidden talent of his is that he both dances and plays music super well :) he's always been like that, and was super excited to join the Bard's College when he went to Solitude.

20: Plants that he picked on the road, maybe a cool looking bone or stick something, soul gems, mead, some cool rings or necklaces that he found, and some pieces of paper with little notes scribbled on them.

21: With most situations between people he tries to be diplomatic and understand both sides, ex. his opinion on the Stormcloaks. 'Te's selfless, and mostly abides the law when he's actually in cities. He understands that most citizens are just people trying to get by, and so he sorta robin hoods it to only steal from those who can afford it. He doesn't really have anxiety, or if he does he does really well to calm himself down quite quickly. Lastly, Zaste is kind of a mix of both.

22: I am so deeply uneducated on other NPCs :(

23: Speed and Agility! He's a Dagi-Raht, and a pretty tall one at that + his dragonblood, making him the mighty height of 4'11" (~149 cm) while on flat feet. He's a digitigrade quadruped, so that bumps him up to around 5'3" (~160 cm). His boots are pretty thin on the bottom so they don't do much, maybe add a half inch or so. But anyway, his small size and fast nature are the things he relies on the most in many situations.

24: Zaste never thinks he's good enough. He's a perfectionist, and the thing that he puts that on the hardest is himself. It leads to him getting into situations that are incredibly threatening even to him because he feels that he needs to "prove" himself.

TES OC Interview Game!

What class do they fall under? Anything they specialize in? (ex: Mage > Illusionist) Have they changed their class over their lifetime or stayed the same?

When they cast magic, what’s their style? Are they flamboyant or reserved? Do they wave their hands around? Do they like making a show of it? Are they verbal? 

Which Aedra or Daedra do they worship/champion?

Regardless if something happened or not, which Aedra or Daedra would hate them the most, and why?

What guild would they join, regardless of their skill? (Any guild/group from any game and any timeline) Why?

What’s their social class?

Are they a fighter or a lover?

What’s their lowest/weakest skill that could be a fatal flaw? Or what’s their biggest weakness?

Do they have any handicaps or disabilities?

Does this character have anything in common with you?

Do they have any epithets? How about aliases? 

What’s their most controversial opinion(s)?

What’s their hobbies? 

Any motifs or symbolism for this character? Flowers, animals, etc.

Tropes, tropes, tropes! Do any come into mind for this character? Or do they subvert any?

Languages! How many do they speak? Are they literate?

If they can, what’s their fighting style? If they’re a mage, how do they handle being silenced or running out of magicka?

Where do they fit on the morality chart?

Do they have any quirks or hidden talents?

If you took their bag and upended it now, what would you find in it?

Are they: Diplomatic or Violent? Passive or Instigating? Selfish or Selfless? Law abiding or Lawless? Trusting or Apprehensive? Caring or Indifferent?

Ignoring time, what Elder Scrolls NPC would they get along with the most? Or the worst?

What’s their 2 main attributes? (Strength, Endurance, Speed, Agility, Personality, Intelligence, Will Power, or Luck)

What do they believe is their biggest weakness? What do you say is their biggest weakness?

[melencolia-maniac]

I love how everyone was hating on Francis calling her a bad mother for 6 episodes and yeah can you blame them she put too much pressure on Oz pushing him to “succeed” in her twisted way but can you fucking imagine we’re gonna find out how she was the victim all along she provided for her children as a single mother I mean can you blame her for sending her kids to mingle with the mob that’s how eastside works that’s the only job you could find you might as well teach them the harsh reality sooner than later. And then this slimy gaslighting monster actually did the horrible things many of us thought about but had too much compassion to not actually drown their siblings. He actually did it. Maybe it’s for the best you never found out the truth. But no, he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. And now you’re gotta live with this monster and being reminded every single damn moment that this is the murderer and it just goes on and on and on and on until this woman you’re supposed to despise confronts you and you realize the monster never cared about you and all of the pain you endured was utterly meaningless. Peak Cinema. Absolutely poetic. Great revelation. Never thought this was gonna be a psychological horror tv show but I got much more than what I initially expected. Chef’s kiss perfect

[inthedarkshadows000]

SneakPeak#106.......

From the story I might never write

How dare she. She has been ignoring me and eyeing my husband, Suguru, for the past forty three minutes and twenty two seconds. Yes. I counted. What else was I supposed to do while being ignored.

Suguru and I had decided to finally move out of our current apartment, with the girls, and shift to a bigger place. It was way to cramped for four people and now with both of earning, in jujutsu world, we had gathered more than enough to finish the down payment instantly.

So we contacted a realtor to show us some places according to our requirements. Mind you, the requirements DID NOT include a middle aged lady, with way too many operations on her face and boobs, who flirts with a taken man. Like bruh, I get my man looks like a god but back. The. Fuck. Off!

So here we were, him getting hit on by a plastic lady, with her nose a little too way off and her one boob smaller than the other.

All I want to do is come out and burn the bitch to crisps with my curse energy but no, apparently being jealous wasn't a good enough reason for murder nowadays, pfft, as if. What if my man needs me to save his honour, huh?

Suguru has been holding my hand and trying to include me in the conversation but that bitch had purposely and extremely unsubtly been leaving me out.

If I wasn't fuming right now, his situation would have made me laugh real hard. He seems so uncomfortable and aborable trying to maintain a safe distance from her. I'll protect you my pretty boy, don't you worry.

Now, only if my eyes could shoot lasers, it would have made things really easy. Like, oops my B. However, they still don't. Trust. I tried squinting. This was the cool power I was supposed to get with my curse shit but no! Nothing cool here.

Forget cool powers. Let me at the bitch bare hands and I'll have her in shreds before you can even finish saying laser. Yeah... my inner bitch was NOT happy.

On a second thought though, why waste power when words can harm more. I smirked internally, when I had an idea.

We were currently in the common area near the dining table. Suguru had his one hand on the table while his other hand circled my waist, the plastic lady in front of us. It wasn't a second after my idea, that I saw her hand go right on top of his free hand and squeeze, he pulled his hand back quickly.

Oh no, you don't! That's it!

"Alright, I have a real quick question." I say while moving between them and leaning on the table.

Ru looks relieved, probably to have a barrier in between and the bitch looks annoyed. Like I care.

I put on my most innocent smile and look at him. "Could you please clear a doubt for me, husband?" I emphasised the last word just put of spite.

"Of course love. What is it?" He quirks a brow and moves his hand to tug gently at the ends of my hair, twirling it around his finger.

"I just wanted to clear out if you have an interest, any interest at all, in Miss. -" I turned towards her making sure my hair hit her in the face, "- wait what was your name?"

Before she could answer I turned back, hitting her again with the hair, and pointed towards her, waiving my palm carelessly, and continued, "Anyway. Her "

"No, I don't love. Why would you ask?" He knew exactly why I would ask. The twinkle in his violet eyes and his horrible attempt at hiding his smile said enough. He played along anyway because let's be real, Suguru Geto loved being petty, even more so than me.

"I just wanted to clear out the fact, so she doesn't waste her time as well as ours, with her futile attempts of trying to woo you. Not to mention, I would hate for her to lose such an important deal, now wouldn't I?" I gave her a pointed look and turned back around. Yes, another hair attack!

I purposely put my left hand, which had the engagement ring on it , over his wrist which now shifted to my cheek.

"Of course, we would, love." he bit his inner cheek to keep himself from laughing, yet his shoulders shook with merth. His beautiful lips pulled in a smirk.

After giving a quick kiss to my forehead and the knuckles of my left hand, he pulled me around so that my back was to his front and we faced the bitch. He put his chin on shoulder, his smirk still evident.

The bitch had gone red. Serves her right.

"You sly, little vixen." Suguru whispered in my ear and tugged the lobe gently with his teeth. I just shrugged still maintaining my innocent smile.

"Just trying to save your sexy ass, like always. I'll take the payment in hair wash, so better be ready to finally drop your hair routine, princess."

[rosetyler42]

For Ericka Van Helsing:

A. Possibly not in so many words, but she gets the gist. She probably more thinks of, like, Pavlov's Dog than her brand of conditioning, but she's got the basic idea.

B. Kind of, yes. She's got YEARS of anti-monster racism, anxiety, hero complex, and repression to unpack and unlearn. Her biggest thing is the anti-monster racism, since that almost led to alot of people DYING and she now has a family of monsters, but she's trying to learn to relax and enjoy her new found freedom too.

C. It's a big drive for the more rebellious, mischievous, and adventurous part of her nature. She's both trying to figure out who SHE is outside of her expectations as a Van Helsing, as well as learn more about the world she was sheltered from - especially what things about monsters she's learned are true and what isn't. It's also a big reason she's less judgemental ("Hey, I'm in NO position to judge ANYONE. I was an accomplice to GENOCIDE and attempted murder 5 times! Whatever you did couldn't POSSIBLY be worse than THAT!") and she loves to push boundaries and see just what she can get away with - remember, she's a rich kid who resented being held to high standards and expected to follow strict rules her whole life and now is looking to indulge herself as much as possible. And more willing to give people who TRULY WANT to get better a second chance. After all...she used to be a hateful killer herself until someone showed HER kindness. She's also learned the best way to learn about someone is to befriend them and get them playing rather than studying or hating them.

However, as bouncy and optimistic as Ericka tries to be...it's a little harder to shake the idea that whatever she does, however much she tries to be better... there's a part of her that'll always be a bigoted, homicidal and genocidal maniac, the guilt she carries of the things she and her family has done, and the fear she could easily relapse and turn into Great-Grandfather in some way. Not only disappointing her new family but costing innocents their lives in the process. One of her biggest worries with the twins is both not loving them enough since their half monster AND treating them coldly because HER parental figure was strict and cold. She wants them to know their loved and for them to have freedom. But Drac and Mavis turned into Vlad and Drac without even trying. Can she really hope to be any different?

questions for conditioned characters

A) do they know what conditioning is? B) do they understand that they've been conditioned? C) how does this understanding, or lack thereof, affect their perception of themselves?

[cursedtransby]

Ryoshu and Sinclair, Mother and Child

As I've mentioned in this post, Ryoshu and Sinclair have an interesting dynamic that has been played with for a long time now, and this is the followup post that mostly focuses on Ryoshu's perspective and actions. Obligatory Spoiler Warning for all of Limbus.

As I've discussed, Ryoshu doesn't exactly start off friendly with people. It's something shown with how she callously murders Heathcliff and Ishmael at the start of Canto I, but she ties Outis in being distrustful of those around her. She's hyper aware of betrayal (I wonder why) and the most she does for sympathy at first is give Greg a cig at the end of Canto I.

However, She's one of the sinners who comes to Sinclair's aid during Canto III, and while this canto is arguably one of the biggest for sinner development, it's a massive one for knowing that Ryoshu does in fact have her ways of caring for those she considers close to herself.

In terms of her parenting, we've seen so far that Ryoshu is arguably a girldad. She's gruff and offputting, but deep down shows that she cares for others, mostly through forms that aren't outright telling the person that she cares for them.

One of these forms is through 'tough love'. Tough love is a technique that's popular among father units and those that want to toughen up those they love, and while I'd argue it's efficacy until the cows come home...it seems effective for Sinclair, who is someone that is learning to express his aggression and determination more profoundly.

The last one is extremely important to me because it shows another quirk of hers. Her single "heh" one offs that are fairly uncommon. She's only said it directly in response to two other sinners' jokes besides Sinclair, in fact.

Gregor, her smoking buddy, and the sinner she has a whole identity based around caring for. Her giving Sinclair a laugh then takes on a whole new meaning. It's a dad snort of approval, in essence, and shows that she does in fact care a lot for the rest of the sinners and their 'comedy'.

The other major way I see her caring for individuals is the physical. We see it manifest in a couple different ways, most prominently in relation to her lob corp identity with Yi Sang

Ryoshu in this world takes on a similar vein of protection to her team that she does as Edgar Family head does, outright telling Yi Sang he's safest with the group and that she'll be the sole reinforcement for Training Team's group. She isn't the Safety Team Captain for nothing!

All of this is to say that Ryoshu cares for Sinclair like a kid. While it might be born of some guilt from her previous life, it's clear it's transcended to more. Like a child looking for approval from using one of their parent's fancy swears, Sinclair is willing to perform violence for those he trusts, and Ryoshu is more than happy to give him credit for it. All I'm waiting for now is a mirror world where the two are linked in some way.

Obligatory thanks to @lu-is-not-ok and @ryoshudoodles for inspiring my posts about the funny yet depressing murderer mom.