#the same way not all lesbians are biphobic

[frogsare-friends]

hey! hey, you! yes! you! being les4les is fine! be les4les! go for it! i totally get it, i'm bi4bi! it's nice having partners that understand your experiences! lesbians and bisexuals can and do have different experiences! and it can be frustrating when people say you're biphobic for being les4les! but there's a difference between "i'm les4les bc i want to only be with people that understand almost all of my experiences and/or i want to avoid any opportunity for someone to see me as my agab" and "i'm les4les bc bi women will always cheat with men and aren't really into women and are only into trans women bc they think they're really just men" like, there's a HUGE difference there. the first one is so absolutely perfectly fine! the second one is biphobic! also, for people to say every and/or most bi people dating trans people see them as their agab not only is that a biphobic thing to say, but you're actively ignoring how many trans and enby people are somewhere on the bi spectrum! and yes, bisexuals and lesbians have different experiences, but guess what? that doesn't just mean bisexuals don't understand lesbian experiences firsthand, it means lesbians don't understand bisexual experiences first hand either!

[genderqueerdykes]

when i call myself a lesbian and state that i am not (just) a woman, i am not insisting we must replace the current definition of lesbian, but expand it. when i say i'm a lesbian, i mean that i am attracted to and want to be in community spaces with queer women, yes, but i also want other people to be a part of this space as well, because their experiences are identical or near identical to those that queer women face, and/or they are attracted to those women.

i'm not saying that women who are attracted to women only and not in the wrong for saying that's what they mean by lesbianism means to them. there will be many people with that belief and its fine, but when they start to say that no one else can have their own lesbian experience that doesn't line up with theirs perfectly is when there's an issue. even 2 cisgender lesbians can have wildly different takes on what lesbianism means to them.

many lesbians are butchphobic. many lesbians are biphobic. many lesbians will not date or sleep with a queer woman who has dated and/or slept with men or people with penises. many lesbians reject butches who are also men. many lesbians in general reject trans women and other trans lesbians. that doesn't mean that they are 100% correct about lesbianism on the whole... that's just what they've defined it as, for themselves.

my definition of lesbianism includes all dykes. i'm attracted to people who identify as lesbians, dykes, sapphics,, intersex dykes, lesboys, transfem dykes, trans lesbians, lesbian trans women, boydykes, mtf butches, guydykes, butches, femmes, bi/pan/mspec lesbians, transmasc & ftm dykes, male lesbians, bisexual lesbians, multigender dykes, genderfluid sapphics, non binary dykes anyone who identifies as a lesbian sapphic and or dyke. yes i am also attracted to queer women in general, but i am mostly attracted to other lesbians, sapphics and dykes, because there is a culture that is present in these identities that are unique, which is why these terms exist to begin with. we have a nebulous shared experience that spans across many individual identities.

trans men are treated like butch dykes and lesbians regardless of how they identify. theyre bullied out of womanhood. intersex women and people receive this treatment throughout our lifetimes. transmascs, transfems, trans women and queer women in general get treated this way as well. any woman and/or femme who is even remotely gender non conforming gets hit with dyke and lesbian and butch and all kinds of slurs and insults. a lot of people relate to this experience. we're all judged for the same traits, people don't know our AGABs and our identities. many of us share exact experiences despite totally different individual experiences

lesbianism is broad. it's not narrow. it encompasses many forms of transness, from transmasculinity, transfemininity, transneutrality, bigenderism, multigenderism, two spirit, genderqueer, genderfluid, non binary, gender non conforming and many other identities. it's not simply cis woman loving cis woman. or cis woman loving non binary person, which is even worse- conflating non binary people with being women. this definition of lesbianism could not be more transphobic of it tried.

the rejection of butches who are Too Butch only makes this worse, but we can change this by allowing people who have these experiences to express themselves and engage in lesbian, dyke and sapphic spaces. our community is so vast and varied. we have unique experiences from all over the queer community that intersect with lesbianism and dyke identities. we have to celebrate and include these things and expand what we currently know about lesbianism- not replace anything, but build upon the history that came before us, and the people who are coming out as lesbians, sapphics, and dykes today.

[darksou07]

Endogenic systems are plural. They do exist. They don't deserve to be harassed and ignored.

We don't need medical proof that we experience plurality because it doesn't have to be a disorder nor a illness. Being plural just means there is more than one person habitating the body/mind/brain and these experiences deserve to be heard, accepted and understood.

If you are alterhuman and identify as anti-endo, stop and think about all the others who are part of this community you claim to be a part of. Do any other identity requires medical proof? No? Then what makes you think you can call yourself alterhuman and put yourself along with others who you antagonize?

Endogenic systems are part of the alterhuman community and always have been. You cannot exclude a whole part of it just because you don't like them. That's not how this works. They have been part of alterhumanity way before you came along. You either deal with it or stop putting yourself in a community that was made for them as well. You're not welcome if you just want to make a part of it your enemies.

A biphobic person cannot call themselves supportive of the LGBT+ rights even if they happen to be lesbians or gays. A transphobic LGB person cannot claim the same since their own rights came from the blood of the people who belong to the T part of the community.

You also cannot call yourself alterhuman if you erase a group that is and always has been part of it. Do all of us a favor and go hide with the other sysmeds. Leave the alterhuman community alone. We do not hate endogenic systems here and never will call them fakers. If you do, you do not belong here.

Leave our tags, leave our spaces.

[willalove75]

stop simping over women and pay attention to your husband. You clearly made your choice to be with a man and have his child rather than choose a woman. You bisexual women don’t get to exist in lesbian spaces when you lean towards men. Unless your husband lets to you step out on your marriage or lets you have delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man. You bisexual women who lean more towards men or are with men have no right to be in sapphic or lesbian spaces. And lady d is a lesbian so as if she would be with someone who let a man touch them let alone knock them up.

Oh, I'm sorry, did my husband tell you that I'm not giving him enough attention? Didn't think so.

Yes, I made a choice to be with him, because I fell in love with him. Because he's my best friend and my biggest supporter in everything I do (yes, he even supports my writing and fics and he tells me often how proud he is of me). I did not chose him because he's a man. Truthfully, his gender had absolutely nothing to do with why I married him. I just happened to fall in love with and marry a man, but that does NOT make me any less of a bisexual woman.

"You bisexual women..." and people question whether or not bi-erasure is a thing, meanwhile, this entire ask is such a great example of just that😒

"delusional thoughts that any lesbian would want a woman knocked up by a man." is truly offensive to not only every bi woman who has been with a man, but any woman who has. What about the lesbians that got pregnant by men?? Because this may come as a shock to you, but it does happen. It may not happen a lot or often, but it does. Does that mean that those women are "tainted" or "ruined" also??? No it fucking doesn't, you idiot.

It really makes me laugh when people try and use a fictional character to make a real life argument. You want to know why? BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING REAL!!! So honestly, you have absolutely no idea if that's true or not because she's a fake fucking character from a video game. Are you also this upset at the fic writers who make her trans??? Or what about fic writers that make Alcina's partner trans??? Or are you just that much of biphobic person and this is the hill you're choosing to die on?? Either way, you're an actual bigot.

This post just SCREAMS biphobia and bi-erasure and it's fucking gross. You are so very obviously projecting your own issues and insecurities in this and honestly I would be embarrassed if I were you. Because not a single thing you said is true AT ALL or holds any merit.

Bisexual women who lean towards men or who are with men ABSOLUTELY do belong in those spaces. Just because a bisexual woman is married/with a man or leans towards men does not discredit or change their sexuality. No bi person automatically becomes straight if they date/marry the opposite gender or become gay/lesbian if they date/marry the same gender. It's called BIsexual. More than one gender. You do not get to invalidate every bi person with this shitty (and inherently wrong) opinion.

I know you wrote this trying to get a rise out of me, and congratulations because you succeeded. But I also know that people like you leave messages like this because they feel so broken and hurt and shitty that they want others to feel like that too. Unfortunately for you, I grew up in the era that birthed anonymous hate messages so you'll have to try harder next time. Not only that, but I am proud and confident in who I am and no pathetic anonymous (especially anonymous, you pussy) message is going to shake me.

I am a proud bisexual woman. I am proud to be married to my husband. I am proud that I will soon be the mother of a little boy who I will raise to be a much better person than you'll ever be. I am proud of what I've written and no, I will not stop.

[cuntess-carmilla]

A lot of you act like getting a lesbian to be personally interested in your gender identity group is a validation of your personhood and worth as human beings, the same way you all act like individual lesbians not praising your sexual identities is like an active attack (that weird ass anxiety bi people and gay men have about what lesbians think about them beyond those of us who're actively biphobic, homophobic or transphobic).

And by God I do NOT mean misgendering people. If a lesbian categorically excludes transfems from their attractions that's misgendering and I don't support that.

I'm talking, in this case, about people who actively identify as men, either totally or partially, getting upset when lesbians are like "I fully believe you and support you in your identity as a man. As a result, I'm not personally interested because I don't want to be with a man, but I hope you find someone who's compatible with you".

The amount of times multigender people's existence has been brought to my attention as a gotcha... First of all, I'm already taken and I'm monogamous, so...? What does it matter if I, someone who's not looking for a new partner, am not interested in a chunk of multigender people?

Second, even if I was single, WHY DO YOU NEED ME IN PARTICULAR TO BE OPEN TO DATING OR FUCKING EVERY TYPE OF MULTIGENDER PERSON IN ORDER TO, Idk, feel valid in some way? Why do you people want to wear the "A Lesbian Wanted Me" apparent badge of honor? We're PEOPLE, not validation dispensers or ego-strokers.

I like dykes, to the exclusion of men, and my views on gender are trans inclusive. That's what my lesbianism is TO ME. That! Is not! An attack! On other people! Simply existing!

I'm simply not compatible with multigender people who in some way identify as men, the same way a straight woman wouldn't be compatible with me, AND THAT'S FINE. Says nothing wrong about me or you, but it definitely says something about YOU if you take that as a personal attack.

[honeylemony]

Every single anti- bi/pan-lesbian post i make goes the same way.

I go "hey lesbians dont experience attraction to men actually."

And some fucknut goes "thats exclusionary!! Lesbians can fuck men!!"

And i go "so thats rape culture. Youre advocating for lesbian corrective rape"

And they go "you dont respect diverse genders/sexualities!!"

And i go "i dont care what people call themselves, feel free to make up new labels, but lesbianism does not include attraction to men"

And the circle back around to "youre being exclusionary!! And a terf!!"

And i go "excluding is not inherently morally bad. Including is not inherently morally good. Also, im only talking about not being attracted to men, why do you think i mean "trans women" when i say men"

Then they go "well theres a long history of lesbians fucking men! Dont deny history!"

And i go "those lesbians were bisexual women who fought hard to have their own label and identity. You are being biphobic by erasing their struggles. Additionally, something having history doesnt absolve it of any crime"

And sometimes theyll go "but men fucking lesbians is a kink! You cant kinkshame!"

And ill go "something being a kink does not automatically mean it can't be criticized. Are pedophilia and beastiality a kink? Are they something that should be allowed? Kinks are not some magical, untouchable item that can do no harm in any situation."

And they'll go back to "some people just have open or fluid genders/sexualities! You cant box us in!"

And i go "sure. And you cant tell me how open or closed my sexuality is. You cant redefine a sexuality for all lesbians just because you want to. A sexuality is not more morally correct when open, and not more morally condemnable when closed. Aren't you against political lesbianism? How is political fluidity any better? (fluidity just for the sake of being more Politically Correct)"

And they go "but youre being mean!! Youre being loud and mean and your tone is bad"

And i go "well im a sexual assault survivor advocating against sexual assault of lesbians. My tone is probably indicative of how strongly i feel about this issue. Plus, its fucked up to ask an oppressed class to try and get the boot off their neck as prettily and quietly as possible."

And then they devolve into calling me a transphobe-terf mean scary fat lesbian who doesn't care about other people. All over me saying "lesbians do not fuck men".

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I asked my friend's girlfriend to stop making LGBTQ+ specific jokes with me?

Okay I know that title sounds bad but I don't know what the right path to take in this situation is.

I (21f) am GNC, but I am straight and cis. Because I'm GNC I have been told I don't give cishet "vibes". I have been frequently told that I have "bisexual energy" and like I don't know how to respond to that. Like is that a compliment? What does that mean? Bisexuals are all very different people idk what about me you're referring to. Thanking them sounds weird, but replying like "well, I'm not bi" sounds rude/biphobic. Idk. But I get it a lot.

My roommate/friend (20f) recently started going out with a new girl (21f). She's lovely and they're really happy. The only thing is that I'm pretty sure that the girlfriend has assumed I'm in some way LGBTQ, because she's been making a lot of community in-jokes with me that I really don't think I, as someone who isn't in the community, really should be privy to. It's been a lot of "useless lesbian" jokes and similar, and honestly I don't think she'd be making the same jokes if she knew I was straight. Like me joining in with the jokes feels homophobic, I guess? But also I don't know how to just casually inform her I'm straight without her getting the wrong idea?

What are these acronyms?

[mentallhealthmatters]

Ngl i do NOT vibe woth how ranboo just bounces from one social group to the next. Its hard to keep up with his who ever his current social group is when he keeps seemingly ditching old friends for new ones.

Crumb and Tubbo? Havent heard word on them and their status with Ranboo in ages. I remember he used to collab a lot with them both the dropped them both like stale moldy bread.

Now its Aimsey this and Aimsey that. And im sitting here just counting the days before he ditches aimsey too, cause you KNOW its gonna happen sooner or later especially given how its not a one off thing. Its a fucking patturn of behavior, and from an outside specific i cant fathom why?

Cause Tubbo and Crumb werent fucking problamatic. Tubbo, sure, maybe they didnt see wye to eye and expressed differences on the shipping issue behind the scene. Not my issue, wven if Ranboo still talks postively

Mean while aimsey is trying to avoid talking about Beau's situation and tried to lie about knowing or having any association with Harry. Which is said to see Aimsey voice wanting support all victims but lie and avoid their way out of supporting a victim because hes in the abusers friend circle behind the scenes.

AND Aimsey still never apologied for wanting to violently hate crime (running over them with her car) bisexuals who want to claim lesbian, but like as a joke, which is fucking gross. Lesbian is queer attarction to woman, and yeah, bisexuals can claim that if they want too, and if her beef is because she thinks bisexual ALWAYS means some atractiom to men, its kinda biphobic of her to assume so, given other genders besides men exist, and multigender and genderfluid lesbians exist? Its very problmaric take Aimseys never apologized for.

Either way, Aimsey is just extremely toxic id say, and i am kinda bummed Ranboo would throw away his nontoxic friends who were more queer friendly for a open terf whos quick to put down abusers unless theyre friends with that abuser. What a fake feminist.

I think Ranboo should have looked into joining QSMP and trying to make new friends or go back doing stuff with Crumb.

Cause if Aimsey is spouting anti bi and lesbian radfem terf shit, i dont want to support Ranboo anymore, especially because for all i know, Ranboo thinks the same, and is also spouting terf and rad fem stuff. Both concepts are generally not queer friendly despite claims that they are, and see ranboo associate himself with such people makes him suddenly a lot queer friendly.

Yes, queer people can be not so queer friendly. Infighting exists.

[prismatoxic]

there is always going to be something a little off-putting to me about claiming a definitive canon sexuality for a character that doesn't actually have one.

like, we all have our headcanons, of course. and that's fine. but there's a world of difference between "i headcanon this character as gay" and "this character is gay in canon", and so frequently the latter isn't even true. if it's not stated in the source material nor by the creator, then it isn't canon. and that's okay!!

like, okay, it doesn't affect me anyway because no listed sexuality could ever stop me from shipping what i want to, but also... this is so often just an excuse to be mad at people for shipping "the wrong thing". it also tends to dip really uncomfortably into biphobic/panphobic territory.

to use a relevant example, unless ryoko kui has officially stated marcille and/or falin are lesbians (i don't think she has?), you cannot act like they are canonically. not only do they have no in-canon definitive romance (because dunmeshi is not a romance story), but even if you interpret their bond as queer (and like, most of us do, i certainly do), that doesn't for sure mean they only like women. you can headcanon that they do, but you can't harass other fans for not treating them that way. you have to accept that they will both be shipped with men, and it's not homophobia unless the shipper in question is actually, you know, being homophobic about it.

nothing another fan does will ever change what happened in canon, nor alter your own fanwork. you can do whatever you want forever. if someone making your fave blorbo a sexuality you don't agree with pisses you off, block them. if they ship things you hate so much that it makes you mad, block them. you're allowed to. this is your space to curate as you please.

people on the other side do it, too. "ummm chilchuck has a wife" is something i've seen slung at m/m ships for him. not only does his canon wife (who, you know, left his ass, stop acting like shipping him with anyone else is unreasonable on that alone) not preclude headcanoning him as gay if you want to, but it ABSOLUTELY doesn't preclude him being bisexual. for fuck's sake. gay and straight are not the only sexualities. i'm going to drop the contents of a dirty litterbox on your head.

like... genuinely, headcanon whatever you want. you could make everyone in the cast the same exact sexuality if you wanted to. what you shouldn't be doing is acting like anyone else is beholden to your ideas. or, hell, even canon's ideas. fandom is about the freedom to do what you want with your blorbos. have fun with it and stop blaming other fans for not making the content YOU want.

[frogsare-friends]

friendly reminder that bi people don't owe you anything. bi women that have a 99% preference for men are bi, not straight. bi women that have a 99% preference for women are bi, not lesbian. bi women that choose to only date women (for safety, comfort, etc.) are bi and do not want to be lesbians. heteroromantic bisexuals and biromantic heterosexuals are whatever they tell you they are, you don't get to decide their identity. bi men with a 99% preference for women are bi, not straight. bi men with a 99% preference for men are bi, not gay. bi people that align more with pansexuality but say that they're bi are bi. asking someone that's talking about what you view as the opposite gender to "name someone of (what you view as) the same gender that you think is hot" is biphobic. asking someone if they're sure they're "not just heteroflexible" is biphobic. nonbinary bi people don't need to explain their sexuality or gender to you; "but how can they be straight and gay if they're nonbinary?!?!" 1. gender is so fucked, i personally believe nobody's gender is the exact same we all experience gender differently, 2. bisexual isn't half straight and half gay, it's all bi

brought to you by a genderqueer bisexual who's fucking tired. if you're monosexual (yes that goes for straight people, gay men, and lesbians, although most queer people have an easier time understanding it than straight people do and perpetuate biphobia in different ways) and you view bisexuality as half anything, you're wrong. we're not attracted to anyone in a straight or gay way, we're attracted to all people in a bi way. hope that helps

[yourfavismspechomohet]

love, there’s no such thing as a “bi lesbian.” someone can’t be bi and a lesbian. Coming from a lesbian myself it just doesn’t happen that way. Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men. It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.

Let’s take this apart separately, shall we?

“There’s no such thing as a Bi Lesbian”

Tell that to all the Bi Lesbians that follow me, and like my posts, and request for posts.

Tell that to the Bi Lesbians I reblog from and talk to occasionally.

Tell that to the older queers that identify as Bi Lesbians.

I guess apparently they don’t exist then. 🤷

“Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”

Ah, this is a very popular one on this blog that I keep getting. I could link you to those, but I won’t. Here’s some ways you can be Bi and a Lesbian at the same time:

Biromantic Homosexuals

Homoromantic Bisexuals

Bi people who label themselves as Lesbians, to reclaim queer history. Because ALL Sapphics, regardless of if they were attracted to men or not, were referred to as Lesbians.

Bi people may also label themselves as Lesbians to reclaim being called a Lesbian by Biphobes trying to get them to pick one.

Bi people who lean more towards women, may call themselves Bi Lesbians.

Abroromantics/Abrosexuals may label themselves as Bi Lesbians because their orientation only swings back and forth between those two.

“Coming from a Lesbian myself, it just doesn’t happen that way.”

Well, for the second part, “It doesn’t happen that way”, just go back to the previous comments on “Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”. It does and can happen.

Now for the first part “Coming from a Lesbian myself”. I hear this a lot. Not just from Lesbians, not just from queer people, but people of all different communities, one thing I hear all the time is “Coming from a [Blank] myself”. You need to understand that you are not the only Lesbian on earth. And Lesbians are not a hive-mind. You’re not all the same, and you’re not all going to have the same opinions. If that were the case, all Lesbians would look, talk, act the same way, and have the same views. But you don’t, because you’re not a hive-mind. Simply implying that all people of the same sexuality should have the same opinions is wrong. Believe it or not, I’ve seen all different kinds of lesbians who were Pro-Mspec Lesbian, who were Anti-Mspec Lesbian, and were neutral on Mspec Lesbians. And if all Lesbians had the same opinions, you would not be separated on these different opinions.

“Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men.”

Being Bi means that you could just about like any gender. It doesn’t just mean both, as in men and women. Bi people could definitely just be attracted to women and men, but they’re also Bi people attracted to all different kinds of genders under the Nonbinary umbrella.

As for being a Lesbian, it means that you’re attracted to women and Nonbinary people. And if we can agree on that, we also have to agree that there are other Nonbinary genders where one identifies as a woman AND a man, that you may also be attracted to. Saying that Lesbians don’t like men excludes Multigender people. Even if that’s not how you mean for it to sound, I can tell you that a lot of Multigender people feel that way.

Also, a common misconception is that Non-Men and Non-Women is okay to use for Gay and Lesbian definitions. It’s not. What you probably didn’t know, is that the terms have racist origins. Black and indigenous queer people have literally been talking about this since this definition was coined. “Non-Men” and “Non-Women” are terms that have been historically used to describe the degendering of black people.

Forcing these terms for queer definitions is Anti-Black, I could forgive you if you didn’t know that and stop using those definitions after now knowing the origins.

But if you still use these definitions even after knowing this, congratulations! You’re racist! Pretty sure there was a book about this, “Bad faith and anti-black racism” by Lewis R. Gordon.

“It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.”

Mspecs have just as big a part in Lesbian history as Lesbians.

All sapphics were Lesbians regardless of if they liked men.

The term “Bi Lesbian” has been around since the 70s. I’d like to see you try and tell an older queer Bi Lesbian, that they’re “mocking” Lesbians and that their sexuality isn’t real. They probably accomplished more than you have in your entire life, because you want to fight with people on queer labels that you think are and aren’t valid because apparently no queer identity is acceptable unless you agree with it.

Love, wether you like it or not, Bi Lesbians and even male Lesbians have always existed and will continue existing. And they don’t need your permission to be themselves.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi I just wanted to tell you that your fierce support of both bisexuals and lesbians without compromising either has been so wonderful to see. (As a bi person myself) Sometimes it feels like our communities just fight endlessly, but people like you give me hope.

thank you so much i really appreciate that!

i feel the same way, i don't like how much specifically the bisexual and lesbian communities fight with one another. i don't like that a lot of lesbians proudly hate on bisexual women because they're "not real lesbians". ive seen bisexuals be so cruel towards lesbians. theres no reason it has to be like that. we're all queer with some overlapping interests and identities and that should be embraced.

bisexuals and lesbians are not enemies-we are best friends, family, lovers, bedfellows, and neighbors. we share different and sometimes the same queer experiences, and have a lot to learn from one another. i do not want to see this petty fighting continue. i'm glad you stopped by to say this, sometimes people are so biphobic and/or lesbophobic for no reason. i'm glad you're out here, too. :)

[ilovewomenfr]

just a pissed off rant about straight women calling themselves pillow princesses🥰

i saw like three tiktoks of straight girls calling themselves pillow princesses today and oh my god it boils my blood. i open the comments and there’s always such a huge fight going on; the sapphics are like hey this is actually a lesbian term you genuinely cannot be a pillow princess if you’re with a man and then the straight girls are like it’s seriously not that deep its just a term. oh my fucking god i hate it so much.

BABE YOU CANT BE A FUCKING PILLOW PRINCESS WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS ALSO RECEIVING STIMULATION AT THE SAME TIME! it drives me absolutely insane that they can’t let us have anything. like why tf are you wearing a goddamn carabiner because you think its trendy and get mad when a girl thinks youre a lesbian! all these girls dressing masc bc its trendy… dress how you want but dont start making fun of butches and mascs when the trend is over. LET LESBIANS HAVE THINGS!#mycultureisnotyourcostume type shit.

im actually gonna get violent this stuff pisses me off so much UGH. AND they use it because they think it just means you dont do any work and just lie there lazily… massive eye roll. why do straight people minimize the fucking history behind queer terms, you hate us but you copy everything we do? and i know for a fact half these girls hate lesbians in general.

sort of unrelated; lesbians having a preference for dating other lesbians BECAUSE of their shared experience of the isolation of being a lesbian in a heteronormative society is in no way biphobic. i think in my experience being a femme it is so isolating growing up and having alot of friends having their femininity revolving around men. like i wouldnt change my sexuality for the world but goddamn its so frustrating when it seems like almost every aspect of queerness gets stolen by straight people.

one more thing that pisses me off (also unrelated) is when straight girls call their friends girlfriends… no. dont call your friends your girlfriends when im paranoid of being hate crimed every time i hold my girlfriend’s hand in public.

and yes i did format this because the whole clump was hard on my eyes

[ibuprofinator]

I think it would be helpful for us to divorce characters from their non-het sexualities in the sense that it's not something THEY chose, but was given to them by writers/devs/whoever for (usually) very specific reasons.

this part of the reason why playersexual vs bi and gay/lesbian headcanon discourse is so annoying to me. there's always a sect of people who refuse to engage with the REASON why all the da2/dav/bg3/etc companions are bi. there's sometimes this instance that just because they aren't playersexual by that one person's definition of the word means it's good rep. when, no, sometimes the reason they're all bi or there's only bi options with straight - but no gay options - is a form of homophobia AND biphobia. biphobia in the sense that it's used as a way to not alienate straight players instead of a sexuality they respect. homophobia in the sense that, well, they don't want to engage with sexualities that are "more exclusive" for lack of better phrasing.

and then you get into the nuance of them making characters that are very easily read as lesbian or gay due to coding or steryotypes that queer people can recognize straight, or bi/playersexual in such a way that their queerness can be ignored (which, off topic but stereotypes like fem gay men/masc lesbian women etc aren't always BAD but that's a whole other discussion).

and then talking about or having headcanons for non-het sexualities of an all-bi/playersexual cast of romancable characters turns into people saying you're "erasing bisexual representation." which is also kind of insane since some random person on the internet, or even a popular fan interpretation, is never going to have anywhere near the same weight as the actual piece of media. fandom is always going to be a smaller portion of the fan base than the people who engage with a piece of work more casually that make up the bulk of its consumers.

we can talk about how people ENGAGE with headcanons that turn a bi character into a gay man/lesbian, but it's not biphobic on its own to say (for example) Korra is a lesbian.

[luulapants]

a friend of mine was dating a guy that was 5'8", and he was convinced women didn't like him because of his height. he talked about it a LOT. my friend straight up did not care about his height, but his obsessive self-consciousness was a huge turn-off, so she dumped him.

he insisted she dumped him for being too short.

i dated a very nice woman but she was awkward and not making moves like i normally expect. it made me feel like i must be doing something wrong. on our fifth date, she confessed that she'd never dated a woman before and was afraid to tell me because i wouldn't want to date a "baby gay." i dumped her because she was obviously not good at honest communication.

she insisted i dumped her for being a baby gay.

i just saw another post going around about biphobic lesbians who won't date bi women, and i do see shitty people in the notes. i sort of assume they're chronically online teenagers because in my 20 years in the queer community, i've never met a lesbian who didn't date bi women.

most of the women i've dated were bi. that's true for most lesbians - that's just how statistics work. i almost married a bi woman. i've also dumped bi women who expected dating me to be the same as dating a man, who approached relationships in deeply heteronormative ways, which is something i don't enjoy and don't want for myself. i wonder if any of them think they were dumped because they're bi.

i see bi women on dating apps whose entire profile is clearly directed at men, and i wonder how many of them see the lack of matches from women as proof of biphobia.

idk, i'm probably stepping on a landmine here. i know the biphobic lesbians exist. i don't think they're nearly as big a problem as the internet would lead you to believe. and maybe before accusing lesbians of being biphobic, look at the way you approach dating and ask if the space you've made for a partner is at all suited to a lesbian.

[aveline-amelia]

I might get shit for this, but...

Irene Adler referred to herself as 'gay'. Not as a lesbian.

It's possible she is one, but it is also possible that she meant it in the same way some people (who feel comfortable) use 'queer' today.

It's possible she is mostly homosexual, or homoromantic bisexual, or biromantic homosexual or maybe she is bisexual but biphobic, or she simply prefers women, so she calls herself gay.

We have no evidence she ever slept with male individuals either as part of her job or outside of if (her website doesn't mention sex, only scolding and secrets).

You hardly need my permission to ship Adlock, but just a reminder that "she is a lesbian" is not a valid reason to hate on people who do ship her with Sherlock especially not to send them hate and call them names.

Same with Sherlock. His sexuality is ambigious. Do I think canon Sherlock is different/opposite sex attracted? No. Does that mean I will call someone who ships him with Irene or Molly a homophobe or an acephobe/aphobe? No.

There is canon and fanon. I have my headcanons about most characters, including Irene. You are free to have yours.

You cannot prove me wrong but I cannot prove you wrong either.

You are also free to think Sherlock is aroace, or gay ace, or bi ace, or grey ace, or that he is sex repulsed, or that he loves sex very much.

You can also think he is bi or gay in BBC Sherlock. You can believe he is straight too, just in case you did want my permission.

Or maybe you'd prefer not to label him at all. After all, "Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes?"

This was a public service announcement.