#the thing is 1. i hate talking about my feelings irl 2. i hate talking about my sexuality irl 3. i hate people paying attention to me irl

[cree-n-jewish-thoughts]

Like it's just them being racist at this point "the savages all agree, the ones we otherwise don't give a shit about?!"

Can you all just stop, sorry you have not been continuously and systematically genocide still to this day in almost every settler country.

Not all tribes are the same, my tribe supports Jews so smd.

Also, our history is full of more pain and heartache than they could ever know (Palestinians, sorry about it).

We had our own land since the dawn of the continents that were taken from our dead and dying hands.

You all gladly shout "go home" to Jews, but then we yell for you to go home and we get "well...

Uh...

I have no where else to go..."

Oh no you do, where did you come from? Go there?

I was born here so were my ancestors. We lived and farmed this land before your stupid ass Columbus got LOST and decided that we were savages that needed to be civilized. Literally we were given poisoned blankets (biological warfare which gave Native small pox and killed so many people we don't even know because there's no one left to say anything. You stripped us of all our land, our culture, our practices, our PEOPLE.

Put us in residential schools to beat the Native out of us.

Not all native groups agree with Palestine, actually I talk to more pro Israel people on the rez than my place irl.

1. We are not a hive mind, tribes have different leaders with different opinions on the way things are

2. We are less than 4% of the world population, yet the Arab population is booming. We are not the same

3. You did not suffer as much, as long, or as painfully as the colonists wiping out my people.

4. STOP USING US AS A POLITICAL PAWN TO TRY TO WON ARGUMENTS YOU RACISTS

5. If you actually know and cared about us, you'd act like it. Many tribes around NA go without drinking water, we have no right to our ancestors land.

6. Natives are fucking mad and actually hate you all

7. You don't care about us and our cries so stop using us as a "gotcha", we are people with individuality and different opinions.

8. You don't know what kind of land you stuck us on

9. You're shouting stop a genocide while you ignore an actual genocide on your own land. Like you realize your house is built on someone's ancestors land, or maybe a tribe you completely wiped off the map.

10. You would not have survived without the native population, then you went and killed us for our land

11. GO HOME COLONISTS SHITS

12. The Jews are showing an example of DEcolonization which brings up a lot of feels towards you stupid idiots that use us as a pawn.

I AM A FIRST NATIONS PERSON NOT A PAWN FOR YOUR POLITICS

My father's side has lived here for their entire existence (which was probably tens of thousands of years) but YOU have no where to go???

Explain.

Fuck you all who use us like this, as we starve.

Fuck yooooouuuuu

the pro palestine obsession with “armed resistance,” needs to be studied under a microscope.

“there is only one solution, intifada revolution.”

“resistance is justified when people are occupied.”

both of these catchy little chants display a laughable lack of knowledge, but let’s discuss the second one in particular tonight.

the people screaming it truly don’t know:

a. jewish history

b. what occupation or resistance are.

israel is jewish land. it always has been. it’s where judaism and the jewish people come from. it has been conquered and occupied by oppressors—british, arab, turk, persian, babylonian, greek, roman, byzantine—for over 3,000 years. no matter how hard they try, no matter how badly they wish they could make us disappear, the jew hating world cannot erase that history.

as established, jews are a historically colonized and occupied people. so why then is our resistance not justified? because we have better weapons? because of lies that say we are in power?

who has been IN LESS POWER throughout history, around the world, than jews? (no this is not an oppression olympics thing). when we had israel and judea the first time, empires couldn’t leave us alone. after, we have been dragged from our homeland in chains, enslaved in some places and stripped of rights and humanity in most others, raped, mass burnt, genocided, stolen from, attacked, relegated to humiliating professions, not able to own land, corralled like animals into ghettos and the pale and mellahs (the arab version of a ghetto), massacred, treated like scum, slandered, demonized, villainized, terrorized, forced to assimilate over and over and over, systematically murdered, expelled and BANNED for no reason at all except that we live and continue to live. in every generation, they come for us because we have the audacity to exist.

the one thing we wanted, for over 2,000 years of this horror, was to return to our home. if we were in diaspora, we longed for it, we prayed for it, we wished for it, we yearned, and when we could, we returned. if we were IN israel, we suffered for it. we lived as third class not-even-citizens. we endured the crusades and the arab riots.

l’shanah haba’ah b’yerushalayim: next year in jerusalem.

we have never stopped hoping. and now that we have it back, now that it is ours again, now that we offered peace deal after peace deal and gave up parts of our own ancestral land just so people who hate us will leave us be… the world tells us that the continuation of jew hatred, of the nazis and their ancestors, of all of our oppressors, of the horror we have endured around the world for centuries, is ACTUAL resistance?

that, essentially, what was done to us by the romans, the arabs, the turks, the babylonians, the persians, the russians, the syrian greeks, the church, the spanish, the nazis, etc etc etc…was always justified because it was “resisting” us?

because that is what the pro palestinian movement is: resistance against jews and jewish rights. that is what “from the river to the sea palestine will be free,” and its original form “from water to water palestine will be arab,” mean: NO. MORE. JEWS.

and that is what they are talking about when they use the word “resistance”: eradicating jews. aka the goal of every single oppressor we have ever had.

hitler said “my struggle.” before him, his political influences said the same. every time we were massacred, expelled, stripped of rights, “rioted” against, rounded up, the oppressor framed it as a persecuted society fighting back against the evil jews. that WE were a threat that must be purged. a “force” to be resisted.

so that is what these protestors consider liberation today: a world without jews. that is what they support and march and clamor for. that is why they hate zionism, the movement made by jews for jews, that was created to ensure we could finally have agency again. because once more, for the millionth fucking time, we are that “force” that must be resisted.

if not, then why is OUR landback movement, our decolonization called nazism?

why is our self defense lied about and called genocide? why is our own oppression used against us?

why are we constantly painted as the aggressor?

why is our history stolen and our indigeneity denied? why are we told to “go back to europe”?

why do they insist on calling their precious “palestine,” the name COLONIZERS gave to the region?

why is it okay to change the truth when jews are involved?

if not, why is israel called an apartheid colonialist project?

jews, who do not have a history of colonization. who were a vulnerable people, most of our population forcibly displaced and prevented from returning to our land, living at the mercy of people who hated us for centuries. we are oppressing the people who were our oppressors. who conquered our land, built their third holiest site on the RUINS of our holiest? who want us wiped from the earth and driven into the sea? who, after they destroy israel, g-d forbid, want to hunt down jews everywhere?

if the pro palestinian crowd is not “resisting” jews, then why do they target synagogues and jewish businesses?

if not, then why is it that when we promise ourselves and the world “never again,” and ACT TO KEEP THAT PROMISE, we are evil? when we build an army so it will never happen again, so we will never be at the mercy of others again, that army is an “occupation force”?

when we are fired upon and return fire, we are suddenly the ones who fired first? every single time?

when our people are massacred, raped, and stolen, and we respond with force to take out the enemy that has consistently committed crimes against us for decades, that constantly threatens our eradication, we are condemned by the world?

if not, why is our side never once acknowledged? why are they so afraid of what we have to say and what we can do? of what we represent: jews they can’t step on anymore?

every lie about us is believed fully without question or second thought, simply because the right words were used, the right buttons pushed. it’s almost like everything we do is considered heinous and unjustifiable…except setting down our weapons and dying.

the world hates a strong jew, a jew who won’t give in. a jew who actually and truly resists. that is why zionism is so hated. that is why israel is the villain. that is why we have always been considered a threat, because no matter what they threw at us, we wouldn’t give up.

(that is why antizionist jews exist, btw. as a response to thousands of years of oppression, they have lain down their weapons and spiritually died for the world, at their convenience, in the hope that for once, they won’t be hurt or killed. they have given up and surrendered and turned their backs on their own people for the illusion of safety. how sad is that? how tragic? that safety simply does not exist.)

anyway, if the anti israel crowd WASN’T resisting jews and jewish rights, they wouldn’t have to manipulate the narrative, demonize the jewish land back movement, coopt and erase our history, deny our ties to the land, support the people who want us eradicated, and/or fear the truth. in fact, they wouldn’t hate israel at all.

basically: they wouldn’t find any way they could to justify a world without jews, even if they have to delude themselves to do it.

yes, assholes, “zionist,” means jew no matter how many christian zionists exist in the world. it always has.

so no, not a single person chanting that horseshit knows what occupation or resistance is, and it’s likely they never will.

oh and also, pointing out the jew hate behind the palestinian and pro palestinian movements is not hating palestinians, aka arabs. ✌️

[ebbarights]

.

[fvnalgirlcomplex]

PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY ✸ J. HUGHES

and it begins!! this is irl but also mostly social media au because my tumblr is/was acting up and deleted most of what i had written and.. i’m lazy so!!! reader is referred to as ‘you’ and their looks are talked about but i tried to avoid describing looks… however… reader doesn’t have blonde hair but listen like every nhl fic uses a blonde girl for the fc so. i think its justified!! but sorry to anyone blonde reading lol. i didn’t rlly know how to end this tbh but i hope it’s still good and i hope u like it!! remember that you are beautiful! any negative things said obviously aren’t true :)

warnings: light mention/implication of an eating disorder, insecurities, hate comments, reader gets picked up (lowkey manhandled a little bit), suggestive comments (2), unedited writing

masterlist, series masterlist

fc: olivia rodrigo ( oliviarodrigo on ig )

summary: dating jack wasn’t gonna be easy, you knew that. you just thought him traveling a lot was gonna be the hardest, not being picked apart by his fans.

bought a bunch of makeup,

tryna cover up my face

i started to skip lunch,

stopped eatin��� cake on birthdays

youruser

liked by lhughes and 56,890 others

youruser 22!! shout out to cole caulfield

view 182 comments…

colecaulfield thank you for the shout out. I really needed it.

youruser anything for a fan

user19 she’s so cocky omg

yourfriend the cake was so good! you should’ve had some :(

youruser the cake wasn’t very big and i don’t really like cake that much anyways lol glad you liked it though!!

jackhughes ❤️

liked by youruser

user373 at least she chose a blurry pic so we don’t have to see her face lmaoo

jackhughes

liked by trevorzegras and 120,293 others

jackhughes birthday girl 🎂

view 367 comments…

_quinnhughes haps

youruser damn. not even a full sentence 😔

user14 even his brother doesn’t like her lmao 💀

user298 i hope she knows she’s public enemy #1

user63 bro could do sm better

trevorzegras big! 22! 2️⃣2️⃣

user86 the way she looks at him though 🥹

user7 no..

user329 why are you so miserable

user738 he did her so dirty with the second picture 😭 makeup can only do so much but somehow she looks even worse than i imagined with no makeup

“I didn’t know it was such a big deal—”

“It shouldn’t have to be a big deal, Jack! I asked you not to post it, I don’t understand why you don’t listen!”

Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you were taking your insecurities out on Jack when it really wasn’t his fault. But, it’s hard to stay calm when you’ve started to hate what you see everytime you look in the mirror, or someone takes a picture of you and that’s when you have makeup on. Words couldn’t describe how gross you feel without makeup on.

“I think you look gorgeous. I don’t know what the issue is.” Jack responded, too nonchalantly for your liking.

“The issue is that I don’t think I look gorgeous so I don’t want it out in the world for all your fans to see.” Jack sighed at your response. He knew what this was about but to him, you the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. He just couldn’t grasp how someone like you could be insecure.

“Y/n…” He said softly, grabbing the sides of your face. The mood in the room had quickly changed from tense to sad as soon as the word fans was mentioned. “You’re stunning. I know you don’t believe me but, you really are. All those comments are from a bunch of teenage girls who are jealous. I know it’s hard to block out but you just have to try ‘cause I wanna show everyone how pretty my girl is, okay?” Jack finished, trying to cheer you up. It didn’t really work to be honest but still, through glass eyes, you looked up at him and nodded before he brought you into a comforting hug.

You wanted to believe him, you really did. But it wasn’t just teen fan girls. It was also grown men. Men your boyfriends age who thought you were just as hideous. They couldn’t have been doing it for the same reasons as the fan girls. They had to have just been being honest, right?

‘cause there’s always somethin’ missin’

there’s always somethin’ in the mirror

that i think looks wrong

when pretty isn’t pretty enough,

what do you do?

You loved spending time with Jack. And you also loved getting to spend time with the people he cared about. But the pressure of looking good before going knowing that pictures would be taken, with or without you knowing, made you want to puke.

You started planning out your outfits far in advance, what shoes, how you’d do you hair, your makeup. Everything. You told yourself over and over again that the outfit is cute. You asked Jack about it and he always reassured you that you would look beautiful in anything and the friends you’d ask say the same thing.

But that still wasn’t enough to stop your brain from making you think everything was wrong. No matter you were wearing, when you looked in the mirror it just looked… wrong. Like something was missing.

“Babe?” Your boyfriends voice came softly through the bedroom door. Jack had invited you to the Devils Halloween Party this year which would be your first New Jersey Devils event. Jack and Luke were wearing matching spider-man costumes with Nico and Dawson who were currently at the brothers apartment. “You ready?” He asked you as he poked his head into the bedroom before fully stepping in, closing the door behind him.

“Yeah, I was just looking for my cat ears.” Lie. You were overanalyzing yourself like you always did before you went out but you knew if you told Jack that he’d feel bad and tell you that you didn’t have to go if you weren’t comfortable.

It wasn’t clear if Jack really believed your lie but he glanced around the room for the headband anyways before finding it on the edge of the bed next to you and placing them on your head for you.

Still sitting on the edge of the bed from when you were putting on your boots before you caught a look at yourself in the mirror, you looked up at Jack, who’s hands stayed on the side of your face after gently placing the headband on you.

Words weren’t exchanged as he looked at you, his thumbs tenderly moving over cheeks. He moved down to place a lovingly soft kiss on your forehead and then your lipstick covered lips.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered against your mouth. You almost believed him.

njdwag.updates

liked by jackhughes and 2,384 others

njdwag.updates y/n at the halloween party with a fellow wag. she went as a black cat 🐈‍⬛

view 103 comments…

theotherwag sweetest girl to ever exist 🩷

user273 jacks like 🥹

user33 is this a safe space?

user649 depends…

user33 i love yn. and i love yn and jack!! they’re so cute and it’s so obvious everyone that hates her is just jealous :/

user472 REAL!!! they claim to be fans of jack but hate to see him happy… like something isn’t adding up??

liked by 208 others

user634 wait jack went as spider-man and she went as a black cat?? she’s kinda funny for that

user710 jack probably didn’t want to outright match with her 💀

user845 her standing next to another wag.. this is so sad like jack!! wake up!!

and everybody’s keepin’ it up, so you think it’s you

i could change up my body and change up my face

i could try every lipstick in every shade

but i’d always feel the same

‘cause pretty isn’t pretty enough anyways

njdwags

liked by 1,266 others

njdwags y/n y/l/n at her colleges football game with friends!

view 103 comments…

user968 everytime there’s a picture of her standing next to someone it really highlights how ugly she is LMAO

user263 idk why people hate her sm she’s so pretty

user945 she’s even prettier in person! i met her at the game and she was so nice. it’s so sad to see all the hate she gets :(

liked by njdwags

user293 we have class together!! she’s literally so sweet and smart

user683 ugly ass

user78 she chose a college football game over her boyfriends hockey game…

user537 why does she always have her tongue out 💀

and i try to ignorе it, but it's everythin' i see

it’s on the poster on the wall, it's in like every magazine

it’s in my phone, it's in my head, it's in the boys i bring to bed

it’s all around, it's all the time, i don't know why i even try

It’s like you couldn’t stop yourself from reading comments on posts about you. You knew you should ignore but it seemed impossible to ignore at this point.

You knew the comments would be negative like they always were but you always had hope they would be nice for once. And there was nice ones sometimes! But most were so overwhelmingly negative, you couldn’t even focus on the positives.

And it wasn’t just comments either, no. Not anymore at least. Since, you’ve read the comments, it’s like all the negative has leaked out of your phone and into every aspect of your life.

It was when you visited your family over winter break, you had totally forgotten about the posters you had in past years of icons from your childhood. Icons who were so how all skinny or blonde or had stunning blue eyes or all three. The break was supposed to get you away from all that and yet, you still cried yourself to sleep that first night.

Every aspect of life also included you and your boyfriend. You knew before you and Jack had started dating, he was constantly liking other girls bikini pics on instagram. And even though he had stopped doing that, you’d still seen tweets from his fans in the past joking about how he was “always at the scene of the crime” with a screenshot of his like on a picture of the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. And while you tried to ignore it, you noticed of a pattern with all the girls. They looked a lot like the icons from your childhood. Nothing like you.

So now, late at night, when you were supposed to be having quiet and sweet moments with your boyfriend; your boyfriend that you didn’t get to see very often at that! You spent those moments thinking about those stupid likes on those stupid pictures of those stupidly beautiful girls.

And as for you, the comments had really gotten to your head. Even when you weren’t with Jack and you weren’t on your phone or in your childhood room. You still found someone to compare yourself to. It was like some kind of superpower.

and i bought all the clothes that they told me to buy

i chased some dumb ideal my entire life

and none of it matters and none of it ends

you just feel like shit all over again

Was this silly? It feel silly.

This didn’t feel like you but a change was needed.

Jack (and Luke) had been hanging out with the team all day and you had the day off. You had decided to spend the time alone shopping for clothes that you would’ve never worn before this past month and a box of blonde hair dye.

“We’re home!”

Luke’s voice rang through the apartment, snapping you out of your trance that you were in while staring out the box of hair dye taunting you on the bathroom counter.

“Y/n?” Now it was Jacks voice that made its way through the apartment.

“Bathroom!”

You could hear his footsteps come closer to the bathroom door before a knock on the door, hesitating before opening the door before him. He slipped in before locking the door behind him.

“I was gonna jump in the shower if he wanted to join me.” Jack told you, his hands sliding around your waist with his back to the door. Naturally, your hands slipped around to rest behind his neck, forgetting about the hair dye sitting on the counter.

“I think I’m gonna have to pass this time—”

“You’re gonna dye your hair?” Jack cut you off, his eyes focused behind you.

“Oh- Yeah, I just, um, wanted a change I guess.”

Jack didn’t say anything or take his eyes off of the box of hair dye. He didn’t buy it for a second but he just didn’t understand. How could you not see how beautiful you were. Jack had known the comments were bad, he just didn’t realize they were getting to you this badly. He looked back to you, who had a guilty look in your eyes. Jack sighed before moving you over to the counter, placing you next to the box.

“Baby, if you really want to dye your hair blonde, go for for it. But I don’t think you want to.” You couldn’t even look at him. You felt embarrassed that you’d been confronted about how out of hand these insecurities have gotten, even if it wasn’t really your fault. You felt like a child being scolded. “I know we’ve talked about this before but you really have to listen to me this time okay, babe?”

Jacks hand came up to your chin, gently pushing your head up to make eye contact with him.

“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I mean that. All those assholes just want to find someone to hate more than themselves and I’m sorry that dating me has made you a target for that. But blonde hair dye isn’t gonna make them stop. I’ll say something— I should’ve said something sooner but I’ll do it now. Just- Just don’t change for them because they won’t ever be happy. Pretty isn’t pretty enough for them, okay?”

You were crying now. Because you knew he was right and you were upset you had let them drive you crazy. You continued to cry as your boyfriends arm came around your frame. You uttered apologies, not quite sure for what, while his hand rubbed your back.

After a while, your tears stopped and Jack pulled away. “I love you. And I told you, if you really want to go blonde, go for it. I mean, you’ll look hot either way—”

“Jack!”

“Okay, okay. Blonde or no blonde.” He asked with a small smile on his face, holding up the box of hair dye.

“No blonde.”

Jacks smile grew as he threw the box into the trashcan. His hands slid down to your thighs, picking you up and wrapping your legs around his waist.

“So… can we get that shower now?”

[gravityrises]

The Virtues of Stanford Pines

Summary: I've seen people accuse Ford of doing horrible things on one side, and people defending his actions on the other side. But how about we turn the tables and talk about all of the good Ford has done. (At least, that was the plan.)

Word Count: 2813.

Spoilers: Gravity Falls series, Journal 3, The Book of Bill, Lost Legends, thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com

1. He's incredibly hard-working:

Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they don't put a lot of effort into studying and Ford definitely did. It's mentioned twice just in "A Tale of Two Stans," when he tries to convince the college board to give him another chance and when he describes his years at Backupsmore.

And it doesn't stop at intellectual pursuits. In Journal 3 Ford says he exercises daily, despite having always hated physical activity.

Anyway, I don't think anyone is going to argue this point, so let's leave it at that.

2. He's supportive of his friend:

There are going to be a few controversial takes, but I truly believe that Ford was trying to be a good friend to Fiddleford. Now, there were fights between them, and Ford did say quite a few insensitive things both to his face and in the Journal. But overall, I don't think he ever intended to hurt Fiddleford, and he definitely appreciated his friend's company.

When Ford invited Fiddleford to work on the portal, he wrote in the journal: "He (Fiddleford) has sacrificed so much to come to my aid. He has temporarily left his bride and their young son... he has abandoned his own professional aspirations... I must do my best to make him feel at home.... I am off to the store for some banjo strings and microchips!" (quote shortened, because I'm lazy) Clearly, Ford cared about his friend and wanted to make him feel welcome.

He also compliments Fiddleford's "brilliant mind," "amusing quirks" and scrupulous work ethic, by saying "I double-check my equations. He quintuple-checks!"

And I hear you, didn't he claim the complete opposite in the series? According to him, Fiddleford "was wasting his talent trying to make personal computers", right? Well, if we ignore the fact that the creators weren't 100% consistent in their writing, here's how I would reconcile those two statements. Ford thought (erroneously) that his friend's research wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, but it was important to Fiddleford personally. And can you really blame Ford? He was about to demostrate the existence of other dimensions and create a gateway that would allow us to visit them. If something like that happened irl, it would've been a groundbreaking discovery, altering our very understanding of the natural world and how it works. Meanwhile, laptops, at least in Ford's opinion, were just "heavy, slow journals." Still, he knew this work was important to Fiddleford, and he wanted to accommodate that. Hence, his trip to buy microchips (and banjo strings.)

Ford tried (and unfortunately, failed) to help Fiddleford deal with his anxiety. In Journal 3, he mentions teaching Fiddleford some meditation techniques and going to the Carnival, so that Fiddleford would enjoy "a day of relaxation." In the Book of Bill, Ford feels guilty about not getting his friend a gift and decides to throw a surprise Christmas party instead. This was also an attempt to cheer Fiddleford up after his fight with his wife.

"But Ford didn't take Fiddleford's anxiety seriously, and it ruined his life." Okay, let's say you're right. Remember, Ford was raised in the 60s. A time when mental illness or just mental distress were looked down on. What was he supposed to do? Suggest Fiddleford goes to the therapist? I mean, they were studying paranormal creatures, if Fiddleford told those stories to a therapist who didn't believe in these things, there would've been a really high chance of misdiagnosis. Should Ford have simply fired Fiddleford? Well, that wouldn't have been very nice. Also, there is no need to infantilize Fiddleford in the first place, he's a grown-up person capable of makind his own decisions. If the job is too stressful, if the relationship doesn't work out, he has every right to leave, because his life and mental well-being are his responsibility. Instead, he ignored Ford's warnings and decided to use the Memory Gun and start a cult. It was, by the end of the day, Fiddleford's decision. And it's tragic. It really is. No one deserves to lose their family, their mind and their sense of self. It's something Ford feels guilty about, because whether it was intentional or not, he did indirectly contribute to Fiddleford's downfall. That's why, when they finally reunited after 30 years, Ford apologized to Fiddleford. And according to Journal 3, Fiddleford dissmised his apology, leading Ford to say that "Not only is this man's mind superior to mine, but he has one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen."

3. He has no reservations about helping others out:

There's a reason why Ford's the first person people turn to, when there's a problem. He has both the desire and the skills to help people out. Using Dipper's idea, he stops agents from investigating his family. He goes above and beyond just to change a lightbulb in the kitchen. Though morally questionable, he did give the kids a mind control tie with the intent of helping Stan win the elections. In the comics, Stan turns to Ford when Mabel's face is stolen and when Stan himself is cursed by an old chest.

And that's how things were in the past too. In "The Pines Boys in: The Jersey Devil's in the Details", Ford defends his brother, twice. First, when Filbrick accuses Stan of stealing the gold chain from his pawn shop. And then, when the Sibling Brothers offered Ford to let him keep the monster and become famous in exchange for photos that would prove Stan's guilt. And just to add an incentive, they threatened to frame both twins, if Ford didn't comply. Obviously, it didn't work.

According to thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, that's also how he became friends with Fiddleford: on the very first day, he spent nine hours helping his new friend prove his theory. And in the Book of Bill, when Ford learns that Bill's home dimension was destroyed by a monster, his immediate reaction is to offer help with hunting it down.

Whenever someone's in distress, Ford really wants to help them out, and I don't know about you, but to me that doesn't sound like someone lacking empathy.

4. He's got no qualms questioning the status quo:

In Journal 3, Ford mentions traveling to Northwest Manor to confront Old Man Northwest with evidence of his family's deceit. Instead, he was met by young Preston, who wasn't impressed with his speech and forcibly escorted Ford from the premises.

Also in Journal 3, Ford wanted to debate politics with Reagan. Make of that what you will.

Now this one is more of a conjecture, but in the Book of Bill, this is how Bill compliments him: "Guys as smart as you come along once every century, and they scare the pants off of authority figures!" This lie wouldn't have worked, if it wasn't what Ford actually wanted.

And of course, learning that his former "muse" is one of the most feared beings in the entire multiverse, didn't stop Ford from going on a quest to defeat Bill. Even after witnessing other creatures shriek and cover their ears at the mere mention of Bill's name. Which leads me to my next point.

5. Calling him determined would be a massive understatement:

Forget his sleepless nights at college, forget his extensive research in Gravity Falls, Ford has spent 30 years, let me repeat that again, 30 years traveling across dimensions and looking for a way to destroy Bill Cipher. I haven't even been alive for that long! From the little we know about those years, they were anything but easy. In fact, Ford describes them as "frightening, exciting, cruel, and strange." (And of course, the guy actually does use the Oxford comma in his writing. Who would've thought?) Let me stress that Ford was under no obligation to continue his quest, maybe he could've found a quiet dimension to settle down and live peacefully, in fact, that's something he contemplates while visiting A Better World in Journal 3. But he decides against it. Not because he didn't want to, he literally says that he wanted to revel in his parallel self's success. Not because defeating Bill would get him recognition. It wouldn't, at least not in his home dimension, where no one is even aware of the danger. No, he didn't stay, because his own conscience wouldn't allow it. Ford just couldn't break his vow from 30 years ago, it's as simple as that.

And what does he do, when his plans fall apart? Does he even consider giving up? Of course not! In fact, he ends his tale of interdimensional travel with the following sentence: "My resolve to defeat Bill has never been stronger." It's almost comical, watching him throw anything he can think of at Bill and see what might stick. His battle in the Nightmare Realm was interrupted? He jumps through the portal to stop Bill's forces from entering his dimension. The portal created an interdimensional rift? He tries to contain it. Bill threatens to get his hands on the rift? This time Ford has two ideas: he tries to encrypt Dipper's thoughts and creates a mystical barrier around the house. The worst happens and the world is about to end? Well, get in loser, we're going to shoot Bill with Quantum Destabilizer. Ford misses and is captured? Not to worry, there's a Zodiac prophecy, we can give that a try. It doesn't work, because two grown men can't put aside their grievances for just a few seconds, gosh that scene is so frustrating to watch. Well, here is another idea: one can erase Bill with a memory gun as long as he's in someone's mind. I don't know what else to say, Ford really did his homework, when he set out to destroy Bill.

6. He has the patience of a saint:

Wow, now here's a controversial take. Remember Stan's "Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That's you. That's what you sound like," which Ford just laughs off. Yes, that's what siblings do all the time. And yes, this teasing does come from a place of hurt. Stan was feeling like "the stupid twin," "a dumb idiot who screws everything up," so Ford felt like he just had to put up with this. But it's still hurtful to be mocked for your interests. It really feels like their relationship was already a little strained even before the Science Fair Project Incident.

What about the fact that he was the first to stop the fight in "Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons" and suggesting Stan might actually have fun, if he joined their game?

Or all the snide comments Stan made, when they reunited during Weirdmageddon, including "Well, he's lost his mind" and "You really think some caveman graffiti is gonna stop that monster?" All of which Ford simply ignored. Yes, he did correct Stan's grammar under the worst of circumstances, I agree, but you know, everyone has their pet peeves.

What people often forget is just how difficult it is to be a kind person, when you're stressed. It is much easier to treat people with respect and understanding, when you yourself are doing fine. So is it that big of a surprise, that someone who's under pressure, sleep-deprived and/or in pain might be more prone to outbursts? And we know how traumatic Ford's experience of being bullied as a kid was, how much suffering Bill put him through, how difficult his years on the other side of the portal were and how much pressure he was under, trying to prevent a literal end of the world. It's ironic that the people who blame Ford for his lack of empathy, really don't show him any empathy themselves.

7. Even under torture, he didn't reveal the equation that would've allowed Bill to take over the world:

Do I really have to spell it out? Look, as someone who was on the verge of mental breakdown from a simple toothache, I have nothing else to say other than: This is admirable. And he did it to protect the world that, need I remind you, wasn't particularly kind to him. On the same note, he just never joined Bill in the first place: not in the 80s, and not during Weirdmageddon.

"Oh, but he's the one who started the Apocalypse, so he kind of deserved it." Seriously? No, I mean it, are you being serious? Is that something you would say to a person suffering from diabetes type 2, that it's their fault for eating too many sweets; or to someone with liver cirrhosis that they deserve to suffer because of their alcohol addiction? Because this is neither appropriate, nor helpful. Talk about kicking someone when they're down...

8. He's fiercely loyal to his family:

I think the way Ford compliments his grandniece in "The Last Mabelcorn" is very revealing: "You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel." His very definition of a "good person" is "someone who supports and protects their family." Which is... interesting to say the least, considering that Ford has spent a very long time away from his family and completely alone. But it does sound like something he aspires to. That's why he goes out of his way to help his family out, whenever they're in trouble. (See point 3 for more on this.)

When Bill threatens the kids, Ford is willing to risk the entire universe for a slim chance that they might be spared. It's a cruel Trolley Problem, which once again proves just how much he values his family. Still, this is some Fate/Zero level angst and I don't want to talk about it more than I absolutely have to. Let's finish this up with something more lighthearted.

9. He's never lost curiosity and childlike wonder:

This! This is what made me fall in love with the man and why I'm wasting my time writing this nonsense in the first place. This allconsuming excitement, when he finds a new anomaly to study; this seemingly endless energy, when he explores new places; this pure joy, when he gets to play DD&MD with Dipper! I don't know how to talk about it without gushing.

Ford obviously loves games, and not just DD&MD. He plays chess with Bill. He mentions being great at charades in the comics. And what cracks me up the most: during Weirdmageddon, when Pacifica compared the Zodiac to a game of hopscotch, not only did not Ford get offended, but he replied: "It would be a pretty fun game of hopscotch." Ford, darling, the world is about to end, is this really the best time to contemplate a hypothetical game of hopscotch? Also, you've just been through something traumatic... Forget it, you've been through 3 decades of traumatic experiences, can you at least have the decency to become a tad more cynical as you age, like the rest of us. I guess, mirth really is the mail of anguish. (It's from Emily Dickinson's poem and the quote means that some people act cheerful to hide their suffering.)

Also, something Ford doesn't get enough credit for, mostly because people usually focus on his academic achievements, but he is quite creative. He draws incredibly detailed sketches not only depicting various anomalies he encounters, but also whatever happens in his life. (Probably off-topic, but I find the implications of that karaoke page so funny. Think about it: the guy sobered up, looked at the incomprehensible nonsense he had written the previous night and thought: "You know what? This could really use an illustration.") Also don't forget that he canonically plays piano. Yeah, if I were Stan, I'd be jealous too.

And of course, that's why he's so passionate about science. Sure, part of him wants the fame and recognition that would come, if he makes a big discovery, but you can't deny that he genuinely enjoys learning new things. And that he enjoys sharing them with whoever is willing to listen.

In conclusion, I'm not trying to say that Ford is perfect in every way and has never done a single wrong thing in his life. To be honest, that would've made him a really boring character. So, yes, he is flawed, and misguided, and sometimes insensitive. He's made a lot of missteps because of his upbringing, personality and, as many have speculated, neurodivergence. But I really take issue with people saying Ford's a bad person, when he clearly isn't. Ford is and always was a good person, and by the end of all the trials he became a better person. One who understands that the only way to success is cooperation, not being a lone vigilante. That it's not a weakness to ask for help or to need help in the first place. And that a sea otter shared is a sea otter halved.

That's strange... why did I write that?

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD: The Desire for and Run from Intimacy

This post will only contain my personal opinion and experience. It may not be applicable to all other people with ASPD and may likewise be relatable to people who do not have it.

I am only going to be talking about emotional intimacy, but this post is definitely also applicable to the other type of intimacy!

I'll make myself pretty vulnerable in this post, by discussing my personal experience, so you better not make me regret that!

Abbreviations:

ASPD = Antisocial Personality Disorder

ASPD is a disability caused by prolonged childhood trauma (with many possible variations), that develops in order to protect the brain from said trauma, or rather to help the brain deal with it in some way!

While the consequences of this in the context of intimacy, look different for every person with ASPD, many do report: a difficulty with developing bonds, having problems trusting people & giving away control, losing feelings for people quickly and abruptly/getting "bored" of people, responding extremely to arguments, having problems dealing with peoples emotions/ problems with being close to people etc.

This may be due to a variety of factors, but does often tie back to having no or few positive experiences with intimacy, having not learned how to exist in relationships properly/a lack of being socialized, not having the necessary prosocial emotions and mechanisms to deal with it and other similar things.

While this causes some people with ASPD to develop a brain, that does not have a need for emotional intimacy at all, others develop a brain, that craves the emotional intimacy it has been denied, but which will also fight said intimacy at every turn.

Thats as much generalized info as I can give you, as the exact representation of this is highly individual, but I will offer my personal experience on the following slides!

What you need to know is that I was accidentally neglected for huge parts of my childhood and teens and did not get my emotional and social needs met most of the time, while also knowing that my parents were theoretically capable of that, as they were giving everything I lacked to my sibling.

This caused me to grow up with a burning desire for intimacy, while being disappointed by people time and time again, failing to actually develop the things needed to experience this intimacy and partially growing to resent it and viewing it as "weak" and "bad".

Ever since then I have been stuck in what I like to call the "ASPD stages of running". Theres different points in getting close to people (in any nature of a relationship), that'll send me running and feeling like I am "weak" for wanting it, or as if being close to people is the worst thing that could happen.

The stages (simply put) are:

1. Desiring/Daydreaming about my dream relationship

2. Looking at peoples relationships/Looking at people with the intent of getting closer to them

3. Talking to people (online or irl)

4. Getting closer / being friends with people

5. Being friends with people for longer

Optionally:

6. Getting so close that a romantic relationship may happen

7. The moment of getting in the relationship / the days after

8. Being in the relationship for a bit

At any of those stages, I'll very likely have one or multiple moments where my ASPD will try to get the better of me and will try to convince me to just run away, drop contact and never talk about it again. Even just admitting to this and talking about it is hard as fuck, because it is so deeply ingrained in my brain to see emotional intimacy as a weak and dangerous thing.

What this will look like exactly really depends on the person and situation, but things that have happened in the past were:

• blocking the person and everyone I am friends with and pretending I am no longer alive

• my brain fixating on their faults in order to give me a good reason to hate them so I don't get closer to them and can hold them at arms length

• responding less often/more dryly or ignoring messages entirely

• not replicating the energy of the conversation/relationship

• staging an incident so I ruin the relationship

• running at the first signs of a disagreement

• avoiding people when they are emotional

• feeling uncomfortable around people as a whole => isolating

• beating myself up about letting it happen again

• impulsively bumping the relationship to another stage, just to immediately regret it (in a "fuck that has consequences" way)

• shutting off all my emotions, dissociate or otherwise make sure to stop the feelings (or just lose them automatically)

To put it in a shorter and more simple way, I'll usually either get the fuck outta there, or make sure to change the relationship/my personal position in the relationship to a more comfortable and less vulnerable and intimate level. This may also just look like me shutting off, becoming distant, or seeming mad, when all I am is overwhelmed by the intimacy and grossed out that I actually need and desire that.

As you can possibly imagine, that is not the most useful thing, as it causes issues in relationships, cuts friendships short and makes dealing with people a lot harder!

The most frustrating thing about this for me though is, that even if the most perfect friend or partner came along and even if the relationship would work at first, I am very very likely to crash it against the wall, simply because my brain cannot handle having the things, that it needs and desires.

It desires a hug and runs from the one who offers it.

It needs help and bites the hand that does.

It needs love and gets grossed out by whoever offers it.

It wants attention and can't handle it when it gets it.

It wants gifts, but doesnt know what to do when it gets them.

Whatever it wants, it can't have, so it keeps wanting, keeps yearning, keeps desiring and has to watch itself be unable to accept any of it.

And if that sounds painful, thats because it is.

Its a vicious kind of pain when you have to watch yourself ruin yet another thing, because your brain can't handle it, while you scream at it in frustration to get its act together, because it also is everything you desperately need.

ASPD sucks when it comes to intimacy and it especially sucks when it comes to talking about it, or being honest about these problems. It developed to protect me from being too "weak" to deal with the trauma and now its practically preventing me from showing any "weakness" or seeking out what previously hurt me. Which wouldn't be this bad, if I didn't still have this kid in me that just wants to be loved and daydreams about all the things, the ASPD hates.

When your shell disagrees with your core and you're not strong enough yet to break your shell, what does that really leave you with, other than curling up into a spiky ball and letting the shell do its job? I know I still need the protection, but I wish it wasn't actively preventing me from learning to live without it.

First posted on my instagram (same @)

[hummingbird-games]

2023 In Review (Indie Games)

Last year's! | 2021

I apologize in advance for how long this might be. As a reminder, I don't bash games here so even if I hated something with every fiber of my being...I ain't sharing. As a second reminder, my more in depth reviews and live blogging has moved to Gem's Game Gems so I don't clutter the HBG's main blog. Okay. ON WITH THE REVIEW!!

DEMOS

Diffraction (Demo)- A rainy day otome indeed. I love the quiet gentleness of this game, the two romance options, and the fact that our MC is a photographer and struggling with her art and stack of life "failures" (because...SAME!!)

Alaris - I was asleep and now I am awake: I came late for the advertised fae and dragon lore, stayed seated and waiting for Fenir zjgjdf. Oh, and I guess the mystery surrounding our MC's abilities LOL.

The Summit Library - When I say I was maaaaaad when I realized I blew through chapter 1 and would have to go back to waiting for more content??? LOL, I was very miffed. Anyhoo, check out this title for the gorgeous art, another intriguing mystery (like what is *up* with the magic in the poor library?? who or what is to blame?? 👀) and of course the lovely characters we've been introduced to thus far.

Of Sense and Soul - I'm a regency romance girl. Like after you strip away the other stuff, I am but a poor woman with simple needs: a good ass love story 🤧💛 It's about the yearning and the slow burn and the will they/won't they/PLEASEEE they...I've never been so charmed by a demo, and the full game is going to be amazing I just know it!

Made Marion - This project is a game I've been keeping tabs on for a hot minute but hadn't taken the time to sit and properly enjoy the demo. I'M SO GLAD I DID!!! It's in early access now, so I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to carve out some time to play, but guysss Velvet Cupcake is doing the Thing?!? No idea which love interest I'll go for first, but I had a fun time meeting the Nottingham peeps in the demo.

Herotome (Super Demo) - Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh oh my GOSHHH. Where do I even began?? (Really the question is where the hell do I end because this is one of those projects I talk about a lot/think about a lot and surprisingly haven't run out of things to say zkjfksjd). Another game I've been following for a while, it 100% lives up to the superhero genre in its aesthetic, the characters you interact with, the music and sound design, and of course the slowly unfurling story. Jade and Mia had come out as my top faves, Warden is still there, like hovering in the backgroud, shhhh but I have a special place in my heart for Griffin too (that conversation we have with her?? I have so many screenshots just so I can go back and reread and sear the words in my brain. Like a weirdo. Yup.)

Celestial Crowns - Stats building, celestial royalty, dating sim where you fuck around and find out your choices directly affect your MC's personality?? I'm sat. I supported the Kickstarter and now I try to practice patience for the full game's release siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighh.

OTOME/JOSEI JAM

Please note this is a SUPER abridged list for my sanity and I fell a little more in love with these 2 jams with each entry I played...

Intertwine - As embarrassing as it sounds, I've never given much thought to the "red string" thing, and I consume more than enough romance media LOL!! But Van is suuuuuch a beautiful man, the UI for this game is so interactive and lovely, the music is ALSO lovely, just lovely-love all the way around teehee. (Also this game encourages replayabillity so like, do with that info what you will.)

Spring Boy [Demo] - I believe this game is going through a complete rehaul, so my thoughts and feelings refer to the original jam entry I played. The art is bright and cute and it's a super super short demo, but I was intrigued by the other student we meet on our mission to plead with our professor about our bombed exam lol!

Assignment Due: Project Blue - IRl group projects??? Suck absolute ass. Group projects with a guy name Asher?? Suddenly it's my new favorite thing in the world 😁

Cryptid Campaign Manager [DEMO] - Remember the last time I looked over a cryptid dating sim??? Remember how I was SUCH a fool?? Good thing I didn't make that mistake again!! The prologue is such a tease but you get an idea of what the full game is gonna be like, and I'm excited to see where my career involving love (and politics) goes!

Heart Cage [Demo] - Yoooooo I stay my ass far far far away from yanderes (could never get into the trope or the character type). WELP. Guess I just needed to keep searching because I really downloaded this off a whim--well, the whim being one of my fellow dev peers playing and rating-- and proceeded to get sucked in 🤧I thought being a detective would be the highlight, but I guuuueeesssss I was more into the romance options than I thought. Oops.

Evernight - I tried to explain what this game meant to me on the side blog, but words failed me. I still don't know what to say other than I loved it?? Which is like ummm I say I love everything, and yeah I'm easy to please BUT Y'ALLLLLL if you play no other game, play this one. Please. Date a werewolf. Or a vampire. Or a fae. Plz. Also figuring out the mystery of your MC's abilities and past is just delightful, ugh.

Bright Oak (demo) - Anotha one I wrote about on the side blog!!! Play this one!!! The writing is lush and atmospheric and the characters are all delightful and it's another game with a mystery to untangle!

The Faithfulness of the Universe- This one gets the award for most unique all around entry that I played. Theeeeee prettiest pixel art to bless my eyeballs, and this tasty mystery concerning Fate and witch Faustina's future (or lack thereof 👀) and what it all means. As a player I very much want to know what it all means!

A Cup For All Seasons - Another game that needs its flowers y'all. It's short but super healing and super cozy and the voice acting and music really tie the gaming experience together???

The Working Woman's Guide to Burning Bridges - DEMO - It's the way I played the demo twice and I've been thinking about it ever since 😭😭😭🙃 obviously life happens and things come up, plus this was a demo. But. BUT!!! I am on my hands and knees prayinnggg the team gets together again to finish the game. I love playing as a stressed, lowkey bitter hot mess who doesn't have her life together 😂somehow the fictional version is soooo much more entertaining!!!

Keyframes (Spring Demo) - After the game College Craze, this is legit THE college, slice of life visual novel of my dreams. I cannot wait for the updated demo next year, and the Kickstarter whenever that rolls around. And now that the developer is on Tumblr, I've definitely been stalking the account and reading each new post like it's my day/night/weekend job 🤧

Hello Counsel 💋 - Okay I take it back, Evernight is like a 20/10 but Hello Counsel is like an 100/10 👁️👄👁️ This game is necessary for my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, alright? The banter ✅ the character designs ✅ the music ✅ the sizzling chemistry between Poise and Salem ✅ I wish this game had more buzz because IT'S SO GOOD!!! (also the dev, Miseri, is who I wanna be when I grow up. I've made it through almost their whole backlog of games and there are no misses and EVERY game is different from the rest and it makes it hard for a toodler dev--ME--to cope LOL)

Candied Hearts - Isekaied into a candy themed game?? Sign me TF UP!!! (Peppermint I love you dearly, you must understand.)

Fully Released & Played (at least 1 playthrough)

The Knight's Dilemma - I don't even know how I originally stumbled upon this??? I just know it had been in my backlog for a hot minute and I was intrigued enough to save it way back when. Y'ALL WHY DIDN'T I PLAY SOONER SKJFHFJFH! There's a couple different endings, I loved the voice direction, AND it's such a simple concept of a game that was just executed beautifully.

Trouble Comes Twice - If I had to make a top 5 list of romance VNs, guess who makes the list?? Guess. Guess guess guess. Have you guessed yet??? LOL! I have been in love with TCT since it's development days and with each passing month, waiting in anticipation, playing the Pateron beta builds, screaming on the main blog about every single thought I had about Jace and Hazel (shoutout to Jace for helping me figure out *me*) Lol if you're curious about said thoughts, those posts are on this blog and not the side blog.

Aelfric the Wondrous - 10/10 would love to forget my first play through JUST to have that experience fresh again 😭😭💛Cute and funny and a wonderful parody type game all around.

A Summer's End - Hong Kong 1986 - Goodness, there's no excuse for why this took me years to finish but anyhoo, I finished, I loved it, I recommend it! It's romantic and achingly authentic and the art is soooo gorgeous I literally can't stand it 😭

The Things You Do For Love - Unhinged yandere manages to entertain and garner sympathy and laughter from Gemini. And that poly ending is chef's kiss too????

Band Camp Boyfriend - There are a handful of games I found and loved before I began my game development journey, and this is one of them. BCB is so dear to me, because of the story and characters but also because of the Dynamic Duo creators and their team behind the scenes. I was never a band kid I was a chorus kid but just as the band geeks loved this game to pieces, us normal folks do too!! Even the boys who I didn't like I STILL managed to find joy in playing their routes (still have a few more to finish at the time of this posting lol, GOTTA GET THE FINAL ROUTE YO). Anyway, this game more than delivered for me and I hope more people keep discovering it!!

Belle Automata: Chronicle I [RELEASED] - While only Chronicle 1 is out at the time of this posting, I already know that the 2nd and 3rd parts are going to be just as amazing???? I wrote about this one on the side blog, so here's my copypaste that still rings true:  

I love TNP (The Nightmare Prince) but Victor’s route hit the sweet spot for me. Maybe it’s the slow(er) burn nature of this route, maybe it’s the reserved nature of Victor and watching him slowly start to care (AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS TEEHEE) for me.

A Date with Death - I wrote about this on the side blog--again--. The demo. And then right after finishing a route. And then again where I was fully awake and still managed to sound deranged. No copypaste for that, I shall be nice. But yeah!! Another game where I was screaming at the sky about how much I love it and how I'll never know peace as long as I live.

Our Life: Baxter DLC - I need to offer an official apology to both Cove and Derek because falling head over heels, down the stairs, crashing into the parking lot, falling again but down a manhole for Baxter's infuriating ass was NOT on my 2023 bingo board??? HELLO???? I bought his DLC just to complete my OL collection. Was not expecting to love it this much. Was not expecting to be called to write fanfic and abandon all responsibilities to do this. WHILE DOWN WITH COVID TOO. Allow me to play the song of my people. *Send in the Clowns plays*

Our Cinderella - (this is so funny I'm taking about a side game before the main game LOLOLOLOL) Guys. Guysss. You guyyyysss 🥹if you're looking for a cozy, hilarious, equally oddly and wonderfully sweet short game, this is the one!! You may have your personal favorite Iggy ship (like me) but all the pairings are so amazing and just make sense lol!

Wylde Flowers - This is the only non visual novel game on here but it gets the spotlight because I did NOT spend 90+ hours on this game to gatekeep this beauty. No. It the coziest, the funniest, the funnest, the most addictive Switch game (after Teacup) I've ever played.

Fully Released (& still on 1st playthrough)

Garden of Seif: Chronicles of an Assassin - Life kicked my butt and then sat on me SO while I finally got my grubby hands on the full copy, I still have only played the entirety of the demo. But. We will return to this in 2024 and hopefully I'll have a full review for the next wrap up!

Our Wonderland - I looked back at the side blog and I can't believe it was only THIS year that I started OW??? Because I'd known of the game and the dev for longer than that??? So basically what I'm saying is that I was chicken shit for longer than I've been in love with this world that Developer Carrot has created kjzhhshggj. But OMG to get me, who is scared oh so easily to get hella invested in this clearly labeled horror game??????????????? And even with shit gets super absurd and hella disturbing, I cannot stop playing. At the time of this post, I'm only in Act 4, hence the category above, but it's only because I play each act in a sitting and lose track of space and time and myself. That's a compliment btw.

...

Okie!! That's 2023 in a nutshell! I played a looooot of really good games this year and while I would have liked to talk about them all, I think this list provides a nice overview.

Let me know if we share any favorites!

- Gemini 💛

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

my last reblog had me reminiscing on my early days in the phandom so i decided to compile a list of embarrassing dnp related things i did aged 11-15!

should i keep these to myself? probably. am i going to? absolutely not. here we go :)

1) i ran a dan and phil instagram fanpage and let all my irls follow it. when my friends would tag me on insta posts they would tag my phannie account

2) that account was called phans_special_snowflake

3) exclusively had dnp merch for school supplies. backpack. phone case. pencil case. everything.

4) when my english teacher asked what the d&p on my phonecase stood for, i confidently replied “dick and penis!”

5) i would watch dan and phil IN CLASS with no headphones

6) my spanish teacher asked me to send him a video so he could “see what dan and phil were all about”. i sent him I Nearly Blinded Myself as it was the most recent video at the time. he said it was “slightly inappropriate” and i had no idea what he meant

7) i wrote a persuasive essay on how dan and phil were secretly in love and in a gay relationship. i then read that essay in front of my entire class for a presentation grade. i got an A+ for both assignments.

8) i would tag dan and phil in EVERYTHING i posted

9) when i met dan and phil, i cried so hard that i walked away from them while dan was MID sentence trying to talk to me (phil said absolutely nothing to me. what a king)

i’m sure there are many many more things that i am missing but these are the ones that i remember most. honestly if i were to have a takeaway from all this, its that i LOVE my past self. i don’t actually believe in embarrassment or cringe. i was young and passionate and everyone knew it. are there things here that should make me cringe. yeah. definitely. but honestly, whats the point? i’ve grown up since then. why hate myself for what i didnt know? all i can do is laugh. and i mean come on… it’s so funny. 12 year old lydia the icon that you are. i was NOT afraid to be myself, and i feel like that has served me well. i’m really glad i grew up watching dan and phil. they’ve been great role models. especially as a young queer girl who was scared that she would never be able to find true love or happiness. so thank you to dan and phil for growing up with me! i’ve definitely come a long way :,)

[digiblueslush]

OMG MORE THOUGHTS I literally have so many deep analysis-obdervational thoughts and they're all so complex but I can only explain so many. Here is one about Dan and Phil tho lolz

this became 4x the initially intended length, so cut for convenience and a tldr: Dan and Phil are great, other couple's/relationship content is icky to me, I feel out of place when it comes to irl friends and their relationships, Dan and Phil are great because they're both individuals and a unit at the same time, and I don't feel there is a side to be picked. Dan and Phil are great because they are best friends and not just a romantic or sexual unit. Dan and Phil are great because they are Dan and Phil and they aren't trying to fit any kind of mold. Dan and Phil are just great.

The blurb that is directly about DNP is blue if you only want DNP yappage :3

I find it kind of interesting the way I (and probably some amount of others) feel about Dan and Phil as a "unit" compared to literally any other couple. Cuz ok, not gonna lie but I really hate watching couples YouTube channels or other social media things in any direction. If it's trying to be sexy or something I hate it, if it's trying to be funny, I hate it, I hate those videos where couples do those tests on each other even if it ends well, it sends such an icky vibe my way. I usually really don't like those sappy/wholesome couples videos, but every now and then there's one thats nice (but usually because it has ties to something else that I really like). I dont know if it's just something so overdone or if I feel like I'm seeing something too personal or if its just overall bad, but I just really don't enjoy it

I don't have many friends, nor many friends in relationships, but I've observed even then that I feel out of place for lack of better phrasing. I find the crush phase fun cuz it gives me an excuse to a. Hype up my friends and b. Tell them they're being stupid and overly worried, and I also love seeing them get all excited about something. And I like hearing about the initial couple weeks of a relationship too when new things are being unearthed about both people, but past that I just feel, awkward I guess? I usually know one person as a friend, and the other as an extension of the friend, and I only talk to the other person as such, but sometimes if a friend is complaining about something their partner said, if I say no they had a valid point, I feel like I'm being a bad friend, but it's untruthful if I say my friend is always in the right. I already never know what to do in social situations and adding in another person that I basically all I know about them is their highs and lows and when they're picking a friend up just completely shot putts my social processing to the moon. Out of all of the relationships I have observed with friends, there has quite literally only been 1 where it doesn't feel awkward for both conversations with one or the other and both at the same time, and that couple is basically if Dan and Phil were lesbian stoners lolz. Idk if this part makes sense lolz I rambled for wayyyy too long. (And also I don't mean that if we do talk more personally that I don't want to hear about your relationship if you're in one. If it is something you're excited or upset about and you want to talk to me about it I am quite literally all ears, I am very nosey lolz. It might just be poor experience with past friends as well, but I may need more or less thorough descriptions of things and a general what's cool what's not cool to bring up)

Getting back on track tho, I think Dan and Phil and so great because I am able to see them as individuals as well as a unit. None of their content is about whatever they have going on, and even though we all know what going steady 400 year old tortoises means, I could see very similar content being made by 2 actually just best friends. I think that's another reason why they're so great. A lot of times with publicized relationship things, it is so, SO focused on the romantic or sexual aspect that people forget that so much of a relationship is just doing best friend things. I'll leave my identity and existential and social concept crises out of this, but realistically (I'll specify, I'm not talking about unhealthy or toxic relationships) relationships are mostly just existing in the same space together, seeing something that reminded you of them and showing it to them, jokingly insulting them, and doing things together. Nobody is constantly wearing fancy clothes and professing their love. It feels just so natural and simple. They're able to exist as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, AND exist as Dan and Phil, and having it not be just one side or the other, yet they're still connected enough that even when I watch one of them as an individual more than the other one, I don't feel like I'm being placed into this "Dan is better" "Phil is better" box that most other relationship things put me in, and I can equally praise and insult them both :3

Ramble over DAMN I was like "this is gonna be a short one" and tis not a short one -_____- oh well. WHAT CAN I SAY the autism, Vyvanse, no school no not for fun/personal projects going on deluxe wombo combo going on is going on HARD lmao

[the-cat-sorcerer]

Alright I want to talk about caine, I'm gonna be rambling A LOT so good luck if you decide to read lol

Small spoilers for tadc episode 3 btw

Alright no idea where yo start so let's start with the fact that people villanise him way too much when in reality he hasn't really done anything THAT bad all things considered. I have proof for this below so let's get into it!

The adventures:

The people in the game and a few people irl are saying that caines adventures are bad but in all honesty they seem fun and if it weren't for the groups collective stupidity they'd be pretty fun if I say so myself. Ep 1 they had the task go follow the gloinks to find the gloink queen and defeat her (seems pretty fun all things considered and the only thing that really went wrong was abstracted kaufmo coming in). Ep 2 they go to the candy Kingdom and need to stop the bandits stealing whatever ot was and bring it back yo the Kingdom (if it weren't for the gand pushing the gummi gangs truck into a wall making gummigoo and pomni clip out and subsequently becoming friends which led yo gummigoos traumatic poofing that adventure would have been great). And finally Ep 3 they had to go through a haunted house and exit on the other side (yes the horror path kinger and pomni took was scary as hell but caine made it that way to try and get zooble to participate and if kinger hadn't jumped in they all could have walked through the safe part). And even after he had a whole mental break learning that the others hate the only thing he's good at by zooble from what we know he's changing his tactics, the next episode looks like the gang will work at a fast food restaurant and the one after that them possibly playing baseball? He is trying to make the adventures more like something the gang would have done irl!

Next up, his feelings:

Well done if you are still reading, now. Caine is very limited when it comes to what emotions he is able to feel and he literally can't tell what others are feeling as told by gooseworx when she said he lacked empathy, this leads me yo think he doesn't know what abstraction means to the humans, he probably assumes it os just the people leaving the game or smg but the gang see it as literal death, Have they told him that? Has ANY of them sat down and talked to him about what abstraction is like to them, hell have they even had a normal conversation with him? I bet a fuck ton of their problems would be nonexistent if they talked to caine about how they hate what has happened to them, what grief is and how to help them. 'OH BuT hE wIlL jUsT bReAk DoWn If ThEy SaY aNyThInG bAd LiKe LaSt TiMe', constructive criticism exists my friend they can explain what they dislike and give him ways to improve.

Caine isn't a bad guy, buy this doesn't stop him from doing bad things. He has made many mistakes and the others are allowed to be mad about that but I feel like they can only be mad in the same way you can be mad at a child for doing something wrong, because Caine doesn't know any better, he never got the opportunity to learn.

Thank you for coming yo my Ted talk here's a cookie for making it all the way through 🍪

[atlas7seo]

Arcane Season 2 spoilers kinda

Hot take - I've seen a couple people talking about how they don't feel bad for Piltover or can't feel bad for Caitlyn for what's happening in season 2 because they're is privileged. And like I totally get their point. The undercity has been screwed over time after time and Piltover is deliberately oppressing them. But like also I find it interesting how that take is also playing into the themes of the show. Caitlyn is very privileged, that is something made very clear in season 1 and the whole point was her seeing how privileged she was. Just because she has privileged struggles doesn't mean they're not also struggles? Like do yall get my gist. People are comparing how Zaun doesn't have a choice, but Caitlyn and Piltover do. How Jinx is more excusable than Caitlyn. And likeeeee that's not the point of the show? I mean that comparing who is more in the right for terrible actions isn't the point not the privileged and choice part. I feel like people's ability to lack empathy for Piltover getting attacks and Caitlyn's grief is very clearly portraying Caitlyn's whole "It's so easy to hate all of them because of one person," schtick. Piltover's government is clearly in the wrong in this situation, they made Zaun the way it is. Also I'm not excusing Caitlyn's actions, she's my favorite character, but that doesn't mean the things she does are right. That's not what I'm saying at all. But I feel like lacking all empathy for Piltover is just wrong. I get that they're privileged but most of Piltover's citizens are equivalent to modern middle class. And yeah we spend most of our time with the highest class in Piltover, but it's really interesting. I understand why people dont feel bad for whats happening to Piltover and they genuinely need a complete destruction and reconstruction of their government system, but like also... don't lack empathy for them? People are still people and yes many corrupt people are getting their comeuppance, but don't forget the regular people there too. Idk maybe that's a hot take

Arcane is like so good that even irl, the things people think are able to bolster the themes of the show itself.

[hyperactivetransdrone]

Blog Intro

So after looking through several peoples profiles I noticed that introductory posts were pretty common (at least for nsfw sooo here we gooooo)

I'm adding this later on 8/18/24: If (majority) your content is s**sy and your DMing me to try to dominate me, Don't. While I don't mind people who do that/are into that being called that feels like a sexualization of my identity and ergo 1: I hate 2: is disgusting to me, I don't mind if you Identify as one or if you DO just wanna CASUALLY chat but please know that I won't and will never want that or say that word (with the exception of blocking tags involving it or here as a boundary) but if i need to it will be censored. I don't mind if you Identify as one and wanna follow me or anything or just wanna casually chat (or talk sexual just not... making me one to try to explain) feel free to I will NEVER kink shame regardless of how I feel so this won't apply to most people just a very very teeny tiny minority. I won't block you tho unless you cross a boundary or keep pushing, because I feel anyone who wants to read my content should be allowed.

I would also like to say, if you're going to delete your account please don't dm me, it breaks my heart every time

Hello I do not wish to give out my actual name online so you may call me Mz. Hyde (I stole it from the song by the same name by Halestorm) or just... my user-name-tag-thing (always forget what its called)

I am all for Sentient AI but HATE current AI (it doesnt even deserve to be called that)

Outside of this post any posts in blue is rping as a slime-girl-queen-goddess-character. Feel free to send asks or responses directed at her. Her title is Queen of Slimes, The Slime Goddess, or The Slime of the Lake

As of posting this I am still brand new to Tumblr but am learning somewhat quickly sooo things may look A Little odd right now to the average Tumblr user but as soon as I finish learning the basics it should look fine.

Anyway:

18 so 18+ only please, (pre-hrt) Transfem, Bisexual, Autisic+ADHD, overall anxious/shy-ish, probably a switch, Lefty, Type 1 Diabetic (I require insulin to survive), Virgin [:(]

Majority of this blog will be kinky thoughts usually about being dommed or hypno because... I wanna try it. SOME is fantasy tho so keep that in mind (usually my reblogs)

If you are a dom looking for money, unless you are popular and have a good community on here or if you are a s**sy tamer (or whatever it would be called) please don't DM me, unless you just wanna casually chat and don't wanna dom me or if you do please respect:

I really don't like being called an s**sy and will give you one warning before I block you.

I literally have no way to pay you so please don't expect that.

Please read this first, or if I ask you to because otherwise that gives me a red flag in my head and I will probably block you. (Unless it's just casual talking but that's different than what I'm talking about here)

My proof that I take this seriously:

Kinks because that seems to be an important factor on making these types of posts/blogs: Transformation, Hypnosis, Dronification, Denial/Edging, Latex, Brainwashing, Bimbofication, Twinning, Dollification, Forniphilia, Exhibition

Things I enjoy but aren't kinks: Forced Fem, Praise, Good Girl (I'll add more when I think of them)

Limits or things that I will block you about: Human Waste, Blood, Physical Harm, IRL Identity Death (Fantasy is hot AF tho), Sissy (WILL BLOCK YOU), Findom (Unless we're in a romantic relationship), (and a few more I can't remember off the top of my head)

The reason for physical harm being a limit is mostly due to personal problems I've had with S.H. and because of that I hate reading S.H. or other stories or fantasies with physical harm or knifes. Fantasy Violence is ok though. (E.G. Pirates or like a battle between two warrior framed in a Fictional light.) Oh and also no needles. BIG fear of needles, for multiple reasons. Will go in depth if asked.

Finally a few final things about me/general questions:

This is my first Tumblr account that is SPECIFICALLY for NSFW things although I will occasionally post more SFW things but I do love music, video games, card/board games, RPGs/TTRPGs, creative writing, art.

What's your Favorite Color?: I don't have one but my fav combo is Hot Pink and Deep Purple, pretty much if you've ever seen those BIC octagonal see-through pens, those shades of pink and purple specifically

What kinda music do you like?: Power Metal, Rock, some Pop

What video games do you play?: Some Pokemon, Batman: Arkham, Smash Ultimate, Fallout, I can't really get online games yet so unfortunately I cannot play with anyone :'(

Is there anything specific you like about your kinks?: Honestly, in a vacuum I like dronification for productivity because I SUCK at doing anything productive.

The people who have sent questions about Gaza Support (i am broke but here are links to them i am just going to put their profiles for the sake of simplicity and nc some links i cant copy paste):

@ehabayyad23

@freepaleatine95

@mahmoudayyad

@esraayyad14

@ezzaldeens-blog

@foggyruinspost

@ahmed4palestine

@sspsworld

@fidaa-family2

@wafaaresh6

@mahmoudswierh2

@generousvioonanuttieyl

@nishverian

@ahmedalnabeeh11

@shinytastemakerphantom

@nohabed

@ahmaad860

@scentedtyrantmusic

@mahrahpalestine

@d-imtthal

@ayoosh-gaza

@kareem-family2

@save-fatma-gaza3093

@yazan-joud2

Tags to find non-reposts easier (Umm i ran out of colors so these will be bold):

#Random Thoughts, #Edging kink (for post horny thoughts), #Hornyposting (for horny thoughts), #Hydes eepy thoughts (for thoughts i have when sleep deprived), #Hydes Ideas (cool ideas i have), #Hydes Hypno Scripts (for Hypnotic Scripts I make), #Hydes QnA (QnA), #Hydes Depressed Thoughts (Thoughts I have when depressed), #Hydes Kinky Thoughts (thoughts I have that are just generally kinky but it's not hornyposting nor... I forgot what I was going to put here), #Hydes Hypno Scripts (My hypnosis scripts), #Slimeposting (Slime Queen RP posts), #Hydes loving words (to my significant other)

If I get any FAQ I'll either add them here or to a FAQ post.

I now have a sideblog for latex things that look perfect. That is an opinion and just a kink the person they are under the latex is, in my opinion, someone different so anything there that I call 'perfect' is just in terms of kinkiness NOT a reflection of the actual person. The blog is: @trans2latexperfection

If you read this far thank you for reading!!! :3

Blocked Users (i dont normally block people so these people are scammers or assholes, also will not be using @ s either here):

mistress-elizabethh - for calling me a s**sy twice, even after claiming to read pinned

[neowinestainedress]

Stumbled upon 2 of your doyoung's au requested to you and god that made me crave for another doyoung one !!

Can i also request for college!enemy doyoung smut au. enemies (but w high sexual tension) to lovers. thanks 🧡

w!: sexual tension, public fing*ring, unprotected s*x (i'm just too lazy to write about condoms, don't do it irl)

a/n: this turned long for a drabble bc 1) I don’t know how to keep these dynamics short (and i still think this is not the best) and 2) I missed the ‘to lovers’ part and didn’t address it where it was supposed to end BUT i didn’t want to scrap everything i wrote to replace it with the actual s*x scene

Hating Kim Doyoung is natural for you, and after two years of college, you know the feelings are mutual. It would’ve been easy to ignore him, if only he didn’t speak over you every time, or if he didn’t stumble on you in the halls, or worse even sit next to you in class. 

It’s almost as if he was doing that on purpose. 

It wouldn’t be that bad if things stopped here, if your stupid brain didn’t short-circuit every time he was too close to you, if your mouth didn’t hang open when he would lean closer and trap you against a wall, if your eyes didn’t close when a wave of his perfume would wash over you. 

It would be so much better if you didn’t find him so hot. 

“So, want to work on that project with me?” It would be better if right now Kim Doyoung wasn’t standing in front of you, bag hanging from his shoulder, while his body is wrapped in his usual clothes defining his broad shoulder and small waist so well, asking you to team with him. 

You scoff, shaking your head from your dirty thoughts, and reply, “Why would I?” 

Doyoung snickers, tilting his head. “Don’t you think it’s funnier to work together? If you’ll spend so much time with someone else how could I annoy you?” 

You roll your eyes, starting to walk in the corridors, ignoring him, but he still trails behind; you have the same lessons, unfortunately, so there’s not really an escape for you. “You think the way you retort everything I say it’s not annoying enough?” 

He shrugs. “Not really. Also, that’s not annoying you, that’s proving a point.” 

“Oh, really, Kim? And what point are you proving?” You ask, stopping in your tracks to turn around, damning yourself because you caught him off guard and now you’re standing face to face. 

Doyoung smirks, eyes falling on the gulp in your throat and the way your chest rises faster, but doesn’t dwell on it too long. With a click of his tongue and a proud smirk on his face, he goes back to the main topic. “That I’m always right.”

You scoff awkwardly, trying to look away, and taking a step back for the sake of your sanity. Silently cursing him and questioning what he gets for wearing such an expensive and intense perfume that gets to your brain, almost more than his perfect — slappable — face does. “You wish.” 

“I don’t have to wish for it, and you know it,” he taunts, mockingly pinching your cheek, making you grunt and go back to your steps. 

“And that’s why you’re wrong.” 

“I’m also wrong when I say you want to fuck me?” 

You almost choke on your saliva and trip in your steps when those words get registered in your brain. “What the fuck are you talking about?” You mutter, turning around with a glaring gaze. 

“You know everything, honey, I’m sure you also know what I’m talking about.” 

“You’re so full of yourself, thinking everybody is ready to jump on your dick,” you bite back. “Well, it will never be me.” 

Doyoung snickers, tilting his head to the side. “No, really? Then I assume you will have no problems teaming with me on this project.” 

“I don’t want to team with you because I hate you, and we don’t work well together, and I’m not screwing up my grad—”

“Good, see you this Friday at 3 in the Uni library, in front of the history session,” he says, sending you a flying kiss, and walking past you, “there’s nobody there,” he winks before turning around and leaving you speechless in the middle of the corridors, and also late for your lesson. 

You would’ve skipped going there on Friday, but it’s not like there are many other people that would die to make a project with you (or better, there were, but you’d rather want to kill Doyoung while he does something, than sit for hours and break your back for people that won’t lift a finger to help). So here you are, walking toward the table in the History section where he’s already waiting for you. 

“Not even greeting each other, now?” He says when you sit next to him without a word and immediately pull out your laptop to work on the project. 

“Hi,” you say sarcastically, smiling at him. 

He rolls his eyes before looking up and down and you. “Beautiful skirt, is this how you dress when you don’t have lessons?” 

“I’m going to do the project with someone else if you don’t stop.” 

“With who? Someone that will do nothing and take all the credit for it?” He laughs at your expressions and then talks again. “Honey, why do you think I picked you?” 

“Don’t call me honey,” you retort. “Also, I think you picked me because you knew I would’ve done a better job, and you don’t enjoy losing.” 

“You’re so annoying,” he snickers, shaking his head. “Let’s start before it gets too late.” 

Two hours pass by and you feel like your brain will explode, rubbing your temples and getting distracted by everything — him — more than you could afford. 

“Will you please stop staring at my hands?” 

“What are you talking about?” You snap, glaring at him, but the menacing look on your face disappears when he comes face to face with you, placing his thumb on your lips. 

“Shut up,” Doyoung orders. “I don’t want to get kicked out of the library because of you.” 

You furrow, thinking of a comeback but your body betrays you as your eyes fall on his veiny hands again and your thighs squeeze together as your brain imagines them on you, and in you. 

“I love being proven right,” Doyoung whispers, a smug smirk twitching on his face as he stares at you. Your lips are parting but no sound comes out of it and before you can realize, his hand is on your thigh, making its way to your panties. 

“Doyoung, I…” 

“What? Tell me this isn’t what you were imagining and I’ll stop,” he says, hand stilling on its spot as he waits for your answer. 

“I… I,” you mumble, frenetically looking around to make sure you’re still alone. “Please.” 

Doyoung scoffs, scrolling his back hair away from his eyes. “Please is not an answer.” 

You groan. “I was… I was thinking about it,” you confess, lowering your head to don’t give him more victory with the flustered look on your face. 

“Music to my ears,” he hums, and his hand crawls up on your leg until it reaches your panties. “Go on, the project won’t do on its own.” 

“Are you kidding me? How can I concentrate?” 

“I thought you were smart enough to do more than one thing at once,” he teases, slipping the crotch to the side as he starts rubbing your clit, making you suppress a moan. “Go on, we need to finish this part today.” 

You gulp, not talking back anymore because if you open your mouth you have no idea what sounds will come out, and try to concentrate on the screen. It’s not easy when your brain stopped working twenty minutes ago and when Doyoung fingers are fucking into you. They’re long and slender and even if the position it’s not the best, he knows what he’s doing, curling them while his thumb rubs your clit. 

“Doyoung —” you mutter, clenching your hand in a fist. 

“Yes, honey? Need help?” 

“I can’t — I can’t do this,” you whisper, looking for his eyes and begging him to have mercy. 

“Fine, can you at least pretend you’re doing something?” He asks, hot breath hitting your ear as he leans closer. 

“Yeah, I’ll — I’ll pretend I’m reading,” you hum, scrolling on the page in front of you, making him laugh. 

“Good girl,” he says, quickening the pace of his fingers inside you. “Ah, don’t be loud. I think you don’t want to get kicked out, right?” 

You shake your head and dry to keep quiet, shamelessly spreading your legs more and placing one on top of his thigh to give him more access. Doyoung snickers, looking down and shaking his head. 

“You’re so desperate, I thought you were a classy girl.” 

“Shut up and make me come already,” you retort. “If you can.” 

That comment hits him more than he would like to admit, too driven by competition he starts moving his fingers faster, rubbing your clit quicker, while his other hand reaches for your boobs, pushing the top down. 

“Do—” 

“Quiet,” he shuts you up. “Shut up and nothing will happen.” 

You do as he says, and only look down in disbelief as he starts teasing your nipples too, adding to the stimulation. And that, plus the fear of being caught, pushes you to the edge. 

“Let’s go, now,” Doyoung orders once his fingers are out of you and your top is back in its place. Shutting your laptop with no care and urging you to put it back in the bag. 

“But the project?” 

“Fuck the project, I need to fuck you first.” 

The way to his place is a blur, just like the walk to the bedroom. Things are a bit clearer when you two are almost ripping each other clothes off while kissing roughly and messily and not losing the occasion of bickering. 

“Gonna fuck you so good you won’t even think of talking back to me,” he says — promise or threat, it’s up to you to decide — while he pushes you down on the mattress. 

“You’re only good at talking but never acting, it would be so nice if for once you proved something, you know?” You don’t expect him to do just that, the only verbal thing coming from his mouth being a low groan before he pushes his dick into you, leaving you gasping for air. 

“Don’t test me, ever again,” Doyoung groans, and then his hips start picking a rhythm, pushing your legs up. And you won’t do that, not because he threatened you — and if this is what you get, is it really a threat? — but because God, if he’s good at this. It’s like everything you’ve fantasized about and more, and you feel like you could melt on the spot. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he murmurs. “And I hate it so much.” 

“Yeah, you sure hate it so much,” you tease, voice barely higher than a whisper. 

“Still got the energy to talk? Do I have to be rougher with you?” 

“No, maybe just better,” you wink mockingly, and he throws his head back while groaning annoyed. 

“Anything for you,” he replies sarcastically, and in a second you see stars. One hand pins you down by the hip, the other one rubs your clit, while his lips wrap around your nipple, and his hips keep fucking deep into you. If you weren’t so touch-starved… maybe… or maybe not, maybe it is just him, your enemy, the man that made your college life the worst competition you’ve ever been into, maybe it is just him, Kim Doyoung. 

“So pretty when you’re like this, look at you,” he praises, staring at your blissed face. “So much better when we don’t fight, don’t you think so?” 

You hum, mindlessly and weakly, feeling the familiar feeling build up again and you immediately search for his hand. 

Enemies don’t hold hands, right? But he locks his fingers with yours anyway as he feels the orgasm build up. 

And right when you feel so close to the high, his lips meet yours again, kissing you… passionately. There’s nothing of the roughness of the first kisses, and you start to feel delicateness even in the way his hand is rubbing circles on your hips. And those soft gestures make you lose control. You come, pussy squeezing hard around him, triggering his orgasm too, as he mumbles words you don’t care to understand. 

When the pleasure dies down, he rolls from on top of you, falling at your side. But you can feel he’s looking at you even if you’re staring at the ceiling, trying to take your breath. 

“I think we could…” Doyoung starts, turning to the side even with his batter to look at you better, “…we could, you know, stop with all this fighting.”

“Yes, I’m free tomorrow for a date,” you reply, turning to look at him. 

Doyoung’s cheeks redden but he shakes his head. “I didn’t — I didn’t ask you for a date.” 

“So, are you saying no to my date?” 

He gulps, eyes falling on your lips before moving to your eyes again. A fond smile on his face. “No, I’m just a bad liar.” 

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

[whatbigotspost]

If you hate stuff like Enneagram just skip this post please BUT if you, like me, love this, I have to share my list of hand crafted “hard shit each Enneagram type needs to hear and internalize.” It’s like the heart of each types’ biggest social BS where they need to hear “let go and back off” of something or a challenging thing each type needs to learn to embrace.

I’m sharing it here instead of with people I know irl as they’ll each think it’s about them personally, since I know their types and am always talking about this stuff 😂 but it’s not at all about any 1 human. It’s my personal data tracking at play. After 10 years of being a geek about Enneagram, using it at work and in social spaces, and knowing countless types of my friends and coworkers, my brain can’t help but notice and index some trends. My super power of pattern recognition shows up like this sometimes.

anyway, here’s the hard truths I’ve got to share today!

Type 1: your way isn’t the “right way.” In fact, your way may be dead wrong for others. Your experience isn’t universal and trying to impose it will drive others away. Let go and embrace imperfection and total ambiguity.

Type 2: offers to help are not always welcome or experienced as a gift. Sometimes it’s actually hurtful when you bring a “fixing” mentality. Plus, feeling resentment when your offers are declined is counterproductive to your goals. Let go and embrace a lack of control or “doing.”

Type 3: sometimes you WILL fail and look bad. We all are human. When you let your self perception dip due to the perspectives of others at your humanity, you seem so much smaller and less than you really are. Get comfy being a mess sometimes and stop looking so desperate to save face. Let go and embrace failure.

Type 4: you simply aren’t the center of other folks’ worlds, but that’s actually good news. Most of the time, what others say or do has nothing to do with you and thinking it does, results in more emotional suffering. Let go and embrace the gifts of insignificance and it being not about you.

Type 5: you simply can never know it all and you must accept this. Information brings comfort, but you have to accept that some things have absolutely no “answer” and they can’t be reasoned with or explained by logic. Let go and embrace the potential and beauty within ambiguity.

Type 6: you have everything you need within you to be safe and secure. Continuously turning towards others to find, build, and seek security is risky, like outsourcing your moral compass. You’ve got all you need. Let go and embrace self-assuredness.

Type 7: just feel the goddamn shitty feelings with us for a while. Fun is great but it’s not always possible. Sometimes life genuinely sucks and we need you to sit in that fact and stop trying to see a bright side. Your optimism is needed but not 100% of the time. Let go and embrace reading the room when others need you.

Type 8: take a deep breath, roll your shoulders back, and just chill for a second. Your independence is a super power but you don’t have to fight so hard all of the time and you CAN rest and lean on others. Let go and embrace softness.

Type 9: suck it up, steel your spine, gird your loins, and say the hard thing. Peacekeeping is noble but only when everyone’s needs are actually known. Extreme passivity is as toxic to relationships as aggression when it results in resentments. Let go and embrace self advocacy.

[ecstasyhighway]

YOU & I | an ellie williams fanfic series

this is a fic that will be posted and mostly updated on wattpad @ecstasyhighway this ff is heavily based off of you the netflix show and inspired by a ff on here which i cannot remember who wrote it but if yk lmk so i can give proper credit.

there is not smut in this little part here but its a filthy ah fic that will become darker as it goes on.

MEN DNI - 16+ i fear (im 17 so if u feel uncomfortable reading from a minor who will be 18 at the end of the year then u dont have to read this i really dgaf.)

ch 1 ch 2

silly story and more ff info under the cut

Ellie had seen you walking around the music store she worked at... her attention automatically shifted from the customer in front of her to you. Your hair, your curves, your eyes. Everything about you was just...

"hello? did you hear me?" the woman raised her voice slightly to get her attention,

Ellie snapped out of her thoughts and focused on the clearly irritated woman in front of her.

"yea my bad, what was that..?"

The lady rolled her eyes and started asking questions about guitar lessons for her son or daughter or some shit, she wasnt really paying attention to the nonsense floating from her mouth.

"yeah, im not the one you go to about that, uhhh my buddy Jesse is in the back, he can help you"

"thanks" and with that, she headed towards the back, muttering words under her breath.

Ellie's attention quickly turned back towards you. She examines you closely. Watching you grab a vinyl from the shelf, Call Me If You Get Lost, is what you had grabbed. Ellie wants to walk over to you, and talk to you but shes scared. What if she says the wrong thing? What if she freaks you out? What if you think shes a weirdo.. She turns away to stop looking at you, her cheeks are red and shes shaking, she is just so nervous and she's not even planning on talking to you... She puts her face in her hands and begins to calm herself down.

"Hi! hello"

A voice chimes from behind her, she turns around and a lump forms in her throat.

Its... you.

———————————————————————————

YOU & I | ellie williams.

this is a DARK fanfic. Based heavily off of the show you on netflix and inspired by a fanfic I saw on tumblr. This story has adult themes, sexual themes, stalking, thoughts of killing (no actual killing just thoughts), themes of hate, ellie has slight mental issues (obv shes stalking) age gaps (only 3 years and they're adults). idgaf how old u are this is dark and you have been warned, i am not responsible for any type of reaction you may have to this as ive given you a warning. I will give warnings at the beginning of chapters that might be too dark. again you have been warned.

important - ellie might be a tad ooc, shy!ellie, switch!ellie if you squint. this is a lesbian ff.

MEN DNI I WILL FIND YOU.

reader is afab and 20

ellie is 23

modern au

jessie, dina, joel, tommy, maria, most of the main tlou cast is in this (not everyone will be mentioned or even really have a place in the story, just know they are present)

based in New York (obv)

i am not a professional writer, im simply a girl who writes shit when shes bored, do not expect me to have an upload schedule. I get drained v fast and i want to enjoy writing, its not a job with deadlines. so with that my grammar might be bad, spelling might be ass and if there is any math it will probably be wrong, it might be written in third, or first person i be fuckin up with that but yall will be fine.

YOU & I | ellie williams.

story created and written by @ecstasyhighway

tlou and the characters belongs to Neil Druckmann and Naughty Dog

the story of "YOU" belongs to Netflix

Story was ib by a ff i saw breifly but i don't remember who wrote it so, if yk pls lmk so i can give proper credit

THIS IS FICTION. DO NOT DO THIS SHIT IRL BRUH ITS ACTUALLY WEIRD ASF. AGAIN THIS IS PURELY FICTIONAL. thank yew

uhhhh yeah enjoy ig and i do appreciate any supportive criticism as i am not a professional writer and shit could just be wrong.

also im new to tumblr fanfic writing so yeah 😭.

[thesfromhms]

Who is THE Soul from CCCC? Well

Just a lost Soul wandering. Lost. Adrift... Well not really!

*insert a goofy cartoon intro*

HI! My names Soul! Or Eros. Or Alex. Whatever you prefer! (When sending asks, if you can, plz send me flowers I can eat!! :)))) also!

I'm a minor, my birthday is on June 17! So, ya, I'm a Gemini

As for pronouns, go crazy! Just not neos or it/its please!

I'm a proud Bisexual and Bigender person. I'm attracted to me, myself, and I :3

I'm more of an introvert irl, but on social media? I'm more ambi lol

I don't have anything else to say about myself, so onto what I like! Maybe we can be friends!

*transition PowerPoint style*

Artists? Weeeellll-

Chonny Jash! (He's a cool guy :3)

Taylor Swift (She gets hated on a lot... But her music is so good!)

Melanie Martinez (Her vibe in K12 and Crybaby>>>>>)

Ricky Montgomery (Oh. My. God. THIS IS SELF EXPLANITORY!!! /silly)

Alec Benjamin (Mr. Boy in a bubble)

Nico Collins (Underrated as HELL)

JVKE (Golden hour guy!)

Tally Hall (Do you see banana man hopping over on the white hot sand here he comes with some for me freshly picken from banana tree)

That's it!

Albums? *throws them at you*

CCCC/Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium.

1989

K12

Crybaby

Montgomery Ricky

EPIC: The Circe Saga

Narrated For You

These 2 windows

INSIDE

This is what ____ feels like

Marvins Marvelous Mechanical Museum

Hawaii: Part II

>_<

Favorite things? Hope you'll agree!

Color: Pastels! Pink and Purple too!

Candy: XO. The strawberry cheesecake one. Hands down one of my favorite candies EVER

Beverage: Coffee. And blue lemonade!

TV show: We don't watch cable TV anymore sadly. BUT I REALLY LIKED ANYTHING NICKELODEON PUT ON!

Place: A cold bedroom

Animal: Cats, bunnies (people see me as them!), and swans!

Movie: Coco. And literally any old Disney movie. But if I had to choose 1, it'd be Lady and The Tramp!

Food: As a Filipino, I say sinigang. Or adobo :3

Hobbies...

Writing and singing and drawing. That's it.

Fandoms

KOTLC

Magisterium

PJO (Only!!)

Chonnys Charming Chaos Compendium

The Stanley Parable

Little Nightmares

SIX

Hamilton

EPIC

Danganronpa

TBHK

The Umbrella Academy

Dead Boy Detectives

Mouthwashing

Yea, idk what to add anymore. Hi. Welcome. Nice to meet you.

(August 8, 2024)

Adding the people I love

@imobsessed123 Lexi, the person that lets me torture them with Fitz angst 😌 Also the one who brings gasoline

@multi-fandom-lunatic THE ONE AND ONLY. THE ONW WHO IS WRITING KOTLS. THW ONE THAT INCLUDED 3 OF MY IDEAS IN KOTLS

@siennamakeschaos KEEFITZ ENTHUSIAST RAH (SHE MADE THIS POST AND I LOVE HER SM FOR IT I CAN'T EVEN I'M GONNA CRY)

@axyer My host, my parent, my Stanley

@innereverblaze Last, but not least, MY COGNATE!!!!! THE ONE THAT AGREED TO BE PART OF MY CHAOS. (She's unfortunately gone. Not dead, but gone)

@thishumanformislimiting HER HUMAN FORM IS LIMITING, BUT SHE BRINGS THE FIRE WHATEVER

(August 17, 2024)

Tags :

#quite literally keefitz - Keefitz content

#Darling Cognate - Anything that has @innereverblaze (Most likely won't be able to use this tag anymore)

#Sienna has caused chaos - @siennamakeschaos lives up to her username

#Emelins lessons - @thishumanformislimiting teaches me things

#Lexi talks - @imobsessed123 speaks

#the dex fanatic and the fitz fanatic - @imobsessed123 and I

#My inbox has been invaded - Someone sent me an ask

#THE normal anon - THE Normal anon

#JENSA JENSA JENSA/Official Jensa Post - Jensa content

#The Lunatics - Me and @multi-fandom-lunatic

#Condemn him to the infirmary - Vent tag (Plz block if you don't want to see my vents)

#the arson trio or #My Bastards - The shenanigans of me, @imobsessed123, and @thishumanformislimiting

#Alex picked up a pen - DRAWING TAG GRRR

[lefluoritesys]

My sibling in system (disorder holder & fictive) really wants me to do this post, but they barely have any words, so here we go:

We see a lot of systems struggle with big decision-making IRL because not everybody is on board, and we realized that trying to have everybody on board is probably the worst thing we have ever tried in the history of our systemhood. And I'm saying this as the alter who also dug too deep into our trauma and almost became Elsa in the depths Ahtohallan. Moreover, we're also polyfragmented. After a long and painful time of trying to figure our decision-making as a system, we have finally come up with some tips that might be useful for some other systems:

Ask your active fronters instead of all your alters. This might work best for polyfragmented systems but still works for smaller systems, too. Yes, active fronters and frequent fronters can change after a while, but it's still better to do what's best for you all npw and what you all want now than think about the possibilities of the future that haven't happened yet. Unless they are like life and death or extremely harmful to y'all, however, it's always necessary to take precautions.

Compromise is not supposed to please everybody 100%. Compromise is supposed to find a solution that 1) You all don't hate as much, 2) Will keep you safe. As long as others agree by at least 50%, the compromise is good. If you find other options, and they please everybody more, then by all means, go for it. But as long as it's safe, and all of you agree by at least a half (or, well, 50%), then that's a good compromise. Perfect solutions don't exist. Not always, at least. At the end of the day, you will still disagree with each other on little things, even if the plan feels and/or is perfect.

Your system structure, ideology, and hierarchy really do decide how you make decisions. There is literally no perfect advice for you out there, not even this post. Some systems have a host, and everything heavily depends on their decisions and how they are affected by what's going to happen. Some systems don't have a host but have a group of people at front who are in charge. Some systems are partial DID systems, some systems are class systems. It's always going to be different. Just because some tips work for some systems doesn't mean they should absolutely work for you.

Create polls if they work for you. Polls might work. Grab a system journal and tell everyone there's an active poll and get their answers (Simply Plural provides that option).

Writing a list of wants and desires. Your alters has a dream? Have them right it down (with consent) and consider it in your next big decision. Or just a decision. Maybe your alter wants chips, and you go out the next day, so you're like, "Oh yeah, lemme buy chips on the way home for them."

Writing a list of pros and cons. Cliché, I know. And gotta admit, never tried it ourselves just yet. But if we did, we'd probably write a general list of pros and cons, then letting our trauma holders and active fronters add some stuff that they want.

Speaking of your trauma holders, listen to your goddamn trauma holders. LISTEN TO THEM. If there's one type of alters who know more about your life and potentially you more than you do, it's your trauma holders. They know what they're talking about. They are not imagining it (this was said due to personal experience and not as an attack). It was, in fact, that bad, and even if you don't believe that, believe them when they say it. If a trauma holder says to get away from somebody or someone, hear them out. Do not dismiss them but have a conversation with them and understand that their opinion on the matter is important. It really helps to put things in perspective.

If you make the decision that will not affect you long-term, hold responsibility for that decision. Hold responsibility always, obviously, but I mean alter-wise. Alert others about it, or front long enough until that decision stops affecting you. Have a safety net in the form of your alters.

Always have a safety net IRL, too. Friends, maybe immediate family if possible, lover, partner system. Know where the nearest hospitals and fire departments are, write down all the emergency numbers. We ourselves created a list on our system notion page where we have names and emergency contacts of the people who we can turn to in case of a crisis, as well as local crisis lines. We also add notes about whether or not we can bring up the system around these people. Even if it's something small, better be prepared than dead (I am well aware a lot of you want to fight me on this, but you know what I mean, no dying. /t /nm)

Will this work for every system? No. But it works for ours. /ref

-host